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Joel: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If it didn't irritate me so much, I might even be impressed.

Gem: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Joel!

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Shelby: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why.

Scott: Only if you don't ask why.

Scott: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of his bag* Choose one.

Shelby:

Shelby: This one will do.

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Gem: Hey fWhip, I’ve got an idea for how to solve this.

fWhip, pulling out a stack of TNT: Yeah?

Gem: Wh- No! That’s not the idea, fWhip!

Lizzie: No, Gem. That's the idea. Buckle up, we got shit to blow up.

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Sausage: How are you more stressed out about the Tea Party than me?

Jimmy: Katherine and Gem threatened me with death if I wasn't present.

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fWhip: Have you ever looked at an authority figure and thought ‘Wow, I respect a well-grilled hot dog more than I respect you’?"

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Katherine: "What about straight people?", what the hell is a straight person? Only straight thing I know is the edge of my beloved sword.

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Oli: This is a bit of a weird question, but does Sausage think in English or Spanish?

Gem: Bold of you to assume Sausage thinks at all.

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Oli, testing a lie detector with False: Last question. Do you like Taylor Swift?

Gem: No.

False: It's a lie.

Gem: Fine, yes. She makes me feel things!

Oli: She makes all of us feel things!

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Joey: Sweetie, I am nothing if not a man of principle.

Joey: Now let’s break into this place.

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Joey: Y'know, bisexuality ain't that hard to understand. Girls are cute, guys are cute. What more do you want from me?

Shelby: To drink less and do your job…?

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Calling your dad "father" is the socially accepted way of saying "my dad's a bastard and I hate him".

— Sausage

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Katherine: Did I accomplish my goals for this year? No.

Katherine: But did I look after my mental and physical health? No.

Katherine: But did I maintain a proper diet and sleep schedule?

Katherine:

Katherine: Listen—

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Katherine & Shelby: 3...2...1... Happy New Year! *start kissing*

Joey: Guys, it's not even midnight yet. Can you stop making out every time the microwave goes off?

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Shelby: Yeah, I'm doomed by the narrative, but I have a little time to be absolutely gay.

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Joey: You can't force people to love you.

Joey: But you can lock someone up and wait for the Stockholm Syndrome to kick in.

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Gem: Diversity win! I'm bisexual and I'm going to kill you.

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Jimmy: Christmas is cancelled.

Sausage: You can't cancel a holiday.

Jimmy: Keep it up, Sausage, and you'll lose New Year's too.

Sausage: What does that even mean?

Jimmy: fWhip, take New Year's away from Sausage.