#im trying to move on help me
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oh my fucking god i don't have any clothesssss
#what moving to another country does to a mf...#it's like. i gotta shop for winter clothes ASAP#because i have like 2 sweaters and 1 sweatshirt like that's it LMAO#and a jacket i bought HERE#why did i not pack winter clothes when coming to fucking sweden you ask. good question#my baggage was already 30 kilos#im only one weak person#i already died that day due to my 30 kilo baggage many times#i had to ask random people to help me lmaoooooo the way i'd rather die than doing that in a normal day đ#it was THAT bad..#and now i dont have anything proper to wear. fml#and i am so bad when it comes to clothes shopping like u have noooo idea#im terrible at shopping in general. :/#ughhhh i will try to do that this friday :////// hope i don't freeze in the meantime :////#đ
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Guys. I just watched the movie. illegally but still
A WORD OF ADVICE: PLEASE BRING TISSUES
My friend who watched it before me told me to. And i thought they were exaggerating + I am actually not the type of person to cry over books/shows/movies. I thought that if Iâd at least tear up it wonât be that bad.
AND I did see some reviews say that âOh, this movie is sad please be prepared.â BRO I WAS PREPARED. I THOUGHT I WAS.
BRUH MY WHOLE FACE WAS COVERED WITH SNOT AND TEARS WHEN THE CREDITS ROLLED BRUH I NEVER CRIED THIS MUCH OVER ANY PIECE OF MEDIA WTFFFFFFFFFFFF
ah maybe itâs my age catching up with me orz
I really thought spiderverse is gonna be THE 3d film of 2023⊠but this one here⊠itâs so darn good and it probably wonât even get the global recognition it deservesâŠ
Thoughts on Deep Sea 深攷
mini-spoiler-free review ahead (very incoherent itâs just me pointing out what I love with out spoiling and order akdjdksnfjna)
I love how the characterâs actions are similar to the Chinese opera acting styles. I love the ink wash vibe of the âdeep sea.â I donât even wanna think about the technical parts of this but from the behind the scenes it seems that they pulled it off by animating thousands of lil particles to give the ink bleed its shapes. I love the touch of âchoppyâ animation and mix of some 2d in it. The theme and motifs were clear but also had many layers and room for brainrot and analysis.
I love the symbolical meanings and the sea metaphor. I love how the rough transitions mirror the jumbled and confused headspace of the main character trying to navigate her life. I love how colorful the sea is. And the meaning behind its colorfulness⊠I love the parallels scattered across the script and certain actions. The character designs are so fun! Itâs so close to realism but also âcartoonyâ. I can see the intention of making some of the contrasting designs. The music is so good. Letting actual children sing is such a nice touch of the ost.
I love how it did not take any external factor for the main character to realize and accept the same idea that she tried to run away fromâŠ. I love how she just blurted it out loud because thatâs usually how kids are; we donât truly know their thoughts until they say it out. I love how there is still the adventure plot packed with emotional baggage because how else is a kid supposed to process their trauma without letting their imagination take the reigns?
The name choices of the two main charactersâŠnamed after a dying star and the only other star next to it is FOUL. THE ANGST WAS TOO MUCH THERE EXCUSE ME.
I love how it vocalized words that I never knew I needed to hear. When Nanhe said those sentiments out loud⊠I didnât even realize I had tears falling down already. I love how the movie ends with a silent text flash: âfor those who walked through the night.â This is a movie about depression for the depressed ones⊠it was delivered so beautifully too.
I love this movie so much and I honestly can keep going and also maybe write a longass review+essay why it is such. a. wonderfully fantastically beautifully executed film that covers depression and sui ideation. The water metaphor is very rich. The business/money metaphor is great. The magic and monster aspects were so good too.
Lots of symbolisms and metaphors to decipher but also. Even on a surface-level it delivers the important message really well. I understand why people did not like the ending but⊠thatâs the thing bro. Not all mental issues are solved in a perfectly clean manner.
Overall 9/10. the -1 is for the moments when my tears didnât allow me to watch properly /j
11/10 because it personally speaks a lot to me. It voiced out many things I needed to hear. I really didnât know what to expect when I watched this. I really thought itâs not gonna be that deep. *pun intended*
HELLO I JUST STUMBLED UPON THIS AND ITâS SO BEAUTIFUL PLEASE PLEASE CHECK IT OUT AND MANIFEST WITH ME THAT IT WILL HIT INTERNATIONAL THEATERS đâš
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#itâs me rambling#im trying not to actually cry again#movie review bc i need to rant about it#i honestly hope it gets the recognition it deserves outside china#the angst is real#legit real as in it will bite you in the ass real#im trying to move on help me#deep sea#shen hai#深攷
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I dont think most non black people actually want to face their own (personal and communal) anti blackness. Black people are not seeing enough of yall doing shit that actually matters like, cutting contact with your anti black family, giving up work promotions and giving the to black people, opening up your homes to poor/homeless black people, doing more than just casually reading vauge black leftist theory online and being "friends" with black people because you know itll boost your political capital.
I dont believe in black people giving our energy to non black people or their issues until we can give this level of support to our own communities. Most non black people do not care that we exist and the ones who do are falling short of what it means to truly be a friend and co conspirator. I dont believe in solidarity anymore, it literally cant exist if non black people do not choose to put a large organized sustained effort into combating anti blackness in their hearts, homes and communities.
#me#personal#vent#im personally gonna be moving more of own work into supporting more of my own bc im not really seeing that happening atm#I am just very done with dealing with trying to support and be supported by non black people who dont even care about black people#Niggas its time to be selfish! if you are giving to these non black people and theyre leaving your cup dry then its not cool!! be selfish#personally im gonna try to make more of my support efforts go to communal fridges in my neighborhood and giving to haiti sudan and the cong#I suggest that we start being more selective with who we are giving our energies too bc we need to help other black people first
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rewatching this over and over again.. mainly bcs tarn makes soundwave into a manlet but also bcs it's hilarious
#thunderhowl at the copilot doing Absoluteky nothing then being surprised when shadowstriker is unfamiliar with the terrain: :D#i get ure a theater kid but CAN U STOP BEING SO CRYPTIC#bumblebee moving to the wall like the only smart person#optimus just wants to find the source#had to include soundwave being the bitchiest person for no reason at the end of course đ©” mi lady#somebody help tarn bro only has one arm đđ#hes not even using it against a wall or anything like hes just trying to keep his balance#everybody panicking while shadowstriker doesnt give a fuck#girlboss shit she does every day and no one cares it pisses me off yall need to appreciate my mean lesbian like yall appreciate her mean gay#bestie#thunderhowl :) bcs he wants soundwave to struggle probably. i mean at the cost of others maybe risking a concussion? sure#theyre both so petty but try to act too cool to be in their own lame ways. im obsessed with them#he was hoping soundwave was gonna land in his lap đ#somehow from all the way back there LMFAO if his terrains can defy gravity so can his beloved annoyance ok. he believes#im a filthy multishipper so i need tarn and soundwave to have more fic & kiss too bcs it's literally tarn being like I Know What You Are#(a Bttm) to soundwave and soundwave having to screw his lips into a smile & be like teehee of course.. only to be like (u forgot the Brat*)#at the end like. why are they like that. tarn holding him by the waist with 1 arm being like i got u bbgirl meanwhile hes getting#60000 concussions and soundwave is trying So hard not too laugh.. TOO loudly. (tarn thinking hes so anime protag rn)#tf cyberverse#soundwave#tarn#thunderhowl#shadowstriker#bumblebee#optimus prime#maccadam#transformers#I CANT BELIEVE I HAD ENOUGH ROOM FOR THESE TAGS!
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Methinks its time to move back home actually
#i talked to my aunt about it and honestly like. i might as well#im broke im in a bunch of debt i have no access to medical insurance so i cant get therapy im alone depressed and my bills are always late#and ive been stuck in my apartment for months bc of this ridiculous registration shit for my car#so as much as i dont want to sell my car OR move im. thinking about it now#like at least id have the house almost to myself since my sibling moved out#and i could make the upstairs my own pretty much. plus ive been meaning to jelp renovate up there so#why not#plus i can save for tattoo stuff properly#i just feel like im giving up i was trying to prove i could care for myself and#I feel like ive proven km incapable pf being an adult bc of this it sucks#but at least my ma and my aunt are willing to help me as i figure shit out. im lucky to have them#mag.txt
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her throne is his lap
#strange magic#marianne#bog king#butterfly bog#not rlly happy with the last one but whatever#theyre in love and it transcends lineart#im really trying to do more with color if ya cant tell lol#usually i just sketch and move on but i want to make more dynamic and engaging stuff#eh ill get there#sometimes i think of the âshe was his queen and god help whoever disrespected his queenâ quote when thinkin bout them#absolutely cracks me up#even tho in reality its more like âhe asked for no pickles >:((â
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Bam bing bong, summary of my doodles in 2024
#what a year#ive never compiled it neatly before#i was gonna wait it out cuz i havent finish my Christmas pieces yet but im also like ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck it so yeah hehe#this year Iâve expanded my socials to bluesky and instagram#Iâve always did two collabs this year which is still wild to me (im planning to do more next year hopefully)#(if my social anxiety can just get over it)#in tappyâs voice: gomz no balls#i also need to do more color piece#launching âïž this year has helped to do that#to do at least one colored piece each month#i have a video of me going thru my doodles from January to December in the works but i think i might not able to finish it on time#weâll see#still gotto tackle the last few âïž requests after con#this year Iâve drawn a lot more Price!! thatâs why heâs the main character this year#i would put Raven but sheâs always a main so#im really happy to have found a nice chibi style and stick with it#consistency is always a struggle for me esp with my non chibi style#some of what i drew this year was awful HDJSHSHS but its nice seeing progress#December suit Price is my proudest non-chibi work and I wish to continue that style next year#moving forward I want to continue to improve and do better but also take it easy#burnt myself out too many times this year due to drawing nearly every day + stress + uni#stress management plan is needed but i SUCK at it#me as a pharmacy student counselling patients [it is important to try to relax and manage stress properly]#what a joke JDJDHDHHD#at least my blood pressure readings stabilized finally on gawd it was on the borders for a few months#itâs been a fun year and Iâve made a lot of new friends too#drabbled in a few fandom and community here and there#thank you for having me everyone :)#gummmyart#art summary 2024
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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do u think either charles or erik had trouble coming to terms with their love for one another?? like religious guilt, internalized homophobia, etc.
Many such cases really ⊠not hard to imagine them dealin with that âŠ
#snap chats#erik might depend tho. depends on when he realizes hes in love with charles#before going Full Magneto i can imagine SOME internalized guilt but post prob not#under the whole âwhy be ashamed of what i am in ANY regardâ and all that#charles def probably has a worse time dealing with feelings of guilt#tho thats just charles in general being in love with someone i fear fjOWDJAKS#i cant imagine gender has anything to do with it tho. just charles Being Charles#hang on im sitting here thinking about it now#i think charles and erik wouldnt DOUBT the love they have for each other just- again depending on what era of erik this is- may be hesitant#magneto erik reads more as Bitterly in love with charles do you know what i mean#like âi love you and its painful i love you because of how incompatible we are nowâ type shit#charles got that tired divorced-but-still-in-love dad energy about him towards magneto#fuck i was supposed to talk about their First Feelings Of Love im so off topic djOAZJSJ#my brain refuses to think of them younger than their thirties im so sorry let me try again#yeah no i could see them both accept the fact they have feelinfs about each other but for one reason or another not act on it#esp if they were with gab at the time. Oops. its kinda awkward now#in THAT RESPECT THEN i can see charles feeling conflicted and a little guilty#ditto on eriks part if he acknowledges charlesâ feelings for gab#but without gab in the picture? i could see charles making a move and not being so ashamed of himself#maybe. after some time together i do see charles making the first move#would erik reciprocate and admit his feelings in that moment ? maybe not. give him like. a day or two tho diOEDJSJ#i typed all that bullshit for nothing sorry i put the answer at rhe very bottom we know how i am at this point#see now i just imagine charles talking to erik about accepting his queerness and erik getting snooty#like No Erik Im Not Saying This So Youâll Date Me Iâm Saying This So You Love Yourself or something to that tune#and charles is truthful in that hes all about helping others accept themselves. and thats exactly why erik falls harder in love with him đ#and then they make out sloppy style the end
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WILDLY DIF POST BUT OH MAN
guess who just got hit with the US healthcare system mallet? Yeah me. A 3000$ one (specifically 3206.25$).
I hate to do this but If anyone has the ability to help, be you a friend, caring person or someone who enjoys my work⊠if you can lend any amount cuz dear god I need to get over my pride and just be like ok I actually need a hand with this
I'll likely be opening comms too if you want to get something in return- but that means the rest of my work and life is put on pause till I can recover. So if anyone at all is able to help with a couple bucks that would be incredible.
#all of my European peeps im friends with are horrified#perhaps im in shock too who knows but that is a big number#a number i do not have the stability to cover while also eating and trying to move out and paying student loans#and no one hiring me for real work#and of course the other things people are not privy to behind the screen#only a small handful of people get to know THAT mess that is the real world of clockwork#im not gonna bog anyone down with that shit show#ANYWAYS god i need help cuz this- this is a legit issue#heck clock what you want for your B-day/xmass uhhhhhh hmmm to be healthy? yeah thats a good gift i say to family members#noooo silly thats a need what do you WANT#well its not clip on earings ill tell you that much#donations#fundraiser#clock needs help#other#ko-fi#promo post#help needed#donation box
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The most annoying phenomena on this website is grown adults refusing to educate themselves, despite the abundant recourses at their disposal, because their heads are still stuck in highschool.
#simon says#this always bugs me like okay school failed you. you're 29. i think you've had enough time to move on and learn.#you're surrounded by abundant resources to educate yourself and you're choosing to cry about school rather than using any of them#like yeah. thinking critically and reading and learning are skills#you have to practice and refine them over time#but if you keep just blaming the american school system and not do any of the world refining those skills#it just makes you look really really like... silly. im gonna be honest.#like you're not even trying to do anything to fix the issue you're just complaining about the issue#which is a common theme I notice on tumblr of course but holy shit does this topic really make people more ignorant by the second#even just ignoring the fact that you're currently on the world wide web and have access to nearly every single corner of the world#america literally has public libraries. that are there to educate you.#you can literally just go in and ask a librarian to help you find a book on a topic#im sorry this is just one of those topics I cannot comprehend#idk if it's an autism 'learned how to research at an early age' thing or what#but I cannot comprehend that people refuse to simply search something simple and read the first 3 or 4 webpages about it#like huh??? wuh????#moments like this really make me think that i actually should have went to college for that English degree
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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and youâre not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall
idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...
to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"
but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics
"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"
and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."
But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-
And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"
and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really
Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)
And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.
and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)
And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*
but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)
and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far
"You should really use your words."
"I am!"
"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."
"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"
"Sasha isn't most Alphas."
"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashesâthe exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"
"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."
"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.
"It would work better if you useâ"
"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.
like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know
#ask#i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school#my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me#to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too#and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio#and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant#i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that#this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man#anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse#making our whorehouse a whorehome#ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall#actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with#the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another#i feel for maffhew i really do#theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people#matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek#on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores#him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this#*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it#but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him#all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time#and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little#and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways
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very important question... how old do you thnk bea and allister are â€ïž also do you have any headcanons for them lwokey...đ« i smile at you with my big enormous blue eyes
Ok beas definitely like. 17/16 i think. Allister i have no idea maybe around 12/13 ?? Just a little guy
wrote an entire paragraph of hcs but i was just reiterating stuff ive already said forever ago in tags so here <\3
to add on to it i think it doesnt show on beas face when shes scared but its obvious through her body language. Visibly shaking and restraining herself from freaking out. When a movie jumpscares her her fight or flight kicks in and she nearly punches the tv :( ALSO allisters not as big on sweets but he still likes going to new places and eating desserts w bea. Maybe he tries making some for her by himself. And his pokemon help out. Yay
#beas canonically a highschooler i believe. and allisters at least a little younger than the protag id think#also bea lesbian is another hc. but this ones canon actually trust me#not sure what would happen if allister had as many sweets as bea. thats sos much sugar. for a little guy#one more i think allisters homeschooled. bea kinda wants him to go to an actual school but hes still getting comfortable w talking to peopl#homeschooling a kid when youre still in hs is hard but its ok allisters pokemon helps them out â„ïž they suck at it but they try â„ïž#theyre trying to teach him pokemon moves or smth. hmmm not quite what he needs but thanks anyway#i could go on forever thinking of more omg. ok im done#ONE MORE bea and allister go out to eat sweets in disguise#bea so less people know about her sweet tooth and allister just bc being recognised and out in public in general is scary#now were done#ask tag#i really thougt wow i cant think of any hcs when i first saw this ask. head in hands
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Friendship is the most special thing in the world because no award could be give me bigger happiness than jumping around in my room and smiling because my pookie asked me if I wanted to match pfps
#SHES AMAZING I LOVE HER AHHHHH#I hope we manage to find a cute bsd pfp it would be literally my dream#little vent tw!!#it's been so long since I matched pfps last time was with my ex who started being wayyyyy too weird..#and the other time was with a friend who started ghosting me some months later just because I didnt give her enough adopt me pets or smth đ#and like. her stopping talking to be literally broke me as a person. it was devastanting for like 13yo me#woahhh thank you k. now I have social anxiety and keep dobting whether people really want me there or not#I still have a sort of love hate relationship w her but like its been over 2 years maybe 3 why do I still care abt it sm :<#especially since our other bestie is wayy more affectionate w k than w me it just makes me feel so weird like im sort of a 3rd wheel#but at least the friend im gonna match with is the sweetest person ever and we can be silly together :333#unfortunately we only know eachother from a course so we always have to wait 2 weeks to see eachother#and even tho i still see k almost every day shes pretty different now#but ive been feeling so so happy the last few days since school started and im afraid I might go back to being how I was when she returns#because. I bet my two friends will keep being silly together and ill have to sit w my ex again cuz hes still part of our friend group#I mean hes a nice and funny guy but I figured that a relationship wont work with us. I tried it and I just wanna be friends#I have a lot of fun w him but like in a platonic way#and im afraid he still thinks we should be together#meanwhile my besties keep flirting w eachother like??#I mean its pretty funny as a joke but I cant help but feeling kinda jealous especially because I used to have a huge crush in one of them#talked a bit too much ooopssss#Im just trying to move on but I hope k coming back doesnt start everything over again#anyways!! I love my bestie from the course smmmmmm Im still so so happy :D wish we could see eachother more#random stuff#chaos#friendship#violet rambles
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zephyr | 18+
ii.
âWe could leave, yâknow.â
Romano startles, head turning over his shoulder as if he were searching for a spy, a conspirator. Sometimes, thatâs not unlike how Portugal feels here, always a little too relegated to the outside for comfort, too close to the inside for tranquility or freedom.
He shakes the thought away, eyebrow raised in question at the only other person here who hasnât exhausted him yet.
Romanoâs eyes flick from his face to the windows, to the rain pelting the windowpanes, and he scoffs. âAnd do what? Get soaked?â His fingers tap the glass in his hand, and Portugal watches with muted disinterest as the wine rocks back and forth, back and forth, an ocean all its own, confined and confined and confined.
âBetter than staying here.â Staying here and playing pretend with a government who can only just tell him and Spain apart, and Portugal doesnât have the stomach anymore for the accent or the language or the face of it all.
Romano tsks, and, for some reason, this infuriates him, as if Romano is content to sit here and be lessened, nothing more than a jewel on a crown on a head who so blatantly picks favorites. Like theyâre above it all, the two of them.
He turns, and he leaves, and he doesnât care enough to see if anyone watches him go.
vi.
âThat wasââ
Portugal is already pushing up off the bed, flicking hair from his eyes. âWant a drink?â
âObviously,â Romano snorts, but he sounds like heâs amused, and when Portugal turns around to look at him, all he can see is the way Romanoâs lips curl around his teeth, how his cheeks look when he smiles.
ix.
Romano snores when he sleeps, raspy and rough, and when his hair falls in front of his eyes, his nose crinkles with the tickle of it, too deep in dreams to bother moving it away.
We shouldnât be doing this, Portugal thinks, because things are messy, only getting worse, and he doesnât understand how Romano doesnât grow restless beneath a thumb that demands obedience, that is all too comfortable pressing down on the pulse of their throats, hard enough to feel it beating, not hard enough to choke.
âI wish this was easy,â he says instead, and his skin goes cold when he realizes he means it, green eyes already looking down at tanned legs tangled with his, errant curl brushing his collarbone.
Heâs gotten used to that, too.
iv.
Portugal can see him on the docks again, hair just as windswept as that first time, waves falling over each other to brush against dark eyelashes, to curl into knots at his hairline.
Spainâs hand is heavy on his shoulder, smile tipping into something that more resembles a bridler than a brother. âYou look like youâre thinking hard,â he says, and Portugal hears the warning in it like a bell tolling within his head. âEverything all right?â
âFine,â Portugal replies. The weight on his shoulder feels suffocating.
vii.
âWe should have sex here,â Portugal says, out of the blue and apropos of nothing, voice hushed into a conspiratorial whisper when he leans himself into Romanoâs ear.
Romano coughs, splutters, eyes narrowing when Portugal only grins at him.
âNot now, obviously,â he continues, because his brother is here, and hisâtheir, because God forbid any of it is really hisâgovernment, too, and he isnât stupid enough to try anything here, now.
Romano wipes the coughed wine from his lips, arm crossed over his chest as he settles back into the wall behind him. âPlease,â he says, and he already sounds scandalized and petulant, âas if Iâd settle for anything less than a bed. You think Iâd let you fuck me on a settee? Not a chance.â
âI think,â Portugal replies, smiling, âyouâd let me fuck you anywhere I want you to.â
Romano scoffs again, furious and blustering, but his shoulder brushes Portugalâs arm, and he doesnât move it away.
v.
Lively doesnât adequately describe it when it finally happens.
Romano has him pinned up against the library wall, holding Portugalâs wrists against hand-bound books and shelves which havenât been dusted in God only knows how long, but all Portugal can think is how difficult it is, when kissing Romano, to push him away, to have him be the one pressed between linen and literature.
He manages, only just, and the heady, groaned gasp of surprise he receives pleasantly makes it worth his while.
x.
Portugal can see him on the docks again, hair wind-knotted and wild, exactly like it was that first time, exactly like the second, like every other time, every other time.
He canât discern the expression on Romanoâs face, too far away for detail, sunlight blinding on wave-crested waters, but he can see him turn around, see him walk away, back to that house and that voice and that hand and that crown.
He almost regrets leaving without a goodbye, but he knows, is certain in the knowledge, that expectation for their kind is the heartbeat of disillusionment, and he doesnât have it in himself to be disappointed by someone so supine as to find comfort here.
Nothing ever gets resolved with avoidance and shame, but their arrangement never really did have room for much else, anyway.
iii.
He has a dream, then, that lingers worse than a bad hangover or a bloody wound. Maybe itâs years after their last conversation, or maybe itâs days, or maybe itâs hours; he canât be bothered to keep track, not that their kind usually does when it comes to time.
(Hard. He wakes up hard, and thatâs not how his dreams usually goâor, not the ones with Romano, at least.)
Romano was over him, or under him, maybeânot that it matters, because it doesnât matter, not really. What matters is that Romano was close, breathing against his neck, sighing his name, and itâsâ
It was slow, the way they moved. Tender, close.
Odd.
viii.
Heâs gotten used to itâthe way Romanoâs voice hitches, goes taut, tight as his white-knuckled grip on pearl-hued sheets. Heâs gotten used to it.
Heâs gotten used to it.
i.
They meet officially, formallyâand notably without supervisionâon the docks of AlmerĂa, both windswept and water-worn, and it makes Portugal wonder how long Romano had been standing there for him to look like that, like he himself had blown in with the breeze of the ocean, side-swept bangs tangling into soft knots at his temples.
He is sure he himself is no better, likely worseâa ribbon can only do so much with the whipping winds that dance themselves through his sailsâbut he doesnât bother brushing his hair from his face before approaching, grin ticking at the corners of his lips.
Romano blinks at him, hazel eyes owlish before settling into something calmer, almost bored. âOh,â he says, âitâs you.â
Portugal smiles and tips his head. âHello,â he replies. Always best to start with hello.
#aph romano#hws romano#aph portugal#hws portugal#portmano#hetalia#hetalia fanfiction#mango minifics#my rule was always anything less than 1k gets put here as a minific instead of my ao3. but. i have a handful of 'minifics' that are#not so fuckin mini my friends. but they just dont measure up to ao3 caliber. so screw it they go here.#and do not @ me about my nonlinear storytelling here im trying to be hashtag whimsical and fun with my otp angst#portmano WILL get the recognition it deserves so help me GOD#no but uhhh for realsies i have a big move coming up in the next week so ao3 postings will be slow for a bit#but i do have 2 fics in particular im working on that ive been writing quite literally since the beginning of the year#so i hope to get at least one of those posted before fuckin 2025#one is spamano and one is portmano. bc if i am to be known as nothing else it will be as an iberian bros/romano truther#forgive me for my disappearances. i have a few others minifics queued up to post in the coming weeks#see you all again soon <3
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