#incorrect dead boy detectives quotes

[incorrect-deadboy-quotes]

Crystal: You guys got in a car accident?! What happened? Edwin: Well, Charles and I were on the road and suddenly, this deer came out of nowhere so I said 'Charles, deer!' Crystal: And? Edwin: Tell her what you did. Charles: Charles: I replied 'yes honey?'

[mountainsoftreatos]

Edwin: Do you think that's wise, Crystal? Crystal: Uh oh, you're giving me the Bitchy Eyebrow. Charles: Wait, have you named all of Edwin's expressions? Crystal: Yeah of course. There's the Bitchy Eyebrow, the Sucked on a Lemon, the I'm Right and I'm Making It Everyone's Problem... Edwin: ... Crystal: And now I'm getting the Loud Eyeroll.

[starcrossedstarfishes]

Crystal: You don't think I can fight because I'm a woman!

Charles: I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress! For what it's worth, I don't think Edwin could fight in that dress either.

Edwin: Perhaps not, but I would be radiant.

[minyooon3012]

[shipspainfulships]

Edwin: I'm so happy, I could kiss you!

Charles: Um... Neat

*later*

Charles, lying face down on Crystal's bed: I said "neat" Crystal. Who the fuck says neat these days. It's not neat to say neat, but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.

Crystal, scrolling on her phone: Don't beat yourself up too much Charles. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I said when Niko first confessed her love for me?

Charles: Didn't you thank her?

Crystal, putting the phone down, looking at the ceiling: I fucking thanked her.

[savi-of-ithaca]

niko: edwin is gay and he still got pussy

crystal:

charles, visibly irritated:

edwin, confused:

the cat king: don't call me that 😒

[aceofturtles]

[diangelodork]

(some) out of context texts between louis (the friend i am forcing to watch dbda) and i as dbda characters

[mostly-functional]

Crystal (sarcastically): yeah, we wouldn’t want those birds to hear us chatting away up there

Charles: hey, we’re in enemy territory!

Charles (pointing at Monty): those are enemy birds

[riverharkness]

charles: so then me and edwin-

edwin: its edwin and i

charles: see what i mean

charles: …anyway edwin and i ~

[incorrect-deadboy-quotes]

Crystal: Could you tell them to stop yelling at the football game? Niko: Football? They're watching last night's bakeoff. Edwin: Look at that sponge, it's rubbish! Charles: Temper your chocolate!

[starcrossedstarfishes]

Death: You're coming with me, Charles.

Charles: Sorry one second, I have to ask Edwin.

Death: No that's not how it wo--

Charles: He said no.

Death: No you're definitely--

Edwin Payne (with a gun): No.

[minyooon3012]

Dead boy detectives in a nutshell:

Simon: let’s fuck

Edwin: no

Cat king: let’s fuck

Edwin: no

Monty: let’s fuck <333

Edwin: ehhh

*meanwhile*

Charles: YAY!! BEST MATES!! :D

Edwin: let’s fuck

[shipspainfulships]

Charles' Dad: You're not good enough for my son.

Edwin: You're not good enough for your son.

Charles' dad: Excuse me!?

Edwin: You heard me.

[savi-of-ithaca]

edwin would try to type on this newfangled mobile phone business and charles would just be infatuated with him (in a friend way, yeah? haha.)

[aceofturtles]

Charles: How come humans don't lick to show affection?

Niko: Lesbians do!

Edwin: *chokes on drink*

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Original post and comments made by xiaolapcheong-deactivated201806, chloeniccole, and gay-and-happy-that-way