#led to me to believe that that wasn’t a true friendship

[jadepearl]

Hop off of the Penelope Featherington hate train. Y’all are forgetting that Lady Whistledown writes what she hears- if you talking bout your business in public- or performing your business in public , acknowledge the fact that it may become public knowledge. Especially in the era they live in.

Imagine knowing how much damage a SINGLE rumor can do to you and still choosing to run your mouth OUT LOUD IN PUBLIC- the Ton are practically handfeeding Penelope their business.

As for Eloise- Penelope was protecting her in the same way that Penelope has always somewhat protected the Bridgerton. I’m not letting y’all forget that Penelope through her own COUSIN (in season one) and then her entire FAMILY (in season two) under the fucking bus for BRIDGERTONS!!!

Y’all out here acting like Eloise wouldn’t have gotten caught sooner or later. Better to deal with a rumor (that her family’s reputation can clear up) than to have the fucking QUEEN suspicious of you- or did y’all forget that part?

Yes, Penelope was wrong in how she went about protecting Eloise- but- but Pen was also completely willing to GIVE UP (and she did- until that fucking argument!!!) the only thing that she had for herself. Her only bit of freedom and she was going to give it up- because she’d used it INTENTIONALLY (with good intent) to hurt her friend’s reputation . Y’all are completely ignoring the reasoning behind the Pen/Eloise argument and I will not stand for it. The way she did it was wrong, but she did it to protect Eloise. Better Lady Whistledown than Queen Charlotte- because y’all know damn well if Queen Charlotte had gone after Eloise, even her family’s reputation wouldn’t be able to save her. The method was wrong, but it solved the main problem.

I will repeat:: PENELOPE/LADY WHISTLEDOWN WRITES WHAT SHE HEARS AND SEES!!!! Blame the Ton for not keeping a better handle on their secrets.

[sanipoyo]

WAS IT CASUAL WHEN…

note - my hero academia, angst, inspired by causal by chappell roan! PART TWO here!

you sat up late nights thinking about a future with TODOROKI. although you two weren’t dating, he called you pet names and took you on romantic dates. all the girls in your class labeled the two of you “cutest couple” despite you telling them numerous times that you guys weren’t a couple. after a weeks worth of not being in contact with shoto due to studies and training, you noticed his cold demeanor towards you. “have you been alright, sho? seems like you’ve been avoiding me” you confronted. “well, my girlfriend doesn’t really like me having any type of relations with other girls”, he replied nonchalantly, as if there was no problems with the sentence he had just said. at this moment you felt like nothing, you had a million questions and your thoughts were running wild. “girlfriend?” it felt like you had gotten your heart ripped out of your chest. he nodded and you felt tears beginning to well up. you immediately walked away, hearing him call out for you to wait so you guys could talk more. maybe you mistook a genuine friendship for something romantic.

you and KAMINARI had been doing a lot of romantic gestures that led you to believe that the two of you could potentially have a relationship together. he was the first boy you let touch you in any type of way because he made you feel safe. you always knew he was a friendly guy with a flirty personality but at this point, you felt deceived. he brought you out to the rooftop of the school to have a conversation with you about y’alls relationship. “i don’t know how to say this without sounding like a douche but, you seem serious about me”, he stated which led you into a state of confusion. why wouldn’t you be serious about him? “what do you mean?” you asked and he let out a deep sigh and folded his arms over his chest. “i feel like you wanna be more than friends and i’m just not ready for that, unless i’m reading too much into it”. you forced out a chuckle and shook your head, denying wanting to be more with him. this hurt. you believed he had truly liked you and wanted to be with you but he was nothing more than a friend with benefits. turns out you weren’t as special as you thought.

SHINSO had surprised you with flowers outside of your dorm twice a month, sent you long paragraphs about how much he loves you whilst you slept so you could wake up to them, and he even wrote you letters and had koda help him get them delivered by a dove to you. which could mean nothing. the two of you were hanging out at the mall and you had slipped away to the restroom for a minute. when you came back there was a beautiful girl flirting with shinso and he was entertaining it. they exchanged numbers and you were immediately filled with disgust. “what was that about?” you asked sternly, he just laughed. “what? i can’t talk to girls now?” he replied sarcastically. you were furious at this point, he wasn’t taking you seriously and you felt like a big joke to him. “shinso are you kidding me?” he displayed signs of annoyance rolling his eyes at your question. “chill out, it’s not like WE’RE together.” that was all you needed to hear. you were shocked he would say this considering all he’s done for you without having a label on things. it was true that the two of you weren’t dating but you guys definitely had something going on.

BAKUGO texted you saying that he wanted to talk. you were prepared to be asked to be his girlfriend. you were excited to talk to him and finally put a label on things but when you met up with him he, he looked sad. he usually lights up when he sees you but this time he was just bland. you began to ask him if he was okay and he brushed off your questions and straightened up. “i don’t want you to feel like i’m toying with you or anything so i’m just letting you know that we are strictly friends”, he laid it out on you unexpectedly and you felt your heart sink. you guys had been on a plethora of dates and he even asked you to be his plus one for a sports festival banquet. he tried to explain that his training came first and that he didn’t have time to be in a “silly relationship” which made you feel like shit. your heart ached but you nodded in agreement, although you felt stupid and played with.

Ⓒ all published work belongs to sanipoyo! do not copy/plagiarize.

[feistyvirghoe]

☆⋆·˚ ༘ * pick a card disclaimers ೃ🤍⁀➷

pick a pile u feel most called to, the one u cannot look away from, the one that is pulsing, go with your gut, always trust yourself, and if u feel called to more that’s cool baby boo! there’s more for u!

these are general and for a vast amount of ppl, don’t get ur undies all twisted up bc it’s not resonating, it’s normal and it’s fine, this just wasn’t for u! <3

these are extremely general timeless readings and they’re meant for entertainment purposes, please don’t take things so seriously and also realize my readings are for people above 18!

╰┈➤ ❝ [.ೃ࿐🀥 ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴏɴᴇ- major changes regarding your interpersonal relationships, how you guys interact with people and letting yourself experience new friendships, romantic relationships. I feel like your message here is to let go of what has been holding you down for so long. This energy of not wanting to see the good after you’ve been betrayed. Brighter days are ahead. It’s like the universe wanting you to see your real potential. They want you to see that you are capable of living a joyous life. You’re capable of being happy without feeling guilty or ashamed of yourself. You’re not the only one struggling mentally or in any other way. I feel like your guys are nervous to experience new things again because there’s this feeling of you being like “will this even last?” “Will this eventually be taken away from me like everything else?” I feel like you guys may need to move yourselves out of this period of thinking the same things will always happen. It wont! Especially when we believe and change our mindset surrounding this topic. You guys are being led into a newer direction. Somewhere where you feel you belong. Forming new relationships that’s re healthy and authentic with likeminded people who understand you. Things don’t have to happen so quickly so it’s always good to remember not to push yourself to fit into a mold you know will never work. This major change will lead you to your true calling/purpose, where you will be seen by the right people for you, it really is all for you. But i know we can get stuck in this negative loop or tormenting emotions that confuse us about ourselves. I’d say, what I’m seeing happening for you next is you feeling more hopeful about this new opportunity or just this general change you’re making or should be making for yourself. I also feel like you may be getting into a new partnership with someone. This person seems like they may bring a lot of positive encouragement and helpful advice to broaden your perspective. I feel like you’re going to be celebrating yourself and what you know deep down you were always capable of. You just need to see this fr yourself. That you’re an amazing, strong, independent person that achieve their goals on their own. We don’t really need people, but it’s not good to isolate yourself and hide because of your fears that are hindering you from moving on. I feel like you guys are also being shown that you can put your trust into certain individuals that respect you and wont betray you for their own benefit.] ❞

Affirmation - solar crown → i am decisive and wise. When action is required, i move swiftly with courage. When wisdom is necessary i step carefully with grace. I trust my intuitive wisdom to decide correctly.

╰┈➤ ❝ [.ೃ࿐🀥 ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ-keep on going pile 2! If someone here is feeling like giving up, DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT! You seem to be so close to something. It seems like you guys have been working your asses off, to achieve a certain goal, or idea, it’s something that you can’t take your mind off of. The energy is so fast paced, like i just want to get into it, you all seem to be moving in the right direction. Using all the power you have within you to get to this thing of yours. I feel like it may have to do with work of some sort, it doesn’t have to be so extreme, but you’ve been putting in action or you need to put in that action. You have this spirit of persistence and not giving up on this decision. I feel like you guys know where you want to be. But it’s the moving, a lot of passionate energy here, man I don’t even think that this is something you can take your mind off. You’re just aware of what is needed, you shouldn’t hide what power you hold. There’s something about you guys being more in that masculine role, moving towards your purpose, which i feel is the theme of this entire reading, doing what you love to do without feeling ashamed of it. Yes this will take some of your time and have you very busy, but i think you moving and not staying in a stagnant place pumps up your energy. It could even be with building your strength within and outside of you. Taking better care of yourself, knowing your own limits and not falling off because of one setback. I feel like you guys are being shown that it’s okay to show off your talents and gifts. This light within you that you should never really repress, but don’t burn yourself playing with the flames. I feel like you guys really need to keep going, it’s just something about the messages coming out for you that are screaming at me to tell you to keep on moving forward. Leaving the unhinged shit in the past.

“I can heal now and always.” Another message that I’m getting is not pushing yourself to the point of burnout. That’s when it gets tricky, because you put your all into something all at once and then get weird results where you feel not good enough. But you are, you’re enough right now. No, you do not need to be where that other person is, i know working and working will tear you apart. You guys should give yourself a break from time to time to re-collect and realize that your healing journey will never look like or be anyone else’s but yours. It’s time to fight off these distractions and quiet that overthinking mind of yours. You can work and play as well. Don’t take everything so personally, know when it’s you and take yourself out of the equation. I feel like this full moon is helping you to own your full potential and understand that you are also in control of your life. Don’t leave everything up to chance and own your shush! You are an amazing powerful being and i want you to understand this deep down even if you feel different, you are fricking powerful, a goddamn badass! ] ❞

Affirmations - clairvoyant author → i am the author of my story, i am the author of my own narrative. I write the future in myself. I re-script negative self-criticism, and i narrate positive thoughts.

╰┈➤ ❝ [.ೃ࿐🀥 ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ- Right off the bat y’all, i truly feel like there is some sort of competitive, petty, jealous energy that is being projected your way. Either you already know this or you don’t to the fullest extent. But you guys seem so guarded and indifferent to this shit. I’m not sure if it’s one or multiple people projecting this towards you, but you don’t seem to be buying something or someone’s BS! Whatever this is, it’s extremely unhealthy, the energy is wonky and that’s probably how you feel. But this i feel has to do with some sort of relationship. I feel like you don’t want what this person has to offer, or there is an offer but you seem to be skeptical of it. Why do i feel like you’re being pulled in so many different directions, it’s like hard to make a choice. This confusion. I really hope you’re not with someone who’s trying to control you or even manipulate you into something you know is damaging for you. I feel like someone/something can’t let you go, there’s this energy trying to cling onto you. It feels like someone wants to block you from seeing your true potential. Because you are talented at something, you got the tools for whatever this may be, like you’re so fucking close. A chapter has ended, you have to decide if you want to walk away or keep repeating it with other people, but i feel like you already know that you should be taking things more smoothly. You can’t get up and go back playing kickball right after you sprain your ankle. It’s alright for you to rest and look after yourself. I feel like you guys need to let that wall down a little bit and remember the why, the why that made you get up and go after what you want every day even if its small steps. Small steps to creating a better social circle. Finding the right communities for you, engaging with people who get it. You don’t have to force anything or be anything to anyone but your most authentic self and i know we hear it all the time but it’s so true. It’s better to walk around knowing who you are instead of pretending to fit in. You don’t have to mold yourself. I feel like you guys should do some inner self-reflection and talk with yourself, journal, rage draw, whatever you need to do. Even crying, things are pretty intense. But I don’t want you guys to go around letting someone else try to influence you and tell you what to do, its reminding me of a Bret man rock video he was saying something along the line of “don’t tell me what to do BITCH!” lmao. But for real, don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do with your damn life. It’s like they want you confused about who you are as a person. People seriously need to contain this obsessive jealousy and just mind their damn business. I feel like you guys need to be more kinder to yourself and show more compassion towards you! You’re very abundant and have a lot headed your way, i just don’t wanna see you giving up, fuck what people say about you! What gives them the right to try and tell you about yourself, unless you really need the reality check but I don’t think so. I feel like people really want to try this group. Don’t let em, nuh uh uh uh. You’re self sufficient on your own nd you didn’t really need me to tell you that, but i see it. You can take care of your damn self. Fuck the projections and let yourself live. Even if shits not so great, LIVE! Try to put a smile on that face everyday, but also feel your emotions and acknowledge it. I feel like you guys may not feel the love but you are so so loved, pease remember that, and I’ll tell u, i love you! Mwah! ] ❞

Affirmations -

Embrace divinity → i am a loved child of divinity. Reality is a love story written for me. I sit silently and experience the loving embrace from my eternal mother. I store up the words of affirmation of my ageless father. The tender words that spoke my consciousness into existence to become me.

Observatory of the mind → i have a happy heart. Today will be full of joyful moments waiting for me to discover. My gratitude overflows from my inner self to those around me.

Empowering friendships → i select my relationships carefully and invest in them fully. I am the average of the people i spend my time with.

hiiii, hope everyone’s doing well, i know i know, im back lmao, and i didn’t forget about the other PAC, i just wanted to do this first. hope this helps w anything you’ve been going back and forth w, or any kooky energy that you’ve been wondering about, stay safe and don’t let anyone walk all over you! <333

[b0r3dtod3ath]

Can you please write enemies to lovers with Oscar where him and reader accidentally get locked up in a room? And somehow they end up confessing their true feelings for each other

♡ navigation / request info / f1 masterlist

♡ warnings: none

♡ a/n: thanks for the request! i had a different idea at first but i'm happy with how it turned out.

You and Oscar have been enemies for 3 years now. You two got into a fight and then never talked to each other again.  

“Lando Norris! Let us the fuck out!” you yelled, knocking on the door as soon as he locked it. Lando knew there was something unresolved between you two and he made it his mission to help you get together. “Fix it!” was the only answer you got.

You felt the anger rushing through your body. You two had been best friends before but now Oscar was just someone who didn't care about you. He just stood there, leaning against the wall, looking down, not wanting to make eye contact with you. He felt guilty for what he did. He could hear the anger in your voice as you yelled for Lando. Oscar couldn't blame you, you had your reasons. 

After you heard Lando walk off, you sat at the floor, leaning against the wall. Defeated. You didn’t look at Oscar, you acted like he wasn’t there - a few meters from you. You glanced and saw him sit next to you, leaving some space in between. The two of you were silent for a few minutes as memories of his ex-girlfriend and the fight that led to the end of their friendship flooded your minds again.

He slowly looked up at you, still feeling a bit scared of seeing your face, but he finally gathered the courage to meet your eyes. “What changed?" He whispered, almost pleading. He wanted to know what he did wrong, what made you hate him so much. “The way you treated me” you replied in a cold tone. Oscar could feel a lump forming in his throat. He knew exactly what you were talking about and it made him even more guilty. "But... But I-I was just-" He stumbled over his words, desperately trying to justify himself but he knew he couldn’t.

He took a deep breath. "I was young, I was stupid. I thought she was the one, I thought you were just holding me back..."

“Listen, you know, I didn't like her but I never said anything. You were happy, I wasn't complaining. I never said anything about her or against her" you said, glancing at him but quickly returning your gaze to the wall in front of you. 

Meanwhile, Oscar could remember that day like it was yesterday. It was a few months into his relationship with his girlfriend, and things were going well, or at least he thought so. Until one day she said "Oscar, you need to stop talking to her. She's holding you back, she's bad for you”. The words that he couldn’t believe but repeated in his mind a thousand of times. After a conversation with his girlfriend, Oscar was conflicted. He was torn between his loyalty to you and his desire to please his girlfriend.

Finally, after days of going back and forth, he decided to listen to her. One day, he found you alone. "Hey... Can we talk?" he looked nervous, unable to look you in the eye. “Yeah, of course. What's up? You don't look good". Oscar tried to remain calm “It's just that... I need to focus on my career right now. And you're distracting me. I can't keep doing this” he said, feeling like a jerk even as the words were leaving his mouth. He kept avoiding your gaze. "Oscar, What the hell are you talking about? We have known each other since we were fourteen.” you reminded him, not believing what you were hearing. "I know, but... things have changed now. I need to set some priorities”. 

He never told you his girlfriend stood behind this. He was too ashamed of himself, too guilty. You weren’t stupid - you quickly figured out what was going on. By the time the couple broke up, you and Oscar silently became enemies - avoiding each other at all times. 

Oscar could still remember the pain on your face when he ended your friendship, and the pain he felt himself. He glanced at you sitting next to him, wondering if you truly hated him now. He could see you with an empty look on your face, silent tears rolling down your cheeks, as you stared at the ground. He felt like a douchebag for causing you so much pain. He wished he could take it all back, erase the last three years. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” you heard his quiet voice next to you. He shamelessly stared at you, waiting for a reaction. For anything. "Please... Say something. Yell at me, hit me, whatever. Just say something”. You sadly chuckled at his words “I wouldn’t hit you”. Oscar couldn't help but crack a small smile at your response.

"Remember that one time you hit a boy? When was it? In high school?" you said trying to lighten the mood. "Yeah, I remember that. It was in senior year. Some guy was being really persistent with you, and I couldn't stand it anymore”. A boy had been relentlessly flirting with you, despite you clearly being uncomfortable. And Oscar, being the protective friend he was, had lost it. “His name was Jake,” you said. "Right, Jake." Oscar recalled the memory. Jake had been one of those popular guys in high school who thought he could get any girl he wanted. And for some reason, he had set his sights on you.

"He kept trying to talk to you, touch you, and when you tried to walk away, he grabbed your arm”. The room felt silent again “Yeah, I was jealous. I guess I couldn't stand the thought of someone else being so close to you. It made me sick”. You didn’t say anything and moved closer to him, closing the gap between you. As you both sat on the floor you rested your head on his shoulder. That’s the closest the two of you have been for three years. 

"You know, I was happy you hit him. It made me feel good, like I was being cared for". The two of you stared at the wall ahead of you. "I... I've always cared for you. More than you probably realized. I guess I just didn't know how to show it." He paused for a moment, gathering his courage to say more. "I-I love you. I always have”. "I love you too, Osc. More than you know" you said squeezing his hand. 

Oscar's heart skips a beat when you squeeze his hand and say you love him too. He couldn't believe this was happening. He quickly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight embrace, not wanting to let go.

The sound of the door opening interrupted you. Lando walks in “God, I thought you killed each other”. Oscar reluctantly lets go of you, still feeling a bit annoyed by Lando’s behaviour. He gives Lando a glare “Very funny”. Your friend pointed a finger at you “You two should be thanking me”. 

04/09/24

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Sugar Rush

Family is More Than Blood Masterlist

Summary: Carol needs advice on how to ask you on a date.

Warning: fluff, some amount of angst, mention of past abuse from the Red Room and Dreykov, Val is a good friend, everyone loves to tease the reader, gay panic

Word Count: 5.3k

Maybe Carol was overthinking it. This wasn’t foreign territory to her. It was easy for her to get a girl into bed with her. Yes, it built her a reputation as a playboy, but no one got hurt. In her eyes, she was entitled to a bit of fun after all the hell she’s been through. But you were different, so Carol needed to be different. Carol found you attractive. She believed anybody was an idiot if they failed to see your physical beauty. However, it was your heart that drew her in.

Her time was between patrolling the stars and helping the Avengers on Earth. Somehow, you were all Yelena talked about when she was at the compound. Since the fall of the Accords, Yelena has painted this picture of you. Her older sister gave herself up to Dreykov, so she and Natasha could be free. Carol was intrigued by you. She wondered how someone who was captured by the darkness so young and for so long was good.

It was easy for you to capture Carol on your web; she knew you had no idea what you were doing. At first, it was the way she caught you staring at her when she got done meeting with Steve. The blush on your cheek was Carol’s new favorite color. Then, it was the way you confronted the Widow after exposing her to the red dust. You opened your arms to her without hesitation. You comforted her and reassured her that it was not her fault.

At the bar, where you thankfully agreed to get a drink, it was your smile as you tried to hide it. The way your eyes lit up when you talked about your sisters. Even when she spoke of her life, you hung on every word she said.

What she told your sisters was true. She wanted to be your friend. If it led to more (which she hopped), then she would be grateful. But it would be on your timeline; she wouldn’t force you to do anything you weren’t comfortable with.

So here she was, on her ship and lost on what to do. You were visiting the compound for a few days, and it linked up to when Carol was coming back to Earth. Your friendship was growing through text messages or short phone calls. Carol wanted to plan something fun to do together. She called Valkyrie for help. Was it wise to call her ex-girlfriend and her first girlfriend since Monica? Unsure, but there weren’t other people she could ask. Besides, she and Val ended things on good terms; they were better off as friends. “Oh captain, my captain,” Val teased when the call connected and her hologram came up. “What do I owe the pleasure?” Carol rolled her eyes.

“Am I interrupting?”

“Oh, you are, but being a king is trying work,” she sighed dramatically. “What do you need? You never call.” She winced and made a mental note to be better at that.

“I need advice.”

“Is this about the Black Widow you fancy?” Val asked.

“I don’t fancy her,” she stood up from her bed and moved around her ship. “Also, who says fancy anymore?” Val laughed. “But yes, it’s about her,” she picked up a toy for Goose and threw it. The flerken ran after it. “I want to plan something but don’t know what to do.” Val hummed.

“Is the endgame to sleep with her?” Carol slapped her hand against her forehead. “What?” Val asked while laughing. “It’s a valid question, and depending on the answer, I could give different options,” Carol sighed, picked up the toy Goose brought back, and threw it again.

“Yes,” she admitted. “But not right away. She’s special, Val, and I don’t want to fuck this up like I normally do. If I do, I will have two very pissed-off Black Widows after me,” Carol paused. “3 if her mother decides to join in on the hunt,” Val laughed so hard, she almost fell out of her chair. The sound made Carol smile. Val was a pain in her ass sometimes, but she was grateful for her.

“Goodness, I forgot how funny you are.” Carol wasn’t sure if that was a compliment, so she kept her comments to herself. “So we want friendship to possible lovers’ date ideas, right?”

“Yes,” Carol sighed, shaking her head. She was starting to regret asking Val.

“And she’s the one who gave herself up for her sisters,” Carol hummed. “Heroic,” Val was silent beside the click of her pen, and she leaned back in her chair. So Carol kept throwing the toy for Goose. “Take her to an arcade.”

“An arcade?” Carol questioned, froze mid-throw, and looked at Val’s hologram. The flerken yelled at her, so she threw it at him. Val was leaning on her desk with her hands crossed.

“Yeah, she’s probably never been to one. You guys can be all cute and competitive; then you can woo her by winning her a prize.”

“I hate you,” Carol deadpanned, but it wasn’t a bad idea.

“No, you don’t, or you wouldn’t have called me,” she had a point. “Let me know how it goes.”

“Thanks, Val,” Carol smiled. “I’ll come visit soon.”

“Bring the new boo thang,” Carol hung up before Val could say anything. Sighing, she sat down in her chair with her hands over her eyes. She felt a little silly, acting like a teenager with a crush. But she was nervous and a little anxious, and these were feelings she wasn’t used to. Goose ran over and jumped on her lap, rubbing his head against her hand to get the captain to pet him. Carol smiled.

“Maybe I should take you with me. She does want to meet you,” the flerken meowed. “Do you promise not to eat any of them?” Immediately, Goose jumped off her lap. “That does not provide me with any confidence.”

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

“Hey stranger,” you turned around from your spot in the kitchen to see Carol. While you were in Russia, you missed your sisters. You missed spending time with Wanda, but you missed Carol the most. These feelings were something you were still trying to understand. While apart, your friendship was forged over text messages and phone calls. You worried your friendship wasn’t going to work in person.

“Did you bring him?” You asked. Carol shook her head but chuckled at your frown.

“Stark doesn’t like Goose,” she said and took half of the sandwich you made. You could give two fucks about Stark’s feelings. You wanted to meet the cat or Flerken or whatever. “Goose tried to eat him last time.”

“Good,” you shrugged. “He probably deserved it.” Carol laughed and took a bite. “Is it good?” The captain nodded with a smile. You rolled your eyes and took a bite of your half. She was right. It was good. Another thing about the compound is that your food was never safe.

“Do you have plans for tonight?” Usually, you would spend it with whoever wanted to watch a movie or play video games.

“Nope,” you said. “Do you want to do something?” You watched her smile grow, and you enjoyed it.

This is the first time you’ve done this. You only looked at someone and enjoyed their mannerisms by analyzing every detail for a mission. Slowly, you were unlearning those behaviors while leaving with the Avengers. Wanda liked tea before she went to bed. Steve always had a sketchbook next to him. When Yelena was nervous or anxious, she played with the rings on her fingers.

You liked learning about Carol. When she was reading over a mission report, she was spinning a pen between her fingers. Her eyes would light up when she was asked about Monica or Goose because she loved them both. She was playful, snarky, and wasn’t afraid to tease your sisters or Tony. “Do you want to go somewhere with me?” She asked.

“Do I get to know where we are going?” you countered. Carol shook her head. “It sounds like you are kidnapping me,” the captain smirked.

“Do you think I could kidnap you and get away with it?” You shrugged. It would be a challenge, but it would be fun. Besides, she could not get very far. Carol laughed.

“Do you trust me?” It went against your training to trust anyone, but you wanted to trust her.

“Yes,” you answered.

“Good, wear something casual, and I’ll pick you up at 5,” she winked at you, leaving you alone in the kitchen. You shook your head with a smile and ignored the way her playful gesture filled your stomach with butterflies. Instead of focusing on the upcoming hang-out with Carol, you began to clean the kitchen. It was a simple task that kept your mind busy and present. You were so distracted that you didn’t realize someone else entered the kitchen.

“Why are you cleaning?” You jumped at the sound of Wanda’s voice. “I am going to brag for years that I was able to sneak up on you,” you rolled your eyes at the witch and splashed water at her before drying your hand. “That was uncalled for.”

“Are you hungry? I can make you something quick,” you said, ignoring her question by opening the fridge and pretending to look through it. But you felt her eyes on your back. “Stop that,” you said.

“Then answer my question,” you sighed and closed the fridge. Wanda sat on a chair, and you leaned against the counter. Thankfully, Wanda gave you time to collect your thoughts. It seemed wild that these people cared about you when you hadn’t been in the compound for long. It was a feeling you were getting used to. You’ve been on your own for so many years. Sighing, you twisted the ring your sisters gave you for your birthday.

“Carol asked if I wanted to hang out tonight, and I said yes,” you said slowly.

“You guys hand out all the time,” Wanda said with a slight tilt of her head. That was true. If you weren’t with Wanda or your sisters, you were with Carol.

“Her asking me felt different,” you told her. “I think she asked me on a date.” A smile grew on the witch’s face.

“Finally!” She threw her arms in the air. “I’ve been so tired of listening to her thoughts whenever you guys are in the same room.” You felt your body heat up.

“She thinks about me?” You questioned.

“All the time,” she answered honestly. “Some thoughts aren’t very PG,” you groaned and snapped a towel at her. Wanda laughed and took your weapon of choice. “I will be fine,” she said. “Besides, she is in your mind just as much, if not more.” You flipped Wanda off as she took an orange from the fruit bowl and left.

You tried to keep your thoughts at bay around Wanda. Yelena told you the story of how they met the witch. You trusted her, especially since your sisters did, but your mind was filled with so much bloodshed you caused that you did not want to subject her to that. Of course, she was right. Carol always seemed to be on your mind. Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing after all.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

“An arcade?” you questioned and looked at Carol. You stood at the entrance, amazed by the sounds and lights.

“Yeah, I thought it would be fun and a little competitive.” Carol walked over to the counter and bought two game cards from the high schooler. You were busy looking at the lights flashing and the sounds of the games. “Is this okay?” she asked and handed you a card that looked like an ID.

“I’ve never been to one,” you followed her to where the prizes were. They had candy, stuffed animals, and fidget toys. Above everything else were the more expensive prizes like game consoles and household products. You weren’t sure what a kid would do with an air fryer. “There was one in the mall in Ohio, but I wasn’t allowed to go in.” You were so jealous of the kids that were running around being kids.

“Is this okay?” Her question snapped you of your thoughts. She looked concerned.

“I’m gonna kick your ass in that shooting game I saw.”

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

You won the shooting game, but she got more tickets than you. Combined, you had enough for a small teddy bear that she gave to you, and after the arcade, she took you to dinner for food. You had a great time. Not that you feared you wouldn’t, but this felt different. You weren’t afraid to hide your glances at her as you watched her concentrate on the silly games. She was adorable, and the smile on your face hurt your cheeks.

“Hey,” Carol’s gentle voice pulled you out of sleep. “We are back at the compound.” You opened your eyes and blinked away the sleep.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” you rubbed your eyes and Carol smiled.

“It’s fine,” she said and turned off the car. You looked cute.” It was reflexes when you punched her arm softly, but you felt your body heat up at the compliment. Her laughter followed you as you exited the car with her teddy bear in hand. Out of the car, you heard the weather—the pounding of the rain against the walls. There was the distinct sound of thunder.

“It’s raining,” you said.

“Yup,” Carol closed the door of the car. “We seemed to have followed the storm.” A smile grew on your face. “Why are you smiling?” You loved the rain. You loved laying in bed and listening to the weather back in Ohio. Sooner rather than later, Yelena would end up in your but that moment of peace you cherished. Without answering, you placed your prize on the car’s roof and walked to the garage door. The hum of the garage opener filled the silence. Then, the smell of petrichor filled your lungs. “What are you doing?”

You glanced over your shoulder with a mile and walked up the driveway. Immediately, the rain soaked your clothes. A gasp left your lips as the temperature of the rain startled you. Soon, your body got used to the cold. “You are going to get sick,” Carol said with a smile and crossed arms.

“I can’t get sick,” it was a half-truth. It was more challenging for you to get sick. “You can come keep me warm,” you smirked. You held your breath as you watched Carol think it over. Maybe you were being too forward. Perhaps all she wanted was to be friends. The captain shook her head. With a smile, she ran up the ramp and into you. You laughed as you wrapped your arms around her neck, and she spun you in a circle. Carol placed you on the ground. Your laughter died down, and you stared at her lips.

You couldn’t remember your first kiss. It was before Ohio, you thought - a short kiss between you and another Window. As you got older, kissing was used as a tool. You would make out with a target and slip a sedative in their drink. Now you wanted to kiss someone and have it mean something. That scared you. Would kissing her change what you already had? You would rather stay friends than ruin it.

“Tag your it,” you said, tagged the Avenger, and ran off. Running seemed like the more straightforward thing to do.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Carol sighed and stepped out of the bathroom. Her hair was still wet from the shower, but she had time to dry and style it. Her phone rang when she changed into gray pants and a white sports bra. “Hey Val,” she said, placing the phone on speaker. “I find it rude that you aren’t at this party.” Val laughed.

“Maybe Stark shouldn’t plan something so last minute,” Val had a point. “Turn on your camera. Let me see what you are wearing.” Carol rolled her eyes and placed her phone against the lamp to turn on the camera. She was finishing buttoning her white shirt when her friend’s face appeared on the phone. “I like the gray suit,” she wiggled her eyebrows. “Is she going to be there?”

“Not sure,” Carol stood in the bathroom to dry her hair and brushed it out. “She’s returning from a mission. Nat isn’t sure if she’ll be back.”

“But you are still trying to look hot,” Carol shrugged.

“Always good to be prepared,” she returned to the closest to put on her gray vest. It was more than just looking good. She felt confident in this suit. After the almost kiss in the raid, she needed all the confidence she could get.

“What’s wrong?” Val asked. “If you keep frowning like that, you will get more wrinkles.” The captain flipped her friend off. “So what’s the matter?” Carol sighed.

“We almost kissed last week, and we haven’t hung out since then,” she told her. “I don’t want to force her into something she isn’t ready for. I’d rather be friends than lose her.” Val was watching her closely.

“You aren’t forcing her, Carol,” she said. “If she did not like you, she wouldn’t hang out with you. " That was true, but Carol was worried. She is her own person.” You were, and Carol was lucky to see glimpses of the person you were becoming. “Goodness, you have it bad for her.”

“Shut up,” Carol mumbled, but she did not deny it. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Let me know how it goes!” Carol waved and ended the call. She had it bad for you, and it was so worth it.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

“There she is!” Yelena cheered. Carol watched the blonde run over to you. Something short-circuited in Carol’s brain. It wasn’t her proudest moment; the way her jaw dropped, a bit of her drink fell down her chin.

“Damn, you got it bad, Danvers,” Steve laughed and handed her a napkin. Carol snatched it out of his hand.

“Language, soldier,” but he wasn’t wrong. It was hard not to look at you. She saw the politicians glance your way. The red dress highlighted your figure with a thigh slight and spaghetti straps. She could tell you were wearing little makeup, but you never needed it, in her opinion. Steve chuckled.

“Maybe you should tell her how you feel,” he said. “You never know what could happen”. Carol looked at Steve and then back at you. Natasha and Maria joined the small group around you. You caught her looking, and you waved. She raised her glass to you with a smile. It was embarrassing how often she thought about kissing you or holding you in her arms. But she promised your sisters and herself she would take it slow and not force you.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Maybe you’re right.”

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

God, you hated parties with politicians. The dress wasn’t helping your situation, but when Sonya discovered your slight crush on Carol, she suggested the red dress. It was working. Her eyes were on you as soon as you arrived, but she hadn’t moved toward you. You sat at the table with your back to the wall, nursing a rum and coke. Yelena was with Sam and Wanda. Natasha was talking with some politicians whose names you couldn’t remember. You weren’t worried. She could handle herself around men like this. Men who valued power over personal values. It was hard to find a good politician these days. Maria and Steve were with her.

Honestly, you were so exhausted - mind, body, and soul - which wasn’t helping your mood. The past three days were late nights chasing down Widows, exposing them to the red dust, and then helping them settle. All you wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for a week, but luck was not on your side. Tony was having a party with a few politicians. You could have gone back to Russia, but it was packed with Widows, and you would get no rest with Alexei being annoying. So, the compound was the best option. Even though Yelena wanted to see you at the party. “Well, well, well,” a man said, walking over to you. He was drinking an old fashion. “Mind if I join you?”

“It’s all yours, sir. " He smiled and took the empty seat. I don’t believe we’ve been introduced.”

“David Palmer,” he extended his hand for you to shake. Before you could introduce yourself, he cut you off. “I know who you are,” you said, keeping your smile on your face and tapping into your training. To everyone here, you were a businesswoman from Boston. The fewer people who knew you were with the Avengers, the better.

“Who am I, Mr. Palmer?” You asked and sipped on your drink. You saw Carol looking at you over the man’s shoulder.

“You are Dreykov’s spider,” he whispered as if he were telling you a secret. You felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, but you kept on smiling. It was only a matter of time before you ran into someone who knew your past. You wished it wasn’t happening here. You circled the liquid in your glass and leaned back in the chair with your right leg crossed over your left. His eyes trailed up and down your body.

“If I am who you think I am,” you said. “What will you do with that information, Mr. Palmer?” He sipped on his drink and looked around the party.

“Do they know?” He questioned. “Do they know everything you did for him?” Natasha and Yelena knew a fraction of what occurred between you and Dreykov. But you wanted to keep that a secret for the others, especially Carol. “I’m guessing they don’t because you are among the heroes here.”

“What do you want, Palmer?” You asked. You were done with being nice. He wanted something. It was the only reason he was here. David placed a hand on your thigh. You fought your instincts not to break every one of his fingers. You hated the way his hand felt on you.

“Just one night with you,” he said. “Or I won’t go to the press. No one will know that the Avengers are harboring a killer.” His hands squeezed the flesh of your thigh. “You can imagine how bad that would look for them.”

They would lose their credibility with the public. Everything would be questioned. As for you, well, you could not care. You had to protect them, but you hated the idea of sleeping around to keep a secret. “Thank you, Mr. Palmer, but I’d have to decline your very generous offer.” You removed his hand and stood up. Before you could walk away, he grabbed your hand and pulled you back, flesh to his chest.

“Do you think you are better than us, slut?” He asked. You’ve dealt with men like this before. Men that weren’t used to hearing no. “You are a nobody without the men that made you. So get on your knees and start serving me.”

Before you reconnected with your sisters, you would have done it. You would have gotten on your knees and pleased him because that was how you were trained. You were different now. Your life was different, and you hated the way this man touched you. You twisted out of his hold and grabbed a pressure point on his wrist. The man crumbled to his knees. The irony. “It’s not nice to grab someone if they don’t want to be touched.” You felt the eyes of everyone at the party. You were causing a scene.

You quickly turned around, put your half-finished drink on the bar, and walked to the stairs to the roof. Even with the Red Room gone, that place was still haunting you.

You liked the way the cold weather felt on her arms. It was like a gentle embrace, a crisp and refreshing touch that awakened your senses. The air’s chill contrasted with your skin’s warmth, creating a delightful shiver. There was a sense of tranquility in the coolness, a quiet calm that settled over everything. Each breath you took felt clearer and purer. “What did he say to you?” Carol asked, walking up behind you.

“Nothing, I haven’t heard before,” you answered, not looking at her. Even when she stood next to you.

“You can tell me if it would make you feel better.” You shook your head.

“I don’t want you to look at me differently,” you admitted. She was quiet as you both stared into the vast darkness.

“I could never,” you glanced at her, and she looked at you. “Do you need a hug?” she asked. You nodded, and she was quick to pull you into a hug. Her warmth was intoxicating. Your body relaxed, and muscles loosened as if you had shredded a heavyweight. Her hug felt safe, a sanctuary where you could feel relaxed and at ease. “I almost punched him,” she broke the beat of silence that passed between you and her.

“Better you than me. He’s a slimy piece of shit,” her chest vibrated as she laughed.

“Oh, I know. I hated how he looked at you,” so did you. It was like you were a piece of meat to him. Then again, it wasn’t a look you were unfamiliar with. You pulled out of the hug to look at her better. “You do look stunning in this dress, by the way,” you smiled and fixed her tie and gray vest that you had messed up from the hug.

“You don’t look half bad yourself, Captain.” You liked the way her cheeks blushed. “I wore this for you, by the way,” you walked away, fingers running across the metal railing. You felt her eyes on your back.

“Wait, wait,” she jogged to catch up. “What did you mean by that?” You shrugged as she gently grabbed your wrist but immediately let go of you. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have grabbed you.” You frowned at her statement. You offered her your hand, and she took it. “Why did you wear this dress for me?” She asked. You concentrated on the way your hand felt against hers. Her hand was rough but warm. It showed years of hard work.

“I wanted you to notice me,” you whispered.

“Notice you?” Carol questioned. “I am always noticing you. I can’t keep my eyes off of you,” a small squeak left the back of your throat. Carol smiled. “Do you want to go on a date?”

“Like a date-date?” You questioned. “Not as friends, but maybe as something more.”

“Do you want to be something more?” The question stumped you. But Carol was patient and played with the ring your sisters gave you on your finger. Did you want more? Did you want to go on dates? To fall asleep in her arms? To wake up to the feeling of her lifts on your skin? The idea terrified you. Before Carol, you ‘dated’ two other people. One was a girl in your class in Ohio. You both were too young to understand what it meant. The second person was a Red Room guard who trusted the man’s loyalty. He failed, so he was killed. There was a brief moment when you thought you were in love with the Winter Solider, but Carol could be different.

She would be someone without the influence of the Red Room, someone who understood a life of fighting, someone who could like you and look based on the scars on your body and the blood on your hands. “Yes,” you finally said. “But I’m not sure if I’ll be good at this,” Carol smiled and hugged you again. Immediately, you slummed into her warmth.

“I’m in the same boat,” she chuckled. “We can learn together.” Her lips briefly touched your forehead. The spot tingled, and it made you smile.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Your eyes closed as soon as your back hit your bed. Carol walked you to your room, kissed you on the cheek, and wished you a good night. You were frozen to the spot for a split second, and touched your cheek. Finally, you entered your room, showered, changed, and flopped onto the bed. The exhaustion of the past few days was catching up to you. But your eyes were forced open when there was rapid knocking on your door. “Come in,” you called out. The door opened. Suddenly, a body jumped on you, and blonde hair covered your vision. You groaned. “Get your fat ass off of me,” you pushed your sister off, and she fell onto the floor with a grunt.

“First of all, I am not fat,” she stood up. “Second, you are just jealous of this ass.” You rolled your eyes, and she sat next to you. “We wanted to make sure you are okay.” You pushed yourself up to your elbows and saw Natasha. Your sisters were changed and freshly showered.

“Stark threw that jackass out, and Maria is working on getting him removed from office,” it was a start, and you were grateful they were taking it seriously. But you knew it was only a matter of time before another dirty politician took his place.

“I’m okay,” you told your sisters. You watched Natasha close the door and sit down next to you. “What he said to me is stuff I’ll always hear.” You were numb to all of it. You’ve been called a monster, a slut, a killer. Everything from A to Z was thrown at you. It was something you were used to.

“I thought Carol was going to kill him,” Yelena said. “Steve had to stop her.” The mention of Carol made you smile, biting your lip, which Natasha noticed.

“What happened on the roof?” You shrugged, but the smile gave you away. Natasha nudged your shoulder with hers. “Come on, tell us.”

“She asked me on a date,” you said slowly. “And I said yes.”

“You said yes?” Yelena questioned. You nodded. There was silence before Yelena squealed and put her arms around you. She shook you from side to side.

“You and Natasha could go on double dates,” Honestly, that was the last thing you wanted to do. You pushed Yelena to the floor again. “Stop doing that!” You laughed and looked at the redhead. You weren’t sure why you looked for Natasha’s approval.

“I’m so happy for you,” she squished your cheeks. “Look at you dating. I love seeing you all happy,” you pushed her hands away and glared at her. That was payback for your teasing with Maria.

“I hate you,” you deadpanned. Natasha smiled. She stood up and moved to the top of your bed. “What are you doing?” You asked.

“You need sleep,” she answered. “Melina said it had been a long few days.”

“Alright, Mom,” you crawled up to the headboard. “Are you going to tuck me in?” She flicked your forehead. “Fuck off!” You said and rubbed the spot she flicked.

“Move over,” Yelena said, pushing you to the bed’s edge.

“I’m gonna need some room, too,” Natasha added. Yelena pushed closer to you, and Natasha laid down next to her. “You need a bigger bed.”

“I wasn’t expecting sleepovers all the time,” you said, closing your eyes and slowly falling asleep to the steady beat of Yelena’s heart. Then you felt Natasha’s hand on your shoulder. You opened your eyes to see Natasha looking at you.

“I hope you know we don’t think you are any of those things that man called you,” she whispered. “No one here does.” You forced a smile.

“Thank you, Nat,” you whispered. “Now go to sleep,” she chuckled, and you closed your eyes. It did not matter what they thought of you. You knew who you were. You knew you were a killer. The blood on your hands runs deep. No matter how often you tried washing your hands, the blood remained.

[iadore]

Long post. For anyone having Byler doubt right now let me share a few things I know are true and point out what I believe is the logical conclusion. (Some may disagree) Bear with me. It will all add up and hopefully bring some comfort.

Facts:

Before season 4 David Harbour spoiled that Will had feelings for Mike in an interview.

After season 4 vol 1 Byler exploded on social media. The pairing gained a huge following. Byler won ship of the year. Noah despite having less screen time than his cast mates won the people’s choice award for best male actor. People were so desperate to prove byler endgame they paid for fake scripts which led to the ST writers account agreeing to share scenes people wanted to read. The van scene was in highest demand.

Simultaneously, there is a rise in homophobia in the fandom. We all remember getting bible verses in our ask boxes after posting GIFs of Mike’s soupy face when he looks at Will.

The Duffers shifted from saying they were “tuning out the noise” to taking in fan feedback.

David Harbour was told the ending of stranger things.

A year ago (2023) he said people need to accept Mike is in love with eleven. Once again spoiling an important part of the final season. (Personally this was the moment I gave up on Byler happening and my heart broke. I was so sad about what they turned Mike into and that they used Will’s love to fix a hetero relationship. They never explained mike’s sudden cruelty towards Will. I felt it wasn’t bad writing it was just lazy and somehow that was worse. I stepped back from ST and moved on to other more queer friendly stories. It seems silly since this is just a TV show but I think everyone who ships Byler can attest to how invested you can become in these boys and the remarkably selfless love Will gives to Mike.)

They start filming season 5. Throughout the year we get bts pics. I peeked at these and tried not to get my hopes up again. I told myself the fact there were so many byler pics and so few mileven pics didn’t mean anything. Byler is more popular. Sharing pictures of them will get more attention, so I dismissed this as people seeking clout.

The cast says over and over the Duffers can’t please everyone. I figured this was them trying to let the passionate Byler fandom down easy.

Millie hints her ending in the story is not typical.

Then… the cast reads the final script. They all officially know the ending. Every detail of it.

Noah does his first panel in a long time. In which he says “you could never tell of [mike and Will’s relationship] was something romantic or just a really special friendship.”

Several posts on social media show up as people say they won’t watch the final season because Noah’s words make them think Byler is clearly going to happen.

David Harbour said in a recent interview that the Duffers are in tune with the audience and what they want in terms of pairings. Look above for all of the “subtle” (lol) hints the fans have been giving that Byler should be endgame.

My personal conclusion/opinion/guess:

Mike and Will are going to end up together. It wasn’t the original plan but after seeing the fans point out all of the obvious signs and show their love for the relationship it was the logical choice. Anyone who sees all the “Byler proof” has to admit there are real signs of romance on both sides whether they were intentional or not. Going forward all of the hints we’ve picked up on will have meaning, even if they began as accidents.

David Harbour didn’t know about the byler part of the finale until the final table read. He spoiled things twice before and they didn’t trust him to not do it again. Which was justified because he literally spoiled byler endgame in the last interview I mentioned. Dude can’t keep quiet. I’m sure he has believed he was telling the truth every time.

Most of the cast probably didn’t know until the final table read. If the season is written the way I think will be: we watch Mike over several episodes realize he’s fallen out of love with Eleven and find the courage to admit he loves Will (because man it’s so obvious). The only people who would need to know are Finn, Noah and Millie if Mike and Will don’t officially end up together until the end of the season (doesn’t mean we won’t get a lot of great byler moments in the build up. They seem to be having a lot of one on one time in bts pics.)

Keeping Byler endgame top secret even from the cast makes sense to me because there are people (who I sincerely don’t get why they watch ST) who will refuse to watch the show if the final season is centered on a gay couple. Also, one of the most popular mainstream TV shows on the planet ending this way will be talked about for years and have a huge impact.

Sometimes doing what the fans are begging for isn’t cheap “fan service.” It’s having the common sense and humility listen to thousands of people who love your show and admit Mike’s character was going in the wrong direction.

For fans of Avatar the Last Airbender: creators Brian and Mike originally planned for Toph to be male. Their head writer Aaron Ehasz suggested making her a girl, which they initially resisted. Then they rolled all of the qualities of the tough guy they originally planned into a twelve year old girl. They later had a lot of boys come up to them saying Toph was their favorite character. They said “Sometimes it’s more satisfying to be wrong than to be right.”

Personal take: there’s no reason to be upset at the original plan because they made the right call in the end.

I know it’s important to some people for byler to be the plan all along. And maybe it was, I have no way of knowing. But all I personally need is for them to do right by Will and Mike as characters.

EDIT:

because people were asking here's the link to the recent David Harbour interview: https://www.inverse.com/entertainment/stranger-things-season-5-loose-ends-david-harbour

[mindful-of-ideas]

TW: mention of alcohol, reader gets black out drunk.

A/N: Based on this request here by anon. Sooooooo… it’s been a while since I watched Peaky Blinders so if it doesn’t make sense timeline wise, I’m sorry. Also it’s been a while in general, sorry to have vanished without a word. Life got busy. Also I never realised the age gap between Tommy and Ada was thaaaaat big, so I kind of worked my way around it. Hopefully you still like it.

“Come on,” you said whining, “it’s one night, I think I’ll manage!”

“I just don’t want anything to happen to my little girl,” Polly said almost whispering.

You sat down by her side on the couch and rested your head on her lap.

“I promise I’ll be careful, I’ll make sure all the doors are locked and go to bed early.”

Gently, she brushed your hair with her fingers.

“You promise? With all of the arrests lately and… “

There was a long silence. Last week, they had arrested a bunch of members of the Peaky Blinders, but some coppers went too far. They had humiliated their wives, beating them in front of their children when they could, throwing them in the streets barely clothed otherwise, just in hope they knew something about their husbands whereabouts. They almost never did.

“I promise. You even could have one of the boys come around to check on me,” you added.

You hated being checked on, and she knew that. But you wanted her to have an actual relaxing weekend, it took you weeks to convince her to take a break, and mostly you wanted to have a fun weekend out.

“Alright. But you open the door for no one else, and if anything happens…”

“I keep my mouth shut until you or Tommy come and get me out, I know.”

“And he’s probably the one I’ll send to come and check on you,” she added.

You raised an eyebrow at her. You had only suggested it to ease her mind. You never believed she would actually send one of the boys to look after you like you were some little child.

“If,” she corrected herself, “I were to send someone, I would send Thomas. But I trust you.”

She kissed your forehead gently.

But deep down you knew you had to think of a backup plan in case Tommy did actually show up. Though, you wouldn’t complain too much. He too was a busy man and you couldn’t remember the last time he took a break, or the last time you even saw him for that matter.

It probably was well over two months ago, and well, the whole night was kind of a blur, a mix of alcohol and too much fun. Yet you could remember everything that led to that one night.

Polly had taken you in when you were barely five years old. Your mother, a friend of hers, had become suddenly ill, and your father, in true manlike fashion, had fled to London like a thief in the middle of the night. It didn’t take much convincing for Polly to take you in. She always told you she could never refuse your mom anything, on her dying bed more than ever. You never felt like you were a burden to Polly either. If anything, you were her blessing. This was how you had ended up growing alongside the infamous Shelby family.

Ada was your best friend, probably your only real friend too. You were thick as thieves. Polly wasn’t too fond of your friendship however. She seemed to always come up with excuses when Ada was about to get herself, and you, into real trouble, trying to keep you safe. Often, she would ask for your help around the house, mostly with Finn, who was still so young. How could you say no, you loved Finn like a brother.

You didn’t care much for the older boys, John was nice to you, beating up your bullies, but Arthur always seemed too old for you to even consider getting closer to him. He would make an effort to be nice to you, probably out of respect for Polly, but to say you considered him like a brother would be wrong, false.

Then, there was Tommy. The dark and mysterious Thomas Shelby. Has he always been like this? No, that couldn’t be possible. You had a clear picture of him crying at his mother’s funeral, birthday cards retelling shared laughters and a curved scar on your collarbone, witness to great adventures. You knew a Tommy no one else knew. Yet these memories, as he got older, turned into echoes of conversation late at night between him and Polly, where he sounded like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, whispers about girls trying to take a bite out of him and ripples of tears you couldn’t see anymore. That’s when he became the mysterious Thomas Shelby and that’s when your indocile naïve teenage heart began aching for him. But when he never stopped caring for you, you had to realise that this crush couldn’t last.

Yet he was not acting dark and mysterious that night, which was something unusual. The thought that the old Tommy could be back left your heart racing. Yet you were certain you had gotten over your crush, it had been too long to still hold on to silly hope. Now, however, the embarrassment of a childlike crush wasn’t there. The feeling was different, sharper. Ada caught you staring at him.

“Come on,” she had said, “you can go and bother him, I’ll cover for you if he gets pissed, say you were drunk or something.”

She said those words as if she knew something you didn’t. It didn’t matter though. She was right, you were drunk, and well, drunk-you wanted to go say hi to Tommy. Drunk you felt like a strong independent woman, who knew better than to be intimidated by handsome boys. You had dated handsome boys, this was child’s play. Though Thomas was a man. You had gotten up clumsily and made your way to the bar. Slurring your words just a little, you managed to start a conversation. You don’t remember much of what was said. Niceties mostly, hopefully. Maybe something about the good old days, when everything new felt like a warm and bright sun shower. Still, you did remember his eyes. How they were piercingly cold when you had started talking, yet by the end of the night they had a soft coldness to them that felt welcoming. This and his laugh. Somehow you had made him laugh and even today, his crystal clear laugh still echoed in your head.

You had awoken up the next day with a massive headache. How you made it back home was still a mystery. You remembered an Ada-like shadow leaving the pub around an early midnight and drinks still getting poured out for you. Tommy was buying, why would you have left then?

•••

There was a faint knock on the door. Carefully, you got up and cracked the door open. It was still early in the night and you started worrying that this wasn’t one of the Shelby boys behind the door.

“Tommy? What are you…”

“Polly asked,” he answered.

“She said IF,” you said, whining.

“And decided she was going to,” he said sternly, “And Polly was really clear that you weren’t to get into trouble. If I had come by later, could you promise you wouldn’t have been out?”

“No,” you thought. He was right. You let the door swing open more. You had planned on going out but had not started getting ready yet. You were still in well-worn clothes, nothing unfamiliar to Tommy.

“I’m not a kid anymore, I can take care of myself just fine. I should be able to go out if I want to.”

“I know…”

“So you’ll let me go, great! Now please get out so I can get ready.”

But he stood in the doorway, not moving.

“Was there anything else?” you asked after some time.

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

“You… what…” you said blushing, “Tommy I look like shit right now. I… I haven’t…”

“I don’t care.”

He took a step towards you, pushed the door aside and grasped your face in his hands. Gently, you pried yourself away from him. His face was still close to yours. His blue eyes looking intensely at you, you could feel his gaze examining every inch of your face. Coldness washed over you, awakening all of your senses. You were suddenly hyperaware of your surroundings and you couldn’t look at him anymore. You had to look at the door. The wide-open door. What if someone saw you? What if the cops were to walk down the street right this instant?

“The door,” you finally whispered.

Grabbing you by the waist, he spun you around and pushed you against the door, closing it at the same time.

“What about the door?” he asked.

His other hand above your head, you felt small, trapped between him and the door. You bit your lip and started giggling.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you quickly said, “it’s just…”

“Just what?”

“I know you… this just exactly how I’d imagine the dark and mysterious Thomas Shelby to act, yet it feels so strange.”

“Dark and mysterious,” he said, feigning surprise.

“You know…” you started, lowering your gaze. If he could just move back a little bit, you would feel so much more confident. “How everyone talks about you. And how I suddenly got more books when you moved out…”

“And how somehow Ada’s destructive plans always fell through?” he suggested.

“Wh-… you…”

“Yeah, me.” He said, lifting your chin gently to face him again. “Can I?” he asked in a whisper, pulling your face closer to his.

You nodded timidly. What was going on with you. This was Tommy, not some fucking stranger at the bar.

“Say it,” he teased.

“Yes.”

He kissed you, passionately. Had his hand not moved from your chin to be tangled in your hair, you would’ve bashed your head against the door.

He kissed you. And kissed you again.

You closed your eyes as he trailed kisses down your neck, all the way to your collarbone. He lingered on your scar when you shot your eyes open, pushing him back.

“What, what is it?” he asked, genuinely concerned.

“Since when?”

“What?” He tried to lift your chin up but you swatted his hand away.

“Since when… do you have feelings… for me?” you managed to blurt out.

“You always…” he started but you cut him short.

“No!” you said, pushing him back. “I mean it, since when!”

“I don’t get what’s wrong? Y/N, just calm down.”

“What’s wrong?”

Thousands of things were wrong and they hit you all at once. Right there, right then, at the worst possible moment.

“What’s wrong?” you asked again. “What’s wrong is every single men who looked at me like I was some piece of meat every time I walked into a bar since I turned 18! What’s wrong is these same men doing the same thing year after year after year and to girls younger and younger and younger than me! If you said you loved me since forever, I would feel so disgusted with myself and I… and I…”

You were hyperventilating at that point. You didn’t know why and how these thoughts just suddenly came to you. Maybe it was because this was just too much to handle, maybe it was because you’ve only dated boys, man-children, before.

“Hey, hey, just breathe, okay,” he said, gently stroking your hair away from your face with both his hands.

“Since when?” you asked one last time between sobs.

“Since the last time I saw you, something… changed,” he finally answered.

Slowly, you managed to silence your breathing and slow down your sobs.

“But, you always were special, Y/N,” he said. “Things slowly fell into place, but I assure you, I never and would never consider you as anything else than my equal, if not more.”

Blushing deeply, you tried to turn away, but he forced you to look at him.

“But you however. You’ve had a crush on me since way before.”

“I got over it,” you said defensively even though it was true. If the spark was rekindled that one night, it had morphed from a strinking lightning bolt into a raging wildfire. “But that night… yeah, something changed.”

“So, can we keep going?”

“I think we should rather start over. I think I missed a few of my cues.”

“Oh yeah,” he said, leaning back against the door, tilting your chin with the other hand. “Like what?”

“Come and find out.”

His face inched closer to yours.

“Come on, beautiful, just tell me.”

Before you could answer, he was kissing your lips again. But as quickly as he had started, he broke the kiss. You grabbed the lower part of his shirt, gently pulling him towards you.

“I forgot to kiss you back,” you whispered before kissing him for the first time.

[bucksdaffy]

okay, so i've seen some people claim that tim minear is an avid buddie shipper and that he's slowly but surely laying the groundwork for buck and eddie to become canon in the future and...

i'm just thoroughly confused about this assertion.

i'll preface this by saying i'm very new to the fandom, so i'm prepared to be wrong about this. i'm aware i may lack crucial context because i've been here only so long. also, i don't know tim personally, so i obviously can't speak to his true intentions, but i'll make my case anyway.

i'll cite two RECENT comments by tim that i assume people might draw this conclusion from:

[?: There is a sect of the fandom that just wants 9-1-1 to be the Buck and Eddie show, and any cut that removes a second of them is going to get the same reaction. Nothing short of renaming the show "Christopher's Two Dads" is going to make them happy.] T: I totally get that. I even appreciate it. Which explains the entire first act of last night's episode. I kind of did for the Buck/Eddie fans (I mean I really do it for myself in the end). I just thought... they'd like it? Shrug. I liked it, so whatever.

Minear tells Rolling Stone that he hasn’t just been aware of fan reactions, he’s actually changed storylines in the past to avoid being accused of queerbaiting. But rather than help, he says it made the show worse. “Nobody wants to be accused of queerbaiting so I kind of stopped writing those characters together. And I think it hurt the show because I was so afraid to be accused of something that I wasn’t going where I would naturally go with the stories,” Minear says. “I just decided that I just have to write the thing that I think is right. I just have to be honest with the story I’m telling and let the chips fall where they may.”

now, i may be biased, but this doesn't read to me like he plans on buddie endgame at all.

while it's clear he loves the bond between buck and eddie and enjoys highlighting it in the show, saying he totally wants them to end up together feels like a reach.

he discusses being accused of queerbaiting in the past, which led him to backtrack a little and stop writing buck and eddie together. how does this suggest he did it because he wants buddie to become canon? if that were his intention he could have continued to drop more (apparent!) hints that buck and eddie may love each other in a non-platonic way. he wouldn't care about the accusations of queerbaiting so much, because he would be planning to make them canon all along. sure, there are external constraints that could prevent this from ever materializing, but that doesn't mean he couldn't write the dialogue in a clearly ambiguous way so that once he gets a pass and everyone else involved is on board with it, he could confirm that "yeah, you were right; it was a good ol' friends-to-lovers slow burn trope all along. congrats!!" no. instead he backtracked because he didn't want anyone to think he was writing buddie as anything other than a platonic relationship. that's it. but he eventually realized it doesn't really matter because people are going to think what they want to think regardless. and he obviously loves buck and eddie's friendship so he might as well just make the most out of it at this point. and if he ever feels like maybe it is a good time to turn their friendship into something more because it feels right for story, he'll go for it. but if not, he won't.

i see a lot of people claim buddie is a six-season-long slow burn, being carefully crafted right now for future canonization. and they say tim basically confirmed this. but i really can't see his comments being a confirmation of the sort.

if there are any quotes i'm missing that suggest otherwise, i would love to go through them. so if anyone's aware of any, please don't hesitate to hit me up.

but at the moment i believe y'all are just setting yourselves up for disappointment.

[anonymouschishiyaimaginesandmore]

BestFriend!Chishiya

Minors, do not read! Contains mentions of smutty behavior!

MASTERLIST (up-to-date)

This is Part 3 !!HERE!! is Part 1 !!HERE!! is Part 2 !!HERE!! is Part 4

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Alice in Borderland/Imawa no Kuni no Alice characters or original stories, only the plot of this fanfic. Alice in Borderland/Imawa no Kuni no Alice characters and original storyline belong to Haro Aso, who made the Manga the Series is based on.

Trigger Warning: Explicit Smut in later Parts, both Characters are Teens, Slight Toxic Behavior, Complicated Consensual/Not-Consensual Behavior Summery: Chishiya x Female Reader

BestFriend!Chishiya reads your texts. Excuses, he thinks. He sees right thru you. Instead of calling you out on your lie, he writes back, typing fast, but taking a moment before sending. After all, you shouldn’t know how long he waited, thinking that he might has taken a step too far too soon with you.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: No probs

BestFriend!Chishiya writes his message as casual as possible. You on the other hand feel encouraged thru the distance to speak your mind. Or at least clearer than before.

YOU: Do you feel different since then?

BestFriend!Chishiya smiles at your question and how fast you come back to the topic, you literally ran away from. It only confirms his assumption that he still lingers in your mind, even after you left his home and with that, him. Too bad, he thought back then. He wasn’t done with you for the day, but your shy manner to this topic and the fact that you are pretty much new to all of that, lets him forgive you. After all, a mouse will always run away from a cat, when backed into a corner. Or at least try.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Not much BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You?

You are surprised how fast you type your answer and how honest you allow yourself to be, knowing he is on the other line, reading every word. But not having to look him straight at his handsome and sometimes intimidating features, gives you the freedom to breach the case, without looking for the next exit. How brave you are. Society should really give medals to people like you, for finding courage in situations like this. Seriously!

YOU: Yes YOU: A lot YOU: I feel like something changed, but I can’t say what and I feel a little bit crazy, because you don’t YOU: I know it’s not right, cause that’s how you feel and I am in no way entitled to something, but I can’t stop thinking this way

It takes BestFriend!Chishiya a while to reply and you realize how hard your fingers tremble, when you almost can’t read your own words on the blue display. It doesn’t help. If at all, it only makes you feel worse. Nerves stretched and about to rip, your screen shakes rhythmic to the beat of your heart. How pathetic you must look. It makes you roll your eyes at your own behavior.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Sorry I guess BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I do feel bad that my actions have led to you feeling that way

Lie

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And I feel even worse that you thought you couldn’t communicate this with me

Another Lie.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I guess I was selfish after all, to ask something like that. It was just curiosity that got the best of me, and I thought I was right to ask this of you, after your agreement.

This is half true.

BestFriend!Chishiya knows he acted selfish, but he does believes that what he made you do was also in your best interest. It was out of question, that at one point in your friendship, you would become aware of the males surrounding you and whatever your eyes lay first on other man or on him, would change the way your relationship would go on or die off, because BestFriend!Chishiya isn’t the kind of person who shares people he holds close. Never has and never will be. No, he is truly selfish, so if some other guy would catch your attention first, he was confident the jealousy inside of him would make him cut you off, just so he wouldn’t have to deal with that piece of scum next to you. That attention seeker. A pollution to the world on two legs, he knows that already. By approaching you first and with that also the topic, with doing what he did, he redirected your path towards him.

You now grew aware of the man around. Your eyes definitely set on him first, what was half the win, and your mind now does too. So, in some way, to keep your friendship and with that, you, he had no other choice. Things do make sense from his perspective and if you were just as smart as him, BestFriend!Chishiya was sure you would agree, but thankfully you aren’t because BestFriend!Chishiya likes to be the smartest in the room. He likes how he could make you do things, stupid things, embarrassing things, because someone smart wouldn’t do that. Someone smart would try to compete with him, what was in some way, kind of interesting, but BestFriend!Chishiya felt himself always getting bored fast when it became evident, the other person couldn’t keep up with him, so he likes how simple you were. Simple, not stupid.

Stupid people tend to get angry when they realize how much smarter BestFriend!Chishiya is and how he likes to let his ego show and flaunt that genius of him. Arrogance was something, other people very obviously disliked on him, but you don’t. Never did. You except it and even went along with him all the times he rubbed it under your nose. Something simple people do, but smart ones would never be able to. He wants to keep you for that and so, after recognizing your change, had to adapt to it. And so he did.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: The effect, thought it was entertaining for me, obviously wasn’t as much for you, but I didn’t bring it up, though I saw how you had to work with yourself and again, I’m sorry for that

That is, in some way, true again. BestFriend!Chishiya did enjoy how worked up you got all by yourself and now he feels a little bit bad. Tho not enough to change anything, if he could.

YOU: Its ok YOU: I guess YOU: It’s just as much my fault like it is yours. I will be honest with you, cause you deserve it for being with me. I won’t lie and say I didn’t like what you did YOU: But I know it won’t change anything you feel so if it makes you uncomfortable, I will stop talking about it YOU: Nevertheless I also ask of you to stop teasing me with it if that’s the case, cause, in some way, I guess it brings my hopes up, there is something more YOU: Could be something more YOU: Yet… YOU: I did like it, I guess YOU: Tho it scared me too YOU: Wanting to see more YOU: Of you YOU: Again YOU: Sorry if that’s weird YOU: Could you just say something YOU: I don’t know where we are standing right now YOU: Chishiya? YOU: ??? YOU: Please say something YOU: I’m sorry okay, I will stop talking and asking about it YOU: Just say something YOU: I’m so afraid now, that I have destroyed our friendship YOU: Chishiya please, say something YOU: Anything YOU: PLEASE!!!

You are on the verge of tears and BestFriend!Chishiya has probably no idea. Or he doesn’t care. You don’t know. This whole thing is uncharted territory for you, and you feel so overwhelmed and left alone to deal with it all by yourself.

YOU: Chishiya please YOU: Say something YOU: Don’t ignore me YOU: I don’t know what to do

Fingers type so fast and still. It was more than 10 Minutes ago that BestFriend!Chishiya wrote you last. Sobs form in your throat, right next to that big knot that, for now, keeps you from crying out loud or making any other sounds. The final Bing sound catches you off guard and you look at your screen only for a blurred picture to appear. The security options of your phone needs you to agree with a tap on the picture that you wanted to download and see it. This way, unnecessary dick picturesof strangers and unknown numbers wouldn’t and couldn’t infiltrate your storage. You tap on the picture, curiosity almost completely drowning out the despair you felt moments ago.

And there it was, IS, the reason for your security settings, popping up right in front of you. A dick pic.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Sorry it took me so long to reply. It’s impossible to write and get hard at the same time BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But here it is BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: My answer BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Hope you like it, because it’s all for you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Wasn’t that easy to get it up without help BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I imagined your hand jerking me off instead of mine BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Wish I asked you to do it back then BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: We could have had so much fun BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And all those headaches and worries would have never happened BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: However BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Let’s forget that, cause here it is BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: All standing up proud for you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Damn, I’m leaking all over the bed, hope you don’t mind the mess BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Next time, the mess could be all over you, if you like BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Wanna try that out?

Another picture announces itself and you tap on it, again, this time with shaky hands, missing the file 2 times. Your breath is going so fast, if you don’t calm down the next few minutes, passing out is a logic high possibility to happen. You look at the now unblurred photo and stop breathing completely. Without any doubt. You didn’t misjudged the first pictures content and the second one proofed it only again. This was, without any doubt, intended. It is BestFriend!Chishiya cock. Again! On this occasion, his fingers are wrapped around it, seemingly stroking himself and a milky white goo spread from the tip down, covering parts of the stiff flesh.

You glance at the clock, sighing as your now fully awake eyes make out the time. It’s too late, your parents wouldn’t let you out of the house and you aren’t fully sure if you really should even follow your first instinct and get to BestFriend!Chishiya house as fast as possible, but you still write back, needing to correct your answer since you misspelled every second word, because of your twitching fingers and your body flooding with oxygen, all due to your lungs inhaling and exhaling at a record speed.

YOU: I want to YOU: I believe YOU: Yes I do YOU: I guess

You add the last message hesitantly, since your fingers type faster than your mind embraces the meaning of his words. BestFriend!Chishiya on the other hand, smirks satisfied. Of course, you do. After that little confession of yours, your answer was so predictable. And he likes it.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I want that too BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Want to cum on you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Where would you let me if I was with you right now BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Do you wish to be with me too?

YOU: I do YOU: To be honest I wanted to go over, but my parents would say no

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: It’s better that way BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Too dangerous for you out there at night BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Just imagine what could happen to you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: What I could do to you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: If you were out right now BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Mhmm…my mind is going crazy

You rub your thighs at each other, creating the least bit of friction, hearing his voice in your mind, low and rough while reading every message. You have never touched yourself, never tried to, never thought about it. The tingling between your legs and the way your stomach tenses at every oh so filthy word. It is new but somehow welcome. However, you don’t know how to deal with it. Should you tell BestFriend!Chishiya?

YOU: Mine too YOU: I feel weird YOU: In a good way, I think YOU: But I don’t know how to handle it

Gosh you sound so much like a virgin, but you can’t help it. It’s not a lie tho. You are. And all of the things BestFriend!Chishiya creates in you, arose with his words and pictures. You feel dirty but also good, like that’s exactly how things should be. A small voice in your mind warns you to be careful. Things proceed way too fast. Get out of hand. To paddle back before you do something stupid. But the want in you, the need that wets your underwear, his name on the verge of your lips. It drows out all the logic thinking and with that also all the red flags. You feel particularly bold asking the next question.

YOU: Maybe another pic could help me with that

BestFriend!Chishiya laughs out loud. Thankfully he is alone at home. The only benefit of uncaring parents. His father is on some gala somewhere. BestFriend!Chishiya doesn’t care about him. But he does care if anyone can witness the grunts leaving his throat while he pumps his meat at a steady pace. Up and down. Again, and again. In a rhythmic circling round motion. It feels so good. Better, knowing you are actually on the other line, awake, encouraging him with the content of your messages, just like he does with his. Especially with the photos. The flash of a camera lights up the room for a moment, before he sends the picture to you, and you open it with furious want, chest heaving and audibly filled with excitement.

It is BestFriend!Chishiya erection on full display. This time his hand was open in the picture, palm up, showing the sticky mess on it proudly, followed by a message of him.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You didn’t answer my question from before

YOU: Which one? YOU: Another one please?

And BestFriend!Chishiya follows your begging. In the picture, he fumbles with his balls, presenting them to you, while the angry red tip leaks more and more precum over his fist.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Where you want me to cum BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: On your stomach? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Your thighs? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Or maybe on your chest? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Your breasts were so smooth and soft BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You moaned when I touched them BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Then again, so was your ass BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You yelped so nice, when I gave it a little slap BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Did you like it? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Your ass did BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: That cheek was all red BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: So angry BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I could see my handprint on it

YOU: You can do it wherever you want

This is such a dirty invitation from you. Weren’t you so pure and innocent just days ago and now you tell your best friend to ejaculate on your body wherever he pleases. That was so wrong, but the thought of it sounds all nice in your head and it excites you to see it. Feel it. To have BestFriend!Chishiya touch you more with his hand. Places even he hasn’t had his fingers yet.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Damn, how nice of you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Shit, my load isn’t big enough for your whole body BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But I’m sure I will find a place just right for the first one BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And if you ask me nicely BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Like really nicely BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I may can offer a second one

Your mind is blown away of how talkative your usually so laconic friend is. Only using more when BestFriend!Chishiya lectures you about your wrong grammar and missing algebra knowledge. His chatty behavior lights something inside of you and you just have to ask, afraid it could destroy the good mood. But you have to know it.

YOU: Chishiya YOU: May I ask something…off topic?

BestFriend!Chishiya is a little disappointed from the turn of events, but it isn’t like he has the monopoly on this situation, so of course he agrees, slightly unnerved and frustrated, his hand working his best part slower, so his mind has more blood to think straight.

YOU: Did you lie to me?

That throws BestFriend!Chishiya off. Yes, of course he did, but what part of his behavior makes you think this way?

YOU: About what changed for you?

BestFriend!Chishiya sighs, relieved that’s what you ask about, but also annoyed, cause this conversation now may take some precious time he could enjoy differently. He sighs.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Yes BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I did BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Sorry about that

YOU: Are you really sorry?

BestFriend!Chishiya bites his tongue, weighing his options. His head falls back and hits the headboard of the bedframe with a small thud. Another Bing sound follows the last heavy one. BestFriend!Chishiya lowers his gaze from the ceiling to his phones screen.

YOU: Be honest YOU: I won’t judge you YOU: Or be mad YOU: I promise

BestFriend!Chishiya types fast but concentrated, what is slightly difficult, given the fact, he only can use one hand for this task. The other one is still busy pleasuring him and there was no way he would stop. Not unless it becomes clear, the good time was over. Even if he has to blue ball himself. Knowing you are there, fully aware of his actions and even encourage him, turns him on so much. It feels so way better than all the other times at night, with your face and body next to him, but unable to enjoy his act with you.

BestFriend!Chishiya is still unsure if it was a good idea to share the truth, but he has a feeling, you already knew it, so denying it further, would only anger you and with that destroy this moment and maybe even future following ones. He couldn’t let that happen. Not after everything he did to get this far. All the things he said.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I am not sorry BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I feel like I should apologize again for that, but that would only be just another lie

YOU: I see

There are a few moments of silence were none of you write something and BestFriend!Chishiya already thinks he choose the wrong route, but the Bing sound announces you were still into the conversation and with that, still with him. BestFriend!Chishiya exhales in relief.

YOU: When you asked for me to undress, were your intentions really what you said? YOU: Research reasons

Now it is on BestFriend!Chishiya to hesitate. He feels his approach may has been a mistake. Or maybe you aren’t just as clueless as he thought. It was likelier that over the time with him, you have captured a few of his habits and were now able to read some of his intentions. However, without the fast coming of his messages and his mind being literally in his pants, he could have seen how obvious he became. Just like you. The situations proceeding way too hasty and that likely thru you off, knowing that BestFriend!Chishiya is a man who first considers things carefully and well before acting on them.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: No BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I lied there too BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Not sorry about that either BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But sorry you caught on it

BestFriend!Chishiya decides to stay honest and answer your questions. Hopefully, clearing all your worries and doubts with it. The opposite would be a devastating option that he doesn’t want to think about. But he did it anyway. It was a reflex. A natural trait of his brain. The way he thought and what made him so extraordinary. His character and quick wit, coupled with the fact that he just can't turn his mind off for even a second. A curse or blessing? Sometimes it’s both at the same time.

YOU: So it was a trick YOU: You knew what you were doing the whole time YOU: It was your intention to confuse me like you did and get me into that situation?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Yes

YOU: All of it?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Yes, again.

YOU: Touche YOU: I know you are a genius, but such a mastermind? YOU: I’m surprised I fell for I so easily

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I’m not

YOU: Why?

Bestfriend!Chishiya can practically hear your annoyed scoffing, knowing very well that his blatant showoff of just how much smarter he is, sometimes makes you want to roll your eyes and hit him on his shoulder, while still giggling amused.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Because I planned it carefully for some time now BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Should have worked out without the need of any back-up-plans BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I see my mistake here, now BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Are you angry with me?

You wanted to say yes, but you think your answer thru instead, before typing it, taking your sweet time and hoping BestFriend!Chishiya is feeling even the tiniest bit of remorse, or at least he is sweating waiting for your answer. You aren’t really mad with him. Did he play you like a puppet? Yes. Did he lead you on his way to have you probably at his mercy? Likely. Was it selfish and unconsidered towards you? Oh yeah, but were any of his intentions malicious and aimed to harm you? You don’t think so and after all, you know what you got yourself into when you kept your friendship with BestFriend!Chishiya up. He isn’t like any other person you know. Never was. So it was kind of obvious that your friendship would be different too. After all that, did you really had a right to be angry with him? Even upset when he did nothing else than what he usually did? Playing with you, but this time to a different degree than normally?

YOU: I’m not YOU: I guess, you are you after all YOU: Always have been YOU: And in some way, always will be YOU: I think I am just surprised it went like this YOU: However YOU: Before I go on with anything YOU: Before we go on YOU: I have to know something

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And that is?

YOU: Be honest YOU: Okay? YOU: I feel like I will be able to tell if you aren’t YOU: So try not to lie

This feels uncomfortably heavy and serious.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Alright

YOU: Did you do this to play with me? YOU: Is this a game? YOU: Or do you want more?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: More?

YOU: Than just having fun with me YOU: You know, fooling around YOU: And such

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Why is that important?

YOU: I don’t want to get the wrong idea YOU: And in the long run YOU: Get hurt or something

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I see

YOU: I guess, I want to know where I am standing YOU: But also, where you are standing

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I understand

YOU: And?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I don’t believe my answer will be sufficient enough BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But I will try my best to be as honest as possible BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Since that’s what you asked

He really was trying, but Bestfriend!Chishiya wasn’t the kind of person that is able to understand and place is emotions as good as most people. Even dealing with them was always a hard task and most of the time, he was partly thankful that you informed him of times where he has been particularly cruel or mean towards other. Bestfriend!Chishiya knows how to play others, but himself? That was a completely different topic and a difficult one most of the time. It wasn’t like he felt bad after treating the people around him like scum and dirt and using them to his advance. Neither was it a problem. At least not always. But humans do tend to take things personally and act resentful. You informing him about his behavior, added immensely positively to his observation skills. You make him human. That said, isn’t it your fault he mislead you into this situation?

YOU: I did

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: In return BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You can’t be mad at me for how I feel BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Right?

YOU: Of course not! YOU: You are allowed to feel as much or as less as you do YOU: I just don’t want to be played YOU: Not right now YOU: You have my permission to go on like before, when it comes to other things YOU: But not right now YOU: Okay?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Agreed

YOU: So…

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I believe, I didn’t want to lose you

YOU: You might wanna retaliate a little YOU: Cause, as you know YOU: Only one of us is on the advance level of understanding things YOU: And that is not me

BestFriend!Chishiya smiles honestly. It is so you to joke in a serious conversation like this. Always trying to lighten up the mood. Always fun. Another thing he likes about you. Why he keeps you close. You benefit him so much.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: It’s obvious that at some point in your life, you would have gotten interested in the other gender BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You didn’t seem like someone interested in females BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: So I believed it to be man BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: What meant, that one day BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Sooner or later BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You would become more aware of your femininity BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And likely BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: with that BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: also interested in sex

YOU: That makes sense YOU: Somehow YOU: But… YOU: Not the following

BestFriend!Chishiya hesitates again. His mouth feels dry, and he licked his lips to wet those at least.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I did

YOU: What did you?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Became aware of your femininity

YOU: Oh

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I can’t tell you when exactly it happened BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I believe this to be your next question?

YOU: Yes

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Well, I can’t BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: All I can tell you is, I suddenly saw you with different eyes BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You changed in mine BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And I felt different towards you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But that was okay BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I had it controlled BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Until I realized that you too will start to see man differently BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: More sexually BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And I thought to force that situation for the right time BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: At a place I can control BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And one I am sure to have your attention BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Will surely give me the upper hand of it

BestFriend!Chishiya takes a deep breath. He straightens his shoulders for the next message.

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And it did

YOU: My eyes were on you

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Right

YOU: Attention too

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Exactly

YOU: You got what you wanted

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I guess you could say that BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Thought, this wasn’t part of my plan

YOU: So, it wasn’t a game? YOU: You weren’t playing with me?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Life is a game

YOU: Chishiya…

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I guess, no

YOU: Okay YOU: I get it

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Any other questions? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: The mood is ruined anyway BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Might as well proceed

YOU: And squeeze you like you squeezed yourself? YOU: Like a tube of toothpaste? YOU: Pun intended

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Sure BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: If that’s what you prefer BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Your joke was terrible by the way BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But luckily for you I am smarter BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And understood it

YOU: Doesn’t this mean, you are actually not smarter than me? YOU: But on my level? YOU: At least when it comes to this topic

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: No

YOU: I got you!

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You are wrong

YOU: See, I feel different about that YOU: I believe I am right YOU: And given the fact that you tried to get me laid YOU: To get into my pants YOU: Oh you are so on my level

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Your ego is so atrocious BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And non-existent BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Like your braincells

YOU: So you only like me for my body YOU: But not my brain?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: There are parts of your character I appreciate BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And I never said the last part BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You are making that up

YOU: You said you feel attracted to me YOU: Don’t deny it now YOU: Its out in the blue!

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Never said that BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I simply stated that I felt differently about you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Everything else is just your imagination

YOU: The denial!YOU: The awakening! YOU: In your pants!!!

BestFriend!Chishiya: Now you are just being childish.

YOU: But you do find me attractive YOU: Do you?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I believe I agreed to be honest on the previous topic BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Not on this one

YOU: That day YOU: You know which one YOU: You said, all you see is just meat and bones YOU: That hurt YOU: I don’t know why YOU: But it did YOU: I guess after all you told me to do YOU: And your hands, you know where YOU: I don’t know why YOU: But it hurt to hear it

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: It was a lie BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I do feel attracted to you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Physically

YOU: Really? YOU: You are not just saying this?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I do feel sorry now that it pained you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: It was my intention, back then, to play you in my direction BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And for that BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I needed to toy with your emotions BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: However BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I do feel bad now

YOU: If you could go back YOU: Would you change it?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: No

YOU: Not at all? YOU: Anything?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Seeing that you have found me out BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: My true intentions BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I would change one decision

YOU: And that is?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I would fuck you in the bathtub right then

YOU: … YOU: How romantic

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Do I come over as a romantic person?

YOU: I don’t know YOU: Sending dick pics in a serious conversation YOU: When I am all here YOU: Pouring out my heart and shit YOU: Is kinda romantic don’t you think?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: If that is your understanding of romance BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I believe, I could be BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Right now

YOU: Are you still up?

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I am writing you or not? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: This is not a robot BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I verify I am human

You giggle at his kind of humor, typing back with your cheeks blushing heavily.

YOU: That’s not what I meant YOU: Smarty pants…

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: So?

YOU: I meant down there!

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Are you seriously having problems asking me if I still have an erection BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: After everything? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Nudes and all

YOU: Haven’t got an answer yet YOU: And yes

BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Want proof to clarify? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Another picture? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Is this your way of asking for one? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: How dirty

[kyyuri]

the sweet whisperings of you and i (plays like a broken record )

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ ☁️ synopsis ; after spending many years longing for a friend group of her own, fate presents yn with a chance to make that long wait end, at the expense of her three year long relationship with nishimura riki - but was fate really that cruel ? or was there perhaps sabotage ?

pairing // non- idol ! riki x fem ! yn

genre // angst, a bit of fluff , lovers to ex to lovers

warnings // curse words, toxic friends

a/n ! SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY IN UPLOADING THIS 😭 would be going on a mini hiatus ( two weeks-ish ? ) as i have a lot of submission to do for school 🥲 encore ! would definitely be back soon ! don’t forget to support enhypen’s comeback ! the trailer was insane and im here for it ! PLEASE DONT FORGET TO LET ME KNOW HOW YOU GUYS FEEL ABOUT THIS ONE SHOT !

wc; 11.6k (not proof read )

[main masterlist ]

i.

growing up with parents that were filthy rich yet never present in her life, yn was subjected to many struggles in life. it was only normal for her to wish for her parents’ presence during the hardest times — but yn’s wishes never came true and it never will. materialism isn’t something yn is unfamiliar with. her parents’ have long decided that love is anything money can buy and so, yn spent her entire life craving for something far beyond money.

after spending so much time alone, it wasn’t easy for yn to get used to an environment packed with human presence, high school. it didn’t take long for her to be outcasted either. despite her pretty looks, yn was never a fool when it came to people attempting to take advantage of her for monetary reasons. her constant rejections made many upset and so the rumours began spreading like wildfire and everyone ran with it. those were some painful days for yn. she would recall running into the arms of her driver for a warm hug whenever a new rumour appears out of nowhere. “ did i do something wrong ?” it was a question her driver often heard, “no darling, people are just harsh creatures who work hard to get what they want, even if their methods are unethical.”

there was only one thing ( or maybe two ) that yn looked forward to in her high school days. the time she invested in the photography club. since her parents couldn’t be there for her physically, she would spend hours living through pictures of others vicariously, making up fake scenarios of her with her parents. that led to her realising her never ending love for photography. although, the members there treated her poorly, she never once complained. it was also then, she met the one and only nishimura riki. up till now, yn still has no clue why riki approached her instead of shunning her like the rest. it was the start of a beautiful friendship which ultimately blossomed into something much more, to say the very least.

ii.

just like that, riki has been through thick and thin with yn, but this time as her boyfriend of three years. riki thinks she’s the most precious person in the entire world and yn think he is her entire world. the love they shared was believed to be eternal, considering how they were always stuck to the hips yet never once got bored of each other. yn’s insecurities ? riki knew them all by heart as well as how to counter them - how to make her feel loved. riki’s hobbies ? she have them all engraved onto the back of her head - always ready to learn more about them so riki would know how much she supported him and the things he take a liking for.

for three years, they were the perfect couple. for three years, nothing could come between them, not friends, not families and not even the worst arguments. riki knew of yn’s family background and so he made sure to never end the day with any of them upset with each other. it was one of the sweetest things he could do for his loved one.

just like any other normal night, riki laid in bed with his arms wrapped comfortably around yn. “i promise this is the last time i will bring this up, but are you sure you don’t want to meet my friends ? you guys might have a blast together !” he looked at her fondly, “it’s alright, ki. i want to be able to approach people on my own and be friends with them ! i haven’t had much opportunities in high school so i think i should step out of my comfort zone now that i’m going to university !” yn answered, snuggling closer to riki. “thank you for always keeping me in your thoughts.” riki laughed softly, “you practically live in my mind rent free. “

iii.

things were always easier with riki by her side. it was almost as if nishimura riki was her soulmate since the very start. she made up for his shortcomings and he made up for hers. they were always willing to accommodate to each other, never afraid to grow in each other’s presence. this was one of the things many people secretly admired about their relationship. it became crystal clear to yn that nishimura riki would inevitably be her first and last love because if she had a list of reasons why she loved him, it would never end. the moments they spent together were so well cherished, they often played inside her mind like a broken record - giving her ample amount of time to reminisce about those beautiful memories. to yn, nothing was worth trading the good memories riki created with her. to think riki could love her even at her worst was truly unbelievable ( at least to her).

when she first had her period while dating him and so unfortunately stained the pants she had worn that day, riki didnt make a big fuss about it at all. “ki, stop coming closer. please ?” “what’s wrong ?” she looked around flustered, unable to come up with an explanation that wouldn’t leave her feeling embarrassed or awkward. “did i do something wrong ? “ she shook her head, still pressing her lips together. “then… can you at least tell me why i can’t come closer ?” riki looked a bit upset at how adamant she was in making him stay away. yn pressed her back harder against the wall, hoping to at least slide past him and into the restroom. observing her body language, it finally hit him what had inevitably happened. “give me a minute. don’t go anywhere. i’ll be back really quickly. “ he most definitely stayed true to his words, in less than a minute, he came running back to her with the sweats he kept in his locker for dance practice. “here. you can change into these. when you’re done, wait here for me. i’ll go grab some painkillers and a bag for you to keep your clothes in.”

when yn first got a part time job so she could pay for riki’s birthday present, she had a hard time adjusting to the crazy schedule. thankfully for her, riki was always there to welcome her in a warm embrace when she returned home. “bad day ?” he pulled her towards the sofa he was seated on, “yeah. the manager keeps giving me backhanded compliments. i hate it there. and you should let me go now, i haven’t showered yet, i probably smell.” this only made riki tighten the hug even more. “ i haven’t seen you since school ended, im not letting you go that easily. you know, if you really have a hard time working there, you can always quit. whatever you need money for you can just tell me, i’ll go get a job instead and buy it for you.” such a sweet boy, always caring about how she feels and willing to sacrifice his time for her. “that won’t be necessary. i want to do this on my own. i won’t push myself to the limit, you know this ki. i’ll quit if it goes too far. thank you for thinking of me.” he hummed in reply. “well, i got something for you that might help take your mind of that witch ! its in the fridge right now, you can have it whenever you want. “ riki loosened his grip, resulting in the girl to run towards the kitchen instantly. “is that the strawberry cake from the newly opened store ? the one with a 3 hour long queue ?” she examined the cake slowly. “yeah ! i figured i might as well get it while waiting for you to end your shift. it was so annoying waiting under the sun but the smile on your face right now made it so worth it.” he gave her a cheeky smile.

when yn finally managed to get the gift she worked hard for, riki was there to celebrate it with her (even though it was quite literally meant for him). “ki ! remember how i said i wanted to get the thing i needed on my own ? well i did it ! i also resigned from that shitty place. “ “THAT’S GREAT ! c’mon ! let’s go out for dinner to celebrate ! my treat !” he spunned yn around from happiness. riki didn’t ask any questions, he was just glad that yn was free from the misery that came along with working in that store. he was also glad that he was now able to spend more time with her again. once yn’s feet touched the ground, she put her hand up, almost as if she was signalling him to stop. “why not you take a look at what i bought ! i can’t be excited about it alone.” taking the bag from her, riki took a peak. inside the bag, sat a beautiful wrapped nintendo switch with a console customised to suit riki’s aesthetics. “no way ! you got a switch ! i’ve always wanted one ! i’ll get one soon and then we can play together !” he reached his hand out to return the switch to her, “it’s for you, ki. it’s an early birthday present ! that’s why i was so persistent on working to get it for you. i wanted to use my own money to buy a gift for you. i thought it would be more meaningful than getting it using my parents’ money.” she could’ve sworn she saw riki tear up. “yn, have i ever told you how much i love you ?” he melted into her embrace, trying to stop himself from sniffling like a little child. “ everyday, nishimura. i’m well aware of it.”

iv.

the first day of university was the one of the days yn considered the hardest. orientation was the bane of her existence and yet she was powerless in this situation. it didn’t help at all knowing riki was placed in a completely different orientation group because of the degree he was pursuing in arts ( while yn chose one in fashion ) . sulking, she waved him a final goodbye before dragging her footwear with much exaggeration. he chuckled at his girlfriend’s cute antics before running up to give her one last hug, “love, you’re going to be fine. you’ll meet plenty of nice people there and your dorm mates as well ! i’ll text you whenever i can so give this group a chance ?” she nodded her head at riki’s words, still pouting.

life without riki was … boring. she didn’t need anyone else by her side, she just needs riki. her attempts at distracting herself by drawing circles on the ground with her fingers were working until two female pop up in front of her face. “you’re yn right ? im yuju. this is minhee. we are your dorm mates ! i hope we get along well !” the female reached her hands out. smiling, she took her hand gladly. this was yn giving the group a chance and knowing riki, he would be beaming with joy if he saw this scene with his own eyes.

this conversation led to many more exchanged within the trio. within the period of a short day, yn had learnt many things. two of which being that minhee and yuju had been best friends since elementary and that minhee had a boyfriend, jaehyeok in the same university as well. “i hope you understand if jaehyeok comes by the dorms often !” minhee exclaimed, directing her statement at yn. “that’s fine by me as long as my boyfriend gets to come by as well.” “you have a boyfriend ?” yuju shot her a look of disbelief. yn smiled back in response. “no way.. im the only one single here ?! what’s his name ?” “nishimura riki.” the look minhee and yuju exchanged was one that confuses her a lot but she doesn’t question it, not wanting to make them uncomfortable considering how they are one step away from forging a friendship. “interesting…” was all yuju could managed subsequently.

for the first time in awhile, yn felt like she was alive. it felt so good having friends of the same gender after being left alone for half of her life. it made her feel even better knowing that these girls were the ones that were going to be with her 24/7 thanks to their dormitory placement. “im so happy ! i’m literally floating right now. they were so nice and relatable ?! yuju was so supportive of me the whole time and minhee is so good at planning. she even got the whole layout of our dorm settled and suited for our needs. i fucking love them so much.” riki chuckled at her excitement, its been a while since he has seen her this happy. kissing her forehead, riki smiled, “it makes me happy seeing you this excited. i hope they continue to treat you well. let me know if you guys ever need help, okay ?”

“would you be able to help me move my stuff to the dorms today ? when you’re done moving yours of course.”

“im down to help at seven. you need anything else ?” yn shooked her head.

v.

seven came and rolled by real fast. the door bell rang and yuju shot up immediately, “i’ll get it.” no one thought much of it since minhee also made sure everyone knew that her boyfriend, junhyeon was dropping by to help out as well. “nishimura riki ?” yuju leaned against the door frame. “how do you know my name ?” his brows furrowed, “yn told me about you. i’ve heard plenty. im yuju.” she offered a hand to shake only for riki to decline it with a smile, “im here to help my girlfriend so can you let me in ? thanks.” biting her cheeks, she moved aside for him to enter. “ ki ! you’re here !” “hello love.” yn ran into his hands, allowing him to spin her around in a circle. “let’s get to unpacking hm ? the faster we do this, the more time we can spend watching slam dunk.” she nodded in excitement before dragging him towards her room.

“what do you think about him ?” yuju whispered to minhee. “who ?” “nishimura.” minhee shot her a look, “let’s not talk about it while he’s here, ju.”

being with riki always made everything feel more fun than it should be. unpacking ? that’s a competition waiting to be won right there. cleaning up ? first one to grab the best tool gets to use it to clean. life would rarely be boring and this was definitely one of the boring moments in life that riki made enjoyable for yn. “how am i supposed to clean the window with a broom ?” yn pouted, “hey. you grabbed it, not me.” riki laughed and as much as he was definitely following the rules, he would ALWAYS make sure to help yn - who always grabs the wrong tools out of frenzy - to clean up with her tool. she grabbed a broom to clean a window ? no worries, by the time riki is done, that broom would magically become a stick attached to a wet cloth.

“anddddddd we are done.” riki fell onto the bed from exhaustion. “ewwww ki, we are literally disgusting right now. let’s change out first, your hoodie and sweats are still in my closet.” and by the time the couple was done, they were snuggled closely with her laptop placed on the pillow with slam dunk playing. it didn’t take long for the couple to fall asleep with their hands wrapped around each other tightly.

vi.

when yn woke up to a missing riki and the delicious smell of pancakes floating in the air, she jumped out of bed and sprinted towards the dining area. “good morning yn.” yuju and minhee greeted as they sit across each other, indulging in a plate of riki’s self made breakfast. “good morning love. you can go get your teeth brushed first, i saved you a plate and i made bungeoppang and bought some banana milk too. come eat when you’re ready.” giving riki her signature cheeky smile, she dashed into the bathroom. “you know riki, you’re a really great boyfriend. yn is lucky to have you. thank you for the breakfast, it was really good. ”yuju smiled. he looked around the room awkwardly, “um, thanks ? honestly, im the one who is lucky. i can’t believe i even got yn to date me… im glad you enjoyed the meal though, it’s yn’s favourite.”

“ki ! ki ! the food critic is ready.” riki chuckled at his girlfriend’s antics, looking at her full of love despite her childish side showing. “eat well my little duckling.” riki thinks he could watch yn eat all day long and he would never once get sick of it. when he first found out that yn hasn’t had a home cooked meal in the longest time due to her parent’s lack of care, he took it upon himself to master the art of cooking just so she could taste the slightest feeling of homeliness. the first few times he tried to whip up a meal almost resulted in the fire department being called to make a trip to his area. the challenges he faced didn’t stop there. when he tried again the following week, using his sisters as his lab rats, the stiffened look on their face confirmed his failure. time and time again, he failed to make something that could be on par to that of a homely meal. he had to beg his grandmother to teach him her ways just so he could shower yn with the love that her inner child deserves. all the cooking lessons he got definitely did not go to waste, and with many burn scars and cuts on his hands, he proudly presented to her a lunchbox full of love.

“thank you for the meal ! i owe you one. you should probably get going though, class starts in an hour and if you stay any longer, i just might ditch to stare at your face.” she hugged him, “wouldn’t that be a win for me ?” he wiggled his eyebrows before the two exchanged sickeningly sweet “i love you”s and bid each other farewell.

“gosh, its like you guys are attached to the hip.” minhee giggled at the sight before her. “i guess i’ve grown to be a little reliant on him. “ a fond smile attach onto yn’s face.

vii.

having friends taking the same degree as her definitely made university more endurable. “what the flying fuck is wrong with the professor ? its only our first week and we suddenly have a solo project each ? he drops the most vague description of what we are supposed to do and calls it a day ?” minhee tugged at her hair in annoyance. “it looks like the other departments aren’t having it easy either, riki just texted saying that he has a full painted portrait assigned, due in a month.” yn sighed. “this isn’t the university life i had in mind. all i wanted to do was get a degree while partying and falling in love. let’s just mug tomorrow, i have no mood for this today. ” yuju stuffed a bunch of sketches down into her bag.

once the trio returned to the warmth of their dormitory, the collapsed to the ground immediately. “hey yn, is riki coming over again ?” yn hummed, agreeing to the statement. “i’ll go get changed first, help me let him in if he arrives earlier than expected.” upon receiving a thumbs up from minhee, the girl headed towards her room. “i have a crush on riki.” yuju whispered out of the blue. minhee sat up, eyes wide open in shock. “what ?! have you lost your mind ? he’s TAKEN. by YOUR roommate.” minhee whispered back. “it doesn’t matter. i think he’s attractive and he is my walking ideal type. i WANT him, and besides its not like i like yn a lot anyways. she’s so annoying, riki this riki that.” silence fell upon the two. “help me sabotage their relationship. please. you’re my bestfriend.” “okay.”

the sudden knock on the main door sent the two into a shock, considering how they were scheming for someone else’s downfall. “nishimura, you’re here. you can wait by the couch. yn is getting changed.” yuju batted her eyelashes. he doesn’t reply, just giving her a blank stare - one enough to make her a flustered mess. “riki ! you’re here !” “love ! come give me a cuddle !” he pushed past the girl standing by the door and jogged towards his girlfriend. their sweet moment didn’t last long. not with the other two around scheming. “yn, im so sorry ! could you do the chores now ? i have to run to the store and get ready dinner for jaehyeok just told me he had a bad day and the kitchen’s in a mess and i dont have enough time and please-“ minhee shot yn a desperate glance. “i’ll do it, go get the stuff you need. it’s really not a big deal.” “thank you, youre a life saver.”

riki thinks they aren’t genuine friends but the way your face lights up whenever you talk about them makes him wish he was wrong. “i’ll help you love, it would be faster that way. “ he tugged a strand of her hair behind her ear and the two got to cleaning. to think that she would waste such precious time with riki to clean up someone else’s mess. “i know you’re a little upset yn.” riki exclaimed, not looking up from the area he was trying to mop. “im sorry, i didn’t mean to spread the negative energy. i can’t help but feel upset. i wanted to spend time with you since we are going to be so busy starting from tomorrow.” riki chuckled at how adorable his girlfriend is. “yn, every moment i spend next to you will always be precious to me. it doesn’t matter if i’m cleaning the dumpster or watching movie with you. i love doing things with you because i love you, hmm ? no matter how busy i am, i’ll always find a way back to you.” while it pleased yn hearing that, it definitely angered another ( especially since their failed scheming only ended up bringing the couple closer )

viii.

with everyone’s submission date approaching at the speed of light, the small break time riki had were all invested in hanging out with yn. he was exhausted but he would never let her know that. seeing her face for even an hour would make everything worth it. he didn’t see anything wrong with spending time with his girlfriend until he accidentally overheard something he shouldn’t have. regrets started pouring in and he questioned how selfish he could be. “yn, im honestly sick of it. we may be your roommates but we are also your best friends. if you’re going to spend every waking hour with riki, do you really need us ? we are trying our hardest here to find a time where we can hang out with you but your entire personality is about riki ! riki this riki that. fuck yn, we get it. we seriously get it. but if you aren’t going to put any effort into our friendship, then i think its better we end it.” he heard yuju say, with hints of frustration buried in her voice. “i didn’t know you guys felt that way… i’ll accommodate. i promise ! please don’t ever say anything about ending our friendship… please…”

to say riki’s heart shattered at the sound of his girlfriend’s trembling voice is an understatement, because he was in absolute shambles. “fuck this is my fault…” he cursed under his breath, kicking the wall next to him. when the main door unlocked to reveal yn, he dropped any hint of sadness on his face in hopes that she wouldn’t find out about what he heard. “hey, ki ? do you think we could… meet lesser ? just for now at least…” it was such an absurd request. “okay, love. i’ll be waiting for you. let me know whenever you’re free, i’ll come running to you. when im not here, promise me you’ll take care of yourself okay ? no skipping meals, no pushing yourself to the limits. i love you. “ he gave her one last hug, one that wouldn’t be returned even after a week.

that week was horrible to both riki and yn. so much changed in so little time. for the first time in a while, yn felt lonely again. it feels just like the times her parents would leave her alone to go on business trips that would last for months. being together with yuju and minhee didn’t help the situation she was in a lot but it was still better than nothing. and with each passing day, riki gets more nervous. it wasn’t just the fact that he hasnt caught a glimpse of her face since the day he hugged her, but the fact that yn temporarily stopped replying to his messages. was there something wrong ? was she okay on her own ? he would never admit it but he was always as reliant on yn as she was on him and this time apart physically pained him. finally deciding it was too much for him to bear, he ran to her dorm, pounding on the door in hopes that she would be there. “nishimura ? why are you here ?” yuju questioned. “where’s my girlfriend ? is she okay ? she hasn’t been responding to my texts and i’m starting to get worried.” yuju laughed, puzzling the man. “she’s alright. her phone’s getting fixed. minhee accidentally spilled water on it a few days back. they are out getting groceries, i’m sure they’ll be back soon. would you like to come in and wait ?” he couldn’t figure out if this was some sort of trap but at the very moment, he decided that being able to see his girlfriend was the most important thing and with that, riki entered the dorm.

the room was dead silent. yuju couldn’t stand it, not one bit. “you know, nishimura. you really piqued my interest a lot. you seem to be willing to do anything for yn.” she started. “yeah ? maybe because i actually love her ?” yuju laughs again. “it must’ve drove you insane when yn’s phone broke. i wish i could see it with my two eyes… here. it’s my number. yn’s phone is getting sent back around… the end of this week ? you can contact me if you want to know how she’s doing.” her hands reach out, placing a piece of paper into the palms of riki’s hands. “it wouldn’t be wise to throw it away. after all, yn is staying with me.”

“ju ! we’re back ! where should i put the - ki ! you’re here !” dropping the groceries, she made a run towards him, jumping into his arms. “i miss you so much, you don’t even know.” he buried his head into the crook of her neck. “can we hang out, please ? i don’t want to leave just yet.” he mumbles. “hey, um min ? would you be able to handle the groceries alone ? i… wanna hang with my boyfriend.” giving yn a nod of assurance, the couple then headed towards yn’s room.

ix.

there was silence again, but this time a more comforting one. “i think this is the longest i’ve gone without interacting with you ever since we started dating.” riki combed through yn’s hair with his fingers as the two lie in bed. “i’m sorry, i should have told you earlier. our schedules clashed a lot recently especially since submission is round the corner. i thought about just getting another phone but yuju convinced me out of it.” he looked at his girlfriend with atmost adoration. “next time anything happens, just let me know… somehow. mail me a letter if you have to, okay ? here, you can use my phone first. yuju said it won’t be repaired completely till the end of this week. i have a spare phone so i’ll contact you through that.” although the two haven’t seen each other in days, it’s the smallest things that reassure yn that their relationship would be nothing but good. “i love you, riki.” she whispers. “and i love you too, yn.”

“fuck, its clearly not working. riki is too much of a green flag for him to fuck up a three, almost four year relationship with that bitch.” yuju punched at the kitchen countertop. “okay, then sabotaged their relationship through yn. there’s something odd about her. if you find the insecurity, you basically have the upper hand right ?” minhee shrugged, placing another packet of biscuits onto the upper shelf. yuju smirked, “i guess this calls for a girls’ night.”

with that, the trio sat in yuju’s room later on in the night. “i never had a girl’s night before… what do you usually do ?” yn innocently asked the two. “we spill all our secrets and have fun. we drink until the sun’s up and sleep in the same room together.” minhee answered, pouring the three of them a shot of soju. “since me and min already know each other for many years, we’ll mainly ask you the questions and you can ask any one of us !” yn nodded, “can i start ?” as usual, the two girls nodded. “min, how did you and jaehyeok meet ?” minhee downed the shot, “when the next door neighbour is hot and summer fling material, things were bound to happen. he asked me out around the time summer ended i think about five years ago ?” yn’s chest felt warm, is this what it feels like to have friends ? friends that were willing to share secrets like its their prized possession ? “what about you, yn ? did something happen in the past ? i’m sorry if its a sensitive topic but you seem very attached to riki and very new to all these friend stuff…” yuju stared at the ground after managing to get the question she longed to get answers for out of her mouth.

there it was. a pang to her heart. it feels almost uncomfortable, but that’s the type of things friends would ask right ? because they cared. “ah… well, i never had any friends before riki came into my life. most of the people i went to school with tried to take advantage of my parents’ wealth through me so i never had a chance to make a genuine friend with the exception of riki. my parents… they aren’t very… physically or emotionally involved in my life… they send me presents every now and then but were never there when i needed them or when i just accomplished a milestone. oddly, i don’t resent them.” it felt like the weight has been lifted off her shoulders when she said that out loud. “that’s because you know they love you. love is everything money can buy and based on what you said, it looks like they bought you everything.” yuju said, giving yn a pat on the back to show her support. “what about your boyfriend though ? does he buy you expensive stuff ?” minhee inquires. “i prefer spending time with him over getting gifts from him, so i don’t really mind not getting a lot. he also says he is saving up for something. he has been saving ever since we started dating. i thought it was for a car but he has one already and is still saving. i never asked about it since he didn’t tell me why the first time i asked.” yn took a shot. “ has it ever occurred to you that maybe just maybe… he doesn’t love you as much as he makes it seem ? i mean we already established that love is anything money can buy but he barely even get you anything. your phone broke and the best he did was give you his used one ? it’s not even brand new. your parents love each other, right ? they give each other expensive things. your parents love you, they give you expensive things. jaehyeok loves min, he gives her expensive handbags. even when people get married, they propose with expensive rings yn, not with spending time.” she took another shot. did riki really love her ? “look, you’re one of us now. we are just looking out for you… why not you test him ? tell him you broke your airpods and see how he react. if he loves you, he would drop everything and get you a new one - even if it means touching the savings he have.” minhee gave yn a pat on the back. it was all going according to plan.

x.

the next time riki saw yn, there was this pressing feeling that something bad was about to happen - a feeling that he never felt before around her. “a penny for your thought, love ?” riki caressed her cheeks as the two laid on the sofa in his dorm. “it’s really nothing of concern, ki. thanks for asking. oh, i got my phone back so you can have yours back.” she passed him the item, not sparing him a glance. riki was never dense, he could tell yn was planning something. something that might not lead to the best outcome. “okay, if you need anything else let me know alright. i’ll try my best to help you out.” the sweet boy offered. “i broke my airpods… i tried asking my parents for new ones but they aren’t reachable at the moment…”

“do you wanna use my headphones instead then ? until you can get a replacement. ” and that’s when it all happened.

“fuck this… why do you always offer me your used stuff when shits happen to mine ? why can’t you buy me new ones…” she stared at the ground stubbornly. “i… i didn’t know you would want me to get them for you… you always told me to not spend on you excessively , but if you really want me to get you them , i can… give me a week …? i should be able to get a job by then…” the boy was confused, is this really what she wanted from him all along ? for him to shower her with love by buying her luxury items ? he must’ve been a bad boyfriend for not noticing it especially after years of dating. “work ..? you have a whole bank account filled with money… and you wouldn’t even touch it for me ? what’s so important about the thing you’re saving up for… what makes it more important than me ? even minhee’s boyfriend spends money on her ! she gets a new luxury bag almost every month…” tears were rolling down yn’s face by then. riki hugged her tightly, giving her soft pats on the back, “i can’t tell you just yet but please trust me, love. i’ll get you new airpods by the end of the week, okay ? please don’t be upset. i’m really sorry for not realising earlier that i should’ve showered you with things you like. i’ll buy luxury bags for you too… please don’t cry anymore…”

he hated everything he has done to make her this upset, but most of all, he hated himself.

xi.

reaching out to heeseung, the boy agreed to help be a photographer for his project - earning him a total of three hundred and fifty dollars per shoot. it wasn’t enough so he agreed to model for jay’s fashion line as well - allowing him to invest hundred dollars more into your gift for every hour he worked. riki was hellbent on getting you more than just that airpods you cried over. he was going to get you everything you ever wanted. “dad ? can i choreograph for a class ? i kinda need a bit of money now… two days would be enough… that should earn me about six hundred dollars…”

“i think i was too harsh. i should apologise to him.” yn said, sipping on her drink sadly. she felt guilty. riki was willing to do everything for her and all she did was whine and complain about the amount of effort he put in. “no ! don’t do that ! if you say sorry, he would never take your requests seriously ever again. he might even love you lesser since you’re so easy to guilt trip. if he loves you, he would work for it and hang out with you during the duration of him buying you those items.” yuju affirmed the girl.

with the amount of jobs riki took, it was hard for him to make time for his girlfriend. he would spend eight hours of his day in school, painting, drawing, sculpting. then, spend another three hours taking pictures of the models heeseung hired. it was then another four hours modelling for jay, leaving him with only nine hours left to fulfil one’s basic needs as well as make time for yn and homework. on the days where he has dance classes to teach, he wouldn’t even be able to catch a glimpse of yn considering how he was running all over the place. the texts exchanged gradually became lesser as exhaustion took a toll on riki both mentally and physically. but he was okay with it, because the outcome would eventually bring a smile back on his girlfriend’s face.

riki doesn’t realise he had fallen asleep… in the middle of his home date with yn. she watched the boy rest in the most uncomfortable position, wondering how he even managed to sleep through that. wondering how he could even sleep during the few hours he barely made to spend with her after almost ghosting her for the entire week. picking up riki’s camera, she pressed on the gallery button and instantly wished she didn’t. inside the file were many photos of beautiful girls dressed in the prettiest clothings, if not, beautiful girls wrapping their hands around riki as the two smile for the camera, wearing matching outfits. the camera that was once filled with many photos of her was now replaced with many photos of other girls.

yn covered her mouth to muffle the sobs. how could he so selfishly throw away a relationship they invested so much time in ? riki groaned as he got up, rubbing his eyes to clear his vision, he had heard her crying in his sleep and felt the absolute need to check up on her. “love…? are you crying ?why are you crying ? do you want to talk about it ? i … still have some time to spare.” she pushed the camera towards him. “fuck you, riki. why did you do this to me ? no… how could you do this to me… “ love, what are you talking about ? did i hit you by accident when i was asleep ?” the tears continue to pour from her eyes. “let’s break up. i-i saw the photos with the girls… my decision.. it’s final.” it was now riki’s turn to cry. he felt his vision blur. “so that’s it …? i don’t get a say in it too ? i don’t get to explain ? please… please reconsider… i want to spend my whole life with you… i want you to be my very first and last love… yn, please…” he knelt before her, sobbing. “no, riki. my friends… they were right all along. they said you didn’t love me since the start. work ? that was just an excuse to cheat wasn’t it ?you had money saved up… so you used that as an excuse to meet other girls… everything minhee’s boyfriend did for her… you never did for me. you’re so busy these days you don’t even bother replying to my messages only for me to find out that you’re with other girls. when we do hang out, it always end with you falling asleep halfway or you being distracted and i’m tired of it… this is the end.” “yn love, i didn’t cheat, i swear ! i really was working…” “quit lying.” she stood up, ready to leave his dorm. he quickly wiped his tears upon realising that yn was leaving. “w-wait. take this. it was meant for you anyways. open it when you arrive safely at your dorm.” he handed a big shopping bag to her before hugging her one last time. “i love you.” riki whispers, “i’ll always love you, yn. take care my love.”

xii.

riki was upset. he had every right to be. he had worked so hard for so many years in hopes of filling in the void yn’s parents never did, but yet he failed. he had taken a week off school, reassuring the lecturers that it was due to an emergency when it was really just an excuse for him to cry all week. he stared at the many portraits he had drawn of yn over the years as well as the many photographs he hung of the couple together in his dorms. everything reminded him of her and it hurts him more than he thinks it should. “riki ? thank god you answered. i’m really sorry she saw those photos… i was a fool for not getting a camera myself for the photoshoot. i’ll explain it to yn, i promise. i can’t sit around and do nothing knowing how much damage i caused.” “heeseung. it’s fine. really. it’s not your fault. i was a bad boyfriend to yn. that’s why she broke up with me. i’m sorry i can’t help any of you out with your latest project. i need some time alone.” his voice was scratchy and hoarse from all crying. “that should be the least of your worries right now. have a good break, don’t do anything foolish , okay ?… i’ll let jay know as well.” “thanks.” throwing his phone across the room, he took his keys and headed straight out of the dorm.

riki walked and walked and walked. he walked in the dark night, walked past hundreds of strangers and kept walking until he reached his destination. unlocking the door, he collapsed onto his knees. he was finally at the place he spent three years (almost four) working on, his very own apartment that was meant to be shared with his now ex girlfriend. ever since he met yn, he knew that she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and so he decided that on their fifth anniversary, he would surprise her with their very own apartment and so he started working throughout his highschool days all while keeping it a secret. he would help choreograph some dances on saturday mornings for money, telling yn that he was busy with physical training for his extra curriculums. on mondays, he would lie about having make up football practice when he was really modelling. riki would even skip some meals to save as much as he can for the apartment, only willingly spending money when it comes to yn herself. it took riki two years and a half to be able to buy a nice cosy little apartment (with the help of his parents of course) and he has been decorating it in secret as much as he can with his spare change. riki walked around the apartment, slowly feeling his tears welling up again. he had decorated it exactly how she would describe her future house to be. a soft, fluffy white rug sitting below the sleek khaki couch and a marble table. a walk in closet with a large vanity table and a white center table for accessories display. a master bedroom with a king sized bed, a bed side table and the lamp from ikea that yn couldn’t stop raving about. the extra bedroom that was turned into a studio for the both of them. the storage room he filled with shelves to give her space to store the cloths she needs for her designs. the half decorated balcony. riki did everything he could for her and it wasn’t enough for her to feel loved. he sprawled all over the floor, making no plans to get up from the position he was now in as tears flowed down once again.

as she left riki’s dorm, yn mentally cursed herself for letting the one last thing that was good in her life go. she was now back to square one where it was just her against the cruel world. she had been dying to open the shopping bag riki gave but decided against looking into it until she had reached her room. yn thinks she had cried enough that day. she thinks she cried so much there weren’t possibly any tears left. oh how wrong she was. once yn was back in the comforts of her bed, she took a deep breath in and opened the bag. inside sat the airpods headphones she had asked from him the other day, a prada handbag, a bouquet of flowers as well as two tickets to the museum showcasing the works of her favourite artist of all time. the tears flowed endlessly. riki had given everything yn asked for in the promised amount of time. “yn, are you okay ? i heard you sobbing.” minhee said from outside the door. “min… i think i fucked up…”she wailed even harder. “shit. stay there, i’ll call ju over and get you some ice cream.”

and so, another impromptu girls’ night occurred. “i shouldn’t have broken up with riki… he did everything i told him to do… what if those pictures were a misunderstanding ? he never lied to me before….” yuju sighed, “yn, there’s always a first time to everything. you saw it with your own eyes, the way he was interacting with the girls in the pictures intimately. the buying of luxury items were probably all a facade to keep you around. don’t cave so quickly. you should block him.” she snatched yn’s phone from her hand, pressing into riki’s contact and blocking him everywhere.

xiii.

a week apart turned into a month. riki’s current mental state did not make any progress ever since he let go of the love of his life. the sweet whisperings of “i love you” played in his mind like a broken record. although he most definitely wasn’t in his best condition, he’d rather spend his waking hours worrying about yn. did she eat well ? was she able to have a home cooked meal within the month ? was her classes too hard on her ? did she go to the museum with the tickets ? he had hoped she did, he wouldn’t wish for her to miss out on that rare opportunity that barely even came by. he camped at the ticketing website till dawn for a chance to get the tickets which quickly sold out subsequently. riki would be lying if he said he never tried to reach out to yn, but his efforts all lead to fruitless outcomes. it didn’t take long for him to realise he was blocked on all socials. that’s when he remembered, yuju had given him a way of contact. “hey, um this is riki. i was just calling because i was worried about yn… how is she ? is she doing okay ? i haven’t been able to reach her. please cook her some homemade dishes once in a while, i think she would love that. please let her know that im waiting for her as well…” “nishimura, yn is doing just fine. she isn’t at the dorm right now because she’s out on a group date… minhee tried to get her to meet new people so she would feel slightly better. i think she blocked you, so it might be a little hard to contact her. if you’d like, you can come over now and talk to her once she returns ?”

at that very moment, it felt like yuju was his knight in shinning armour, “yeah. that’ll be great. i’ll be there in ten. ”

taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door to the girls’ dorm. “it’s open !” yuju shouted, prompting for him to enter on his own. riki sat awkwardly on the sofa, waiting for yn’s return. “don’t be so awkward. i know you haven’t been here in awhile but a lot of things haven’t changed you know.” yuju placed a glass of water in front of the boy. “yn… you mentioned she is meeting others now… romantically ?” the girl nodded in response. “i see… i hope the guy is able to treat her better than i can…” he sighed. it’s been a month but the wound was still fresh. “don’t be like that, riki. you were a great boyfriend to her. i’m not sure what exactly changed her mind that much but you’re the most ideal boyfriend i’ve ever seen. don’t doubt you capability to love. “ she placed her hand over his. riki would be lying if he said he wasn’t taken aback. first, his girlfriend of many years broke up with him, then he contacted his ex’s friend like it was nothing and now her hands are on his as if it was only natural that happened. “fuck it, yuju. you don’t understand how much i loved her. how much i still love her. i’ll keep changing and working on myself if i have too, i just want her back. i’ll buy her the whole world even if it means i have to sacrifice myself. she’s my lifeline.” he threw his head back in frustration. “riki, you’re too nice. she doesn’t deserve you or the effort you put in for her. for your sake, please. move on. you can get any girl you want on this planet so don’t dwell on her. there’s so many single people on this earth like me. yn isn’t special.” riki scoffed, “she isn’t special to you but she is to me. and for the record, i’m not looking for anyone else, i’m only looking to win yn back. “

the door unlocked to a figure of yn standing there dressed in something considered pretty. “w-why are you here ?” yn stuttered. “yn, love please hear me out. please. just once. “ riki’s eyes teared up at the sight of his previous lover. “riki, i’m not your love anymore. please leave… i’m not ready to deal with any of this yet. ju, please walk him out…” yuju nodded, grabbing ahold of his hand and walking him towards the door. upon closing the door behind them, riki fell to the ground - huddling his knees as his sob the pain away. “i-i fucked up real bad this time… didn’t i ?” “no riki, she’s just being selfish. i’ll try to talk to her about this. i honestly still have no idea how or why you guys broke up but if you could give me a clearer picture that would aid me a lot.” she patted his head softly. “i… don’t want to talk about it in public.” riki sighs, “what if we talk about it at your dorm ? would you be alright with that ?” yuju suggested. “it doesn’t really matter to me.”

xiv.

the talk lasted way longer than riki would’ve expected. by the time he was back from the washroom, yuju had already fallen asleep on his couch. he stared at her face for a few moments before leaving the room, only to return with a blanket - placing it over her body. a smile spread across her face without him knowing.

time flies when you’re having fun - so the night went by really quickly as yuju replayed the scene of riki placing the blanket on her non stop. she made a note to wake up early and prepare breakfast for the other to show her worth. “morning riki. have some breakfast before i leave. i remember hearing that you like having cereal and milk for breakfast. i got them all ready.” he muttered a quick thanks in reply before sitting down quietly across her - clearly with no intentions of talking about what had happened last night.

and these moments soon grew to happen from once a week to almost every 2 working days, where riki would randomly walk into his dorm to see a drunk yuju crying about wanting some boy that didn’t seem the least bit interested in her. he had grown accustomed to her but still occasionally wishes for yn to be back in his warmth. how he wished he could ask her what to do. when yuju woke up the next morning, it was almost as if she had never crashed at his place at all, she looked prim and proper. “hey rik, i’ve been dying to know what’s in that brown box. it’s been sitting there for ages, it’s collecting dust at this point. can i open it ?” before riki could even stop her, her hands reached for the lid and her eyes widened as she took in everything. countless of pictures of yn and riki were scattered across the insides of the box as well as every single thing yn gave that could possibly fit in that box. “what the actual fuck. you aren’t even together with her anymore, move on ! you need to get rid of this. “ she snatched a polaroid of the couple and scoffed. “look yuju, in the nicest way possible, fuck off. how long i take to move on isn’t something you can control. hell, i still have feelings for yn, okay ? i would run to her the moment she calls. i’m not throwing ANY of this away.” “are you fucking insane ? i worked so hard to get you to leave and you’re still so stubborn. you’re a fool, riki. i fucking love you and you won’t even see it. how selfish. “

confusion was plastered all across riki’s face, then anger. “what the fuck do you mean when you said you worked hard to get ME to leave.” the silence thickened. “you fucking bitch, you sabotaged my relationship, didn’t you ? oh my god you’re a horrible friend. get out. NOW !” he grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the door and pushing yuju out the door. riki fell to the ground in horror. everything made sense now. the sudden change in yn’s behaviour. the sudden requests that never seemed as important previously. the breakup. because of yuju, he lost the love of his life. because of yuju, the couple had to suffer. because of yuju, he could only play the “i love you”s from yn in his head like a broken record and no longer hear it in person.

riki could sit here and pray for yuju’s downfall, but he wasn’t going to do that. riki was hellbent on winning yn back, and this time no amount of sabotage could stop him.

xv.

maybe some things are easier said than done. winning yn back was definitely one of the case for riki. she was avoiding him like the plague, leaving him defeated on a daily basis. “i’ll try again tomorrow.” and yet tomorrow came and went by with another failed attempt. feeling defeated, riki went to the cafe he once spent 3 hours queueing for to get a breath of fresh air. poking at the cake he remembered buying for yn, he sighed. “can i get an americano a-and a slice of that famous strawberry cake.” riki’s head instantly turned towards the direction of the voice, only to find the familiar face of the owner with tear stains on her cheeks. “yn…” he waited for her to grab her items before making his way towards her. “yn. please. i need to talk to you.” tears rolled down her face once again.

“fuck off, riki. why can’t you leave me alone ? or anyone acquainted to me alone ? you’re even going for yuju now ? are you kidding me ?” “im not going after yuju. i have no interest in her.” “that does not explain why she has the polaroid you took of us. why are you even lying ? what’s the point ?” riki was shocked at how much the love of his life has changed. the girl that was once a sweet angel seemed to be lost somewhere. “yn, she stole that from me the moment i found out she sabotaged our relationship.” “now you’re accusing my friend of things she didn’t do ?” “if i play an audio recording for you, would you believe me then ? i have no reason to lie to you, yn. i have no interest in any other girls either. i made a promise to the gods that you would be my first and only love and im not breaking that. “ pressing the play button on his phone, riki handed it to yn as the audio sounded.

“o-oh my god… this can’t be real.” “it is. i didn’t think they were very good friends in the first place but what yuju did really crossed the line.” “riki… what do i do ? i literally live with them.” she placed her head in her palms, sobbing. “i have an apartment.” “what ?” “i bought that apartment for us a few years back. it was supposed to be a gift for our fifth anniversary… you can stay there, at least until we figure out what to do with yuju and minhee. i don’t think you should be around them for a while. just pack your stuff and i’ll… text you the address… if you could just unblock me somewhere…”

xvi.

as promised, riki gave her the address and helped her move in. “i told them my parents wanted me to move back into their homes and they looked… happy.” riki reached his hands out, ready to give her a hug only to stop midway, remembering the status of their relationship. “i think you’d want to be alone for a while, to think through everything. i won’t be staying here, so you don’t have to worry. you can sleep in the master bedroom, the studio would be on your right and the toilet is down the hallway. the walk in closet is next to the master bedroom. you can keep your cloths for your projects in the storage room on the left of the studio. i’ll drop by once in a while to give you microwaveable food in case i can’t cook for you that day. you don’t have to worry about the groceries or bills. i got them covered. just rest well.” “riki. thank you. let’s talk at the end of the week.” he nodded in response.

a week went by just like that. riki would be lying if he said he wasnt anxious about what was to come next. ever since their break up, it was almost as if he had lost his sense of direction. he had to start all over again and with yuju’s constant intervention, it wasn’t the easiest thing for him to do. this week was no different, yuju constantly trying to apologise to him for her outburst - blaming it on yn. “rik. yn is out of the picture now ! she doesn’t even stay at our dorm anymore. we can be together.” pure disgust plastered all across riki’s face. “you’re seriously deluded. get help.” and with that, he walked away.

the sun had already set by the time riki had reached the apartment yn currently resided in. knocking on the door as a heads up, he entered to find yn preparing some wine for the both of them. “let’s chat in the bedroom.” riki sat on the bed awkwardly across his ex. “what… do you want to know ?” “truthfully… everything. i want to know how you got the money to buy this place… why there were girls in your camera… why yuju would do such a thing…why you’re still helping me… i want to know it all.” riki took a sip of the wine. “well for starters… i have been working since high school. i worked as a choreographer at my parents’ studio and did modelling as well. like i said, this was supposed to be a five year anniversary gift to you… so i spent the past few years decorating it secretly. that’s what the secret bank account was for and why i refused to touch it… as for the camera… when you said you wanted all those gifts, i started working as a photographer for heeseung and choreographer at the studio again. additionally, jay offered for me to model for his gender neutral fashion line, hence there were girls in the photos with me. they paid me enough to get everything you wanted as well as get some more stuff to decorate this place…yuju… she’s fucked up. apparently she liked me and i only found out when she admitted that she sabotaged our relationship to get together with me. she’s been preying on your insecurities and i’m so sorry i couldn’t stop her in time… i’m helping you because of my promise. my promise that you’ll be my only love in this life. you can break me a hundred times and i’ll still go back to you. i’ll wait for you until you become mine again and even if you don’t, i’ll still wait for you.” yn was crying again. “oh my god i was such an asshole to you…” riki chuckled softly, wiping the tears away from her face. “yeah… but still, i prefer hearing your voice in person than to only be able to hear your voice play in my head like a broken record.” “what do i do now… i’m still going to run into them in class. i can’t avoid then forever and they’re literally the only friends i have. yuju is going to be pissed if she finds out i’m staying in this apartment that YOU bought.” “you can’t avoid them in class but you can make new friends. i know its a little hard for you but i recently found out that sunoo’s girlfriend is in the same class as you. i can get her to help you out. i know you want to make friends on your own so just take this as you meeting her on your own through mutuals ! don’t discredit yourself. if they do anything to you, gather enough evidence and we can submit it to the school committee. the committee might reassign you to a new dorm but if you want to continue staying here, feel free to.” “okay. i want to meet sunoo’s girlfriend. i’m free the day after.”

xvii.

“hi yn ! i’m ryeji, sunoo’s girlfriend and your classmate ! riki told me about what happened. so i’m more than willing to lend you a hand !” seeing her bubbly personality definitely eased yn’s nerves. “riki really does have a pretty girlfriend…” the girl whispered under her breath. “o-oh i’m not his girlfriend… anymore.” “ah ! then you must be the girl riki swore to only love !”

“how was the meeting with ryeji ?” riki asked. “she’s a lot nicer than my previous friends. she said she’ll help me out if they ever approach me.” “that’s great. i’m glad things worked out with her. here. it’s a new bag.” he pushed a chanel gift bag towards her. “riki… about what i said last time… i didn’t really mean it. it’s just that… yuju convinced me that you didn’t love me because you didn’t do what my parents did… i’m really sorry i accused you of such things.” riki gave her a tiny smile before pulling her into a hug. “i know. i’m not mad at you for saying such things. i guess i should pamper you occasionally as well. i don’t think any amount of handbags could be worth as much as my love for you back then and now. don’t be sorry about the past, be happy you were able to realise what you truly want. it’s perfect alright if i’m not what you want. i’ll be happy as long as you’re happy.” he rubs yn’s back slowly. “well, i want you back. i’ll court you this time ! you did everything for me back then and now it’s my turn to return the favour. i want to be the best girlfriend ever ! “

xviii.

riki woke up to his doorbell ringing, his disheveled hair and confused face clearly showing the state the boy was in. swinging open the door, he was met with a smiley yn with two bottles of banana milk in her hands, “morning ! it’s my first day of courting you so i wanted to walk with you to school ! you always walk me to school so i thought we could change it a little.” pulling her in before closing the door behind her, he led her to the couch - head on her thighs, eyes on her face. “hehe, good morning yn. now that you’re here, i don’t want to go to school anymore.” she dragged him by the arm towards the bathroom, “go get ready for school. we can always hang out after ! my submissions are finally over.”

the two walked to school, just like they used to - but this time earning more stares and whispers due to their previous breakup. “this is my lecture hall. i’ll see you after my class ends ! i’ll think of you !” yn gives riki a cheeky smile before sliding a chocolate bar into his arms. his favourite. “yn, you’re here !” ryeji called out to the girl, signalling for her to leave riki’s side. “have a nice time in class, call me if anything happens !” riki shouted after the girl.

“i see you’re back with riki ?” ryeji wiggled her eyebrows, “not exactly yet. im courting him this time. it’s my way of saying sorry for everything i guess.” the other girl cooed at her response. “my favourite love birds.” “love birds ?” yuju slammed her hand onto the table. “you bitch ! he was courting me and you stole him away like that ? just as easily as you threw him away ? who was there for you when you were crying your eyes out ? me ! and who was there for riki when you dumped him over YOUR insecurities ? me ! stop being a pick me bitch yn. quit being so selfish.” ryeji threw her pencil case at yuju’s face. “shut it, you witch.” “OH. and it seems like you got a new friend too. let’s see what happens when she finds out your secrets. how everyone’s view of you would change.” lifting her feet to place them on the table, above yuju’s hands, yn laughed. “tell them. or should i tell them myself ? riki told me everything you did to sabotage our relationship. and i believe you have a polaroid that belongs to US.” snatching her wallet, yn reached for the polaroid. “oh and you can stop chasing riki now. he is everything but impressed by your shenanigans. in fact, he had enough evidence to file a case against you to the school committee so i highly suggest you STOP messing with people around me. or i’ll mess with you.” the room went pin drop silent. yuju kicked the table in defeat before walking out of the door, too embarrassed to sit through class. yn heaved a sigh of relief, “you did great, yn.” ryeji assured.

xix.

sitting across riki in the restaurant was yn in a beautiful dress. “i don’t think yuju or minhee would be bothering us any time in the future.” “that’s great. i’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. “ riki’s hands reach for yn’s cheeks, caressing them slowly. “i also got something for you !” pushing a bag towards him, she flashed him her signature smile. “it’s something i made during class ! one of the professors said that i should start a clothing line and my connections would be able to boost it. so i decided you should get my very first piece. you can even model for the line if you like and i would love for you to design the logo !” opening the bag, riki found the most beautiful piece of clothing he has ever since, tailored to make his body features stand out even more than they already did. “you don’t understand how much i love this. thank you so much, yn. i appreciate it. truly. i can’t ever thank you enough.” “well, you can thank me by being mine again. what do you say, love ?” “of course ! it would be an honor to be yours again.” the two reconciled in a hug, “ i love you.” riki whispers.

—

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[madwomansapologist]

Scoring Points (In their hearts)

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synopsis: Led by your brother, your crew decided to play the King of Clubs game. Arisu might be certain that the best he can do is understand this land, but you are determined to make sure he will survive. Whatever it takes.

warnings: Niragi is his own warning, but the things I gonna make him suffer also deserves some warnings. Hands will be lost. Nudity. Its a aib oneshot, we gonna talk about death and blood and violence and all those bad things. One person will die, only one, try to guess who. Power of friendship. Karube and Chota will be mentioned. Eldest sister worried about younger brother. Younger brother worried about eldest sister. Canon divergent. I love Goken, and I like to represent him as a excited puppy. Happy ending, I promisse. This was supossed to be about Kyuma, but I love the whole team so...

It was a silent trip. Half of you wanted to say something, but the other wouldn’t endure to listen to someone pretending to have a response. So you kept your mouth shut. It was enough to deal with your conscience already.

You thought that nothing would ever be harder than the Ten of Hearts, but the only reason for you to be alive now is luck. None of you knew what to expect now. That game simply started. No names, no rules, no cell phones. If it wasn’t for Ann having a car, or for Kuina to find a safe building y’all could hide in, you would have been shot by the King of Spades. Not even Arisu can save you from a bullet.

Arise led your crew to a new game arguing that it was the only way to finally discover what was happening on this hell land. You told him that you think this is some kind of country, but he said that Hatter ideas clung into your mind. Usagi didn’t believe that knowing what's happening would make that big of a difference, but the majority won. 

After all, no one really had a choice. This sick world is ruled by a simple statement: or you play, or you die.

“This is…” Tatta stumbled over the words. “Giant.”

It was the biggest arena you saw since you started playing. It was a harbor filled with shipping containers stacked on top of each other until they were tall enough to block the view of what was inside of it. You could smell the salty aroma, but you couldn’t see the ocean.

“It says we need six players” Kuina read the board on the table with electronic bracelets.

Usagi was quick to add: “But there’s only five.”

And with just a second to imagine what was happening, all questions were answered by two coarse words. “Six, actually.”

And suddenly all the fear of the future turned into anger. 

The world really isn’t fair. If it was, Karube and Chota would be with you both, laughing and drinking and gossiping about anything that moves. It it was, anyone who ever thought about touching a woman without her permission would be fucking dead. If the world was fair, Niragi wouldn’t be standing there.

Just like Kuina, your first action was to go to another place. Just get back in the car and let him rot. That was your brain talking, because your true will was to punch him until he couldn’t even open his eyes. Punish him for what he did to Usagi. For what he did to your brother. For what he did to you.

When you three were used by Chishiya, Niragi made sure that y’all would suffer. He beat your brother, and almost… He said he would have his way with Usagi and take you next. You think it's kind of ironic that what saved you both were the warning of a new game.

But when Usagi took the bracelet, you knew that you had no choice but to play with him. She saved you and your brother after the death of your friends, you could never abandon her.

“Don’t look at me like that”, Niragi said as he got closer to you. “I know you missed me.”

You took a step forward. Tatta held your hand. You broke free from him and kept walking until you were facing Nigari. You could smell the rotten flesh. Good. Now he is as rotten on the outside as he is on the inside.

“If you don’t play right, if you don’t help us win”, you smirk. “I kill you myself.”

Niragi licked his upper lip. “You're not the first to say that.”

“But I will be the last.”

With your bracelet on, the gates opened. “Registration is now closed. The game will now commence.”

Walking inside, you realized how big that arena was. It took a full minute to walk past the corridor. And now, able to look inside it, you knew it was some kind of a labyrinth. A giant labyrinth, made with shipping containers. 

“What is this place?” Tatta asked.

“The King of Club’s team is now entering the field”, said the announcer, almost like she heard Tatta. And the voice was replaced with rock.

Each from a different side of the labyrinth, four people paraded to the center. And, well, they were cool as fuck. And because of that, you knew it would be harder than you can imagine. Every single calm and centered person that you meet on this land showed you what hell looks like.

“Welcome to our game field”, looking at those four people, you didn’t see the man talking. Until you did. “I am the King of Clubs, Kyuma.”

And he was fucking naked.

Looking at a dead body was less embarrassing than that. You and Kuina looked at one another, trying to make sure that you both didn’t go crazy and started imagining naked people. But if you were to go crazy, it would have happened sooner.

“Okay, let me introduce everyone”, said the naked man. “First we have Shitara.” A hairy man raised his arm.

“Uta.” And she was the coolest woman you have ever seen. In your old life, someone like her would make you blush.

“Maki.”’ He was just a normal average man. Meh.

“Goken.” And he was, for sure, the crazy one. A naked man was right in front of you, but that guy… you could sense the craziness.

“Pleasure.” Silence. “That's all the reaction I get?”

“I think you are weirding them out.” Uta seemed annoyed.

Shitara rested his hands on his thin waist. You were sure it wasn’t the first time they had this conversation. “Put some damn pants on.”

“What? Not a chance! Nudism is an upstanding practice. A social movement with hundreds of years of history! Clothing is a social construct. No biological necessity. Humans should be bare and raw. After all, it's only natural.”

He wasn’t shy. And, well, he didn’t have a reason to be. His body… Don’t get distracted. Don’t look down. Don’t look down.

“Listen, we don’t care about that” Arisu started, annoyance clear in his voice. You hold his hand, trying to stop him from pissing someone off. “Just tell us who you are.”

“Who are we?” The naked men glared at your brother. “We are the citizens of this country.”

You couldn’t help yourself from laughing. You tried to cover your face, but it didn’t make a difference.

“What's so funny?” Goken asked.

“Nothing.” You responded to him, running your fingers through your hair. Looking at Arisu, your smile went bigger. “I told you so.”

Goken and Uta made eye contact. She nodded with her head, and Goken got excited by that. They agreed: you have potential. Maybe your team can finally give them what they are looking for.

Looking at you, not that you have noticed that, Kyuma explained that his team created that game. Shitara was the brain of the project. Six against five. It still looked like your team was at a disadvantage. There were a lot of rules, but they weren't that complicated.

The game lasts two hours;

Both teams try to collect points;

The team with the highest total at the end of the games wins;

Each team begins with 10,000 points;

Players divide these points among themselves before the game begin;

The minimum amount is 100 points;

You can score points by battle, items and base;

You can pair up with a teammate;

Wristbands can give you an electric shock;

Point below zero: game over;

A tie is a win for the King of Club's team.

“So… it's a huge gamble.” You said to yourself. You started to stretch in the way Usagi taught you. How you wish it was a game where you could sit all the time. You are the best in Diamonds, your weakness is those games that demands a lot of physicality. “In a huge arena.”

“You now know all the rules”, Kyuma said. You used all your energy to look at his eyes. “Let the game begin.”

Arisu asked about coming back to the real world, but Kyuma clearly disagreed with the definition of real. “We want the truth”, you said. “Real or not, the truth.”

“You want the truth?” Kyuma repeated. “Face me with everything you have.”

“All right, then.” You caressed Arisu’s shoulder and gave Kyuma your brightest smile. “We’ll play your game.”

“What are you doing?” Arisu whispered when the other team was gone. “Why are you so confident?”

“All will be determined by how we chose to distribute our points.” You whispered back. Nigari was the last person you wanted to hear your strategies. “This is a math game. Play it right, be fast, and we can win. We faced harder games, didn’t we?”

“We didn’t. We literally didn’t. That's the whole point.”

A discussion about how your team should split the points started. Split in equal ways is fucking dumb, no one with working brains would do that, but how else should it be done? Of course Arisu knew what to do.

The faster runners get fewer points. Usagi and Kuina have 300 each. Slower runners get more. Arisu, Niragi and you have 3100 each. And the guard gets the least points possible. Tatta has only 100, but he can touch the base anytime he wants to get infinite points.

“You like me that much, uh?” Nigari asked to Usagi. Running in the labyrinth, you imagined how amazing your life would be if Nigari was mute. “You chose to pair up with me.”

“It's because I won’t care if you die in front of me.”

Laughing, he looked at you. “And you?”

“It’s because of her."

And almost without noticing, you three faced Maki. Together, you three have 6500. No way he can have more than that. With Niragi between you two, Maki did what anyone would do: he ran. 

Kuina and Arisu were trying to find items. 

“Okay, what's happening between you and Usagi? Or between you and your sister? Why did you let them pair with Nigari?”

“Nothing.” Arisu answered, but he wasn’t convincing. “Strategy. Usagi asked to pair her with him, and my sister… Well, she didn’t ask anything, she just did it. I don’t know. I think she is trying to protect Usagi.”

“Or to kill Niragi.” Kuina completed.

“She never killed anyone.” Arisu opened a shipping container. “She was always the kinder of us. My older brother is the brain, I am the useless, and she is the heart. She would never kill anyone.”

“A item!” Kuina screamed. “We did it”

With another 2000 points, they closed the shipping container. And Kyuma was there to congrat them. “I couldn’t help but overhear. Sounds like there is an issue. You are fighting with two of your teammates.”

As Kyuma stepped forward, Arisu and Kuina stepped back. “I learned something about being a leader. You can’t push people into following you for no reason. You have to be ready to listen to them. Wait for them to come to you.” Arisu couldn’t understand why Kyuma was advising him. “Now, let's go. Let’s not end our lives with regret.”

So they battle. And Kyuma lost.

Of course you couldn’t just find an item. Trying to put up with Niragi, even a second lasted more than a year. But when Usagi saw Goken, a guy that totally looked like someone that should be in a band and probably would be the first to be kick-out because of drug abuse, every second started to matter.

Usagi attracted him, running towards the corner where you and Niragi were hidden. You almost touched him, but he was really fast. Here's the first thing you learned about Usagi: no one is faster than her.

“I was expecting more from you”, you said after receiving his points.

Goken got closer to you. You could even sense his breath. He looked at you from head to toe, a smirk appeared on his face. “You are definitely reaching my expectations.”

"What do you mean by that?" You took a step forward. You didn't touch him, a eletric shock is not on your wishlist, but got your face close enough.

“You two gonna flirt?” Usagi stared at you, hands on her waist. “Now? Really?”

The screen announced more points to your team. Kuina just touched Maki on the other side of the arena. You glared at Goken. “We don’t have time for that.”

Goken was already running. "Maybe later!"

Gathered at the base, your team had a lot of motives to celebrate. But the other team… Well, you know what they say about people that lose everything: now they have nothing to lose.

“What do you think about them?” Uta asked. After all, she was the one that didn’t have a chance to interact with the players.

“They have potential”, said Maki. “Most of them.”

“I will keep my eyes on Arisu’s sister”, Goken couldn’t stop moving. “Gonna do it for the gang, obviously.”

“Oh, shut up already!” Shitara rolled his eyes. “We have to go now.”

Tatta was alone when they came. And he touched the base when he had to make a decision. And when he felt his hand against someone's chest, Tatta wished he would wake up from a nightmare. He would be on his bed, alone, safe and sound.

But he wasn't.

“You picked me?” Shitara stepped back. “You better use this to win. If I die in vain, I’m… I’m gonna beat the shit out of you in the afterlife, man.”

Tatta was staring at the man, looking in the eyes of the man he just killed, unable to move. He killed him. Tatta killed him. Tatta killed someone.

“You were my good friend." Kyuma always sound so happy, but now... "I’ll never forget what you did for us.”

Shitara roamed to one of the exits of the labyrinth. He was confused, barely capable of walking. "Let me at least die with some privacy." After he turned into a corner, hidden from everyones gaze, Tatta saw a laser.

Any sign of faith, any hope, dissapeared now. Dead. The crew was fucking dead. By the end of the game, if they don't find a way to save themselfs, they would be dead. 30,000 points. Thats not something easy to beat.

"Couldn't even guard one pole, right?" Nigari spat. He slapped Tatta's head. "Fucking useless. Trash is always gonna be trash. You piece of shit."

"Lay off of him!" Usagi demanded. "He did the best he could."

"We underestimated them." Arisu said. Tatta noticed how he didn't defended him. But he didn't deserve to be defended. He is the reason why his team will die. "They are prepared to die."

"So what do we do now?" Kuina were sitting beside Tatta. He didn't say a word for quite some time, she was starting to get worried about him. "We just have one hour."

"I think that", you interfered. "We should attack their base."

"They gonna be defending it."

"Nigari is right." Arisu made his choice. "Lets split up again. Items are key"

"I really think we should..." But no one listened to you. They were already running. If four people attack their base they won't be able to defend themselfs, but clearly Arisu didn't think that. You don't blame the others. Arisu usually is the one that knows how to win. You looked at Tatta. He was so quiet, it was like he wasn't even there. "It's not your fault."

"It is." He finally said something. "I am the one to blame."

You knelt down in front of him. Holding his hands in yours, stroking the scars he gained as a mechanic, you smiled. "Is it a Diamonds game?"

"What?"

"Or a Hearts game? Spades? You ain't gonna tell me they added one cart suit when I was distracted? God, I hope they didn't. I don't have time for that."

"What are you even talking about?" Tatta couldn't help but laugh. "You sound crazy."

"This is a Clubs game, right?" Tatta agreed. "So you can't be the one to blame. This is a team game. We should work together, win together, lose together. The last time I checked you didn't have five arms so you could kill anyone that comes near while touching the base. You did your best. We, as a team, failed to understand how far they can go. Now we have to fight back. Will you fight with me?"

Tatta tried to stop it, but a tear fell. He closed his eyes, nodding in agreement, and was surprised to feel you thumb brush his cheek. "Then lets fight with our lives. I will go now, but I will come back."

Shitara felt a shiver go up his spine. On top of one of the containers, hidden and forbidden to interfere in the game, he watched your team discuss and decide on a strategy. He also saw how they treated the boy who 'killed' him. He almost felt sorry. And he saw when you knelt next to Tatta, your confused words soon turned into something that completely changed how the boy behaved. You saw him, you realized he wasn't well, and you decided to help him.

He was starting to see what Goken saw on you. Maybe, just maybe, this is their last game. Shitara hope he is right.

But your pretty words couldn't change reality: your team was losing. Kuina lose to Maki. Arisu lose to Kyuma. Someone from your team found a item, and you found one after a few minutes, but it wasn't enough.

Running in the labyrinth, already lost, a scream got your ears. You stopped, but then you realized. You heard that before. "Usagi."

You ran in the direction of the sound, only to find Niragi on top of Usagi.

All you could see was black. It was like when you wake you from a dream you can't really remember. From a deep nightmare that eat you whole. When the colors finally came back, it was all red.

"Stop!" Usagi kept screaming. But she wasn't mad. You know her for a long time. She is worried. She is scared. She is hurt. But she isn't mad. "He is done! He is done."

You were on top of Niragi. He wasn't awake. Your hands... You started crying when you saw all that blood. Niragi was already done after the fire, but now you can't even see his face. His chest was moving, but he wasn't awake. Nigari finally shut his fucking mouth.

You look at her. Her head was bleeding. "Are you..." Your tears fought with your words, and they win. Usagi hugged you, and you could feel your body melting against her warm skin. "Are you okay?"

Usagi used all of her forces to give you a smile. Carressing your hands, getting blood into hers, she keep on nodding with her head. Her body was so warm you could fell sleep on her. "I am fine. I am safe."

Looking at you hands, glaring at the blood, something change. Usagi know that face. She saw it on your brother once a day. Its the face of someone hopeless finding a reason to fight. You had an idea.

Fifteen minutes later, you finally found someone. Watching the ocean, Kyuma didn't bother to look at you. "You'll lose." He warned you.

You nodded with your heard. "I know."

"Then go."

"That's the first game I know I won't win." Looking at the ocean, you realized why the game was happening there. It was beautiful. What a landscape. In another situation that place would be a paradise on Earth. "Even the King of Spades wasn't so difficult."

"Thank you. It took us a lot of effort."

"I didn't knew you were a liar."

Kyuma finally looked at you. "What did you call me?"

"A liar." You took a step forward, Kyuma didn't move. "You told us to fight with everything we have. You told us to not have regrets. Here am I, fighting with everything I have, and you refuse to take me seriously. Liar."

Within a seconds, Kyuma hold your hand into his. "As you wish."

But he lose. And the look on his face... you would never be able to make enough money to pay for it.

"How can you..." Kyuma couldn't look away from his hand. "Did you cheat? How did you...?"

You took your left hand out of your pocket, and between your fingers was the bracelet that once belong to Nigari. And it was covered in blood.

"Are you..." Kyuma couldn't look away from the bracelet. "You are insane."

Still holding his hand, you pulled him closer. "You said that we should use everything we got. Thank you, Kyuma. You offered me suck a pleasurable game. None could compare." You were serious, but needed to laugh. "I got this whole 'clothes are a social construction', but you don't know how pockets work?"

Before he could say anything, you ran away. You only have more 30 minutes. You loved the look on his face, but you needed to find your crew.

"You did what?" Arisu yelled. He was holding you on his arms, trying to clean the blood on your wrist with his shirt.

"You heard her", Usagi replied. "She won a battle. And we both found a item. We can win."

"We just need to touch their base", you said, hopping this time he would hear you. "If three people touch it, we won. Thats all we need."

"Lets do it." Kuina was ready to run.

"No."

"Arisu, we need to..."

"I won't sacrifice anyone here. We won't just run into their base and let someone die. Everyone will survive."

"Then do something!" You yelled at him. "If we do nothing all of us will die! We can't just sit down and shut up!"

"I don't know!", Arisu felt like his head was about to explode. When he touched the base, he realized something. "Someone didn't touch the pole?"

"I didn't", you moved to touch it, but he hold your hand. "Did I broke a rule?"

"I know what we have to do! But... I don't know if it will work. We just need a distraction. Something that would be impossible to look away. They are four but if it work..."

"Stop whispering to yourself!", Tatta yelled. You never saw him screaming to anyone. "We have 15 minutes left. Just explain your plan!"

When Arisu explained, everything was clear as day to you. "Am I the only one who didn't touch the base?"

"You were so excited to talk about your battle with Kyuma that you forgot", Usagi told you. "That means you gonna be the distraction, right?"

"Exactly." Arisu wasn't sure if it would work, but he wouldn't die with regrets. "You think you can do that?"

"I think I know exactly what I have to do."

At the other teams base, they couldn't stop talking about how you broke someones arm to took the bracelet out of it.

"Thats weird for her." Uta was standing against the pole. "She never harmed someone on her other games."

"I said that before but no one believed me", Goken said while running around. "She have so much rage inside her. She just needed a reason to explode."

Maki agreed with him. "But I bet Niragi is alive still."

"I think he is dead."

"No way! He is bleeding somewhere."

"Its a bet."

"Why are you so quiet?" Goken poked Kyuma. "Are you scared?"

Kyuma seen almost lost. "She surprised me."

"Thank you for that." Your voice gave away your location. Leaning against one of the containers, all eyes turned to you. "To be honest, I was surprised too."

And you were naked.

"Fuck", Goken shouted.

"Fuck indeed", Uta pinched herself to see if she was imagining something.

Maki looked to the sky. Suddenly it was so interesting.

"I want to battle again but I knew that no one would believe that I wasn't using his bracelet."

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Kyuma was looking at your eyes. Well, he was trying to look at your eyes only. "I'm sorry."

"You will battle me or not?"

When Kyuma did nothing, you got closer to him. Blinking your eyes, with a little smile on your face, you watched his eyes fighting to look at the sky. "You such a nice person", you purred. "You don't need to be sorry because you look at me. Clothes are just a social construction, aren't they?"

"I'm not sorry!" Goken shouted. You guess that's the only way he knows to comunicate with others.

"I've noticed", you smiled to him, but your focous was Kyuma. "Don't be so shy. Look at me." When Kyuma did obey, looking deeply into your eyes, you carressed his chest. And the eletric shock made you fall to the ground.

Then they ran. The surprise made the other team slow, they weren't ready to fight back. Dodging them, running towards the base, the three were like lightning. Trembling on the ground, you watched as Arisu touched the base. Then Usagi. But when Kuina was about to touch it, Maki kicked her away

"Really?" Somehow Kyuma was able to shout.

Squirming, you tried hard to answer. "You should know it was a trap."

"Oh my god", Goken laughed. "That was a booby trap!"

"It's a tie", Kuina cried on the floor. "Usagi, run to our base and come back here!"

"You can try" Uta said. She pointed at the big screen. "But can you run to your base and come back here in 3 minutes?"

"Really?" Kyuma shouted again. How could he be so fine? He wasn't even shivering.

"Oh, get over it! It's not my fault you saw a pair of boobs and got distracted." With a lot of effort, you sat down. Arisu run to you, one hand covering his eyes, and took you his shirt. Buttoning it, you stared at him. "I'm going to die and you are mad because I tried to win?"

"Are you covered?" Arisu asked.

"It don't matter", you answered him. "We are going to die. In 3 minutes we are done. I just killed Niragi and what did it change for us? Nothing. Worse: it made us believe we could win. This is it. I gonna die. We gonna die."

"We..." Kuina couldn't move. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't... I should have fought better. I didn't mean to... I'm so sorry."

"I know. We know", Usagi kneeled beside her. "It's not your fault. You tried."

"And now you are going to die!" Holding Arisu in your arms, you were the one crying. "I did everything to protect you and it wasn't enough."

Insteat of crying, Arisu hugged you back. Carressing your head, he was at peace. Arisu knows he did everything he could. That he tried to win with his whole being. And if this is how he is going to die, hugging his sister with the knowlegde that they would die without pain, than so be it.

"You protected me." Arisu whispered. "Since I was a kid. You did everything you could and it was enough. I had a good life. Not a perfect one, but a good one. If I could chose to live this very same life again and again, I would do it."

"We gonna have to deal with them for how long?" Maki asked. "This is embarrassing."

"What about being kind once in your life?" Uta closed her eyes. "Let them cry. One more minute and the game is over."

"Don't be so cruel", Usagi said to her.

"Why aren't you crying?" Kyuma got closer to her.

"I guess I'm just tired" Usagi hold Kuina closer. Whispering to her friend, Usagi felt something hard on her heart. "Tatta will die alone. He must be so scared."

"It's Game Clear to the King of Club's team." The female voice said when the two hours finally ended. "It's Game Over to the players team."

They waited for their death. Your eyes, before wide open, now were closed. Arisu hold you closer to him. Kuina and Usagi shivered against one another. And on the the other side of the labyrinth, Tatta were crying alone. But it never came.

"Do we agree?" Kyuma looked at his team. His hand was up in the air. "In three, two, one..."

All of them raised their hands on the air, and said at the same time: "I vote for the player team."

You opened your eyes. "We died?"

"I don't know", Arisu whispered.

"Congratulations!" Kyuma was so excited that everyone looked at him. And by doing that, everyone saw that Shitara was standing on a corner of the labyrinth. Alive. "Your team was chosen."

"For what?" Usagi feel like throwing up.

"To be trained by us." Kyuma was looking at you. "Welcome home, new citizens."

GENERAL TAGLIST: @suakemi @notanalienindisguiseblink

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[aclownatemydog-blog]

In secret

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Summary: Draco gets upset when he finds out harry asked you to the yule ball— and that you said yes.

word count: 1.4k

A/N: I hope you enjoy :) if you guys like it i’m super willing to continue it!

From the outside no one would have ever linked you- a rather friendly Gryffindor- with the pretentious Slytherin boy. He himself did not understand how your friendship worked, but it did. After bumping into each other late one night in third year after you’d both been out late getting fresh air, you realized you quite liked talking to him without his usual group of people around. he was calmer by himself, still rude and snarky, but it was tolerable without them fueling his ego. You ended up talking about your mutual love for Arithmancy for quite some time. This topic led to others and before either of you knew it you had been talking until the clock struck midnight. You went your separate ways then, but not before agreeing to meet again the next night.

For the past two years now, every chance you two got to sneak off to the lakes you would. It was your favorite place to sit and talk. you’d pick a spot and lay in the grass for hours, looking up at the stars. Your conversation had begun getting deeper the older you got, and you now know more about Draco Malfoy than you ever thought you would. You cherished your time with the boy, he was a surprisingly good listener and he made your days at Hogwarts more exciting. This was something you wanted to protect. That’s why no one could know about this secret friendship. It was an unspoken rule between the two of you not to talk about it, or talk to each other in public. You didn’t want your peers to dislike you because of your relationship with him, or for them to come between it. So that’s how things were and neither of you seemed to desire to change it.

It was lunchtime and you sat with your usual friends at lunch, a group of Gryffindors that you had known since first year. They giddily discussed the upcoming yule ball that had been announced. You too were excited, already thinking of what dress colors you thought flattered you. The only problem was that you didn’t have a date yet, and you really didn’t know anyone who might ask. Draco came to mind when you imagined who you would want to spend the night with. You reminded yourself that was ridiculous and quickly dismissed the thought. You had zoned out of the conversation your friends were having but your name being called snapped you out of your thoughts.

“ Are you even listening to us?” your friend chuckled.

You mumbled a “ sorry yes something about Harry right?” you had briefly heard harry potters named mentioned.

“ Yes! he was asking about you “ they giggled as they told me.

you looked just as confused as you were feeling. Why on earth would harry potter be asking your friends about you? you had never really talked to potter. most things you knew about him came from Draco’s rants about the boy. But you didn’t find him as enraging as he did.

“ I believe he fancies you. He asked if you had a date to the ball yet”

your heart beats a little faster at this. Was Harry Potter planning on asking you to the ball? You weren’t sure how you’d respond if he did. It was true you didn’t have a date, and harry wasn’t awful company. But your mind drifts back to Draco. He would be upset there was no doubt about that. But Draco was friends with people you didn’t like, and that didn’t stop him. So why should his opinion of people stop you? Besides, you two wouldn’t talk at the yule ball anyways. With that logic you had decided the if Harry potter did ask you to be his date, you would accept.

After a couple days, you still hadn’t told Draco about the information your friends gave you. Which seemed to be the right choice considering harry still hadn’t even talked to you. You began to give up the idea and look for someone else you might want to go with. This was until you were sitting in the library after classes and none other than Harry Potter sits down in the chair beside you. And when he asked the question you had been preparing for, you politely excepted.

Later that evening, as you lay in bed thinking over the events of the day, you found it less exciting to have a date than you thought it would be. In fact, you felt a small sense of dread. And when you tried to figure out why this could be, all thoughts led back to Draco. You did not want to tell him about your plans tonight. You knew he would find out anyways when you and harry showed up to the ball together but the thought of keeping this from him for another week made your stomach hurt worse. So you decided tonight was the night you’d have the conversation with him.

You made your way down to the lake and saw Draco already there. You noticed he was not sitting on the grass, in fact he seemed to be pacing rather quickly. As you got closer you were able to see a scowl on his face, it a was familiar expression but never before directed at you. He was muttering to himself something you couldn’t make out. You approached very slowly and hesitantly, unsure what was going to happen. When he noticed you he stopped pacing and looked at you with an emotion you couldn’t quite make out. He was angry, that was certain but something about it made you feel guilty. He looked like you’d betrayed him.

“ Potter! Of all people him ” He sneered while walking over quickly and stopping right in front of you. “And when were you going to tell me? I had to find out in the hallway from some stupid girls whining over the fact that he didn’t ask them instead. What’s so great about Potter anyways. He’s an annoying git! “

You looked up at him and tried to think of what to say that wouldn’t make the situation worse

“ Well he was the only one who asked me Draco!” you reply crossing your arms “ I didn’t seek him out or anything I just didn’t want to be a loser without a date. “ You admit to him. He takes a step back at this, still angry but not as confrontational.

“ If you were so worried about not having a date you could have said something to me.“ He stated it like this was common sense, which it wasn’t. Your eyes widened and you stood there unblinking as you took in what he just said.

“ What do you mean by that?” You ask after a moment, trying to clarify before you jump to any big conclusions.

“ Well obviously I mean that if you would have said something, I would have taken you myself.“ he matter-of-factly stated once more. He seemed completely serious and unfazed, like this wasn’t something that contradicted the foundation of our friendship for the past two years.

“ have you gone mad?” you question him with an incredulous chuckle. Still trying to make sense of it.

He scoffs at this defensively “ of course i haven’t gone mad. I know perfectly well what Im saying. You’re the one who can’t seem to comprehend a simple sentence, maybe you’ve gone mad!”

“ maybe i have gone mad! because no one even knows that was know each other and you want to show up to the yule ball as what?…a date?” you ask quizzically. This all seemed to be coming from no where. Draco had never shown any desire to make your friendship public and now all of a sudden it seems he wants the whole world to know.

“ It would be better than going with potter! And if anyone says anything about us going together i’ll deal with it. The thought of my best friend going with that.. that horrid potter makes me sick! I would never-“ he gets himself worked up over it again. waving his arms and huffing in annoyance. He continues his ranting but you can’t help but smile over the use of the term “ best friend “. You knew you enjoyed each other’s company but you never quite knew exactly how he felt until now.

“ draco-“ i try to interrupt him but he keeps going about the principle of it all— or something, you had tuned him out.

“ DRACO.” this gets his attention and he stops his yapping on about potter. “ Yes.” you say smiling.

He furrows his eyebrows annoyed that you cut him off, and even more annoyed that you don’t seem to be taking him seriously.“ what are you on about?”

“ yes. “ you repeat walking closer to him“ my answer is yes i’ll go to the ball with you “

[astra-galaxie]

One question before you turned off the asks:

In your opinion, how did Giulietta and Philomena's friendship ended?

And an early merry christmas 🎄🎄❣️

When Lady Highmore told the story about Philomena and Giulietta being friends in the past, she revealed that Philomena was the “only one who didn't shun the girl.” This leads me to believe that others in high society shunned Giulietta (probably because of her family) and refused to be friends with her. But Philomena didn’t do what those people did and befriended Giulietta.

I imagine the two had been good friends, but eventually, Philomena’s other friends convinced her to shun Giulietta. Based on the picture we see of them, they appear to be about 12 (give or take a year), an age when some people can easily be influenced by others. Philomena was probably pressured into ending her friendship with Giulietta, but because her other friends convinced her that being associated with Giulietta would negatively impact her reputation, something people in high society value significantly.

Thus, the friendship ended with most likely a horrible, loud fight, resulting in Giulietta running off angrily so she could cry without Philomena seeing. Philomena probably felt terrible about ending the friendship, but she couldn't let others see her as weak, so she put on a mask and held her head high. But she may have wished she could have reminded Giulietta’s friend and regretted letting her other “friends” convince her to end things. I headcanon that Giulietta would have been a true friend to Philomena because while she tries her best to fit in with high society, she has a background none of them do that keeps her humble.

And that’s my headcanon for how Giulietta and Philomena’s friendship ended! I also imagine that without Giulietta’s friendship, Philomena became more easily influenced by high society, which led to her becoming a partier and “attention hog,” as Lady Highmore puts it. Maybe if they stayed friends, Philomena would be more humble, and she and Giulietta would have a happy friendship that wasn’t corrupted by the pressures of high society since they had each other to rely on.

Thanks for the ask! I hope you enjoyed my headcanon as an early Christmas present!🎁

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas Eve!🎄❄💕

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

idk if zuko is a peoples pleaser or he just felt untitled to katara’s forgiveness but he does say “she hates me and i don’t know why, BUT I DO CARE WHAT SHE THINKS OF ME “ and before that he does safe katara from crushing rocks 🪨 and katara lends her hand when he is falling and appa caches him, i think zuko genuinely start to care about katara and sees her as an ally or friend and the southern raiders quest wasn’t JUST for Zuko’s selfish reasons, a part of it was, sure, but not the whole reason, Zuko’s cares about kataraa or at least cares what she thinks of him, we all that saying doesn’t he is in love with her or at the end he ends loving her in a romantic way lol nothing about what happened in canon or the way the writers wrote was about falling in love hahahah

There's a difference between "I care that this person I'm trying to befriend thinks I'm absolute scum" and "I am recognizing my mistakes and want to be better."

Zuko full on made up some bullshit theory of Katara directing her anger towards her mom's killer onto him instead of recognizing the simple fact that Katara was still pissed at him for the events of Ba Sing Se - in which they talked about her MOM, hence her bringing Kya up again.

This is the complete opposite of what zutarians claim Zuko did - they claim he wanted to be better for Katara, not just in the sense of being inspired by her into becoming a better person but in wanting someone worthy of dating her. Meanwhile he is REAPEATEDLY told why she hates his guts, and goes "This cannot possibly be my fault. She's projecting her issues onto me. If I help her fix her trauma, she'll HAVE to be chill with me being part of the group."

And him saving her doesn't change that - they're on the same side, on the same team. OF COURSE he's going to save her. Doesn't mean they have some deep bond.

I believe Zuko WANTED them to be genuine friends, hence him saying he cared that she thought he was a terrible person, but the way he went about it was COMPLETELY wrong and selfish.

It just so happened that, in true Zuko fashion, following the wrong path eventually led to him doing the right thing - aka actually listening to Katara, understanding her grief, realizing that VIOLENCE WASN'T GONNA FIX HER TRAUMA, and finally, looking genuinely surprised when she decided to forgive him, because, by that point in the episode, he was no longer demanding her friendship and forgiveness because he felt entitled to it, but was instead started actually showing genuine empathy towards Katara and her family. And the key thing is HE HAD NOT EVEN REALIZED IT UNTIL THE END OF THE EPISODE, aka it wasn't a case of Zuko making an effort for Katara.

Not to mention: That was ONE episode. Just one. One single instance of Zuko allegedly wanting to be better "for Katara" (which as I've already explained, it's bullshit). Meanwhile we have three seasons of his character arc having NOTHING TO DO WITH HER because, surprise surprise, Katara was not important to Zuko at all for 95% of the show, including during a good chunk of his "good guy" days. She is completely irrelevant to Zuko's redemption, no matter how many shippers insist otherwise.

[ink-bunny-blue]

PumpkinPitch Event from WriteblrGarden:

A Pocket Of Moons

(Progress: Draft 3 complete)

Blurb:

When a painfully shy painter, Madeline, escapes an arranged marriage she takes refuge in a forest believed to be endless. And in the overgrown ruins of a cathedral with a dark past, she meets Enoch, a creature who lives the life of both human and animal. Their friendship blossoms, and together they tell stories and explore the wilds, unravelling secrets about themselves and the world they live in. But a dark and wild force emerges from the forest: a cult of others like Enoch led by a mysterious human who wishes to claim Enoch’s sanity as its own. It is up to Madeline to save her beloved friend before he falls too far into madness to be saved.

Extract:

Madeline didn’t tremble this time. Her heartbeat leapt from excitement, not terror. There were no words to be spoken in this moment, so she inhaled deeply, walking towards it as though hypnotised, steps slow and deliberate. The beast rose and did the same, mirroring each step, almost becoming her in its movements as it descended the steps from the altar. Their eyes locked, staring deep into each other’s as they shared a silent understanding, an unspoken bond between human and animal. They moved together, step by step, as if rehearsing some kind of strange dance. As the two met in the centre of the apse, Madeline crouched, becoming level to the creature. Its fur smelt of rich woodsmoke, olive eyes deeply lucid. She reached out a hand, fingers unfurling as slowly, gently, she brushed the side of the creature’s face. It lent into it, blinking slow, then drawing its gaze up to hers. Its fur was incredibly soft, and the warmth from its dense muscles radiated beneath her hand. She wasn’t afraid of the flashes of white teeth inside its mouth, nor the unfamiliar hiss of its breath. What Madeline felt then was a true sense of understanding, and by the look in the hound’s oddly human eyes, she knew it felt something similar- some mutual knowledge or silent intimacy- a compassion without love. She remembered the note with the looped handwriting, and the book on her doorstep, then shivered with the possibility: “Are you… Enoch?”

Other info

Content warnings: Animal death, Cannibalism, Cults, Child death, Sexual harassment

Comparisons: Wolfwalkers, Midsommar, Frankenstein, Grimm's Fairy Tales, The Wolf Children

(Image Source: Frederic Sackrider Remington, Moonlight Wolf. Edited by me)

[anon-apple]

Hot Soup and Soft Bread 6

Table of Contents and Synopsis <- Chapter 5 Read this chapter on WordPress

Chapter 6: Chocomonts VI

T/N: Cunqu talks about his past. It sucks. The chapter ends really cute I promise but first :') ... Content warning! Suicide, mental illness, brief description of dead body, general sad vibes

That night, Cunqu once again made an exception for Qiuyan to spend the night in his room before leaving in the morning. It wasn’t convenient to call for a cab at that hour. Qiuyan rolled around this way and that in his bed, half awake and half drunk. Cunqu sighed and said: “I need to change the sheets tomorrow.”

This time, he lay down next to Qiuyan and turned on the Anpanman nightlight.

Qiuyan, lying on his side, reached out and twirled Cunqu’s hair around his fingers. He mumbled: “My childhood friend Da Yu has worked at a hair salon for two years now, but he still only knows how to wash hair. He wanted to practice on me, but I don’t dare…” He talked for a while about this, then started to explain the difference between the passengers he encountered on his day shifts versus the ones from his night shifts. “The morning shift, wow, the ones who get on all tap their senior citizen transit cards. The Liu Xiaoyings of the world are all getting up at this hour to go to the produce market. Or they’re taking the bus to take advantage of the air conditioning. It’s gotten quite hot recently…”

Qiuyan prattled on like a broken record by himself, his eyelid slowly drifting lower and lower as if he would fall asleep the next moment. Then he opened his eyes again and pulled lightly on Cunqu’s hair, saying: “When I was a kid Qiu Xuemei[1] found someone to read my fortunes. They said I was suited for a job where I wouldn’t quit until I die. So after I started driving buses, Qiu Xuemei said, look, it turned out to be true.”

Qiuyan’s tugging hurt Cunqu’s scalp, so he batted away his hand. The former reached out again to play with his hair. Cunqu said: “The first year I stayed here, Grandma invited every monk, priest, and Buddha she could.”

Qiuyan stopped his movements. Cunqu continued, “She didn’t used to believe in all that. She has a lot of trust in herself..”

The room fell silent; for a while, no one spoke. Cunqu pondered, was it finally time to pry open the scab and take a look at the injury underneath? Would he see a festered wound crawling with maggots? 

But that night, Cunqu was a lot more calm than he expected. He told Qiuyan what led to him hiding away. He said that he too had a childhood friend; his name was Jiang Langyu. Their parents were friends, so they were compared against each other ever since they were little. Because of that, their friendship was tainted with an unclear undertone. Later, they both went abroad to study. One went to the Netherlands, the other to the United States. During holidays, they’d meet up and travel together. It was only at that age that the two realized that they were truly good friends who shared the most similar circumstances. Jiang Liangyu knew what it was like to be raised by two parents so strict that it bordered on harshness. He knew what it was like to be weighed down by the expectations of numerous people. Liangyu joked once to Cunqu: “The first three years of our lives was the only timeout[2] we had. Ever since then, it doesn’t matter if we fell, if we bumped into something, or if we lost an arm or a leg. No matter what, our test scores have to be excellent across the board.” 

A few years ago, Cunqu joined a Japanese architecture studio after graduation. When there was a project at hand he was either flying all over the world or he was working overtime day and night in his studio. When Liangyu called him, Cunqu was too busy and fatigued to pick up. The day he finally returned the call, Liangyu mentioned he wanted to meet up. Cunqu took a look at his calendar and replied, “Let’s talk about it later.”

That month, his team messed up on a project. After that, they took on a few projects in China so he flew back. He reached out to Jiang Liangyu to finally meet up. However, on the day of, he buried himself like a madman in his work and forgot all about it. 

Cunqu asked Qiuyan: “Have you experienced this? A long, long time ago, your mother said something to you. And many years later, it still plays on repeat by your ear. It happens often to me. My mother once told me, ‘You don't have the right to stop if you are not good enough.’ And so on that day, I didn’t stop to go and meet Jiang Liangyu.”

When Cunqu woke up in front of his computer, Jiang Liangyu had already jumped into a lake near their meeting spot, taking his own life.

He heard that three divers went down to retrieve his body. When they brought him ashore, various aquatic plants hung from his face, and his skin was a pale purple. A rock was tied around both his feet; he had left no way out for himself. When Cunqu attended his funeral, he overheard people making comments. They said that Jiang Liangyu wasn’t sensible. They said that his parents had sacrificed so much to raise him, sacrificed so much for him.

Cunqu remembered the first time he met Liangyu when they were little. They sat on two sides of a small mushroom-shaped table in a foreign language class. Liangyu introduced himself as Jiang Liangyu. The teacher corrected him, saying: “No, your name is Terrence.”[3]

Across from that small table, Liangyu awkwardly smiled at him.

After that, Cunqu continued going to and fro his job as usual, working on the projects as he should. He realized he didn’t even have a moment to stop and grieve. His schedule was packed; his backlog of work was filled. He would never be able to stop. Until he too jumped into that lake.

On that day, he blanked out in front of the blueprint on his computer screen for a very long time. He stopped comprehending any of the words or numbers on the screen. He threw up. First, it was what he had eaten. Then it was bile, then blood.

He went to see a therapist. Qi Lanxiang[4] somehow got wind of that and flew to Japan to take care of him and accompany him to therapy. She pressed the prescribed medication into Cunqu’s hands, insisting it’s ok, everything will be ok after you take this, you’ll be able to work hard again.

Cunqu held the bag of medicine and did what he always had in the past twenty-some years of his life. He obediently nodded his head. 

Jiang Liangyu, no, your name is Terrence. I am also ok. I have a mental illness. I need to work hard even after taking this medicine. 

---

Cunqu smiled at Qiuyan. Qiuyan didn’t say anything for a moment. The piles of books in the room accompanied him in the loud silence. Qiuyan probably didn’t know what he could say to console Cunqu. He turned his head this way and that, then suddenly incoherently mumbled: “No wonder you think Chocomonts are the most delicious thing in the world. Probably because you never were allowed to eat any yummy snacks when you were little.”

Cunqu laughed, protesting: “Chocomonts are delicious.”

Qiuyan also laughed. Cunqu held the Anpanman nightlight and rotated it in his hands. He took a deep breath, saying: "After saying all that…I’m realizing it’s not such a big deal after all."

Qiuyan hugged Cunqu’s head and swayed from side to side: “Gege, want hug[5]. Us humans, we don’t really need to work that hard. When the time comes, your tombstone won’t be engraved with ‘City-recognized good student’ or ‘World-class excellent architect.’ At most, you’ll get a pair of verses[6]. For me, my tombstone will have ‘Hahahaha’ carved into it. Then whenever someone reads it, they’ll have to go ‘hahaha.’”

Cunqu couldn’t help but actually “hahaha” out loud. Qiuyan also “hahaha”-ed with him. He laughed for a while. Then he let go of his hands, his gaze locking with Cunqu’s. The fragmented rays of the nightlight fell between them, dotting freckles of shadows on their faces. They looked away at the same time. Light and shadows swayed. Qiuyan’s head spun. Abruptly, he leaned in and kissed Cunqu on the cheek.

-> Chapter 7

Footnote

[1] Zhong Qiuyan’s mother [2] The term used here to refers specifically to time-outs called due to an injury during a sports match. [3] Terrence was in English in the raws [4] Zhou Cunqu’s mother  [5] Qiuyan literally says “hug hug” which is what you say when you are requesting to be hug/be hugged. It’s very baby/kiddo talk and frequently used by kids, to kids, or when you’re deliberately acting kiddo/spoiled haha.  [6] A couplet specifically written for funerals or mourning. Written vertically on a pair of banners.