#in fairness nobody is asking me to do it really
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
We listen and we don’t judge // Alexia Putellas
a/n: short one
It was all over your foryou page - the 'we listen and we don’t judge' trend. So obviously you had to do it with your girlfriend.
After you had explained the rules to the Barcelona captain, you sat down next to each other at the dining table, your phone recording.
"Hello guys!" you greeted, Alexia greeting in her mother tongue, "today we‘re doing the we listen and don’t judge trend" you explained once again how it works for those who didn‘t know, "and I’m very excited how this turns out" you laughed, grinning at Alexia who held your hand underneath the table.
"Do you want to start, amor?" she asked.
"Yes okay." you thought about it for a moment before you came up with one, "we listen and we don‘t judge"
"Sometimes when you leave the house for training i eat the chocolate bars you get from the physio and when you ask where they are i tell you that you probably ate them already"
Ale chuckled before she answered, "amor, i buy them in the store. I know you like them. Since I’m injury free the physio doesn’t buy them anymore. It was a treat for every step of recovery"
"What? You didn‘t tell me that" you huffed, playfully.
"Yes because you always look so cute with the guilty mischief glint in your eyes when you tell me I ate them"
"Hey!-"
"We listen-" she cut you off, encouraging you to join the end of her sentence "and we don‘t judge" you said in unison.
"Sí, um, sometimes when I look through the newest football footage and you‘re nearby I make sure that you only see the best of me and my skills, so you’re impressed by me." she admitted with a shy smile, tracing patterns of the back of your hand.
leaning over to whisper in her ear, "I’m always impressed by you, don’t worry" before you said, "we listen and we don‘t judge"
"When we‘re going out and I ask if I should drive, I always hope that you say no because I don’t want to drive, I’d rather be the passenger princess with the privileges than the driver."
Alexia looked at you - indeed you often asked if she was sure that she wanted drive and that it wouldn’t be a problem if you sat behind the steering wheel but Alexia always had a feeling. Besides she loved driving you around.
"We listen and we don’t judge"
"When I’m in the supermarket and you ask me to buy something for you and it isn’t on the paper list, I forget about it most of the time. And when you ask where it is and i suddenly remember it, i tell you that the store didn‘t have it" she innocently smiled at you, the judgmental expression on your face obvious.
"Te amo, eh?"
"We listen and we don't judge" you replied.
"When we watch a movie I pretend to fall asleep, so you would carry me to bed"
"You cheeky girl" the midfielder kissed your cheek before her arm went around your shoulder, pulling you a bit closer.
"We listen and we don‘t judge"
"If you try to cook my mother's food, I tell you every time that it tastes delicious, even if sometimes it doesn't taste that good" she said, quickly adding, "because I really appreciate the effort" smiling.
"Yeah, that‘s fair. Your mum is an amazing cook"
With that being said, you continued little game for a bit before you said your good byes to the camera.
"I thought you‘d admit worse things" you said, smiling at the catalan, happy that her statements were harmless. You had seen many horrific statements on the internet which left you shocked and wondering how these people stay in their relationship.
"Why would I, amor? I like being with you and I wouldn’t ever judge you" she said with heart eyes. The girl so in love with you.
And truth to her words, there‘s never been any occasion where she had judged you. She trusted you in everything and besides, mistakes happen too, so why would she judge that? Nobody was perfect, she wasn’t perfect, neither were you. Even though she truly believed that you were the closest thing to perfection.
"Te amo mucho"
#alexia putellas#alexia putellas x reader#alexia putellas imagine#woso fanfics#woso x reader#woso#fc barcelona femeni#barca femini x reader#barcelona femeni x reader#fc barcelona women#barca women#barça femeni#barcelona femeni#barca femeni#barcelona women#espwnt x reader#espwnt
565 notes
·
View notes
Text
Archon Ranking
Charlotte:Aether! As a famous traveler with deep connections to other nations and their Archons, I have to ask, *pulls out pen and paper* who do you think the best Archon is among the ones you met?
Aether:…*looks around* I don’t know how, but it feels like they’re listening. I just know it’s going to get back to them.
Venti:*behind a house* Shhh
Archons:*nod silently*
Aether:This question isn’t exactly easy, it’s not impossible. The Raiden Shogun and Rex Lapis are out of the running.
Ei:(That’s fair…)
Zhongli:*slouches*
Charlotte:Well one of them did kick off a civil war, but why think little of the deceased Lord of Geo? Is it because you didn’t get the chance to know him enough.
Aether:…Yes. While I commend his diligence, I fear having such a strict and uncompromising approach to the concept of contracts lead to a few… rather unnecessary predicaments that could’ve been avoided by forming more open and new contracts with his people.
Zhongli:An interesting perspective. One that may or may not hold some merit. I won’t outright dismiss it, but some things must be set in stone.
Furina:Now I don’t mean to criticize such an enlightened individual, but as someone who actually had a national incident set in stone, I don’t think your plan had to have one.
Zhongli:Hmmm
Aether:The others are sorta tricky. I can’t find fault in how Nahida chose to conduct herself. Centuries of isolation by her own people and yet she still helped throughout history. Perhaps it would’ve been simpler for her to take a hands on approach and speak out against the injustices she felt, but she’s still a young and gentle god. I can’t blame her for feeling small.
Charlotte:I’ve read dozens or articles after Sumeru’s liberation. I gotta say some brought me to tears! Though she’s far older than us, I must say I don’t think it’s inappropriate to say asking such a feat is no different than expecting a child to stand up to an adult without ever being taught to do so. If anything, it makes it more amazing that she eventually did!
Aether:I agree. I’m very proud of her.
Nahida:*sniffles* Aw, I see. Suddenly I’m all warm inside.
Charlotte:Am I correct to say you’ve met the god of Anemo?
Aether:….
Charlotte:Off the record.
Aether:Yes. I’ve met them several times. As for on the record, the Anemo Archon may not be present often, his presence is always felt down to the blades of grass. From the very start he made a place made for his people, and lead by his people. A hands off approach not only not only fits the god of freedom, but is beneficial for the common man. Plus, it’s not like anyone feels abandoned. There’s countless records of their god returning to aid in times of need.
Charlotte:Make you wonder if he had any hand in the Storm Terror crisis.
Aether:I wouldn’t put it past them. My glider never seemed to fail a rookie like me when I needed it most.
Venti:*smiles smugly*
Zhongli:You still drink too much.
Venti:Because I have the time. You do too. Some might say, Liyue is more like Mondstadt these days.
Ei:No one is saying that.
Venti:And yet I still find it comical how much a certain someone put into retiring, just to live among his people with a normal occupation.
Mavukia:He…makes a point. To a degree. You both ended in the same spot surprisingly.
Zhongli:Sigh….
Aether: As for Furina and Mavuika… it feels wrong to praise one without the other. The Pyro Archon is a strong capable leader who’s very personable. Her plan was a bit more than crazy, but it had to be to face the abyss. Most importantly, she suffered alongside her people and sacrificed a lot in order to see her plan through. Things nobody should ever have to give up; like being an older sibling. She has my respect. Truly, no one fights alone with her around.
Mavukia:*smiles* If you ask me, he should share some of that praise with himself.
Aether:As for Furina, well, do I really have to tell you about her. To this day, people see her as a the Hydro Archon.
Charlotte:How could Fontainian’s not? Even with the truth discovered, it doesn’t change she’s been prevalent in our history.
Aether:While I don’t think I can say her leadership skills are as astute as other Archons, I personally can’t bring myself to say she isn’t brilliant. Furina did her job to the letter and never compromised it once for the sake of her people despite every single day wearing down her soul until she was in literal tears. I honestly don’t know what’s more impressive. Mavukia has always moved forward without faltering. That takes immense strength. Furina though, she doesn’t have that kind of strength. In a lot of ways, she did break and hesitate, yet she walked forward all the same. It’s both amazing and terrifying. Human Archons sure are interesting.
Charlotte:Maybe it’s our shared humanity that made them so strong in your eyes.
Aether:Maybe, but I think even archons in the traditional sense are more human than some give them credit. For instance, they’re all nosy enough to eavesdrop behind a house.
Venti:Ha, busted…
Furina walks out with a red face and eyes that tried to act serious but failed to do so thanks to their glossy gaze that struggled to hold back tears. She didn’t even know what to say and feared her voice might shake. Before she could try, Aether hugs her. She can only hug him back in frustration. It didn’t take long for Nahida to join. Meanwhile Mavukia and Ei walked out into view simply because there was no need to hide.
Aether:You guys are ridiculous.
Ei:True feelings are typically expressed when the subject isn’t around. I must admit, I wish you had said at least one positive thing.
Aether:No one can ever doubt that you care. Maybe you didn’t express it correctly, and very few people know your grief, but you are a good person. I mean that.
Ei:I appreciate your understanding. Perhaps in the future, many more will share a similar idea.
Charlotte:…*squints* Are the Anemo and Geo archon behind the house too?
Aether:Off the record?
Charlotte:*tosses pen and paper* I can keep a secret! I’ll make a contact if I have to! I just gotta know~
Venti:..*peeks head out* Hello!
Charlotte:I’ve seen you!!! You’re the drunk bard everyone likes even though he doesn’t pay his tab!
Venti:I pay my tab! It just keeps coming back.
Charlotte:*bounces with anticipation* Is the Lord of Geo with you? Hehehe~
Zhongli:…*sticks arm out*
Charlotte:DIRECTOR HU TAO’S FUNERAL CONSULTANT!?
Zhongli:Wha- she knew by my sleeve!?
Aether:I am going to be honest, wearing all brown and having a job that uses your encyclopedic knowledge of history is not a conspicuous disguise.
Venti:I told ya, you might as well of chose to be a miner. There’s dozens of those; much like there’s countless bards! So what if I sing an old song!? Nobody would bat an eye if you were good at digging.
Zhongli:Sigh…
#genshin impact#gi charlotte#gi mavuika#gi ei#raiden shogun#gi venti#gi nahida#gi furina#gi aether#furina de fontaine#venti the bard
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
KIRANDER / WOLF NARI THINGS FACTS STORY IDK
He's an albino gray wolf, he acts a lot more like a dog... Maybe millennia in the void tamed him or maybe is just his people pleaser nature. (Despite that he can be authoritarian I think)
Kiran is very old, the oldest of bishops, the first of them to find a crown.
He's not a big fan of fighting but is very good at it, he taught his siblings some techniques!
The relationship with the other bishops isn't really good, he loves them but they don't like him much because he's "too affectioned" and overall strange. They don't understand his vision of the world and I mean fair.
His morals are mostly pessimistic he believes in the concept of destroy and rebuild, his "excuse" is that he doesn't want to see people suffer so he comes to the conclusion that dying is better than living and that the world would be better without gods.
He's very impatient but doesn't show it... And he doesn't allow more than one (1) second chances, all his previous vessels were definitely killed by him after their first death againsts the bishops
He would come up with some bullshit like "I'm sorry, I won't prolong your pain any longer, I clearly was wrong you're not fit for this... Now rest" or "you tried but it wasn't enough" a bit evil... And not very productive from him since he can't free himself alone... Ironic because he's impatient lol his morals are very strong
So yeah basically goat killed all bishops without dying even once... That was hell
(Goat playing hardcore lmao)
Cal and Deb (kiran's Baal and aym) weren't given by the bishops but by they're mom did a ritual to gift them to their father (yes I'm gonna make Kiran x forneus (name need a change) canon here and make him the bio dad of the pups , how were they born? Idk immaculate conception probably), they are demigods, kiran loves them very much and they keept him "sane"
Also forneus is his most Loyal follower 🔥🔥🔥🥴
After goat kills all bishops Kiran uses his freedom to... Take care of the pups...
They knew this was going to happen and let him do it (like... Brainwashed behavior)
If the world was to be freed from gods then demigods shouldn't be here either, so he killed them. Fast and painless.
Ok ok relationship with goat :
Is always ups and downs but mostly it starts as just you help me and I help you kind of deal... After the first bishop down Kiran kinda start to catch feelings... Nobody went so far yet this goat was the one, goat never died again so they saw each other's only after the first chain got destroyed and Kiran was able to use a bit of his power to bring them to him as the pleased, they use those summonings to talk e know each other's better lol.
So after bishop one was down they were in a friendly mood? Relationship??? Positive?
After the second bishop goat started to be a bit confused about their big friend's plan... The bishop told them some stuff but they decided not to believe him still doubt started forming in their heart even if Kiran was always so affectionate
I think the crush start here
After bishop 3 was down the seed of doubt finally sprout and Kiran noticed that goat started to be more distant from him... After one day goat asked him "after you're free, What will you do to me? " and Kiran simply responded with "I'll free you too, from you're regrets and from all the pain, I'll free your soul and we will be together in peace" that didn't reassure goat one bit but they let it slide because they wanted to believe their god
At this point their relationship was a bit confused but I think there was love in there under all the doubts
After the fourth bishop was killed goat was scared, terrified even.
They finally knew what the real plan was, the last bishop told them, He told them everything and how that wolf would take their second life just for a crazy ideology. They won't let that happen, they are stronger than him anyway... This whole deal made them go a little mad and on a full rampage, it didn't help finally knowing that the stermination of their kin was basically kiran's fault, yes the bishops started it but it was all to stop the crazy plans of the wolf, a "little" price to pay to save everything else.
When they arrived to purgatory they noticed the pups were gone, not surprising considering everything they learned that day about their beloved wolf.
Their fight wasn't long, Kiran asked goat to just listen to him but they were not willing at all.
it all ends when they finally manage to pin him on the ground.
The relationship right now is divorce 😭😭
So Kiran dies, a very painful and slow death. Goat claims his place and they become the new God fo death.
That didn't satisfy them toh, now there was emptiness in their heart. They loved that wolf! They felt safe with him, he always attended their words wounds and now just like that he was gone. They killed him.
Goat would stop thinking about it for some years and would keep attending on their cult (in a very bad way) until one night they decided to bring the wolf back and make him pay and his actions again, like yes out of spite and to fill the emptiness.
Now can start the toxic yaoi
Bringing Kiran back will start this circle of love and hate, a desperate attempt from goat to fix the problems in their head??
Bro needs therapy (lamb is their therapist and will help them)
Every time Kiran would die goat would bring him back, bro doesn't deserve peace🔥🔥
Ok but with time goat calms down, realize that this is useless, Kiran realize that his actions were actually the problem, that he missed his siblings and his pups so much.
Sorry chat he changed a bit I think 😔
#gods do be gods...#anyway idk you can see I'm no writer like 🚶 yeah#never liked to express my ideas with words I'm more “I'll show you with a doodle” kind of person#cotl#the goat#wolf narinder#kirander#pupigoat#goatverse au#lol that name is so stupid 🔥🥴#i am NOT giving this a third reading#no beta we die like kiran#btw order of the bishops: 1 shamura 2 kalamar 3 heket 4 leshy#they all have different names but is easier like this noe#*now... god#anyway hm... yes hmmm#*scratches head*#oh.... oh chat oooh..... I'm so bad at posting
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
I do so much mending of my family's clothes and while I love extending the life of our garments I don't actually enjoy sewing. But nobody else is going to do it. So yeah, more unpaid unnoticed unthanked unending domestic labour. Yay me.
i need to start a collection of Takes About Alienation From The Material Conditions Of Production That Only Make Sense If You Yourself Are Alienated From The Material Conditions Of Production
#in fairness nobody is asking me to do it really#but the 7 year old has no interest in it and I wasn't made to at that age and she has enough on her plate anyway#and my husband is totally happy to just buy new clothes and chuck the old ones if they get torn or stained#so i generally just let him when it's his clothes#but man do 7 year olds create a lot of mending on their own#I have a pile of her trousers needing knee fixes that just doesn't end#because if I ever do manage to get them all done she comes home from school that day with a new hole#anyeay yeah I'm rambling#but#men need to be taught the importance of mending their and their kids' clothes as standard parts of household maintenance#AND getting sewing jobs done professionally needs to be simple and affordable while also paying a living wage to those doing the jobs
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
after strike week ends im considering making an actual comm sheet for commissions...
#idk what payment format tho but def not direct payment since i dont have the tools for that. and i dont need it anyways#i was gonna say nintendo e-shop gift cards but considerably a lot of scammers ask for gift cards and. i dont want ppl to think im a scammer#(i wanna get smile for me and little nightmares on my switch 😔)#the discord nitro comms didnt work out bc nobody commissioned me (though i didnt really give good examples of my work to be fair)#so... hm#much to consider#OR DO PROOF OF E-SIM PURCHASES. maybe all three#just brainstorming lalalalala
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
🫠🫠
#love being overwhelmed by getting more than 2 messages at once#anyway a friend I went to the uni with asked me why I didn't let her know that I'd be in a city right next to the one she's in rn sooner#but I didn't even think of doing that cause tbh I thought that she wouldn't really care but I guess it would be nice if I did and#now I'm feeling sorta like a bad personnnn and like I'm neglecting my relationships with ppl because of my insecurity again but#aaa it's genuinely hard to tell what's the right thing to do sometimes when your go to is assuming that#nobody would notice if you disappeared xcept your parents#which to be fair it felt like that's the case in some let's say friend groups I was in#but still. I'm with my family so I wouldn't be able to meet anyway#but it doesn't exactly feel right#stupid thoughts
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
the mortifying ordeal of opening up about myself to someone i look up to is coming for me i need to dye my hair and leave the planet
#me.txt#sometimes i talk or want to talk about some of the ways my brain works and then i remember that nobody normal is like this#and then i explode a million times#i really wish my brain didnt decide making fake memories based on fake guys is how itd make up for ripping all my real memories into shreds#because now everyone who finds out who doesnt already know me very well . judges me. in a not fun way#and to be fair i guess what i do is extremely abnormal and probably cringey or whatever but i didnt. choose this.#i didnt control the way my ptsd manifested. i didnt ask to have these identity problems#i dont know. am i that embarrassing for clinging desperately to whatever memories my brain lets me hold onto? even if theyre…not real?#even if theyre of being someone else?#who knows. i dont. anyway thats enough talking out loud. i need to go work on comms now
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
im gonna complain sorry i need to get this out of my brain since ive been thinking about it recently. leaving it in the tags so you can ignore it or whatever
#i just. feel like im missing out on everything recently#everyone else is having fun with each other and their friends and im just. here for no reason#timezones fuck me over so intensely on like a daily basis and its so fucking sad like#the society is demanding me to be a responsible human being which means sleeping - and while i do that everyone else has fun#yall get to watch things together. yall get to chat about things together. yall get to do shit in real time#like im not blaming anyone for having fun good for you im glad youre enjoying yourselves and everything!!#but also i just. feel left out. and its very stupid but im stupid and so is having to sleep and i never get to do anything fun cause of it#i never get to watch stuff live. i never get to participate in anything. and when i maybe do its an anxiety situation so i have to pass#i think thats why wrestling is rn a very sore spot for me. i havent really watched anything in a while cause i feel so left out#like im always behind. and i know it shouldnt matter but when i see everyone interacting with live blogs and such and i know i cant do that#and theres no point doing that afterwards#and the only things i can reasonably live blog are things that nobody else watches or cares about and im just#mostly anyways i only put my time and effort into something that only i care about#and im not gonna lie it kinda hurts. like ofc i cant ask anyone else to care but i just feel so fucking lonely sometimes#sorry im just. not in a good spot. honestly i probably never will be cause none of this is going to change cause i cant change it#and i cant and wont ask anyone to change it cause thats not good or fair or anything to anyone#i shouldnt even post this this is so stupid and im such a stupid little baby but im just...#im so fucking lonely sometimes and i see everyone else being able to do things and have fun and enjoy themselves. without me#im so lonely and im so jealous and it just fucking sucks okay#im gonna go now. im sorry#night is an absolute mess on main
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
:^(
#feelin like a big lonely loser tonight teehe ^__^#thought maybe i had plans but then not n everyone else i asked didnt answer or had plans w other ppl too#n i had suggested a plans with stef but she never rlly confirmed or denied but i figured not plus im kinda sick now too but#also called her just to be like hi n i miss u bc idk im SICK n i hate being sick n the way she sounded was weird AaagghGGHHHHH#n im just now realizing maybe she also ended up doing plans w other ppl#just feels like nobody likes me i GUESS which is dramatic but . aagggghhghgh#to be fair a bit of a 180 from i love u so much lemme say it 50 times last night to i call her n say ilu n shes like uhh ok haha#anD I FEEL LIKE EVERYONES GIVING ME RLLY SHORT ANSWERS N LIKE#but i dont know if i have the energy to give a lot of. energy. ?? to expect it back? but its like#an endless cycle of feel bad so less energy or want to bug less so then deserve less in return anyway so feel worse#its kinda feeling like isolation time which i havent done in a hot minute but i tried so hard to get out of it but like . for what yknow#i got to talk to some ppl some more n meet some ppl but at the end of the day i still feel alone n alien teehee#but maybe im just bejng dramatic bc sick. and rsd with the Tones and ppl having Plans With Others#like its perfectly reasonable to have forgotten or just idk had better options or maybe bc i didnt say anything sooner buT . IDK. 😔🥺#im sick n i hate being sick n i want someone to take care of me ugh#instead i just kinda sat here. played some OW. got mad at OW. ordered pizza to engage in basically food self harm LOL n watched some#of a show ive been meanjng to watch. jts neat so far. but yeah now i just feel like shit i guess#idk how to like. not be insane. or like. ask ppl for like. idk. reassurance or smthn or. share feelings. without feeling like i am.... bad#for doing so or itll end poorly or its excess or burdensome or unreasonable. bc it kkinda is unreasonable but idk not entirely ig yknow#and i really need to shower but i especially dont want to now that i ate food bc id rather die than look at myself naked but yea#YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future#whatever ive been slowly building that i just. end up giving up now.#god i wanna call stef or pidge or someone n... ig not even talk abt this bc i dont wanna be a bother but. just hear ppl. u_u#feel like i am wanted in the world slepflsjhggbjwjr#It's My Blog I'll Use It As A Diary / Thought Organizing Thing If I Want To !!!!
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
who's the black dwncompanion???? i'm genuinely curious bc i've only seen pics/news about that blonde girl that looks vaguely like rose
i didn't seeya there. yeah, I got corrected, yasmin finney is playing rose tyler (in some way, we shall seeee), so not the new companion. new companion is... yeah... looks vaguely like rose. lol
#dw#doctor who#i feel mean that i am less excited by this casting not just because trans recurring character in science fiction#is really what ought to happen in every sci fi show#but also yeah she does just kinda... look like rose.... which is immediately making me do comparisons to billie piper's performance#which isnt fair on the new actress#but also i dooo kinda wanna see more than *just* young kinda generically pretty white woman in nu!who#and i say this with the fact that donna was there bill was there + for all its other faults with chibnall's who-run the companions were lit#but i live in eternal worry youknow#of all tv and cinema being just a slew of interchangeably attractive people who are... fine......#THIS IS MEAN OF ME SHE'LL PROBABLY DO GREAT#I AM ROOTING FOR HER#IVE JUST BEEN SCARRED BY MOFFAT *ONLY THREE WOMEN EXIST* YOUNG WOMEN I WANNA FUCK - MOMMY-WOMEN I WANNA FUCK#AND MATRONLY WOMEN WHOM NOBODY WANTS TO FUCK AND EVERYONE IS KINDA MEAN TO#rtd is not moffat rtd is not moffat rtd is no-#(and hell moffat gave us bill bill was great)#(moffat figuring out lesbians exist and doing... okay on that front surprisingly -- considering his irene adler............)#pherre#🖤 asks
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
wondering if there's something wrong with my phone like why aren't people replying to my texts are they even getting them knowing full well it's probably just because they don't want to answer
#but also like. hey you asked for volunteers maybe consider deigning to write back when someone accepts ?#anyway this reminded me of something i used to do as a child#i'd see my peers like my classmates and kids my age at summer camp or whatnot getting texts all the time#and i couldnt figure out why i wasnt getting any#so i had a theory that there was a network issue and that it was clogged up somehow#and to unclog it i'd send myself a text and hopefully a barrage of texts would come through#it sounds pathetic but to be fair the network clogging up was an actual thing that happened at least once so i thought that's what happened#but of course i would only get my own text#it was very silly of me i know#oh and this reminds me of another anecdote#one time at home we were talking about how my brother or my sister (i dont recall who exactly) kept getting texts all the time and#and how it irritated my parents and i mentioned how i only got texts from the network provider (which were ads)#and my father was like oh what do you want Me to text you? all mockingly#like i dont know maybe i would have liked that#maybe then we wouldnt be so estranged now#im sorry about ranting like this#i know nobody likes listening about loneliness#but these days it's really getting to me
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh yeah i also have walking pneumonia that isn't getting better with antibiotics and they had to draw my blood and i had to get stabbed with the needle 3 times because they couldnt get a vein and i almost lost consciousness on the second try and i had to be kept from passing out and then my doctor tried to prescribe something that i cannot take with my other medications without risk of death or seizures (which will kill me if i ever have another one) so i think she's trying to poison me and the antibiotics she gave me arent working so yeah thats fun
#sometimes i just think about how my death would be imminent if i had another seizure and it could literally happen anytime#the chances of that are astronomically low because i havent had one in 16 years and ive been medicated for it ages ago#but if i had one. it very likely wouldn't stop on its own. which kills/permanently disables people in minutes.#i just think about that a lot. and like nobody ever talks about it. i almost died from two major seizures as a little child#which likely increased my developmental delays and caused trauma/repressed memories. and nobody ever talks about it#i thought about trying to find someone who could live with me and would therefore be able to keep an eye on me while im not w family#but i don't really feel intense qplatonic or romantic feelings for anyone anymore. like i can barely feel love in general (except 4 maisy)#(and also patty) it wouldn't be fair to anyone else if i entered a committed relationship while just being a void of nothingness#i need some kind of support worker but that's just such a hassle to obtain one and i jst dont have the mental clarity atm to Do That#needles tw#medical tw#ask to tag#evie.txt ♡
0 notes
Text
Cutely deactivates 🫶😇
#there is NO WAY#NOOOO WAY I am ignored yet when SHE posts the same issues she gets slews of messages#heck in the hypothetical that I do as she does and mope around throwing my heart out my heart would be trampled on by the silence then I#WOULD take drastic measures 👍#and it’s the way not even my best friend could even ask GOODBYEEEEE#dora daily#not this account the other one#I swear TO GOD you can’t convince me I am important those cheap words mean nothing to me when not even begging would make people care about#me but with her she flutters her eyelashes and threatens to shed tears and she’s got everyone fawning over her …#smh !#smhhhhhhh#trust me when I say I KNOW life isn’t fair heck I’ve known it since I gained consciousness but it is never unfair to this extent#thank god I’m not as destructive as I was appreoximarelt a year ago cause to hell with this I’d have actually done something about this#Alhamdullilah for positive changes amirite 😆😆😆😆😆#not really I just try to rationalise now like to hell with them they’re not worth a permanent mark on my body nobody is that important
0 notes
Text
i hate the food situation at my house so much for the love of god. theres only so many times a man can eat ramen with nothing or tuna with nothing
#theres no fucking. ingredients. theres nothing to add. i used to walk around my kitchen trying to look up stuff to make with what we had but#it required like. an onion. an egg. a spice. a vegetable. and we dont have that#and something about me. idk what it is idk if its me or my dads fault but i cant ask for it. i cant. i think part of it is bc i need the#ingredient for my one thing and then. it goes bad and its my fault and i feel bad#i hate my food situation so much. my dad makes this food in the microwave that he knows i dont like or eat. but if i make something else he#gets offended like thats not fair#and i feel bad for complaining bc i should just get a job and buy my own food but im not gonna do that bc im not gonna get a job.#i have trust fund money. like a decent amount from when i was hit buy a car#i should move out of state like right now. and live off that and when it runs out. ill just lay in the street i guess. i hate my life so#much guys its not funny. idk what to do. theres no fixing this theres nothing i want to do and nobody can help me bc theres no solution#everyone ignores it bc theres no solution to my problem. im never gonna be happy. its never gonna be worth it#nobody wants to tell me thats life suck it up or die bc they know id rather die by a mile. im so embarrassed of my stupid life im such a#failure. i want to kill myself bc i dont want to work like how pathetic is that. thats so stupid. i dont really say it to my parents bc they#would just laugh at me. or yell at me. i dont know what to do. i dont know what to do. i find myself hoping i get in a car accident and die#anytime i go out. i hope i dont wake up in the morning. i hope something bad happens and its not my fault so i dont get the blame i just get#the benifit of not having to do this anymore#god thats so. dark. its how i feel.#its getting to the point where i dont feel like i should say im not gonna kill myself at the end of these. im still not yet. but it feels#like a yet situation. like its gonna get to the point where i start trying again.#im still not there yet though. please dont… well idk what happens so suicidal adults. call the police on me. my methods arent any more#refined than they were when i was 14 trying to drink. nail polish.#simons spouting#vent :(#suicide //
0 notes
Text
it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.
anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."
just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.
i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.
when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.
but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.
i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?
most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.
now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.
and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.
go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.
#something something toxic relationships notwithstanding#(re: the friends stuff)#most people love you. automatically. for being alive. like people are just MADE that way.#and the reason kms jokes don't always land is bc people fucking love you and are like - ahhh how do i help#let them help you!!!!!!
53K notes
·
View notes
Text
the greatest heist
james potter x female!reader
summary: when james's girlfriend decides to fuck with you, your only other choice is to fuck with her.
warnings: eventual smut! 18+ heavy angst, cursing, wearing, jealousy
a/n: this story was an OLD draft and i kind of wanted to finish it so yeah. i hope you enjoy and as always, i apologize if you hate this!
part 1 | part 2
THE sun peeked through the curtains of your dorm room, casting a warm glow that made your bed feel like the most comfortable place in all of Hogwarts.
You groaned as you felt someone shaking your bed, a voice calling out urgently.
"Y/N!” They yelled again, the bed shaking more forcefully.
“For fuck’s sake!" you mumbled, sitting up and squinting against the bright light. "What do you want?”
"Wake up!" Dorcas stood there, clearly annoyed. “We have astronomy in two minutes!”
That definitely jolted you awake.
You practically leaped out of bed, catching sight of Dorcas rushing to button her shirt. “Fuck!” you exclaimed, quickly slipping into your tights and skirt.
“Why did nobody wake us up?” you asked, frustration bubbling as you glanced at your roommates. It was a mix of annoyance at them and yourself.
“Bloody fucking twats,” Dorcas muttered. “I’m going to stick my wand so far up their arse once I get to that tower.”
“Count me in,” you replied, hurriedly putting on your shoes—still not fully laced—and adjusting your tie.
You grabbed your book bag. “Come on!” Dorcas urged, already heading for the door.
You both practically ran to the stairs, unready for the most strenuous workout of your life. You both huffed in frustration as the stairs moved.
You looked up at the seemingly endless flights of stairs, frustration boiling over. "These stairs are a fucking safety hazard," You hissed. "Do they not care if we die?"
Dorcas crossed her arms, panting slightly. “Dumbledore is definitely getting my letter of complaints,” She ranted. “I mean, I understand we’re young wizards and witches, but Merlin, are these stairs really bloody necessary?”
You chuckled as the stairs set in place and you both rushed to the top quickly.
You both huffed, clearly out of breath as you both pressed on, each step feeling like a small victory.
With a force of urgency, you opened the door to your Astronomy class as the entire class turned their heads to you. You could hear several students snickering, specifically the Slytherins as you flipped them off.
Professor Adair turned to you both with a sigh. “Nice to see you, ladies. May I gift one of you a watch for Christmas?” He asked sarcastically, prompting a few snickers from the class.
Desperately trying to catch your breath, you replied, “Apologies, Professor. I’m afraid my alarm didn’t go off.” You quickly took your seat next to Sirius, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks.
“Mine too!" Dorcas argued, "And to be fair, I mean this class is pretty high.” She moved next to Dorcas.
Professor Adair rolled his eyes, continuing with the class with a mutter about the two of you.
“You know,” Sirius leaned into you, “If you need a proper alarm-“ He slyly said, hand almost touching your thigh.
You stomped on his leg as he groaned, touching the injured limb.
“Note taken.” He hissed.
You smirked as you started writing down a note in your notebook which you made into a paper plane, flying it over to Lily.
She looked at you hesitantly, opening it.
Why did you not wake me or Dorcas up?
She looked at you, looking confused as the angry look on your face never faded. She began writing down her response which she sent to you.
Emma told us all that she would wake you both up and when she came to Astronomy, she said she did.
A fuse blew inside of you, of course Emma was behind this. It makes sense that she would be the one to do it considering how she treated your entire friend group.
For context, Emma was all of your supposed “best friend” which would be a fine label if she didn’t sabotage anyone who she thought was a threat.
At first, she considered Lily a threat because of how much others loved her especially James Potter. So instead of asking Lily to put a good word in for her with the others and James, she started spreading horrid rumors about her.
And everyone being cruel teenagers believed her, berating her wherever she went.
It took the entire girl group and the Marauders to make people back off and debunk these rumors.
Although you and the rest of the girls knew that Emma had done this, she had gaslighted Lily into thinking that it was obviously some bitter Slytherin that were jealous instead of her and eventually, the situation turned boring and died down into nothing.
But that wasn't even the end.
Soon after, she considered Mary a threat due to how smart and confident she was and decided to get her absolutely hammered before OWL'S.
And it caused her to get a poor score which resulted in her not leaving her bed for weeks.
But again, Mary had blamed herself and told everyone that it was "her stupid decision" that led to this.
After that, it had been Marlene.
Then suddenly, it had been Dorcas.
And now you were clearly her new target for what reason? Merlin knows.
The only reason she didn't wake Dorcas up was because she knew she couldn't single you out. Emma knew you disliked her from the moment you met her and you weren't as nice about it.
Now, you may not know why she was targeting you at the present moment but the boy in front of you laughing with Remus could've been a huge clue.
James Potter.
Golden Boy, Heart-throbber, Fit, Kind, Funny, Brave, Determined, Bold.. I mean did you really have to go on?
The man that Emma had been in love with for years and had been dating for the present moment.
And not only was no girl allowed to approach James without dealing with Emma but she would pay hell for even making eyes at him.
Unfortunately for you, James had been struggling a bit for charms and enlisted your help in studying. At first, you had gave him a 'fuck no' before moving in order to not get his girlfriends wrath but when he pleaded and begged,
You forfeited.
You were hoping that he would keep it a secret but James being the dumbass he is mentioned how much of a good time it was to the entire group, Emma grew as red as a tomato.
You mentally cursed James, knowing that your life was already going to become a living hell.
Fortunately, you kept most stuff to yourself and never confided in Emma with anything.
There was nothing that Emma could do to incriminate you with but you just knew that she wouldn't back down and there was nothing you could do.
You did do your best to keep away from her but Lily couldn't stop hanging out with her which made the rest of your group completely vulnerable.
At the same time, you couldn't blame Lily for being so gullible and kind-hearted but it made her a pushover and Emma could guilt trip her way out of anything.
So if Emma was going to play this game, you were alone.
And you had to be the best player.
The bell chimed, bring you out of thought as you began packing up.
Emma came over to you, "Y/N! I'm so sorry that I didn't try harder to wake you and Dorcas." She hummed, "I thought you were fully up by time the time I left." She faked a sincere smile.
"Yeah Emma, I think it would be best if you never enlist yourself to such a task again, I'm afraid it requires a bit more of a brain hmm?" You sweetly said, leaving the conversation as she scowled towards you.
You rushed over to Remus, "Remus, please tell me you have the notes for this class." You pouted, grabbing ahold of his arm.
"Of course." He told you, beginning to grab his notebook out of his book-bag.
"Thank you so much," You gratefully said as you began walking with them.
"Wait, why didn't you ask me?" Sirius asked, pouting.
You let out a snort, "Have you seen your handwriting?" You derided as James and Peter laughed.
Sirius fake sniffled, "One day Y/N, you will appreciate my beauty and brains." Sirius dramatically hair flipped.
"You know there's nothing up there." James said, knocking on Sirius's head as Sirius swatted his hand.
You rolled your eyes as Remus handed over his notebook to which you thanked him with a kiss on his cheek.
"Hey! Wheres mine?" Peter asked, "I gave you the notes for potions."
You rolled your eyes again, giving Peter a peck on the cheek as well.
Your eyes locked onto Sirius, already knowing what he was gonna say, "Well, you just insulted me, I think you owe me one." Sirius said, tapping his cheek.
You clenched your jaw, pecking his cheek quickly as he grinned from ear to ear.
"Wait where's mine?" James asked as your eyes widened, "Don't wanna be left out," He fake sniffled.
"Your girlfriend will quite literally harvest my organs." You scarily said, putting the notebook in your bag.
"It's just a kiss on the cheek!" He argued as the whole group shook their head.
"Mate, I'm going to have to agree with her on this one," Sirius patted James on the back, "She will bloody kill Y/N and us for letting it happen." Sirius said.
There was a rumble of protest in his throat but a part of him knew that you both were right. He didn't want you to be faced with the fire on Emma based on his actions.
"Fine, guess you guys are right," He muttered as he dragged his feet.
You groaned, reaching over to James and pecking him on the cheek as he grinned.
“Everyone's been kissed now,” you sighed, your voice trailing off in frustration. “Can we just—” But before you could finish, a sharp voice sliced through the air.
“Y/N!” Emma screeched, her anger prominent as the group recoiled, hissing in surprise. She stormed toward you, her face flushed with rage.
You were begging Merlin that she hadn't seen the peck you gave to James.
“Did you just kiss my boyfriend?” She laughed harshly, her grip tightening on James's arm as he shot you an apologetic look, guilt written all over his face.
“Oh, maybe it was Sirius instead?” You quipped, trying to deflect with a joke, but Peter’s snort only deepened the tension.
“Real clever,” Emma shot back, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she stepped closer, invading your space. “A good friend wouldn’t do that, Y/N. I don’t take betrayal lightly.” Her tone was sharp, a warning laced within it.
You matched her intensity, moving closer until your breaths mingled as you spoke, “And I don’t take threats lightly.”
“Okay, let’s all just calm down!” Sirius intervened, wrapping an arm around your waist while James did the same to Emma, but the heat between you and Emma crackled like a campfire, neither of you backing down.
“It was just a peck, sweetheart,” James cooed, wrapping an arm around Emma as you rolled your eyes, arms crossed in disbelief.
Emma pouted, “You know how protective I get about you.” She nestled into his chest, and the sight made your stomach churn.
“I know, baby,” he said with a smile, holding her close, while the rest of the Marauders looked on, barely able to stomach the scene unfolding before them.
“As entertaining as this little drama is, I need to get ready for the party tonight,” you announced, desperate for an escape.
"The party isn't until tonight!" Peter said, confused.
"Mentally prepare!" You joked.
“Wait!” Emma’s voice pierced through your thoughts just as you turned to leave, and you sighed, bracing yourself for her next act.
Her expression shifted, all sweetness now. “I’m sorry for misreading things with James,” She said, feigning concern. “I know you’ve never had a boyfriend,” She added, her tone dripping with condescension. “But, you can get a bit... jealous. But we’re friends, right? So I shouldn’t act like that.”
You clicked your tongue, suppressing the urge to roll your eyes even harder.
“And as your friend,” She whispered, pulling you into a tight hug, “I just want to warn you. If you so much as talk to James at the Gryffindor party tonight, I’ll make your life a living hell.”
She released you, her smile wide and disingenuous, and before you could even muster a response, she skipped back to James, leaving you fuming.
Fury coursed through your veins as her words echoed in your mind, the unfairness of it all burning like a fire inside you.
Ever since Emma had walked into your life, she had fucked with everything around you.
Your friends, your reputations, your social life, hell even your sanity.
And if nobody else was gonna put a stop to her.
You guess it would have to be you.
-----------
Are you really ready to wage war with her?” Dorcas chimed in from the closet, her tone skeptical.
“Dorc,” You began, frustration creeping into your voice. “Emma has been terrorizing us since third year. Are you seriously going to tell me that taking her down doesn’t sound appealing?”
She sighed, contemplating. “Okay, fine, you’ve got a point. But how exactly are you planning to take her on?”
A sly smirk crept across your face as you revealed the outfit you’d picked: a black corset paired with the shortest black skirt you could find, topped off with fishnets. Dorcas’s jaw dropped sarcastically. “So, you’re going to out-dress her?” She asked, incredulous.
“No,” You replied, rolling your eyes. “I’m going to use her worst fear against her. I’m going to seduce James.”
Dorcas nearly choked. “Do you have a death wish?”
“Listen, I would never usually even consider looking at another girl’s boyfriend, but this is different. James is the one thing that will shatter her, and honestly, it sounds cruel, but so is she!” You shot back, your resolve hardening.
“And if she tells the whole school what you’re doing, you’ll look like a homewrecker and be exiled,” Dorcas countered.
“Which is why it has to look like it’s all James’s idea,” You insisted, undeterred. “He’s been my friend since childhood; it’ll look innocent.”
“I don’t think this idea is as foolproof as you think,” Dorcas muttered, slipping into her red dress with an exasperated sigh.
“Dorc, trust me, she can’t hurt me,” You reassured her, the fire in your belly fueling your confidence.
“Well, if everything goes south,” Dorcas said with a reluctant smile, “I’ve got your back.”
You beamed at her. “What would I do without you?”
Just then, a loud bang echoed on your door. “Hurry up before all the firewhiskey is gone!” Marlene called, her voice a mix of urgency and excitement.
You and Dorcas shared a laugh, gathering your belongings and heading down to the common room, adrenaline buzzing in the air as you prepared to face the chaos of the night ahead.
The lively atmosphere of the common room was a familiar backdrop for you all; it felt like there was always a party, whether an event warranted it or not. You, Marlene, and Dorcas scanned the room and spotted your usual crew gathered around the couch. With a burst of energy, you hopped right next to James.
His eyes widened in surprise as he took in your outfit, but before he could say anything, Sirius swooped in.
“Y/N, have I ever told you how much I’m attracted to you?” He drawled, causing you to snort.
“Eyes off, Black,” You shot back playfully, just as Marlene whacked him with a pillow.
“Why do I even try?” He lamented, sinking dramatically into his chair.
Marlene grinned mischievously. “You know, I’d sleep with you, Black.”
Sirius’s eyes went wide. “Really?”
“Yeah, if you pay me and wear a cloak,” She teased, sending the group into fits of laughter.
Sirius scowled at Marlene while Lily pinched his cheeks, only for him to swat her hands away with a playful glare.
“You do look good, Y/N,” James murmured, his voice sincere.
You turned to him, arching an eyebrow. “Now what did I do to deserve a compliment from James Potter?”
He chuckled softly. “Well, after what I put you through this morning, I think you deserve more than just a compliment.”
“Speaking of this morning,” you leaned in closer, lowering your voice, “Where’s your girlfriend?”
James shrugged, a hint of frustration flickering across his face. “We got into a fight after you left. I tried to talk to her about her manners,” he said, his tone casual but the weight behind his words was clear.
“But you guys were literally snuggling when I left,” You laughed, trying to lighten the mood.
“Yeah, well, that was before I realized how messed up her behavior was. Jus'... embarrassing, you know?” He gulped down his drink, and you couldn’t help but notice the guilt etched on his face.
It twisted your heart, seeing him upset. James was your best friend, and the thought of anyone hurting him made your stomach churn.
You hated seeing him like this, torn between loyalty and the flaws of the person he cared for. It felt like a heavy weight was pressing down on both of you, and all you wanted was to lift it.
"Well," You spoke as he looked at you, "If you want me to forgive you, I think a dance would do," You said, standing up and extending a hand to him.
A goofy smile plastered on his face, James said, "Anything for M’lady’s forgiveness."
You scrunched your nose at his corniness as he took your hand and led you onto the dance floor. He twirled you around, making you giggle before pulling you back in to sway together.
"You’re such a dork," You snickered.
"And how many years have I proven that to you?" He shot back, laughter in his voice as you rested your head on his shoulder.
His fingertips grazed your back while you swayed, and he whispered in your ear, "I miss us hanging out."
Outside of Charms tutoring and classes, you never got to see James and it always hurt you. You both knew why you couldn’t and voicing it would only make it worse.
But it had been hard not having a proper hangout with just the both of you since third year.
You felt warmth spread through you, flustered. "I miss hanging out with you too."
Looking at him, you noticed how beautiful he looked—his messy hair and that infectious grin. There was always a gleam in his eye, and everything about him radiated warmth. It felt like summer when you were together, and butterflies filled your stomach.
You knew he was just your best friend, nothing more. And that would always be the truth, as long as you told yourself that.
Suddenly, James twirled you again, but this time you spun out of his grip and fell onto the suddenly slippery floor.
You fell with a hiss, "Shit!" you moaned, wincing in pain as James rushed over with the rest of the group, the crowd parting to give you space.
"What the fuck happened?" Sirius asked, concern etched on his face.
"I don't know!" James replied, kneeling beside you. "She just slipped!"
You hissed as you tried to stand on your sprained ankle.
"Let me see," James muttered, inspecting your foot as you groaned.
"Maybe it's her leg," Marlene added.
"Well duh," Sirius shot back, earning a playful hit from Marlene.
"Can we just get her to Pomfrey?" Lily huffed, and the boys nodded in agreement.
Sirius tried to rush over to you, but James waved him off. "I got her," he said, lifting you bridal-style.
You winced at the jolt to your ankle, nuzzling into his neck as you caught a glimpse of Emma in the back of the room, her expression burning with rage.
You knew then that the games were just beginning.
#james potter#james potter x y/n#marauders era#hogwarts#harry potter#remus lupin#sirius orion black#fluff#hp#tw mature#marauders smut#james potter smut#desperate!james#james potter x you#james potter x reader#james potter x y/n smut#singmyaubade#marauders#hot y/n#y/n#reader#harry potter marauders#the marauders#smut#cursing#needy!james#james potter x reader smut#james potter scenario#james x reader#james potter blurb
2K notes
·
View notes