#in like 2020 so like 3 years now
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i'm not huge on mobile games but legends of idleon fucks
#i've been playing i think basically since it debuted#in like 2020 so like 3 years now#i'll admit progression can be a bit slow#but also getting over that hill and finally unlocking something gives me a huge sense of accomplishment#and just fuels my desire to get to/grind the next thing#also you can forget about your characters for 8 months and really the only thing to worry about IS RUNNING OUT OF FUCKING INVENTORY SPACE#otherwise it's really nice you can just go at your own pace#you don't even have to buy the premium currency bc you get quite a lot of opportunities to earn them from talents/monsters/events#Legends of Idleon#Mobile games#Falling Apart And Coming Together
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A timeline of Bisig!! Since I've decided her birthday was in July, I felt it was time for a little retrospective :>
Thought it'd be fun to see how the way I've drawn her has evolved over the years!
#the ever-shrinking number of stripes on her sweater haha XD#this timeline isn't super precise and there's been some back and forth but it's the overall evolution that matters#i don't think the artstyle is going to undergo any drastic changes now but who knows it might still evolve a bit#mydrawings#MyCharacters#Bisig#my precious little cat.......#to think she's seven years old already......#this did make me feel pretty emotional ngl#she matters a lot to me#and apparently to other people too??#reference#there aren't any other drawings of Bisig between 2017 and 2020 but sometimes an idea needs time to grow#once i found some reaaally old fic in which a ship's cat named Bisig shows up so it's possible the seed of that idea was even older#(that cat was a regular non-sapient cat and “bisig” just means kitty/kitten in Breton)#(so what it truly shows is that even as a kid 1) i liked cats 2) i liked boats 3) i was not very original when it comes to naming OCs XD)
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Speaking of Dream and Hbomb this is one of my favorite vods ever, its basically just Dream and Hbomb talking for 3 hours while fucking around in minecraft. The vibes are so nice and Hbomb just picks Dream's brain on a plethora of stuff so if u want to listen to Dream ramble about YouTube and minecraft and blowing up and a whole bunch of other stuff I recommend watching this one :D
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#from november 2020 so 3 years ago almost wow#stuff like this makes me miss the dsmp a little#k now i eep goodnight
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pop!
#hunter x hunter#kurapika kurta#leorio paladiknight#leopika#hxh fanart#art#i was a hardcore leopika fan back in 2020 and now I’m back in the pit#1999 had me screaming and crying#and the drama cds⁉️#even looking back at my leopika art from 3 years ago had me maniacally laughing in my room#I have so much old hxh art in my little shoe box it was mentally HEALING looking through them again#it was clear how much I loved hxh and honestly I’m so glad I got into it again#I was just 15 when I drew all those silly things but why does it feel like it was just yesterday#I started this acc when I was 16 so most of my oldest drawings on here was made when I was just 16#and now I’m 18??this is so weird idk why I’m rambling about my age rn but life just flies too fast#I don’t like it#I just wanna be in my room drawing away my self indulgence#and daydream about stories I’ll write later#and decorate my silly room and dress myself up in the mirror#I am NOT built for society
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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new pfp!!
happy (almost) three years to my child Aura <3
i finally brought back their markings under his eyes
i had removed them for years until now
also three years of bandanna Aura lmfao
^ feb 13 2023 (?)
#blizz's art#aura!!!#oc#god my old art is so 😭😭😭😭😭#i was new at digital art in 2021 and the bucket tool on the website i used was so bad#so i had to manually color it and did not know how to use layers lmfao#but its nice seeing how much my artstyle has evolved#i created aura in may 2021 i think#i thought it was 2020 but now that i think about it#also my lines were so wobbly LMFAOOOO i drew on my chromebook on sketchpad app#<- for both those past drawings#also i did do a bandanna wolf in 2022 buttttt it was of my oc blizzard#aura predicted that i was nonbinary lmfaooooo#i created them as nonbinary and a year and a half later i discover im nonbinary#had to edit the last one to not confuse ppl#im sorry for the long ass tags 😭😭😭 but feel free to ask anything about aura <3 like his backstory etc
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heol
#unrelated its ltr not even what i linked but chasing time - azealia.. Dontttt omg ts is so facking good who made that beat!!!!!!!!!!#ANW. if breakaway is minhui then this is yijun. mayb the single ver more than true romance ver actually.. it js sounds more raw#i rly wanna talk abt why he hates jaehee#bc i’ve yapped abt minhui and talked abt DY/JY sort-of parallels in replies somewhere i found it the other day#and ik the ‘he doesn’t fit’ is what's been written (in pieces + that yt rundown i think) but likee it goes deeper than that#im gnna struggle to put it into words properly but im talking to myself so i can not make sense as much as i want thanks#ok. so he goes on and on abt how jaehee ruined BS bec he ‘didn’t fit’ into the four that they were without him but. he’s lowk projecting#he joined JG in 2016 - jiyeol mai hyeonmin and KOHEN were all there before him. jy’s in ‘08 mi + kh in 2010 + hm 2011#they chucked their whole childhoods away for jg - and in reward they were meant to be jg’s first boygroup#they ltr would’ve debuted in 2013 if it wasn’t for hyojoo being like hey! this is kinda weird lol! a 17 yo two 15 yos + a 13 yo is weird!#yj was late as HELLLL 2the party. he wouldve been left as a trainee while JY MI KH HM debuted as 9ANTHER if it wasnt 4 The Kohen Mai Thing#aka they started messing around in like 2014 while jy pretended he wasnt abt to crash out and hm had to listen to jy trying not2 crash out#then it got real bad like august 2016 and all of a sudden they HATEDD eo they couldnt even b in the same room#(aka. kh wanted him mi wanted jy and said Lollll i hate u die)#all in all: kh kicked off debut team. spot opens up for yijun right as he enters the company. he’s not cut out for ts at all#he was lonely back home and now he’s lonely here and now apparently he’s in a debut team with 3 guys who know eo and he wants to die#hyeonmin like smiles at him like ONCE during practice and he latches on fastttt this leech 😭😭😭 tries to worm his way in via hm#spoiler! it only half works theres sand under his skin he hates it all he’s not meant for them he needs a gun#it gets better over the years and jy + mi sorting their shit out & cutting off kh completely makes yj feel wayy more secure#and then they debut even if it is after yoonhae’s literal death. and then jaehee comes in like Hiii i like to act and colour ^_^#HE WNATS TO DIEE ITS HIM ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!! cant even bear to look at him#like the walls are UP he’s not letting himself become kohen. and when jh tries to get close to min - ltr exactly like he did.......#ITS NEVER BEEN MORE BONSOVERRRR#so there. he’s mean and hates him and wants him dead for that. Yayyyy#kh has def said some nasttyyyyy shit to yj too ijbol like mind you he didnt leave jg until jy did! THIS YEAR!#the song. is abt himself. him to him in the mirror. to kohen. to jaehee. he’s mad at shit that’s never happened and he’s never gonna stop#the ‘why did you fall for me’ though.. that’s him to min like#he feels like he’s conned him into it - bec the first couple months he only rly was around him to try and get into the inner circle#and then he fell in Lol. Gay#‘you’re not there / you’re just an echo’ is def towards hm after 2020 when him and mai left too ouhhhhh throws up
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girl accidentally reads some of her diary entries from when she was 17 and can only distantly remember being that person 636 dead 3727 injured
#it's also so weird because they were from right at the beginning of 2020#and they stopped on the 20th of march that year. like i stopped doing it because of lockdown because 'everyday is the same now'#was writing stuff like 'this coronavirus stuff is kinda stressing me out it feels like the world is ending :///' yeah girl#it did end <3
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that geras scene at the end is killing me as someone who has also been fighting for so long to survive middle school, to survive high school, to just make it to adulthood. i'm so tired and i can barely think further than a year or two from now but the book has been constantly referencing looking back on your past and imagining a future where it gets better because as you get older you keep improving, you keep going, and i really needed that. i can imagine a world like percy was where i'm old and sitting on a porch with a friend, actually being able to rest instead of fighting just to make it through the day. growing older with people so i can look back and tell myself now that it really does get better.
#crunchyposts#pjo#cotg spoilers#reading commentary#me ventilating#hey sorry ive been going through it for the past few weeks and this sums up exactly how i'm feeling#this series really just got it like i've been fighting demons in my head since i was around 11 years old close to the same age as percy#i was an undiagnosed neurodivergent child who got to see someone like them who dealt with the same stuff#and now im closer to his age in cotg and its still the same stuff#it just means a lot to me :')#it was what he said about rest that really got me because i dont think ive been able to rest in the past 3 years maybe even more#im so so tired dude. but i keep going. im still here. 11 year old me made it and me now will make it#like what sally said i feel helpless thinking about being (age in 2020) not understanding why my brain worked that way#but that person made it through and i will keep making it through#cotg#pjosy
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I'm literally so sick of moving I really hope that I can just stay with my parents for at least two years
#for context .#i moved out for college in 2019. then moved back in again in 2020 when the pandemic happened.#then my whole family moved in the summer of 2020 because pandemic claustrophobia was making us go insane#and then i stayed there for. a year? i think#and moved back out - again for college/moving in with my partner - in... 2021?#and then the place i moved into that time raised the rent after a year#so we moved. again. after Just One Year.#and we moved into a place we didnt really like and would eventually come to actively despise#but we didnt want to move 3 years in a row so we just gritted our teeth and tried to make the best of it#but now we're sick of it and our mental/physical health is suffering and so were our pets so . god. we're moving again. yay.#i feel like i did this Yesterday even tho its about the 2nd anniversary now#and probably in all of that time in all of those places the place j felt most alive and healthy was my parents house fjdjfnfnemdb#for further context the last time i had moved before 2020. was when i was like two years old.#i lived in the same house for like 20ish years and then ive been through like. 4 places in... 5 years?#and i thought i was done going through shit in like 2018 lmao
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hello??????
#weight talk in tags#my wife and I don't keep a bathroom scale at home bc it's just better for my ED#so the only time I weigh myself is at his parents house#my weight had been pretty steady for like 3 years at about 190lbs and I was fine with it for the most part#I slowly procured a fitting wardrobe bc I gained a lot of weight in 2019 and 2020#last time I weighed myself I was down like 10lbs and attributed it to being poor and not eating enough#but I weighed myseld again just now and I'm???? below 180????#I haven't changed my diet or added physical activity or anything. this isn't intentional weight loss#idk maybe my body is finally leaving survival mode or something#sorry correction: I was closer to 195 than 190
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I didn't log in on Tumblr for a week bc was busy in UNI hell and the second I came back, I heard about the data sold to AI mess and what the fuck am I supposed to do or to say lol...
Anyway, I must add that I'm not going, like, anywhere else. Am I tired of this situation? YES, trust me. I've already experienced art being stolen to be handed over to AI programs (I'm talking about you, DeviantArt) but I'm exhausted from moving from one social to another. The most fucked up thing is that even with a deactivated account, your stuff can be used to training Midjourney and shit, so… like, there's not a lot to do.
The thing that makes me mad is the way Tumblr handled this. By the way they wrote the announcement, it does feel like it has already happened, and the update was just a notice.
#wren text tag#last time a thing like this happened I stopped drawing and posting for 3 years bc I had a mental breakdown lol#mostly bc before I used to draw only my ocs and it didn't feel good knowing they where being put into a meat grinder of an AI art generator#esp if you are like me -> person who spends months working on a character between design and backstory#now I use this blog only for fanart so I don't care a lot lol they are not even my characters#maybe I'll draw so much shipping art that the AI will automatically think it's a canon event lol#also I'm really REALLY rethinking my life decision of study art for a living lol#being an artist in 2020s be like#*NFT* *AI* * your drawing stolen* *your drawing reposted without credits* *erasing watermarks* *stolen artworks used to train AI*#OH YES and the “sorry we don't need an illustrator for this project (shows a poster made with AI)”#GIRLLLLL WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO#I JUST WANT TO DRAW FOR FUCK'S SAKE#forever thinking about those 600+ drawings I had to delete on DA#“I'm an artist” and when I say it this is how I feel 🤡🤡🤡
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the year transition umi returns!!! whoa!!!!! it’s the tea party set!
patreon | kofi | commissions | more linkz
just realized the doodles aren’t very well categorized on my blog so. previous umis under the cut
2015 -> 2016
2016 -> 2017
2017 -> 2018
2018 -> 2019
2019 -> 2020 i tried to draw a bunch of characters who are close to my heart and intended to end with umi but i became too physically unwell to finish
2020 -> 2021
2021 -> 2022 There Was A Darkness Growing Within Me.
2022 -> 2023 HERE!
#love live!#love live! school idol project#sonoda umi#umi sonoda#colored#artwork#2022#this was actually started almost a week before dec 31st bc i just finished neru and still had a lot of drive#man looking at these umis makes me realize just how Much (time and stuff) i've gone through. it's felt like the same year since 2020#actually it started getting real bad in 2021 and continued into 2022 but i think. i hope things are changing for the better o.o#also idr why i drew 2 whole umis for 2016 -> 2017 but that balances out for the missing umi thnak u past me.#i might make this the last art piece i post on twitter i'll think about it#either way i think quite a few of my active followers from twitter are here now so thanks y'all for the years!! <3#with how bad things have been i'm consciously making efforts to find meaning in making art again i am doing my besto#let's do our best in 2023 too!!!!
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a handful of chinese songs that give me big robit energy
translating cpop songs is like my second favourite hobby so it's frankly surprising I haven't made this post sooner
Him - Floruitshow (马 - 福禄寿)
I've talked about this song on here before but this is the 3.7 song for me
the second chorus is definitely MR-SN but i like to think of the first chorus (Let me take a good look at your visage as we count down the time till the curtains’ close. Forgive me for holding back my voice so soon, do you know, in your graceful escape, all I see around me is disaster?) as VR-LA during the flashback sequence
specifically 'all I see around me is disaster' because yeah not wrong
'This time I’m not here to bring you home' just kills me like the please please take care of yourself because I can't be there with you anymore of it all
'Oh spring, oh warm sun, please come sooner, grant him a smooth and safe journey' same point, just the desperate plea for the universe to protect VR-LA because he can't do it himself anymore
How can I make you stay - Floruitshow (我用什么把你留住 - 福禄寿)
(conveniently I have actually done a full translation of this song!)
definitely one of the Maxim songs of all time
"You’ve believed that you can let your life pass in numbness, but [...] why do your tears fall in the moment of letting go?' YEAH because we've seen so many times how Maxim keeps trying to convince himself that he can stop just caring but it never works
'You say don’t fall in love, yet you’re unwilling to let go' same point, this man is in such denial about how he just can't stop caring
specifically the second verse feels a lot like Maxim waiting for VR-LA to return from Tu'narath
'You stay silent, holding onto starlight as you wait through your darkest hour. Your mind is struck, when familiar murmurs pierce your ears once more' aaaAAAAHH
the bridge (?) as a conversation between VR-LA and Maxim, VR-LA inviting Maxim to see the beauty and wonders of the world ('Do you want to see the sea of flowers blooming?', very 4.5 wedding invite honestly) but Maxim's trauma just would not allow him to take that risk ('If none of them come back, then who should I live for?')
fun fact the second version of the bridge in my translation ('You must stay to see the flowers bloom' onwards) is exclusive to that live performance of the song so it's not in the spotify version i linked here. as for which version you think fits Maxim more.. well.
Borrow - Mao Buyi (借 - 毛不易)
finally banging out a translation for this song was kinda the inspiration for me to make this post actually
the tldr of this song is that it's an unnamed/unidentified speaker asking to borrow various small things for the sake of somebody else (like 'an inch of frozen sunlight' to provide warmth in a cold world) so you can probably see where i'm going with this
'A simple ‘we have plenty of time’ etched into the soul to prepare for the chance of forced separation' ouch ow okay
'Those blown apart by these winds will say that they never loved deeply' / 'There is a sincerity that cannot be blown apart by this wind' DX-TR betraying the old crew vs VR-LA fighting through so much just to get them back
'There are tears that cannot be washed away by this rain' this line just haunts me. like in general
'An acre of land for him to call home, an ordinary life for him to live' as MR-SN watching over the old crew like I can't be there for you but I hope you will find peace and a home...
#rolling with difficulty#rwd starship#rwd professionals#my feel good hobby! as opposed to art: my feel bad hobby /j#im actually learning to play how can i make you stay on the guitar right now its a lot of fun but ow my fingers#ive also found a score for him but its super outside my skill level so we'll see how that goes#bmadd11 my beloathed#/also/ working on a little something based on that song but that wont... come into play for at least the next few weeks so#its an absolute monster of a project and school has started so i dont have high hopes for getting it done soon#i dont think i got to mention this on the actual post for borrow but ive literally been spinning that song in my brain since like 2020#genuinely. i've been thinking about how to translate that song for upwards of 3 years#grammar is just weird sometimes#i was gonna include let's go wandering by bibi zhou but i couldve SWORN i wrote a translation for that song before i just cant FIND it#spent 30 minutes hunting for the doc in my drive thats 30 minutes of my life wasted#but 'lets go wandering with a smile because we carry our home in our hearts' just fucks severely#also considered including forget your sorrows when the flowers bloom by zhou shen#bc im not gonna make a cpop post and *not* try and subject more poeple to zhou shen#but like that songs vibe is too... cottagecore to really make a good point there im just obsessed with one specific line#'If my memories are stolen and I forget all my love; I'll say to you “Hello!”#post amnesia vrla to the old crew??? the 'i dont know you. id love to get to know you again' of it all????#did this instead of my programming homework :|
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kinda sad that i might not be able to do anything special for khalan's birthday next week because art has been so difficult lately :c i wasn't able to do anything last year either and i know it's just a silly fictional bday but he means so much to me and it'd be nice to celebrate that somehow ;;;
#i created him on the 29th of october (2020)#can't believe it's almost been 3 years already. dang#but yeah it sucks not being able to create as much as i would like to#otherwise y'all would be like. bombarded with OC stuff on a constant basis#and maybe i'd actually be able to explain them better through visual storytelling or writing and give ppl more reason to care#but right now it's just not happening in the way i want#so that's been hard#anyway idk. i still have a week#and i could always try to make belated bday art instead if i miss my chance maybe#but we'll see#spectre says
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i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3
#seriously a blessing in my burnout recovery#i think i had 2 burnouts really#1st when i was 12 i burnt out academically#and fell into other hyperfixations like homestuck and anime#n cartoons also socially burnt after my friends got annoyed w myhyperfixes but got close w my husband which helped/distracted from burnout#then i did again injjjjunior year i would say#i was burnt out creatively and socially and i hated band for the first time and i met my first AP class that i couldnt just coast through#because we had to do checked notes and DAMN im grateful for that teacher!!!!!!!!!!!#genuinely led to me learning how to take notes on text when i never had to before#but i literally cried. because spent HOURSSS the first few times trying to do my notes before a classmate told me theres a website that#summarized the book#which helped a lot#but it was the first time since suspecting i have Something other than depression/anxiety that i was SURE i had adhd#it kinda just clicked so i got on a nonstimulant that helped a bit but had shitty physical symptoms that got worse as i got older#i was on it forrrr like 2 or 3 years before i stopped taking it#but i also got on a 504 which gave me deadline flexibility which like#great yknow finishing out junior and senior year medicated woo#but senior year last semester i had terrible senioritis lol#which i now realize was that 2nd burnout#and literally from march 2020 to the end 2022 i barely talked to anyone or engaged on any level with most people other than smoking weed#and being a therapist#and my beautiful wonderful husband ofc but we kinda enabled each other lmao#but yknow that gap of time when my locale cared about covid and stuff was just not going on i really recovered#i didnt draw much or do much hobbywise#i did probably too much weed and not too much but Quite a Damn Lot of acid#(which.. idk who follows me now... but acid isnt a evil scary drug it is not physically harmful and wholly dependent on mindset)#and i worked a lot#but... i quit my job at the end of 2022. which kinda directly correlates with me reconnecting with my friend group#and reconnecting with them... i decided to go back to college#re realized the path for my passion for psychology lies in academia and i LIKE that
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