#in my defense it was a difficult one | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vilda-ravenhill · 3 months ago

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UPDATE LOG WOOO FINALLY FINISHED A CHAPTER LETS GO

#in my defense it was a difficult one #it's the lates one in the fic btw! not that you care but stil!! the plot is moving #for once #covr #vilda ravenhill #bbugseye taps #get ready for some honest to god metahell #covr update log

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cockroachesunite · 7 months ago

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leiascully · 2 years ago

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You know what, I am unbothered by disputes in TXF fandom because I have been here since almost time immemorial, longer than a goodly number of you have been alive, and I will be here at the end of time when the universe cools, listening to “Walking After You” as everything goes stiff and cold. I have forgotten more thoughts about Mulder and Scully and the rest of the crew than most people have even had, and I have written and written and written until these blorbos are engraved in my bones. Look for me in the deep places; find me at the wellspring writing with water on slates. Listen for me on the wind, whispering “fuuuuuuuck chris carterrrrrrrrr.”

#i didn't know about drama until yesterday but also #like the coelacanth i will be here even when you think i'm extinct #i will be lurking in the deep waters #sipping at the delicate brew of scullysflannel's headcanons #it helps that as a queer white middleclass femme person i am not facing a lot of opposition to my general being #that would definitely make staying in fandom more difficult #fandom #i am not even involved in this drama as far as i know #also i am no longer relevant #the glory days of leiascully are gone #probably because i've only written a few ficlets in the past few years #in my defense they've been exhausting years #i would like to write more #once upon a time i was on rec lists because i was writing so much no one could escape me #those were halcyon days

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restinpeacesensei · 8 months ago

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traditional style 💖

#akoya gero #gero akoya #cute high earth defense club love #binan koukou chikyuu bouei bu love!#boueibu #my art #my akoya wanted to join in the vintage dress-up party too!! \;;w;;/#ognvuhgh i wanted to have this done earlier bc other people were doing art so fast for the new outfits but it got dragged out #it was Mostly done a few days ago and i made final edits and was going to post it just before i rushed out to work #i put it up then i was like '??? wait there's a color blob in the wrong place i thought i fixed that???'#i was down to my last minute and didn't have time to do it so i was like auuuughhgh and took the whole thing down #on the Next day i opened the file again to see what was wrong and the color blob was NOT THERE #so im like ??? why did it suddenly appear again in the png. so i looked and i made an error in naming my files #i accidentally named one of the versions 30 instead of 03 so it sorted into the last place instead of the actual most recent version (07)#so that is the reason i ended up being 1 minute late to work. and the lesson to me is i should not try to post at the absolute last minute #(i say this but if i don't get smth done i can't stop thinking about it. it bothers me constantly to have something almost finished but not #(and then it's difficult for me to focus on other tasks so this is why i feel like i have to just get it done before i switch tasks)#anyway i wasn't totally sure what era the traditional outfits are supposed to be from. im not knowledgeable about fashion actually T.T #i googled 'when were suspenders popular' and ended up just looking at old photos and clothing patterns from the 30s-40s #photos from back then were black-and-white can you believe it.. you have to actually look at drawings and paintings to find color #everyone who left me messages elsewhere: THANK YOU SO MUCH!! \>/////</ i will reply soon!! \;;W;;/

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tsuchinokoroyale · 11 months ago

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#I was talking to some buddies about lies of p and sekiro and how LoP’s defense as offense mentality helped get into sekiro #but then how sekiro overwrote that mentality with its own “offense is the best defense” mentality #or “hesitate and you lose” as Grandpappy isshin would say #and how the switch for the change for me was genichiro who I think is one of the best designed bosses in gaming #you CAN’T play too defensively with him because he’s happy to pepper you with arrows from a distance #and then the moment comes when you realize your sword interrupts his bow attacks sekiro truly begins as a game #lady butterfly is also a good fight but all her moves bring her to you so there’s less incentive to be as aggressive #vs genny baby who will back off and fire off his bow if you let him #this isn’t even like a video of me playing perfectly but I LOVE getting my feudal edgelord corner stunned and just bursting him down #I kinda hate the owl shinobi fight bc he hits too hard and his attacks just aren’t interesting to react to #but it’s also possible to corner stun him and just go to town on his health bar #owl father and inner father are much better fights and I actually really enjoyed inner father a lot #but the Ashina family fights are absolutely stunning achievements in game design imo #perfectly balanced to be difficult but fair and visually stunning to boot #even if there is a layer of artificial difficulty in the final battle with the flowers obscuring their swords when they’re crouched #but the animations are solid enough that there are enough other more subtle differences like how hes shifting his weight #if he’s centered he’s going to lunge but if he’s angled he’s gonna sweep #I had so much fun with LoP and sekiro 🥰🥰🥰 I crave more…#I can’t say the combat in Elden ring gorilla gripped me like these two games have but I like HAVE to play dark souls I know this #sekiro #tsuchi plays games

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sandcastle-art · 8 months ago

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can't sleep. remembered that i never draw WhereWolf playing drums even though it's his job and also the entire reason he exists as a character.

#sand art #digital art #sand characters #c: wherewolf #how people with brown eyes look when the light hits their face at the right angle:#in my defense wrt the drums thing. it is one of the most annoying instruments to draw. and difficult to do cool poses with sadly </3 #even though it sounds so awesome #also i did this with like.. 6? 7? colours? (not including the effects layers) i always enjoy working with limited palettes.#whoops i coloured and shaded a full drawing of him again. i think i have some kind of disease.

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downsteepy · 1 month ago

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youtube

can you believe ive spent the better part of several days throwing up for a 4 minute video

#i think i get quieter later in the video but i've been told that you can still hear me but </3 #i think between it being hard for me to just say things that i want in the way that i want + being afraid of making long videos for some #reason . its difficult for me to do smth like this bc yeah i can kind of spit out some cohesive thoughts within 4 minutes but also like.#i could go on for hours !!!!! i just dont think i could. my throat hurts and this was just 4 minutes worth of speaking #it's like just a weird gray area thing w this where i dont HATE it but i'm also not like 'this is my magnum opus'#it's also just difficult in general for me to talk abt this movie at length. i genuinely just like keep circling back around to 4 different #points and reiterating things and its hard to not do that.#i think i could revisit this topic with more quick thoughts 4 more times and never really truly be done. i don't know why i chose this movi #to be the first one i dump my thoughts about someplace . i just think about it a lot and how there's like.#idk inherent melancholy to it.#it's also just like a nagging thought in the back of my mind that someone will misinterpret what i'm saying so genuinely #to combat that my only defense is make it short + sweet and if someone asks somewhere for more thoughts. give them there. i dony know #if i made a directors cut of this video it would genuinely span over like 7 hours with tangents that are somehow still related. believe me #Um anyway please be nice to me. love you #Youtube

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lith-myathar · 25 days ago

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im so annoyed I can't romance Lucanis if I don't save Treviso, like I get the creative decision there but I wanna do it the other way this time 😒

#datv spoilers #dav spoilers #veilguard spoilers #that's a legit difficult choice bc saving minrathous makes more sense tactically #but treviso is so much more vulnerable in terms of loss of life #like they have no defenses #so last time i went with treviso #perhaps i shall save minrathous in a mournwatch run #that the one where i'd romance emerich i think since then they could be weird goths together #god i have such a hard time not putting an extra e in emmrich's name whoops #in my head that name should be spelled Emmeric and has 3 syllables #and im not sure where that came from since the no variant of the name is spelled like that afaict

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jadepearl · 2 years ago

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Hop off of the Penelope Featherington hate train. Y’all are forgetting that Lady Whistledown writes what she hears- if you talking bout your business in public- or performing your business in public , acknowledge the fact that it may become public knowledge. Especially in the era they live in.

Imagine knowing how much damage a SINGLE rumor can do to you and still choosing to run your mouth OUT LOUD IN PUBLIC- the Ton are practically handfeeding Penelope their business.

As for Eloise- Penelope was protecting her in the same way that Penelope has always somewhat protected the Bridgerton. I’m not letting y’all forget that Penelope through her own COUSIN (in season one) and then her entire FAMILY (in season two) under the fucking bus for BRIDGERTONS!!!

Y’all out here acting like Eloise wouldn’t have gotten caught sooner or later. Better to deal with a rumor (that her family’s reputation can clear up) than to have the fucking QUEEN suspicious of you- or did y’all forget that part?

Yes, Penelope was wrong in how she went about protecting Eloise- but- but Pen was also completely willing to GIVE UP (and she did- until that fucking argument!!!) the only thing that she had for herself. Her only bit of freedom and she was going to give it up- because she’d used it INTENTIONALLY (with good intent) to hurt her friend’s reputation . Y’all are completely ignoring the reasoning behind the Pen/Eloise argument and I will not stand for it. The way she did it was wrong, but she did it to protect Eloise. Better Lady Whistledown than Queen Charlotte- because y’all know damn well if Queen Charlotte had gone after Eloise, even her family’s reputation wouldn’t be able to save her. The method was wrong, but it solved the main problem.

I will repeat:: PENELOPE/LADY WHISTLEDOWN WRITES WHAT SHE HEARS AND SEES!!!! Blame the Ton for not keeping a better handle on their secrets.

#bridgerton #penelope featherington #lady whistledown #Penelope defense squad #because apparently she needs one #do you have any idea how difficult it must be to be the featherington with any fucking money #like she could single-handedly save her family #I hope she doesn’t though #well maybe the sister marrying the cheese guy #Penelope is a woman #of the Ton #with a JOB #she is doing what Eloise wishes she could #if Eloise was a better friend maybe pen would have told her #but no…Eloise only noticed because there was NOTHING ELSE FOR HER TO NOTICE!!!!!#that singular scene- watching the realization on Eloise’s face #led to me to believe that that wasn’t a true friendship #eloise bridgerton #I’m so tired of people being mean to Penelope #my sweet angel has never done a single thing wrong in her life

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2c75ff · 8 months ago

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((My sole contribution to any of the themes invoked over the course of this particular day is the fact that Seventeen is very weird now, for many understandable reasons, about the prospect of being outclassed to the point of helplessness; and that his figurative wires, when it comes to the thought of submission, have found themselves subsequently crossed and fried in some interesting and occasionally rather Cell-shaped ways.))

#tbd.#I'm not going anywhere with this; I simply feel slightly bad for not accomplishing anything here this weekend #in my defense though: it's because I have a deadline for a zine contribution looming over me; so like. you know. priorities #anyway: I'm not saying he WANTS Cell or that there's attraction at play in the usual sense; let's not be reductive about it #what I AM saying though is that he has complicated feelings about the thought of being overpowered/claimed/possessed/treasured monstrously #by something SO wildly inhuman; SO wildly beyond his ability to fight or resist; that his inevitable submission to it can't be reproached #(after all: if the choice is effectively TAKEN from him then there's a certain freedom in that. a certain absolution)#and as it turns out: the one thing that he has in his arsenal to help him make some kind of sense out of this brain soup #is the experience of being hunted down/toyed with/beaten into submission/ultimately absorbed and fundamentally unmade by Cell #so: is it REALLY shocking that his periodic amorphous/difficult-to-grapple-with fascination re: letting himself be Possessed and Overcome #sometimes takes a form like Cell's in his private thoughts?#the answer is 'not really; no'

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tovaicas · 9 months ago

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not me importing my anti-air defense worldbuilding h/cs into ishgard bc I can

#saint.txt #long post #ishgardposting #tl;dr in my personal project one of the big things is that (one) military has had to evolve alongside gryphon riders for a long long time #who's biggest threat are information gathering and the fact they drop flechettes and are nigh-untouchable by anything even each other #even with firearms (which are still very early tech-wise) so anti-air defense is paramount #the biggest results being that *everything* has a roof on it to mitigate stuff falling from the sky.#cities are cramped and avoid open space as much as possible. anti-bird spikes but scaled up on steep roofs so that birds can't land.#buildings are made of non-flammable material like stone when possible. open areas exist mostly as corral zones so that tired birds #must land there and can be easily surrounded on the ground.#but the flashiest is killwire which is basically just wire strung between tall buildings that discourages flight below a certain level #and is difficult to see especially at speed or at night #and if you hit it. well. the idea is based off motorcycle accidents where people have hit wire fences on farms so I'm sure you get the idea #not all of it will apply to Ish.gard but I highly believe that's exactly why Ish.gard is 98% built out of stone #as are all their forts and important structures like bridges. I also believe realistically most streets should be roofed if possible #and open space is kept at a minimum even if daniffen's ward exists. anti-dragon spikes consisting of slots to put lances in on roofs.#Ish.gard might not even have much of a need for 'traditional' forts with huge walls and such bc 90% of their enemies fly so their fort #designs might get a little wild after 1000 years of war. w/ magitek via stephva.nivien you might even electrify the killwire.#ofc some of it already seems to exist - ish.gard's roofs and spires are built *very* steep which would make a dravanian landing on them #difficult and even without that most of them are covered in spires and spikes anyway but. ofc there's the dragonkillers and such too but #ish.gard is a city built on 1000 years of war and hyperspecialized to fighting dragons that fly we really could make it look like that too.#I want to walk into ishgard and immediately know this is a place built on war bc everything about it is hyperspecialized and utilitarian #to fulfill that purpose. look up in ishgard and the stars are replaced with glittering wire.

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munch-mumbles · 9 months ago

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ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on

#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other #meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20 #tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are #few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is #get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?'#and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went #on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.)#etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves #like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more #chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already #nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them #up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t #finish my sentence #and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves #so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me #then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear #and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning #during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the #door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh?#and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her #why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking #basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore #cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come #back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open #ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me #GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan #im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just #gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean #im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other #LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!

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shitty-check-please-aus · 2 years ago

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the library doesn’t have the audiobook of the 13th book in the series I’ve been listening to, so I’m reading the ebook version instead, and I’m learning that I’m very bad at guessing spellings of words based on pronunciation alone

#in my defense #I have a rhotic accent #and audiobook lady is doing her job and performing in a non-rhotic english accent #how am I supposed to guess that the guy whose last name sounds like Audubon is actually Otterburn #how am I supposed to guess that the place that sounded like Holland Park is Orland Park #I thought the dog was named Duke which is a pretty standard dog name but it's somehow Jook?#there are other ones but I'm giving myself more of a pass on some of those #because I feel like it's pretty agreed-upon that a lot of English place names are very difficult for Americans

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milkybishop · 10 months ago

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might go back to therapy cause its rough now but i know i need to prepare for something coming down the line

#i'm gonna upfront say 'no cbt and if possible someone used to dealing with possibly autisitc people or at least black and white thinking'#cause cbt just makes me so defensive cause when they're like 'but maybe it wasn't wht they were thinkibg but sctually yiu' (while true)#causes my brain to go 'so you are wrong. you are the bad one. it's your fault.' and then i spiral #also please pray for me i get someone who gets stumped cause im aware of where alot of my behaviours come from #GIRL I'VE SELF ANALYSED FROM A YOUNG AGE I THOUGHT I WAS DOING CRIMINAL MINDS SHIT AND NOW I LIVE IN MY INTERNAL THOUGHTS ABOUT EVERYTHJNG #and you going 'hm. it's difficult since you are so aware' DOES NOT HELP ME. GIVE ME TOOLS. HELP MEEEE'

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doedipus · 2 years ago

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I went to the local again with lite this evening. they didn't have a headline event going so it was just a bunch of people doing long sets

I ended up doing one with a ky player who I think probably would've rinsed me on netplay but I ended up going almost even against. I got to experiment with some tech I'd been meaning to try out and it worked pretty well so I'm very pleased

#I think the final count was like 15-20 or so #we played a few rotations and then settled down into a long one so Idk what the totals were #a bit ago I played a very eye opening gio mirror in celestial so I've been meaning to try and implement some of their pressure structure #which wasn't anything executionally difficult #it was just like #doing a lot of extremely fake shit with light buttons and cs #which seems to be really good against people who are risk-averse on defense #I've also been trying to clean up my neutral and breaking some bad habits #mainly just not ending *every* dash in a button #and just generally rotating pressure scenarios more so it doesn't feel as linear as it is #and I managed to do pretty well on all 3 counts so I'm pleased as punch

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jackdawsfavorite · 1 year ago

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What doesn't kill you makes you sad strange defensive and difficult to connect with

#It's my annual visit to stay with my parents which means #Two weeks of being as normal as possible around people all day while my journal entries get increasingly unhinged #Because openness fosters interpersonal closeness but I don't know how to be Open around them in a way that doesn't massively hurt for evry1 #Like. How am I? I'm in near constant emotional pain because coming back here sucks. Because my memories of here since #like eleven are of suffering and fear and inability to escape. So I'm scared and hurting. But!#I will keep coming back here anyway. Because one day I won't have my parents anymore. And I don't want to regret time not spent with them.#It's a bit perverse isn't it. Being motivated by fleeing fear instead of pursuing love. But that's where I'm at.#And what are my parents meant to do with that? They can't fix it. Or me. They can't apologize in a way that would mean anything to me.#They can only suffer in guilt and helplessness. And then I'll imagine their suffering and hurt more for it.#And that's it! Fin! The only endpoint I can see. I've tried putting it on their shoulders before. It only hurts.#So I will try very hard to behave like I'm calm and okay. And in two weeks or when I snap -whichever comes first- I'll go back home #And return to the peace of social isolation and cleaning my house and admiring wildlife.#It's not healthy to keep oneself so alone. But I am not healthy. I'm sad and strange and defensive and difficult to connect with.#And nobody but me can help me and I don't know how to be different.#Christ. I need to go back to therapy. I need a hint.#Memories

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