#in my defense it was a difficult one
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UPDATE LOG WOOO FINALLY FINISHED A CHAPTER LETS GO
#in my defense it was a difficult one#it's the lates one in the fic btw! not that you care but stil!! the plot is moving#for once#covr#vilda ravenhill#bbugseye taps#get ready for some honest to god metahell
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I'm back on my bullshit. Aeorian wizard kisses!
#a propos aeor. i am so excited for Downfall!!#i can't believe that it's the first time i draw them *actually* kissing#in my defense#it's difficult to draw#caleb widogast#essek thelyss#shadowgast#the mighty nein#critical role#critical role campaign 2#cr2 fanart#cr2#also something something something this one post that said#that essek has to constantly hide from BH that he made out with his partner against every wall in aeor#id in alt text#my art
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#james fitzjames#edward couch#og jfj#yes i yassified him what of it#og james fitzjames#historical james fitzjames#the franklin expedition#in my defense it wasn’t on purpose#franklin expedition#the terror#the terror adjacent#it’s very difficult to draw a range of expressions when you only have a few (bad) pictures to work from#i mean honestly#he only has one photograph (kind of)#and the lighting is terrible#my drawings#jfj fanart#terror shitposting#james fitzjames fanart#meme redraw#i spent far too much time on this#was rereading his letters the other day#and suddenly this image appeared to me as in a dream#i laughed so hard i nearly choked to death#so i simply Had to draw it
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i wrote these tags on a starsky and hutch post about the episode “bloodbath” three years ago and actually followed through for my dissertation like. wow
#literally so wild to me how this shit happens like. is this how i end up manifesting things LMFAO#like i think the idea of manifestation is woo woo bullshit but also that time i was like ‘i’m gonna convince my department that hates brecht#to let me do baal one his most difficult plays with undergrads’ and then i did. LOL#anyways. two more days of writing to go and then i get to break loose my chains. until the defense
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You know what, I am unbothered by disputes in TXF fandom because I have been here since almost time immemorial, longer than a goodly number of you have been alive, and I will be here at the end of time when the universe cools, listening to “Walking After You” as everything goes stiff and cold. I have forgotten more thoughts about Mulder and Scully and the rest of the crew than most people have even had, and I have written and written and written until these blorbos are engraved in my bones. Look for me in the deep places; find me at the wellspring writing with water on slates. Listen for me on the wind, whispering “fuuuuuuuck chris carterrrrrrrrr.”
#i didn't know about drama until yesterday but also#like the coelacanth i will be here even when you think i'm extinct#i will be lurking in the deep waters#sipping at the delicate brew of scullysflannel's headcanons#it helps that as a queer white middleclass femme person i am not facing a lot of opposition to my general being#that would definitely make staying in fandom more difficult#fandom#i am not even involved in this drama as far as i know#also i am no longer relevant#the glory days of leiascully are gone#probably because i've only written a few ficlets in the past few years#in my defense they've been exhausting years#i would like to write more#once upon a time i was on rec lists because i was writing so much no one could escape me#those were halcyon days
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traditional style 💖
#akoya gero#gero akoya#cute high earth defense club love#binan koukou chikyuu bouei bu love!#boueibu#my art#my akoya wanted to join in the vintage dress-up party too!! \;;w;;/#ognvuhgh i wanted to have this done earlier bc other people were doing art so fast for the new outfits but it got dragged out#it was Mostly done a few days ago and i made final edits and was going to post it just before i rushed out to work#i put it up then i was like '??? wait there's a color blob in the wrong place i thought i fixed that???'#i was down to my last minute and didn't have time to do it so i was like auuuughhgh and took the whole thing down#on the Next day i opened the file again to see what was wrong and the color blob was NOT THERE#so im like ??? why did it suddenly appear again in the png. so i looked and i made an error in naming my files#i accidentally named one of the versions 30 instead of 03 so it sorted into the last place instead of the actual most recent version (07)#so that is the reason i ended up being 1 minute late to work. and the lesson to me is i should not try to post at the absolute last minute#(i say this but if i don't get smth done i can't stop thinking about it. it bothers me constantly to have something almost finished but not#(and then it's difficult for me to focus on other tasks so this is why i feel like i have to just get it done before i switch tasks)#anyway i wasn't totally sure what era the traditional outfits are supposed to be from. im not knowledgeable about fashion actually T.T#i googled 'when were suspenders popular' and ended up just looking at old photos and clothing patterns from the 30s-40s#photos from back then were black-and-white can you believe it.. you have to actually look at drawings and paintings to find color#everyone who left me messages elsewhere: THANK YOU SO MUCH!! \>/////</ i will reply soon!! \;;W;;/
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I think stanning them is the single most boring thing you can do to a character.
Like, I love Iruka. Iruka's my blorbo from my manga since my teens. He's a caring adult who used to be a conflicted kid hiding his sorrow with laughter, what's there not to like? Him speaking his mind about the chuunin exam spoke to me for extremely relatable reasons. He's my projection character.
And you know what? There's nothing more interesting to me than exploring his faults. Please let's discuss his lack of self-control, getting so riled up during the chuunin exam nominations. Let's talk about his failures with regards to Sasuke, who had good grades and didn't act out so Iruka didn't pay him much mind even though Sasuke should have been flagged as a traumatized child. Iruka playing favorites. Iruka using his connections to keep playing favorites because he's worried... about his favorite. Iruka not fitting the shinobi mold. Iruka being lame. Iruka who spent years being a stern teacher to Naruto and apparently didn't think worth mentioning that he saw and appreciated Naruto's efforts until it was almost too late. Iruka failing.
Anyway, stanning is the single most boring and unproductive and dishonest thing you can do to a character
#naruto#umino iruka#iruka umino#anyway I'm using Iruka as an example because no one can accuse me of being impartial to him I am SO PARTIAL that is MY BOY right there#but tbh this is actually about kakashi because#i realized a kakashi stan replied to playfully kakashi-critical tags of mine months ago by taking offense to them#and i've been sitting here being very good at not replying to them because I'm trying to be a REASONABLE PERSON#(which is VERY DIFFICULT seeing as I'm a ball of barely contained indignation at the world)#'(girl it's been months can you chill have a kitkat' (i say to myself))#but I'm actually deeply frustrated to have someone go 'who wouldn't be offended [about a meaningless criticism of their favorite]' at me#i'd hope NO ONE would be offended by that#seeing as your fave is a FICTIONAL CHARACTER#anyway if you really like a character you should be more than willing to consider their faults and enjoy them#it's the spice that gives them flavor??? why are you taking it away?!#you can always disagree with somebody's interpretation of what is and isn't a fault#but what are you doiiiiing taking their defense#they're not reaaaaaal#Anyway I don't have sweets at home so I'll go eat some fruit#carrot has an opinion#fandom wank
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#I was talking to some buddies about lies of p and sekiro and how LoP’s defense as offense mentality helped get into sekiro#but then how sekiro overwrote that mentality with its own “offense is the best defense” mentality#or “hesitate and you lose” as Grandpappy isshin would say#and how the switch for the change for me was genichiro who I think is one of the best designed bosses in gaming#you CAN’T play too defensively with him because he’s happy to pepper you with arrows from a distance#and then the moment comes when you realize your sword interrupts his bow attacks sekiro truly begins as a game#lady butterfly is also a good fight but all her moves bring her to you so there’s less incentive to be as aggressive#vs genny baby who will back off and fire off his bow if you let him#this isn’t even like a video of me playing perfectly but I LOVE getting my feudal edgelord corner stunned and just bursting him down#I kinda hate the owl shinobi fight bc he hits too hard and his attacks just aren’t interesting to react to#but it’s also possible to corner stun him and just go to town on his health bar#owl father and inner father are much better fights and I actually really enjoyed inner father a lot#but the Ashina family fights are absolutely stunning achievements in game design imo#perfectly balanced to be difficult but fair and visually stunning to boot#even if there is a layer of artificial difficulty in the final battle with the flowers obscuring their swords when they’re crouched#but the animations are solid enough that there are enough other more subtle differences like how hes shifting his weight#if he’s centered he’s going to lunge but if he’s angled he’s gonna sweep#I had so much fun with LoP and sekiro 🥰🥰🥰 I crave more…#I can’t say the combat in Elden ring gorilla gripped me like these two games have but I like HAVE to play dark souls I know this#sekiro#tsuchi plays games
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can't sleep. remembered that i never draw WhereWolf playing drums even though it's his job and also the entire reason he exists as a character.
#sand art#digital art#sand characters#c: wherewolf#how people with brown eyes look when the light hits their face at the right angle:#in my defense wrt the drums thing. it is one of the most annoying instruments to draw. and difficult to do cool poses with sadly </3#even though it sounds so awesome#also i did this with like.. 6? 7? colours? (not including the effects layers) i always enjoy working with limited palettes.#whoops i coloured and shaded a full drawing of him again. i think i have some kind of disease.
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youtube
can you believe ive spent the better part of several days throwing up for a 4 minute video
#i think i get quieter later in the video but i've been told that you can still hear me but </3#i think between it being hard for me to just say things that i want in the way that i want + being afraid of making long videos for some#reason . its difficult for me to do smth like this bc yeah i can kind of spit out some cohesive thoughts within 4 minutes but also like.#i could go on for hours !!!!! i just dont think i could. my throat hurts and this was just 4 minutes worth of speaking#it's like just a weird gray area thing w this where i dont HATE it but i'm also not like 'this is my magnum opus'#it's also just difficult in general for me to talk abt this movie at length. i genuinely just like keep circling back around to 4 different#points and reiterating things and its hard to not do that.#i think i could revisit this topic with more quick thoughts 4 more times and never really truly be done. i don't know why i chose this movi#to be the first one i dump my thoughts about someplace . i just think about it a lot and how there's like.#idk inherent melancholy to it.#it's also just like a nagging thought in the back of my mind that someone will misinterpret what i'm saying so genuinely#to combat that my only defense is make it short + sweet and if someone asks somewhere for more thoughts. give them there. i dony know#if i made a directors cut of this video it would genuinely span over like 7 hours with tangents that are somehow still related. believe me#Um anyway please be nice to me. love you#Youtube
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Just realised I haven't drawn anything in like 10 days sorry artblock got me GOOD and also college is BEATING me tf UP :(
#minor vent but i alr fucking despise a levels#apprently im supposed to do 5 hours outside lessons but like idk what exactly to do???#also i literally cannot concentrate on revision like i js cant do it#im prob js using shitty methods but i dont know to make them any better???#also im just undeniably BAD at it and ik im only a half term in but im so discouraged alr#like my recent homework i got 2/6 questions right and they were multiple choice so it wasn't supposed to be THAT difficult#and then 5/10 on an essay question#which is still not great tbh#in my defense the multilple choice ones are worded in such a way its basically impossible to figure out what they mean#fuck i am so cooked i hate it here#also no one is social and i have no friends in most my lessons#doesnt help really#anyway vent over i want college OVER
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Hop off of the Penelope Featherington hate train. Y’all are forgetting that Lady Whistledown writes what she hears- if you talking bout your business in public- or performing your business in public , acknowledge the fact that it may become public knowledge. Especially in the era they live in.
Imagine knowing how much damage a SINGLE rumor can do to you and still choosing to run your mouth OUT LOUD IN PUBLIC- the Ton are practically handfeeding Penelope their business.
As for Eloise- Penelope was protecting her in the same way that Penelope has always somewhat protected the Bridgerton. I’m not letting y’all forget that Penelope through her own COUSIN (in season one) and then her entire FAMILY (in season two) under the fucking bus for BRIDGERTONS!!!
Y’all out here acting like Eloise wouldn’t have gotten caught sooner or later. Better to deal with a rumor (that her family’s reputation can clear up) than to have the fucking QUEEN suspicious of you- or did y’all forget that part?
Yes, Penelope was wrong in how she went about protecting Eloise- but- but Pen was also completely willing to GIVE UP (and she did- until that fucking argument!!!) the only thing that she had for herself. Her only bit of freedom and she was going to give it up- because she’d used it INTENTIONALLY (with good intent) to hurt her friend’s reputation . Y’all are completely ignoring the reasoning behind the Pen/Eloise argument and I will not stand for it. The way she did it was wrong, but she did it to protect Eloise. Better Lady Whistledown than Queen Charlotte- because y’all know damn well if Queen Charlotte had gone after Eloise, even her family’s reputation wouldn’t be able to save her. The method was wrong, but it solved the main problem.
I will repeat:: PENELOPE/LADY WHISTLEDOWN WRITES WHAT SHE HEARS AND SEES!!!! Blame the Ton for not keeping a better handle on their secrets.
#bridgerton#penelope featherington#lady whistledown#Penelope defense squad#because apparently she needs one#do you have any idea how difficult it must be to be the featherington with any fucking money#like she could single-handedly save her family#I hope she doesn’t though#well maybe the sister marrying the cheese guy#Penelope is a woman#of the Ton#with a JOB#she is doing what Eloise wishes she could#if Eloise was a better friend maybe pen would have told her#but no…Eloise only noticed because there was NOTHING ELSE FOR HER TO NOTICE!!!!!#that singular scene- watching the realization on Eloise’s face#led to me to believe that that wasn’t a true friendship#eloise bridgerton#I’m so tired of people being mean to Penelope#my sweet angel has never done a single thing wrong in her life
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((My sole contribution to any of the themes invoked over the course of this particular day is the fact that Seventeen is very weird now, for many understandable reasons, about the prospect of being outclassed to the point of helplessness; and that his figurative wires, when it comes to the thought of submission, have found themselves subsequently crossed and fried in some interesting and occasionally rather Cell-shaped ways.))
#tbd.#I'm not going anywhere with this; I simply feel slightly bad for not accomplishing anything here this weekend#in my defense though: it's because I have a deadline for a zine contribution looming over me; so like. you know. priorities#anyway: I'm not saying he WANTS Cell or that there's attraction at play in the usual sense; let's not be reductive about it#what I AM saying though is that he has complicated feelings about the thought of being overpowered/claimed/possessed/treasured monstrously#by something SO wildly inhuman; SO wildly beyond his ability to fight or resist; that his inevitable submission to it can't be reproached#(after all: if the choice is effectively TAKEN from him then there's a certain freedom in that. a certain absolution)#and as it turns out: the one thing that he has in his arsenal to help him make some kind of sense out of this brain soup#is the experience of being hunted down/toyed with/beaten into submission/ultimately absorbed and fundamentally unmade by Cell#so: is it REALLY shocking that his periodic amorphous/difficult-to-grapple-with fascination re: letting himself be Possessed and Overcome#sometimes takes a form like Cell's in his private thoughts?#the answer is 'not really; no'
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not me importing my anti-air defense worldbuilding h/cs into ishgard bc I can
#saint.txt#long post#ishgardposting#tl;dr in my personal project one of the big things is that (one) military has had to evolve alongside gryphon riders for a long long time#who's biggest threat are information gathering and the fact they drop flechettes and are nigh-untouchable by anything even each other#even with firearms (which are still very early tech-wise) so anti-air defense is paramount#the biggest results being that *everything* has a roof on it to mitigate stuff falling from the sky.#cities are cramped and avoid open space as much as possible. anti-bird spikes but scaled up on steep roofs so that birds can't land.#buildings are made of non-flammable material like stone when possible. open areas exist mostly as corral zones so that tired birds#must land there and can be easily surrounded on the ground.#but the flashiest is killwire which is basically just wire strung between tall buildings that discourages flight below a certain level#and is difficult to see especially at speed or at night#and if you hit it. well. the idea is based off motorcycle accidents where people have hit wire fences on farms so I'm sure you get the idea#not all of it will apply to Ish.gard but I highly believe that's exactly why Ish.gard is 98% built out of stone#as are all their forts and important structures like bridges. I also believe realistically most streets should be roofed if possible#and open space is kept at a minimum even if daniffen's ward exists. anti-dragon spikes consisting of slots to put lances in on roofs.#Ish.gard might not even have much of a need for 'traditional' forts with huge walls and such bc 90% of their enemies fly so their fort#designs might get a little wild after 1000 years of war. w/ magitek via stephva.nivien you might even electrify the killwire.#ofc some of it already seems to exist - ish.gard's roofs and spires are built *very* steep which would make a dravanian landing on them#difficult and even without that most of them are covered in spires and spikes anyway but. ofc there's the dragonkillers and such too but#ish.gard is a city built on 1000 years of war and hyperspecialized to fighting dragons that fly we really could make it look like that too.#I want to walk into ishgard and immediately know this is a place built on war bc everything about it is hyperspecialized and utilitarian#to fulfill that purpose. look up in ishgard and the stars are replaced with glittering wire.
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ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on
#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other#meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20#tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are#few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is#get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?'#and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went#on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.)#etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves#like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more#chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already#nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them#up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t#finish my sentence#and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves#so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me#then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear#and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning#during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the#door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh?#and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her#why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking#basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore#cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come#back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open#ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me#GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan#im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just#gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean#im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other#LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!
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the library doesn’t have the audiobook of the 13th book in the series I’ve been listening to, so I’m reading the ebook version instead, and I’m learning that I’m very bad at guessing spellings of words based on pronunciation alone
#in my defense#I have a rhotic accent#and audiobook lady is doing her job and performing in a non-rhotic english accent#how am I supposed to guess that the guy whose last name sounds like Audubon is actually Otterburn#how am I supposed to guess that the place that sounded like Holland Park is Orland Park#I thought the dog was named Duke which is a pretty standard dog name but it's somehow Jook?#there are other ones but I'm giving myself more of a pass on some of those#because I feel like it's pretty agreed-upon that a lot of English place names are very difficult for Americans
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