ㅤㅤ ㅤ incorrect quotes from my freed revenants au!
ㅤㅤ ㅤsome may be nsfw! just a warning!! color-coded.
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Kabal: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Kabal: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Jade: Socks are Feetie Heaties.
Liu Kang: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.
Stryker: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.
Kitana: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
Tomàš: I hate you guys so much.
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Jade: You know, there’s something weird going on with your face?
Tomàš: What?
Jade: You’re smiling! I didn’t know you could do that
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Tomàš: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.
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Tomàš: Well, has Jade been wrong before?
Kitana: How wide are we willing to open this up?
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Stryker: Liu Kang, can I ask you a question?
Liu Kang: You just did.
Stryker: Okay, can I ask you two questions?
Liu Kang: You just did.
Stryker, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!
Liu Kang: You just did.
Stryker: When?!
Liu Kang: Just now.
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Kabal: I have a bad feeling about this...
Tomàš: What do you mean?
Kabal: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?
Tomàš: No?
Liu Kang: That actually explains so much.
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Kabal: I couldn't do this without you, Tomàš.
Tomàš: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.
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Tomàš: The path to inner peace begins with four words… not my fucking problem.
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Kabal: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!
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Liu Kang: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?
Tomàš: Do you make any other kind?
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Kitana: What are you two arguing about this time?
Stryker: He's always using common phrases incorrectly!
Tomàš: Cry me a table, Kurtis.
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Tomàš: We wouldn’t last two minutes without Nightwolf.
Tomàš:
Tomàš: Don't tell him I said that.
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Tomàš: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.
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Tomàš: Fight me!
Kitana, standing behind him and holding her fans: *mouths* Do not.
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Kabal: Yesterday, I overheard Nightwolf saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Tomàš replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.
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Stryker: *falls down the stairs*
Kitana: Are you okay?
Liu Kang: Stop falling down the stairs!
Tomàš: How’d the ground taste?
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Kabal: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??
Stryker: So fuck oxygen, I guess.
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Tomàš: Are you a masochist or a sadist?
Kung Lao, deadpan: I’m a Taurus.
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Kabal: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
Tomàš: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
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*During a game of Hangman*
Tomàš: Nope, there’s no Q. You lose.
Stryker: Are you kidding me?! You can still add something!
Tomàš: I already added a belt, four earrings and an extra arm! YOU LOSE!
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Jade: Can you pass the salt?
Tomàš: Can you pass away?
Jade: Too much salt.
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Kung Lao: Am I in trouble?
Liu Kang: Take a guess.
Kung Lao: No?
Liu Kang: Take another guess.
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Kabal, trying to comfort Tomàš: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.
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Stryker: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?!
Tomàš: Probably because I’m a trained assassin with a long history of violence.
Stryker: Oh...
Jade, from across the room: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.
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Tomàš: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?
Kabal: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.
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Nightwolf: You three, explain right now.
Tomàš: It was Kabal.
Jade: It was Kabal.
Liu Kang: It was Kabal.
Kabal:
Kabal: …fuck.
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Tomàš: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!
Enenra: Apparently, we're not!
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Kung Lao: Truth or dare?
Tomàš: Truth.
Kung Lao: How many hours have you slept this week?
Tomàš:
Tomàš: Dare.
Kung Lao: Go to sleep.
Tomàš: I don't like this game.
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Nightwolf: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.
Tomàš: I will politely decline.
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Liu Kang: Did you buy eggs like I asked?
Tomàš: Even better!
Liu Kang: What the fuck did you-
Tomàš: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.
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Liu Kang: Hey, are you free?
Kung Lao: No, I’m expensive.
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Stryker: Want to hear a hard riddle?
Kung Lao: Sure.
Stryker: A rooster laid an egg on a roof. Which way did it roll?
Kung Lao: ...down?
Stryker: N-
Tomàš: Who cares about which way it rolled, it would be scrambled eggs by then.
Stryker:
Stryker: No, it's that roosters don't lay eggs... Jesus Christ...
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Stryker: Do you take constructive criticism?
Kabal: No, only cash or credit.
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Jade: Just be yourself. Say something nice.
Tomàš: Which one? I can't do both.
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Nightwolf: One time I went to hand Jade a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”
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Tomàš: You're right.
Jade: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?
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Stryker: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins?
Jade: Can't relate.
Tomàš: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?
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Tomàš: Liu Kang! Kabal got that thing on the control panel working!
Liu Kang: Wow! That looks pretty impressive.
Tomàš: Yeah!
Liu Kang: Any idea what it does?
Tomàš: Not a clue.
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Tomàš: Where is my fucking mask?
Kabal: Tomàš, guests are around, can you say it a little nicer?
Tomàš: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING MASK?!
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Liu Kang: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.
Kitana: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!
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Tomàš: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy!
Tomàš: Unless of course. . We’re talking about our enemy, Quan Chi. Fuck you Quan Chi, you know what you did!
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Tomàš: Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.
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Stryker: Wow, Kano really hates us.
Kabal: Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.
Stryker: But we’re not gay, Kabal.
Kabal:
Stryker:
Kabal: We’re not?
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Tomàš: Is having a penis fun?
Kabal: It has its ups and downs.
Stryker: Sometimes it’s a little hard.
Kung Lao: It’s a pain in the ass.
Jade: Oh, Jesus, fuck, guys, come on.
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Kitana: What does 'take out' mean?
Liu Kang: Food.
Stryker: Dating
Tomàš: Murder
Kabal: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.
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Nightwolf: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?
Stryker: Rude.
Kabal: That’s fair.
Tomàš: Not again.
Jade: Are you going to want this back?
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Nightwolf: What do you think Kabal will do for a distraction?
Stryker: He’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.
*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*
Stryker: ... or he could do that.
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Kitana, carefully running a brush through Tomàš' hair: Did no one teach you how to manage your hair properly?
Tomàš, shrugging: The Lin Kuei elders just said brush it with your fingers, it'll be fine.
Tomàš: When Cyrax joined, he used to do it. But I haven't seen him here in the Netherrealm, so I just assumed his soul didn't end up here.
Kitana: ... We need to teach you a proper hair routine.
Tomàš: Say what now?
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Tomàš: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!
Enenra: You stopped growing when you were fourteen!
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Enenra: What’s sexting?
Tomàš: I'm not having this conversation with you.
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Stryker: Are you okay?
Kabal, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.
Stryker: *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to Kabal?
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Kitana: There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.
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Kitana: I am going to need you to swear-
Kabal: Fuck.
Kitana:
Kitana: ...swear as in promise.
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Stryker: The Ocean is a soup.
Tomàš:
Tomàš: Do elaborate.
Stryker: What are needed for something to be a soup?
Tomàš: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.
Stryker: *Tilts head*
Tomàš: The Ocean is a Soup.
Stryker: The Ocean is a Soup.
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Nightwolf: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.
Stryker, Liu Kang, Kabal, and Kitana: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!
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*Everyone is playing a board game together*
Kabal: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.
Tomàš: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.
Kung Lao: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.
Kitana: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.
Kung Lao: *flips the board*
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Kabal: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*
Stryker: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?
Kabal: I—
Kabal: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.
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Kitana: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.
Tomàš: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
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