#in a list of things im abnormal about

[princemick]

Unseen footage from Wembley // 25-02-2024

[twig-gy]

list of sexual things:

- the way your eyes flutter under your hands when you touch them

- your eyes getting redder when you mess with them

- tearing up and the eyelid feeling all soft

- being able to push your eye around in the socket

- your vision going dark when you press on it too hard

- putting your fingers in between your eye

- being able to genuinely touch your eye without the eyelid barrier and not fucking it up

- prying your eyelids open

- ey

[bummeryumedanshi]

Ermmm. Am i going to be abnormal about jimmy mouthwashing

[sugarushwriting]

don’t blame me — part 2

PLEASE READ PART ONE FIRST!!!!!

master list here

jay x reader

tw: stalking, cnc, intoxication

adult content, read at your own discretion

on my dom jay kick • not proof read

“imagine waking up to a chick just sitting on your dick.”

jay spat out his beer, his other friends looking at jake like he done lost his damn mind.

heeseung and sunghoon couldn’t believe what came out of jake’s mouth.

jay could, but he wasn’t prepared for jake to just flat out say something like that at this time.

“dude, what made you think of that?” heeseung looked at the boy highly confused—and concerned.

jake shrugged, “well, we were talking about kinks, weren’t we?”

“i mean, yeah,” sunghoon scratched the back of his head looking between heeseung and jay.

“oh come on!” jake exclaimed. “don’t tell me you never thought about it or even heard about it?”

“isn’t that like, consensual, non consensual stuff?” jay asked for clarification.

jake nodded snapping his finger. “yes! like somnophilia! very taboo, but extremely hot.” jake bit his lip just thinking about it.

“how do you even know that?” heeseung asked.

jake smirked. “it was a girl who introduced me to it. wanted some extreme shit.”

“like?” sunghoon asked.

“she asked me to pretend to stalk her, break into her house and fuck her.”

all the other three boys looked confused, but they were intrigued.

“girls like that?” heeseung crossed his arms not believing it.

“of course not all. only some. but i highly recommend trying it out.” jake leaned back in his seat at the table him and his friends sat at.

“how do we even go about asking a girl about that?” sunghoon was baffled.

“that i don’t have the answers to. all i recommend is slowly bring up some kinks with the girl. i told the girl i was pretty open to trying new things and she asked me about that.”

you overhead this entire conversation between jay and his friends. they hadn’t even noticed you, specifically jay. he was so consumed by the conversation with his friends, he hadn’t even noticed you walk in and sit in the booth behind him.

thankfully the booth seats were high up, separated by colored glass, and the boys were close to drunk if not already there, they hadn’t realized their volume of the conversation.

you were the only one close by, so thankfully you were the only one to hear what they were talking about.

the only one to hear what your man was potentially interested in.

you knew jay’s tone, and his tone he talked to his friend jake about meant he was interested. intrigued.

“too bad i don’t know a girl who may be interested.” jay sighed, emptying his beer bottle.

me! you so badly wanted to yell. but you stayed silent with a smile. well if that’s what jay wanted, jay would get. you’d do anything for him. your man.

if he wanted to be stalked. check. you’ve done that. well. you wouldn’t necessarily call it stalking, just watching over your man who hasn’t claimed you yet.

if he wanted someone to break into his house. check. you’ve easily broke into, gained access to his apartment.

now, he wants you to sexually please him? you’ve been waiting for this day.

but—what if he wants to do the stalking, breaking in, and sexually pleasuring you?

you thought about it and realized jay is too shy for that. he’s only confident now with the alcohol. poor boy would blush like crazy and probably cry if you brought it up.

you took out your phone to text him.

you: hey jay! we still on for our project tonight? xo

you had not planned on meeting tonight, but jay wouldn’t remember that and he wouldn’t check.

you heard a buzz from behind you. on the other side, jay focused hard on opening and reading his message.

“shit.” he whispered.

“what is it?” jake asked sipping his own drink

“mhm, forgot me and my partner had to work on our project.” jay groaned.

“oh, that cute girl from your abnormal psych class?” heeseung teased.

jay nodded. “yes that girl.”

jay texted back.

jay: im sop sorru i forgt and drnk w friends

you covered your mouth to hide a giggle. he was very wasted. you bit your lower lip, thinking of a plan.

you: are you ok? do you need help getting home?

jay giggled. “she asked if i needed help getting home.” jay did need some assistance getting home. he could easily take a cab, but he may not make it to his doorstep in a timely manner.

“take her up on it! i want to see what she looks like in person!” heeseung said.

your face felt hot. mhm, jay talks to his friends about you? you wiggled in your seat in excitement.

you: forget it, where are you? i’m coming to help. share your location.

jay did just that, not even realizing you already knew where he was.

you exited out a different door to make your way back into the front door of the bar. you internally groaned for not dressing better than jeans and a hoodie, but you didn’t want to go all out just in case jay noticed you prior.

“she’s coming.” jay laughed.

“mhm, maybe ask her?” jake smirked.

“no way!” jay hiccuped. “she would probably think im some kind of pervert!”

“you are a pervert.” sunghoon teased and all laughed.

about five minutes later you acted as if you just arrived looking for jay.

jay’s face lit up with a smile when he saw you. “oh hey!” he waved frantically. “it’s you!” he pointed, rocking jake back and forth by his shoulders. “it’s her!”

you felt shy under all four boys wandering gaze. they didn’t care how you were dressed. you were gorgeous to them.

“hi jay.” you nodded with a bow. “ready to get home? do you remember where you live?” you asked pretending to not know.

“i can give you his address. then, maybe i can give you mine.” jake winked, with a failed flirt attempt.

jake and the others were cute, but you belonged to jay, and jay belonged to you.

you laughed nervously, “just jay’s address will be fine.” you declined politely.

heeseung and sunghoon busted out laughing. “rejected!”

“she’s my partner!” jay laughed, rocking on his feet as he swayed from standing up.

you laughed quietly. “let’s get you home, jay.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

with ease you got jay into a ride-share and on to his apartment. saying a thank you to the driver, jay used your body as leverage to help him walk up his steps.

“mhm, is it bad to have kinks?” jay asked quietly.

“no.” you answered softly with honesty. “nothing wrong, quite healthy in my opinion.”

you both made it to his front door, he giving you the key to open, and help him inside.

“couch or bed?” you asked. jay was getting a bit heavy for you.

“mhm, bed.” he smiled. you nodded and helped him to his bed were he collided face down.

“what kind of kinks do you have, jay?” you asked sitting next to him on his bed, rubbing his back.

“mhm, i dunno. jake—my friend, the one who tried to steal you from me earlier,” jay began speaking with a sigh and heavy voice, showing he was tired, “jake says he’s into the consensual non consensual stuff like fucking someone while they sleep.”

“is that what he said or what you’re interested in?” you wanted clarification.

jay though started softly snoring, and you almost didn’t hear him reply to you. “me.”

with a big smile, you kissed the back of his head and left him on his bed to leave his apartment. you made sure to leave a trashcan and a glass of water beside his bed though before leaving.

you went back home, it only being 1 am, changing into something a little more fitting for jay. matching lingerie set in his favorite color, but on top wearing comfy clothes—sweats, baby tee, no bra, hiding your chest with a hoodie for when you went back to jay’s.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

jay awoke around 3 am with cotton mouth, needing water. he woke up slightly confused how he ended up in his apartment and in his bed, but thought one of the boys helped him, forgetting about his conversations with you earlier.

he swallowed the water in 3 gulps, then getting up to pee. he hadn’t noticed you open his door (with the key you took with you). you quietly made your way to his bedroom closet to hide, seeing he was up in the bathroom.

he needed to be sleep, or at least in that sleep state for your plan to begin if he and you wanted it done right.

he came out soon later, deciding to take off his clothes he went out in earlier, opting to just sleep in sweats. nothing else.

even better for you, you thought.

in no time, jay fell asleep—perfectly on his back. you quietly stepped out of the closet, jays beauty alluring you.

he was just so handsome and perfect to you.

you carefully got on his bed, straddling him, slightly rocking your hips so your lower half rubbed against his.

his dick already slowly hardening. he wanted you, just as bad as you wanting him.

you really wanted to take this slow, but you genuinely just wanted him inside you.

“fuck!” you whispered, jays eyes still tightly closed, steady breaths.

you got off him to take off your pants, hoodie and shirt, leaving you just in your lingerie in his favorite color.

you hovered over him, deciding to just pull his pants down low enough to get his cock out. pumping it a few times, you didn’t have time to eye and admire him. instead, you’d have to admire it as it stretched you.

the few pumps quickly got him hard, jay groaning in his sleep, eyes twitching, eyebrows furrowing. he subconsciously licked his lips, turning his head to the side.

biting your lower lip, you moved your underwear to the side, and slowly lowered yourself onto jay. this time not even bothering to be quiet, you moaned out loudly, as jays length and thickness stretched you.

“jay fuck! so good.” you moaned, impaling yourself onto him impatiently.

he still hadn’t fully woken up. jay was still in dreamland, but knew this felt too real.

you lifted your hips so that his tip was in, then slammed your hips back down.

that woke him up.

“fuck!” he moaned out.

you giggled, staying still as you smiled down at him with an innocent look. “hi jay.” you fluttered your eyes.

jay looked at you with narrowed eyes, confused what was happening. why were you on top of him?

why were you just in lingerie? in his favorite color?

sitting on his dick!

“wh—what?”

“isn’t this what you wanted, jay?” you shrugged with a pout. you lifted your hips again, to slide back down achingly slow.

jay groaned lowly with a hiss, his hands immediately grabbing your hips.

he was still in a state of confusion, not believing that he was fully awake. he had to be dreaming. there’s absolutely no way you’re sitting on his dick right now.

“mhm please tell me im dreaming. i don’t want to wake up.” he sighed.

“it’s not a dream jay. it’s real.” you said, leaning down to kiss his lips softly. jays lips chased yours as you pulled away.

his thumbs traced circles on your hips, completely satisfied by you.

one thing jay knew, or at least had an idea of, was that you had to be his anonymous admirer, or shall he say stalker. things just weren’t adding up with you, and the flowers were icing on the cake.

“can i fuck you jay? please can i?” you begged, your head falling back to the pleasure of him stretching you out.

“seems like you already started. so continue on.” jay said, his hands now going to the back of his head. he nodded for you to continue.

he was out of his damn mind letting you do this and continue. but dude was horny. hadn’t been laid in months. and you felt too good.

you nodded, following his orders by beginning to slowly bounce up and down on his length, enjoying the ride and feel of him. your hands rested against his chest to steady yourself, your body at an angle to were your clit rubbed deliciously against him.

he was going to make you come within seconds.

“nasty, nasty girl. getting off stalking somebody then coming in to fuck them while they sleep?” jay taunted.

you were to far gone to even actually feel sorry. “mhm’sorry jay. you feel so good. look so good, i—ahhh—couldn’t help it.” you moaned loudly, increasing your pace, the sound of your skin slapping against jays. thighs against ass against balls and all.

jay pulled the band strap of your underwear, to where is snapped back hard against your flesh. “i want these off, now.”

you nodded tiredly, getting off jay to fully undress, jay taking his sweats off too.

“come back and ride.” jay ordered but you were too tired.

you shook your head. “so tired jay, please fuck me?”

jay laughed shaking his head. “i don’t think so.” he sat up. raising one eyebrow, jay scoffed. “unless you want me to tell people about you stalking me, breaking into my apartment, just to fuck me.”

you should be scared and nervous. and although you slightly were, jays tone and threat just turned you on more.

with a shy nod, you got back up to sit in jays lap. easing yourself back down on his length, you both let out a moan together. your hand on his shoulder, the other on his chest.

“im—sorry.” you mumbled out almost sobbing.

“no you’re not.” jay snapped. he was tired of your innocent act. his hands gripped your waist—tight, and he snapped his hips up, aiming desperately and deeply into you.

“ah!” you screamed. “jay!”

“shut up!” jay mumbled.

he flipped you quickly, you on your stomach, flat on the bed. he entered your cunt from behind, no teasing, no warning, his pace starting ruthless from the beginning.

“wanna be a fucking slut, i will make you feel like one.”

“jay!” you groaned, stuffing your face into the bed sheets.

you knew jay had a dominant side, like all shy, quiet men, but damn, you didn’t think it’d be like this.

jay was jackhammering you from behind, your ass rippling with each thrust. jay grabbed each cheek in his hand, nails digging into your flesh.

“ouch, jay.” you sobbed out. tears dripping down your cheeks from the mixed pleasure.

jay suddenly pulled out and got off you. “turn around, now.” he ordered.

you shook your head against the sheet. “no.”

“don’t test me.”

you turned your head to the side, right cheek against the cover. “i said no.” you spat. then with a devilish smirk, “you’re going to have to make me. force me.”

“fine.”

before you could even react or think, jay pulled you by your ankles to the edge of the bed, turning you over to your back. you yelped in surprise.

now on your back, butt near the edge, jay standing, he pulled your two wrists together, holding it in his left hand. then with your wrists in his hand, he used your own palms to cover your mouth, holding them there.

your thighs and legs were squeezed together, slightly held against your chest as jay leaned his body weight against you.

jays eyes were darken than usual you had noticed. his face flushed, eyebrows knotted in focus.

jay smiled before his dick forcefully entered you with so much power, that you screamed in pleasure. well, as much as you could since he forced you to cover your own mouth.

your head and eyes rolled back. from then on, ruthless thrusts once again. balls against your ass. sounds of your wet cunt covering jays dick.

your wetness drooling onto the floor, between you and jay. your stomach tightening with each powerful thrust.

jays free hand came to grab one of your breasts, squeezing as hard as possible.

“look at your slickness covering me.” jay looked down between your bodies, pleasantly disgusted of the sight.

there was no need for jay to add pressure to your clit to stimulate or get you closer to your orgasm. you were close.

“maybe next time i should be the one to break into your apartment and fuck you while you sleep. huh? bet a nasty slut like you would love that.”

you shouldn’t, but you did.

“pussy throbbing, ready to come?” jay asked and you nodded. “good girl, cause im gonna come too.”

you tried your best to move your palms away from your mouth, “pull out, jay!” you mumbled.

at first you don’t think jay heard you as he kept thrusting with no intention of pulling out. but he did. he heard you, as he smiled.

“jay, not on birth control.” you again mumbled loud enough for him to hear.

jay kept thrusting, this time sloppily, losing momentum as he came closer to his orgasm.

“like i give a fuck!” he snapped. “you started this without a condom, i will finish this without one.” jay groaned. “like the slut you are, gonna fill you up nice. gonna fill you up so you take all the come i give you. gonna get you pregnant with my child.”

it shouldn’t have turned you on, but it did. shit, you thought jay had a strong pullout game. that’s what you get for assuming.

“jay,” you sobbed as you got closer to coming but also at the idea of jay coming inside you to get you pregnant.

jay finally let go of your hands, only to grab your face in his hand, leaning down to kiss you with so much force that when he pulled away, a line of spit connected you both.

with one last loud moan from you both, jay stilled inside you as he came, you coming as well. jay let out a string of curses and growls as he filled you up.

he finally pulled out a few seconds later, a bit of his come leaking out of you. he was breathing heavily, you the same. both of your bodies a sweaty mess, hair clinging to your scalp and foreheads.

you tried to roll over to stretch out your legs, crawling up further up the bed. jay soon joined you on the bed and laid beside you.

you on your side looking at him, him on his back facing the ceiling.

you swallowed, panic flooding you, “jay, i’m really not on birth control” you whispered.

jay chuckled. “i’ll buy you plan b, no worries.” he sat up and looked at you. “rather not get the woman who is stalking me pregnant with my child.” he smiled, and got up from the bed.

he pulled you up by your arms startling you.

“what?” you asked confused.

“what, you expect me to only go one round when you snuck in my apartment wearing my favorite color?” jay joked. “let’s go to the shower. i can’t wait to fuck you in there.”

[freyito]

ꜱʟᴇᴇᴘɪɴɢ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɢᴀʀᴅᴇɴ

✭ pairing(s): gallagher x ftm reader

★ summary: Gallagher has been the only one in your life to make you feel like a man. Even if you can mold and shape yourself in the Dreamscape, make yourself look and feel as Cis as you want, and yet, nothing has been able to fill the hole you feel within your very existence... aside from Gallagher. And now you can't find him. You can't find Gallagher. You can't find him.

✧ a/n: HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!!! im gonna be writing a lot more x male readers and especially a lot more x ftm readers... i started this blog cause wherever i looked in whatever fandom i was in i never found many male readers... and especially barely any ftm ones... and it feels like i havent written any proper x m! reader fics in a while, soooo... we'll start here. i'll still write gn reader of course!!!! but i like lowkey haven't written much that matches my identity in a bit.

🗒 cw: ftm reader, 2.2 story spoilers, dysphoria like mad dysphoria, anxiety, depression, sensory overloard, grief (?), hurt/no comfort, proofread

✎ wc: 2.2k

The Dreamscape has been quiet lately. Even Golden Hour was quiet, silent, and whenever you looked to the sky, its brilliance had begun to dim. The Dreamflux Reef had always been quiet, too, and yet now, it was uncanny. Micah had been so aloof, answering your questions curtly, and Gallagher hadn’t even sent you a text. Every time you texted him, it never went through, as if he wasn’t in an area with service. Which was normally okay, you knew he had to be out on a job or something, but it had been a whole week and he hadn’t even come back to his bar. When you had asked anyone about Gallagher, they had given you this look like they didn’t know where your lost dog was… which isn’t exactly far from the truth, you suppose. But you could see some sort of guilt behind their eyes. And that made you uneasy.

Sure, he had gone weeks at a time without being with you, but he always sent texts, and most people knew where he was, especially the locals. His last text to you was an ‘I love you babyboy.’, which isn’t abnormal, he had a habit of texting you that specifically around five times a day. He had to drill it into your head. He always made sure you knew you were loved, especially by him. You were ‘something special’, as he said, ‘the best thing that ever happened to him’, ‘his pretty boy’, and the list goes on. But your phone remains eerily silent.

You can’t help but check it every other minute, wading through the crowds of Golden Hour, the last place you wanted to be right now. No one in Dreamflux Reef would give you a definitive answer, no one had seen him, or if they had, they gave you indecisive answers. He was out on a case, he was at the lounge, anything to get you off their backs. You had to admit, you were becoming increasingly nagging, annoying, even. But who wouldn’t? Your boyfriend had been gone a whole week with no trace of him, no communication, and you were starting to think the worst.

Golden Hour makes your head spin, looking under every literal rock you can find, getting any info you can from the most lucid strangers and even mumbling drunkards. You are desperate, any little bit of information you use. Even if they had just seen a man with brown hair or a man with hazel eyes. Of course, none lead you to Gallagher. And the Bloodhounds aren’t of any help either, they all stare at you with confused looks and some even tell you to stop playing around.

You’ve already given up, the hustle and bustle of Golden Hour making you feel even more hopeless, the feel of everyone's eyes on you, not fitting in, it all sinks in once more. You were better off putting up lost dog posters at that point. Was it possible for people to go missing in the dreamscape? You had no idea, but you were holding onto the hope that perhaps this was all some twisted nightmare that had crept into your head, but each step you took disproved that thought.

Perhaps reality will have answers, and while you feel so reluctant to wake up, to be seen once more. You had never met Gallagher out of the dreamscape, and only now did you realize what you could be getting yourself into. Perhaps he had just… left? After so many years? Surely not, right?

You return to reality, unsteady. Your body feels frail, even if you had been maintaining it properly. It feels odd to be back in reality, where suddenly how you look, how you talk, and your mannerisms all mattered. You had to act masculine, you had to shut up and walk tall, hyper aware of the eyes on you. Even if it only takes only a minute to get to the front desk, even if you know the guests will never recognize you in the dreamscape. You still can’t help but feel self-conscious, being able to hide behind the veil of the dreamscape for so long, now out in reality, feeling as if you were stripped bare for all to see. Which you weren’t, but perhaps your nerves were getting to you.

When you reach the front counter, your nerves don't abate. They only grow in size, the fear quickly creeping through your system. There was no guest named Gallagher, and you didn’t even know what room he had been staying in. They can’t tell you anything considering that you yourself aren’t the customer they are looking for. But the way they look at you just as the people in Golden Hour and Dreamflux Reef do tells you all.

Reluctantly, you make it back to your room. You don’t know if you want to go back to the Dreamscape, you’re already shook up as is. If something so dire could make you resurface from the vast, blissful ocean that was the Dreamscape, why would you go back? No sign of him for a week, reality or otherwise, and not a word from those closest to him. Do you really wish to go back? Where you know your current efforts have failed. Where that sinking feeling that you know he’s gone takes hold of you?

You stare at the dreampool for a second longer, trying your best to shove down your doubts and your fears, and sink back into the sweet allure of dreams, waking up once more in the Dreamflux Reef. You stay where you are for another minute, a place you’ve called home for several years, a place that would be filled with hearty laughter, maybe even the clinking of glasses, and smell like Gallagher’s mild cologne. That scent has dimmed recently, either because he hadn’t come home, or perhaps you were… used to it. His clothes were still strewn about on the bed, what he was going to wear the day after he had disappeared. You didn’t dare move them, not once, afraid of losing all the little things about him.

When you finally exit the house, the streets feel colder. It’s even quieter than before, and most residents look… somber. Perhaps they always looked that way, and you just didn’t know. You figure you’d try your luck with Micah again, either to get closure or just wallow with someone who was close to Gallagher, you are unsure.

You had done your best to ignore the… tower that seemed to breach out of nowhere in the Reef, despite how tall it had been and just how oddly enchanting it was. You, like many of the Penacony locals, didn’t enjoy change. To have something like that just simply grow out of the ground you knew when those Trailblazers came around was jarring. That had also been the day that Gallagher had stopped coming home, and the events that followed had made you so desperate to find him once more. This beautiful dream, torn asunder by some madman’s delusion of a grander, peaceful life. You never did like the family, you never liked Sunday.

On that note, Micah was nowhere to be seen, at least where you looked. Not all the way down in the alleys or by the train station, not in the dive bar playing pool, nowhere. You had no where but to ascend those damned stairs that faced towards a false moon. You didn’t want to, not at all. It wasn’t intimidating, but every time you lingered near it for too long, you felt uneasy. It had an air to it that spoke of danger, something that told you it ‘was not for you’. And here you were, stood in front of it and the three graves that paid homage to it.

The first step you take bathes you in a stillness unlike one you’ve ever felt. Tranquility follows as you continue to walk, the world is suddenly so quiet, the hustle and bustle of the Reef fades out, and you are left with blissful nothingness. The only sound that follows you is your steps. It isn’t so bad when you think about it, it’s comforting, in a way.

Micah is tending to the plants that surround a small little courtyard. He’s relaxed, untensed, and seems genuinely at peace. It’s been rare to see someone like that in recent days. When he hears you, he lifts his head and gives you a soft smile, one that reeks of pity, as if he knows what you are going to ask him.

“Micah–”

“I have no idea where Gallagher is,” Micah sighed, his smile faltering slightly. “Not a text, not a word.”

At this point, you knew people were lying to you. Micah’s reminder only makes you realize just how much people were. “I know that. Tell me what happened to him.”

Micah is taken aback by your blunt reaction, but easily gives in. The jig is up it seems, and he doesn’t fight back any longer. With a soft huff and slump of his shoulders, he sets aside his current task, turning his full attention towards you.

“Then we’re gonna have to sit down and talk. It’s a bit of a doozy.”

.  * 　　　 ✦     .     　⁺ 　 .

Your head spins with all the details. It’s all so confusing, Gallagher, being… fictional? The man you had fallen in love with was simply just a creation, not tangible, not real. What were you supposed to do with that information? All you had been doing for the past hour or so is staring at the wall. Your room is silent, as is all things now, dark and lonely. It’s suffocating. You feel empty, devoid of whatever was there, whatever had filled the hole in your heart, as cliche as it was.

A hollow home, a hollow heart, and not a soul to mend it. Those welcoming arms are no more, or perhaps, never were. And yet, his clothes still remain, his toothbrush and cologne and shampoo and everything else stay in the bathroom as if he were. If you spaced out long enough, you could still hear his hearty laughter, if you sink a little deeper into the pillows you can smell faint traces of his shampoo. Anything to hold onto what you love. Who you love.

You need to drown yourself in something before you lose your mind. You want to cry, and yet… you can’t. It is still all catching up to you. You wander around the house mindlessly, desperate for something to happen. Anything. But there is nothing. When you stop, there is null, a terrifying distance between you and the empty kitchen. You have to get out of here, you have to leave, this home is not yours anymore. It is simply a house.

Your feet bring you away from the Reef, finally, settling you in the Reverie. You follow a familiar path, one that you had walked on a particularly bad night, that had led you to the Dreamjolt Holstery. It was unwise of you to fall in love with the mixologist, but here you were, several years in, finding out he was quite literally made up.

Slowly, you take a seat at the bar, the lounge around you empty, dead. You have no idea where the bartender is, but you don’t care. This is the same seat you had taken that night. It was something you should’ve forgotten, really, such a minor detail that now felt all too big and meaningful to your heart. You can still remember what had torn you up, it was a particularly bad day, feeling too dysphoric, and no matter what you did, even in the Dreamscape, it had done nothing to affirm your identity more. So you sought out a drink, or a few, to wash down that bitter taste that plagued your taste buds all day. And there he was, a little disheveled as always, eyebags, gravelly voice, something about him just… washed over you as if he were a dream. Which, looking back, apparently he was. You remember fighting between two thoughts; wanting to be him, or wanting him. To be a man so… masculine, gruff, big and intimidating, something like that…

Your nostalgic daydream is broken by steps, and a figure above you. You look up, hoping that you’ll see the same scene once more, that Gallagher will shoot you a smile and a chuckle, ask you what’s got you down, but instead, it’s Siobhan. She looks down at you with a sympathetic smile, as if she knows exactly what you were thinking about. You can’t tell if you feel angry or sad, or neither. You simply push those feelings down.

“What can I get you tonight?” She asks, her voice even and calm as always.

You take a minute to think, unsure if you want something strong to keep you occupied or something that could serve as a tribute. Ultimately, you settle with…

“A glass of uh… The Big Sleep,” You can’t help but chuckle lightly at the name, even if the chuckle was devoid of joy. Siobhan doesn’t mention it, simply smiles and nods.

“... To the ghosts of the past?”

“Yeah… to the ghosts of the past.”

© freyito, 2024 | masterlist | queue | kofi | star header by roseschoices DO NOT REPOST AS YOUR OWN OR USE FOR AI/AI CHATBOTS.

[simp4konig]

My personal thing, if you don’t mind me sharing <3, about König, while I know he has the potential to literally kill you without a second thought, I feel like he has a soft spot of children. Parents not so much, but he always spares the children. Now, for the bad behaved children I feel like he would give a scary talking to 👀

Because König feels very strongly about bullying, so if he heard a kid was bullying the other kid? Would come to their immediate rescue and shut the bully down harshly. For him, that’s a mercy, but he promises that if he ever hears word or sees them acting like that again he won’t be as “merciful”. But to the Victims he would console them, but also give them his harsh reality of “you have to be stronger than your enemies” and as much as he wants them to keep their innocence, he doesn’t want them to be weak either. Or worse killed.

But that’s just my little HC 😌

Anon rhis is such a good headcannon???? 🥹🥹 lemme just..,🤏🤌

No i don't mind qt all!!! 😊 If anuthing, im so glad you shqred this with me 🥰💖 bc I felt IMMEDIATELY inspired by this headcannon !!😽✨💖...

... so jere are MY headcannons for YOUR headcannon 🙈🙈⛅🌻💞💕💓✨🌼 Took me a short while to formulate my answer, so srry for the delayed reply 😿 I saw this as soon as you sent me this an i dont want u to tjink i ignored you at all:(</33

König with a soft spot for children headcannons🥺🥺

+ father König drabbles🤭

Word count: ~2022

*If you ignore my VERY angsty depiction of König's childhood, then it's totally pure fluff all around 💖✨🤗

*General headcannons for König

Writinf block is fuckinf AGONY and im in PAIN 😭😭💔💔 give me time to recover and ill powt two fully-fleshed out fanfics sometime soon 🙏🥺

Tag List ♡ @simpforkonig ♡ @abysslovesyou ♡ @puff0o0 ☆ @rustic-guitar-notes ☆ @happy-mushrooms ♡ @reyner-lee

...

König, having been bullied all of his childhood, is FIRMLY against bullying.

To see a little girl/boy being labelled an outcast is oh too familiar to him, and hits far too close to home than it should. Brings back the insecurities, the feeling of being utterly humilated, a permanent reminder of his not fitting in. Literally.

Primary school: bullied for being a beanstalk, for head hitting the door frame, for being abnormally large, a "mutant"; balls hurtled at him in dodgeball, all competing in finding out who can knock out the "freak"; knees kicked from behind and legs buckling from the attack, a stampede of legs stamping on him as he cowered on the floor, helpless, and no one caring to help, teachers observing idly nearby.

Secondary school: nose broken to "fix" his crooked features, his "ugly" face; cast aside in class photos for "ruining the picture"; people of his own age turning their heads in the other way in disgust, avoiding him like the plague.

As if his "ugliness" was contagious, and if anyone was to touch him they'd catch the disease.

Power surpassing his tormentors, yet too powerless to fight back, he endured, yet didn't overcome.

Lasting trauma changed König's own perception of self completely.

It took a long time becoming the cocky and confident commander he presents himself as. To stand up to his full height and embrace himself for who he was and is, to be self-assured, domineering, and boisterous with others irrespective of their rank. The Colonel; a hardened soldier; a strict man of discipline exerting his authority over all, not at all sympathetic towards anyone.

Deep down, he is still that young boy, vulnerable in the center of a circle of so many pointing fingers and sneering faces. All became a collective body of ridiculing smiles, of sing-song laughter, so many that he lost count.

So, personally vowing to NEVER let his future children (or any children) go through the same turmoil, he would intervene whenever he had the chance to.

For instance, perhaps König was speed-walking home one day, dufflebag slung over his shoulder as he rushed to get back to you as soon as possible after being deployed these past weeks, and maybe he was passing by a playground.

Initially focused on the goal at hand, he couldn't help but turn his head, a small smile under his mask as he felt a wave of nostalgia crash over him. Nostalgic of times before he was forced to integrate with callous society.

Smiling at the oblivious children playing together, kicking their chubby little legs on the swings, sliding down a slide and falling, squealing. All giggling with glee, so innocent.

All except one. His eyes would land on a small girl, bawling on the ground, no older than five years old.

Surrounded by three others, all pointing fingers and laughing, the ringleader making fun of the poor thing as his henchmen stomped the remainder of her sandcastle, kicking sand at her. Hands on hip, chest puffed out triumphantly.

Rubbing her puffy eyes, thick pouting lips drooping in an open-mouthed frown, chin quivering as she struggled to contain her broken sobs, she kneeled on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest.

Usually, in these types of situations, people tend to behave in two very different ways when they see something that happened to them happening before their eyes:

"Why should I help them? I went through the same thing, so it's not my problem" or "I should help! They shouldn't have to go through the same thing".

You can probably already guess under which category König falls into.

He was NOT about to actively play a passive role in ignoring the poor blubbering child, to be downright apathetic like the other adults were in their radius. No way.

Still carrying his dufflebag, imagine the horror of the little shitlings*: seeing an imposing giant 2ft+ taller than them, huge body trudging towards their little troupe; cold, icy-blue eyes half-lidded staring into their bulging ones. Glaring.

Little band of clowns would probably actually shitting themselves fr 💀

Not only does König give the brats a stern talking to (all the while they are nodding their heads with jaws on the floor, knees trembling and nearly caving in on themselves), he later makes it his due diligence to track down the parent(s) and scold them too.

"Was wird deinem Gören zu Hause beigebracht? What do you teach your brat? This behaviour is unacceptable. You have set a terrible example, Du verdammter Idiot. How dare you allow this? Bulling is wrong. Scheiße, are you listening to me? Because you should, Dummkopf. You should be ashamed. I am sure ashamed of you. I swear to Gott—"

Cue 1 hours later, he personally grounds them (the child and parents)... 🤐

...And the child goes with it? Even the adults? 😭

I mean, to be honest, I would too, if a 6'10, body-so-broad-that-it-blocked-all-sunlight-and-did-not-fit-in-the-door-frame Colonel, gesticulating wildly, projecting strongly his German-accented voice, cursing in an aggravated amalgamation of furious English and a spiteful spit of German... Yeah, I'd be pissing my pants not even gonna lie 😭

I'd imagine that the parents would be immediately saluting, images of stupidity on their faces, completely dumbfounded to have their parenting challenged and to learn that their "precious little angel(s) that can do no wrong" actually can do wrong. (sorry guys i hate toddlers with a RAGING PASSION... rant over fyi no more of me insulting shitheads🥰)

As for the sweet, weeping girl, he would crouch down to her height, gentle eyes genuine behind his menacing mask. Slowly lifting the fabric, wary of his facial deformities, his scars, he'd do his best to give her a comforting smile, wanting to make her at ease.

She was not put off by his appearance at all. If anything, she maintained eye contact — was curious yes, so with no filter whispered, "You... you have a nice smile, sir. I like your eyes.

"They're—" a loud sniff, wiping her nose with her sleeve "—they're pretty. "

Taken aback, König's eyes widened. Then, in soft whisper:

"Meine Süße, I'm so very sorry about those— those idiots..."

The girl giggled a little, dimples appearing on her tear-stained cheeks.

"And I'm so very sorry, but there will others. Other idiots," he allowed himself to smile, letting out a dry chuckle.

A tentative hand dropping to her round shoulder, squeezing it every so slightly to emphasise his words. "And you have to be strong, Mädchen. You must be strong. This world isn't a good place for angels like you."

Obviously, he didn't sugarcoat the truth. Situations like this would be unavoidable. He would make that clear.

"I do not condone violence, but—" a wink, acknowledging the irony behind his words. "—if you stick your foot out when one of those brats are walking down the corridors, surely nothing will happen, ja?"

Seeing the girl lighten up, smiling brightly, no signs anymore of crying, he ruffled her hair with a toothy grin.

Letting the veil drop down his face, he suddenly fixed his posture and gave an exaggeratedly goofy salute as he turned to head home, satisfied. All the while the girl waved at him energetically, eyes crinkling up in an adolescent's adorable smile.

On another note: I never really gave it much thought before, but... König as a father? 🥺🥺

Your headcannons unlocked a part of my brain that had been locked. 🤭✨ Needed to upgrade my König skill tree before I got to this poin. 🦸🏼‍♀️ Sure has been worth it, though. 🤩

Ever since he was past his teenage years, the thought of a family was something he longed for. Desired.

Maybe it's because he was taught traditional house roles in his European household, or was longing for something that was out of reach, he couldn't tell.

What he was certain about was that it was his biggest wish. His dream.

Deployed in a foreign country, his favourite past-time was fantasizing about his future with a special someone, to have a big family, and to raise his children, giving them everything good he never had, and to shield them from everything bad he had experienced.

Something in being the breadwinner of the house was so masculine to him, and coming home to so many short, out-stretched arms, so excited to be reunited with their papa clinging on to his long legs brought a tear to his eye.

And, once you two officially became a couple, he knew that he wanted to start a family with you at some point. From the moment he met your eyes, intuition assured him that you would be the right one for him.

If you're a [fertile] female, he wants nothing more than to see miniature you and him running around, sweet cherub faces and their chubby cheeks smiling at him, calling him papa, calling you mama.

Seeing your belly swell up with his baby would strangely give him a sense of pride, proud that you would both bring sacred life into the world together, and would practically worship the ground you walk on. He would want to get this right, for everything to be perfect.

He wouldn't allow you to lift a finger despite your protests, catering to your every need, caring for you in any and all ways he could:

Carrying the groceries, 3 carrier bags in each hand, serving you while simultaneously subtly making you swoon, not missing the googly eyes you made at his strength from his peripheral vision;

Doing the bed, making sure to stock up on additional soft pillows and fluffy blankets so you would rest well, removing all stress from your morning routine, and the discomfort of finding a comfortable sleeping position at night;

Insisting you eat balanced meals, preparing nutritious food that had all the nutrients you would need, the sustenance to feed you and develop a healthy baby.

The gore and guts he had witnessed in the battlefield did not compare at all to the sight of blood staining the hospital bed sheet. The look of horror in his eyes as you went into labour, death grip on his hand, knuckles turning white. He'd be hyperventilating, almost feeling the same pain you were going through 😢💔

Not to say that your agony was worth it, but seeing the beautiful blanketed bundle in your arms, you cooing at the little one, made every single horrific moment combined in his life worthwhile.

All the struggles, the hardships, the troubles; all worth it if it meant seeing you with his child.

If you're anything other ([infertile] female, male, non-binary, etc), König would get so emotional when adopting a newborn with you.

He'd be teary-eyed, unable to hide the emotions.

To think that he'd be rescuing a child, giving them a second chance and making it feel so wanted, so loved. To give it all the love he was missing, the feeling forgotten through years of bullying, abuse, and violence, and war.

He would waste no time building the nursery. Painting the walls, building the crib, buying plush blankets, stuffed teddy bears, toys that would be in no way a choking hazard.

His helicopter parent preparations aside, his dream would be to grow old with you, and be surrounded by children, grand-children, and even great-grand-children, sharing stories as the lively atmosphere was bubbling with life, with a family.

Piggy back rides would be a MUST!! 😡 Or, better yet, his infants (taking turns — dunno if three kids at once is very practical 😭) sitting on his shoulders, seeing the world from so high up. Reaching out, and their head in the clouds.

Bouncing them on his knee, like a train conductor going through heavy turbulence, all the while the little ones would be laughing happily, telling him to go faster.

Every single one of his children cuddled up to him; in his lap, over his shoulders, splayed over his legs, clinging to him like a pack of koalas. 🐨

Reading bed time stories, stroking their head, stood in the door way minutes after his children had fallen asleep. Keeping them safe.

A family of his own. To eventually embarrass endearingly, to squish their cheeks, and tickle their sides, play-wrestle and tease by keeping objects out of reach. His extensive research also included horrible dad jokes, which were made hilarious by their poor translations into English.

Wanting to raise his children the way his mother had raised him while she was still around, to give his children the happy childhood he hadn't had, to make school a positive journey into adulthood. He'd teach them to deal with bullies, to stand up for themselves when he never could...

...And, athough he has good intentions, the truth is that with a father like him no snot-nosed brat would ever dare to mess with the Colonel's children ☠️

...

Note: Omg you. csn tell that i got so carried away w/ this😭😭 you know rhat line where König "fantasized" about a family ?yea that was me the entire time wiritng this...💔 God i need to stop daydreamimg excessively ajd return to reality 🥲 ...

...,,jk i wont 🥰💅✨💫 good mental health??😰😰 guurrl we don't know her 💆🏼‍♀️💫✨🧚‍♀️💓

Functioning like a normal human being💔🤮🤮🤮<<<<< Making up vivid scenarios in my head💓💓 😍😍😍

*fyi, shitlings is a loose translation for "gówniaki/gówniarze", an insult you have for children in Polish (similar to the English "shithead"). Do what you will with that new knowledge. The world is your oyster with that one ig 👍

[literallys-illiteracy]

EGO-Less Mirror Dungeon Abnormalities:

Well now this is 1 tenth off of my to-do List, theres still over forty left im pretty sure

Resident of metropolaris

Highway devotee

Spider of Marrige

KQE-1j-23

Wandering Mind

Resident of Metropolaris:

The only other major thing to note is the “Polaris” section, with Polaris being the north star, or the stationary star directly towards the North Pole.

Metropolis on its own is a word used to refer to the largest or most important city in an area or country.

--

I will be quite frank, reading through this abnormalities event the first time I couldn’t gain anything from the thematic, mostly thinking “huh that was weird” and moving on.

On hearing the suggestion that this abnormality was based on the novel “Metropolis” which I had read a long time ago and could not remember in detail, I became more intrigued in this abnormality before promptly forgetting about it entirely.

For the record I chose which abnormalities I analyse via a random number generator, with 4 random numbers, and then one of choice — I did not choose this abnormality in particular, mostly as a didn’t want to re read metropolis. Maybe if I do go back to read it one day, I will also return to this abnormality, but both of those are unlikely considering the size of my reading list.

Primarily, the theme of this abnormality relates back to the city itself, relating back to the taboo’s of the nests acting to “protect” those within their care, with the citizen stating “If nobody can touch each other, then nobody can hurt each other”

Though the taboo’s of the nests, and the rules of the city at large, may seem strange and absurd to outsiders, akin to the odd rules of this Metropolaris, following the rules of the city, though risking the seemingly painful repercussions of breaking the taboos, with the citizen itself stating that it hurts, it is far better than living outside the organised structure of the city.

Now onto my conjecture regarding the novel and film Metropolis and its possible relations:

in this story, the metropolis is a technologically advanced city, seemingly perfect, yet fuelled by the slave labour of a hidden lower class — The link to the city itself may be drawn, being fuelled by the unseen suffering of those deemed less valuable, however it is more so that both cities are a criticism of Capitalism as a whole.

The more important link to the novel is in the ending, with the statement that "There can be no understanding between the hands and the brain unless the heart acts as mediator." potentially relating to the taboo of the citizens not seeing or touching each other, and this, never reaching an understanding, the linking of the lower and upper classes can never be made without the joining of their hands, however if the workers remain out of sight, fall silent, it is as if there was never any suffering in the first place.

Highway Devotee

Potentially related to the abnormality released in the next dungeon set, as both this and “explorer on a bereaved Road” seem to share a thematic, however we will discuss that at a later date.

I personally believe that this abnormality relates back to he concept of being stuck in a position in your life, which is oddly enough the exact thematic that The King In Binds uses — Milepost is a term often used for an achievement, similar to milestone. The name “Milepost of Survival” seems to invoke the concept of someone living their life, reaching a crossroad as they travel, a marking point for how long they have survived.

The Main road will block you in, trap you in a stagnant, singular role for what seems like an eternity, who knows when the next time you will come upon a crossroad like this one, Its Longer Than You Think.

The Alternative, the byway, represents taking a shortcut in life, cheating to gain a position, an action which the gods of… Traffic, will not look kindly on.

Spider of Marriage:

This Abnormality is about toxicity in marriage. That is clear to even those who have no media literacy. The married couple is stitched together, trapped in this nest by the brambles of the celebratory flowers. The couple, being stitched together, is constantly losing blood, needing to suffer in order to hold themselves, and by extension each other, up and moving.

The literary reference is me thinking constantly that this joke is funny: The EGO gift that is given by this abnormality is named “Prejudice” and is a pride affinity EGO gift. Pride and Prejudice is a novel by the author Jane Austen, published in 1813-

A large portion of the novel focuses around the conventions of marriage at the time, being that many marries are not borne out of love, not from the heart, but rather the wallet.

While I do think the reference within the EGO gift to be intentional, I do not believe that the abnormality itself is directly inspired by the theme within the novel.

All together, this abnormality is quite simple, acting as a very direct and obvious message towards the conventions of marriage and the expectation to remain with a partner for life, while also acting as a metaphor for marriage as a while, healthy nor not, with the couple’s reliance on one another in order to survive at all.

KQE-ij-23:

If you are unaware, this abnormalities code is O-06-20-02, in Lobotomy Corporation, the code for the abnormality “Nothing There” is O-06-20.

What does this mean? I dont fucking know???

My best bet at a linkage between these two is the fact that this abnormality seems to be partially a human, or rather, this abnormality is a robot which has been designed as a human? Maybe the other way round?

The opening lines establish that it seems to be leaking blood, rather than oil or antifreeze like a robot would; The [Hello] Option gives the line “in its movements you feel a plea for help”, but this isn’t brought back up at any point in the encounter nor logs again?; The Terminal on its chest, alongside the original two lines being [Hello] and [Goodbye], could be linked to the hole in NT-’s third phase where the lines match while having a hole in its chest?

The final major link to Nothing There is the fact that it says it appears to be “Incomplete”, akin to the way in which Nothing There will never become a human, and is thus always incomplete, simply being a shell undergoing its rote programming and basic observations of humans (wait hold on).

Okay I wrote that last part and had somewhat of an epiphany regarding this theory, the link between the incomplete nature of the machine and the endlessly seeking nature of the Tour Guide, with the Tour guide’s event claiming to have an “administrator”, which has left it incomplete — This is/Was the only Abnormality to have the keyword “Mechanical Amalgam”, linking back to this “Incomplete nature” and reliance on what it has been programmed to do, it is possible that, even if not directly linked to Nothing There, it is almost certainly of the same ilk relating to the theme of being an “Incomplete Human”.

O-04-84 is the Abnormality code of Meat Lantern in Lobotomy Corporation; F-04-21-03 is the Abnormality code of Faelantern in Limbus Company — Limbus Company uses a different abnormality classification system to Lobotomy Corporation. Even Aberrations dont share the same code across games, meaning that my statement about KQE being of the same ilk but not directly related is almost certain, and as we all know, I am never wrong (not legally binding).

Wandering Mind:

So, Starting off with the abnormality’s EGO gifts this time: Phantom Pain is the sensation of feeling pain from a non existent, amputated body part, most commonly Limbs.

Mirror Touch (touch is basically the same word as tactile) Synesthesia is a phenomenon where, upon observing another person, may feel the same or a similar sensation on an area of their body (E.g., Seeing someone touch their cheek and feeling a sensation in your own cheek) — This condition may be acquired following amputation due to sensory loss.

. Finally, the name of the abnormality itself: a “wandering Mind” is often used as a term for when one has thoughts unrelated to, nor produced by, current tasks or stimuli.

Both EGO gifts have names referencing tactile hallucinations, both of which may often be related to amputation, which is fitting due to the lack of arms in the abnormality itself.

This Abnormality is also, in some way shape or form, is linked to Cathy, as the EGO gift “Handheld Mirror” requires the latter EGO gift to create, and as the form of “Every Catherine” is similarly grey and arm-less in appearance.

The opening lines of this encounter are vague, relating to the concept of a wandering mind, settling within this shell of a human.

A mind never occupied in the present, only wandering, wondering what could have been, blindly reaches out to touch anything with its illusory hands.

Attempting to reach out to it, to grab its hand, reveals these hands to be an illusion, to be “Something that should not have been made visible”- a fact that the Abnormality seems to know — Recoiling after this, it turns into a small statue, the Gift “Phantom Pain”, lacking the small orb which hovered in the chest of the abnormality.

I want to note the imagery of a black hole that has been used within this abnormalities artwork, the event horizon centring the torso, the Singularity being placed where the heart would be.

The concept of Phantom pain, in this abnormality, may not specifically relate to the phantom hands, but rather the heart, the hurting from what is no longer there, the hole in the place of the heart acting to draw everything in, to consume, only to realise that it no longer has any means nor motive to do so.

Once again we are able to relate this abnormality to Catherine, or rather to Heathcliff, no longer having a reason to hurt, feeling empty as they have lost their heart.

[faksyan]

kazi baby and maybe sunny on the side idk if she has enough in canon for an ask on her own

Oh you know it I want to talk about Kazuhira Miller. Of course I do.

(my favorite Sunny moments are all of mgrec and jomo am I allowed to answer that. Loved her there the writers did such a good job. I wish we were friends.)

First impression

Honestly, I don't think I took that much notice of him in his first appearance? I saw him in pw first, and in the beginning he is just a guy idk. The ending of peace walker and his tapes made me go a bit feral over him though. just a little.

Impression now

I'm in love with his anger issues. He's a scared animal backed into a corner that bites at the hand reaching for him even if it wants to feed and soothe him. I like thinking it gets better with age, but never quite leaves him to some extent, he did think about his revenge on bb for years (even though I think by there end it was less personal and more about. you know. not letting the world explode.)

I really really really like all of Kaz's designs. They're so expressive and tell so much about the mental space he's in. I love how resilient he is throughout all of the shit he deals with and how he passes it on to Dave. What else. There's so much more honesty I talk a bunch about Kaz in other asks, nothing else I haven't mentioned before comes to mind right now.

Favorite moment

Him almost killing himself and bb with a grenade. Showstopping. Brilliant. Never done before. All of first encounter honestly it does so much for him as a character. His tapes where he talks about his childhood too. Every Kaz moment is kind of my favorite I think. I like his lines as Master Miller where he tells Solid he should survive and about cheese fondue and stuff.

Idea for a story

I'm afraid I tie him to Ocelot too much because I love their dynamic. A big fic during the nine year gap where they do a bunch of dumb shit and make Diamond Dogs and kiss is the main one I guess. They go to a casino and beat the shit out of each other one (1) time and beat the shit out of other people many times. So much more bullshit happens but im not getting into that right now. I also have a story with the main focus on Paz in mind, but he's also there a lot, I just want them to be friends.

Unpopular opinion

He can be impulsive but he is a lot more rational than what people often portray/describe him as I think. Also, almost all interpretations of him in v I've seen feel kind of. wrong. Yes, he's traumatized and paranoid, but he is not a *mess*, not in a way he is often viewed. I already said about how I think Kaz's designs are very expressive, and there was this really cool post (don't really know where it's now unfortunately, don't think I reblogged it) about how his facial hair in tpp isn't him giving up on shaving, it's him having a fucking designer stubble that was a rising trend at the time. This, coupled with the fact that he wears so many layers (of also fancy clothes), carries a gun on him at all times, and orders people around as if it were his base (it is) and his soldiers (they are) is exactly the opposite of a man that gave up on his life. It isn't his low point. I headcanon the actual lowest low point in his life being somewhere during bb's coma, and by v he has gotten over it. It was a really long time, and they needed to move on to get things done, so he did. He didn't really need Snake by the time he gets back, I think. Not anymore. It was purely sentimenal by then, plus wanting revenge. And then not even that.

Favorite relationship

Oh would you really make me choose. Ocelhira for all the reasons listed here and so many more. Him and bb for all the baggage they have. Him and V for all the baggage they don't have but think they do because Zero is insane what was that plan. Him and Solid even though they have almost no screentime together. Everyone who ever interacts with him is my favorite relationship because it's Kazuhira Miller. Sorry for being abnormal about him.

Favorite headcanon

Transfem Kaz maybe, but I don't write or think about him with it in mind a lot of the time. Also I think he lost the hand in Ground Zeroes, it makes sense with him bringing up losing limbs and the pain being a reminder of what was taken from him nine years ago in his helicopter speech.

Bonus

Okay, more seriously about Sunny. Everyone always draws her so cheerful and outgoing aka closer to how she's in Rising I assume, that I didn't really expect that she'd be essentially kind of a shut-in in 4. She's a scared anxious child who is also a prodigy, and they are so fucking mean to her there. Made me honestly pretty sad. Though a lot of it might have been the stress everyone was under. I haven't gotten to her in mgr yet, but it makes me happy that things get better for her, like everyone always wanted.

[puppsworld]

omg hi i saw you said you wanted to be asked about ghoul hc's and I love your ideas so I have questions >:3

i hope its ok that im asking about something related to like . whats admittedly my guilty pleasure headcanon bc it lets me project onto the ghouls sobs but . i know chronically ill zeph + occasionally rain and phantom is a common hc, but is that something you have ideas for ? bc I've seen some neat ideas about how chronic illnesses manifest for ghouls vs humans, so I was curious :3

GRABS YOU. GRABS YOU. I HAVE A *LIST* OF GHOUL MEDICAL THINGS HOLD ON

ok so, here is ^^ my list of ghouls and some of the medical stuff i hc them with: (big list,,, ish. so imma put it under tha cut ^^)

Omega: - Hip Dysplasia (Uses a Cane) Delta: - Ménière’s disease: a balance disorder. It’s caused by an abnormality in part of the inner ear called the labyrinth. Fluid buildup here can cause a severe spinning feeling (vertigo) and affect the hearing. (Due to balance problems he requires crutches) - Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: Extreme fatigue that can't be explained by an underlying medical condition. - Acquired Immune Deficiency: Immune system weakened due to elemental transition Aether: - Rheumatoid arthritis Phantom: - Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) - Stomach / Digestive issues caused by his hEDS Aurora: - Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) - Heartburn caused by her hEDS Zephyr: - Idiopathic Scoliosis - Sciatica - Chronic Pain - Fatigue Dewdrop: - Acquired Immune Deficiency: Immune system weakened due to elemental transition

:)

[aropride]

saw ur recommendation for 3m aura n95s 👀👀 any advice on where to get them from? heading back 2 school in a few weeks and wanna stock up — tysm !!!!!

ok so!! my first recommendation is to see if there is a mask block near you, in my area it was CRANE (covid resistance action northeast), they're having trouble stocking and filling orders rn so mine took ~a month to arrive but the time would've passed anyway as they say . if ur in a more urban area ur a lot more likely to have one near u tbh, idk if it'd work but it'd be worth reaching out to the closest one even if they're not technically working in ur exact area just to see . here's a map of mask blocs worldwide- they're mostly in america (continent - but mostly in the US+canada) & europe (mostly in great britian) but there are some others too

otherwise the safest way to get some that are 100% not counterfeit is ordering directly from a supplier, but that can be expensive . project n95 is inactive now but theres still a list of suppliers there !! 3m is really good from experience . u can also get n95s/kn95s/p100 respirators from home depot if u have one near u- however the supplyaid kn95s they sell arent very good, i had them and theyre better than nothing but they only have a 67% filtration rate (as opposed to the 95% expected from n95s and kn95s - thats what the 95 stands for i was mindblown when i discovered this)

also while im thinking about it, part of the reason n95s are more protective than kn95s despite both filtering 95% of particles is bc the seal on the n95 is a lot more reliable than the kn95 :}

me personally ive been getting mine from amazon (not recommended) (i have gift cards there so im not giving them My money at least) and trying my best to make sure they're legit . i referenced the 3m n95 1870s i got using this twitter thread and they seem to be legit? on amazon it also usually says where it ships from and check the storefront, the reviews etc etc. i basically have to do an entire vetting process every time its very annoying ❤️ it is a lot less expensive though, especially if they have a sale going . (here are the ones ive been getting- the listings look the same as of rn but amazon changes them all the time so take this with a grain of salt, person i imagined reading this in 2027. link 1, link 2)

ive tried the holy trinity (new term i made up for the 3m n95 1870 (red straps), 3m n95 9205 (blue straps), and 3m n95 9210 (braided white straps)) -- ime the 9210 definitely has the tightest head straps and i have an abnormally small head on account of being 3 inches tall and born in a thimble all alone . so thats something to be aware of, if u have an abnormally big head the 3m auras might not be the best bc of the strap tightness .

SORRY I'M LIKE INFODUMPING AT U NOW ..!! i have more though . If you know anyone irl who masks asking them where they get theirs might help, they might know stuff locally. ALSO speaking of knowing stuff locally- i don't know if this is universal but i have a friend who's getting really into asian cuisine and a lot of asian grocery stores ive been to with her in my area have had masks. that's such a long shot but ive seen them five out of six stores ive gone to and never at, like, hannaford or market basket or whatever.

OKAY ONE MORE THING . when i got my free masks from crane (SHOUTOUT CRANE I LOVE YOU CRANE) they also sent a thing abt how to reuse them that i will add !! they can be used for like 40 hours if theyre not visibly dirty or the straps dont break or anything

okay i am done infodumping now SORRY THIS IS SO LONG..!!! tldr: local mask bloc if it's an option is definitely the least expensive, project n95 compiled a bunch of links to buy from suppliers, home depot/other hardware stores are worth a shot, and amazon's an option especially if you're like me (poor but have money stuck in amazon gift cards) 🫡

[eddiegettingshot]

My lowkey unhinged spec is that actually the scripts have buddie being mostly normal and then the entire cast and crew just works overtime to make them as abnormal as possible. Like the script says “eddie sees the 118 having a good time and feels excluded and leaves” and then the DOP and director are like yes but what if when eddie sees them its framed like buck is the focal point and also theres like light surrounding him. And also we get eddie to to the tragic brown eyes thing. Perfect. Or the script is like “maddie (exasperated/happy): ummmm yeah actually [bucktommy] were [together before]” and jen is like okay but what if I add a tinge of disapproval/annoyance in a love my little brother but I wish he would get it together way and the script supervisor is like yeah exactly. or its like “eddie (supportive): this doesnt change anything between us. Buck:well thats a relief” and oliver is like okay but what if when I say that I dont look relieved at all. And then ryan is like omg yeah and when I say it doesnt change anything Ill use my eyes to say but actually it changes everything. And oliver is like omg yeah and also imagine if when your supposed to be supportive of buck and tommy you just dont look happy about it at all. Meanwhile the director is in the back making sure the scene is framed exactly the same as the bucktommy kiss scene for some reason. Or maybe theyre filming the medal ceremony and the script says “the 118 recieve their medals. The crowd is proud of them” and then the director is like yeah but what if we we pan to a specific person or group for each medal recipient. Like maddie for chim and karen/mara/denny for hen. And eddie and chris for buck. obviously. Anyways 😭

THIS IS SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY TO IMAGINE IM CRYING 😭😭😭 ADDING THIS TO THE LIST OF THEORIES I COMPLETELY BELIEVE

[boo-gutzz]

Oooo I am actually interested in your deities au please info dump to me ooooooooooo spooooooky

Vibrates. Hello hi yes u will so ger the infodump legend

Its a pretty basic deities AU where everybody represents something yk but also im abnormal about them. I haven't completely figured EVERYBODY out yet BUT here's the list of associations so far

And basically each life series is just another iteration and cycle they go through, all that jam, but its more like... old tales basically, yk? Not a currently ongoing thing but just like "backstory", and it's a sort of repeating battle where the winner is chosen as the "leading god" for some time who crafts the next series in their own image

[lindamccartneysstrap]

what r ur top 5 mclennon moments

I don't believe in ranking top things but I'll list 5 moments I enjoy that come to my head in no particular order

-their meet cute because it's cute and also funny to me how that baby faced 15 year old met an older boy who was playing his guitar like a banjo and singing the wrong lyrics and smelling like beer and they were both like, woah I'm gonna be abnormal about that dude foreverrr 😁

-that story may pang told about being in a taxi in nyc with john in traffic and they look over and see paul and Linda in a taxi in the next lane and paul and john stick their heads out of the window and yell to set up dinner plans as the taxis separate.

-lsd trip. Gotta love the mind-melding and seeing john as the Emperor of Eternity or whatever and just being like okay gonna go to bed now

-paris trip. I mean come on. Imagine being a 19 year old boy and your bestie is like, oh shit I got like $3000 you know what I'm gonna do im gonna take you (NOT my girlfriend) to paris. Everything about the paris trip is the gayest thing ive ever heard. George shouldve murdered them for leaving when they had shows to play 😭

-john making paul listen to a sextape of him and yoko because what in the psychosexual hell was that

[auspex]

ranking my current and former special interests

NOTES: this is not a tier list of everything i like. in fact there are several things i spent more time on and liked just as much that aren't on this list, but i can feel when i become Abnormal about something and it becomes a special interests. explanations under the cut

from this i learned i need more special interests that aren't media, but at least my current special interest, WoD, encourages me to be creative... unfortunately i also cannot pick my special interests T_T

in text form:

S: Birds

A: World of Darkness, Mitski

B: A Song of Ice and Fire (book series); Star Wars; Maoism (plaese read explanation lmao); Animal Crossing; Darkest Dungeon; Puella Magi Madoka Magica; Portal

C: Binding of Isaac, Yuri on Ice

F: Homestuck, LoveNikki

S Birds: Pure, wonderful creatures, i want my special interest to revive instead of just loving them. like this was my first special interest i think. i love birds.... ERA: Childhood

A WoD: I know it has many issues but it gains points for A) making me do creative stuff B) bringing me out of a dark place C) gaining me wonderful internet friends and D) being current special interest. ERA: PRESENT (mid-20s)

Mitski: I'm normal about her now, but oh my god. impeccable. no notes really. shout out to mitski for being in top 10 spotify wrapped for me since 2019. and breaching top 5 a majority of those times. ERA: Late Teens, early 20s

B ASOIAF: I'm glad there's at least one meaty book series here. It loses points because of GRRM being Weird and misogynistic often, as well as Bad TV show, and being NEVER FINISHED but. im sorry. its good. ERA: Mid high school

Star Wars: By god i can watch episode iii a billion times and the novelization changed me deeply. obi wan i am still obsessed with you. however. it loses points. due to. Well. you know. Disney... :( ERA: Middle school and early high school

Maoism: OK so. thank u maoism for helping me figure out and articulate my beliefs and giving me a sense of purpose. however. i also joined a political org that turned out to be Terrible due to it. so. it loses points for that. and also while i still largely agree w/the ideology im still refiguring out my politics after that half politicalorg half cult debacle ERA: Early 20s

Animal Crossing: You saved me in high school, thank you ERA: Middle school and all of high school

Darkest Dungeon: I LOVE YOU DARKEST DUNGEONNN but it hasn't sparked any creativity, just consumption, so it is limited in that way. ERA: Mid high school

Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Gorgeous show, influenced me to become an anime fan, has its issues though ERA: Early High School

Portal: Excellent game. i was indeed abnormal about it in high school. however i struggle to see where it had positive lasting impact on me, it was just kinda there. but its v good! ERA: Early high school

C Binding of Isaac: Another game that saved my in high school, however it got so many expansions and i dropped it. it loses points cause unlike the other video games in B tier, i dont think ill ever return to it, or in the case of portal, straight up isn't as good. ERA: All of high school

Yuri on Ice: This was a cringe one but it was a very strong interest by god. theres not like, anything super wrong with it, just... yeah. moving on. ERA: A brief period in early college

F Homestuck: Oh god im so sorry. so many problems. both technical and moral. let's move on again: ERA: all of high school, unfortunately

LoveNikki: The only reason why homestuck isn't bottom of the barrel is because LoveNikki caused me to waste so much money (it is a mobile game) when i was depressed. it was a money sink. oh and the way they handle dressing up darker skin tones is racist and there are some racist outfits in it. so it pisses me off. ERA: A year in early college

[bones-boneyard]

Idk how big the overlap is on this but ive been thinking about combining my two current hyperfixations (dungeon meshi and limbus company) and thinking about how it would translate

Obviously going to put a dungeon meshi guy into limbus but I don't think the main crew actually fits that well with the limbus company cast. Mainly because it's all about how they're a group of seemingly unlikely friends with a common goal they are able to complete thanks to the power of friendship pretty much djdhsjdjnd so they're crossed off the list to be a sinner

Kabru though.... I feel like he'd be perfect as a sinner. His entire thing is wanting to beat the dungeon for his own wishes and desires. To conquer and destroy it. Plus he does seem like the type to join whatever party he feels would have the best shot at beating the dungeon so him joining limbus company seems fitting.

Certain things im still up in the air about like how falin is gonna work out or how kabru's parental backstory is gonna work. Laios' party is definitely a group of fixers exploring Lcorp ruins. Laios has an interest in the abnormalities/distortions. He probably collects abandoned reports from the ruins of Lcorp which from an outsider's perspective just seems like info gathering but really he's just autistic about it.

Also find it funny how both Kromer and Laios are people enamored by abnormalities but Laios jist became hyperfixated and Kromer went full on obsessed

[ashwithapen]

⚠️ this post is edited and updated regularly! last edited: 5 july 2024

⚠️ note: this blog is the parent blog of the sideblogs @wolfdogmisty and @ourstarsys, so if you're confused as to why this blog would interact with you, check the sideblogs! :)

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ᯓ☆ strawpage!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

hi, my name is ash! here are some things about me...

⤷ 18 | they/star pronouns ⤷ autistic, adhd, hsd, osdd-1b (system sideblog) ⤷ agender, greyromantic, bisexual, & queerplatonic ⤷ intp, aquarius, hufflepuff, 5w4, etc.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

some things i do...

⤷ write! i'm an author :) (prose, poetry, plays...) ⤷ compose music (i use musescore) ⤷ film & edit videos (check out my youtube channel) ⤷ play guitar and write songs

im SUPER into soundtracking & symbolism in music as well as abnormal psychology!!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

recently: i wrote an original soundtrack for a book

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

i hope you enjoy :)

— ⭑

below the cut: tags, WIPs, fandoms & interests, and more!

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ᯓ☆ tags!

#drabbles: shorts

#poetry: poetry

#life writing: life writing

#creative non-fiction: creative non-fiction

#fiction: fiction

#get wipped lmao: anything about my WIPs

#ash writes (as well as any of the above tags): original work

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#ash.txt: for when i have stuff to say

#ash answers: where i answer asks take a wild guess

#don't give me ideas: writing ideas & prompts

#write that down: things to come back to/reference

#oo shiny: stuff i liked a lot

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#composing: i write music scores sometimes

#insane mashups: sometimes i combine songs and create monstrosities and that's okay

#music!!: where i yell about songs/artists i like & other music stuff

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ᯓ☆ WIPs!

heart beats fast; colours and promises

Viva La Ávila

tales, second edition

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ᯓ☆ fandoms & interests!

ranges from obsessed, to involved, to generally liking. listed alphabetically. i will probably post/reblog about mainly the ones in bold as they are my current 'favourite' interests, but anything is free game.

13 reasons why (show, haven't read book)

abnormal psychology (neurodiversity)

avengers + avengers adjacent (mcu, haven't read comics)

avpm, avps, avpsy (musicals)

bo burnham (musician + comedian)

c418 (composer)

circe (book)

cream crew (content creator group)

crywank (musician)

dream smp (livestream series; i don't support dream/dream team)

e7i (musician)

epic (musical)

generation loss (interactive livestream + adjacent media)

good will hunting (movie)

greek mythology

hamilton (musical)

harry potter (fuck jkr)

hazbin hotel (tv show; i don't support the creator)

heartstopper (show, haven't gotten to read the graphic novels yet)

heathers (musical and movie)

heroes of olympus/percy jackson (books, still watching series)

how to train your dragon (movies + show)

how to train your dragon soundtrack

hozier (musician)

jacob collier (musician)

james marriott (musician + streamer)

john powell (film composer)

magnus chase and the gods of asgard (books)

modern baseball (band)

mom jeans. (band)

my hero academia (show, haven't read manga)

nimona (movie, haven't read graphic novel/web-series)

origami angel (band)

rainbow kitten surprise (band)

sherlock (bbc show)

sleepy bois inc. (content creator group; fuck wilbur soot)

song of achilles (book)

soundtracking & symbolism in music

star wars

studio ghibli (movies by the animation company)

the 1975 (band)

the star and the sun (book; still reading)

the oh hellos (band)

toby fox (music, haven't played his games yet)

qsmp (livestreamed minecraft server)

why don't we (band; old fan)

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ᯓ☆ extras!

⤷ as mentioned, i'm the host of an osdd-1b system @ourstarsys ⤷ my co-host, Misty, also has a side blog @wolfdogmisty ⤷ i also own @jesterjac (agere)

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