#in a server. all things i do irl
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also i joke abt sibling fall in super deep puddle and die but that dream actually literally made me wake up crying
#ALSO i was exaggerating. the vast majority of my dreams r me waking up and scrolling tumblr or something. or playing a game or backreading#in a server. all things i do irl#so it makes it rly rly hard 4 me to differntiate bc ill wake up and be like lol that post was sooo funny <- made it up#anywyas the puddle drema was. we pulled up to my grannys house and ir was storming#like POURING rain. and my sibling got out of the van and ran inside#but theres this hugeee puddle outside my grannys house. like irl its like 6 inches deep#but lamp stepped on the puddle and just fell strsifht down and i was kneeling at the edge of the puddle trying to pull them up#and i hust couldnt. and they fell farther in and well Probably died. and then my baby sister also tried to run in and fell in the puddle#and i xouldnt save her either. so i just sat by the edge of the puddle and sobbed#so yas.#a glimpse into my twisted mind
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yknow with tthe whole cc!kab rping an actual character rather than just being herself with extra steps thing i should prbs talk about her character in a different way compared to other lsers cause it feels wrong to talk about her in the same way that i do for the others when she plays in such a significantly different way
#mine.txt#ik its for practical purposes aka cc!kab not wanting to mistake ppl talking about her character to be talking about her#but man doing this whole cc! and c! thing is really just reminding me of the dsmp days lmao#i mean i never did that shit cause like i didnt really see the point cause like. theyre doing improv what difference would it make#cause like the character and the actor still share the same name online#how much can you really talk about someone doing improv in that kinda way until it doesnt work anymore#but theres a point to it this time#im not doing this for clarification purposes cause yall already know im not talking about irl kab#but cc!kab repeatedly breaks the forurth wall and not in an ''im a streamer so i gotta talk to chat'' way#but in a ''none of this is real guys were actually friends irl#and i make sure to do aftercare during heavy streams btw im trained in acting since i was a kid'' way#which means at least in my minds eye its heavily impractical to talk about kab the way i usually do for other streamers#see the way i talk about the other streamers theres an implicit acknowledgement of the blurred line between cc and c#but for kab while its all improv ofc theres a very defined line between cc and c#its a lil smudged sure but its still quite defined#so that implicit acknowledgement just kinda... gets lost. yanno? which im not a big fan of#so yeah i feel the need to talk about her differently cause of this entirely different framework to work off of#im not really sure how to do that besides adding cc! and ls! before her name#since usually in smps and mcyt in general theres a pretty similar meta rp style from all the members of a server#so i never really felt the need to talk about ome of the characters differently#but ofc ls had to be different it just had to lmao#but whatever ill figure it out#dont expect me to keep up with this when im triggered tho lmao cause thats just not happening
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does anyone else really really miss qslime and codeflippa lore or is it just me
#qsmp#im hopeful with the ccs being in control of lore again#that when the admin thing is sorted out (cuz codeflippa is yknow. egg admin)#that he gets released from lore jail#I MISS HIM SO BAAADDDDDDDDDDDD#i assume his lore isnt coming back until the admins do#cux again between sunny and flippa and the codes lmao#but tbh before he showed up at the awards i wasnt even sure if he was still#even gonna be on the server ever lmaoo#but i think if bro went all the way out there to do that irl i doubt hes leaving lmao#anyways qslime please come back from the war i miss you#i want to see more of you and sunny :(
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i drew my minecraft oc and my friend’s @waruihoshi technically an oc more like an npc on the minecraft server she roleplays as fnjkfdfd in the style of cult of the lamb because my oc runs a cult of the pink sheep :]
#man i havent drawn in over a month like at all#this was very fun! i miss drawing more often#everytime i think i can get back to it with more energy something irl happens and stops me from doing that raaghhh#but i try :)#minecraft#minecraft oc#cult of the lamb#cotl#halfart#endermag#warui smp#the pink sheep#(if anyone randomly stumps across this warui smp is just the name of my friends private lil server its nothing mcyt related lmao)#this is obviously heavily based on official cotl artwork but i had a lot of fun tweaking it a bit to fit these two characters more#and designing the crown was so fun too :3#its supposed be an obsidian tower from the end with an eye of ender#and the uhh i forgot the name but the green thing he's wearing i based the colors on the eye of ender#cuz the character is an enderman#also the white letters actually spell 'void' in minecraft enchanting table language :3#im normal. im so normal about symbolism and lore
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an ode to the epic highs and lows of my university anime club's discord server 2020-2022









#i want these screenshots off my phone so here they all are#blogging#anime club#btw the prez exploded the server once things re the pandemic were safe enough to do irl activities again bc moderating that server was hell#i moved states and schools so alas thus ended my free weeaboo entertainment
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I wasn't prepared for how wanting a hug from a friend that's thousands of miles away would feel like a stab in the chest. They don't tell you that shit hurts and you can't do anything about it
#light vent#personal rant#vent except its mostly in the tags#vent#dare i say i wanna feel *safe*. dare i say i wanna be *warm*#who else out here yearning to be loved like you're truly worth something#there was a time when I was little that i wouldnt fall asleep unless i was bein held. cant go back to that without rlly having someone there#they don't tell you how isolating it is to only be able to hold friendships online. I think there's just something wrong with me#I dont get to feel warm and loved and safe irl. i cant remember the last time i did#i should be able to walk into my friends rooms and annoy them bc we know no ones really angry. BUT NO. other side of the country or canadian#i should be able to show them reels in a silent room where we laugh every so often but it's quiet otherwise#I should be able to give them random rocks I find but no#and i hate knowing im one of the only people who cant seem to hold a friendship irl. i wanna know whats wrong with me so ppl dont leave irl#what is so wrong with me that i cant love correctly? why cant i say i love you back? why does my chest tighten and i get scared? why why#its not fair?? theres gotta be something wrong with me for ppl to not like me irl i text first im nice i engage in their interests i help em#what am i missing?? we hang out for so long then BOOM ghosted. they were so cool and fun but no matter how many times i did anythin. NOTHING#i cant even say it's because i didnt get a cue or anything because they were autistic/adhd/disabled too. i didnt do anything mean did i?#i feel like im missing something that makes people human or something because i never know what i did and no one ever says i did anything#am i doing something wrong? do i like things wrong? do i love wrong? do i laugh wrong or smile wrong or talk wrong I DONT UNDERSTAND#the only place i feel safe and loved is with my friends online. they're *safe*. I'm not scared to laugh or talk. I feel at home with em#i havent felt at home in a while. they're all *home* to me. im glad y'all convinced me to make a server.
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I had a dream about me being in a collab cover with some guy from good omens and two other ppl xD we sang overmaster from idolmaster and I was pretty young (around the time I started covers sooo 11-12??)
Weird tho idk anything about good omens I've never watched the show nor do I plan to—at least the cover got popular bcz the guy from good omens was in it BAHAHEJA
#also in the dream it's completely unrelated but one of my friends online were super nice to me!#we have this server together (not in the dream like irl)#and in the dream I was apologizing for not talking in it as much and they were all like#“it's completely fine don't worry about it!! your covers are super amazing and I understand you're busy!! ^^”#IT WAS SOO SWEET I WANTED TO CRYYYY#oh yea also in the dream there was this video about the cover that came out abt good omens guy being hashtag EXPOSED for some stuff#so ahem#but I was cool tho <3 (probably because I was.yk a child)#kinda odd thing is right when I woke up one of my tumblr mutuals dmed me about a collab another one of my mutuals were doing#and I'm ngl I thought I was still in the dream for a minute but NOPE this is real life!#it's not a cover collab it's an art collab but I still thought it was funny and cool#ANYWAYZ no more beddy bye for me!! I'm staying awake!!!!#*goes honk shoo 10 secs later*#alr I'm probably gonna listen to overmaster on repeat now that song has been stuck in my head since I woke up..for obvious reasons xD
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life update: ive buried myself in my irl work
and whenever someone messages me (for good reason) about a fandom thing i get so irritated because i just dont have the time or headspace at the moment and the mild irritation passes im left with feeling bad that i neglected fandom stuff for too long 😞 but at the same time can you just stop :D
#nina.talks#nowadays ive been reflecting on a lot on how to balance my fandom like with irl#cause i dont want to lose that part of my identity i associate myself with fandoms#but darn gosh FUCK do i need a break#like sometimes its really not about buying the newest collection they release#or collecting all types of merch#i WISH i could afford to think that way longer#but financially i need to wake up this 2025 and not give in.#its just very irritating when people dont respect that boundary#but i also know its a bonding thing/hobby thing in our friendship#im really just rambling at this point#i need a ME day which is schedule this saturday#but i need it now!!#this has nothing to do with writing and art but really about the merch collecting thing#and my last event duties#bc writing and art are things i WANT to do#like i wanna do my hobbies and pour my energy into something personal and i'll be proud of#side note as a writing warm up (and breather for myself) i did a writing sprint for all the selfship HCs qotd from the server#but they got so personal i cant post them#its rlly like baring your soul out there#but also i think im just rlly boring these hcs are so general...#wheres my personality#NOW ITS AN IDENTITY CRISIS
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loudly bitching about someone over the phone for 40 minutes straight at work while coworkers sideeye me. sorry. i have never shown this behavior before and itll be another two years before i do it again
#THERAPEUTIC. incredible things happening.#this person. me and this guy both love this person. but Oh my God.#he called to tell me abt something that kind of pissed him off last night and i started talking about a month and a half ago#why are we handholding this grown ass person thru fomo and massive control issues. well. it's not a dealbreaker but i might blow up one day#oscillating between 'yes i love them' and 'i've been pissed for a month and a half'#the horrors of having a interconnected friend group? it's really just two people i would really really hate to lose. others wouldn't be as#affected but those two. i love them. and AGAIN it's not a dealbreaker it's just kind of a buildup of behaviors. anyone remember my bitchy#post about the fomo/anxiety essay#also smaller things like Why are you trying to micromanage two disc servers that you dont have to lift a fucking finger in#um. my beloved irl if you see this. you didn't. i do love her to death. you know i do#the issue is if i put out all my issues they would take it really badly like they would act like it's the end of the fucking world#when i'm just like hey i am not your mother or your therapist and also stop trying to tell me what to fucking do#they would. um. lose it.#and some people are gonna get hit in the crossfire and i don't want to cause that. even tho it. wouldnt really be me.
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the worst part of my depression/adhd/whatever is that i love my friends so so much and i want them to be happy but i'm just so tired and anxious and avoidant all the time so i literally cannot respond to Any of them. hell it might not even be my neurodivergency, i had literally One Friend growing up and maybe it's still habit that i can only keep up with one. and i always feel so fucking sad and guilty seeing so many notifications on discord because i love talking to these people, it's just really, really, really hard for me and i'm just so. frustrated
#ouygghuhh i can't even respond to my best friend of YEARS‼️‼️‼️‼️ when they're literally one of my most favorite people ever#and i can't even miss people when they're not around! i CAN'T and i HATE IT. SO MUCH.#i don't have that longing ache that everyone describes when i don't talk to someone for a while. i just think of that person and get anxious#and it's HORRIBLE#i can only respond to irl's because i know i'll see them tomorrow. that's the only thing that sometimes keeps me responding to them#AND I DON'T HATE THEM. I DON'T NOT WANNA TALK TO THEM. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. THEY MAKE ME SOOOO FUCKING HAPPY#i just. can't. i hate texting. i hate texting and calling so much. i hate servers and group chats and ESPECIALLY one on one person chats#i just. can't. i hate it. i hate it so much. because now i feel bad and i have So Many Messages and it's so much work talking to people#even then i fucking Love talking to the person. it's just so much#all i have energy for is to lay down on a person and vaguely listen to things they say. i wish that's all the affection i need to give-#people for them to understand i love being with them. i just want to be a cat where the most affection i need to give is being in the same-#room or making nonsensical noises to them for them to feel alright and loved#because i just Can't make any response. why is it so hard#especially not with So Many People#why do i have to make friends and then get stuck here. why do i have to Make so many when i know i can't keep any#vent
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am fine
#fecking no i aint in tags lol#gosh i love my friends but man do i have a inferiority complex- and they dont exactly help with it-#like. today tryed join in with smth with making ocs cause friends already did that#was having a lil bit of fun trying mojo#and then another friend joined in and idk#i dont wanna sound mean but took it?#i was gonna make a charscter or smth planned out with heizou but they sorta took over my channel and made smth with him#which is fine im fine i just gosh#i feel so dumb and bad when others sorta take my spot#all my friends are so so good at character creation and figuring out lore fast and i just#i suck at it. i struggle so hard with writing and trying to get into characters heads#i suck at roleplay and usually go with whats funniest to me#i feel like a joke. they only just moved channels and its been an hour.#i know what i would have made wouldnt be half as good but i wanted to make something#and that got trampled. it really dosent help that i was sorta the art one and then a way better artist joined the server#i just- i know it dosent make sence but with it all i just feel useless? is that ok??#i want to make things and be as good as my friends with it but i alwase feel like im just worse. i wish my head worked right like all of#theirs do. i know i make good ideas and things. but thats after months and months of working out and revising#they make a whole coherant story in an hour. wile multitasking. how am i supposed to keep up with that??#i also just feel pathetic cause they are my only super close friends. one being only irl friend that dosent just feel like my brothers#and even then that friend is moving away soon. damn it i just wish i could be as good as them with something. anything#i dont wanna just be the silly younger sibling friend all the time. i dont wanna help just make jokes. i wanna make cool stuff like them#they all have their stuff so much more together and i just want to be decent compared to then on one thing#i just want one please.
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So, Discord has added a feature that lets other people "enhance" or "edit" your images with different AI apps. It looks like this:
Currently, you can't opt out from this at all. But here's few things you can do as a protest.
FOR SERVERS YOU ARE AN ADMIN IN
Go to Roles -> @/everyone roles -> Scroll all the way down to External Apps, and disable it. This won't delete the option, but it will make people receive a private message instead when they use it, protecting your users:
You should also make it a bannable offense to edit other user's images with AI. Here's how I worded it in my server, feel free to copypaste:
Do not modify other people's images with AI under ANY circumstances, such as with the Discord "enhancement" features, amidst others. This is a bannable offense.
COMPLAIN TO DISCORD
There's few ways to go around this. First, you can go to https://support.discord.com/hc/en-us/requests/new , select Help and Support -> Feedback/New Feature Request, and write your message, as seen in the screenshot below.
For the message, here's some points you can bring up:
Concerns about harassment (such as people using this feature to bully others)
Concerns about privacy (concerns on how External Apps may break privacy or handle the data in the images, and how it may break some legislations, such as GDPR)
Concerns about how this may impact minors (these features could be used with pictures of irl minors shared in servers, for deeply nefarious purposes)
BE VERY CLEAR about "I will refuse to buy Nitro and will cancel my subscription if this feature remains as it is", since they only care about fucking money
Word them as you'd like, add onto them as you need. They sometimes filter messages that are copypasted templates, so finding ways to word them on your own is helpful.
ADDING: You WILL NEED to reply to the mail you receive afterwards for the message to get sent to an actual human! Otherwise it won't reach anyone
UNSUSCRIBE FROM NITRO
This is what they care about the most. Unsuscribe from Nitro. Tell them why you unsuscribed on the way out. DO NOT GIVE THEM MONEY. They're a company. They take actions for profit. If these actions do not get them profit, they will need to backtrack. Mass-unsuscribing from WOTC's DnD beyond forced them to back down with the OGL, this works.
LEAVE A ONE-STAR REVIEW ON THE APP
This impacts their visibility on the App store. Write why are you leaving the one-star review too.
_
Regardless of your stance on AI, I think we can agree that having no way for users to opt out of these pictures is deeply concerning, specially when Discord is often used to share selfies. It's also a good time to remember internet privacy and safety- Maybe don't post your photos in big open public servers, if you don't want to risk people doing edits or modifications of them with AI (or any other way). Once it's posted, it's out of your control.
Anyways, please reblog for visibility- This is a deeply concerning topic!
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ah. I haven't listened to this song in years. I stopped listening to it because I wanted to make a music video for it. but I needed my friends to help me. I asked them multiple times and they would never help. I was very upset about it so I had to stop listening to the song. I even have an entire script written out for almost every part of the song. I was so proud of my ideas and excited to make the video. but I couldn't get what I needed because no one I was friends with are creative minds who understand or share my passion for creating. we aren't friends anymore, but I never found any better replacements.


I have to throw away so many ideas because people won't help me and i cant physically do them alone. making short films/mvs especially. it's been a lifelong passion I never got to do (unless you count my gta rp videos. but I can't do those anymore because gta rp is kinda toxic and the people are hard to work with. but that's the closest i've gotten) it's extremely upsetting. I don't know how people get whole teams for stuff. and I don't mean rich people that can hire anyone. I mean those people that can get a group of friends who share the same creativity and passion and do cool stuff together. they are so lucky.
I don't remember any of the ideas I had now even reading what I noted down. so I don't think I could make this video now. all my ideas fade away and never get made. that's so sad. now i'm having the same issue with making a firefly video with if I can stop one heart from breaking. I write a script (and even drew panel sketches) but I can't get even one person to help me shoot it. I can't move the camera and be in the shot at the same time. so I haven't listened to the song in a while since it makes me sad to think about the dying ideas. ugh. why is this how my life always goes?
sorry for the rant. lee is very sad and frustrated 😞
#like youtube channels that put out short films and its a whole team of people that work on them and theyre all friends not hired actors#or any group that does creative stuff together as friends and coworkers. a perfect example is drawfee on youtube. i want what they have#but im not someone people see and are excited to befriend or create with. AND IT MAKES ME SO SAD I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN IT 😭#i had ONE friend that wanted to get into short film making and stuff and i got super excited and said we should do it togther because#its a thing ive wanted to do forever and she accused me of trying to steal her spotlight and stuff and refused to work with me#thats not how friendships should work 😭 i hope she never got anyone else to ever work with her and has to suffer alone like me#lee text#if i cant do irl videos then id at least like to do things like tell stories through gta/red dead servers and record and make videos#but i cant even get people to do THAT. why do i suck at meeting creative people and suck at getting people to do things with me 😭#lee rants#HOW DO I MAKE PEOPLE LIKE ME AND WANT TO DO COOL STUFF WITH ME?! other people make it look so easy#while ive been begging and trying to bribe people for years. even offering money for simple things but im so unlikable nothing works
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Anyone else thinking about how odd the hermitcraft economy is?
in season 9 they had a minor economic recession after the diamond ore war because there were far too many diamonds in circulation making them (hypothetically) worth less than normal and ren stepped in as the king and did what has been done in the midst of a lot of irl economic depressions; he created a government so they could employ the policy of Keynesian economics (basically more gov't intervention to stabilize the economy, it mostly worked in 1930's japan!), he took control of diamonds and even introduced a new currency, royal emeralds (much like Germany after WW1! they had some hyperinflation because of the war reparations they had to pay and the gov't not understanding that printing more money makes the money worth less resulting in the mark [currency] being so worthless they started burning it because they couldn't afford wood for fires. a new gov't came into power and they replaced the mark with rentenmarks which did a lot of fixificating for the economy). Ren's gov't also introduced a lot of gov't funded projects like the quests (the irl equivalent for this would be Roosevelt's New Deal which introduced policies/projects called the Alphabet Agencies (among other things) such as the AAA, CCC, TVA (do you see why they're called the alphabet agencies?) that would adjust the value of grain so farmers could start earning money for produce again and create work that would support a growing economy, projects like building roads and bridges)
so basically, all the policies ren's government introduced were very logically sound and worked in real life to fix the economy (except that irl the Great Depression only fully ended because WW2 started-), the issue is that hermitcraft is not real life and hermits do not behave like real people, they behave like hermits.
lets start with the hermitcraft economy. unlike the real economy, hermits rarely adjust prices according to how many diamonds are "in circulation". i say this despite the fact grian in a recent-ish episode says that "everything costs more this season because diamonds are more common". that can't be true because the caves and cliffs update literally made diamonds more difficult to acquire. I will circle back to this point made by grian later
hermits not adjusting prices by server-wide abundance of diamonds (because they cant really know how much anyone has, much less the total amount of diamonds in circulation, they just know who has a lot and who is broke) means that more diamonds doesn't make them worth less like it did with German marks, it just means hermits have more expendable currency and can spend more money and less time gathering materials for projects. It is also notable that diamonds are constantly being added and taken out of circulation because they're an actual useful currency rather than real life currencies which are symbolic slips of paper. diamonds can be used for armour and tools and it can be acquired by mining. so because of how hermits spend money, taking diamonds out of the economy in s9 did nothing but make them poor and angry at the government. the hermitcraft economy is actually stronger with more diamonds in circulation and is worsened by gov't intervention.
so already the use of real life strategies is utterly useless in hermitcraft economy but there are a few other reasons as well
the hermits tendency to resist government as well as the flawed and greedy government itself are a couple but also the fact that all the hermits are self employed (in real life but also in universe). they own and stock their own shops meaning all profits are more or less direct; its not passed through hands of big corporations so the person producing the product gets mere cents. the hermits are essentially small business owners (which becomes a bit of a problem come season 10 but we're still talking about season 9). The important part is the self employment. the season 9 gov't introduces the quests which mimic and echo real life government funded projects but because they're all employed and the quests gave small amounts of diamonds back, they did very little for the hermits
I'm sure theres more to say but i think its time to move on to the very interesting season 10 economy
if you've missed it you must be living under a rock but hermits are all using permits this season meaning only one shop in the shopping district is selling any given item/material and as a result of this prices have gone sky high. at one point a single stack of mangrove logs cost 7 diamonds when in previous seasons you could get at least 1 stack of wood for 1 diamond if not more
So what is causing this economic depression and hyperinflation?
well, circling back to the point grian made about resources costing more because of abundance of diamonds, I would think it actually costs more because of the permits.
grian thinks the diamond prices are fair because he has middle of the road permits (and is one of the hermits who designed their shopping district, permit and economic system this season so he's biased), there is enough demand to keep him afloat when he's stocked but its nothing people are clamouring for and buying him out. on the other hand, joel made a lot of shops that no one shops at because his objectively weighted permits have not been selling as well as they anticipated when making the permits (also some people like etho and pearl have additional income from their not as fabulous permits because they've made a pay to play game to go with it) and finally there are hermits like mumbo whose gold, iron and item frame shops were constantly getting bought out so he was frustrated with trying to restock despite getting lots of profit
(another interesting dynamic to think about is permits like cleo's book permit which lost value as the season went on because everyone needed books early on but now that they're all playing late game Minecraft, everyone is pretty stocked up and buying from cleo less often)
Basically, grian is satisfied with the pricing because he's middle class and couldn't afford it if they were more expensive but appreciates not being constantly out of stock, joel is unsatisfied because he is lower class and never has enough expendable currency to fund his projects because materials are too expensive and his permits aren't worth enough to sell them for more, and mumbo is unsatisfied because he is higher class and is constantly out of stock because his materials sell out too often and he wants to sell them for more to stay in stock more (classic supply and demand, he doesn't want to stock them as often making the supply lower and the demand proportionally higher making them worth more and therefore more expensive)
the reason i say the permits are to blame for the high prices is because they cause the responsibility of constantly stocking something to fall on one person (in past seasons, if one persons sandstone shop was out of stock you could go check someone else's sandstone shop). the threat of taking the permit away if they arent stocked along with the difficulty of constantly stocking some of these materials raises the cost.
a great example of this is skizzleman because his mangrove and cherry wood shop was one of the first shops to be built in the shopping district, meaning he somewhat set the prices this season. now, mangrove and cherry are both difficult trees to harvest because of their unconventional shapes and the fact that they are more recent additions (and skizz's stubborn desire to design his own farms...) so because of the time required to gather them the prices already were hitched up. add that to the fact that they are trying to constantly be in stock and therefore low prices that allow hermits to completely buy out the shops are unfavourable, and you get sky rocket-ing prices. (it is also difficult because skizz had no prior experience with hermitcraft pricing)
in conclusion... hermitcraft needs a laissez-faire economy (f. a. hayek) to function and not go into economic depression. Between the nature of the diamond currency, hermits' tendency to rebel against governments, the way they use the concept of supply and demand to price their goods, and the restrictions permits put on supplying products, hermits have proven that extensive structure and government intervention have not improved economic wellbeing the way that it does in real life
thus, hermits do not behave like regular humans, they operate on fae laws of its funny so lets do it and therefore must be governed as such (aka not governed), thank you for coming to my ted talk
#i am by no means an expert#this is all the result of knowledge from high school history class#and too much time on my hands#lol#rants/lectures#pixls things#hermitcraft season 10#hermitcraft season 9#hermitcraft#renthedog#rendog#rentheking#grian#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans#mumbo jumbo#ethoslab#geminitay#zombiecleo#skizzleman#hc s10#hermitcraft 10#hermitblr#hermitcraft smp#hc 10#hermitcraft s10#hermitcraft 9#hermitcraft s9#hc s9#hc 9
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life is not being silly to me rn
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#no i'm probably just being dramatic. but. still.#kinda frustrated w one of my friends rn bcs i think she knows smth is up w us atm but girl has the nerve to be like 'smth's been off#since the start of the sy' in a shared server w another friend and uh. girl. ily but you've been weird since the start of the sy#and haven't told me or my twin why at all even when we've asked <//3 so. sigh. spending time w other friends more atm yay!!!#anyway i miss some friends a whole lot tho ..... one online friend i've grown even closer w thx to instagram surprisingly#and irls i've actually interacted a lot w in a really nice way the last two months and so :3 it's amazing really#and like ... 3 or 4 online friends i really miss (aka i am attached to them but we haven't been talking much lately for wtvr reason)#and i want to get to know more people still but i don't want to be like my friends who do that but forget other friends. i wna balance it#all which is going to be reaaal difficult esp w me being an academic high achiever w cets coming up but i have tons of hobbies#and i get tired and distracted easily and find it hard to start AND finish things and and and i still have social anxiety#but i'll try my best! <3 i am wayyy too ambitious indeed but hey i gotta try to do what i can and achieve what i want ya know!!
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also i wanna add that another thing i kinda realized today is while i do think rek at least is jumpers first choice, i dont think the same can be said for rek or ro in return.
and i mean this as in like.....if say one of them is doing a big project or getting jumped, i think jumper would ask rek or derap for help first. whereas i think rek would consider 4c before anything else bc theyve done more stuff w each other then they have their actual teams atp and built that trust over the months. and ro...would either do it alone or go to mapicc before he ever goes to rek or jumper. like i gen dont even know if theyd even be considered if we're being honest
i think ive given up on the sticklers ngl LOL like they are nawt a real team atp, id honestly consider 4c more of rek's teammate then the sticklers. all three of them joining the server at the same time for once and not even considering messaging each other today is what sold me unfortunately, like it wasnt even just ro agreeing to help the empire fight before even contacting jumper or rek for me, it's the fact that all three of them gen are always off doing some random side quest or massive solo project thats made me realize they just dont play the server as a team frfr. i dont even know if id consider rek and jumper proper teammates either
#lifesteal spoilers#srb#its sad bc i do think jumper cares abt the sticklers and staying w them a lot#i just dont think a team that has spent 6 months waiting to even have a Conversation as a full team can be considered a team#its not rly their faults that theyre all busy irl LOL its just how things go#this is how i imagine lala fans felt in s5#bc lemme tell u as a lalas fan who became a fan After s5 it is so hard tryna find content for them bc they also just werent an actual team#but i search and i yap.....bc it is lalas#it was a ro and planet team up so obv i loved them ^-^#even if most of their actual in server content was just betrayal and distrust at the end of the season LMFAO
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