#in an extremely roundabout way

[tumble-d-wumble-phd]

I've never watched any kind of (q?)smp, honestly. I think Schlatt did a home inspection in one, but it seemed like a more casual server. I know some have lore. Some have Lore. Some have babies. Some have demons and angels and clones and kidnappings and canonical death in a game where you respawn so I don't understand how that works I jump off cliffs all the time that just seems CRUEL. I've seen your posts. I have been... intrigued, but some have Captain Sparkles, and I don't know if I could ever take that man seriously. No offense to the jester, but there's bells on his hat.

However, I do have a barely-functioning realm server that I share with my boyfriend. We have fun skins, we build cool (for us) stuff, and we generally play at a pretty slow pace. Both of us were the sorts of players drug behind our Gamer(tm) friends. By the time we had enough diamonds to afford a good pickaxe, another was skimming through the Nether for "rich piggies". By the time we could get out of our mines or elaborate little builds, it was pointless; we'd be under-armed in an End battle while buddies in enchanted armor humored you enough to allow you the last hit... sometimes.

We play at a slow pace. We also play how WE like. That means that I started the server so that, when you die, you keep your inventory and xp. Eventually, after many frustrations with Creepers who definitely spawn WAY more than they used to, I disabled their explosions. Fire still lets me interact on fair grounds with my frenemy mangrove, but the creepers just sorta... poof. Maybe ouch ya. On one last, completely unsurprising, note, we play on Easy mode.

On this admittedly baby-mode server, we've built some pretty cool stuff! Our first home together was The Log Cabin, which I've only burned down once (well, three times, but once to any significant extent). Our spawn wasn't great, but we found this lovely oasis, an enclave full of sheep and flowers. An enclave, surrounded on all sides by mangrove trees. Their wood (and saplings, supplying trees for the backyard and reforestation) all went to our home. My bf was on construction, while I did.. a lot of stuff. Mostly lighting fires. The Log Cabin displays proudly a peculiar wealth we've collected: lapis lazuli. It's my favorite gemstone, and we have SO MUCH of it. EVERYWHERE. Our road of Lapis leads to the desert.

It *directly* leads to a LONG.

AND I MEAN LONG.

Mangrove bridge.

But eventually.

There's a desert.

Trust me.

You'll see it soon.

Ignore Hell, Michigan along the way.

You did it!

Metaphorically, I mean.

Anyway.

I like to write little stories for myself, all the time. Sometimes they are very mean or devious, and people call that anxiety. Sometimes they tell me there is a devil in the desert. At *first*, though, my boyfriend suggested we turn the desert fountain into a burn pit. I was going to build an oasis around that fountain, but it had already crossed me by not having loot. Iron bars and fire pit it was. I decided to, instead, build an artificial oasis, but a little different. I made it look miraculous, but natural.

It was unnatural. Startlingly unnatural. Its construction killed the local fauna, and I burned their useless skins. I introduced grass and I cheered as I watched it grow. I made acacia trees grow on soil I introduced to this particular patch of sand. When some of the dirt didn't give me grass, I placed moss. I introduced *sea*grass to the water. Nothing could escape my grass wrath. I blocked off ALL view of Hell, Michigan. If it was in my line of sight, I couldn't help but see it.

I was unwanted here. I was unappreciated here. I was destructive here. I was colonizing, unkindly. What I valued was, largely, what I brought. I was not "bettering" or "beautifying" the land. I was visually an aberration, an flea from a foreign land flung on the long bridge past Hell (, Michigan) itself to eat and alter.

My little story said that something in the fire pit let me do this. There was a treasure after all! That first rejection, in a series of rejections: of sand, of rabbits, of even my line of sight as I sat in my perfect "desert" cabana. I imagined myself throwing so many stacks of material in that flame, for hours and hours and hours. Some was gold armor. Raw meat was tossed in along spider eyes.

"Whatever you would like, sweet fire. Let the grass spread and the trees grow, and every day you will eat bounty."

My side bar tells me the fire crackles.

I assume with delight.

Should this all go in our favors, I think I'll offer steak.

And that, alongside many other things, inspired me to build a new shrine for the devil in the desert. An altar that would lead our little family to the upper mid-game we'd never truly achieved.

There is an elephant.

I am aware.

There is Hell right at our doorstep.

All of that is naturally generated. Including the stone floating arrow. Its magma blocks glow gently in the night.

I would offer a better caption, but I cannot. I tried.

It's so much more haunting at night, but minecraft screenshotting sucks.

How can I not make Hell and Hell sister cities?

There's a devil in the desert, and he will neatly connect our cow-less kingdom to cows and then we get enchantments and then we get nether portal fast travel and then we get to the End and then we WIN!

I'll do it to win.

[batsplat]

random throwback to fabio's response to casey saying he should've been black flagged for the whole open leathers situation

[otomehonyaku]

Diabolik Lovers More,Blood ☽ Possessive Ruki and voyeuristic Yui (Heaven 02)

this is genuinely one of my favourite scenes in Ruki's route in MB... the cooing! the possessiveness! the horniness! once again props to @karleksmumskladdkaka because now I have a (long) list of scenes that I post videos of ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

[irenespring]

Why when I'm trying to work on an "A Clearly Discernible Line" chapter do I suddenly get a Research series fic idea. Why. Why does this happen. I don't like it.

The Research fic idea is basically a Wilson version of "Data" where he has a difficult talk with his therapist and then has an important therapy assignment that ends in fluff. The fic would likely center on parentification, emotional neglect, and why Wilson compulsively shoves down his own needs and doesn't let anyone past his "everybody's favorite nice person" mask.

I'd want to dig into parallels between House and Wilson (House creates an aggressively unpleasant facade to distract from vulnerability and empathy, Wilson creates an aggressively pleasant facade to distract from the things about himself that he things are bad but which are often understandable and morally neutral [depression, queerness, basic human needs]).

Also I want to explore Wilson's childhood, including how he was parentified and made his brother's caretaker (because the situation of Wilson being solely responsible for his brother's needs even after Wilson left home did not spawn when his brother was diagnosed [which would have probably been when Wilson was already in college in another country], Wilson's parents must have expected it of him because of a pattern that existed for a long time), and then often emotionally neglected and ignored ("James isn't any trouble he just does fine on his own, he doesn't need anything") when he wasn't caring for his brother (the only way he could get real praise). Basically all this resulted in Wilson having little concept of his own needs and wants and being wired to think the only way to get people to care about you/want you around is to take care of them. Add the trauma from "Hypothesis" and now he thinks pleasing people is also the only way to be physically safe...and wow, yikes.

Anyway, it would probably be the standard Research hurt/comfort with a fluffy ending deal. I want to write House actually realizing that Wilson's "eating neediness" is actually indicative of something that could cause Wilson real pain.

No promises at all that this will be written (in the near future all energy is still on the fic that I am currently publishing), but I needed to write the idea down and really think about it so tomorrow I can get some "A Clearly Discernible Line" writing done.

[horror-aesthete]

Van Helsing, 2004, dir. Stephen Sommers

[one-way-dream]

sage and omega are character foils and i want to put those two in a room together and see what happens

[gaal-dornick]

i am FREE

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

for all the noise i make about pop culture treating Team Dongwu like the forgotten middle child of history, i also had to google zhuge jin because i forgot his name. again.

[chanrizard]

Is chanlix a fave ship of yours?? :)

wouldn't you like to know my curious anon

in the loosest sense of the word ship ranging from the literal wooden vessel with sails to its figurative meaning that i believe would encompass the meaning of friendship too: i don't know what gave you that impression lmao

[fstbmp-a]

Posting this because my Omega thoughts and don't feel up to rewriting for the blog.

[apollyonics]

I actually think there IS a fascinating argument to be had as to whether AI generated images count as art, considering the best working definition of art seems to be "made with human hands". Consider the way naturally beautiful things like gorgeous landscapes are not generally considered "art" until they pass through some human medium like photography or painting. They are their own separate thing, beautiful but not consciously made. One could argue that AI "art" can be unconsciously pretty in the same manner, but does not rise to the status of true art due to lack of intent.

But! unfortunately all that is a moot point because they're basically just shitty unethical automated plagiarism right now.

[marswasnothere]

just an hour ago my butch driving instructor hopped out of the car to guide away some sheep that had escaped onto a main road but instead she tripped on the curb and skinned her knee and arm while the sheep ran off on their own

[mild-and-hammered]

So, I know the fandom (myself very included) love to talk about JLA playing fuck marry kill with Brucie Wayne as an option...but I offer an alternative. Bruce overhears a conversation between Clark, Diana, and Hal.

Clark: No I mean if we're playing, I'd fuck you Diana, obviously it would be a wonderful night--

Diana: and all the way into the morning, obviously

Clark: Obviously. And I'd marry Batman, so sorry Hal, I guess you gotta go.

Hal, outraged: Marry Bats???? Over Me???

Clark: Yeah, hello, have you seen him? No offense and all, but if you get the chance to sleep with wonder woman you kinda have to. And if I marry Batman I get sweet gadgets, nerdy banter, awful coffee, and I get to use the little ears on the cowl as handles while I bend him over the breakfast table every morning.

(plot twist, Clark totally knows Batman's there and this is his extremely weird and roundabout way of flirting)

[willflowered]

well... apologies for the extremely dark mindset i am in this week. someone who i was in a community with was revealed to be a creep around minors and posted horrific content.

[star-anise]

Currently getting my socks clean blown off by Rethinking Narcissism, by Dr. Craig Malkin. Which I found, in a roundabout way, from this video on Midsommar, grief, and narcissism.

Tonight I woke up from a nap and accidentally took my morning meds, so I'm going to be up for a few hours because of the meth. In place of sleep, I'll try to roughly sum up some basic ideas proposed by the research the book is based on:

That traits of "narcissism" like entitlement, grandiosity, and feeling special are not inherently toxic. There are times and places they are appropriate and beneficial. If you show up at a hospital with a gunshot wound to the chest, you should not sit and wait to be seen after people with earaches and coughs. (Actually, medical systems are designed to prioritize people with more urgent needs, and you qualify under that system. You are special and are deserving of different treatment than those others, which is why making your needs known, even insisting on it if you're not listened to appropriately the first time, is an extremely good idea. It keeps you from bleeding to death on the floor, and keeps the hospital from getting its pants sued off by your heirs.)

It is more useful to view "narcissism" not as an inherent immutable personality trait, but as a cluster of coping mechanisms. As previously stated, there are times they are exactly the right coping mechanism for the job. However, people we call "narcissists" tend to cling to these ones even when they become detrimental to themselves and others, often because they lack other ways of regulating their emotions and getting their needs met. And that is something they can change, if a person is willing to put in sincere and difficult work. It is not usually fast change; it's a matter of years, not weeks. But a skillbuilding approach turned Borderline Personality Disorder from an immutable curse to a fully treatable (though not quickly treatable) condition, and there's a lot of hope that it can do the same for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Meanwhile, there's an opposite end to the narcissism spectrum, and it is also pathological and destructive to hang out there all the time. It's an aversion, or even a resistance, to expecting yourself or other people to treat your own feelings, thoughts, ideas, needs, or preferences as important. For Greek mythology reasons, its proposed name is Echoism.

Unfortunately, because most of the damage echoism does is, by its very nature, localized to its sufferer and their own personal relationships, its downsides aren't often talked about. In fact, it's often seen as an ideal moral state, a kind of altruism or saintliness everyone should strive for. As a pathological coping mechanism a person is trapped in, though, it's often more a fear-based reflex than a conscious and deliberate attempt to achieve some real and specific good. It's not actually as beneficial as being able to recognize your needs, desires, positive aspects, and areas of competence or excellence, and bring them forward in your relationships with other people and yourself.

To me this has all been a cross between a gut-punch and a cool, sweet drink of water. There have been other ways to describe echoism over the years, but this feels like the most concise and useful one I've seen in ages.

It specifically puts its pin down in the middle of the moral debate a lot of people struggle with—"What right do I have to put myself forward? What hope do I have of being seen and accepted? Isn't it better not to burden anybody else?"—and says that the problem is not feeling in touch with either side of the equation, but specifically, the inability to move from one part of the spectrum to another when it's merited by circumstances.

When I was a child, I thought Echoism was the answer. It was my ideal. I thought it was what would get me the love and acceptance I wanted, and would keep me safe from the pain of rejection or not being understood. I had no idea it would actually, in fact, be the primary cause of alienation and loneliness for the rest of my life.

Now I'm so deeply thankful I couldn't fully achieve it, in practical terms. As hard as I tried to erase myself, there were always things I loved too much to suppress. I still found ways to express and discover myself in the books I read, the stories I wrote, the intellectual work of school and the experience of pursuing hobbies I loved, my ambitions to be helpful even when they demanded I stop being selfless, and the relationships where I felt safe enough to experience love and acceptance even if I didn't think I deserved them.

There's this question I found a while back that echoed in my bones: Who am I allowed to be around you? Because that's what I felt like, as a child. If I wanted to engage with other people and minimize my risk of harm, it was my job to bend into a pretzel and fit the shape they wanted. And thank god, thank god, thank god, I couldn't fully do it. Despite everything, there were parts of me too strong and bright to lop off completely to get my arms and legs inside the carriage. I was able to take care of myself and let them grow in secret until I found social places I could let them out again. Despite myself, I found ways to grow and thrive, well beyond the trauma that said I shouldn't have.

[kyuuppi]

How they react when you're jealous

Ft. Wanderer (Scaramouche); Xiao; Zhongli; Childe; Venti; Albedo; Tighnari

(gender neutral reader but Childe refers to them as "princess"/"prince" once)

⭐ Wanderer

+ This man is actually insufferable, good-fucking-luck

+ He acts so smug 'cause of course you'd be jealous, he's revered and worshipped by the masses!! (he's not)

+ Will probably cockily tell you you'll just have to get used to it, he's a god afterall so it's expected that he'll have many loyal fans all vying for his attention—

+ It's all a farce

+ In reality, he's kind of in shock that you'd really be jealous over him, the useless puppet discarded by his own mother—but that's his unresolved insecurity and mommy issues talking

+ He'll keep up the façade and tease you for a while until he realizes you're genuinely upset—then he'll find some roundabout way to tell you that you have nothing to worry about, he only has eyes for you...of course he'll never directly admit that, though

"Hah, you're jealous? What a foolish human emotion—of course I'll be adored by thousands..."

The Wanderer cuts himself off as he takes in your tense form, brows furrowed and eyes looking anywhere but him as you quietly seethe. His chest clenches in that weird way it only seems to do when you're involved.

"Wait...don't tell me you're actually angry...?"

You don't show any signs you even heard his question and the Wanderer sighs dramatically, averting his own gaze to hide his reddening cheeks as he mumbles his next words.

"You have nothing to worry about, idiot...you're way above any of those other weaklings anyway."

⭐ Xiao

+ I'm sorry but he literally is incapable of understanding that you're jealous

+ Like...he can barely even process that you like him, let alone recognize the advances of another random human who is interested in him. The time he even spends with others is extremely limited unless you're involved so there aren't many chances for anyone to talk to him

+ If it's something like another adepti or half-adepti, like Ganyu, who he's been spending a lot more time with lately training, you might feel insecure by your own mortality, which Xiao can somewhat understand but still doesn't get the jealousy part

+ Tries his best to try to comfort you though, even if it means shyly asking Zhongli or Verr Goldet

+ Surprisingly ends up coming to the best solution—spending more time with you

You nearly jump out of your skin when you turn to find the figure of your boyfriend standing behind you on the balcony of Wangshu Inn. You're certain he wasn't there just five minutes ago.

"Huh? Shouldn't you be training Ganyu today...?" You ask, feeling slightly sick at the mention of the pretty half-adeptus girl. She was a sweetheart and a great friend but you can't help but to think about how much time she's been spending with Xiao. You're sure she doesn't have any ulterior motives but you can't help but to think about how much prettier and stronger she is compared to you. Surely Xiao sees it too...

"We agreed to take a break for today," Xiao immediately answers, slowly stepping forward until his cheat is nearly touching the back of your arm, so close you can smell the faint traces of his natural scent—something fresh and crisp like the mountain air.

"Instead...I want to spend some time with you—if you'll allow it." He says softly. You momentarily freeze, not used to Xiao initiating dates. Unperturbed, he continues speaking.

"I thought we could do that mortal activity you told me about before. I think it was called...a picnic?"

⭐ Zhongli

+ The god who has ruled over humans for over 2,000 years—of course he's familiar with such a common emotion like jealousy. Even if he himself has yet to experience it

+ He would never assume you were jealous unless you openly tell him about it

+ But then he's quick to assuage your worries and maybe even propose some sort of compromise that can satisfy you both

+ Spends a night absolutely spoiling you until you hardly remember you were ever jealous in the first place, if that's what you so desire

"Ah, it seems you may have misunderstood my relationship with the funeral director, I apologize if I caused you any discomfort," Zhongli tells you earnestly, gently holding your hands in his own, much larger ones and holding your gaze so intensely you find it impossible to look away.

"Now tell me, my dear, how may I settle your worries? Perhaps we should take some time away, just the two of us?"

⭐ Childe

+ Idk how you even got jealous in the first place cause this man is glued to your hip

+ Slightly flattered when he recognizes your signs of jealousy cause he just sees it as proof of how much you care about him

+ It may feel a bit demeaning at first but he will not take your jealousy seriously. He baby talks, pinches your cheeks, and teases you but will not show any genuine concern—not because he doesn't care about your feelings, but because he's so sure that he only has eyes for you that he thinks your jealously is completely unreasonable in the first place

+ As a big fan of PDA, he takes the advantage to be more touchy and affectionate with you in public under the guise of "showing everyone he's yours"

+ If anything, he's the one whose always jealous when another person takes so much as a second of your attention—but you don't need to know that

"Aww, is my prince/ss pouting now? Ahaha, don't look at me like that!" Childe effortlessly dodges the elbow you aim at his ribs after he pinches at the fat of your cheek for the third time today.

Not perturbed in the least, Childe sticks himself to your side and continues to grin down at you, uncaring of the strangers who glance at you two with strange looks as you make your way through the busy streets of Liyur Harbor.

"Here, how about I make it up to you and we go on a lunch date? My treat!"

⭐ Venti

+ Another one who doesn't take your concerns seriously

+ However, unlike most of the other men, it's pretty reasonable to be jealous with how Venti talks to everyone

+ He's naturally romantic and seems to possess no clear boundaries, leading to him saying things that could be construed as flirtatious without him even realizing it

+ When he's tipsy on dandelion wine, it's not unusual to see him belting out ballads and serenading anyone nearby willing to give him the time of day—though, in reality, his love songs are all actually written about you

"Oh, my windblume is feeling a bit jealous?"

You don't bother providing a response but Venti doesn't seem to need one.

"Ehehe, so cute," he coos, shamelessly wrapping his arms around you. Any feelings of jealousy you hold are quickly being replaced with embarrassment at how other patrons in the crowded bar frequently glance at you and your loud boyfriend.

"No worries, my love, this poor bard's heart only beats for you! I'll even prove it with this song I wrote..."

⭐ Albedo

+ It's Sucrose, isn't it?

+ They spend all those hours locked up in a small lab room in the depths of Dragonspine—its only natural that you'd feel suspicious right?

+ Wrong

+ When he's not with you, Albedo literally only thinks about his experiemnts or drawing. In fact, the times you and Albedo are together are really the only time anyone ever sees Albedo actually listen to someone outside of the Knights of Favonius and talk about things that aren't directly related to alchemy

+ As the so-called "chalk prince," it's not that uncommon for people to find him physically attractive and try their luck—but any deeper feelings usually vanish when they realize he has no interest in them. That and his blank stares can get rather unsettling...

+ If you do get jealous about Albedo being around anyone, it will eventually go away on its own as you realize this man is literally incapable of recognizing flirting

+ (Also, Sucrose is literally an angel and would never jeopardize your relationship. Like, she actively ships you guys together, pls—)

"...which is a particularly unique property for this chemical given it's electronegativity. In fact—oh, [Name], what are you doing here?"

You try very hard not to laugh at the relieved expression the woman Albedo was previously lecturing shoots you. She wastes no time slipping out of the lab while Albedo is distracted, his ocean deep eyes staring at you with a mix of surprise and quiet adoration.

"Ah, it's about lunch time and I don't have any commissions today so I thought we could go get something to eat together. Sorry if I'm disturbing you—"

"Not at all," Albedo interrupts, quickly putting away the glass vial he previously held and removing his latex gloves.

"A visit from you is never a disturbance," Albedo admits plainly, oblivious to the way his words make your chest squeeze.

"Now let's go. If we hurry, we might be able to make it to that place you like before they get crowded."

⭐ Tighnari

+ Lmao what are you jealous of, a flower?

+ This is another Science Man™️ who literally sees nothing but his work. Unless there's a rare sentient species of seductive mushrooms in Sumeru with it's sights set on fennec fox boys, you have nothing to worry about

+ Collei sees him as something akin to an older brother figure and Tighnari is too sassy for anyone else to get close unless they're interested in joining the forest watchers

+ If you tell him you're jealous, he's probably going to call you an idiot for even thinking he's interested in anyone else

Tighnari looks almost annoyed at your confession, glancing up from his journal only to shoot you a glare.

"Hah? Did you accidentally eat some hallucinogenic mushrooms again? I don't have enough time entertain things like that. What a ridiculous accusation."

Annoyance bubbles up inside you but, before you can act on it, Tighnari is already standing from his desk, striding over to you quickly to gently pull you along with him.

"Now come with me. I found an interesting flower on the outskirts of camp I think you'd like."

The proud grin highlighted by the sparkle in his eyes as he looks up at you quickly cuts off any protests you were going to make.