#i have to put so so so much effort to even look at myself and not see myself as ugly or weird looking. it’s such a challenge

[itertarot]

Tarot | Love

Pick an image:

1. 2. 3.

⋆˚࿔ₒₙₑ ☾ ｡🍸｡⋆ ⊹₊

4. 5.

⋆˚࿔ ₜwₒ ☾ ｡🍸｡⋆ ⊹₊

I'm losing hope, honestly. I’m just losing hope in us. I’ve been waiting for you for so long, being patient, holding onto something fragile and uncertain, and putting in all of my effort for what feels like nothing in return. It seems like I’ve been waiting for years, standing still, hoping for something to change. I’ve put myself in a place I never even wanted to be in from the beginning, just a friend... How many years have I been here? How long have I been quietly hoping you'd see me differently? Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I should have been more upfront from the start. Maybe I should have shown you more clearly how much I care, shown you that I’m the right person for you. I actually tried, I really did, but you didn’t see me. You didn’t notice the way I looked at you, the way I showed up for you, the way I stayed. And now�� I feel like I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep living like this, waiting endlessly for a moment that may never come. I can’t keep letting you hurt me, even if I know deep down that you’re not doing it on purpose. It’s not your fault. You never promised me anything. But I wanted something more. I always wanted you. I’ve been in love with you all along. I’ve been wishing every single day that you’d notice me, that you’d finally give me a chance, that you’d wake up and realize I was here, right in front of you, all along. But I’m tired. I’m worn out from hoping. If you don’t feel the same way… okay. It hurts more than I can say, but I understand. And if that’s the case, then I’ll walk away. For my own peace, I have to.

⋆˚࿔ ₜₕᵣₑₑ ☾ ｡🍸｡⋆ ⊹₊

There’s no secret, Im in love with you. I’ve made myself very clear. I love you. I’m in love with you. I adore you. You are the love of my life. I love you. Have I said I love you? I love you. My love for you is so much more than all the drinks I’ve had tonight, it’s bigger than anything, bigger than an ocean… (At this point, they would try to hug you, get very close to your face, and spend quite a while being clingy and repeating how much they adore you, emotional drunk vibes.). I’ve got our whole future planned out! I know exactly what we should do, listen to me, take me seriously, because this is a genius idea (Here, it becomes very personal. For some, it’s them trying to convince you to travel together, for others, it’s suggesting you try a new hobby or go to an event together, If you’re both in school, it could be them wanting to do a project together. For a small few, it could even be related to a work project idea. They’ll be extremely confident, believing they’ve come up with the greatest plan ever, so be ready to hear a full, step-by-step “brilliant” plan they’ve built in their head.). You know something? I don’t want to lose you. Yeah, I want you only for me. I’ll fight for you. Who do they think they are? Why do they think they can steal you from me? No, not that easily. I won’t let them. I want them away from you. I will fight for you, and I’ll make sure everyone knows I’m the only one who loves you this deeply. They’re no match. Yes, I’ve been insecure. Yes, I’ve been thinking about this for weeks. I’m jeal… I want to keep you only for me. Only mine. Mine!

⋆˚࿔ Fₒᵤᵣ ☾ ｡🍸｡⋆ ⊹₊

Baby, I'm so heartbroken and tired of you being cold towards me. Just give me a little love and tell me you care about me. I'm over being tough and pretending I've got my life together and that I don't care. I do care. I've been patiently waiting for an opportunity to get closer to you, hoping that something would change and bring us closer. It's my fault. I haven't done anything to show you I care. I don't even believe you care. Can we just...? I don't know. Can we just get to know each other again? Can we just take it slow and maybe go for coffee? I'm not in a rush. I'm not young anymore. I want something stable. I'm not here to play, I don't even have the energy for that. But I want to take you out and maybe you'll get interested in me too. Will you accept?

⋆˚࿔ Fᵢᵥₑ ☾ ｡🍸｡⋆ ⊹₊

Maybe it’s the drink, maybe I’ve had too much, but I feel like I need to tell you this: I’m in love with you. I am. I’ve been afraid to confess my feelings, but right now I finally feel like I have the courage to say it: i love you. You have no idea how much you mean to me, how deeply I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world, and how much I crave a relationship with you every night before I fall asleep. You live in my thoughts day and night. You're in the back of my mind with every decision I make, every move I take, because you’re the woman I want to cherish for the rest of my life. I want to take care of you, to love you every single day. I want to make you feel loved, safe, and warm. I’m serious about what I feel. I have patience if you’re not ready now, I really do. But you have to know one thing: you’re not just someone to me… you’re the one.

Since our breakup, I left, completely miserable, but I left, I did what I needed to do. You took everything from me, I lost, I really did. For me, none of it was fun, none of it was worth it. All our fights just hurt me, it wasn’t what I wanted. And honestly, I don’t even know now why we had to fight so much in the first place. But even though you made me go through the worst pain of my life, even though you took everything and left me with nothing, I still found the strength to heal. I’m not healed, but I’m healing… slowly.

I don’t want a relationship with you. There’s nothing left to save about us anymore. Even though it hurts deep in my soul, I will keep moving away from you, because I believe I deserve to be happy. I deserve someone who will love me just as much as I love them, someone who won’t hurt me like you did. I accept all the punishment I deserve. I take responsibility for my faults, and I’m sorry for everything I did wrong, truly. But I’m healing, and I think you should too. If you hear that I’m with someone else, it’s not true. I need time for myself. I need to be alone right now.

For some of you, this person could have cheated and now they’re paying for what they did.

For others, there may be rumors that this person cheated or is secretly with someone else, but that is not true.

And for a very few of you, this person will open up about all the pain they went through with someone else, how much it broke them, and how they are now healing, with no intention of going back to that situation again.

[unforgivable-thatswhatiam]

The (Ineffable) Art of Loving

The secret of GO lies in the pure beauty and profound depth of Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship. Theirs is one of the most moving love stories I’ve ever encountered in fiction—without a doubt.

They weren’t made to love each other. And yet, they discover that they are.

From the day 1, they struggle against their feelings — the attraction, the fascination, the longing. But despite five millennia of efforts before the Arrangement began, they can’t stay apart.

So, they make a choice. Perhaps not fully realising it was love at the time — but still, they chose each other.

“Love isn't something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn't a feeling, it is a practice.”

I think these words perfectly describe what Crowley and Aziraphale share. And I hope that Erich Fromm wouldn't mind if in this post I'll quote his The Art of Loving to explore more deeply the nature of the bond that binds the Ineffable Couple, their real love.

First, they show concentration on the other

They have patience - and respect for the other's needs

They have faith in the other - put their lives in the other's hands

There isn't in them - or I haven't noticed - any narcissism to overcome.

They aren't the typical dysfunctional fictional couple that audiences are trained to romanticise. They're not some Ross&Rachel or Buffy&Spike. Their relationship is anything but dysfunctional.

Aziraphale and Crowley don't hurt each other out of whim or caprices or the tropes of longing streched thin by time and space, they hurt each other because they love too much: I can't give you holy water, it'll destroy you completely; you are so clever, but also so stupid for still believing God might do something for the humans, but She ignores all of us; and so on with other painful truths spoken when love has nowhere safe to land.

To love someone whose very nature is meant to oppose yours — who was literally made to be your enemy and has the precise office to cancel you out — as an angel and a demon, should be impossible. It's difficult even for us, ordinary humans with our different natures! It seems unthinkable for them. And yet... their bond is ineffable.

Across the centuries, we see them dance together and get their own rhythm, softening the edges. They adapt, adjust, and grow — in the words of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, not only gazing at each other, but looking together in the same direction too.

And they choose. Again and again, they choose.

“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision?”

“Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one “object” of love.”

“If I truly love one person I love all persons, I love the world, I love life. If I can say to somebody else, "I love you," I must be able to say, "I love in you everybody, I love through you the world, I love in you also myself.”

They love each other, and they love humanity too, even if it puts them at risk. To love, in a world of orders and oppositions, is dangerous, sometimes even lethal.

But they love anyway. From always.

“What does one person give to another? He gives of himself, of the most precious he has, he gives of his life. This does not necessarily mean that he sacrifices his life for the other—but that he gives him of that which is alive in him; he gives him of his joy, of his interest, of his understanding, of his knowledge, of his humor, of his sadness—of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in him. In thus giving of his life, he enriches the other person, he enhances the other's sense of aliveness by enhancing his own sense of aliveness. He does not give in order to receive; giving is in itself exquisite joy. But in giving he cannot help bringing something to life in the other person, and this which is brought to life reflects back to him.”

Here we have a crowd of exemples, when it comes to the sacrifice: Crowley saving Aziraphale from the Blitz, Aziraphale giving the Holy Water, knowing what it might mean... Moreover, every time they meet, every time they speak they risk their life.

And they are full of each other's life, having something that in many long-term marriages is only a dream: to know each other by heart, to carry the other always within oneself. In magic, books, sadness, anxiety, tone of voice, sarcasm, glances...

"He does not give in order to receive; giving is in itself exquisite joy.”

"But in giving he cannot help bringing something to life in the other person, and this which is brought to life reflects back to him."

“Mature love is union under the condition of preserving one’s integrity, one’s individuality. Love is an active power in man; a power which breaks through the walls which separate man from his fellow men, which unites him with others; love makes him overcome the sense of isolation and separateness, yet it permits him to be himself, to retain his integrity. In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.”

Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved." Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love." Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."

My favourite one. The first line isn't given to our ineffable pair, but we can find its echo in Adam. He's truly loved by his family, and because of that love, he loves Tadfield and the familiar world around him: he chooses love too, he chooses not to be the Antichrist, giving up unimaginable power in order to protect everything he loves.

Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love"

Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Expressed e converso, in denial - by both of them

Mature love says: "I need you because I love you"

“Love is an activity, not a passive affect; it is a “standing in”, not a “falling for”.

“Love is possible only if two persons communicate with each other from the center of their existence, hence if each one of them experiences himself from the center of his existence. Only in this “central experience” is human reality, only here is aliveness, only here is the basis for love. Love, experienced thus, is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but a moving, growing, working together; even whether there is harmony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people experience themselves from the essence of their existence, that they are one with each other by being one with themselves, rather than by fleeing from themselves. There is only one proof for the presence of love: the depth of the relationship, and the aliveness and strength in each person concerned; this is the fruit by which love is recognized.”

But they are not whole — not yet: neither is one with himself, they flee from themselves. Each admires the other’s best, loves his uniqueness, and silently wishes he could accept it too: yellow is pretty — Aziraphale longs for Crowley to show openly his demonic and beautiful eyes and spread their yellow everywhere, and with this, the beautiful soul he hides behind dark glasses; Crowley, in turn, treasures Aziraphale's gentle heart and softness — that set him apart from other angels — and wishes Aziraphale wouldn't feel guilty or less angelic because of these. This is what goodness truly is, not blind obedience to orders, even from God, but compassion.

Still, they are more complex than humans. Crowley can't fully accept himself because he didn't mean to fall, he never truly understood the reasons of his demonic condition and so he couldn't fully accept it — yet he can't return to being an angel either, because they are "just pretendy good", not "properly good". Now he's only himself, less brilliant than his angel, not fully demonic, but perhaps still too much a demon to believe he could ever be fully loved by an angel. As a demon, he also feels powerless to protect the angel he loves from both Heaven and Hell, which means he can’t fully live this love in the open. The same is true for Aziraphale, who thinks he's not enough for Crowley's love, and struggles to accept himself also because he's still tied to a toxic and abusive Heaven - that has traumatised him but, even more, has deeply hurt his demon. And he couldn't do anything to stop it. He represents Heaven, somehow, and fears Crowley can't love him fully for that (even though he's the one who Crowley still calls angel).

They don't accept themselves, so they can't love themselves - and as a result, both fear they are not enough for the other, that they are unworthy of being loved (beautifully explained in this post by @dalliancekay), and they suffer for fear of abandonment too. Aziraphale because everytime they argue Crowley walks away (then returns, but...), except in the Final15, and Crowley is shaped by his trauma: he has already been abandoned, betrayed and metaforically killed (his POV) by Someone who claimed to love him.

But no love for another can be complete without self-love. Without it, love becomes fearful and needy. A love like this may be unconditional, but it stops being free, turns a relationship into a lifeline, the first if not the sole reason to go on. And no one can love wholly or safely without first loving themselves.

Actually, neither of them wants to be what they were institutionally made to be; instead, they belong to their own side, defined by human morality and human love. And they can't accept being anything else. So, I hope they might become everything they long to be on Earth ("we've come to a decision"?), finally free from fear, guilt and pain, so that they can simply love openly, safely, in peace 💞

“To have faith requires courage, the ability to take a risk, the readiness even to accept pain and disappointment. (...) To be loved, and to love, need courage, the courage to judge certain values as of ultimate concern — and to take the jump and to stake everything on these values.”

[adieutristana]

was i just a fool? jinx x fem!reader

i want to do more songfics and i’ve been on a fleetwood mac kick lately so…! here’s some angst

inspired by ‘silver springs’ by fleetwood mac

summary; after her attack on the council, jinx decides it’s best to break up. it’s been months, and she can’t move on.

characters included; jinx

tags/warnings; angst, hurt no comfort, break-up/post break-up, takes place beginning of s2, mentions of poor mental health, mentions of alcohol but no drinking, r works at the last drop, dual pov (kinda), jinx spiraling

men dni.

jinx feels like her heart might just leap out of her chest, right through her throat.

she's stood in front of your apartment, twiddling your thumbs and trembling. the previous week had been nothing short of chaotic- with her kidnapping her sister and sister's girlfriend, accidentally killing silco, and blowing up piltover's councilroom.

you knew, of course you did. you were the first person jinx ran to afterward, because she trusted you, and you've been the one constant in her life. with shaking limbs and hot tears running down her face, she'd collapsed onto your lap in a fit of shaky sobs.

"i'm sorry- i, oh gods, i'm so sorry..."

"shh, shh," you'd whispered, rubbing soothing circles into your girlfriend's lower back. were you confused, conflicted? of course. jinx had just done an objectively terrible thing, killed someone- probably multiple someones in just one night, but part of you could understand why she did it.

she was overwhelmed. she felt hurt, betrayed. discovering that your sister is dating an enforcer after her history with enforcers, being as volatile as jinx is and feeling rejected by vi over and over again. being actively manipulated by silco. if you were in her situation, you might've done the same.

"you're not mad at me, are you?'' she'd sniffled, looking at you through tears. to which you only placed a kiss on her damp forehead. "please don't be mad at me. please. not you."

"i'm a little confused, but no, i'm not mad."

every word and touch from you made jinx positively melt, and she never knew what she'd done to deserve this kind of kindness. you could see her lash out, hallucinate, try to hurt herself, hurt others- do some of the most monstrous acts possible, but you still found it in yourself to be gentle with her, and love her. she's never seen that in the cards for herself.

but it's that goodness you have in you that kills jinx. because she's convinced herself after that attack that somehow, she's going to make your life worse. she might hurt you. she might accidentally put you in danger. and even if none of that happens, you just deserve someone better than her. someone who has a stable head on their shoulders, and can provide you comfort. that same sweet and gentle love that you give her, despite her best efforts to be what you need.

she can hear her heartbeat in her ears, but slowly raises a fist to knock at your door. knock, knock, knock- and then silence. it's only fifteen seconds maximum before the door swings open, but it might as well be forever.

"oh, hey, babe," you hum, a light smile tugging at the corners of your lips. you clearly weren't expecting her, but she figured this wasn't the kind of visit she'd want you to plan for. "i, uh.. didn't know you were coming. do you wanna come in? i could get you water, or i've got some juice-"

"no, thanks," she interjects, her voice trembling. this doesn't go unnoticed by you, though- and your brows are immediately furrowed.

"hey... what's going on?"

so much, she wants to say. i feel like shit, i don't know what my purpose is, i've already got several warrants out for my arrest, and i just killed the only father figure i have left. i don't know what to do with myself, i'm barely sleeping, i'm barely eating.

"i think we should break up," is what comes out instead.

the color drains from your face almost immediately, and oh, does jinx hate the sight. looking at you right now might be one of the hardest things she's ever done, but..

"huh?" your voice is small, shaky. this is the last thing you'd expected, clearly. things were going so well, you reassured her after everything, what's the problem?

"i think we should... break up," she repeats. "i'm not good for you. you deserve somebody who is."

your first instinct is to reach out in an attempt to pull jinx into your arms, but she flinches away and shakes her head. her throat bobs as she swallows nervously, and takes a step back.

"jinx.. of course you're good for me," you whisper, almost taking on a pleading tone. "you make me so happy. you're loving, you're smart, you're funny, i feel like i can forget everything else when we're together. you're perfect for me."

"but i'm not," and her voice is getting a bit more aggressive, the same way you've seen her get when people lie to her, and you can't help but wonder if she thinks you're lying to her. even though you never would. "i'm not a good person. i've done horrible things. killed people, destroyed people's lives. you know that, and you're- you're still here, for some damn reason."

"i'm here because i love you," you whisper, voice breaking midway through. your eyes are filling with tears, the thought of your girlfriend leaving is unbearable. "i love you. you've only ever been good to me, and i know you've done things, but i see you, jinx. not for what you show others, but for who you are."

jinx just swallows back bitter tears, and steps back. once, then twice.

"i'm sorry," she whispers, her voice trembling. "i love you too. i'm doing this because i love you."

another moment, and she's gone.

you're not sure what to do in that instance- scream? cry? bolt down the apartment complex's hallways in hopes to find her and beg her to stay? but you don't do any of that, you only stand in the same spot, your gaze fixed on where your girlfriend- no, your ex, stood just a minute ago.

✧.*

jinx hasn't left her hideout in days.

she wants to, she knows that she should, logically. fresh air would serve her good, even if what zaun has barely qualifies as 'fresh.' she could go outside, blow song things up, get some spray paint and cause mayhem in piltover. anything to get her mind off of things, but she can't.

all that she's able to do is lay in her cot and stare, her only company her own thoughts. she hasn't cried once since she left, though maybe she wishes she could. it'd be better than constant deafening silence and not being able to move from one spot. the image of your face when she uttered those words- 'i think we should break up,' haunts her like no other.

she's dealt with a lot in this life. death, war, destruction. but the expression she saw that day, like she had ripped out your heart and stomped on it, breaks her. she made you feel like that. she did that to you.

so she'll try not to love you, even though it kills her inside. she'll try to put you out of her memory and pretend nothing happened, or that you're in the distant past at best.

she's bullshitting herself, and she knows it. but there's no better way to cope. and for the first time since that day, she feels tears welling in her eyes, hot and wet and- oh gods, they won't stop. she's trembling all of a sudden, her breath coming to her in ragged gasps.

it feels as though the world is closing in on her, a weight on jinx's chest that's absolutely crushing. you're gone. it hits her all at once, like she hasn't spent the past few days without you, but maybe part of her was hoping you'd come knocking.

but you didn't.

you're gone, and it's all her doing. you, the one who loved her fearlessly and desperately. stupid, failure, fuck-up, she tells herself.

✧.*

all you've done is cry. you've cried and cried until you thought you might drown yourself in it, having to change your pillowcase at least once each evening. after everything you'd given jinx, why? you were the happiest version of yourself when you were her girlfriend.

her love was always unconventional, sure. but it was unabashed and fierce. the way that she loved you was all-consuming, like you could drown in it. the harder you fell for her at the beginning, the more it felt like the air was being sucked from your lungs- but you never wanted to rise above water. not for a second.

and now you've cried until you can't anymore. the most difficult part of all this might've been having to delete the countless photos of you both in your camera roll. ones where she's pressing her lips to your cheek, smiling with her arms wrapped around your waist, on your back after she insisted you carry her because 'it'll be fun.' the worst are the live photos, which you can't bear to replay.

but still, you have a life to lead. you have to pay rent somehow, so you drag your heels to work every day, mindlessly greeting customers. bussing tables, switching roles, taking orders, making the occasional drink or two. you did actually like this job at some point; decent pay, good coworkers, the only downside was shitty hours and having to deal with drunk customers. now, you're going through the motions. whatever will make ends meet.

clock in, do your tasks, clock out. walk back to your shitty apartment, take a shower, stand under the hot water until you can't bear it, then step out, get dressed, and go to bed. rinse, recycle, repeat.

you're beautiful, that much has always been clear. you're not exactly sought after, but there's the occasional comment- like when you're scrubbing a wine glass, trying not to think about losing the love of your life-

"hey, bartender," a woman calls from the side bar, and you immediately set down the glass, approaching the counter.

"anything i can do for you?" you ask, though less enthusiastic than you normally would. a young woman, probably around your age. she doesn't look too out of it, so this should be a relatively easy interaction.

"uh, yeah," she chuckles, leaning forward on her elbows. "a bottle of bacardi light please, and... your number."

a beat of silence- the woman is objectively pretty, she seems forward enough. she isn't drunk out of her mind like a lot of other customers on a friday night, she seems genuinely interested, but could she love you like jinx did?

nobody could.

"i'll get you that drink," you reply, trying to put on a polite smile. "but i like to keep that information private."

for all jinx knows, you could be chatting up some girl in a club right now. maybe you're at dinner with a woman right now, laughing over lit candles and red wine. another woman's lips on yours, the place where hers were for so long.

and this hypothetical woman- could you love her? is she pretty? she doesn't want to know.

✧.*

it's been a month and a half now, but jinx hasn't been able to throw away any of your gifts, or any of the things you left at her hideout.

they stare at her from her workbench, from under her bed, mocking her. reminding her of what she once had, but let go of and has no chance of getting back. she thought letting you go would make things better, she could eventually forget you and move on, but she's starting to realize that might never happen.

because of something she did, she left behind the best thing she ever had. even though you promised to stick by her side through absolutely everything. it was supposed to be you and jinx against the world, but now it feels as if you're a world away.

she shifts on the workbench, trying to focus on the task at hand. focus, jinx. focus. she's just reworking pow pow, giving it some upgrades, but she's already burned her fingertips more times than she'd like to admit... and forgot to turn on the blowtorch, and almost tripped over wires, and used the wrong screwdriver heads. truth is, the girl's mind is anywhere but on her work.

"oh, fuck me," she grumbles, slamming the tool down. her body trembles with each move she makes.

her mind is on your scent, your lips, the way your laughter made her heart contract, the sound of you saying her name. damn it, damn it all.

the more she thinks, though, it becomes apparent that she's grateful. below all of the self-loathing, she's glad she got to love you, even if she had to go and fuck it up. it's worth it, because she got to know your warmth for a time, and she wishes so badly that could be enough.

a card she used to open and read any time she felt down glares at her from the workbench, one you'd made for your six month anniversary.

"jinx,

it's been half a year with you. can you believe it? it feels like it's been so much shorter, because i always have so much fun with you. i don't think you realize how happy you make me, or how much i love you. i plan to spend the rest of our anniversaries showing you, though. happy six months ♡

-your trinket"

she hasn't opened it since, and now, the way it seems to shake her by the shoulders and scream "you had one shot," and "she must've already moved on." she can't help the yell that erupts from her chest, or the way she hastily sweeps everything off the workbench.

"fuck you, fuck you! shut up! i did what i had to!"

✧.*

it isn't often that jinx finds herself at the last drop these days. knowing that you're one of the top-performing bartenders has steered her away. while she used to come sit at the counter during your shifts, chatting away while you kept rounds of less-than-nutritious bar food coming, she steers clear now.

no matter how enticing the thought is, or how much she misses the place her childhood self once called a sanctuary, she doesn't go in.

except today, she can't help herself, it's a visceral need. she misses the run-down booths and idle chatter with 'chuck,' and she misses you.

despite the girl doing everything in her power to distract herself from the feeling and her love, she's found herself powerless. she's always been powerless when it comes to you.

the heavy doors swing open, and the smell of liquor is immediate. happy hour has just passed, but the troves of customers remain. laughter and chatter overlap to a sort of informal symphony, one she used to be comforted by.

jinx knows the place like the back of her hand now, and retreats to a middle booth. the drink menus are already laid out, but she isn't interested in any of that. she doesn't want a quick buzz or even some overpriced heated-up food, she just wants to be there. maybe catch a glance of your face. just one would be enough.

she's close enough to the bar, but not close enough to draw attention to herself. hopefully.

a host- a new hire, presumably, approaches the girl's table and quickly eyes her. "anything for you today?"

"...no, not today."

a packed saturday night probably wasn't the best way to clear her head, or even get to see you, now that she realizes the bar is full and you're likely going to be backed up on orders all shift. but at this point, where she knows she was just a damn fool for letting you go, she's desperate.

her appetite is gone and she hasn't been able to create things the way she used to. she needs you so desperately. every second she's spent away from you has felt like her body being slowly ripped in half. she'd follow you to the ends of runeterra if she meant she'd get a glimpse of your beauty once more. if you could hear the sound of her voice begging for you to let her just love you again.

then she hears it, the all too familiar ring of your laughter. jinx's head whips in the direction of the sound and she sees you conversing with a colleague, your arm raised like you're pouring a drink. she can't tell exactly, not with all of the patrons gathered around.

but you look happy. genuinely happy. she doesn't know how much you've cried over her or the fact you had to restrain yourself from calling her that morning, only that you're enjoying yourself. without her.

that sound that she used to hear every night at her place, now just a distant noise in a bar. though the second she sees your gaze turn toward her side of the seating area, she retreats back into the booth. don't get caught, jinx. she can't see you. she doesn't want to see you.

is this all the satisfaction she'll be able to get, watching you from your workplace while you move on with your life? seeing your face from rooms apart and pictures instead of holding it, kissing it? it's absolute torture, but there's no way she'll have any more than this.

she hears it again, a clear rustle of laughter followed by, "oh, you- stop! thieram's gonna kick our asses for that!"

it's clear as day, and it hurts. twists in her stomach. if only she could hear her name in that voice one more time, if only, if only, if only.

she'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved her.

[gingermintpepper]

1, 10, 21 aaaand 23 :v

The fact that everyone sent in an ask asked me for 23 is very funny. I'm choosing to believe that's just because I give off the vibe of someone who's very strict about ships but who has somewhat relaxed with age LMFAO

Anyway ♡

1) the character everyone gets wrong

Apollo.

I'm not going to pretend I have a different answer for this - just Apollo. I can perhaps name three pieces of media where Apollo is written well - not compellingly, but I mean 'well' in terms of adaptation of the greek god figure they are purporting to have gained inspiration from. If he's not written terribly, then he's erased or minimised from the narrative to the point of erasure and it can be incredibly difficult to even find educational projects that remember to make mention of Apollo in a manner that isn't mocking or chastising. (I am looking directly at you Iliad/Odyssey content. I am staring at you with every single one of my eyes.)

The sad truth is that Apollo is a hard god to adapt. And speaking from the experience of someone who's spent a not inconsiderable portion of my life studying, reading about, chasing after and writing about Apollo myself, I mean it with all my heart when I say that I understand that he is an incredibly difficult figure to adapt and write. In general the gods are hard to adapt but there's a reason people usually fall back on the accepted Thing they can all be defined by. Zeus is king, Hera is queen, Ares fights, Artemis hunts, Hermes travels swiftly.

Apollo then presents a really difficult dilemma for people looking to adapt him - what is his Thing? What is his single unifying aspect that allows him to perform all of his other roles? Apollo doesn't have one. He's a musician and a prophet and an archer in equal measure. He's a healer and a slaughterer, a son who is also a father. He's pretty like a woman but he is one of the ideals of masculine beauty, as gentle as he is capable of horrifying acts of wrath.

To adapt Apollo in any meaningful way is to acknowledge the plurality of the ancient world. It is to discard the idea of neat little boxes with cute, concise labels that perfectly describe one's ideas of history and to confront that culture is a shifting, chaotic thing and that the modern, trope based process for writing and cataloguing characters is completely arbitrary and ill-suited for weaving stories of figures older than even the concept of tropes.

This is the reason, I think, that so many writers end up defaulting to the figure of Apollo the lover. And like, truthfully speaking, ON PAPER, the lover is a very good compromise for him. The lover is almost always young and intersects neatly with the bard as music is often a medium of love, it also connects with archery, beauty and gentleness. Similarly, the lover can also be negative - a poisoned beauty whose love stems from selfishness and therefore who cannot truly love without hurting. As far as compromises go - it's not bad.

But it ignores so many other facets and elements that make Apollo Apollo - his intelligence and the fear he inspires, his identity as a brother, father and son, his martial and medical prowess, the trust that comes with the love people have for him, the weight of the responsibilities he carries.

I totally get that it's unreasonable for me to expect people to put this much effort into adapting him - especially since, quite frankly, a lot of people are quite set on him being eternally locked in that position as A Lover - but I do wish people would care. There is a reason Apollo is considered the most Greek of the gods. I wish more people cared to understand why.

10) worst part of fanon

Massively unpopular opinion, but I think the worst part of fanon is the aggressive villainisation of Zephyrus.

Do I think Zephyrus wasn't insane for braining Hyacinthus? No! Definitely hold him accountable for that, my god beat his ass. But do I think that it's a little ridiculous that people treat him like he's an irredeemable asshole who would've been an abusive horrible lover to Hyacinthus and who's a creep and a general menace? YES OH MY GOD

Zephyrus has shit he does outside of Hyacinthus' story - Zephyrus was actually considered the gentlest wind and more importantly, the spring wind. It is Zephyrus who accompanies Persephone as she makes her journey from the edge of the Underworld back to her mother's home, and it was Zephyrus who protected and gently carried Psyche to and from Eros' manor. Zephyrus and Apollo are literally friends!! They BOTH have the same taste in men (clearly) and Zephyrus, like Apollo, is a noted and recorded appreciator of young, beautiful men and usually pays them a bit of extra wind across their cheeks to bring out the colour.

Y'all act like he's a supervillain who planned Hyacinthus' death in a basement with creepy music playing like goddamn, he was a sore loser, he fucked up, Apollo beat his ass and Hyacinthus is revived in the end. Leave him alone, my god.

21) Part of canon you think is overhyped

The Titanomachy.

Not because I think the Titanomachy is uninteresting - on the contrary, I think it is an AGGRESSIVELY interesting set of events - but because I just kind of think so many other things are more interesting.

I also don't think things need to have their own versions of the Titanomachy so much. Like, it's fine I promise, just tell me your story I do not need to be told how the Olympians won the war in the most non-specific way ever over and over again.

23) ship you've unwillingly come around to

Like I alluded to above, I actually do have quite a few of these so we'll do one I went from absolutely hating the idea of to actively shipping so hard I forgot how much I initially disliked it.

Orpheus/Heracles.

HEAR ME OUT RIGHT -- I was like, physically repulsed by the idea initially because what the fuck even, but it was something that kept coming up over and over as I was doing research for my writing and eventually, I ended up caving, writing the two of them interacting with each other during their Argo days and that was it.

But honestly? I can't even be mad cause?? It kind of fucks??? Heracles himself really enjoys music but never had the delicacy it required (he literally murdered his lyre instructor because he was disciplining him) and Heracles loses Hylas on the Argo and grieves him bitterly. Orpheus loved his Eurydice but she died not long after they were married after being bitten by a snake. Both of them make journeys to the Underworld - Heracles to retrieve Cerberus and free Prometheus, Orpheus to retrieve Eurydice - and both of them return from the Underworld to great misfortune. Orpheus swears off women and dies being torn apart limb from limb by the Maenads, Heracles tries to marry and is poisoned horribly, tearing off parts of his own skin and eventually throwing himself onto his funeral pyre to rid himself of the pain.

SO BASICALLY, WHAT I'M SAYING IS, HERACLES/ORPHEUS FWB AND IN THIS INTERACTIVE CHART I WILL --

[musette22]

Hey Minnie, hope you're well. I love the discussions people are having about civil war Bucky even now. Though part of it makes me feel annoyed (not at you or anyone else here but at Marvel).

It really sucks seeing all the effort Marvel put in to make Bucky less sympathetic after Winter Soldier. In that movie, we saw Bucky completely vulnerable and alone and scared - a victim through and through. Which makes it so weird that leading up to cw the Russos kept saying stuff like 'Is Bucky a dangerous assassin or the world's longest serving pow?' 'Is he a killing machine or can he be Steve's friend again?' Like my guys, you already answered this in the previous movie! Especially when the first real scene we're given of Bucky is him buying plums at a market and smiling at the seller. How terrifying 🙄

Even the torture scenes are wildly different. In catws we see Bucky getting backhanded by his abuser followed by his terrified reaction to the machine. We saw him trembling, breathing heavily, saw the whites of his eyes and heard him whimper before he started screaming. The scene in cw is very . . . distant in comparison. There's a mask covering his face so we can't see his expression and the chair puts him in a much less vulnerable position. (And why include a torture scene if you're trying to leave it up to debate if he's innocent? They could've written him like 616 Bucky, who wasn't tortured and just had his memory erased. He still had a personality and autonomy to fight back against his handlers. Mcu Bucky had none of that).

Also I really hate the retcon of the code words. They should've kept the story from catws - the mind wipes + torture + drugs + brainwashing techniques. It was so much more complex and interesting and showed how bad it was for him. But then cw changed it to 'there's a switch we can flip in his brain to turn him into an uncontrollable killing machine when it's convenient'. It didn't add anything to the story, it was just a tool to make Bucky look more dangerous and to give a reason for him to be shoved in a freezer at the end. It also made it like getting rid of the code words just got rid of the trauma and pain that hydra gave him. (Even though after the code words were removed he was treated like he'd suddenly snap and kill everyone. Stupid writing).

And don't get me started on all the obvious rewrites, done to make Bucky look more dangerous and to stamp #nohomo all over Steve and Bucky. The soft, gentle 'Buck, do you know me?' versus the curt 'Which Bucky am I talking to?' There's some other really stupid dialogue, like when Steve and Sam are talking about Bucky. Sam suggests Nat is right in her saying Steve should not help/protect Bucky. Steve says 'He'd do it for me,' to which Sam replies 'In 1945 maybe.' The problem with this is at the end of catws, Bucky, with almost no memory of Steve, injured and scared, saved Steve from drowning, even though he'd been trying to kill him just before. So Bucky has proven he'd be there for Steve in the same way, well after 1945, which makes Sam's statement ridiculous.

Or the scene where Steve tries to tell Bucky what happened with Hydra wasn't his fault and Bucky says "I know. But I did it,' and Steve doesn't look at him and doesn't reply, which makes it look like he agreed with the notion that Bucky had responsibility. Earlier in the same movie Steve refuses to let Wanda blame herself for the incident in Lagos, so why can't he do the same for Bucky? #Nohomo. (Btw I don't blame either Sam or Steve here, it's not their fault the writing is atrocious).

This is why I'm the same as you Minnie, I refuse to regard a lot of the mcu canon. In my head Steve and Bucky went on the run together before getting their names cleared and enjoying a peaceful retirement together with Alpine.

Even though I can't bring myself to care, I'm genuinely happy that some fans enjoyed Thunderbolts. After all Marvel has done, we deserve something good, or at least decent. It's just that, to me, the whole 'supportive friendship' thing from Thunderbolts just rings hollow. Especially when they never properly addressed any of the trauma with the original avengers. It was either ignored or played off as jokes. Thunderbolts just feels like too little too late.

Sorry for this massive rant, you've just got a really good supportive space here and I appreciate that.

Hi lovely!! Apologies for taking a little while to answer this, sometimes shorter asks are easier to answer quickly, but it's definitely not because I didn't appreciate this ask, because I absolutely did!!

I can't tell you how interesting this was to read, or how much I agree with everything you said here. You make SUCH good point about Civil War and some of the terrible writing in that movie. The trigger words thing especially, but also the stupid dialogue and obvious rewrites (I hate the "which ;ucky am I talking to" line too 😒). I just completely agree - there's a reason I've only seen CW once or twice.

I'm also right there with you when it comes to disregarding canon and rewriting Steve and Bucky's ending in a way that actually makes sense for them and lets them be together the way they absolutely would have been if marvel/disney hadn't decided to no homo the shit out of them. I also feel your sentiments re: Thunderbolts (though tbh I don't really know anything about the plot or dynamic between the characters, so I can't say much about that).

And please don't apologise, you're welcome share your thoughts anytime, especially when they're as interesting as these are! I'm glad this blog feels like a supportive space for that ❤️

[wormchamp72]

I hate you, you fake obsessed fan -jeff the killer

Pathetic. Utterly pathetic. Quite frankly it disgusts me to see something this terribly, undeniably, irredeemably PATHETIC.

I could go on...but I don't think I need to. Did you honestly think I would fall for a trick as stupid as this? I know Jeff, and he is no coward. I can't say the same for you, hiding behind that "anon" label...and why is it that you hesitate to reveal yourself, anyways? Apart from the fact that you aren't actually the esteemed creepypasta Jeff the Killer, of course. (That much was obvious from the moment I laid eyes on your stupid, stupid ask...)

Tell me, anon. I want to know what motivates you to act this immature. Is the reality of your life so pitiful that you really feel you have no other choice but to impersonate someone who is better than you in every way just to send a (once again, truly pathetic) piece of hate mail to someone else who is also better than you in every way? (And yes, I'm talking about myself.) You can call me presumptuous for saying such a thing, but let's not beat around the bush here...you were too insecure to attach your identity to this ask, because you knew you couldn't possibly measure up to your target. So you sent it anonymously under a name that doesn't belong to you. A name that I have a great deal of admiration for.

But you already knew that, didn't you? You knew full well of my dedication (or "obsession," as you would put it) to the character of Jeff the Killer and yet you somehow still believed that simply tacking his signature to the end of your foolish excuse for "bait" would be enough to have me falling hook, line, and sinker. Do you really underestimate me that much? You, of all people? A pathetic, weak coward who couldn't even dare to look me in the eyes as you attempted to wound me...hmph. I'd say this was a "nice try," but clearly you didn't even make an effort. I don't need to waste my time with a louse like you, so I won't even bother to give you a warning...I guess you might as well go ahead and consider yourself lucky, since there's obviously not much else going for you.

[ifistayitwillbedouble]

hey, i love ur arcane pfp!! it's cool to see another byler/arcane fan lmao. i was also there for klance :/ and don't even get me started. like that was actually what kept me from fully believing in byler for years cuz it was just so bad. i kept telling myself to never fully hope for queer rep until i saw it just 'cause it didn't seem to matter how bad the writing would be or if it didn't make sense for the characters to not get together, the writers/executives could just not do it anyway. but it was lowkey kinda depressing thinking that way :/

but byler was the first time that i really ever broke out of that and it seems like u and i might have been in like the exact same position lmao so if you want, i can try and tell u what changed my mind.

ultimately it wasn't any of the theories or the textual evidence even though that was SO good. it was kinda like i just needed to believe that the writers were going to act like writers without letting homophobia get in the way, then i could believe all the analyses on writing tropes and all the logical arguments i saw.

so the biggest thing to me is that the duffers and their team say they care about uplifting minorities and outcasts and while they've done that before, they also seem to do it on a deeper level than other shows that i've seen queerbait. plenty of other shows say they want to do that stuff and then crash and burn spectacularly at it *cough cough* voltron *cough*.

like even for voltron, besides klance, they also had weird mentions of race where it was kind of joked about and whatnot. like it kinda felt like it was brushed off and not given much of a focus at all. but stranger things as a show is completely centered around minorities and outcasts and because of that the writers are specifically interested in them. like it actually gets taken seriously. one of my favorite examples is the bathroom scene with robin and steve. it isn't cliche or boring in the way a lot of mainstream shows write queer storylines (because they don't fully understand them or refuse to put in the time to). it specifically straightbaited the audience and reversed cliche tropes AND the writing?? was so much deeper than i've ever seen mainstream shows go?? the stuff about robin being obsessed with and yet hating steve because she wished the girls would look at her instead. like that's more complex and required way more effort from the writers than if they had just gone for "diversity points". it was something that resonated with a lot of queer people that i've talked to irl and online which is always a good sign. also there were a lot of people saying that it was robin's actor that decided to make robin a lesbian, and the actor actually came out and said that was a misunderstanding. the writers already had that and her coming out planned before!

okay so, this was where i started to have hope for queerness in ST because we have the evidence of a full scene/character that was done well, but it'd another thing entirely to have byler. they're like MAIN main characters and i love robin, but she hasn't been there since the beginning like they have. so they'd have to take another leap with bringing queerness to mike and will.

and they've already kinda done that with confirming will as gay and in love with mike which is wild, but it's what we got. that just leaves mike so then the question becomes, even though we have a lie keeping m*leven together (the painting lie), what if they just like,, sideline will and byler anyway?

but then i read the duffer brothers saying in an interview that will was a main character next season and that they wanted to use his "emotional arc" to tie up the whole show and i was like:

will byers! my boyyy!!! they're putting the spotlight on a character they just confirmed as gay and not only will he be relevant for plot reasons, but they're also gonna heavily focus on his emotional arc?? which for the entirety of the last season was about how much he loved mike and how much it hurt him to push mike towards el?? so they're gonna tie up that emotion? that's the setup with will we get before we get his main character emotional arc in the final season?

they just care way too much about will, who they had planned to be gay and have "sexual identity issues" from the beginning, and pay way too much attention to him for me to think that they're planning on doing him dirty. they chose to focus on his love for mike all of s4 and then to make him a main in s5 (and they've chosen to have the painting lie "pay off"). they didn't have to choose that, but they chose to. all the other queerbaits i've seen never put in the time/effort/care into the sexualities of their characters like they have with will.

anyways, there's a bunch of other small things that i've seen that helped give me even more hope, but this post is getting super long already (sorry about that!). i just wanted to sort of walk through what i went through and it ended up being a lot to explain :')

byler would also be a seriously failing queerbait if it was meant to be a queerbait, ngl. the whole point of queerbaits is to be profitable and dangle smth the audience wants in front of them to do so, but byler is so controversial. if they wanted a good queerbait they could've just gone for steddie or even stonathan (i mean the actors literally kissed for a video before lmao) or at least smth that didn't threaten m*leven which many ppl still see as the "main ship", but they chose byler instead

also, the duffer brothers have said that they've had a large portion of the show planned from the beginning and that they lied to netflix about it appealing to a general audience to get it greenlit. from what they've said, it seems like the intended audience was never the general audience we have today and that was more of a happy(?) accident

Hello old friends!! Been a lot time since I’ve made a byler post.

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I have byler doubt yall. I don’t have doubt in us, like I know our analyzing and theorizing and everything is correct and I know that byler makes logical sense. But I have doubt in the writers actually having the balls to do it. Like this is a show that spends a lot of time on their straight romances and love triangles, it’s marketed towards a general audience (most being straight people), and even though their writing sucks, m*leven is at the center of a lot of the marketing. I mean a gay romance plot twist in the last season does sound kinda crazy in hindsight (although I do understand the decision to make it subtle until the last season to ensure the show’s survival). I just don’t know if I can see two presumably straight(?) men willingly pissing off half their audience to make the gays kiss. Don’t get me wrong, I want it to happen. Like a lot. I’ve basically built my whole acc off of it. But idk. I’ve seen destiel and klance and every other queerbait ship and just can’t help but wonder if we’re falling into the same trap.

So anyway. Reply or reblog to help bring my confidence back. Or don’t, idk. Maybe it’ll be better to go in with lower expectations so I don’t have the entire show ruined for me, but believing is so fun yknow?

[canisalbus]

So i remember an ask mentioning your mortal enemy, Felis Atra and their cats, and i thought it'd be fun to draw what Felis Atra's version of your italian dogs would be.

I think they would be called Butter Knife and Flamengo! Butter Knife is not his real name, it's an nickname given by his peers because of how harmless he is. I choose Flamengo because that's the name of Vasco's rival football team here in Brazil, so i thought that was the perfect name :)

Cat Machete was slightly inspired by the Oriental Shorthair cat because of their long noses and thin head shape.

Cat Vasco was inspired by the Scottish Fold cat, because FLOPPY EARS. I gave Flamengo longer ears and orange fur to make him more like his look-alike.

The last doodle is a reference to this ask (https://canisalbus.tumblr.com/post/728923918314946560/me-i-am-machete-ear-fan-number-1-those-ears) and contains the tumblr ask stand-in dog, whose cat version was inspired by the American Curl cat! They have round ears that are slightly floppy outwards.

Final notes: I know cardinal clothes don't come in vibrant blue, but i was ADAMANT on switching Machete's and Vasco's clothing color patterns. I would draw the rest of Butter Knife's and Flamengo's clothes, but i suck at designing cool outfits.

Speaking of outfits, for Machete's iconic void outfit, i figured it would be fun to make it more baggy for Butter Knife, in contrast to Machete's, that looks very tight-fitted. I think it's cute, it kinda looks like a sweater. Also i can't imagine a Machete doppelganger without high heels boots, so those HAD to stay.

Oh, and just to be clear, i'm not like, claiming ownership of these guys or anything. I just thought it would be a fun exercise. Hope you like them!! I love your art and your characters.

.

[onebizarrekai]

howdy gamers. I didn't make very much digital art this year, but I did challenge myself to draw or write at least one thing in a particular sketchbook every night this year and fill its pages! I made my yearly art compilation out of that book instead of my usual digital art.

the drawings range from characters, objects, scenery, graffiti, one-sentence journaling, tiny drawings and big ones, foregrounds and backgrounds, angst, drawings mismatched and matched, 99% done in colored pencil. it's so satisfying to flip through a sketchbook where each page is completely full and brimming with color. I've put a few of my favorite pages below plus some other silly little things.

I only filled up about half the book this year, so the quest continues. also ozzy ghirahim is my favorite drawing in the whole book

[gregmarriage]

woahhh, nature!

[woodblxssomcrowned]

.

[electric-plants]

mydei’s boots were pissing me off so bad i finally snapped today and used over 2000 relic remains to finally get him ones that are just okay👍

[shayberri789]

I'm a little hurt by some of my irl friends and have two courses of actions, but which will both have similar outcomes

Basically, I have three creative irl friends. Every time they share their writings with me (be it fics, poems, stories or creative non fic), I ALWAYS read it as soon as I'm able and give feedback + healthy amount of gushing.

But whenever I write something I am proud of and I share it with them, none of them acknowledge it. Its like they don't see the link you know. And its fine because I just say "I wrote a thing" and give a link. I'm explicitly asking for feedback or validation. I can't be upset because they're not mind readers

But sometimes I explicitly DO ask them "hey did you see what I wrote?" "Hey, what do you think of this?" And i get half assed responses at best. "Oh its good" "uh ill read it when I get home *never hears about it again*". And that's a little more frustrating.

Earlier today I needed to put together a portfolio, and asked my two best friends to please read through it, because it was important and I needed their input on (1) thing, and I needed it *before the end of the day*. It was three pages of easy reading. Its not like I was asking for concrit or editing or something time consuming.

One of them skimmed it and gave me feedback. The other one is adhd and forgot. Said she'd read it later when I reminded her. When I reminded her again, she said she forgot and had made plans, can she do it in the morning?

And normally I'd say that's fine! Because I don't expect immediacy from my friends online, esp for favours. But I had a deadline, and this was the third time this particular friend has done this. There's only so many times I want to poke someone to read my shit before I start feeling like I'm bragging/attention seeker/being entitled and demanding. So I just went and asked someone else.

I know I'm valid to feel hurt about this, and frustrated. I also know that my friends don't mean to make me feel like this, or forget. I know they want to support me. But I'm also tired of getting burned so I'm just going to fucking stop trying to share my writing with them because instead of validation I'm getting pain.

My two options are either a) telling my friends that actually their silence and forgetfulness hurt me or b) just lettint it go

Either way, I'm not reaching out again. B) seems like the option less likely to hurt my friends/make them feel bad, so I'm leaning to that. If the roles were reversed, I'd rather option A), because when people tell me these things I do genuinely try to do better in the future, and I know my friends would feel the same. But I've also lost faith in their ability to do so in this area. Idk what I should do

[lumienn]

Me when I did 10 things to make my day better but came across 1 (one) thing that ruined it

[owcs]

For my first clip uploaded here, I figured it would only be right to have it be tracer gameplay. Here are some highlights from Nico of team VARREL against Hayabusa Gaming* from today February 27th, 2024. *Hayabusa Gaming does not have a liquipedia page to link to

[heymrspatel]

Its Kinktober! Do you have any work coming, if not, are you open to taking ideas/commission

hello! it IS kinktober 🥳 i've done a few so far and if everything goes to plan i should have a few more coming up. i went through a little dip and the momentum i had going disappeared. but, i'm going to try!

i appreciate the interest so so much, but i don't do commissions. the creative/fandom part of my brain is not wired that way unfortunately.

however, alice @darthvaders-wife, recently posted about accepting commissions! (she has also been posting incredible art every single day of kinktober - she's amazing and i bow down) if anyone else is accepting commissions please give a shout! 🩵