#im trying to do schoolwork!!
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More matador!Fernando! Ferrari this time :D (I can't help myself.....)
- facial hair
+ closeups
I really wanted the vibe of this Nando pic, I think I did pretty well??
#GUYS THE BULL DO YOU NOTICE WHAT BULL DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE SUBTEXT DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY IMPLICATION#lmao tho i mostly put it there cause i saw this rly cool pic w the shadow of a bull on a matador's cape#i dont understand how i ended up making this one more intensive and detailed than the other#but im not mad cause i really like it aaahhhhhh#but i think this one took more than 6 hours and the other one was 5½?#and both i ended up working until an absolutely horrible time. dont ask me what time i wrote this post#okay btw i didnt draw that embroidery. thank you medibang pattern brush now beloved 🙏#i think it suits him!!!! i was thinking of doing stars anyways so I'm glad it worked out#two people id like to blame:#thank you 005 for accidentally reminding me of the sword!! im glad his other hand is not just idle :)#and thank you suzuki-ecstar for asking me at some point if id ever draw facial hair on nando#^ particularly the 3 Musketeers look. so thanks. i suddenly remembered and i had to draw it 😭#it kept shocking me how baby faced i drew him every time i took that layer off#also every time i worked on the suit red genuinely ceased being an actual color to me#its bright red right?? like very fluorescent?? but my brain kept going: is this too orange?? this isnt red right????#anyways happy with this!!!!! there were a lot more roadblocks than the other but it all worked out#but wow wish i had this level of diligence for yknow. schoolwork.#i can spend 6+ hours on a drawing straight but school? nah i give up every 20 mins or less fjfkkfl#also not abandoning my other aus or anything but i have a lot more ideas for this honestly#i think the ref pics are a lot easier and more interesting to find than for my other AUs#<- cause its so much more modern lmao. so i have a lot more inspo than trying to find ultra specific 18th century paintings#i wanna draw 3 things rn:#nando w the ceremonial cape. seb in a matador suit. and of course some silly vett//onso in this AU#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#catie.art.#fa14#matador au
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Yo! Here's a WIP for you! (just pretend it's Wednesday or something. time isn't real and our modern perception of time was created and implemented to control and exploit the working class for the rich and powerful. anyway. here's my wip!)
just some things i wrote in between school! the paragraphs are kind of related, and kind of not. I initially had the thought and intention of it being a bigger one shot to post on ao3.. but i got stuck.. so, here! some Ice paragraphs!
#ice: im not nice!#mav: heart eyes and drooling#me: whatever dude can u just try to be normal.. ur scaring the locals... thanks#i explore ice.. some more.. he's a little thing in my jar rn... and i'm shaking it back and forth and tapping on the glass#“acquired taste” why don't u just kill me what does that even mean like what#icemav#iceman#tom iceman kazansky#pete maverick mitchell#maverick#top gun#stopthatfool writes#instead of doing schoolwork...#RAHHHHH!
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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MY FEET HURT SO BAD i walked by all of my neighborhood idk if i wrote it right i wrote it right? Okay
I love this image vai toma no cu ex catty lares amém irmaos
#I need to do schoolwork too#Its for monday#sighhhh#Btw i want to make like a thing of ALL my headcannons of every single mysims character. Like ALL of them#But im so tired to do this i want school to end soon this year so i can try to make this
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#my art#realism#self portrait#assignment#illustration#this one is about 16 inches tall#i had like. a faint gesture outline done this morning and that was all i had for the past several weeks#and then i just jumped in today and got it all done in about an hour#idk. i feel like ive been pretty caught up on my schoolwork not looking like how my classmates does#and i kept trying to imitate them— the stuff that the teachers were all giving accolades to#and ive realised that its kind of dumb to compare myself (comicmaker and cartoonist) to them (sculptors and painters)#so im just doing shit my own way. and ngl the teacher seems to like that more as well
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i want to draw... joe and julia...
#he is so so so so normal about her#in my head they are The Lovers#and joe is always standing way too close to her#anyway this means nothing so i need to try to draw it. but im supposed to do schoolwork today.....#op
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#how do you guys have so many spoons!!!! im jealous!!!!#ive been trying to keep up on messages but i fell behind again#and i called people way less this week after doing so well before#ive been struggling with motivating myself to do important tasks but also my own fun things#i have so much i want to queue on here and i keep putting it off!!#i gotta remind myself im keeping up and thats what counts 😤#ive been doing schoolwork and keeping things clean in the apartment#and i havent completely isolated myself lol#i just want to be the person who can chat like a human and blog like a human and do tasks like a human#not pick and choose one every few days >:(#🏃♀️✨️#vent#rose rambles
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#sorry i haven’t/will not be as active or not fully myself#school started and even though it’s only been a week it’s taking a terrible toll on me#i’m having to relearn that maybe i shouldn’t try to do an entire class’s work in a week & then break down when i can’t do the advanced—#assignments for a coding language i quite literally did the equivalent of hello world in two days prior#one of my classes has a garbage website and the prof wants to be helpful & i appreciate it but i had her last semester & her hopping on—#a zoom and yelling/ordering me around/stressing me out isn’t going to fix the errors the site itself has#also i don’t want to draw attention to myself lest anyone find out i don’t really know shit about coding and have been cheating—#the whole time#but yeah. im too stressed to sleep for no reason even though i have work#and i feel guilty for relaxing whenever i know i have schoolwork even if im entirely exhausted#What’s wrong with me#anyways#rose.txt#tw vent
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third draft update: first chapter completed! i haven't read it over in full yet, which i'll probably do before starting on the next chapter, but i'm calling it done for now 🥳
[biggest edits: fixed pacing issues, character introductions, and some clunky exposition]
#gonna start doing little update posts in this kind of format for my own morale (and anyone who's interested in my progress hehe)#feeling very good about my goal to finish the first 6 chapters by the end of the year!#although im sure i'll feel less good about it once my schoolwork begins in earnest lol thats why im trying to get ahead now#i also want to start on revisions for my novella.... at least get some general notes down during this semester#really trying not to get too ambitious so i dont overwhelm myself. i think this should all be more than doable#audie talks#audie writes
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[sound of car engine struggling to start up]
#apollo's tag#trying to do schoolwork and also edit this damn chapter draft but our brain wont start#im in the soup (hell)
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it really means the world to me that little 12 year old daigo mentions that kiryu used to hang out with him a lot, meaning a teenage kiryu (and likely a teenage nishiki as well) basically babysat an even younger daigo on the reg for some amount of time. i wonder what shenanigans they got up to
#if im remembering correctly i think they said something about going to the arcade but yeah other than that#they’re so… different. I feel like kiryu would try to teach him a sport and daigo would fucking hate it#unless he could manage to change the rules around so that he can hit nishiki with the ball a bunch of times#and I mean it’s not like kiryu would be helping him with schoolwork#like let’s be real here#all jokes aside I imagine it really meant a lot to daigo to have someone treat him like a normal kid and encourage doing#stupid normal kid things instead of whatever his other caretakers had him doing#kiryu (especially at that point) is just a big child at heart in his own way- probably more than daigo was ever really allowed to be-#so it’d be a nice oasis from the cold strict monotony of daigo’s typical life.#that and kiryu (and probably even more so nishiki) is actually somewhat physically affectionate unlike probably anyone else in daigo’s life#and isn’t afraid to like. ruffle his hair or pat him a little too hard on the back or what have you#man those two have known each other basically their entire lives huh???#like damn it’s just now really hitting me that they’ve known each other like. at least 35-40 years?#could be longer depending on if kazama introduced them prior to kiryu becoming a yakuza and all that#kiryu’s just sort of been. always there in daigo’s life. that’s sorta wild#anyway time for me to stop talking#rambling#daigo#kiryu
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I kinda feel like I'm falling apart
#woke up to get shouted at over dishes#and now im kinda having a crisis#i guess this is left overs from the other night#idk what im going to do#this last month or so ive been in a constant state of overwhelm#it feels like so much is happening always#and i can't relax#towards the beginning of last month i was having financial issues with school#i decided to work extra hours at work to pay for it#i eventually got those bills paid#but now im being expected to maintain that schedule on top of my schoolwork#every time i try to redo my schedule to where i get a fucking day off from school and work#i get fucking guilt tripped into just doing the same thing#which leaves me with very little energy to work with for my schoolwork#im barely scrapping by with my two classes#im terrified to find out what this next semester is gonna be#i have 5 classes in the fall#i may have to see if i can afford to quit my job to focus on school#otherwise it feels like i might just fucking die#i dont think my mom realizes the strain this shit puts on me on a daily basis#or maybe she does#and she just doesn't give a shit#idk#im pissed and im fucking scared#i dont know what im doing#and i don't know what im going to do#all i know is that im gonna have to start cutting things out of my schedule#otherwise it feels like this is going to kill me#personal#rant
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yawn. im going to bed but i wanted to say that im thinking of maybe MAYBE doing something REALLY TERRIFYING. and writing some selfship stuff. which ive never done before…… but i think IF i do then ill do it in thhe format of a screenplay because then i wont have to worry about futzing with all those other words. ive never written before though but id like to have some of my daydreams saved somehow and theyre too long to draw, and stuff……. also it might be good for my crippling performance anxiety. so thats a bonus
#cherry chats#people including me always forget about my performance anxiety…… like EVERYONE forgets how bad it really is#or alternatively they assume it isnt as bad as it is because im so good at explaining it and im verbose and articulate and whatever#meanwhile its like. i stopped doing schoolwork when i was 10 and then i dropped out when i was 12. and to this day i havent finished my#friggin elementary education……. i cant talk if someone suggests anything where i might have to perform and im like this close to dropping#out of my special ed school……… i cant do SHIT. i cant LOOK at a google doc without bursting into tears. it SUUUUUUUUCKSSSS#and tragically the only way to really overcome any of this is cognitive behavioral therapy. so anyway writing would be good for me#and it might be easier knowing nobodys ever gonna see it‚ too#its sorta like all the drawings ive made in the past year where ive been too depressdd to draw like i used to#nobodys gonna see em. im sure theres people whod LIKE to see em. but they wont cause it takes the pressure off a lil#anyway. i might do that soon Or i might not either way its worth a try
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I love trying to figure out what's wrong with me and just going through a mental list 😅 like do I just need more water? Is my body still mad at my crazy sleep schedule? Is my iron levels low? Maybe my blood pressures low? All of the above?
#ugh#jen talks#the heat isnt helping#but im off work today#i dont really have any pressing schoolwork to do#so i guess#ill just drink lots of water#and relax#and take an iron pill#see if that helps#if not#maybe later try my blood pressure#because#wow i am light headed
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i got a haircut which means I need to draw vanya w my haircut. but i dont think i have time today
#i have two assignments im going to try to start/finish beforr lunch bc im guessing they wont take long#ig if we dont end up going to the beach i could#maybe tomorrow if i dont do it today bc im not doing any schoolwork tomorrow since i havent had a proper day off in a week#i think ill maybe draw him and milo ? bc milo complimenting vanyas hair has been in my head for a while#this is a totally non-canon haircut for vanya btw i dont think he would get an undercut (at this time)#op
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#can someone put me down. like i think i need to be euthanized for doing so badly in school#im not even doing bad like im passing all of my classes w 60-80% but i feel like absolute garbage#i feel like im not even trying even tho i am#i need to get out of here#google how to fix your mindset so that you dont value your schoolwork over your own self worth#delete later
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