#empires incorrect quotes

[fynchfire]

Life series/empires incorrect quotes

Scott: That's it, I'm cutting off the internet!

Jimmy: No, please don't! I have a family to feed!

Scott: .....

Scott: What?

Jimmy: I need to feed my Neopets!

[ep2nd]

Incorrect quotes, Empires superhero AU edition. From @pacificwaternymph, go check it out on Ao3 too!

--

Xornoth: I have an idea

Sausage: Does it involve fire?

Xornoth: No

Joey: Does it involve burning something down?

Xornoth: No

Scott: Let's hear it

Xornoth: ARSON

Scott: NO.

--

Lizzie, who is temporarily blind: I'm not trusting my well being in the hands of Fwhip!

Katherine: It's either them or Scott

Lizzie: ...

Lizzie: So what are you doing today, Fwhip?

Scott: Hey!

--

Sausage: In my defense-

Sausage: *punches Fwhip*

Pearl: What was that for?!

Sausage: A good defense is a good offense

Gem: That's not how it works

--

Jimmy: This is a safety pin.

*cuts off end*

Joel: It is now a danger pin.

--

Shubble: Operation no more distractions is a go!

*not even 10 seconds later*

Shubble: Oh, look! A butterfly!

~

Jimmy: Ladies, gentlemen, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld!

Scott: A llama?

Jimmy: No.

Scott: A baby llama?

Jimmy: No!

Scott: A baby llama with a little hat on?

Jimmy: NO!

~

Pearl: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

~

Random Guy: *kicks Jimmy*

Jimmy: *starts crying*

Lizzy: *glares*

Random Guy: Awww what is this lil itsy baby child gonna do-

Lizzy: Your IP address is 157.134.166.42

Random Guy: Wha-

~

Sausage: Pearl, did you know you're my favorite sibling?

Pearl: *narrows eyes* Sausage what did you do no-

Gem: PEARL, SAUSAGE ATE ALL OF MY COOKIES.

~

Katherine: When Gem gets back, we're cleaning the building

The rest of the Alliance: *Looks at each other*

*5 hours later*

Katherine: Where's Gem?

Jimmy: Not back that's for sure

--

Jimmy: Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Scott: *sighs* That’s true…

Scott: But two negatives make a positive!!!

--

Pix, referring to Lizzy and Jimmy: Those guys are dorks.

Katherine: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

--

Pix: You know, people treat me like a god.

Shubble: How?

Pix: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

[rodentlady]

Nature Wives is just Joey going from calling Shelby "Miss Witch" to calling her "Mrs. Witch"

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

[being asked how they were made] Tom: ... and daddy kissed daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into me! Hermes: They had sex.

[froyena-is-having-a-panic-attack]

*At a meeting*

Scott: Sorry that I was late, I was doing stuff

Jimmy: I'm stuff!

Scott: Love, no-

Lizzie: Lol Scott, you were banging my brother

Joel: *visible confusion*

[dragonflavoredcake]

Sausage: Come on Hermes, say papa! Joel: No Hermes, say dada! You can do it! Sausage: Papa, say papa! Baby Hermes, looking at Joel: ? Joel: Yes, that's right! Don't listen to him! Say dada! Hermes, looking at Sausage: ? Sausage: Come on! Say papa! For me? Joel: Hermes, don't you dare! Baby Hermes, to Joel: Mama! :D Joel: YES! IN YOUR FA— Joel: *realizes* Sausage: Yes Hermes, good boy Baby Hermes: :)

[siriannatan]

More incorrect quotes

Felt a sudden urge to generate some more funny quotes. It's mostly ScfWhip and I think it applies to any server or series :}

Scott: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back. fWhip: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

Scott: Violence isn't the answer. fWhip: You’re right. Scott: sighs in relief fWhip: Violence is the question. Scott: What? fWhip, bolting away: And the answer is yes. Scott, running after them: NO-

Scott: So what’s for dinner? fWhip, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret.

Scott: Welcome, fellow idiots fWhip: Hello, Scott Scott: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot fWhip: You underestimate me

Scott: I turned out perfectly fine! fWhip: Scott, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast Scott: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

Scott, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box. fWhip: But – that’s just a trash can. Scott: It sure is!

Scott: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died- fWhip: Twelve, actually. Scott: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that? fWhip: Yours! Scott: That's right: no one's.

[traveleroffarawayplaces]

Empire False: Who are you?

Hermit False: I’m you but better.

Empire False: Thats not a very high bar…

ALTERNATIVELY:

Empire False: Who are you?

Hermit False: I’m your worst nightmare.

Empire False: So you’re me, when I go halfway across the world to build something only to realize I forgot my building supplies, having my pickaxe break and all my iron vanishing from my farm? Oh and not remembering anything but thats not important-

Hermit False: Wha-?

[strobbiery]

Fourteen (from across the house): DonnaAAA WHERE’S MY—

*everyone turns into dust* *everyone is alive again*

Donna (also from across the house): WHAT THE FUCK DID YOUR CLONE DO NOW

[galactic-empire-incorrect-quotes]

[i-only-see-daylight]

Aelin: If I died-

Rowan, sharpening his knives: Death will not get you out of this relationship.

[fynchfire]

Life series/empires incorrect quotes:

Gem: So, what's it like living with Scott?

Jimmy: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

Gem: ...

Jimmy: I love them so much

[ep2nd]

Odyssey's Sequel AU

Part 7?

Incorrect quotes edition

By the way the two fwhips is basically past fwhips ghost haunting new fhwip

Es2!Gem: What are you doing here?

Es2Fwhip: I could ask you the same question.

Gem: I live here. This is my house.

Fwhip: I should probably ask you a different question.

Es2Shubble: My aesthetic is "would be suspected of witchcraft by small town citizens."

*Es2Sausage and Es2Scott are texting*

Es2Scott: Who are you? Owen changed the names in my phone.

Es2Sausage: What did they change my name to?

Scott: Chosen One.

Sausage: Don’t change it back.

Scott: BUT WHO ARE YOU?!?!

Sausage: I’m the chosen one.

Es2Lizzie: I will send my army to attack!

Lizzie: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

Es2Jimmy: You have the right to remain silent.

Es1 and Es2 Fwhip: I choose to waive that right!

Fwhip: *screaming*

Es2Gem: Welcome to Applebees, do you want apples or bees?

Es2False: Bees?

Gem: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!

False: Wait-

*Es2Lizzie approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

Es1 Fwhip: Everything’s fine, other me.

Es2 Fwhip: Voice in my head, I know your relationship with the english language is strictly casual, but you- I- *deep inhale* ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHAT’S NOT FINE.

Kidnapper: We have your sibling

Es1Gem: Which one?

Kidnapper: Uh… the one who said good luck killing me?

Gem: Ok…?

Gem: Which one?

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

Shelby: It's impossible to say "bubbles" in an angry voice. Jimmy: Interesting... [later] Sausage: Why has Jimmy been on the roof yelling my dog's name for two hours?

[here-comes-the-moose]

Crosshair: Thanks, Dad.

Hunter: …

Tech: …

Wrecker: …

Echo: …

Crosshair: Why is everyone staring at me?

Hunter: You just called Echo dad; you said thanks, dad.

Crosshair: What? No, I didn't. I said thanks, man.

Echo: Do you see me as a father figure, Cross?

Crosshair: No, if anything, I see you as a bother figure, 'cause you're always bothering me.

Wrecker: Hey! You show your father some respect!

[incorrectstarwarslegendsquotes]

Star Wars Legends + text posts (part 4/?)