#and like obviously i’m not gonna share a picture of myself for privacy reasons but like i actually wanna cry

[rosesradio]

.

[chiliiscereal]

chosen last: part three

The people asked and so they shall receive

https://chiliiscereal.tumblr.com/post/650808822043115520/chosen-last

https://chiliiscereal.tumblr.com/post/651201066386554880/chosen-last-part-two

Summary: a boy takes notice of reader for the first time and Donnie is worried that he’s bad news. Little do both of them know, he’s right

Warning: mentions of attempted rape

——-

You felt so much better about yourself when your birthday was over. It was honestly one of the best you’d ever had. Better than the ones your friends planned anyway. You still went, but it was nothing like the party that the turtles threw. You didn’t think it could get any better.

Until, that is, something happened that almost made you change your mind.

You friend put a picture of you and her, together, up on Snapchat.

And... for the first time in your life... a guy took notice of you.

It wasn’t much. It was just “who’s that? Low key cute. Whats their snap?”

That happened to your friends.

Never to you.

Even more surprising, your friend gave him your snap.

Eric.

Eric was his name.

And he also went to your school!

You were incredibly nervous about this. Every single time a boy took interest in you it never seemed to be what your thought it was.

Last time a boy took interest in you it was ACTUALLY so they could get with your friend. That, my friends, was two years ago. Your friends blasted through boys like there was no tomorrow. But you? You’d never had someone interested in you like that.

Until now.

You talked to him and... honestly... you felt like there was something there.

He asked a lot about you and just seemed like the one, you know? You both shared the same interest in shows! You both enjoyed the same music!

Whenever he responded to you, you just couldn’t help but feel elated.

You would fall back on your bed and stare at the ceiling, feeling like this was a scene from a movie.

He didn’t wait for twenty minutes to respond to you.

He acknowledged every single thing you said.

And when he met up with you after school...

Wow.

Just wow.

He was incredibly handsome and polite.

He even held doors open for you!

You found yourself meeting up with him again and again.

It made you feel so... important.

Unfortunately, the turtles didn’t feel the same way.

————

“Who ya talkin’ to?” Leo leaned closer to look over your shoulder from his spot beside you on the couch.

It was movie night with the boys and April.

You brought you phone to your chest to obscure his view. “Hey hey hey back off!” You playfully shoved him away. “Just a friend.”

Mikey gave you a shit eating grin when he noticed the smile slipping onto your face. “Just a friend huh?” He pulled himself off the floor and reached for your phone. “Let me see let me see!”

You held it away from him to. “Woah this is my phone! Get away!”

A metal claw snatched it from your hand, retracting back to Donnie.

“And is this ‘friend’ a boy or a girl?” He opened your phone. “Ugh, what’s your password?”

You leapt off the couch and tried to grab your device back. “Does it matter?”

Donnie tapped away at the buttons, using his metal claws from his battle shell to keep you away. “No, it doesn’t matter unless it’s a BOY.” You phone buzzed slightly as it opened to your home screen. “Aha, I am in!”

Mikey and Leo both crawled over to their soft shelled brother to observe from behind him.

“Donnie, give it back.” You ordered, looking to April for help. She just shrugged and continued watching with a smirk. “Guys, come on! It’s not a big deal!”

Raph pulled himself off the floor and placed his hands on his hips. “Alright, jokes over; give the phone back.”

Donnie groaned. “Come on! I’m so close to figuring out who y/n’s talking to!”

Raph gave him a stern look. “Now. It’s private and obviously Y/n doesn’t want you looking through it.”

Donnie, Mikey, and Leo all gave him giant puppy eyes.

Raph simply held out his hand.

Donnie sighed. “Fine. Here.”

You sighed as well but in relief.

Raph took it from him, glancing down at your phone. To your dismay, it was open up to messages. “Eric Sherrin?” He asked in confusion.

“AHA!” Donnie shouted in triumph. “A name is all I need!” He began typing in the device on his wrist.

“Raph!” You accused angrily.

Ugh what were you gonna do now??

You’d never hear the end of this.

“Hey! Raph’s on your side! I didn’t know he could find out with just a name!” He held up his hands in defense.

“Eric?” April asked as she swiped through her phone. “Does he go to our school?”

You glared at Donnie before you decided whether or not to share that.

He shrugged. “Hey, I already have his social media up and every piece of information I could find. Whether or not you say will change nothing.”

“Fine.” You growled. “Yes, he goes to our school. He’s a mutual friend with my other friends.”

April raised a brow. “And that’s supposed to make me feel better.”

You shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Well it doesn’t.”

April was dead set on despising your friends. You knew she had good reason but you didn’t need it brought up now.

Leo took the computer that Donnie had sent all the information to, scrolling through Eric’s social media. “Wow, there are a lot of pictures of him holding fish.” He snorted. “Does he think that’s gonna impress people or something?”

“I’ve never understood the appeal.” Donnie shook his head. “So what? You killed an animal good for you.”

“I think it’s about killing a BIG animal.” Leo squinted at the screen. “There’s also lots of pictures of him with other girls.”

“Guys can you just stop?” You placed your hands on your hips. “It’s sweet that you’re trying to make sure he’s not some idiot but you’re invading his privacy-!”

“Woah, look what I found in his records from the school.” Donnie waved his brothers closer.

Even Raph and April did so.

“He harassed at girl at school?” Mikey repeated as he read the screen. “Really?”

“Yeah no this guy’s bad news.” Donnie shook his head in disappointment. “Y/n, give me your phone. I’ll block him for you.” He even reached his hand out expectantly.

You held your phone closer. “No, that’s just a rumor that spread at school.”

The boys stopped what they were doing.

“You knew?” Leo narrowed his eyes. “And you’re still interested?”

“He told me that the teachers didn’t believe him.” You responded as you crossed your arms. “Some girl made it up cause she didn’t like him.”

“You can’t take that risk.” Raph crossed his arms.

“Raph, I thought you were in my side!” You protested.

“That was before Raph found out that the guy harassed someone.” He defended. “Come on, you know this can’t end good.”

Your stomach burned with anger.

Anger that they felt they could order you around like that.

That they wouldn’t even let you figure it out yourself.

That this might end just like every other romantic interest would.

“Why won’t you just let me handle this myself?” You stuffed your hands in your pockets and flopped back down in the couch.

Mikey crawled into the spot next to you, wrapping his arms around you. “You’re one of our best friends! We don’t want anything to happen to you!” He gave you wide innocent eyes as if that would erase your anger.

Well... it did.

Curse him and his adorable eyes.

You rolled your eyes and hugged him back. “I know. I just want to figure this out myself.” You gave Donnie a hard glare as your rested your chin on Mikey’s shoulder.

“Fine.” He closed all the tabs on his computer grudgingly. “But I know this is just gonna end in heartbreak.”

“What a vote of confidence.” Leo snorted and plopped down in the spot next to you.

He smirked when you ignored him, still hugging Mikey.

“Hey, come on, you know you can’t stay mad at this face.” He leaned against you dramatically. “I’m the face man! You can’t resist me!” He pulled you away from Mikey and draped his arm over your shoulder. “You know you love me.”

You turned your head away from him, more playful now than spiteful.

“Come onnnnn...” he smirked. “You love meeee...”

You shoved him off the couch with a laugh. “I’m still thinking that over.”

Raph quickly took Leo’s seat as his younger brother rubbed the spot he’d landed on.

“No hard feelings?” Raph rested his arm on the couch behind you as he started the movie back up.

“Fine. No hard feelings.”

Leo moved so he was sitting on the floor and leaning against your legs.

You couldn’t stay mad at them. Well, except Donnie. You could very well stay mad at Donnie.

And it seemed that Donnie could stay mad at you as well. He left the room with all his tech, grumbling something under his breath.

“I already know how this is gonna end.” He grumbled.

“Love you to, Donnie.” You muttered, sinking into the couch.

Whatever.

He’d get over it soon enough.

————

Donnie didn’t get over it.

Whenever you came over to hang out he brought it up again casually. Well, as casually as Donnie could be, which wasn’t very casual at all.

“Ugh, this game sucks!” Mikey shouted at the tv once.

“Not as much as Eric What’s-his-face’s record.” He’d commented, giving you a glance out of the corner of his eye.

Or even:

“Ugh you can’t trust those pop up ads.” Raph told Leo when his phone had downloaded a virus after he clicked an ad.

“Just like how you can’t trust Eric.” He’d ran into the room to spit that out.

If Raph ever asked how things were going with Eric, Donnie either magically appeared next to him with a hopeful look or disappear with a groan.

You and Eric weren’t even together.

But... you hoped you would be soon.

He invited you to a party that Friday! And he’d specified that he’s invited you as his date.

Your friends were excited, surprisingly. They wanted to help you find an outfit and everything.

Finally, you felt like things were going right.

Why couldn’t Donnie just be happy for you?

——-

“Why won’t you come?” You begged April as she flopped down onto your bed.

“You’ve got Eric and all of your other friends.” She waved you off. “Besides, you know I hate parties.” She sat up slightly. “And Eric gives me the heebie jeebies.”

You rolled your eyes and held out a dress. “Yeah, yeah. Fine, I won’t make you.”

April touched the fabric of the dress with a frown. “Is this what your friends picked out for you? I thought you didn’t like dresses?”

You shrugged. “They said Eric would like it and that it looked good on me.”

April fully sat up now. “But you’re gonna be so uncomfortable in that!”

“I mean, it’s supposed to be pretty, not comfy, right?” You shrugged, slipping it on over your head. “Does it look good?” You gave her a small twirl.

“Of course it’s pretty... but its a little... much.” She shook her head. “Does Eric really deserve to see you in that?”

The last bit was playful but still...

“I think so.” You say down beside her. “I’m just so incredibly nervous and I don’t know if this is a bad idea.”

You felt exposed.

But, you also trusted that the people at the party could be trusted with that.

April draped her arm over your shoulder. “Well you look stunning.”

You smiled back at her. “Thanks.”

“Alright, girl, your party’s in twenty minutes. Ready to head out?” She jabbed her thumb in the direction of the door.

You stood up and smoothed out the dress. “Ready.”

———

You stood in front of the house nervously. You could hear the music and see the lights and people dancing. You just didn’t know if you actually were ready.

“You look hot, y/n.” Your friend told you, glancing at one of your other friends. “He’s gonna love it.”

You didn’t really love it, but if he liked it then so would you.

“Hope so.” You muttered, checking your phone.

Donnie sent you a simple text:

Don’t trust Eric and keep pepper spray on hand.

Wow, such confidence.

You ignored it and stuffed your phone in the dress pocket. You didn’t need that. You needed all the confidence you could muster.

“Wow.” A voice said from behind you, causing you to jump.

There was Eric, dressed nicely and with a charming smile on his face.

“You look hot.” He grinned.

Your stomach fluttered. “Oh, thank... thank you!”! You smoothed it out nervously.

You didn’t know if your stomach felt this way out of nerves or out of feelings for him. You really couldn’t tell.

He placed his hand over your hip and pulled you to his side. “Well Let’s head on in! Can’t wait to show you off.”

Your stomach jumped. “Well, I just wanted to wait a little,” he opened the door and dragged you in, “oh okay!”

Your friends and Eric were at your side the whole time.

You still felt as if you were on display while you and your group were dancing.

You still felt like the dress was too short when you and Eric sat down on the couch.

You felt like he was staring at you when you noticed the couples in the room kissing and making out.

“You wanna head upstairs?” He asked as he took your hand.

Your heart jumped. “No, no I’m good. Really.”

“Come on.” He nodded his head in the direction of the stairs. “It’ll be fun!”

You shook your head. “No I don’t want to go upstairs.”

He looked disappointed but you stayed confident with your choice. You didn’t want that and you weren’t ready.

He recovered quickly and dropped your hand. “Alright! I’m just gonna go talk to a friend real quick, I’ll be back.”

You sighed in relief when you realized he wouldn’t push it on you.

He got up and you pulled out your phone, trying to decide if you wanted to text Donnie back.

You settled on typing:

Yeah yeah whatever.

You saw he read it but he didn’t respond.

What was with him?

Why couldn’t he just be happy?

You glanced up, noticing Eric talking to one of your friends. You noticed him glance back at you and then back at your friend. She handed him something and he left to go to the kitchen.

You went back to your phone, waiting to see if Donnie would respond.

You just wanted your friend back.

Why couldn’t he just... ugh no you had to stop asking that. He was being too judgemental and untrusting.

There was nothing untrustworthy about Eric.

He was just being crazy...

You glanced up again, noticing Eric at the drink table. Whatever it was your friend had given him, he was slipping it in his drink.

You looked closer.

It was some sort of... powder?

When he turned back around you immediately acted like you hadn’t been watching.

He made his way to you and sat down, a drink in each hand. “I thought you looked a little thirsty, so I got you a soda!”

He handed you the red cup enthusiastically.

No, he couldn’t be trying to spike your drink. He wouldn’t do that.

But he was looking at you so expectantly.

“Oh, thank you!” You swirled the soda suspiciously. “I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to corn syrup so... sorry.” You set the drink back down.

Again, he looked disappointed. Maybe even a little mad.

“Hey, We’re gonna go upstairs and play a game!” Your friend shouted from across the room. “Wanna join?”

“What game?” You asked, feeling incredibly nervous.

“Truth or dare!” She giggled. “You’ll love it!”

Eric jumped on that idea expectantly. “Come on lets go!”

“I don’t really...”

He pulled you up before you could even finish.

You wanted to stay where people could see you!

But... you WERE gonna be with your friends...

“Alright, Fine.” You settled. “I’ll go.”

“Awesome!”

You and your group headed up and down the hallway.

Your friend opened the door for you and let you in first. Eric followed closely behind you.

It was a bedroom. A very dark bedroom.

“Hey, We’re gonna head down to the bathroom and freshen up first.” One of your friends smirked. “You two have fun!”

“Wait, no-!”

They were already gone and the door was shut.

Eric had gotten you upstairs.

Alone.

————-

Donnie sighed, trying hard to focus on his work. “Why can’t y/n just listen to me.” He groaned to himself. “I’m just trying to help! How does that make me the bad guy?”

He continued wiring his latest invention, frustrated at how he kept messing up.

“It’s not gonna end well.” He growled. “It’s gonna end in heartbreak and I’m gonna have to pick up the pieces.”

“If y/n even trusts you with that.” Leo added from behind him, causing him to jump.

“Nardo, how long have you been standing there?” He glowered at him. “I’m busy.”

Leo held up his hands in surrender. “A while. Anyway, you’re just pushing y/n away.”

“But y/n isn’t listening to me!” He protested, dropping his tool. “I’m right!”

“Maybe, but you’re also being a jerk.” He shrugged. “Maybe she’ll get her heart broken but you could at least be there for support.”

“Oh no no no I’m not supporting that relationship.” He shook his head vigorously and picked up his screwdriver.

“Not the relationship, egghead.” Leo rolled his eyes. “Our friend?”

“Oh.” Donnie tapped the table in thought. “Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t have left y/n on read...”

“...And maybe go apologize?” Leo prompted.

“No she’s at a party.” He glanced around his phone, checking your location again. “Actually...” he leaned closer to stare at his screen, “y/n’s not at the party any more.”

“Perfect!” Leo clasped his hands together. “Go apologize!”

“It can’t wait?”

“Go!”

———-

You sat on the rooftop, clutching your jacket to your body and watching the city.

How could you have been so stupid.

How could have let something like that happen.

It was incredibly cold on the rooftop but you didn’t want to move. You didn’t want to go home. You CERTAINLY didn’t want to go to the lair either.

You just wanted to watch the city and pretend everything was okay again.

Why did you have to get your hopes up.

No one ever took interest in you like that unless they wanted something from you.

“Scoff, there you are!” Said the last person you wanted to talk to. “I thought you were in the building and spent about an hour searching for you.”

“Tracking device?” You asked, not even looking at him.

“Yep.” Donnie confirmed. “Now, might I inquire why you’re out here?” He glanced at his watch. “And not at your party?”

You stayed quiet.

“Something happen with Eric?”

You gave him nothing.

“I knew it!” He jumped up and cheered. “I was right! I was RIGHT! Ha!”

His every word made you feel colder and more embarrassed.

“I knew from the start! I knew he was untrustworthy!” He continued. “Eat that!”

Finally, he calmed down enough to sit next to you.

“Now, tell me, what did he do?” He leaned close expectantly. “Did he cheat? Did he kiss a girl? Did he try to get with one of your friends? Did he-?”

“He tried to rape me.” You spat out, bringing your knees to your chest.

Well I’m out of room XD

Part four up soon!

[watsername]

Info about asks !!

Asks are always welcome here!! This is just a few things u should know before sending asks my way!!

Please don’t send links without prior discussion !!

I’ve had some bad ppl in my inbox and as a result have had some bad messages,, links make me really nervous and I most likely won’t open it u less I know what it leads to, if you want to show me something feel free to tell me what it is with the link attached or send me an ask beforehand letting me know what you’re gonna send !! <3

Please don’t trauma dump !!

This is for the benefit of both you and me; anonymous trauma dumping in my asks puts me in a weird place because I’m not sure whether to publish it or not, so if you want to vent or talk to me about something that’s bothering you I’d rather we talk in dms for the sake of your privacy and relieving the pressure off me <3

Avoid sending any neg !!

This includes things like crit on any creators or other blogs around here!! Obviously if I’ve posted about something that’s kind of neg you’re welcome to share your opinion on it but generally let’s try to keep this as a positive space !! <3

Flirting !!

Obviously I am a pain and tend to flirt with my friends via the ask box but I want to make it clear that it’s something solely reserved for my friends. Having anonymous users send me flirtatious and sexual messages via the ask box can make me really uncomfortable for a number of reasons, one being that I don’t know who you are and therefore can’t read the tone of the message. I might start blocking anons who send me sexual asks bc it’s weird af <3

Sexualising

Yes, I do like to post pictures on here occasionally, just because I’m feeling good and I tend to express myself via my clothing which why you get the occasional photo. However, I would rather that people refrain from sending me asks with explicitly sexual content regarding these pictures- my friends and a few anons calling me pretty is one thing, a stranger calling me hot, sexy or telling me the parts of my body they like the most makes me extremely uncomfortable, even if the outfit is tight or showing some skin I still don’t want these types of asks in my inbox. They will be deleted and you will be blocked.

Hate, threats and such will just be deleted and the sender will be blocked so don’t bother wasting your time lmao

<3 :)

[tomspancakes]

This Way: Part 6 (pls read author’s note)

*not my gif*

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word Count: 6824

Warnings: A crazy bih. Bit of violence and a smidge of blood? Probably wrong stuff about investing/ business world and such (sorry I’m a kinesiology major lol don’t judge) 

Summary: A lot ensues when Tom apologizes to y/n. Old feelings are brought up and a little adventure begins.

A/N: I was thinking of writing a story about Tom and y/n’s past after this, would you guys like that? Please lmk! Anywho don’t hesitate to ask to be in the taglist and lmk if you’re enjoying this. Enjoy part 6 <3

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

+++

“Tom, before you say more, I’m going to move out.” Tom’s heart broke.

“W-wait, what? You can’t leave, y/n. You don’t need to.” He walked toward the edge of your bed and sat down next to you.

“Tom, I caused so many problems already a-and you were right, it was selfish of me to blame you for making things worse with the whole Allana situation. You were just trying to help.”

“No I was wrong hear me out before deciding to leave. I-I can change your mind. Please let me at least try.” He took your hand in his and looked at you in a pleading way. You thought about it before giving in and nodding your head.

“This doesn’t mean I’ll stay. I’m just gonna listen.” He nodded with a little hope in his mind.

“First off, everything I said to you down there I didn’t mean that. O-or I did say what I’ve been feeling, but in a completely wrong way. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was getting tipsy and saying stupid shit.” All he could look at was your hands in his. 

“No, Tom, you were right. I let you take the fall for MY privacy. I’m being selfish for letting you stay in this toxic ass relationship just because of my fears and insecurities.” Tom rubbed his thumbs over your knuckles and looked up at you.

“Y/n, I could never blame you for being afraid. I-I’ve been afraid, numb, and distant from everyone ever since we broke up…” You gave him a sad look, were you the cause of all his pain?

“B-but don’t worry it’s not your fault. I-I couldn’t move on. When we broke up I let most of my joy go along with you. I let all of my anger and sadness build up until I was numb a-and couldn’t even see which people would be good for my life, hence why I started dating Allana. I was just trying to fill the gaping hole in my heart. As soon as you came here it was like…” He looked into your eyes with realization, “I-I could feel again. But what I felt was all the pain and anger that was pushed to the back of my mind, it was creeping back and I tried to push it aside, and leaving was the only way to do that. I was happy to see you don’t get me wrong, but when I saw that you were on instagram live with Gavin it just made all my bottled up emotions burst out.” Tears began to well up in Tom’s eyes when he saw a couple rush down your cheeks. 

“You were the first person to talk to me so I released all that anger out on you. It was really a dick move for me to do, but they were all negative feelings from a dark place in my head. Please understand I didn’t mean everything I said.” You let go of his hands and jumped into his arms squeezing your eyes shut. His cologne filled your nostrils and you both relaxed in the hug.

“Tom, I’m so sorry you went through that and felt like you couldn’t tell anyone.” Tom started to shake a bit with sobs and you began to rub his back. 

“I-I understand. I was a real mess the first 2 months after the break up.” You let go of him and sat next to him again. He immediately held your hand again to comfort both you and him, your touch calmed him down. “It was hard for me to get out of bed every morning. I had to stay at a hotel alone because I’d lash out at my family members if they tried to help. A-and I had to delete social media for a few weeks because I couldn't bear to see your face. I-I cried or got angry every time I saw you. Harry and Zendaya helped me though because they noticed I wasn’t looking very healthy anymore, they watched me have some really bad breakdowns. Then I thought I was ok and started dating Gavin…” Tom’s brows furrowed not really wanting to hear about your relationship with him, 

“B-but I decided to break it off because it wasn’t fair to Gavin that I kept thinking about you.” You looked at Tom and his head snapped up at what you said, his heart skipped a beat. “Y-You were in my dreams and I frequently found myself checking on your instagram. Of course Harry and Z never knew because they’d scold me, but I couldn’t help myself.” You chuckled then sighed, “Thankfully Gavin understood though.” Tom’s eyes were wide, “Y-you never stopped caring for me?” You scoffed.

“Obviously not. I tried to reach out to you, remember?” Tom felt so dumb and face palmed.

“God I’m a damn idiot.” He groaned.

“Just a little bit.” You joked.

“I-I guess I was just afraid to see what would happen if I did decide to reply. I was scared to get hurt again.” You nodded understanding, “You know when I took you to that burger cafe that was the first time I’ve been in months.” 

“Yeah Harry told me. What happened the last time you were there? I-if you don’t mind sharing of course...” You asked curiously, but cautious because you didn’t want to make him more upset. 

“Well I thought I was over you. I had just started dating Allana and I wasn’t thinking about you as much anymore. When I finished ordering the burgers I thought it’d be a good idea to check your instagram… along with the photos you were tagged in. I saw that single photo the paps took of you and Gavin holding hands and I-I uh just broke. I know nothing was confirmed or anything, but I knew you’d date him because he was so good to you before and during the time we were dating. I wished so much that I was him in that moment, I regretted letting you go.” You looked at him sadly and he looked stressed. “I stayed in my car for a really long time just crying and I went through old videos and pictures of you and I.” He scoffed, “I even went through our old messages and stalked accounts that shipped us together. I-it was really hard for me to be there because it always reminded me of you and the pain I went through. I didn’t want to feel like that again, but when you came back I just felt like it’d be ok to go there. Even though we barely spoke then, I-I just felt so good for some reason.”

“I guess we never really got over one another then…” You said looking at him apologetically and he nodded in agreement.

You sighed and flopped back on your bed and put your hands over your lap with your legs dangling off the edge. Tom followed suit, but took your small hand again, this time intertwining your fingers together.

“Tom, I don’t think we should be hol-” Tom didn’t want to let go so he cut you off.

“You know when I said everything I do is for you, the night before I left?” He turned his head to look at you, you kept staring at the ceiling and nodded, “Well I meant it.” 

You sighed, “Tom you don’t have to do anything for me.”

“I know I don’t. Yet I both unconsciously and consciously do. I’d do anything for you, y/n.” You turned to him and his face was so close you felt the air coming out of his nose, “Haz and Tuwaine told me I couldn’t run from my feelings, so now I’m going to confront them. I never stopped caring for you, I’d throw away all my happiness just to make sure you're ok. If you don’t want the world to know about our past then I’ll stay with Allana.” He said that with all seriousness. Your heart melted and you looked into his eyes. He looked down at your lips then back at your eyes and started to lean in. You sat up quickly,

“S-sorry, Tom, we shouldn’t do that now.” He sat up as well looking down at his hands sadly and nodded, “But I’m not gonna let you stay with that bitch. We have to figure something out.” He gave you a half smile and nodded,

“I actually went to my old mate, Connor, and found out some really terrible things, but it could really help our case. I was gonna tell you as soon as I got home, but you know I fucked everything up.”

“No you didn’t, Tom, you needed to get things off your chest and we needed to talk about our feelings. We can look at it as a blessing in disguise.” You smiled at him kindly and patted his hands, “Now tell me everything.” Tom smiled at you admiringly.

“Well first off when we first started dating she told me that her last boyfriend broke up with her because she was moving to a new city, but then Connor ended up telling me that it was actually because she cheated on her ex.” He looked at you thinking you’d know what’d happen next. “What? Keep going, I’m no sherlock.” You both laughed for the first time in a long time.

“Well, Connor told me that her ex, Cody, went to the bank one day and he took out some of the money he invested in Allana’s company because it wasn’t doing too well. When she noticed there was less money to spend she started spying on him. Coincidentally a new girl came into his work and he was showing her around and Allana assumed he was cheating. Mind you they were on the 6th floor of a building which is nuts...” You widened your eyes and checked your window to make sure the curtains were closed.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised to hear that, but keep talking.” 

“That’s not even the crazy part, love. First off Cody was some super successful real estate agent and invested maybe $2 million pounds. Second Allana thought she needed a new guy in case Cody was actually cheating, and the guy she cheated on him with was Ollie Williams.”

“Wait… That farm guy from season 6 of Love Island?”

“Yeah and guess what?” Tom asked enthusiastically, waiting for you to reply.

“Oh my god he’s rich too.” You said realizing the connection. Tom nodded.

“When Cody found out Allana was cheating he immediately broke up with her. After a few days his banker called saying he was making some weird purchases, like buying a bunch of designer clothes and whatnot. After that he found out that Allana had been sneaking into his flat at night and taking his credit cards and then putting them back when she was done with it.” 

“She’s fucking crazy, how do we know she’s not in here right now?” You asked, scooting closer to Tom, he laughed and he slid his arm around your waist. He looked at his phone,

“It’s a Friday so she should be drinking with her friends about now.” You nodded and relaxed a bit, “Anyway Cody tried to have her arrested, but Allana threatened to tell Ollie’s girlfriend that he cheated on her. So to keep Allana’s mouth shut, Ollie’s family did the task of investing in Allana’s business and she has an uncle in the Police department. All Cody has now is a restraining order on Allana.”

“Wait there’s no way all this happened, this is literally insane. Connor must’ve lied a little bit.” You said in disbelief.

“I thought the same thing, this is something you’d only see in the movies, but Connor wouldn’t. He told me he could literally get sued if anyone in Ollie’s family finds out this news got out since it was a private investment. Obviously Ollie’s girlfriend ended up finding out about Allana though because he confessed on Love Island that he cheated on her.” Then it hit you.

“Holy shit. Have you checked your bank account?” You asked, this was insane.

“Yeah I did, no weird activity.” He said nonchalantly.

“Ok then how’d you meet Allana?” 

“At a mutual friend’s party. She came up to me saying she didn’t really know anyone else and-” Tom’s eyes widened, “Oh my god. The Williams' probably stopped investing and she set something up so she could start dating me huh?” You nodded, but still curious about something.

“I just don’t understand why she hasn’t taken a lot of money away from you yet though.”

“I’m not quite sure either, I mean I’ve given her like 2 expensive things, but she’s never asked me to invest or anything.” He thought in silence for a second and you yawned. Everything that happened tonight was making you sleepy.

“Oh shit. There’s a safe in the house with emergency money.” Tom said, he jumped up and you followed closely behind him. “God I’m such an idiot! I wrote the code down on a paper and thought I misplaced it. Allana probably stole it.” He was stressing out. When you entered his room he pushed aside clothes that were in front of the safe and punched in a 7 digit number and opened the door.

“Fuck fuck fuck!”

“What, Tom, is something gone?” Tom got up and gave you a view of the safe.

“It’s about ¾ empty.” He stated and began cursing furiously and pulling his hair.

“H-how much did you have in there originally?” You asked, worried for Tom.

“A little over 3 million pounds.” He groaned and slid down the wall next to his closet.

“Oh my god, Tom.” You didn’t know what else to say or do.

“I know it’s not much of a dent in my bank account, but it’s still a lot of money that belongs to me. We need to do something.” You nodded, “But if we do she’s going to tell everyone about you and I. It’s also gonna cause so much unnecessary controversies in the media.  Remember what happened to you the last time the world found out about your pa-”

“Yes of course I remember.” You said not wanting to talk about it, “What are we gonna do then?” You asked, defeated. Tom took your hand and pulled you down to sit next to him. 

“I think we should go over to her flat tomorrow and call the police.” 

“Why don’t we just call them now?” You asked him like he was crazy.

“Because today was already shit enough. And I can tell you’re really tired, love, I know I am.” You nodded and he rested his head on your shoulder, “Plus tonight may be the last night we spend together... unless you don’t move.” 

“Oh... right, I uh totally forgot about that.” The decision floating back in your head of whether or not you should stay.

“Yeah so, I think I’d rather end the night on a lighter note. Perhaps with a movie or a little cuddle with my…” He looked up at you with his tired eyes, “friend.” You chuckled, but both of you hurt by the word somehow.

“How the hell are you calm right now? A shit ton of money just got stolen from you, we should be talking to the police right now.” You said shaking your head.

“So much shit happened today, yet you just being here with me somehow makes me feel like everything will be ok.” Tom breathed out, taking your hand in his. Your heart sped up when you both locked eyes, “Can we please do something else now?”

“You’re unbelievable. You know that?” You rolled your eyes, hinting that you're giving in. 

“Yay!” Tom exclaimed and he picked you up and put you on his lap holding you so tight. 

“Tom, come on let go.” You hit his arms, but he just squeezed you tighter. You giggled and rested your chin on top of his curly hair.

“I’m not gonna lie. I did miss your crackhead energy.” You joked and he moved his head up close to yours quickly. 

“You’re gonna pay for that.” Then he got up and began tickling your sides.

“T-Tom p-please stop!” He laughed at your struggle. “Please, I-I can’t b-breathe.” He stopped tickling you and kissed your cheek. He stared at you wide eyed realizing what he just did. Tom felt like you were a couple again just in those 45 seconds, it was crazy that your cute little laugh could make him forget all the crazy shit going on. You cleared your throat and stood up.

“So a movie then?” You patted yourself down and he nodded, “Ok I’ll go put some pjs on then.” You turned to walk out and he face palmed as soon as you passed through his door.

-

You and Tom sat with your backs on the headboard watching Inception. You began to get sleepy half way through the movie and laid your head on Tom’s lap. He looked down, the light from the film reflected off your beautiful face and Tom felt like he was falling for you all over again. He began to gently brush your hair with his fingers making you sleepy. You enjoyed this and missed his soft touch making you relax, and that’s when you decided, “Tom?” You asked sleepily.

“Yes, darling?” Although he called Allana darling once, the nickname made you feel how you did when you two were previously dating. It made your heart feel light.

“I’m not going anywhere.” With that you drifted into sleep. Tom smiled widely and kept brushing your hair until he heard your cute soft snores indicating that you were officially out cold. He carefully picked you up and moved you so that your head was now rested on his chest. He shut the TV off and looked at your face lovingly until he too drifted off into the best sleep he’s had since before you two had broken up.

- 

“Tom! Have you seen Y/n? She wasn’t-” Harry barged into Tom’s room, “Oh what the fuck, are you serious?” You stirred and opened your eyes to see Tom’s sleeping face.

“Mmm shut up.” Tom said and you tried to get up, but he grumbled and pulled you closer.

“No get the hell up.” Harry said, sounding unhappy and you finally got out of Tom’s embrace. He rubbed his eyes and sat up fast realizing what was going on.

You laughed awkwardly, “Harry… how’s it going?” He looked at you then at Tom then smiled,

“So? What the hell happened, I’m surprised you guys made up so fast, are you dating again?” Harry said super excited and he jumped onto the edge of the bed. You and Tom gave one another a strange look. 

“Well I wasn’t expecting that...” Tom said awkwardly.

“N-no we’re not dating again. We made up as friends. Tom is still with Allana at the moment.” When you said that you were both reminded of all the bad things that you both have to deal with now.

“Harry, we found out some really bad shit about Allana.” Tom said.

“Oh you finally realized she’s a psychopa-” Tom rolled his eyes and cut him off.

“She stole almost 2.25 million pounds from our emergency vault.” 

“What the fuck?” Harry yelled and he got back up, “Mum and dad are going to kill you for losing this much money. How the fuck did she even get the code? Tom, you’re literally so irresponsible. We need to call the fucking police.” Tom let his little brother ramble and scold him before saying,

“Yeah we’re gonna head over to Allana’s soon and if she doesn’t give us the money we will. Trying to not have too many controversies right now you know?” Harry looked at his brother like he was insane, but sighed and nodded.

“That’s literally the dumbest shit I’ve heard, but it’s your money. How the hell are you being so calm about this?” 

Tom slid his hand on top of yours, but under the duvet so that Harry wouldn’t see, “I don’t know, just have a feeling that things are gonna be ok.” He squeezed your hand lightly and your pulse quickened. 

“Hm maybe Allana’s insanity is just rubbing off on the both of you.” Harry said suspiciously, “Wait, y/n, does this mean you're staying?” He looked at you with hopeful eyes and you nodded. Tom quickly removed his hand from yours when Harry cheered and pulled you up from the bed to shield you from Tom, “As much as I’m glad that you guys are good now, Y/n, is my best friend and MY best friend only ok? So back off, Tom.”

“You're such a goof, Harry. You will always be my best friend.” You hugged Harry and he stuck his tongue out at Tom. This started a playful fight because Tom slapped Harry in the face, so Harry jumped out of your embrace and onto Tom and they wrestled before you said,

“Oh my god. You are both so immature. Knock it off so we can bring that bitch down and get your money back.” They laughed and got up to get ready.

-

“Ready to go? Harry’s warming up the car.” Tom said with a piece of toast in his mouth as he tied his shoes. You nodded and had ice cubes over your eyebags. 

“What the hell are you doing?” 

“Reducing the puffiness of my eyes from last night’s antics.” 

“Mm fix mine.” Tom said while chewing the last bit of his toast. You giggled and walked over to him and placed the cubes on his puffy eyes. He was looking down at you and you stared into his beautiful brown irises.

“You look gorgeous even with puffy eyes, y/n.” You blushed a bit, “Well I mean you always look gor-” You and Tom were snapped out of the moment when Harry honked the car horn. You put the ice cubes in the trash and Tom asked, “Do I look less shitty now?”

“You never look shitty. Handsome as always.” You pinched his cheek and walked off. You were making Tom’s heart beat like crazy. He couldn’t even keep his mind straight on the mission you three were about to embark.

-

“Harrison and Tuwaine were playing games and drinking when I put the dishes away last night. So they’re probably gonna be out til this afternoon. Why can’t you just tell me everything now?” Harry groaned.

“Because it was a really long story which wouldn’t be fun to repeat.” You said.

“Plus, we’re almost at Allana’s.” Tom added and Harry huffed because he was impatient. “Ah park there, not in the driveway just in case she chases or something and need to drive off fast.” Tom said seriously and pointed at an empty spot on the street near Allana’s flat.

“Do you think she’s awake?” You asked.

“Who cares? I hope that bitch is asleep so we can ruin it.” You laughed at Harry’s sass.

“Even better that she’s most likely gonna be hung over.” Tom added, “Ok, Harry, keep your phone out just in case Allana does something crazy.” Harry nodded and you all walked to her front door with Tom leading. Tom knocked on the door aggressively.  

“Open up Allana we need to talk.” Tom yelled.

“Ugh you can stop I’ll get it.” You heard a muffled raspy voice. The door swung open to a hungover Allana, “Tommy, I wasn’t expecting you til-” She realized who was behind him, “What the fuck are they doing here.” She snarled then laughed at all your glares. “Oh so you found out mine and Tom’s little deal didn’t you?”

“We found out about a lot of other things too.” You said sternly. 

She raised her eyebrow, “And what may that be?” 

“We know about your situation with Ollie and Cody.” Tom said and her eyes widened.

“Wait, that guy Ollie from Love Island?” Harry looked at Tom who rolled his eyes because he interrupted and nodded at his brother. 

Harry’s mouth formed an ‘o’ before adding, “Well we also know that you stole about 2.25 million pounds as well. If you don’t give us the money back we’re gonna bring the police into this.” Harry showed his phone to her with the numbers 999 ready.

“And also make sure your business is shut down for good.” Tom said.

“I’m afraid half of the money has already been spent.” She said smugly and smirked.

“What the fuck. Harry, call the police.” You said, he nodded and was about to press the call button, but Allana stopped him. 

“Oh no no wait a second. I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” She pulled her phone out her robe pocket. “I knew something like this was going to happen so I went ahead and made a draft of the story I was going to tell TMZ. If you call the cops I’ll send the story in with the click of a button.” Tom looked at you knowing that you really didn’t want that. You were trying to think of any solution, but Tom sighed and held your hand before speaking up,

“Alright then. You want money right? How much do you want so you can get out of my life.” You widened your eyes.

“Tom no you can’t do that. I-It’ll be ok. I need to learn to get through it, I signed up for this life when becoming an actress.” You smiled at him and squeezed his hand. Harry’s eyes never left Allana’s phone as she waved it in front of you two. 

“Uh hello? I’d happily make a deal with you, Tommy. Your choice, do you really wanna break your promise…” You drowned her voice out as Harry slid his phone in your other hand and he jumped between you and Tom successfully taking Allana’s phone. 

“Hurry, y/n. Call the cops!” Harry yelled from behind Allana and you pressed the call button letting go of Tom’s hand. Allana got angry and grabbed a vase that was on a table by the door. She chucked it right at Harry’s head and he knocked out. 

“Harry! Oh my god.” You stepped inside to help Harry, but Tom stopped you. “No, I'll help him. talk to the police.” You nodded and he rushed to help his brother. You looked around and couldn’t see Allana until you felt cold metal pressed against your neck and you knew where she was. Tom stood up looking both scared and angry,

“No. Try to come near me and I’ll fucking slit her throat.” She yelled and you whimpered as tears began to roll down your cheeks, “Now, Tom, slide my phone to me. And y/n I want you to hang up.” 

As you were pulling the phone away from your ear you heard, “Hello? What-” and you ended the call. ‘Well that was shit timing.’ You thought. 

Tom kicked her phone over while tears began to roll down his cheeks, “Allana, p-please let her go now. We did what you wanted.” He said with his arms out trying to calm her down.

“No. Now I want money in exchange for her life.” She pressed the knife closer and you shut your eyes in fear.

“Ok ok. How much do you want? I can’t give you too much right away because that’d be suspicious.” Tom looked into your eyes and you knew he was stalling, the police still had to come just to make sure everything was ok.

“Well you’ll have to figure out a way to get a lot to me very soon. I want 7 million pounds by next week.”

“What’d you need that for, fleeing the country or some-” 

“Stop messing the fuck around. Now agree or she dies.” Tom looked behind you and relaxed a bit.

“Freeze! Drop the weapon.” You felt a bit relieved that the police came after all. Allana turned the both of you around and you squealed because you felt the knife cut into your skin a little bit. Tom tried to run up to you but Allana’s grip tightened on you, “Back the fuck off!” She snarled at Tom.

“Sir please stay where you’re at we’ll handle this.” You looked into Tom’s eyes and all you saw was fear. 

“Miss please drop the knife now or else I will shoot you.” The officer clocked the gun. Allana contemplated for a bit before sighing and removing the knife from your neck and dropped it. She was put in handcuffs, “I swear you both will pay for this shit.” Allana snarled as she was pulled away. 

You ran over to Tom and you sobbed. He held your quivering body and rubbed your back. 

“I’m so sorry, love. I shouldn’t have brought you, I put you in danger. I-I was so scared.” He kissed the top of your head and you felt his tears drop on your head. He hugged you tighter like it was the last time he’d see you.

“We need medics.” An officer said into her comms then she crouched down and shook Harry after feeling his pulse, “Sir? Can you hear me? Please wake up.” You let go of Tom and rushed over to Harry.

“Harry come on get up you’re ok.” He stirred and blinked his eyes a few times. 

“What the fuck? Wh-what did I miss? Y/n why is your neck bleeding?” You widened your eyes and felt your neck, it stung a tiny bit and felt wet. 

Tom was freaking out, “Shit, Y/n, are you feeling ok? I swear I’m gonna make that bitch pay.” You nodded.

“Ya. I-I think she just gave me a little scratch.” He looked at you worriedly.

“Yeah thanks, Tom, I’m good too.” Harry joked and Tom looked at his brother apologetically while helping him sit up. A medic went up to Harry and another one followed closely behind and went to you. 

“May I check the cut?” They asked and you nodded. Tom sat you down on the couch. You lifted your chin. “You’re ok, thankfully she didn’t cut deep, but you’ll need a thicker bandage. This is gonna sting a bit.” You nodded and hissed as the rubbing alcohol burned your cut. Tom squeezed your hand and kissed the top of your head. “You’re ok, darling.” When he called you darling you took your mind off the pain. You opened your eyes to see Tom’s brown ones already looking at you and you smiled at him. His face was full of concern so you put a hand on his cheek and he relaxed in your touch. You felt a cloth go over your cut.

“Alright you’re all done. Just change the bandage every so often.” The medic gave you a bag of more bandages.

“Thank you.” You smiled weakly and they nodded. You and Tom walked over to Harry and the other medic shined a light to his eyes.

“Yep you have a concussion forsure. You need to take it easy for the next few days, no bright lights, and no crazy exercising. Make sure he follows what I said and make things easier for him.” The medic looked at you both and nodded. The medic gave Harry an icepack and you all thanked him.

“You guys are gonna be my servants haha.” Harry joked and you laughed lightly as he tried to make the situation better.

“We need to talk to the officers.” Tom said putting his hand on the small of your back. You nodded giving Harry a quick hug letting him rest in his spot before heading over to the police. 

-

“Well today was really eventful.” Harry said sleepily from the backseat.

“It’s been an eventful 2 weeks for me, she made that dumb deal the night of the dinner.” Tom said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“I mean I’m just glad we got her off your ass.” You said.

“Yeah me too, but I feel like it’s not the last we’ll see of her. Her uncle is a cop, remember?” Tom reminded you. You’re body tensed a bit and nodded. Tom noticed and reached over the console to rub your hand indicating that he won’t let anything bad happen.

“Oh you’re shitting me. That’s not right.” Harry groaned. “Well maybe they’ll be more strict on her because she literally tried to kill y/n.” Your eyes widened realizing that you really almost just died. 

“Harry! Don’t say it like that.” Tom said realizing you got even more scared.

“N-no. It’s alright she knocked you out, loser.” You weakly joked and Harry laughed. Tom just looked over at you concerned.

-

“Yeah the money will be returned when they finish interrogating Allana.” Tom said. Everyone living in the house was seated in the living room, Zendaya and your parents were on facetime on your laptop, and Tom’s parents were on facetime on his laptop. You and Tom had just explained everything that went down with the whole Allana deal. 

Nikki sighed, “Well I’m just glad that all three of you are safe now. Tom, you need to be more careful with your money.” Tom got a little embarrassed and you rubbed his back. “I trust that this will be a lesson learned.” 

He nodded and sighed, “Definitely learned something.” Nikki and Dom nodded worriedly.

“Alright well, if that’s all we’ll let you go. If you lot need anything, we're only a call and just a few blocks away.” Dom said. You and the boys nodded.

“Oh, Y/m/n, make sure you send me that recipe of the beef roast. It looked delicious on your facebook!” Nikki added and your mom nodded before everyone exchanged goodbyes with Tom’s parents.

“I’m so sorry for putting your daughter in danger. I-I shouldn’t have brought her, I assure you that she is very safe with my mates and I. If you want I can update-” Tom was beginning to ramble nervously, but your mom cut him off.

“Tom, sweetie there’s no need to do that. We trust all you boys and we trust y/n can take care of herself.”

“Yeah we’ll make sure she’s eating her veggies and fruits as well.” Harrison said and Tom slapped his arm. Everyone laughed at the way he teased Tom. 

“Alright, I’ll talk to you guys later!” You said.

“Wait, y/n, can we talk to you in private?” Your dad asked and you nodded as Tom gulped. You got up from your spot to go to the kitchen. As soon as you sat your dad spoke.

“Are you sure you’re ok there? ‘Cause I’m not sure I want you to stay. And I don’t know if I even trust Tom being there. Maybe-”

“No, dad, I swear to you everything is ok. Plus, you know Tom is a good guy, he wouldn’t do anything bad.” You stated.

“Yeah if he does anything stupid I’ll make sure he pays for it.” Zendaya said seriously.

“Ah thank you, Z. You’re always such a good friend.” Your dad said and you and your mom agreed as Zendaya nodded and flipped her hair jokingly.

“But seriously y/n’s right. Tom is a really good guy. You can trust him.” Your parents looked at one another nodding trusting her words. ��Why the hell don’t they trust what I say?’ You thought.

“Alright we’re going to go eat now. Text or call if you need anything. It was wonderful seeing you, Z, I’ll drop off some baked goods in a few days.” Your mom said and Zendaya cheered while you pouted. You all said your goodbyes, but Zendaya stayed on.

“Y/n, I know damn well that something happened between you and Tom. It’s literally so obvious he kept looking at you and I saw you rub his back like you guys didn’t have a past.” You laughed at how well she could read you and every situation ever.

“Well a lot happened in literally one week. I just don’t think I’m ready for anything though, like you said it’s time for myself now.” You sighed then cleared your throat, “but nonetheless I’ll update you as soon as you’re not busy, as long as you update me about Jacob as well.” She laughed and nodded.

“Will do, but take as much time and space as you need. I know he’d wait.” You nodded trusting every word she said, “alright I’m gonna go eat now. Love you bihhh!”

“Love you too, stay safe!” You hung up and walked to the living room.

“Everything ok?” Tom asked a little nervous because your dad wanted to talk in private.

“He was probably saying he wants to drop kick your ass as soon as he sees you, Tom.” Tuwaine said and you the boys snickered as that only made Tom more nervous.

“No he didn’t. He just wanted to make sure I’m alright.” You said and Tom relaxed.

“You guys want to have a comedy movie marathon to cheer you up?” Harrison asked.

“I think that is very much needed. Go ahead and start it. I’m gonna change my bandage first and get Harry some shades, he can’t look at bright lights.” You explained and the boys snickered at that. Harry flipped them all off.

“I’ll help you, y/n. Plus I have some nice shades Harry can wear.” Tom said kindly and you nodded smiling back. Haz and Tuwaine made kissy faces behind Tom and you rolled your eyes before walking upstairs.

When you got to your room Tom pulled out the desk chair for you and he grabbed the first aid kit. “I can do it myself, Tom.” 

“Nonsense, let me take care of you, darling. It was my fault after all.” Your heart melted, he was being so kind.

“It wasn’t your fault at all, we wouldn’t have been in this mess if I wasn’t scared for the world to know about us. The situation would’ve been handled a lot less hectic.” You sighed feeling bad. Tom peeled the dirty bandage off and held your hand as he wiped your cut with the alcohol. You squeezed your eyes shut and Tom pulled your hand to his lips kissing your knuckles gently then rubbing them with his thumb. He placed the bandage on your cut and let your hand go.

“I wouldn’t mind hiding a relationship with you again though…” He said as you lowered your head back down. you opened your eyes and he looked into yours seriously. You looked at him apologetically and he dropped his head back while brushing his hands through his hair. “God I’m such an idiot. Sorry pretend I didn’t say that.” His ears and cheeks were turning red.

“Tom-” 

“No no it’s ok I get it. You want to be friends. Wh-which is ok of course because I’d rather be friends than nothing. I’m not saying I like you right now or any-” You giggled a bit, but got a little hurt when he said the last part. 

“Tom! Let me speak.”

“Oh s-sorry, love.” He said looking at you and you smiled at his cuteness.

“I’m not going to lie. I-I think I started to have feelings for you too. Like I said I don’t think I ever truly got over you…”

“Oh. Well in that case I definitely haven’t gotten over you. I didn’t mean what I said just now I think I do li-” He stopped realizing he interrupted you again, “oops sorry.”

You giggled again, “Anyway, I know we both want something more right now, b-but we should just stay friends for now.” His heart dropped and he looked at you with confusion and sadness, “I just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago and I told Zendaya this would be the time for me to grow. Plus you just got out of a really crazy relationship. And after hearing about both of our stories after our break up, I-I really think we should learn to be ok with ourselves first.” He sighed and nodded. “Don’t get me wrong though. I have feelings for you, Tom. I’m just not ready to-” “Yeah ok I understand. I’m gonna go get my orange shades for Harry now.” He turned and began to walk away.

“Tom wait I wasn’t done ta-” He turned back to face you at your doorway. 

“Just know that I’ll wait for you, darling. Take all the time you need. I’m a little upset, but just take your time.” You looked at him as tears welled up in your eyes and your heart skipped a beat. “Really. I’ll wait for you.” He was upset, but he couldn’t let his anger cloud over his feelings for you.

+++

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[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

[chaniters]

Detective Sidestep

While the rangers lick their wounds, Sidestep does his best to work the case, while dealing with his own issues.

This’s mostly experimental, first attempt at writing something like this. Hope it’s entertaining to read!

Enjoy. Also, Spoilers like usual! 

_________________________________________________

CHARGE

“Hey, can we have some privacy?” Ortega asks, looking sweaty on the couch as Elyise kisses his fingers, sitting beside him. She smiles in turn, looking at you.

“Oh. Right right Right, of course. I was already leaving anyways. See you two later” you say picking up your backpack.

“Take care!” he says

“Leave some bad guys for me!” Elyise pleads. 

“And don’t you worry, I’ll remind her to get to your patrol! You’ve got my word she’ll make on in time today ” you hear him as you walk the corridor while she laughs with that clear voice of hers.  

You leave the gym heading out, before putting your mask on again before leaving their HQ. 

It’s been the same for weeks. You help Ortega with his Physical Therapy, until  Elyise comes in, and then you leave, put your mask on and start knocking criminals down until Elyise is free and you can both complete a joint patrol, going after the big fish of the week.

She makes daily a statement to the press about your stunts -and she’s generous, she praises you big-time- and it gets published everywhere thanks to Reaper’s contacts with the media. Meanwhile, you get to go back home unnoticed and watch it all on TV, with Pidgeon on your lap while having some cold dinner. 

You make a really, really good team, and the powered criminals are going down like flies. She’s even better than Ortega at this hand’s down, and he’s saying he’ll ask her to join the rangers the moment he’s back on duty, his team’s already preparing the announcement. 

They’ll be the new power couple in town once they’re together, that’s all the press says, that you are just covering for him, it’s always meant to be Elyise and him. Somehow a picture of them kissing got into the media and it’s made everyone insane. It certainly got you insane.

You’ve made a point to tell them how happy you are for them every time you can.

Happy. 

It’s not the same. 

It’s not the same and your knuckles end up in bowls of ice every night because you’re punching the criminals harder and harder with each passing day.

Happy. 

You just need to keep on saying it until it becomes true.  

____________________________________________________________

ELYISE

“So, how are you doing?” you ask as you duck behind the park bench to avoid the flying bladed drone disk aimed at your neck.

“Well I’m coping, you know” she answers while creating a barrier to stop a trio of incoming disks in the air. “And It sucks” 

You stand outside your cover shooting at each of them in turn, causing small explosions and reducing them to pieces. Diskmaster turns tail and starts running at that. Coward. 

“It can’t be easy,” you say as you reassume the chase.

“It isn’t... But I’m lucky... Reaper’s managing everything, and I’ve got Ricardo to keep me sane. I haven’t had that many boyfriends, least of all in hospital bed, you know?” she says running at your side, after the villain. “Glad you were there to save him”

“You pathetic heroes! You are nothing compared to my technological mastery! Prepare to be destroyed!!” Diskmaster says waving his hands and sending a swarm of sawed flying disks at the two of you. 

You evade them all, finding a way trough, as Elyise simply pushes them away while still coming trough. Diskmaster stops as he notices you chased him all the way up to a dead-end and turns to you.

“Hahaha! Do you think you’ve got me, heroes? You’re WRONG! Prepare to see my ultimate weapon!” 

“Of course I was going to save him! Who else could I make fun off If i hadn’t?” you grin. Also, remember the doctor says he’s going to be running around soon Elyise, so the two of you are going to be the next big hit”

“I know, I just wish I had been there…that night at the docks”

“HEY ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS EVEN PAYING ATTENTION?! I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU NOW!” Diskamter yells standing atop a giant disk with rotating blades.

The two of you turn to him.

“Is he annoying or what?” she asks

“I think he just makes a point of saying something generic every minute” you answer.

“I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE!”

“Believe me, we know,” you say.

“Your arrogance will be your downfall, fools!” He rushes forward with his disk at you, but Elyise has other plans,  extending a hand to force the disk back, it’s blade burying into a building while Diskmaster bounces painfully against the bricks and goes down to the ground with a dry thud. 

“This isn’t over! You haven’t seen the last of DISKMASTER...!” he says trying to eat up the embarrassment and calling his final disks to surround. But you easily evade them all, walk up to him and knocking him down on his arse with a simple fist to the face. Ouch, your knuckles are in hell. 

Elyise comes up to you as the villain starts incorporating again...

“Sweet dreams Diskmaster” the two of you say punching him at the same time. 

---------------Cooling down, a few minutes later----------------------

“What was he even trying to steal again? Was it the bank of the Jewelry store?”

“Beats me, I just heard him with over the megaphone with all those crazy disks saying he was going to take over the city and jumped him.”

“Same here,” she says

You take a sip of your soda, looking as he is taken away.

“Why weren’t you there?” you ask.

“Where?” 

“You said you wished you were there when the Fiend attacked. You got the call as well, didn’t you?”

“I got it late. I got another call right then, emergency on the other side of town… It was pretty urgent.”

“Oh, I think I saw that. What was it?”

“Ahh… A suicide attempt. At the bridge. A passer-by saw it, and called me”

“Ahh. Those powers of yours must be good to have to stop those”

“They are, yes. Anyways, I should be off. Going to be meeting Ricardo at the infirmary”

“Oh, sure. Take care Elyise”

“You too, Step!” she says, as you share another fistbump.

You watch her as she leaves, the smile dying on your lips as you finish your soda and take your mask all the way down. 

You did not expect her to be so bad at lying, nor that it would be so easy to steal her phone. 

___________________________________________________________

ANATHEMA

“Why do you keep stealing stuff?” Annie asks as the doctor keeps trying to pull into his skin with a miniature drill. 

“I’m gonna give it back”

“I know, but it’s still wrong. You should have just asked her”

“She’s the one who lied,” you say looking into his eyes.

“You’re the one reading her mind. And maybe she has a good reason” he answers, impervious as the doctor pulls a bigger drill and goes at it again, sparks coming out. 

“I know there’s something wrong. I told you the Shark had dirt on her too”

“Just like he had dirt on Ortega and everyone else! Does that make him a bad person?”

“It’s not the same!” you protest as you keep fiddling with the phone.

“Seems the same to me.”

“I’m just looking after my friends”

“Is that what you’re doing? Maybe it’s something else, you know?” he says as the drill finally snaps. The doctor, groans, frustrated and takes another drill, more advanced, with a diamond tip. He activates it carefully and applies it to Anathema’s bare arm.

“Something else like what?” you ask lifting your gaze

“I think you’re jealous of her”

“Ahahahaaha… “ you say with your best false laughter “Jealous?! Why would I be jealous?r”

“You obviously are. And you should speak to Ricardo about it”

“Wh… what would I even tell him?”

“I’ve seen you two during training, I’m not an idiot”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean you should talk straight to Ortega, instead of making up dirt on his girlfriend!. Wait, that’s the wrong choice of words… You shouldn’t talk straight to him, you should talk ga...”

“I’m not making up dirt! This stuff is real!” you interrupt him before he can finish the sentence

“But you DO like Ortega?”

“I never said that!!!”

“Admit it!”

“AHA!” The doctor interrupts the tip of the drill wet with a few drops of blood. “IT WORKED!” he yells. 

“We can hear that,” Anathema says frustrated by the distraction.

“Oh sorry” he says removing his earplugs. “Couldn’t hear myself.”

“It’s ok. What’s the veredict, doc?”

“Well, I think your powers are fully restored by now if the diamond drill’s the only that works. Getting a blood test is going to be hell again now that we’re back to single droplets, but we’ll manage, I’ll have results tomorrow.”

“Wait so when am I good to go?”

“I’d say you have the all-clear right now. Just uh… don’t mess up with that thing again”

“Any idea about how It nullified his powers?”

“Well, obviously the purple spit. There were traces of hero drugs in it”

“Hero drugs?” Annie asks

“What does it mean?” you follow up with your own question.

“I don’t know, and they don’t pay me to speculate. The stuff was decayed, so it didn’t activate normally, it just messed up your existing abilities, but it’s not permanent so that’s the good news.”

“That thing vomited that liquid at him from its mouth. You mean it had hero drugs inside?”

“I assume that’d be the case Sidestep,” he says looking at you. In any case, I’m out”

Annie looks at you as he leaves. 

“So it actually spits drugs? What’s next? Maybe it’s radioactive too?”

“Could very well be for all we know. It does bring an explanation of why it chased all those dealers.”

“You mean it’s eating the drugs?”

“Well, they came out of its mouth, right? And he said decayed, I bet gastric acid could decay them pretty well”

“Yuck. Anyways, If I’m clear, I’m totally out of here. Can you pass me my pants and leave the stolen phone alone?”

“LOOK! I was right!” you say holding the phone to his face

“I fail to see how that gets me my pants,” he says annoyed before looking at Elyise’s phone. “And what’s that supposed to be?” he asks looking at the calls log

“It’s the call she got while at the Awards ceremony. Guess whose number is that called her?”

“I don’t know, maybe an obsessed hero who’s trying to steal her man for himself?”

“NO you… !” you say making your hands into fists “Look at the stupid number! The person who called her was…”

_______________________________________________

“The Loanshark?!” The warden asks.

“Yep. We came to visit” you say as you step inside, followed by Annie. 

“This area is restricted” he objects

“I’ve got clearance,” Anathema says flashing a card.

“Oh.. uh... In that case… alright. Just wait here, I’ll get someone to escort you two to the medical ward”

“Will do!” you say

“Thanks!”

You sit up to wait, as Anathema takes the seat next to yours. 

“Oh shit!” Annie says looking through his backpack. “I forgot my tablets. I should be taking one about now… shit!“

“I know,” you say, taking them out of your pocket and offering them to him.

“Whaat? How do you even have those?”

“I realized you forgot them”

“Oooh… because of the whole…” he does a wide circular motion with his palm at your forehead. “Mind thing?” 

“Nope. You just told me you needed to bring them, and I saw you didn’t pick them up from the table.”  

“Ah. Well, now I feel dumb. Anyways, thanks! ”

“No problem,”  you say “I do hear your thoughts, though, and I know how important Testosterone is”

“You do?”

“Well, some of it. Always wondered though.”

“Wondered what?”

“How did it feel? To change like that?”

“Oh,” he smiles “ Well it wasn’t easy at first but… It made me feel whole. Like I was becoming more of myself”

“A man?”

“Real. Alive. Human” he says with conviction.

“Oh,” you say falling silent. 

“Used to be depressed all the time. But thanks to these… I can be my true self.” 

And let me tell you, that helps a lot. Thanks for bringing them!”

“I told you, it’s no problem” you smile to him.

“Also, I really need them because I can’t do pellets, patches or injections, you know? Because my skin is..”

“Indestructible, yeah. I suggest you take them now, they’re not going to let us bring drugs into jail”

You can’t help but wonder if maybe there are some more tablets somewhere in the world that could make you feel like a real living human too. 

Maybe the rangers are what does it for you?

___________________________________________________________

LEWIE

“Enough games! Tell me why you called Elyise!” Anathema says slamming the table. His bad cop could use some improvement, really. 

“Did I really call her? I call lots of people!”

You send a couple of words directly into Annie’s mind. The two of you’ve been practicing this trick for a while now Ask again.

“We know you called her! We have phone records, you idiot fish!”

“Wow that’s racist, you know? Still, why don’t you ask your hero friend instead, if you have the records?”

You turn off the recorder as you interject “Hey Dipshit, we already know you threatened her. We just need to know what did you tell her exactly!” Bad-cop/Psychic-cop always works. 

“Wh…”

“And I want to know what THIS is,” you say showing him the Data Rod you stole from him.

Annie looks at it surprised but quickly plays along.  

“Ooooohhh so it was you! You stole it from my safe and then you couldn’t open it, is that it?” he grins showing all his pointy teeth. “Well isn’t that funny… I thought she was the one who did it” Of course he’s talking now that you’re not recording.

“Enough nonsense. Tell me what’s inside”

“I can’t. I mean I don’t know what’s in there, and I can’t open it. All I know is it’s bad, really bad for her and could put an end to her career. She’s not what she pretends to be, you know?”

You sigh looking at Annie

“You mean you don’t know what’s inside, and you can’t open it, but you still kept it in your safe? Do you even know who can open it?” he asks

Lewie just grins, saying nothing. Of course, he won’t admit Hollow Ground exists, but the answer is very clear in his mind.

“Alright, alright. You said Elyise’s not what she seems. What do you mean by that? Or are you not going to answer that one either?”

“You know, I think I will, just because it’ll be funny to see you all tear each other apart, I mean since you almost get me killed.”

“You fucking ingrate, we almost all die saving your shark ass!”

“Yeah well you didn’t do a very good job!” he says opening his shirt to reveal the scars and heavy bandaging over his chest wound.

“Still beats croaking you asshole,” you say

“Spit it out already, we don’t have all day” Annie adds. 

“Alright. It’s pretty simple really. Elyise, or Riley, she needed help, you know? It’s not easy to escape Mother Superior’s deranged cult of freaky-misfits. So she sought someone powerful to help her. Hmm.. someone who could whisk her away just like that…” he snaps his fingers

“And that wouldn’t be Hollow Ground, right?”

Lewie ignores him and goes on “Powerful people don’t give favors freely. She was asked to perform several tasks, of which I only know about the first ones, which she did excellently. But the last one? That one was very big and difficult, and I was never told what It was, only that it all got recorded there he points at your data rod trough the glass. “So she paid her dues and received the aid she needed to break free of her evil mother. It fell upon me to keep that as insurance since. She even tipped me off when you guys raided my office, she was great.

She didn’t want you finding that little thing in my safe” he smiles “Everyone was happy with the arrangement. Is that a good enough answer, Sidestep?”   

“She didn’t tip you off!” Annie protests.

“Believe what you will, It’s not my job to open your eyes kid”.

“Still doesn’t answer why you called her”

“That’s even easier. I just wanted her to stop”

“Stop what?”

“Stop killing us, obviously”

“She wasn’t killing your peple. That was Catastrofiend”

“Have you seen that thing? You both know it’s not a vigilante trying to save the city from drugs. Someone’s guiding it to each location, and I know it was her. She’s a big hero now, and I blackmailed her. She got mad and wanted to erase her criminal past with us so she made some sort of deal with that devil.”

“I suppose you have evidence about this?” you ask, arms crossed.

“Well maybe that the monster appeared just a few months after Riley went batshit and decided she was entering the hero business and calling herself Elyise? And that It showed up at every single location she knew about? Or what about this, when I called her the night of the awards to discuss some sort of truce, she told me to go fuck myself, then hung up, and Catastrofiend was at my door not 20 minutes afterward. Twenty fucking minutes and everyone was dead. How’s that for evidence, you morons?” 

_________________________________________________________

You go silent on the trip back, holding on to Annie as he directs the motorcycle. Just two masked heroes moving through traffic. Regular stuff. 

“You actually believed him?”

“I didn’t notice him lying”

“All he does is lie”

“Yeah, that’s true. It’s hard to tell in a mind like that… but I don’t think he wanted to lie.”

“So… what… Do you think Ortega’s girlfriend send that monster to hurt us all? That’s nuts”

“Someone did send it”

“Where would she even get in contact with something like that?” he asks looking back after stopping next to a traffic light.

“I’ve been thinking about where it came from for a while… I think I have a good theory” 

“Of course you do” he groans.

“And… I’d need your help to investigate it”

He nods slowly.

______________________________________________

STEEL

You finally make it back to the desk at the empty office, putting the box on the table. 

Just when you think you’ve got everything, you realize you’re missing a piece. Backtracking to the kitchen takes a moment before you return with a slice of the latest “Get well soon” cake you smuggled into their fridge, taking a sip and then a few bites. You’ve been getting these cakes for them and no one’s complained so far, even if you’re the one eating the most out of them. They know you can’t think well without enough sugar.

Ok, time to work. 

You open the box, studying its contents. Since the incident and with Ortega’s word you’ve got more or less free reign over the HQ, and thus you did the logical thing and stole everything you needed. 

Office supplies galore, glue, pins, red string, and copies of the case’s pictures, paper, scissors, and colored markers. Everything you need to make one of those investigation display boards that Ortega loves so much. But where to start? It’s not as easy as it looks.

You take a large picture of the Catastrofiend taken by Steel’s optical scanner and pin it atop the board. Then you start writing questions, answers, pinning more photographs, then attaching them with the red string… It quickly starts taking shape

“That’s a reasonable assumption,” a familiar voice says from above. You look up, but there’s no one there… just a loudspeaker. 

“Steel” you sigh “Are you spying on me?” you say holding off pinning Elyise’s picture.

“Just keeping a record of your thefts”

“It’s just office materials and I’m inside the premises! Plus I’m working the case!” you protest.

“You also took all the ash-trays.” the loudspeaker says drily.

“Prove it!” 

A screen on the wall turns on a moment after showing you take one of them and put it in your bag.

“Well ok, maybe I did, but I’ve got reasons!”

“You don’t even smoke” he accuses. 

“Well, maybe I have expenses, you know? And perhaps official Ranger ash-trays with your logo on it sell extremely well.”

“So it’s our fault that you’re a dirty thief!?” the loudspeaker says

“Of course it! If you hadn’t all declared yourselves against the tobacco industry these things wouldn’t be even remotely as rare” you say holding one from your backpack. “I mean you shouldn’t have them in the first place, only Hood used them really. Don’t you see? I’m really doing you a favor!”

Your attempt is rewarded with silence.

“OK I’LL GIVE THEM BACK!” you say opening your pack and letting a pile of them over the table. Happy now?”

More silence. You let a few minutes pass, watching your own board critically.

“Could you come in here?” you ask

“What?”

“If you’re watching me make the board, you could come here to help?”

“... I think I can help just fine from here”

“Come on, I can’t talk to a loudspeaker all day, it’s stupid!”

You hear a groan, and then the peculiar loud steps approaching you. 

“Fine. I’m here” he says coming trough.”

“They fixed your hands!” you say surprised. 

“Barely,” he says, immediately hiding them behind his back.

“Uh… something wrong with them?”

 These are supposed to be better.. But they don’t work at all.”

“How so?”

“I can’t really control the pressure. Can’t even take a glass without breaking it, it’s like the first time I got modded all over again, I’ve already gone through this” he sounds clearly frustrated as he explains.

“Want me to calibrate them?”

“No” 

“Why not? It shouldn’t be hard”

“Not going to happen!”

“I know how those things work… and I can sense how it responds on your end because…”

“Because you’re a telepath” he finishes for you.

You nod lightly. He hates that word for some reason. 

“You’re not authorized to modify my mods,” he says defensively

“Not unless you authorize me. You know I can get it right.”

The internal conflict in his mind is so entertaining to overhear that you have to make a conscious effort not to smile.

“I could get it working in minutes and you know it!”

That does it.  

“Fine. But if you somehow make it worse…” 

“Great! Now I need tools…”

“Let’s go to the lab… just this once”  he says guiding you.

“I love that place!”

“Tell me, was this an excuse to steal more of our stuff from the beginning?”

“I don’t steal, I just borrow for a really long time” you smile following him.

____________Some extensive calibrations later______________________

“Now how’s that?” you ask as you unplug your phone’s cable from the input entry.

He slowly opens his hands, carefully taking the one deck of cards in each, and then starts shuffling them. There’s a hint of a smile in his expression, something that you haven’t seen before, he’s really pleased with the results. 

“They never worked so well before” he seems actually … excited? But as his gaze fixes on you, the smile dies as quickly as it got there. 

“Thank you” he lets out in a neutral tone “This was actually really helpful”  

It’s so annoying not knowing what the heck is his problem with you. You’re pretty sure you didn’t do anything to upset him, and still, it’s always like this. He won’t let himself like you, no matter how hard you try, it’s as simple as that. Whatever may be it’s your fault for trying.

But perhaps that’s why you wanted his input. 

“So what did you want my help with?”

“I just need your view on something”

“Fine.”

“Let’s say you’re part of a military unit, right?”

“Sounds familiar”

“Yeah. So, you’re doing missions one after the other… and then they start to go wrong… and you get intel that you’re being sabotaged”

“There’s a traitor, you mean?” he says looking dead straight into your eyes.

“Something like that”

“Anything you want to get off your chest?”

“No! I just want your opinion… What would you do?”

“Do I know who the traitor is?”

“You think you have a good case against them, but you can’t be certain. And if you’re wrong it could destroy your team. And on top of that, you’re not sure if your own feelings are getting in the way.”

He gives you a really long stare, and you can hear him reciting a poem over at the back of his mind as if he was trying to block you from mind reading on purpose. Did you do something to freak him out? What the heck is this guy’s problem?

It takes several minutes before he realizes you’re still awaiting an answer. 

“I… I would gather all the evidence I could. And then… confront them directly, trough the proper channels”

“Oh” you let out.

“Not the answer you expected?” he narrows his gaze.

“I… don’t know what answer I expected really. Thanks” you say standing and walking to the door with your pack. 

“You’re forgetting your board,” he says, his thoughts confused. “I don’t think I need it anymore,” you say closing the door behind you. You’re confused too. Why did you even ask him for advice in the first place? Oh. Because deep down you respect him, that’s why. 

That was not the answer you expected at all. At the farm, the answer would have been to report the traitor in secret to the team leader, and then take out the threat by surprise before it could fester. Maybe there’s more to Steel than you thought. 

__________________________________________________

“You hear me? Reception is bad here”

“I do! Did you get to the spot?”

“Standing on it,” Annie says. “Not much left honestly”

“That’s as expected… did you find anything?”

“I… I think you better see it,” he says trying to send you some pictures. They take a while to load. 

The first ones open, showing the familiar landscape. Sunken town. Anathema’s standing over the ruins of Mother Superior’s lab. 

“At first I thought there was nothing but... But then…”

A new picture shows some ruble he’s removing by hand… and underneath… a perfect round hole dug trough the collapsed ground and debris

He sends another picture, displaying what appears to be a broken down drone. A drilling drone. It has the familiar logo on it

“That’s … That’s Reaper’s company!”

“And we both know of someone who has access to his technology”

“Elyise”. You complete the sentence. 

“Yeap. I’m on my way back. Guess you were right about her after all Steps. She came back for her mother after all. We’ve got to warn Charge right away.”

He hangs up, leaving you to ponder on what this all means. You have all the evidence gathered together as Steel suggested. Only one question left.

Are you right about her?

__________________________________________________________________

My fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[youandmeandlife]

Hacked (s.s)

Summary: Sebastian opens his heart in an interview about leaked messages and pictures of his girlfriend. 

Warnings: Little angsty 

Pairings: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word count: 1140

Request: 

He stared at her, watching the interviewer closely as he’d learned over the past years that it was polite to pay attention to the people he was talking to. It was hard though, to be fully there in the room with the lady in front of him. He knew what was coming up, his media manager had informed him of it. It’s not like he didn’t want to talk about it, he kind of owed it to his girlfriend. And besides, his fans needed to know that what they’d done was not alright.

“So, you were born in Romania?” Laura, the interviewer, asked. Sebastian noticed how she twirled the the coffeecup in her hand around, fiddling with it as she waited for him to reply.

“Yeah, I was,” Sebastian answered, grinning a little as he always did when people asked him about his home country. It always brought a smile on his face when he thought about Romania; he’d grown to be proud of his roots, embrace his foreign cultures.

“Do you ever go back there? You still have family there, right?” She asked and Sebastian leaned a little back in his seat.

“Most of my mum’s family is still back there, yeah. Unfortunately, I don’t get to visit them that often. I almost never have the chance to just go, you know? I went to, um, the capital earlier this year, so that was really nice. Met some lovely fans,” He answered her, his smile widening a little as he thought of all those lovely people he’d met; the nice fans.

“So, have you brought your girlfriend there yet?” Laura asked. Sebastian gulped, knowing she was about to bring it up.

“Um, not yet, no. I haven’t gotten the chance to yet,” He smiled sadly, hoping they’d last so long he would get the chance bring her someday. He really loved her, possibly more than he could ever remember loving any of his previous girlfriends. They hadn’t been together long, and he knew those feelings were somewhat a reason of newfound love, but he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He just prayed to whatever God would listen that their relationship weren’t completely broken. After what his socalled fans had done, things between them had been strained. She’d been mad, with all the right reasons to be, and he knew she’d need some time to think and get out of the spotlight. She lived in New York after all, in her own apartment fairly close to his, so the week after the incident she kept complaining about getting mobbed by fans and even some paparazzis and journalists who wanted her comment on the matter.

His and her own private address had of course also gotten leaked. He wasn’t really surprised when she said she wanted to leave the city for a little more quiet time. She left for the town she’d grown up in, claiming she needed to see her mother. Sebastian understood, he really did, but that had been two whole weeks ago and she had barely spoken to him since, only to say she had arrived safely and that she needed more time. He understood, or at least he tried to. His mind was mostly racing by the thought that she might leave him. Which is why he decided to do this interview, hoping she’d watch it and see that he was willing to do everything to defend her, even telling his own fans off.

“So, speaking of Y/N… There were some messages leaked from your phone, wasn’t it?” Laura asked. Sebastian’s jaw clenched on its own and he shifted a little in his seat.

“Um, yeah,” He swallowed. He was beyond nervous, the topic bother him so much since he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all his fault.

“Well, there was a lot of your personal stuff that was leaked as well, but a lot of people talked about the textmessages between you and Y/N. And there were some privat pictures of her as well, as far as I’ve understood? I don’t know, I haven’t seen any of it myself,” Laura chuckled a little at the end, obviously trying to lighten the mood. Sebastian smiled gently at her.

“Yeah, haha. I get that,” He looked down at his hands, clamping them together in his lap as he shifted some more in the chair. “So, um… Listen, that whole thing was partly my fault. I mean, looking back at it now it was stupid of me to use the same password for everything, because it started with some fans hacking my Instagram account and then they tried the same password to my dropbox-iCloud thing, I don’t even know what it’s called… Well, I mean, that was stupid of me really, but I have to say that it was… not cool of the people who shared all those pictures of Y/N,” Sebastian told Laura honestly.

“Yeah, I can imagine neither of you liked that. Is there anything that you would like to say to those people who did it?” The young woman asked. Sebastian cleared his throat.

“Well, you know, I just don’t understand how anyone could do that. I mean, being an actor and stuff, I’m always in the public, you know? I’ve kinda gotta be used it, but she isn’t. So, you know, she’s a waitress, she’s not a public person. There’s absolutely no reason to share those pictures of her. She was really sad about it, and she has all reason to be,” Sebastian said.

“Yeah, yeah. Because there were some… pretty provoking pictures, I’ve heard. Underwear, right?” Laura asked, bringing her cup up to her lips and taking a drink as she waited for Sebastian to answer.

“Well, I mean, yeah. It really sucks, it does, because especially those pictures Y/N sent to me because she trusted that I wouldn’t… release them anywhere, and then some people hack my phone and they get released anyway. It really sucked, and I’m just honestly so… disappointed with those people, because Y/N really didn’t deserve that,” Sebastian felt the rage rise in his chest as he thought about it, but he forced himself to stay calm. Yelling at fans he had no idea who even were, was not gonna solve anything. And besides, the damage was already done, he just had to assure that people understood they couldn’t violate his or his girlfriends privacy again like that.

Fortunately, the interview ended soon after that. Sebastian answered a couple of final questions, luckily unrelated to Y/N so he got some time to calm down before he waved bye to the audience and walked off the stage. The interview wouldn’t be shown until the following day, but he still pulled his phone out of his pocket. She still hadn’t called or texted.

Tag list: 

@moondancewrites @stucky-thorki @letaliabane @kawaiispacepriincess @liamakorn @theblueinyour-eyes @royallylazy @pxrrishly @stateoflovinged @helloitscrowley @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @sebbystanlover-vk @pxrrishly @yesimaginethefun @roallylazy @buckysb-tch @directionerfae @mizz-kraziii @thewinterserpent @kittyslove

[loveraids]

advice for incoming freshmen

hey guys! here’s a list of some tips i made for incoming freshmen. i thought i’d share some advice/knowledge i’ve accumulated over the years too. everything’s under the cut. if you have any questions/concerns, feel free to message me! ☀️ (tw: long post)

1. one of the biggest fears many people have entering high school is not making friends. however, there are MANY opportunities where you can make friends! besides being friendly with who you sit with in class, try joining a sport, club, extra curricular, etc. i’m not saying making friends is the easiest thing in the world- i still struggle with it today. but don’t put yourself down if you’re not immediately friends with everyone in the school in the first week- it’ll take some time to develop. remember that everyone else is just as scared as you are, and they aren’t gonna come out of their shells until you do as well.

2. depending on your school, they may start throwing college shit at u on day one (although unlikely). no matter what, don’t stress right now!! the college process really doesn’t begin until the weeks leading up to the summer of junior year. you have time!! it’s ok to not know what you want to do. college has an “undecided” major for a reason.

3. V O L U N T E E R. i cannot stress this enough. it has soso many benefits and freshman year will most likely be the most time-free year you have. find a position at your local zoo, library, camp, hospital, etc. it’s a great resume booster and can aid you in the college application process (additionally, if you have an honors society that requires volunteer hours, you’ll need them anyways). also, you get to help people !

4. freshman year is going to teach you what real high school work is. you may struggle, and it’s ok! i was one of the “bright” kids that had their grades drop once i entered high school, and yeah, it did a lot to my self esteem. but throughout the years i picked myself up- i embraced help from my peers/teachers, i figured out what method of studying works best (pro tip: studying for math? look over the basic rules and do thousands of practice problems. science that isn’t math based? quizlet and khan academy. history? quizlet.), i learned that it’s OK to get a grade under a 90/A-. it’s going to seem tough at first, but just remember that you’re adjusting to a completely new environment and work ethic. you will get through it!! please shoot me an ask if you ever need help i’ll always answer. (edit: also do ur homework!!! it could be the difference between a B+ and an A-.)

5. imagine the crustiest person in your grade right now. now imagine them trying to hit on a kid that’s four years younger than you. gross, right? that’s exactly what a senior hitting on a freshman is like!! do not do that shit!!! there is NO reason why a senior should be trying to hook up with you when they’re 17-18 and you’re 14-15. that shit is NASTY. do NOT date seniors (even juniors are sketchy).

6. high school is where you will probably encounter alcohol/drugs/sex/etc at some point. do not be pressured!! if you don’t wanna smoke or drink then don’t do it (if you’re with the type of people who pressure, you better run). ive personally never had an experience where i was pressured, and people were usually respectful, but i can’t speak the same for everyone else. wanna get fucked up and party with your friends? be careful! i’m not promoting underage drinking but lets be honest a lot of kids do it. no sense in trying to pretend like that isn’t the real world. if you’re invited to some party by someone you KNOW has a bad rep, then don’t go!! you’ll have more opportunities.

7. if you’re worried about SATs/college admissions exams, you have a year. kids in my school are kinda crazy and were studying freshman year which made NO sense to me. end of sophomore year/beginning of junior year is usually adequate (plus- the main rule with SATs/ACTs is that you should take the test NO MORE than three times- that’s three chances!! i personally did well on my SAT, so if u have any questions feel free to ask me.

8. back to the point of pressure - if you’re going to a gifted and talented program/school, you will most likely feel academic pressure. with so many bright and smart peers, your standards will end up being much higher than the general population. i’m speaking from experience.

9. student government is usually a popularity contest. if you don’t win, don’t beat yourself up. if you do, congrats!

10. take pictures! save holiday cards! make memories!! i sincerely regret not taking photos (with me in them!!) during my freshman and sophomore years. there are a lot of great memories that i didn’t record because i was too embarrassed to get in front of a camera. i’ve learned that i’d rather cringe at a photo i look bad in in the privacy of my own phone, rather than not have a picture at all.

11. start developing good studying habits right away. what motivated me was getting cute/colorful pens, highlighters, erasers, post-its, etc., and making my notes look really pretty. i have my own personal post-it collection now. if you find ways to make studying even remotely fun/interesting, it will be extremely beneficial in the long run. i remember the summer before my junior year, i was excited to go back literally because i wanted to use my new pens.

12. this is a future piece of advice, but i would say there’s a 99% chance that you will be friends with mostly different people by senior year. you might have a core few, or a bestie, but myself and many others know that there are people who we were best friends with freshman year that don’t say hi to us in the halls senior year.

13. listen, there are gonna be some snake ass bitches. there’s no avoiding it. just don’t pay attention to them!! they get off on thinking they’re better than you. the best way to no longer deal with someone you don’t like is to just not associate with them. i’m obviously over simplifying these situations, but its usually not that deep. if it’s to the point where it’s causing you a great amount of stress, then it may be something you need to talk to a guidance counselor about.

14. please. do. not. run. and scream. in. the. halls. who do u think u are?? it’s 8 AM i don’t want to hear your screeching voice as you run into 7 people!!!!!

15. the freshmen are usually the joke of the school. you’ll hear you guys referred to as gremlins in some way, shape, or form. just deal with it, you’ll understand when you’re no longer freshmen (unless someone’s being unnecessarily mean!!).

16. make friends with your teachers!!!!!!!!! stay after class to have a little conversation with them. email them after school. bring them gifts on major holidays. IT WILL PAY OFF. letters of recommendation? done! need a teacher to sign off on something? done! minorly messed up in class? they’ll let it go bc they like you! this will also probably result in an increase in your character/participation grades.

17. make a travel pack that you keep in your bag - a few small bills,  pads/tampons (for those who need), pen, pencil, bobby pins, nail file, hair elastic, gum/mints, small perfume, band-aids, charger, etc.

18. thrift books sells books for really cheap!! also, ALWAYS check other places before ordering from normal bookstores (i’m looking at u barnes & noble)- they’re most likely cheaper.

19. i’m not gonna be one of those people who is like “school is the best!! it can be great for anyone if you just try!!” bc that shit aint true. it might suck ass for some of you. just know that high school isn’t your life. some people act like your life ends after high school. we’re 14-18 years old and still have so much to learn and see. if you set up a countdown to the end of high school your first day of freshman year, so be it.

20. your teachers are people too. they’re not there for you to use and abuse. they have families, problems, LIVES. they also have 3289472 students besides yourself, and assuming they should put you above the rest will only end up in disappointment.

21. social media is not all that matters. esp in this day and age, people will definitely be using snapchat and instagram (and hey! tumblr too). but don’t think you need social media to fit in. one of the most popular girls in my school literally made her instagram just the other day. to reiterate: it’s not that deep!!

22. you’re gonna change a lot (which is ok!!). freshman year i only wore hot topic and watched supernatural & doctor who. now, i just watch cooking vids and fawn over shawn mendes. it’s ok to change!! even just though freshman year you’ll change. i know i got like. super gay

23. if you find yourself having free time (or having study hall), do your homework!!! once you get home you’ll probably get distracted/lazy. what i used to do was go to my local library after school and get all my homework done so that i wouldn’t leave my school mindset and not wanna do anything. even if you don’t get everything done, you’ll thank yourself later.

24. there’s a difference between “forming your own opinion” on someone and completely ignoring their reputation/what your friends say. i can’t tell you how many people have gotten burned by the SAME guy in my school because none of them even kept in mind the warnings they had heard about him. it’s ok to give people a chance, but remember that most people’s reputations hold some truth (but not everyone!).

25. this seems pretty obvious but like. be nice. don’t talk mad shit about people you don’t know. rumors fly FAST in high school. what’s even worse is when they’re not true. fact check your shit if you ARE gonna gossip.

26. ok last point (for now). everything is gonna be new. there’s no getting around it. you WILL feel out of place. you’ll most likely be anxious. but everything will end up ok (cheesy, i know). the first week of high school is one the scariest weeks you’ll have in high school. things need time to settle. you’ll make friends, you’ll find things you like, you’ll be happy!! enter high school with a growth mindset. it may not seem like it, but your attitude WILL impact how things turn out.

overall, you guys will be fine. good luck to all of you !! if you have any questions or need advice on a specific thing, please feel free to send me an ask!! i’m always here. love u bbies

[alteregowo]

Hi! I love Dan and Phil, individually and together, but I think they're not trying to hide a romantic relationship. Don't you think that after ten years, they'd finally come out if they were? I mean there are a lot of gay couples on youtube and it would not be that big of a deal today than it was in 2007. Just wanted to hear your opinion on that. Have a nice day!

before i answer, disclaimer: i have ADD and this post might get messy since i find it difficult to concentrate and phrase myself properly (and english isn’t even my main language!)

well, i’m not gonna try and force my own views down your throat or anything but let me ramble a bit about why i wholeheartedly believe dan and phil are in a relationship;

i think i’ll start with the very fact that they recently moved to their third shared home together. say whatever you want to say but if they were indeed just friends, considering they’re in their mid 20s and 30 dont you think they’d want to move out separately and get going with their lives? and dont you think they wouldn’t be so keen on making comments about keeping living together in the long run (or forever….  a forever home say whaaaat). 

now, you might argue with the good ol’ “but they benefit from living together regardless of relationship status”. fair enough. however, let me point out that it has became as clear as day especially in 2017 that they share a bedroom. i don’t know about you but i don’t think two strictly platonic friends who just moved into a duplex would want/ need to share a bedroom unless they’re uhhh mayhaps in a relationship and love to cuddle? i know a wild concept…….

and i’m sorry but if you want to argue against the shared bedroom fact with the shoebox phil claims is “his room” i have nothing to say but shake my head. no way phil actually lives in that room that has no windows and no space to move around and why is the entire room crammed in this one corner… where is the rest of the room……. and why is that room has no personal touch to it…. it’s literally just AmazingPhil props and things……… feels much more like a set to me than an actual bedroom. (also we saw phil’s mirror and hair straighter in the moon room aka “”dan’s bedroom”” which i think we can all collectively agree is simply “the bedroom”)

another thing that strikes me is how dan joins phil’s family vacations (especially in 2017) and how he seems to become part of the family much more than anyone who’s classified as “platonic” to phil would have. dan is just as much of a lester as cornelia is? dan joins the lesters just as much and as frequent as a spouse would. in fact, dan joins the lesters so much on their adventures that if im not wrong, the longest dan and phil spent apart in 2017 was not more than a weekend? that’s whack!

now these were just three things that were very prominent in 2017 regarding the belief whether dan and phil are in a relationship or not that were “behind the scenes”as in going on in their personal lives, kind of? i mean sure we see the  shoebox on AmazingPhil and the moon room in some liveshows and we get pictures from their shared vacations but now i will move on to what we see on screen across their channels

i’ll start this with a throwback to the boncas bc i think that damn speech is enough to debunk any “uwu platonic” argument, ever. i don’t think phil would have done THAT if dan didn’t mean a whole lot to him and i think saying the universe would rip in half in they go apart is a concrete proof that they themselves can;t and don’t want to imagine a life in which they are not joint at the hip. 

moving on to gamingmas, which i will forever find so significant?? they broke a lot of boundaries during that month regarding of invading personal space, a bit of a more mature humor (esp on phil’s account), casual touching and a whole lot of flirting and a lot less (almost none at all) looks straight into the camera to show they are aware this is filmed or to do a “wtf is this lol” kinda thing. gamingmas was a turning point. i will forever firmly believe they did all of that in an attempt to normalize this kind of behavior on screen (and it definitely worked!)

dan and phil continued the vibes of gamingmas well into 2017 and the casual touches, lingering gazes and flirting (as well as expressing affection towards males in specific) is now the normal running theme over at dapg to a degree where we don;t even lose our shit anymore. we joke and meme but nothing strikes us as overwhelming bc we are “used” to it, which i think dan and phil aimed for i genuinely think they wanted to get to this stage of showing more comfort and more intimacy on screen without everyone and their mothers going whack over “pHaN iS rEaL!!!!!1″ and for it all to come across as oh so casual and chill! 

so now you ask, “they go through all that why not just come out lol”

WELL, in my honest opinion, dan and phil will never officially come out as a couple. and you know what, maybe things would have been different if The Video didn’t leak and get spread around (twice, mind you.) but things happen and one thing lead to another and after all they have been through and how they were shaped as people and their experiences with guarding and protecting themselves and their privacy any sort of statement about whether or not they are a couple or just friends or even paid actors  (let alone labeling themselves and their sexuality bluntly) is highly unrealistic. so if you are waiting for a coming out video or whatever to convince you that won’t ever happen i’m afraid. 

dan and phil value their privacy and they have every right to do so.

so yes, maybe in the early days of 2009/10 they were very flirty all across social media and on camera and maybe just maybe you need to consider the few following things regarding why they stopped with that:

The Video leak. like honestly? can’t and won’t find any more justified reason to feel the need for privacy and shielding yourself and making comments on how ‘het’ you are  for instance just to brush off the most intimate thing imaginable that since has been glorified and memorized by millions(?) of people who were never meant to even know this video and that declaration of affection even exists. is it scary. and i fully understand the “no homo howell” phase and how awkward they appeared together on camera for awhile, very very proud of how far they;ve came esp in 2017 though. 

the radio show! is it a little tied to The Video leak since the second leak happened when the radio show was still fairly new but before they moved to london (into their second shared home coughs) they weren’t all that big, you know? but with the popularity of the radio show came the increasing popularity of their youtube channels and their followers/ subscribers count went up and up and their content became exposed to a much larger range of audience and these new audience/ fans were not familiar with the past (at least not at first glance) and dan and phil needed to leave “good” impression (not that being flirty and dumb wasn’t good impression but it wasn’t all that professional and now they’ve grown big enough to be in need of professionalism.)

these two things were a turning point to how dan and phil view themselves on camera and their content itself (phil sticking to the AmazingPhil PG persona) (dan with his struggles with creativity and integrity zzzz) and really, considering their story  (and how well known the early days are, and how dan and phil are aware to that…) it suddenly makes perfect sense why dan and phil aren’t in any sort of rush or need to ever come out.

however though, i think that the “post baking universe” as in the halloween 2016 baking video, the boncas speech, the european leg of tatinof, pinof 8, and gamingmas were a prep to this switch in dynamics we have seen in 2017 and that keeps very steady so far. feels as if late 2016 was so “wild” bc they were testing the waters and our reactions to see if they wanna pull through with this change. 

so, even if they will never officially come out, their dynamic both on and  off screen screams that they are literal boyfriends and they don’t need to spell it out for us to know and see. anyone who cares enough about their relationship status and look at their content with it in mind can very obviously and easily see how in love these two dorks are. same love from the early days of 2009/10 only now it has shifted into a steady, secure, safe, most wonderful thing and you can see that their love towards each other in filling their hearts with pure joy.

so yeah, dan and phil are definitely in a relationship and that doesn’t seem to change anytime soon, if ever at all.

(THAT WAS SO MESSY IM SORRY BUT I HOPE MY POINT CAME ACROSS?)

[lovelyladyls]

Hey Sami,

I know I’m not allowed to say anything until your family does and I respect that. I just really need to write some things right now and no one really checks my tumblr anymore thank the gods and I wanted to write on the day I found out.

What the fucking hell, man? I don’t direct that at you, obviously, but what the hell? We spoke to each other a few days ago...you’re one of the only people where I save all our conversations. I’m looking at all of our threads so flabbergasted at the news Jenny H. sent to me.

It doesn’t feel real. Earlier this month I SCOURED through your photos on Facebook to find our 2010 pictures together. I saw you right before quarantine...we shared memes and you reacted to my “I’m pissy for no reason” tweet because we’ve been working through tough familial ties...

You’re one of the friends I’ve known the longest and one of my biggest and most kind and genuine supporters and I was so so so happy you were finally happy.

I cried when I saw some of your likes in the last few days, about how finding your girlfriend brought you to your highest and most happy state. You two truly truly loved and supported each other and I looked up to you two so much in a way. I thought when I was ready to date again (thank you so much for being a rock alongside Jenny to me during all of that. You truly were my peace) that I would want to find someone like you guys. I wasn’t settling for next to nothing anymore. Decent people exist.

You had such a uplifting personality (with edgy bite and killer sarcasm lolol). You were friends with so many amazing people and like the Leo you are—you truly are legit sunshine.

I’m just so confused. I know I’ll be told more later but...what happened to you? How are you transitioning to the next stage? I feel you’re adapting quickly but holding on a little.

I’m just upset. It still doesn’t feel real and I’m not sure how to act. Death doesn’t always bother me because I’m excited to learn my life lessons in Source before I come back and all that jazz but...I’m so confused. I’ve been crying all day and then I feel calm, knowing you’re just healing and learning at Source now and that must be so exciting—(or whatever anyone’s beliefs are) but I feel guilty. Why do some wonderful, beautiful, kind, courageous, firey, friends of all kinds of people taken from us so early? You had so much life ahead of you and seemed happy and excited for the rest.

I know you felt some anger about some things, like we all do, but reading it back really hit me in the gut.

I’m just so confused. I’m so so so so confused. Why you?! Why now? What is the meaning of all of this? I want to reach out to people in your life but I half think it’s inappropriate and half think we want our space to grieve for a minute before things proceed.

I hope you know I loved you. You truly were a great friend and for a long long long time in my life. We both moved a lot so I know you know what I mean. Thanks for always being patient and the type of friend to check in yet we knew space and our lives had changed so we didn’t see each other as much but that was okay. We talked on every form of media every other day lmao.

Fuck it doesn’t feel real.

Dude I do know you’re laughing at the fact I’m so fucking sunburned and my lip is hella fat and I move like a poor soul with polio without their sticks rn due to yesterday but fuck this is the last thing I ever thought I’d hear today.

I’m so sorry. A part of me wants to apologize and feels you were wronged and robbed but...it’s just time to return home. But I also feel guilty writing this to people who don’t always think the same way we do because I sound like an insensitive hack but who cares. I just hope you can transition well and know that I’ll see you again and we’ll be friends next time too.

I’m just sad I didn’t put more effort into some little conversations but I’m so so so happy I got to see you not that long ago. I’m so thankful for that time we had. I’m so thankful for the over ten years we had. We really have been evolving for so long...it’s trippy.

Don’t worry, I’ll write something super super nice later. I have so many things to say. I’m just a little befuddled right now and time feels like it’s in a weird continuum. 2020 is so beyond weird...I’m just...I’m so upset and confused and your birthday is coming up too and I knew this Leo season would be fucked I just didn’t know how.

This is total word salad vomit whatever from my brain. I feel calm and try to distract myself and then it hits me again. That’s normal for grief. But still.

I’m thankful I’ve been reading my books about death oddly enough. I feel like you feel at peace. Maybe I’m projecting but I honestly feel like you’re really sad you have to leave (B especially) but you understand.

God I hope I don’t sound awful. Not even for my sake but I promise I don’t mean to disrespect you in any way! Some people don’t share my thoughts on death and the transition to the afterlife and that’s okay...I just hope you have a good transition is all and have a fuckton of fun up there. Now that my ass will keep talking to you.

Fuck I’m crying again because I remember talking about cemeteries with you and our favorites. God I love/miss you SM. Later I’ll change it with (dates) due to privacy right now but fuck I miss you so much and I’m so sad this happened to you.

Know that you taught me about manifestations and bettering and healing myself and I’ll carry that with me until I meet source and see yo ass again lol. I’m gonna try my best to rock the SHIT out of the time I have left. For you and for me. We gonna rock this shit.

Thank you for teaching me strength and kindness and sunshine and being oneself truly. Thank you for your advice and care and entertaining soul and just for sharing how fucking awesome of a person you are/were idfk how to write that.

Dude...what the fuck. Whaaaat the fuck. Also the monarch butterfly on set at the tennis fields yesterday was lovely, thank you. What the fuck.

My head hurts lol.

Idk what this is anymore so I should wrap it up. I don’t want to text you this because it’ll trigger B or your family so I’m posting this here.

I love you. I miss you. I thank you.

Bitch, what the fuck.

Fuck 2020. Fuck the fact I keep fucking up spelling fuck. Fucj.

I’m crying again and I know you found that legit typo to be hella funny sad too😂. Very on brand for us 😂

Anyway, I should go for now and expect updates and for me to talk to yo ass when I feel this has all settled a bit.

I love you.

Goodbye, SM, until next time.

Lierin

[flowerboymoongirl]

What are the Odds? 2.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom Holland accidentally adds you to his friends list, and when you hit him up about about it you think that’s gonna be the end of that. Simple. But Tom does the complete opposite. Let the social media flirting begin.

Warnings: some cursing, bad flirting, annoying brothers.

Word count: 2898

A/N: Thought this chapter was long but once I finished it I felt like it wasn’t, so be prepared for longer chapters, which I hope ya’ll are ok with lol. I have a lot of details in my mind for their specific dynamic together along with relationships of the other characters so im glad ill be able to put most of those details into the upcoming chapters. enjoy.

//////

So about the whole, ‘I’m gonna tell him’ thing you told the roomies.

That... is easier said than done. Watching a celebrity’s private social media page is wrong, but also really interesting. Like those “CELEBRITIES! THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!” articles in those trashy magazines that you use to skim through at the grocery store while your mom did her shopping. Most days, Tom posted what you would deem ‘normal people activities.’ Him walking his dog in the morning. Him having a beer with who you assumed were his roommates. Him leaving his clean laundry on a chair in his room for a few days and then posting about his guilt for doing it. We’ve all been there. But then, he would also post things that you were sure was on the invasion of privacy range you were crossing. He had posted going out to restaurants or clubs that were super exclusive a few times, him drinking with his friends which lead to drunk Instagram stories, (once again, we’ve all been there) or he’d post gym selfies or his outfit of the day, which like, how were you suppose to deny yourself that?

But overall, he seemed like he tried to live as normal a life as possible, and was pretty down to earth for the most part. Which made you feel bad for being so nosey in his life. He obviously wanted privacy, and here you were watching all of his private stories meant for his friends and family. You could practically hear Zoë telling you how you should’ve figured out how to unlink yourself from that list two weeks ago when she told you to. It was exhausting sometimes how often Zoë was right.

Which lead you to finally telling yourself that the next time he posted something you would message him about the mixup and then carry on with your life like you weren’t bummed to not be able to watch Spider-Man’s day to day activities. You needed to get a better hobby.

“Earth to y/n, are you in there??“ Kevin said as he waved his hand infront of your face.

“Isn’t it time for you to go to work? I thought maybe you fell asleep at the dining table for again, until I noticed your eyes were open.” You glanced at the clock. 3:30am. Waking up for the 4am opening shift for work was the worst.

“Uh, yeah. I was totally spacing, guess I’m still just tired.” You said while you grabbed your jacket and keys.

“Don’t fall asleep on the way to work please?” He said while we followed you to the door to lock it.

“I won’t, don’t worry Kev.”

“Alright, later boooo”

You gave Kevin a smile and a wave and walked down the hall to the elevator to get to your car. You were lucky you didn’t live far from the bakery and your coworkers didn’t ever mind if you were late, they all understood that while whole morning shift was the shift to have, it could be hard getting up in the morning. Your drive to work was quick since there was no traffic that early in the morning and when you parked you saw your coworkers getting out of their cars as well. Perfect timing. You said your hellos to the group as you all walked inside and walked to your stations to start the day. You all shared the big back room of the bakery but all had your own little corners with your things. Your corner you had just started to decorate and you had really started to feel like it was your own cute little corner. You had a dozen random colored aprons from your friends/family that you worked in hung up nicely on the walls, a few pictures of you and the roommates on your summer trip to Rosario last summer, love notes left from Theo and Zoë when they came in and you couldn’t go out to make them their coffees because the back was crazy. It still could use a couple more pictures to fill the space but at the moment it was cute enough for you. You smiled while you put your keys and your purse into your locker underneath it and pulled out your phone to put into your apron when you decided a quick look through your social media’s before starting the shift would be needed. 

Theo had already sent you posts to look at on insta and it seemed like Kevin had mentioned you on twitter before he went to bed when you left. You opened your Instagram after you tied your apron on and low and behold, Tom was on the top of the page. he had the newest Instagram story of everyone you followed.

Guess we’re doing this early, you though in your head. You sighed while you clicked the profile and thought about how you were gonna message him and not seem weird. Hopefully it wasnt a gym selfie or a shirtless picture because that would be too awkward to follow with a message. Hey, I noticed you aren’t wearing a shirt and that I do not know you. Hope you’re doing well.

But it wasn’t a shirtless selfie. He had posted a picture of a very sad looking round of dough in a bowl. “Attempt #3 to this whole baking thing, my pizza dough doesn’t seem to be rising 🤨” he had written underneath it. You clicked to the next slide. Same sad looking round of dough.

“Been two hours, and not any growth. Someone help me 😐” was written in red. Homie was basically begging for your help. This was also a way to sneak in the “hey I dunno you but you added me, no problem to I’ll just let myself out haha🙂” that you were looking for. Realistically, this was your opening for you to casually let the guy know the mistake and roll out looking like a normal human being and help him make pizza. Foolproof. You hit the message button and began to type.

Hey. I think you added me to your close friends list on accident? While I do know how to to make a mean pizza, not sure we know eachother irl haha. As for your dough, if you added yeast to your dough and it’s still not rising, your yeast might be dead 😕 could be expired yeast, or the water you used for the recipe was too hot and killed the yeast. just switch out to warm water instead if that’s the case. Hope It helps!

After reading it a couple times and deciding it didn’t sound too cringe, you sent it.

“There. I did it. Back to our regularly scheduled program.” You told yourself and started your morning setup for the day. As you started to get into the groove of the day time seemed to have a mind of its own and before you knew it, it was time for your lunch break. You were ready for a break after running from the front and back of the house continuously to help with customer service and coffees when needed, and then running back to finish off baking your breakfast items for the day. You had left a water bottle and some leftovers from dinner the day before in the communal lunchrooms fridge and had made your way to the back to get it. Fishing out your phone from your pocket, the screen illuminated and you noticed some notifications pop up. The roommate group text had left a whopping 12 text messages, the apartment had awakened you joked to yourself. Some snapchats from friends and from an ex-boyfriend you weren’t sure you even wanted to open, notifs that your tweet was retweeted a couple times, 2 message notifications from TomHoll-

“OH SHIT!” You yelled as you dropped your food container and almost your phone on the ground. He wrote back. HE WROTE BACK HE WROTE BACK HE WROTE BACK. TWICE?! WHY TWICE?! You wanted to hide, but why it’s not like he could see you through the screen. Why did you out yourself again?! What was the reason you snitched in yourself?! From the notifications details it had looked like he had written you once two hours ago and then another time 46 minutes ago. You wanted to open it but you also wanted to log off of Instagram forever and pretend you weren’t who you were. You screenshotted your notifications just as evidence for yourself that this was really happening and then decided to quit being such a wimp and open the damn messages. There was a green dot on the bottom of his profile picture before you opened his messages. He’s online right now. Great. Totally awesome. He probably sees I’m online too. I’m fucked, you thought in your head. You opened the message convo.

Hey, totally sorry about that, my brother must have added you when he started the group for me, hope my random stories didn’t bother you too much 😅 and thanks for the tips, think it could have been that the water I added was much too hot, maybe fourth times the charm haha. x

and the last message

started over (again) on my dough and added warm (not hot) water instead like you said and I think she’s alive! She seems a bit dry in the bowl but she is growing, so thanks again. I just may have a veggie supreme pizza in my future 😊 x

You were shook. Okay he was a normal person, you knew that. But to write you twice and thank you? And to be so casual about it even though he totally didn’t know you. He was super nice about it and then thanked you like you weren’t snooping on his life for the last 3 weeks. He was much too nice, and he wrote back twice to update you, it seemed rude to not write back now. You double tapped the last message and decided to just keep it to the pizza at hand and keep it short and sweet. Play it COOOL BITCH!

No worries, thought I’d let ya know. You can punch down the dough and spray it with a mist of water, should bring her back to life. Longer you let it proof the more flavor it’ll have, so don’t worry about deflating it. Do put a wet rag over the bowl to help keep your dough moist though, it’ll help it grow if the towel if warm too btw. I wish you luck in getting that (pizza) bread 🍕🍞

“Get that pizza bread? Ugh, why am I like this?” You said as you contemplated telling your roommates. Last time you told them about it they totally did a 180 on what you thought they would say, so maybe this time you should just keep this weird bread conversation with a well known actor to yourself. This was probably the end of it anyways, he’d finish his pizza and go back to not knowing who you were. Though you did worry about if he had sneaked a look at your page when he got your message and seen all of your posts, that you were highly critical of at the moment. A lot of questionable posts now that you though about it. If you were him, you would have clicked on the page almost immediately to get a look at the person snooping on your life.

When he first got the message he was confused as to who it would be, he didn’t recognize the photo or the username. And then he read the message and realized he didn’t recognize it because he did not know this girl.

“Harry you absolute div.” he muttered to himself while he jumped onto her page. Harry had told him he’d make him a close friends list like he had for his page since Tom wasn’t that great at Instagram, and in the process he seemed to have added this girl on accident. He had hoped she wasn’t someone shady and he thought back to some of the things he had recently posted and cringed. There was no new gossip or media info as of late leaking about him in the tabloids so it seemed like this girl didn’t run to press with all of his private stories. He had been drunk one too many times on that close friends group that she could have easily screen recorded and sent out to daily mail or whatever shit tabloid would pay for it.

He scrolled down to look at her pictures.

Cute girl.

American girl, a California girl to be exact. Not LA but San Diego. LA girls were a different breed and a no-no in his experience but this girl wasn’t a LA girl. Her pictures were too casual for that. Picture of her and her friends at a bar, picture of her and her dog walking on the beach, picture of her at what looked to be her job;a bakery. A mirror picture in some badly lighted bar restroom with a friend, both with smiles on their faces and a drink in their hands. She was wearing a a yellow floral wrap summer dress with a pair of wayfarer styled reading glasses. Even in the dingy mirror and the bad bar bathroom lighting she was attractive and seemed laid back. He had already written back to her to say sorry but now here he was on her page looking at her pictures, hoping he didn’t accidentally double tap anything. He had remade his pizza dough the way she suggested and now it was growing, surely it wouldn’t be bad if he wrote to her once more to let her know it worked? He sent another message and tried to work on some emails his publicist had begged him to look into while he messaged Harry on Instagram.

You added a random girl on my close friends list ya div. poor girls probably seen me drunk atleast a handful of times. 😑

Harry immediately typed back.

...but is she cute bruv? send me the username if so, your chance is ruined but I could make a move 👀

He ran a hand through his hair and thought of all the ways to insult his younger brother when the alert of another message came in. She had written back with a corny ‘get that bread joke’ with the emoji and all. He smiled and double tapped her reply. She had a cute personality. He went back to his drying out dough and reworked it as said and followed her instructions once again. He was feeling bold, so he decided to write her again.

Honestly, what would I have done without you today? You saved me with your baking skills and for that I am eternally grateful. Will possibly send you a picture of the final pizza pie once Its finished. 👨🏻‍🍳 x

It immediately had the words ‘seen’ written underneath his message and his eyes widened. She double tapped the message and was writing back, so he quickly jumped out of the message. He didn’t want her to know he was sitting there waiting for a response to his bad lowkey flirting, that would just be embarrassing. Maybe it wasn’t so bad though, that his dumb little brother had accidentally added her, he had thought to himself as her message appeared.

Sounds good Gordon. Or Mr.Ramsey, my apologies.

He smiled when he read the message and you yourself had a smile on your face after sending it. Very cheeky, you thought. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself about the situation you had just put yourself in. You just had a message conversation with Tom and you actually kept your chill and didn’t make that much of a fool of yourself. He probably couldn’t even tell you were having a mental breakdown from him writing to you. As you got back into the groove of work it seemed as though the rest of your work shift went by just as quick as the beginning of the day from how busy the bakery had been, and now you had just cleaned up and hopped back into your car to go home. Theo had texted you asking what you wanted for dinner and you had just texted him back when you got an another message alert from your phone. It was a picture. It was his finished produced, all baked and pretty, veggie supreme like he had said. It looked as though he has even brushed the crust with olive oil, bonus points for that. 

“The finished product, tastes as good as she looks 🍕🤤” he had sent to you. Just you. Tastes....as good as she looks.....LOL.

“You could say that again Spidey.” You said while you put your seatbelt on and turned on your car. You liked the picture and saw he had yet another story on his page. You clicked it. It was a boomerang of him pulling a slice from the whole pie to bring to his mouth, a picture worthy melty cheese stretch and all combined with him looking just as good as the pizza. “Call me Gordon👨🏻‍🍳🍕” it was captioned. It was posted on his close friends list this time and you couldn’t help but notice, you were still on that list.

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Taylor you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Marlene McKinnon!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

I’m so happy that you decided to apply for someone fresh, Taylor! Your application for Marlene was deep and thought through and left me with a very clear picture of how you were planning on portraying her. I could tell how much work you’d put into thinking through her past (specifically in this rp) and how it could potentially shape her future. I love how many different roads there are to her journey, and how you completely embraced the fact that she’s a less stable character than many we have in the rp. I can’t wait to see what you do with her and to witness you bring her to life within the rp! *your faceclaim change to Madelaine Petsch has been accepted!

application beneath the cut (tw: Torture, Kidnapping, PTSD, mentions of Eating Disorders)

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

It’s Taylor! 18 (almost 19, geez.), CST, female pronouns!

ACTIVITY

Erg… normally, I’d say a 6-7/10, weekly. I can post some every week unless something comes up.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

I’ve been here nearly a year now!

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

Oh man, uh – Ron. I do get angry and jealous, especially with those I love, but I would like to think I have a strong sense of loyalty for my friends. But there’s also a lot of deep-rooted insecurity and fear that he’ll never amount to the greatness of others that I really relate to, especially recently.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Ya’ll are angels. Pass it on.

Also, said I’d put in a new app to stick around, so here it is!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Marlene Isadora McKinnon

FACE CLAIM

Madelaine Petsch. Or, Sasha Pieterse.

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

When looking through the open characters, Marlene was one that I kept coming back to. She’s one of the first Marauder era characters I ever had a true fascination with, although I’ve always done my admiring from afar, instead of taking the chance to play her myself. There’s something about her that’s so fascinating to me - after all, the McKinnon family is killed personally by Voldemort himself; but why? Surely, he’s capable of sending his followers to take care of anyone he deems a threat. So what made Marlene and her family so special to be sought out personally, by the darkest wizard of the time?

Aside from that, the skeleton here for Marlene leaves so much to be considered, and honestly I’m amazed she hasn’t been taken yet. There’s so much about  her that is left to be discovered and explored, especially in wake of the torturous kidnapping she endured at the hands of Voldemort already. The sort of pain he inflicts is bound to leave psychological marks, the sort of which can never truly be brought back from. Any return from trauma is something that can happen in many ways  - some people use it as strength, using it to build themselves into better, less fragile versions of themselves. Others use it as a way to be broken down, never returning from the brink of agony; and then there are those who fester in it, putting on a face, pretending as if nothing ever happened in the first place. The latter of which is where Marlene falls.

She wasn’t always that way; no, as a child Marlene was a wild card. That much hasn’t changed with age. She was a very bubbly, charismatic girl, someone willing to jump in head first, make friends first, ask questions second. Her addictive personality was something that could be pulled in only by her beloved twin Marcus, the true heart walking around outside her body. He was always the one person Marlene adored without reason, or promise - some may say her affections toward him were obsessive or unhealthy; but in their Pureblooded family, Marcus McKinnon was the only one to truly love her. The one to remind her that her gender and personality were not reasons to be hated. She loves him for that, more than she loves herself - but in the wake of her trauma, it’s so hard to let him in.

Trauma has become a very pivotal part of Marlene, but don’t be fooled; that is not all she is. Her addictive personality once manifested in terms of nothing but having a good time - now, it has personified into an eating disorder and a drinking problem. Coping mechanisms are how she chooses to handle it, never allowing anyone to see the habits she’s fallen into. Aside from that, so much of her personality just speaks to me. The woman she is, is someone I can relate to very much, in many ways - she’s essentially just a child, who has had to endure so much agony and terror with no choice. It’s broken her beyond relief, but she’s a phoenix, trying to rebuild herself in the ashes, find a way to exist. There is so much to the woman that is so utterly fascinating, so many paths she could travel down in respect to finding a way to not only survive the war, but to exist with the battle scars she continues to be inflicted with.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Marlene identifies as a pansexual female. Sex isn’t something she gives much thought to; if it happens, cool, but she doesn’t put many labels to it. As far as she’s concerned, life is too short to put much thought into who she shares a bed with. As for her gender, she truly hasn’t ever given it much thought; never has Marlene ever felt like anything other than a girl. It’s simply what she is.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Aesthetic 1

Mock Blog

Playlist:

Trouble - Natalia Kills - absolutely her theme song Learn your lines, get your story straight, Broken bottles gonna seal your fate Happiness is just a glass away, I’m trouble Good Time Girl by Scouting for Girls You took me in and shook me up inside. You got the stuff, the stuff that drives me wild. Carmen by Lana Del Rey She said ‘you don’t wanna be like me- Don’t wanna see all the things I’ve seen.’ Hurricane - Halsey I’m a wanderess, I’m a one night stand Don’t belong to no city Don’t belong to no man I’m the violence in the pouring rain I’m a hurricane

Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy Anything you say can and will be held against you And now I’m here to give you all my love So I can watch your face, as I Take it all away

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it: “Well. I’m shit with names, so we’re not going to do that, but– a spell to fix hangovers. Not somethin’ many people would find ‘practical’ these days, I know, but bloody hell if it wouldn’t make things easier sometimes.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“Obviously I’d want Marcus. If I’m going into that place, there’s nobody I want by my side than my brother. No bloody idea what I’d take though - wait, I take it back, I’d want my broom. Just because I’m in the forest doesn’t mean I’ve got to trample along the ground waitin’ for those damn spiders, yeah?”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make? “The sort that take time - ‘least, that’s what I’m told. Guess I’m impulsive.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you? “I went down without a fight. Call me a crazy bitch all you want, Merlin knows people do; but don’t say I was a coward.”

WRITING SAMPLE

TW: mentions of torture, kidnapping, and PTSD

When Marlene’s eyes opened, she had no idea where she was; she couldn’t move and her head felt as if it had been filled with static. It was as if all of her senses had been taken from her; she had no idea as to where she was, or what the date was. Any memory of what had happened to get her into the blind situation she seemed to have been put into were gone; the last thing she was capable of remembering was…gone. There was nothing.

A strong and horribly unpleasant burning filled her throat and spread to the back of her skull then, and a sharp wail of pain escaped from her before she could process the pain that shot through her. Pain welled behind her eyes and took away the already slight amount of vision that she had managed to regain. Breathing suddenly became very difficult, and Marlene became all too aware of the fact that her wrists had been shackled to a wooden chair by metal cuffs as her lungs began to feel as if they’d collapse unto themselves at any minute.

Memories began to flood through her mind then, incoherent and frazzled, none making any sort of sense in the sense that she was seeing them. Her eyes were shut and stinging from the tears that had sprung to the surface in her current pain-filled state, but she could see every memory flooding her mind clearly. As much as the physical pain seemed to be out to kill her, the things that had begun to go through her mind were much worse.

“What is happening to me…” The thought was fleeting, as it went through her mind, and another pain shot through her entire body, radiating throughout every limb and causing her to scream out in pain again. It was a feeling much like burning, and Marlene could barely form a feasible thought for what had begun to happen to her, let alone try and begin to figure out where the pain was coming from.

Pain continued to shoot through her, numbing her, until eventually the pain dissipated altogether and she drifted off back into unconsciousness.

Day 2 |

The next time that Marlene awoke — that she was aware of, anyhow — everything in her mind was hazy. She couldn’t remember what was real and what she had seen while she was unconscious; she knew for a fact, however, that she hadn’t slept in a day, at the very least. The burning had stopped sometime within the last twenty-four hours and had instead turned into a dull ache that had never gone away.

At some point during what Marlene could only assume had to have been a day, she had been untied from the wooden chair she had been forcibly spent the better part of two days strapped to, though she had yet to be released from the room she was still being held prisoner inside of. Her eyesight had returned at some point after the burning had stopped, and with that, she had managed to see that there was no way out of the dirt hole that she’d been trapped in; of course, there were doors somewhere, so she knew it had to in fact be some sort of room, but from where she was forced to be standing, there was absolutely nothing but dirt and mud all around.

There had to be doors. That much, at least, she was nearly positive of, if nothing else. How else would she have been released from the chair? How else would she have seen….but had that happened? She couldn’t remember. The line between things that had happened and the things she’d taken to imagining whenever she slipped into unconsciousness was becoming more and more blurry by the day, so much that it was nearly impossible for her to remember which things had happened even before she had ended up…wherever she had ended up.

The next day, it only got worse, as that was the day that she began to recognize the faces of the people who’d come to see her. It was the day that the physical pain became nothing on that of the pain she began to feel in her heart, the weight of which had suddenly become more unbearable than it had when she was a little girl, when she had become a disappointment. No, this was much worse than that.

Marcus appeared first. Then, her parents, James. Over and over again, until the words and the disappointment and the unbearable realization that not a single one of them truly had ever loved her or was proud of her, hit her with enough power that she doubled over. The weight of it all made her collapse, falling against the muddy floor without a second thought. The voices continued to get louder, the disappointment swallowing her whole, and her hands went to clutching at her head, nails digging into her scalp in a way to force her to focus on another kind of pain, on anything other than what she was hearing every person she had ever loved say , the words getting louder and louder by the minute.

Time continued to pass, feeling like hours, and then days, when in reality it had only been a couple of minutes. Marlene’s breathing became more and more labored as she attempted to stable and calm herself, to convince herself that none of what she was hearing inside of her head was true—but it didn’t work. The more she fought to ignore the noise in her head, the louder it got. Hot, fresh tears continued to leak out of her eyes, despite how tightly she had them shut, and eventually, she couldn’t keep the pain suppressed anymore. She let out a long and hollow, high pitched wail of pain that managed to block the noise out momentarily, before it came back altogether, this time bringing the burning with it.

When she came to again, it was thanks to her own screams. Her throat felt raw and as if it was on fire, her screams becoming more and more hoarse and hollowed with every wail that she released. Despite how dark her hole was, her time locked inside had allowed her to become used to the darkness—and she saw the blood that smeared her skin with perfect clarity, despite the darkness and her tired, drained mind. Her entire body felt as if it was made of lead, and then the voices came back again. They became louder and louder, the sounds swirling together inside of her head, while the red stains that streaked across her and mixed with the dirt stained onto her skin stood out more and more vividly with each passing moment.

The burning returned then, more vividly than before, and Marlene’s lungs began to feel as if they had stopped functioning altogether yet again. The pain all of a sudden blasted back into her, just as intense and horrible as it had been in the beginning, until eventually, she cradled her head in her hands again, paying no attention to the dirt and blood that inevitably was tainting the fair color of her hair.

A sharp, high pitched scream of agony shot out of her, so unlike the screams she’d grown accustomed to hearing herself make in the long hours in the hole. Hot tears of pain flooded out of her again, so much that it nearly surprised her—of would have, if she could feel surprise anymore. The pain grew more and more unbearable, breaking her down more so than it had before, until eventually the wailing died down and the final piece that had kept her sane until then broke. Then, she drifted back off into the darkness that came with the unconsciousness that she’d grown so familiar with.

… And then she woke up. Sweat matted long tendrils of hair to her face, salty tears swelling in her eyes as her frame shot up. Thick blankets were soaked through and clung to her legs, a reminder that she could never escape. “Bloody hell, McKinnon.” She mumbled, throat closing again. “Not again.”