#all wide eyes and sharp angles and moody vulnerability

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

four walls: alex moodboard

(miles’s version)

[hotwings0203]

Hello!!!

I'm here with some Muslim Hawks headcanons!!

Okayyy soooo you that headcanon of how Hawks collects trinkets? Yeah Muslim Hawks would definitely flirt with you by giving you churiyan (probably gold or red ones lol) and when you wear them, he feels so possessive and can't control himself and play with your hands and fingers telling you how he can't wait to put a ring on you and how these colors look so pretty on you

Speaking of jewelry, when you guys get engaged (which you will cuz he knows how to keep a good reputation with the elders), he gives you jewelry that has his feathers incorporated in it

Okay! But if its not churiyan, I think he would get you an anklet bracelet (payal?), and lmao he would corner you and would crouch down and just softly touch your ankle while putting it on you, and to tease you, he would slowly trace his fingers up your leg while looking up at you with his sharp and playful gaze and he would relish in the way you blush and squeak Hawks! And run away LOLL

Also! He loves it when you feed him, will coo and chirp like a god damn bird. Again you know that trope of the bride feeding the groom, he would totally grab your hand to feed him, and maintain eye contact the whole time, his hawk like gaze pinning you in space and you're just trying not die from blushing

Nickenames!!! Has a plethora of nicknames for you like meri jaan, meri chaand, etc. but his main ones are 'meri chhoti churiya' (my little bird) or 'meri methi churiya' (my sweet bird)! And everytime he utters these names, it'd make you soooo flustered! And omg if he calls you that in front or near the elders, you'd blush so hard while subtly glaring at him and he would just smirk and wink at you lolll

Also I feel like he would be that asshole who scares you when you're at a party and telling djinn stories LOL like the kids and others are all gathered in a room after dinner, its after maghrib, and you are telling djinn stories or watching a horror movie, and when the scary part comes, he would send one his feathers to tickle your feet or touch your shoulder or ear, and you'd squeak and jump right into him (cuz of course hes sitting right beside you, even though you tried to move away from him, you know halal distances and stuff) and he's just sitting all smug and being like "don't worry jaan I'll protect you" LMFAO

Okay okay, that's enough for now, I'll send more soon!!!!

WIAFHFHFHFFN THE FIRST SENTENCE I WAS SOLD!! man I’ve been so excited and literally WAITING to tackle these cuz you always deliver the best headcannons

I could totally see over the expanse of him trying to court you your wardrobe if accessories would slowly shift over to red and gold colors, and if you don’t wear them then he gets all pouty and moody until you catch his drift and run back to wear his colors:)

OO FUUCCKKKK YO PAYAL IS SO SEXY AND FOR WHAT?? Like maybe you’re at someone else’s wedding sitting down from dancing so much, or just stuffed with food when he pounces on your vulnerable state.

���Hey there churiya(bird), I hope you liked my churiyan(bangles),” he snorts at his cringe joke and you can’t help but loosely suppress a laugh yourself.”

“Ha-ha Keigo, verryyyy funny. Arent you supposed to be schmoozing up to your usual harem?”

“My harem?” He pretends to look shocked and places a hand on his chest. “I’m insulted, truly. It’s not a harem, it’s a cult.”

“Ugh!” You get up to leave when he drops to a kneel and grabs your foot, preventing you from leaving.

“What’re you doing?”

“You know, I might have a cult following, but I think id rather keep you as my high priestess. What do you say?” You feel sturdy fingers dancing along your feet and you giggle as he tickles the bottoms.

Then a cold lightweight chain is looped around your toes and around your ankle. You angle to look at it in surprise, and open your mouth to ask why he’s putting payal on you when his fingers start to wander.

Your mouth is stuck open as you watch in shock how his nails lightly rake your smooth skin, and trace up your kameez, letting the cloth ride up your bare legs in a teasing taste of what was his to come.

“Yeah? You enjoying that churiya? There’s more where that came from,” he whispers as he draws his head near and drills his golden eyes into your fluttering ones.

“You-what-“ you sputter as he grips your knee as draws small circles at the back of it.

“If you want me to to higher, you gotta take me out on a date first. Or put a ring on it, either way doesn’t matter to me.”

“Hawks!” You try to pretend you don’t enjoy the sound of his boisterous laughter as you spring up and run to hide your face.

You know he’ll be back though. He always comes back.

As for the bird chirping noises, YES. ABSOLUTELY AND 100%!!

It’s on your wedding when he’s sitting next to you, clad in gold and white while you’re in a deep red (much to his pleasure).

The adults are chatting amongst themselves and turned away from you both when you decide to indulge him. You delicately pick up a piece of laddoo and bring the food to his mouth, turning his chin with your hand under it to face you.

He looks at you with wide eyes and then grins when he sees what you’re doing.

“Come on lardki. Don’t you know feeding mithai is bad for birds? They could die, y’know” he simpers yet accepts the food heartily, chomping away and looking at you with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Hmm, that’s too bad. And here I was thinking birds mate for life.” You flick your hair and get a taste of rasgullah yourself, licking the milky substance off your fingers slowly and relishing when he swallows hard at the sight.

It’s hard to hide your grin when his chirps come throughout the rest of the evening during the randomest of times, his face turning as bright as your lengha when he remembers the erotic sight.

I guess there really is a way to shut him up after all.

AND YESSS YO THIS ASSHOLE JUST LOOVEESSS DJINN STORIES😭

I bet y’all would be at a party, the kind that ends at 1 in the morning when all the kids are tired and delirious.

“Alright guys, gather around. I’m about to lighten this party up.” He claps his hands and waits for all the kids and young adults to circle around him excitedly, their fatigue washed away by the prospect of hearing how another one of their great ancestors was possessed.

It just so happens that you find yourself seated next to him (with the help of his feather with poked the butts of 8 year olds away with subtle yelps).

He makes sure to give you his signature wink and grin especially for you before he starts the story, and you cover your mouth to hide your smile and roll your eyes.

12 minutes in, the lights are all off and everyone is leaning forward, hooked on his story.

“And then, you know what happens to the girl?” He asks lowly in the dark. He can sense everyone’s holding their breaths, yours included.

“N-no, what happens?” One girl asks timidly.

“He POSSESS HER!” Keigo shouts and uses his feather to disperse around the room, sliding under people’s feet’s and knees, causing absolute mayhem as they all run around in the pitch black room and scream.

You weren’t given any mercy either, except your special feathers lift up and tilt your body to dump on his lap.

When he feels your hands searching in the dark in panic of who it is, he grabs your wrist and pulls you close to him, using the void of the room to relish in wrapping his arms and wings around you.

It’s just you and him in that moment, amongst the screams and shouts.

“K-keigo?”

“I’m here meri jaan. I’ll protect you from those big bad djinn,” he chuckles and brings his head near your neck, not touching exactly but rather brushing his nose against the column of your throat and growling when you shudder at the goosebumps racing across your arms.

[yandere-wishes]

Payment // Twisted Wonderland Yandere! Azul Ashengrotto x Reader//

Just in time for the Octavinelle chapter! I felt like making Azul suffer for a little so there is a bit of angst in here, also thank you so much to the anon who requested this story!

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The knocking on his door jolted Azul awake from his nap. His head sprung up eyes wide surveying the layout of his office. When had he fallen asleep? The clock read 6:30 in the afternoon, yet from what he could see the moon had already risen illuminating his office with a ghostly glow. He pinched the bridge of his nose standing up and sighing. How improper of him to fall asleep while reviewing contracts as well as his school work. The knocking continued, it began to echo around the room reverberating off the insides of his skull wedging its self into his brain. louder louder!LOUDER! He marched over to the door ready to send whoever it was on their way. He was too fatigued for pleasantries and politeness. He pulled the door wide open, mouth ajar ready to yell....he never did.There stood (Y/N), eyes bloodshot fresh tear stains tattooed over her cheeks. "I want a contract right now!" she yelled pushing past him, stomping into the office and plumbing down on one of the satin white couches. Her shoulders were slumped, she looked so weak and vulnerable. Azul quickly followed behind her, headache and unfinished work long forgotten. He slipped into the seat beside her, gloved hands gently rubbing her back. Upon the physical contact, she quickly straightened her back. The popping of joints and bones roared over the quiet room. She tried to wipe away her tears, trying to keep the new ones at bay. "He..hesaidhe... he" Her words slurred together, sticking into an incomprehensible phrase. What had happened to her? Azul's mind started falling down a sprawling rabbit whole, listing all the possible horrible things that some mongrel could have done to his precious, innocent, sweet (y/n)...No..they weren't his...they'd never been his...Azul continued rubbing circles over (y/n)'s back, his warm touch sent a caused (y/n)'s sobbing to an almost full stop, her posture relaxed practically melting into his touch. An easy silence blanketed the office, Azul's heart began to speed up. He'd never been this close to her, never touched her before. The moment felt perfect, like the gentle tide washing over his body on a bright sunny day...yes this was just like those rare blissful days back at the Sea of Corals when he'd been permitted to leave his lonely cave. "I want a contract...." Your brittle voice fragmented the irie hush. Azul's blue gaze dropped to the tiled floor, why were you so insistent on that tonight. What could you possibly want so badly that you were willing to make a deal with the devil? Azul's gesture stopped, arm dropping to the couch. "....Why?" It was unlike him to question why someone wanted a contract, he would just provide the pen and paper and smile his signature glowing grin. But something about you made him act like a dame fool. "I-I want..." You couldn't utter a single word without tearing up. What was going on! "Please" Azul leaned over, taking your small hands in his "Just tell me" his tone was too caring unfit of a sea which such as himself. "I want Malleus to love me!" You blurted out, a sharp edge engraved in your tone. Azul's heart sped up ready to break his ribcage, wanting to leave his body and beach it's self like a depressed whale.  You loved...Malleus, Malleus of all people! The moody always complaining prince of the fae. The prized child of NRC. Azul never cared much for the admiration and praise that everyone threw at his feet, but hearing that the dark fae had stolen your heart shattered his. Malleus had everything so why did he have to take the only thing Azul loved? WHY!He was desperate to say no, to shout it, to scream it until his throat went raw. He wanted to tell you that he loved you, that he would always love you. Unlike that arrogant fae who never thought of anything but himself, who was always in a bad mood for the most ridiculous reasons! But alas, Azul's mouth was a graveyard the words dying on his tongue before they got to breathe an ounce of air. His grip tightened hoping that his touch might just relay what he wanted to say. "Azul" his dishearted gaze rose to meet yours, it was his turn to look frail and broken in dire need of assistance. "Can you please make senior Malleus fall in love with me?" It hurt, it hurt so awfully! It felt like a thousand piranhas were biting every inch of his flesh, some had even infiltrated his skull, munching off chunks of his brain. He closed his eyes and sigh "I...I don't know...it could take a few days to find everything...I'll let you know by tomorrow..." The answer would still be no by tomorrow it would always be no. But he couldn't tell you that tonight not when you where so beaten and sad...when you couldn't utter a word without breaking down in tears. You quickly wrapped your arms around him, hugging him tightly as you buried your face in his chest, soaking up the sea salt scent that he dragged everywhere. Azul stiffened, lazily curling and arm around your back and patting it. "Thank you...Thank you so much" your tears began to flow again staining his powder blue vest. In his mind, Azul noted to never wash that vest again.Early the next morning Jade found his dorm leader passed out on the couch in his office. His glasses had fallen on the floor somehow still intact. His short silver hair was a mess. His school jacket had been discarded over his desk along with his shoes, one being placed neatly under the table while the other rested on its side over his jacket. "Boss?" The older twin was dumbfounded by the sight in front of him. Azul Ashengrotto, the well-kept deal maker of the school looked like a pathetic manta ray. "Boss!" Nope, nothing. With a sigh, Jade walked over to the couch, he grabbed the sweaty fabric of Azul's white button-up and forcefully swung him forward. "Azul!!" this was the loudest sternest tone he'd ever used on his dorm leader, the fear of what he may do to him washed over Jade causing him to break into a nervous sweat. Gradually the silver-haired second year's eye blinked open, he ran a hand over his face as he groaned loudly. "Time" He grumbled while cracking his neck from side to side. "Past eight am, classes start in ten...god what the hell happened to you last night?" For a minute Azul's mind blurred, the events of last night too distant and foreign to properly recall. The then it hit him like a typhoon, everything (y/n) had said, how she'd been such a mess, how she'd ask her help on the only matter he wished she hadn't."(Y/N)? The first-year who's in the ramshackle dorm?" A crease formed between Jade's brows, his mouth morphing into a scowl. "Is she refusing to pay? I'll send Jade to have a little chat with her, if that's the case." His fingers dove into his pocket fishing out his cellphone, he scrolled through look for his twin's number. "Put it away" Azul ordered, he slowly pushed himself to his feet, mumbling a couple of curses. "BUT!.." Jade's eyes widen, why was Azul acting so weird today? "Look.." The silver-haired man grabbed his coat slipping from under his right shoe. "It's not that she wasn't paid, heck she hasn't even signed the dame contract yet and frankly  I don't want her to!" The older leech twin stiffened, his mismatched eyes surveyed the office look for any signs of alcohol or party pills. That was the only reasonable explanation for why Azul was being so uncharacteristic. Azul marched back to the couch after having slipped on both shoes, he flopped down on his stomach dramatically letting out a high pitch cry. He angled his head to the side to stare up at his dormant, ocean blue eyes fogged with grief like a kicked seal. "I...I think...I love...her" even Azul couldn't believe the words coming from his mouth. He was notorious for his scheming and cunning nature being capable of getting whatever he wanted. Yet here he was moaning and groaning over a girl, a simple magicless darling girl.Jade was beginning to get slightly irritated, his dorm leader the great and powerful Azul was acting like a lovesick school girl. Reluncity he took a seat next to the Cecaelia, he began patting his back the way one would a small child. "The way I see it, you have the advantage here." Jade paused waiting for his words to sink in. Azul simply shifted his orbs to stare directly into Jade's golden ones. "How so" he murmured. "Why not provide her with a love potion. They are simple to come by and rather cheap in the noir market. In return for your services, she'll provide you with a pact to her soul. That way it wouldn't matter who she's in love with, she'll always have to return to you." Azul rolled over, curling his lips into a sly smirk.Excitement bubbled inside of you as you ran towards the Octavinelle dorm. You were so close to finally getting your happily ever after! So close to your true love! You pushed the decorative wooden doors open with all your force. "Azul!" Your cheerful voice bounced off the walls of his office reverberating back to you. Your shimmering eyes scanned the large room trying to find the man that held the last key to your happiness. Your sight finally landed on the silver-haired businessman man sat smugly at his desk, head leaning forward on entwined fingers. "(Y/n)! you finally made it my dear." He seemed to perk up upon seeing you a charming smile grazing his lips. You quickly ran over to the organized desk, slamming your hands on the oak wood you joyously yelled"Do you have it?!" "Yes right here--"You ripped the contract parchment from his hands and, using a golden fish skeleton pen you found on the desk you started to write the first letter of your name. 'Wait!" Azul reached out gripping your wrist tightly to prevent you from continuing. "Maybe you should read the fine print..." His voice trailed off never before had he wanted someone to read the fine print before heck he'd talked all so many people out of reading it! "No, no it's fine I'll pay whatever it takes!" You tugged your wrist from his fingers and rapidly scribbled the last few letters. You stood up straight reaching your hands out to Azul for him to drop whatever contraption he had conjured to help Malleus accept your confession. The sea witch tossed you a tiny glass bottle with a sickening pink like liquid inside. "Mix that into some chocolates or a drink or whatever you are going to give him, just make sure he eats it." You laughed as tears of joy slipped from the corners of your eyes. Spinning on your heels you dashed the door before Azul's voice stopped you dead in your tracks. "Aren't you forgetting your payment?"You turned with a frown on your face. "I-I um didn't bring anything with me, just tell me what it is you want and I'll go get it!" but Azul just shook his head and signaled with his finger for you to come back. Disheartedly you walked back to the desk, as you did so, Azul slipped a reflective colored oval into his mouth. As you stepped closer he grabbed your upper arm leaning you over his desk as his lips pushed upon your own. His teeth bite harshly into your lip causing you to which and open your mouth a bit, just enough for him to slip his tough in. Your mouth overflew with the taste of salt as something scaly slipped down your throat. As soon as you had swallowed the invasive object, Azul retracted. He clutched your chin with his fingers, tilting your head up. "Jade proposed I charge you a soul-bonding spell, in which your soul would become mine." Upon his words your eyes widen, a cold sweat broke over your body. "But being the saint that I am, I chose to charge you something else." You prayed in your mind that your payment would only be the kiss that whatever he had slipped into your mouth would have just been a joke, but your hope died down as he continued "I chose an attachment spell instead, much more effective and beneficial for the both of us. You can't step further than 12 meters from me or your body will start to morph into that of a tiny little fish. Really it's a gift it aids me in keeping you safe! "Once again tears started to fall from your eyes just like the night before. You're happily ever after shattering before your eyes. Azul let go of your chin and walked over from his desk. He laced his finger with your own and practically dragged you to the door, only stopping to retrieve his hat from the coat rack. "I believe we should get started on those chocolates from Malleus don't you agree? After all, he too should get a taste of what it feels like to want something yet for it to be so out of reach!""But not to worry you, poor unfortunate soul! Now that I have you in my clutch I'm NEVER letting you get away!"

[aphrodites-law]

A Bit of Clarity 🍂 (11/?) The visions had started last autumn, a year ago now. It had caused a bit of chaos for some, a bit of clarity for others. Two days ago, Clarke Griffin had been perfectly fine managing both her Café and her stress. But now she was curious - so deeply curious about the vision of herself entwined with the aloof Lexa Woods that it was leading her to complete distraction. (ao3)

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 10]

Like every autumn in Costial, rain showers overstayed their welcome. Street gutters overflowed and children laughed as they jumped in the growing puddles. With the rain came the storms and lightning; loud cracks of thunder that streaked the moody sky.

Born and raised in California, Lexa couldn’t remember a time her bones had felt this cold. Couldn’t remember it because it had never happened. And she loved Costial - loved every nook and cranny - but she did not love the cold. The umbrella Clarke had lent her had bent in the mocking wind, her scarves were perpetually waterlogged, and her collars drooped sadly. If not currently living through it, Lexa would not believe this capricious weather if she heard about it on the news. It was ridiculous. Borderline maddening.

And yet.

Lexa had never loved a season more.

“Do you know that Wells could walk in any second?”

Lexa nodded against neck and shoulder, her mouth too busy charting a path toward Clarke’s jaw. She had somehow convinced Clarke to show her the cramped room at the back of the café; a perfectly innocent request that, once the door had shut, had ended up with Clarke perched on the desk with Lexa standing between her thighs. And what a fine place to be. Even if Clarke was oddly stiff against her.

“I can go…” Lexa offered, but Clarke dug her fingers in her back and shook her head.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Lexa smiled, her fingers wandering beneath the hem of Clarke’s sweater.

“Ah! Cold.”

“I’m sorry,” Lexa said as she pulled away.

Clarke grabbed her hands. “No, no, it was good.”

Lexa couldn’t help but sigh in frustration. “This is ridiculous.”

“Feeling me up is ridiculous?”

“No!” Lexa replied, eyes widening. “But my feet are still squeaking in my shoes, my fingers are icicles, and I know you think my lips are freezing because you flinch when I kiss you.”

“I do not flinch,” Clarke denied as she hooked her arms around Lexa’s neck. “I like your kisses. I like them so much I dragged you in here. I just didn’t realize I was dating a refrigerator.”

Lexa did not look amused. “Is it my fault this city turned into the North Pole overnight?”

Clarke grinned. “Oh baby, wait until we get to winter.”

Lexa softened at both the pet name and the implication there would still be a ‘we’ in winter. She’d hoped for it, of course, but they were still taking each day as it came and had yet to define what 'we’ even meant. There was no rush, however. They both knew where the other stood.

“You never called me that before.”

“Well, there was a counter and a tip jar between us before.”

Of course there had been much more than that between them. It was hard to believe Lexa now stood flush against Clarke with their mouths kiss-stained and their hands so eager to touch - even if the cold didn’t help matters. Lexa was still working on her in-depth report on the visions, but in recent nights Clarke had lied awake wondering about the meaning behind them too.

Clearly she had been nudged toward Lexa, and it had certainly precipitated things between them, but would she never have entertained the thought without it? Would she really still be wrapped up in her tepid routine if she hadn’t heard Lexa whispering her name while kissing a path down her body? A part of her wanted to believe she would have had the impulse to speak to Lexa regardless of the vision. Maybe it would’ve made things easier between them; and maybe it would’ve made them harder.

“I should probably go thaw somewhere,” Lexa said with a sigh.

Clarke shook her head. “You need a source of warmth. Why don’t you just have at it?”

Lexa laughed, her eyes crinkling with joy.

“I’m very serious,“ Clarke said.

“I know. It’s why I’m so happy.”

Clarke sat back, casually leaning against the wall the desk was pushed against. “Good. I intend to keep it that way.”

Lexa bit her lip. “Can I pick you up at closing time tomorrow?”

“I wasn’t aware we had plans.”

“I thought it could be a surprise. And I know I promised something upscale on our third date, but I think you’ll really like this place.”

“Third date, huh? I was supposed to assess if you have game by now.”

“And?” Lexa asked.

Clarke was quiet, enjoying watching Lexa stew for just a beat. They were both getting to be experts at this slow, simmering pace.

“You really like me, hm?”

Lexa arched a brow, her hands still dangerously high on Clarke’s thighs. “I’ve never stood in wet socks for anyone else before.”

Clarke laughed. “A yes would suffice, but-“ she sat closer again “-now I’m intrigued. Does this date involve not walking? Because my feet generally do kill me after work.”

Lexa brushed back the strand of hair that had fallen from Clarke’s messy top bun. “That’s fine, I’ll find a pumpkin to turn into a carriage for you.”

“Oh good, there’s still plenty of those at the patch.”

“So it’s a yes?”

Clarke draped her arms over Lexa’s shoulders. “It’s a maybe you can persuade me,” she said, tempting Lexa to make a move with a quick swipe of her tongue against her plump, bottom lip.

Lexa did not disappoint, her hand coming up to cup her cheek before she kissed her. Clarke was keenly aware that each one of Lexa’s kisses lasted longer than the last. Her journalist was hungry for affection, but she was eager to give it too, especially when she was encouraged. Clarke had come to the conclusion after Lexa had spent her time on her neck, adorning it with languid kisses while Clarke had lost herself to the sensation of her mouth against her skin. Yes, Clarke was particularly weak when it came to her neck - not that Lexa had needed the verbal confirmation - and there was more than one tender spot that made her whole body jolt with pleasure. Something about baring herself and being vulnerable. The point being: Lexa was a generous partner.

When she kissed, Lexa was so purposeful that Clarke felt like she was an instrument Lexa had practiced for a decade. She dipped her tongue inside Clarke’s mouth and changed the angle smoothly, leading their little dance with a smile Clarke felt against her own. Hands moved amorously up and down Clarke’s thighs; up and down Lexa’s waist and ass.

Clarke hadn’t been kidding when she’d said Lexa made her feel like a teenager. She hadn’t felt this bubbling giddiness in years, not since first everythings in high school at least, but she was glad for her years of experience when it came to keeping up with Lexa. She would’ve never understood the girl in her arms years ago. She did now - vision or no vision - and it gave her a thrill.

Sometimes Clarke wondered if Lexa was determined to compete with herself. To be better than what Clarke had seen - almost like she was jealous of the woman she’d become. And if she was like this when merely kissing, Clarke had already fantasized that she would be like this in bed, too. Clarke so far had kept the details of her vision to herself, but not out of coyness. How could she explain that she would choose kissing Lexa fully clothed in a cramped space over a thousand more visions? That it was actually feeling Lexa against her; their honesty and vulnerability that had fulfilled the ache she’d felt for years? It was too soon for words like that.

But she could show her. With her entire body tingling, Clarke could do nothing but chase that high. She deepened the kiss, this time the one pushing rather than pulling, the one brushing her nose over Lexa’s. Suddenly it felt like heat had risen in the room and her clothes felt too heavy. She couldn’t remember ever kissing like this before - like she could do it for hours and not tire. But something quickly changed when - unconsciously, she’d swear it later - she spread her thighs wider to wrap herself around Lexa. With her hands on her ass, she pulled Lexa closer, tighter, and when her breasts pressed firmly against Lexa’s, it was the start of something else entirely.

They stayed entwined like this for far longer than was safe in the back of the café. The door didn’t even lock, yet all Clarke could think was pulling Lexa until she was flush atop her on the damn desk. It was Lexa who moaned in her mouth, a sound so deep and sensual it had Clarke’s heart pound in her ears. But Clarke wasn’t prepared for Lexa suddenly grinding against her in a moment of desperation, and if they’d been naked she knew very well Lexa would be inside her by now.

At the mere thought, the jolt of lust through Clarke’s body was so strong she pushed Lexa away. Lexa, slightly dizzy from their kiss, staggered back.

“Um…”

“Oh my God, I’m sorry!” Clarke exclaimed with wide eyes as she sat up. “I - I don’t know why I did that.”

Lexa licked her bottom lip and looked at Clarke, taking in the way she breathed and how she tried to very unsubtly rub her thighs together. She swallowed thickly.

“Are you sure you don’t know?”

Clarke jumped off the desk. "That was- I should uh- get back to work,“ she said, avoiding her eyes.

Lexa stepped aside, waiting for Clarke to follow through. When Clarke finally looked at her, she closed the space between them with a smirk and guided her against the wall. Clarke drew in a sharp breath, her legs so weak she would have slid down if it weren’t for Lexa’s hand on her waist.

"You still didn’t say yes to our date…” Lexa pointed out.

Clarke cleared her throat. “Maybe you didn’t make a compelling enough argument.”

Lexa looked between them and smiled. “This is familiar.”

“The rooftop?” Clarke asked, glancing between Lexa’s eyes and her lips. She could barely think, let alone follow Lexa’s train of thought. God, how was she supposed to go back to work like this?

“The hotel,” Lexa replied before kissing her jaw and then her neck again. “Only, I couldn’t do this back then. Couldn’t have you like this.”

Clarke closed her eyes, each word pushing her dangerously close to begging for release. She knew she was wet; knew today would be more difficult than the other days. It was almost unfair, but a part of her liked the challenge. There was a thrill to it; to testing their willpower.

“I wanted to kiss you,” Lexa admitted, just as affected by their previous kiss. She was breathing hard too; her kisses more like nuzzling now. “I always want to kiss you.”

“We were both drunk. It would’ve been a mess.”

“What if you’d said yes?” Lexa whispered. “What if you’d come with me to the theater that night?”

Here in their little bubble, it was so easy to imagine a different world. A world where Clarke hadn’t said yes to Niylah and a world where Lexa had never been hurt in the past.

“We would have laughed like we did.”

Lexa smiled. “Yes. Then I would’ve asked you to dance.”

“I would’ve watched you play poker and been wildly impressed.”

“Oh?”

Clarke tugged at Lexa’s belt loops to bring her closer. “What can I say? Cards in the right hands get me going. I would’ve asked if we could comp a room in this ridiculously overpriced hotel.”

“We’d get the view on the mountains.” Lexa sighed, as if this fantasy seemed so much further now. “I’d try to give you the best night of your life.”

It was nice to imagine it all, but Clarke realized she didn’t regret it. They’d gone on their own little path. She kissed Lexa sweetly, but not without intent. It was much softer than their last, both of them aware the real world awaited.

"I like this better. I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

Lexa looked at her like she hung the moon in the sky. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” And then, because Lexa was still waiting, Clarke smiled again: “Take me on a date, baby.”

-

[part twelve]

[excelgesis-blog]

Free of Any Eden

chapter: 5 / ?

wc: 2,048

pairing: neo

rating: PG-13

tw: brief mentions of suicide

crossposted on: aff // ao3

"...how you remind me of some spring, the waters as cool and clear (late rain clings to your leaves, shaken by light wind), which is where you occur in grassy moonlight..." -Reginald Shepherd, "You, Therefore"

          Hakyeon could feel his heart somewhere near the floor. He blinked back tears for the thousandth time as an emptiness curled in his stomach.

         “Dude, what the hell?” Wonshik jogged down the hallway toward him. “Did he seriously fucking leave?”

         “I don’t understand,” Hakyeon whispered. “I don’t know what’s going on…”

         Wonshik let out a sigh. “That was by far the rudest thing I’ve ever seen him do. And that’s saying something because he’s really not the nicest person around.” He raised a brow. “Do you guys have some bad history together or something?”

         Hakyeon swallowed and shook his head. There was that murky something, teasing the edges of his mind, making him feel like a part of him was missing.

         “Well he seriously owes you an apology.” Wonshik reached out to grab Hakyeon’s elbow. “Come on, we’ll head to the coffee shop together.”

         “I don’t think he wants to see me.” His voice broke halfway through.

         “I’m sure he’s just moody because he had to get out of bed. You can never tell with Taekwoon, honestly. Now come on, you’ll get sick if you stand out here barefoot like this. I’ll take you to our favorite coffee place.”

****

         The coffee shop was cozy and warm, and although Hakyeon wrinkled his nose at the bitter smell, he could understand why people would like to come here. A metal staircase spiraled up toward a loft lined with bookshelves, and the round tables were home to potted plants and mismatched chairs.

         Wonshik ordered a latte – hadn’t he just had coffee at home? – and guided Hakyeon through the sparsely populated room to the back corner.

         Taekwoon sat in an oversized armchair with a laptop computer perched across his knees. His glasses had slid down to the tip of his nose and his hair looked as if he had run his hands through it in frustration. And again Hakyeon felt familiarity warm and comfortable in his chest. He could see Taekwoon in a long crimson jacket, reaching toward him and pressing a folding fan into his hand. He could hear Taekwoon’s soft voice through leaves and branches, composing a melody with the wind –

         “Kim Wonshik.” Taekwoon’s voice carried none of the gentleness Hakyeon had dreamt of. It was all hard edges, like ice creeping across water toward the shore. “What are you doing?”

         Wonshik placed the steaming latte on the table beside Taekwoon’s chair. “Drink this and stop being such an asshole, will you?”

         “I told you I don’t want to see him.” Taekwoon’s eyes narrowed in Hakyeon’s direction. Hakyeon did his best to stand his ground.

         “He didn’t do anything to you, I’m sure. Don’t you think you’re being a little rude?” Wonshik flopped down into the nearest chair, leaving Hakyeon standing alone with his hands clasped in front of him.

         “You don’t know anything about this, Wonshik. Stay out of it.”

         Wonshik rolled his eyes. “Look, he’s a friend of mine now and I don’t want you being such an ass. You’re going to scare him away.”

         “Why is it that everyone wants to be friends with him all of a sudden?” Taekwoon’s tone remained icy, and Hakyeon was sure he could feel it in his veins.

         “Why do you insist on being such a dick to him all of a sudden?” Wonshik countered.

         “I told you to stay out of it.”

         Hakyeon could feel the mounting tension in the air, and he found it frustrating that they spoke of him as if he weren’t there. He cleared his throat loudly. They both turned their gazes to him, and he locked eyes with Taekwoon.

         Taekwoon’s eyes darkened. “What?”

         Hakyeon refused to look away. “Please don’t talk about me like I’m not here.” He swallowed and practiced the next words in his head several times before he said them. “I think I deserve an explanation.”

         Taekwoon scoffed and turned his gaze to his laptop. “If anyone deserves an explanation, it’s me.”

         And all at once the coffee shop dissolved, washed away like silt in water and Hakyeon was in another place, another time, another life. There was dirt under his shoes and low stone walls were sharp against the searing blue of the sky. He felt a hand on his shoulder and his heart leapt into his throat.

         “I think an explanation is necessary.” The voice was stern, but Hakyeon was taken aback by the softness of it. He turned in surprise, his gaze locking with Taekwoon’s. He was dressed in a deep sunset purple broken by a golden pattern.

         Hakyeon lowered his gaze. “An explanation?”

         “You had no right interrupting our practice. It isn’t your place.” His voice grew fuzzy and distant, there was a roaring in Hakyeon’s ears like wind and water—

         And the coffee shop rushed back into focus. Taekwoon was staring at him, his knuckles white where he gripped the arms of the chair. The room tilted at a dizzying angle and Hakyeon stumbled forward, reaching out blindly to steady himself.

         Taekwoon’s hands were on his shoulders, warm and comforting, and Hakyeon could feel his breath ghosting along his ear, followed by a soft “Hakyeon, I missed you so much.” The words were sugar sweet and Hakyeon leaned in, only to feel Taekwoon’s hands shoving him roughly back. He stumbled and fell, landing hard on the wooden floor.

         “What the hell?” Taekwoon gasped.

         “Jesus Christ!” Wonshik scrambled forward to help Hakyeon to his feet. “Taekwoon, what the fuck?”

         “What was that?” Taekwoon’s voice shook. “What the hell are you doing to me?”

         Hakyeon clung to Wonshik’s arm and tried to steady himself. His head spun. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I don’t know what’s happening--”

         “I told you to stay away from me.” The words trembled and Taekwoon’s eyes were wide behind his glasses. “I shouldn’t be feeling this, this isn’t normal--”

         Hakyeon swallowed. “I feel it, too.”

         Wonshik looked between them frantically. “What?”

         “Is everything okay over here?” A barista in a black apron hovered near Taekwoon’s armchair. His eyes were wide underneath a fringe of light hair.

         “We’re fine, Kyung,” Taekwoon said darkly. “We were just leaving.”

         “Says who?” Wonshik squawked.

         Hakyeon stumbled as Taekwoon grabbed his arm and yanked him toward the front door. All protests died on his lips, and he couldn’t deny the shiver that slid down his spine at his touch. It was as if he had craved it for a hundred years, an addict deprived of his high.

         Taekwoon shouldered the door open and rounded on him, his fingers pressing hard against Hakyeon’s forearm. “Explain yourself.”

         The words hit like acid. “I can’t,” Hakyeon breathed. “I honestly can’t.” Taekwoon was close – so close – and he resisted the sudden urge to bury his fingers in the fabric of his jacket, to pull him closer and closer—

         But how could he feel that for someone he barely knew?

         His mind rebelled, pushing back, insisting that he knew Taekwoon from some other time, some other place. His presence felt so familiar and safe and he wanted to revel in it. He wanted to forget about this new life with all of its complications and intricacies and bask in Taekwoon’s familiarity like it was the summer sun.

         “I know you.” Taekwoon’s grip tightened. “Why do I feel like I know you? How do I know your name?”

         Hakyeon shook his head. “You feel familiar to me, too. I-I can’t explain it.”

         “Is this some kind of sick joke? Did my father put you up to this?” He shook Hakyeon’s arm, but his grip had slackened into something surprisingly gentle. His voice was laced with desperation.

         “I’m as lost as you are.” Hakyeon reached up to pull Taekwoon’s fingers away. Taekwoon’s grip loosened easily. “I can’t explain this any more than you can.” The emptiness that had curled in the pit of his stomach was gone, replaced by a warm comfort. Something felt so right about being with Taekwoon. But how was such a thing possible?

         “I told you that I wanted you to stay away from me.” Taekwoon’s voice was weak, and the anger that had painted his words was a diluted version of itself. “But whenever you’re gone I…”

         Hakyeon waited for him to finish with bated breath.

         “I miss you,” Taekwoon whispered. “How is that possible?”

         “What the hell are you doing out here?” Wonshik stumbled onto the sidewalk and shot Taekwoon a sharp glare. “Are you still being an asshole?”

          Taekwoon took a step back from Hakyeon. His eyes were glassy, as if he were stuck in a trance. He shook his head and glanced at Wonshik, who stood near the coffee shop door with his arms folded across his chest.

         “I-I need to get to work,” Taekwoon stuttered. He turned and headed down the sidewalk, pushing his way through the crowd until his retreating back was swallowed in an undulating sea of dark coats.

         Hakyeon let out a breath. The emptiness had returned, clawing its way into his chest like a trapped animal.

         “What the holy hell is going on between you two?” Wonshik’s voice was an octave higher than usual.

         Hakyeon slumped against the wall, his legs threatening to give out. “I have no idea.”

****

         “So tell me again.” Jaehwan paced back and forth, and Hakyeon thought idly that he would wear a hole through the hardwood floor.

         “I know him,” Hakyeon said softly. He poked at the food Jaehwan had brought, his appetite waning as the seconds ticked by. “He seems so familiar to me.”

         “You must have met before. What’s so special about that?”

         Hakyeon sighed, and the sound seemed to echo in the empty bookstore. Wonshik had dropped him off on his way to work, and Jaehwan had instantly jumped on the chance to interrogate him after Wonshik’s quiet “Kid’s had a rough morning already.”

         “It’s more than that. I feel almost… empty without him.” Hakyeon frowned at how vulnerable the words sounded.

         “Oh no.” Jaehwan shook his head and pointed a finger at him. “No no no, you absolutely cannot fall for Taekwoon. Trust me. It’ll just end badly for you.”

         Hakyeon flushed at the suggestion. “That’s not what I’m implying.”

         “Sure as hell sounds like it to me,” Jaehwan said. “I mean, sure, he’s tall and dark and handsome and everything, but the boy has serious commitment issues, man. He’s too busy with work to focus on a relationship.”

         “I’m not suggesting a relationship!” The words came out loud and harsh, and Jaehwan visibly jumped at the outburst. Hakyeon couldn’t begin to explain why ire roiled in his veins, but his head was spinning and he wanted answers. Real and tangible answers that could set his pounding heart at ease.

         Jaehwan held up both hands, palms facing outward. “Fine, fine. Whatever you say.”

         “I’m just so confused about all this.” Hakyeon tried to keep the frustration from showing in his voice. “Is this normal? Have you ever felt this way?”

         “What, like I miss someone? Of course I have. Everyone has.”

         “But that’s just it.” Hakyeon let out a breath. “How can I miss someone I barely know?”

         “Maybe you just click. Maybe you knew each other in a past life, hell, I don’t know. It could be anything.”

         The door to the bookstore opened, and Hakyeon didn’t bother turning to see who had walked in.

         “Speak of the devil,” Jaehwan said under his breath.

         “Jaehwan, I need to talk--”

         Hakyeon jumped at the sound of Taekwoon’s voice. He turned in his seat and their gazes locked. Something tugged at the corners of his mind, stronger than before, and a rising tide of affection and familiarity bubbled up in his chest.

         Taekwoon sighed. “I should have known you would be here.”

         “I can leave,” Hakyeon whispered.

         “Won’t do any good.” Taekwoon ran a hand through his hair. “You’re everywhere. Even when I’m not around you, you’re still there.”

         Jaehwan’s eyebrows rose. “What?”

         Taekwoon crossed his arms and seemed to weigh his words carefully before speaking. “Come with me.”

         Jaehwan pointed at himself questioningly.

         Taekwoon shook his head. “Not you.” He nodded toward Hakyeon. “You.”

         Hakyeon got to his feet and took a shaky step forward. “W-where are we going?”

         “My place,” Taekwoon muttered. “I think we need to talk.”