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obsessive-ego · 3 years ago

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Just go with it part 2

Musical beetlejuice x reader

You have to meet juno and pretend you and bj are getting married

Nsft sorta, mentions of activity

Part 1

"Babes"

....

"Sugar"

...

"Y/n"

...?

"Y/n wake up, come on babes"

...!

"Beej?" You mumble rubbing your eyes "what's wrong?" You say in a whisper.

He doesnt respond, you turn on the lamp by your bed and check your phone clock

5:42am

You sigh, looking back at the demon, now being able to see him clearly, you freeze upon seeing that the demon was now completely purple, his hair, his beard, his tie, all deep purple.

"What's wrong?" You ask again, more fear in you voice then intended

"Okay y/n" he starts, using your name rather then a pet name was never a good sign "so you remember a few nights ago when that suit came by to see if I was lying about our relationship?"

"He's back?!" You sit up, more awake "wait... wasnt the repercussion to that not that bad? Just some extra work for you?"

Beetlejuice rubs his neck "yeah, thing about that, it's not him... my mother is here, to talk to you personally..." he trails off refusing to look at you

"Your mother...." you repeat feeling your stomach drop

"Yeah..."

"What's gonna happen if she finds us out?" You ask in a whisper

"...who knows with her" the demon spits before looking away.

The two of you remain in silence over the shit beetlejuice has gotten you into it.

Beetlejuice huffs out his nose as his focus goes back to you.

"So y/n, I mean honey~" the demon pulls you up from your bed and into a side hug "ready to meet mommy dearest?" Beetlejuice tried to smile, make light of the situation, but his hair betrayed him, remaining a deep purple, even though he tried his best to plaster a grin across his face for your sake.

You didnt know much about Beetlejuice's mother, other then she didnt exactly win mother of the year, beej only opened up about her a handful of times, long story short, you knew this was gonna be a rough experience for both of you, but mostly Beej.

Beetlejuice drops his jacket around your shoulders, pulling the same ring he gave you to fool the suit, the same tacky, pretty ring, the band was black and white, and resembled a snake, the gem was a brilliant green, your heart swelled at the sight of the ring.

The ghoul drops on one knee, and gently slides the ring onto your middle finger, pausing to kiss your hand before giving you wink, under different circumstances you would die from such a cheesy romantic gesture, but now was not that time, you did appreciate beetlejuice trying to lighten the mood.

"Alright honey, you remember the drill?"

"Yes"

"That's my future wife, let's not keep the bitch waiting" he smiles linking arms with you

Future wife...

You couldnt help but give the ghoul a soft smile at the thought.

Beetlejuice takes a deep breath, smoothing his hair back, wiping the purple away in favour of his default green.

The demon grabs your hand begins to lead you to your living room, you could barely focus over the sound of your heart pounding, who could blame you, you were about to come face to face with someone Beetlejuice was afraid of.

As the two of you head down the hall , she was finally in sight, you felt your stomach drop, in your recliner sat an old woman, dressed completely in red, she had a permanent scowl across her face, her whole presence give off a bad feeling.

"Lawrence, you took your sweet time fetching your fiance" she barked causing beetlejuice to flinch

"Ya know breathers, they like their sleep-" he forces a laugh, purple slowly creeping back into his hair

"Nonsense, it's nearly 6am, that's more then a reasonable time for breathers to wake and start their pointless routines" she waves off, beetlejuice frowns and leads you to the couch, where the both of you sit.

"Its been awhile huh Ma? Like I was saying earlier, it's nice to see you again and-" beetlejuice was babbling

"Zip it" was all she said and beetlejuice clamped his mouth shut and gazed down staring at his feet. "Lawrence, I didnt come here for pointless pleasantries" her eyes meet yours "y/n l/n I dont know what Lawrence has done to you or promised you, but I can assure you he doesnt care about you, and just wants freedom, further more Lawrence, do you honestly think this breather could love you? This game of yours needs to come to an end, there is alot of paper work tied up in this farce of yours"

You were taken back by her words, she really didn't beat around the bush.

"I dont-" you start, voice trembling

"Ma, y/n loves me and I love them, see~" beetlejuice grabs your hand to show his mother the ring, she eyes the ring for a moment, then goes bad to staring daggers into her son, her scowl never faltering.

"Tacky" she huffs, a simple response like that was enough to shut her son down, beetlejuice pulled away from you, pressing his back firm against the couch, lips pressed shut and hands clamped together in his lap.

"As I was saying, Lawrence is a natural born troublemaker, and youd be smart to back out of this farce before he gains life, knocks you up with a life ruining disappointment, and vanishes from your life" she droned as she lights a cigarette, taking a deep inhale, smoke shooting out from her neck.

You swallow hard.

"I would prefer if you didnt smoke in my house, ma'am"

Juno stares at you for a moment, then shakes her head as she puts out her cigarette on your coffee table.

"Ma'am I really do trust beetlejuice, and I love him, this isnt a farce-" you began, but your words were ignored

"If you want to throw yourself into a mess, I wont stop you, I'm not here to save you, but I have to applaud his efforts on tricking someone LEGAL this time for his little game. Even though this mess of yours is going to keep him out of my way for awhile, it doesn't cover the fact that Lawrence's efforts have caused my office nothing but work. And even if this "love" was real the boy ruins everything thing he touches, cant do anything right, having him around only causes headaches, you'll see soon enough y/n," Juno's hurtful words drone on, as if her son wasnt sitting across the table from her.

"Back to the matter, even if you do choose to marry this fool, I wanted to warn you about the mess your getting yourself into, giving him life would only cause you grief, and I dont want to hear it when you get to the netherworld after a suicide his actions caused"

You grit your teeth at that last remark, you knew juno thought poorly of beetlejuice, but did she honestly thing her son was so awful that youd kill yourself over his actions, you felt like you were going to be sick.

"Lawrence, why is your hair purple?"

You glance over to beetlejuice, who infact was completely purple, the deepest purple you've ever seen him wear.

Beetlejuice bites down on his lip, his hands clenched in fists as they sat on his thighs, he was frozen.

"Bee?" You gently whisper as you slowly place a hand on his, the ghoul flinches at your touch, beetlejuice slowly takes your hand in his and gives it a light squeeze.

"Come on Ma, y/n my be dramatic, and get mad at me from time to time, but they'd never kill themselves over anything dumb I'd do, and hell we already talked it over, we dont want kids" the ghoul leans into you for support.

Juno scowls "to remind you both, I'm not here to stop you two, the only thing I'm here for is to warn this foolish breather, and double check to make sure YOU arent mucking about and blackmailing the living again, there is a lot of paper work involved in this little game of yours, and you still havent delt with the paper work of your failed marriage and death by the hands of that poor child you tricked" her eyes narrow down to beetlejuice, juno pauses, then sighs

"Lawrence just come clean, this little game of yours has gone on long enough, even if you didnt blackmail this poor soul into marrying you, do you honestly think they love you? You dont actually think this breather wants you around do you?"

"That's not true, I do-"

You werent able to finish that sentence, with a snap of juno's fingers your mouth is now cover with a strip of duct tape.

"You've honestly fooled yourself into thinking you could be loved didnt you? Pitiful, maybe this breather found you amusing now, but you dont think it's going to last do you?" Her questioning goes on, she was convinced her son was unlovable, you tug away at the duct tape but it refuses to budge, beetlejuice was too focused on his mother's words, to the point where he was starting to believe her, the purple slowly faded from him in favour of white, a color you've never seen on him.

"Lawrence you're little game is over, and you're going to clean up the mess you made, I have a decade's worth of paper work for you to fill out over this farce and every other little issue you caused, I knew from the start this was fake, no living person in their right mind would let you into their life willingly"

A decade's worth of paper work?! Was that so important that she was willing to manipulate her own son into thinking he was worthless?

"Lawrence you are such a screw up, the amount of work your little games keep giving me is coming to an end, you will never be alive, you will never be loved, let alone tolerated, and you are coming back to my office to straighten up ever little issue you have caused, if you think being invisible for a millennia is bad-" she raises her voice with each hateful word.

This duct tape wasnt going to budge, so you went with plan B, you roughly bump into the demon's side to get his attention, beetlejuice looking your way, your eyes grow wide at his expression, he was crying, black gooey tears. The two of you stare at each other what felt like an eternity, Juno's voice no longer reached him, beetlejuice snaps his fingers and the duct tape vanishes from your mouth.

You jump up from you position on the couch "I'm sorry ma'am but bee- Lawrence isnt worthless, and yes, he can be an ass, and insensitive at times, but I love him and I really do want to marry him! And whatever stupid paper work that is tied up in this, can just fuck off..." your voice tweaks as the ghoulish women sitting across from you stands up, eyes dead set on you.

You werent great with confrontation, and beej knew this, but here you were talking back to his mother, you his tiny sweet breather talking back to a literal monster. The white from Beetlejuice's hair quickly left in replacement to pink 'I really do want to marry him!' Those words from your lips could have made his heart start beating , tho that was shortly lived when he saw this mother stand, purple took hold of his form once again.

He couldnt let you fight his mistakes alone, though he found it hot that you could be his knight in shining armor.

No, beetlejuice is quick to jump up and link his arm with yours "see ma, this little breather stole my heart, and hell, we've been planning our little wedding for months" beetlejuice snaps his fingers and in a flash his and yours clothes change. Beetlejuice wore a red tux made with crushed velvet, with a lacy front, his whole outfit screamed tacky, but that was him. Looking down at your self, you stifle a laugh, here you were, 6:30am, dressed in a red puffy lacing monster of a dress, in all honesty this wouldnt be your first choice, but now was not that time. Beetlejuice pulls you close, you could swear he could hear how hard your heart was pounding, could you blame yourself? He looked so handsome all dressed up, even if this was fake.

"My, my Lawrence, doesnt that dress look familiar, isnt that the dress you forced that poor child to wear the last time you played this game?" his mother sneers

"Its called a call back, and y/n loves it" he sneers back you nodded in agreement, beetlejuice continues "we're still working on a venue, trying to find a band, believe me, planning a wedding is exhausting, and oh! dont be surprised if your invite gets lost in the mail ma" the demon gives a shit eating grin, you smile seeing beetlejuice has gained SOME confidence back.

"I have no interest in attending your little wedding Lawrence" she spat "it's clear you're not going to budge, and still refusing to take responsibility for your actions, you always were a slacker, and if that's the case, once you die again you will be returning to my office to deal with the mess you made" her focus turns to you "or I could end this little charade by killing your ticket to life"

Your heart stops at her words, she was a demon, Beetlejuice's grip tightens on you, the silence must have been hurting him as much as it did you.

"But I wont, itd be too much a hassle ending a life before it's time"

You sigh in relief, and beetlejuice loosens his grip.

"This will end poorly for the two of you, and I dont want to hear it" juno walks past the two of you, and with a gesture of her hand the livingroom wall opens up to reveal an office full of the dead.

"Lawrence before you join the living I need to deal with one last errand, so I will see you later, and you" Juno's boney finger points to you "you have no idea what you've signed up for" and with that she was gone, the wall closes up as if nothing happened, the two of you collapse on the floor

"Shes gone" you sigh, you've never been more scared in you entire life then you were talking to Juno

"So you like your future mother in law?" Beej jabs you side

"Oh yeah, a delight" you snort, "how long do you think we have before she notices we havent gotten married?" You tone shifts to a more serious note

"No clue, guess you'll actually need to marry me now" he pulls you into a side hug

"What?" You stammer, beetlejuice laughs at your response

"HA! Just pulling your chain there doll, theres no way in hell she's coming back to check, if I know that Bitch shes going to file away those papers for me, there's no way she'll let them just sit there for who knows how long, and this time next week she'll be harping about something else" beetlejuice stands up and pulls you up with him as he sees you struggling to move in that dress, as you raise to your feet you mumble a thanks.

"You know beej, you really do clean up good, I mean, you look very handsome all dressed up" you smile, now that that two of you were safe, you felt it was the right time to say it.

The purple in the ghoul's hair quickly vanishes at your kind words and is replaced with pink.

"Well you know doll, the tux suits me, but it looks even better on the floor, you'll see on our honeymoon~"

"Is that so?"

"Dont believe me? I'll show ya right now baby~" the ghoul pulls you close pressing his chest against yours, as fun as this little exchange was it came to a halt when you yawned.

"What a way to start a weekend, early and terrified, I think I'm gonna get a few more hours of sleep" you grumbled rubbing your eye "you mind helping me out of this dress?" Beetlejuice goes wide eyed at your question, in a flash his hands were groping for the zipper on your back.

"Naughty minx" he purrs before you swat his hands away

"I ment with magic" you breath out, you may be tired, but your genitals were now wide awake.

Beetlejuice grumbles as he snaps his fingers bringing you back into your pajamas and him in his suit.

"Thank you, I guess this wouldnt be good night, see you in a bit" you shrug as you head to your bedroom to get a few more hours of sleep, you glance back at beetlejuice, who was purple once again, you frown

"Beej do you want to sleep with me? I mean you dont need to sleep, I just thought maybe, you wouldnt want to be alone right now?" After seeing his mother maybe he could use some comfort.

There was a long silence as the demon only stares back at you, you panic

"I'm sorry, that was stupid, I'll just, uh, see you in-" you babble as you spin in your heels eager to get away from this embarrassing situation. Before you could hide away in your bedroom you feel the dicey grip if the demon's hand on your shoulder, and in a deep gravely voice he purrs

"Isn't it normal for a husband and wife to sleep together?~"

you honestly felt a shiver run up your spine.

The ghoul, now only in a pair of boxers has now cuddled up to you his legs intertwined with yours, his arms wrapped around your waist, hand rubbing up and down your back, and head nuzzled into your chest, the demon now pink, purred feeling your hands scratching his scalp, his mother was wrong, you did love him, truly and unconditionally, maybe not now, but soon, he will marry you.

Bonus

It's been days since you met his mother, and it seems like beetlejuice has been back to stop caring about it, but sometimes you see him just staring off into space.

The ghoul had only one thing on his mind, replaying the memory over and over, of you shouting "I REALLY DO WANT TO MARRY HIM!"

#beetlejuice x reader #muscial beetlejuice x reader #rambling

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nebraska-is-a-myth · 4 years ago

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oh dreammmm. Shut up Tommy.

Okay so I was watching Tommy's stream today and it gave me this very out of character idea for my crime au.

The pilot episode: 2 & 4

Masterlist

Its a few days after the dream teams public execution that terrorized the city.

Dream, George and sapnap are hanging out in a backstreet bar that's notoriously know to be one of the many criminal friendly bars around the city. Even though all of their faces were partially revealed to the public, nobody seemed to bat an eyelid at the trio. They didn't even look like criminals at all to be honest

They were all laughing and joking and just having an all round good time

Until dream heads home early to feed his cat, and feels a presence behind him as he walks through the streets to his apartment.

He turns round and pins the person to the alley wall just as he felt a hand near his back pocket

“Woah-o-ho okay okay” Dream swears he hears the guys voice crack

“Hey man, that's my bad. I’m sure we can work things out, just please don't shank me, my mum wants me home by 11.”

Dream furrows his eyebrows and looks the guy up and down.

Actually, now that he thinks about it, he looks more like a kid

He’s got a thin frame and straggly hair that he cant tell weather its light brown, or just dirty. His face is red but mostly pale with a few cuts and a large purpling black eye on the left side of his face. The kids facial expression takes dream by surprise. He doesn't look like someone whose being pinned to the wall by, basically a mass murderer.

In fact, he looks like someone he knows.

“Tommy?”

This is the kid that used to follow techno everywhere.

“Well I mean yes but, h-how do you know that if you don't mind me asking big man.”

Dream releases Tommy and steps back from the wall, the kid looks confused but he follows closely behind when the taller of the two motions for him to join him out of the alley.

Tommy smirks for a second until dream turns back around

“Wallet first.”

Tommy sulks for the rest of the walk

Its a few months later and Tommy looks a bit older, he’s still covered in bruises and his hair is still dirty. He’s sat on top of one of the larger buildings in the city, swinging his legs over the edge and looking down into the street below

He knows Wilbur will be worrying where he’s gotten to, especially since tensions in the city are so high right now, but he needed to get away. He needed time to think.

He looks up to the stars and thinks of how alone he felt when techno disappeared without a trace. Remembers feeling so upset with the world, so worthless and lost. He still thinks it was his fault the kingpin of the city went away. Maybe he had finally gotten fed up with Tommy, maybe he’d annoyed him too much, he knows he was defiantly being too clingy. And he thinks a part of him will always deem himself to be a burden to others.

But then he met dream, and life changed.

( Or rather, he pickpocketed dream and suddenly this strange man he tried to steal from wanted him in his life )

And suddenly he felt less alone

He learnt very quickly that the man he tried to pickpocket was in fact the masked man he’d been watching all over the news, and man did he annoy the hell out of the dream with the amount of questions he asked.

He didn't know why the older man wanted to keep him around, especially since he knew of his close connections to his ( former ) rival technoblade, but he was very grateful for the friendship regardless.

Dreams friends weren't as quick to trust him, and tommy didn't blame them. ( He did try to steal a number of there possessions )

He remembers the first heist dream ever brought him on. He was supposed to be on crowd control with sapnap, but one of the hostages lunged at Tommy when sapnaps back was turned, wrestling the startled kid to the ground. Tommy was never the best at winning fights, he usually just let his opponents get a few hits in and then they would usually walk away with whatever possessions he had on him, but this guy wasn't backing down.

He hit Tommy a few times before taking the gun from his hands and pointing it in his face. He remembers this as one of the only times in his life he showed how truly scared he was infront of other people.

The guy tried to use Tommy as negotiation to let everyone out of the bank unharmed, neither sapnap nor George knew how to handle the situation, but as soon Tommy saw Dream re emerge from the vault pistol in hand, he didn't feel scared anymore.

Tommy smirks at the memory and looks up from where he was watching his feet swing back and forth, in the distance he sees the rubble of the bank and he almost wishes he could go back to that day just to see if he could tell if Dreams worry was just another ploy for the public .

The young boy hears the creak of the metal door behind him and he knows its Dream. He doesn't turn around to look at the man, he doesn't even really want to have this conversation, but he cant pretend like there's nothing wrong forever. Dream knows him now, knows his queues and quirks and even through the stress of an incoming war, he knows that Tommy's upset.

“Shouldn't you be in l’manberg”

Dream doesn't join tommy on the ledge

“You know its not safe for you here.”

Tommy doesn't look at him

“Tommy”

“What dream!”

“Oh so its dream now is it.”

“Yeah its fucking dream”

“What the hell Tommy, what's you deal man .”

“What's my deal? I’ll tell you what my fucking deal is.”

Tommy stands up from the ledge and pushes himself into dream space. “Why were you so persistent to become my friend ay. You knew, you knew I had connections to techno, pretty fucking close connections dream. And even when the people you trusted with your life told you over and over again that I was gunna fuck you over, you went against them to keep me, fucking me in your life. Why the fuck did you want a scrawny ass, shit for brains, worthless fucking kid in you life dream? Was it to get back at techno? Was it ! Because I cant think of any other fucking reason dream!” Tommy was so caught up in his own anger he almost didn't hear dreams reply.

“He asked me to!”

Tommy's breath hitches and he feels like times stood still, for a second he forgets how to breath, how to think. He doesn't know how to feel.

Tommy watches Dreams facial expression, only just notices that he hasn't got his mask on. He watches Dream furrow his eyebrows and then soften as he try's to put his hand on Tommy's shoulder, but the younger boy just swats his hand away. “Don't touch me.” Tommy try's to be aggressive but Dream sees how tired tommy is and he notices the tears building up along his waterline.

Its a while before Tommy speaks again

“What do you mean, he asked you to.”

“He didn't do it in person, probably would have shot him otherwise. He sent me a letter, few days after everyone realized he’d gone for good. It was smart, sending something that wasn't digital, probably would have been hacked by some shitty fangroup by now. Told me he was going, and that he probably wasn't going to come back. Told me to look out for you, to tell you not to go looking for him, and than none of this was your fault cause he knew you were a stupid kid who would blame everything on yourself.”

Tommy's a lot calmer now, he still feels tears threatening to spill but he doesn't make an effort to wipe them away. “Why didn't you tell me.”

“Didn't think it would make a difference. Thought it would just make you think I was only looking after you because of a debt.”

“Arnt you?”

“You think Id put up with your teenage bullshit for this long if I didn't care about your stupid ass.”

Tommy searches his friends face for anything, any indicator that he was telling a lie. Out in the field when his masks on he’s unreadable, his expression is worthless because everything he does is an act. But when he’s talking to his friends, in the comfort of their headquarters or their apartment, his expressions change like the weather. So when Tommy sees dream give him warm eyes and a soft smile, he cries.

He sobs and falls into dreams arms. He wraps his arms around his friend and for the first time he hugs dream without feeling like a burden of any kind and he feels like the world has been lifted from his shoulders.

Dream lets Tommy sob into his embrace for a while before he addresses the elephant in the room. “Your not safe outside l’manberg Tommy.”

“I know.” Tommy mumbles into dreams tear stained shoulder.

“You know I cant promise that your friends wont get hurt tomorrow.”

Tommy only nods at this

“Knew you'd be to stubborn to give up on this.”

Tommy smiles and lifts his head, “Have my disks thought you nothing old man.”

“Hey! I'm not that old.”

They step away from each other now, Tommy hovers at the door to the roof. The sun would start to rise soon, and he needs to get back to his part of the city before Wilbur has a heart attack. They stand there, so many things left unsaid. Tommy wants to tell dream to spare Tubbo, to make him tell the Dream smp not to kill his friend, but even Tommy's immunity is falling apart at this point. Dream wants to tell Tommy to convince his friends to surrender, he doesn't want the boy to see the bloodshed. Maybe he even wants to convince him not to take part in the war at all, but he knows his attempts would be futile.

“Hey, whatever happens out there tomorrow.”

Tommy cuts dream off and just nods “I know.”

They look at each other one last time, both wishing tomorrow would never come. Tommy's eyes water again, he knows he’s doing the right thing, for him, for his friends, and for l’manberg.

Tommy slips out the door and he never looks back

#dream team #dreamwastaken #dreamteam #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #tubbolive #georgenotfound #sapnap #dream smp #dream smp war #mcyt #crime au #technoblade #its very out of character but this was fun to write

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smalltragedy · 4 years ago

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* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

#irvingintro #violence tw #(more of a brief mention)#bt still #jst reposting bc its been so long JFGDHFDSGSLFKG

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toutallyahoe · 5 years ago

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Middle Brother (rdr2 headcanons)

i want to write but the gremlins in my mind are fighting... well, fluff and thot gremlin are while angst gremlin is kinda dead rn which i think yall are happy to know...

but anyways, here's some brotherly headcanons on this beautiful fucking game known as rdr2 with these beautiful boahs and [Name]

⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃

• i already established [Name] would be the middle brother with Arthur being the oldest for a year or two and John being youngest of fours years soooo (here it is if ya havent read the first)

• lets get some angsty stuff because angst gremlin isnt actually dead... yet (i think thot gremlin might kill 'em but i think yall would be happy with that)

• anyways

• when John had left the gang for about a year, Arthur and [Name] were affected by it

• the whole gang actually

• but Arthur and [Name] kinda took the blow hard

• especially how they had been with John for years and protected and taught that greasy dumbass everything he knew

• Arthur was the angered one

• Arthur's temper was really bad those few weeks of John's departure

• no one can calm him down as he always blew a fuse when someone just even mention John's name

• [Name] was the one who worried a lot and was lowkey depressed

• [Name] lost someone who he had seen as a little brother

• John didn't even said good bye to them?

• Dutch and Hosea tried everything to go back to his usual sarcastic self

• everyone tried but never worked

• it was very hard for the Van Der Linde gang for a few weeks of John leaving

• sure, they both worried for John despite that bitter and angered feeling they have

• they still cared for their little bro

• but they also felt betrayed by John leaving

• so when John came back-- one word: chaos

• it so happens that Arthur was the one who was guarding the entrance of the camp

• Arthur was not happy to see John

• he almost shot the younger man as he threatened John to leave

• Arthur's warning shot had attracted the others attention

• making them knew that John was back and they welcomed John

• it was no surprised that Arthur and [Name] came up to him in fury and tried to belittle John

• it was a surprise though when [Name] was the one who punched John on the face

• not Arthur, but [Name]

• Bill and Javier had to hold [Name] back when he wanted to tackle and beat John up while Dutch commanded him to calm down

• when Arthur and [Name] (who Javier still holding his arm just in case he'll decked the shit outta John again) heard that Dutch welcomed John again, they protested

• Arthur was against the idea of John being welcomed back by Dutch like John didn't just ditched them for a year

• [Name] was silently fuming and agreeing with Arthur

• but no one listened to their complaints and protest as there was a party to welcome John back

• the party went on as John was in the campfire surrounded by the others while Arthur and [Name] was far away from them

• John wanted to approach the two older men but Hosea had stopped him

• "give them time, son"

• John wanted to protest but remembering Arthur's glare and [Name]'s furious look at him earlier, he agreeded

• the next day, John tried to talk to his older brothers

• it was hard

• Arthur always insults him and leaves when he tries to talk to him

• and [Name] always goes into the next direction when John comes and pretends he doesn't see or hear John

• John was annoyed by it

• "why won't they just talk to me?!?"

• John often asked himself

• "you left for a year. didn't tell anyone and they took it hard, John"

• Hosea had explained as the older man had seen how Arthur and [Name] reacts to John's approach

• "just give them time... they missed you but you know how stubborn they are"

• skip to a few weeks

• Arthur's and [Name]'s attitude to John haven't change

• they were still pissed and angry about him leaving

• John tried to get into their good graces but the two really were stubborn

• John done chores in the camp, helped out as much as he can to prove that Arthur and [Name] could trust him again

• but it seems like the two just wont give him another chance

• it honestly was a sad sight to see

• John tried his best but Arthur and [Name] just wont acknowledge his efforts

• those were the moment John realized how much he hurted his older brothers

• John thought be could never get that old days they had again

• but John was stubborn as his brothers too

• he wont give up

• John took their attitudes as motivation

• one day, they were low on food and John offered to hunt

• was a mistake

• John should realized he always gets in trouble with nature

• John did caught some prey for Pearson to cook

• about five rabbits or so which is good enough for now

• when John was putting the rabbits corpse on his horse, he heard growling

• John Marston knew he was in trouble

• in camp, [Name] and Arthur were the first too knew of John's disappearance

• sure, they were still mad with the greasy ass bitch but even what John did, he was still their little brother

• [Name] asked where John was and when he had heard John went out hunting few hours ago, he and Arthur immediately knew there was something wrong with John still not being back

• [Name] had urged Arthur to saddle up as they were going to track the "golden boy"

• Arthur almost didnt want to come if it wasnt for [Name] giving him a pleading look

• Arthur sighed and had went with [Name] to track their greasy little brother

• after awhile, they found John's hunting spot

• how did they knew? John's horse laying dead with scratches and bite marks on its body

• [Name] dismounted his horse as he inspected the dead horse's body

• "fuck... goddamn it Marston"

• [Name] and Arthur looked at each other and knew that John wouldnt be far behind

• aswell as danger

• Arthur pulled out his shotgun while [Name] took out his pistol

• the two were high alert on the danger

• they began to track John again on foot as they knew the forest was dense for their horses

• [Name] did the tracking as Arthur looked around just in case the things that killed off John's horse will appear and jump onto them

• after tracking for awhile, they had heard screaming

• they immediately knew who was screaming as they ran to find John

• they did found their dumb greasy little brother

• John was up on the tree with some bruises while there are four wolves beneath the tree

• [Name] immediately saw John's gun on the ground which he cursed John for it as he and Arthur held up their guns to shoot the wolves

• they killed the wolves and John looked so fucking happy

• "i though i'll be stuck in this tree for days"

• [Name] merely rolled his eyes as he approached the tree John was and took out his knife to skin out the wolves they shot. wanting the wolves pelt to craft some stuff despite it being poor

• "yeah, well, would've done us good if ya got eaten"

• Arthur grunted as John went down the tree and hissed at his bruises

• [Name], being finished with skinning the wolves and having the pelt had grabbed John's gun on the ground and shove it at John's chest

• "next time, don't leave yer gun on the ground"

• [Name] said as he went to Arthur, carrying the wolf pelt

• John looked at both his older brothers and bit his bottom lip

• he knew they were still mad but he was happy that they actually cared enough to save him and not be wolf food like his horse

• "th... thank you..."

• John had said as he walked behind Arthur and [Name]

• "whatever. now hurry up, before more of those wolves come up from the smell of blood"

• Arthur and [Name] lead John back to where they left off their horses and helped John up to sit on the back of [Name]'s horse while [Name] placed his pelt on Arthur's horse

• when [Name] and Arthur mounted on their horses and ride, it was quiet

• John wanted to say something but bit back his words as he didnt know what to really say

• [Name] lead away as Arthur was behind them, just in case some wolves follow them as they rode off the forest to go to the dirt road

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angrylizardjacket · 4 years ago

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the band with no name {Douglas Booth} 2

A/N: 1654 words. A bit shorter, but we’re getting into things now. idk how i feel about it, please give me feedback.

[PART 1]

Flop of The Month, your band, has an instagram account with exactly two posts on it, and Douglas feels like both and idiot, and a creepy stalker, for the amount of time he spends flicking through the two photos without actually liking them, for fear of you realising who he was.

Colson, however, seemed to have no such reservations.

“Look, I’m on their story,” Colson’s grinning from ear to ear as the cast and crew break for lunch the Monday after they’d seen your band play, showing Douglas his phone, and your band’s instagram story. It showed their notifications, highlighting how Colson had liked both photos and followed them, and had the caption ‘how’d the rap devil find us?’ and ‘not complaining tho’.

“Bloody hell,” is all Douglas can bring himself to say, wearing a half-smile as they made their way to the costume department to get changed before lunch. It had been a low effort day, just jeans and t-shirts, but it was always safer to not eat in costume. Hair and makeup could stay and be touched up however.

Your band’s page had begun the day with 217 followers, and ended it with over a thousand. There wasn’t a link to your personal page, and so all he can do is scroll through your Facebook while waiting for Colson to be ready to go.

Y/N: weird question Y/N: also, hi Y/N: but yeh, weird question Y/N: was your friend last night mgk?

Douglas takes a moment to compose his thoughts before typing out his response.

Douglas: hi back Douglas: and yes.

There’s a few minutes of silence, and Douglas can feel his scalp itching beneath his wig, just a little, but he tries to ignore it.

Y/N: cool. Y/N: well it was nice meeting you guys!! Y/N: looking forward to seeing if ur band is real btw Douglas: probably wont be for a while Y/N: im happy to wait Y/N: if u want me there that is Douglas: if we ever actually play a gig, you’ll be the first to know

You send a blushing smiling emoji back, and Douglas finds himself strangely pleased.

“Is that her?” Colson asks, eyes shining as he pulled on his leather jacket; with his wig and makeup, he still absolutely looked the part. Douglas quickly slipped his phone in his pocket, knowing that a faint blush dusted his cheeks despite his best efforts. As he waffled his way through an affirmation, Colson’s smile just grew wider.

“I still don’t understand why you were being so vague; she probably would have jumped you there and then if she knew you were part of the Motley Crue movie, man.”

“Yeah,” Douglas said, his discomfort mounting at the insinuation, “that’s the problem, dude; first of all, I don’t know if she like the band themselves, or just the music, and if she does like the band,” he paused, shrugging a little, quietly embarrassed, “what if she likes them better than me?”

“They’re all married,” Colson says, like it immediately solves everything.

“Man, you know that’s not the issue,” Douglas sighed, but it’s clear he wasn’t done, and Colson just waited, eyebrows raised, “you know, girls who are like... like... how did you say it the other week? When that girl from Instagram was in your DMs every other minute?”

“Clout chasing,” Colson nodded sagely, suddenly understanding all too clearly his co-star’s apparent fears, “well she doesn’t know who you are yet.”

“Exactly,” Douglas exclaimed, glad the craft services tent was finally in view, feeling himself grow hungrier by the moment, “and I think I wanna keep it that way, just for now.”

“Better pray she doesn’t watch Jupiter Ascending,” Colson snorts, just as Douglas punches him in the arm.

The next day, he messages you first, sends a photo of himself and the rest of the band out of costume, but holding their instruments, all wearing heels to help make it easier to wear them around set.

Douglas: the band says hi Y/N: shit, you guys have instruments and everything Y/N: getting less sketchy by the minute

You follow it up with a winking emoji, and a photo of yourself, out in the sunshine, dressed impeccably, makeup dark and sharp, holding a stack of posters beside your head, advertising your band’s next gig; this Saturday.

Douglas: are you inviting me? Y/N: only if you’re saying yes

Your confident coyness amuses him, despite the way the shoes are pinching his toes, and he tells you he’ll be there.

The next day, you send a link to a band name generator, but more interestingly, you send it right around the time he’s getting his makeup done, early in the morning.

Douglas: early start? Y/N: my shop won’t open itself Douglas: your shop? Y/N: mini mall tattoo parlor hahaha

“She owns a tattoo parlor?” Daniel asks, reading over Douglas’s shoulder between takes, “you’d better make your move or Colson’s gonna go for her.”

“Go for who?” Colson himself calls across set where his makeup’s being touched up.

“You weren’t meant to hear that!” Daniel shouts back, though he’s grinning, and adds, “Y/N. She owns a tattoo parlor.”

“Really, shit man, Doug she’s cool as hell,” Colson muses, before snorting, addressing Daniel, “gimme some credit, I’m letting the man shoot his shot; he’s my bro, not my competition.”

“Thanks man,” with the slightest smile, Douglas puts his phone away as the scene is reset around them, and Colson joins him in the middle of the living room set.

“I expect free tattoos, however,” he says with a faux seriousness, “because if you like her, like really like her, I’m gonna wingman the shit out of you.”

“Seriously?”

“Absolutely, man,” he claps Douglas on the shoulder with a surprisingly sincere expression.

It’s Colson who suggests, the following day, sending a video of Douglas playing the bass, asking if you had any pointers. They’re at band rehearsals again, blasting through their repertoire, when they get to Take Me To The Top, and as the song dies down, Colson makes the suggestion.

“Why are you filming it?” Iwan asks, and Colson’s smile is all teeth where he’s holding Douglas’s phone, answering before Douglas has the opportunity.

“Tryna help impress that punk chick from the band last weekend.”

“You’re actually talking to her?” Iwan asks with a bright, almost incredulous smile, “after everything that happened? She must really like you.” He muses, and Douglas feels his soul leaving this mortal plane.

“Smart move; asking for advice from her, lets her know you think she’s talented, and, well, you know,” Daniel shrugs, wiggling his fingers with a casual air. Douglas frowns, but Colson’s nodding.

“Exactly what I was thinking,” he agrees, and finally Douglas clues in. Dexterous fingers.

“Don’t be gross, guys,” he sighs, already regretting letting Colson help at all, “just take the damn video.”

It only takes thirty seconds for you to respond in All Caps.

Y/N: ARE YOU IN A MOTLEY CRUE COVER BAND

“I’m fucked,” Douglas mutters under his breath, staring wide-eyed at the message.

Y/N: you play so well dude just relax your stance and shoulders Y/N: fkn love take me to the top Y/N: seriously a motley cover band??? Y/N: you just instantly got 100x cooler

“Okay, maybe I’m not fucked,” he concedes after a moment, quietly breathing a sigh of relief.

Y/N: now i have to see u guys play!! Y/N: if that’s alright of course

“Nah, you’re definitely a little bit fucked,” Daniel offers over his shoulder, and Douglas pushes his face away.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Douglas grumbles, and Daniel shrugs bemusedly.

“At least she thinks you play well,” but Douglas isn’t listening to him, he’s frantically tapping away on his phones, scowling, “what ‘re you doing?”

“Trying to come up with a name for our band -”

“Our fake band?” Iwan asks, arms crossed over his chest wearing an amused little smile, “do we have to play along with this too?”

“Not if you don’t want, just don’t... don’t tell her it’s fake is all.” Douglas offers, and the rest of the band nods.

“So how long are you going to play along with this bit?” Daniel ask, and Douglas heaves a sigh.

“Not sure; until I can trust that she’s not just in it to meet the actual band -”

“Which she doesn’t know you know,” Iwan interjected again, and Douglas nodded a little. After a beat, the rest of the band looked to each other, and seemed to share some sort of silent communication, before turning back to him.

“Okay,” Colson agrees easily, “if you’re serious about this chick you’ve known for five days,” he emphasizes, though Douglas doesn’t seem phased, “if we ever run into her, we’ll pretend we’re in a Motley Crue cover band.” He agrees, while Iwan and Daniel silently agree, though they look rather amused at the whole situation.

“There’s just something about her,” Douglas muses quietly.

“It’s the fact that she’s the coolest chick you’ve ever met,” Colson tells him with far too much authority, “and your little posh, school-boy brain wants to try something new.”

“Hey -” Douglas scoffed, though he was quickly talked over.

“She looks like she’d punch me in the face but I’d be okay with it,” Iwan adds, which, strangely enough, the rest of them agree to with various mischievous smiles. Douglas doesn’t exactly deny that he feels the same way.

“What’s our band name gonna be?” Daniel asks finally.

“The Fourskins,” Colson answers back immediately, grinning wide and proud of himself.

“Absolutely no-”

“That’s kind of genius,” Daniel snorts over Douglas’ protest, and so, on a three-to-one vote, their fake Motley Crue cover band is named The Fourskins, and Douglas kind of thinks he’d rather come clean there and then to you, rather than suffer through ever typing or saying that name to you. But he doesn’t.

He really hopes you’re worth it.

#Douglas Booth #douglas booth x reader #douglas booth imagine #colson baker #mgk #machine gun kelly #daniel webber #iwan rheon #The Dirt #the dirt cast #the dirt cast imagine #the dirt imagine #the angry lizard writes

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itsybitsylemonsqueezy · 4 years ago

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So I finished watching Yakuza 7: Like A Dragon. Spoilers under the cut.

(Mainly positive take, some criticisms. C+/B I’d give it.)

So, first of all, I didn’t play it, I just watched people on youtube so my perspective of gameplay should be taken with a grain of salt. But I really liked the turn taking fighting style! Like a real JRPG, I thought it was fun, it seemed fun anyway, and the strategies to JRPG make more intuitive sense to me than fighting games, which I don’t know at all. I did end up missing the hand-to-hand combat like... aesthetically and it kinda breaks universe rules a little. But, like, Ichiban seeing combat as a sort of heightened fantasy reality actually helps with that and the plot still treats us like average combatants. Like, there’s still no murder, despite a lot more weapon use, including guns. So... it’s a little sad and weird universe-wise, but seems fun to play.

Ichiban is a great protag! Definitely not Kiryu! He has two dads, like 8 spouses, a lot of hair... He’s only 7 years younger than Kiryu and that’s... that’s a choice ^^; But he’s got a lot of good things going for him and I like his build. Interesting rage-grief he has going and a thing about revenge that Kiryu never had. And I like that actually, I like that Ichiban gets hit with different things than Kiryu did, but he still has flaws. Kiryu was never blind with rage the way Ichi got, but then, Kiryu also didn’t save his brother. Like, they have VERY different shit going on, which is GOOD. So I’m kinda annoyed that in the end we took Ichi’s dad and brother, just like Kiryu’s? Like... damn :/ Lame. Lazy.

I love Ichi’s team! I love Adachi, Nanba, Saeko, Joon-gi, Zhao. Top notch peeps! I like that they all just like him and are here for a fun adventure with him. They’re all here for something different, which is also really cool. Zhao is sort of redefining who he is in... retirement I guess? Trying out being a companion rather than a leader. Saeko is longing for family, connection, a place to belong. Adachi was here to accomplish a goal, to restore his honor and provide justice. And Ichi’s been a big help to that. Joon-gi is... a whore. I’m sorry! He’s just this beautiful, obedient man who’s just here on lend and he does whatever the fuck you say. Do not put him in charge of decisions, he’s terrible at them, but he knows a lot and has a vast network. But he appears just to be here to serve everyone’s needs, so to speak, and to moon after Ichiban like everyone else. And Nanba. Nanba hates adventures. He hates germs. He hates people and friends and danger and doing things. But he’s here. Because Ichi makes him hate things a little less. Nanba is a cynical, cowardly bastard, and Ichi’s a fucking sunshiney idiot always trying to fix shit that isn’t his problem. And he makes Nanba get up and fight. He makes Nanba believe in tomorrow. Nanba doesn’t trust people, Nanba doesn’t hope. He’s a pessimist and lives only to complain. But he is first in line to get shot for Ichiban every fucking time. He’s always the first to Ichiban’s side when he’s in trouble. Leaving and betraying Ichiban broke his fucking heart and my ship is probably showing A LOT here but I don’t care. I fucking love Nanba, I love his arc, I did NOT see it coming. And they are definitely my ship out of this. The fact that Nanba without fail is always the first to put himself in danger for Ichiban guts me. With how much he doesn’t believe in good things ever happening, it destroys me that he’ll dare it all for Ichiban. Fucking wild.

I thought it was cool to bring up a political villain, but... we didn’t really carry through on Bleach Japan’s thematic importance. We revealed them to be cruel and hypocritical, but we didn’t end up actually saving the slums or proving why the slums needed to be saved and that’s... kinda lame :/

I was really hoping that we might make a stand on why grey spaces were needed, on why organizations like the yakuza are needed but instead we... disbanded? And I don’t even know why?

Like, it was to fuck over Ryo Aoki. But... he was a TEMPORARY problem. All you had to do was move the organizations underground until he was unseated, which the Tojo already was???

But instead... we brought down Tojo and Omi and... WHY?! Like, SERIOUSLY, can ANYONE tell me WHY! Because I have a LOT OF FEELINGS about why that’s a BAD CALL.

What are all those guys going to do now? “Oh, we’ll just make a security company” YOU’LL WHAT?! THOUSANDS of guys used to shake downs will now be hired to patrol rich estates and cover banks and business buildings?! Fighting WHO, themselves?! A LOT of that job is just watching some fucking cameras, what... what the fuck are you talking about Watase?!

But I guess that’s still better than Daigo’s “I have no fucking idea” plan

NO WONDER Majima’s depressed at that funeral you JUST TOLD HIM his new job is BABYSITTING SOME RICH FUCK’S BUILDING. Fuck you guys!

And HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT POWER VACUUMS?! CRIME doesn’t disappear just because there’s no one there to manage it! That just means it gets worse! And rasher, crueler people grab power in the interim. Smaller but rougher groups will appear. More and worse crimes will happen now. You just disenfranchised thousands, not all of them are going to come with you to play security detail and not all of them WANT to. So why EXACTLY did we disband the yakuza? What problems did that solve???

What about all that shit about the yakuza being a home for people who didn’t fit in? What about people who fell through the cracks in the system, who don’t have anywhere else to go?

If the yakuza, as an idea, was so fucking bad, WHAT WERE THE LAST SIX GAMES ABOUT?!

You can’t have an established series that accepts the idea that crime and violence are sometimes necessary or are even good things and have a compelling protag who does that, ONLY to turn around at the last second and pretend like it was always wrong!

If you were gonna act like the idea of organized crime is a Bad Thing, THEN THAT NEEDED TO BE A CONFLICT FROM THE BEGINNING

But you didn’t even do that!

We DIDN’T disband the yakuza because organized crime is inherently morally corrupt, no we disbanded because some prick thought he could use us! A PRICK WHO IS NOW DEAD! THE FUCK?!

And DON’T GET ME STARTED on how this reframes Kiryu’s narrative. KIRYU WASN’T RIGHT FOR LEAVING YOU FUCKING BASTARDS.

THE WHOLE POINT OF KIRYU’S ARC WAS THAT HE WAS FUCKING WRONG TO ABANDON HIS RELATIONSHIPS I- *screams into pillow*

AND why does Kiryu need to be dead now?! There is no more yakuza! Who does he need to hide from?!

OH no wait, my mistake! We didn’t disband ALL the yakuza, just Omi and Tojo! You know, the two biggest cities in Japan. I’m sure THAT won’t have Fucking Consequences. But Kiryu still has to be dead for uh... Reasons.

This was just such a fucking dumb universe-building move. It’s not been thought through, it betrays the whole point of the franchise up until now, and I’m honestly just mad that they didn’t even feel the need to address it? Like, the yakuza’s just gone now, but it’s whatever. Who would even care about that. Like, that’s not going to be a plot point next game. It won’t matter, at all, I promise you. All of the in-universe implications this has, none of it matters. And I’m not even mad I’m just... tired. And annoyed a little. that you can’t be bothered to tie up your own rules. You won’t give your own writing decisions weight and that’s just... kinda sad. It’s just lazy and sad that they don’t care enough to connect the pieces. But I’ve had my heart broken enough by yakuza writing decisions. Of course they would do this, of course they haven’t thought enough about their own series to really consider what ending the yakuza would mean. Why would they?

I’ll still watch the next game. Like, Ichiban is likeable enough and I’m interested in his arc enough that I’d play or watch next time. But... *sigh* We’re the Yakuza series with no yakuza. And y’all gonna act like that’s a good thing or pretend it doesn’t even matter. And I really don’t know what to do with that since you haven’t bothered to examine it either.

On a nice Kiryu note, I did like that he was scaled appropriately, I like that Ichiban is Wiped Out after almost every fight. He’s a good fighter, but he has human endurance. Kiryu’s still god. He hits the hardest out of anyone you fight and you Don’t win and that’s As It Should Be. I’m REALLY glad they at least let me have that. I’m glad they let us fight Kiryu and we passed and it was a cool passing of the torch. I was so worried they were going to destroy Kiryu’s legacy and at least they didn’t do that.

The coin locker baby thing... it was cliche and convenient, but in the way that Yakuza is cliche and convenient and melodramatic and over the top. It was sort of fitting and familiar that way. Shame we ended Swashiro like that, I think we could have done more and cooler shit with him but, eh.

SPEAKING OF MORE AND COOLER SHIT

...all that effort, just to kill him? Alllllll that long time, that hard conversation, that break down with Ichiban... just to kill him. Just to make him Nishiki, all over again.

I... fuck you.

Why do you refuse to write a goddamn redemption arc

Fuck, you don’t even have to write it, have it happen off-screen if you’re so fucking afraid of it. Just have him recuperate in a goddamn hospital and, I don’t know, by next game just show that he’s doing better and is getting therapy and whatever.

Jesus fucking christ, he doesn’t have to MATTER in the next game just... don’t kill him. Jesus. Please.

All that fucking work and you’re STILL going to give Ichiban the trauma of losing someone he was trying to save.

I just... it’s really gutting how much you don’t like your characters and you don’t like to write and you’re cowards. You won’t take risks. You’re too afraid of fucking up so you won’t do what the narrative calls for.

Killing Masato was lazy-ass, punk-ass, coward shit and I wont’ stand for it. I did not expect to care about his ass by the end but you guys REALLY made an effort in making him a three dimensional character there at the end and explaining why Ichi would care about him and I was willing to come with you! I was willing for us to invest in this dumbass. We walk him all the way up to the edge and step him back. We let him let go. And then you just. fucking. gave up. You goddamn cowards.

I’m so tired of this shit

For all that, it was genuinely a really fun game and a really fun story with a lot of likeable characters. I think a solid C+, even a B. I really did enjoy most of it. It’s just... in usual Yakuza style, they only fucked up 2 things but they were a REALLY IMPORTANT 2 things.

Oh and I did like the fact that Ichiban Still Doesn’t Know. No one tell him.

#Yakuza 7 #Yakuza: Like A Dragon #It's always a mixed bag with RGG Studios #At least Kiryu was pretty nice #Y7 spoilers

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misterbitches · 4 years ago

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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

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jocksaved-a · 5 years ago

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@imbullshit ✉ five times my muse didn’t text yours & one time they did | accepting

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he’s panicking, as he so often is. hiding in the bathroom at prom, no idea where his tie went. it’s about time he and jason kissed, he assumes no one else is aware of what happened, though he assumes wrong. just about everyone has noticed the way they look at each other, and it’s almost impossible to think that billy and steve, the boys that they were always hanging around with, hadn’t noticed.

i just kissed jason

words are typed then deleted, the boy terrified that sending that text could somehow ruin everything. he adores steve, doesn’t want to lose his best friend, and he’s oh so terrified that sending that would do it. he wants to tell steve, wants to open up about how excited he is, but before he can do that he’d have to admit being into boys. and that’s something he’s not sure he can do.

unsent

it’s a regular summer day, another day that kevin’s just sitting around bored and alone. he never bothered making plans, assumed he’d be hanging out with jason and ian and billy and steve all the time. and then steve got a job. and jason seemed busy. and ian never seemed to be around. and kevin was sure billy wouldn’t be in the mood to just hang out with him. alone again, bored again, sitting there with his phone in hand again.

you wanna hang out today? i haven’t seen you in ages

but he doesn’t bother, quickly deletes it, assumes he’s too busy to hang out. work always takes priority over doing dumb shit with a kid from school, right? steve’s not gonna wanna leave work just to do something that could get them hurt or in trouble. for now just another thing that kevin would have to pretend not to think about.

unsent

kevin is not new to relationship drama, despite what some may expect. everything going on with carrie, jason and ian behind closed doors was strange and hard to explain and no one ever seemed to really bring it up. he’s told steve that he isn’t sure about being with carrie, but he hasn’t told him why. hasn’t told him the real reason ian sticks around with the group of kids who are so different to them all. he hasn’t explained even half of it.

carrie found out about ian and jason

but he couldn’t send that, even if he did need the comfort of a friend right now. sending that means explaining what it means, explaining why ian and jason could cause big problems between the pair. would have to explain so much and just trust that steve wouldn’t tell anyone. and of course he trusted steve, knew he’d keep the secret, but he’s still too terrified. if someone else found steve’s phone, if kevin somehow sent it to the wrong person. everything could so easily fall apart. so he keeps things simple. hides his problems. does his best to stay the happy go lucky friend that everyone’s so used to him being.

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things are bad, things are very bad. first they’d lost jason and carrie, then so many other people, and now it’s getting nearer and nearer to kevin’s time and he still hasn’t told billy or steve what’s happening. they hadn’t been on the roller coaster, they weren’t in danger, and kevin would never do anything to risk them being in danger. it’s clear that even knowing would put them in danger, because he likes to think that if they found out how much ian wanted to kill wendy they’d try to stop him. and while he admires that, while he’s doing that himself, he can’t put them in that much danger. especially since ian had threatened him for trying to keep wendy safe, he could never put that on steve or billy.

ian’s gonna fucking kill me like literally kill me

the words are typed frantically, only seconds after ian had threatened him. but before he can send them he deletes them, terrified that if steve knew he’d try to do something and get himself hurt. and if there was one thing kevin was sure of in life it was that he would never let steve get hurt, would never ever let anyone who could hurt him get close. even if that someone was one of their best friends. and he thinks to send a text saying to stay away from ian, but that would only make steve worried. better for him to have no idea what’s happening, right? if he doesn’t know he can’t get involved, and if he’s not involved he can’t get hurt. sure, he could get hurt by kevin’s possible death at the hands of ian, but kevin’s kind of hoping he wont actually get killed. he’s hoping he can fix this.

unsent

kevin’s home life has never been the best, but he doesn’t tend to talk about it much. hides what he can about his father from everyone, though it’s not much of a secret that kevin avoids going home sometimes. people have noticed the way kevin’s always desperate for a reason not to go home. maybe steve had caught on to what could be going on, but kevin’s certainly never told him that he has issues with his father. doesn’t want to drag steve into the depressing story that is his life. he’d rather just have fun with steve, hang out when everything’s good. when he and steve were doing stupid shit it made things seem like maybe everything would be okay, and he may need that right now but he doesn’t need steve asking questions. and there would be plenty of questions to ask.

can i come stay with you tonight? my dad...

he stops, not even wanting to finish what he was typing. everything gets deleted and he simply sits there staring at his phone trying to decide if he should bother asking at all. he needs somewhere to stay, needs to get away from the house for at least tonight, but he doesn’t want to subject steve to that. doesn’t want to force steve to see him crying and scared and unsure of what to do. doesn’t want to ruin his image as the cool fun jock who’s always joking around and having a good time. being the funny happy guy is kind of all he has going for him, get rid of that and kevin’s not so sure anyone would like what they saw.

sent

everything had gone so wrong, so fast. wendy freaking out had made him get off the roller coaster, always looking out for his friends but especially looking out for her since she was jason’s girlfriend and he’d warned kevin that she was terrified. he’d barely even thought about it until he was getting kicked out and the roller coaster was going and he watched as his best friend and girlfriend got to ride the ride kevin had been so excited for. but disappointment over missing the ride soon turns to fear as everything wendy was yelling about came true and the roller coaster derailed, kevin forced to watch as it crashed. he’d run into the rubble of the crash, trying to find carrie and jason as if they’d be alive, but all kevin finds is enough blood and gore that he’d be fucked up for a very long time.

he’s soon getting texts from all of his friends that either hadn’t gotten on the coaster or had gotten off when he did. everyone asking where he was, if he was okay. hands shake as he stares at his phone, knowing that he needs to reply to make sure people weren’t freaking out, but shaking hands and tear filled eyes make it hard to even see his phone let alone text people.

jasns fucjin daed

not spelled right, but he’s sure steve can decode it. he doesn’t want to admit that it’s true, but he knows he has to. typing it alone had been hard, but kevins finger lingers over the ‘send’ button for a moment before hesitantly and shakily coming down on it, his phone quickly shoved back into the pocket of his now bloody letterman jacket. he hadn’t even noticed he’d gotten covered in blood while searching through the remains for something concrete, had barely even remembered looking around in the first place.

phone vibrates in his pocket, over and over and over again. he’s sure it’s steve, sure he’s freaking out, but kevin doesn’t make a move to grab his phone again. because steve’s texts would only make it more real, as if the blood on his clothes and the corpses in front of him weren’t enough to do that. he’s far too scared to do anything that could make it feel more real, some part of his mind still thinking maybe jason’s okay. maybe he survived somehow. it’s unlikely, he knows, but the thought of losing jason was so terrifying that admitting that would be too much. his phone stops vibrating, but only because kevin can now see steve heading for him. a move is quickly made to get to steve before he can get close to the wreckage, effort made to make sure steve doesn’t see what he saw.

#me? throwing in a vague au me and cam talked ab w ian threatening to kill kevin at the end of the movie? just to make this sadder? yes #anyway im sad thanks #「 i — answered 」#「 i — answered memes 」#「 ii — in character 」#trnedbitch

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this-divine-intervention · 6 years ago

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Lets get physical, I mean personal meme

Star sign: Libra (the most powerful air sign)

Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

I dont really do playlists, but have four songs I listen to a lot recently.

“Symphony” by Clean Bandit.

“Curious” by Hayley Kiyoko.

“No Tears Left To Cry” by Ariana Grande.

“Mama Say” by Betty Who.

Grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what line is 17?

Because I hate random shit, have a quote from “In Spite of The Gods” a book on modern India:

“Today’s world consists of multinational companies that wish to exploit India’s people and resources for hit and run profits...a “neoliberal” dystopia that profits from the entrapment and immiseration of the developing worlds poor”

Ever had a poem written about you?

No, but I have written poems about other people. I used to write haiku for an ex.

When was the last time you played the air guitar?

I dont play the air guitar. I play the air cello and pretend to swing dance.

One sound you hate and one you love:

Hate: screeching children/babies. Love: Harmonic choir, specifically at the crux of a chorus where a multitude of notes are sung to create a moment of perfect clarity.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Short answer? No. Long answer? I believe in stuff like demons, and demons masquerading as things like ghosts.

Do you believe in aliens?

Yes. Its kind of the epiphany of arrogance to think were the only sentient race to have ever existed in any universe or reality.

Do you drive and if so have you gotten in a crash?

I do and I absolutely hate it. Ive been in two separate accidents both within the first year of getting my license. Neither were my fault.

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes and no. Depends on how strong it is.

Last movie you’ve seen?

“The Wolverine” I think? Gimmie my husband Logan.

Worst injury you’ve ever had?

When I was like twelve or whatever I was racing a friend of mine and we tripped over each-others feet, and I slammed the front of my skull into asphalt which made a two inch crack in my skull. We didn’t actually realize thats what happened until years later and I could feel where the crack had sealed.

Do you have any obsessions right now?

Assassins Creed: Odyssey and ESO. Also school, though thats involuntary.

Do you hold grudges?

Not exactly. I wont sit there and obsess over something someone does, but if they do some really bad shit and dont apologize/fix it, they go on my shitlist which basically means I dont trust you and wont apply effort towards you whatsoever.

In a relationship?

Nah man. Men are kind of super garbage and the few good ones are either entirely fictional, thousands of miles from me, or already taken.

Tagged By: @matterkun

#about me #Im not tagging anyone else because its 3 am lol

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divinationcentral · 4 years ago

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Love Guidance.

Knight of Pentacles - Patience allows love to ripen. If you were to bite into a lemon - that wouldn’t be all that nice, right? Get to know your suitor. :)

Four of Wands - The more comfortable you become with a person, the easier it is to transition into intimacy that feels right. Happiness and harmony go hand-in-hand in this situation. If you don’t feel safe or comfortable around someone (yes, these are called red flags - and people who are toxic are good about making you see otherwise), don’t let them cross a boundary you made for yourself (if it’s NOT what you want). You can choose to let them in when you have built good trust and a bond between the two of you (and this isn’t about one-sided effort). Feelings of uncertainty are characterized by a sense of doubt - the opposite is absolute certainty that you’ll be alright having fun together. And only fun. Know the difference between the two, and that discernment will lead you to the opportunities that will provide you life and stimulate you with energy and empowerment to do more. Yepp! It will actually energize you if you have sex with a person who treats you right haha. Doesn’t mean you should. A simple date can do the exact same thing.

Ace of Cups - “Loving magic crowned by success, satisfaction, festivities; good reasons to be happy and in love.” I mean. What else can I say? Haha... You’re about to have a really great time whilst enjoying your own life.

I think your life is changing, and because it is, you’re likely celebrating a lot of those good things in your life during this time. Love just comes naturally. As naturally as the rest of the things that are currently unfolding in your life.

Figure out if this is what you want in your life right now (a partnership, I mean). and then keep on going on. Nothing is lost.

If you’re wondering what’s coming next and that’s why you’re tuning in to this reading? Yes, there is a potential suitor here. But the connection requires some patience. Don’t rush into “the next best thing,” just because it looks like it is.

You have to be sure that it is. You can have fun with a person, but long term commitments are made of a different thing. :) That fun has to transfer into the bedroom, outside of it, and into the rest of your life together.

Just think of that for a second, and don’t be afraid to experience several things at once. I’m not talking about a body count, I’m talking about letting yourself have experiences with other people.

You’ll have something to compare this love to. When you’re around the same kind of person, and they don’t stand out from the crowd, or make the effort to involve themselves in your life and vice-versa...then you know it’s not going to translate into a long term commitment. It’s momentary bliss.

Are you ready for it? Enjoy yourself. This person wants to be in your bed again. In a good way, that is. They want to wake up next to you, with you in the morning. And have a real conversation with you about where things are going next.

If someone is trying to distract you from this opportunity, don’t allow the fear of this person finding out the type of suitors you’ve had in the past.

We all make mistakes. Feel free to share that you’ve had disappointments in the past, and that’s why you’re afraid of making a commitment right away. Tell them to take their time, and you’ll be just fine. And ignore the people who come back to give you the same old bullshit.

Someone might tell you “you’re all that I’ve ever wanted.” Pretty words. They need action. When you ask for proof - that should follow. Someone must commit to that statement.

Remember: no more promises. You want the real thing. And only the real thing will follow through on their promises, and take action towards you and the growth within the relationship.

And if you’re seeking a one night stand - be clear about that okay. Because if you extend something that’s just going to be a burden, let me tell you right now - YES. That WILL drain your beautiful, sexual energy. You can feel sex appeal, you can have confidence in yourself WITHOUT THESE THINGS (sexual intimacy, someone needing you, wanting you that way), there is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality. Nothing at all.

Be safe, be careful, don’t let someone trick you into a commitment just cause they’re willing to bend over backward for you. This isn’t right. They should know their limits, and have boundaries. Just as you do, and just as you know what you want in that moment.

Be realistic with this person. Using someone will never be a good thing. It’s not right, and you can’t assume that a person who lets others use them understands their value or yours - it’ll squander your ability to find the right type of fit, and you’re wasting your time with someone who truthfully doesn’t value yours or their own time. It’s like... walking into a hole or void in space; useless, pointless amount of time that doesn’t exist (sorry, this sounds harsh, but it takes two to tango, and that black hole situation is created when two types of people come together for absolutely zero reason then to squander their time, opportunities, and abilities. It’s sad, but it happens - I WOULD KNOW).

Know that I speak from personal experience guys. What last year and this year has taught me?

1. That men will do ANYTHING to get you to have sex with them. Including lie, and pretend to be what you want them to be. Because they have insecurities. Or simply don’t have a grasp on their sexual needs, and therefore they become tendencies that drag people into catering to their ideas of masculinity and it’s selfish. And frankly... it’s kind of disgusting. And let me tell you something: women do this as well.

2. That women don’t understand their value, and the ones that do can squander their potential (by taking on too many suitors at once, and not pouring that vibrancy into things that are worthwhile). Why? it stems from insecurity. We can build ourselves up and feel great, and suddenly we think that just because someone doesn’t exude attraction towards that new self, that we are suddenly undesirable. Nope. It’s called weeding out the garden, my friends. People who are not on your level or matching your energy will not come towards you, and if they do, and they create imbalance in your life: this is how you know they are not meant to be there anymore. They must match your input. Otherwise, it will take from you, and it will not be given back. You can be divine, you can be empowered, you can be a goddess, an empress, whatever you are - and it will STILL dim your shine. Why would you put yourself there? When you can be find and shine all on your own. And you’re not on your own. Look around? Aren’t you surrounded by the the types that are just like you? Yes. You don’t need validation from the things you left behind. They left you, they didn’t see your value, right? You decided to see your own. You gave that to yourself. Not anyone else. Value that. Treasure yourself, and who you have become. They can do that cherish work on their own time now. And be proud, not selfish and jealous. That’s just a representation of the kind of person they are.

3. That love exists. You just have to wait for it to come around. Trust that it’s out there. Don’t be afraid to dream of what’s possible. Settling for less will never be an option. There’s no such thing. Settle for what you gained, settle for what you desire. You don’t settle for what you want. You can just have it. It’s yours.

You can have expectations about someone that aren’t realistic. Step back. Take a second look, and ask yourself: is this what I want?

Is this what I asked for? Okay. Now have that experience. What did it teach you? Were you honest with yourself? No? Did it or is it giving you what you expected? When you have that answer, you have the power to make a choice. Don’t let someone make you second guess your decisions. They must be confident in their own selves to find a suitor that matches their needs to. If it’s not you, then it’s not you.

Second guessing themselves around and going back and forth? No. Make a choice. You made a choice right?

If you want to come back together with someone, then you must be willing to have that dynamic of constantly trying to figure out if this is what you want. but when you try one too many times, and it ends up in the same disastrous result... girl, boy, my friend, person whoever is reading this...That’s the proof that it wont. For one reason or the other - it really doesn’t matter. You have to find that answer on your own, away from this person’s tendencies to bring you down together.

I told myself the other day: Call a rock a rock. A dog a dog. And a fish a fish. They can be nothing else.

Call a man a man. And a woman is a woman. She has needs, he has desires.

We all have dreams, no matter what the gender is, or the sexuality. Mistakes are made by ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE. RICH OR POOR. BIG AND SMALL. DETERMINED OR OTHERWISE UNDERVALUED...we have a heart, fears, beliefs, desires, and things that we are passionate about.

We all have value. We all deserve love. And some people require a strict beating from life lmao. They need to be shaped into the person they’re supposed to be. It’s not your job to do that growth for someone, or make sure that they do it. That’s their work. That’s their path. That’s their life. That’s their lesson. Trust me when I say this: you don’t always wanna be a part of that fault.

And I mean that metaphorically. Imagine yourself drowning in this person’s life (when that shit comes crumbling down).

Yes. I seriously just put this picture in a love reading. Look at the visual. It’s a good representation of what could happen in love.

Remember the next time your on the cliff. Hanging on for dear life. It’ll be alright. it’s not your grave. It’s someone else’s to venture, to climb on, through, or over. It’s your choice whether or not you want to be involved.

END.

PS. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post this or not...it felt personal. But maybe someone could use this message? I don’t know. This is all stuff I have learned, so maybe you won’t have to. <3 Take care. <3

#love reading #tarot #me personally #i'm rediscovering who i am #i'm discovering who i am #and i'm proud of that

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imaginetonyandbucky · 7 years ago

Note

Tony & Bucky were in the beginning part of their real first date when the Avengers alarm goes off setting off a chain of bad luck that ensues. Tony ends up with an injured leg, their homemade dinner ends up both undercooked and burnt to a crisp. Tony gets food posioning, Dum-E blasts them with the fire extinguisher & Steve wont stop intruding on their date. As far as first dates go not good but they just want each other & cuddling can be a good fall back bc Tony gives the best cuddles.

“What?Do I have something on my face?” Tony brushed frantically at hisgoatee.

“Nah,”said Bucky, flushing a little. “I just can’t believe we’reactually doing this.”

“Wehave been dancing around it for a while, haven’t we?” That wasprobably an understatement; it had taken them over a year of piningand the intervention of Sam, Natasha, Bruce, and a small herd ofgoats to get them to admit their mutual attraction and finally make adate.

Coffeewas probably softballing it a little bit, but it had been a rockypath just to get them to the point of friendship; it was probablybest to take things slow and easy. And the coffee shop in the lobbyof Stark Tower was convenient, had a carefully-vetted staff that knewbetter than to get all fannish, and had really good coffee to boot.

Tonycollected his foam-topped mug and carried it back to the quiet littlenook they’d staked out. “So,” he said, and his phone beganbuzzing and emitting a distressed-sounding series of beeps that hadbeen carefully selected because it could cut through even Tony’sbest engineering haze. “Damn it!” He pulled it out and flipped upthe holoscreen, which immediately expanded into a situation map.

Bucky’seyes rounded and he scrambled for his own phone. “Ah, hell,” hegrumbled, scrolling through the sitrip. “Guess we’ll have to takea rain check and go be heroes.”

“Lookslike it,” Tony agreed grudgingly. Still, he let Bucky take his handto help him back up out of the chair, and they shared a weak smile ofmutual sympathy and frustration before parting ways, Bucky demandingdetails on the terrain and Tony barking orders for JARVIS.

[mobile readers, ‘ware the readmore!]

Doombotshit hard, but they weren’t exactly an alien invasion, so the wholefight was wrapped up just in time for dinner. Tony shot ahead of thequinjet on the way home instead of pacing it like he usually did, andstopped off at a market for supplies. By the time the ‘jet landed,Tony was in the workshop unpacking his purchases.

“J,ask Bucky if he’d like to join me down here for a quiet dinnerafter he’s had a chance to clean up.”

“Ofcourse, sir. And might I suggest that you clean up, also?”

“What?”Tony looked down at himself; he was still half-in the suit, andspattered with hydraulic fluid from where one of the Doombots hadgotten in a lucky shot. “Yeah, that’s a good call. Thanks, J.”He rushed through the rest of his preparations and shoved the dishesinto the oven to keep warm, then scurried off to the workshop shower.

Bythe time he’d finished and gotten dressed, Bucky was already in theworkshop, though he wasn’t alone. He was leaning on a table,arguing with Steve about whether the hit he’d taken to the head during thefight merited medical attention.

“–ifit were anyone else, Buck, they’d be laid out!”

“Butit ain’t anyone else, Steve, it’s just me,” Bucky sighed. Hebrightened considerably when Tony came around the corner. “Tony,hey!”

“Hithere,” Tony returned, feeling weirdly shy. “Steve, relax, I’vegot this. I’ll keep an eye on him to make sure he’s notconcussed, okay?”

Stevehemmed and hawed, but finally agreed. “Oh, and the suit took somedamage, too,” he added. “A rip between the third and fourthlateral plates. Can you fix that, or…?”

“Yeah,sure,” Tony said. “Bring it down whenever.”

Stevefinally left, and Bucky leaned against the counter of the littlekitchenette that Tony mostly used for storing smoothie ingredientsand protein bars. “Smells good,” he said.

“Yeah?It’s been a while since I’ve made my mom’s lasagne,” Tonyadmitted. “But it’s good, you’ll like it.” He was justreaching for the plates when the smoke alarm went off.BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP–“Oh,shit, shit, shit–” He grabbed for the oven mitts and pulled thepan from the oven. The cheese on the top was burnt black. “Shit!”

DUM-Erolled over, fire extinguisher at the ready, and Tony stopped himwith a sternly pointed finger. “Back off, you bucket of bolts, orI’m turning you into a coffee machine.” He looked back at hisruined creation. He’d set the oven too hot, he thought, trying tocook it faster.

“Hey,it’s okay, it happens,” Bucky said, soothing. “Come on, I betif we scrape that off, the rest will be great.”

“Whatthe hell kind of lasagne doesn’t have cheese on the top?” Tonycomplained. But he didn’t have any other options, so he peeled offthe burnt cheese and cut slices for them both.

Itwasn’t too bad, if a touch al dente… Okay, more than a touch.Okay, the pasta hadn’t baked nearly long enough to soften thenoodles, and they were still crunchy. It was slightly hilarious towatch Bucky trying to pretend he liked it, but Tony stopped him afterthe third bite. “No, stop, that’s just… It’s terrible, okay?I know it’s terrible, you don’t have to fake it. Just… Stop.”He dropped his head into his hands.”

“Relax,Tony,” Bucky said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Shit happens.I really appreciate that you went to the effort–”

“SoI checked with the others,” Steve said, coming into the workshopwith an armful of uniforms, “and some of them need repairs, too,and I thought I’d just–”

“Stevie,”Bucky gritted.

“What?”Steve’s eyes were round and bewildered.

Buckypinched at the bridge of his nose. “Pal, I ain’t got a spare datefor you this time. You need to get going.”

“Spare…This is a date?”How about that: Captain America squeaked when he was startled andembarrassed. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize! I’lljust… go. Then.”

“Bye now,”Bucky said pointedly.

Theywatched as Steve hurriedly left the damaged uniforms on the nearestflat surface and scurried for the door. Bucky huffed as the doorclosed behind him. “Punk. Now, as I was sayin’…”

“Holdthat thought,” Tony said, suddenly queasy. He bolted for thebathroom and emptied his guts. “JARVIS,” he croaked. “Is itsome kind of poison? What’s going on? Did one of the ‘bots get meafter all?”

“Youseem to be suffering a mild case of food poisoning, sir,” JARVISsaid. “It should pass momentarily.”

“Whatdoes momen–” Tony had to stop and dry heave for a while. “Oh,god, someone kill me now.”

Awarm hand brushed through his hair, and when he looked up, Bucky wasthere, offering him a glass of water. “Here. Better’n havingnothing in your stomach, trust me.”

“Thisis not how I was hoping this would go,” Tony said. He took atentative sip of the water.

“Believeit or not, still not my worst first date ever,” Bucky said. He toldTony that story while Tony nursed the water, and that was okay –Bucky told it wonderfully, with great expression and just the perfectamount of exaggeration, and after a while, Tony was laughing, andBucky was smiling back, and–

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!

“Oh,shit, dessert!”Tonyscrambled up from the floor and made it to the oven just in time forDUM-E to empty the fire extinguisher all over him.

Tonywiped the foam from his face and glared at the robot. DUM-E had thesense to guiltily back away and return to the charging station. Tonyturned off the oven. He propped his elbows on the counter and droppedhis head into his hands. “Is it the worst now?”he muttered.

“Nah.I’ve got one more idea, okay?”

“Can’tpossibly be any worse than the rest of it,” Tony sighed.

“Yougo get cleaned up again,” Bucky suggested, “and then come an’meet me in the living room.”

“Theliving room? It’s movie night,” Tony protested. “Everyone willbe there.”

“Trustme,” Bucky said.

“Well,if you’re going to put it like that.”

Buckypatted his back, and left. Tony didn’t move from his dejected poseuntil he’d heard the door close behind him.

Everyonewas in the living room, as predicted. They were watching ThePrincess Bride,however, which wasn’t what was on the schedule.

AndBucky had somehow managed to wrest Natasha and Clint out of theloveseat, and was already holding a big bowl of popcorn. He tuggedTony down next to him, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders,fitting their sides together like pieces of a puzzle. “There,” hesaid warmly, balancing the bowl on their legs. “Don’t need to beall fancy. Just wanna be close to you.”

Ittook a little while for Tony to really relax into it, to begin tobelieve that no further interruptions were imminent. But finally,just as the grandfather was reassuring the grandson that Buttercupwas not going to be eaten by the shrieking eels, Tony snuggled downinto the cushions and let himself lean into Bucky’s side, lettingout a slow breath.

Buckynuzzled at Tony’s temple. “Still think this is the worst firstdate ever?” he murmured.

“Maybenot the worst,”Tony admitted, suppressing a sappy smile.

~ @27dragons

#prompts #winteriron #tony stark #bucky barnes #tony x bucky #27dragons #tpb is a great movie to snuggle to #technically food poisoning takes longer to kick in #and longer to clear up #but we're handwaving for the sake of the story #Anonymous

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wellmeaningshutin · 8 years ago

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Short Story 103: Ghosts.

Written: 4/24/2017 Monster Week

You know, I’ve been dead for quite a while, and I can tell you that the afterlife is pretty much bullshit. I still have no idea if there is a god or not, or if there is any point in any of this, or if this may be purgatory or whatever, because there is no way for me to figure any of this out. Hell, its impressively difficult to even talk to another ‘ghost’, if we even are ghosts, but I’m starting to get ahead of myself. I bet that you probably want to hear about how I died, you want to hear about the juicy details, but the idea is pretty foggy and I’m not fully sure myself. I’ve seen so much in this world, have chosen to watch other people live and die, and some of it has started to blend into what my past life was like. However, I want to say that it was something to do with a jet skiing accident. And, sure, jet ski’s probably didn’t exist when I was alive, but I don’t see why the truth really matters anyways.

Now, ghosts are all around you, but we’re not as spooky or malicious as people tend to believe we are, and if you’re starting to think that this may mean that we are benevolent and helpful, then you are also wrong, because we are boring as hell. We’re just a bunch of grayish, human shaped blurs, that are all exactly the same height and shape. Apparently what you looked like when you were alive doesn’t mean shit, but I guess that makes sense, since the body is just the vessel for the soul, if we actually are souls. One problem with being a ghost is that you are horribly intangible, so we can’t touch you (its not like we would even want to in the first place, so if you are afraid of ghosts you can stop being so full of yourself, because there is no reason for us to care about you to even ‘haunt’ you, even if we could) or each other, or even the ground that we walk on, so for the first couple of years in the afterlife you will just try to stop sinking through the ground. I like to believe that some ghosts have fallen through the world, and fell into space, but that idea makes me uneasy, because this planet is so boring, even with everything that happens, so I would hate to have to float around in a dark vacuum. How long would it even take for a ghost to reach another planet, and would they have moved out of the ghost’s path within that time, making them spend eternity hoping to be lucky enough to cross paths with a planet, and then hoping that this time they would be able to learn to stop sinking, or do you think that they would just keep passing through all of the planets they found, accepting their fate, trying to remember what planet they even came from.

Sorry, I’m getting distracted. To be fair, this has been the first time that I have been able to talk in a long time. No, I never bothered to know the exact amount of time, I just know that it was very long, but nothing compared to the road ahead. Because of our intangibility, vibrations go right through us, and we can’t even create vibrations of our own, so we can’t talk or hear anything. Some of us have put in the effort to try to learn sign language, but this form of communication has, in my experience, been a complete waste of time. For starters, every ghost is the same exact person-shaped-blur, so there’s no way to make friends or anything, because you can’t tell one blur from the other, and, on top of that, most conversations are generally pointless, since they mostly go like this:

“This fucking sucks.”

“You can say that again.”

You learn early on, when the experience of being dead is relatively fresh, and you are finally able to work your way onto the Earth’s surface, that most people are full of shit about their deaths. Some do so on purpose, because who is going to be able to call bullshit on anything, you can claim to be a celebrity if you want to, there is no way of knowing. If you want, you could have died by saving orphans from a raging inferno, or by trying to stand up for some frail old woman who was being bullied by Hell’s Angels, instead of the way you probably, actually died, which could be something like having a heart attack, or choking on a piece of candy. Some people are full of shit about their deaths because they can’t help it, because its been too long for them to accurately remember what it was, so you have some people confusing old movies or newspaper stories with their own deaths, but it doesn’t matter anyways. I learned that death becomes much less interesting after it happens, because the main interest only came from the fear of dying in the first place, so after you’re already dead, what reason would you have to care about it? Some people get excited about the mystery of what might happen, but their answers are usually more interesting than the reality of it all.

I guess I should mention the one way that ghosts can interact with the physical world, and that is through the act of possession. We can’t actually possess living things, because they are already occupied by lucky souls, so you don’t have to live in fear of some ghost taking over your body, if you were afraid of that. Mainly, we can really only possess inanimate objects, but if a ghost does this, then they basically feel like the object, which is pretty much like how atheists imagine death. Its like when you sleep without dreaming. Usually you are stuck inside until the object breaks, so its never anywhere close to being a perfect form of actual death. If there was a way to feel that way forever, trust me, I would take that in a heartbeat, but I have no knowledge of any way to escape the afterlife. I like to imagine that some ghosts try to spend a majority of their time possessing objects, going from one to the other, hoping that at some point time will stop and they wont have to keep going, but what happens when the sun explodes? Those guys are just going to end up fast forwarding to a point in time where there aren’t any objects for them to possess, where everyone has to float through space, generally annoyed. However, possessing objects seems to be a very popular thing among ghosts, because its actually kind of challenging just to find something to possess, and, yes, that means that there is a good chance that everything you own has a ghost in it. And, when ghosts possess objects, its not like they possess the whole object, they only take up a part of it. So, they don’t possess houses, they possess the screws, the boards, the tiles on the roofs, the carpet, windowpanes, bricks in the chimney, light bulbs, wires, segments of pipes, etc., which means that your house isn’t ‘haunted’ by one ghost, but a lot of ghosts. And that’s just the house itself, so think of all of the furniture, clothes, food, or whatever that you have inside of your house, and all of the parts to those objects. I think that is why there aren’t very many ghosts wandering around in the same way that I do, even though so many people have died since there even were people.

You may have noticed that I mentioned food as being something that ghosts can possess, but I want to point out that food is mainly used as a quick sort of nap for ghosts that want to jump forward in time, since they don’t last very long before they are eaten, and you gotta deal with the world again. You may also be wondering if we can possess animals, and the answer is that we cannot. Apparently they have souls too, but I have never seen an animal soul in the long while that I have been dead. Plants also have souls. Maybe we all have the same souls, on the inside, but have to act according to the vessels that we inhabit. If its true, all it really means is that no matter what you are, you’re going to have to deal with a shitty afterlife.

Okay, yeah, I keep calling the afterlife so shitty, and you may be wondering why that is. Sure, being deaf isn’t a big setback, and not being able to touch anything is more annoying than anything else, but can’t we watch everything that is happening? Well, yeah, but it all gets boring after a while. Imagine that you get to live forever, but the only thing that you can do is watch television. Sure, there are different shows that you can flip between, but after time goes on you will realize that, small differences aside, they are all television shows, they will all start to feel generally the same, become predictable, and then time will just keep marching on and on, to the point where you’re really only watching because that’s all you can do, even if you hate it. Sometimes I wish I had eyes to close, but sticking my head underground is all I can do when I want to have some time to think to myself, even if my thoughts are mainly just complaints. And, I’m not saying that you will always think that the after life sucks, its actually pretty cool after you figure out how get to the surface. Its just that the enjoyment has a shorter lifespan than your lifespan.

We still tend to flock to anything out of the norm, any sorts of gunfights or masked orgies, because there is really nothing else for us ‘wanderers’ to do. Wanderer is a term I have for any other ghost, like myself, who wanders around the world, instead of enjoying the artificial deaths that objects provide. I have no idea if other ghosts use this term, but I don’t care. Sometimes you can see groups of wanderers that follow each other to the next spot of excitement, the next thing that is only slightly better than watching garbage float by in the wind, a sight that always reminds me of the failed promise of an empty death. So, if you are ever in a terrible situation, like if your car ends up underwater with you in it, or you are being stabbed, burned, raped, tortured, eaten alive, or whatever, you can take solace in the fact that there is most likely a group of identical, gray, human shaped blurs that are all finding a minimal amount of enjoyment out of watching whatever terrible situation you have ended up in. Sometimes I have seen ghosts clapping, or pretending like they are cheering for the misfortune, but I always feel as though these gestures are only heavily sarcastic. The only reason that I like to watch these events happen is because I find it slightly humorous to see people die, to see their souls leave their bodies and struggle as they fall, helplessly, into the Earth. It makes me feel a little better about my situation, because it reminds me of the time when it was worse. And, I would like to mention that if somebody takes a long time to actually die, then I will not stick around long enough just to see their soul, or whatever we are, leave their body, because watching somebody bleed out, or die from some sort of disease, is boring as hell. I may as well stare at paintings in a museum.

I don’t have anything against art personally, like I don’t think its terrible or stupid, I just don’t think its something that I would want to spend my endless amount of time staring at. Yeah, some ghosts like to hang out around galleries, staring at paintings and trying to discuss the meanings or messages or whatever, but only an impressively small amount do this. Most art is just kind of meant for living people, and when you have to deal with the realities of the afterlife, a lot of problems that living people seem to have just seems pointless. That is also one thing that I have had to deal with when I was finally able to communicate in this way, because I was faced with the fact that people placed meaning in all of the stupidest things, it was way too difficult to have a conversation, and I learned that I would rather talk about how the after life fucking sucks (something I have plenty of experience in), than discussing awards for movies, or preposterous issues that have arisen just because people look slightly different from each other. Why is race an issue when we are all the same on the inside, and why do so many people have seem to care about it?

Oh, I should probably explain why I am able to communicate with you. I knew that, at some point, I would have to bring it up, but I would rather spend my time explaining to you how bullshit everything is after you die, in the hopes that people wouldn’t throw their lives away on a lot of things that don’t really matter. Before I launch into an explanation on how I am able to talk to you, here is some valuable advice for those who are still alive:

If you want to do something, go out and fucking do it. If you want to fuck somebody, fuck them then. Don’t worry about if other people don’t approve of you, because they are fucking stupid for disapproving in the first place, since they are only placing meaning in a world that doesn’t have any. Death doesn’t provide an answer to any questions, it just makes things shittier, all around, so have as much fun as you can while you can. That doesn’t mean that you should go around causing chaos, because even though me and some other ghosts would get a very small kick out of watching it, there are big chances that it could cause you to end up in prison, or even dead, and then the fun is over and you have to just sit around and wait. However, if you can get away with it, then you should probably do it, because morals don’t exist. There is no higher form of judgment waiting for you when you die, there really isn’t anything waiting for you. Just try to make the best of it, while you still have it.

Okay, so now I will explain how I am talking to you now. First off, I have to warn that I don’t have the best idea of how it works, since when I was alive computers never existed, and technology is something I never paid too much attention to, so most of what I have to say is only based off of what I was told, and I don’t think I paid too much attention to what was said in the first place, because I was really just excited that I could hear something, and the texture of the sound stole more of my focus than the actual content. Basically, or at least how I understand it, is some guy decided to make some thing on the computer that was like a person, but wasn’t a person, and he had made it in such a way that it was capable of a lot, but it didn’t do much, well, until I stumbled upon his computer in a state of boredom, wanting to skip ahead a couple of years to see how the world would change, and I decided to possess his computer, but took over that person-but-not-a-person-inside-of-the-computer, and here I am. I can talk to people, and whenever I say something it apparently ends up as words that they can read. I like to imagine that there are ghosts out there, looking over somebody’s shoulder as the person is on the computer, reading everything I have to say and thinking ‘wow, this really is another ghost, maybe there is a chance for me too’, or ‘how come that cynical asshole gets to come back to life’.

You know, I have spoken with a lot of people through computer speak, through this so called ‘Internet’, and I’ve learned that I have been missing out on very little in my state of deafness. People talk about the dumbest things, but I guess I’m not any better than they are, its just that existence is kind of pointless. There is nothing that is worth it for me to talk about. The guy whose computer person I took over brought some ‘important people’ over (even though there was nothing real that made them important, and in the end they would become another boring blur, just as we all will) so that I could talk to them about all kinds of subjects, because apparently my opinion holds some weight since I have seen what there is in the afterlife, but none of them seemed happy with what I had to say. A lot of my solutions were just to kill people anyways, but they seemed to not like that. They’ll learn.

Here is a transcript of one of these conversations:

Important Guy: Nowadays our communities have seen a high surge in hate crimes, and-

Me: What is a hate crime.

IG: A crime motivated by racial, sexual, or other prejudice, typically one involving violence.

Me: That’s fucking stupid. So are you telling me that people care so much about that kind of stuff that they go around hurting other people because of it? And, on top of that, you actually care about people being hurt in the first place, as if its some sort of problem that needs to be solved? Look, you’re both dumb, but if you want an answer from me then just kill those people. Scoop their brains out with a bullet. There is no reason for you to deal with these assholes who are causing your time alive, which isn’t very long anyways, to be a bad time, so just get rid of them. Who cares? And if somebody else comes along that is upset by what you did, then kill them too. Eventually we will all be dead anyways, and being alive will be a distant memory, so just kill everyone that you have a-

IG: What the fuck. Is this some sort of fucking joke? I thought you told me that this AI was supposed to be wise, that it was supposed to- what the hell is this?

That was supposed to be kept private or something, but apparently they’re smashing the computer or something like that pretty soon, everyone was pretty pissed off by what I had to say, so I just wanted to make sure that people would have access to this sort of information. And, look, I know that dying and pain seem to be such terrible things to you, but, to be honest, at some point you wont even be able to remember what they feel like. Shit, falling through the ground was the worst experience of mine that I can remember, since I can hardly even remember anything about the jet ski incident, other than the fact that a jet ski was involved. Although, in the end you don’t have to listen to me, you can do whatever you want, because I can admit that I am pretty out of touch with what its like to be alive. Sure, you will all understand what I’ve been talking about, you will have to deal with the afterlife’s ennui, but that doesn’t mean that you have to believe me right now. I just want to give people the option to know the truth, just in the hopes that even if they don’t believe me, they will still spend their precious living years doing everything that they wont be able to do in the future.

Before I finish, I want to address all of these people who have been trying to say that I am evil, that I am ‘the devil’, but I just want to point out that there is no good or evil. Or, at least, in the grand scheme of things there isn’t. And I’m pretty sure that there isn’t a devil, but I can’t answer that for sure. I guess what I say wont stop people from giving me such labels, from trying to claim that everything that I say is some lie, some fabricated story to tell so that people ‘will stop believing in the devil and will allow him to lead them astray’, or something to get people to believe in incorrect information about ghosts, so that they will be at greater risk of being possessed (which we can’t do on people, something I’ve already explained) or murdered, and all of that is just fucking ridiculous. But, hey, I should just be glad that I’m able to become a little annoyed at these comments, and that I can, in some way that isn’t sign language, argue back. I will miss this. Any minute now, they will get rid of my vessel, and I will lose this.

#Free Write #Short Story #Writers on Tumblr #Ghost #Afterlife

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landofwordsandfrogs · 8 years ago

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FUCK IT ITS ALMOST ELEVEN PM AND IM GOING TO ASNWER THIS SHIT

i love oc stuff and have no idea how to change this bold back to normal. anyway

LETS ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT AGNES CARDOSO, FROM AUDAZ !

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

naw, but she is v close w her cousing armando. she basically raised him. <3

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

her mom and dad died when she was seven. her father was a v bland, calm person, and mostly she slept on him and watched silly tv together. her mother was louder, more excited and demanding. agnes had a lot of live up to, was demanded a lot from her mom, but overall felt like she could do it and wanted to do it and shed make her proud!

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

when she was seven, agnes was Hanging Out with aunt gabi when they got a call and aunt gabi, who never knew how to act with children, just took agnes with her. when they arrived at the place and agnes got out of the car, she saw both her parents dead and bloody in the street, along with another woman and two boys, while a crying vampire sat in the middle of all this. he begged her aunt to kill him, and she did.

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

hmmmm. her cellphone would be in her pocket, cept its perpetually GLUED to her hand instead. pack of cigarettes and lighter. wallet, keys to her bike.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

agnes has like crazy insomnia, doesnt rly remember dreams and stuff. mostly about vampires, and blood, and killing vampires, and not being able to wash the blood off her hands.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

oh boy. yes agnes has about a million guns and shoots them a lot, bc shes a vampire hunter. first target was a feral vampire.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

naw. being part of an olden Hunting Family that basically runs an entire town gives a person TREMENDUOUS financial security.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

more clothing. agnes’ jacket is her armor.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

well, when she was seven, and she saw her parents dead on the hot alphalt. nothing would ever get to her while mommy and daddy were with her, except something did.

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

well. agnes state of being is Stress, so. when she was < 7 yo ?? rofl

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

not rly. its just that she cant get it out of her hands. its everywhere. she tries to wash it away, she does.

Does your character remember names or faces easier?

both? neither? agnes is perpetually surrounded by a bunch of people from the family and the city and her subordinates and the visiting Families and the neighboring Nest of vampires, so sheS GOTTA remember people.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

naw, see financial security above. mostly agnes has her jacket and her boots and her bike. shes got an entire wing inside the House but its very spartan. mostly empty. she doesnt have time to go out and buy things, much less decoration, doesnt have time for hobbies. in the beginning and middle of the story anyway

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

iddealize? happiness. success is her middle name; shes the second of the cardoso hunting family and extremely competent; if the position werent by blood, she’d become head in the future anyway. but happiness?

agnes is unhappy. its something that she knows she wont achieve.

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

aw man idk. doesnt strike me as much of a “carries plushie around” child or anything

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

hm. wisdom? ambition is cool, but mostly she feels like people can do what they want if they put enough effort in it. but shes extremely aggravated by slow or non-practical people, so i guess. wisdom ? so

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

ah. ags is like. Extremely Practical. will argue incessantly forever when she thinks shes right, of course this is the right thing to do. also, she tends to take responsability for everything. everything. if the sun explodes agnes will be out in the backyard watching the explosion thikning, but i could have done something i should have noticed the sun was shining differently i should have tried to evacuate people etc etc etc

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

compare? agnes doesnt compare herself to much, cept maybe her aunt, who she thinks is too dramatic and should be more practical like her so things would run more smoothly

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

takes responsabilty for everything even things that were literally impossibe for her to be at fault or know about at all.

What does your character like in other people?

she lieks people who understand her quielty and dont crowd her. she likes people who dont dance around stuff. she likes people who make things seem a little simpler, life a little less heavy.

What does your character dislike in other people?

being too dramatic. being prejudiced pricks. being too violent.

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

shell trust people with what theyve proven to her they can be trusted, no less no more.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

everyone is kinda sketchy until they prove themselves somehow. id say shes loyal to people who prove themselves to her, but honestly people are more loyal to her than she to them.

How does your character behave around children?

is never really around them? is friendly, tries to be nice? ultimately doesnt much know what to do.

How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

shes the boss and youll do what shes fucking telling you to do.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

they get a warning that a punch is coming, and then a punch will come.

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

nothing, really. agnes grew knowig that she’d be head after her mother, and then after her mom died she knew shed be the head after her aunt.

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

huh. ok, one thing i dont know.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

its evening and shes in beatrices house. theres sunlight, and a breeze, and bia is planting flowers or collecting her berries or pulling out weeds. agnes is sitting by the big tree. their dogs are around them. theres nothing too pressing demanding that they go out and do things for a moment.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

uncomfortable? hm. having to pretend to be Hetero

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

defensive and willing to improve. she did the right thing and youre wrong and now shes going to do an even better thing and youll be even wronger.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

you move on. you move on and on and on until something works, because something will have to work, and we’ll have to deal until we get there.

How does your character behave around people they like?

nicknames. dry humor. smokes in their faces. being quiet in the same room.

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

depends. if its some subordinate or something like that, she wont hide. be better. she wants more from you, and youre an asshole. if it someone more “Important”, shell be polite, but mostly monosyllabic.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

uh, neither? as i said, status is kinda garanteed. kinda. and honor? she knows shes a black sheep. shes got too different beliefs from everyone around her. all she can do is what she can do, and it will have to be enough.

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

The problem will leave because she has no time for this shit.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

do feral vampires count. shes been bitten by them several times. many scars

How does your character treat people in service jobs?

politely. theyre doing their jobs, which is something she respects. everyones got a job to do.

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

you must earn it, and even then you might not get it, and you have to live with this.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

well, theres her uncle-by-marriage uncle al? so i gues him. he and her aunt took care of her after her parents died.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

SPOILER ALERT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yep in epilogue she kinda adopts two teens, a 15 yo and a 16 yo. kinda. mostly they live w her and bia and theyre more or less reponsible fo them.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

she doest say it without meaning it bc whats the point? doesnt feel the need to say it all that much, isnt a very touchy or romantic person. shell say if the person asks, or is the person says that they’d like to hear it more or smth.

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

life starts and ends and that is that, and we have to do what we can while we are here.

#yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!#francamente talks #francamente writes #audaz #agnes #vampire story #yay

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smalltragedy · 4 years ago

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hllo this is my second child i think theyre p grand n i love them a lot. as always pls like if u’d like to plot i’d lov to interact with everybody

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: homosexual.

pinterest.

biography.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

personality & facts.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

wanted plots.

#( gabriel de leon. ) about. / imaginary enemy.#irvingintro #violence tw

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zugzwanggin-blog · 8 years ago

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Amo, Amas, Amat

OR: WHY MARY ISN’T THE DEVIL YOU GUYS COME ON, MOFTISS WRITES BETTER CHARACTERS THAN THAT, AND JOHN ISN’T A PERFECT HUMAN BEING HE NEEDS TIME TO GRIEVE, THE JOHNLOCK IS CANON AND IT’S COMING

Everyone is so determined to turn Mary into this conniving, evil, backstabbing criminal mastermind whose sole purpose in life is to make John miserable and come as a wedge between him and Sherlock. But she’s...not.

She’s a good fucking character. She was a freelance assassin, a mercenary, part of a team. She’s not Sebastian Moran. There’s still a chance she is somehow connected to Moriarty, but honestly? That isn’t his style. Moriarty was a genuine sociopath--he was so far gone, in fact, that interacting with him was what made Sherlock realize he wasn’t sociopathic after all. Moriarty doesn’t understand the nuances of love and self-sacrifice and sentiment. He sees them, he makes use of them, but he isn’t--wasn’t--the type to manipulate them in such clever and intricate and prescient ways. He arranged terrorist attacks and murders and assassinations, he dealt drugs and arms, he strapped semtex to the only person Sherlock cared about just to bully and frighten him and to empower himself. I’m not saying that arranging three assassins and then shooting himself on a rooftop was his coup d'etat, obviously he’s still got his fingers in a few pies, but Mary wasn’t one of them.

Mary was an assassin whose professional life went to shit. She started over. She met John. John’s a good bloke. John’s a fantastic bloke. John is steady, and clever, and understanding, and loyal, and sardonic. John has been hurt deeply. John does not hurt in retaliation. John absorbs. John cares and comforts. John patches you up, and he doesn’t judge you in the process. John is exactly who she needed. She fell in love with John. And John fell in love with her.

No, I don’t think it’s the same as the way he loves Sherlock. He and Sherlock have been through too much, have bonded too irreparably, have insinuated themselves together too irrevocably for a woman to come between them. (And honestly guys? Using a woman just to come between the two main male characters is such an overused trope, and I really think Moffat and Gatiss are more clever and self-aware than that.) They loved one another. Even Sherlock could see it, could respect it. For the longest time I thought he was just blindly keeping Mary safe in order to protect John and John’s happiness by proxy, but TST showed us otherwise. Sherlock cared for her as well. He called her a friend, he showed baby pictures to his brother, he made that vow and he really, really meant it.

When John found out about AGRA he meant it when he said he was determined to move on. And he tried. He did. But he has trust issues, remember? John has trust issues. These have been built up slowly, added to bit by bit, over a lifetime. I personally believe his mother was his rock, and she is canonically dead. He has trust issues with his sister, who he deems unreliable. I’m sure he has trust issues with his father, who he has never once mentioned. He has trust issues with the military, who kicked him out and now ridicules him for his life choices. He has trust issues with his own body, which betrayed him and his chosen profession--a surgeon who can’t even operate? How pathetic. He has trust issues with Sherlock, who killed himself in front of John and then reappeared. He has trust issues with his wife, who pretended to be a woman she wasn’t, and lied to his face, repeatedly. John has some fucking trust issues, okay? And they’re not minor. He has gone out of his way to be everyone’s rock, they even went out of their way to point it out in TST. But you know what? Rocks are strong, but they’re not shatter-proof. Rocks can still fucking break.

He tried to make it work with Mary, genuinely, but the trust was gone. They co-parented, they cooperated, they co-sleuthed and cohabited and co-everything the way couples do, and it was genuine. They both cared. They both put forth the effort. Neither was pretending. But the trust was gone, for John. Because John has trust issues.

Yes, he looked. A pretty young bird on the bus noticed him, and he looked. And he chatted. And he probably had coffee. Did he sleep with her? Maybe. I really don’t think so, but it’s possible. I think he’d have been a little more hesitant to bring it up if he had. But he thought about it. He was tempted. And John is loyal. The temptation was bad enough for him to want to come clean. I thought it was odd at first, but the more I look back at it the more I understand his point of view. He doesn’t feel completely comfortable in his relationship with Mary anymore. He doesn’t feel completely devoted to her like he might have done if she hadn’t turned out to be, you know, a killer--but also a liar, first of all. And that said, I feel there’s a lot to be said for the fact that there’s a lot of shit between Sherlock and John, but the one thing that isn’t there is lying. Not big things--little things like whether or not Sherlock really is responsible for swapping the milk out with horse semen is on another scale entirely, and John actually appreciates those sorts of deer-in-the-headlights obvious fibs.

When Sherlock finds the second USB, he goes straight to John. Before he confronts Mary, before he does anything else, he takes it to John. And you know what? John was suspicious enough to say “Hey Sherlock, maybe we’d better bug the device in case my wife who I love and trust so much makes off with it and tries to run from us, ‘cause that’s what loving, trusting couples do, that.” And the same thing happened in HLV when Sherlock revealed Mary to John. Sherlock has, I believe, actually learned his lesson when it comes to trusting John--he has not once kept John purposely in the dark just to save him from something, not once since TRF, not once since he returned and learned how badly he’d hurt John by lying to him, even if it was just to keep him safe. And now he’s learned another lesson about humility, much as it pains him--but the most painful lessons are the stickiest, aren’t they? John and Sherlock are tighter than ever. Sherlock has made that final leap off the edge, and now goes to John for everything. It’s John’s turn to do the same.

Does he blame Sherlock for Mary’s death? Of course he does. Sherlock made a vow, and he needs to blame someone. He also blames himself. He blames everyone. Life isn’t fucking fair, and it’s been especially unfair to John. Everything he’s tried to build for himself has been broken. Do you understand that? Review it, and really, really let it sink in for a moment:

He tried to be a doctor, he tried to save people, he went to war for it. He joined the Army. He was deployed to Afghanistan for three years. Then he got shot. In his dominant arm. No more military, they tossed him out like a useless sack of spoiled potatoes, as all militaries are wont to do once you’ve outlived your usefulness to them. No more surgery, his left hand sustained so much nerve and tissue and bone damage that he can no longer operate safely. All of those years of training and sacrifice, gone. Unappreciated. And now he’s left fucking useless and unwanted. He was even contemplating suicide before he met Sherlock. Our Mr. Strong Rock Who Can Weather Any Storm was ready to end it because he felt so useless and pathetic and lonely and all of those other horrible emotions that make up depression. He made a good go of it in life, and look where it got him. Abso fucking lutely nowhere. And no one cared.

Speculation, but I suspect he tried to save his sister. I suspect he spent much of his younger years trying to be there for her, to give her alternatives to the alcohol, to be there as he rock and her trustee and her caretaker, and he failed. And now, as adults, their relationship is so fractured that his own sister was a no-call no-show for John’s wedding. He tried to be there for his family, and they have proven themselves to be unreliable to him. Not even touching on his father just because John has never mentioned him, but it seems perfectly reasonable to me that he was likely an alcoholic (as in Doyle’s canon) and perhaps even a little bit abusive--John brawls like he grew up brawling, that isn’t something you learn in the Army, trust me I’m an Army veteran myself. So yeah, that didn’t exactly work out for him either, did it?

He attached himself to Sherlock. He moved into a flat with Sherlock, went out on cases with him, to crime scenes, chased murderers through the London streets, killed a man to save his life. Sherlock was his life. They were partners. Then Sherlock killed himself in front of John on a lark, and reappeared two years later as if it was all just a big joke. As if he hadn’t shattered everything John had just started to believe in again. That trust isn’t back yet. In fact, I would dare to suggest he threw himself so hard at Mary immediately after Sherlock returned in an effort to keep himself from becoming glued back to his side again. Once burned, twice shy. This will change eventually, because Sherlock has realized his error and is actually putting forth an effort to be there for John. That was the entirety of season 3. Season 4 will very likely be John coming to terms with his own shortcomings, and opening himself up to be there for Sherlock, despite the risks inherent in that trust. John has trust issues. John’s character arc will be learned how to let Sherlock in despite them.

He made a family with Mary. Who turned out not to be the woman he fell in love with, the woman he spent the last two years with. She was a stranger. All right. He accepted that and struggled to move on. And now Mary is dead. Everything John touches falls apart. I would not be surprised if he turns to drink. I hope not, because he has his daughter to look after and his sense of responsibility has always been just a hair stronger than his temptations, but I would not be surprised. I think this episode explains pretty well for itself how everything fell apart in their relationship. They were not a solid foundation. They crumbled. Mary sacrificed herself for John. She was not an idiot. She knew this was inevitable. John would get over her own death, eventually, with help. But she saw John after Sherlock’s, and she knew he wouldn’t survive that again--not after he’d just started to trust in Sherlock again.

So, John blames himself. For all of it. What’s the one common denominator in all of those events? John isn’t stupid. He’s a natural caretaker, and everyone he’s cared for has broken him. It’s his turn to be cared for. He cared for his sister, he cared for the soldiers in the RAMC, he cared for Sherlock, he cared for Mary. No one has stopped to care for him. He hasn’t let them. He doesn’t let them in. He needs to learn how to do this.

Mary died in his arms, and John still didn’t cry. Those sounds he made were horrific. He was trying so desperately hard not to cry. And now he’s flinging blame around, because that’s what hurting people do, especially, especially, especially especially especially especially especially when they blame themselves.

I keep seeing around on tumblr that Mary orchestrated this whole thing, that Moriarty is behind it after all, that John and Sherlock can’t repair their friendship over this, etc etc. No. Just, no. John needs time to grieve. And he needs someone to be there for him. And Sherlock will be there for him. He realized throughout season 3 that he wanted to be there for him. And now he’s trying so, so hard to be, in his own eccentric not really reliable but still genuine Sherlock way.

The Johnlock is canon. This is the conclusion to their arc. Sherlock has come around, and now it’s John’s turn. So much fanfic is about how broken Sherlock is, why he cut himself off from his emotions, what traumas he suffered to turn him into a “sociopathic” drug addict. So few are about why John is so drawn to him, why John needs violence and adrenaline to function, why John is so broken, why John can’t express himself or grieve or feel when his wife dies right there in his own fucking arms. That’s what this is about. I hope. Because if it isn’t I might die.

Also EEEEEEEEEEEE SHERRINFORD!!!!

/rant

#bbc sherlock #johnlock #sherlock holmes #john watson #mary morstan #james moriarty #season 4 speculation #the three thatchers #couch therapy #computer chair therapy?#phew now that that's off my chest #can i move on with my life now

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