#incorrect orient quotes

[devilrosola]

Kuroko: HELP! I TOLD TATSUOMI I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK! Kanetatsu, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

[jolynejay]

Which one is it, Malleus

Malleus & Yuu/MC: having a Gargoyle Research Club meeting (aka going on a stroll at night infodumping at each other)

Yuu/MC: That reminds me, there is something I wanted to ask you.

Malleus: What is weighing on your mind, child of man?

Yuu/MC: Do you like gargoyles because they remind you of yourself - a living relic from a bygone time whose purpose has become largely obsolete due to the advancement of technology and society, only able to watch eternally from afar as people go about their lives without ever truly belonging to that world and no perspective for the future of your own as those you call kin slowly fade away?

Yuu/MC: Or do you like them "just because"?

Malleus:

[electric-plants]

cyno: delivery for you.

alhaitham: …this letter is from you

cyno: yes. i’d already written it by the time i realized i didn’t trust anyone else to bring it to you

alhaitham: you could just tell me what it says then since you’re already here

cyno: i can’t say it out loud in your office

alhaitham: ah. so it must be a fairly sensitive case—

alhaitham: cyno.

cyno: what?

alhaitham: this just says that you think i’m pretty

cyno: yes, because i do and - considering the nature of our current relationship - i thought i should let you know.

alhaitham: again— you could just tell me?

cyno, frowning: we’re at work, that would be unprofessional. though i suppose you’ve already breached the line by reading it out loud so please be more considerate next time :/

[fanby-fckry]

*Arackniss comes out as aroace*

Henroin: So I’ve got one son who likes men and one who likes nobody. Does anyone in this family like women?

Molly: *slowly raises her hand*

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

Maverick: Being gay isn't a choice. It's a game and I'm winning. (high-fives Iceman)

[cod-dump]

Soap to the recruits in orientation: I'm going to summarize what you're going to be dealing with here Soap: I'm so awesome and handsome that everyone is jealous of me Soap, pointing at Horangi: Asshole Soap, pointing at Roach: He's clingy and annoying and will steal your food but he's adorable so it's okay Soap, pointing at Gaz: Actually decent and pretty chill Soap, pointing at Alex: He's okay but Gaz is cooler Soap, pointing at Ghost: Crazy and violent and fun to mess with Soap, pointing at Konig: As for him... One time I knocked over his cup of tea and he just curled up in the puddle and cried himself to sleep Soap: That should cover everything! Have fun, don't die!

[galaxywrites]

ㅤㅤ ㅤ incorrect quotes from my freed revenants au!

ㅤㅤ ㅤsome may be nsfw! just a warning!! color-coded.

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Kabal: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Kabal: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.

Jade: Socks are Feetie Heaties.

Liu Kang: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.

Stryker: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.

Kitana: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.

Tomàš: I hate you guys so much.

-

Jade: You know, there’s something weird going on with your face?

Tomàš: What?

Jade: You’re smiling! I didn’t know you could do that

-

Tomàš: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.

-

Tomàš: Well, has Jade been wrong before?

Kitana: How wide are we willing to open this up?

-

Stryker: Liu Kang, can I ask you a question?

Liu Kang: You just did.

Stryker: Okay, can I ask you two questions?

Liu Kang: You just did.

Stryker, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!

Liu Kang: You just did.

Stryker: When?!

Liu Kang: Just now.

-

Kabal: I have a bad feeling about this...

Tomàš: What do you mean?

Kabal: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?

Tomàš: No?

Liu Kang: That actually explains so much.

-

Kabal: I couldn't do this without you, Tomàš.

Tomàš: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.

-

Tomàš: The path to inner peace begins with four words… not my fucking problem.

-

Kabal: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

-

Liu Kang: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?

Tomàš: Do you make any other kind?

-

Kitana: What are you two arguing about this time?

Stryker: He's always using common phrases incorrectly!

Tomàš: Cry me a table, Kurtis.

-

Tomàš: We wouldn’t last two minutes without Nightwolf.

Tomàš:

Tomàš: Don't tell him I said that.

-

Tomàš: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

-

Tomàš: Fight me!

Kitana, standing behind him and holding her fans: *mouths* Do not.

-

Kabal: Yesterday, I overheard Nightwolf saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Tomàš replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

-

Stryker: *falls down the stairs*

Kitana: Are you okay?

Liu Kang: Stop falling down the stairs!

Tomàš: How’d the ground taste?

-

Kabal: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??

Stryker: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

-

Tomàš: Are you a masochist or a sadist?

Kung Lao, deadpan: I’m a Taurus.

-

Kabal: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Tomàš: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

-

*During a game of Hangman*

Tomàš: Nope, there’s no Q. You lose.

Stryker: Are you kidding me?! You can still add something!

Tomàš: I already added a belt, four earrings and an extra arm! YOU LOSE!

-

Jade: Can you pass the salt?

Tomàš: Can you pass away?

Jade: Too much salt.

-

Kung Lao: Am I in trouble?

Liu Kang: Take a guess.

Kung Lao: No?

Liu Kang: Take another guess.

-

Kabal, trying to comfort Tomàš: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

-

Stryker: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?!

Tomàš: Probably because I’m a trained assassin with a long history of violence.

Stryker: Oh...

Jade, from across the room: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

-

Tomàš: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?

Kabal: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

-

Nightwolf: You three, explain right now.

Tomàš: It was Kabal.

Jade: It was Kabal.

Liu Kang: It was Kabal.

Kabal:

Kabal: …fuck.

-

Tomàš: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!

Enenra: Apparently, we're not!

-

Kung Lao: Truth or dare?

Tomàš: Truth.

Kung Lao: How many hours have you slept this week?

Tomàš:

Tomàš: Dare.

Kung Lao: Go to sleep.

Tomàš: I don't like this game.

-

Nightwolf: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.

Tomàš: I will politely decline.

-

Liu Kang: Did you buy eggs like I asked?

Tomàš: Even better!

Liu Kang: What the fuck did you-

Tomàš: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.

-

Liu Kang: Hey, are you free?

Kung Lao: No, I’m expensive.

-

Stryker: Want to hear a hard riddle?

Kung Lao: Sure.

Stryker: A rooster laid an egg on a roof. Which way did it roll?

Kung Lao: ...down?

Stryker: N-

Tomàš: Who cares about which way it rolled, it would be scrambled eggs by then.

Stryker:

Stryker: No, it's that roosters don't lay eggs... Jesus Christ...

-

Stryker: Do you take constructive criticism?

Kabal: No, only cash or credit.

-

Jade: Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Tomàš: Which one? I can't do both.

-

Nightwolf: One time I went to hand Jade a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”

-

Tomàš: You're right.

Jade: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

-

Stryker: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins?

Jade: Can't relate.

Tomàš: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

-

Tomàš: Liu Kang! Kabal got that thing on the control panel working!

Liu Kang: Wow! That looks pretty impressive.

Tomàš: Yeah!

Liu Kang: Any idea what it does?

Tomàš: Not a clue.

-

Tomàš: Where is my fucking mask?

Kabal: Tomàš, guests are around, can you say it a little nicer?

Tomàš: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING MASK?!

-

Liu Kang: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.

Kitana: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!

-

Tomàš: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy!

Tomàš: Unless of course. . We’re talking about our enemy, Quan Chi. Fuck you Quan Chi, you know what you did!

-

Tomàš: Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.

-

Stryker: Wow, Kano really hates us.

Kabal: Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.

Stryker: But we’re not gay, Kabal.

Kabal:

Stryker:

Kabal: We’re not?

-

Tomàš: Is having a penis fun?

Kabal: It has its ups and downs.

Stryker: Sometimes it’s a little hard.

Kung Lao: It’s a pain in the ass.

Jade: Oh, Jesus, fuck, guys, come on.

-

Kitana: What does 'take out' mean?

Liu Kang: Food.

Stryker: Dating

Tomàš: Murder

Kabal: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

-

Nightwolf: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Stryker: Rude.

Kabal: That’s fair.

Tomàš: Not again.

Jade: Are you going to want this back?

-

Nightwolf: What do you think Kabal will do for a distraction?

Stryker: He’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Stryker: ... or he could do that.

-

Kitana, carefully running a brush through Tomàš' hair: Did no one teach you how to manage your hair properly?

Tomàš, shrugging: The Lin Kuei elders just said brush it with your fingers, it'll be fine.

Tomàš: When Cyrax joined, he used to do it. But I haven't seen him here in the Netherrealm, so I just assumed his soul didn't end up here.

Kitana: ... We need to teach you a proper hair routine.

Tomàš: Say what now?

-

Tomàš: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!

Enenra: You stopped growing when you were fourteen!

-

Enenra: What’s sexting?

Tomàš: I'm not having this conversation with you.

-

Stryker: Are you okay?

Kabal, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.

Stryker: *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to Kabal?

-

Kitana: There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.

-

Kitana: I am going to need you to swear-

Kabal: Fuck.

Kitana:

Kitana: ...swear as in promise.

-

Stryker: The Ocean is a soup.

Tomàš:

Tomàš: Do elaborate.

Stryker: What are needed for something to be a soup?

Tomàš: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.

Stryker: *Tilts head*

Tomàš: The Ocean is a Soup.

Stryker: The Ocean is a Soup.

-

Nightwolf: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.

Stryker, Liu Kang, Kabal, and Kitana: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

-

*Everyone is playing a board game together*

Kabal: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.

Tomàš: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.

Kung Lao: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.

Kitana: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.

Kung Lao: *flips the board*

-

Kabal: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*

Stryker: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Kabal: I—

Kabal: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

-

Kitana: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.

Tomàš: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

[thehauntedmarionnette]

Bkdk incorrect quotes part five; in celebration of chp 412 and endgame QL Izuku canon(?)

Izuku: Cause you're pretty and you're smart, and you're ignoring me so you're obviously my type. Kachann , who was distracted: Hah- what were you saying? Izuku: Perfect. Izuku, throwing their head into Kachann 's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Kachann , lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are. Izuku, sweating: Kachann , there’s something I need to ask you- Kachann : Finally! You’re proposing! Izuku: How’d you know? Kachann : Izuku, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner. Kachann : I even picked it up once. Kachann : I want to kiss you. Izuku, not paying attention: What? Kachann : I said if you die, I wont miss you. Izuku: I think I'm falling for you. Kachann : Then get up. Kachann : If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap… have fun figuring out which one. Katsuki walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Izuku , I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK. Izuku , sipping coffee happily: I love you too :) Izuku: Wait, but if you're not gay, why're you always kissing me and holding my hand and calling me your boyfriend? Katsuki: It's... satire Izuku: i don't think that what sati-

[rolaplayor101]

Seriously WHY is it so hard to find screenshots of all three of them in frame together?? Why???

Anyway it’s Polyamshippingday! So here’s the monthly polyam qpr sorikai featuring demibiromantic ace Riku, Bi oriented aroace Sora, and their girlfriend Kairi <33 The prompt today was Laugh! @polyamships

[fairytail-incorrectquotes]

Wendy: Take that! *punches Natsu in the stomach*

Natsu:

Natsu: ...

Natsu: *deliberately falls over*

Natsu: Oh, wow. Wendy. You are so strong.

[computer-cacophony]

And Now... My Favorite Boys as My Favorite Goobsmooch Quotes (just imagine they're human/humanoid for this lol)

AM: Every time I go to Dairy Queen, I like to point a gun at the cashier (Ted) when he's about to flip my Blizzard upside down. It makes it a lot more exciting for the both of us!

-

Edgar: (after listening to a new song with Madeline) Would you like me to add it to your Saturday Night Funkadelic Groovemania playlist, boss?

-

Edgar: Do you believe in love at first sight? Auto: Dude, you're at a Panera Bread. You want some fuckin' soup or something?

-

HAL 9000, ever so eloquently informing people to be careful when touring Sweltering Hell Crevice National Park the Grand Canyon: There is no god here. Please leave all religious artifacts in the Blasphemy Pit at the front entrance.

[devilrosola]

Your prompt: Kuroko, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.

Kanetatsu: Okay

Waiter (how about Kojiro): Can I get you guys anything to drink?

Kuroko: Orange soda, please!

Kanetatsu: I'll have the strawberry soda.

Tatsuomi: Me too, strawberry soda.

Kuroko:

[dragonsdendoodles]

Jacob: You know, I expected to see a lot, but I did not expect to see an actual blackboard in a classroom. I have never seen one in an actual classroom before.

Enoch: You've never seen a chalkboard, Portman?

Jacob: I've seen a chalkboard, just not a big blackboard before.

masterlist stats

[incorrectplanet]

lee donggun: so what was it like being in a group with woonggi?

oh sungmin: he once referred to sand as “heterosexual glitter”.

lee donggun:

oh sungmin: it was fun.

[owilder]

The Murder on the Orient Express (abridged):

Poirot: Tell me exactly what you were doing before M. Ratchett's body was discovered. Passengers: Alright, well we were in our compartments. Poirot: Okay. Passengers: We were sitting in our berths. Poirot: Yes. Passengers: Reading a book. Poirot: Go on. Passengers: And, uh, well Ratchett had his bed made up for the night. Poirot: Okay. Passengers: So we went to his compartment. Poirot: Yes. Passengers: And we, uh, stabbed him twelve times in the chest. Poirot: Mesdames et Messieurs, that kills people! Passengers: Oh, oh, well we - did not know that. Poirot: How could you not know that? Passengers: Yeah, we're not in the wrong here. He sucked.

[yamraihasgirlfriend]

Kojiro: I am going to need you to swear- Musashi: Fuck. Tsugumi: ... Kojiro: ...swear as in promise.