#incorrect empires smp quotes

[incorrect-esmp-quotes]

Sausage: I'm a flirting machine with no off button.

Joel: Hubris will be your downfall.

Sausage: Kind of sexy of you to say that.

[alien-slushie]

Gem: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful friendship...

Katherine: I really care about your feelings

Shubble: I really care about YOUR feelings!

Gem, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster friendship...

Sausage: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!

Jole: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

[emilynyaesmp]

Shelby:”I’m fine, Kath! Really! Please don’t worry..”

Katherine: “SHELBY, YOU ARE BLEEDING FROM SEVERAL DIFFERENT PLACES????”

[your-local-crypt1d]

Gem, down on one knee: Jimmy, will you do me the honour of becoming my brother-in-law?

fWhip: Are you proposing to Jimmy for me?!

Gem: Well, somebody has to!

[fynchfire]

Life series/empires incorrect quotes

Scott: That's it, I'm cutting off the internet!

Jimmy: No, please don't! I have a family to feed!

Scott: .....

Scott: What?

Jimmy: I need to feed my Neopets!

[empiress3]

Cleo: "I lothe you. I lothe us. I hate what we've become. I hate what you've become. I hate how I'm just what you're settling for in the meantime. I hate how I'm your last hope for any short of sanity. I hate how I helped turn you into what you are now. I hate that you'll never love me like I love you."

Lizzie: "That's nice, do you want cake or pie?"

Cleo: "..Cake"

[waytooobsessedwithmcyt]

ESMP s1 Gem

[firekit21]

Empires SMP Incorrect Quotes

Sausage: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.

Lizzie, deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

Pearl: I have a problem.

fWhip: If it's harder than 2+2, I can't help.

Shelby, about Joey: Katherine, they're an asshole! They have purposely stabbed you on more than one occasion!

Katherine: Some of those stabbings were accidental!

Shelby:

Joey: Okay, well, I know for a fact the third time was accidental.

Jimmy: Ha! Don't you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Jimmy: I must be losing it, I'm quoting fWhip.

fWhip: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Oli without them noticing?

Gem: Hey, Oli, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.

Oli: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.

fWhip: …

Joey: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS!

False: And here we have a capitalist.

Shelby: Did you just-

Pix: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.

Lizzie: *speaking Mermish*

Joel: I know, I know.

Pix: You speak Mermish?

Joel: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Lizzie speaks.

Scott: We’re having a moment, aren’t we?

Joel: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

Pearl: Yum, thanks!

Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.

Joel: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Jimmy: They do.

Katherine, visibly concerned: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

Pix: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

Joel: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you.

Pix: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer is much better.

Joel: …

Katherine: Last night I found out Shelby is a sleep talker.

Oli: Oh, really?

Katherine: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

Sausage: Do dragons fart fire?

Gem: I don't know.

Sausage: I thought you went to college.

Joel: I am strong! I beat Jimmy at arm wrestling!

Lizzie: Anyone can beat Jimmy at arm wrestling!

Jimmy: hEy-

Shelby: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

[ep2nd]

Incorrect quotes, Empires superhero AU edition. From @pacificwaternymph, go check it out on Ao3 too!

--

Xornoth: I have an idea

Sausage: Does it involve fire?

Xornoth: No

Joey: Does it involve burning something down?

Xornoth: No

Scott: Let's hear it

Xornoth: ARSON

Scott: NO.

--

Lizzie, who is temporarily blind: I'm not trusting my well being in the hands of Fwhip!

Katherine: It's either them or Scott

Lizzie: ...

Lizzie: So what are you doing today, Fwhip?

Scott: Hey!

--

Sausage: In my defense-

Sausage: *punches Fwhip*

Pearl: What was that for?!

Sausage: A good defense is a good offense

Gem: That's not how it works

--

Jimmy: This is a safety pin.

*cuts off end*

Joel: It is now a danger pin.

--

Shubble: Operation no more distractions is a go!

*not even 10 seconds later*

Shubble: Oh, look! A butterfly!

~

Jimmy: Ladies, gentlemen, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld!

Scott: A llama?

Jimmy: No.

Scott: A baby llama?

Jimmy: No!

Scott: A baby llama with a little hat on?

Jimmy: NO!

~

Pearl: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

~

Random Guy: *kicks Jimmy*

Jimmy: *starts crying*

Lizzy: *glares*

Random Guy: Awww what is this lil itsy baby child gonna do-

Lizzy: Your IP address is 157.134.166.42

Random Guy: Wha-

~

Sausage: Pearl, did you know you're my favorite sibling?

Pearl: *narrows eyes* Sausage what did you do no-

Gem: PEARL, SAUSAGE ATE ALL OF MY COOKIES.

~

Katherine: When Gem gets back, we're cleaning the building

The rest of the Alliance: *Looks at each other*

*5 hours later*

Katherine: Where's Gem?

Jimmy: Not back that's for sure

--

Jimmy: Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Scott: *sighs* That’s true…

Scott: But two negatives make a positive!!!

--

Pix, referring to Lizzy and Jimmy: Those guys are dorks.

Katherine: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

--

Pix: You know, people treat me like a god.

Shubble: How?

Pix: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

[breadbridgebakery]

helllooo! are you a fan of life series (3rd life, last life, double life, limited life, and secret life) or empires smp? YOU SHOULD JOIN MY DISCORD SERVER!!!

(you don’t have to be a fan of both to join and enjoy the server, btw!)

we are all very silly and we have a lot of fun

[scythegameing]

Conflicting Lives Characters as Incorrect Quotes (because why the hell not)

All quotes generated randomly from this site. also some funny characters that haven't been introduced yet :)

Joel: Having two partners is both amazing and complicated. But all our problems are solved with communication. Etho: It’s my turn to cuddle Lizzie. Joel: FIVE MORE MINUTES DAMMIT!

Joel: Aww, what's your dog's name? Scythe: Spartacus. Joel, yelling to Scar: TRY SPARTACUS! Scar, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK! Scythe: … Joel: What's your favorite number?

Scar: Are you a painting? Grian: What-? Scar: Because I want to pin you to a wall. Joel: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIMOR SOMETHING-

Scythe, talking about Ella: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

Scott: Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.

*in the ZITS group chat* Tango: First one to reply is gat. Tango: *gay Tango: Wait...

*after discussing the plan in ch.2* Voidling: Does anyone have any questions? Xelqua: Is this legal? Voidling: …Does anyone have any relevant questions?

I plan on getting out a list of all the ships I have in this AU, but feel free to ask about anything in the meantime!

[incorrect-esmp-quotes]

Pixlriffs: Did you bring Gem?

fWhip, gesturing to Sausage: No, but I brought the next best thing.

Pixlriffs: Sausage? The next best thing would be Katherine.

Sausage: I would be offended, but Katherine is freakishly strong.

[whatmcytsaid]

Scott: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Sausage: You and me!!!

Scott, tearing up: Okay.

[incorrect-hermitpires]

ESMP #1

fWhip :: "in Scooby Doo, secret tunnels are always behind shelves and shit." Gem :: "could we not base our decisions on what does and doesn't happen in episodes of Scooby Doo?!"

[your-local-crypt1d]

Pearl: I think Gem was right.

Sausage: I'm surprised she hasn't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

fWhip: she wouldn't do that.

Gem: You're right, fWhip. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Gem: *turns around, the shirt she's wearing saying 'I told you so' on the back*

[fynchfire]

Life series/empires incorrect quotes:

Gem: So, what's it like living with Scott?

Jimmy: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

Gem: ...

Jimmy: I love them so much