#while ive been begging and trying to bribe people for years. even offering money for simple things but im so unlikable nothing works

[alchemiclee]

ah. I haven't listened to this song in years. I stopped listening to it because I wanted to make a music video for it. but I needed my friends to help me. I asked them multiple times and they would never help. I was very upset about it so I had to stop listening to the song. I even have an entire script written out for almost every part of the song. I was so proud of my ideas and excited to make the video. but I couldn't get what I needed because no one I was friends with are creative minds who understand or share my passion for creating. we aren't friends anymore, but I never found any better replacements.

I have to throw away so many ideas because people won't help me and i cant physically do them alone. making short films/mvs especially. it's been a lifelong passion I never got to do (unless you count my gta rp videos. but I can't do those anymore because gta rp is kinda toxic and the people are hard to work with. but that's the closest i've gotten) it's extremely upsetting. I don't know how people get whole teams for stuff. and I don't mean rich people that can hire anyone. I mean those people that can get a group of friends who share the same creativity and passion and do cool stuff together. they are so lucky.

I don't remember any of the ideas I had now even reading what I noted down. so I don't think I could make this video now. all my ideas fade away and never get made. that's so sad. now i'm having the same issue with making a firefly video with if I can stop one heart from breaking. I write a script (and even drew panel sketches) but I can't get even one person to help me shoot it. I can't move the camera and be in the shot at the same time. so I haven't listened to the song in a while since it makes me sad to think about the dying ideas. ugh. why is this how my life always goes?

sorry for the rant. lee is very sad and frustrated 😞