#but then has to choose to either fuck or marry Batman

[mild-and-hammered]

So, I know the fandom (myself very included) love to talk about JLA playing fuck marry kill with Brucie Wayne as an option...but I offer an alternative. Bruce overhears a conversation between Clark, Diana, and Hal.

Clark: No I mean if we're playing, I'd fuck you Diana, obviously it would be a wonderful night--

Diana: and all the way into the morning, obviously

Clark: Obviously. And I'd marry Batman, so sorry Hal, I guess you gotta go.

Hal, outraged: Marry Bats???? Over Me???

Clark: Yeah, hello, have you seen him? No offense and all, but if you get the chance to sleep with wonder woman you kinda have to. And if I marry Batman I get sweet gadgets, nerdy banter, awful coffee, and I get to use the little ears on the cowl as handles while I bend him over the breakfast table every morning.

(plot twist, Clark totally knows Batman's there and this is his extremely weird and roundabout way of flirting)

[sanguineterrain]

Hi again 😊 You suggested i could send another prompt, sooo… maybe you & Jason have been together awhile, and you’re kidnapped by (choose your villain) and Jason is worried and frantic but trying to not show it of course, and negotiating for your safety? Ends up rescuing you of course, in whichever way you prefer, and then they find comfort in each-other 💗

I haven’t had time or energy to work on my WIP lately so this is very lovely and gratifying 😂👌🏻💗

aghh that's the worst! wishing you luck on your wip!! i'm glad you like these <3 requests are open for jason, dick, and MAWS!clark kent btw!

this one is very batfam focused hehehe. ft dramatic ass jason and his surprise kidnapped fiancé lol.

jason todd x gn!reader. tw: violence, kidnapped reader, reader is pushed off a building for a moment but they're okay dw <3, batfam feels, jason being a protective bf, bruce being a GOOD DAD! c:

****

"Actually, if we're being honest, if anyone has the most trauma in this family, it's—"

Batman grunts. "Really, Spoiler, not now."

The comm line crackles as Stephanie sniffs. "Fine. Stay in denial."

"Bats."

Every bat and bird in Gotham goes still.

"Hood?" Barbara asks carefully, already tracking his comm link.

"Oracle," he says, clipped. "I'm gonna get right to it: I need a favor. Can you help? Yes or no."

"Little Wing, where have you been?" Dick asks. "We've all—"

"Shut up, Nightwing," Jason growls. "Either you help me or not. Which is it?"

"We'll help you, Hood," Bruce says, voice washing over Jason like a balm.

Jason takes a deep breath. It's okay. He'll find you. Batman always beats the bad guys.

He fiddles with his jacket zipper. Moments tick by. Dick remains crouched on a rooftop. Damian is similarly poised.

"My..." Jason swallows. "My... fiancé's been taken."

The comm explodes with noise. Jason winces and digs the bud out of his ear for several seconds.

"Fiancé?!"

"You're getting married—"

"When was this—"

"Who are—"

"Enough," Jason growls, finally shoving the bud back into his ear. "I don't have fucking time for this. Yes, I am engaged, and they've been taken. No more questions."

"Tt. You are engaged? Impossible. Batman, clearly someone has hacked the line pretending to be Hood," Damian says, folding his arms.

Jason rolls his eyes. "Believe it or not, demon bird, I found someone crazy enough to marry me."

"Little Wing, I—I'm really proud of—"

"Shut up!" Jason pinches the bridge of his nose. This was a bad idea. You're in trouble, and Jason intends to tear Gotham apart to find you, but involving his family? Has he really stooped so low...

Deep breath. His focus is you. You're the only person that matters.

"Look, I'm telling you because Oracle's tracking me anyway, and B would snoop until he figured out who I'm really looking for, so it's easier to just tell you. But make no mistake: you aren't my family, and you won't see us again after tonight."

Bruce's throat tightens. His cape flutters in the wind.

"Very well," he says after a couple beats. "Last known location?"

"I'm sending you the address now. I've retraced my steps a hundred times though, and I can't—" Jason grits his teeth. He can't tear up or break things, not again. "Fuck. I can't fucking find them, B. I... I don't know if-if maybe I'm too late—"

"You're not," Dick says automatically. "We'll find them, Little Wing. We'll bring them home."

****

Your head is on fire.

It feels like there's a thousand needles pelting your skull. Whatever you were drugged with, it's hard stuff, and it hasn't worn away yet.

You look up; you're gagged and tied to some kind of support beam. As your vision clears, you see that you're in one of the new high rise-in-progress. Only the skeleton of the building has been completed because if Bruce Wayne isn't involved, construction takes forever to complete.

Faintly, you recall Jason mentioning something about a construction company leaving half finished projects across the country and using them as havens for criminal activities.

Yeah. This is not good.

"Where the fuck is he?" The voice echoes across the concrete floor foundation.

"Mike, we sent—"

"I don't give a fuck what you did; obviously, you screwed up! He's not coming!"

You close your eyes, trying not to throw up on your gag. Your head spins when you open your eyes again.

Who's not coming? Your rescuer? Or somebody worse than your kidnappers?

You try to take a deep breath, but your chest tightens instead.

"Fine," Mike barks in the adjacent room. "If that hooded psychopath doesn't show up, we'll just dump this one. That'll send a message. Prepare the explosives."

A door swings open, and you flinch. You cower, shrinking from the figure.

"You better hope he shows," the guy growls, and cocks his gun. "Your boyfriend is the only reason you're still alive. It'll be such fun to watch him fall to his death, don't you think?"

You try not to show your swelling panic. How does he know about you and Jason? And you have to warn him. Explosives. Jason's walking straight into a trap, without backup, because you know he'll be alone. He always works alone.

Mike sneers and waves the gun around.

"Oh, yeah. I know your secrets. In bed with Gotham's biggest crime lord. You must be his favorite. I can see why."

"Mike!" someone shouts. "We got company!"

Mike's eyes blaze cruelly. "Showtime. You're coming with me."

You thrash as hard as you can because if there's one thing Jason taught you, it's to always fight back.

Mike backhands you hard enough to send you sprawling. Your hands are bound, so you can't catch yourself, and you hit your head on the concrete. Blood pools in your gums.

"Try that shit again, bitch," he snarls, and hefts you up.

He drags you up a flight of stairs. Your head throbs, and now your jaw aches. You're too dizzy to try to fight back again.

You end up on the roof, which is a miasma of beams and wooden lattices. Wind cuts through your face, and you close your eyes so they don't water.

"Hood!" Mike crows. "Wonderful of you to join us!"

"Wish I could say the same," Jason says, and your heart leaps at the sound of his voice.

You start to shout through your gag because you have to warn him. It's a trap, he'll kill you both—

Mike wraps his arm around your throat and squeezes. Air stops, and you choke on your cries.

"I'll kill you," Jason snarls, and you know he wants to say more, but he's trying to protect you. "Let them go and maybe I won't break every bone in your body."

"Oh, don't worry. You two will be reunited soon. What is it they say? Love blinds you?"

"Michael Cassidy," a new voice says, deep and deadly. "Let go of the hostage. We can talk this out."

You crack open your eyes. Is that... Batman? And Robin? And... Nightwing? What—

The arm around your throat tightens and you gasp for air as you start to choke for real. Oh God. Batman's going to die because of you.

"You involved Batman?" Mike snarls, now truly irate. You feel yourself being dragged backward, toward the edge. Your stomach rolls in warning.

"Take it easy," Batman says, palms up. "We can work this out."

"You can't play fair?" Mike shouts. "Then neither will I!"

The wood beneath your feet is gone. You're falling.

"No!"

But no sooner than you fall are you caught. Warm arms encircle your waist, and you're jerked to a stop before you can fall more than a few feet.

"I got you, baby, I got you."

Jason is connected to a grapple. At the roof edge is Batman, Nightwing, and Spoiler, all holding the grapple.

You shake your head, screaming against your gag. Bomb. Bomb!

"'S alright, 's alright, sweetheart, I won't drop you."

You scream urgently through your gag, butting your head against his helmet. Jason pulls your gag half free and you choke out the warning.

"B-bomb!"

His grip tightens. "Shit. B, get out of here! Place is rigged to blow!"

The first explosion goes off. Jason meets your gaze. He's terrified, you can tell, but he tries to mask it.

"Let go," he says.

"Wh—"

"He'll catch you," Jason promises. "I trust him."

And then he lets go.

Several more explosions go off. The building begins to crumble. Dust and heat sweep across your face and lodge in your already sore throat. You scream, in the air for a few more seconds.

Then you crash into gray body armor. A cowl, a cape.

"It's alright," Batman gruffly says. "Hold on tight."

Batman swings you both to safety on an adjacent rooftop. You watch him dive back into the flames. It isn't long before Jason swings out of the smoke, then the others. He pulls off his helmet and tosses it to the side, arms open.

You run and bury your face in Jason's neck, clinging to him. He hugs your tightly and rubs your back, saying over and over, I got you.

You sigh and slacken out of exhaustion.

"I've got you, baby," he says, though his voice is wet this time. "You're safe."

Jason checks over your wounds. You see the rage cross his face several times at every bruise and cut on you. He doesn't let go of you even after he's done. He's shaking too, perhaps more than you, as he cuts your binds and completely removes your gag.

The Bats land gracefully behind you. Jason stiffens as they do.

You kiss his jaw. His gaze returns to you.

"You saved me," you say.

"I always will," he says. "Always."

"Are either of you injured?"

Batman suddenly swishes to your side. You blink, startled.

"Nothing serious," you say. Jason grunts unhappily at that. You manage a smile. "Thank you. All of you. Thank you so much."

Jason nods stiffly. "Thanks, Bats."

Nightwing smiles, face soft with affection. "'Course, Hood. And, uh, Hood's fiancé. We're there any time you need us."

"That's right, chum," Batman says. The obvious care in his voice makes you ache.

Jason had called his family. His family with whom he has a plethora of problems. He'd called them for you.

"Jay," you say, voice thick with emotion. He seems to understand instantly.

"I'll always bring you home," he vows, cupping your face. "Whatever it takes."

He pulls you to him like he can't bear to be away from you any longer.

You squeeze his wrists. "I know. It's okay, Jay. I'm okay."

Out of the corner of your eye, you see that the Bats still have not dispersed. Spoiler looks like she's about to melt into a puddle. Nightwing is the same. Even Batman looks a little sentimental.

Robin is the only one scowling, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Hood, are you not going to introduce your fiance-we-just-learned-existed-tonight?" Robin asks, arms folded.

Jason huffs. "Not with those manners, demon brat."

You roll your eyes and extend your hand to Batman. You say your name, smiling.

"It's an honor to meet you, sir," you say.

Batman laughs, and it sounds a little fond. It's also kind of weird to hear Batman laugh. "No sir necessary. It's equally an honor to meet the person my son is marrying."

Jason makes a choked little noise. You beam.

"Well," Batman murmurs. "We'll let you two get home. We'll track down the rest of Michael's thugs—"

"Come to the wedding," Jason blurts.

Batman stills. "Me?" he asks carefully.

"Everybody," Jason says, tugging you into his side. "Uncle Clark, Aunt Diana, Selina, your ten thousand kids, everyone."

He turns to you. "I-I mean, as long as that's okay with you, baby."

"Oh, Jay. It's your family. Of course I want them to come." You lean in to whisper in his ear. "I'm proud of you."

"Little Wing, c'mere!"

Nightwing tackles Jason in a hug, then drags Robin, who protests loudly, in by his cape. Spoiler snaps a picture from the sideline.

"Now that's adorable," she says.

Batman looks at you. He removes his cowl, and you gasp quietly. He smiles, and it makes him look decades younger. You guess he hasn't smiled much since he lost Jason.

"Thank you," he says.

You tilt your head. "For what?"

"For bringing him back to us."

You duck your head. "Oh, Mr. Wayne, that wasn't me—"

"Bruce," he corrects gently. "And it was. You played a bigger part than you know. You saved him. Thank you."

[resisteverything]

I find it so annoying when homophobes want to hide their homophobia but also be openly homophobic so they just sort of act like they're talking about the overall concept of sexuality and think that fools anyone but themselves.

I heard someone unironically say with their whole ass chest that cartoons used to be essentially aromantic and asexual until Steven universe opened the floodgates for them to suddenly become obsessed with sex and romance. You know, Steven universe, a show that came after Regular show, after adventure time. after batman TAS, and after hunchback of Notre dame.

You know... regular show, where:

Mordecai has a crush on one girl for several seasons and there are constant episodes about/references to it all, and he stares at her ass and he is teased for being “friends without benefits” with her, then he gets a girlfriend after being rejected but then the first girl comes back and it’s a whole annoying drama with way too many episodes.

Outside of that there are jokes like Rigby laughing about a ballroom holding "huge balls" or clearly misinterpreting the term "muscle man's package" and multiple jokes about "dropped balls". Not to mention the line "What kind of lose would want a bunch of chicks tearing their clothes off?" or lamenting that a girl in a movie will be talking about her feelings "fully clothed" and stuff. And Muscleman talks about a love of "lady pecs” and “guests with breasts" and may or may not have had sex in a bag… on screen.

Around this time we had adventure time, where:

Finn has a one-sided crush on an adult woman who turns into a teen for one episode and kisses him but then becomes an adult again and then he gets a girlfriend and they stay together for multiple seasons until he gets so obsessed with the wet dreams caused by watching her fight the ice king that he ruins his relationship with her. Then Jake has kids with his girlfriend who he never marries for the entire show, meaning he had like 8 kids out of wedlock on a kids show, and the show goes out of it's way to confirm them to be not married at one point.

And when he's in a funk over losing his arm he decides to make out with every princess in Ooo, and even brings home a girl who looks like both his ex girlfriend and his old crush because he's not over either of them. He is implied to have had underage premarital sex with LSP, and it was implied to be at the very least questionably consensual. This is a kids show.

Not to mention the joke where the bounce house princess acts like a pervert, tries to convince Finn to get inside her, and opens her flaps for him, or the time he was forced to power a whole troll city with "sexy fun dancing" around a pole, or the comments LSP makes about Finns butt like calling it "tight" or asking if he does squats, or the time she has a vision in a dungeon of Finn coming onto her by taking his shirt off.

Then we get to Batman TAS:

Harley quinn emerges from a giant pie ass-first with tal well defined asscheeks showing through the pie, looking very naked, singing an impression of Marylin Monroe's birthday song to the president, asking joker to "take the night off and play" and asking him if he "wants some of her pie" because she's "sure he'll ask for seconds". If a gay man did this in a kids show republicans would literally stop the rotation of the earth.

I haven't seen that much of the show, but I'm sure there's going to be more of this as I keep watching.

And as for hunchback:

The whole male cast wants to fuck Esmeralda. She does a whole sexy dance and spins around a spear at one point, and Frollo's whole thing is that he's super horny for her but thinks it's sinful to be so he just sort of sniffs her hair all creepy and demands she "choose him or the flames", and sees her dancing sexily as a demon in his fireplace in one scene. Phoebus ogles her while she dances. I was surprised at how little there was of this movie because this was the sex disney movie, but I am comparing a movie to a TV show so yeah.

There is no way to avoid the sheer extreme horniness of all of these properties and the only way you make statements like this is if you literally just fucking lie.

Make no mistake of it, these people are fucking lying. Maybe they don't realize it but that's what they are doing, but they just are.

Cartoons never have and never will lack a focus on relationships, or a focus on sex. It will always be a thing. Most queer representation is actually very chaste, even at it's horniest. You're never going to see the "bootyquake" scene from sym-bionic titan in a modern queer cartoon. You're never going to see a homoerotic version of Esmereldas dance. You're certainly never going to see them do shit like Harley Quinn emerging butt naked from a pie. Even Megara's seduction routine would not fly.

The fact that anyone considers this point valid enough to even say aloud is fucking ridiculous.

[blondie-4404]

“Fuck, marry, or kill: Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, and Catwoman.” 

Bruce sighed in his seat. Of course the other members of his team had decided to venture into Gotham’s people for this ridiculous game they had decided on. Initially it had started off with random members of the Justice League, but then the founding members decided to continue the game after he had cut in, advising against creating unneeded tension between other teammates. 

Diana had asked the question, smirking while staring at Batman. He knew what game she was playing. It wasn’t like any of them could use his civilian identity against him- as none of them knew it. If all things went well, he would not have to choose between his civilian identity and various relationships he had while out of the bat costume. 

“Ooh! Ooh! Fuck Harley, marry Ivy, and kill Catwoman!” The Flash, Barry Allen, chimed in, before adding on a joke. “I'm sure Iris would love to have someone to talk about plants with, and that way the food bill wouldn’t be as large either.”

“I definitely agree with Ivy, but killing Catwoman?” Aquaman cut in. Arthur had taken a long time to open up to the rest of the team, but had opened up once he had gotten used to balancing his kingly duties with his hero responsibilities. “I’d definitely bang Catwoman more than the clown girl.”

“Harley Quinn would be more likely to psychoanalyze you than engage in sexual intercourse, Flash.” Batman cut in, biting the bullet. If he talked now, they would have a lesser chance of asking his opinion. “In addition, Harley and Ivy are a couple. They have been happy together for years.” 

“They are?” Clark replied, the only one who knew his identity. It had happened when they had originally met, although Bruce hadn’t regretted it. Clark had been beneficial in covering Gotham when Bruce had to leave or be involved with other engagements. “That’s good for them. I had heard they had lessened their crime sprees, becoming more anti-heroes. Glad to see Harley ended things with the Joker.”

“Well I’d rather marry Harley than anyone else. Free therapy. Catwoman I’d fuck, so unfortunately that leaves Ivy to die.” Diana said, returning to the original topic. 

“Good point- we could all use some therapy. Especially Bats over there,” Green Lantern added, gesturing to the Bat. At his glare, the human glow stick started laughing. “See? The glare speaks for itself!”

“I have one! Fuck, marry, or kill Joker, Penguin, or Two Face!” Barry stated, laughing as well. 

“That’s a hard one, Flash!” Diana replied, laughing as well. 

Bruce had long since started to wish that he had stayed behind from the mission like Martian Manhunter had. 

“What, like the three Gotham Sirens weren’t?”

“At least they were all good options rather than bad ones!”

“Kill the Joker, fuck Two Face, marry Penguin. Penguin has got to be loaded, right? Then Two Face is a one-and-done deal.” Superman cut in after thinking for a bit. 

“I-I 100% agree with that, Supes.” 

“Thank you, Hal.” 

“That is the one right answer there. Marry for the money.” 

“Diana, you gold digger!” Hal cut in, laughing, as if he wouldn’t do the same.

“Only sometimes.” She responded, understanding the joke for what it was. 

“Now how about a real hard one: fuck, marry, or kill? Vicky Vale, Lois Lane, Bruce Wayne.”

Oh hell no. Hal Jordan was a dead man. Deader than a doornail. He was going to be put on monitor duty for the next year, if Batman had anything to do with it. 

Superman immediately started choking on his own laughter.

“Fuck Bruce, marry Lois, kill Vicky.” Clark answered through his chortles.

“Your answer is irrelevant, considering you are already married to Lois,” Diana cut in. “Clearly you marry Bruce for the money, fuck Lois to keep her quiet before she figures out our identities.”

“But Wayne has a kid! You’d want to take care of the kid for his money?” Hal replied. “Clearly he’s a master at sex! Think of the sheer bliss it would be!”

“I’ve always wanted kids, but I cannot have any due to my origins.” She answered. 

“But the sex, Diana!”

“We’d have ample sex if we were married.”

“So you do admit you’re interested in the sex.”

“Bruce Wayne is a handsome man, of course I’m interested.”

“Even with all the mommy and daddy issues?”

“I hardly think that would have such an effect, especially with all of the lovers he’s had.”

Why did Bruce have to join the Justice League? Why did Dick and Alfred convince him of such? At this rate, Robin would never meet the team if Bruce had anything to do with it. They had no idea of the existence of Robin, and he was planning on keeping the boy as far away from the other heroes for as long as possible. 

“How about you, Bats? Marry or fuck Brucie Wayne?” Flash directed the question at him. “You never answered the previous ones.”

“Fuck Cobblepot, marry Dent, kill Joker.” He responded, hoping to get out of the question.

“Nah-ah-ah, no getting out of this one! Can’t decide between Lois and Vicky? How about Wayne, Janet Drake, and the good ol’ commissioner of yours?”

“No.”

“Wayne, Catwoman, Luthor! This one’s easy!”

“No.” 

“Do you really hate Bruce Wayne that much? What’d he do? Is he secretly a bad guy?”

“No.”

“Why?”

Bruce sighed. He really didn’t want to answer it. “Fuck Vicky, marry Lois. Marry Gordon, fuck Drake. Marry Catwoman, fuck Luthor.” 

“W-wait what? You’d kill Bruce Wayne in every scenario? Even against Luthor?” Flash cut in, surprised. 

“Yes.” 

“Whatever did he do to you? Is there something we need to worry about with Wayne?” Diana asked, worried.

“No.” 

“Then why do you hate the guy?” Aquaman questioned. 

There was really no way out of this. If he had answered anything revolving around fucking or marrying himself, he would be endlessly mocked at home by Dick and Barbara, who loved watching the videos from his cowl. Plus, Clark would laugh at him as well. 

Clark Kent was laughing at him anyways. 

…Maybe he should ban Dick from watching this video.

On second thought, the young Robin would probably hack his way in with Barbara’s help.

Maybe he could delete some of the footage?

Either way, he was doomed. One or both parties would laugh at him for weeks if he didn’t do something soon to mitigate the damage. 

“Bats?” 

He was called out of his thoughts by Flash looking at him weirdly. Clark was still snickering in the background. Without further pause, he lifted the cowl from his head. 

“I’d rather commit suicide than fuck or marry myself, thank you very much.”

The rest of the ride back to Earth was met with a mixture of awkward silence and stunted conversation. 

The team would get over it soon enough, Bruce was sure. However he enjoyed the silence for what it was as he smirked out of the window.

If only Clark would stop silently laughing.

We don’t appreciate the fact that Bruce Wayne is a Kardasian level celebrity enough. Everyone knows him. I want more one shots and crack fic moments where the League (Pre identity reveals) just openly talk about Bruce Wayne in front of Batman.

Just imagine them playing fuck, marry, kill with famous actors and such and throwing Bruce into the mix. And Batman just sits there, silently suffering as he listens to the reasons why Flash and Lantern would marry, fuck, or kill him. He prays they choose kill. They don’t.

[legends-live-in-memories]

For The Love of a Father (Idea)

AYO it me! this was inspired by an idea by @1rosebyanyothername in the MGI server. (i copied this directly from the server so rip my punctuation)

“What if somehow Thomas Wayne managed to live but lost his memory, so he moved to Paris, taking on the name Thomas Dupain?

What if he then married Sabine Cheng, and then eventually had Marinette?

So Bruce would be Marinette’s half brother, around 8 years older than her.”

So this is what I came up with as a part of brainstorming for it. (again not a fic but an idea that i should not be allowed to have)

without further ado:

Okay so imagine they, Thomas and Martha, were pronounced dead on scene but when they get to the coroner's office Thomas wakes up but since this has already made big public scandal the coroner tries to be discrete and ships his unconscious body off to like Strange or someone who then confirms the memory loss or gasp does it himself and ships him off to who knows where cuz the underbelly of Gotham has plans and a living Wayne ruins that but he didnt kill him cuz the Wayne foundation funded Blackgate and Arkham so out of mercy he doesnt kill him but ships him off to Italy in the care of one (1) ☝ Gina Dupain who was all new son and rolled tf with it

now he is being careened off to Paris cuz his 'father' Roland lives there but since Thomas was already a grown man at this point he just tries to live on his own and this is where he meets Sabine and they have a lovely daughter named Marinette Martha Dupain-Cheng

he doesnt know why he chose Martha but the name comes with an intense feeling of love so of course he would name his first daughter after that name

now either this is set in like fox series Gotham where we have young pre!batman Bruce or whenever but if you choose that route then maybe immediately after the series during his sabbatical he finds himself in Paris and would you look at that his dad his sweeping floors while a girl no older than 6 is calling him papa and Bruce just fucking breaks and he doesnt know what to do cuz he thought this man was dead but no he has a new family a new wife a new kid and Bruce has spent all this time grieving this man so he walks in trying to figure out wtf is going on but then Thomas looks up at this now 18??? yr old Bruce and there's a pleasant smile and 'welcome to Tom and Sabines how can i help you' and no recognition and Bruce then realises he has truly lost his father and now when he becomes batman its not with the grief of losing his parents but with the pain of losing his father twice

so then fast forward and cue to 13 yr old Marinette and being ladybug and wonder woman tells the league of a problem in Paris and Bruce just like freezes cuz wtf and internally he's spiralling cuz he never recovered from his discovery of his father's new simple life but the mission comes first and the grieving 12 yr old inside has to take a backseat for now so he sends someone (maybe midnighter but idk much bout him so someone else like wonder woman) to find out more and get in contact with those dealing with the situation so they schedule a meeting with ladybug and chat noir and Bruce nearly swallows his tongue cuz he doesnt give a f bout magic and magic cant hide those eyes cuz he sees them every morning in the mirror the same shade of blue (idk if it was Thomas or Martha that had blue eyes and i dont think canon knows either) and Bruce just knows this is his father's daughter his sister and she's caught in the same life as he but not because she condemned herself to this life but cuz some ras al ghul wannabe forced her and now he's seeing red but he cant lose his cool cuz batman doesnt lose his cool

so they work together but this little girl no taller than his ribs is hesitant and cautious and she's cracking under the pressure cuz her partner has other responsibilities and she has to pick up the slack and she doesnt know what to do and now Bruce is this close to revealing himself to her and explaining everything so that she has a bigger shoulder to lean on but he cant cuz hawkmoth and magic and secret identities and its a whole mess

(he is absolutely ready to go apeshit during weredad but he doesnt but its a damn near thing)

NOW we cut to when Mari is like 16 and theyre closing in on hawkmoth but he cant focus too much on that cuz 38 yr old Bruce just picked up a child and holy shit how does one parent and his sister?? can he even call her that?? is handling the situation so he takes a bigger backseat on Paris and focuses more on cleaning up Gotham and training/raising robin

and now things are kinda mellowing out and everyone falls into their new routines and roles in life Bruce almost forgets that his dad is not dead and during an investigation he finds out that Hugo Strange was responsible for shipping his father off like cheap export and now he's torn because he knows Strange can undo it,,, the bastards done worse and more complicated shit over the years undoing memory loss that he caused should be piece of cake but he doesnt want to take away a father from his child cuz Bruce knows how that can absolutely ruin someone and he's grown fond of his sister even if the relationship is severely one-sided she's family and Bruce couldnt do that to family but ,,,, but he misses his father he loves Alfred truly but nothing replace the Thomas and Martha shape gape in his heart so he does nothing

NOW he does however want to bridge the gap between himself and Marinette cuz he wants to know his father's new family even if the thought of his father loving someone other than his mother and calling someone else his child makes him viscerally ill he is nothing if not addicted to self-inflicted punishment after all

so he invites her whole class over to metropolis as some scholarship trip (he'll be damned if he brings his tiny sister to gotham of all places) and tries to get to know her there but he cant do so under much professional settings so he lets it slip casually in a presentation about his parents and includes a picture of his parents and he sees the looks the girl’s classmates throw around cuz they know that man as her father not his but no one can deny the resemblance so after the presentation she discretely goes off to talk with him in private but everyone sees them and knows whats happening so there is no time for pretense but they go into a back room and they talk and talk and talk and cry a little bit maybe a lot and they make promises to get to know each other

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: Character Headcanons prt2: The Boys ™️"

Heracles:

He is literally the 2nd strongest individual in all of Greece. The first is Atlas and the 3rd is Dionysus.

Every single thing that has happened to him is canon. The labors, the romantic nights of crossdressing when he was a slave, everything. He doesn't give a flying fuck about what you think he did. There is a likely chance he may have done it, whether he wanted to or not.

He's the tallest and most heavily built of Zeus children. It continues to baffle Hera and Zeus how Heracles is so large. When he started to grow olders, Zeus was worried if Heracles was the "prodigal usurper" that would over throw him, but solved this by having more children.

Heracles doesn't have any weaknesses nor fears. This effectively makes him the biggest threat to.... literally every other devine entity.

He doesn't hate Hera. Oddly enough he is fully aware of her frustrating marriage, so as penance, he tries everything to help her with whatever ever meaningless task she wants him to do. He basically is an unwanted adopted son to her. On Hera's side, she despises him, and she equally hates the fact that he's even alive, but it breaks her heart everytime Heracles does something nice for her.

After years of enduring cruelty, he still doesn't hold a lot of ill will. It's just a part of his strength.

Inspite of his polite and stern demeanor he actually does have a short fuse, he just chooses when it would be inappropriate time to lose his temper.

He has been married 1 1/2 times. His first marriage was rather normal until Hera ruined it, he was "pretend" married to Queen Omphales when they were doing their thing, and is currently married to Hebe.

He's actually a big softy, when he smiles it's considered as rare as a blue harvest moon, it's just that his face is so muscular that his default expression is "resting death face".

He actually enjoys hanging out with his more powerful siblings with the main exception of Ares and Aphrodite. He considers Ares to be "too immature to fight him" and he's too much of a legendary dude bro to fuck Aphrodite, he just wants love not fuck.

He can be bashful at times, mostly when he is told to either display himself or flaunt. He became bashful after his year of slavery with Omphales. It was more of a time of discovering he genuinely may have some deepseeded issues and Omphales helped him out figure out his insecurities.

Perseus:

He's considered Zeus's favorite demi-child. Mostly because Zeus considers him a "little earthly version of Apollo". Perseus however dispises this comparison.

He's currently in his mid 30s, yet he's still concerned the greatest hero in all of Greece. In some arguments he's always compared to Heracles, much like how one would compare Superman and Batman.

If he had a voice actor, it would be William Defoe. He's gives off this vibe of an old school kind of man with a side of chill.

He isn't too proud of his status as a demigod. It all started when he had to kill Medusa. The thing is that Medusa was the more prettier sister of the three legendary Gorgons however she was also considered the kindest out of the three. So when he kept being pressured by not just the fact that he had to save his mother from the marriage she did not want, save Andromeda from a sea monster that was being sent to kill her, and extra pressure from the gods too reclaim his honor as the son of Zeus... He had to basically do something he really did not want. Little did he know at the time, there were other means to be successful in his mission, years later when he discovered this he had become disillusioned with the glorious image of being a demigod. This ended up affecting him personally, affecting his marriage and ultimately a motivation to continue his quest to be a hero for the sake of helping those who need it most...not for glory.

He has this charming tooth gap that he's had since he was young. It's a distinguishing feature that basically separates him from being compared aesthetically to Apollo. He's also has a little stubble, riddled with small scars and abrasions from his many battles.

He with do a background check on you and your request, he has had plenty of experience with people trying to take advantage of him. Being a man who is willing to do the job correctly and as best as possible, people tend to hire him in order to give rid of whatever creature is just mildly inconveniencing them.. a good example would be if a farmer notices there's a griffin nearby but the Griffin isn't doing anything so he hires Perseus to kill the Griffin so it doesn't kill the goats, Perseus will find every way to either remove the Griffin from location or the farmer himself. He tries nearly everything to make sure he doesn't end up killing anything in the end, ironically this is what makes him an effective hero.

He's currently divorced with andromeda, due to his own personal and our struggles it's affected his love life to an extent where he is considered emotionally distant or just uninterested in being married. he doesn't have any infidelity issues or anything he just genuinely lost his motivation as a person but regained the motivation to be a better hero. Turns out Andromeda was the one who was cheating on him, he doesn't have any ill will against her surprisingly and he can't blame her either.

He has a 5 year old daughter who lives with lives with Andromeda. He always finds a way to secretly stop by to say hi and give her a gift.

The only person he tolerates from Olympus is Hermes, he still seems to see him more as a mentor and older brother than anything. He has a more professional relationship with Athena but after the conflicting information both her and Poseidon gave him when he had to kill Medusa, he tends to be very cold to both gods.

You actually never had ambrosia until Heracles introduced it to him, that was the day when he was deemed a full strength demigod. He's still angry at that because he wanted to die in peace of old age or in battle. It's the only thing Heracles is genuinely remorseful for.

He actually sees Pegasus less like a pet and more like a really oddly shaped brother. Turns out after he dug further into the situation, he found out that technically Pegasus is a half brother. so he just has full blown conversations with a creature that can't respond to him in human language, nobody really understood it at first until he explained it to Heracles and only Heracles.. because he loves being spiteful that way.

Theseus:

This is although equally as handsome as many of Zeus's sons, he's probably the least intelligent. It's even argued that he's actually less intelligent than Ares.

He's a complete himbo, outside of his lack of intelligence, he's also extremely vain. Both Perseus and Heracles theorize that if it wasn't for the promise of marrying minos's daughter, he probably wouldn't have helped in the first place.

In between heracles, perseus, and the rest of Zeus's sons, he's the second shortest. The shortest is Hermes. Hermes continues to be any perpetual cycle of distress and mild apathy because of this.

He's also the top person on Dionysus's hit list. For abandoning Ariadne, Dionysus cursed him to consistently get attacked by random animals.. specifically leopards and or animals of the felide family. Theseus still hasn't any idea that his lack of animal magnetism is actually a curse.

He genuinely does not know Ariadne is still alive, he's convinced himself that she abandoned him or just went back home for some bizarre reason. It's also never occurred to him that he may have accidentally left her on an island, it is not known rather or not he actually abandoned her on purpose or just because of unbridled ignorance.

He's surprisingly resourceful for somebody who couldn't figure out how to get through the labyrinths correctly the first time, he actually took one turn before he went directly back to the entrance and tried his best to go any deeper but still went back to the entrance. His resourcefulness may come from Poseidon's side of the gene pool.

Ironically, Zeus actually has no idea if this one is even his kid. There's an ongoing rumor amongst the Olympians that Poseidon and Zeus may have accidentally slept with the same woman, unfortunately it is not known rather or not Theseus it really is Zeus's or Poseidon's son. The two brothers rather not fight over this because it really doesn't matter in the end.

Due to Theseus's self-righteous arrogance, many of his ventures usually results in his god-given resourcefulness helping him out. Most of his success is attributed to either giving himself all the credits or simply assuming that he actually did something. this angers Perseus and Heracles quite a lot actually. And oddly enough unlike the two, Theseus never actually had to do anything above simply appearing and "solving the problem". His most iconic triumph right next to killing the Minotaur, was actually slaughtering a few Amazons. Ares is till this day trying to formulate the worst and most painful way to kill Theseus.

He's actually a bit of a coward.

He maybe currently king of Athens, but mostly because Athena directly influences him from time to time. Apparently he doesn't have the mental fortitude to resist Athena's control. Good for her because he isn't a really good ruler.

Achilles:

He's the sturdy brother. Prior to his injuries, he actually was similar to Ares but he was a little more clever. He was the best warrior in his army and he was the assisting tactician.

Post injuries, he has lost an eye, Perseus had to amputate his messed up leg thus he had a prosthetic foot made by Hephaestus, and he two more mental injuries. PTSD from his battle at Troy and the brain damage from an arrow that went through his eye.

Because of his brain damage, he can speak in incomplete sentences. He also has outbursts of wrath and acts out his battles. When he's speaking in full sentences, he's going through a thing where he genuinely believes he's back to his old life, going as far as referring to anyone around him as people he use to know, this actually maybe a side effect of his ptsd. Heracles and Perseus are aware of these quirks of his and does their best to make it less problematic for Achilles.

It's been century since the downfall of Troy, after somehow surviving the process of death through means that even he can't remember, Achilles seems to be immortal in both senses of the word. He neither aged since the downfall of Troy and it doesn't seem that he died from his wounds like he should have. Because of his prolonged existence in the underworld, he has also gained the ability to see ghosts, unfortunately the others think he's just simply talking with "the ghost of his past" and think nothing else of it.

Hades actually wasn't aware of Achilles's existence in the underworld until many of the residents started complaining of disappearances. After some thorough investigations, Hades found him basically living feral in the more isolated portion of the underworld where it seems he was surviving off the flesh of anything that would come across his path. At first Hades tried to help him pass on, but Achilles had other plans so he battled Hades instead and survived. Hades may have won but he has a large scar on the base of thigh from his encounter.

His invulnerability didn't actually come from his mother dipping him in the river Styx, or at least that wasn't fully the way he could have became invulnerable. One actually has to consume a little bit of the River to become fully invulnerable. When Achilles was a child, he was just merely dipped in it thus it gave him invulnerability until his skin was broken by the arrows, when he found himself in the underworld, he couldn't find any fresh water so he drank from the Styx instead. That is when he became fully invincible to the point of godhood. Now he's arguably even more indestructible than Ares.

Achilles actually seems to be have been completely hardwired differently after his experience. He isn't a genius, but he does seem to find solutions to things in unexplained ways.

He sees Perseus and Heracles as proxy soldiers and brothers-at-arms instead of biological half brothers. Never having any knowledge of them until they rescued him from the underworld.

He REALLY doesn't like Poseidon and Ares, the interesting part is that he doesn't understand why. It's as if he can't remember why he hated them so much, he has a passing apathy twords Apollo. He also doesn't understand why occasionally Apollo stares him down like an angry dog, infact Apollo never really elaborated on the fact that it was Achilles who desecrated his Temple back at Troy. Many of the gods actually don't fully understand what is going on with Achilles with the exceptions of Hermes, Ares and Dionysus. Since all three gods understand how mortals physically work, they can sympathize with him. However, every time when Ares interacts with Achilles, it always seems to look like someone put two male honey badgers in the same room with a shiv and a pocket knife tied to their heads when they're done fight.

He's likes horses, he actually tries to talk to them like as if it was his fellow soldiers. In reality, many horses he talks to are actually reincarnated warriors from various parts of Greece. some have no memories of their past lives, and some are fully aware that they've been reborn into a completely different life. In some bizarre senses Achilles accidentally may have coined the idea that horses are just reincarnated soldiers who died in battle. Strangely enough it's the only set of individuals he has fully constructed conversations with instead of just incomplete sentences perfectly summarizing his thoughts.

Achilles knows how to use almost every single weapon you can give him and for some reason he can learn how to use a new weapon that he's never seen before in just a matter of minutes. This is because he apparently has really good muscle memory and half of the time he just accomplishes so many interesting things because of it.

He genuinely enjoys watching Hephaestus and hangout with him in his workshop. He likes the dimly lit but warm workshop, he find it far more comfortable than the cold and damp cavern he'd stayed in after he "died".

No one is certain how he even survived to begin with. Some of the rumors that have stemmed from this situation say a Fury took him in out of pitty and nursed him back to moderate health, to Eris being responsible for his survival.

He's surprisingly stubborn for somebody who may have lost 10% of his brain function, memory, and who consistently goes through War flashbacks much like an old veteran would. At this point basically he has the physical strength and energy of somebody in his mid-twenties but the demeanor and temperament of somebody in their late eighties. The only way you can coax him to do anything is to simply trade with him. This could be either new weaponry for him to practice with, or just a snack.

[thevillainsfangirl]

Okay, so here's the tea:

Some random woman was pissed off with Batman, but she must've somehow found out he is Bruce Wayne. I don't remember why she hated him, but I knew it was because she had lost a loved one in some villain hoopla and she blamed Batman, so I supplied in my head when I woke up that a villain did some shit, Batman came to stop them, but he either made it worse and her loved one(s) were killed, or he didn't save them. Idk, choose your own adventure. 🤷🏽‍♀️

So, she goes on a mission to kill everyone Bruce cares about, then Bruce. (He's had no affiliation with the JL in this timeline. This is solely a Gotham story.) Now, she had to have been plotting for 5-10 years because this woman was an absolute BEAST. Here we go...

She begins sending Bruce threats. (I don't know how she learned his identity. I mean, it's pretty obvious, but DC characters can't even tell who the Superfam are ffs.)

She murders the entire Batfamily. (And I have to assume, the rest of the Gordons. Or at least Jim.)

She murders the Nygmas. Who are the Nygmas, you ask? Well, I'm a Dirty Little RiddLee shipper, and I decided that Ed & Lee are married with 2 or 3 kids in this timeline. (Shameless plug, I actually have 3 OC kids for them.) She murdered them because Ed had kind of turned a new leaf and started working with Batman. Which is canon, which has happened before!

She kills... THE FUCKING JOKER. She takes out the fucking KING! And why does she do this? Because she, just like J, believes that deep down, Batman & The Joker are best friends.

Homegirl kills Poison Ivy; not pre-planned, but as collateral. She gets in the way somehow.

And then, finally, after driving him batty (*ba dum tss*)... she gets Bruce.

She then visits Harley, who has been locked in Arkham for... at least a year. (This all happens over the course of maybe 6 months. The executing, not the planning; that was years.)

She taunts Harley, telling her all of this. Harley is distraught, okay? Her ex-boyfriend whom she'll always love, her best friend, her friend and his family, her enemy whom she has a weird relationship with. All dead.

Well, visiting and taunting Harley was this woman's fatal mistake. The comic ends with Harley showing up (months to a year later?), shooting this bitch in the back, paralyzing her, and then confronting her as she shoots her a few more times, finally in the head.

Harley leaves, getting into a van, where we find out that she was let out of Arkham by someone who works. I went with Lee having an uncle who worked at Arkham. She is willingly going back, and that says a lot. However, we get the hint that she will end up joining a new... squad of criminals soon after. THE END.

(Everything but Ivy's death, the ending, and I think the Nygmas' role was in my dream; those I just mentioned came to me when I woke up and was 40% still asleep. And the entirety of my dream was told like a YouTuber reviewing a comic storyline. You know those videos.)

I just dreamt out an entire Batman storyline this morning, and it was so fire. Well, I dreamt half of it and finished it when I woke up.

DC, I KNOW I'VE TALKED SHIT ON YOUR DECISIONS BUT PLEASE GIVE ME ONE CHANCE, BABY! I'M BEGGING ON MY KNEES! 🙏🏽🧎🏽‍♀️😭

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #344

“my whole existence is flawed”

Have you ever thought about becoming a crime scene investigator? No. Do you think you could win on Jeopardy? Not at all. What do you normally call your mother? (mommy, mom, mother, mum, etc.) Usually "Mom" or "Ma," sometimes "Mama." Does your significant other complain about the way you dress? I'm single, but I would never tolerate an s/o who complained about/told me how to dress. Like bye, fuck you. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Are you right now? No, thankfully. What would you do if a stranger smacked your ass and whistled? They're getting fucking punched. In the face. Do you know anyone who has died from cancer? Multiple people. Ever have to call the cops on someone? Not me personally, but my sister did while I was in the car with her due to a clearly drunk as fuck driver. Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of them? Hell no, I avoid changing even in front of my mother. Have you ever dated someone in secret? Dated, no. But Joel and I were a secret. What’s something you really want right now, be honest? What I really want right now is a job. What are you listening to right now? A slowed-down with reverb version of "Closer" by In This Moment. It's p hot. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes. What confuses you most? Why terrible things can happen to the most undeserving of people. Have you ever been called a bad influence? Yes. Not like she was a good one whatsoever. What's the weirdest compliment you've ever received? I don't know, really. Have you ever thought you could 'save' someone? No. It's funny, apparently Jason thought I could "save" him, and would'ja look at that, he scarred me for life. Do you prefer weed or cigs? I've never smoked either, but at least weed has benefits, so. What do your parents say about smoking? Well, my dad smokes like a chimney, but he does tell my sisters and me to absolutely never start it. Mom is very firm about us not smoking. She'd probably be heartbroken if any of us started. Do like kissing with tongue or without? I mean, that depends on the mood as well as how serious we are. What show is hilarious to you? That '70s Show absolutely cracks me up. Who last made you upset? My Dad and stepmom, ranting about how the Covid vaccine is being forced on us and is dangerous. I'm very much for it and am getting it myself soon, so I was just like... shut the fuck up. I just kept my lips zipped, but by god did I want to say something. Does he/she usually upset you? I sometimes regret having my stepmom on Facebook because of her shitty political views, but she in general doesn't upset me. I love her, really. Dad doesn't upset me, really. What would your parents do if you got a tattoo? They don't care, especially knowing how much I love them. What is your favorite musical? None. Do you have any interest in visiting Japan? Yeah, though I don't think it's something I'd go out of my way to do. If I had the opportunity though, I'd surely go. I would love to take photos there, and it's this odd desire of mine to visit Aokigahara Forest and just walk along the "safe" paths and just... feel it. I don't want to find any bodies because I think that would shatter me, I just want to allow myself to like, drown in empathy for all those that left their lives in those trees. I feel like I'd cry a LOT, because I'd prefer to do it alone and just talk to whoever may be able to hear from wherever they are now, and just let them know they're not forgotten or abandoned and that they were never alone. This is honestly getting me really emotional so I'm moving onto the next question. But in summary, I feel like it could honestly be a life-changing experience. What is your favorite Japanese name? I like A LOT of Japanese names I've heard, but they're all evading me now. Do you ever listen to Jpop? No. Who do you go to for advice? Mom or Sara. Have you ever ran a cash register? Yeah, when I worked at the dollar store. Have you ever worked as a server? No. Did you collect Bratz dolls when you were younger? I didn't collect them, no, but I shared a few with my sister. Do you think your mom is attractive? I think my mom's beautiful. Her smile especially puts gold to shame. She actually kinda broke down the other day because she thought she was ugly, and it just broke my damn heart. Do you like the feeling in your stomach on a big drop on a roller coaster? I've never been on a roller coaster and don't plan to try one, but I reeeaaally don't like that feeling in any situation. What is your most severe allergy? Pollen. How and when were you baptized, if applicable? I was baptized as a baby the traditional Catholic way. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? I think carving is more fun. Have you ever walked through a haunted house? One that was part of a Halloween attraction, yeah. What computer game did you used to play all the time? I played lots as a kid, but my favorite had to be I Spy: Spooky Mansion. My lil sis and I were obsessed. How do you feel about Motorhead? I don't love them, but I do enjoy some of their songs. I never thought Lemmy was that great of a vocalist, but I respect him as an artist and hope he rests in peace. What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever pulled a muscle? *shrugs* What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) If we're talking only real-world symbols and not ones that only exist in fantasy media, I actually think the Satanic (no, not inverted) cross is a cool design. It has nothing to do with my stance on Satanism, I just think it's an appealing look. What methods are most effective for you when you’re trying to relax? If I REALLY need relaxation, just leave me alone and let my put on earplugs and just like, disappear from the real world for a bit. Would you rather date your opposite, your ‘twin’, or someone in between? Someone in-between, I think. More similar to me though would be preferred versus someone that's my opposite. How many videos do you have favorited on your YouTube account? I think I'm actually at the max? I think they just get replaced with newer ones by now. Do you know anyone who has carpal tunnel syndrome? Me, actually. My older sister does, too, and actually had surgery for it. Which do you prefer: M&M’s, Skittles, or Reese’s Pieces? Reese's Pieces, but I love all three. If you could be the sidekick of a superhero which superhero would you pick? If I was Spiderman's sidekick, could I throw webs and zing around like a monkey too? ;_; I think being Batman's sidekick would be pretty cool too, seeing as to my knowledge he's more about stealth, which would be fun to go along with. Do you think that you could ever win a food eating contest? No fucking way. They gross me the hell out. What is your favorite thing about the country you live in? How much freedom we have here. Although, it can definitely be abused, and some people do abuse it... Have you ever snuck somebody into your house? No. Have you ever snuck into somebody else’s house? No. Honestly, have you ever thrown garbage out of the window of a car? No, and you fucking repulse me if you do. It is not that challenging to hold onto your shit until you get out of the car and find a trashcan. Honestly, have you ever stuck gum under a table or desk? No, that shit is disgusting. Just get your lazy ass up and spit it out. Which would you find more menacing: dinosaurs or dragons? Well, considering dragons can, you know, breathe fire... Can you name three different kinds of dinosaurs? Spinosaurus, allosaurus, stegosaurus. What’s the name of the last person you kissed? Sara. Is your heart broken at the moment? Nah. Who’s the last guy you argued with? I don't know. I avoid arguing with guys to the absolute best of my ability because I'm terrified of making them mad. What about the last girl? My mom. Would you marry the last person you kissed? Not at this current time, but later down the road of us both building ourselves up, I possibly would. Who’s the last person that asked you out? Girt. Out of all of your exes, who treated you the best? Sara. Who is the person you have hurt the most? My damn self. Who is the person that has hurt you the most? Jason. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? It feels like it sometimes, but when it really comes down to it, no, I don't. Who was the last baby you held? My niece Emerson. Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler. Did your parents do drugs when they were younger? My dad did quite a lot before us kids were born, apparently. I can guess pretty damn easily that Mom made him cut that shit out before having my sisters and me. Mom, to my knowledge, has never tried anything at all. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? No. Did you cry at your high school graduation? I remember I teared up slightly. What was the last non-papery substance you drew on? I have no idea. Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) No. What do you beat yourself up about the most? I'm 25 fucking years old and have never had a stable job or just felt "adult" in general. Which has hurt you more: friendship break-ups or bf/gf break-ups? The breakup with Jason, who was my boyfriend, so. What’s the most terrifying thing you’ve ever done? Gone to a mental hospital. The first time was so, so scary. What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? I don't know. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Have you ever been mistreated by a cop? No. Have you ever experimented with any sort of witchcraft? No. Which animals are you afraid of? Some bugs and spiders, and whale sharks are a phobia of mine. I also find giant squid to be terrifying, but also very intriguing. Oh yeah, then there's my extreme aversion to maggots and similar larvae. Did you pray to God when you were a child? Usually. Mom raised us to, but some nights I slacked with it and just wanted to sleep. What is your favorite flavor of frosting? Maaan, don't make me choose. What color is your skin naturally? Very pale. Do you own a pocketknife, or any other kind of multi-tool? No. What was the last thing you took a video of? I have no idea. I have no recordings on my phone, so. Have you ever been somewhere where you didn’t fluently speak the local language? No. Have you ever had famous neighbors? No. Do you have any medication that you keep with you at all times? Yeah, one of my anxiety meds. What are some things a house would need to have for you to purchase it? Besides the very obvious, mine has to have a dishwasher. I. HATE. Washing dishes by hand. Do you own a pet spider? No, but I DESPERATELY want some tarantulas. :( I've tried convincing her, but Mom's very adamant about the fact I will NOT own one so long as I live with her. I also love jumping spiders and attempted to convince her about one of those versus a tarantula, but still, answer's a firm no, haha. Do you call your animals “baby names”? Well duh. Have you ever been stood up? No. Do you own a fishtank? No. Do you like the song “Barbie Girl”? God no. I'll sing it jokingly, though, because y'know, childhood and all. Do you own a feather boa? No. We did at one point, though. A hot pink one. Are you allergic to peanuts? No. Do you wear ribbons in your hair? No, my hair's too short for that. I never did, though. Do you use cheat codes on video games? I generally only use codes that you can actually earn in the game for like, new outfits or weapons in subsequent playthroughs. I won't use the kinds of codes that make you invulnerable and stuff, but rather just fun little cosmetics and such. Have you ever gone mudding on a fourwheeler? Ugh, no. I don't like getting dirty, so that is NOT my kind of fun. What is your favorite flavor Jolly Rancher? Watermelon. Have you ever played Dance Dance Revolution? Of course! We had the dance mat as kids and loved to play the games. What is the last thing you dropped? I don't really remember. Have you ever done the “Cupid Shuffle?” Yeah, at school dances and such. Do you know how to do the Soulja Boy dance? Haha omg, I did as a kid. My friend, sister, and I all learned it. How long has it been since you’ve eaten a Reese’s? My mom actually got me a Reese's egg for Easter, so not long ago at all.

[the-desolated-quill]

She Was Killed By Space Junk - Watchmen (TV Series) blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. if you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

The first episode was a shaky, but intriguing start. The second episode was both incredibly provocative and intelligently written. What about the third episode? Um... I’m honestly not too sure what to make of it, if I’m honest. I watched it twice like I do with everything I review and I genuinely don’t know what to say about it. I couldn’t even tell you if I liked it or not. I think I liked it.... but I couldn’t tell you why.

Okay. Sorry. Hi guys. Let me explain what happened. I wrote that first paragraph and then I got writer’s block, so I decided to step away from it. I had a nap, played a video game and then decided to watch the episode again for a third time with fresh eyes. Now my thoughts are a little more concrete. So. She Was Killed By Space Junk. Having watched this episode three times now, I’ve decided that I don’t like this episode very much at all, and that’s less to do with what’s in the episode and more to do with what isn’t. 

Let me explain.

Reviewing episodes like this one can often be very frustrating because it’s hard to tell what is a genuine flaw and what is merely setup for what’s to come. I have a number of problems with this episode, but for all I know, what I’m about to talk about might not actually be problems at all and will all be explained in a future episode. Or they are genuine problems and I’m inadvertently giving the writers way too much credit. I don’t know. That’s why it’s so frustrating.

My main point of contention is with the character of Laurie. First of all, let me just say that Jean Smart doesn’t put a foot wrong. She gives a great performance and is a good choice to play an older Laurie. The problem I have is with her characterisation. Or, at the very least, bits of her characterisation. I don’t know. It’s complicated.

Laurie’s inclusion in the TV series was something I was actually most looking forward to because I felt her character was kind of shortchanged in the graphic novel. Initially starting out as an effective and scathing critique of how women are often presented in comics, over the course of Watchmen’s story her role was reduced until she ended up becoming little more than a prop for the male characters’ stories. It was disappointing and it’s led to me arguing multiple times that Silk Spectre is one of the most underrated and wasted elements of Watchmen. The HBO series felt like a perfect opportunity to right some wrongs and give Laurie the attention she deserves. She Was Killed By Space Junk certainly gave her the focus and attention she didn’t receive in the graphic novel, but I’m very much struggling to ascertain what the show was trying to achieve here.

Let’s quickly remind ourselves where the graphic novel left us with her character. She had recently discovered that the Comedian, the man who tried to rape her mother, was her biological father, she was in a relationship with Dan Dreiberg, aka Nite Owl, and they were both on the run from the law, hellbent on continuing their lives as vigilantes. Okay. How does the HBO series continue this? Well it turns out she and Dan are no longer together. I know some fans really don’t like this, but I personally don’t have a problem with it. In fact I’m perfectly happy with it. In my review of A Stronger, Loving World, I explained how I didn’t believe their relationship could possibly last long term because it was clear that they were together not because they were in love, but rather because they were indulging in each other’s fantasies, and the fact that Dan’s seeming fascination with the Silk Spectre porn comic supported this. Showrunner Damon Lindelof clearly agrees, so cool. It’s always nice to be proven right.

Anyway, at some point between the graphic novel and the HBO series, the fantasy was shattered and the pair split up. I’m assuming what shattered the fantasy was them getting caught by the FBI. It’s unclear what’s happened to Dan at this time. Judging by the fact that the police in Oklahoma are using Owlships and goggles, I’m assuming that Dan was arrested and his equipment was appropriated by law enforcement. Laurie meanwhile has struck some kind of deal and now she’s working with the Anti-Vigilante Taskforce and enforcing the Keene Act, which is an interesting parallel with how her father, the Comedian, served the American government during the Vietnam War. But you see this is where I start to get a bit confused.

The episode opens with Laurie setting a trap for a vigilante known as Mister Shadow (basically Fake Batman) and shooting him, either not knowing or not caring whether or not Mister Shadow’s body armour would save him. She’s also taken on the Comedian’s last name Blake and displays a very similar nihilistic attitude, making dark jokes and exhibiting uncaring, unsympathetic behaviour. Now I don’t necessarily have a problem with Laurie becoming more nihilistic, given what she’s been through. Having witnessed Ozymandias and his squid of doom, it’s bound to affect her worldview. However, her turning into a female Comedian doesn’t really marry up with her character at all. And yes, I know at the end of the graphic novel she talked about getting a gun and body armour, like the Comedian, but it didn’t work there either. It felt too drastic a character shift and was painfully on the nose. I didn’t like it there and I don’t like it here either. I just don’t buy that she would want to emulate the man who tried to rape her mother. 

I especially don’t like her violent, uncaring attitude toward Mister Shadow. Why does she have such a disdain for vigilantes? Is it because of what happened with Dan, and she’s projecting that onto everyone else? Has she become so nihilistic that she just doesn’t give a shit anymore? There’s a moment later in the episode where she asks someone if their civil rights are being violated only to then turn around and say she was being sarcastic. That really didn’t sit right with me. It just doesn’t feel like something Laurie would say.

And then there’s the whole thing with Doctor Manhattan. Throughout the episode we see her in a phone booth trying to tell a joke to Manhattan (quite what the purpose of these phone booths are, I don’t know. Considering that people in the world of Watchmen believe that Manhattan was giving people cancer, why would anyone want to call him?). She clearly misses him to the point where she has a large blue dildo hidden a briefcase that’s clearly a direct reference to Pulp Fiction. I REALLY don’t like this. At all. The reason Laurie left Manhattan in the first place was because he couldn’t emotionally satisfy her, being an omnipresent demigod and all. So why would she be pining after him? The blue dildo joke in particular just felt kind of degrading. Just... why?

Weirder still is the joke she spends the whole episode trying to tell him. It’s clearly an indirect reference to the Pagliacci joke from the graphic novel, except the Pagliacci joke had a specific purpose in the graphic novel and its meaning was clear. Rorschach was remarking on how America was relying on the Comedian to save them from violence and corruption, which was futile considering what a violent and corrupt person the Comedian was. Here, however, I have no idea what Laurie is trying to say with the brick joke at all. I’m assuming the bricklayer is her father and she’s following in his footsteps. Okay, I kind of get that (except not really for the reasons I’ve already mentioned, but whatever). But then we come to the whole bit with God at the pearly gates sending Nite Owl, Ozymandias and Doctor Manhattan to Hell, only to then get killed by the brick from the previous joke. Now... what the fuck is that all about? I’ve been racking my brains, checking what other people said, and I can’t find any satisfying answers. It just feels like pretentious, unnecessary fanwank. The best I can come up with is that Laurie is expressing how she’s not letting men dictate her life anymore. But... she’s spent the whole episode pining after Doctor Manhattan, she’s modelled herself after her rapist father, and at the end of the episode, she sleeps with her assistant Petey, an agent who claims to not to be a fan of superheroes, but is totes a fan of superheroes. So... is that the joke? She wants to escape from the shadow of the men in her life, but can’t? Or she intends to overcome the patriarchy that has kept her down, but she still ends up choosing to indulge in the power fantasy of Petey? Or does it refer to something else she’s planning to do later? It’s all so frustratingly vague.

As I was watching this episode, I honestly lost track of the number of times I thought to myself ‘I don’t know where Lindelof is going with this.’ Sometimes this approach works, keeping the audience in the dark in order to build intrigue and suspense, but for Watchmen, a story that’s famous for its dense material and subject matter, it’s just plain annoying. In fact this whole episode feels really off to me. Instead of focusing on character narratives and thematic storytelling, She Was Killed By Space Junk relies more on a plot heavy story that moves the pieces of the larger arc forward and keeping certain specific details vague in an attempt to keep people watching. Except that’s not really what Watchmen is about and it results in leaving the more integral aspects of the story in the dust. Angela barely gets a look in here, and considering a significant portion of the episode focuses on Judd Crawford’s funeral, it feels like a massive, missed opportunity. How does it feel discovering that the man you liked and respected wasn’t the man you thought he was? Does that change your feelings toward him? Does it invalidate the good times you had with him? And with Laurie there, the show could have compared and contrasted the two. How these two women move forward knowing these uncomfortable truths about the men in the lives? But the show never really capitalises on this.

And the annoying thing is, for all I know, all the things I’m talking about could actually be addressed in a future episode, thus rendering what I’m saying moot. I don’t know. I can’t tell if this is all just really bad setup for an eventual satisfying payoff or if it’s just plain bad.

That being said, while I do ultimately dislike this episode, there are a few things I like. For instance, I do like what we learn about the larger world of Watchmen. We learn that Oklahoma is the only state that’s allowing the police to mask up and that this law was passed by Joe Keene Jr., whose father was responsible for the Keene Act that was passed outlawing vigilantes. Joe Keene Jr. was briefly introduced in the previous episode and it looks like he’s going to be playing a larger role from here on out. Let’s wait and see where that goes. 

We also learn that Looking Glass knows Laurie and has prior history with her. He even confirms Sister Night’s secret identity to her, albeit reluctantly. So is he a plant? Maybe sent by the FBI to try and sabotage Keene Jr? Hmmm, what’s going on here then?

And then there’s Ozymandias.

While I dislike how Laurie is being handled so far, I love, love, LOVE what they’re doing with Adrian Veidt. After the events of the graphic novel, it seems he’s gone into self imposed exile. Whether this is as a punishment or as a way to make sure he doesn’t inadvertently blab about his involvement with the squid is unknown. Anyway, he’s been here for three years now, judging by the candles on the cake, and he seems to be going a little bit stir crazy. He’s sacrificing his clones in order to try and find a means of escape and now he has to contend with a bloodthirsty game warden (another clone). The idea of Ozymandias being hoist by his own petard and being oppressed by the very tools and instruments of his own vanity is absolutely tantalising, and I love what Jeremy Irons is doing with the part and the way he’s depicting the character’s slow descent into lunacy.

Also a special shoutout has to go to the costume department for the Ozymandias costume we see Adrian finally don. It’s gloriously, breathtakingly terrible. Truly one of the worst superhero costumes ever seen on screen... which is exactly what it should be! 

One of the things I intensely disliked about the 2009 movie was Zack Snyder’s attempts to make the characters look cool and stylish when in reality these characters are supposed to be the complete opposite of that. Rorschach looks like a hobo, puts on a gruff voice and wears lifts on his heels in a pathetic attempt to look more imposing. Nite Owl wears a ridiculously tight fitting costume that shows off his belly bulge. Silk Spectre’s outfit looks more like something a stripper would wear and is not even remotely practical. They look stupid to us, the outsiders, but to the characters, it makes them feel powerful. That’s the whole point, and the HBO series captures that perfectly. Adrian is going to war with the game warden and wants to feel powerful, so he puts on his objectively silly purple and gold shawl in an effort to reclaim the power he once had. It’s laugh out hilarious, made all the more funnier by the fact that he’s clearly far too old to be playing dress up. It’s moments like this that demonstrate that Lindelof clearly does understand the source material, which is what makes the way Laurie is treated all the more baffling.

She Was Killed By Space Junk isn’t a bad episode. There’s stuff to like, but it doesn’t have any of the intelligent thematic storytelling or characterisation the previous two episodes had. Coupled with the apparent mishandling of Laurie’s character and the deliberate vagueness of some of its plotting leads to it being an episode that’s ultimately more frustrating than enjoyable to watch.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 412

Only one more week until Droughtlander, y’all! To start with the positive, I fucking love the Murgsali parts of this episode. Seriously, I know I sound like a broken record but saving Murtagh was literally the best choice this show has made. I would watch the shit out of a spin-off of just that trio’s adventures. Germain can come too.

I still can’t muster a single fuck, flying- or otherwise, to give about Roger. So basically this episode was pretty much like every other episode. I loved some shit, hated some shit, and overall came away with the lingering question of why I still spend so much time on a show that’s barely recognizable as the one I used to fucking love.

At least Dry January is still going strong. Quite proud of myself about that, tbh...

Roger: *runs the gauntlet* Marie Kondo: Does this spark joy? Me: Absofuckinglutely.

Guys I fucking love the Murtagh and Fergus relationship. I love it so fucking much. I cannot wait to see where that goes next season, especially since they’re all headed to live on the Ridge now.

And since this episode isn’t focused on LJG being in love with Jamie, I’m so here for him in this episode. I swear this show gives me whiplash with its characters. Like it’s not a “people are complicated” sort of thing. It’s a “crappy trope that needs to go away” or a “they just did something out of character, wtf” sort of thing.

I get Jamie not wanting Bree to murder Bonnet. I totally understand him not wanting her to have to live with taking a life. But I’m not fully on board with the whole “you need to forgive” stuff. Both here and in the book. Holding hate in your heart will eat away at you and prevent you from moving forward, sure. But you can put things behind you without forgiving the people who wronged you. What Bonnet did to Bree was fucking awful. He’s completely unrepentant. If Bree wants to forgive him, fine. It happened to her, so it’s her call and no one else’s how she should proceed. For me personally, I don’t think he’s worthy of forgiveness. I wouldn’t forgive him if it were me. I’ve thankfully never been in that exact situation, but I’ve been through my own shit and honestly, I’ve chosen not to forgive some people, because that’s asking me to not only endure what they did but also do the emotional work of forgiving them when they’re not sorry. That’s asking a bit too much, imo. Just put them aside and move on, it comes with its own sort of acceptance and peace. Each to their own, I guess.

“This man cannot be good. He was sold by his own people.” I mean, where’s the lie, haha. Yeah he was sold for the wrong reasons, and it’s never ok to SELL SOMEONE INTO SLAVERY (FFS!), but yes, Roger’s a twatwaffle.

“You have learned nothing.” The Mohawk elder speaks the truth, tbh.

Kaheroton telling Roger that he should not smile upon Johiehon had me like yaaas. Sure, Roger’s starved for human kindness or whatever, but like he’s also a chronic inappropriate interact-er with women/crush haver. Like he literally becomes a minster because people think he’s having an affair with one of the Ridge widows. He gets himself hanged because he kisses his great-great-etc.-grandmother. He’s creepily into Claire. I am so here for him being called out for being a fuckboi, haha.

This show is two for two in failing to make me care about rando fallen priests.

Marsali seeing right through Fergus’ attempt at blaming Germain and seeing exactly what he’s up and being like fuck yes, let’s do this thing is my fucking favorite.

I LOVE MARSALI A LOT OK. I AM FUCKING RIDE OR DIE FOR THAT WOMAN.

Y’all have I mentioned how much I fucking love Fersali? Because I fucking love Fersali. They remind me of what Claire and Jamie used to be. *pours one out for the couple that was*

Question though, are we assuming that Fergus knows all about Wentworth because they told him about it after he was raped for Jamie’s story in season two? Getting rull tired of being expected to fill in a bunch of shit that should be shown...

But man, I am so fucking pumped for them to move to the Ridge. I hope it means we get much more of them next season.

I know I’m biased because I have a lot of Opinions about organized religion but basically all this stuff with the priest has me just rolling my eyes. Like cool for him that he like believes in stuff, but also like, do what makes you happy, bruh? You only have one life? *exercises what little self-restraint I have to not go off on a ramble that ties this whole plot line into how being raised Catholic really fucked me up*.

I literalol’ed every time they show Roger trying to fucking Shawshank his way out of the fucking Idiot Hut. Like bro. This thing is made of leaves and branches. Just fucking snap the string or whatever is holding the branches in place and shift them enough to make a hole to squeeze out of.

The Idiot Hut is aptly named.

So in this episode, handfasting means they’re married again. I cannot even with how frustrating it is that this show can’t make up its mind about what it means.

This whole speech of Roger’s about how he’s an idiot is like yeah, no shit, Sherlock. You’re a fucking douchecanoe.

By the end of it, it comes off like he’s the guy from You. Like yeah, you didn’t deserve to be sold into slavery, but buddy. You’re not the victim in your relationship with Bree here. You might not be a serial killer, but your inner Joe Goldberg is showing...

“Like an idiot, I pursued her through time and space, determined to prove to myself and the universe that I did love this woman, just like all those great love stories written by all those great idiots.” Red flag number one, you wanted to prove to yourself and the universe that you loved Bree, but not prove it to Bree? The one person you’d think you’d want to make things right with?

"I pursued her and chased her and finally tracked her down and convinced her to marry me.” Holy fucking stalker, Batman. This comes off as the opposite of romantic. Get yourself a restraining order, Bree!

“We said angry words to each other.” That’s a funny way to say “I was a complete fuckwad to her,” Rog.

“I intended to go home, but then I changed my mind and went back, like an idiot.” Sorry not sorry, but if I were ever with a guy who thought choosing to be with me made him an idiot, I’d fucking run for the hills.

The writers clearly think this is supposed to be like endearing us to Roger and his love of Brianna but really it’s just making him seem like a fucking toxic stalker who’s convinced he’s a Nice Guy™. Roger just keeps channeling his inner Frank. He wants his personal ideal of a relationship with Brianna, with no thought to what she herself wants. He’s fucking repulsive, just like Frank was (even pre-stones). So naturally the show wants us to root for him. *wishes it were February so I could have a drink*

Uh, buddy? Do you know Johiehon wants to leave with the priest? Or are you just being you and assuming/not caring what the woman feels/wants for herself?

Fun fact, we’re still with these idiots in their Idiot Hut and I still can’t muster a single fuck to give about either of them.

Don’t @ me that I’m a dummy because I’m missing the deep and meaningful and yada yada whatever bullshit that they’re doing with these scenes. I know what they’re trying to do. It’s not working for me. At all. Sorry not fucking sorry.

#TeamBadFan5Eva

If we forget about the blackmail and rape threat and creepy being in love with her dad, I’m 10000% more invested in Bree and LJG’s fake engagement than I am in Bree and Roger. But jfc, that’s a lot to be asked to forget.

I’m still not really here for the Bree side of the prison stuff, but the Fergus and squad rescuing Murtagh part is excellent.

I really wish they would have put a definitive end to Bonnet in this episode. Ed Speelers does a great job with him, but he’s honestly not an interesting enough character to merit sticking around as long as he does in the books. Like if we have even more condensed seasons five and six, why the fuck can’t we just be done with him now?

FUCK YEAH FERGUS AND HIS REGULATOR SQUAD!

I hated Bree visiting Bonnet in the book and I really hate it here too. Like yes, if this is what Bree wants and she thinks it will help her, then great. She gets to decide what she wants to do. But this whole comforting your rapist thing just reeks of a fucking woman doing fucktons of emotional labor for the sake of the person who caused her so much fucking trauma. Literally the only part of this scene that remotely works for me is when she gets angry and tells him that he will be forgotten. Like, he’s a sociopath and he gives no shits about you or what he did to you. Why are you trying to make him feel better? I know it’s supposed to be for her, but that’s not how it plays to me...

Le sigh.

I fucking love the scene with Lord John and Fergus. Fucking love it.

(I’m guessing we’re supposed to assume that Fergus and Lord John met in Jamaica at the party in a bit we didn’t see? I think it might have been mentioned at some point, but I can’t remember specifics...)

Murtagh and Lord John fighting over who’s going to take Bree and then agreeing on what’s best for her? Here. For. It.

Y’all, I just want a whole show about this exact squad. Jamie and Claire are so meh now that it’s tough to be invested in them anymore. Roger’s still the fucking worst. But this squad. This squad is my fucking JAM.

But for real, why did we not get a scene where Bree meets Fergus and Marsali. Because this prison break is literally the first time we’ve seen them together and we don’t even know if they’ve met before. You’re killing me show.

Since Murgsali is moving to the Ridge, we’d better get a bunch of Bree and Jem with Marsali and Germain and Fergus next year.

This whole monologue of Roger’s as he’s deciding what to do is supposed to be like showing that he cares for people more than himself (despite his whole creepy spiel in the Idiot Hut) or some shit but like he’s just again ignoring what someone told him to do because that’s his MO. He’s like constantly playing the martyr card when no one even wants him around. Fuck off, Roger.

This priest and his girlfriend honestly don’t merit the amount of screen time they got. Like cool that Roger puts him out of his misery or whatever, but also this is the second to last episode so why the fuck are we spending it on two randos we don’t care about? Because it’s Outlander. So of course this is how we’re spending it.

Johiehon throwing herself into the fire is supposed to be like romantic and shit or reminiscent of Claire offering to die with Jamie at Culloden or whatever, but it really doesn’t work for me. Because honestly, she deserves better. The priest could have chosen to be with her but he picked his faith instead. So why should she die for a man who made her his second choice.

Also like, Kaheroton crying also comes off as creepy because like, dude she just wasn’t into you. Him being upset that Johiehon died doesn’t play like him being sad that a woman from his village killed herself, it comes across like the guy who was “friendzoned” (don’t get me started on that concept...) being sad the woman he was fixated on is gone so he doesn’t have a chance (he never had a chance) with her anymore.

But hey, remember how awesome Murgsali is? Murgsali is the fucking best.

MURGSALI 5EVA!!!

[super-hero-confessions]

I used to think DC and Marvel superheroes having a strict “no killing” policy was admirable but then I grew up and learned the atrocities both real life and comic book villains commit so now I view their staunch refusal to end a madman’s reign of violence as irresponsible and kind of gross.  In Dark Knight Returns, Batman admits every victim the Joker has killed since Batman refused to end his life is Batman’s responsibility.  That’s how I view the situation and I find that troubling.  Back in the 90’s there was a story where the Joker forced Superman into one of those classic no-win traps where he had to choose to either kill Joker and cure Lois of a poison she was afflicted with or stick to his moral code and let her die.  Because he’s an absolute monster, Superman values his arbitrary code of ethics more than the life of his then-fiancee so he lets her die.  Of course, it was actually a prank: the poison was self-limiting and Lois lived, if Superman had killed the Joker, he would have disgraced his good name for nothing and Joker would have his last laugh from beyond the grave.  But Superman didn’t know that, the fact that he made that call is what makes him such a piece of fucking garbage.  This is where well-intended liberal “love everyone, even society’s worst people" nonsense falls apart: when the chips are down, if you love killers as much as your own family, you can’t even tell the good guys from the bad guys anymore.  The next issue, Lois calls off the engagement because she didn’t want to be married to someone who cares more about a sadistic murderer than his wife.  Imagine that.

[sn0wblinded]

questions 1-98 ( go big or go home ;) )

ya killin me hollis );

1. Unfortunately, I am 5′1, pros to anybody who wants a nugget for a gf or friend

2.  Body type? uh I suppose slim and slender with an hourglass shape

3. Favorite part of my body would have to be...erh...uh...my eyes? I love the shape of them just wish I had blue or green eyes :(

4. HAH my hair color now is NOT my natural hair color loll I have naturally crazy dark brown hair where it’s almost black but I love blonde in the summer so catch me in the fall for my dark roots ;D

5. Um I’d say it depends where I am and who I’m with as to whether I’ll be shy or outgoing, typically I’m shy until I feel comfortable enough to be myself, or unless someone gets enough drinks in me hahah

6. Uh I’d say I’m probs more on the femme side, like I luvvv getting dressed up and looking super pretty if I’m not sitting on my ass being lazy af. 

7. Super duper smol bean

8. Hands down I’d be a wine mom

9. Hmmph weird habit? Uh I’ll mouth whatever someone is saying as they are talking, even sometimes before they say the next word and I don’t even know I’m doing it. I catch myself doing this watching shows or movies and I hateeee it. “How do you know what I’m saying??” is the usual response *rolls eyes* 

10. OOOHHH my fav meme would have to be the one with the baby orangutang and her crazy hair bc she’s a hot mess and I’m a hot mess ._.

11. who doesn’t sing in the shower???? the acoustics man, i’ll give my SO a full-blown concert w/ an encore. will it sound good tho?? who knows

12. um I’d love to go full Merida and learn how to use a bow and arrow tbh

13. I was never a theatre kid :( I wanted to be in HS 

14. I’ve never seen a broadway musical but def something on my bucketlist

15. Musicals are kinda cheesy but that’s what I love about them

16. I’ve never been a part of a protest or march, but will def be in the future when given the chance

17. My fav Cards Against Humanity Card would probs be “What is Batman’s guilty pleasure?” love having a good giggle at the responses

18. The last movie I watched...that I can think of was Final Destination 2 and was reminded why I can be paranoid af about some stuff LOL

19. Uhh preferably not behind or infront of the camera, not photogenic and my hands aren’t steady enough to take decent photos BUT I’d love to do photography if I had any skill in it

20. If you know me, like come on, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. 

21. just listen to Snowblinded by Kill Hannah nuff said

22. Uhh I joined tumblr back in 2011 my freshman year of HS bc I wanted to release my teenage angst, and then I left after a few years and came back this year:) Luckily my OG url was still available

23. Um you know 

24. Most people love chocolate and I hate it loll Fight me pls ;P

25. Narcotics? Nope sowwe

26. HAH expose me much?? hahah Def not a virgin lemme say that ^-^

27. Um my neighbors little brother caught her and I kissing underneath her sheets when I was a super duper smol bean, technically wasn’t bad but we couldn’t do it anymore:/

28. Oof idk what the funniest lie is that I told... omg 

29. Hmm... expression through words...take a guess what that passion is 

30. My best friend is one the most supportive and loving people I’ve ever met and I love her to death

31. Um lemme keep my secrets ;)

32. I’m super tired but also feeling really motivated so it’s kinda conflicting but oh well das my life

33. My biggest fear is probably ending up alone (amongst a few others)

34. I Like Me Better by Lauv

35. The best decision I’ve made in life thus far was deciding that I’m going to start love being myself regardless of societal expectations and internalizing everything because of the fear of others judgements etc. This is my life and I plan on living it up the best way possible.

36. Um who hasn’t? Failure always leads you one step closer to success

37. I fantasize about finding someone whose soul fits perfectly w/ mine

38. I cried the other night but happy tears bc I no longer have to hide who I am

39. A meme I was sent in a group chat

40. Mm...maybe..my lips are sealed 

41. A few of my closest friends

42. Uh every single day at the end of my last relationship

43. I’ve started to realize who my true friends are, and people’s true intentions

44. Submissive AF, but a lil control here and there isn’t bad

45. I’ll only date you if you’re okay w/ eating lots of pasta and long jam sesh’s

46. Preferably someone my age or a little bit older, but if I click with someone a year or two younger than me then whatevs :)

47. um I’d describe my crush but it’d be a dead giveaway LOL

48. any kinks? oh sweetie.. I’m not as innocent as this halo may make me appear ;P

49. First thing I notice in someone, physically would be their eyes, personality-wise would be their sense of humor.

50. Best way to win my heart is to bond over music

51. Uhh wow like allll the time LOL

52. Once again, like alllll the fucking time *rolls eyes*

53. Oh I plead the fifth on this one 

54. Trust is a big thing for me, but I usually know right off the bat now if I can trust somebody or not

55. Um no bc anybody I like lives miles and miles away >_>

56. Confidence is hot, not cute, hot. Make me swoon. 

57. My heart would probs ache 

58. If you can’t make me laugh we won’t even be close to dating loll

59. Uh no and I’m sure they will never have a clue bc I’m shy af about my feelings 

60. ...too many storytimes there

61. Hopefully one day I marry the love of my life

62. Pleading the fifth bc I’m stuck between a couple 

63. Turn ons: Whisper in my ear, light touches, and cute messages (keeping things on the cleaner side (; )

64. Hate is a strong word, so Trump 

65. Babygirl melts my heart but so does sweetheart and princess

66. Charlies Angels hands down...

67. Oof... intimidating in a sexy and intriguing way? Hell yes, but I love a kind soul

68. Somebody who truly loves me for me and is always up for adventure, and has an impeccable taste in music.

69. I tend to like whoever I like :P

70. HAH good one

71. The first person I came out to was my sister, a few years ago, and it went alright I guess until we had a heated argument and yeah...but I came out to her again recently and it’s helped us grow closer together.

72. I have a quite a few friend who are and luvvv them all

73. um....ya

74. Oof...I honestly can’t remember

75. Maybe later, this is already wayyyy too long.

76. I used to but I’d say it takes a lot more for me to fall IN love

77. Yeah so let’s not talk about it :3

78. Good at hiding my feelings? Uhhhhhh

79. Forgiving? I’ll forgive but I never forget who has hurt me.

80. Uh...I have quite a few, want the whole list? LOL

81. Whichever one would comfort both of us in the moment

82. I like a girl that’s taller, even if it’s just by a little bit. Honestly it doesn’t take much with how smol I am :[

83. Um can I have both? Hugs and kisses pls k thx

84. Be twirled :3

85. Um both mmmff

86. I love forehead kisses, but if you wanna make me melt into a puddle neck kisses are the way to go.

87. I’d do either or, kinda hard for me to choose which one more.

88. Depends on my mood, love me some soft kisses but bet your ass I’m always down to makeout

89. If I’m feeling the need to be cute hug around the neck, if I’m being a lil more touchy then hugs around the waist

90. I used to contemplate my sexuality constantly because of growing up in a religious family and internalizing everything, but without a doubt I’m 100% confident in my sexuality. This is me, take it or leave it baby ;)

91. Uh I blush and get a massive load of butterflies, feeling like I’m on cloud nine etc. I’ve liked people and just felt comfortable and never had butterflies and such but FUCK do I love feeling giddy and happy all over from just the mere thought of them. 

92. Yes, typically that’s how it starts out with me and it ends in either of two ways, mutual or I embarass tf outta myself 

93. I had my first kiss with a girl when I was 7, and man did I never want to stop. But, I knew for certain that I really liked girls when I was in sixth grade and wanted to watch any and everything that contained wlw content, hoping and wishing to have that one day.

94. Be myself? LOL

95. Ohmygosh... favorite lesbian ship... Laura/Carmilla, Alice/Robin (OUAT), Yorkie/Kelly (San Junipero)...these are only a few of a long list

96. The most aggravating thing that’s personally been said to me about my sexuality would be between being told this is all temptation and comparing it to acts of disgusting scum of human beings(pedos and adulterers), and also being told it’s only a phase... I can’t roll my eyes hard enough

97. Um like probably a few minutes ago :3

98. Love is being completely comfortable in being who you are around someone, and loving the good and bad parts of each other. 

If anyone actually reads up until this point I just gotta say...I’m sorry LOL 

and you’re a trooper

[thecassielockhart]

TASK 002

DESCRIBE YOUR CHARACTER IN A FEW WORDS.

resilient ; selfless ; determined ; know-it-all ; charitable.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER THAT THEY DON’T KNOW YET?

the reason she truly believes could live without getting married and having kids is because she blames herself for her brother, Wesley’s, death and the fact that he’ll never get to have those things so she doesn’t feel like she deserves them.

WHAT ARE YOUR CHARACTER’S MAJOR FLAWS?

calista struggles with showing empathy toward other people. she’s in no way a cold or mean person, and she in no way see’s emotions as a weakness, she just doesn’t know the right way to show comfort because all of the major times in her life where she needed to be comforted she was met with either coldness or told to save it for later. so now as an adult, she’s just very logical over emotional.

WHAT WOULD YOUR CHARACTER GIVE THEIR LIFE FOR?

family and her friends without a second thought about it.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S GREATEST ASSET?

resilience.

WHAT WOULD COMPLETELY BREAK YOUR CHARACTER?

having to see another person that she loves die. she had to see it once if she had to relive that experience again she’d never recover from that.

HOW DOES THE IMAGE YOUR CHARACTER TRIES TO PROJECT DIFFER FROM THE IMAGE THEY ACTUALLY PROJECT?

she tries to project this light with this bright smile and jokes and never-ending encouragement, but what people tend to see her projecting is this never-ending overconfidence and a bit of a blunt, know-it-all who doesn’t know how to shut the fuck up.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER AFRAID OF?

losing someone else she loves ; spiders ; heights ; clowns.

WHERE WOULD YOUR CHARACTER FALL ON A POLITENESS/RUDENESS SCALE?

she’s mostly kind of rude. she doesn’t mean to be, but if there’s not a purpose to someone’s presence she’s just mind-numbingly bored of them.

IF YOUR CHARACTER COULD CHOOSE A DIFFERENT IDENTITY, WHO WOULD THEY PICK?

poison ivy. ya know from batman.

IN WHAT OR WHOM IS YOUR CHARACTER’S GREATEST FAITH IN?

Cassie’s greatest faith is stored in Elijah Morris. He’s the one person in her life who has never lied to her, disappointed her, let her down or betrayed her and for that, his presence in her life is what she’s most grateful for.

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING IN YOUR CHARACTER’S LIFE?

her ability to cook. it’s how she copes when her emotions are overwhelmed, it’s how she expresses meaningful gestures of love and it’s how she comforts others.

WHAT WAS THE WORST THING IN YOUR CHARACTER’S LIFE?

her mental illness. her whole life Cassie’s delt with depression only made worse when it was coupled with her PTSD that she developed from her brother’s death and her kidnapping. she gets very severe social anxiety which in her line of work is not a good thing to have. it doesn’t make life easy.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S BIGGEST NIGHTMARE?

watching her brother get shot. and the look on his face when he realized what had happened that’s forever burned in her mind.

WHAT SEEMINGLY INSIGNIFICANT MEMORIES STUCK WITH YOUR CHARACTER?

most can be put into the category of the small things that people do for her that she doesn’t have to ask for them to do. for example, calling her beautiful, completely unprompted, bringing her food if she’s working late, noticing when she’s hit her limit of social interaction and giving her space to take a moment to herself. Or movies she really loved.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S SECRET WISH?

she doesn’t have one. wishes are a waste of time. Fol-de-rol and fiddle dee dee and fiddley faddley foddle all the wishes in the world are poppy cock and twoddle.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?

figuring out how to fake human empathy in regards to people she really doesn’t care to even talk to.  Becoming an Emmy Award winning actress when she was twenty-six.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S DEEPEST REGRET?

the way she went about telling Duncan she wasn’t sure if wanted/didn’t want kids. She said some things she truly didn’t mean and that came out very hurtful and she just doesn’t think it’s something she can take back now.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S DEEPEST DISAPPOINTMENT?

her relationship with her mother. she wishes it was different and that the woman actually did love her and was in her life, but she knows she never did and never will be and she’s forced herself to be okay with that after years and years of trying and never being good enough.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER RELUCTANT TO TELL PEOPLE?

that she loves them. Cassie isn’t the most affectionate person or great at vocalizing her feelings. She’s very much an actions speak louder than words kind of person or an i’m gonna call you an idiot but with such adoration and affection that it means I love you. She’ll make any excuse not to admit she loves someone. There are only two people she’ll openly tell someone else how much she loves and cares for them and even that is a rarity in itself.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER HIDING FROM THEMSELVES?

she wants to be close with her mother. that’s not a thing she will admit to anyone ever, not even herself.

WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER ANGRY? WHAT CALMS THEM?

Injustice, homophobia, mistreatment of someone she loves, are all things that make her blood boil that she absolutely will not stand for. She’s very much an I will defend anyone from this with my whole heart without hesitation type person. Very act first think later. Things that calm her are animals, mostly dogs, roller derby, kick boxing, dancing a good ice coffee and a kiss from someone special.

LIST SITUATIONS IN WHICH YOUR CHARACTER WOULD NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER THEMSELVES.

any situation where she’d not been in control would be orchestrated by other people.

HOW STRONG IS YOUR CHARACTER’S EMOTIONS? CONTROLLABLE? UNCONTROLLABLE?

her emotions are very strong, but she’s very in control about how she reacts to them and what she allows people to see. she has to be. she’s been groomed her entire life to be in the spotlight. it’s second-nature at this point.

WHAT WAKES YOUR CHARACTER UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?

The thought of losing someone she loves or over analyzing conversations she has, whether or not she’s ever going to be in love again with someone else.

DESCRIBE A RECURRING DREAM AND/OR NIGHTMARE.

laying down in the backseat of a car that someone else is driving, they’re speeding and drive off of the highway down a cliff.

DESCRIBE YOUR CHARACTER’S FAMILY.

The Lockhart Family is a very hard bunch to navigate. Her parents were never the type of people who should have both been together to begin with and had kids. Neither of them were ready. They were teenagers when they started having kids and got married. They left a lot of the care for their children with Joseph’s parents and were pretty irresponsible teenagers. So their kids were raised mostly by nannies and put into show business from birth and were pretty much destined to be in the industry and screwed up but beyond all of that they’re all very stubborn, very competitive, very argumentative and straight forward and passionate. Having more than three in one location together is just begging for a disaster to happen.

NAME YOUR CHARACTER’S FAVOURITE PERSON AND WHY.

Duncan for sure is her favorite person. She met him at a time in her life where she was trying to really make a name for herself as a Chef and not just as two time Tony winner and Emmy award winning Calista Lockhart. He challenged her and he took time to know her on this intimate and deep level and then despite the fact that she can be rather bossy, stubborn and difficult he stayed and contributed to challenge her and opened up to her and made her really fall for him and understand him and he’s always gonna be that guy, who is not only her friend and someone she loves but someone she can be completely honest with and that’s very important to her. HeMs important to her.

HOW MANY FRIENDS DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Very few. It’s never been easy for her to make friends. She’s aware she’s a difficult person and not great when it comes to dealing with other people so there are very few people who she likes to spend time with. She’s got Eli and Matt who she ma been friends with since middle school. And then she’s got her Black Girl Magic crew here in Portland and a couple more celebrity friends who she chills with at events but that’s about it.

HOW MANY FRIENDS DOES YOUR CHARACTER WANT?

She’s fine with what she has. She likes the small group she’s comfortable with. She’s never been the I wanna be surrounded by people type so this is perfect for her.

HOW WOULD A FRIEND OR CLOSE RELATIVE DESCRIBE YOUR CHARACTER?

Very type A, needs things to be a certain way for her to be comfortable. Despite being a little neurotic she’s very charming and fun with the biggest heart, but the shortest span for listening to people bitch.

WHO DEPENDS ON YOUR CHARACTER? WHY?

Her dogs depend on her. The people who are supported by her charities depend on her, Eli and Matt depend on her that’s about it.

WHO DOES YOUR CHARACTER MOST WANT TO PLEASE? WHY?

She wants more than anything her mother to be proud of her. Seems aware it’s never going to happen, but she still wants it deep down inside.

HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER FEEL ABOUT SEX?

She’s great about other people sleeping around, if that’s what they choose to do, if that’s the fun they want to have great go for it, but it’s not who she is. Despite that she gave her virginity to a guy who at the time she barely knew what his name was, she looks at sex as something to be shared with someone she cares deeply about who she ma taken time out of her life to get to know and it took her just giving her virginity away to realize she didn’t want to just fuck people just to fuck she wanted it to mean something to her and now when she has sex it means something.

HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER FEEL ABOUT ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?

She hasn’t had too many of them to be honest. Cassie is a if I fall for you it’s gonna be hard and deep and you’re in my life forever whether it works out or not type person. That’s just how she is. If she’s taking time out of her life to be with someone they better be in it and committed or fuck them. She’s very pro romantic relationships but she’s also very selective.

IF YOUR CHARACTER HAD TO LIVE IN UTTER SECLUSION, WHAT SIX ITEMS WOULD THEY BRING?

A working Tv with cable, an Apple TV to hook up with that tv cause she needs Hulu and Netflix, Her cell phone, a comb, all in one shampoo & conditioner

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S MOST NOTICEABLE TRAIT AND MOST NOTICEABLE PHYSICAL FEATURE?

Her most notable trait is her sheer stubbornness and physical feature would be her smile.

HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER FEEL ABOUT WORK? WRITE ONE HEADCANON.

She feels very privileged and thank Gil to be doing all that she is doing. But it hasn’t always been that way. When she was a kid all she wanted to do was be normal and blend in and just be carefree and go to school and just run around , but now she thinks of it as yeah she missed a lot of things but she also go to do a lot of things other kids didn’t and she’s great full for that.

[blueteehood]

I'm going to tag this as my "Jason moves on" fic list

Who I am. Who I'll Never Be by Zootopon: Currently my favorite Jason-centric fic. It’s kinda based on RHATO 25 but it’s not related to that directly. Jason is accused by Batman of a horrible crime he didn’t commit. 2 years on the run from the Justice League, he resurfaces to break Bizarro and Artemis out of the prison and prove their innocence. It’s also a study on “what Dick could have become if he had allowed the Batman’s cowl to change him.” So this fic may not be for you if you don’t like Dick as one of Jason’s antagonists. Bonus points for single-handedly converting me to a Jason/Artemis shipper.

Also by Zootopon, My son: After the Pit, Jason stays with Talia. They become a family. Bonus point for Jason calling Dick a criminal to his face.

Star Sapphire Jason series by @/do-not-careissa: A Star Sapphire ring chooses Jason, he leaves Gotham, learns to love himself, and kisses Kyle Rainer. Bonus point for the recognition that Dick is the angry Robin.

Deliver Yourself by forestgreen: Jason saves a fae. A deal is made. A baby is acquired. Bonus point for a very good fae OC.

Too much fucking salt by @/red-bat-arse: “You don’t get to hurt me and then act like it’s all forgiven because you love me. I’ve forgiven you for not saving me and for not avenging me –but not for that, Bruce. I can’t do this anymore.” EXTRA Bonus point for: "Pit mad’? What a joke, that’s not a thing. You either die in there or you don’t,”

The Good Soldier Who Left series by SoberFrost: Jason leaves. And when he’s ready, he goes back to help Crime Alley. Bonus point for momma Talia.

forgetting me, remember me series by Nynxa: Jason fakes his death and goes back to the All-Caste. Bonus point for best girl Essence.

do not fall gently by intothedeep27: Jason looks Bruce straight in the eye, tells him he is his dad, just like Willis, and nopes the fuck out. Iconic. Bonus point for the beautiful paralel to RHATO 25.

Deep Breaths by Desconhecida: This one has all the best tropes. UTRH AU. Jason went to med school. Jason and Damian met in the LoA. Good mom Talia. Dick and Tim trying their best. Bonus point for MYSTERY.

The Calling, by LananiA3O: If you ever wanted Jason to throw canon shit back on Bruce’s face in front of the whole family, this one's for you. I have to remove points for not being Talia-friendly and for the whole pit madness thing, but this one does address some pretty good stuff usually Jason-centric fic ignores. Bonus point for surprise Guy Gardner.

Leaving You For the Last Time (Warwick Avenue) series by unpossible: Unrelated fics about Jason leaving. I especially like the Alaska-Jay one, where he becomes a doctor, moves to Alaska after the events of RHATO 25 and marries the most likable OC ever. Bonus point for different happy ends for Jason.

My Shakespearean Monologue by hyperius: “You hit me cause your angry. You hit me cause I do something you don’t like, even when I think it’s the right thing. You hit me when I mess up trying do something good, real good. Something we both agree is good. And then you call me your son. Willis did too.” Bonus points for OPEN END BITCHES.

The Phoenix Never Dies series by ForceMage56: Oh boy this one hurts. Welcome to the Arkham Asylum nightmare. Pay attention to the tags because many, many bad stuff happens to the Jason before he rises back to life. Bonus points for what happens to the Joker in the end and Jason's monologue about it.

I shot the rogue (but I didn't shoot the warden) by wajjs: From the author's notes: "Jason turns himself into the authorities and gets sent to Blackgate, from where he breaks out whenever there's a rogue being a bastard, kills them and turns himself in again. Rinse & repeat. Batman is befuddled because no matter where Jason's locked up, he keeps doing this. The people of Gotham think he's neat."

Best served cold by Balrog_Roike: I think this one is pretty well known in the fandom. Jason says fuck it, assumes a new identity, becomes a cop in Gotham and guess what he's going to do with his permission to kill? :)

Dead man clinging by YukinaZero: The Red Hood becomes the Angel of Crime Alley, narrated by “Unprofessional news.” Its both hilarious and heartbreaking. Open end for Jason and Bruce.

waiting for it, that green light by dartducks: This series was discontinued, so read it with that in mind if incomplete works bother you. Jason is, once again, adopted by unhinged Green Lanterns. Also there's momma Talia.

Extras: Not Jason-centric

turn the maze inside out by nimagine: Tim is the one who realizes that Bruce isn’t a good parent, and removes himself and Damian from the situation. Jason is already out doing his own thing. Dick is unfortunately still suffering from the Ric curse. Bonus points for Tim being a good older brother for Damian.

Hello @ DC fandom, I’m in desperate need of good “Jason moves on with his life without Bruce” fic recs. Yes, I mean “Bruce is a bad parent for Jason, so Jason get’s the fuck out” fics. Could be UTRH AUs too but I kinda prefer fics anchored in more recent canon events, I’m not in the mood for the whole ‘you didn’t kill the joker’ thing. Please drop your fic recs if you have any

[mctheshawol]

I got tagged by the cute @xiuminnie-mouse <3 aww thank you :3

Rules: Bold what you prefer and then tag 10 people you want to know better

Coffee or Tea (I feel like I should’ve been British with all the different teas I like to try out, and I like the smell of coffee but I don't like the taste of it. :/)

Early Bird or Night Owl (I’ve been a night owl even before I knew that there was a term for why I liked to stay up late plus it just seems like things are more active/fun at night??? the inner hoe jumps out ....)

Chocolate or Vanilla (so far its the only flavor that doesn’t betray me whenever I wanna try some new exotic foods/beverages and that’s one of the few flavors that they’ll have whatever said exotic food in...so vanilla ftw!!!)

Spring or Fall (I like any weather where I'm not sweating bullets in 0.0002 seconds when I think about leaving my house....plus the way my wardrobe is set up...its mainly all fall attire in there ^_^;;;)

Silver or Gold (they’re both beautiful)

Pop or Alternative

Freckles or Dimples (both are quite cute <3)

Snakes or Sharks (ehhh neither BUT I've been watching some cute snake vids on yt and I could only deal with snakes only if their docile af or else i’ll die of a heart attack...and I just had a nightmare about a giant shark today T__T so fuck them for rn!!)

Mountains or Fields

Thunderstorm or Lighting (yeah...how about no to both)

Egyptian or Greek Mythology (that’s funny cuz I just recently bought some books on the two for my birthday so its an automatic both for me. But I'm always here for all the mythologies tho <3)

Ivory or Scarlet (there’s just something so mysteriously sexy about that color and my inner goth hoe just loves it???)

Flute or Lyre

Eyes or Lips (I can appreciate both equally.......i.e see my biases for further explaination *coughs coughs*)

Witch or Fairy (For some weird reason I’ve always wanted to be a witch when I was little???? its just something about being able to fly into the night sky anywhere on brooms with a cat just sounded so appealing to my 8 year old self???? like ‘yup sign me up fam!!!’ And then learning/reading more up on it now intrigued me E V E N more??? .....okay)

Opal or Diamond 

Butterflies or Honeybees (both are interesting lil creatures but....pls...for the love of godt keep them away from me or I’ll screm)

Macaroons or Eclairs

Typewritten or Handwritten letters (hmm, I like both but it really depends on what’s written on them that really matters. Am I getting a handwritten love letter from a potential lover??? then yell heah!!! Am I getting a typed up letter statement in the mail that I’m magically coming into a billion dollars??? *busts thee fattest nuts* lmao)

Secret Garden or Secret Libraries (libraries are already one of my favorite places so if I somehow met someone who has a SECRET library on some batman type shit then I'm marrying them.....)

Rooftops or Balcony (both are cute in their own ways)

Spicy or Mild (*snorts* I'm just one spicy gal in all aspects of life ;)))

Opera or Ballet (neither I've seen the nutcracker so. many. fucking. times. that it ALMOST ruin ballet for me, but the only thing that made me tolerate it is to watch jongin dance ballet and.....*nuts*)

London or Paris (I would like to visit both one day)

Vincent Van Gogh or Claude Monet (tbh idc for either but I do like a few of their art pieces)

Denim or Leather (you couldn't pay me to choose I love both <3)

Potions or Spells (I wish I could make both, I would make healing potions to cure any illnesses with no problem and spells to help people who are down on their luck money wise or to help spread positive energies to people who just needs a pick me up)

Ocean or Desert (how about no to both and we’ll just leave it at that :)))

Mermaid or Siren (I wish I had a beautiful singing voice to be able to seduce/allure men to me so I can kill them :(()

Masquerade Ball or Cocktail Party (I too would love to be apart of a vampire-like masquerade ball, the aesthetics of it all just makes me wanna bust a nut again lol)

tagging @xingdaddycentral @bopbingsoo @bitemedraculaoppa (only if you would like to join in :)

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

Part 2

Comics Cube bullshit knows no end!

“There never was a whole lot of substance to Mary Jane Watson, and that was fine when she was the occasional love interest. I liked that Mary Jane Watson a lot. (When I was a kid, she represented the ideal girlfriend that I would someday like to have.)”

 Translation:

 I have never read much Spider-Man or paid much attention to the Spider-Man comics that I did read or apparently really bad at just understanding the stuff I read because I apparently missed the last page of the Death of Gwen Stacy, all of Gerry Conway’s run after that and DeFalco and Peter David’s 1980s runs on the character all of which give and showcase tremendous substance to MJ’s character.

 Also I don’t think I know what a character with substance actually is maybe because I was too busy thinking how kewl it would be to fuck a total hawt babe party gurl like Mary Jane who obviously loved the drugs too. My ideal girlfriend!

  “It’s when she became Mary Jane Watson-Parker, that writers and editors had to try to find something to do with her...”

 Yeah. She the writers and editors had to invent stuff for MJ to do like having her act as a friend, a confidant, a medical aid provider, emotional bridge builder, partying in order to cope with the stresses of life but recognizing that wasn’t always the answer and caused problems itself, fighting off villains who attacked her due to connections to Peter or other people...or target her in general.

 All these things the writers had to INVENT for the marriage.

 She never did anything like that before.

 ASM Annual #19 is just 40 black pages for instance.

 “...and she’s just not that interesting on her own”

  Mary Jane is so uninteresting on her own that she has been the lead in multiple issues of 616 Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man, Renew Your Vows and supported an entire all ages comic book series dedicated to her teenage soap opera life that found success in a time period where such a book was suicidal.

 ...Because she’s just THAT uninteresting on her own...You know when she is alone. Individually. Which was obviously the default setting for her during the course of an era called a MARRIAGE.

 I guess not reading due to masturbating to Mary Jane centric fantasies before 1987 also means I do not know the meaning of the word marriage.

    “The fundamental problem with her becoming the wife of Spider-Man, was that it made it mandatory for her to appear in every single story, no matter if she had anything relevant to do.”

 Er....no.

 No it didn’t.

 There was no rule she HAD to appear any more than it was ‘mandatory’ that Aunt May appear in every story, even when she and Peter were living together.

 Harry Osborn didn’t mandatorily appear in every story when he and Peter were living together either.

 And guess what...Mj didn’t either during the course of the marriage.

 There are dozens of issues between September 1987 and December 2007 in which Mary Jane and Peter are married and living together (and Peter is the central protagonist) in which MJ is never seen on panel.

 Dozens.

 Now sure did she appear more frequently than she needed to.

 Yes...but that was the fault of the writers and editors for CHOOSING to include her mandatorily when it wasn’t needed or else not having something for her to contribute.

 It wasn’t an intrinsic dilemma of the marriage.

 There are issues of modern SUPERMAN comics where Superman’s wife and son do not BOTH appear and I’ll bet some money there are some issues where NEITHER appear. I will bet even more money that there will be even more issues in the future where Superman will be living with Lois and Jon but neither appear.

 This statement is only confirming that the author doesn’t know much about you know...writing.

 “Story is born from conflict, and there’s only so much conflict you can present in a marriage without it becoming unbearable to read.”

 Maybe, maybe not. Here is the kicker though.

 In a SUPER HERO series...you don’t actually NEED his marriage to be the primary or a constant source of conflict.

 The series was never ABOUT the love life of Peter Parker.

 It was about the LIFE of Peter Parker and as part of that he had a love life. So...why not present some fucking conflict ELSEWHERE in his life.

 Or is the author’s understanding of writing and the notion that it’s born of conflict so unsophisticated that he believes that literally every goddam interaction between characters requires conflict?

  Consider this...how much conflict is there REALLY between Peter Parker and Aunt May?

 How much conflict between Batman and Robin?

 How much conflict between even Holmes and Watson?

 In the latter I know for a fact from this website that people love seeing the pair either shipped together or friendshipped together way more than the times they are just arguing or fighting.

 Shit an utterly acclaimed issue of Batman from LAST MONTH was about a double date between Lois Lane,Superman, Catwoman and Batman. And the points of praise MOST heaped upon the issue WASN’T the clashes or conflicts between the characters, which were minimal to begin with.

 The same is true of Renew Your Vows AND JMS’ run on Amazing Spider-Man, which is not only credited with the best take on the marriage but the marriage itself was PART of the praise for that run...as it was for the Eisner nominated issue of Spider-Man which again featured little conflict between the couple.

 Want to go a little international with this?

 Okay. Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z

 Iconic anime/manga series from Japan.

 Sailor Moon has strong romance elements to it in both it’s original manga and it’s very different anime adaptation.

 The two power couples of the franchise are Sailor Moon and her primary love interest Tuxedo Mask and same sex couple Sailors Neptune and Uranus.

 Neptune and Uranus are without a shadow of a doubt WAY more popular a couple within the fandom than anyone else. They also tend to not be in conflict with one another much at all and their relationship is a huge part of their pooularity as individual characters too.

 In the manga Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask as a couple are more well regarded in the fandom than their anime counterparts who ARE in conflict with one another much more often, especially early on and consequently these early interactions are actually lambasted fairly frequently.

  Now onto Dragon Ball Z. There are three couples I want to discuss. Goku (the lead character) and his often beleaguered and bad tempered wife ChiChi. Villain turned protagonist Vegeta and his wife Bulma and Gohan (the secondary protagonist) and his fellow school student and later wife Videl.

 Goku and ChiChi are often for comedic effect placed at odds with Goku’s love for training and battle (meaning he isn’t around much) trigger ChiChi’s temper.

 Vegeta and Bulma whilst slightly butting heads at first have tended to be depicted as more cool and calm as a couple. Vegeta is somewhat aloof but cares beneath it all and Bulma kind of just rolls with his gruff attitude.

 Gohan and Videl are the most normal couple but the single most popular episode for shippers of the couple is the episode where Videl’s negative attitude towards Gohan really starts to go away and they grow closer as he teaches her for to use her chi and defy gravity.

  Yeah...Goku and ChiChi are unambiguously less popular with fandom than Vegeta/Bulma or Gohan/Videl.

 Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. It’s almost like in an ongoing series the need for constant conflict within a romantic relationship is NOT necessary, and mostly portraying a couple as loving, supportive, working together and punctuating this with conflict is a far clearer road to success than going the constant conflict route.

     “Now, I’ll grant you that many writers were able to handle the marriage fairly well.”

Well which was it?

 The marriage was consistently unentertaining for 20 straight years and MJ lacked the substance to have anything to do or generate conflict...or you know MANY (implying the majority) of writers actually did the marriage well thereby invalidating the entire bullshit argument up until this point?

  “It wasn’t exactly entertaining, but it wasn’t an anchor dragging down the series.”

 It wasn’t damaging the series and it was handled well but it wasn’t entertaining.

 Is this guy from like a universe sideways to Bizarro world or something this makes little sense.

 And I think he’s not even made an attempt to distinguish good quality storytelling from his personal preferences...or anybody else’s.

  “However, the majority of writers did not do a very good job at all with the marriage and Mary Jane’s role in the comics.”

 Let’s see ONLY counting writers who worked on the main titles with actual runs let’s go through them shall we.

 David Michelinie: Had Peter and MJ both confront married life as a change of pace and negotiate a balance between their own wants and needs and careers and the same for their partners. Showed MJ as supportive, but also acknowledged she could get anxious (which is realistic) and also depicted her coping by dancing which was in character. So...for the first half of his 8 year run...no he wasn’t very bad at the marriage or MJ’s character. Next.

 Peter David. Showed MJ as an important comical balnce to Peter’s down in the dumps attitude. So no he wouldn’t count either.

 Gerry Conway. Jason Jerome aside he also didn’t really fail either because he GAVE MJ shit to do like handling her mentally ill cousin Kristy.

 J.M. DeMatteis: Aggressively NO. He was the best marriage writer of the 90s.

 Tom DeFalco: Some rocky patches sure but in general he could write the marriage competently in spite of over relying upon MJ getting worried about him.

 Howard Mackie: Pre Gathering of Five Mackie wrote MJ as a strong woman who had Peter’s back. So again...no. Post-Gathering of Five Mackie wrote MJ as garbage but was also deliberately trying to sabotage her and the marriage so that hardly counts.

 Terry Kavanagh: Yes he wrote it badly. Now name me one thing in any of his Spider-Man work he didn’t do badly

 Todd Dezago: He wrote MJ and Peter competently and as a cute loving couple. So...no again.

 JMS: The best marriage writer ever. Need I say more?

 Sacasa: Wrote the marriage well and wrote an MJ focus issue dissecting her feelings about Peter in light of becoming a fugitive. So again...no.

 So....actually the overwhelming majority of Spider-man main writers tended to handle the marriage and Mary Jane competently-very well.

 So Comics Cube is talking shit...again.

   “With that in mind, here are the 10 worst ways Mary Jane dealt with the stress of being married to Spider-Man, in no particular order.”

 I need a breather after this one so I’ll post another instalment later.