#incorrect empires smp quotes

[incorrect-esmp-quotes]

Joel: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If it didn't irritate me so much, I might even be impressed.

Gem: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Joel!

[alien-slushie]

Jole introducing Lizzie in Empires S1: This is my Wife and Neighbor Lizzie! She is my soulmate. My very tall soulmate.

[emilynyaesmp]

Shelby:”I’m fine, Kath! Really! Please don’t worry..”

Katherine: “SHELBY, YOU ARE BLEEDING FROM SEVERAL DIFFERENT PLACES????”

[your-local-crypt1d]

Gem, down on one knee: Jimmy, will you do me the honour of becoming my brother-in-law?

fWhip: Are you proposing to Jimmy for me?!

Gem: Well, somebody has to!

[fynchfire]

Life series/empires incorrect quotes

Scott: That's it, I'm cutting off the internet!

Jimmy: No, please don't! I have a family to feed!

Scott: .....

Scott: What?

Jimmy: I need to feed my Neopets!

[waytooobsessedwithmcyt]

ESMP s1 Gem

[empiress3]

Cleo: "I lothe you. I lothe us. I hate what we've become. I hate what you've become. I hate how I'm just what you're settling for in the meantime. I hate how I'm your last hope for any short of sanity. I hate how I helped turn you into what you are now. I hate that you'll never love me like I love you."

Lizzie: "That's nice, do you want cake or pie?"

Cleo: "..Cake"

[firekit21]

Empires SMP Incorrect Quotes

Sausage: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.

Lizzie, deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

Pearl: I have a problem.

fWhip: If it's harder than 2+2, I can't help.

Shelby, about Joey: Katherine, they're an asshole! They have purposely stabbed you on more than one occasion!

Katherine: Some of those stabbings were accidental!

Shelby:

Joey: Okay, well, I know for a fact the third time was accidental.

Jimmy: Ha! Don't you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Jimmy: I must be losing it, I'm quoting fWhip.

fWhip: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Oli without them noticing?

Gem: Hey, Oli, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.

Oli: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.

fWhip: …

Joey: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS!

False: And here we have a capitalist.

Shelby: Did you just-

Pix: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.

Lizzie: *speaking Mermish*

Joel: I know, I know.

Pix: You speak Mermish?

Joel: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Lizzie speaks.

Scott: We’re having a moment, aren’t we?

Joel: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

Pearl: Yum, thanks!

Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.

Joel: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Jimmy: They do.

Katherine, visibly concerned: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

Pix: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

Joel: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you.

Pix: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer is much better.

Joel: …

Katherine: Last night I found out Shelby is a sleep talker.

Oli: Oh, really?

Katherine: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

Sausage: Do dragons fart fire?

Gem: I don't know.

Sausage: I thought you went to college.

Joel: I am strong! I beat Jimmy at arm wrestling!

Lizzie: Anyone can beat Jimmy at arm wrestling!

Jimmy: hEy-

Shelby: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

[ep2nd]

Incorrect quotes, Empires superhero AU edition. From @pacificwaternymph, go check it out on Ao3 too!

--

Xornoth: I have an idea

Sausage: Does it involve fire?

Xornoth: No

Joey: Does it involve burning something down?

Xornoth: No

Scott: Let's hear it

Xornoth: ARSON

Scott: NO.

--

Lizzie, who is temporarily blind: I'm not trusting my well being in the hands of Fwhip!

Katherine: It's either them or Scott

Lizzie: ...

Lizzie: So what are you doing today, Fwhip?

Scott: Hey!

--

Sausage: In my defense-

Sausage: *punches Fwhip*

Pearl: What was that for?!

Sausage: A good defense is a good offense

Gem: That's not how it works

--

Jimmy: This is a safety pin.

*cuts off end*

Joel: It is now a danger pin.

--

Shubble: Operation no more distractions is a go!

*not even 10 seconds later*

Shubble: Oh, look! A butterfly!

~

Jimmy: Ladies, gentlemen, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld!

Scott: A llama?

Jimmy: No.

Scott: A baby llama?

Jimmy: No!

Scott: A baby llama with a little hat on?

Jimmy: NO!

~

Pearl: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

~

Random Guy: *kicks Jimmy*

Jimmy: *starts crying*

Lizzy: *glares*

Random Guy: Awww what is this lil itsy baby child gonna do-

Lizzy: Your IP address is 157.134.166.42

Random Guy: Wha-

~

Sausage: Pearl, did you know you're my favorite sibling?

Pearl: *narrows eyes* Sausage what did you do no-

Gem: PEARL, SAUSAGE ATE ALL OF MY COOKIES.

~

Katherine: When Gem gets back, we're cleaning the building

The rest of the Alliance: *Looks at each other*

*5 hours later*

Katherine: Where's Gem?

Jimmy: Not back that's for sure

--

Jimmy: Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Scott: *sighs* That’s true…

Scott: But two negatives make a positive!!!

--

Pix, referring to Lizzy and Jimmy: Those guys are dorks.

Katherine: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

--

Pix: You know, people treat me like a god.

Shubble: How?

Pix: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

[breadbridgebakery]

helllooo! are you a fan of life series (3rd life, last life, double life, limited life, and secret life) or empires smp? YOU SHOULD JOIN MY DISCORD SERVER!!!

(you don’t have to be a fan of both to join and enjoy the server, btw!)

we are all very silly and we have a lot of fun

[scythegameing]

Conflicting Lives Characters as Incorrect Quotes (because why the hell not)

All quotes generated randomly from this site. also some funny characters that haven't been introduced yet :)

Joel: Having two partners is both amazing and complicated. But all our problems are solved with communication. Etho: It’s my turn to cuddle Lizzie. Joel: FIVE MORE MINUTES DAMMIT!

Joel: Aww, what's your dog's name? Scythe: Spartacus. Joel, yelling to Scar: TRY SPARTACUS! Scar, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK! Scythe: … Joel: What's your favorite number?

Scar: Are you a painting? Grian: What-? Scar: Because I want to pin you to a wall. Joel: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIMOR SOMETHING-

Scythe, talking about Ella: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

Scott: Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.

*in the ZITS group chat* Tango: First one to reply is gat. Tango: *gay Tango: Wait...

*after discussing the plan in ch.2* Voidling: Does anyone have any questions? Xelqua: Is this legal? Voidling: …Does anyone have any relevant questions?

I plan on getting out a list of all the ships I have in this AU, but feel free to ask about anything in the meantime!

[incorrect-esmp-quotes]

Pixlriffs: Did you bring Gem?

fWhip, gesturing to Sausage: No, but I brought the next best thing.

Pixlriffs: Sausage? The next best thing would be Katherine.

Sausage: I would be offended, but Katherine is freakishly strong.

[alien-slushie]

Gem: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful friendship...

Katherine: I really care about your feelings

Shubble: I really care about YOUR feelings!

Gem, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster friendship...

Sausage: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!

Jole: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

[whatmcytsaid]

Scott: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Sausage: You and me!!!

Scott, tearing up: Okay.

[your-local-crypt1d]

Pearl: I think Gem was right.

Sausage: I'm surprised she hasn't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

fWhip: she wouldn't do that.

Gem: You're right, fWhip. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Gem: *turns around, the shirt she's wearing saying 'I told you so' on the back*

[fynchfire]

Life series/empires incorrect quotes:

Gem: So, what's it like living with Scott?

Jimmy: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

Gem: ...

Jimmy: I love them so much