#in a way that you dont understand. and you are shunned by those people because of it.

[nachosforfree]

he isn't my favorite character because he's the tumblr sexyman of the cast, he's my favorite character because WE'RE BOTH FUCKING AUTISTIC

[feluka]

ik u probably dont want any more asks on the topic of child death but its so....besides being angering its depressing. that someone would believe that just because a child isnt your own that you can just brush off their struggles and in the worst case scenarios their deaths/murders. and for people who have had isolation and independence so ingrained in them to act like community is such a burden and like its beneath them to care is terrifying! a person has value just because they were born and children are extremely valuable because they are the future and its more than understandable to mourn them because what we all do as adults shape their world!! and if a child's death can be prevented but they die anyways then the world isnt where it should be. what happened to the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child" do we all collectively shun the village now because i cant bear to.

you get it. and i really think that those who don't get it are beyond hope. if we have to explain this to them i don't think they'll ever get it. the idea that children are the 'problem' of their parents and only their parents is terrifying tbh imagine setting up a society where children have no choice and no voice and are entirely under the control of one or two people and if these one or two people suck? well hard luck i guess! it's unimaginably cruel and i don't understand how anyone can think that way because even the most self-centered and cruel people possible were once children themselves! don't they remember it? either being taken care of (and thus knowing the value of that) or not being taken care of (and thus knowing how brutal that is)? i don't understand them.

[dyke-pollinator]

This is a bit of a personal question so if you don’t want to answer I understand if you just delete this ask but

As a relatively younger trans woman, and especially new to actually exploring my sexuality…at what point do I feel like a lesbian? Like I always feel bad or weird for being attracted to lesbians. It always feels wrong or amoral or like I’m lying in some way idk

I apologize for taking a few days to answer this my dear anon. A combination of Pride and IRL stuff has left me exhausted and I wanted to make sure I really took the time to give you a good answer and my bad for the wall of text you're about to receive lol.

There's a lot I could say about this. For the sake of this post, I'm going to assume that by "younger" you mean both in your transition and your age. Transition is hard. Finding yourself is hard. To answer your question, it takes Time. And I mean this in two specific ways:

Transition is a slow process. As you continue your transition, (whatever that means to you, whether that be social, medical, both, or neither, or something else entirely) you'll find a lot of things just making more sense. The labels might slowly start to be more comfortable. Or maybe they wont, and you'll switch to new ones, but that deeper sense of understanding yourself doesn't really go away (trust me I've changed both my labels and pronouns multiple times now lol). Either way, despite anything else, over time you'll just start to feel more at home, both in your body, and how you present yourself to the world. Now this is both the scary part and the hard part: you have to take steps to find a community who accepts you as you are, and (ideally) with people like you. Yeah this requires you to put yourself out there in a way that will be uncomfortable at first. Yeah, sometimes its going to go poorly, and you'll be rejected, or shunned. And yes, it will take its toll on you mentally, emotionally and (sometimes) physically. Its worth it. Having those people in your life does more than you can know in learning how to love and accept yourself. Having people look you in the eye and tell you that they love you, they see you, you're valid in who you are, no matter what anyone else says, is just so crucial.

You just get older. I know for a lot of people that can be frightening (and like, yeah, sometimes), but I can tell you with full confidence, I LOVE being in my 30s. You couldn't pay me to go back to 20. Your teen years and 20s are fucking hard. You just get so much better at knowing which things to give a shit about in your life and you get the necessary resources to be able to not give a shit. Most days I feel like a lesbian (more of a Dyke but w/e), so I am one, no one can take that from me, and the people who dont like me using that label can fuck off. I wear more masc clothes and have more masc hobbies because I want to and that doesn't define my gender or sexuality. I like doing mutual aid projects, and working on honing my DIY skills. I love the people who are in my life and tell them unapologetically, and I appreciate every day I get to spend with them. As I get older, the more I feel like "me" and the more I learn that in reality, I do love that person. She's actually pretty great.

I hope you can trust me that it gets better. That, in spite of all the pain, all of the heartbreak, the loss and tribulations, its fucking worth it. I know I didn't think so for a long, long time. But my god I am so happy I made it here. You'll get to that point to.

[benny-the-spaceman]

smthn ive been thinking about a lot more recently is how much symbolism not just tlm 1 but tlm 2 have in relations to outliers or ppl who are different in society and how theyre treated or how they treat others. this has been explained to death by ppl much more eloquent than me for tlm 1, but i don't see it get discussed as much with tlm 2, which is probably just me not looking as hard as i could but i still feel like talking about it because it means a lot to me (more under the cut bc it's a rambling kinda night)

one thing with tlm 2 that i noticed pretty recently (like earlier today recently) is how "the oppressed" in a sense become "the oppressor" and, from personal experience, that feels a lot like how older generations of oppressed groups treat younger generations when they dont assimilate. im only going to speak from my own experience, because i know how often this type of stuff can vary from person to person but as someone with mental disabilities and as someone who's japanese-american, there's so many similarities between how the other master builders treated emmet in tlm 2 and how older generations have treated me and other people I know. like when emmet was being cheery and, well, himself, the other master builders and townspeople shunned him, because they learned that acting like themselves was bad and would hurt them. Similarly, i always learned that idea of "being yourself" or "embracing your culture", but as i got older all of a sudden the same people tell me i cant, or that it's dangerous, or weak, or dumb, or lazy, etc etc because they were taught that through their experiences. And as much as it can be understood why theyd want to do that, most of the time they feel like it's protecting you, just like how the master builders felt telling emmet to toughen up was protecting him, it often just hurts you. In my case, it created a huge disconnect between me and my culture that I'm still working to fix and it's made me only very recently realize how much of myself ive hidden or dont understand because of the disorders I have. I think it's all part of why emmet as a character resonates with so many people, myself included. He's really the best example of how suppressing individuality can hurt someone, and him going against that and showing that being himself is ok is something that's almost healing in a way. It rly feels like he's telling us that we can do that too! that being ourselves isnt something to be ashamed of or hidden and that hiding those parts of ourselves hurts us more than it helps!!

Long story short, emmet's character, in the 1st movie of course but in 2nd movie especially, really resonates with me, both as someone with mental disorders/disabilities and as a 2nd generation japanese immigrant. those themes of suppressing yourself to fit in and being told constantly that was the only way to be safe really hits different when youve been told similar things your whole life. It's part of why i cry when i watch both movies, because emmet's character understands that in a way i could never articulate before. He's rly a masterfully written character, and he deserves all the love he gets for being such

Anyways that's the end of my little ramble, have a cookie for making it this far 🍪 and have a good day/night 🫶

[palant1r]

you disagree with buying hogwarts legacy on moral grounds (fair), but also think that nobody should be tainted by their association with ‘problematic’ media. how does that work?

i am going to choose to take this anon ask in good faith and assume you have legitimate interest in my thoughts on the distinction. under that framework, this is an interesting question i have a lot of thoughts on, so thanks for asking!

first, we need a definition for "problematic." In my post, i was specifically referring to fiction that depicts things that would be morally objectionable in real life — rape, incest, abuse, pedophilia, murder, etc. because that's most relevant to the proshipper/anti issue i was addressing in that post. however, that's certainly not the only kind of definition one could come up with. when we talk about immoral or problematic media, there are so many ways that could apply and so many things that could be talking about, each with their own ethical concerns. so let's offer up a few different kinds of "problematic" media.

fiction which depicts things that would be ethically wrong in real life -- think game of thrones, dead dove fanfiction, hannibal, lolita, etc

fiction which depicts things that would be ethically wrong in real life, but through a lens that misrepresents or romanticizes these things in a way that reflects poorly on the author's understanding of these real-world issues -- think fifty shades of gray

fiction where the content isn't the focus, but that content was produced by or with the involvement people who are, shall we say, unsavory -- pirates of the caribbean, enders game, harry potter

fiction where the production of the content involved breaches of ethics, and the art exists because immoral things were done -- the shining

and there are many more categories! we cannot have the same conversations about all of these kinds of media, because they each demand their own ethical and critical framework to assess how they affect their consumers and environment, and what constitutes responsible and thoughtful engagement.

if we view media consumption (a term i hate, but it serves our purposes) through the lens of harm reduction, then it's clear why category 1 and category 3 are different. im watching hannibal on tubi right now. this is not harming anyone. similarly, no one would be harmed and no harm would be enabled by me reading some dark fic on ao3. the objection to buying hogwarts legacy is one that's founded on political principles and harm reduction — that is, that monetarily participating in jkr's intellectual property directly enables her to use her influence and money to continue her anti-trans crusade in the UK. and that's a very specific objection. it's not just dependent on what kind of media hogwarts legacy is, but on who benefits from it and what those benefits will result in. i don't even have the same objection to fiction in the same category — i dont feel as strongly about people like, buying a PoTC dvd or a copy of enders game.

to elaborate a bit more on my objection to hogwarts legacy...my thoughts on hogwart's legacy aren't that anyone who buys it should be shunned and isn't a real ally. in fact, it's something im still grappling with, and i havent really pinned down my true thoughts. on one hand, i feel a great frustration with leftists who still buy harry potter media. but on the other hand, i also recognize that HP is still a massive cultural property, and many people in the real world simply do not recognize this concern — and that one person's purchase of a video game isn't going to singlehandedly run JKR's empire. the way i think about hogwarts legacy is far more akin to how i think about chic fil a than how i think about fifty shades of gray — it's part of the debate over ethical consumption under capitalism more than the debate over media. of course, that's not the only objection to hogwarts legacy. from what i've heard, it's pretty damn antisemitic, so i'd certainly side eye anyone i heard gushing about the plot or arguing it contains no bigotry. but that's not part of why i object to buying it, because i think that consuming bigoted media with a critical eye is a crucial part of learning how to dissect the underpinning ideologies involved.

this is part of why i reject the proshipper/anti framing, because so much of the argument seems to be based on the presupposition that a single critical framework can apply to literally every mode of engagement with every single work of art ever made, when my favorite part of media analysis is forming opinions and thoughts about specific works. like, the position of "no one should be tainted by their association with problematic media" is really only accurate to my opinion on category 1, and even then not unconditionally. part of media literacy is meeting each piece of art where it is, and forming thoughts and opinions based on that specific art and how it interfaces with reality, rather than applying a generalized template. for instance, i do actually think that how people engage with and think about art can reflect on their real world morals — but i draw conclusions from how they engage with a work of art, not the mere fact that they engage with that art.

TL:DR: the reason that i have different opinions on different things is because those things are different. nuance baybeeeeeeee

feel free to ask any follow up or clarifying questions!

[aanglican]

I actually find the relationship between Aang and his children super interesting and complex, in ways the fandom rarely explore, it usually just falls into the "LOK is BAD because they made Aang a bad father" when that is not at all what was intended with that. Aang was a complicated person struggling with balance and what rubs me wrong is people dont read into his children either, they just focus on Aang. For example Kya, who now older and on her own, seems to crave a sense of spirituality and connection to the world, yet rejected it in when she was young as she herself admits, is she trying to connect to her father's beliefs now that he isnt around due to feelings of loss or loneliness, guilt, etc? does she feel separated from the others? or how Bumi chose a life of adventure and "heroics" due to feeling inadequate next to the legacy of his father and still year after his father's passing, doesnt really know if his father noticed this or even approved.. Aang clearly loves his children and they love him but there is so much here that lays in subtle readings. It feels very real, like this is how families actually behave, with so many unclear and complicated feelings.

i love your suggestions for each child’s behavior. kya with her waterbending could have shunned her air nomad half in response to (or to cope with?) her not being an airbender like tenzin & bumi could have used sokka or suki or any other prominent nonbender in his childhood as idols due to having neither ability of his parents and siblings. there’s a lot of expectations and insecurities in this family that couldn’t be solved even if aang was present 100% of the time.

as for aang alone, i never got the impression he was a bad father either— if he were then we would hear of it from katara but she never says anything bad about him. instead she’s understanding and knows exactly what it’s like to have one’s culture ripped from you: the air nomads were wiped out but so were southern waterbenders. that is their most tragic link together. kya and bumi clearly felt alienated from aang and tenzin as they were not airbenders, which may have also resulted in a conscious choice to step back from embracing their air nomad heritage. clearly aang had too much duties for one man— he is the avatar and the only airbending master both— so he could not devote equal amount of time and attention to all his children.

tenzin has gone on trips with his father alone but the fact that he conflates these memories with those he’s spent with his siblings means aang included kya and bumi in trips as well. it’s not like kya and bumi were dead to aang the second tenzin came out looking like an air nomad. i even think those fun memories tenzin has with aang were rewards after aang had dragged him to boring events and diplomatic trainings & whatnot. i can totally picture aang taking a tour of kyoshi island after introducing tenzin to the fire nation court or something. “before we get home to your mom, why don’t we let loose for a bit at XYZ?” et cetera.

i love aang’s relationship with his kids as well as toph’s. sometimes i wish we knew about zuko and izumi more, even. i love it when our child heroes aren’t always the most squeaky clean adults. it happens, the circumstances make the outcome realistic, and it makes their dynamics interesting. no one growing up with child soldiers-turned-world leaders for parents are going to have perfect outlooks on themselves nor their ancestors.

[anon-system-vent]

I'm not entirely sure if this belongs here, so forgive me if it doesn't, but I wanted to get this off my chest.

I don't have any on-paper diagnosis (I'm honestly a bit scared to get one, given the stigma), but I've suspected for a while now that I might have OSDD. I've looked into information from reputable sources, and my experiences match those of OSDD-1a almost to a T. I know, logically, that there are other systems that are structured the way mine is. But that's never what I see.

I've tried using social medias like Tumblr before to find actual PEOPLE to talk to, people who hopefully understand and relate to how my system functions. And, well, maybe I'm just not looking hard enough, because I haven't really seen that anywhere. Most of the OSDD posts I've seen are things I can barely relate to. To be perfectly honest, they feel more like DID posts with the OSDD tag stuck on the end. DID and OSDD have a lot of overlap, but they're different diagnoses for a reason.

I see so many passive-aggressive comments like "Friendly reminder that alters are individuals! They are not extentions of the host!" and I know that's true for a lot of systems, but that's not true for us. Having nondistinct fragments is the main indicator OSDD-1a, and fragments that are alternate versions of the host are incredibly common in OSDD-1a systems. This is literally how our system is structured.

It's not a very meaningful thing to complain about, in the grand scheme of things. I just wish I could actually see our system reflected in the OSDD tags. I feel like the plural community, at least on Tumblr, has an unspoken list of ideals that dictate what a system should look like. If you don't fit the bill, you aren't necessarily shunned, but nobody really cares to know that you exist beyond the generic "Shoutout to XYZ" positivity post.

Sorry again if this was inappropriate, and sorry if I used any incorrect terminology. I know others like to refer to their system members as alters, but we personally like to use words like fragment or facet. Dunno if that's correct, but it's whatever.

you have a right to be upset man, note being diagnosed isnt a need alot of the time, and we are also a undiagnosed system, for us we don't see any rep for how our system works, i would say, "be the change you wanna see" so why dont you make youre own content? i would love to see it!

[library-fae]

as someone who was a "gifted kid" and is now a high school dropout yall need to stop talking about being a gifted kid every time school related topics come up PLEASE

even when we were treated badly, we were still treated better than those who struggled in school

i remember the switch

and even then that wasn't as bad as if i was failing for my entire schooling life

i remember my best friend and the way people treated her

she was a straight-d student

everyone blamed her for being "lazy", said it was her fault

when she got to high school, she was put in a class that catered to people who struggled with school

and she graduated with a b in english

now she's studying phlebotomy

because when people are treated as if they're never going to be capable, then that's all they will be able to achieve

but not everyone is lucky enough to be given that help

not everyone is lucky enough to be treated like a person irregardless of their "intelligence" (which is a metric i hate for a plethora of reasons)

some people can never study or pass in school no matter how hard they try

but instead of respecting that, of understanding that everyone has different capabilities and needs

they were shunned, they were treated as lesser, they were abandoned

currently in university im coasting through

and even just passing, it's hard

surrounded by people who are achieving higher than you and you just can't get there

you dont know why because you're trying your hardest but every mark is below average every time

it fucking sucks

it ruins your self esteem

i can't imagine how much worse this would be for me if this had been present since primary

so please

be kind

and don't talk over others

[thefurittus]

Listen, i understand those who are against religion but ultimately it comes down to why are you against it and what you are doing about it.

Religious trauma is a bitch but becoming someone who is militantly against religion to the point of when someone mentions they are religious, that you will shut them down and shun them is not okay, we live in a time where unity amongst common people is the only way for everyone to survive.

And this goes especially for what is happening in Palestine, being against both Israel and Judaism is not the way to go because you have to remember there are jewish Palestinians, catholic Palestinians, pagan palestinians, athiest Palestinians.

Riot against the institution and the apartheid state, dont fight against hope.

And don't trust anything that Israel says.

[bunglegaydogs]

ramble ramble ramble

my eyes are stinging and ive got an agonising headache rn but I'm so bored and I want to ramble ramble ramble rn

not even about bsd (3AM NOT CLICKBAIT GONE WRONG GONE SEXUAL) surprisingly enough

(pls dont actually read this this is purely just me yapping LMAOOO)

just about ao3, fanfic culture, and wattpad really

i just need my thoughts OUT of me before I lose my mind

whats getting on my FUCKING NERVES RECENTLY is the sudden migration of wattpad writers to ao3 - this sounds SO BADDD let me explain

i am gladly welcoming the people who are willing to learn the new aspect and format of ao3 and who are actively trying out the website and adjusting themselves to it! in no stretch of the imagination should these people be shunned away from the site just because they're from wattpad

HOWEVER

the issue lies with the people who come onto ao3 and actively slander other writers/creators who have been using this site far longer than they have, simply because they don't understand the rules and basic etiquette of the website they're invading and trying to take over

not only is it just disrespectful to shit all over a community that has been built on the very thing they're all losing their shit over, but its then creating a negative space on ao3 where a lot of people wont want to write for fear of people like that, or at the very least will make people want to hide their works more to keep it away from the prying eyes of those fucking VULTURES

its the people who just shit all over authors and slander them in their very own comment section where they should feel PRIDE AND JOY at their readers commenting nice and pleasant things about the story they read. not being told to kill themselves or to never write again or receive death threats

ik this is such a bullshit little post but its actually been weighing so heavily on my mind as of late because I've just seen an influx of these hateful people spawn in out of fucking nowhere

i dont know whats happened with wattpad exactly, all I know is that something major was changed and it caused a lot of people to migrate

and thats perfectly okay - if youre going to be respectful and follow the rules of the site you're moving to

these people are so spoon fed on wattpad that they cant fathom the idea of actually searching for the fic themselves - they need to rely on an algorithm so that they don't have to look or think for themselves, really

not only that, but these people come onto the site, knowing exactly what it is (an archive for ANY and ALL type of fanwork, and pretty much anything that is legally allowed is allowed - gore, incest, pedophilia, rape, etc. ik we all know this but yk lol) yet they decide to try and censor these fanworks simply because they don't like it, without knowing the one golden rule - DONT LIKE DONT READ

again this yap makes no sense but imma keep yapping

a post i saw on reddit the other day that stressed me out was somebody complaining about age gaps.

the age gap was legal (Even if it wasn't, don't like don't read)

and they called the older person a pedophile...???

i just dont understand - its fanfiction. FAN. FICTION.

just because somebody writes something does not mean that they endorse that in real life. i write about some heavy and dark shit - half of it I don't agree with. writing is an art form, a way to express feelings and thoughts that are personal to you. even if they're not personal to you, its FAKE. it ISNT REAL. and yet these people cant find anything better to do with their time other than shit on other creators for being pedos or rapists. HUHHHH?

genuinely baffles me

another point that was raised in the comments of that post was people who shit on pairings where someone is really small compared to the other person because it's "child-coded"

GIRLIE WHATTTTT

sorry, brb, gonna go tell all my friends that they're pedophiles for being friends with me bc I'm too small

it BAFFLESS ME MANNN

i have so many more coherent thoughts on this but rn they're jumbled and discombobulated and Im actually on the verge of passing out so gn

[antimony-medusa]

i very much agree with your post abt keeping certain fandom things out of a streamers chat/donos but i think it should be acknowledged that scar has never been outwardly uncomfortable with jokes abt his character being painted in a “sexy” light. he laughed abt the poll and the “propaganda” and asked why people didnt tell him about it. scar is very aware that people draw his character in a certain way and mentions/laughs abt it on stream often, even liking art or jokes. ofc common sense is a thing, and for most ppl telling a creator something overly personal or saying that you draw suggestive/nsfw art of them is (rightfully) weird asf. i dont think every single thing has to be stated as a boundary by a content creator for fans to just understand that its weird to do/bring up, but i think theres also a place to say that scar (as far as i know) has never shunned these jokes or comments, and often joins in

(im very much /nm over this, just wanted to mention smthn that went through my head when i saw your post, sorry.)

In my mind, this is not a matter of boundaries, though that applies in the fact that all human interactions are about boundaries and manners, as much as it is a matter of politeness and kindness. I might watch all of Scar's videos, but I don't actually know Scar, and importantly, he doesn't know me. One of the reasons that it's impolite to tell streamers that someone famous just died is that you're trying to get a reaction out of them, for your entertainment. Telling someone that they were in a sexyman tournament is still trying to get a reaction out of them, and they didn't get to choose if they want to engage with that a) at all, or b) right now.

When someone is streaming, or at a Q & A, or something of that nature, they are at work. They can't leave right now. Whether or not he's expressed amusement or approval of hot guy art, it is impolite to bring up something that is potentially contentious, like a sexyman poll, in a situation where half of the conversation can't leave.

Like, I ran the sexyman poll. I'm a mod on a pin up calendar for hotguy art. I would not have done those things (maintagged!) if I thought it was baseline inappropriate to do, or for CCs to know about. But I still think there's a time and a place to bring things up, and TTS is not the place.

There is a huge difference between someone deciding to go into the art tag and like some fan art, or bringing up jokes on their own time, and between someone conversationally grabbing them by the face and going NOW PAY ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT I THINK YOU"RE SEXY. It is vitally important to me that creators are able to choose their level of engagement with fandom, and TTS or bringing things up in chat takes that choice away from them.

They get to bring it up to us, we don't bring it up to them, because we are not their friends, and they don't know us.

[gossipgirloff1]

On the Lily Z thing. Tbf, there’s plenty of Jewish people who are anti zionist with relatives that are very much zionists. I remember my professor in college as an example. His dad was raised in a zionist household but was able to unlearn it when he was sent to college. He married and built his family, So my professor and his sisters grew up antizionist. But their larger family (their aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) are zionists. I remember my professor said that Zionism breaks jewish families apart. They dont have a strong relationship with the rest of their family because they have been “shunned.” Sometimes they’d interact but never in a meaningful way. Always through third parties or just very formal/civil way. All because my prof’s dad questioned the zionists ideas he grew up learning in hebrew school.

Anyways, my family is from Iran and we moved to New York when I was a baby. We join protests for Palestine regularly and there’s plenty of Jewish people with us. I even met an Orthodox Jew who walked literal MILES on Saturday to join the protest. He walked for hours to join the protest and not break Shabbat. Brought No snacks. No water. Just himself. Orthodox Jews in New York especially have been a proud and staunch ally of Free Palestine even before Oct 7.

I dont know Lily Z personally. I dont know this Andy Zneimer guy. I dont know how they are related or affiliated with each other. I dont know these people who have the same last name as her. I dont know their level of relationship. We dont know. But I do know we do not get to choose the families we were born in. I know we dont choose those who share the same last name as ours. I did not choose my uncle is a r*pist. Or that my grandpa is misogynistic and supports the oppression of Muslim women. But it’s my choice to think with my own mind and make judgments based on what I think is right. And I hope that when people learn of my family members’ beliefs/actions, that they’d give me the benefit of the doubt and not just assume I share the same thoughts as them.

We all have family members we dont agree with. Let’s give her that benefit of the doubt. Not judging until I see her personally agreeing or more concrete evidence of her position in this matter.

You are so right on this topic anon our family’s opinions don’t represent our opinions ❤️

I grew up with parents and great parents who weren’t believe LGBTQ+ people existed and they believed that those people had a psychological problems

But me and my sister are complete opposite and we got in arguments(not violently but gently with explaining) with our parents and grandparents about this most of time now my parent’s view have changed and it’s good I’m happy that they are not like my grandparents and they listened to us

This topic anon is talking about is so sensitive like the topic I was talking about and we should educate people about it rather than acting violently towards people I believe that if we act gently towards this people maybe some of them are not like my grandparents and they understand and change their view (I’m not talking about people who act violently I’m talking about the people who just like lily’s relative likes and comments this stuff on social media)

[ghostbrawl]

sent the 🐯 - nono the thing is i do know you!! youre not a stranger im just... sometimes i get spooked off, from interacting so much. because sometimes i think people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset :( and thats got nothin to do with you, you didnt do anything wrong. its me with my stupid thoughts and shit. i think youre really cool and i love your art and style and you seem so confident and dont give a shit about a lot of things. im intimidated by that

tried to answer this one privately and realized i couldn't because its an anon ask haha .. welp! i still want you to hear my input on this one so it's just going to be no reblog.

i'm going to put my response under the cut though for the sake of people's dashboards and because it's somewhat mushy. continue if you dare, followers - i'll be talking in depth about, like, emotions an shit.

so i sat on this ask for a while and really rolled it around my enclosure a little bit. full disclosure i need to just say for a long time i also felt this way - by that i mean feeling as though [people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset] - for various reasons.

one reason was that i had experienced real world examples of this sort of coddling many times - people online and in real life would often entertain me to my face and talk about me behind my back, mostly until i got too annoying to bear and was openly lashed out at or shunned. most of these incidents occurred when i was 16 or younger, to be fair, but they did make a mark on me.

another reason was just anxiety - if i didn't know exactly what the people around me thought, it would be safe to say those thoughts were bad. it would've verified what i thought about myself- and assuming those people already hated me allowed me to empathize with the versions of my loved ones that i created in my head. i often mourned the fact that they had to deal with me before i even knew whether they were annoyed or not.

these were the two main reasons why i often felt like people hated me, but i'm sure there were more.

i don't have an EXACT read on who you are anon, though i feel like i have an idea (you don't have to tell me, but if you'd like, reach out and send me a dm) - but personally, if we know each other, and i've not yelled at you or blocked you or told you not to talk to me, there's an incredibly decent chance (99%) that i neither hate you nor think you're annoying.

if you're my next door neighbor from two years ago, i take that back. but if you aren't, keep reading!

other than in my deepest darkest worst moments, i've pretty much trained myself out of the kneejerk assumption that my friends and loved ones hate me. i'll try not to sound preachy when i talk about why, but trust me when i say i have a point here in talking about it.

anyway - here's how i stopped doing that.

#1 - i started to model my own understandings of people's attitudes toward others based on my own attitudes.

ok i know that sounds weird or isn't very easy to understand so let me just give an example.

a technique i used a lot was just thinking through how, when, and why i liked or loved my friends. i loved my friends because they have similar interests to me, because of the history we had together, because it was easy to communicate with them, because i loved their minds and ideas, because they enriched my life (even when i didn't talk to them as much), because i was excited to hear from them + learn about their life, because i cared about them and didn't want to see them sick or hurt, because they were fun to hang out with, etc. etc etc.

then, i'd think about how i felt when one of my friends messed up, was irritating, annoying, or made me angry in some way. depending on how egregious the ill was, i reacted anywhere from pretty much none at all (for most irritations or annoyances) - to 'angry in the moment, it fades later' (for high stress situations in which i had no excuses for that friend) - to 'we seriously need to work this out' (for ongoing situations in which i was building up the strength to address).

most of the time, the irritations i encountered fell into the first category. many times i couldn't even be annoyed - i loved those friends so much that it didn't even matter, either in the very second the irritation happened or in the grand scheme of things.

in the few moments that i encountered more grave irritations such as those in the last category, what usually would happen is either that me and the other person sorted out our grievances and both agreed to change our behavior, or we parted ways.... and many of the friends i parted ways with i found wanting their company again and reconnected with them.

in evaluating myself in the context of my friends, though i can never know how, when, or why my friends love me, i know for relative certainty that when i am irritating or annoying to them, it is incidental and fades just as quickly for them as it fades for me. my friends will never be as concerned with my small flaws and ills as i am - it simply doesn't affect them nearly as much as it affects me.

^ this idea is doubly true for acquaintances and people you don't know as well as to say "friends" -- at the acquaintance level people can choose whether to get closer or to drift, factoring in time, interest, hyperfixation, location, their jobs, etc.

but this first technique only worked when i had the self-esteem to internalize the fact that other people's inner worlds were both just as complex as mine (holding complex feelings about oneself and each other) and just as simple as mine (annoyed or not? and for how long? etc)!

so another thing that really helped me was

#2 - faking confidence until i could build it properly.

i know everyone says this shit and it seems so ineffectual when it feels much more grounded and real to be cynical, to be anxious and upset with oneself.

and in many senses, it IS ineffectual - immediately. faking confidence is something that only works over years of doing it, and in faking your confidence you must also identify very real parts of yourself to be Actual Confident(tm) about and work toward feeling that way for real.

faking confidence is the sandbox where i, personally, found actual things to be proud of myself for within. when i faked confidence in my voice, way of thinking, my art, and my personality, i eventually found actual things to like in each of those aspects of myself based on how people reacted to that "front" of confidence i put up about those aspects of myself.

for a while i faced an awkward phase where my faked confidence was so intense that it manifested as arrogance and aggression toward others -- avoid this if you can . facepalm emoji.

but in presenting myself as somebody who was equal (or even greater) than other people in social situations i was in, other people pointed out things to be praised about me.

at first i'd be skeptical, but i'd keep it in the back of my mind. but over time, i'd see over and over the success of those parts of myself in social situations, artistic circles, athletic contexts, etc, and start to think "maybe i am good at [x]" or "maybe [personality trait] about me is helpful and cool", and on and on and on.

confidence and self-like is a process that builds on itself and gets easier over time. the second i began to question whether traits i had were really harmful or bad, the more i started to see reinforcing evidence of the contrary; of them being productive, healthy, interesting, worth having rather than destroying.

and the further you progress in this avenue, the easier it is to #not give a shit about things - or to respond less to attacks on the psyche or personality.

and when i reinforced + gained a respect for the parts of myself i once hated, it became easier to believe that others could admire me as much i admired them - that others could brush off my shortcomings as easily as i brushed off theirs.

recently, i hate to admit, i've had to start this process of loving myself all over again as i've started to experience a major personality shift brought on by gaining different + new responsibilities in my life. i respond differently to new circumstances so many times that i'm becoming somebody different - somebody i'm not yet prepared to love. somebody that i'm much more inclined to loathe, because i've seen the effects of my new personality traits on myself and others; not in observing my own actions, but in observing the actions of people in my life with the same personality traits such as my family.

so for now my confidence in a lot of situations is much shakier than it used to be - but the foundations i created back when are still there. when i don't believe in myself or punch down on myself i can keep it relatively contained internally and not project it onto others - or if i can't avoid projecting it, i at least understand on some level that i'm being unreasonable... and i can still keep that outward confident look pretty seamlessly while working out new insecurities from within.

trust me - i give a lot of shits, and so does every other confident person you know. we just keep it to ourselves - not to say that keeping it to oneself is inherently better, but it just helps to keep oneself from spiraling into deeper and deeper self hatred. keeping that hate on the down-low keeps it from gaining significant power.

in terms of being intimidated by other confident people....

i have nothing really to say about that. i think it's something that both affirms and worries the confident person in question - to be intimidating is to be slick and cool and impenetrable. but to be intimidating is also to be impenetrable (/neg) - impossible to see the inner life of through that glare of coolness or confidence. i guess its a double edged sword, i dunno.

but i think it gets easier to see even the intimidatingly cool as dorky, regular people when you recognize that pretty much everyone has or had crappy self image at one point. people are less intimidating when you allow the idea that they too, are people who fuck up, who go through things, who break down, who hate themselves, and who are just trying their best to seem like somebody lovable and worthwhile. and do that in order to CHASE interactions with others - and that wanting those interactions doesn't reflect badly on you or them.

but idk. i get it if u don't wanna read all that.

TLDR: ur thoughts aren't stupid and we've all been there. and i'm just some tumblr user on the internet it's really not so serious or scary. i post incessantly about robot sex and wizards instead of getting groceries. and everyone is just as stupid and dorky as the worst person you know and that's totally fine.

[dwter]

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand HasanWasTaken. Their relationship is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of the twitch meta and reddit most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also dream’s reddior outlook, which is deftly woven into his personality- his personal philosophy draws heavily from the Minecraft Championship subreddit, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these two, to realise that they're not just in a relation- they are in LOVE. As a consequence people who dont believe in HasanWasTaken truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the romance in Hasan being confused about dream’s shower habits, which itself is a cryptic reference to their future together as they are learning more about each other as a couple and is also a painful callout to their struggles being in a straight Lgbt streamer relationship where crafter and variety streamer relations are looked down upon and shunned. Dream even had to hide his name in HasanAbi’s chat via BTTV (Better Twitch.Tv) because of the sickening hoards of hate and stigma. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dream and Hasan’s passion and deep founded love unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂

And yes, by the way, i DO have a HasanWasTaken tattoo; perfect replication dwtCommunist (a blooming emote coming soon to Twitch.Tv/dreamwastaken). And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎

[muttyum-archived]

cw for discussion of fetishes of pedophilia, incest, etc etc. i wont go in depth but these topics are brought up. all for RACK, for what its worth

nuance. it needs nuance. it should not be a subject completely shunned but to wholly accept it, to let it perpetuate and be freely accessible is to invite harm amongst others. when you make a post describing how callouts and that kind of social rejection is a brute force tool at the best of times, you are correct, but you have to also recognize that openly sharing and creating content that can be used to harm others is something that you probably shouldnt do.

this post is about the loli shit infesting this website. its about the blogs dedicated to creating and spreading incest content, bestiality, whatever other "taboo" fetish, you name it. i could not care less what someone indulges themself to in private, but tumblr blogs, twitter accounts, things posted openly on the internet? thats not private. especially when these posts have hundreds, if not thousands of notes. thats definitely not private.

im saying this as someone who was harmed by this kind of thing, who opened myself up much earlier than i should have to adults who should have known better. im saying this as someone who regularly recedes into mindsets that arent entirely healthy. im saying this as someone who, if not for a massive dose of luck, would have been permanently labeled a sex predator for things i was pressured into doing as a 15 year old.

whatever you do in private, sure, fine, whatever, i dont care. i have my own skeletons. im sure we might even have "common interests" if you could call it that. but dont reblog, spread, share, or god forbid create and publicly post the same kind of content that was used as leverage against me all those years ago. in a perfect world, this kind of stuff would just not be posted. but its not a perfect world, and a lot of this stuff is posted regardless, and i know the kinds of people who post this kind of stuff dont do it with respect or with any kind of empathy. ive seen it, and ive felt it.

if you consume this kind of stuff, again, i have to stress - Whatever. i dont care. i know people cope with trauma in all sorts of different ways and im not about to armchair my way into your brain. ive stopped caring about call outs. i think theyre shitty and generally cause more harm than good. i still have people i have personal gripes with. counting myself lucky i never dmed <x> mutual who happened to get big and then got found out for her own skeletons. regretting i met this and that person. whatever.

and before you respond to this with "why dont you focus on the REAL predators who are hurting REAL children" i want you to understand that 1) i can push for greater change and also work towards smaller scale change and 2) do you litter and toss cigs and empty cans out on the highway just because the largest amount of ecological destruction is done by big companies?

calling 4lung a "martyr" and putting that label on yourself for circulating and spreading the kind of content i was talking about above isnt a good thing btw. just in my opinion. i have no clue what shes up to now and i really dont care, but i hope its better than the stuff ive been recounting

[papirouge]

I really dont get males that cry gold digger at women looking for rich men while they cry at women for being "immature" for liking other things besides wanting a family like needing financial security. I was young when I thought how nice it would be to have one of my own since I actually love being at home and cooking and cleaning up lmao but I had no money to maintain that life. So I needed an education to get a good job, and God forbid hobbies along the way? Because those are now immature to have? Our only hobby should be securing a man but that's gold digging so thats bad also. 😂 Do guys think all women have millions stashes away to stay at home lol? Or very rich parents with trust funds?

hmm I disagree with the idea that men disdain immature women because from my observation, a certain demography of men LOVE the idea of immature women clinging onto them and emotional dependence. Do you think old fart marrying barely legal girl think they're "mature" ? they'll say "oh but she's mature FOR HER AGE" but they do know such girl don't have the emotion or intellectual maturity of grown women and that's why they pick them up.

That also explain why a certain amount of tradfem love making these corny posts bragging about being unable to make the most basic tasks thinking it makes them cute. They're catering to this specific brand of men wanting child-bride in the body of a woman. That's creepy and sad all around.

Female immaturity is often coupled with sexualization. Men LOVE female immaturity when it comes to sex, and such immaturity is sought after. #teen is the most search item on p0rn websites. Hence the whole fetishization of female virginity (that is shunned and mocked when it comes to men) These men will clown women being into the Sims, but they will love some kawaii Belle Delphine LARPing as a horny childlike anime girl wearing Hello Kitty swimsuit playing with stuffed animals with a dildo shoved into her genitalia.....

But tbh anon, people will always have an opinion over ANYTHING so you might as well live your truth and not expect anyone respecting or understanding it. I myself stated I wouldn't put my health between that hands of a fandomer or a furry and people got outraged, acting like I was stopping them from having their fun, when it's not true.. I was just stating my opinion and wishing I had a restraining order against furries lol

I already said how ridiculous it was to look down of hypergamist/women wanting to marry rich, only to turn around and mock women in struggle relationships because "they should've chosen better". We can never win with these people, anon. So you might as well do what you wanna do and not seeking for anyone's approval or understanding of whatever you do :)