#imagine him all vulnerable
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puppppppppy Ā· 2 years ago
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personal character design headcanons + brainrot
Note: the re-bound!au does NOT belong to me, it belongs to @chipper-smol Iā€™m just not normal about it lol
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#I SAY PERSONAL BC ITS MY OWN SPIN ON IT. NOT CHIPPERS CANON UNLESS THEY DECIDE TO OR NOT YOU HEAR ME /LH#I made a banner and everything this time. PLWEASE send them your questions not me JAJFHDSF#I thought it would be cool if macaque has two separate forms as a shadow and inside a mindscape. like I wanted his shadow form to reflect#him in his prime and then the mindscape form as what he looked like when he died. or a more vulnerable state at least#based on LBD appearing to MK as the ivory lady when she died in the S3 special. I donā€™t know exactly what it was but my first thought seein#the white void was she was appearing to MK in his mindscape to talk to him. so I built on that#I wanted to give him a more ā€˜Smokeyā€™ look as a shadow just based on how he manipulates them in the show like in shadow play. I hope this#makes it look cool and immaterial. and then his mindscape form would be more battered up and tangible#the last couple images are chippers ideas though since they said the monkeys are drawn to MK when macaque is possessing him lol#and the fact that macaque doesnā€™t have any senses unless heā€™s possessing someone + literally sniffing out wukong in the scroll šŸ¤ØšŸ“ø#I also have a vivid image of macaque moving from the mindscape to physical form like umm. kind of like when he passes the boundary between#physical and spirit/mind(?) itā€™s like the shadow covers him like ink. or pulling Saran Wrap over your face and it clings to your skin#so it kind of makes the shadow seem like a sort of shell or covering.. and I love the idea of MK meeting macaque in the mindscape for the#first time too. like the moment mac rescues him from LBD and MK sees him all battered and tired looking brooooooo#Iā€™m not even sure if that would count as a mindscape but it rattles around in my brain like loose marbles#god I fucking love this au. gives me imagination fuel swear to god#my art#doodles#lmk#Lego Monkie kid#Monkie kid#lmk au#re-bound!au#rebound au#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#lmk macaque#lmk six eared macaque#lmk mk#lmk xiaotian
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claitea Ā· 4 months ago
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idk quick doodles of a time where volo ends up finally giving up his plans and rei gets his friend back. i just really wanted to draw that hug haha
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fun-esta Ā· 4 months ago
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adamsrcnan Ā· 2 years ago
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I'm getting a little teary eyed thinking about how, because of Neil, Andrew gets to experience a soft and gentle love where all his boundaries and traumas are respected. I think it says so much that Neil was basically raised on the run by a mother who ensured he only ever looked out for himself, and his own needs, and yet Neil doesn't ever once think about crossing Andrew's boundaries.
He creates such a safe space for Andrew that eventually he doesn't even have to ask Andrew for permission to touch him bc Andrew is comfortable and secure enough to allow it because he KNOWS Neil will never harm him. Neil provides an outlet for all of Andrew's love to spill out freely without him ever having to worry and i find that so goddamn beautiful.
Like i don't think Andrew probably ever thought he'd get to a point in his life where he'd be living in domestic bliss with a lover and pets. Yet Neil stumbled into his life and gave that to him. He gave him safety, and trust, and comfort. Neil gave Andrew a quiet after the storm he probably thought would never leave him!!!
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pigidin Ā· 3 months ago
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UMM?? GUYS??
Alt coz ik the quality is bad::
[The mind Bill knows best. Pure ego. Putty in Bill's hands. Bill will also reveal that, while he was possessing Ford in the 80's, he ripped out a number of pages from Ford's journal and erased his memory of them. Bill will show the LOST PAGES from JOURNAL 3 that have never before been seen]
DOES ANYONE WANNA TALK ABOUT THE MEMORY ERASE THINGY COZ IM GOING PRETTY MUCH INSANE OVER THIS INFO. WHAT.
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s0fter-sin Ā· 9 months ago
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thinking about the way ghost doesn't hesitate to start killing shadows when graves betrays them but soap only takes one hostage
you can almost hear the voice in his head telling him it doesn't have to be this way; they can still talk it out
"i'm calling shepherd"
his first instinct when confronted with betrayal is to play it by the books; to go up the chain and sort it out democratically. that goes against everything we've seen him do; heā€™s quick to drop his enemies and bucks authority at every chance except for the one time he's confronted with the barrels of his allies' guns
he wants a peaceful resolution; for the first time we've ever seen, he doesn't want violence to be the answer
there has to be another fix, a solution that doesn't end with him killing the same men he's been working with; his friends
nothing's happened yet
it doesn't have to go this way
but ghost has been betrayed before. he knows the way this ends; either with him six feet under or his enemy
he doesn't hesitate
it's only when they knock alejandro out that soap shoots; when they spill the first blood and cross a line they can never come back from
only when ghost orders him to run and he has to cover his retreat
and somewhere along the line, between civiliansā€™ screams and taunting voices, between his shaking breath and ghost steady in his ear, that naivety is stripped away; his trust turned to teeth that he uses to sink into throats of men he'd have given his life for
"be careful who you trust, sergeant; people you know can hurt you the most"
he's learned the price of trust
just like ghost did
but unlike ghost, he has someone to guide him through the aftermath
"good advice, It"
#i might crown myself the ceo of soap meta at this point i love digging into this boy#but it seriously fucks me up how much he tries to de escalate the situation#invoking shepherd like hes trying to remind graves of who funds him and the power he holds#the consequences heā€™ll face if he goes through with this. just stop and think it through first#only to be stricken silent when graves drops ā€˜general shepherd sends his regardsā€™#he doesnt say a single word after that#ghosts the one who picks up the lead for him ā€˜he knows about this?ā€™#he can still function through his shock and the gut wrenching betrayal bc heā€™s been through this before#and he knows freezing will get him killed#but soap doesnt#he freezes#getting shot is something he wouldve been through before but being shot by an ally?#at that moment he isnt sergeant mactavish#hes johnny and hes in shock#and thats why ghost yelling for johnny doesnt reach him#he only breaks through when he calls him soap. when hes forced back into a soldiers mindset#thats all thats keeping him going. he isnt johnny a man whos been betrayed by a friend#hes a soldier following direct orders to keep himself alive#i can only imagine the after#when he lets his rage run out and is faced with the vulnerable and painful betrayal#but ghosts there to help him through that too. there for johnny the way he wished someone had been there for him#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#cod mw2#john soap mactavish#soap cod#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#soapghost
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commsroom Ā· 10 months ago
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thinking about my friend @whats-a-terrarium's post about eiffel wanting to go out on a star wars reference (i.e. that he was going to say "i love you" to hera, expecting her to complete the reference with "i know.") and i fully believe that's true. i don't think he would say it so directly unless it was as a reference. (and i do still believe the framing of the scene itself is a meta reference, knowing that the writers were big fans of the new doctor who and the way it evokes "if it's my last chance to say it, rose tyler, i-") but, that said, it also gives me an opportunity to talk about something i usually don't.
eiffel's sacrifice in the finale is selfish. it's his autonomy, and his choice, and hera respects that, but she's the one who has to pull the trigger and wipe his mind, and he knows this, knowing all of her personal baggage about identity and memory. to then, if you accept this, follow that up with a confession-that's-also-a-reference, expecting her to complete it in someone else's words, regardless of the sincerity... that's also selfish, and that's why it resonates as characterization. i believe it's true because of what that signifies.
this is one of the main reasons i've always felt eiffel has to get his memory back - because that's a set-up, not a resolution. he's not cured of being doug eiffel, of his desire to escape himself, of his impulse to self-destruct, of his need to filter the things he can't say through the familiarity of narrative. the point of giving eiffel his memory back, to me, is that he is always himself, that self-improvement is a constant project with no reset button. eiffel has always had a problem with selective memory, and with using it to evade difficult conversations and responsibilities.
people often point out that eiffel seems more soft-spoken after losing his memory, but everything else aside: he literally runs everything in his brain through the filter of pop culture. imagine suddenly not having access to your primary method of communication. the language is there, but the context is not. the circumstances surrounding eiffel's memory loss will weigh on hera, and i think - in an inverted sort of way to constructive criticism - part of working through that is in eiffel learning how to communicate without that emotional crutch. he can get it back once he's done.
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total-drama-brainrot Ā· 10 months ago
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TD World Tour AU, where Noah doesn't tell Owen that Alejandro is an eel in London... In Area 51, Noah is accidentally splashed with an alien truth potion (which wears off after a few days) and he talks to Owen... Owen asks Noah what he truly thinks about Alejandro, and Truth-Potion Affected Noah says this: "I have mixed feelings for Alejandro. He's a brilliant, interesting guy and I like him, but I don't trust him. He's like a slippery eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. Basically, Heather with social skills. Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?!"... What if Alejandro secretly heard Noah call him all those conflicting things + Alejandro also learns that Noah is affected with an alien truth potion? šŸ‘½
Alright, you got me. I'm an absolute sucker for truth potion plots, especially when the character(s) effected by them are usually either pathological liars or incredibly secretive- of which Noah absolutely falls into the second category, given he shares so little personal information.
I'll gloss over why Noah declined to shit-talk Alejandro in London (though there's so many ways this change in behaviour could be justified) since the focal point of this hypothetical centred around their time in Nevada, so let's start from the beginning of the Area 51 challenge.
Area 51:
Before we start, it'll have to be established that no one was eliminated in London. Let's say that the majority vote went towards Duncan (team CIRRRRH voted him out immediately because they found his re-admission to the competition unfair, I guess. I imagine he'd also vote himself, if not as a plan to escape the competition he'd been actively skiving from, then just as an act of spite) but Chris instead claimed it was a rewards challenge- much like he does in Greece- because he doesn't want to let Duncan slip away again so soon.
I see no reason to alter the first part of the challenge- the sneaking into Area 51 portion- since team CIRRRRH's course of entry is fairly straightforward. Noah's presence doesn't make much of a difference to how it would play out; the majority of them throw their rocks and run, Owen gets lasered over the fence and Owen-napped, ect ect.
When both teams have managed to make their way into the Black Box Warehouse, Noah immediately suggests they should prioritise rescuing Owen. Tyler's quick to agree, since he's a firm believer in the "no man left behind" mentality (and he probably makes a not-so-subtle jab towards Noah for his chance of tune compared to London, where both he and Owen did leave Tyler behind) leaving Duncan and Alejandro to split from the group- Duncan in search of Gwen, and Alejandro just takes the opportunity to finally be free from his 'incompetent teammates' and prioritises finding an artifact.
Noah and Tyler come across the contraption Owen's trapped in, Tyler punches it in a futile effort to break it open, and the face hugger cube drops into Noah's hands. This is where the point of divergence comes into play; Tyler has his E.T. moment with one of the face huggers, but Noah- who's a tad bit more observant than Alejandro, and used to dodging surprise attacks from his various older siblings (and Izzy)- anticipates his own face hugger attack and promptly starts a game of cat-and-mouse with a taser alien hot on his heels.
The commotion of which attracts the rest of his team. Alejandro and Duncan arrive on the scene to see Tyler being electrocuted by an alien and Noah running in circles evading another.
Duncan attempts to rip the face hugger from Tyler's face, finding success at the cost of sending Tyler trampling into Owen's captive contraption (essentially taking Alejandro's canonical place in this scene) and inadvertently freeing Owen.
Meanwhile, Alejandro swipes up the nearest box he can find and snags the alien chasing Noah, who's still very loudly panicking as he flees, and succeeds! The alien is swiftly captured into the box, netting team CIRRRRH their artifact, and Noah promptly goes careening into the nearest tower of junk in his face hugger-fuelled hysteria. This causes another box to topple from the peak of the tower, landing directly on Noah's head and spilling its contents onto the bookworm- glass vials filled with a mysterious, luminescent cobalt blue liquid shatter into pieces drenching Noah in whatever they contained. (i.e. truth potion.)
Owen has his false-amnesia moment, characterised by his Joker makeover, and Alejandro enacts his revenge post-hypnotic suggestion after being addressed as "Al" one too many times.
Noah, understandably, swiftly objects to Owen's treatment and demands that Alejandro snap him out of it. Alejandro concedes, and Owen's brought back to himself. At least, for a moment, before the fatigue of having his mind messed with sends Owen into near-catatonia (the same as canon), meaning he has to be ferried through the Warehouse and back to the Jet by Alejandro and Duncan.
Things carry on canonically from there; Noah's just sort of there for the most part, though there'd be a minor hint to his newfound proclivity for honesty. Something along the lines of him giving an uncharacteristically honest answer to Owen as to who he's voting- Tyler, of course, since he was the one who ultimately threw the challenge for them... and also because Tyler still holds some resentment towards Noah for what happened in London, and Noah feels guilty about it every time he looks at the jock. Wait, why did he say that?
Sometime between this and the elimination scene, Noah wipes the truth-goop off of himself, but not before the effects have already started.
Tyler's voted out, yada yada yada.
The Jet:
Thus begins the start of "Picnic at Hanging Dork". Team CIRRRRH, consisting of just Alejandro, Duncan, Owen and Noah, are slumming it up in the Economy Cabin. Alejandro tries to rally his team by asking how to break apart Courtney and Heather's tentative co-operation. Owen suggests having Alejandro seduce Heather, since it worked for both Bridgette and Leshawna. Duncan makes his "Babe Olympics" comment. Noah pipes up that playing with someone's feelings is pretty scummy, even for someone competing for a million dollars.
Alejandro takes Noah's reluctance towards his methodology poorly; he hadn't spoken up before, when Alejandro had utilized the same strategy against other girls- and even Owen noticed that, so surely Noah did too- so why was he to outwardly against him using the same tricks? Duncan agrees, and offers ''his'' idea of having Alejandro flirt with Courtney to throw both her and Heather off their games (since Heather has an obvious crush on Alejandro), and things follow canon.
Then, the scene between Alejandro and Courtney happens. Noah scoffs at the display from the side lines, prompting Owen to ask him why he's so against Alejandro's plan.
"I mean, you never said anything before, when he flirted with Bridgette and Leshawna." Owen comments, light-hearted in nature but with an underlying questioning tone.
Noah's eyes flicker with a cobalt glow, easily mistaken for a trick of the light, and he speaks without even thinking.
"Yeah, because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bridgette was happenstance, and Leshawna's whole deal could've been a coincidence, or some massive misunderstanding. But this?" Noah extends an accusing hand out towards a smug looking Alejandro, then pans it over to a flattered Courtney, "He's outright toying with Courtney's feelings after she was cheated on in front of an international audience. It's scummy."
Owen nods in understanding, momentary contemplation evident in the pouted curve of his lips, and he chimes in.
"Does that mean you don't like Al?"
"I never said that."
"Well, how do you feel about him, then?"
Again, a flash of blue light against the hickory backdrop of Noah's eyes, and he responds thoughtlessly.
"I guess I have mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he's slippery, like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. He's like if you took all of the worst aspects of Heather, wrapped them up in a pretty package, and gave them social skills..." He holds his hands out before him in a scale-like manner, with the left tipped downwards and tie right raised by his chin. Then, the two hands swap positions.
"And on the other hand, he's brilliant. I've never met anyone as talented as Alejandro; he's smart, he's athletic, he's funny. It's almost unfair just how perfect everything about him is- even his face is perfect. It's ridiculous! Infuriating, even. It's so hard to dislike him, even when I know he's bad news, but that doesn't mean I trust him."
Owen stands slack jawed beside his best friend, both impressed and stunned at the raw honesty of Noah's tirade. Noah, now a little more aware of himself, realises that he's said more than he intended to- more than he thinks he's ever spoken in one go throughout the entirety of Total Drama. He's not usually one for speeches, after all, let alone honest ones.
He's always been the type to play his cards close to his chest, so why...?
"I, uh, didn't mean to go off like that."
And he also didn't mean to admit it, either. What was going on?
The look Owen gives him is, in a word, vivid. The blonde has a shit-eating grin stretching across his face, a sort of elated smugness practically glowing from his features.
"Sounds like someone has a cruuuush!~"
What? No? No! Not at all, where would Owen even get that idea?!
Noah splutters to correct Owen's assumption (to disastrous results, because he does sort-of has a crush on Alejandro, so the truth potion doesn't allow him to outright deny it), and in his preoccupied state he misses how a calculating pair of sage green eyes never seems to stray from him.
Alejandro has a lot to think about in regards to a certain cynic, it seems.
#I'd like to apologise for taking this idea and running with it.#Cutting myself off here before I breach 2k+ words or else I'll be here all day.#Sort of entered actual Writing Mode at the end there instead of Outline Mode but this idea is. So Full Of Potential I couldn't help myself.#But from here it'd basically be Alejandro using his newfound knowledge of Noah's crush on him to his advantage.#Whilst Noah's doing his best (and failing) to deny that he has any feelings for Alejandro.#Eventually leading to the two of them having a Bonding Moment where Alejandro gets Noah to divulge some personal information.#And in turn- or an effort to garner some trust (to be abused later)- Alejandro also lets himself be vulnerable towards Noah.#Something something Alejandro tries to use Noah as a pawn but ends up catching feelings of his own.#Then of course the potion wears off and Noah goes back to being just as prickly and standoffish as he was before.#A point of conflict maybe? Imagine bearing your soul out to someone only for them to close themself off to you not even days afterwards.#...Also imagine being practically forced to divulge information about yourself to someone you don't trust because of a truth potion.#Oh yeah. That's some good angst material right there.#Especially is you have Alejandro be- if not fully aware- than at least suspect that Noah's not being agreeable on his own terms.#Anon why have you given me The Thoughts?? I can't keep brainstorming AUs when I already have fics to work on!!#ophe's ranting in the tags again#total drama#td noah#td alejandro#team chris is really really really really hot#alenoah#-ish#silly ideas#other's ideas#long post#replies#kinda drafty in here (posts from the drafts)
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shadyvoidhologram Ā· 3 months ago
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I was laying in bed overthinking, as you do, and started to go on a depressive doom spiral. And then, to distract myself I started thinking about the things I like.
[Spoilers and some gross details incoming, you know what Mouthwashing is about]
So, eventually I started thinking about Curly being in a similar headspace as I was, laying down, incapable of doing anything, constantly in pain and hearing time and time again how quickly things are going to shit and that it's all your fault.
Him replaying his mistakes over and over on his head, imagining the many ways things could've gone a different way if only he had done something instead of ignoring the issues to "keep the peace".
Remembering every interaction that led to the accident, Anya's confession, his friends poorly disguised resentment, him ignoring and filtering details of his crew's mental state, her taking the gun, the notice, Jimmy.
Him being a coward and disguising his hate of confrontation with the guise of being a good friend.
And then comming back to reality, to is burning flesh. To the blood, shit and bile staining the bandages, robe and bed, to watching and hearing his friends suffer and die, unable to do anything.
When the kid dies, in the midst of all the emotional chaos, he feels some sick sense of relief knowing that probably Swansea will deal with both of them quickly and it'll be over at last.
Then Jimmy finds the gun.
And he can't help but laugh. He remembers the conversation they had and he cackles bitterly because not even in death can her wishes be respected. She trusted him and he failed her even after she was gone.
Soon enough it's just the two of them left.
Through muffled ears he hears Jimmy rambling, talking to himself, asking questions and answering right after, he sees him moving the bodies around. When Jimmy carries him from the infirmary to the common room table he's still as stone, not a sound leaves his mouth, he doesn't look at the bodies thrown on the chairs around the table, he doesn't even breathe.
But all of Jimmy's attention, hatred, idolatry, and envy are on him only. Eyes glossy, cut pieces of a one sided conversation and a tentative smile on his lips when he reaches for the slightly dented knife.
He screams until his lungs close and his throat burns. When he's fed parts of himself he cries and throws up until he is forced to swallow and keep it down.
He's dehidrated, half delirious from the blood loss and emotionally checked out when Jimmy picks him up and tells him they can still fix this, he knows what to do. That he's going home.
Sure, he thinks, he wants to go home.
When he's placed on the cryopod he just stares at Jimmy talk to himself at him some more, about being heroes and everything being all right now. Then he steps out of sight.
It's on the silence after the loud bang when his brain starts working again, he's completely and utterly alone on a crashed ship of a company that's closing it's doors, with a now depleted shipment that wasn't even important enough to guarantee a search party, and no way of fending for himself in the case of 20 years passing and no one coming, even less if the power gave out before that.
As the cryopod finally starts to cool, the few tears he has left fall from his remaining eye.
He hopes he doesn't wake up to see what happens next.
..ok see y'all when I wake up-
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leonsliga Ā· 8 months ago
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Manu the miracle šŸ’«
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lususnatura Ā· 6 months ago
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just a gentle reminder that THIS is how big the spines around blamore's neck are whenever he doesn't shrink them... so, it's pretty much a surefire way for it to keep other people away from him, NGL ā˜ ļø (unless you are trying to get poked in the eye JSJSJ / j i'm kidding, i'm kidding (,: but blamore really does have several natural defenses against any 'aggressors,' i guess you could say, and it's spines REALLY add to it's uncannyness whenever they're at full - length ).
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#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#yeah... i have yet to talk about the spines around blamore's neck so i thought ' why not do that today? ' BUT -#i just wanted to let you all know that unless i specify otherwise in an rp then blamore has shrunk the size of them BC although he cannot-#make them go away it can at least make them a littleee more manageable to walk around with (': because i can imagine that they'd -#probably get caught on a lot of thing's if they were at full length all the time LOL but as i was saying here if blamore stretches them to-#their normal size then you should DEFINITELY assume that blamore sees you as a threat because they both serve a psychologically -#defensive purpose as well as a physically defensive one because i mean. I can probably imagine that some people might back down-#if they see them springing out of his neck all of a sudden like THAT but for those who still want to fight him? well then they could kind o#serve as a guard to his neck / head from being injured or cut off though there is a vulnerable spot between the bones of it but SHHH#i didn't tell y'all that / j LMAO i'm just joking again but yesss. they are VERY pointy and feel strong if you were granted permission to-#touch them by blamore + it is a little more lenient of letting people touching it's spines around his neck compared to his spine#so perhaps that could happen to y'all oc. who knows... šŸ‘€#tw: bones.#MAN IS BOUND TO LIE ABOUT HIMSELF: headcanons.
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astradyke Ā· 9 days ago
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i think about dan is not okay a lot as someone who is plagued by thoughts of d&p in 2021 and the potential there. and something i've wondered is like... dan wrote a book, right, and it's conventional though not mandatory that you sign a book deal and write two books. and i think with the terrible influence tour and d&p renaissance i have found this less plausible but i've imagined that DINOK could have taken a book format to explore similar themes kind of like a novel? but i suppose the issue there is that performing is what dan is really passionate about rather than like, writing. but in any case something i am thinking about now as we begin 2025 and look down the barrel of unknown exciting d&p content is like, would DINOK ever make a resurgence or is that kind of the vestiges of like, exploring a subject that WAD tackled? because dan is not okay was exploring what dan's life would have been like had he never come out. and we have basically i'm gay and (though it wasn't totally under his terms in a lot of ways creatively) gay but not proud, where dan kind of tackles (but ultimately leaves an unlinked thread with implications we've yet to see) how his sexuality has affected his life and interacted with his career. and then DINOK failed, leading to WAD, where that's more focused on dan finding hope in the future. and i think WAD actually maybe closed the chapter for where DINOK could happen because WAD set up a very like, looking forward and moving on sort of thing, and TIT functionally does something very similar with d&p right-- both are very life saving things. and DINOK i think is reminiscent in a way that after WAD might not be like, his current mentality. because we never really got that in depth exploration of what his life would have been like had he not been gay, but we saw all these projects come to light of what his life is like now that he is openly gay-- and with the way that in recent content he's seemed to have shaken off some of the bits of his cynical humor (though he still has cynical sometimes self-deprecatory humor!! but i think after WAD and with the TIT era he's been a lot more happy as a person and with that has come him letting go of some of the edgy branding he was confined to. imo), i'm wondering if this is like a new chapter that would leave behind DINOK as an idea. no more space to contemplate the misery of what might have happened, because what happened happened-- that could speak to him coming out, or DINOK failing, or WAD-- and he's moving forward. i guess what i'm trying to say is that there might be a shift in dan's artwork, based on his mentality, from the vulnerability of tragedy to the vulnerability of joy.
this was a very repetitive yap but i wonder if y'all have thoughts on this
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vaguely-concerned Ā· 3 months ago
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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darkshrimpemotions Ā· 10 months ago
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Actually the implications of John also being bisexual are so fucking tasty to me because like. OG John has no support system and no protection against the world except his own perceived strength so he learns to ferret out anything that can possibly be seen as weakness to those around him and that includes any affection or attraction he might feel towards men because nothing screams "stay in your fucking closet" like spending all your time around a fringe subculture of serial killing doomsday preppers in the Midwest during the Reagan era.
By the time he notices Dean starting to look a little too long at boys his age, he's probably convinced himself that whatever he felt (still feels but ignores) was a temporary youthful indiscretion, and of course Dean can't afford those, doesn't get to have those, he's got to be a soldier. He's got to be a better soldier than John, even.
I dunno I've just had enough conversations with family members who are loudly but somehow also mildly homophobic and yet say or do things that make me *eyeballs emoji* not to think this is not only possible but arguably likely.
#supernatural#the winchesters#spn#spnwin#john winchester#shifting my headcanon of john to the type of person who doesn't think of himself as homophobic if he ever things about it at all#and would even probably try to stop a hate crime if he saw one happening right in front of him#(or likes to think he would)#but also views his own queer desire--and thus that of others--with suspicion and contempt#like something frivolous that he simply doesn't have the luxury to pursue as a Real Man in the Real World with Real Responsibilities#and when you live like that especially due to your own choices anything that seems like a luxury you view with a certain level of contempt#so he's like 'heh must be nice to have time for boyfriends' in the most condescending and degrading way imaginable#in the same way he probably treated sam's affinity for academia#in fact i'd argue a lot of what we see from dean with regards to the way he mocks sam for certain things is probably just echoes of john#and what's REALLY crazy-making is the way most of these things dean mocks sam for early on later prove to be things DEAN actually does enjo#dean likes to read and he loves chick flicks and he gets excited about tomatoes and enjoys dressing up nice#dean learned early on that certain things were not acceptable for a Real Man from john bullying him out of doing them#and he does the same to sam#and one of the things he consistently mocks sam for in the beginning is his perceived sexuality#and sure we could just chalk that up to stereotyping but EVEN THEN that jives with the idea that#john simply put his own queer desire in a box labeled 'weaknesses real men don't have' along with idk a love of reading and salads and bein#emotionally vulnerable and sincere with people you love#and then he told Dean 'this is the box of forbidden things'#and dean the ever-dutiful son learned his lesson well
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uhbasicallyjustmilex Ā· 1 year ago
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four walls: alex moodboard
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(milesā€™s version)
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angsttronaut Ā· 5 months ago
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one of the weird things about life expectancies in warrior cats stretching out as the series goes on is that lionblaze is 8 years old with adult grandchildren and showing no signs of age or even retiring, while yellowfang was depicted as old af when she died at the age of 8.
#warrior cats#yellowfang#lionblaze#in fairness i imagine being invincible for years when he was younger and unable to obtain serious injuries or illness#probably gave him a lifespan boost. but everyone else around him is living forever; thornclaw is fine even though his siblings retired#and they're all old enough to attend secondary school. cats like squirrelflight and whitewing don't seem to have stiffer limbs or grey fur.#i don't think they should have the same lifespan as a typical unmanaged feral colony (only 2 years!) but i think first arc cats#should really have all died of old age a while ago. second arc cats should be retired and starting to pass from old age. and cats from the#third and fourth arcs beginning to feel their age and the older ones retiring.#so a lifespan of about 8-10 years i think? with the odd outlier like mistystar. leaders should probably live another year or two anyhow#because of their extra lives. although normal age related complications would likely start to eat into them once they live for long enough.#(i mean. squirrelstar just go her nine lives. she's probably going to live longer than a cat like tallstar who got them at a younger age#even if she lands up with kidney failure or cancer they haven't been whittled away when she was young via other stuff. i think her living#long enough to take the junior cert is reasonable)#also i think medicine cats would live a bit longer because they don't have to hunt and fight all the time. although older med cats would be#more vulnerable to being killed by a disease outbreak. i think their apprentice would have to take on tasks like herb gathering and treatin#contagious illnesses.
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