#incorrect ironman

[marvel-lous-guy]

Tony: what do you do of multiple gang leaders break into your appartment and try to kill or kidnap you and your aunt?

Peter: I can take them I'm spiderman

Tony: for the love of God kid please just call me or even the cops next time

Peter: I think I handled this pretty well *squirts fire extinguisher again*

Tony: Kid you made the bathtub catch fire

[dead-inside-pt2]

Tony: LOOK PEP I GOT US A REINDEER

Pepper: Tony that is a fucking Llama

[wynnd-citrus]

nearly forgot to post this onto my tumblr today (im so used to just posting to IG and then being done but i must now take care of my tumblr page too hehe)

[minimarvelh]

Tony, entering the elevator and seeing Peter in it: hey, my favourite intern, how is your project?

Peter: oh, everything is alright, Mr. Stark. I just need you to sign these documents for me.

Tony: oh, alright, do you have a pen?

Peter: yes, right here.

Tony: ok, where to sign?

Peter: here. *Tony signs* and here *Tony signs* and here *Tony signs*.

Tony: okay, but what did I sign?

Peter: oh, nothing, dad.

Tony, choking: what did you just say?

Peter, running out of the elevator at full speed: NOTHING IMPORTANT, DAD!!

(aka Tony accidentally adopts his intern because he didn’t read the documents. After hearing what have happened, Pepper couldn’t stop laughing and shouting „it’s KARMA”. Tony doesn’t think it’s karma, he thinks this kid might be his blessing)

[at1r1-p4rk3r]

Peter; at school and just got in trouble: I swear I'm innocent!

Principal; not amused: That's it. Your aunt passed? I'm calling your parents.

Peter: Haha, good luck with that!

Principal: What?

Peter: My parents are DEAD! *unhinged laughter*

Principal: but I have their phone numbers....

[ramen8008]

Tony has many rules for Peter.

No spideman-ing after 10, homework before spiderman, 8 hours of sleep, etc etc.

One of these happens to be "don't grow taller than Tony"

Apparently this is one of the many rules that Peter breaks

Tony is not happy (he is. His boy is grown. Tears)

[marionluth]

Harley: Wanna know what would be really cool?

Peter: Honestly, I don't think I wanna know, no.

Harley: Being shot

Tony: No!

Peter: Been there, done that. Not particularly cool either…

Tony: You’ve been what?

Peter:

Harley: No, no! BEING SHOT. As in being the one… shot… at someone! As in human projectile with the speed of a bullet!

Peter:

Tony:

Harley: I mean… think of the damage here…

Peter: *sitting up* This holds promise.

Tony: No!

Peter: We'd have to take into account a ton of stuff, mass and volume of human projectile…

Harley:...energy source and force distribution…

Peter:... Acceleration curve, g force tolerance…

Harley:... trajectory and stability…

Peter: I'm bringing the whiteboard!

Tony: NO!

[ex1ra-1erres1ial]

Tony, talking to the Avengers : ok, listen here you useless little shits

Tony : Not you Peter, you're an angel on earth and we're glad to have you

[the-poor-miranha-quotes]

Tony: So today I learned that peter has me in his cellphone as "Mr Irondad "

Clint: *shrugs* Could be worse. Wanda and Pietro have each other down as "spare parts"

[wheredostarsgowhenyoudie]

Peter (entering the room, panting and looking panicked): Mr. Stark, I need help hiding the body!

Tony (a very tired mentor):

Peter (stares knowingly):

Tony (stares back, then sighs): Pete, kid, kiddo, beloved son of mine in all ways but blood, you know when Natasha asks that of me, I would expect she just murdered someone and needs me to turn them to dust to eliminate evidence-

Peter (scoffs): Mr. Stark, please! She's Black Widow. As if she needs help hiding a body!

Tony (face palms): You're right, but totally missing the point. Anyways, I know you don't mean that, so I gotta ask. What body?

Peter: Pffff. Oh, no, of course not! No murder, not yet, but an incoming one maybe.

From outside, they hear the enraged voice of one stressed aunt calling PETER BENJAMIN PARKER!!

Peter (hides behind Tony): Hide me, please! Cause I did something, and now May's mad and I think she's about to murder me.

[headcanonthings]

Bucky: When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a magician. Steve: Tell them why you stopped? Bucky: I... I almost cut someone in half with a saw. Tony: What the fuck?? Sam: What kind of kid were you? Bucky: I didn't know a magician was fake! I thought they were real! That's why I didn't become one. Natasha: That's why?? Bruce: Not you nearly cutting a kid in half?! Bucky: The kid was fine. My dad stopped me before I could hurt him. Tony: Poor guy. At least he's safe from you now. Bucky: Huh? He's standing right beside me. Steve: I'm the kid. Bruce: And you still ended up being best friends?! Sam: I take it back. What's wrong with the both of you?!

[marvel-lous-guy]

Steve: does anyone have a plan!? I'm out of ideas so I'm all ears to anything!

Peter: I have a plan!

Tony: thank god!

Peter: So first we'll need a flame thrower-

Tony: absolutely not

[serenastark-incorrectquotes]

Which one are you?

[wynnd-citrus]

I couldn’t download my reel with the audio so… BUT imagine the iCarly audio that goes:

“You are grounded for… til.. college.”

“For til college?!”

“For til college!”

[minimarvelh]

Tony: kid, you alright?

Peter: yeah, why are you asking? I’m right here with you playing minecraft.

Clint: yeah, Tony, stop being mother Hen.

Tony: fuck off, I feel like something is wrong. Look me in the eyes.

Peter: what? no?

Tony: Peter!

Peter: ahjak okay!

Tony, one second after looking at his kid: Friday, call Bruce, we’re heading towards Medbay!!

Client: you gotta be kidding? he’s completely fine!

Tony: ehh no, he has the “I was stabbed” look in his eyes.

Clint: no he’s not. that’s not a real thing.

Peter, bewildered: yeah, that’s not a real thi—

Friday: it appears to me that Mr. Parker-Stark jr. is losing his blood in exponential levels and he has some sharp object in his back.

Peter: the knife isn’t that sharp

Tony: PETER

[bedazzled-sparrow]

Thor: if I was a gardener, I'd put our two-lips together

Bruce: Awww babe <3

Tony: If I was a gardener, you'd be my hoe

Steve: thanks...I guess