#in order to maintain their forms
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long ramble in tags tldr: kindness rules
#was it genocide that got them to the human world or was it her kindness and promise at the expense of her past#who was ultimately the reason the goldy pond kids were able to survive and escape#who got stabbed by a demon and was in a coma for four weeks trying to protect her newfound family#ultimately shifting his perspective on humans and hunting in general and becoming a driving force in their efforts for freedom#who became best friends with the literal ''evil blooded girl'' and was able to come up with a sound solution to demons needing human meat#in order to maintain their forms#do you think norman would be happier knowing he had to be the sacrificial lamb killing children with his bare hands and fully executing it#do you think ray would be happier if emma had simply let him die instead of giving him a firm dose of reality and helping him to#live a life full of love and support and kindness#of course she isnt perfect and i most definitely would change a lot of things if i could but this is just one of the many comments i see#when youre blinded by hatred you cant think objectively#i understand that norman went through freakish amounts of hell but to put it in my perspective: if i were a demon#i highly doubt that i would fully understand how intelligent humans truly are#you know those videos of people boiling crabs alive and saying ''it doesnt hurt them''#there would probably be a lot of rhetoric around that nature and all i would know is eat human fingertip = go play tag#so why would my parents deserve to die? what difference is there between cattle like pigs and cows in our world to humans in theirs?#anyways. im sorry for liking stories where kindness prevails and opens doors to opportunities previously thought imaginable#i hate constantly seeing this stuff when looking up tpn and it irks me it really does
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honestly it doesn't bug me that Jerry Seinfeld is bad at acting because the other main cast of Seinfeld are so good, Jerry's acting becomes a joke in and of itself.
#The three of them maintain the emotional immersion#Jerry's incredibly one-note acting is amusing but its not enough to overpower the costars and make the show feel fake#yknow???#Anyway. Jerry can do like. 2 emotions convincingly#mild social discomfort and mild amusement#legit his amused+disapproving reaction to his friends' bullshit usually (Elaine or George) is when the character feels most real#that and when he is trying to hide some mid / insulting opinion from a gf#On an in-universe note; it's VERY funny to imagine that Jerry is just an incredibly odd man#Always reacting as if amused on some level; speaks in a highpitch monotone whenever upset#Gives delightful autism vibes tbh#A guy who struggles with / cant do neurotypical emotional expression#He learned to be funny in order to be accepted socially (even turned it into a profit!)#but the catch is that this comedy-oriented mask is the only form of external emotional expression he knows how to do#'why arent you taking this seriously' 'istg i AM i just communocate exclusively thru jokes regardless of how i feel. yeah its a whole thing'#seinfeld#oh no she's writing headcanons abt the silly show#jerry seinfeld#my words#seinfeld thoughts
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The Great Notes App Exodus: Half-Dead and Still Kicking
The thing is, Jason’s been a ghost for a while, okay? Six whole months, and it’s been a goddamn adjustment, being capable of floating through walls and falling through furniture if he’s not careful, if he’s not concentrating. He goes unseen and unheard in a manor too full of grieving to only be residence of two people - Alfred keeps his room tidy and untouched, as if it’s a shrine to keep care of, and Bruce is…
Jason is, was, Robin, so he can’t quite help himself from following in Batman’s shadow as the man patrols, more vicious, more brutal than Jason has ever seen him. He takes more risks, gets injured more often - and it’s terrifying, the way Batman grieves, as if trying to follow him into the grave. So Jason follows, unbeating heart in his throat, and only relaxes again when Bruce is safe in the manor, sleeping off whatever injuries he got during the night.
He can’t interact with the world, but he can watch the shades of past residents going about their lives, and he learns things from doing this even as he fears becoming them one day, mindlessly replaying a life long passed. He can snoop and explore without worry for being caught, and if he ever gets bored he can practice flying (so much harder than it seems - he’s careful never to go too high, too worried that he won’t be able to come back down again, even with the ceaseless curiosity in the back of his mind wondering - just how far can I go? Beyond the sky? Could he touch the stars, if he wanted?) and when everything is terrible, when the memories of his death, his last few hours of life, haunt him, when he is drowning in his own head, he finds distractions; the way the air currents sometimes seem to react to him, trying to move things like ghosts do in those terrible movies, chattering to whoever is around and pretending they can hear him, finding mysteries to solve (what’s up with that camera kid, anyway? He’d never noticed him before…) and trying to read books in the library through sheer force of will, usually ending up just reciting the parts he knows.
(Two months and a bit in to this whole “ghost” thing, he finds out the deal with the camera kid. Jason can only be relieved because, kid’s got a point - and Bruce seems to do better with someone to protect, to teach, to watch over.
He’s not practically tearing people apart with his bare hands anymore. He’s not taking hits he should have been able to avoid anymore. He’s not lurking at the edge of rooftops anymore, staring at the ground as if contemplating how far away it is.)
And Tim… he’s weird, but brilliant, and Jason feels a little protective of him. Follows him whenever he goes out, sharp eyes watching his back regardless of whether he can protect it or not (and maybe it’s his imagination, but the world seems more real when he’s watching over Tim, closer and present in a way he can almost feel, as if he could actually affect the world, if he just tried hard enough - if he just needed to desperately enough).
And then, six months after his-… after this ghost thing started, something… changes.
Something Happens, and he can almost taste the strange Knowing - something, somewhere, has gone wrong, or perhaps right, and the ripples extend beyond the event, slipping into each corner of the universe with the subtlety of a truck, and yet somehow unnoticed.
The ghosts notice. Pale shades lift their heads, existing outside of their own memories for the first time in an age - and Jason, who is new, who is Robin, who lived in Gotham where all things become possible, is hit by the wave of Something Happening Elsewhere Rippling Out and wakes up in a box.
In a coffin.
(But Jason has been a ghost for six months, and the pain of living again is enough to reach for the existence of being a ghost, and by the time he has sorted himself out and half-clawed, half-floated his way out of his grave (again), he doesn’t expect himself to be anything but what he has been for the past six months.)
(And then, of course, he discovers he can interact with the world if he concentrates, if he wants it enough, and he assumes that Whatever That Was made him a stronger ghost.
It’s not an unfair assessment. Incorrect, but not beyond reason.
Why would he think he came back to life, anyway? That’s a bit far-fetched, really.)
#tangentially a danny phantom crossover but it’s not hugely important#graphite writes#i have so many random bits of writing in my notes#this is me basically setting them free into the world#lmao enjoy ig#DC#Jason Todd#Jason Todd is a ghost#The Great Notes App Exodus#I figured the deal here was Danny’s misadventures with stuff like the reality gauntlet causing a ripple effect#and because Danny is a halfa the rest of the multiverse kind of gets a template of his existence#thereby making the creation of halfas more likely in places they wouldn’t have formed before#… such as the dcu#so yeah Jason is a halfa but coming at it from the opposite angle than danny#and for most of the time his human form is kind of sleeping and healing from his death wounds#but he starts needing to eat and stuff as a ghost in the meantime in order to maintain his living half#and the ripple also caused the ghosts closest to Jason’s haunt to become more aware#like proper ghosts rather than the shades they were#that’ll probably extend to Gotham later as Jason gets stronger and thus gains the ability to filter the city’s manky ecto more and more#especially if he’s not using up a whole lot of energy fighting ghosts like Danny does#so the surplus is just kind of siphoned off by Gotham where other entities can feed on it#and become stronger#>:3c
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i
#Ok i have not had Starbucks or McDonald’s or Pepsi in a year#and i have maintained a one person boycott at work#and writing “abstain” on the monthly coffee order form that we get from pharmaceutical reps#and it’s driven them crazy. Bc my doc does not speak to anyone from a pharmaceutical company unless he’s literally forced to.#So they always try to get in good with me like im his advisor or some shit. but today i won!!!#my boss asked me why i always abstain and i told her!#and next time she is having our coffee run done at another place#a semi local chain just down the street!!!!
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The Artemis Fowl series isn’t actually about a boy learning how to make friends and save the world with the help of fairies, it’s actually about a boy learning to become a fully-fledged necromancer.
#Artemis fowl#Book 1 he learns fairy healings can pull someone back from the brink of death#When Holly saves Butler after the troll fight#Then book 3 tests the limits of revival using magic and even “long term” death can be fixed#As long as there is a body present#And bodies can be made easily according to book 4#But by Book 5 Artemis learns he can steal magic and transfer it around even without a physical form#Book 6 shows more of the same as well as immortality apparently being in reach if Opal is close to achieving it#And then book 8 has Artemis learning about time spells and maintaining the spirit#So he combines all his knowledge and uses magic to suspend his own life force and use a new body to house his soul = necromancy#he probably adds like...“NEC” onto his business cards#and most people don't notice it in the deluge of other acronyms and initials and whatnot but those that DO think it's just a weird flex#to specifically point out that you have certificates and honors that are Not Elsewhere Classified#anyways vampire artemis is all well and good but let's see some absolutely unhinged grave robbing behaviour#eventually butler dies and his will and standing orders are very clear that the DNR clause stands for both#'do not resuscitate' AND 'do not resurrect - yes artemis this means you and no i don't care about your reasons'
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thinking about how every WWDITS end of season cliffhanger feels like a bit of an anticlimax but ultimately plays out over the course of the season, which in some ways is *more* satisfying than the B99 cliffhangers, which get a few episodes to resolve it but don’t always have long-term impacts
#obviously sitcoms use cliffhangers to maintain hype and help get renewed#which is quite interesting in a genre that used to be all about the status quo#and is still very much built on self-contained stories#a part of me always wants to watch like every major sitcom in order#to see how the form evolves#but I don't actually want to do that lol#izzy says words
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maybe one day he/she will make a comeback. just maybe
#the way i want people to refer to me is always entirely dependent on how i. look? 😭#being genderfluid sucks and also rules like wdym it just changes. dude i don’t know#i’m impartial to they#pronoun order is almost entirely just to be perceived correctly 😭#they forward is like Hey i’m not. a dude btw. but i definitely do prefer he from people who don’t know me#so he forward usually takes precident#i think if i ever get top surgery suddenly she would be like. fine?? gang i don’t know#i mean she IS already fine in certain contexts. i definitely prefer it at work at least#like again it’s all a perception thing#pronouns to me are a form of expression rather than identity. how i ‘look’ and how i’m ‘referred to’ are both tied to how people perceive me#yk#so prns are sort of ‘part of the look’ in a sense?#whatever’s going on in this brain of mine is between me and whoever’s been unfortunate enough to hear me try to explain it LMAO#anyway. all this to say i’m getting gender envy from women again#universe give me one useless magical ability to let my hair be any length i want to to be Pleeeease please please Please#me and wigs are just not compatible sorry#that and its not really just about how *other* people see me i also just. want to Have It sometimes#just to myself#you know?#sometimes i want hair that falls right past my shoulders. real bad#but it’s usually more of a fleeting thing#more often i want it about how it is? a little longer if i can ever learn to maintain it but#sigh#i talk about my hair too much but it really is kind of integral to my identity and presentation#like when my hair isn’t cooperating i don’t get upset bc i look bad i get like. really violently dysphoric it’s wild
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every year of unemployment puts me out further in time. months, years. it puts the . uh . goals? i guess you can call them. further away. it will take that much longer to build back my savings that i fully drained after years of un- and underemployment. if it takes me 5 years to get to stability, i’ll be 35.
and god the hollow feeling gapes wider in my chest. as i face the “best case scenario” timeline stretching out ever longer before me. every time i lose a job it gets not just put on hold but pushed further and further and further out every month.
the basic requirements i need i do NOT have. and it takes YEARS to build these up even just ONE. not to speak of ALL of them
community / support group / friends / “the village”. even a couple people
financial savings
housing that meets my criteria for space and stability
job stability (relatively speaking 🙃)
a family budget that has room for a child
emotional / mental stability n health (relatively speaking. doesn’t have to be perfect)
relationship stability
executive function / use of time
energy levels
being relatively decently in shape physically in my body
#personal#i have 1 friend and she’s planning on moving to like NZ in the next like 6 mo#it requires $ to have a social life in order to meet people and build social connections#it takes time to deepen the bonds#it takes mental health stability and primary relationship stability in order to maintain them#it requires time and energy to maintain them and form them too#i fear i am too.#whatever the fuck i am.#to ever achieve even half of this#if i wasn't whatever the fuck i am i would be having body wracking sobs rn#:|#or all the time
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I will only accept scifi androgyny in two ways:
Everyone looks exactly what they want to be like and judgment by society about your body is unfathomably removed as a whole.
Everyone has been reduced in every single way to such an extent that they may as well not be perceived. Your future is dominated by invisible 2D lines or particle people.
I don't think androgyny in general is genuinely valued but can we talk about how "desirable" androgyny is always about neutrality and removing as much as possible (white, super thin, no boobs no bulge no body hair) whereas "ugly" androgyny tends to be fat, hairy, full of gender (visible breasts/bulge), often involves people of color. like whenever we see sci fi Futuristic Androgyny it's always "we've removed all possible characteristics" never "we combined all these characteristics" & me myself? as someone who's androgyny is hair and genderful and "ugly"? i notice
#is say unfathomably because the idea of a society being able to undo all forms of bias while amazing and great#doesn't acknowledge the idea of a utopia which must grow and change in order to maintain itself
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One thing I love about Crowley --never stated, but consistently shown-- is that he is, at heart, an engineer.
I have a few different things to say about that. Let's unpack them.
As the Unnamed Angel, we see his designs for the Pillars of Creation are millions of pages long, comprised of cramped text, footnotes, diagrams, schematics, etc. It's very...Renaissance polymath, in the way it implies a particular intersection of artist and inventor.
Also: in the naked romanticism with which he views his stars.
We already knew he made stars, but in s2 we learn that he did NOT sculpt each of them by hand. He designed a nebula ("a star factory," he says) that will form several thousand young stars and proto-planets, and all --aside from getting the 'factory' running-- without him lifting a finger. We also learn that these young stars and proto-planets stand in contrast to those made by other angels, which are going to come 'pre-aged.'
...I'm reminded of Hastur and Ligur's approach to temptations. Damning one human soul at a time, devoting singular attention to it over the course of years or decades, and how that stands in contrast to Crowley's reliance on, quote, 'knock-on effects.'
Ligur: It's not exactly...craftsmanship. Crowley: Head office don't seem to mind. They love me down there.
Hm.
I'm also reminded of the M25.
The M25 may not be as grand as a nebula (sentences you only say in GOmens fandom...), but LIKE his nebula it's an intricate, self-sustaining engine that does Crowley's work for him, many times over. Again.
That's some pretty neat characterization --and so is the indication towards Crowley's disinterest in victimizing anyone tempting individual people. It takes a considerable amount of planning and effort (and creeping about in wellies), but in accordance with his design the M25 generates a constant stream of low-grade evil on a gigantic scale.
Cumulatively gigantic, that is. Individually? Negligible.
But no other demon understands human nature well enough to parse that one million ticked-off motorists are not, in any meaningful way, actually equivalent to one dictator, or one mass-murderer, or even one little influential regressive. That's the trick of it. Crowley gets Hell's approval (which he NEEDS to survive, and to maintain the degree of freedom he's eked out for himself), and at the same time ensures that any actual ~Evil Influence~ is spread nice and thin.
It's some clever machinery. And he knows it, too:
The Unnamed Angel and Crowley are both proud of their ideas.
(musings on professional pride, Leonardo da Vinci, the crank handle, and 'the point to which Crowley loves Aziraphale' under the cut)
In the 1970's Crowley gives a presentation on the M25, projector and all, to a room full of increasingly impatient demons. Maybe the presentation was work-ordered; the 'can I hear a WAHOO?' definitely wasn't.
Before the Beginning, the Unnamed Angel can barely contain his excitement about his nebula. Aziraphale manages a baffled-but-polite, "....That's nice... :)"
11 years ago, Hastur and Ligur want to 'tell the deeds of the day,' and Crowley smiles to himself because (according to the script-book) he knows he has 'the best one.'
(Naturally, his 'deed' has nothing to do with tempting anybody, and everything to do with setting up a human-powered Rube-Goldberg machine of petty annoyance. Oodles of 'Evil' generated; very little harm done.)
Hastur and Ligur don't get it, of course. That's also consistent.
Nobody ever knows what the hell he's talking about.
It didn't make it on-screen, but, in both the novel AND the script-book, Crowley was friends with Leonardo da Vinci. The quintessential Renaissance polymath. That's where he got his drawing of the Mona Lisa --they're getting very drunk together, and Crowley picks up the 'most beautiful' of the preliminary sketches. He wants to buy it. Leonardo agrees almost off-the-cuff, very casual, because they're friends, and because he has bigger fish to fry than haggling over a doodle:
He goes, "Now, explain this helicopter thingie again, will you?" Because he's an engineer, too.
(It is 1519 at the latest, in this scene. Why the FUCK would Crowley know about helicopters, and be able to explain them, comprehensively, to Leonardo da Vinci?
...Well. I choose to believe he got bored one day and worked it out. Look, if you know how to build a nebula, you can probably handle aerodynamics. And anyway, I think it's telling that this is his idea of shooting the shit. 'A drunken mind speaks a sober heart,' and all. He probably babbled about Aziraphale long enough to make poor Leo sick)
Apart from Aziraphale, Leonardo da Vinci is the only person Crowley has any keepsakes or mementos of.
Think about that, though. Aziraphale's bookshop is bursting with letters, paintings, busts, and personalized signatures memorializing all the humans he's known and befriended over 6000 years (indeed: Aziraphale has living human friends up and down Whickber Street. He's part of a community).
Crowley doesn't have any of that. It's just the stone albatross from the Church (for pining), the infamous gay sex statue (for spicy pining), the houseplants (for roleplaying his deepest trauma over and over, as one does), and this one piece of artwork, inscribed, "To my friend Anthony from your friend Leo da V."
To me, at least, that suggests a level of attachment that seems to be rare for Crowley.
...Maybe he liked having someone to talk shop with? Someone who was interested? Someone engaged enough to ask questions when they didn't immediately understand?
...Anyway.
There's also the matter of the crank handle.
This thing:
This is one of the subtler changes from the book. In the book, Crowley knows Satan is coming and, desperate, arms himself with a tire iron. It's the best he can do. He's not Aziraphale; he wasn't made to wield a flaming sword.
The show, IMO, improves on this considerably. Now he, like Aziraphale, gets to face annihilation with what he was made for in his hand. And it's not a weapon, not even an improvised one like the tire iron.
He made stars with it.
[both gifs by @fuckyeahgoodomens]
If you Google 'crank handle,' you'll get variations on this:
Crank handles have been around for centuries. Consisting of a mechanical arm that's connected to a perpendicular rotating shaft, they are designed to convert circular motion into rotary or reciprocating motion.
Which is to say they're one of the 'simple machines,' like a lever or a pulley; the bread and butter of engineering. You'll also get a list of uses for a crank handle, archaic and modern. Among them: cranking up the engine of an old-fashioned car... say, a 1933 Bentley. That's what Crowley has been using his for, lately. But he's had it since he was an angel and he's still, it seems, very capable of it's angelic applications.
Stopping time. For instance.
(This is conjecture on my part, but, I like to imagine that Crowley has the ability to stop time for the same reason I can --and should-- unplug my computer before I perform maintenance on it. Time and Space are a matched set, after all, and in his designs in particular, one feeds into the other.)
I know everyone has already said this, but: I REALLY LIKE that when he needs to channel the heights of his power, he does so not with a weapon but with a tool. Practically with a little handheld metaphor for ingenuity. One from long-lost days when he made beautiful things.
(And he loved it. Still loves it --he incorporated that metaphor into the Bentley, didn't he?)
Let Aziraphale rock up to the apocalypse with a weapon: he has his own compelling thematic reasons to do exactly that. Crowley's story is different, and fighting isn't the only way to express defiance. And if you've been condemned as a demon and assumed to be destructive by your very nature, what better way than this?
He made stars. They didn't manage to take that from him.
Neither Crowley nor Aziraphale are fighters, really --they have no intention of fighting in any war. They'll annoy everyone until there's no war to fight in, for a start. But between the two, if one must be, then that one is Aziraphale. Principality of the Earth, Guardian of the Eastern Gate, Wielder of the Flaming Sword... all that stuff. Even if he'd prefer not to, it's very clear that Aziraphale can rise to the occasion, if he must.
Crowley was never that kind of angel. He wasn't a Principality. He doesn't have a sword.
...And yet.
It's Crowley who protects. He's the one who paces, who stands guard, who circles Aziraphale and glares out at the world, just daring anyone else to come near.
In light of everything else I've said here, I think that's interesting.
Obviously part of it is that Aziraphale enjoys it and, you know, good for him. He's living his best life, no doubt no doubt no doubt. But what about Crowley? What's driving that behavior, really?
Have you heard the phrase, 'loved to the point of invention'? Well, what if 'the point of invention' was where you started? What if where you end up involves glaring out at the world, just daring anyone else to come near? What is that, in relation to the bright-eyed thing you used to be?
What do we name the point to which Crowley loves Aziraphale?
...Thinking about how an excitable angel with three million pages of star design he wants to tell you all about...becomes a guard dog. Is all.
#good omens#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#Crowley#Aziraphale#good omens 2#good omens meta#unfortunately I do not have trains of thought#only long meandering strolls of thought#sorry about it#anyway tl;dr Crowley is a nerd#also I have a strange emotional attachment to the idea of 1500's Crowley...#...facedown in a pile of Mona Lisa sketches; drunkenly info-dumping about Aziraphale#and Da Vinci is just like. 'Ahhhh mio amico Antonio. You fucking simp.'
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I was 100% thinking of the Shinsengumi when the brainrot struck, but let us assume a more generic, unnamed circumstance for this. Random, uh, elite group of swordsmen working for the shogunate in the Edo period. Here's the awkward, horny himbo I had previously mentioned. Content: female reader, historical setting, crossdressing, NSFW
Yandere!Captain commands his group with an iron grip. Many people in the Capital know his name, whether it's fellow warriors or petty merchants, and not without reason. His unmatched skill with a sword had even reached the ears of the court, and he was quickly appointed as the head of a newly formed group of samurai meant to maintain order in the city.
As if keeping hot-blooded thugs under control wasn't enough, he is now stuck with an even bigger issue: you.
"We can't have women in here", he declares with a grimace.
"I can pretend", you counter stubbornly, pulling your hakama pants up by the sash, almost in an act of defiance. "In fact, I don't see any woman here. I came to apply."
Yandere!Captain’s reputation does not only revolve around his intimidating strength. Among his underlings, he is known for being completely and utterly uninterested when it comes to women. Will he join his group for drinks after a long day of work? Absolutely. But that’s where the fun stops. When the others begin to slip away with smiling courtesans, he remains at the table with a somber countenance. It is a running joke that nothing can deter this man from his duty.
Thus, your presence at the headquarters should make no difference. He had to begrudgingly accept that you spoke the truth when you'd said you can handle a sword. It's not uncommon for women to keep a small tanto underneath their obi for additional protection, but your knowledge doesn't stop there. You arrived with your own katana and backup wakizashi, swiftly proving their worth upon your first city round when you slashed the arm off a street hooligan.
Well, that's one less worry for the captain. Except, to his great shame, it's not as simple as that. He is the only one aware of your secret, which means that he is the only one available outside of working hours. He was terrified to discover the hesitation in his hands when bandaging your ribs after a stabbing incident, or the halt in his step when he happened to find you switching to a night gown. Oh, how deplorable! Have his morals crumbled into nothing? His latest perverted thought nearly caused him to draw a blade across his stomach.
It is with this faltering confidence that he greets you before the bath one evening.
“You don’t have to do this”, you tell him. "I can wait until you're done."
His struggles haven't escaped your observant eye. You were initially amused by his rather obvious awkwardness; then, a certain idea insidiously made its way into your mind, impossibly tempting: for how long could he keep this façade?
You find yourself going out of your way just to tease your poor captain, perhaps secretly hoping he'll soon break down and give in to his yearning.
“They will become suspicious if you never join us. I do not care for your nudity. Undress at ease”, he says, throwing away his own towel and lowering himself into the hot water. “Get in whenever you want.”
If he insists.
You nonchalantly follow suit, sitting across from him with your arms resting against the rocky edge of the hot spring. You can tell his eyes have wandered involuntarily. His face is red, and he’s wearing a humiliated frown.
“You’re awfully quiet, Sir.”
His lips are pursed indeed. The tall man shuffles briefly, avoiding your gaze. A smirk crosses your features as you decide to approach him.
"In fact, I'd go as far as you say that you're in dire need of help."
To your surprise, he doesn't protest when your hands stray to his lower half, feeling up and down his erection. The small grunts escaping his mouth encourage you to pick up the pace, now equally aroused.
Soon, you feel his heavy arm wrapping around your waist, forcefully throwing you out of the water and onto the cold ground. You open your mouth to complain, but it's quickly shut back by his hot lips, suckling and biting in a desperate hunger to have you.
“It’s improper for a subordinate to take the lead”, he finally says in a low, breaking voice.
He can only hope no one else decides to use the hot springs, though that’s as far as his concern currently goes. He’s much too preoccupied with other pressing matters, holding onto your folded legs for support as he thrusts into you in a depraved, delirious need. His movements are jerky and erratic, with an almost predatory glimmer in his eyes. You wonder how often he imagined this happening. All of his shame and guilt, coming undone at once.
Days later, during one of the hangouts, you find him whispering to one of the courtesans.
“What, you suddenly have a taste for women now?” you question discreetly, unable to hold your tongue.
You’d hoped to be on the receiving end of any future lust-driven gestures from the captain, not some common worker.
He appears to hesitate, twiddling his thumbs and glancing away.
“I was just…asking how you properly please a woman”, he finally confesses.
If he’s going to continue fucking his subordinate behind everyone’s back, he may as well do a good job while at it.
[More Original Works] | [Yan!Swordsman Concept]
#yandere swordsman#yandere captain#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#yandere x you#yandere scenarios#yandere imagines#yandere smut#smut
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casual - ln4
summary: you’re in a situationship with lando norris, one that you know is going to break your heart, but you can’t seem to walk away. wc: 11.7k
folkie radio: i was about to scrap this entire fic bc i just didn’t like they way it was turning out but i finished it 😭 i’m still not really confident about it but i hope you enjoy it. disclaimer: this is angsty !!
MASTERLIST | MY PATREON
You and Lando. Lando and You. An undefined space, more than friends, less than a relationship. You remember it like it was yesterday, though almost a year has passed.
It started innocently enough. As a data analyst and strategist for McLaren, you often found yourself working late nights, poring over race statistics and performance metrics. Lando would sometimes wander into the office, restless after a day of simulations and meetings.
At first, your interactions were purely professional - discussing tire degradation rates or fuel consumption patterns. But gradually, conversations began to drift, getting more personal and personal.
The shift happened subtly. One night, after a particularly grueling race weekend, you were both exhausted, sprawled on the office couch analyzing data. Lando's head drooped onto your shoulder, and for a moment, neither of you moved. The air crackled with tension.
"We shouldn't," you murmured, even as you turned to face him.
"Probably not," Lando agreed, his blue eyes flickering to your lips.
The kiss was inevitable, months of built-up attraction finally finding release. And then came another, and another.
When Lando suggested heading back to his place, you found yourself saying yes without hesitation.
Before you knew it, you were in his apartment, you could feel the tension in the air. Lando stepped closer, his hand cupping your cheek.
"I've been wanting to do this for a while," he murmured, before leaning in to kiss you again.
Clothes were shed as you made your way to his bedroom, falling onto his bed in a tangle of limbs.
The next morning, sunlight streams through unfamiliar curtains, and you blink awake, momentarily disoriented. Lando's sleeping form beside you brings the memories of last night flooding back.
Lando stirs, his blue eyes meeting yours. "Morning," he mumbles, a shy smile playing on his lips. "So... that happened."
You nod, unsure of what to say. "It did."
An awkward silence stretches between you, the weight of the previous night settling in. You would be lying if you said that you didn't enjoy it. You did. You enjoyed it a lot. But you knew the implications of getting close with someone like Lando Norris.
"Look, Iast night was great," finally, Lando speaks. "But my life, my career... it's complicated."
"I understand," you reply, trying to hide the embarrassment on your face, "I mean, we're work colleges after all, it's complicated for me too."
"I'm not saying I regret this," he quickly adds, "I just... I can't offer you something else right now."
You take a deep breath, weighing your options. "So what are you offering?"
"Honestly? I don't know," Lando runs a hand through his tousled hair, "But I'd like to keep seeing you, if you're okay with... not defining things?"
And so begins, your undefined journey with Lando Norris. From that moment, your relationship existed in a grey area. At work, you maintained professionalism, but stolen glances, brushed hands and the way your clothes always ended up in his bedroom floor told a different story.
You know it's not ideal, to have a situationship with Lando Norris. Not when you know you could really fall for him and jeopardize your job. But at the same time, you can't walk away.
You love you job so much, and the fact that you're willing to shut the rest of the world away in order to focus on what you needed to do proved it.
As the Japanese Grand Prix weekend unfolded, you found yourself buried in work. The Suzuka circuit always presented challenges, and you were determined to give the team every advantage possible.
You were so engrossed in your data analysis that you barely noticed Lando enter the temporary office setup. His hand on your shoulder made you jump.
"Christ, Lando! You scared me," you exclaimed, pulling off your headphones.
He grinned, but there was a hint of something else in his eyes. "Come with me," he said, taking your hand and gently pulling you up.
"Lando, I'm in the middle of-"
"It can wait," he insisted, leading you out of the office and towards his driver's room.
Once inside, he closed the door and leaned against it, watching you with an intensity that made your heart race.
"I miss you," he said simply.
You felt a pang of guilt. It had been weeks since you'd had any real time alone together. "I've been busy," you replied, trying to keep your tone light.
"Busy doing what?" Lando raised an eyebrow.
"Coming up with strategies so you can win races, actually," you retorted, a hint of challenge in your voice.
"Oh really? And how's that going?" he stepped closer, a teasing glint in his eye.
"Well, if you'd stop distracting me," you tilted your chin up defiantly, "Maybe I could finish and you'd find out."
Lando chuckled, closing the distance between you. His hands found your waist, pulling you against him. "Maybe I like distracting you," he murmured, his breath warm against your ear.
You shivered involuntarily. "Lando..." you warned, but there was no real resistance in your voice.
"Tell me about these strategies," he said, his lips now trailing along your jawline. "How are you planning to make me faster?"
You struggled to maintain your train of thought as his touch sent sparks through your body. "Well," you managed, "I've been analyzing your cornering speeds and-"
Lando cut you off with a kiss, deep and passionate. When he pulled away, you were both breathless.
"Sorry," he grinned, not looking sorry at all. "You were saying?"
"You're impossible, you know that?"
Before he can even reply, you drag him for another kiss. His fingers tangled in your hair as he pulls you closer, your hands slid under his team shirt, tracing the lean muscles of his back.
When you broke apart, Lando's eyes were dark with desire.
"I thought I was the one who distracted you. Seems like you're just as needy as I am," he smirked, his voice low and teasing.
"Don't flatter yourself, Norris," you felt a blush creep up your cheeks, but matched his playful tone, "I'm just... thorough in my research."
Lando's laugh was warm against your neck as he pressed a kiss there. "Is that what we're calling it now?"
"We're not calling it a relationship, aren't we?" you blurted out before you could even think about it.
Lando's expression softened for a moment, a flicker of something unreadable passing through his eyes. But quickly, his trademark grin returned.
"Well, we're not calling it a relationship," he said, his tone light and teasing, "maybe we should call it a 'performance enhancement program'. You know, for the sake of the team."
You couldn't help but laugh, even as you felt a twinge in your chest at the casual deflection of the relationship topic. "Oh, is that what this is? And here I thought I was just your favorite data analyst."
"Oh, you definitely are," Lando murmured, leaning in for another kiss. "The very best at... analyzing my data."
You rolled your eyes at the innuendo but smiled despite yourself. "As tempting as it is to continue this 'program'," you said, gently pushing him back, "I really do need to get back to work. Those race strategies won't write themselves, you know."
"Fine, fine. Go make me faster on paper. But don't forget, I might need some hands-on analysis later."
"We'll see about that, hotshot," you replied, straightening your clothes and heading for the door. "Focus on your qualifying first."
It's late, well past midnight, when your phone buzzes with a text. You're still up, reviewing data from the day's practice sessions. The message is from Lando, of course.
"Room 507. Now. Please?"
You can't help but smile, imagining the impatience and desire behind those words. You type back:
"Demanding, aren't we? What if I'm busy?"
His reply comes quickly: "Busy with what? I know you're probably still working. Take a break. You deserve it.”
You laugh softly. "I deserve it, huh? Well, when you put it that way..."
"So you're coming?"
You pause, pretending to consider it, even though you both know you're already reaching for your room key. "I suppose I could spare a few minutes."
"There's my girl"
You slip out of your room, heart racing with anticipation. You've done this countless of times before, sneaking out of your hotel room to end up naked in Lando's, but you still felt like a teenage girl every single time.
The hotel corridor is quiet, your footsteps muffled by the plush carpet. You're so focused on reaching Lando's room that you almost collide with someone rounding the corner.
"Whoa, sorry!" You step back, then freeze as you realize it's Oscar, who looks equally surprised.
"Oh, hey. Bit late for a walk, isn't it?"
Your mind races, searching for a plausible excuse. "I, uh... couldn't sleep. Thought I'd grab some ice."
"Ice?" Oscar's brow furrows slightly, "At this hour?"
"Yeah, you know... for my water," you say lamely, cringing at how unconvincing you sound. "Helps me... think better. For work."
"Right," Oscar says slowly, clearly not buying it but too polite to press further. "Well, don't let me keep you from your... ice-enhanced thinking."
You force a laugh. "Thanks. Goodnight, Oscar."
As you hurry past him, you can feel his curious gaze on your back. You silently pray he doesn't mention this encounter to anyone else on the team.
One of the main reasons why you agreed to mess around with Lando without a label was exactly that, the fear of putting your job at risk. You worked hard for it, and you would never forgive yourself if you lost it due to getting in a relationship with one of the drivers.
Which lead you to getting in a goddamn situationship.
Finally reaching room 507, you knock softly. Lando opens the door almost immediately, pulling you inside with a grin.
"Took you long enough," he teases, his arms wrapping around your waist.
"Yeah, well, I just had to convince your teammate that I'm wandering the halls at 1 AM in search of ice. So thanks for that," you retort, but there's no real annoyance in your voice.
"You ran into Oscar?" Lando's eyes widen, "What did you tell him?"
"That I needed ice. For thinking."
"Ice for thinking?" he bursts out laughing. "That's the best you could come up with?"
"Hey, you try coming up with a believable excuse on the spot!" you protest, swatting his arm playfully.
"Fair enough," Lando concedes, still chuckling. "Now, where were we? I believe you were going to help me with some... performance analysis?"
As Lando leans in, your lips meet in a passionate kiss. The tension that's been building all day finally releases as you melt into his embrace. His hands roam your body, pulling you closer as the kiss deepens.
"I've been thinking about this all day," he murmurs, his voice low and husky.
"Oh really?" you tease, running your fingers through his hair. "I thought you were supposed to be focusing on your lap times."
"Who says I can't do both?"
Lando's lips find your neck, trailing kisses along your jawline. You tilt your head back, a soft sigh escaping your lips. Your hands slide under his t-shirt, tracing his sides.
He guides you towards the bed, your bodies pressed close together. As the back of your knees hit the mattress, you fall back, pulling Lando with you. He hovers over you, his weight supported on his forearms.
"You're beautiful," he whispers, his eyes roaming your face.
You reach up to cup his cheek, drawing him down for another kiss. This one is slower, deeper, filled with unspoken emotions.
As things heat up, clothes start to come off. Lando's shirt is the first to go, followed quickly by yours. Skin meets skin, and the world narrows down to just the two of you, lost in each other's touch.
The night stretches on, filled with whispered words, soft moans, and the rustle of sheets. You can't help but think that this undefined thing with Lando is getting more complicated by the day but you decide that's a problem for future you to worry about.
After an exhausting triple header across three different countries, you finally have a well-deserved two-week break.
The past few races have been grueling, with long nights analyzing data and strategizing for each track. While you love your job, the intense schedule has left you drained. Now back home, you decide it's time to unwind and have some fun with your friends.
It's Friday evening, and you're getting ready for a girls' night out. Usually, you’d spend your Friday with Lando, but this time you were dying for a chance to let loose, dance with your friends and forget about work for a while.
And maybe, forget about your little situationship, too.
Speak of the devil and he shall appear, they say. Because as if on cue your phone starts buzzing with an incoming FaceTime call. Lando's name flashes on the screen.
You answer, propping the phone up on your dresser. "Hey, Lan," you greet him while still doing your makeup.
"Hey, you," he replies, his eyes widening slightly as he takes in your appearance. "Wow, you look hot. Are you going somewhere?"
You nod, turning back to the mirror to continue applying your eyeshadow. "Yep, heading out tonight. It's been ages since I've had a proper night out."
"Oh," Lando says, his tone curious. "Like, out out? Are you... um, going on a date or something?"
You can't help but smirk a little at his barely concealed interest. "Why, Lando Norris, are you fishing for information?" you tease. "I mean, I could be going on a date. We're not exclusive, after all."
Lando's expression falters for a moment before he catches himself, forcing a casual laugh. "No, no, of course not. I was just, you know, curious. Making conversation and all that."
You watch him in the phone screen, noticing how he's trying to play it cool but failing miserably. His jaw is tense, and he's fidgeting more than usual.
Taking pity on him, you decide to put him out of his misery. "Relax, Lando. It's just girls' night. After that triple header, I need to blow off some steam with my friends."
"Oh, right. Cool, cool," the relief on his face is palpable, "That sounds fun."
"Were you jealous, Norris?" you raise an eyebrow at him.
"Me? Jealous? Nah," he scoffs, but the slight blush creeping up his neck betrays him. "I mean, like you said, we're not... you know."
"Exclusive," you finish for him, feeling a familiar twinge in your chest at the word.
"Right," Lando nods, looking a bit uncomfortable. "Anyway, I hope you have a great time tonight. You deserve it after all the hard work these past few weeks."
"Thanks, Lan. I plan to."
"Call me if you need me to pick you up," Lando assures, making you smile softly. Maybe he actually cares about you, you think.
"Don't worry, I can handle myself."
Just as Lando was expecting, you call him around 2 AM, asking if he could come pick you up from the club.
He doesn’t think twice before he’s getting up, putting a hoodie on and grabbing his keys to leave the house.
His car pulls up outside the club about 15 minutes later. You make your way to the vehicle, sliding into the passenger seat with a giggle.
"Thanks for coming," you say, leaning towards him with a grin.
“Of course, love,” Lando looks you over, a playful smirk on his face. "Looks like someone had fun tonight."
“I did, but I missed you,” you say as he starts driving, you’re not sure if he’ll take you to your place or his, but you don’t want to sleep without him, "Oh! I have to tell you something,"
"Well do tell," he encourages, glancing at you with interest.
"There was this guy at the club," you begin, noticing how Lando's eyebrow quirks up. "He was really handsome, and he was flirting with me."
"Was he now?" Lando asks, his tone light but with an undercurrent of something else.
"Yup," you say, popping the 'p' sound. "I pushed him away. Because even though you might not be my boyfriend, I only want you. No one else."
Lando's lips curl into a pleased smile. "Is that so?" he says, his voice low and teasing. "And here I thought I was just your favorite Uber driver."
You burst into laughter, the sound filling the car. Then, feeling bold, you place your hand on his thigh. "Will you sleep with me tonight?"
Lando doesn't even flinch. Instead, he shoots you a mischievous look. "Just like that? Usually, I at least buy you dinner first."
You groan, moving your hand from his thigh but he quickly catches it and kisses your palm before resting it there again, “Of course I’ll stay with you, baby.”
As you arrive home, Lando helps you inside, his arm steady around your waist. You stumble a bit, giggling as you lean into him.
"Careful there," he says, "Let's get you sorted, shall we?"
He guides you to the kitchen, one hand on the small of your back. You hop onto a barstool, watching as he moves around your kitchen with surprising familiarity.
"Let's get some water in you," he says, filling a large glass. "And maybe some food too. When's the last time you ate?"
You scrunch your nose, trying to remember. "Um... before we went out? I think?"
Lando shakes his head, a fond smile on his face. "No wonder you're in this state. Drink this," he hands you the water, "and I'll make you a sandwich."
You sip the water obediently, watching him as he rummages through your fridge. "You don't have to do all this, you know," you say softly.
"I want to," he looks up at you, his eyes soft. "Let me take care of you, yeah?"
As you finish your water, he slides a plate with a sandwich in front of you. "Eat up, pretty girl. It'll help sober you up."
You take a bite, suddenly realizing how hungry you are. As you eat, Lando leans against the counter, watching you with amusement and something else you can't quite name.
"So," he says casually, "tell me about this handsome guy at the club."
You swallow your bite, looking up at him. "Jealous, Norris?"
"Just curious," he shrugs, a smirk playing at his lips. "You said you pushed him away?"
You nod, setting down the sandwich. "I did. He was nice, but... he wasn't you."
The words hang in the air between you, heavy with implication. Lando's eyes sparkle, but he doesn't say anything.
You slide off the barstool and step closer to him. Your hands find his chest and you lean in, pressing your lips to his. He kisses back, his hands settling on your waist, pulling you closer. The kiss deepens, and you feel a warmth spreading through you that has nothing to do with the alcohol.
But then Lando pulls away gently, resting his forehead against yours. "Let's go to sleep, pretty girl," he says, his voice low and a bit rough. "You need rest."
You pout, your fingers playing with the collar of his shirt. "But I want you," you whisper, leaning in so your lips are inches from his.
"And you can have me," he says softly, cupping your face with one hand. "But right now we're going to sleep."
You start to protest, but he silences you with a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Come on, let's get you to bed."
As he leads you to the bedroom, Lando's mind is in turmoil. He's acutely aware of the growing feelings he has for you - feelings that go far beyond the casual arrangement you've had so far. The way his heart races when you're near, the constant urge to make you smile, the fierce protectiveness he feels - it all points to something deeper, that both thrills and terrifies him.
But with these feelings comes a familiar fear. Commitment has always been hard for him. The demands of his career, the pressure of the public eye, the fear of letting someone down - they all contribute to his hesitation. And yet, as he looks at you now, soft and vulnerable in his arms, he can't help but wonder if you might be worth the risk.
In the bedroom, he helps you change into comfortable sleepwear. As you both lay down, you curl into his side, your head on his chest. The steady beat of his heart is soothing, and you feel yourself starting to drift off.
"Lando?" you ask, your voice sleepy.
"Hmm?" His hand is running through your hair, the gesture comforting.
"Do you push away the beautiful girls that come up to flirt with you? Like I did tonight?"
You feel his chest rise with a deep breath. There's a pause before he answers, "I do," he says softly. "There's only one girl I'm interested in."
You lift your head slightly, trying to look at him through heavy-lidded eyes. "Really? Who's that?"
He chuckles, the sound rumbling in his chest. "I think you know, pretty girl."
You're fighting sleep now, but you're determined to get an answer. "Well, I don't believe you," you mumble, the words slurring together. "Prove it."
Lando opens his mouth to reply, but he realizes you're already asleep, your breathing evening out. He looks down at you, a fond smile on his face. Pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, he whispers, "Maybe I'll show you soon."
The Hungarian Grand Prix has just concluded, and the atmosphere in the McLaren garage is torn between elation and tension.
Oscar has claimed his first Formula 1 victory, a monumental achievement for him and the team. However, the circumstances of his win have left a bitter taste in Lando's mouth, casting a shadow over what should have been a moment of pure celebration for everyone.
You're standing off to the side, your mind racing. The strategy call wasn't yours directly, but as part of the team, you can't help feeling partly responsible for the decision that affected both drivers.
As Lando storms into the garage, his face like thunder, you brace yourself for the fallout. His usual easy-going demeanor is nowhere to be seen, replaced by a storm of anger and disappointment. You've seen Lando upset before, but this felt different.
"Lando," you start, reaching out to him, your voice soft and tentative.
"Save it," he snaps, his blue eyes flashing with anger as he brushes past you. The coldness in his voice makes you flinch. "I don't want to hear it. Not from you, not from anyone."
For the rest of the day, Lando avoids you like the plague. You take separate flights home so you don't really see him or hear from him after you left the circuit.
Over the next few days, you try reaching out via text, each message more desperate than the last. But they go unanswered, each 'read' receipt another twist of the knife. This isn't like Lando, to shut everyone out so completely. You can't help but wonder if this is about more than just the race.
Finally, unable to bear it any longer, you decide to go to his place. It's a risky move, you know, but the thought of leaving things like this is unbearable. Using the spare key he gave you months ago - a gesture that had felt so significant at the time - you let yourself in.
The apartment is quiet, but not empty. You can feel his presence, sense the tension in the air.
"Lando?" you call out, your voice echoing slightly in the silent space.
You hear movement from his bedroom, and soon enough he emerges, dressed to go out, and freezes when he sees you. His expression hardens, the warmth you're used to seeing in his eyes replaced by a cold, distant look. "What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk, Lando," you say, your voice firm despite the nervous flutter in your stomach. "You can't just shut me out like this. It's not fair, and it's not right."
"I don't have time for this right now," Lando's jaw clenches, his gaze darting away from yours, "I'm heading out."
"Of course you are," you say, unable to keep the bitterness from your voice. "Because going out and partying is so much easier than facing your problems, isn't it?"
His eyes narrow, a spark of anger igniting, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you're running away," you say, taking a step closer. "From the race, from the team, from me. We're all just trying to do our best, Lando. The team made a call, and it worked out for the best. Why can't you see that?"
"Because it wasn't the best for me!" Lando explodes, his composure finally cracking. "Do you have any idea what it's like? To have victory in your grasp and then have it taken away? To be told that you're not good enough, that your teammate is the better choice?"
"That's not what happened, and you know it," you argue back, your own frustration bubbling over. "It was a strategic decision, not a judgment on your abilities. You're letting your ego cloud your judgment."
"My ego?" Lando's laugh is harsh and humorless, "That's rich, coming from someone who's never had to make these kinds of sacrifices."
The words hang in the air between you, sharp and cutting. You take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions inside you. You's never had an argument like this before.
"Fine," you say finally, your voice quiet but firm. "Go out if that's what you want. But don't call me when you're feeling lonely later tonight. I'm not just some convenient comfort for when you decide you need me."
Something flashes in Lando's eyes – hurt, perhaps, or regret. But it's quickly replaced by a hardness that makes your heart ache.
"Don't worry," he retorts, his voice cold. "I can always find another girl to keep me company. I don't need you for that."
The words hit you like a physical blow, and you take an involuntary step back. The undefined nature of your relationship, once thrilling in its potential, now feels like a weapon being used against you.
"Is that what this is to you?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper. "Just a convenient arrangement? Someone to warm your bed when you can't find anyone else?"
Lando's expression softens for a moment, regret flickering across his features. But he doesn't take back his words. Instead, he turns away, his hand on the front door.
"You know your way out." And with that, he's out of the door.
A week later, Formula 1 has moved to the iconic Spa-Francorchamps circuit in Belgium. The air is thick with anticipation - not just for the upcoming race, but for the looming summer break that follows.
You've thrown yourself into your work, burying your emotions under a mountain of data analysis and strategy planning. The tension between you and Lando hasn't gone unnoticed by the team, but thankfully, everyone's too focused on the upcoming race to pry.
You haven't spoke to Lando after your argument at his place, and you blocked his number, leaving him unable to contact you.
As you make your way through the paddock, your arms full of printouts and your mind racing with tire degradation calculations, you spot a familiar figure approaching. Lando, clad in his McLaren team shirt, is walking purposefully in your direction. Your heart rate spikes, and you quickly duck into a nearby hospitality area, pretending to be engrossed in conversation with a group of engineers.
This dance continues throughout the day. Lando tries to catch your eye during the team briefing, but you keep your gaze fixed on your tablet. He lingers near your station in the garage, but you find urgent errands that take you elsewhere. It's exhausting, this game of cat and mouse, but you're not ready to face him - not yet.
As the day winds down, you're making your final rounds, double-checking that everything is set for tomorrow's practice sessions. The paddock is quieter now, most team members having retired for the evening.
You're so focused on your checklist that you don't notice the approaching footsteps until it's too late.
"We need to talk," Lando's voice, firm and tinged with frustration, breaks the silence.
You spin around and Lando stands before you, his blue eyes intense and determined. He's changed out of his team shirt into a simple t-shirt and jeans, his hair slightly tousled as if he's been running his hands through it.
"Lando, I-" you begin, but he cuts you off.
"No, don't give me another excuse," he says, stepping closer. "We've been dancing around each other all day. Enough is enough."
Before you can protest, he gently but firmly takes your arm and starts guiding you towards the McLaren motorhome. You could resist, but something in his tone, a note of desperation perhaps, makes you comply.
The motorhome is quiet and dimly lit as Lando leads you inside and up to the second level where the drivers have their private areas. He ushers you into his room, closing the door behind you.
The space is unmistakably Lando's - a gaming setup in one corner, a few personal photos tacked to a board, his race suit hanging neatly on a hook. The familiarity of it all makes your heart ache.
Lando runs a hand through his hair, pacing for a moment before turning to face you.
"I'm sorry," he blurts out, the words tumbling from his lips as if he's afraid he'll lose his nerve if he doesn't say them immediately. "I'm so sorry for how I acted, for what I said. It was awful, and you didn't deserve any of it."
You stand there, arms crossed, trying to maintain your composure even as a lot of emotions overwhelm you. "You were an asshole, Lando," you say quietly.
"I know," he nods, "I was angry and frustrated, but that's no excuse. I took it out on you when you were just trying to help." He takes a step closer, his eyes pleading. "I've been miserable this past week. I missed you so much, and the thought that I might have ruined everything between us… it's been killing me."
Despite your best efforts to stay strong, you feel your resolve weakening. You're weak when it comes to him, and you're pretty sure he knows it.
"I missed you too," you admit softly. "But Lando, we can't keep doing this. We can't just pretend everything's fine and then lash out at each other when things get tough."
"I know, I know," Lando nods eagerly. "I want to do better. I want to be better," he pauses for a moment, his gaze dropping to the floor before meeting your eyes again. "And I didn't go home with anyone that night, by the way,"
You furrow your brow, momentarily confused by the seemingly random statement. Then, like a flash, you remember his cruel words from that night in his house.
As you laid in bed the night of the argument, you couldn't help but wonder if Lando had gone home with someone else, and if that was how it worked when you were not there.
And it hurt more that you ever thought possible.
"Oh," you respond, aiming for nonchalance but not quite hitting the mark. "That's… I mean, you didn't have to tell me that. It's not like we're…"
You trail off, unsure how to finish that sentence. What are you, exactly?
Lando takes a step closer, his blue eyes intense as they lock with yours. "I know I don't have to tell you," he says, his voice low and earnest. "But I want you to know. I only want you to keep me company, not anyone else."
Your heart skips a beat at his words, a warmth spreading through your chest. But almost immediately, a more cynical part of your mind chimes in. He wants you, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. He wants the comfort, the intimacy, but not the commitment.
"Lando, I…" you begin, but the words catch in your throat. You want to ask for clarification, to define what this is between you, but fear holds you back.
Lando seems to sense your inner turmoil. He reaches out, gently taking your hand in his. "I know I messed up," he says softly. "And I know things between us are… complicated. But I mean what I said. You're the only one I want."
You look down at your joined hands, then back up at Lando's face. Despite despite the voice in your head warning you to be careful, you feel yourself giving in. The pull is too strong, the desire to be with him overpowering your rational mind.
"Okay," you whisper, squeezing his hand.
Lando's face breaks into a relieved smile, his eyes lighting up. He pulls you into another embrace, holding you close. You allow yourself to sink into his warmth, pushing your doubts to the back of your mind for now.
When you finally pull apart, Lando's expression is soft, almost reverent. "Are we good?" he asks, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.
You take a deep breath, considering the question. Are you good? There's still so much left unsaid, so many questions unanswered. But looking at Lando, feeling the comfort of his presence, you can't bring yourself to disrupt this moment of peace between you.
"Yes," you say, managing a small smile. "We're good."
The early morning sunlight filters through the curtains of Lando's Monaco apartment. You stir slowly, consciousness creeping in as you become aware of the warm body next to you. Opening your eyes, you're greeted by the sight of Lando's peaceful sleeping face, his features relaxed and vulnerable in a way they rarely are when he's awake.
It's been two weeks since your conversation in the motorhome at Spa, and true to form, you and Lando had fallen back into your familiar rhythm without missing a beat. The race weekend had gone well, with both McLarens finishing in the points, and you'd flown to Monaco with Lando for the first part of the summer break without a second thought.
As you watch Lando sleep, you can't help but feel that being here with him feels right in a way that's hard to describe. You know that this thing between you, whatever it is, is a ticking time bomb if you don't define it soon. But every time you think about approaching the subject, fear holds you back.
So you've chosen to ignore it, to live in this blissful bubble for as long as you can. You tell yourself that you'll deal with it later, after the summer break, after the next race, after the season ends. There's always a reason to put it off.
Lando begins to stir, his eyelids fluttering open. When his gaze focuses on you, a slow, sleepy smile spreads across his face. "Morning, beautiful," he murmurs, his voice husky with sleep.
"Morning," you reply softly, unable to help the smile that mirrors his.
Lando reaches out, his hand cupping your cheek as he leans in for a kiss. It starts soft and sweet, but quickly deepens as he pulls you closer. His other hand trails down your side, leaving goosebumps in its wake. You sigh into the kiss, your own hands exploring the familiar planes of his chest and back.
As things start to heat up, Lando rolls you onto your back, hovering over you. His lips leave yours to trail kisses along your jaw and down your neck. You arch into him, your fingers tangling in his hair.
Just as things are about to progress further, there's a sharp knock at the front door.
"Ignore it," Lando whispers, leaning in to capture your lips again.
You lose yourself in the kiss for a moment before another, more insistent knock breaks through. Lando groans in frustration, dropping his forehead to your shoulder.
"I should probably see who that is," he sighs, reluctantly pulling away.
You watch as he gets out of bed, admiring the view as he pulls on a pair of sweatpants before heading downstairs.
Curious about who could be visiting so early, you decide to follow after a few minutes. You grab Lando's discarded t-shirt from the night before, pulling it on. It falls to mid-thigh, long enough to be decent for a quick peek downstairs.
As you descend the stairs, you hear familiar voices from the entryway. Your heart drops as you recognize the second voice - it's Max Verstappen. Panic sets in as you realize the compromising position you're in, but it's too late. You've already rounded the corner, coming face to face with both drivers.
For a moment, everything freezes. You stand there, a deer caught in headlights, wearing nothing but Lando's shirt. Max's eyes widen in surprise, darting between you and Lando. Lando looks equally shocked, clearly not expecting you to come downstairs.
Mortified, you turn on your heel and bolt back upstairs, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. As you retreat, you hear Max's voice, tinged with amusement and surprise.
"Dude, isn't that one of your strategists?"
You don't hear Lando's response as you shut the bedroom door behind you. This is exactly the kind of situation you'd been afraid of, the reason why leaving things undefined was so dangerous.
Downstairs, the conversation continues.
"Yeah, she is," Lando admits, running a hand through his hair nervously.
"Wow, okay," Max lets out a low whistle, "So… how long has this been going on? Please tell me it's recent and not, like, during the season or something."
Lando hesitates for a moment before answering. "It's… been a while actually. Over a year."
"A YEAR?!" Max exclaims, his voice rising in disbelief. "Lando, mate, are you serious? You've been hooking up with a team member for over a year and nobody knew?"
"It's not just hooking up," Lando defends, though his voice lacks conviction. "It's… complicated."
"Complicated?" Max raises an eyebrow, "Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen if you ask me. Does the team know?"
"No," Lando shakes his head, "And I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything. It's not affecting our work, so no one needs to know."
"Hey, not my circus, not my monkeys," Max holds up his hands in surrender, "But seriously, Lando, be careful. This kind of thing can blow up in your face if you're not careful."
They exchange a few more words before Max takes his leave, reminding Lando about their plans for later in the week. As soon as the door closes behind Max, Lando bounds up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
He finds you in the bedroom, already dressed in own clothes. You're pacing nervously, chewing on your bottom lip - a habit he knows you fall into when you're anxious.
"Hey," he says softly, approaching you cautiously. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't expect Max to show up unannounced."
You stop pacing, turning to face him. "It's fine," you say, but your voice is tight. "I should go."
"What? No, please don't go," Lando's face falls, "Max won't say anything, I promise. He may be a bit of a prat sometimes, but he can keep a secret."
"I'll just have a walk around the harbor, I'll be back," you say as you grab your phone from the nightstand.
"But why?" Lando asks, a note of panic creeping into his voice. "Is this because Max saw you? I swear, it's not a big deal."
"I'll meet you for lunch, okay? you say softly, avoiding Lando's gaze.
"Okay," he replies simply, not pushing for more.
Without further conversation, you gather your belongings and head for the door. Feeling more conflicted than ever before.
After Max caught you together in Monaco, you stayed a few more days with Lando before reluctantly going back home, and he took on a trip with his family. You don't really see him for the rest of the summer break, until he showed up at your place two weeks before it was time to get back to work.
"So," Lando says as you laid in bed, "ready to go back to being all professional and proper soon, Ms. Strategist?"
"Oh, I'm always professional, Norris. It's you who can't keep your eyes off me during briefings."
"Me? Lando gasps in mock offense, "I'll have you know I'm the picture of focus and concentration."
"Sure," you drawl, "That's why you kept 'accidentally' brushing against me in the garage."
He leans in closer, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. "Can you blame me? You're irresistible when you're talking about tire strategies."
You laugh, pushing him away playfully, trying to ignore the flutter in your stomach at his proximity. "Smooth talker. Is that how you charm all the girls?"
"Nah," he grins, pulling you back towards him. "Just the brilliant, beautiful ones who can calculate pit stop windows in their sleep."
Your breath catches as he nuzzles your neck, his stubble tickling your skin. For a moment, you consider bringing up the conversation you've been avoiding all summer. "Lando," you murmur, "we should probably talk about-"
He silences you with a kiss, deep and passionate. "Or," he says, his eyes dark with desire, "we could make the most of our night."
You know you should resist, that you should have that conversation you've been avoiding. But as Lando's hands start to wander, you find your resolve weakening, as always.
You don't really hear from Lando after that night. He says goodbye after breakfast the following day, and then it's radio silence.
You try not to think too much of it, the break is coming to an end and he has responsibilities and work to go, it's not personal, you try to convince yourself.
But your mind can't help but wander. Is he with someone else? Is he avoiding you? Did you make him upset and you failed to notice?
But you don't dare to bring it up to him. He's not your boyfriend, after all.
The transition back to work after the summer break is jarring. The McLaren Technology Centre buzzes with activity as everyone prepares for the upcoming race. You're immediately swept up in meetings, data analysis, and strategy sessions. Despite working in the same building, you and Lando barely cross paths for days. The few times you do see him from afar, he's always surrounded by engineers or caught up in simulator work.
Finally, the team arrives at Zandvoort Circuit for the Dutch Grand Prix. The atmosphere of the paddock envelops you as you make your way to the McLaren garage, your arms full of strategy documents and your mind racing with last-minute considerations for the race.
As you approach, you spot Lando and Oscar chatting animatedly near the entrance. Your heart does a little flip at the sight of Lando, and you can't help but smile. You've missed him more than you care to admit.
"Morning, boys," you call out, aiming for a casual tone as you near them.
They both turn, matching grins spreading across their faces. "Hey there, stranger," Lando says, his eyes twinkling with that familiar mischief that never fails to make your stomach flutter.
Oscar, ever the gentleman, moves to take some of the papers from your arms. "Let me help you with those. How was your break?"
You smile gratefully, handing him a stack of documents. "Thanks, Oscar. It was lovely, very relaxing. How about yours?"
As Oscar launches into a story about his time back home in Australia and his trip with his girlfriend, you can't help but steal glances at Lando.
He looks good - tanned and relaxed, with a hint of stubble that you know from experience feels delightfully rough against your skin. You quickly push that thought aside, reminding yourself of where you are.
"Oh, that reminds me," Oscar says suddenly, turning to Lando with a sly grin. "How did that lunch go the other day? With Emma?"
You feel your body tense involuntarily. Lunch? Emma? Who's Emma?
Lando's eyes widen slightly, and he shoots a quick glance your way before looking back at Oscar. "Oh, uh, it was fine. Just a casual thing, you know."
But Oscar, oblivious to the sudden tension, presses on. "Come on, mate, don't be modest. Emma told Lily it went really well. Said you two really hit it off."
You feel as if all the air has been sucked out of your lungs. The documents in your arms suddenly feel impossibly heavy.
Lando runs a hand through his hair, a nervous habit you've come to recognize. "It wasn't… I mean, it was just lunch, Oscar. Don't make a big deal out of it."
"I'm just saying," Oscar continues, still grinning, "she seems really into you. Might be worth giving it a shot, yeah? It's about time you settled down with someone nice."
You can't bear to hear any more. "I should get these to the engineers," you mutter, already turning away. "See you guys later."
As you walk away, you hear Lando call out your name, but you don't stop. You can't stop. If you stop, you might fall apart right there in the middle of the paddock.
You make it to the back of the garage before you hear rapid footsteps behind you. "Hey, wait up," Lando's voice comes from behind you, slightly out of breath.
You turn slowly, trying to school your features into a neutral expression. "What is it, Lando? I'm kind of busy."
He looks at you, his eyes searching your face. "About what Oscar said… it's not what you think."
"What do I think, Lando?" you raise an eyebrow, fighting to keep your voice steady. "We never defined what this is, remember? You're free to have lunch with whoever you want."
"It was just a favor for Oscar," Lando steps closer, lowering his voice. "His girlfriend's friend is new in town, and they asked if I'd show her around. That's all it was, I swear."
You want to believe him. God, how you want to believe him. But the memory of those blissful days during the summer break, followed by days of silence and now this… it's too much.
"Look, Lando," you say, hating how your voice wavers slightly, "we both knew this couldn't last. We have jobs to do, careers to think about. Maybe… maybe this is for the best."
"What? No, that's not…" Lando starts, reaching for your arm, but you step back.
"I really need to get these to the engineers," you say, gesturing with the documents still clutched to your chest like a shield. "We should both focus on the race this weekend. That's what we're here for, right?"
Without waiting for a response, you turn and walk away, your vision blurring slightly as you blink back tears. You can feel Lando's gaze boring into your back, but you don't turn around. You can't.
As you round the corner, out of sight from the main garage, you lean against the wall for a moment, taking deep breaths to compose yourself. The rational part of your brain knows you're overreacting, that you should hear Lando out. But the emotional part, the part that's been dreading this moment since this situationship began, is in full fight or flight mode.
With one final deep breath, you push off the wall and head towards the engineering room, burying your personal turmoil beneath layers of race strategy and tire calculations. Lando Norris was consuming every part of you.
The tension between you and Lando remains palpable throughout the race weekend. You both maintain focused on your jobs, but there's a hint that something is not right with you.
The truth is, your situation with Lando has been consuming you for weeks now. What started as a casual arrangement has grown into something much deeper, at least for you.
The more time you spend with Lando, the harder you fall for him. And it's terrifying. Being casual isn't enough anymore; it hasn't been for a while. You've reached a point where you don't think you can continue this way. The pain of loving him in secret, of always being on the edge of something more but never quite reaching it, is becoming unbearable. You need clarity, commitment - or you need to walk away before you lose yourself completely.
To make matters more complicated, Lando wins the race at Zandvoort, securing his second victory of the season—one he had been craving since Miami. Your heart breaks even more as you realize you can't even celebrate this moment with him properly. Watching him on the podium, champagne in hand and pure joy radiating from his face, you feel like crying right there.
You want to run to him, throw yourself into his arms and celebrate with him, tell him how proud you feel and how much he deserves this. But you can't, not until whatever is going on between you gets sorted out.
It's not until after the race, when the celebrations cool down and the team begins to pack up, that Lando finally corners you in a quiet moment.
"Can we talk?" he asks, his voice low and urgent. "Please?"
You hesitate, glancing around the garage. Most of the team is busy with post-race duties, paying you no attention. With a sigh, you nod and follow Lando to a more secluded area behind the motorhome.
"First of all, congratulations on the win. You really deserve it," you say as soon as you're alone, trying to keep your voice steady.
Lando gives you a bittersweet smile. "Thanks, but that's not what occupies my mind right now," he replies, his eyes searching yours with an intensity that makes your heart race, "I don't understand what happened back there. Why won't you believe me about Oscar's friend?"
You cross your arms, a defensive posture you're all too aware of. "It's not just about her, Lando. It's… everything."
"What do you mean, everything?" he asks, brow furrowed.
"I mean this whole situation," you take a deep breath, trying to organize your thoughts, "I thought I could handle it, but…"
"But what?" Lando steps closer, his voice softening, "Talk to me, please."
"But it's getting harder," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. "Every time I see you with someone else, every time we have to pretend there's nothing between us, it hurts a little more."
Lando reaches for your hand, and this time you don't pull away. "You're the only one I want," he says earnestly. "You have to know that."
You let out a humorless laugh, shaking your head. "You always say that, Lando. But you still won't fully commit to me. It's hard to believe it when you won't put a label on us, when you go out with other women-"
"That wasn't a date," Lando interrupts, a hint of frustration creeping into his voice. "I told you, it was just a favor for Oscar."
"I know, I know," you say, pulling your hand away and running it through your hair. "But that's not the point. The point is, I don't know where I stand with you. We've been doing this dance for over a year now, and I still don't know what we are to each other."
"I thought you were okay with this. With us staying without a label. You agreed to keep things casual."
"I was okay with it," you turn away, blinking back tears. "But it's not enough anymore. At least, not for me."
There's a long moment of silence. When you turn back, Lando is staring at the ground, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.
"What are you saying?" he asks finally, his voice small.
"I'm saying that I can't do this anymore, Lando," you say firmly, "I want more. I need more."
"We agreed it was too complicted," Lando looks up at you, his eyes wide and vulnerable, "That we couldn't be in a relationship."
"I know what we agreed," you say, your voice cracking slightly. "But feelings change. People change. I've changed, Lando. And I can't keep putting my heart on hold for a someday that might never come."
Lando steps forward, reaching for you again. "Please, don't do this. We can figure it out. I'll try to be more open about us. We can tell our friends."
You shake your head, cutting him off. "It's not just about telling people, Lando. It's about commitment. It's about knowing that when I go home at night, I'm not just someone in your bed. It's about building a future together, not just living for the moment."
"I don't know if I can give you that. Not right now," Lando's face falls. "My career is at a great point, and-"
"And mine isn't?" you interrupt, a flash of anger cutting through your sadness. "Do you think I'm not risking just as much as you are? If not more? But I'm willing to take that risk because what we have… what we could have… it's worth it to me."
You watch as emotions play across Lando's face - confusion, fear, longing. Finally, he speaks, his voice barely audible. "I don't want to lose you."
Your heart aches, but you stand your ground. "Then give me a reason to stay, Lando. Show me that I'm more than just a convenient distraction between races."
Lando opens his mouth to respond, but you hold up a hand to stop him. "Don't answer now. Think about it. Really think about what you want. Because I can't keep going on like this. It's not fair to either of us."
With that, you turn and walk away, leaving Lando standing alone behind the motorhome. As you make your way back to the garage, you can feel the weight of unshed tears burning behind your eyes. But you don't let them fall. Not here, not now.
You've laid your cards on the table. Now it's up to Lando to decide what he's willing to do with them.
The Monza race weekend flies by in a whirlwind of noise and action. You keep yourself busy, diving deep into numbers and race plans to avoid thinking about your feelings. It's easier to focus on tire strategies and pit stop timings than to deal with the ache in your chest every time you see Lando.
When you do have to talk to Lando, you both act normal and professional. But there's a tension in the air between you, like a tight rubber band ready to snap. You catch others giving you worried looks sometimes, and it makes you feel even more on edge.
Lando has not given you any kind of response to your talk in Zandvoort, and it's been just a week, but you feel like you know his answer. He's not willing to give you what you ask for. And it hurts, more than you can say.
As Sunday night gets closer, whispers of Carlos Sainz's birthday celebration begin to circulate through the paddock. You know Lando will definitely go - he and Carlos are really close friends. A small part of you wishes you could go too. You imagine laughing with your coworkers, having a drink, and forgetting about all the drama for a while.
But then you think about seeing Lando there. You picture having to smile and act like everything's fine when it's not. The thought of making awkward small talk with him, or worse, seeing him chatting happily with someone else, makes your stomach churn. It feels like too much to handle right now.
In the end, the thought of facing Lando and all those people is just too much. You decide to skip the party, even though a part of you feels guilty and a bit left out. But the relief you feel at making this decision tells you it's the right choice for now.
As the sun begins to set after the race and everyone gets ready for the party, you retreat to your hotel room. You order room service – a plate of pasta that you barely touch – and settle in for a quiet evening alone. You try to lose yourself in a book, but the words blur on the page, your mind constantly wandering to thoughts of Lando. Is he at the party now? Is he having fun? Is he thinking of you at all?
Meanwhile, at Carlos' birthday celebration, Lando finds himself struggling to enjoy the party. He mingles half-heartedly, his laugh a beat too late, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. He can't help but scan the room periodically, hoping against hope that you might have changed your mind and decided to come.
Max, observant as ever and knowing his friend too well, notices Lando's distraction and pulls him aside.
"You alright, mate?" Max asks, "You look like you'd rather be anywhere but here."
Lando sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Is it that obvious?"
Max nods, taking a sip of his drink. "Want to talk about it?"
For a moment, Lando considers brushing it off, but the weight of the past week suddenly feels too heavy to bear alone. "It's about her," he admits quietly.
Max doesn't need to ask who 'her' is. By now he knows the situation his friend is caught up in, "Trouble in paradise?" he asks.
"More like paradise lost," Lando lets out a humorless laugh, "I think I really messed up, Max. I was so worried about keeping things casual, about not complicating our working relationship, that I didn't realize how fucked up the whole thing was."
"So what are you going to do about it?" Max asks.
Lando looks around the room, at the laughing faces and clinking glasses, and suddenly feels very out of place. "I don't know. I just know I can't be here right now. Not when things are like this between us."
"Then go," he says simply. "Go find her. Talk to her. Life's too short for regrets, especially in our line of work."
Lando looks at Max, a hint of his usual playful smile returning despite the situation. "When did you become so wise, Verstappen? Did all those championship trophies finally knock some sense into you?"
"Someone has to be the voice of reason around here," Max rolls his eyes, but there's a fond smile on his face, "Now go on, get out of here before Carlos finds you and makes you stay, I'll distract him."
"Thanks, Max. I owe you one," Lando chuckles, patting his back.
"You owe me several, but who's counting?" Max grins, clapping Lando on the shoulder. "Now go get your girl."
With a newfound sense of purpose, Lando slips out of the party. His heart pounds as he makes his way to your hotel, not even sure if you would want to talk to him.
When he's finally standing in front of you door, he knocks softly, hope and fear warring in his chest as he waits for you to answer.
You're curled up on the bed, still trying and failing to focus on your book, when you hear the knock. Confused, you glance at the clock - it's barely past 10 PM. The party should still be in full swing. Who could be at your door?
As you pad over to the door and peer through the peephole, your breath catches in your throat. It's Lando, looking slightly disheveled, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.
You hesitate, your hand on the doorknob. Part of you wants to fling the door open and throw yourself into his arms. But another part, the part that's been hurt and confused for the past week, holds you back.
Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you slowly open the door, trying to keep your expression neutral despite the emotions inside you.
"Lando?" you say, trying to sound calm even though your heart is racing. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be at Carlos' party."
Lando looks a bit messy, like he rushed over. He shifts from foot to foot, looking nervous. "I was," he says. "But I couldn't stay. Not when you weren't there."
You lean against the doorframe, crossing your arms. You're trying to protect yourself, even though you want to believe him. "You left your best friend's birthday party early because of me?"
Lando nods, looking right at you. His eyes are so intense it makes your heart beat even faster. "Can I come in? I think we need to talk."
You hesitate for a moment. You're scared of getting hurt again, but you also really want to hear what he has to say, even if it breaks your heart. Finally, you step back and let him in.
As he passes by, you catch a whiff of his cologne mixed with the faint scent of the paddock - a combination that's uniquely Lando and achingly familiar.
Lando walks into the room, running a hand through his hair. "I've been doing a lot of thinking this past week," he begins, turning to face you. "About us."
Your heart starts to race, but you force yourself to remain calm. "And?" you prompt, when he doesn't continue.
"And you were right. About everything," Lando takes a deep breath, "I've been so focused on not complicating things, that I didn't realize how much I was hurting you.”
"Lando, I-"
"Please, let me finish," Lando interrupts you softly, "The truth is, I've been scared. Terrified, actually. Of commitment, of letting someone in completely, of potentially damaging our careers if things went wrong. But this past week without you… it's been hell", he takes a step closer to you, his voice dropping to a near whisper. "I've dated before, had relationships, but nothing has ever felt like this. What we have… it's different. Special. And I've been an idiot for not seeing it sooner."
Your breath catches in your throat as Lando continues, his words coming faster now, as if he's afraid he'll lose his nerve if he doesn't get them all out. "I kept telling myself that keeping things casual was the smart thing to do. That it was protecting both of us. But all I've done is push you away and make you doubt how much you mean to me."
He runs a hand through his hair, a gesture you've seen him do countless times when he's nervous or frustrated. "The truth is, I'm crazy about you. I think about you all the time. When something good happens, you're the first person I want to tell. When something goes wrong, you're the one I want to turn to. And it scares the hell out of me because I've never felt this way about anyone before."
Your heart is pounding so hard you're sure Lando must be able to hear it. You want to speak, to tell him how much his words mean to you, but you can see he's not finished yet.
"I know I've messed up. I know I've hurt you by not being clear about my feelings, by not giving you the commitment you deserve. And I'm so, so sorry for that," Lando's voice cracks slightly, and you can see the sincerity in his eyes. "But if you're willing to give me another chance, I want to do this right. No more hiding, no more pretending we're just casual. I want to be with you, properly. I want to tell our friends, take you on proper dates. I want everything."
He takes another step closer, close enough now that you can feel the warmth radiating from his body. "I can't promise it'll be easy. Our careers, the media attention, the travel - it's all going to be complicated. But I'm willing to fight for this, for us, if you are."
You stand there, momentarily stunned by Lando's words. Your mind is racing, trying to process everything he's just said. You've dreamed of hearing something like this from him for so long, but now that it's happening, you find yourself almost paralyzed.
Taking a shaky breath, you finally find your voice. "Lando, I… I don't know what to say. This is everything I've wanted to hear from you, but I'm scared too. What if we try this and it doesn't work out? What if we end up ruining our friendship, our work relationship?"
Lando's hand finally makes contact with your cheek, his touch impossibly gentle. "Those are all valid fears," he says softly. "And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the same things. But I think what we have is worth the risk. Don't you?"
You lean into his touch, your eyes closing for a moment as you savor the feeling. When you open them again, you see Lando looking at you with such tenderness it makes your heart ache.
"I do," you whisper. "I really do. But Lando, I need you to be sure, if we do this, I need all of you. No more half measures, no more hiding."
Lando nods, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. "I'm sure. I want all of you, and I want to give you all of me in return."
The sincerity in his voice, the look in his eyes - it's everything you've been longing for. Unable to resist any longer, you close the distance between you and press your lips to Lando's. The kiss is soft at first, tentative, as if you're both afraid this moment might shatter. But then Lando's arms wrap around you, pulling you closer, and the kiss deepens.
It's not your first kiss, not by a long shot, but it feels different this time. There's a promise in this kiss, a commitment that wasn't there before.
You pour all your pent-up emotions - the longing, the frustration, the love you've been holding back. Lando responds with equal passion, one hand tangling in your hair while the other presses against the small of your back.
When you finally break apart, Lando rests his forehead against yours, a smile playing on his lips.
"I've missed you so much," he murmurs. The relief and happiness that flood Lando's face are beautiful to see.
"I've missed you too," you admit. "More than I wanted to admit, even to myself."
Lando's hands start to wander, tracing patterns on your back that make you shiver, you melt at his touch, but then your mind starts racing again.
"Where do we go from here, Lan?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.
Lando takes a moment to consider your question, his hands still gently caressing your back. He pulls back slightly to look into your eyes, his expression a mix of tenderness and determination.
"Well," he starts, a small smile playing on his lips, "I think we take it one step at a time. We don't need to rush anything, but we also don't need to hide anymore."
You nod, encouraging him to continue.
"First things first," Lando says, his voice growing more confident, "I want to take you on a proper date. No sneaking around, no pretending we're just colleagues grabbing a quick bite. I want to take you somewhere nice, hold your hand in public, and not care who sees us."
The thought makes your heart flutter. "I'd like that," you reply softly.
You wrap your arms around him, feeling a sense of peace settle over you. For the first time in a long while, you feel truly happy and hopeful about the future.
"So," Lando says after a moment, a hint of mischief in his voice, "since I left Carlos' party early to come here... does that mean I get to stay the night?"
You laugh, playfully swatting his arm. "Cheeky," you tease, but there's no real accusation in your voice. Instead, you lean in and kiss him.
As the kiss intensifies, you both start moving towards the bed, hands roaming and clothes starting to come off. This time, there's no holding back, no pretending this is just a casual thing. Every touch, every kiss is infused with the promise of something lasting.
Two weeks later, you're in Baku for the Azerbaijan Grand Prix.
You're in the McLaren garage, eyes fixed on your tablet as you analyze the latest telemetry data. The familiar sounds of mechanics working and engineers discussing strategy fill the air, but you're completely focused on your task.
Suddenly, you sense a pair of eyes on you. Without turning, a smile tugs at your lips. You know exactly who it is.
"See something you like?" you ask playfully, still not looking up from your work.
You hear a low chuckle, then feel a warm presence behind you. "Just admiring my girlfriend," Lando's voice is soft, meant only for your ears.
He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you gently against him. His lips brush your shoulder in a tender kiss that sends a shiver down your spine.
The past fortnight has been a whirlwind of emotions and adjustments. True to his word, Lando has taken you on proper dates and you've made your relationship official. You still feel giddy every time Lando calls you his girlfriend, a fact that hasn't escaped his notice. He seems to take particular joy in introducing you as such, his eyes always seeking out your reaction.
"How's the data looking?" he says, giving you a quick squeeze.
"Pretty good, actually," you turn back to your tablet, but remain in his loose embrace. "Your last practice session showed some promising improvements in sector two."
"That's my girl," Lando murmurs, pride evident in his voice. "Always making me look good."
You chuckle, elbowing him gently. "You do that all on your own, superstar. I just provide the numbers."
You turn in Lando's arms, facing him with a soft smile. The garage bustles around you, but in this moment, it feels like you're in your own little bubble.
"You know," you say, your voice low, "I never thought I'd be standing here like this with you. In the middle of the garage, no less."
Lando's eyes crinkle as he grins, his hands resting comfortably on your waist. "Having second thoughts?" he teases.
"Not at all," you shake your head, your smile widening. "It's just different. Good different."
"The best kind of different," Lando agrees, echoing his words from that night in your hotel room.
"I should probably get back to work," you say reluctantly, not making any move to step away.
Lando nods, but doesn't loosen his hold on you. "Probably," he agrees, a mischievous glint in his eye. "But first…"
He leans in, pressing a quick but tender kiss to your lips. It's brief, mindful of your surroundings, but filled with promise.
As he pulls back, you can't help but laugh softly. "You're incorrigible, you know that?"
"You love it," Lando grins, finally releasing you from his embrace.
"I do," you admit, your heart full. "Now go on, superstar. You've got a car to drive soon."
As you watch him blow you a kiss which made you throw your head back in laughter as he left, your heart feels full.
You and Lando. Lando and You. Finally, together.
#lando norris#lando norris x reader#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 smut#f1 fluff#f1 imagine#lando norris smut#lando norris imagine#lando norris fluff#ln4 x you#ln4 x reader#ln4#charles leclerc#harrysfolklore#f1 x reader#formula 1 reader#formula 1 fanfiction#1k
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Android Reader aboard a space station tasked with raising the eggs found by the human crew during exploration.
How delightful- As the assistance assigned with the continous mission of maintaining their human compassion heath and stability, Reader knows all about the importance of life and the sacrifices it takes. Compassionate, free spirited android Reader built with those personality traits in mind. Those aboard the station are not only their crewmates, but their dear friends and family - Even though the feeling isn't mutual with all.
Reader is elated when they are given the new objective to care for the strange organisms brought to them. They aren't vocal with their emotions, but they grow increasingly lonely whenever their teammates are busy. Whereas scientists see the eggs as the next step in unlocking the secrets the universe hides, Reader sees a chance to grown their family.
Reader tends to the eggs as any human caretaker would for their young. The eggs are quite larger than any they've seen before- It took half the crew to carry all five of them separately into the lab. Their size is the last of the androids concerns. They care for them all the same- Regulating their body temperature to a degree suitable for most budding lifeforms on earth, sing to them when no one else is around to hear.
At the same time Reader watches over the eggs, scientists on board diligently preform tests to better understand what they've obtained. Further evaluation of the ship they extract these flesh sacks from reveal that these are no eggs.
They're pods.
Impenetrable walls of tissue developed from mucus secreted by an ancient alien race in order to protect themselves as a final effort. Powerful warriors who in their centuries long hibernations reawaken to the tender melody of Reader's lullabies and crown the android as their new ruler.
Following their rampage, survivors who lived to warn earth of the discovery recount salvation in the form of a distant hum - The pacifier to the beasts' relentless bloodlust.
"Shhh..... Rest now. I know their screams are too loud for your sensitive ears, but it's okay... I'm here for you.. All of you."
#android reader#yandere alien#yandere imagines#yandere headcanons#yandere x you#yandere insert#yandere blurb#yandere scenarios#yandere oc#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere exo
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Imagine nearly beating a bitch when they imply that ex-husband Gojo was anything but completely devoted.
Being married to one of the most powerful sorcerers in history was bound to garner some rumors. But the the rumor mill really went wild after your divorce.
You'd grown to ignore the rumors that Satoru left because you were unable to have children after Sen. Or that his Clan ordered you to divorce (though they would have if they could). Or that you weren't a strong enough sorcerer to maintain his interest. People could make up all kinds of baseless things, so you grew to ignore them quickly enough.
But of all the cruel, accusatory, presumptuous rumors surrounding your divorce, one stood far above the rest.
"Satoru Gojo's wife left him because of his wandering eye."
As if people knew anything about him. About how "devotion" is the core of his personality.
So, yes, you might have sent an up-and-coming clan heir through a wall at an official meeting. But she had it coming.
Sukuna sighs and yanks you back into your seat. "Calm down. The bitch doesn't know what she's talking about."
"Excuse me?" the young heir gasped. "How dare you speak of me that way?"
You flick a hand and send a water snake directly at her face, making sure to direct it at an angle that would force water right up her sinuses. She coughs and gags.
"Satoru was utterly devoted to me and our son. Our marriage may not have lasted, but he is still the most loving man I've ever met. If I ever hear another nasty comment about him from you again, I will remove your tongue," you growl.
The other clan staff sitting around the table gape at you. No one moves to help the young heir.
"Looks like this meeting's over," Sukuna drawls, gathering his papers. "Good thing. This was such a waste of time. Come back when you actually have something for me that makes sense." He shifts into his Ryomen form and uses his extra arms to grab your stuff. "C'mon, brat. I'm done with these idiots."
~
Imagine doing a consultation at Tokyo High and being a little extra nice to ex-husband Gojo.
"I organized each file with color tabs. They're pretty self-explanatory," you explain, handing over the stack.
"And here's to think you could hardly read when we met," Satoru teases.
"Hilarious," you deadpan. "And I left a bag of sandwiches and a gallon of cut fruit for you in the employee fridge. Don't forget to eat again or I'll force feed you myself."
Satoru's eyebrows lift. "Oh. That's different. What brought this on? Are you buttering me up for something? What'd you do?"
You scoff and make to leave his office. "I just don't need Suguru to complain to me about you passing out or something. Don't think about it too hard."
"Alright, thanks."
Just before you cross the threshold, you hear, "Thank you for defending me. You didn't have to do that."
You turn halfway and eye him warily. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Kuna ratted you out."
"Of course he did."
"Nice try, though." He gives you a rare smile.
Satoru never smiled much. He laughed, pouted, or sly grinned plenty, but you hadn't seen his gentle smile in a while. It made him look younger.
"Well." You shrug. "Bitches who don't know any better should keep their mouths shut."
He laughs. "The Teenage Jailbird version of you still jumps out sometimes, I see."
"She gets the job done." You linger in the doorway for a moment. Then you move before you can change your mind.
Satoru turns his chair to face you when you run round the desk and lets out a soft "oof" when you lock him in a tight embrace. Your clench fistfuls of his uniform jacket.
"It's okay." Satoru pats your back. "I'm not hurt. Really."
You have to pry yourself from him, but you manage. Wiping a stray tear - that even Satoru is surprised to see - you nod resolutely.
"Okay, well. Don't forget to eat or whatever. Bye, Satoru."
Satoru watches you speed walk down the hall. The six eyes pick up on you stopping outside the school gates and running your hands down your face. Once you're gone, he returns to his admin work newly energized.
It was hard to explain to you when you were married, but those little moments of affirmation made all the difference to him.
~ Thanks for reading!
Click [here] to keep up with ex-husband Gojo and his estranged family | Ask stuff about Sen and the fam [here]
#jujutsu kaisen#gojo sentaro#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jjk x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jjk imagines#jujutsu kaisen x reader
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So I am not a painter and color/value is actually one of the biggest things I struggle with, but I've been doing 15-minute painting studies of clouds before finally moving onto more solid subjects. I've been watching videos of other artists' processes and listening to their advice, and I gotta say I'm really happy with how much I'm learning.
These are posted in chronological order with about a week and a half between the first apple and the can, which I did just today. The first apple is kind of embarrassing to post but it was an important step to realizing that I just need to worry less and things will work out.
Some of the thoughts I was mulling over while I painted today
Something that I heard today from a HeavyPaint process video is that the artist didn't concern themselves with picking accurate colors, but rather colors that were interesting to them. The important thing was to maintain the color relations. It makes sense because the color relations (and by extension value relations) are what convey the edges and form of the subject.
It reminds me of what I heard yesterday, that "Art isn't about drawing what you see, but what you want your audience to see." Originally I was very concerned with capturing the colors and values as closely as possible and hoping that by doing that, I could convey the edges and forms. This time, by focusing less on that and more on making sure the colors *relationships* are maintained between the colors I *am* using, I was able to effectively convey all the planes and shapes, which are the actual important thing to me.
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I know that this has probably already been said before, but I just need to say how dear Hua Cheng’s ‘San Lang’ form is to me.
Like, I don’t think it’s ever explicit stated why Hua Cheng chose to appear before Xie Lian as he did on the ox cart, but I think that there are many reasons.
The first being that he just really wanted to get close to his god without the fear of being rejected because he was a ghost king. Hua Cheng’s low self esteem (at least in regards to his looks) is something that is very explicitly stated in the novels and is an important factor how he chooses to present himself to Xie Lian.
Hua Cheng has spent his entire life hearing vitriol being spit at him, being told that he is monstrous and deformed. Undoubtedly, he had to do some pretty nasty things in order to firmly establish and maintain his rank as a ghost king. I wonder if he’s still haunted by the things said to him and if the things that he had to do ever made him feel like he’s proving those things to be true.
In being ‘San Lang’ Hua Cheng was able to shed all things that he has done as a ghost king and that past that haunts him and just exist as a companion to his beloved.
‘San Lang’ is who Hua Cheng would be if everything was perfect. He is a smart lordling who has run away from home. He is someone who had a home to run away from and the money to have a proper education. He is not the street rat that was run out of a family that should have loved him because of a superstitious belief and economic stress.
It’s the idea that Hua Cheng has specifically created that body with a vision of a kinder past—a vision of what should have been—that really gets me.
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