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[cremepancake]

[cremepancake]

How do you ACTUALLY network? Like the idea of a coffee chat always baffled me. Like a stranger would agree to get coffee with me for me to essentially interview and then what? I guess my bigger question is how do I provide value to them besides buying them coffee? And the whole concept just feels cringe and transactional

I’ll give you two recent examples, one of work and one of a social event.

A friend invited me to a party. I don’t know said friend very well, but we’re on good terms. I said yes cause why not.

I met a girl there who happened to do some very interesting things and had similar interests to me. How did I find that out? I asked her about herself, I found out where she was previously residing, I learned what she did for a living, and I began associating it to the things that I do. She’s from the same city that I want to move to, she now lives 20 minutes from me, and she’s interested in spirituality. My work happened to organise a similar event a week later, which I immediately invited her for. I asked her for her number so that I could send her the invite.

What she immediately liked about me and expressed, was that I don’t use social media, when we agreed to exchange contact info. I explained to her that I’d have to connect her on iMessage/ WhatsApp and not instagram. That allows us to stay in touch much better than on social media.

I left the party earlier than everyone but I looked for her and told her that we should catch up next weekend or whenever she was free. She agreed.

So this is what you learn from example 1:

1. Learn to associate.

When someone tells you that they work in XYZ company, in B city, start by connecting things in your head. Who else do you know works in the same field, could they know each other? What do you know about the work that they do, and if you don’t know much, can you find out more? Most people, including myself, love to talk about what we do at work and what our job entails. Has their work allowed them to travel a lot? If yes, where?

In order to associate, you need to read a lot and learn a lot. You have to understand what’s happening in the world, what the latest news is, because how the hell are you going to continue that conversation?

2. You have to snowball the conversation. The goal is to try and understand WHO this person is. If someone asks you, have you met CSB and you have, you should be able to say yes, this is what she’s interested in, this is what she works in - you should be able to pitch CSB to another person.

Not every single conversation has to be valuable. You also have to decide whether the person in front of you is worth your time.

3. Exchange numbers, not social media. Nothing is going to come out of exchanging instagram or LinkedIn.

4. When you’re leaving the event, look for the person you met and tell them that you’re leaving and that you guys should catch up sometime. If you haven’t exchanged contact info yet, that’s the best way to do it. “Oh let’s catch up again soon! Can I have your number? We can grab a coffee or drink whenever.”

—-

Example 2. I’d gone to a conference a few months ago. I met a young guy, around my age, who works in an accelerator. I’m very interested in the start up world, and he’s working in one of the best ones in the world, at a decent position. He immediately began telling me about recent funding that they did, what sort of start ups they’re looking for, etc. I asked him for more information, which he was super happy to talk to me about.

We’re on very good terms but we live in different cities. I often send him reports because I work in media, and he sends me PDFs and pitch decks. Whenever we’re in each other’s town, we message each other. Otherwise, I make it a point to reach out to him once a month, just casually, to find out what’s happening.

Takeaways from example 2:

5. Scratch each other’s backs. You can’t just get value from the other person, provide them with the same. It doesn’t have to be work related. Let’s say the person you’ve connected with is interested in indie music and you learn that an indie band is playing somewhere - send them a link to the event and tell them that you remembered that they like this genre, and you just wanted to share the info.

6. What’s important to learn is maintaining relationships. I reach out to all my mentors, all my latest connections once a month. That doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily going to meet them face to face, but I just check in and ask how things are going.

So.

Approach. Associate. Snowball. Exchange info. Maintain.

[cremepancake]

On Being a Powerful Speaker

in order to be a good speaker, you have to be a good writer. that doesn’t mean publishing 100 books and making it on NYT’s best selling list.

writing your thoughts, challenging your own assumptions and stances, writing about “controversial” ideas and playing the devil’s advocate, questioning the known, will allow your mind to become clearer on what you truly stand for. It will allow you to understand exactly who you are and what you believe in. It will help untangle all the jumble in your mind because you have to pen down your thoughts. Writing things down takes more time than thinking things, which gives you the time to reflect as well. Once your idea has been presented on paper, you will feel a sense of clarity. When asked to spoken about said idea or subject, you’ll be able to speak clearer because you’ve already spent time thinking, reflecting and challenging yourself. You may realise that you need less time to remember certain words, you’ll be able to retrieve things from your memory faster, your vocabulary will improve vastly and hopefully, your rationality will increase.

how should one go about such an exercise if you can’t think of subjects on your own?

Look for any one articles in the news. Any one article or a book. Read just the headline and the sub-headline/ read just the summary of the book. Now pause. Think about what it just said - do you agree with it? Disagree? What are your initial assumptions? What are some things you’re thinking of? Write it down. Now read the whole thing. Were your hunches right, or did the author challenge your initial assumptions? Do you agree with the author or still disagree? What were things you felt the author did not clarify or consider in their argument? start writing things down.

You do not need to be a good speaker in order to be a good writer; but perhaps, you do need to be a powerful writer in order to be a good speaker.

[cremepancake]

Traits I’ve Noticed in Confident People 

Disciplined - if a target is set, it is achieved 

Speaking - Can speak multiple languages. Can express thoughts clearly even if vocabulary is limited. The listener understands their point. 

Strong extroversion socially - can approach and talk to new people with ease, but also make them feel comfortable. Good at following up, asking questions and inserting little stories about themselves without exposing too much 

Strong general knowledge / industry knowledge. They know what they’re talking about 

Hard to please but not arrogant about it. They won’t readily accept a fact or opinion, even if the majority agrees - they’ll debate with it, think over it, play the devil’s advocate

Good posture

Strong set of principles and self control. There’s no shame in wanting to say, help someone, choose not to drink socially, buy a coffee for a poor person on the street; they don’t hesitate to do good deeds 

Hygienic. Clean, groomed, well dressed, well maintained. 

Observant and proactive at the same time. Can pick up on body language relatively easily - can sense discomfort or unease in someone and do something about it. 

Have a strong sense of self identity. Can be opinionated but open to challenges. 

[cremepancake]

how to use social media and your phone in a positive way

if you want to improve or change an aspect of your life it takes your commitment to be consistent and make real changes. to start, take a piece of paper and answer these questions that will help you have a greater focus and be aware of what you want to change.

how much time are you dedicating to social media?

is it taking up your time?

what would you like to do with that time?

how much time would you like to spend on social media?

what content do you follow?

do you follow content that you consider harmful to you?

instead, what would you like to follow more? (for example, accounts that inspire you or help you to improve, can be about cooking or some hobby you have)

what app do you use most often?

how long do you use your phone?

would you like to use it less?

what habits/hobbies would you like to spend more time on?

now that you are more aware of this issue and how it may be affecting your life i'll share some tips to help you make your social media more secure and use it more positively.

stop following those accounts that are not giving you anything positive.

start following profiles of people who really inspire you or teach you something, for example about the topics you are interested in or the kind of person you would like to become and take them as an example.

set a time limit on the use of these applications, i.e. about 15 minutes a day for example. you can do this from the app itself or from "settings" on your phone.

follow positive content that resonates with you such as people sharing affirmations, success stories or even motivational speeches.

don't use your phone first thing in the morning or last thing at night.

download productivity apps on your phone, such as daylio, notion, habit, etc. with which you can log your days, have a record of your habits or even use them as to-do lists, there are many more of these types.

"i am" is an app that sends you positive affirmations every hour as a notification, it will help you to be centered.

if you do any activity leave your phone somewhere else or even if you are on the bus don't be stuck on your phone, allow yourself to enjoy the present moment.

use the internet to search for information on topics that interest you, either on youtube, blogs, podcasts…

block people or words that you know are not bringing you anything positive.

spend more time cultivating yourself instead of focusing on a world that doesn't exist in social media.

other things to consider.

what we see on social media doesn't have to be real, even if it is, don't compare yourself with those people. on the internet, everyone will want to give their best face and that doesn't mean it's reality, it shouldn't affect you either so forget about it and focus on your own path.

the real world is outside and not through a screen. live human experiences and try to do what makes you happiest every day.

on social media and internet we can find a lot of useful information, let that be the main reason why you use it, and stop wasting your time scrolling on tik tok.

my personal opinion.

the use of social media is not negative, but we have to control what we are consuming and how it is affecting our lives and the time we are spending.

it seems normal to be on the phone all day but this is not beneficial, there are more things to do in the real world and many people say they don't have time to do things when they are really wasting it with their phones.

you can look for information on things that are useful to you but leave your phone aside and start applying them to your life.

leaving all the social media aside has made me feel much better and even more liberated. you don't really need to see what's going on on the internet, because it's not important, there are more important things to live for out there, even more interesting people to meet.

create your world from the experiences you would like to live, the people you would like to share, the person you want to become, and focus on that, which is much more important. in the end, if you don't think about it, it doesn't exist.

[cremepancake]

The Joy of Knowledge

A guide to the Joy of knowledge

Books

You are standing on your acres of diamond

How to stop worrying and start winning

The 80/20 Principle

Psychology

Halo effect

Maslow's Hierarchy

Ideal Self vs. Actual Self

Self development

Writing therapy

20s: the defining decade

Being a late bloomer

What is passion?

Ted talks for the soul

A guide to being an all rounder

Power of positive self talk

Lessons from failure

In your 20s

Productivity

Using an alarm system as a productivity tool

[cremepancake]

more studying, more walks, more reading, more skill-based hobbies, more experimenting w pretty fits and hairstyles, more gym, more exploring new things in general, more whole foods/healthy recipes, more financial literacy, more time management, more time off the phone, more being out the loop. nothing else matters

[cremepancake]

Level Up Pyramid.

I will never stop yapping about how important it is to get your basics right. If your base routine is not solid, no matter what you add on to it, it will never be sustainable.

most of us get motivated in the middle of the night, build an elaborate routine that we’ll follow for less than 2 days and we’re back to square one.

I get so many asks about girls getting stressed over their routine and how they should solve the issue. If your routine is stressing you out, you need to cut. It. Down.

this is a pyramid that will teach you to get the basics down and in what order.

if your foundation is strong, your base routine will be an unshakeable of your life. if it is an unshakeable part of your life, you will slowly but surely get better at those things. as you get better at those things, your confidence will increase. as your confidence increases, you will be ready and motivated to take on more challenges.

[cremepancake]

I was listening in to part of a live earlier and she was talking about how proximity matters in order for you to win/succeed.

Basically, getting around those who are in the position(s) you want to be in.

And this is OFF social media.

Finding a mentor, joining social clubs even moving into upper middle class neighborhoods can put you in proximity of individuals who can help change your socioeconomic status.

I think back to when I first moved out on my own and I went into an upper middle class neighborhood nearly an hour away from where i grew up That move allowed me to be in alignment with individuals and opportunites that helped to propel my professional career.

I was able to meet my mentor because I put myself in position to meet developers and investors and was invited to a high end social club.

Even when talking about finding a wealthy husband proximity matters (look at Meghan Markles story of how she was able to meet Harry).

And being in proximity is only one part of it you have to know how to carry yourself, carry as conversation,manage your emotions and engage intelligently.

This is why I will never subscribe to the “college is a scam” narrative. Degrees in fields like business, finance, health and tech can change your life. Not just with the income but because you are in fields that allow you to network, travel and meet individuals in very high socioeconomic statuses. Health & Tech conferences can literally be life-changing.

Credit Taneisha Fletcher

[cremepancake]

Just got accepted in one of those international high society organisations. They’re holding their global event in Europe this summer. Everyone’s between 18-34, highly accomplished, Ivy League educated, family business backgrounds.

My profile: studied abroad in the Middle East, actively working in my family business, have travelled the world, learned the violin for about a decade. Deep appreciation for arts, reading, horse riding.

So far, to prep for this event, I’ve gone as far as creating an outfits lookbook PDF to ensure I look my best and my socials are updated.

How would you prep for this? My biggest issue is that I get too shy socially at my grown age (24) and idk how to make friends now…. But I want to put my best foot forth, make not just connections but also genuine friendships.

Hi Lovely,

Congratulations on your acceptance! This event sounds like an incredible opportunity to meet like-minded people and expand your network. I'm just going to list out all the prepping tips I can think of :)

Prep, prep, prep!

Gain a clear understanding of the event's purpose, theme, and expectations. Research the organizers, speakers, and attendees to familiarize yourself with their backgrounds and interests. You by no means have to memorize the guest list but try to identify some common themes amongst attendees regarding their careers, educational backgrounds, hobbies, interests, etc. Once you generally know who will be there and generally what their backgrounds are, I recommend doing some basic research on those themes. For example, if you know a good portion of attendees work in finance, spend a few minutes per day reading up on the market so that by the time you attend the event, you'll be able to hold a solid conversation with anyone there that works in finance.

Make a strong entrance!

Meaning, by the time you attend the event you should know exactly how you plan to enter the room and what your plan will be once you're in the room. I'll give you some tips that personally work well for me. First, try to get to the event about 15 minutes early so you have time to look around, get a feel for the space, and plan out how you'll navigate it once people begin arriving. If you don't want to just stand around waiting for the room to start filling up, head to the bathroom and take a few minutes to touch yourself up and make sure you're fully prepared to put your best foot forward. Final step, head back to the main area and begin making conversation with the early arrivers (which is much easier than trying to find someone to talk to in a packed venue). Which brings me to the next step.

Focus on the conversation!

I recommend first approaching people that appear similar to you in age, gender, background, etc. then working your way to the more diverse crowds. Doing so will allow you to practice so to speak on people that you have a lot in common with and can relate to better. And when you do first approach a person or a group of people, just give a simple "Hi, nice to meet you. My name is X". Truly there's really no better way to start a conversation. They'll likely respond by telling you their name, and you can follow up their response by asking them where their from, what they do for a living, their experiences, current projects, or seek their insights on industry trends etc. and thus, a conversation is born. Some things to do during each interaction:

Show genuine interest: Approach conversations with a sincere curiosity about the other person. Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share more about themselves, their experiences, and their opinions. Listen attentively and show genuine interest in what they have to say.

Be a good listener: Practice active listening by giving your full attention to the speaker. Avoid interrupting or formulating your response while they are still speaking. I also recommend following the 80/20 rule, which is letting them talk 80% of the time and only chiming in when you really want to share something remarkable about yourself. They'll leave the conversation thinking you're the most interesting person they've ever met.

Use the power of names: Address people by their names when conversing with them. It helps create a personal connection and shows that you value and respect them as individuals.

Keep the conversation alive: If at some point they make a statement and you're not sure how to reply, just repeat their words and follow it up with an empathetic statement. So for example, if someone says "Interest rates are so high right now which is making my job hectic", you can go ahead and respond by saying "Interest rates are incredibly high right now. That must be tough to deal with". Repeating them then making an empathetic statement will not only compel them to continue talking (so you don't have to do any heavy lifting) but will also help them feel connected to you.

Be mindful of your body language!

Stand or sit up straight with your shoulders relaxed and your chest open. When greeting someone, offer a firm handshake (if culturally appropriate). Establish and maintain regular eye contact during the conversation (if you feel uncomfortable looking someone in the eye, look at their nose instead. They won't notice.) Lean in slightly toward the person to demonstrate attentiveness and interest. Use nods and other affirming gestures to show that you are actively listening and understanding the other person. Avoid crossing your arms or creating physical barriers between you and the other person. Subtly mirror body language. Maintain a comfortable distance and be aware of cultural norms and individual preferences regarding personal space. Basically, remember that the key is to be natural and authentic in your body language.

Plan to stay in touch!

Meaning, if you really enjoy connecting with someone, don't leave the conversation without their contact info. What I usually do is, right as the conversation is beginning to die down, say something like "Well I'll let you meet some more people, but I'd love to stay in touch. Do you mind if I get your number?". I always think it's best to get someone's number because you can control exactly how and when you follow up. Basically, getting their number allows you to control the dynamic going forward. Even if you don't particularly vibe with someone, I still think it's worth getting their info and following up with a quick "Hey, it's X. I really enjoyed meeting you at Y event and would love to stay in touch going forward!" because you never know who you'll need in your rolodex in the future.

I think that's pretty much all I have! Overall, you should do as much prepping as possible now so that when you do attend the event you'll feel calm and in control enough to actually enjoy it. You got this!!

[cremepancake]

How to Create a Dating Profile to Attract High-quality Men

You may already know that when it comes to online dating, it’s important to have a great profile photo and a catchy headline. But there are a plethora of other elements that can impact your success on dating apps. I’ve gotten a ton of requests to make a post on creating an excellent dating profile to attract the right kind of men (wealthy, educated, successful, handsome, and loving) so let’s get into it. Here are the things my friends and I have done to get dates with incredibly high-value men from Hinge, Bumble, and (gasp!) Tinder.

Pictures:

I firmly believe there’s a formula to profile pictures it looks exactly like this (in whatever order you like):

An "up close and personal" picture.

First and foremost, you need to include a picture that shows your features. There’s nothing I hate more than seeing a dating profile that’s full of cloudy pictures that give no hints about what a person actually looks like. So early on in your profile, include a picture of your face that is up-close, clear, and well-lit. I’m not the biggest selfie fan so if you can get someone to take a picture of you on a good-quality camera, do that. I use my LinkedIn profile picture for my “up close and personal” picture because it was taken by a professional with a professional camera and it’s a spot on reflection of what I actually look like in person.

A “body” picture.

Men are visual creatures, it is what it is. And the fact is, even if a man is looking for a wife on Hinge, he’s going to be more inclined to vet a potential suitor if he knows she fits his physical preferences. You don’t want a man wondering what your body looks like—it is a dating app after all. So I suggest including a picture that shows off your body! And you don’t need to be wearing a thong bikini or any of the likes, you just need to be wearing something that shows off your figure. I’m not comfortable flaunting my near-naked body on social media so I just have a picture of me sitting on a beach wearing a simple high-waisted bikini and it works because it shows men that I’m tall and slim and that’s enough.

An “active” picture.

Most young high-value men are active. The ones I’ve been acquainted with are all about skiing and swimming and golfing and hiking and so I make it a point to include a picture of me doing a sport on my profile. I specifically have a picture of me skiing on my Hinge profile which I’ve gotten a ton of comments on. I've found that in the eyes of men, fitness=health and health=happiness and happiness=a happy relationship. So make it a point to show that you do get out and exercise often and that you actually enjoy it.

A “social” picture.

Again, most young men who are considered a catch are social beings. They go out often and they meet a lot of people so you should show them that you have that in common. Including a picture of you with friends, however, is tricky because what you don’t want to do is include a picture with a friend that looks better than you. It sounds mean, but again, men are visual creatures so you want to be the star of every picture you feature on your profile. So, find a picture with friends that you’re in the center of and well, stand out in.

A “passion” picture.

We’ve spoken about this before so I won’t beat the point to death but: high-value men want cultured women. They're not going to want to go out with a girl who looks like she’s never opened a book or stepped on a plane. So it’s imperative that you include at least one picture of you doing something cultural—whether it’s climbing a mountain or walking through a museum—it needs to show that you actually have hobbies and interests. I have a picture of myself sandboarding in Dubai and another one of me teaching an elementary school class in Haiti on my profile because I want every man I meet to know that I value travel and giving back to my community. The best conversations I’ve had on dating apps have been surrounding my love of travel and volunteer work which I 100% credit to my pictures. So find a picture or two to include that actually shows who you are outside of your face and body. Super important.

Content & Responses:

Get clear about what you're looking for.

You should even put exactly what you're looking for on your profile, whether that's a long-term relationship, just a few dates, or a good hookup. On my Tinder account (I only use it for fun at this point), my bio states that I'm looking for adventures and dinner dates because frankly, that's exactly what I want right now out of a connection. If I were looking for a steady relationship, I would state exactly that. So make your intentions clear in your profile, doing so will only attract men who are on the same page as you.

Discuss what's important to you.

Do a quick assessment of what's important to you as an individual and within a relationship. Things like values, interests, and hobbies are great to work into your prompt responses, for example, because it helps people find things in common with you, opening up the door to conversation. And if you can add a touch of humor, all the better. One of my Hinge prompt answers is a joke that I find hilarious and it's by far the most reacted to aspect of my profile. So make sure your responses aren't all business, allow them to be lighthearted and genuine while also showing who you truly are.

Example Bios:

"I’d love to meet someone who is young at heart and is up for random adventures, home and away, but also ready for something longer term if we click. Someone who takes their career seriously but doesn’t let it rule their life – works to live rather than lives to work – so that there’s time left for fun. And is not overly materialistic – I’m afraid I’ve never understood the allure of expensive cars for instance, and would rather spend money on new experiences. Someone who’s kind, honest, genuine and thinks of others first.”

“I’m a creative and entertaining person who loves the arts, especially theater, galleries and cinema, and I like to make the most of weekends. I enjoy exploring the countryside and the seaside and mooching round interesting places”

“Ultimately I am looking for someone to build a life with, to share the highs and the lows. To be a team. I want someone to hang out with, chat with, laugh with and go on big and small adventures with.”

That's all I have for you guys! Happy dating :)

Lovingly,

Elle

[cremepancake]

More career tips please!!

You should always be 10 steps ahead.

Translation: Your boss, team, or senior shouldn't have to remind you to complete tasks; ideally, you should have already completed the task and moved on to the next steps by the time they approach you. Being proactive means constantly seeking ways to enhance processes, workflows, and outcomes. Take the example from a few weeks ago when my boss requested a weekly search of specific KPIs for our client companies. After spending three hours searching and analyzing, and realizing the whole process was inefficient, I collaborated with our data team, organized a meeting, and together, we automated the process. Now, it's a seamless task done with just a click every Friday, much to my boss's delight. Similarly, recognizing the growing importance of AI in finance, I researched upcoming AI conferences, discussed them with my boss, and expanded my knowledge in the field. None of these efforts were particularly challenging or even well thought out--I just thought ahead and as a result, life is a whole lot easier for both me and my team.

Your first job is to make your boss's life easier

By optimizing processes and simplifying tasks, you can significantly enhance your boss's daily efficiency and in turn, make them love and appreciate you endlessly. Take proactive steps like volunteering to take notes during meetings, especially with important clients and while you're at it, follow up promptly by sharing a concise list of key takeaways to help your boss keep them top of mind. Be mindful of their time and present updates clearly and succinctly. Highlight any crucial developments and demonstrate your attentiveness by never making them to repeat instructions. Basically, strive to become indispensable through your proactive approach and valuable contributions.

Confidence is key, but so is humility.

The key is to strike a balance between confidence and humility. Overconfidence can lead to arrogance and closed-mindedness, but on the other hand, excessive humility breeds self-doubt and missed opportunities. So here's how you balance the two. You Listen: confident humility allows you to express your ideas assertively while being open to feedback and suggestions from others. You Empathize: you understand the feelings and perspectives of others, creating a supportive and inclusive environment. You Collaborate: Confident humility encourages teamwork and collaboration, leading to innovative solutions and successful outcomes.

You will be judged based on your appearance.

I don't care what anyone says, humans are visual creatures and we we all absolutely judge books by their covers. So if you dress kinda meh every day in the office, then people will see you as a meh kinda employee. If your clothes are always wrinkled people will think you're a messy worker. And if you look incredibly professional and well put together every single day, people will subconsciously view you as a top-notch worker. Moreover, if your job involves interacting with clients or customers, your appearance can influence their perception of the company as a whole. Dressing professionally and putting together a polished appearance in the office is not just about following a set of rules; it’s about presenting yourself and your organization in the best possible light. Your attire is a reflection of your professionalism, respect for the workplace, and consideration for your colleagues and clients. By investing in your professional image, you invest in your own success and contribute positively to the overall work environment.

Lovingly, Elle

[cremepancake]

On Success: My Unique Achievement Equation 🤍

I'm going to be cheesy for a moment and repeat the phrase we've all heard a million times: Success is a journey, not a destination. The path to it is often paved with hard work, determination, and a unique combination of factors. In this post, I'm going to share my personal equation for success, and I hope it can inspire you to create your own formula for achieving your dreams and goals.

1. Constantly learn new things.

I’m always trying to learn new things because let's be real, in a rapidly evolving world, staying curious and open to new knowledge is vital. Almost exactly a year ago I landed in Oxford and decided to take tutorials in 18th-century opera, ancient witchcraft, and protestant vs. catholic art. I also wrote a thesis on medieval architecture. I could've stayed in my comfort zone and studied politics or economics like I had over the past four years but I decided to push myself because I knew that I had to diversify my scope of knowledge because that's what successful people do. Simply put--constantly learning new things is, in my opinion, non-negotiable. Pick a topic, draft a schedule that forces you to immerse yourself in said topic for a set period of time, become an expert in said topic by following said schedule, rinse and repeat.

2. Eat healthy.

I drink tons of water all day (my team makes fun of me for getting up every 15 minutes to use the bathroom. I'm not phased.), I don’t really snack, and I eat my weight in vegetables, and I get frequent blood and allergy tests to make sure I’m taking the right supplements. I don’t do dairy, I don’t do red meat, I don’t do refined sugar, and I don’t do processed carbs. Yes, I have my treat meals on the weekends and yes I have a couple of drinks on Saturday night but 90% of the time, my diet is extremely clean. The fact is, I have a level of physical wellbeing and body composition that I like, and reaching and maintaining that requires a level of discipline when it comes to food. I’m willing to pay the price and as a result, I feel absolutely amazing every day. So I really urge you to eat very well because you deserve to look and feel great every single day.

3. Network like your life depends on it.

If there's one thing that was beat into my consciousness from an extremely young age, it's the importance of networking. Why? Because a supportive network provides guidance, mentorship, and collaboration opportunities. I've gotten job and internship offers, romantic and platonic relationships, and flat-out absurd opportunities simply from networking...like my life depends on it. Just a couple years ago, I went to Dubai for a few weeks with my partner, and my mother quite frankly told me that if I didn't network with at least one alum from my college/boarding school while there, I wouldn't be allowed back home. I'm currently working in my exact role because of that very warning and I'm forever grateful.

4. Work out out daily.

The thing is, I hate working out. Like I'd rather stare at a wall for an hour than run on a treadmill for 10 minutes. But no matter what, when my alarm goes off at 6:00 AM, I’m jumping out of bed, putting on my workout clothes, and heading to the gym. It’s my routine and while I’d much rather get some extra sleep, I’m not going to let my desire for comfort get in the way of my health. And I don’t kill myself in the gym, I do 30 minutes (10 minutes of cardio, 20 of weight training) and I head out. No muss, no fuss. And if you want to get your shit together in a pinch, starting by working out every day is probably just what you need.

5. Avoid social media.

Because for 95% of people, social media is an addiction. Keeping up with your friends via Instagram is great, spending 7 hours per day scrolling through Instagram reels is pathetic. So I choose not to engage. If someone wants to contact me or know what I’m up to, they’ll just have to reach out and I prefer it that way. Moreover, I'm a very private person so I really don’t care to post about my personal life to a group of people I barely know. I had a truly epic graduation party this weekend and the most beautiful thing about it is that I didn’t have to worry about posing for pictures or documenting any of it on my story. I really advise you all (anyone? do people actually read these posts? I digress.) to get real with yourself and be honest about your social media usage. And if it's not improving your life in a notable way, get rid of it. You can thank me later.

6. Constantly upgrade your appearance.

I got my color analysis done and now I know exactly how to dress and color my hair. I’ve got my hairstyle analysis done and now I know exactly how to cut my hair to compliment my features. I got my seamstress to alter and make a bunch of my favorite outfits and now my clothes fit my body shape to absolute perfection. The list goes on, but in short, I look really good because I know exactly what I’m working with and have done absolutely everything to accentuate my beauty. Establish a regular skincare routine to maintain healthy and glowing skin. Use makeup to enhance your features, not mask them. Choose natural and flattering colors. Stand tall and maintain good posture. Dress in a way that accentuates your body and makes you feel confident. And most importantly, remember that beauty is 90% energy and 10% looks.

7. Master the art of good conversation.

And not because I’m a natural extrovert, but because I decided that I was sick of being that awkward girl who didn’t really have any friends and so I got to work. I’ve read probably 40 books on social psychology/charisma/seduction and I’ve worked super hard to put all that I’ve learned into practice. At this point, I can talk to pretty much anyone about pretty much anything and know that they’ll leave the conversation feeling really good. Effective communication is the bedrock of human interaction, and being skilled in this area can profoundly impact one's relationships and success. In professional settings, being a skilled conversationalist can lead to better collaboration, negotiation, and problem-solving. In personal relationships, it can deepen bonds, enhance empathy, and create a sense of mutual understanding. Remember that being a good conversationalist is not just about talking; it's about creating an environment where ideas flow freely, relationships flourish, and opportunities for growth and connection abound.

8. Keep your finances in order.

I've worked really hard to secure a great paying job, live in a great location and in a great apartment, and have enough money to save but also to enjoy the finer things. Yes, I dated a prince and all that but the fact is, I’ve been working my ass off since high school to get to this place. At 16 I wasn’t spending my summer at the pool, I was spending it crunching numbers for eight hours daily at an accounting firm. I’ve always wanted to be a financially stable person and I’m so glad that at this age, I am because I made it happen. I know this is hypergamy Tumblr, but at the end of the day, no man is going to hand you a $10 million check and ride you off into the sunset with the snap of your fingertips. Like attracts like, meaning well-to-do men, 90% of the time, are going to end up with women who have their shit together financially. You don't have to be a self-made millionaire, but as an adult, you do have to be able to take care of yourself.

9. Stay informed.

I’m knowledgeable about what’s happening around the world at all times because…it’s important. Like, really important. I have Bloomberg up all day and the second a new alert pops up, I’m on it. I also spend about an hour per day listening to NPR (while getting ready), reading WSJ, or even just scrolling through Buzzfeed. Staying informed allows me to not only converse freely about current trends with others, but it also allows me to feel my most confident and ready to face the world. Staying informed on current events is not merely a passive activity but a dynamic engagement with the world around us. It equips individuals with the knowledge and skills needed to navigate an increasingly complex and interconnected global landscape, make informed choices, and actively participate in shaping the future.

10. Have hobbies and interests.

Yes, I love attending the opera and the Met on Saturday afternoons, but I also love learning about manifestation and trying crazy food science recipes. The point is that my hobbies and interests themselves don't really matter, the fact that I am passionate about a lot of things does. And when you're passionate about your goals and pursuits, you're more likely to stay committed, work harder, and overcome obstacles with determination. So stop focusing on the "quality" of your hobby and try to just have fun with it! Let your hobbies connect you with new communities and open you up to new, if not a bit strange, opportunities.

11. Give back to your community.

Most of all, the key to my success is giving back to my community because having all the looks, money, and fame in the world ultimately means nothing if you can't share your abundance with others. I volunteer when I can, I give funds to those who need them (currently, I'm helping my aunty put three amazing girls in Haiti through college abroad and one man in medical school), and I have a whole lot of official and unofficial mentees. In a world that often emphasizes individualism and self-achievement, it's essential to remember the profound importance of giving back to your community. Please please please take the initiative, get involved, and experience the transformative power of giving back.

Lovingly, Elle

[cremepancake]

Time to get productive af.

Sleep early.

Read that book.

Track and analyse your goals.

Keep adding 1% to your life everyday.

Be resistant and decline anybody or anything that does not align to the future woman you are.

The future woman you are going to become is nearby, do not ever think it will be a year or more.

She is here, show up as her.

[cremepancake]

“a lot of hypergamy girls don't realize that these men aren't stupid, they can see right through some basic literature quoting and posturing, and a lot of these circles also don't value intellectual rigor.”

So with regards to this point mentioned by anon let’s primarily keep in mind that all affluent circles are different. What they value will differ based on location, culture, upbringing, age demographic, often their religious views or lack there of. We can debate on this point for days on end about what we’ve encountered in different affluent circles and what rules we feel apply. There will be commonalities, but also a lot of differences in terms of what is valued.

Especially when we get niche specific, what I mean by niche specific is when you’re targeting affluent circles within different industries such as (business, tech, finance,science,medicine) or weather you’re wanting to break into clubs centred around hobbies such as (sailing,golfing,horse riding,art,academia, cycling) Different sets of rules will always apply from one circle to another for example if you become a member of the explorers club, you’ll come to find out that the people there value intellectual rigour and a curiosity for knowledge, because that is their ethos so you’ll easily build relationships there if that is a genuine interest of yours.

Anon is 100% correct though they can see through posturing. So in conclusion the key to overcoming this hurdle and successfully breaking into certain affluent circles in my opinion is to

1.) Get niche specific so that you’re building relationships with like minded people initially based off of your shared interests.

2.) Ensure this is a genuine interest and passion of yours, if it isn’t it will be easily detectable. You don’t have to know everything about what you’re interested in just a willingness to learn.

3.) Observe. Observe. Observe, humans are easily readable and what separates a unsuccessful social climber to a successful one is the ability to observe, learn and understand the environment you’re in to avoid making certain faux pas.

4.) If the circle you’re attempting to break into aren’t looking to expand their network to more people and are intent on gatekeeping, do not embarrass yourself by trying mold yourself to fit in with them. Just move on it’s never that deep

5.) Remember that every single person is or was a social climber in high society, they presently might not be but their great grandmother was. So there is absolutely no reason for you to be intimidated by them when most of them are just masking their insecurities underneath their Burberry coats.

6) Focus on finding your tribe of both affluent men and women who’s company you enjoy, rather than performing like a circus monkey to appeal to a group of people you don’t even like. Start with yourself and think about the kind of people you’d enjoy socialising with. The world is evolving at an extremely rapid pace. As someone in both business and tech, I can tell you that the number of millionaires keeps increasing by the day, so there is a man and a circle out there for you!

Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk 😂

THIS. IS. THE. BEST. ADVICE. EVER.

And I agree with absolutely everything you said. 😊

Very very true that every single circle is going to have its nuances so flexibility and ability to read a room is so incredibly important!

Also LOVE that you mentioned the importance of actually socializing with people you have shared interests with! Getting invited to exclusive events is great and all but if it means surrounding yourself with people you have nothing in common with, it's going to feel like torture.

Thank you for your Tedtalk. I loved it. It was incredibly enlightening.

💙

[cremepancake]

Listen to advice that makes you uncomfortable, not the advice that's easy for you to accept. When someone tells you something that challenges you or makes you feel triggered, it's often the advice that helps you grow and improve the most. Don't just stick to advice that agrees with what you already believe or do because it will not push you to get better.

[cremepancake]

I hate it when microwave meals say things like “delectable” and “exquisite” on the packaging. I’m eating radioactive garbage just let me live