#im trying to feel something positive lol
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im trying to see a silver lining in something so like
ive been told im the kip sabian blog to follow so uh. idk convince your friends or whatever, we'll do something nice at the next hundred i guess
#multiple sources confirm i am a kip sabian specialist so. if you want a deep dive i am your pal lol#tell your friends or whatever. i do post other things too i guess but yeah#i know reaching 400 followers is like nothing in. what seven or so years ive had this blog but anyways--#im trying to feel something positive lol#night is an absolute mess on main
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90 minute leyendecker study b4 bed. heard cleo has a cat cafe this season :swoons:
#thellos art corner#zombiecleo fanart#hermitcraft#hermitblr#mcyt fanart#mcyt#ok time for a peek inside my skull: i really contemplated not posting this. not for any reasons of disliking it#im pretty conscious about how fat people are characterized/portrayed around food in media. both in fan works and canonized material#(flashbacks to hunk from voltron) i really think about ways to defy the way fat bodies are portrayed in my works. while also staying normal#i think at the end of the day i really see food as a love language. and serving people i love (even if its just coffee) brings me joy#even if theres a one-dimensional box that fat characters get put into regarding food. it makes me happy! so i'll try to do it with grace#i think representation isnt always this mentally twisting lol. but its definitely something i think about.#i hope i can positively project my feelings about food and love onto a plus size body (as a chubby girl :handheart:) and showcase that love#ok yeah yeah its 11pm. time to put meemaw in bed. if you read all this ur rad <3 also i stopped watching HC peeposad
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it’s fine to criticize the new animation style
it’s fine to stop watching the show because the animation is such a turn off for you
it’s fine to say your disappointed about the new animation for the show.
but…
it is not ok to harass anyone about this.
it is not ok to harass any of staff members on WildBrain nor FlyingBark for a change that they cannot control.
it is not ok to harass people who are genuinely ok or happy with the change of the show’s animation.
express your anger, express your disappointment, express your frustration, but do not harass anyone for it.
#little something ⌞🐚🐁⌝#im not even trying to say you can’t feel negatively towards this change#or that you have to be grateful for it#im just saying that it’s ok to feel negatively about the show and express that#but do not harass anyone for it#lego monkie kid season 5#lego monkie kid#lmk season 5#lmk#i will be fully honest#i probably won’t be watching the final season#even if the show does have the same writers and voice actors#unfortunately my brain has just consider the new season animation as such a huge turn off that it has decided i can no longer enjoy the#new season lol#so I’m not even feeling that positively about the new animation now that I’ve gotten a good look at it#but#I’ll give the new season a chance and watch the first few episodes when it comes out
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think I've figured out what bugs me so much about Natasha Pulley's work - every female character who could potentially interfere with the ~gay couple~ is portrayed in a negative light
#there's something else about it that bugs me too. like. something about her depiction of history...#i started the kingdoms and im trying to puzzle out why it's not really working for me#also i swear this author KEEPS GIVING HER GAY CHARACTERS WIVES for NO REASON#she literally just wants to portray the wives as bitches#but like. WHY ADD THEM?? WHY MAKE ALICE JOE'S WIFE???#she did that and then immediately went 'well alice is a rapist and a bad mother then!!' like girl. you could have just made them like#co-inhabitants of this house. and not married. and Lily could be related to Joe in some other way if you NEED a kid...#idk. im still bitter about pepperharrow lol where the eofe finally started being treated like a human and not a fucking chess piece#and then killed herself for her husband basically. SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE. THERE WERE A TON OF SOLUTIONS!!#but no. we can't have sweet baby Mori having a wife after he ran away to England to live with his gay lover nooooooo#WHY EVEN MAKE HIM MARRIED JUST SO YOU CAN KILL HIS WIFE OFF. SHE COULD'VE BEEN HIS HOUSEKEEPER OR SMTH#this has gotten away from me. I just don't like it tho.#if there were any female characters that were portrayed positively though and not treated like a Threat to the Gay I'd feel better#but there aren't so far#unless you count the absentee Madeline#the only female character treated well so far is Joe's daughter Lily and she's two
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Man I cannot do front penetration for the life of me. I used to be able to at least get all the way in but now I get halfway n then I feel sick :(((( just let me take some werewolf dick!!
#i know why its because i dont use lube#im gonna go buy some coconut oil today lol#i was hoping to get some videos because no ones home but it’s futile 😔😔#delete later#like am I just laying wrong or am I too tight because of that one condition or something#ill have my fingers in there trying to feel out the best position and ill lay flat n itll feel like im closed up completely#like how to people lay down and it just goes in
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#i dropped my no good very bad class 😘#i mean it wasnt bad. i liked what i was learning abt but i was spending way too much time on it when i should b doing research#so Hurrah for being sensible#i still feel like a learned things about how to read papers from my short time there and i also learned how to give myself sleep paralysis#so that's fun. all i have to do is work on something stressful in the middle of the night and then try to go back to sleep lol#its always lights coming on when theres supposed to b no one but me here and invisible hands touching me and pulling me around#so thats fun. still feel like garbage tho#i feel like a quitter >:-[ and i have an exam looming that im not ready for#and everytime i talk to someone whos all abt teaching i feel like a horrible teacher#bc im like the worst at positive feedback. im all functional responses and instead of being like: how can i do better to help im sitting#there like what if i just collapsed right here and perished. what then? then i woudlnt have to deal with teaching lol#ugh. im still tried#unrelated
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There really is a kind of kinsmanship between redheads by default though tbh and obviously it varies from person to person but for me I always notice almost immediately whenever there's another redhead around when I'm in public and I love talking to them. Especially if it's just basic positivity and love about the redhead condition lol. We gingers really do need to stick together and be there for each other! All the little unique things that come with being a redhead can often only be fully understood, sympathized with, and given good guidance by other redheads.
#one time i was at a bar and i was in the bathroom washing my hands not really paying attention to who was around. and i looked up at the#mirror and there was a redheaded girl beside me at the next sink looking at me in the mirror. and she got so embarrassed and was like “im s#sorry i didnt mean to stare i just dont see other redheads around very often and youre so pretty!“ and i loved that and i told her that its#okay and i always try to talk to other reds when i find them too. and she was fixing her makeup and we started talking about redhead-safe#cosmetics. lol. i love that shit!#and re: my last post: i wish i wouldve been more quick on the spot to think of what to say to a young redhead girl that would actually make#a difference or make her feel good about the gingeritis or something. you know? i only know what not to say. like what creeped me out or#made me roll my eyes when adults said it to me as a kid. i genuinely do hope that girl learns to love herself and her hair and everything#that comes with being a redhead at some point.#redhead positivity#<- im gonna start a tag i think
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ohh the joy of videos and streams... i like listening to people talk about things they like/think about it’s very contagious... 🥺
#lizzy speaks#THIS IS BROUGHT TO U BY THE MINATO BRAINCELLS SHAKING BACK AND FORTH..#so so many of my interests feel like they're in some kind of hibernation lately in terms of the emotions they evoke#my brains been mostly gravitating towards formulating strategies and trying new things in splatoon right now... LOL.. so i havent thought-#a whole bunch about other things i like even if they do mean a lot to me..#so i really appreciate being around other people who really like the things that they like because its infectious and reminds me why-#i enjoy those characters / ships / whatever else#like oh... ryomina.. minato.. ryoji... i love them very much and i like hearing other people express their appreciation for them#also yosuke.... i like hearing my friends talk about yosuke his characters a very fun one for me even if i never took the time 2 personally#analyze him its just very nice to be around that kind of energy! im so grateful!#related but unrelated squid school made a video about the splatoon manga... which i havent thought abt in a month or two#yet somehow watching that revitalized my sleeping lil braincell that loves vintage coroika...#IDK i just feel like lately ive gotten to be around a very contagious positive energy of people who appreciate stuff and i like that!!#mayb ill stream again... something about talking about things out loud and not over text evokes a certain kind of insanity#i like to draw to express my love 4 the things i've come across but sometimes i think too much abt the quality.. LOL#so maybe ill just go FUCK IT we ball!! better to draw than to not draw at all. or ill just stream 2 outlet the 'hehe i love so many things'#there is so much love stored in my heart it hurts i lov So many Things and I love Being reminded of that god i love people loving things!!!
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I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(
#im actually very upset abt this lol#all of the other tricks ive found rely on having a dog to walk#and like i would love to get my own dog but i absolutely cannot afford one lmao#so i guess i just. still can't go on walks#nobody seems to understand just how impossible it is for me to walk down the street when im not trying to get somewhere#like just going for a walk for fun/to look at nature feels like im being killed#people are LOOKING at me and when someone even so much as glances at me while im walking i instantly feel like I'm doing something wrong#or like they're going to misunderstand my sort of odd behaviors#i can't walk slow because they'll think im a stalker. i can't walk fast because ill get out of breath and they'll think im disgusting#i can't keep a normal pace because im too nervous and i just spend the whole time tense and hate myself even more when i get home#like. what the hell am i supposed to do lol#getting a dog is the only way i think i could stop myself from spiraling like that bc of COURSE im walking slow and leisurely.#im walking my dog. my dog wants to smell and has to poop or whatever#im no longer a freaky fat stalker im just some guy walking my dog#this became more of a vent than i was expecting lmao but if anyone has any actual tangible tips for how to go on walks i would appreciate it#when i had to walk 2 miles to class i used to take a small part of an edible right before i got on the bus lmao and that worked WONDERS#but i don't want to have to do that just to walk around my own neighborhood when i eventually move out#i just want to be normal lmao i want to go out and find bugs and look at leaves#i guess i could walk in the woods but what if i get lost#i want to be able to look at stuff. i want to be able to stop and look at a plant while some person passes by me#without feeling like im going to blow up or like they're going to hit me or like IM going to hit THEM#im used to anxiety but i always feel so erratic in public places. when everyone wore masks i was a little better#i still mask most of the time but it doesn't help anymore bc now im like one of the only people that does it#so now instead of blending in AND having my face covered i just stand out more#my face is still covered so it still helps but its like barely a net positive lmao#i want to be able to look around without worrying that someone is looking at me from their window and thinks im a stalker#truly how the hell am i supposed to do that without a dog lol
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hey!! i just wanted to say i really admire your blog! you're always very well-spoken and articulate and you have good takes on topics. i wish i was as comfortable as you are talking about things at length so i could talk in detail on my own blog about the things i'm interested in, but alas, i am not. for now i will read your posts and admire from a distance <3 thank you for your contributions to the community
also kudos to you for putting walls of tags on your reblogged posts. i love to see people's thoughts, especially on posts that are more substantial than the average shitpost because it feels more personal (': pls never stop
🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 wait this is SO sweet, thank you so much! :D I'm really flattered I come off as well spoken and articulate, I feel like I am constantly just Saying Lots Of Words. I'm not sure I can turn off the verbose-ness, tbh, so I'm really glad it's improving your fandom experience in some way haha.
And hey fwiw, tumblr blogs are for you to have fun, so if you want to go ham chatting about things you enjoy, you know, go for it! And if you don't think that would be enjoyable, I mean, you're not under any rule to do so. I'm pretty shameless about doing it largely because I made this sideblog specifically for myself, just to store/post about Smosh stuff so I'd be able to find it more easily in the future. Being very detailed about stuff I'm enjoying is a gift for future me, and everything else needs to be a bonus, or something I can live with 😅 So that takes a lot of the pressure off, if that explains anything haha. IMO, if energy/time permits, recording details about and diving into the details of things you enjoy and why you enjoy them, tends to be a net positive. Both for the world as a whole (Other people who enjoy that thing get to share enjoyment) and for yourself, to really get a better understanding and appreciation of things you enjoy. And this might also increase appreciation of things you dont enjoy, interestingly enough! Win win. But to each their own, and not wanting to do that in public forum makes perfect sense. Do what works for you :)
I will probably NEVER stop doing the walls of text in tags, so im glad you enjoy it 😅 It's one of my favorite features of tumblr, I love being able to share thoughts in a form where the op/other people dont feel obligated to respond. Triply so for things like art and fic where I'll really enjoy something and it seems like a shame to not express that enjoyment with the maker. Tumblr does all kinds of wack things but the 'talking in tags' culture is a net positive in my book.
anyway. thanks! :D this was really nice to receive.
#this is so nice thank you! :) i really appreciate it#ask tag#nice stuff#:)#im glad these things come off positively to other prople bc i truly. am not sure i know how to turn these things off LOL#anyway what i WILL say about the 'talking at length about things i enjoy' online is that i do strongly recommend being OK with seeing#opposing opinions/having people disagree/living with the fact that people feel differently#it kind of ties back to 'posting for myself' but a stipulation im putting down when i Post Away is that i gotta be ok if people#disagree or are rude or Wrong™#if its not something im gonna be OK about people disagreeing with me on i either gotta commit to eternally trying to convince people.#or i can decide if i think its worth posting publically about vs just telling a friend or even making private posts lol. pick your battles!#anyway. i should have slept 2 hours ago sorry. instead im in ramble city again.#thanks again. sorry for the MULTIPLE walls of text lol
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something something please dont ask me "are you sure your asexual??" when i sometimes talk about the possibility of having sex
YES!! I AM STILL ASEXUAL!! EVEN IF I EXPRESS THE DESIRE TO HAVE SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS!! EVEN IF I MAKE SEX JOKES (damn near all the jokes i make, mind you)!!
asexuals fuck. asexuals dont. what does and doesn't go on in someones bed is none of your fucken business unless. you're. in. it.
#im trying to be understanding when my friends question my sexuality to any degree but fuck im tired.#we're all queer but theres definitely a. certrain degree of weird when regarding my bein ace#which i get they've prolly never met someone like me before but yk.#IVE. never met someone like me and it can get frustratin a lil bit cus indont entirely have someone i can connect ab it with :/#sorry lol didn't mean to go on a tangent but god damn#gods i realize that sounds like the whole 'im not like other people' its not I swear oops#its frustrating of being questioned and not having someone to connect to over shared experience :/#i love being sorrounded by people who are sex positive! its helped in gettin more comfortable about it and healin from perosnal shit#im all for causal conversations about sex!#but theres definitely a disconnect and it hurts sometimes#sometimes it even feels like im trying to be something im not when it comes to anything regarding it
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tbf leaning into my perfectionism has only made me make better art and being lazy and low effort with it uh gets...lazy and low effort results. now do 99% of things ever get done? no. but that one percent is better than the wide swarths of garbage I was able to finish for years
#��make bad art'' well the arts bad so shats the point#i guess ''make art to the best your abilities and try really hard but have fun and not make#it an act of self torture or source of self flagellation'' isnt a good one liner for quippy posts#i also do like hate myself and my art less i used to cry and want to burn my sketchbooks LOL that has to do w being a kid but also.#self confidence comes from good results youre genuinely proud of#im not someone who believes in. inherent self worth for myself LOL dramatic n not 100% true but like I cant pretend to believe something#out of nothing just for feelgood factor self help positivity quotes r the worst and make me feel worse bcs i am. a scrooge#train til failure but for art
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if my parents dont suspect im dating someone at this point then idk when they will
#technically not dating dating but we do go on dates?#idk the minutae of relationship definitions and expectations and stuff are mostly unknown to me#okay yeah my mum is literally rn asking hella questions about her#in a nice positive but also ulterior motivey type way#honestly would be less awkward if my parents just straight up (gay up?) ask me lol#anyway yeah im getting the train up to see her and normally im not about that because getting the train makes me anxious#but ill be fine. hopefully.#im terrified of missing my stop#wah so much anxiety but actually feel a bit better now ive told my mum#a significant part of me is still closeted and 17 even though i am 24 and also out#there was a comic or something i read the other week that talked about the 'trauma of coming out' and its like yes actually that makes a lo#of sense#but i am trying to be less repressed. i was even telling my friends at uni about the date we were on on saturday
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shotaro is so hard on himself :(
#i mean im a fire sign too so i'd also be shitting myself & crying if somebody put me on the studio when i'm the weakest vocally in my group#not only that but to sing in two languages that are not my mother tongue lol#actual position wise i'd say he's the lead rapper and that's me being generous. he's not to blame tho bc he has focused his whole life into#dancing. you can't turn a dancer into a mariah carey unless they were already born with it or trained themselves to get good vocals#and obv sm wants to lead him into being a main dancer who occasionally raps but in my humblr opinion#they should also train him vocally so he gets more confidence in himself. like at least they should try to get him to be able to#do something else other than talk singing or screaming singing cos my guy can't hold a note yet they should focus on that first#and i feel sm only gave him + sungchan many parts in memories and get a guitar as a gift for fans who waited for them to debut#i suppose the next songs will be more seunghan and sohee heavy bc they're the only ones who can sing. add wonbin and anton to that too bc#they're fan favorites but they're not that good vocally lol#so that leaves eunseok sungchan and shotaro doomed to one liners. nct johnny style. sad!#it kinda pisses me off tho bc In My Mind every single person in a sm group should be able to sing#wait i take that back sungchan can sing and he can do a decent job rapping so then its only eunseok n taro#i suppose they barely have time to eat since their schedule is so packed but pls sm add some vocal lessons there 🙏#taro has a similar tone to tsuki from billlie in the way their voices break frequently but tsuki released a fucking solo song!!!!!!!!! they#trained the hell out of her!!!!! if she was able to do it taro can do it too#222
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Made another new friend in Genshin but man it made me realize I'm no longer cut out for this human interaction stuff. Like it's cool to talk to people, especially ones I get along with and have stuff in common with, but I don't wanna add people on discord immediately and join servers they're in and look at videos they send me and play other games with them. Like basically "You're not getting me to a secondary location" ya know??? Like on here it's slow progression of interaction that becomes messaging that leads to all sorts of other friendship stuff and that's awesome, but stuff that takes up all my time to do other things I don't wanna do is like. Man, I'm old.
#its probably a generation gap too#i just dont have the energy for all that#and fr im not talking about anything on here. its just very obvious that i have aged past the way current teens and kids do friendship#message me once and i'll get back to you in an hour. but i'll feel bad about taking an hour lol.#i dont wanna sit in a voice chat for 5 hours getting unsuccessfully convinced to play something else#youre cool and all but i wanna play genshin. we can play genshin together. i dont wanna join a youtuber's discord server that youre in tho#i dont have the energy for this. everyone tumblr is so slow and low energy (in a positive way)#i was like this as a kid too. its not like i grew out of being a fast paced sociable person like these kids are#i wanna clarify none of this applies to you guys tho. send me 500 funny tiktoks in a row. i will (metaphorically) kiss you for it#(tho i will say it is awesome when the kids think im cool. thats always nice.#and also i hope i never get tired of people being like 'youre a 25yo guy?? with that voice??'#i try to make it a bit deeper and im also upfront with saying that i know my voice is weird even if you think im a girl. its just bad ik)#personal
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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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