#school started and even though it’s only been a week it’s taking a terrible toll on me

[rosesradio]

.

[stillmonsterz]

birds of a feather

this is part two to brave it together.

pairing: jay x reader, jake x reader genre: smut, angst, slight humor summary: after your eventful week, you assumed that life would go back to normal. instead, things only become even more complicated and tangled. your feelings for jay continue morphing, and his treatment of you only make you feel even more confused. as you attempt to balance your newfound social life, your complex intrapersonal relationships, and the mystery surrounding mina's suicide, you begin to wonder if there's anyone in the school you could trust. contains: unprotected sex, dubcon, drug usage, alcohol usage, manipulation, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder, infidelity, exhibitionism, name calling word count: 28.9k taglist: @moon7jay @ui11iane @bambangan @belowbun @sseobonggs

You were lying in Jay’s arms, and you were scared to make a sound. If you did, you felt as though he would remember you were there and tell you to leave. But right now, as his cheek rested on your bare shoulder, you didn’t want to go.

After you had gone to his room, you had drunk exactly one shot of the whiskey he had promised you before he was all over you again. You’d had sex twice more in his bedroom after your time on the roof. It was a blur to you, a hazy deluge of memories: being spanked, thrown around in whatever position he wanted you in, hands gripping you tight enough to leave an array of bruises more vibrant than the last set, kisses full of venom.

Jay clung to you after he came the third time, your back flush against his chest so that you were spooning. You basked in his attention, in the scent of Jay’s sweat mixed with his cologne.

You didn’t want to move your head, so you had a limited view of his room. In the dark, you could see his nightstand, whereupon a half-empty package of cigarettes, a box of condoms, some scattered books, and assorted jewelry lay. The condoms surprised you, because Jay hadn’t used any with you.The floor was messy, with clothes strewn haphazardly on the plush carpet. Some of those were yours. You could see band posters stuck all over, some you recognized and some you didn’t. The room was gradually becoming brighter, and you dimly realized that the sun was rising. Already? It was November, meaning that it had to be approaching morning-time. 

“Jay,” you muttered. He made a muffled noise and shifted, pressing his cheek against you. “Jay, it’s morning.”

“Mm…”

“I should go.”

Some part of you wanted him to tell you to stay, but instead Jay whispered, “One more round?” HIs hands started to caress your waist again.

You sighed. “No.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Jay groaned and released you, sitting up in his bed. His hair was messy, and by the light filtering in through his curtains, you could see that you had left scratches on his back and shoulders. The cigarette mark you had made last night still lingered on his arm. “You’re still such a prude,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

“What if someone catches us?” You sat up as well, mustering the urge to stand. Your legs were terribly sore, and when you tried to stand up they shook like a fawn’s. 

Jay watched you as you collected your clothes from the ground and put them on mechanically.  “You’re right,” he said in a strange voice. “It’s 7, so I doubt anyone in Stoker will be up anyways. If you take the back exit…down the back set of stairs…take a right…you should be fine.” 

“Thanks,” you mumbled, fumbling with the buttons of your jacket. All you’d had to eat yesterday was a samosa and three cigarettes, with scant sleep in between, and it was starting to take a toll on your body. The cold that had been brewing was starting to rear its ugly head, and you made a note to get your hands on some cough syrup. You were glad that you wore shoes you could slip into, because you doubted that you could be trusted to tie shoelaces.

Jay sighed and beckoned for you. “C’mere,” he said. “You’re so helpless. You’re like a newborn or something.”

You shuffled over to the bed, sitting on the edge. “You have sex with newborns often?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Jay fixed your buttons for you, one by one. “Don’t get cute with me.” 

“Sorry.”

“And don’t be sarcastic, either. It doesn’t look good on you.” Jay squeezed your cheeks between his thumb and middle finger, pulling it this way and that as though to inspect your features. “You look like shit.”

“It’s been a long weekend,” you say dryly. 

“Hm.” Jay looked into your eyes for a few seconds too long before releasing you. “Well, get out of here. Don’t need Jake having a stroke because I’ve defiled his new white whale.” Jay chuckled, his usual smug expression returning. “On second thought, maybe you should stay. I could call Jakey, he could come over here, and I could show him just how good you are at taking my-,”

“Goodbye,” you said, pulling away from him and standing upright. Just the sound of Jake’s name made you feel odd. Not guilt, not shame, but another emotion you couldn’t place. Something nasty, something that felt like tar trickling down your throat. 

“Bye, little prude,” Jay said. “Oh, where are my manners?” He got out of bed, shivered at the cold, and opened the door for you. His eyes glittered with their usual spark of malice, and it made you wonder what he was going to do. You didn’t want to stick around to find out, so you nodded your head and took a step from his room. 

There was a tug at your jacket’s collar, and Jay whispered your name. You turned your head to meet his gaze once more. “Probably don’t have to tell you this,” he began, eyes trained on you,  “but don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

“Who would I tell?” you replied quietly. 

Jay smiled, his dimple adding an uncharacteristic boyishness to his otherwise chiseled face. “Good answer,” he said, “but that’s not a yes. Don’t tell anyone we fucked, alright?”

You looked down at the ground. For some reason, it still hadn’t sunk in that you had voluntarily slept with Jay. Several times, at that. 

“Look at me,” he said, and you lifted your head. “You won’t tell a soul?”

“I won’t,” you said softly. 

Jay nodded and let go of your jacket. “You’re so obedient,” he muttered. “You’ll make an excellent housewife someday.”

“Housewife? I don’t know if I want to get married.”

“Please. Nice, meek girls like you always end up barefoot and pregnant to some hulking idiot,” Jay said dismissively. “It’s a matter of when, not if.”

“What about you?” you asked.

Jay frowned. “What about me?” 

“Will you get married, have kids?”

A brief flash of hurt crossed Jay’s features, the first time you had ever seen it on his face. “Can’t have kids,” he said. “I shoot blanks.”

“Oh.”

“I had hypospadias as a baby. Got the surgery young, everything is fine, I’m just completely sterile. So I’ll never bear my parents an heir.” Jay said the last sentence in someone else’s voice, as though he were mimicking words another had said. 

“I’m sorry,” you said.

Jay snorted and scratched his arm. “Don’t be,” he said. “I can fuck like an animal and never get a bitch pregnant. It’s the best. So you don’t have to worry about having my kid…although I feel like you would look good pregnant.”

“Jay.”

“You’d gain weight in all the right places…yeah, I wouldn’t let you abort my kid,” Jay continued. “You’d be forced to bear little Jay junior, and like a good father I would pay child support and take the little shit to Disneyland once in a while. And he’d be like, ‘Daddy, daddy, I just got a b minus in math class!’ And I’d say, ‘Son, you’re going to learn that math matters little in the real world. Come, let me take you to Hooters, so that you can swim in the ocean with men, instead of wallowing in the kiddy pool of arithmetic.’”

“Little Jay junior wouldn’t be happy,” you said, smiling slightly. “How could he be happy when Daddy hates Mommy?”

Jay laughed, quietly enough so the sound didn’t resonate down the hallway. He leaned against the doorframe, holding his arm above his head. “Please. Daddies hate mommies all the time. It’s normal.”

You hesitated before whispering, “And do mommies hate daddies?”

Jay paused as well. One of his hands reached out slowly and gently rubbed at the corner of your lips. ”They should,” he murmured, flicking something away. “They should hate daddies. Mommies aren’t very smart sometimes.” Jay cleared his throat, pulling his hand away from you. “Now run along or I really will split you open in front of Jake.” 

Without another word, you took off down the hallway. The wide hallway alone reeked of decadence and dripped with pretension. There was no reason why a college dorm should have delicate china vases balancing on hardwood nightstands that lined the hallways, nor why the walls should have crown molding. What asshole had spent this much money on a college dorm?

As you crept towards the back staircase, you noticed that one of the dorm rooms had a sock on the doorknob. That seemed much more appropriate for a building populated largely by idiotic young men. You continued down the steps, to the right, and exited the building safely. 

Just before you left to head to Fawcett, you turned around. The lights were off in all of the rooms except for one, and if you shielded your eyes, you could see a dark figure inside. You wondered if it wasn’t Jay watching you. You thought about waving, but that would seem far too playful. You continued walking through the cold, back to your own dorm. 

–

After a weary shower in the communal bathroom and a long, long nap in your room, you decided that it might be time to actually get some schoolwork done. You had a group project that you hadn’t started, assignments in all of your classes, and you had to be at the library by four to start your shift there. 

You were ravenous, though. Damned if you saw Isa, or Riki, or whoever else. You were going to go to Fawcett and get yourself something to eat. You put some decent clothes on, pocketed some of the money Jay had given you, and went to the caf. Amazingly, no one was there. No one you knew, anyways. You got yourself a breakfast meal and tore into it. As you ate, you decided to text Isa. Yesterday had been too busy, too overwhelming to even think about talking to another soul. 

You: Sorry for the late message. I’m doing all right. Hope you’re okay.

Isa texted back so quickly, your head spun.

Isa: im doing great omg

Isa: no need to apologize!

Isa: are u okay though? :(((

Isa: jake told me jay was bothering you again :/ 

Isa: i talked to jay about it and he says he’ll stop

Isa: im so glad we’re talking again i missed him badddd

What?

You: You and Jay?

Isa: yupp 

Isa: he says hi btw

Isa: he’s with me rn

Isa: oh him and jake fought 

Isa: jake looks fuckedddd lol 

Isa: shouldn’t have fought w jay

Isa: he’s a psycho fr

Isa: i’ve always liked them a little crazy lmao

A chill ran through you, and the bite of food you had been chewing turned into ash. You swallowed it, nearly choking. Already? He had gone to Isa already? Mere hours after you two had fucked? And what did she mean by “my man”, when Jay had explicitly told you that they weren’t dating?

You recollected yourself and typed out a quick “see you at work” message to Isa. Why did you care so much? Things were going back to the way they had always been. Jay teased you, Isa was gorgeous, and they would make tender, sweet love while you twiddled your fucking thumbs and knitted sweaters. This was the way things had been for weeks, months, years. Why should they change now? It was obvious to you now. Jay had merely used you to get his rocks off, just another ploy in his juvenile game. In just a few days, he had erased months of harassment by showing you the barest modicum of kindness. Jay was right. You were pathetic. 

You forced yourself to eat the rest of your food, lest you faint from hunger. If Jay was going to return to his old self, so would you. You would withdraw into yourself once more and pretend like the past week had never happened.

–

You didn’t know why you still bothered making dramatic ultimatums like that. After your classes on Monday, which were such an unbearable slog that you almost wished Jay had pushed you off the roof, you trudged to your job at the library. 

When you got to the main desk, Jay and Isa were already there. It was revolting, seeing Jay lean in to give Isa a gentle kiss on the lips, far sweeter than any he had given you. Your face burned with indignation, but you swallowed it down. If there was anything you were good at, it was pretending not to have emotions. Sometimes you almost believed it.

Isa was wearing a baggy T-shirt, which you recognized as Jay’s Jane’s Addiction t-shirt, over a red-and-black plaid skirt with combat boots. It was a cute, punk look. 

“Isa,” you said with a slight wave. She turned to you and squealed, and any irritation you held towards her washed away. 

“I was so worried about you,” Isa wailed, rushing forward to give you a hug. You hugged her back stiffly, patting her back. “How are you feeling?”

“A little sick,” you said quietly. “The weather.” She smelled like Jay’s cologne. 

“Stupid Jake and his golf cart,” Isa mumbled. 

“Golf cart? He had my golf cart?” Jay’s voice was incredulous, and you tried not to focus on the way his thumb was hooked through the belt loops on Isa’s skirt. 

“Yeah, he drove us to Yeonjun’s in it,” Isa said, turning to look at Jay with shimmering eyes. 

“What the fuck? That was mine,” Jay said. “I was wondering why it was missing. What the fuck is his problem?” 

“I didn’t know you played golf.”

“I do a lot of things you don’t know about.”

Isa danced her fingers up Jay’s chest. “Maybe you could show me some of those things.”

Jesus. You walked past Isa and stood behind the main desk, picking up the list of tasks. The words swam in front of your eyes, and you blinked several times to clear up the dizziness. “I’m going to contact the clubs,” you said weakly. The library regularly booked spaces for different clubs, and you were in charge of corresponding with them. Sometimes you wondered exactly what the morning library staff did. 

Isa nodded at you. “Jay’s gonna help me shelve the books,” she said, gripping the front of his shirt. “Aren’t you?” She pouted at him. 

“Whatever,” Jay said. You kept your head bowed as you settled into the swivel chair, booting up the computer. Their footsteps faded, and you snuck one look at their retreating figures. Just like last week, you observed that they did look good together. 

The minutes passed by without you realizing it. You were grateful for the routine: help people with stupid questions, check out books, place holds. Sometimes you would hear Isa’s giggle and your heart would clench. As you worked at the desk, a shadow covered your workspace. Assuming that it was a student, you said, “Can I help you?” before you looked up.

“Yeah, I’m supposed to get someone a smoothie, but she doesn’t stop working,” a familiar voice said. Jake stood in front of you, both hands drumming on the desk. His eye was still swollen, his eyelids painted a harsh, glossy purple. His smile only served to showcase his split lip, and his hair fell into his eyes as usual. 

“Jake,” you said. “I don’t get off for another ten minutes.” 

“I figured,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “But I wanted to see you before then. You aren’t busy, are you?”

“Incredibly busy. Can’t you see I’m being swarmed by people?”

Jake laughed, so you let out a soft chuckle too. If only he didn’t have feelings for you. If only he wasn’t in the Karma Club. If only he hadn’t potentially driven a girl to suicide, or worse. 

“Anything I can help with?” he asked, resting his arms on the desk and propping his chin on his sleeves. Now that he was eye-level with you, you could study his features closely. Despite his injuries, Jake was still really cute. 

“Don’t think so,” you said. “Hardest thing to do is reshelving, and Isa and Jay are doing that.”

Jake furrowed his eyebrows at the sound of Jay’s name. “So they’re back together?”

“I guess.”

“That’s a surprise, considering how much Jay bitches about Isa. Then again, what doesn’t Jay bitch about? He’d whine about a fountain of gold if he could. And he’s helping her do something? Seriously? Isa’s amazing.”

You must have looked pretty bad, because Jake’s face grew worried. “You all right?”

“Yeah,” you said. “Just a little sick. Hurricane and all.”

“The smoothie will be full of Vitamin C,” Jake said thoughtfully. “So that should help rejuvenate your system, boost your immune system. Oh, speaking of that, you mind if Sunghoon comes? He’s chill.”

Sunghoon? He was the one who had been there on that first fateful day of school, the one who had looked at you with such scorn. “Sure,” you said. “Hey, by the w-,”

Jake cut you off by plucking something off of your sweater; a little piece of yarn. “Sorry,” he said, flicking it away, “it was bothering me.”

“No problem,” you mumbled. It had been so natural, the way he had done that. You couldn’t imagine what it was like to just live without second-guessing your actions, your words. In that moment, you deeply envied Jake. 

His soft eyes met with yours again. “How come you always wear those big sweaters, anyways?”

“They’re comfortable,” you said.

“Seems a little hot,” Jake said. “I mean, you’re even wearing a turtleneck under there.”

You couldn’t exactly tell him that you were trying to hide the hickeys Jay had given you, so you muttered, “It’s winter soon.”

“I guess,” Jake said. He didn’t sound entirely convinced, but he dropped it. 

“I’ll meet you at Stopkewich,” you said, adjusting the collar of your sweater. “Just have to finish up here.”

“Sure, sure,” Jake said, grinning widely. “See you.”

For some reason, you wanted to feel normal, like everyone else. You reached out and grabbed the cuff of his flannel’s sleeve. Jake looked at you expectantly. “What is it, Wednesday?”

You grasped for words before finally mustering up a quiet, “Thanks for coming to see me.”

To your surprise, and slight confusion, Jake grew bashful, looking down at the ground. “Aw, it was no big deal. It’s fun seeing you…seeing you in the zone, y’know?” 

You let go of his sleeve, pleased at your success. It was really that easy? “Thank you anyways,” you said. 

Jake waved at you, licking his busted lip as he walked backwards. “See you in five,” he said before accidentally knocking into a display of pamphlets. He glanced around him before walking away quickly, heading out the doors. Cute. 

“Ooh,” Isa said. You hadn’t even realized that she had returned, but when you looked away from the exit you saw Isa and Jay standing around the desk. “You and Jake, huh?”

“I didn’t realize Jake liked her,” Jay said, his eyes fixed on Isa. You had resented his cold gaze for a long time, but you disliked his indifference more. 

“Oh, they were so close at Yeonjun’s,” Isa said, clasping her hands together. “They were dancing together, and when she went to lie down, Jake went in after her. He didn’t come out for a while…” 

“Is that so?” Jay asked coolly. 

“Yeah,” you said, looking directly at Isa. “We just talked, though.”

Isa looked disappointed. “That’s it?”

You shrugged. “That’s all.” 

“Well, I support it,” Isa said, regaining steam. “Maybe we could go on double dates.”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” Jay said quickly. “Jake’s a pussy. He’d never ask her out.”

“I mean…” Isa’s voice turned sly, and she playfully poked your arm. “They’re already going out for smoothies today, right?”

“Yeah. That’s why Jake came here,” you said, “he wanted to see me before we went…”

Isa clapped her hands together and pushed Jay. “Oh, so cute. If you guys got together, wouldn’t he be your first boyfriend?”

Scary how Isa already knew you had no experience, but you figured it was glaringly apparent. “He would be.”

“So cute,” she repeated. “You can go ahead and leave early. I’ll finish up around here.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Isa said fiercely. “You go get your man.”

You smiled at Isa, getting to your feet. “You’re so sweet,” you said.

“Just don’t forget to invite me to the wedding,” she said with a laugh. You walked out of the library without casting another glance in Jay’s direction. You didn’t know what his game was, but you didn’t care. If your life wouldn’t return to normal, then you would at least try to get a smoothie out of the deal. 

–

Jake and Sunghoon were lingering just outside of Stopkewich. It was fascinating, seeing the effect that they had on people; swathes of students and even some members of the faculty gave them such a wide berth that one could think there was a bubble surrounding them. 

You waved at Jake when you got closer, and Jake smiled and trotted up to you. Sunghoon followed, pale hands in his pockets. 

“Hey,” Jake said. “Jay didn’t bother you today, right?”

You shook your head. 

“Great. Great, good. Probably doesn’t want another fight,” Jake said, looking away. 

“Yeah, he doesn’t,” Sunghoon said, nudging Jake’s arm. He gave you an appraising look. It seemed that all members of the Karma Club had a way of analyzing people, breaking them into their basest components. 

“Fuck off, Hoon,” Jake mumbled. 

Sunghoon laughed and stuck out his hand. “Sunghoon Park.”

You took his hand and shook it. You introduced yourself, including your major. 

“Nice to meet you,” Sunghoon said, adjusting the cuffs of his blazer. “God, Heeseung hates you.”

“What?”

Jake shook his hands, glancing between you and Sunghoon. He laughed nervously. “Well, he doesn’t hate y-,”

“Two members in a fight,” Sunghoon continued, “our newest recruit living in Fawcett because he picked a fight with Jay about you, Sunoo poisoning the lacrosse team…”

You squinted. “That last one…”

“At this point, Heeseung’s sort of just blaming you for everything,” Sunghoon said with a shrug. “But the first two are your fault.”

“Hey,” Jake said, stepping in between the two of you. You hadn’t sensed any real malice coming from Sunghoon, so you weren’t sure why Jake was acting so skittish. “None of that is her fault. It’s not her fault Jay has a hate boner for her.”

Sunghoon put his hands up, relenting. “Hey, hey, I’m not blaming her. I’m just saying that Heeseung wants her head on a pike.”

“Then he should say so,” you said. 

Jake and Sunghoon both looked at you, with Sunghoon snorting as he attempted to stifle a laugh. “Pardon?” Sunghoon asked, pushing his glasses up. 

“Yeah,” you said. “Maybe we could talk. If I’m doing something wrong, I should fix it, right?”

Sunghoon let out a full laugh. “She’s got balls, huh, Jake?”

Jake groaned. “Let’s just go get a smoothie. Everything is always a federal fucking issue with the Karmas, I swear…” Jake started stalking over to the entrance of Stopkewich, with you and Sunghoon following behind.

“I hope that bitch isn’t there,” Sunghoon said, screwing up his nose. “I wanted a simple smoothie and she wouldn’t make it. She was all, ‘Um, I don’t do remixes on drinks!’ Uppity whore. Who calls a drink a remix? Cringe. I should fucking have this place demolished and turned into a Carl’s Jr. See how those vegans like it then.”

“Don’t pick a fight with the barista, Hoon.”

“I won’t if she makes my smoothie order the way I asked.”

“And what was that smoothie order, again?” Jake asked lightly. He looked back and gave you a small smile. You liked it. It made you feel like you were in on something.

“It was simple. Chia seeds, organic almond milk because regular milk fucks with my skin’s barrier, camu camu powder - from the Amazon, it’s the best there - red algae for my complexion, goji berries, spinach, and maca powder. Like it wasn’t a very tall order but this uppity- oh fuck, there she is.” Sunghoon jerked his thumb at Lily and groaned. “God fucking dammit.”

“You’d better go ahead first,” Jake said. “Sunghoon here has to decompress.”

“‘Uh, we don’t have any red algae,’” Sunghoon mocked. “‘Why would you want algae in a smoothie?’” 

You headed over to the counter, where Lily was currently using a pitter on the cherries. Her gloved hands were stained red. She glanced up at you briefly and smiled. “Hey,” she said brightly. “I thought you would have abandoned me.”

“No way. How could I do that?” You settled into a booth and scoured the menu. You figured you’d just have whatever she gave you.

Lily tossed another cherry pit into a bowl. “Well, I saw that you were partying with the KC…”

You blinked. “How did you see that?”

“Oh, I follow what’s-her-name on Instagram…Isa? She posted a picture of you guys on her story. I didn’t know you were so popular.”

“Neither did I,” you mumbled. “What’s on the menu today?”

Lily smiled and held up the cherries. “Funny you should ask. I’ve just gotten the last ingredient for my newest idea. So it’s going to be cherries, banana, chia seeds, almond butter, almond milk…”

“So far so good.”

“Stinging nettle.”

“Lily…”

Lily procured a baggie from her apron’s pocket and shook it. “What? It’s perfectly safe! It’s not like it-,”

“Well, well, well,” a voice behind you said. Sunghoon snatched the stinging nettle from Lily’s hands and examined its contents.

“You,” she said, glaring at Sunghoon. “This is the guy who got mad at me because I don’t do remixes.”

“And here’s the girl who doesn’t do remixes.” He tapped the baggie with his index finger. “But, you know, I can’t help but notice that this…herb…isn’t on the menu. Yet here you are, about to put it into a drink that isn’t on the menu. Isn’t that crazy? Isn’t that crazy, Jake?”

“Leave me out of this,” Jake said. “Can I get the watermelon mint smoothie?”

“Coming right up,” Lily said through gritted teeth. “For your information, I was testing a recipe out, that’s why I have that.”

“Sure,” Sunghoon said, “sure. Or the more obvious answer, which is that you’re prejudiced against members of the KC.”

Lily gasped. “Not true!”  She peeled her old gloves off, got new ones, and started putting chunks of watermelon in the blender. 

Sunghoon shook the baggie even though Lily couldn’t see it. “Oh, it’s very true.”

“I’m making Jake a smoothie right now, he’s KC.”

“Jake is Australian, so you two probably have some sort of secret bond. He doesn’t count.”

“What the fuck,” Jake mumbled.

Lily scoffed. “And also for your information, I didn’t have the ingredients!”

Sunghoon shook the baggie again. “And why wasn’t your kitchen stocked with the basics?”

“Normally,” Lily said, tossing things into the blender, “people don’t ask for camu camu powder. Never gotten that request before.”

“You should buy more ingredients then,” Sunghoon said, putting the baggie on the counter. “You could offer a wider selection of drinks that have added health benefits.”

“And where am I supposed to get the extra money?” Lily turned the blender on. “No one knows we’re here, anyways. They’re considering replacing us with a Jamba Juice.”

“I’ll give you the ingredients,” Sunghoon yelled over the harsh noise.

“You want your weird smoothie that bad?” Lily asked, holding onto the top of the blender. 

“Yeah, I do.” 

“You know what?” Lily pointed at Sunghoon. “I can respect a guy who wants a weird smoothie.”

Sunghoon smiled. “Thank you! Thank you! That pauper over there doesn’t get it.”

“What the fuck,” Jake whispered to himself. 

“Sorry for being so rude,” Sunghoon said, projecting his voice. “I really did think you were being a bitch for no reason.”

Lily turned the blender off and poured Jake’s smoothie into a glass jar, carefully affixing a little red gingham bow around its neck. “Thanks for the apology,” she said, pushing the smoothie over to Jake. She looked at you next. “Did you want the stinging nettle and cherry smoothie?”

“Yeah, sure,” you said. 

Jake sipped on his smoothie through the straw. “Oh, this is good,” he said, holding the jar out to you. “Try a sip.”

You’d had this flavour before, but you took a sip anyway. “Lily is great,” you said, “that’s why I always come here.”

Sunghoon remained quiet, pressing his hands on the counter, before saying, “Could I get one too, a stinging nettle and cherry smoothie?”

Lily smiled. “Of course!”

Sunghoon offered her a soft smile, his lips pressed tightly together. He watched her closely as she went about preparing the smoothies. Jake looked at you, and you looked at Jake. He mimed shooting himself in the head and you grinned.

After Lily finished making you and Sunghoon your drinks, you looked at her expectantly. “Could I get your phone number?” 

She looked at you in mild surprise. “Really? Yeah, sure. Pass your phone.”

You opened the phone up to your contacts and held it out to her. As she typed her number in, she smiled. “We should hang sometime.”

“Yeah,” you said. You had no intention of hanging out with her. You did plan to wheedle information out of her regarding Mina. Despite Riki telling you that no one knew about her suicide attempt in the bathroom, Lily had mentioned an attempted murder performed by the KC  in the school bathroom. Who could the victim have been, if not Mina? 

Lily handed you your phone back and grinned. Jake tapped his card on the reader, paying for your orders. “Thanks,” you said.

“No problem,” he said. “I said I would.”

“I was just kidding about it at the party, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to buy you smoothies,” Jake said. “Just let me try yours when it’s ready.”

Lily got to work preparing her newest mix, and you noticed that Sunghoon was staring at her with curious eyes. When he saw you looking at him, he cleared his throat and focused his attention on his wristwatch.  Strange, strange things were happening.

–

You got to your dorm room and started on your work. You were a scholarship student, so it was imperative that you kept your grades up. Which meant that you ended up ignoring the incessant knocking on your dorm door. Eventually, you heard the doorknob rattling violently. You pulled your headphones off and knocked on the door. “Who is it?”

“Open up,” Jay grumbled. “Don’t you answer your phone? I’ve been out here for like five minutes.” Sighing, you unlocked your door. Jay strided in, closing the door behind himself. He leaned against the door with his arms crossed and glanced around your room. “What were you doing, homework?”

“Yeah.”

“Of course you are,” he said. 

“You don’t study?”

“Why would I do that?”

You let out a frustrated huff of breath. “What do you want, Jay?”

“‘What do you want, Jay?’” he mocked. A familiar scene was stretching out in front of you. “I want more of what I got yesterday, but you were busy hanging around dickless.”

You leaned against the wall. “Dickless? Who, Jake?”

“Yeah.”

“I won’t stop,” you said. “You don’t own me, and we’re not dating.”

Jay barked out a laugh. “Oh, wow. Since when do you talk back?”

“Around when you threatened to kill me.”

Jay’s eyes were chunks of obsidian glinting in the afternoon sun. “You know I was just playing around, right? I wasn’t actually going to kill you. I’m not a psycho. I just wanted…”

Suddenly, the room seemed stiflingly warm. Your voice was even quieter than usual. “Wanted what?”

“I wanted…” Jay pushed his hair out of his face and licked his lips, looking around your room. “I wanted to see you do something besides stand around looking at me like you’re…like there’s nothing inside of you. Just an automaton pretending to be a human, just taking everything, passive, nothing, boring.”

“Well,” you said flatly, “am I acting like a human now?”

Jay cracked a grin. “A little. You’re blossoming under my tutelage. With a little more training…” Jay reached his hand out towards you.

You smacked his hand away lightly. “Training?”

“Yeah,” he said, taking your hand in his, “you could end up becoming a real human.”

“Like you?”

His smile grew wider. “Nah, you could never be like me.”

“Thank God.”

Jay laughed, and you had to admit that you didn’t hate the sound. “See what I mean? You’re coming along nicely.”

“You’re not responsible for my personality,” you said.

“Who, if not me? Jake?”

“No, no one is. What is with you and Jake?”

“I could ask you the same question, you and your filthy fixation with him.”

“There is no fixation,” you said, frustration nipping at your voice. “He’s just nice to me.”

Jay pulled you towards him with the hand holding yours. “I’m nice to you, aren’t I?” His other hand came to grab your chin, forcing your head up. “I’m so nice to you,” he murmured. “You don’t even appreciate it.” He leaned in and kissed you in that same smothering manner as before, his mouth hot and wet. As though you were being controlled by outside forces, you kissed him back. Your arms still hung limply against your side. 

Jay pulled away and tugged your turtleneck’s collar down, exposing the hickeys he had given you. “Wish you didn’t dress like a nun,” he said. “You could show these off.”

You turned your head, staring down at your floor. “What about Isa, Jay? You two are together.”

Jay groaned. “Don’t worry about her. Fuck, you always bring her up.”

You looked back at him. “Why shouldn’t I? She really likes you.”

“Her mistake,” Jay replied, a sneer on his face. His hand reached out to caress the back of your head. “I told you she doesn’t matter to me.”

“And who does?”

Jay didn’t answer at first. Instead, he spun you around so that you were pressed against the door. He kissed you with the same ferocity, hands clutching your shoulders. “Don’t talk about Isa,” he said hoarsely.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you said, a weak appeal. 

Jay groaned. “Fine. Let’s play a game, then. It’s really simple. You wanna hear the rules?”

“Fine.”

His hand hiked your skirt up, all the way to your waist. The other hand rested on your thigh, dangerously close to your underwear. “If I check and you’re wet, I get to fuck you. If you’re not wet, I’ll leave you alone and go weave baskets and pick daisies with Isa. Deal?”

You nodded. “Sure,” you said, as though he wouldn’t be able to feel the moisture pooling between your legs. Maybe he wouldn’t feel anything through a stroke of sheer luck. Jay slipped two of his fingers inside of your panties, and you winced as you heard a squelching noise.

“Look at that. You’re wet,” Jay said in an accusatory voice. Jay dragged his fingers along your labial lips, smearing your arousal. He didn’t plunge his fingers into your desperate pussy, nor did he touch your clitoris. Judging by his smile, he relished in withholding pleasure from you. “You’re soaking wet just from a few kisses. You couldn’t be more pathetic if you tried.”

The constant teasing at relief was driving you mad. “Just fuck me.”

Jay let out a breathy laugh. “Look at you, getting so bold. Just listen to yourself.” He didn’t allow you any time to reflect on his statement, working on tugging your panties and skirt all the way down. You stepped out of them, kicking them to the side. 

“You haven’t changed me,” you said, eyebrows glowering in defiance. 

“You’ll see,” Jay replied. You closed your eyes so you could hear the rattle of his belt buckle as it clicked, the sound of his jeans sliding to the floor, his soft grunts.  

Jay lifted your leg up and pounded you, your back pressed against the door. It creaked loudly enough that you figured that someone would hear, but Fawcett was a loud dorm. “Pussy’s so good,” Jay whispered through gritted teeth, leaning his head back. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Thought I would have fucked you loose by now.” 

It was almost more than you could handle, considering only a mere 12 hours had passed since the last time. But you were already growing to love how Jay felt inside of you, the aggressive way he snapped his hips, the shapes of the bruises he left on your arms. You clamped your hand over your mouth so your moans would be muffled. Jay had a similar idea, biting his lip and only letting out faint grunts. He lifted your other leg up, utilizing strength you didn’t know he had to fuck into you while he was standing. Your arms hung around his neck.

You wrapped your legs around him, and he carried you away from the door and onto the bed. By now, you had noticed that Jay liked to alternate between fucking into you rapidly and employing hard, somewhat slower strokes. The shift was dizzying; your nails dug into his shirt, leaving miniscule holes behind in the fabric. 

After Jay came, he remained on top of you, his limp cock lying on your thigh. He pushed himself off and crawled to the side of the bed facing the window. 

You rolled away from Jay, reaching into your nightstand’s drawer. You pulled out your pack of cigarettes and took one out.

“Give me one,” he called from behind you.

“Sure. Open the window for me.” Jay lifted the window upwards, and chilly air wafted into the room. You tucked yourself under your blanket, scooted towards the window, and lit your cigarettes. You handed one to Jay and placed your own between your lips. Your dorm room faced the woods, so you generally didn’t see people come around. On nights when the weather was bad and you couldn’t go up to the roof, you liked to open the window and smoke, listening to the rain. 

Jay sat upright, smoking his own cigarette. His eyebrows were knit in concentration. 

Your phone buzzed on your desk, so you clambered to your feet. You opened the text as you headed to your bed.

Riki: help

Riki: my girlfriend is trying out her makeup on me :/ 

Riki: *sent 1 picture*

Riki: i kinda fw it tbqh

You: You look very pretty.

Riki: thank u

You: You have a girlfriend?

Riki: o yeah

Riki: don’t tell anyone lmao 

Riki: it’s a secret like not even jake knows

Riki: i don’t want her getting mina’d

Riki: or you’d

Riki: no offense 

You: None taken.

Riki: 👍

Riki: lowk i’m considering using some bb cream now

Riki: could be a good look for me

You: Go talk to your girlfriend or something. I’m busy.

Riki: busy my ass

Riki: and my gf is on her phone looking at tiktok pranks to torture me with

You: You deserve the misery.

Riki: fuck u 🖕

Riki: betrayal can never come from your opps ig

“Who are you texting?” Jay asked. “I didn’t know you had friends.”

“Riki,” you said, turning your phone off. 

“Riki? You’re friends with Riki?” Jay looked incredulous, his cigarette hanging from his lips. 

You shrugged, holding your cigarette between your lips as you laid back down on your bed. It was a no-smoking building, but a part of you just couldn’t be bothered anymore. “Well, ‘friends’ is a strong word. We’ve known each other for a few days. He just texts a lot.” 

Jay took another long drag, blowing it out of the window. “You guys are around the same age, right?”

“Yeah, same year.”

“Hm.” Jay turned to look at you. “Have you met any other Karmas?”

“Sunghoon, Jungwon briefly…that’s it.” You breathed out more smoke. “Heeseung hates me, apparently.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jay said, “Ha. Yeah, he doesn’t like you. Thinks you’re tearing us apart.”

“But I’m not.”

“Yeah, I know that, and you know that, and even Heeseung knows that. I think it’s because he can’t exhume Mina’s dead body and yell at her for corrupting poor little Jakey, so you’re the next best thing.”

Your eyes were focused on Jay now, on his hunched back, on his serious brows. “You think Mina’s dead?”

“Dropped out of school, disappeared off the face of the earth, her friends all left her behind…she’s probably dead, yeah.” After a moment, he said, “Do I sound terrible?”

You shrugged. “You’re asking the wrong person.”

Jay smiled again. “I guess so.” He waved his cigarette, now only a smouldering nub. “Where can I put this out? On you again?” 

You reached under your bed and pulled out a small ceramic dish, already scattered with cigarette butts. “Use this.”

He stubbed his cigarette out. “Thanks. See you tomorrow.”

You gave him a quick little nod and watched him zip his pants up, put his belt back on, smooth out his hair. Without another word, he left your room. 

–

You decided to call Lily rather than texting her. You had found, through texting with Riki, that you largely preferred talking out loud. Pacing around the room, you waited for her to pick up. 

“Hey,” she said, her voice sounding lighter than usual. 

“Hi. I had to ask you a question.”

“Sure, anything.”

You tried to invoke the same nonchalant tone you normally used, but you found that it was strangely difficult. “Last week, you told me that the Karma Club nearly killed a girl in the bathroom…”

“Oh,” she said. “That was just a silly rumour…groundless…” Lily’s voice faded as she spoke, almost sheepishly.

“Do you know who told you?”

“Why do you ask?”

You already had a lie for this. “You know how Jake brought me that smoothie?” 

Lily’s voice immediately took on interest, and you marveled at how similar she was to Isa. “Yeah…?”

“Well, the thing is, he told me he likes me…”

Lily shrieked. “Aw, that is so cute. Jake is like the nicest - well, you know, there are a few nice ones in the KC, but he’s really nice. That is just adorable, oh my god.”

“Don’t tell anyone I told you,” you added.

 “Not a word out of me. So do you guys have, like, a thing?”

“Well, I don’t know. I don’t want to pursue anything before I know he’s good,” you lied, scratching your head. “You know how cautious I am.”

“Oh, I get it, I get it,” Lily said. “Sure. I think I heard that from this girl named Nina? She’s a year below me. She’s Aussie, which is how I know her…She’s nice. If you have any questions about him, you should ask her. She runs the girl’s gaming club. You know where that is?”

“No.”

“Oh. It’s held in Nakashima’s common room. You can probably find out when they meet from the school website.”

“Thanks, Lily.” You paused, figuring that you had to ask her something. So you didn’t seem suspicious. “So…stinging nettle. Why?”

“Fun fact, actually. Stinging nettle is a galactagogue!”

“What’s a galactagogue?”

“Uh, increases breast milk production.”

“I’m going to hang up on you now, Lily.”

Lily laughed, and you did too. “Hey, you wanna hang out sometime? Like, for real?”

Out of anyone in the school, you would prefer to hang out with Lily the most. You desperately hoped that she didn’t get involved in the Karma Club. “What would we do?”

“I haven’t gone to see a movie in a while. You?”

“I pirate everything, so no.”

“Sooo…” You could practically hear Lily creeping towards you with a silly smile pasted on her face. “We should see one together. Something scary.”

“Sounds good. Text me when you’re free.”

“Great! Have a good night.”

“You too, Lily.” You hung up on her and your smile fell. The true reason for your call dawned on you once more, and now you had to do some research. First, you Googled the word you had been dreading: naloxone. Jay had mentioned watching the paramedics administer it to Mina when she had overdosed. When you searched it up, you found that it was an opioid antagonist. In the case of anti-psychotic overdose, particularly Seroquel, activated charcoal was used as treatment. So either Jay had misremembered, Jay had lied, or Jay didn’t know.

Why would Jay lie about that? But then, it was Jay. Nothing he did made sense. You couldn’t go to Riki for help, either, because he didn’t know what Mina had overdosed on. Jake hadn’t even mentioned Mina’s suicide, so he definitely couldn’t help you. None of the three had mentioned opioids. It was a dead end. 

You moved on to finding out when the gaming club met next: That Friday at 6 pm. Anyone could come, apparently. Perfect. You wondered if Jay liked gaming. 

At any rate, you had exhausted your meager resources. All you could do now was wait for Friday. 

– 

The week passed by largely the same way. You would wake up to a barrage of texts from Riki and Lily, tiredly answer them, and trudge to class. Then you would go to the library, watch Isa coo over Jay while he ignored you, and get picked up by Jake to get a smoothie from Stopkewich. Sunghoon notably only showed up when Lily had a shift there and did nothing but stare at her adoringly. You and Jake would make eye contact every time Sunghoon smiled at her, mimicking his lovesick expression. Jake’s eye healed well, and his face became less painful to look at for more than one reason. The more time you spent with Jake, trying each other’s drinks, the more you realized that you didn’t mind him. 

After talking to Jake, you would go to your room, try to do homework, and answer the knock at the door. Jay would come in, you would protest for the sake of doing so, and then you’d fuck. He stayed for longer and longer every time, his scent beginning to permeate your bed already, down to the mattress. You wouldn’t talk very much, which suited you just fine. You’d just stare at the ceiling. Occasionally, he would complain about something Riki or Jungwon did. He never brought up Jake or Isa, so neither did you.

On Thursday, you were both lying in your bed, naked. You were draped in your quilt while he blew cigarette smoke to the ceiling. 

“You’re not cold?” you asked, forgoing smoking your own cigarette for today. You didn’t feel like it, for some reason. When you smacked your lips together, you could taste the strawberry banana smoothie one of the other barista’s had made on your lips. Jay had commented on it when he kissed you, saying that you tasted sweet. 

“I don’t get cold that easily,” Jay said. 

“Oh.”

“If you want me to join you under there, just say so.”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

Jay shrugged. “Closed mouths don’t get fed.” 

“Implying that you’re a necessity?”

“Some could say that, yeah.” 

“Some could be mentally ill.”

“Like you’re so sane,” Jay said, jabbing his cigarette in your direction. “Sunoo could fix your ass up nicely. He might end up giving you diarrhea, though. It’s a mixed bag with him. Still worth a shot, though.”

Sunoo…why hadn’t you considered him?

You pulled your phone from the nightstand and opened it up. 

You: Riki.

Riki: hey

Riki: you finally changed your mind about cliffside laser tag?

You: No.

Riki: then there’s no reason for you to text me

You: I need to know which room Sunoo is in.

Riki: why lol

You: Decided to develop a drug dependency

Riki: nooooo you have so much life to live

Riki: noooooooooo don’t do it

Riki: well

Riki: that covers my ass 

Riki: you can’t get mad at me when your life falls apart

Riki: he’s in room 24

Riki: i’m in 22 by the way

Riki: in case you ever change your mind about the slap jenga tournament

You: I won’t.

Riki: i never liked you

You: Thanks for the help.

Riki: 🖕

Riki: seriously though be careful

You: I’ll be okay.

Riki: you’d better

“Texting Riki again?” Jay asked. His gaze danced suspiciously between your phone and your face. 

“Yeah.” You put your phone back on your nightstand. 

“About?”

You shrugged and leaned against the headboard, bringing your heavy quilt around your shoulders. “He wants to try cliffside laser tag in the dark.”

“And?”

“And what?”

Jay groaned. “Are you going to go?”

“Do I look stupid to you?”

“Well, I mean…”

“No.” You tried to ignore Jay’s snickers. “No, I didn’t even consider it.”

Jay leaned back as well, seeming somewhat mollified. “That kid is going to get himself killed doing something stupid one day. Or someone else, honestly.”

“Then he’d be a true member of the Karma Club,” you said jokingly. Jay’s jaw tightened, and the hairs on your arms raised. You hadn’t seen that angry look in his eyes in nearly a week. 

“Look. You might think,” he began, his voice as venomous as it had always been. You realized that you hadn’t even noticed that his voice had softened until now. “You might think that because we fuck that we’re close or something. We’re not. Joke about shit like that again and I swear to God, I’ll-,”

“You’ll what?”

Jay grabbed your shoulder, jostling the quilt covering you. His grip was tight, and his eyes sparked with anger. “I’ll make sure you end up just like Mina. How’s that?”

You swallowed, unable to speak. Your eyes were trained on his other hand, and you realized just how stupid you had been, allowing yourself to be lulled into this stupor by him. Jay still hated you. 

Jay let go of you and made a frustrated noise. “Fuck, fuck. Fuck, I hate it when you do that. Play mute.”

“I don’t have anything to say right now,” you replied. 

“I thought we made progress,” Jay said, putting his cigarette behind his ear. “You were really growing a spine there, making jokes, fighting back. You were starting to be a lot of fun.”

You stared at Jay, and the unfamiliar sensation of anger broiled in your stomach. “For someone who doesn’t believe that people can change,” you said slowly, “you sure are trying to change me.”

“That’s different,” Jay insisted, crawling out of your bed. He pulled his boxers up and fixed his shirt. “There’s a very interesting girl in you begging to be let out, and all you have to do is give in.”

Your eyes locked with his, the anger in his a mirror of your own. “You don’t know a thing about me.”

“I know enough,” Jay said slowly, tilting his head even closer. 

“No,” you whispered, “you don’t.”

Jay’s lips brushed yours, ever-so-slightly, his eyes never straying away from yours. “It’s like I said. It’s already inside you, and all you have to do is just…let her out.” His breath ghosted your lips once more before he briefly closed the gap.

–

Jay didn’t come to the library on Friday. 

“He got busy,” Isa said sadly, flicking away some lint off of her ripped sweater. “Family stuff.” The two of you were pasting barcodes on the backs of books, spreading the thin paper carefully to avoid ripples. You put a thin piece of plastic over top to protect the code. Easy, monotonous work.

“Oh.” Quickly, you added. “That sucks.”

“Yeah…he’s been so distant recently,” she continued, idly flipping through a new YA romance novel. “Ever since the party, or a little before then…can I be a little TMI?”

“Go for it,” you said. 

Isa put the book down carefully, and you could see her bottom lip tremble. Her eyes fell to the floor and her voice was a mere whisper. “He doesn’t touch me. Like, we’ve done some…stuff. And, you know, it was nice. But that was it. Nothing serious, you know? I mean, we’ve been talking on and off for a month, but he hasn’t initiated anything.”

Guilt filled your mouth with the bitter edge of bile. Isa reached for the sheet of codes before laying her hands flat on the table. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” she said. “I’m trying to be patient with him, but he doesn’t even open up to me.” 

You should come clean, admit that Jay had been fucking you, but you remembered that he told you not to utter a word to anyone. Isa might run behind your back and confront him, which would be disastrous for you. And, worst of all, a part of you felt a certain thrill at being the one he chose. In some capacity, he was picking you. 

Reality struck you once more. He wasn’t picking you. Isa was the one he had chosen to be his girlfriend, or at least the woman with whom he could be seen. You were the one he slept with, like a secret rotting away in a dusty attic. He hated you, no matter how he felt about Isa. 

Isa glanced at you, biting her lip, and you realized that you hadn’t said anything. “I’m sorry,” you said finally. 

She mustered up a small smile and shook her head, her red curls flicking back and forth like a flame. “It’s okay,” she replied. “Thanks for listening. I’d tell my friends but I’d feel pathetic telling them.” Her eyes widened. “Not that I don’t see you as a friend or anything…”

You smiled back at her, resting your hand on her shoulder. “I know what you meant.”

Isa patted your hand. “Thanks, pookie. You’re a good listener. We should hang out again soon. It was so fun when we watched Oldboy and Lady Vengeance.”

“Actually,” you said slowly, “Lily wanted to watch a movie with me. Do you know her?”

Isa brightened, seeming to regain some of her buoyancy. “Yeah, we were in second year philosophy together. Yeah, I know her. Oh, that’s great. I’ll make a group chat for us!” Then she bit her lip. “I wonder if she’ll want to hang with me, though?”

“Don’t worry,” you said. “Everyone does.”

–

Nakashima’s dorm was unlike the others. It was the newest, a tall, sleek, bauhaus white building with a gray stone path leading inside. To the left, obscured by a hill, was the school’s greenhouse. You would have liked to explore the inside, but it was normally staffed by at least 3 bleary-eyed, surly students, so you didn’t bother. 

As you walked inside, you marveled at the change in atmosphere. Your own dorm seemed carefree, Stopkewich had an airiness, and Stoker managed to avoid feeling stiflingly opulent with its small markers of humanity. Nakashima students all bustled around with their heads tucked low. The common room was on the second floor, so you took the translucent glass steps carefully. It was down a hallway lined with achievements garnered from previous Nakashima students. Self-fellatio was a skill honed into an art at Sadame University, it seemed. 

You never went inside of Fawcett’s common room, so you weren’t sure how it looked. Nakashima’s was lined with computers, expensive gaming chairs, and a vending machine in the corner. The main lights were turned off, so the glow from their keyboards and the purple LED strips lining the walls was what illuminated the space. 

The Nakashima girls in the common room dressed in the ubiquitous STEM student uniform of a hoodie and sweatpants or jeans. You had arrived early, but they were already logging onto the computers. A woman wearing a white Sadame sweatshirt who, based on your surveyal of the gaming club’s page, was Nina, hunched over a monitor as another woman sat in the chair. You waited for Nina to finish helping the other student before you approached her. 

“Are you Nina?” you asked quietly. 

Nina smiled at you. “That’s me! Are you here to join the gaming club?” 

“Ah…no, sorry,” you said, watching the smile falter on her face. “No, I’m here because of something else.”

She frowned. “Something else?” 

You nodded. 

“You wanna talk outside?” With another nod of your head, she ushered you out into the hallway and looked at you expectantly. 

“It’s just…a friend of mine told me that…you knew about what happened with that girl, Mina,” you said slowly. “And, I was wondering how you knew, because, um…”

“Because the Karma Club cover everything up,” Nina finished. 

“Right, that.”

“Because they’re a bunch of fucking assholes who treat everyone, especially women, like shit.”

“Yeah…”

Nina placed her hand on your shoulder. “Did they…hurt you?”

Now that was a question for the ages. “Yeah.”

Nina pursed her lips together and sighed. “Another one. Those bastards…look, there’s a group chat I know of. If you give me your Instagram-,”

“I don’t have one.”

“Really? How?”

You shrugged. 

“Well, go ahead and make one. I’ll give you mine…” Nina pulled a blue pen from her pocket, took the palm of your hand, and scribbled her Instagram’s handle on it. “So once you’ve made an account, DM me, and I’ll have you added.”

You stared at your palm. “What’s the group chat for?”

Nina capped the pen and tucked it behind her ear. “For victims of the Karma Creeps. It started shortly after Mina disappeared. Just make sure to keep it DL, okay? Those weirdos have eyes everywhere in this school, but I’m sure you already know that.”

Did you ever? “Thank you, Nina.”

“Also,” she added hastily, “don’t screenshot anything. We don’t need anything leaking, you know? It might seem really stringent, but we can’t let anything get back to them.”

“Makes sense,” you said softly. 

“I heard that they’re planning on compiling all the information, maybe trying to bring it to the local news,” she continued. “Again, don’t bring that up.”

“I won’t.”

Nina smiled at you. “Don’t worry. We’re going to get you some help.” 

When you walked away from her, you realized that she had never asked you for your name.

–

As you were walking back to the Fawcett campus, holding your palm face down, you got a call. It was Jay. For a second, you felt stricken by guilt, like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. You answered the call. 

“Open the door,” Jay said, exasperated. “Seriously, I’m starting to feel stupid standing out here.”

“I’m not in my room.”

“Are you avoiding me?”

“No,” you said. “I had to talk to someone about a project.”

“You can do that literally any other time,” Jay said. He lowered his voice; from the background chatter, you could tell that people were walking in the hallway. “I need you right now. I had the shittiest day and Isa wants me to watch some braindead movie with her.” 

“Just have sex with Isa,” you said, your voice equally as quiet. 

Jay shifted. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Then she’ll think I’m serious.”

“So why won’t you break up with her?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Jay said. 

“Right,” you replied dryly. “I could never hope to understand the complexities of your mind.”

“First of all, that wasn’t as cutting as you thought it was. Second of all, I think that was the longest sentence I’ve heard you say. So touching. Like seeing a dog learn how to use its legs again after a car accident. I could cry.”

“Then cry.”

“Just shut up and get over here,” Jay said. “I hate being in Fawcett too long.” 

You stopped, halting near a warehouse. Belatedly, you realized that it was the same building where you had seen Jay for the first time. The wall was plain, but for some reason you had expected to see a garish, red bloodstain. 

“Hello? You still there?”

“Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“Sorry,” you said. 

“Yeah, you’re a goody-two-shoes who thinks she’ll go to heaven if she gets good grades, it’s fine.”

“Not that. I’m sorry I said that yesterday. You know…” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he said gruffly. “You know me. The tiniest thing annoys me. Didn’t think about it after you said it.”

“Sorry anyways.”

Jay fell silent as well. Just as you had assumed that he had forgotten to hang up, he said, “Yeah, well. Me too. Now come here and show me how sorry you are.”

You smiled, just slightly. “Be there in 5.”

“Make it three.” 

“Not possible.”

“Well, come as soon as you can, then.” He hung up on you, and you walked just the slightest bit faster. Just enough that you could convince yourself that you hadn’t. 

Just before you got to your room, you wrote Nina’s username into your notes app. Then you licked your hand, smearing the letters until they were an incomprehensible blur.

–

After he fucked you, Jay sprawled onto your bed, as if attempting to take up as much room as possible. You were lying on top of his arm on his right side, too lazy to even get the quilt to cover yourself up. 

“God,” he breathed out. “I almost forgot about how shit today was.”

You stared up at the popcorn ceiling. “What happened?”

Jay scoffed. “You don’t give a shit.”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

Neither of you spoke for a full minute.

“Just…it’s Jake,” Jay said finally. “Can I get a smoke?”

You reached over to your cigarette package, realizing that you only had two left. You handed one to him and took one for yourself. “Need to get more.”

“Remind me to get some,” Jay said, gesturing for the lighter. He lit yours, then his, then handed the lighter back to you. “It’s Jake. He’s doing his ‘wahh, wahh, everyone wants me to be the nice one’ routine. Saying that the pressure of having boyish good looks, good grades, and being rich is just too much for him.”

You reached below your bed to get your makeshift ashtray. “He seems normal to me.”

“Yeah, because if he knows if you saw him for the spineless dick he was, you wouldn’t want to fuck him anymore,” Jay said. 

“I don’t want to fuck him.”

“What? You don’t want Jakey in you?” Jay asked with a snicker.

You laughed quietly. “Not when you’ve already had him.”

“Fuck off,” Jay said, lightly pushing you. ”Even if Jake were the only hole left in the world, I’d never touch him.”

“A very convincing vindication of your heterosexuality.”

Rolling his eyes, Jay took a long drag. “I just don’t know. Everyone worships Jake, anyways. Even if people think he’s a dick, he’s still not as bad as the rest of us.”

“So what, do you wish people liked you?”

“No, God no,” Jay said. “I just wish I didn’t have to see Jake have a meltdown every month because he hates that everyone loves him. Or that he loves that everyone loves him, I can’t keep up with his shit.”

You blew smoke out of your mouth, closing your eyes. “This doesn’t seem like enough to constitute being a shitty day.”

“Oh, trust me,” Jay said. “It is. Heeseung shuts everything down to take care of Jake. Got a lecture from Heeseung…and then my parents called, nagging and shit…I have to go redo my statistics test…and then Isa wants to watch White Girls or Mean Chicks, something like that…and my dog wasn’t there when I needed her.”

“You have a dog?”

Jay smirked at you. “I do. She’s quiet, isn’t very well-trained yet, but I’m working on it. She’s very good at coming when I call for her, though.”

You turned away from him and took an annoyed little drag. “I’m not a dog.”

“What was that? All I heard was ‘woof woof woof’,” Jay said, reaching out and turning your head towards his. 

“Jay, y-,”

“Bark, bark, bark.”

“Jay.”

“Grrr.” 

“Shut up.” 

Pulling his cigarette out of his mouth, Jay blew smoke into your face gently. “Make me shut up.”

You had a feeling you knew where this was going. You reached over, placed your cigarette on the nightstand, and lowered your lips onto his. 

Jay broke the kiss, the tip of his nose still rubbing against yours. “Good doggy,” Jay whispered before leaning in to kiss you again.

– 

On Saturday, you had already steeled your nerves and decided to head into Stoker early in the morning. Jay had offhandedly mentioned that he hated getting out of bed before noon, and you could only pray that Jake wasn’t around. 

As you walked to Stoker, bundled in your coat, you noticed that something was different. A niggling feeling in the back of your neck. Trudging along the path, you heard a voice telling you slow down. You turned and saw a girl you had never once seen before, with bouncy brown curls. A group of people, presumably her friends, lingered a few meters away.

“Hey,” she said, voice bright and chirpy, “that skirt is so cute, oh my god. Where did you get it?”

You’d gone through this song and dance before. When you were younger, sometimes people would ask you where you had bought your shabby clothes, knowing fully well that you were too poor to buy them at full price. “Thrifted,” you said brusquely. 

“That is so cool,” she said. “Thrifting is so much fun. I can never find anything good, though.”

What were you supposed to say? “Oh.”

“Where do you go thrifting?”

“My hometown,” you said. 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t go thrifting here, either,” she said. “Nothing good.”

You said that already, you thought. Instead, you said, “I guess.” 

“I’ve always loved your style,” she continued. “Whenever I see you, I’m like, oh, that is so grungecore.” 

“Thanks, but I have to meet someone,” you said, jerking your thumb at Stoker. 

“Oh, of course. Have a good one,” she said before waving and walking back towards her friends. What an earnest attempt at bullying. 

You walked into Stoker, wiping your shoes off on the plush welcome mat. To the right was the restaurant and dining area, so you glanced over. You could see Riki standing in line, checking his phone. 

You: Look at the doors. 

Riki lifted his head, saw you, and grinned. He waved you over, so you entered the dining area. The few people who were eating looked at you as you walked in, and you forced yourself to look straight at Riki. 

“Hey,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

“Sunoo,” you said. “Is he awake?”

Riki nodded. “Sunoo always gets up early.”

“How come you’re up?”

“I’m going to go to the gym early,” he explained. “My girlfriend wants to watch that new horror movie.”

“The one with the ghosts that can possess you if you’re the same zodiac sign as them?”

Riki grinned. “Fuck yeah.”

“Lily, Isa, and I are seeing that tonight,” you said. Isa had very neatly arranged it in the new group chat she had created. It was the first group chat you had ever been in, and even though you barely spoke while the pair planned the outing, it still felt nice to be included. 

Riki had been checking on his order, but his eyes widened in surprise. “What showing?”

“8:30 pm.”

He visibly relaxed, putting a hand over his heart. “Good. We’re going at 6.” You didn’t say that you had vetoed a potential 6 pm showing because that was when Jay would knock on your door. 

“No spoilers,��� you said.

“Swear on my heart,” Riki said. 

“Good.” You stuffed your hands into your coat pocket. “By the way, I got bullied today.”

“Jay again?”

“No, some girl. She asked me where I got my skirt,” you explained. 

Riki stared at you, dumbfounded. “So she liked your skirt.”

“No,” you said. “Haven’t you ever had someone ask where you got your clothes, but it was meant in a…demeaning way?”

“No, generally guys will just say, ‘Your shirt is ugly and you get no hoes’,” Riki said, shaking his head. “Girls complicate things too much. She probably really did just like your skirt. It’s nice.”

You looked down. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he said with a smile. “I like your fashion sense.” 

“Thanks,” you said. “I’ll see you around, okay? You enjoy your…”

“Breakfast burrito,” Riki said. “I’m going to tear this shit up, hit the gym, pass out, beg Sunoo for an edible so I can watch that movie zooted, pass out again…”

“Good plan.” 

“The best,” Riki said. “See you later.”

–

You knocked on Sunoo’s door falteringly. You had never actually seen the guy, but the descriptions of him you had been given thus far were scary. You wondered if he were as tall as Riki, or imposing and muscular? 

The door opened, and a gentle face with plush cheeks and soft lips peered at you. Sunoo was wearing a baby-blue baseball tee with black accents. “Oh, hi.”

“Hi,” you said, caught off-guard. You introduced yourself. 

“Nice to meet you,” Sunoo said, sticking his hand out. You shook it, bewildered by his smile. “I’m Sunoo. Riki’s been talking about you.”

“Has he?”

“Mhm! He says he’s happy to have a friend his own age.”

“Well,” you said. “He’s a nice friend to have.” 

Sunoo beamed at you. “How sweet! Did you need something?”

“I was wondering if you had, uh…drugs?” You cursed yourself for sounding so amateurish.

If you had seemed inexperienced, Sunoo didn’t seem to mind. “I do,” he said. “What did you have in mind?”

“Uh, do you sell, uh, opioids?” 

Sunoo’s face fell. “No,” he said gravely. “I don’t. I haven’t carried opioids for a long time. No, only fun stuff here.”

“Fun stuff?”

“Yes,” Sunoo said with a giggle. “You want to try a little speed?”

“No…no Xanax?”

Sunoo shook his head. “Nope. No opioids and no benzodiazepines. I could give you a little K.”

Your head was starting to hurt. “What?”

“You know, put you in a K-hole. Experience ego death. It could be very enlightening,” Sunoo said earnestly. “Want some?”

“I’ll pass,” you said weakly. 

“You don’t have to be afraid,” Sunoo said. “You shouldn’t be afraid of ascension.”

Your parka was starting to feel too hot and Sunoo was starting to creep you out. “Sorry,” you said. “Not today. Have a nice day.”

As you walked away, you heard him call, “Don’t be afraid…”

You shivered as you re-entered the Stoker dining hall. You spotted Riki sitting down alone and headed towards him, sitting on the long bench in front of him. “How was it?” he asked through a muffled bite of breakfast burrito.

“He’s scary,” you said. 

Riki laughed, choking on his burrito. He covered his mouth as he caught his breath. “Yeah, that’s Sunoo for you. Did you get anything?”

You shook your head. “No. Got too spooked. I’m straight edge now.”

“Good,” Riki said. “It’s nothing to play around with.” 

You gestured for him to bring his burrito towards you, remembering the playful way he had taken a bite of your samosa last week. He reminded you of Lily, vaguely. You felt like you could try out being human around him. It was nice that he didn’t have any strong feelings for you. Riki held his food towards you and you took a bite. 

You swallowed. “I’ll be safe,” you said. 

“You better,” Riki said. “Listen, I know we’ve been friends for like, five minutes, but, well, you know... So I just wanted to let you know that if you, you know…ever need someone to… ah, this is so corny.”

“It is corny.” 

“Shut up,” Riki mumbled. 

“The same to you,” you said, a bit awkwardly. “If you ever, uh…”

“Thanks.” 

“Whatever.”

Riki held up his breakfast burrito; a lone bean toppled to the table. “Want another bite?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

–

There was a bus stop a few blocks away from the school. Isa, Lily, and you  all lived on-campus, and all of them were from out of town, so you took the bus to the movie theatre. Sitting on the cramped bench, squeezed in-between Lily and Isa, was enough to make your palms sweat. 

You had never had friends, save for ones in middle school who would guise their ridicule as teasing. They’d tell you that you had thin skin, that they teased you because it was so easy to get a reaction out of you. So you stopped giving them a reaction. Now, inexplicably, you waited for the shoe to drop.

Isa was dressed in an oversized sweater with tweed pants, her padded coat tossed over top. It was much more like the outfits you were used to seeing her wearing. Lily wore a baggy hoodie with a long skirt, an outfit similar to yours. Isa touched up her lip gloss while she waited for the bus to arrive. 

“This movie is going to be so ass,” she said, puckering her lips. “Can’t wait.”

“It has like a 20% on Rotten Tomatoes,” Lily replied. 

“That’s not too bad,” Isa said. “That’s like a ‘so bad it’s good’ rating.”

“I just hope it’s entertaining at least,” Lily said with a sigh. “If it won’t scare me, I want to at least laugh.”

“If it’s not funny, I’ll find the director myself,” you said dryly.

Lily laughed. “What would you do?”

“Can’t say,” you said. Isa snorted and nudged you with her elbow.

“Little vigilante,” Isa said. 

The bus arrived, you shakily dropped a few coins into the machine, and you were on. Then there was the matter of sitting. The scratchy, navy blue bus seats were arranged by twos. So Lily and Isa would sit together, and you would sit in the back. Or should you sit in the front while they sat in the back together? 

Isa sat down first, patting the seat next to her. “Come sit,” she said, beckoning you. You sat down beside her, folding your hands in your lap. So it was that easy. You caught a whiff of her perfume. 

“You smell good,” you said quietly. Was that creepy?

“Oh, thank you,” Isa said. “This is actually a sample I got from Marc Jacobs, Daisy Fresh.”

“Let me smell,” Lily said. Isa held her wrist behind her and Lily took a dramatic inhale. “That is really good. I wonder if I could put daisies in the smoothies…”

Isa wrinkled her nose. “Are daisies edible?”

“Chamomile is edible,” you said, “and those are daisies.”

“They are?”

“Not all daisies are chamomiles, but all chamomiles are daisies.”

Lily snapped her fingers. “Perfect. Chamomile smoothie next.”

“It could be like a sleepytime smoothie,” Isa suggested. “Lily’s Night Night Potion.”

“I like that,” Lily said approvingly. “I think chamomile is also a galactagogue.” 

“A what?”

“Increases milk flow,” Lily said.

Isa turned and gave you a little conspiratorial look. She swirled her finger around her head as if to say, “She’s crazy.” It made you feel special, the same way you did when Jake treated you like a friend. Like you were normal.

It dawned on you then, as you rode the bus with two people you could consider your friends, that this could all end. If Lily found out that the Mina thing had actually happened, she would be disgusted by Jake, Sunghoon, and your association with them. You could hardly imagine what Isa would do if she found out that Jay had been breaking your back every single day for a week. It was so fragile. The basis of your friendship with them was contingent on secrets.

You started to wonder if it was worth it to figure out the full truth about what happened to Mina. You were starting to wonder why you cared. 

As you watched the unsurprisingly mediocre film, sharing a full tub of popcorn between Lily and Isa, the phone containing Nina’s Instagram name burnt in your back pocket. Just a little longer. You would wait just a little longer to keep digging. 

–

On Sunday, as you sat on your bed getting some studying in, you heard knocking at your door. It was a bit later, around eight. Jay hadn’t come by that evening, so you figured that he wasn’t interested. A part of you felt sad, but a part of you wished that he would come by.

To both your glee and chagrin, it was Jay. You sat down on your bed in anticipation for whatever was to come. Jay locked the door behind himself and grinned at you. “How was the movie?”

“Bad.”

“Isa said it was really shit.” 

“She wasn’t lying.”

“Do you ever feel weird, working with her and talking to her while I’m…” Jay made an OK-sign and violently shoved his finger into it. 

Every day. “No, do you?”

“No. Anyways, Sunoo was talking and mentioned that you wanted to try getting high,” he said, sitting on your bed. He pulled a dime bag decorated with Hello Kitty stickers out of his pocket and dangled it in front of your face. “But you got scared. So I brought you a little gift.” He threw one leg over yours and rested against the headboard.

You looked at the baggie warily. “Is that…”

Jay smiled at you. “It is.”

“Isn’t cocaine…not a, uh, beginner drug? Isn’t it normally weed?”

Jay opened the bag and touched his pinky to the powder. He tasted it and nodded. “Please. You’ll be fine. I mean, middle schoolers do coke.”

“Do they?”

“Sure they do. C’mere.”

Reluctantly, you scooted closer to Jay, who promptly wrapped one arm around you. He held your chin with one hand, his arm hooked around your neck. 

“Now open wide,” he said. “I’ll rub it on your gums, the way you see in movies. You ever watch Scarface?”

“No?”

“Seriously? Well, it’ll be like that.”

You opened your mouth, just enough to accommodate a finger. He gently inserted his other pinky into your mouth and rubbed the cocaine directly onto your gums. You thought it would taste like talcum powder, but instead it was more like crushed up multivitamins. The taste was almost enough to make you gag. You were expecting to feel heart palpitations, nausea, and maybe a sneak peek at death at any second. You had bought some weed back in high school, dabbled with Xanax at your lowest, but nothing that felt this dangerous.

“You’ll be fine,” Jay said, as though he could read your mind. He continued rubbing the bitter powder over your gums. “It’ll feel really good. Promise.” 

Your lips grew cold and numb, and you clamped your mouth around Jay’s finger to test if you could feel something. No dice. Jay smiled and pulled his pinky away, sucking the tip of it. “Feels numb?”

You nodded and Jay laughed. “You can talk,” he said in an almost gentle tone. 

“It’s numb,” you said, pressing your fingers to your lips. “My gums are numb too.”

“Is it freaky?”

“A little,” you admitted. “Don’t like it.”

“You will,” Jay said. “Trust me. You sit tight over there, I’m gonna get myself started.” You watched as Jay used one of your textbook and a razor to cut neat little lines of cocaine. You wondered if the razor marks would be embedded into the hardcover. 

He snorted the lines, holding the bridge of his nose once he was done. “Fuck,” he said. “Always hurts...” Jay sat next to you again, wrapped his arm around you, and held you closely. His other hand rubbed your thigh in a languid motion. 

“I fucked a girl on ecstasy once,” Jay said, brushing his fingers against you gently. “We fucked for like three hours, and she loved every second.”

“Was it that good?” you asked. Normally, you figured you would feel that strange burning sensation in your chest at the mention of another woman, but it was absent this time. You tried to scoot the slightest bit closer to him without drawing his attention.

“Oh, yeah,” he said. “Rolling sex is different from coke sex. Rolling sex is like…I hate to sound pretentious or corny, but it really does feel spiritual sometimes. You feel so connected to the other person, like there’s something deeper at work. To me, sex on coke is more…raw.” As he said that last word, his hand slipped under your skirt. 

“It sounds fun,” you said. “Sex on ecstasy.” His subtle touch felt wonderful. It made you want to be bold again, so you ran your fingers along his jaw. It was so sharp, so perfectly sculpted. 

Jay laughed. “What, you wanna try it?” His hand was now caressing your bare upper thigh with long, slow strokes, his thumb just barely teasing the edge of your panties.

“We’d have to see if I like this first,” you whispered, dragging your index finger along his Adam’s apple. You felt the way it bobbed when he swallowed, the stiffness of the cartilage of his trachea. 

“Like what? Fucking me on coke?” Jay looked into your eyes and smiled in a lackadaisical manner you weren’t used to. 

“Yeah,” you said. You placed your thumb and middle finger against the sides of his throat, lightly pressing down. Its rigidity juxtaposed with its fragility fascinated you. It felt like you held his life in your hands. 

“Squeeze a little harder,” Jay said, heaviness sinking into his voice. 

You gripped his throat a little harder, and he let out a labored breath. “Fuck,” he whispered. “More.” 

You shifted yourself that you were straddling his lap. Your skirt had ridden up, bunched around your waist. Just the slight brush of his crotch against your clothed pussy was enough to make you gasp. both of your hands encircled his neck and you squeezed again. Jay let out a surprisingly loud moan, shivering underneath you. Normally, he muffled any sounds he made or merely gritted his teeth together.

“More,” Jay said, closing his eyes. “Harder, harder, harder.” 

Additional pressure on his neck made Jay cry out again. He rutted his crotch against yours, sending waves of pleasure throughout your body. “More,” he said, sweat starting to form beads on his forehead. His lips were parted. “Harder.” 

You were starting to actually strangle him, but you didn’t care. Another squeeze and Jay groaned, involuntarily canting his hips into you again. “Fuck, fuck, stop.” He grabbed your hands and pulled them off of his neck. His eyes were bloodshot and his breathing was heavy. “Almost came…I almost came. Shit.” 

You remained straddling his lap, your mind hazed over by lust. You pulled your sweater off, tossing it to the side. Jay shook his head and laughed as he threw his shirt off. “God, we should fuck on E after all,” he said. “Get off real quick?”

You pulled yourself off of his body, struggling to take your dress off. Once you had disrobed, your underwear included, you turned back to Jay. He was undressed as well, tugging his Calvin Klein boxers down; his cock sprang free, reddened and hard, the tip already wet with precum.

“I can’t do foreplay today,” Jay said, his voice strained. “Need to fuck you now. You wet enough?” 

“Find out,” you said, as eager as him. 

Jay laughed breathlessly, holding his arms out. You crawled back onto his lap, sitting on his thigh, and his hands settled on your hips. “I can feel it,” he whispered. “You’re dripping all over me. Can’t wait to get inside you, shit. You ever ride dick?”

You squinted at him.

“Stupid question,” Jay said. “Okay, I’ll teach you how to ride dick.” He lifted you up, giving you just enough support. “Put your hands on my shoulders. Knees on either side of me.” He wriggled backwards so that he was leaning against the headboard again, and you followed his instructions.

“Good,” he said. “Now, you just…lower yourself down on it.” You bit your lip, marveling at the lack of sensation, and lifted your hips up with Jay’s help. Sinking down on his cock made you moan, deeper than you had ever done before. Jay hissed, your name slipping from his lips. You felt your walls expanding to envelop Jay’s cock, and you felt like screaming already.

Jay guided your hips up slowly before bringing you down on his length again. “That’s all,” he said. “Up and down.” With his hands loosely holding your hips, you tried it yourself, lowering yourself on his cock again. He let out a pornographic groan which only spurred you on. Once again, you took his dick. It felt like it was filling you, all the way to your guts. 

You developed a rhythm, working his cock the best you could. “That’s it,” Jay grunted, his nails digging into your flesh as he gripped your hips tighter. “Bounce on it, bounce on this dick. Like you’re my… little pornstar.” Normally, when Jay fucked you, you let him do whatever he want. It felt fine no matter what. But you liked this, being adventurous, like you were taking the lead. Testing a move you had seen in a porno a while ago, you tentatively swirled your pussy around his cock. Jay groaned and ground you down onto his lap, his balls slapping your ass. “Do that again,” he said. When you raised yourself up again, you performed the same motion. “Jesus.”

After a while, your thighs started to burn. “Hurts,” you said, slowing down. You felt disappointed that you couldn’t keep going, but apparently coke didn’t give you superpowers. 

With a speed you didn’t know he possessed, Jay pulled out of you and pushed you down onto the sheets. Rolling you over onto your stomach, he lifted your hips up. His hand cracked against your ass, and you yelped. “Gonna fuck you into the mattress,” he hissed. 

This wasn’t the first time he had taken you from behind, nor was it the first time he had been rough, but it still felt amazing. He pushed your head down, his hand lightly settling on your throat. With your face planted firmly inside your sheets, you rocked back onto his cock, trying to match his pace. Another hard slap landed on your ass. “Good bitch,” Jay said. 

As he slid his dick in and out of you, the wetness making obscene noises, Jay nibbled and sucked harshly on a small spot on your shoulder. He loved marking you, even though you never wore anything that would reveal the traces he left behind.

Jay pounded into you from behind, his hands crawling to your tummy. He moaned erratically, and when you looked behind you, you saw that his eyes were screwed shut. You collected the arousal dripping from your pussy and played with your clit. “Gonna cum,” Jay said, panting. “Cum for me.” 

You felt your orgasm building, hot and palpitating, and you moaned his name. You’d never done it before, and it made you feel self-conscious. Until Jay chanted your own name like a mantra, intermingled with loud curses. Just as your orgasm ripped through you, leaving you screaming and shaking, you felt Jay pull out of you. A cool substance splattered over your back, probably his cum. Exhausted, you dropped your hips onto the bed and groaned. Your pussy contracted while you tried to ride out your orgasm, your fingers still gently making circles on your tired clit before you felt calm enough to stop.

As you laid there, you realized that you hadn’t thought about Isa once. Normally, even when he was inside you, you wondered if he had done this with Isa, and if so, how many times, and who had made him cum more, and on and on. But you hadn’t compared yourself with her once. You had just enjoyed yourself. But now the reality crept on you, that you were fucking someone else’s man. You were a homewrecker, a cheater. If the old you could see you now, she would hate you.

Jay slapped your ass again, snapping you out of your reverie. “You good?”

Lifting your head up, you turned to face Jay. Sweat dripped down his face, and his torso was trembling. You nodded, but your face must have been unconvincing. 

“It’s the comedown,” Jay said. “It’s brutal the first time. You feel like shit now, right?”

“Sure, yeah,” you said shakily. “I do.”

“It’ll pass,” he said. “Come on, sit up.”

You crawled over to your headboard, feeling cold all of a sudden. Cold and empty. You thought Jay would put his arm around you, but all he did was rummage through your nightstand’s drawer for your smokes and lighter. He lit two and put one in between your lips. “It’ll help,” he murmured.

You took a long drag, shakily exhaling the smoke. 

“You should take a shower after this,” Jay said. “It’ll help you clear your head.”

“Okay.”

“It’s not nearly so bad,” Jay said. Then he chuckled. “I hope you enjoyed that. That’s the best high you’ll get.” His eyes were reflective, and he took a short, angry drag. 

“After this?”

“The old cliche. Now you’ll just try to chase this feeling,” he said. Clearing his throat, Jay reached for his boxers. “I gotta go. Gotta meet Sunghoon. You’ll be fine.” 

You blearily watched him get dressed. He hadn’t kissed you once. 

He left. You took a shower. 

It didn’t help. 

When you opened the door to your room, the scent of sex was so heady that you took a step back. Every time he fucked you, you felt full, until you felt hopelessly empty. Tears welled in your eyes, and you wiped them away angrily. It had been so long since you had cried properly. Now, you felt like a broken piece of china, nothing but sharp, jagged edges. 

You didn’t want to be alone right now, so you picked up your cell phone. Riki had said that you were friends, and friends helped each other, right?

“Riki?” you said, your throat hoarse. 

“Yeah?” he asked. “You good?”

“No,” you said quietly. “My, uh, my dog died.”

Riki fell silent. “Really?” 

“Yeah.”

“Shit,” he said, his voice growing somber. “I’m sorry.”

“He was my best friend,” you said. “I’m just…sorry, I shouldn’t be bothering you, but…” 

“No, no, no,” Riki said. “No, Jesus, your dog died. It’s fine. You wanna meet up?” 

“Yes,” you said, almost too eagerly. “Sure.”

“Your room?”

“No, no…”

“Mine?” And potentially run into Jay? You’d pass. Just as you were about to decline, Riki said, “Jay’s out with Sunghoon right now, and Jake is studying, so you won’t run into them.”

Huh. So he wasn’t lying. “Sure, yeah. I’ll come over.”

“You sure you don’t want me to come to yours? You sound really messed up.”

“I’m positive,” you said, trying to sound neutral. You knew you were failing. 

–

Riki’s room was different than Jay’s in a good way. Movie posters lined his walls, and he had stuck random fast-food receipts to the walls. Clothes were thrown around haphazardly, even tossed onto his lamp. Riki was lying in bed, watching something on his laptop, but when he saw you he closed the screen and walked towards you. Without waiting for a word, he enveloped you in a hug.

It felt so good to touch someone who wasn’t involved in the stupid Jay-Isa-Jake conundrum. When you felt his arms wrap around you, you broke down into tears. It was embarrassing, falling apart in the embrace of someone you had effectively known for a few weeks. Still, Riki rubbed your back.

“I know how it is,” Riki murmured, patting your head. “If I lost bisco, I’d lose my mind. You guys were close?”

“Yeah,” you lied, allowing yourself to hug Riki back. “He was my only friend when I was younger.”

“Sorry,” he whispered. “You really must have loved him.” 

“Yeah,” you said. You squeezed your eyes shut and let out a shuddering sob. “I think I did. And I feel stupid for it.”

Riki pulled away slightly, just so he could look at your face. “Why?”

“He’s…” you swallowed. “He was just a dog. I know that they have shorter lifespans than humans, and-and I knew that…it wouldn’t last. So why am I so upset?”

Riki pressed your head into his shoulder. “Because you’re human,” he said with a soft, not unkind, laugh. “You’re a human. It’s normal to love dogs, even if they have short lifespans. You can’t choose how you react to situations. It’d be great if you could, but you can’t.”

“I wish I could,” you said helplessly. “I wish I didn’t feel a thing.”

“Don’t say that,” Riki said. “You don’t mean that. You felt good when you were with your dog, right?”

“Yeah,” you said, tears still spilling onto Riki’s sweater. “Yeah, I did.”

“You wouldn’t get to feel that if you had no feelings. You can’t experience the highs without the lows and all that.”

You laughed despite yourself. “So wise.”

“I’m a fount of knowledge,” Riki said, patting your head again. “I keep telling you.”

You sniffled and a realization overtook you. You pulled away from Riki and he stepped back, surprised. “What is it?”

“You’re dating someone,” you said quietly. “Sorry, I forgot. I forgot you were…sorry.”

Riki grabbed your wrist, preventing you from leaving. “Hey. My girlfriend doesn’t own me, first of all. If anyone I date gets mad because I’m comforting a friend with a dead dog, then I wouldn’t date them. That’s fucked. Second of all…” Riki hesitated, pressing his thumb against your veins. “I think we’re done soon, anyways.”

“Really?”

Riki nodded, letting go of you. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “I’m not….the best person, you know. So it’s sort of inevitable.”

“You don’t seem so bad to me,” you protested. “You aren’t as bad as Jay.”

Riki covered his mouth as he snickered. “If you have to use Jay as a benchmark…”

“Fair enough.”

Riki shrugged, kicking a stray sock around on his floor. 

“Well, you’re nice to me,” you said. 

That made Riki scoff. “Quit it. You sound like an orphan again. It’s not that hard to be nice to you, you know. I’m not a good person just because I don’t treat you like shit.”

You bit your lip, feeling admonished. Riki looked up at you and winced. “Look at me, being a dick to a girl with a dead dog. I told you I’m not nice.”

It was your turn to scoff, lightly hitting his arm. “Shut up.”

Riki chuckled. “What was his name?”

“Whose?”

“Your dog’s, dummy.”

Shit. Shit, shit, what was a name? “Mr. Wigglesworth,” you offered.

“Mr.? Did he have a first name?”

“Mr. was his first name.”

“That’s a really stupid name for a dog.”

“Well,” you said flatly. “He’s dead, so at least he doesn’t have it anymore.”

“All right, Wednesday, I was just joking.”

“So was I.”

With a shake of his head, Riki flopped back onto his bed. “You’re so difficult,” he said with a smile. “And very annoying.”

“You’re rubbing off on me,” you retorted. 

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s my birthday month. Be nice to me. Oh, shit, I didn’t invite you to the party yet.”

“Party?”

“Sunghoon’s birthday is on the 8th, and mine is on the 9th, so we’re going to have a joint party. It’ll start at 11 on the 8th and end…whenever it ends. It’ll be really fun. You should come. Well, no, you have to come. It’s an order from the birthday boy.”

You didn’t relish the thought of another party, but how could you refuse Riki after he had been so kind to you? “Yeah, of course. Where is it?”

“Heh. I won’t tell you. You’ll have to drive there with me,” Riki said.

“Oh. So I won’t need a password?”

“Nah,” Riki said. “If you want it, it’s ‘foreshadow’.”

“How cryptic,” you said. 

Riki smiled. “I try. Anyways, you want to watch Jujutsu Kaisen with me?”

“Never seen it.”

“Oh, you’re missing out,” he said, turning his tablet back on. 

“I bet.”

–

Jake texted you on Sunday night, asking you to meet up at Stoker’s cafeteria. You were starting to spend far too much time there for your liking. As you diligently walked over there, you felt the same feeling, like something was off. The clusters of people still dotting the fields glanced at you - that was it. People were looking at you. They never used to pay attention to you before, but now their eyes burnt holes into you. You were starting to become associated with the Karma Club, and you realized that that association would make joining the group chat even more difficult. You’d have to use a burner account, if you did join it. If.

Jake was sitting on one of the oak benches, two bagels in his hands. His black eye had faded into a yellow-green smear, and his lip had scarred over. “Hey,” he said, smiling at you. “I hope you like bagels.”

You took one of the bagels and sat down across from him. “Bagels at night?”

Jake shrugged. “Why not?”

“Why not, indeed?” You took a bite of it and wiped the crumbs from your lips. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” he said slowly. “It’s just that I’m going away for my birthday. I’ll be gone for two weeks.”

“Two weeks for your birthday?”

“My parents are extra,” Jake said, tearing off a chunk of his bagel. “I’ll be back in time for Sunghoon and Riki’s birthday party, though. You going?”

“Riki forced my hand,” you said.

Jake grinned. “Attaboy. So, you know, if Jay does anything, just let me know. I hate that I’m leaving you alone with him for two weeks.”

“He hasn’t done anything to me in a while,” you said, your eyes drifting away from Jake’s face. 

“That’s good,” Jake said. “It’s just…you can never know with him. He’s so unpredictable. We had an argument a few days ago…” Jake popped another bite of bagel into his mouth.

“Argument?”

“I haven’t been doing very well,” Jake said quietly. Now it was his turn to avert his gaze; he picked at a thread on his large grey hoodie. “I’ve been doing shit recently. Nothing to do with you, just life. I, you know, I’ve always had problems, and sometimes I can deal with them. Control them, be the person my friends want me to be. But sometimes they get the best of me.”

“What do your friends want you to be?”

“Nice guy Jake.” Jake’s voice was bitter. “Everyone wants me to be that way. Can’t make a mistake. Can’t slip up. When someone else fucks up, it’s fine. It’s normal. But when I fuck up, it’s the end of the world. I’m the worst person alive.”

You nodded slowly, comparing his words with what Jay had told you. “I don’t think you’re the worst person alive.”

Jake chuckled, examining his bagel. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“You’ve been nice to me,” you continued. “So thank you. I know it must be weird…”

“It’s not weird at all,” Jake said. “It’s not weird for me, I swear. I fell for you really fast, I know. I don’t expect anything and I still don’t.” 

You didn’t know what else to say, and Jake fell silent too. “I love the Karma Club,” he said after a while, “but sometimes I feel like I’m losing myself, hanging around them all the time, always doing risky shit.”

“Maybe this will be good for you,” you said. “Your vacation, I mean.”

“Vacation,” Jake said vaguely. “Maybe it will. Thanks for letting me talk, Wednesday.”

“No problem,” you said. “Thanks for the bagel.”

“No problem.”

You smiled at Jake, and Jake smiled at you, and for a moment you wished that you could just like Jake. You could have a million nights like this, eating bagels together, talking, baring your souls. If you thought about it, it nearly sounded appealing.

“Happy early birthday,” you said after a while. 

“Thank you,” Jake said. 

The two of you ate your bagels in silence.

–

You spent the next three weeks as usual. This time, after your library shift, you, Isa, Sunghoon, and Riki would go to the smoothie shop. When Lily wasn’t working there, she would go as well, sitting next to Sunghoon and discussing different flavour pairings. You, Isa, and Riki would sit at a table, sipping your smoothie and talking. Isa treated Riki like a little brother, and it was fun to see them argue about nothing in particular. 

Jay still came into your room every evening. At some point, you could tell that he had started to derive some sort of pleasure in ignoring you at the library only to be intimate with you in private. When Isa wasn’t looking, he would give you a quick once-over, mouth obscenities at you, or even wink at you. 

He was staying for longer, now. Jay would laze in your room for an entire hour afterwards. You wondered where he told his friends he was going every evening, if he told them anything at all. You didn’t want to ask, though. The “relationship” between the two of you seemed so tenuous, so fragile, that if you pulled at any of the threads it could unravel. The emptiness after he left was becoming worse, too. What was once an indefinite, hazy feeling turned into a wound that began to fester. You constantly had to gauge how much you could reveal, holding back on kissing him passionately lest Jay find out that you didn’t hate him. That you were starting to want more. 

It was a Tuesday. Sunghoon’s birthday fell on Wednesday, and Riki’s fell on Thursday, so everyone who was going to the party was planning on skipping school. You had never skipped a day of college before, so you felt a delicious little thrill at the thought of it. Jay was lying in your bed, his hand on your stomach, lightly squeezing it. His hair was stuck to his forehead, and he was only now starting to catch his breath. He had gotten a new gash on his arm, probably from a stupid fight. He would always summarize those skirmishes as, “dumbass bullshit.” You never pried too deeply into what he did when he was being a Karma Club member. “I was thinking,” he said, “you know that motel, Colborne Motel?”

“No.”

“The one where that guy killed that hooker?”

“Never heard of it.”

“Huh. Well, a guy killed a hooker in one of those rooms, Room 115 or 116 or something.”

“Where are you going with this?”

Jay smiled, his white teeth gleaming in the darkening light filtering in from outside. “I think we should go there, drop E, and fuck.”

You squinted. “You want to hook up where someone got murdered?”

“I thought that that would appeal to you,” Jay said, continuing to squeeze and stroke your stomach. “Given your…personality.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You flicked his forehead, something you had seen Isa do to Riki.

Jay lightly flicked you back with his free hand. “You know exactly what that’s supposed to mean.” 

You reached out to flick him again, but Jay grabbed your wrist and rolled on top of you, pinning you to the bed. “Say it anyways.”

“Well, you certainly don’t seem scared of death,” he said, “and your Emily the Strange vibe doesn’t help.”

“You know who Emily the Strange is?”

“She was my first crush,” Jay said.

“Explains a lot about your psyche,” you deadpanned. “It’s very Freudian, your first love-object.”

“Oh, don’t start talking pseudoscience,” Jay said, pulling both of your wrists over your head. “It makes me want to do nasty things to you.”

“Does it?”

“Yeah, but you’re lucky I’m too tired.” Jay leaned down and kissed you, holding your wrists in one hand. The other slipped to your cheek. When he pulled away, he gave you an odd look. “Have you bought anything for Riki’s birthday?”

“No,” you said. “I don’t really know what to get him.”

Jay let go of your wrists and fell down beside you once more. “Neither do I,” Jay said. “That kid already has everything. Sunghoon was easy to shop for.”

“What’d you get him?”

“A novelty toaster oven.”

“Where’s the novelty?”

“It can toast a picture of a penguin on the bread,” Jay said. “It’s pretty cool.”

“I see.”

Jay sighed, running his fingers through his damp hair. “What do I get that kid?”

“Maybe I’ll get him a cologne,” you said thoughtfully. “He doesn’t seem like he has a lot. I guess I can take the bus to the mall”

“I’ll just drive you,” Jay said. You stared at him, befuddled. “What? It makes sense. I can find something for Riki, you can get him something so he knows that you’re not a shit friend who didn’t buy him a birthday gift, you give me head in a change room…”

“Jay.”

“The perfect plan,” he continued. “Go shower. Meet me on the corner of Decelis Street and blossom avenue.” Jay rolled out of your bed and started to put his clothes back on.

You could hardly move, but you got up anyway and started going through your closet for something to wear. You laid your clothes out on your bed.

“See you in 20,” Jay said once he was fully dressed. When he left, you shoved the wad of bills he had given you last month into your purse. Thanks to Jay, you could afford to buy Riki something nice.

—

Jay pulled up in his all-black Mazda. It didn’t have a single scuff, or any visible use of wear, which surprised you. You had figured that he would be a risky driver. Jay opened the door for you, yelling, “Get in.” 

You sank your head into the soft leather seat, trying not to make it apparent that you were admiring his car. No such luck. Jay looked at you and smirked.

“You’ve never even seen a car this nice, right?” he asked. 

“It serves its purpose as compensation for your manhood quite well,” you said. 

Jay scoffed, buckling his seatbelt. “That little joke would work better if you hadn’t seen how big my dick is. And you can’t say it’s not, either.”

“Yeah, yeah. Fine. You have a huge dick, a nice car, and you’re rich. You win.”

“Thank you,” Jay said. “That’s all I’ve been wanting to hear.”

“Can you put some sunglasses on, too?” you asked, putting your own seatbelt on over your bulky sweater. “So you can be as douchey as possible?”

Jay opened the glove compartment, fumbled around, and took out a small glasses case embossed with the word PRADA in gold lettering. He took out a sleek pair of sunglasses and put them on. “Are you ready for the most pretentious car ride of your goddamn life?”

“Ready,” you said, fighting a grin. 

Jay peeled off of the curb and drove towards the mall. You stared out of the window, trying to absorb everything about the surrounding city. Having no reason to venture off campus, this was practically new territory for you. The leaves were already red, shifting into a decaying brown. The houses you passed were somewhat smaller than Yeonjun’s place, yet still just as lavish. Jay turned onto the highway. 

“Gonna play some rock music,” he said, fidding with the Spotify app on the dashboard panel. “I know it’s not Alanis Morisette, but…”

“I like rock,” you said. “As most people do.”

“You’d be surprised,” Jay said. “Isa listens to the most mainstream shit ever. Frank Ocean, SZA, Taylor Swift…” Jay wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“They’re popular artists,” you said. 

“Popular shartists,” he said. Jay put on Highway to Hell by AC/DC, and you rolled your eyes.

“Asserting your musical dominance by playing one of the most well-known rock songs of all time, are we?”

“You don’t deserve to hear my selection of deep cuts,” Jay retorted. “Bitch.” 

You laughed. “Deep cuts such as American Idiot by Green Day and Smells like Teen Spirit by Nirvana?” 

“Oh, fuck you,” Jay said, but he was fighting a grin. “Pretentious slut.”

“Hypocritical manwhore.”

“Gloomy bitch.”

“Unfunny asshole.”

“Humourless cunt.”

“You copied mine,” you said. 

“That wasn’t copying,” Jay replied. “That was me improving upon your work.”

“Improving used subjectively here?”

“I’ll use you subjectively,” Jay said.

“What?”

“My dick is like half-mast right now,” he said. “Can I pull over so we can…”

“No.”

Jay laughed so loudly he nearly swerved into a semi-truck. You yelled, which only made him laugh more. Eventually, you joined in as well. 

–

You had never been to an outlet mall before, let alone one so upscale. You only recognized some of the names displayed on the map just outside the entrance - Prada, Dior, Chanel, Gucci, Versace. It was a dizzying list, one that harkened back the years of thrift store clothes and exclusion. 

“You see anywhere you want to go?” Jay asked, coming up behind you. He had been busy trying to tuck his sunglasses into his loose baggy T-shirt, eventually settling with wearing them around the back of his head. 

“Uh,” you said. “Don’t know.”

“There’s a Tom Ford store,” Jay said, pointing towards the north of the map. They make good fragrances. I have a few, actually. We could go there first, then I’ll get my gift for him.”

“Sounds good,” you said weakly. Even though he was dressed casually, Jay still seemed like he meshed better with the platoon of patrons wandering around, hauling shopping bags as big as suitcases around. You felt like someone’s raggedy little sister. 

“What are you waiting for?” Jay asked. “Shoo.”

You sighed, walking towards Tom Ford. As you walked, you passed by stores with avant-garde clothes pasted on mannequins in different poses, makeup boutiques, and lingerie stores. 

“Should we stop here?” Jay asked innocently, pointing at La Perla.

“What, for you? Sure,” you said. 

“Maybe I will,” Jay said. “I’d look cute in a thong, wouldn’t you agree.”

You clamped your mouth shut and he snorted. “This mall is nice because no one from our school comes here,” he said. “They just shop online, or if they shop in person, they go to the one over in Riverfield.”

“Why?”

“There’s boba,” he explained. “And there’s trendier stores there, but I like classic stores better. You know what I mean?”

“No.”

“I guess you wouldn’t,” he said. “Like Cinderella without the talking rats.”

“There’s one right next to me,” you said. 

Jay snorted. “That was good, actually.”

You smiled and continued taking in your surroundings. The sky was dark, but the cobblestone paths of the outlet mall were lined with old-fashioned street lamps that illuminated the area well. Eventually, you made your way to Tom Ford. Jay opened the door for you, impatiently ushering you inside. The store was hopelessly luxurious. Two sumptuous grey couches faced each other, settled on swirled marble floors. The shelves were glass, and the items were one of each. You supposed that you had to request the item you wanted. 

You wandered towards the fragrance section, where an overly-effusive worker hounded you. Jay nodded at him once and then he went away somewhere else. You marveled at how Jay’s aura, if you could call it that, extended outside of school. You spritzed a random bottle of cologne onto a strip of paper, waved it in the air, and took a sniff. 

“Costa Azzura,” Jay said, watching you closely. “That’s a good one.” 

“I don’t know if it’ll suit Riki,” you mumbled. Jay snatched the piece of paper from you and inhaled. 

“You’re right,” he said. “Too mature for him.” 

You took a lighter-coloured bottle and sampled that next. It was citrusy, with a hint of spice. “This is better,” you said. Grey Vetiver.

Jay frowned at you. “Don’t you want to try more?”

“Why? This one smells fine.” 

“Maybe there’s one that’ll be better,” Jay said. 

You groaned and put the bottle back on the shelf. Azure Lime was next, then Tuscan Leather, then Fucking Fabulous. “There’s too many,” you grumbled. “I’m getting Grey Vetiver.”

“You’re rushing the process,” Jay said. “Here, try Electric Cherry.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Do it,” he growled. You reluctantly took a sniff of the strip of paper Jay had thrust under your nose. 

“It’s fine,” you said weakly. “It’s very feminine, though. Not sure if Riki would like it.”

“Riki,” Jay said. “Riki. Yeah, you’re right. Get the Grey Vetiver.” Jay beckoned a store attendant to come over, requesting a box of the cologne. While they were gone, you opened your purse and took out a few of the $100 bills Jay had given you.

Jay stared at you, dumbfounded. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m going to pay for th-,”

“No,” Jay said sternly. “No, no paying with fucking cash at a luxury store. Were you raised in a barn?”

“But-,”

“So useless,” Jay said. “I’ll just pay for it. It’s my money you were going to use anyways.” He walked over to the cash register and paid for the cologne, a scowl on his face the entire time. When he was done, he thrusted the bag into your hands. “You’re welcome,” he said.

You stumbled out of the store after him. “Where will you go to get your gift for Riki?” you asked. 

“I don’t know, prude,” Jay snapped. “Unlike you, I know how to enjoy a shopping experience.” 

Enjoy was a very generous word to use. Jay dragged you to virtually every single store in the mall that sold men’s clothing. He hemmed and hawed over the cut of pants, asked the store attendants to bring out clothes that he examined with the scrutiny of a surgeon, and fingered the fabric of every piece he liked. 

He made you try on the clothes over your own outfit, forcing you to put on bombers, puffs, leather jackets, and assorted hats. 

“This Moncler raincoat suits you,” Jay murmured. It had been two hours, and your feet were aching. 

“It doesn’t matter if it suits me,” you said, your voice coming out in a whine. “It’s for Riki.”

Jay waved his hand. “All you younger people are the same anyways. Come on, put this short down jacket on.” 

You stripped the raincoat off and handed it over to an attendant before trying on the jacket. 

“Very nice,” Jay said, a hand over his mouth. “Very nice…”

“How come you’re getting him a jacket, anyways? Doesn’t he already have one? Or several?”

“Every year, the KC goes on a trip over winter break,” Jay explained, fondling the hem of the jacket. “We all pick straws to see who gets to pick the location. Jungwon drew the longest, so we’re going to the Swiss Alps.”

“The Alps?”

“Don’t bother asking,” Jay muttered. “I don’t know either. Arms up.”

You stuck your arms out so Jay could examine the “movement” of the jacket, whatever that meant. He wasn’t even getting them in Riki’s size anymore. 

“Yes….good…Now take it off.” Once you peeled off the warm coat, Jay gestured for a store attendant. “One in this size,” he said. 

“Riki won’t fit in that,” you said.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jay said. “That’s for something else.”

Or someone else. You bit your lip in frustration. He was probably buying that stupid jacket for Isa, and you were just the model. 

“I’m tired,” you said. 

“One last store,” Jay said, his voice dropping slightly. “Wanted to go back to Armani, get him a nice suit.”

“Whatever.”

“Poor doggy,” Jay said, scratching your chin. “All tired out?”

You pulled your head away from his hand. “I’m not a dog.”

“Woof.”

“I hope you get stranded in the Swiss Alps,” you grumbled. 

“You’d get stranded there too,” Jay said.

“Why would I be there?”

Jay smiled, once again brandishing his credit card as he walked to the cash register. “Trip rules state that we can take one person as a date,” he said. “And dickless is probably going to ask you to go with him.”

“And you’ll ask Isa?”

If you hadn’t been so attuned to his actions, you probably wouldn’t have noticed the way his fingers tightened on his bank card. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll take Isa.”

–

When you got back to your dorm room, clutching the Tom Ford back, you let out a shaky sigh. You considered tossing the cologne onto your bed, but Riki didn’t deserve to suffer just because you were upset. Instead, you pulled out your phone and downloaded the Instagram app.

You needed a good name, something anonymous, something that no one could ever associate with you. Just in case things went tits-up. You decided on the moniker “jumblesack82.” Then you went to your Notes app, found Nina’s Instagram handle, and typed it in. She wasn’t private, so you could scroll through her photos. 

Nina was pretty, sociable, smart, and outgoing. Her feed was plastered with pictures of her with friends, wearing cute outfits, and enjoying life. Just before you followed her, you decided to see if you couldn’t find Lily.

Scrolling through her followers list, you eventually found her. lily2morrow. Her entire page appeared to be pictures of her holding various drinks and smiling, one of which you recognized as the maca root smoothie she had given you last month. Lily had posted something on her Instagram story, so you clicked on it. It was a picture of someone with their face cut off, holding the straw of a smoothie and playfully trying to cover the photo with the other. To your horror and dismay, you recognized those pale, pale hands. Sunghoon and Lily…? The Karma Club truly left no stones unturned.

You went through her following to find Isa’s page next. It just made you feel like throwing up. Seeing her selfies, her vibrant red hair, her stupid fucking captions like, “I’d marry you with paper rings~” it made you feel insane. What turned your stomach the most recent photo she had taken, one of her and Jay. His hand settled on her waist, and she was cupping his chin in her hand. He was actually smiling into the camera. 

From what you had ascertained from his comments about her, you had assumed that Jay disliked Isa. You couldn’t understand why he was still with her, but you could at least revel in the fact that he disliked her in some way. But this picture of them, undeniable proof that people knew they were together, that they existed beyond four walls, it made your skin crawl. People probably mentioned them in tandem: there’s Jay and Isa, are Isa and Jay going to the party, Jay likes Isa, Isa likes Jay, Isa loves Jay, Isa wants to fuck Jay. Seemingly to protect your sensibilities, Isa rarely talked about Jay in the group chat you had with her and Lily. Mainly, you coordinated when you were going to meet up, shared funny pictures. Occasionally, she would allude to “her man”, but you could take that in stride. You realized that she probably spoke to Lily about Jay, behind your back. 

You didn’t bother trying to find the Karma Club members on Instagram. You felt like your world was already imploding. Through blurred vision, you DMed Nina. You thought it would be wise to disguise your typing style. 

You: hi im the girl you met earlier >_<

Nina: Hi! You’re the one who had trouble with the Karma Club

You: yes ._.

Nina: I’ll tell one of them to invite you right now, girlie!

You: thank you girlie >3<

Soon, you were inside of the group chat, conveniently and aptly titled “Anti KC”. Immediately, several people started texting at once, relaying a variety of greetings. They asked you what your name was, and you said you were hiding your identity for protection. “So smart,” one of them typed. You frowned. None of them had used alternate accounts? 

You scrolled through the members of the group chat. You didn’t know most of them. Jisun, Somi, Rachel, Sieun, Irene, Chaeyoung, Minji, Dia. All very beautiful girls.

One of them asked what the Karma Club had done to you, and the others concurred. They wanted to know everything. So they could help you, they said. You briefly considered lying, but then you remembered that picture, that damned picture of Jay and Isa. 

So you typed out everything leading up to Jay’s rape of you. After some hesitation, you included that. You read your message back over before you sent it. It looked so garish, awful, and inhumane looking at it. The facts were cold and conveyed none of the nuance. None of the emotions you had felt. You sent it anyways.

You received a sympathetic wave of asspats, which did nothing to lessen your internal anguish. Oh, well. They believed you, and they trusted you. That was something. You didn’t exactly join the group chat to kumbaya anyways. You were here for answers, to figure out what had happened to Mina once and for all. Nina had mentioned that the group chat was made shortly after the Mina incident, so you started by backscrolling. You didn’t care that it would take a while.

You were surprised by the sheer inanity of half of the conversations in the group chat. You had assumed that it would be more like a group of women attempting to take down the Karma Club, but instead it was partially being used for idle gossip. Still, some of the things you saw were interesting. For example, that Heeseung was a serial cheater, and had slept with nearly every single girl in the group besides Sieun and Minji, who were your age. 

One year, the Karma Club had allegedly destroyed thousands of dollars worth of alcohol when they went to a bar. Sunoo had given the rugby team, the volleyball team, the cheerleading squad, several teachers, and a few of the girls in the chat the shits. Sunghoon extorted people for money, Jungwon supposedly had blackmail on half of the school, and Riki was “cute but evil.” They didn’t say anything about the things he had done, oddly enough.

None of this seemed as bad as what Jay had done to you, although Jay was a most reviled figure in the chat. Strangely enough, they seemed to slobber over him in equal measure to their lambasement of him. “He’s so hot but so fucked up,” one of them said. “He’s like irl Takumi from Nana frrrr” another person said. Ridiculous. All they could say about him was that he got into fights, had a nasty temper, and couldn’t hold a girlfriend down. “Good luck to Isa,” one person said. You had to bite your fist to stop yourself from screaming. 

Eventually, after what felt like a month of nonstop scrolling, you got into the earlier years of the chat. Dia, Chaeyoung, and Rachel had started the group chat because they had gotten cheated on by Heeseung. They commented on the Mina incident, initially condemning her.

“she makes the rest of us look bad,” Rachel had typed. “lying about rape is crazyyy”

“fr,” Chaeyoung had sent. “amber heard ass”

Then someone named Jisun had been introduced into the chat. She had been diligent in cataloging what the Karma Club had done. Jisun had apparently been friends with Mina and defended her friend.

“jake is so evil and im sick of people acting like he’s not as equally as big of a piece of shit as the rest of them lmao,” Jisun had said. “jake ruined her life. hes the one that got her hooked on oxy. shes prbly in rehab rn. i dont even know if she lied her not. even if she did, he deserved it”

“fuck fake” Dia had typed. “*jake”

Oxy? Oxycontin? You already knew, but you Googled it just to be sure. Your heart was pounding inside of your ears. Oxycontin, a known opioid. On one hand, you should be wary of any information you got from people who hated the Karma Club members. On the other hand, it was a coincidence you couldn’t ignore. 

Mina had to be administered naloxone, something used during an opioid overdose. Jake had introduced Mina to opioids. 

And tomorrow night, you would be partying with him.

(continued in next part)

[libras-interactives]

Do you have any OC’s for Lackadaisy who didn’t make it into the fic or who were made after you started writing? I love hearing about all of them so much

;v; wagh

So 2~3 of these kitties are connected to Devil's Moon characters but probably won't show up (or at least, will only be mentioned), and two arent related to it at all.

Viviana Carmina Holst - Slyvester's wife, who Ive thought so much about but may not even show up "on camera" LOL. A calico with auburn hair she keeps in a fairly old-fashioned style, to match her more modest dress. She's thin and has big, bright green-brown eyes.

She's quite sociable, observant, easygoing and a terrible cardshark. She loves company and doesn't get it nearly as much as she'd like; they live in a modest yet well-decorated home outside St. Louis city limits. Carmina comes from a large Italian family. She was the first of her siblings to be born in America. She's always been known as Carmina to them (there were already three Vivianas in the extended family), and Vivi to her husband.

Because she and Slyvester could not have children, they adopted three nephews after the boys' parents passed (Carmina's side). The boys are now grown and the two oldest are quite successful. The youngest still lives with them to help his mother, as Carmina is disabled and Slyvester works a lot, and they've yet to find a live-in nurse that suits them.

Carmina and Slyvester grew up together in the same Italian-majority neighborhood; his family is Danish and was one of the few non Italians on the block. Carmina's parents approved of him bc he agreed to convert, they knew he wasn't a drinker, and they were relieved their sickly daughter was able to get married and have someone take care of her for the rest of her life.

Flynn's Family - I've thought a lot about them but I don't think they'll be super relevant or come up, alas. His older brother Seamus is fairly important to the business, but rarely makes himself known. He has some pretty bad physical and mental damage from the war, so tends to be anti-social, plus years of Flynn's emotional manipulation have taken their toll. Tomas was the youngest and the golden child, died in the war. Flynn couldn't stand him. Sorcha was older than Tomas but younger than Flynn, I'm still unsure what happened exactly, but she's not around her parents anymore. They didn't really dote on her like they did the boys, or Tomas.

Their mother was tall and slender, while the father was more stout and broad, and a little shorter - only Seamus had his build and coloring, the rest of the children were looked and were built like their mama. All of them had orange and black markings but the Flynn we know is the only chimera.

I keep wanting to think of more for the family - their history, and appearances and whatnot, but then I pull back because it "won't be relevant" in Devil's Moon ... well, might do it anyway bc I just like writing family dynamics and drama, lol. I already wrote a ton about Carmina so might as well.

Okay these two are 100% not UTDM related and from an Arkham Horror board game/kinda tabletop bc we rp'd it a ton. The setting is 1920s anyway, and I forced my friends to play and make lackadaisy OCs (it was my birthday damn it 😂). These two characters rotted a crater in my brain for 2 weeks straight and I still like em a ton. Sister Marguerite was mine and Father Elijah was initially my partner's but I have since stolen him haha.

Sister Marguerite, formerly Adelaide Whitaker. Wheeww... so much to say here but I'll condense it. Originally from a wealthy East Coast family, she was forcefully sent to a "wellness and manners" sort of school for "esteemed ladies" that was really just a ruse to hide her pregnancy. It wasn't a Magdalene asylum/laundry, though. She lost the child, but a handful of nuns showed her such kindness (and she'd had religious-fixated OCD for years that her family actively made worse anyway) that she converted to Catholicism and began the process of becoming a nun once she was old enough. She's happy with her current life, enough that her OCD has lessened somewhat, but ofc there are still bad days. She often fixates on physical purity, baptism and "healing water"; most of her sisters chalk her "peculiarities" up to her extreme devotion and are willing to overlook her bad, spiraling days bc shes v dear to them. She's a good-hearted woman, quiet, and doesn't scare easily. Puts others before herself again and again.

As a cat, she's white with unsettling sectorial heterochromia, big slender ears, and an odd face. Lackadaisy cats are generally pretty cute but she's meant to be more "homely". Her eyes are more unnerving than striking. This is the photo that was the first inspiration for her, though this kitty is very cute, haha. If she were human I think she'd have bright eyes and a very plain face. I've drawn her but my art is pretty oof! I need to keep practicing bc her face and headshape in particular are kinda different.

Actually considered reworking her backstory to be one of Jack's many siblings; he did have a sister who ran off, but thats kinda irrelevant in UTDM rn. If anything itd be mentioned in an epilogue.

Father Elijah - A handsome man from a good Midwestern family. They were disappointed when Elijah joined the church, feeling like he was wasting his potential. He's always felt close to God and wanted to help others, but he's also a deeply scholarly person and loves theology, even if some things he studies would be considered heretical. This doesn't necessarily mean he's open minded, especially to those he considers "irredeemable", but he's always polite, protective of his flock and usually a pretty affable guy.

Elijah certainly has some kind of mental stuff rolling around in his noggin; I don't want to call it disorder or illness, especially since he doesn't really have a name for it at the time period (like Marguerite with her OCD). In the tabletop, they came to Arkham together as allies and quickly became rather ... obsessed with each other. He's very fixated with Marguerite, believing her to be a pinnacle of what a godly person should be, and later believing she can actually speak to angels (or is one??). He wants so much of her attention, to hear her opinions and interpretations of faith. To say he puts her on a pedestal is an understatement. Calling it "romantic" interest isnt the whole picture, and too simple for... whatever the hell he's got going on. Marguerite admires him deeply but in a more "inspired" way. Platonic is also too simple for what she's feeling, but her attachment certainly isn't as deep as his.

As a cat he's an orange tabby with pretty blue eyes. Meant to be a really tall good looking dude, a contrast to Sister Margy. Maaany women in the church have admired him but he's never considered or indulged in feelings like that until Marguerite; he doesn't even consider his appearance much. Just tries to keep tidy. I also terribly drew him real quick for the tabletop. I think his ears should have kind of a cute shape and he's got extra fur around his face :3 Still not sure on what sort of tail he'd have, though.

Shoutout to tabletop!Father Elijah who dual wielded a pistol and giant crucifix on the regular, constantly threw himself into danger to save Margie and slowly became twisted by the dark powers he was trying so hard to stop 👍🏽 One of my favorite scenes was both of them jumping into a portal together, then getting separated bc we rolled poorly and they both got HP/Sanity down to 0. Elijah woke up in the hospital in extreme pain, left without fully restoring HP and ran all the way back to the church to find Marguerite. They held each other at the altar for a while and she gave him her rosary bc he lost his crucifix in the void. and they promised to never leave each other again and stayed attached at the hip in spite of the usual eldritch horrors. normal arkham horror things. I'd love to make Arkham LCG cards for them; theyve already got custom cards for the 2nd edition board game (but now my other fixations and nerdness is showing so ill stop here).

(shoutout to that poor eldritch-corrupted NPC who sister marguerite believed needed a baptism to restore him, so father elijah held the dude down while he almost drowned and margeurte prayed over him and one party member witnessed all this and told the others so EVERYONE avoided "those catholic freaks" for the whole session sdkdskfs)

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine reuniting with your “friend” Sokka after it’s been a few months and the two of you just being completely smitten with one another

"Come on rise and shine time to get to the earth kingdom!" Sokka yelled making Katara and Aang hiss as their blankets were whipped off them. "Sokka it’s barely even light" Katara complained looking at the dawn and Sokka shrugged "so? By the time we’re all packed up it'll be bright and sunny". Aang blinked at the barely visible sun "how long do you think it takes us to pack?". "Ah come on we're seeing y/n and Toph today! Don’t you want to be early?". Aang and Katara shot each other a knowing smirk.

It had been 4 months since you left the group to go help Toph with her metal bending school. You’d written letters and sent gifts but none of them had seen you in a while and it had taken its toll on them or more accurately Sokka. He’d missed you terribly since day one and while Katara and Aang tried to support him they apparently just didn’t gel with him like you did. So when Katara reached her breaking point she just wrote to you asking if they could visit. Sokka had been happier than a Firebender on Sozin’s comet. He’d not stopped talking about it for weeks and his mood had gotten better every day closer it came to seeing you again. Even though Aang and Katara both tried they couldn't be mad at that excited look on Sokka’s face every time he mentioned your name and so they both agreed to leave in 10 minutes.

Unsurprisingly they arrived very early in the Earth Kingdom. Sokka spotted Toph’s school quickly but it was hard to miss considering the giant Toph statue that stood outside its front door. 

Toph appeared in the doorway mimicking the statue with her hands on her hips as she surveyed them all. “You’re early” she said in greeting and the gang all rushed to hug her which she only protested half-heartedly. Toph showed them all inside and gave them a tour of the school. Sokka got excited at every new room they entered but every time he was disappointed. You were nowhere to be seen. He kept waiting for Toph to mention you but she didn’t so he just asked. "So erm where’s y/n?" Sokka dropped into conversation as casually as possible but apparently it was still awkward. Toph narrowed her eyes "why? Am i not good enough for you boomerang boy?". "No of course you are and it’s great to see you but....where is she?". Toph rolled her eyes "you got here two hours before we agreed! She left to go to the shop because we ran out of bacon and she said you'd want to have bacon for breakfast". Sokka smiled "i would like bacon for breakfast! She knows me so well" he sighed and Toph shot Katara and Aang a look. “Has he been this lovesick the whole journey?” she whispered. “Try the whole month” Katara retorted and Toph’s eyes widened “i’m so sorry. You’ve been through a lot”. “We really have” Katara nodded.

Your POV "I’m back" you called "it took 3 stores to get the bacon so I hope Sokka likes it...". You trailed off as you noticed Aang’s staff by the coat rack. You rushed deeper into the house and glanced around the living room for any signs they were here. "Toph?” you called confused when you heard footsteps followed by a gasp. You spun around and a smile appeared on your face. "Y/n!" Sokka cried and you grinned throwing the shopping down on the table. "Sokka!". Sokka ran to you and wrapped you in a tight hug. "I’ve missed you so much!" he cried "y/n Aang and Katara are insufferable! Not just for their oogies but do you know how many of my smart comments have gone unappreciated?". You laughed "i can imagine, most people just don’t get smart humour like us". Sokka grinned "i know please tell me you’ll come back! I’ve already challenged Toph to an agni kai for you". "But you’re not a firebender...either of you" you said confused moving to the kitchen to start cooking and Sokka followed helping with the bags. "I know i meant it more metaphorically". "A metaphorical agni kai?" you asked smirking and Sokka grinned "you know what i mean". Katara, Aang and Toph all watched you two from across the hall and Aang frowned. "Should we go greet y/n too?" he asked. Toph laughed "no offence but i think she’s happy with her current company, she’s been talking nonstop about Sokka for days". Katara smiled "just like Sokka, I think he’s said her name more than all of ours put together this last week alone". "Sickening isn’t it?" Toph nodded "but atleast breakfast is on".

Once you’d finished breakfast and remembered there were other guests here you all enjoyed a group meal for the first time in months. You caught up on everything you’d missed and asked about your other friends. “So how’s everyone in the Fire Nation?” you asked “Zuko? Ty lee? Mai? Suki of course” you smiled and Sokka looked away. “Zuko’s great, Ty lee is just as happy and positive as ever and Mai...well it’s hard to tell with her but I think she’s fine”. You laughed at Sokka’s joke about Mai but had to agree. “And Suki?” Toph asked. Sokka got that uncomfortable look on his face again and Katara frowned “don’t you guys know?”. You and Toph looked at one another “know what?”. “We broke up, Suki and I” Sokka explained. You and Toph shot each other a surprised look before going to comfort Sokka. You used words while Toph gave him an encouraging punch to the arm. “I’m so sorry, how are you holding up?” you asked surprised Sokka didn’t seem more heartbroken. “I’m fine” Sokka admitted and you frowned “Sokka it’s okay to be upset about Suki, you don’t have to pretend to be over it”. “I’m not pretending!” Sokka cried “it happened a while ago so i’m not sad anymore”. “Wait this wasn’t recently? Why didn’t you tell me?”. Sokka shrugged “I don’t know...it’s not the sort of thing you can easily put in a letter and I didn’t want you to worry”. You frowned but Sokka changed the subject asking Toph how she disciplined her school students, a topic everyone knew she’d talk about for hours so that had been a tactical move on Sokka’s part. You frowned but let the topic drop...for now. 

Sokka’s POV

You weren’t the only one who noticed Sokka’s behaviour and saved it for a later discussion. Once you and Toph were occupied putting Aang through some earth bending drills Katara found her brother. “So...why didn’t you tell y/n about Suki?” she asked and Sokka tensed. “I just didn’t okay! I don’t know why everyone is making such a big deal about it”. Katara raised her hands in surrender “I was just asking! Everyone else knew even Iroh so it seems weird y/n didn’t know especially all things considered”. Sokka paused “what does that mean?”. “Well we all figured once you’d gotten over Suki y/n would be the first person you’d rush to tell so you could...you know, ask her out”. Sokka’s face turned scarlet “that is a...what on earth made you think that?”. Katara rolled her eyes “ow come on Sokka you surely see what the two of you are like around one another? Your first thought for two weeks now has been y/n and it took her 45 minutes to even remember Aang and I were here. Not just you. The two of you are so obvious even Zuko could pick up on the cues”. Sokka just babbled excuses and Katara knew she’d broken her elder brother so she retreated. “You can act as surprised as you want but once you sit down and stop acting defensive you’ll realise it’s true. Maybe that’s actually why you didn’t tell her. You're scared to face your feelings for her”. Sokka glared “i’m not scared of anything��. Katara smirked “then prove it, talk to y/n and see how you feel” and with that she walked away. Sokka stared after his sister feeling a lot moodier than he had been moments ago. He looked to where you stood with Toph laughing at Aang’s attempts to pick up a boulder and Sokka paused...maybe Katara was right. 

Your POV

You’d had an amazing day, after training you took everyone to your favourite restaurant before seeing a play. By the evening everyone was well and truly tired out but you and Sokka were the last ones standing. Now things were calmer and nobody else was around you broached the subject of Suki again. “Are you really okay? You’d tell me if you were struggling wouldn’t you?” you asked and Sokka knew exactly what you were talking about. “Of course I would! There’s just nothing to tell, it didn’t hit me that hard. Probably because we were on the outs anyway so i saw it coming". You frowned "still that must’ve hurt". "It did...but it has been almost 6 months since we broke up, it doesn’t really bother me anymore". You nodded "I forgot how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other, we can’t let it get this long next time. I’ve missed you...all”. Sokka nodded “we definitely can’t leave it so long but your birthday’s next month. Have you got any ideas what you’d like to do?”. Your face lit up “you remembered it was my birthday!”. “Of course!” Sokka replied “I also may or may not already have picked out your present”. You gasped “you have! You have to tell me what it is” seizing his arm in an iron grip. “No never” Sokka cried breaking free and you pouted angrily. “You’ll only have a month to wait anyways”. “Yeah but I always tell you secrets like remember that time Mai told me...” honestly Sokka zoned out. He was just caught up with how captivating you looked when you were excited about something. You used your hands constantly and your expression changed from a multitude of moods rapidly. It was hilarious, impressive and beautiful all at once. He realised Katara was right yet again, he had it bad for you and he’d been blinder than Toph not to realise but he was seeing things very clearly now.

However his staring didn’t go unnoticed.

Your POV

"Why are you looking at me like that?" you asked halting suddenly and Sokka blushed looking away "nothing...". You raised an eyebrow “I can always tell when you’re keeping something from me, especially in person so spill what is it?”. Sokka sighed “it’s nothing just...well Katara said something that got me thinking...do you think it’s odd how excited we were to see each other?". "why would it be odd to get excited about seeing you all again?”. "No us specifically" Sokka said and you paused. "I was excited to see all of you" you lied "so i don’t know what she means". Sokka paused "ow....must've just been me then". "What were you more excited to see me specifically?" you asked and Sokka blushed. "Yeah...i mean i love Toph, she’s like a little sister to me, but I was most excited about seeing you again and Katara thought that might mean i....but it doesn’t matter, especially if you didn’t get excited to see me". You shook your head "no i did" and Sokka raised an eyebrow "you just said...". "I know i lied because i thought it’d be rude to admit i was looking forward to seeing you more than the others....but then you just came out with it" you laughed and Sokka chuckled "because it was true! So you were excited to see me specifically? Not the others?". You nodded looking down "i actually felt really bad that I saw you and didn’t realise Aang and Katara were here too because I was just so caught up with you". Sokka blushed "don’t worry i think the first thing i said to Toph was where’s y/n?". You chuckled "so what did Katara say about that?". "Ow that....well Katara thought...it might be odd for friends". "Odd for friends to be happy to see each other? Why on earth..” you started when Sokka interrupted you. "No" Sokka said rather sharply "odd for friends as in maybe it’s something people who are more than friends would do”. "Wait...she thought we were acting like a couple?" you clarified and Sokka nodded looking down. "Kinda yeah". You thought before nodding "well i mean i guess it makes sense". "It does" Sokka asked surprised and you blushed "i just meant....we are close and i don’t know i guess we sometimes are really comfortable around one another so people could assume...i’m just saying i could understand how people might mistakenly think we are. I’m not saying they’re right or that i agree with them of course!". "Of course" Sokka nodded "i mean that’d be insane!". "Me and you? Totally!" you agreed. "Well i better be going" Sokka said awkwardly and you nodded watching him go.

You watched the door closed and let out a huge sigh. You rested your head against your knees and closed your eyes tight. You were so mad at yourself! That would’ve been the perfect opportunity to tell him. “Well actually Sokka i do like you as more than a friend”. You could have easily said that but you didn’t. You were a coward. 

There was no use just sitting and moping though, it was late and everyone would be up early tomorrow. So you stood up to prepare for bed when suddenly your door was thrown open again and Sokka appeared in your doorway. "Sokka?" you asked and he panted "i lied! I lied when i said i thought the idea of us was insane". "You...you did?". Sokka nodded "i happen to really like you so the idea isn’t insane, atleast not to me...because i like you, a lot". "As more than a friend?" you clarified and Sokka nodded paled but nodded firmly. "But of course you don’t have to feel the same way. I just didn’t want you thinking i thought it was insane, i think anyone would be insane not to like you and i’m so grateful you’re my friend that i’d never ever sacrifice that..." Sokka started when you spoke loudly "Sokka!". "Yes?". "I don’t think it’s insane either". Sokka paused as it sunk in "you....me?". You nodded blushing "yep". Sokka cheered so loudly you were sure he’d just woken up everyone on the street. He picked you up and you laughed way more excited than embarrassed at how sickeningly cute he was being. Still you were aware the others were trying to sleep so you shushed him with a wide smile on your face. "I’m sorry this is just so amazing" Sokka grinned staring at you "i’ve liked you for so long. I was always too stupid to realise I did but the signs were all there and so for you to actually like me back" he sighed before staring at you "y/n can i kiss you?". You nodded and Sokka placed a hand on your cheek guiding your lips to his.

The kiss was so good you lost all sense of time and your own existence. The next thing you knew there was a loud scream/groan. You and Sokka jumped apart to see Toph and Katara clutching their stomachs like they’d been shot while Aang just stared. Katara covered her face yelling "god Sokka my eyes!" While Toph glared "atleast you can cover yours!". "Hey you barged in here!" Sokka glared and Toph rolled her eyes "yes because we heard a scream!". "Ow that was me" Sokka blushed "i found out y/n liked me back and i was excited". "So you had to scream?" Katara asked. "Yes" Sokka said defiantly "y/n is amazing and i think screaming is the appropriate response to finding out she likes you”. You blushed and laughed looking at him adoringly "Sokka...". "Ow god they’re going to kiss again run!" Toph cried rushing from the room. Katara nodded "next time only scream if you're in danger" and swiftly left. "I’m really happy for you!" Aang cried before following them. 

The room descended into silence once more and you looked at Sokka. “Well I think they took that rather well” he smiled. “Yeah i’d say so but what is it about you and Katara and walking in on first kisses?”. Sokka chuckled “yeah I guess this was her payback for when I ruined her and Aang’s moment but I’m definitely not as grumpy as she was. Nothing can make me angry at the moment, I feel like I drank cactus juice again”. “How sweet” you teased and Sokka laughed “you know what I mean”. “I do” you agreed and took his hand “finally after all this time I do”. 

You’d never been happier. 

[husbandograveyard]

A break - Vil x Reader

This was supposed to be another mini scenario but it got a little out of hand. So here’s a little full scenario with the fairest of them all. It’s a bit of a comfort fic. Enjoy, my loves. 

2nd person. genderneutral reader. No warnings 

It’s been a bad few weeks. You weren’t sure as to why you picked up so many things to do, but in between multiple clubs, homework assignments, extra tutoring, workouts, chores, and regular school duties, you were beyond exhausted. What was even worse, was that it was only gonna get busier, with exams coming up and people -especially freshmen- lining up for some extra tutoring just so they could pass their final exams. 

All of this was starting to take a toll on your body, and your general self-care routine. While it was expected of any Pomifiore student to look their best as often as possible, you hadn’t been able to do all the things you would usually do to keep yourself looking your best. Sure, you kept up with a healthy diet, although the regularity of it all was fading, as you just ate whenever you found the time for it. And sure, you had been doing your best to keep up with workouts, even though you scrapped one or two each week in favor of just one more hour of sleep because you were simply exhausted. 

Other than that though, you had pretty much cut out all your routine. You were glad to still upkeep basic hygiene, but elaborate skincare and perfectly coordinated outfits other than your uniform were nowhere to be seen. You couldn’t remember the last time you even deep-conditioned your hair or sat down to take care of your cuticles. 

And honestly, all that wouldn’t be too bad, but there was something else, or rather, someone else you had been avoiding all this time too. Your boyfriend, the Pomifiore dorm leader, was the one who had set most of the expectations and standards for how one should look after themself, and you were pretty sure you didn’t want to get scolded right now. If you wanted to spend time with him, it would be just to be in his arms for a while, to finally get some peace and quiet. 

But no, your endless to-do list only seemed to grow, any free minute you wanted to spend with him having to get dedicated to yet another tutoring or study session and you were growing so tired of it, counting down the days until this round of exams were over. 

You were in the library, trying really hard to get back into study mode after dinner. Usually, you’d have a little break, because right after eating you were feeling too drowsy to actually focus on your books. But you had to get at least three more chapters done before it was time for your chores, and by the time you were done with those, you probably would have to go to bed. 

You rested your head on your hand, propping it up and forcing yourself to stare at the pages below you, hardly absorbing anything that was on them. You were really trying though, and in all your focus you didn’t hear the familiar clicking of heels on the library floor approach. The chair next to you was quietly pulled away from the table, and it was only when a familiar voice spoke up quietly, that you noticed your boyfriend had taken place next to you. 

“Y/n, love, I have been looking for you ev-” Vil’s eyes grew a little wider when you looked up at him, and he was finally taking in your face. “You look absolutely terrible.” His voice was not as stern as you had thought it’d be, but that could also be blamed on the fact that you were still in the library. 

“Gee thanks Vil,” you said, rolling your eyes and focusing your attention back on the book in front of you. You missed him, sure, but you really didn’t want to deal with criticism right now, no matter how well-intended it may be. 

It was hard to focus on the letters on the page when they were no longer to be seen though. Vil had closed the book and placed a gloved hand on your arm, giving a slight squeeze and a nod of his head. The message was clear: come outside with me. 

You were reluctant to do so, but came up with a battle plan: if he were to start nagging, you’d just kiss him or hug him until he shut up. That would be a win/win situation: you’d finally have a much-needed moment with him, and you wouldn’t have to deal with any more negativity in your already overflowing brain. 

He took your books in one hand, your hand in the other. He set a steady pace, but not too fast that you couldn’t follow him. You intertwined your fingers with his, a stepping stone for the rest of your plan, and were surprised when he marched straight back to the dorm without really saying a word. That was not what you were preparing for. 

Once you entered his room, he let go of your hand and gestured for the bed. “sit, please.” You did as you were told, already missing the warm feeling of your hand in his. He took off his jacket and gloves and sat down next to you, carefully cupping your face in his hands. 

“Y/n, when is the last time you’ve taken care of yourself?” His brows were furrowed, but his eyes were filled with worry, not anger or annoyance as you were expecting. His thumbs rubbed your cheeks gently, and he was looking you straight in the eyes, his looks sending a painful signal straight to your heart. 

“I am sorry, I let you down… it’s just… there is so much to do, and everyone needs my help and…” you pulled your face back, looking down. You were stumbling over your words, trying to explain just why you hadn’t been keeping up, still finding excuses when Vil pulled you in for a hug, effectively rendering you quiet, much like you had originally planned to do. 

“Y/n, you could never let me down. Especially not when you’re working this hard. But you do have me worried,” he pulled back, studying your face again, “these dark circles, dry patches… your eyes look beyond tired and your hair is dull. You have been working yourself to death, dear. And while I appreciate your work ethic almost as much as I appreciate your presence, you have to take breaks, and you have to let someone know when it’s becoming too much.” He was quiet for a little while. “You have to let me know whenever it becomes too much. I can help. I will help.” 

You felt tears sting at the corners of your eyes. What had you been thinking? Sure, the fairest of them all would be keeping an eye on your looks, but he was your boyfriend and he loved you for more than just what was on the outside. You had been avoiding him in order to make sure you wouldn’t have to face any negative consequences from overworking, but while doing so, you had been facing nothing but more work, denying yourself any breaks to give you more energy to tackle the next things on your list. 

“I am so sorry Vil, dear, I didn’t mean to ignore you. I’ve missed you. It’s just- I still need to-” 

A gentle shushing sound rendered you quiet once again. 

“What is it you still need to do?” 

“Well… my chores, and at least three more chapters of-” 

“Okay. No more chores. No more studying today. You are in no state to properly study, and I will personally see to it that your chores get waived as long as you’re spending this much time tutoring other students, you are already doing more than necessary for this dorm.” 

“But-” 

“No buts. I want you to go to your room, get a nice warm shower. Wash your hair, put on something comfortable. I will be at your door in 45 minutes for some much-needed quality time and downtime.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Of course I am.”  You were smiling now, hugging Vil again, feeling your body relax already, now that -at least temporarily- some weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You shared a brief kiss before retreating to your room to do exactly as he had told. 

The hot water of the shower helped tremendously to relax, while the feeling of freshness when you stepped out of the shower helped you feel like a brand new person. You put on some, clean comfortable clothes and felt a wave of tiredness wash over you. Only now you were feeling the damage you had been doing to your body by non-stop checking off items of your neverending to-do list. You were pondering how you could possibly tackle that the next time you were so overwhelmed, so you wouldn’t let it get to your body as much, when you were pulled out of your thoughts by a knock on your door. 

“It’s unlocked, come in” 

Vil entered quietly, carrying a bag that you immediately recognized as one of the storage bags for his endless supply of cosmetic products. 

“You’re already looking a whole lot better.” A small smile formed on his face as he motioned for you to move over to the vanity. You obliged, sitting down and looking up, laughing a little as he bent down to briefl capture your lips. “Now, I can’t have my love walking around looking like a potato, especially since you’ve been working so hard.” 

He was talking almost more to himself than to you. You felt your heart swell, and looked at him with nothing but love and adoration while he set down some bottles, vials, and tubes. 

“Now, close your eyes and relax. You need to be the one that’s taken care of for a change.” 

[theleftovertaco]

Love Languages

Had a though about which love languages each of the boys would subscribe to (receiving, not giving, if you want me to make that one I probably can)

People mentioned: Harry, Fred, George, Neville, Ron, Oliver, Draco

Harry

Harry likes physical touch.

As a child he barely got any affection from people, and he was initially uncomfortable showing much of any physical affection

However, once you openly showed him said affection, the two of you were attached at the hip.

It does not matter where you are, if your in the same room, your probably touching in some way.

If it’s a large public setting, it’s likely just pinkies, hands, or arms that are linked. But in the presence of close friends he’ll gladly return a hug, and when you’re alone it’s an entirely different story.

He will literally flop on top of you, hold onto you, and hold you until you’ve both fallen asleep.

He also enjoys sitting on your lap or you sitting on his lap.

Stroke his hair or run your fingers on his face or over his eyes and he will melt

Anyways yea Harry is a cuddle whore

Fred

Fred likes quality time

You don’t always spend every moment next to each other, boundaries are really important to both of you and you both respect those boundaries.

But when you are together, it is the best time either of you could have.

Sneaking into the kitchens at 3 am to eat sweets.

Shopping at Hogsmeade, getting butterbeer, watching muggle movies

If you like practical jokes you gladly take part in them, if not then he respects that.

Sometimes he just wants someone to listen to him.

So he’ll lay next to you and just talk, for hours.

About school, about his latest pranks, about family.

If you can use the time you have together in a way that makes you both happy, then he will love you forever.

To him, it’s not about the amount of time you spend with him, it’s about what you both do with it.

George

George likes words of affirmation- he always feels like he lives in his siblings shadow

Occasionally that means living in Fred’s shadow too.

People never really acknowledge them as separate people, and sometimes he needs reassurance that someone sees him as an individual.

Telling him on a daily basis, that you see him as a separate person, even if you don’t have to say those exact words, is important to him.

He also just really likes hearing that you believe in and love him

Within 2 weeks of you dating he greets you with an “I love you.”

And at first he freezes when he realizes what it is that he said.

But when you reply with reciprocation he melts.

The first time you tell him you love him, he practically combusts with happiness.

This could also translate to a praise kink but we’re not gonna talk about that rn ;)

Neville

Neville prefers gifts

Not necessarily expensive ones, just small little things, trinkets and such

If you just hand him a shiny rock he lets out this little trill of happiness and adds it to his collection alongside his plants

If you give him a plant he'll fucking collapse.

Once when you came back from a trip over Christmas, you gave him seeds to a rare plant that wasn't found in Europe, he nearly burst from excitement

That was the first time he kissed you in public

He also really likes candy and once when you brought him these little rock candies that were only found in muggle stores he practically ripped the wrapper off and shoved them into his mouth.

(He shared of course)

Neville often gets his fathers hand-me-downs, and while he enjoys them, it sucks that his grandmother refuses to buy him anything of his own

So when you buy him a sweater and a pair of slacks he almost cries

Sugar baby Neville au i said what i said

Ron

Ron likes acts of service

A lot of it is when you help him with things like homework

Sometimes Hermione is too tired or unwilling to and when you step in to help where you can, its like a little piece of him falls in love with you all over again

But part of it is other forms of service

A few months before you were together, Ron had a really bad day and returned to the common room with a huge headache, and when you offered to give him a head massage he decided he was gonna ask you out

Sometimes just running your hands through his hair after a long day makes him absolutely melt into the couch cushions

He also often gets homesick, especially when it comes to food, and if you cook or bake for him, he practically jumps in the fucking air

You called his mom once to get a recipe for these Christmas cookies that he missed since he couldn’t go home for Christmas one year and if you both hadn’t been in public he would have cried

When you brought him homemade candies he did cry (he’d had a long day, let him live)

But yea sometimes he just needs someone to take care of him nothing wrong with that my dudes

Oliver

Oliver likes an even mix of gifts and and acts of service tbh

Often for Christmas or his birthday you’ll get him a new broom servicing kit or a book about Puddlemere United

One year you managed to get one of his favorite books signed by some of Puddlemere’s players

When you presented it to him he tackled you in a hug so tight you thought your lungs would pop.

He also really likes trying new candies so you get him a subscription box where he can try new ones from around the world and the two of you spend a few days every month trying new candies together for a year.

When it comes to acts of service its a little more physical

Quidditch takes a toll on a person's body so often he'll come back from a game or a practice and just collapse.

So if you give him a massage he'll practically sink into the bed.

Dude is just tired sometimes give him a break

Draco

Draco is probably into words of affirmation

I think people would assume it's gifts but that's actually how he shows love to other people because that's how his parents showed love to him even though it's not necessarily what he wants

But yeah I think Draco sometimes deals with a lot of shit especially during 6-7 year and so he's probably stressed as shit

And feeling really guilty about what he's having to do

But he feels like he has no choice or else he and his parents are going to die.

So sometimes he just needs reassurance that he's not a terrible person

Occasionally after working on the cabinet in the ROR he'll just go to you and collapse on your shoulder and start sobbing

Sometimes just making sure he knows that he's okay and that he's loved will make him want to cry

Anyways Draco Malfoy redemption arc

[aro-is-gay-af]

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader

As you all can see, I got carried away just a little with this one. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but I'm planning at least part two, since this part got soooo long.

Anyway!

I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing. Sorry for any grammatical errors, as well as any confusion with syntax. English isn't my native but I always try my best! Constructive criticism is always welcomed.

Please, pay attention to the warnings. If you are uncomfortable with any of the topics, simply do not read.

I pictured here Aro from the films (as Michael Sheen is perfect for this part), Caius from the films (maybe a little bit older) and Marcus from the films but his younger self (maybe 20?). Also, I wrote at one point that [Y/N] has blonde hair and blue eyes but it just helped me with the descriptions. Obviously, you can picture characters according to your wishes.

Warnings: Rape (graphic description!), Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 7816 (!)

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings' mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

You thought that the death of your parents was enough to break you. As they say, if you’re not willing to bend, you’ll break. And you did. After all.

Ever since you’ve been born, everything went downhill. You were a weak child and within your first five years of life, you’ve gone through countless surgeries. Something was terribly wrong with your spine and the doctors were worried that you wouldn't be able to move normally.

You got your ‘happily ever after’. After fourteen surgeries and taking more than a dozen medications, you could be considered healthy. It made you remember the better part of your childhood. At this point, you couldn’t even recall constant visits at hospital or ingesting enormous amount of drugs.

What you could recall, was the agony that your mom went through while dying of pancreatic cancer. You tried to help her but there was literally no help available. Sure, chemo did help, but only a little tiniest bit. When someone got this type of cancer, there was only one way to die. It was neither pretty, nor pleasant.

So your mother died when you were sixteen. Your father followed shortly after her. He suffered from severe depression after your mother’s passing, but it was the car accident that got him killed. You were just before your graduation.

You’ve finished school and tried to go on. It wasn’t exactly an easy path to follow. You had the feeling that fate had made you its whore and the devil knows his jokes. Somehow, you got through college. You used the money from your dad's insurance policy entirely for your education. It was the only thing you could do to secure your future.

At 22, you got a job at the same hospital where doctor Cullen worked. You were a nurse on the paediatrics ward, but the hospital in Forks was so small that you often found yourself working with doctor Cullen. He was always kind to you and exuded a fatherly warmth. However, like everyone from Cullen family, he was slightly withdrawn from all conversations and social activities.

You noticed a slight change in his behaviour when your best friend, Bella, started dating with the doctor's youngest son, Edward. Carlisle has been talking to you more and more. The conversations weren't long – more like short exchanges of words, whether about his family’s well-being or any leisure activities both of you devoted yourselves after work. Nevertheless, you started calling each other by the others’ given name.

You met with Bella on average once a week. Sure, you were four years older than her, but the age difference never was a problem. You always got along well, and age had nothing to do with it. With time, you've watched Bella thrive during her relationship with Edward and you've enjoyed her happiness. Your relationship had loosened a little, but you didn't hold it against her. With Forks being so small, you could easily meet Bella on the street or in a shop and talk to her about silly things or this boyfriend of hers. It made her blush furiously every time you brought up the topic, especially if Edward waited nearby.

And then, just like that, something snapped. Of course, you heard about their huge quarrel about god knows what, and that Bella wanted to make herself scarce immediately. Charlie called you that night if , by any chance, you could talk some sense into her. Bella not once picked up her phone and then she got her stupid ass into the hospital. And magically reconciled with Edward. That’s when you started to be suspicious. Something wasn’t right about this situation, at all, but you let it be.

Time passed and even though you liked Carlisle as a colleague, you became gradually suspicious about him and his family. Things that you noticed were little, almost insignificant, but something told you that there’s more than meets the eye. Bella herself began to limit contact with you, mainly due to her lack of time for Edward. But when you did get a chance to meet and talk, the subject of Edward still came to the surface.

You tried to understand your friend, while not understanding her at all. You also were in love once but your mother's illness and then your father's death took too much of a toll on you, to experience your first love in such an intense way. It was incomprehensible to you, how Bella could lose her head so much for this boy. And yet you tried, tried to be there when Bella needed you the most. Simply because you were a good friend and also because you needed a friend.

You were left alone, out in this world, with no one to care about and no one to love. Only Bella, as present and, most importantly, alive person, connected you with your childhood and good memories from that time. She was the only one left. You considered her your family and you didn’t want to lose her too. Not after all you’ve been through.

At the day of her birthday, you saw her quickly after her school. You gave her a small gift and you both agreed to meet a day later because Edward's family had invited her to stay at their place. After that birthday, everything changed. The next day Bella went missing. You went to her house exactly as agreed and Charlie said she had been gone for a few hours.

When Bella was found later that evening by Sam, Charlie's colleague, everything became frighteningly clear. The Cullens had moved out of town. Apparently, Carlisle had gotten a lucrative job somewhere else. That didn't surprise you, he was a really great doctor. But how could he not mention a word of it to you? Not that you were so close to him but you considered him a good comrade of yours and moving out of town like this, without a word… It seemed extremely strange to you.

The months that followed were very similar. Bella fell into a deep depression and apathy. You came to visit her, but during these visits it was mainly you who talked. You talked about work, about your next qualification course and about the anniversary of your mum's death. Bella mostly remained silent. Charlie confirmed that, yes, she did go to school, but apart from that, she sat in her room all day and stared at the window.

You knew from Charlie that she was slowly trying to reconnect with her friends. And that she was spending a lot of time with that boy from the reservation. You were happy because it meant that your friend was slowly coming back to life. Maybe not back to normal, not yet, but at least she was trying. And you were trying too. To be a good friend, a good sister to her.

You started talking more during your visits at her house. Unlike before, the subject of Edward didn't exist. It was as if he had never existed. So you did not mention him at all. Bella was healing, slowly, just as you were, when both of your parents died. She was there for you, even if you could only talk to her on the phone because, at that time, she permanently lived with Renee.

For the first time in several months, you hoped that things would somehow work out. In your life, the moments when you were truly happy never lasted long. It was the same this time. One day, you went to Port Angeles to buy new clothes for work. Yours were still from your university days, worn out, but not so long ago you were short of money and preferred to spend it on other things rather than buying new clothes.

By the time you got back to your car it was pretty late. The car park was deserted. On your way to the car, a man accosted you and, before you knew it, he had hit you on the head with something heavy. When you woke up, you were in a squalid alley. The man was pressing you against a wall with all his strength. You only realised what he was going to do, when you felt a cool breeze brush against your bare legs. Your trousers and underwear were almost at your ankles. You started to squirm, trying to free yourself from his iron grip. You heard his quiet giggle next to your ear.

"Don't resist angel, I’ll be quick," he whispered in your ear, pawing at your breasts with his left hand. You felt sick to your stomach. He had hideous breath, as if he had been drinking for three days, then puked and drank again. You started to jerk harder, to pull away, but it only caused you pain. He held tight, pushing against you with his whole body and whispering disgusting things under his breath. When he finally entered you, he tugged hard on your hair. He made no effort to cover your mouth because you didn't even try to scream. You were out of breath, unable to say a word. You were afraid that he would kill you. You wanted him to go away so that the pain would end and you could finally go home.

When he finished, he let you go and just walked away. You stood there, half naked, frozen and shaken, for god knows how long. You were unable to move. When you felt his semen running down your leg, you finally managed to vomit. Your cheek was bruised and scratched from how hard he pressed you against the rough wall. You wanted to go home, but you didn't have the strength to get up from the street.

You weren't sure how much time had passed, but you finally got up. You got dressed and walked to your car. Everything hurt. You didn't want to, but you knew, you had to go to the hospital. You could not leave it like that. He had already hurt you, but what about the others? You couldn't let that happen. All the way to the hospital in Port Angeles your hands were trembling. Returning to that memory, you didn't even remember how you got to the ER.

At the hospital, they took care of you properly. They called the police. Two female doctors were there for a medical examination. The nurses were very nice. You tried to put on a good face. You've thought about how your sexual experiences has been so far. Your first sex, like most people's, was terrible. Your boyfriend was two years older, you were 17 and it all went wrong. You were in pain. He didn't seem too happy either. Up until you graduated from high school, you tried to make it work somehow, but there were never any fireworks. It wasn't until college that you discovered the good side of sex.

However, you never had sex with someone you loved more than life. You haven't met anyone like that. And you were sure that sex with that person would be unique and exceptional. Until now, of course. Lying on a hospital bed, you felt exploited. Abused. Filthy. Humiliated. How can one do something like that to another person? The nurse asked if someone could come and pick you up, and you didn't have much of a choice. You called Bella. While she was on her way to the hospital, you let the police officers question you. You mechanically slurred the words as if it wasn't about you at all. As if it wasn’t you that had been raped.

As soon as you saw Bella, you were no longer able to pretend that nothing had happened. You were sobbing and she hugged you tight, telling you that he would pay for it. You weren't so sure about that. You wanted to be home as soon as possible, so you went back to Forks. Bella said nothing while driving because there was nothing that could be said. In the shower, you scrubbed yourself so hard with the pumice that you thought you had taken off all your skin. To your absolute disgust, you could still feel his touch on you. You could hear him whisper against your ear and you could smell his hideous breath.

A week has passed. Bella texted you every day, and you were able to hang out almost every other day. She was a good sister, a great friend. She didn't want to leave you alone in this. Despite being offered leave, you went to work. You didn't want to keep thinking about what happened. Each time, after taking a bath, you were unable to look in the mirror. On the first day, right after scrubbing, you decided to take a look. You had bruises on your stomach, thighs, buttocks and breasts. Your forearms were scraped, your cheek was scratched and bruised. The worst of it was that you had been bleeding for days. The gynaecologist said, it was due to too much force, and the fact that you actively resisted for a while.

You were trying to get back to normal. You went to work, you were seeing Bella and taking your course. But no one could touch you. You didn't even shake hands to say hello. You didn't care at all, you couldn’t endure a touch anymore. Not in any way. You didn't get your period, but the doctor said it could happen. It was a shock to the body and a lot of pain to bear. Also, you bled for almost a week after the rape.

You started to be afraid to go out alone. When in a shop or at work, if anyone approached you from behind, you started panicking and hyperventilating. You couldn’t walk ordinarily on the street. You looked behind every two or three minutes to assure yourself that nobody was following you. Your hands trembled while driving the car or making the tea. Your eyes were starting to water as soon as someone even tried to touch you. You had nightmares and you started losing your mind because of this.

When your period did not come in the following month, you began to worry. Surely you couldn't get pregnant with this... monster. Not you. Of course you have checked. You would not be able to live in such ignorance. It turned out that yes, you indeed were pregnant. When the doctor confirmed it, you fainted. Not you, not like that. You didn't even think you'd ever be a mum. Let alone like this. You hated your body even more and the fact that it had betrayed you in such a villainous way.

You knew this path led to madness. You were in an even worse mental condition, than after losing your mum; than after dad died in the accident. You have shed countless tears. You didn't want to abort this pregnancy, and at the same time you wanted it with all your heart. If only you were able to defend yourself. Break away from him and run as far away as possible. It would never have happened. But you were weak and didn't even have the energy to scream. Would it have made any difference though?

You were constantly beating yourself up with thoughts about whether you should keep the baby, when something completely bizarre happened. Jacob called you that he had to rescue Bella after jumping off a cliff. Annoyed, you got in your car and drove up to the Swans' house. Bella's car wasn't there, so you waited patiently in yours. When they arrived, you were boiling with rage.

“Have you lost your fucking mind?!” you shouted, as you got out of the car.

Bella rolled her eyes. She looked miserable. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was soaked through. She smiled weakly towards you.

“It was just for fun, you know” she muttered, as you hugged her tightly. It was your first closer contact since…

“It was just for sport,” she tried again.

You snorted in annoyance.

“Yeah, sure, get inside before you get sick.”

As you both stepped onto the porch, Jacob unexpectedly grabbed Bella's wrist. They shared a look.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes. You can go now, Jake,” she muttered, trying to disentangle herself from his grasp.

You smiled weakly at him, while Bella was looking for her keys.

“Cool, I'll take care of her until Charlie gets back. Thanks for saving her stupid ass,” you said. Jacob smiled amused, but still seemed slightly tense.

“No problem. Always at your service,” he joked. “Well... See ya around,” he said goodbye and walked away to his car.

You walked into the house with Bella.

“What were you thinking? You could have died” you muttered under your breath, stripping off your jacket.

“Well...actually I wasn't thinking, like, at all” Bella admitted, smiling apologetically at you.

“Next time think about Charlie,” you said, hugging her once more. Your body screamed that you shouldn't do that, but you were glad that Bella was okay.

While Bella changed into dry clothes, you made hot tea for both of you. Someone knocked on the door. The knocking was not from the front, but from the courtyard. You walked slowly to the door and opened it. Edward's sister, Alice, stood in front of you. You wouldn't have known what she looked like, if Bella hadn't shown you pictures of her. But other than that, you knew quite a bit about her, because when Bella was still with Edward, she couldn’t kept her mouth shut about Alice.

“Hi. Can I come in?” she asked politely. She tried to look normal, but there was something in her behaviour that made you nervous. You were about to reply, when Bella appeared in the kitchen.

“Alice!” she squealed, throwing herself around the brunette's neck. After a moment, she pulled away and looked at Alice in disbelief. "Are you really here? Or am I just dreaming this?" asked Bella.

It was your turn to roll the eyes.

“Of course she’s here” you said, now slightly annoyed. “Don’t be bothered by me, please, proceed to whatever you wanted to say.”

Your sarcastic tone was not intended, but justified. You were slowly beginning to get fed up with this family's games. First they move out and turn Bella's life upside down, and now the big comeback? Something's not right here. Besides, at that moment, you weren't the right person to play with. You had enough problems of your own and your life was messed up enough. What you didn't know at that moment, was that everything was about to change fundamentally very soon.

Alice took no notice of you.

"Bella, listen. Edward thinks you committed suicide. He told me that he doesn't want to live either, so he is on his way to the Volturi to ask them for an execution."

You had no idea what she was talking about. Bella was terrified, and you didn't know what was going on here.

"What, who the fuck are Volturi? Did Edward get involved with some cult? Also, how did he know Bella killed herself?" you asked, not understanding anything of what Alice was talking about earlier.

"We have to go to Italy, Bella,” she ignored you once more. “If they refuse him, I'm not sure what he'll do" as Alice spoke, Bella began to gather herself quickly to leave.

You grabbed her hand.

"And where do you think you are going?" you asked in disbelief. Bella looked at you apologetically.

"Y/N, I have to go. They're going to murder him. Just the fact that I'm alive will convince him."

You snorted in disbelief.

"You're dead serious? And can't you call him and tell him it's a misunderstanding? Besides, Bella, this guy ghosted you. He left you here, alone, with not one explanation and you want to fly to the other side of the world to save this dumb ass?" you asked, trying to take your mind off this ludicrous circumstance.

“Oh my god, we’ll take her with us if she’s not going to back down” said Alice in exasperation.

“And to your kind information, I won't back down. Your douchebag brother and the rest of your family turned her adrift. I was the one who pulled her out of her depression, and I will not let the exact same thing happen again because of any of you,”you hissed out in anger. You saw something in Alice's eyes that you considered to be admiration.

You looked at Bella expectantly.

“Y/N, I still love him. I cannot let this go” Bella whispered and you felt as your chest tightened. “Please…”

You heaved a heavy sigh.

“Okey, but I’m coming with you,” you decided and noticed that Alice's eyes were momentarily clouded with mist. You had no idea what was going on here, but you were sure that this whole affair with the Volturi, whoever the hell they were, didn't sound good.

After a few seconds, Alice looked at Bella, then at you and back at Bella.

“Get your coats, we have to go now,” she said.

“But Alice...” protested Bella.

“There's no time for that. We'll explain everything to her on the way. If we start now, we won't get out of here until noon” she muttered exasperatedly, walking out of the house. You looked at Bella.

“Bells, what's this all about?” you asked, and she just sighed quietly. You both quickly got your shoes on.

“We'll tell you on the plane but I'm afraid the Volturi won't like that a lot,” she said with worried expression on her face.

When you were at the airport waiting for a plane, you had countless questions in your head. Why the fuck Edward was pulling such nonsense? Why to be so dramatic about thing that didn’t even happen? Did this idiot really get involved in some sort of cult? And why was his sister so concerned about it that she decided to tell you ‘everything’, whatever needed to be said? However, the question that kept you wondering was who were the mysterious Volturi and what could they possibly resent about you?

One thing you were sure of. There hadn't been a moment since the sexual assault when you hadn't thought about it. And now your thoughts were occupied by the mysterious Volturi and you immensely wanted to find out what it was really all about.

⋎⋎⋎

On a plane ride, you found out that vampires are no fairy tales and your best friend was in love with one. It was a wild thought but, as soon as Alice started taking, you knew it wasn’t a joke. You were given so much information at once that you were unable to respond to anything as Alice finished her long monologue. You had a drink of water, although at that moment you very much regretted not being able to drink whisky.

“Okey, lets say I get most of this…” you said with a low voice, trying to be careful with what you’re saying. “But can you tell me who are Volturi and why would they want to decapitate Edward?” you asked, looking sideways, afraid that someone might hear.

Alice let out a sigh.

“The Volturi are the equivalent of the justice system in our world. They are the ones who created the laws that help us hide from the world, and they are the ones who enforce them. They consider themselves… sort of royalty, as their leaders – Aro, Caius and Marcus – are over three thousand years old.”

If you were to be honest, you were not very good at processing this information. Three thousand years? The first thought that popped into your mind was that they must be immensely lonely. You were sure you wouldn't want to live so many years without having anyone worthy by your side. Later, Alice quickly summarised all the laws that every vampire must obey. They weren't complicated, but when you thought about it a little longer, some of them weren't so easy to follow.

“I don't want to whine, or come off as ungrateful or anything like that, but... didn't you just break the law? By telling me about you?” you asked cautiously, not knowing if what you were saying was right.

Alice sighed again, this time heavier than before.

“It’s complicated” she said succinctly, which interested Bella, who was eating some kind of sandwich.

“This vision of yours was about [Y/N]?” she asked Alice curiously. Alice merely nodded. When Alice told you about her gift, and this was at the very beginning of the story, you found it hard to believe. It wasn’t so unbelievable now.

"Eat something," Alice said to you. "It's good for the baby" she added after a moment, seeing you hesitate. You swallowed heavily, as you suddenly felt sick. The memories of that evening came back.

Alice smiled softly, as if knowing exactly what you were thinking about. And this was supposed to be Edward's gift.

"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" she asked, and your eyes almost fell out.

"Can you predict that?" you asked in disbelief. She and Bella both smiled. Alice nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, sure. I can't predict if the baby... you know, if it will be born, however, the sex I can tell you.”

You pondered on it, while eating your sandwich. The nausea eased, when you could think of something different than that unlucky evening. Before you knew it, you fell asleep and Alice woke you up when you landed in Italy. As Alice drove the stolen car, you tried to admire the beautiful views of Tuscany outside your window. When you had almost reached Volterra, you thought how wonderful it would be to live here.

⋎⋎⋎

This stupid boyfriend of hers. That was all his fault. Of course, Bella made it at the last minute. You, together with Alice, went to abandon the stolen car somewhere. Although, you had a feeling that you would be returning the exact same way. You tried to reassure yourself. Of course you’ll be returning. Or maybe not? If you were honest, you gave no fucks about it. You had no one who’d wait for you at home, your parents died, you were brutally raped not so long ago, and you didn’t even know if you wanted to keep the baby. Maybe dying today isn’t such a bad idea?

You have reached the square and entered the palace at a very convenient time. The guy who looked like a wardrobe and the other one, much shorter than him and blonde, looked like they were about to murder Edward in this instant. And actually, you felt like you could’ve murdered Edward too. Barely Alice closed the door, you didn't even glance at the two of them, but immediately began to scold Edward for what he had done. To hell with his gift!

“You stupid, immature, irresponsible, reckless and selfish bastard!” you started descriptively, and even Bella was taken aback by your behaviour. Alice raised her eyebrows and two other vampires looked at themselves and then straight at you. Edward had no time for any reply. “If you ever, I repeat, if you ever again do something as childish and irresponsible as expose my best friend to a nervous breakdown and months of depression, I promise you, here and now, that I will decapitate you myself. You're old, and yet a five-year-old child is smarter than you. You utter imbecile,” you hissed with hatred.

Of course, your malice towards him was temporary, but it's been a long time since anyone has angered you like that. The shorter man laughed under his breath, and the other one, who looked like a wardrobe, said:

“Can we keep her? I like the way she’s ruling the roost.”

He fell silent, as a short, pretty blonde woman entered the room. Her face was like a child's, but her eyes... bright red, staring at no one else but you.

“Jane” greeted her Edward. She didn’t even look at him.

“Aro sent me to see what was taking so long” she said. The atmosphere immediately became tense. Edward and Alice seemed to stiffen at the sound of Aro's name. You were curious but not frightened. Not yet.

Jane turned and immediately started walking towards the long corridor. Bella just looked at Edward, and you glanced at Alice.

“Do what she says,” she muttered to you and you both kept pace with the couple in the front.

Needless to say, it was the most stressful and also the most terrifying lift ride you've ever experienced. Not to add the creepy music background. You guessed it was supposed to make you feel better, but instead it made your whole stomach go up to your throat. You were standing right in the middle, next to Bella, holding Alice's hand. The vampire, who looked like a wardrobe, kept looking at you. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves. Puking on someone's shoes isn't going to make this situation any better. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Edward smile. Yeah, the situation you’ve found yourself in was extremely funny indeed.

When you reached the main chamber, you didn't know what to look at first. At the vampires standing against every wall? Not very wise of you. At the marble floor? Nothing to be afraid of for now, so no. You probably should have looked at the three thrones in front of you and the vampires that sat on them, but instead, you were interested in the Latin phrase engraved between the columns above you.

You glanced at your company. Edward looked as if he was about to die. Maybe that's what's going to happen? Alice looked very out of sorts, and Bella, well, she was hanging onto Edward's arm and also looked like she was about to leave this world for good. She was unnaturally pale and you though she was going to faint any second. But it never happened. The rest of the room felt extremely comfortable. For a moment, you turned your head towards the boy who called out to Jane. You did not let go of Alice's hand but you did not feel any anxiety. Curiosity prevailed, mainly because you had come to terms with the fact of your imminent death.

“Sister! Sent you out to get one and you bring back two. And two halves,” the boy who’s just called Jane his sister probably was talking about me and Bella. “Such a clever girl,” he praised her like he wasn’t his sister but someone else entirely. You sighed heavily. Maybe they’re also into incest-kind-of-relationships? Who knows. You looked above your head again. There was a short inscription “vita brevis, ars longa” but you knew the rest of it. Latin was obligatory in every medical school.

When the man from the middle throne stood up, it was to him that you directed all your attention. You felt that something about him was... you had no idea how to describe it, but you felt a strange pull towards him. As if some invisible force had power over you.

“What a happy surprise!” he said pointedly, wide smile on his face. “Bella is alive after all. Isn’t that wonderful?” he said cheerfully, while walking towards Edward. At that exact moment, you realised that you had managed to get yourself into a huge mess. The lair of the vampires. And you were only a weak human. Recently raped. With a baby under your heart.

As soon as the man stepped down from the platform, you were unable to take your eyes off him. His posture, the way he spoke, his demeanour, it all made you feel incredible respect for him. You’ve never felt this secure and calm in your entire life.

“I love a happy ending,” the man said, while he took Edwards’ hand into his. “They’re so rare.”

You were wondering why this man took Edward’s hand in the first place. You did not have to wait long for an explanation.

“Aro can read every thought that I’ve ever had. With one touch” Edward explained to Bella but you were listening too. Very carefully listening. You’ve finally managed to know the name of the vampire. Aro. It suited him well. Although his eyes were a little scary, you were delighted with his charisma and approach to guests. You realised that indeed, they are called the royal family for a reason.

Aro smiled to Edward.

“Her blood appears to you so much,” he whispered, and you had a hard time hearing his words well. Aro’s gaze rested on Bella. “It makes me thirsty. How can you stand to be so close to her?” he asked Edward, who was feeling more and more uncomfortable. You could tell by the fact that he was practically standing like a statue.

“It is not without difficulty,” muttered Edward from behind his clenched teeth.

You swallowed hard, as Aro turned his gaze to Bella again but he smiled.

“Ah, I can see that” he said pleased, moving away from Edward and focusing all his attention on Bella.

“Although you’re a quite soul-reader yourself, Edward, you cannot read Bella’s thoughts” he made a rather dramatic pause, still staring stubbornly at your best friend. “Fascinating” he said, not hiding his curiosity.

You managed to look elsewhere, than at Aro. The man on the throne to your left seemed unusually agitated. He fixed his gaze on you, as if his life depended on it, yet you did not feel uncomfortable. You were surprised to discover that an invisible force was also drawing you towards him. You almost took a step forward. You tried to remember the man from a few minutes ago. He looked as if he had died in that chair a few centuries ago. And now he seemed genuinely moved.

“Brother” the man spoke to Aro, as he got up from his throne. Indeed, there seemed to be an urgency to the matter, for Aro turned around in surprise. You had the impression that the man from the throne had not risen from it for a long time.

“You knew about this, and you brought her anyway?” you heard Edward's quiet whisper, directed at Alice.

Alice looked at her brother, then at you and finally at a curious Aro.

"It would have happened anyway. Better sooner than later" Alice murmured mysteriously. You still didn't know what it was even about. The third man, the one on your right, did not share his brothers' patience.

"Aro, let's hurry this up, Heidi will be here soon, and we don't want to frighten our guests" he said ominously, grinning like a madman. You were far from solving this riddle, but as soon as you looked at him, you felt the same attraction and enigmatic pulling as towards the other two.

Aro took his brother's hand in his own and you could see that his eyes would have lit up with happiness if they could.

“Ah, my dear Marcus! What an exceptional news!” intoned Aro cheerfully, heading towards you. He was slow in his movements, exactly so that you would not be frightened by him. All his movements were framed by an incredible grace.

“My dear, if I may, what is your name?” he asked, coming closer to you. You were unable to take your eyes off him. It was exactly, as if he had hypnotised you, only the feeling was more addictive. You didn't have to have a gift or to be a vampire to know that. For a split second, you ran out of breath and just stared into his red irises.

“My name is [Y/N]” you said, with your voice trembling, as your throat tightened hard under the intense emotions. You couldn't believe it was really happening. Maybe it was just a dream? Maybe these three beautiful men are just a figment of your imagination? You didn't even want to think about the fact that it might not be true.

Aro smiled encouragingly, while looking at you with all the attention that he’d possibly give you. You felt like nothing more was more important than you to him at that exact moment.

"It is an incredible pleasure to meet you, [Y/N]. I am Aro, but you already know that.”

The smile never left his face and during this brief exchange of words, neither of you took your eyes off the other. You felt that the atmosphere in the room had changed. Aro extended his alabaster hand in an inviting gesture.

“May I, my dear?” he asked you politely.

You gulped. Of course, you wanted to show him that you didn't want to give away their secret. You wanted to show him the strange bond you felt towards him and his brothers. However, there were things you didn't want him to see. You felt deep down inside that this attraction had an explanation and you didn't want him to see... Not that. You’d felt exposed and extremely embarrassed. There was also another issue. His hand. You'd hugged Bella twice since it happened and just now you were holding Alice's hand. You didn't know if, when you touched him, you'd start screaming or crying because you were so afraid of someone else's touch.

Yet, his hand looked so inviting, almost familiar, as if you'd already had the chance to touch it before. Aro himself showed no impatience. He waited, still gazing into your blue irises with his crimson eyes. You extended your hand towards him, at first cautiously, and then with a little more confidence. You took a deep breath, before your fingers made contact. When it happened, you felt as if you had come home after many years of wandering. He closed your hand in his, just as he had done with Edward's. His skin was cold, but he handled you extremely gently. You stared into his eyes as he looked at your thoughts and memories of your whole life. You knew instantly when he was done because he smiled sadly at you. He squeezed your hand gently in his.

"Never again, my love. Never again," he assured passionately, and then he leaned down to place a kiss on your hand. It was so light and as gentle as a breeze on a summer day. You couldn't help but smile.

Aro clapped his hands. He was clearly pleased with what had just happened between you.

"Aro, will you explain to me what's going on? I'm sick of waiting," said the nervous brother, who was the only one with blond hair. Aro smiled widely and turned towards him.

"Ah, Caius, you'll never guess. Finally, after so many years, our mate has honoured us with her presence" he said overjoyed and Caius frowned in awe. You were already able to tell that this did not happen often. Marcus, on the other hand, was sitting on his throne, smiling, still looking in your direction. You didn't miss the glances of the other vampires either. Was it some sort of celebration when Marcus was smiling?

“What does that mean?” it was Bella who snapped that question. Aro immediately appeared by her side. He gently stroked her hair, pulling an unruly strand behind her ear. You felt the sting of jealousy, when he touched her face. You should be the one asking that question and not her.

“Ah, and dear Isabella. What to do with you,” he wondered aloud, as if asking others for advice. “As I have far more important matters to deal with....” he began, looking directly at you. “I’d love to see if you’re an exception to my gift as well,” he whispered to Bella, extending his hand towards her. She didn't have much choice, did she? She took his hand, a little hesitantly, but after a short while Aro moved away.

“Interesting” he muttered. “I see nothing.”

“You already know what you’ll do with her, Aro” said Marcus, his eyes never leaving your person. “Just do it, as we want to know our little angel a bit more.”

You looked at Bella for a moment. She was terrified, not only with her own case, but also with yours. You have already guessed that you are not going anywhere. They would never let you out of their hands. Aro knew perfectly well that you didn't even have anything to go back to. Of course, you had plenty of questions, but you were sure it wasn't about your case now. Just about Bella's situation and what the Cullens had done, or rather what they hadn't done. However, you guessed it, Bella was afraid you wouldn't get out of here alive, and at the same time, you were worried about the exact same thing but about her.

Aro was smiling continuously.

“I have an idea” he said, after a long while. He approached Alice this time. “Would you be so kind, dear, and show me if you saw Bella's transformation in your vision?”

You were smart enough to know that it wasn’t a request. Alice undid her glove and boldly gave Aro her hand. He was absent for a moment and then smiled again. You were impressed by the aura he spread around himself. When he smiled, you felt like smiling too. You still had the impression that it was only a dream, and simultaneously you were sure that it was really happening. Aro's touch was definitely real, you couldn’t forget his cool hands embracing your own.

“Ah, lovely. I know everything now,” he declared. You and Bella probably looked similarly confused, but you weren't the least bit concerned and she was as pale as a sheet.

Aro turned directly to Edward.

“As I have seen Isabella's transformation in Alice's vision, I can let you go with peace of mind, my dear young friends. I trust that a date will be set sooner, rather than later and that I will be able to see for myself, what your mate will be capable of, Edward. As for you, Isabella, you are promising immortal material and I hope your potential will not go to waste," he said, this time speaking directly to Bella.

She was still brave enough to look him in the eye.

“And what with [Y/N]? You never mentioned what will happen to her” she noticed, looking in your direction. You smiled gently to her.

“I’m staying here, Bella” you said calmly, trying to reassure her with your tone of voice that all shall be all right.

You saw pure admiration and joyousness on Aro��s face as you said that.

“Isn’t she remarkable, brothers?” he asked Marcus and Caius, who looked as if they had just received the most beautiful Christmas present.

Bella seemed to be thoroughly outrageous.

“You can’t be serious [Y/N]! You cannot stay here, please, come back with us. You cannot be here while you’re pregnant” she cried, holding your hand and looking at you with disbelief.

What she said made you very uncomfortable and extremely upset.

"Bella, I have nothing to go back to. My parents are dead. You knew that if Alice told me everything, it would have to be resolved somehow," you stated matter-of-factly, squeezing her hand in yours. "I can't go back there, Bells." Your throat tightened with despair as memories of recent events flooded inside your mind. You tried to hold back tears.

"I am a shadow of my former self. I'm afraid to leave the house alone to go shopping or to work. This paranoia is overwhelming me, Bella. I keep turning behind me to see if anyone is following me on the street. I cry at night, knowing that it doesn't change anything. And then there's this unfortunate baby," you sighed helplessly, trying not to burst with tears. "Even if I keep it, I don't want it to have a mother who's afraid to leave the house. I can't live like this, we both know that" you whispered, squeezing her hands in yours again.

“But you cannot possibly be mated with all three of them” Bella whispered with despair in her eyes. You only smiled, sensing that this sentence got on Kings’ nerves, especially Caius’s.

“I think it’s predestined, Bella. Just as you are destined to be with Edward, I do belong here, with my mates” you said cautiously, glancing at Aro and looking for approval in his eyes. He was only looking at you with delight, as he said nothing.

You saw that Bella had hard time processing such information, whilst Edward and Alice said nothing at all. You knew that Alice knew prior about this, and Edward could see the vision in her thoughts. You pulled Bella into a comfortable hug.

“Hey, sister, we don’t see each other the very last time. We’ll meet again. Probably in a different…condition but still.”

Bella looked devastated.

“You promise me that?” she asked warily, her tone full of hope. You smiled at her.

“Of course I do.” You kissed her cheek and caressed her long, brown hair. “We can call each other, you know. It’s not like I’m moving to the Moon,” you joked, to release the tension a bit. To your astonishment, everybody in the room laughed at that. It made you blush, just a little tiny bit.

After another farewell, in which this time you also included Alice and Edward (barely, because you were still mad at him) and an official farewell from Aro, who told them to give his friend kind regards from him, the guests left the chamber.

They left, and Aro was immediately by your side. He gently stroked your long blonde hair, but didn't touch a single piece of a skin. After the display of your memories, he probably knew very well that you did not wish any touch for the time being.

You still couldn't free yourself from under his spell and if you were to be honest, you didn't want to at all. Aro offered you his arm.

"I believe, we have much to discuss, my love."

You took his arm gratefully.

"I have a ton of questions," you admitted as you walked out of the chamber with Marcus and Caius slowly following you. You didn't need to look back, the strange bonds that drew you together informed you of their presence in a yet unknown way.

Aro, as usual, smiled magnificently.

"My dear, one thing at a time," he said in a gentle tone, as he patted your forearm with tenderness. When you entered the study with the round table, Aro immediately pushed back a chair for you.

"No one is to disturb us" you heard Caius' sharp tone as he closed the door behind you. You tried to feel comfortable and at ease. After all, this was your home from now on.

Part 2 | Part 3

[t0wnspersonb]

The Sun (Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Word Count: 3.4K

Warnings: SMUT, rough sex, mentions of spanking, slight mentions of trauma (PTSD kinda), bad language, my shit writing

Summary: Missions can take their toll on anyone, especially in the Survey Corps. It’s not just Levi that needs a distraction from the horrors that he’s seen beyond the wall. You guys have always taken care of each other, for years now. This time was no different than any other time you two have comforted each other. If anything, this time solidified the relationship between the two of you.  

~~~~

GUYS. I’m so sorry for the lack of content recently. I’ve just gotten so busy with life and it’s been kind of crazy. School starts up soon too, so I’ve been attempting to relax before break is over. I’m doing a terrible job at it lmao. ANYWAY. I hope you guys like this one! This is the first time I’ve ever written anything for AOT, so please let me know what you think!:) 

As always I adore you guys so much and I hope you have a fantastic week!

~~~~

Levi didn’t know what was more cruel; the fact that this particular mission was a complete failure, that the amount of casualties this time was far more staggering than past failed missions, or the fact that he was taking it out on your body.

 It was like his vision was under water, he couldn’t even begin to register the influx of emotions coursing through his body. 

 Anger.

 Sorrow.

 Relief.

 Pleasure.

 He grunted loudly, the firm grip he had in your hair tightened, shoving your face harder into the mattress. His other bruised and battered hand gripped at your hip harshly, the flesh turning pale and then red once he released his hold; only to crack down against your already red and welted ass. 

 He could still hear your delicate yelp and cries of pain even though your face was buried against the mattress. Levi only thrusted harder into your swollen cunt. His eyes fluttering shut at the way your walls tightened around his shaft.

 But he could see the bodies, and the blood, and the looming shadows of those fucking monsters that took away far too many of his soldiers. His teeth clenched together tightly, eyes snapping open to gaze down at your body being pressed down into the bed. Your skin was beginning to bloom with dark bruises; angry red welts lingered on the delicate swell of your ass. Levi knew he was being rough; he knew that he was being cruel when usually he was a gentle lover. 

 His frustration, his anger, welled up inside of his body even more at what he knew he was doing to you, at the fact his cock was incredibly hard, and because of the immense amount of pleasure your body was giving him. 

 He wanted to slow down, he wanted to be gentle, he wanted to give you the pleasure and the release he always did when he fucked you. But he couldn’t bring himself to do any of that. 

 His slim fingers reached down between your legs, pressing down hard against your clit and rubbing fast. 

 A low whine escaped your lips, and your body automatically attempted to wiggle away from his rough touches. 

 His hand that was tangled in your hair slid down, grabbing at the back of your neck and shoving your face further into the bed, his other hand was now painfully gripping at your hip again. 

 “Don’t fucking move.” He panted, eyes narrowing as his speed increased again, he was ramming himself into you now. “Endure it.”

 It didn’t take long before Levi was reaching his end, his rough thrusts suddenly coming to a halt before he tore himself out of you, spilling his warmth against the skin of your ass and lower back. 

 He panted softly, his eyes coming into a focus at the image before him. His stomach turned unpleasantly, and every instinct to clean you up, to press his mouth against every inch of your skin, to cradle you against his chest; was replaced with the instinct to run in shame. 

 You were slumped against the bed, body twitching softly as you sucked in a watery breath. 

 He’s never hated himself more than in this moment. 

 “Levi?” your voice was soft and tender, dripping with sweetness as you called out to him. But before you could even muster up the strength to turn to look at him, he was already tucking himself back into his pants and slamming the door loudly on his way out. 

 ****

 It had only been a couple of days since that night. Levi hadn’t seen you, or rather, he was actively going out of his way to avoid you. 

 He hated what he had done. He knew he shouldn’t have taken his emotions out on you, but he did anyway. You always had the ability to quell the rising hysteria that tried to break through his body; and he was grateful for that. He was grateful that you had stayed by his side for all those years, he was grateful for your never-ending gentleness and love. 

 Levi knew that a man like himself, did not deserve a woman like you. You were too kind, too soft and gentle to be in a place like this. 

 The Survey Corps was no place for a tenderhearted person, this world was no place for it. The world was hell, and you… you were a fucking angel that seemed to take hold of his life. 

 He had always wondered how you still held those hopeful doe-like eyes, how you still managed to smile so tenderly at people, even after seeing the worst in the world, you were still just… so kind. 

 You seemed to have made it a point to glue yourself to his side when he joined the Corps, and originally, he had fucking hated it. Despised how seemingly delicate you were, despised your sunny disposition in this fucked up world. 

 Levi could have sworn that you were a sadist, it was the only thing that made sense. But when he had gotten to know you… when he saw your strength and dedication to humanity… he didn’t mind you being by his side. 

 He wasn’t quite sure when he started loving you. 

 No that was a complete lie. He knew exactly when he did, when he fell in love with you. 

 It was when you had asked about his backstory. You guys were beyond the wall, taking the first watch together as everyone else slept. It was a quiet night, peaceful almost. You and Levi were talking softly with one another when that topic had come up. Levi didn’t think much of it when he had answered, reflecting back on his past with a tone that was entirely nonchalant. 

 To him it was, Levi didn’t care much to make a sob story of his past, he would rather move on with his life. But to you… it was something he had never predicted happening. 

 You had started crying. 

 You cried for him.

 You had started whispering gentle apologizes about what had happened as if you had dealt a hand in what he had gone through. 

 It was a reaction he didn’t expect you to have. But it was a reaction that started everything that has happened between the two of you. 

 It was a reaction that led to his confession, while Levi never verbally said that he loved you, he had kissed you that night instead. 

 After that, he had sought you out every time; craving your attention, wanting your affection. 

 To Levi, you were like the sun; a delicate warmth that he had never felt until he left the underground. When he had first seen the sun, it was a treasured beauty; but the sun itself was nothing compared to you. You were warm and bright, absolutely lovely in every aspect. 

 And you were his. 

 It was an unclaimed relationship, even after being together for years, it was never verbally stated. Everyone knew though; everyone knew that Levi was your person, and that you were his. Everyone knew that it went beyond just being your Captain’s second. It was never questioned, it was never brought up, but people just knew; and if they didn’t know, they found out eventually.

 So, Levi wondered why no one fucking told him that you were assigned a solo mission. You had left earlier this morning apparently; it was the evening, and he was barely hearing about it now. 

 “She’ll be fine Levi. Erwin assigned this mission specifically to her. She has five other soldiers with her too. She’s more than capable.” Hange said easily, dismissing the irritated stare that the dark-haired male was giving her.

 If anything, Levi was more upset about the fact that no one told him. 

 “Are you two fighting?” Hange asked. 

 “Why do you ask?” Levi grunted out, lips wrapped around the rim of his cup, slowly drinking.

 “Because she’s usually always with you. Moblit’s room is across from Y/n, he said the past couple of days she’s actually been sleeping in her room, and not yours.” She said easily.

 Levi released an annoyed noise from the back of his throat, signaling that he no longer wanted to talk about this.

 No, you guys weren’t fighting. It was more so that Levi couldn’t meet your eyes just yet, not after what he had done. 

 He didn’t… he didn’t want you to hate him. He couldn’t bear to see your sweet eyes look at him with disdain. You probably did hate him now, which was why you hadn’t come to him about the mission. 

 He fucked up. He knew that, and now he was going to suffer the consequences of his actions. 

 But… as long as you were alive, that’s all that mattered to him. You could hate him as much as you wanted, but Levi knew that he would continue to love you regardless of if you no longer loved him.

 ****

 You were gone for weeks. Levi thought he was going to lose his fucking mind. There was no way of knowing if you were still alive, if you had gotten eaten, he had no idea. 

 It drove him mad. 

 It was pure fucking torture. 

 “Captain,” Levi’s eyes flickered up from his desk, glancing briefly at the soldier that was standing by the door.

 “What is it?” he asked, gazing back down at his paperwork, his movements never stopping as he continued to work. 

 “Y/n is back, she’ll be entering through the gates soon.” 

 The tightness in Levi’s chest loosened at the mention of your name. The anxiety he felt in his heart all but disappeared. 

 You were alive, and now… you would be home. That’s all that mattered.

 “We need to take him to the infirmary. Quickly now, let’s grab him.” A small group of soldiers had surrounded you, carefully pulling down the injured man that you held on the back of your horse. 

 Levi stood back, watching as the injured soldier was carried off before his eyes flickered to you. You looked exhausted, blood and dirt clung to your clothes and exposed skin. From what he could see, there were no serious injuries, much to his relief. 

 But it wasn’t the filth or the small cuts and bruises that worried him, it was the fact that your eyes held an emptiness that he wasn’t used to seeing.

 “Y/n.” he couldn’t help himself; he ran away the last time you two were together, he wanted to take care of you this time. 

 His expression softened when your eyes met his, a delicate flicker of adoration passed through but was replaced again with that sad emptiness that made his heart ache.

 Your usual bright and hopeful self was incredibly dim. Levi wasn’t used to seeing this side of you, or rather, it was something that rarely happened. Which meant that this mission was entirely taxing on you. 

 The fact that you had left with five others and came back with only one was a clear sign in itself.

 You lost people you were responsible for; it was never easy. Levi knew that feeling firsthand, and the fact that you had to experience that feeling all alone… he had to take care of you.

 “My room, after you’ve reported back to Erwin.” He said evenly. 

 “I need to get cleaned up Levi -”

 “Straight to my room after your report. No detours.” Levi interrupted, his tone was final, no room for any argument to occur.

 Only he was talking to you, someone that never hesitated to talk back. It was annoying, but it was also something that proved your strength. If you could talk back to Captain Levi with no fear in your voice, well, you could do just about anything. 

 “But I’m filthy, I don’t -”

 “That wasn’t a request. That was an order from your Captain, Y/n.” He said sharply, silencing your protest immediately.

 Levi said nothing else as he walked away, he would take care of you tonight.

 ****

 “Come in.” Levi said quietly after the delicate knock that echoed in his room. His eyes never left his book until he heard the door open and then close. You stood hesitantly in the middle of his room; unsure almost, like you felt like you didn’t belong here.

 Levi took in your form once more, pleased that you had actually listened to him and came straight to his room after your report. 

 “Come here.” he murmured, walking towards the table that housed the hot bowl of water and the many other supplies he would use to clean you up. 

 “I-I’m dirty… I don’t want to ruin your room…” You said softly, your teeth biting into your lower lip. 

 Levi said nothing else as he walked towards you. His slim fingers reached towards you and began tugging at your jacket, easily sliding it off of your shoulders, allowing it to fall on the floor before he began unbuckling the strap that laid across your chest. 

 “Stop moving.” He said, eyes narrowing slightly as you tried wiggling away from him. Levi gently squeezed the tops of your shoulders before sliding down towards the button of your shirt, skilled fingers easily undoing each one. 

 “Levi, I’m filthy I don’t want to get you dirty…” you knew about his aversion to filth, you didn’t want him touching you when you were this gross, this dirty.

 He ignored you completely, eyes trailing down the exposed skin of your upper body before he carefully knelt down. His fingers gently trailing against the soft skin of your stomach, stopping at the leather sash that laid over your hips. He carefully unclasped everything, the material falling to the floor with a soft thud. Levi couldn’t help touching you as he undressed you, fingers gliding over your legs as he undid each brown strap that was secured over the tops of your thighs. His hands gently reach around cupping your bottom before softly squeezing at the covered flesh before sliding back towards your calves, carefully sliding the zipper of your boots down. 

 “Levi, I don’t… I don’t want you touching me when I’m like this… I don’t -” he could hear the soft catch of your breath. A clear sign that you were holding back tears.

 “Stop it.” he said evenly, gray eyes smoldering as he stared up at you. He could see it then, the rising hysteria. It had finally hit you, or you finally couldn’t suppress your emotions any longer. 

 This mission took its toll on you. He knew, he could tell. Which was why he wanted to make sure you were okay, that you weren’t alone tonight, that you were taken care of. 

 “If you hate me now, then hate me. If you need to scream, then scream, if you need to hit me, then hit me. But I’m not going anywhere. Let me take care of you, brat. Go ahead and cry, I’m right here.” he said, his eyes never wavering from your face before he turned his attention back to undressing you. 

 “Why would I hate you?” you whispered, the tears that you were holding back finally spilling down your cheeks. 

 “Because I hurt you, and then I just left you.” he said simply, gently grabbing hold of your hand to rest on his shoulder while he tugged your boots off of your feet, tossing them behind him with a loud thunk. 

 “I’m sorry about that,” he continued. “I let my emotions get the best of me. I took it out on you. I’m sorry for that.” he said, tugging your pants down your legs. 

 “I’m not.” you whispered quietly. 

 Levi looked up at you curiously, hands resting carefully on your hips before he stood up. You were dressed down now, completely bare and exposed to his eyes.  Absolutely beautiful, he thought.

  Levi waited patiently for you to elaborate, taking his time to roll up his sleeves and to soak the rag in the hot water. The only sound in the room was the soft trickle of water as he wrung out the rag. 

 He carefully started wiping away the filth that covered your beautiful skin; his eyes and hands getting reacquainted with the body he loved the most. 

 “Even after all these years, you never talk to me about how you feel after missions. Not really at least, not without me prying for it.” you said quietly. “But you… you needed me that night. I… I was just glad that I could do something for you, be what you needed that night…”

 “You’re always what I need.” he said simply. “I shouldn’t have been so rough. You didn’t deserve treatment like that.” 

 He was almost done cleaning you up, pleased with the fact that there were only bruises and small cuts on you. 

 “I want to be what you need when you get like that too.” he said, tossing the rag over the bowl of water. His hands rested gently against your hips, thumbs rubbing softly against your skin. 

 “You are.” you said immediately. “You take care of me too, Levi. You always have.”

 There it was. That sweet, bright expression in your eyes was back, filling the emptiness, vanishing the darkness. It was wonderful. 

 “Good. Now, if you ever go on a mission alone again - without telling me - I’ll punish you.” he murmured, eyes flashing as he tangled his fingers into the back of your hair, forehead pressing against yours. 

 “Yes Captain.” you whispered sweetly. 

 Levi’s nostrils flared, his grip tightening for a moment before he leaned forward, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. 

 This kiss was full of love and passion, it was all teeth and tongue as you fought for dominance, only for Levi to easily overpower you, his tongue invading your mouth, hot and wet as he searched every inch. 

 His hands were everywhere, grabbing and kneading the soft flesh of your ass; pulling you closer to grind his hard member against you. Levi began trailing wet kisses along your jaw, down your throat, sucking and biting at every inch of skin he could taste. 

 The moans and gasps that were spilling from your mouth was music to his ears, he’s never heard a sound so sweet before. He wanted, no, he needed more of it. He needed all of it, all of you, every single inch. 

His skilled fingers found their way to your soaking folds, gently parting them before sliding softly against the length of your slit, gathering up your slick easily before pressing against the top. 

 Levi circled your clit gently, his movement slow and careful. He would give you pleasure, every ounce of it. 

 “Levi.” you gasped; eyes fluttering shut as one of his fingers slid into your weeping cunt. 

 “You’re so wet.” he breathed. “You filthy girl, you like my fingers that much?” he slid another finger into you, his thumb carefully pressing against your clit as he began thrusting in and out of you, fingers curling to reach that devastating spot within you. 

 “Answer me brat.” he murmured, his lips were near your ear, his breath coming out in hot, wet pants, his tongue flicking out to drag against your lobe. 

 “Yes.” you trembled, feeling your release beginning to build. 

 “You made a mess.” he groaned, pulling his fingers away abruptly. “Clean it up.” 

 You could see your slick coating his digits before he held them up to your lips. “Clean up your mess.” he demanded, groaning when your hot mouth wrapped around his fingers. He couldn’t tear his eyes away as he watched you lick and suck his fingers clean.

 “You like how you taste?” he breathed, pressing his mouth against yours, his lips prying yours open so that he could taste you on your tongue. 

 “Yes.” you gasped as he pulled away. 

 “Dirty girl.” he murmured, but then Levi’s whole demeanor changed. He cupped your face tenderly, gazed at you with gentle eyes despite how dark and lust filled they were. 

 “You’re mine.” he said quietly, carefully tugging you towards his bed, gently pressing you down into the mattress. 

 He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, you were just so beautiful. So perfect in the soft glow of the candles. 

 “I love you.” you whispered tenderly.

 His lips twitched into a gentle smile. 

 Just like the world couldn’t live without the sun, Levi couldn’t live without you. 

[infernalrevenge]

Lady D confronting Y/N who is going to College and has a lot of anxiety and fear(Weird request,lol)

This isn't weird at all! I think everyone who went to college, especially those who had to move far away, would have liked a bit of comfort from someone about going into a new environment. I don't know if this was what you felt, anon, but I hope the comfort of Tall Pseudo-Vampire Lady would suffice.

Side note: I wrote part of this while drinking wine soooooo yeah. Maybe I made some parts to be a little too emotional.

Placed under read more for length (yes I definitely got carried away with this one, again.)

------------

Alcina had been keeping a close eye on you the past few weeks, especially since she was aware of your eventual departure.

You were frazzled and a bundle of nerves, to put it lightly. You constantly went over your flight details, checked the school website whenever you had internet access with a mix of wistfulness and dread on your face, you visited the Duke often for supplies you "might need, just in case" -- plenty of things that might have set off the alarm that you weren't doing so hot mentally.

The Lady was feeling similarly, though she wasn't sure if it was because your energy had rubbed off on her or that these thoughts had always been there but they were coming to light now that the inevitable was going to happen.

She was as excited as you were when you got your letter of acceptance, and even threw a little celebration for you with her daughters. She knew how hard you had been working toward this goal, and to see things finally unfold after months of anticipation and anxiety made it all worth it.

She was already aware that you had to move away from them for a while, she had accepted this. Or at least, she thought she had. Because as much as she trusted that you would do well for yourself there, wherever you may end up, she was still worried.

Mostly for your safety and well-being, but also (rather selfishly) for herself. She couldn't be with you while you went through with this new chapter in your life, and for some reason that didn't sit right with her.

At first, she did try to talk to you and convince you to go somewhere a little closer to home. She wanted to be able to visit you and check up on you instantly. She was going to miss you, and she didn't want to miss out too much on this part of your life.

She had the comnections anyway, she could pull strings to get you anywhere you wanted within the area. But you were put off by it -- you worked hard to get to where you wanted to go, not only would it feel like a waste to put it off but also disingenious to take up her offer of networking to get somewhere where others had to work for too.

Surely Alcina, a woman of her own making, could understand that, right?

If you're adamant and insist on going to your choice of college, then she might relent. She'll be petty about it for a few weeks but she will eventually accept that this was your wish.

But seeing you now, barely able to sleep weeks before your trip to the new area and campus, it didn't help quell her fears.

Part of her thinks this will pass; after all, if you were stubborn enough to stick to your guns about going to your college of choice, then she should trust your judgement... right?

She watches you in silence for a few days, seeing how you deal with this new stressor. She listens when you start to rant lightheartedly about how many classes you're going to have to take, which electives you want to take up, how big the school is and how you hope you won't get lost.

She also offers a comforting gesture every now and then when you start to ramble, perhaps a hand to cup your cheek or one placed on your knee, just to ground you. And it helps. Sometimes.

Three nights before you were going to leave, you found yourself staring at your acceptance letter and registration details, when you were already supposed to be asleep. It was nearly three in the morning, but your mind was more awake than ever.

It brought forth all your insecurities and fears about going to some place new -- what if you don't make friends? What if you flunk out on your first year? What if this letter wasn't even meant for you and it was all a mistake and your planning would have been all for nothing once you got there? Why did you even bother?

All of them came crashing down on you and finally... you sob. You crumple the letter in your hands and cry into it, soaking the paper with snot and tears. The voice in your head telling you you shouldn't go was ringing louder than ever before. This was a mistake, this was a mista--

Alcina placed a gentle hand on your back, crouching next to you on the chair you sat on. You feebly rubbed at your tear-stained cheeks and inhaled loudly, your vision slightly blurred as you tried to stop the corners of your lips from pulling down any further.

"Darling, come to bed. Let's talk." Her tone didn't leave much room for argument, but you were also too tired to anyway. Feeling like a child, you let her take your hand to make the short trip to your shared chambers.

Once you got in, you barely had to be prompted before you started voicing out what had been tormenting you the past days -- or at least ypu tried to. Apparently, all Alcina understood in between your sobs and sniffles was "shouldn't go", "mistake", and "lost". It was enough to confirm her suspicions of your second thoughts.

If this had happened weeks ago, she would have taken the chance to convince you again of going somewhere nearby instead. But she hated seeing you like this, not after you spent so long fighting for what you wanted.

She knew you still wanted to go, it wasn't like you to back out so last minute when it was already within your reach. She made sure to tell you this once you had calmed down enough so you would understand her. The stress was getting to you and it was doing a terrible number on your mental health.

All the while, she kept physical contact with you. Suddenly being so small wasn't so bad with your hand completely enveloped by hers.

You took deep breaths, eyes puffy and red, drowsy and barely able to think anymore. You think you got what Alcina was trying to say, but you didn't have it in you to process it all yet.

She quietly settled beside you and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close as you drifted off.

The morning after, you two talked about it again over breakfast in her private study. Her daughters were a bit confused as to why you two didn't join them but Alcina only explained it was a private matter.

She reiterated what she said last night, about your hard work and the mental toll of the new burdens you may have to face. You talk, she listens, and vice versa. It feels very... productive somehow, despite the fatigue from last night still being fresh in your mind.

She mentioned that she was always there for you. You knew that. Sometimes it was hard for you to believe (through no fault of her own) bit hearing it from her helped alleviate that, even for just a moment.

You spent the rest of the day not doing anything related to your departure at Alcina's behest. She saw you were extremely meticulous in the week leading up to it so she was sure you were more than prepared. You needed to relax and let your mind think of something else, lest you implode. Wouldn't want our future college student burning out before the semester even starts, right?

The day you were going to leave, Alcina and the girls unfortunately couldn't leave the village. However, they still bade you goodbye and gave some parting gifts. Daniela was sure to remind you of your promise to return during the holidays, especially since they may not be able to reach you.

You turned to your lover, a small smile on your face as you thanked her for everything. The talk from a few days ago helped. It didn't completely ease your worries, but it was enough to calm you and help you think clearly again. You thanked her for reminding you of your ambitions and dreams.

"You built those dreams all on your own, who would I be if I didn't support the person I love on their pursuits? Even in times you don't believe in yourself, just know that I do. I believe in you always, my love."

Alcina was quite teary-eyed herself, giving you one more tight hug and a kiss to remember her by. It was only going to be a few months, but still a few months too long.

But it was comforting to know you had a family back home waiting for you.

[fridayfirefly]

A Friend at Midnight

Read A Friend at Midnight on AO3

Masterlist

Written for Maribat March Day 13 - Reverse Robins

Dick hated Gotham Academy. He hated the pretentious, overqualified teachers. He hated the stuck-up, shallow students. He hated their expensive cars and their designer clothes and their smug faces. He hated the way they sucked up to him to his face but called him a circus freak behind his back. Especially, Dick hated their parties, where they drank and smoked and got high on party drugs.

However, a new drug was emerging in the back alleys of Gotham and Batman needed to know how far it had reached. So, as the only member of the family still in high school, it was Dick's job to infiltrate the party and investigate exactly what type of drugs his classmates were using. Dick wasn't happy about it but he didn't have much of a choice. Robin was Batman's sidekick, which meant that he didn't get to pick and choose his missions.

After an hour at Tony McLaughlin's house party Dick could safely say that the worst drug at the party was some ecstasy that Tony's older brother supplied. All Dick wanted to do was wash his hands and get away from the party, hopefully with enough time that he could still patrol with Tim. Dick rarely got to patrol with his older brother, who was so busy with his classes at Gotham University that he only ever came home during breaks.

Dick's plans for the night were derailed when he walked into the bathroom to see a girl lying in the bathtub, headphones in her eyes. Her eyes were closed, mascara messy from the tears. Dick recognized her as one of Lila's friends. She was a quiet girl, which was odd because most of Lila's friends were just as obnoxiously talkative as Lila.

"Are you alright?" asked Dick.

The girl blinked open her eyes. "I'm fine. I just wanted to get away from Lila."

At that moment, Lila Rossi poked her head through the bathroom door. "Dick, how nice to see you here." Lila said his name like it was honey on her tongue, lips curling into a smile as she spoke. Her eyes, however, betrayed her intentions. Dick was good at reading people. Good enough to know that Lila Rossi was bad news. "I didn't think you came to parties like this, not that I'm complaining. I see you've met the foreign exchange student that my family is hosting, Marinette Dupain-Cheng."

It said a lot about Lila, thought Dick, that she said Marinette's relation to her before she said Marinette's name.

Dick shrugged, putting on his best nonchalant expression. "I just came to check it out. I was about to leave, anyway.

"You should stay. I'm sure you want to get to know Marinette. Isn't she just the cutest? We're best friends, Marinette and I." Lila got a little closer to Dick with every sentence until she was nearly pressed against his chest.

"Actually, I'm going home." Marinette pulled herself up out of the bathroom. Dick noted a few more details about her that he had missed in his first evaluation. There was alcohol on her breath as well as a plastic cup half-full of beer beside the bathtub. There was a bruise on the left side of her face, expertly hidden under her thick coat of makeup but easily detected by Dick, who was trained to recognize signs of abuse. There were also bruises on her knees, slightly obscured beneath her opaque tights, and scrapes on the palms of her hands. The evidence was overwhelming that there was something wrong with Marinette.

Lila rolled her eyes. "We're not leaving until the party's over."

"I'll take an uber."

"You didn't bring your wallet. How are you going to pay for that uber?" asked Lila, her tone starting to harden.

"I can drive Marinette home," said Dick. His offer was half a kindness towards Marinette, who looked like hell even though she was one of the most sober people at the party, and half because it gave him an excuse to leave without blowing his cover as just another partygoer.

"I don't think that's appropriate," said Lila. She looked scandalized at the suggestion that Dick and Marinette would go home together, which was an odd choice, considering she had propositioned Dick many times in his years at Gotham Academy.

"I don't care" Marinette walked out of the bathroom without another word, leaving Dick to trail after her as she made her way to the door, only detouring to grab a coat off of the back of one of the couches in the living room. She walked through the house like she owned the place, shooting glares at anyone who dared to get in her way. Dick didn't know how he had never noticed Marinette before - or, more accurately, he didn't know how he never saw through the mask of an empty-headed party girl that she put on when she was around Lila.

As soon as they left the house, Marinette started shivery, the cold December wind whipping her hair around her head. Dick showed her to his car and she climbed into the passenger seat, warming her hands against the heating vent as soon as he turned the car on.

"Where do you live?" asked Dick once they pulled out of the driveway.

"Lila's house is over on Washington Street," spoke Marinette, shifting in her seat so that she was hugging her knees.

Dick drove in silence, pretending out of politeness that he couldn't see the tears that started to slip down Marinette's face. However, when Marinette broke down in sobs it was much more difficult to not notice. "Could you pull over?" asked Marinette, sniffling as she spoke.

"Sure." Dick pulled his car into a gas station parking lot. After a few minutes, Marinette calmed down, her tears drying up.

"I'm sorry. I've just been having a hard time. Gotham is a big change from Paris," apologized Marinette.

"Lila said you were a foreign exchange student," noted Dick.

Marinette stared out the window and watched the cars driving by. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"And now?"

Marinette turned to look at him, an unnerving sadness in her blue eyes. "Have you ever noticed how terrible Gotham is? There's so much pain out there and I can't escape it. It sucks you in and makes you feel like you deserve it."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"I guess I should explain how I got here. When I decided that I wanted to participate in the foreign exchange program, I was given a choice between a couple of different host families. Lila called me up on the phone every night for a week before I made my choice assuring me that we would be best friends. All I wanted was a best friend, so I chose her, only to find out that every word she said to me was a lie. At first, Lila just wanted someone to torment, to make herself look and feel better. But when she couldn't wear me down fast enough, she changed tactics. She started taking me to parties and forcing me to get drunk and parading me around in front of her rich friends."

"Can you change host families?"

Marinette shook her head. "All of the other host families for Gotham Academy were given students of their own. Unless another family enrolls half-way through the semester, I'm stuck with Lila. I only left her at the party to get a moment away from her constant attention. I just needed a break."

With this new information, Dick could begin to see how Lila had worn away at Marinette. The girl looked exhausted, with dark circles under her eyes that were only half-hidden by her makeup.

"If you want to get away from Lila for the night, I could take you to my house. We have plenty of spare bedrooms."

The relief in Marinette's eyes was enough to break Dick's heart. It was obvious that Lila's abuse had taken its toll on the girl. "Thank you."

Dick turned the car around and started driving back to the Manor.

"Can I ask you a question?" Marinette piped up.

"Sure."

"Why did Lila call you a dick? She's usually much better behaved around attractive boys."

Dick let out a laugh. "My name is Dick."

Marinette tilted her head in confusion. "I thought that your name was Grayson?"

"Richard Grayson, but I go by Dick. But I think the more important thing to pay attention to is the fact that you called me attractive."

Marinette blushed. "I'm not going to flatter you by debating an objective fact."

"So you think my attractiveness is an objective fact?" teased Dick.

Marinette groaned. "I just can't win with you, can I?"

"Not if I can help it." Dick pulled the car up the driveway and into the garage. "Let's get you inside. You look cold."

Marinette glanced down at her outfit, the dress that was four inches shorter than the Gotham Academy regulation skirts and the white tights that were so thin they couldn't hide the bruises that marred her knees. "I wanted to wear pants, but Lila threatened to throw out all of my jeans if I didn't put a dress on."

Dick frowned, already making plans to have Bruce open up one of the spare bedrooms for Marinette permanently. There was no way he was sending Marinette back into the lion's den that was the Rossi household. "We've got company!" yelled Dick as he and Marinette came in through the side door. It was best to warn his family when there was company over so that they could at least pretend to be a normal family that didn't spend their nights fighting crime.

Dick led Marinette through the kitchen and into the foyer, just as Tim was coming down the stairs two at a time. "Who's our company?" he asked, giving Marinette an interested look.

"I offered Marinette her one of the spare rooms to spend the night," explained Dick.

"I'm Marinette." Marinette gave Tim a wave. Dick was struck by how different this Marinette looked from the girl who stormed through the McLaughlin's living room like everyone there was beneath her. In the empty foyer of Wayne Manor, with a hesitant smile on her face, Marinette looked vulnerable. Dick could tell that this was the real Marinette, not the mask she wore in front of Lila.

"It's nice to meet you, Marinette. I'm Tim." Tim turned his attention back to Dick, narrowing his eyes. "I"m going to tell Bruce about our guest while you show Marinette to her rooms."

Dick nodded. "Sure, I'll meet you at Bruce's office."

"I hope I'm not causing any trouble," said Marinette once they were alone and making their way to the guest wing.

Dick shook his house. "My brothers have friends over all the time. You're much better behaved than anyone Jason has brought home."

"I'll be on my best behavior," promised Marinette, giving Dick a tentative smile as she brushed one hand against Dick's forearm and the other against the doorknob of the door that would be hers for the night. "Thanks for taking me home."

"No problem," said Dick. As soon as he heard the latch of Marinette's door click he was walking to Bruce's office. Dick was certain that Bruce would have no qualms opening up his house to Marinette once Dick explained her situation. Bruce had a soft spot for kids with dark hair and blue eyes who came from troubled home situations.

All three of his brothers were in Bruce's office by the time Dick entered the room.

"Welcome back, Grayson," Damian spoke first. The neutral look on his brother's face was Dick's first indication that something might have gotten lost in translation when Tim saw him bringing Marinette into the Manor. Looking back, he probably should have warned them ahead of time. Sneaking (though sneaking wasn't necessarily the right word for it since he announced their presence as soon as they got through the door) a drunk girl through the side door might not have been the best idea.

"I heard you brought a friend home with you," said Bruce, his tone aggressively non-judgmental.

Jason wasn't so considerate - his voice was hot with disapproval. "I thought your mission was reconnaissance only. I don't think that bringing home some sleazy drunk girl was a part of that mission."

Dick glowered at Jason, who had been in a bad mood since Bruce discovered and disposed of his stash of cigarettes earlier that week. “Don’t talk about Marinette like that. She didn't have anywhere safe to go, so I brought her here until she finds a place to stay."

"Why don't you take a seat and explain what happened tonight, before we jump to any conclusion." Bruce directed the last part of his statement towards Jason, who pointedly refused to look guilty.

"Marinette is an exchange student from Paris. Her host family has been allowing their daughter to take advantage of her. Lila Rossi has been taking Marinette to parties and plying her with alcohol as some sort of party trick for her friends, knowing that Marinette can't escape the situation without losing her spot in the exchange program. I couldn't, in good conscience, allow Marinette to return home to them, so when she expressed a desire to stay the night somewhere else, I offered up one of the guest bedrooms."

Jason had the decency to look guilty. "I guess I should apologize for jumping to conclusions. Sorry, Dickie Bird. I should've known you wouldn't try anything."

"Is there any way for her to switch host families?" asked Tim, the problem-solver of his brothers.

Dick nodded. "The only issue with her switching host families is that there are none available right now for her to stay with. I'm sure that won't be an issue much longer."

Bruce had his laptop out and was composing an email before Dick finished his sentence. "I'll arrange for our family to be registered as a host family for the Gotham Academy Foreign Exchange Program. Hopefully, we can get this all sorted out soon so that Marinette can move in over the weekend."

Dick grinned. His family might drive him crazy sometimes, but they always pulled through for him in the end. Marinette wouldn't have to worry anymore. His family would keep her safe.

@maribatmarch-2k21

[strawberry--bride]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Haunted Dark Bridal ー Sharon’s Route [MANIAC PROLOGUE]

*FLASHBACK STARTS*

Monologue

Every happy story has to one day come to an end.

In my case, it all happened on a stormy evening.

I paced back and forth impatiently by the front door.

Waiting for the doorbell to ring. 

However, when it did, it wasn’t my parents standing at the other side.

Instead, I was greeted by a police officer,

wearing a nervous smile on his face.

Location: Nozomi’s house ;;  Entrance hall

Nozomi: ...

Police officer: Miss Takeshita Nozomi?

Nozomi: ...W-Where are mommy and daddy? They told me I shouldn’t talk to strangers.

Police officer: My name is officer Yamada. I’m from the local police department. 

Nozomi: The police...?

Police officer: I am terribly sorry to have to deliver you this news but your parents had an accident. They lost control of their car and drove straight into a tree.

Nozomi: Eh...?

( Accident? Mommy and daddy? B-But...! )

Police officer: ーー Both of them died instantly.

Nozomi: ...!!

Uu...

Police officer: I fully understand this must come as a shock to you. We tried to get in touch with your relatives, but almost none of them answered our calls.

Nozomi: ...

Police officer: When we finally got in touch with one of your aunts, she told us your parents broke up with the rest of the family after a dispute.

Nozomi: I-I don’t know...Mommy and daddy never talked about other family...

Police officer: ...Well, the thing is, with nobody else to take you in, we will have to transfer you to the local orphanage instead.

Nozomi: Or...phanage?

Police officer: It’s a very nice place, don’t worry! There will be people there to look after you. Look at it as a new home.

Nozomi: I-I don’t want a new home! I like it here! 

Police officer: ...We understand. However, you are simply too young to live by yourself.

Nozomi: Noー!!

She slams the door shut and covers her ears.

*Thud*

Nozomi: ( This can’t be happening...It’s all just a bad dream...When I wake up again, everything will be back to normal.

( Mommy and daddy will be here and all of us can live happily together like we’ve done so far! )

Monologue

Unfortunately, it was no dream.

But a harsh reality crashing down on my 6-year old self.

The next day, 

I could no longer escape my fate,

as the police brought me to the local orphanage. 

The orphanage worked closely together with the city’s Church,

taking in children who had either lost their parents,

or lived under inhumane circumstances.

The caretakers did everything within their power,

to make us feel loved and cared for. 

At the end of every week, 

young couples would come and visit to look at the children.

If they took a liking to you, the adoption procedure could start.

All of us would line up like dolls stalled out in a shopping window,

while the soon-to-be parents could pick and choose. 

It was every child’s wish to find a new home. 

Yet, I dreaded these moments more than anything.

Location: Orphanage ;;  Meeting room

Woman A: What is your name, little girl?

Nozomi: Nozoーー

Caretaker: Ahem.

Nozomi: ...It’s Sharon, ma’am.

Woman A: Oh my, you seem very well-mannered. Don’t you think so too, dear?

Man A: Definitely. 

Sharon: Thank you very much.

Man A: Howeverーー

Sharon: ...

Man A: Say, Honey...

Woman A: Hm?

The couple starts whispering.

Man A: Don’t you think the girl with the blue eyes over there is much cuter?

Woman A: Hmー Right. Now that you mention it, this girl does seem a little plain.

Sharon: ( ...I wonder if they realize I can hear them. )

Woman A: We would like to see some of the other children first before making our decision.

Caretaker: Most certainly. Please follow me.

Sharon: ( It’s always like this... )

*TIMESKIP*

Woman B: What a cutie you are! Say, do you play any sports? Or an instrument, perhaps?

Sharon: Eh? I...

Caretaker: Oh! If you’re looking for an athletic child, the boy in the back is a natural at soccer. 

Furthemore, the girl with the ponytail can play the piano even though she’s only four years old!

Man B: Really? Could you introduce them to us?

Caretaker: Gladly!

The couple is escorted away.

Sharon: ...

Monologue

All of the other children,

who arrived shortly before or after I did, 

had long been adopted. 

New children would come and go,

yet I found myself standing there again, week after week. 

There was always that one kid,

who was cuter, smarter or more skilled. 

As I grew older and bigger,

my odds of being adopted only decreased further. 

I would often find myself wondering.

‘Is there really nothing I have going for me?’

Until one day,

I finally found my purposeーー

Location: Orphanage ;;  Kitchen

Caretaker A: Thank you so much for always helping out, Sharon-chan!

Caretaker C: Exactly! It has lifted so much pressure off our shoulders!

Caretaker A: The little ones love you as well. 

I’m sure you would one day make for a great caretaker yourself!

Sharon: Ehehe...~ Geez, you guys praise me too much. I’m only helping out where I can.

Caretaker C: Oh no, that’s not true! You must have a talent for looking after others!

Sharon: ( A talent... )

...Thank you.

Caretaker A: Oh! Look at the time! We should get started on preparing dinner!

Sharon: ( I...I’m not utterly useless after all! )

( By helping others, I have a purpose in life! )

Monologue

That moment must have been the happiest I felt,

since the day my parents passed away.

I began to help out even more frequently,

dedicating my whole life to the orphanage. 

l had recently started high school,

and I realized that the orphanage would most likely be my home,

until I graduated and could go live on my own.

My past self could have never fathomed,

I would eventually find a new home.

ーー One housing six Vampire brothers. 

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

Location: Sakamaki Manor ;; Kitchen

Sharon: ( ...I still have to apologize to Shuu-san for what happened the other day. )

( Even if he was in the wrong as well, I went too far. )

Haah...I’m not usually the kind of person who lets their emotions get the best of them. 

I suppose living with six Vampires who could latch onto you at any given second has been taking its toll on me.

( Still...I can’t forget about that look in his eyes. )

( His expression was disinterested as per usual, but for just a split second, I swear I saw a glint of sadness. )

( Perhaps Shuu-san has lost someone dear to him as well...? )

???: Oiー

Sharon: ...!!

She turns around in surprise.

Sharon: S-Shuu-san.

( When you speak of the Devil... )

Shuu: Now I’m no master chef, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a very smart idea to daydream while cooking. 

...I could smell something burning all the way over in the hallway.

Sharon: A-Ah...! My pancakes! 

She rushes to save them, accidentally brushing her hand against the hot pan.

Sharon: ーー Ow!!

Shuu: ...!

Sharon: D-Don’t worry! It’s just a small burn!

Shuu: Oi, put your hand under cold water.

Sharon: Eh?

Shuu: Hurry!

Sharon: ( What’s wrong...? I’ve never seen Shuu-san this frantic before... )

D-Don’t worry...It’s nothing serious, see? The skin’s just a little red.

Shuu: Tsk...Just do as I say.

He grabs hold of her wrist, guiding her towards the sink to cool her skin. 

*Pshhhhh*

Sharon: ...

Shuu: ...What? It’s rude to stare at someone.

Sharon: Ah...S-Sorry! I’m just a little surprised. 

I thought you’d make fun of me for burning myself on a hot pan like that.

Shuu: Well, I certainly can’t praise you for it.

Sharon: Ahaha...

Shuu: Hm? 

Shuu leans in close.

*Rustle*

Sharon: ...E-Eh!?

Shuu: You..

Sharon: ( H-He’s way too close...! )

Shuu: Heeh. You greedy woman.

Sharon: Eh?

Shuu: Subaru sucked your blood, didn’t he?

Sharon: Howー!?

Shuu: I can tell by the scent. ...Heh. I guess having one Vampire bite you wasn’t enough, huh?

Sharon: W-Wait...! I didn’t ask either of you to bite me!

Shuu: Is that so? Despite saying that, you didn’t seem to dislike it that much.

I could tell by the taste of your blood.

Sharon: ...!!

Shuu: See? You can’t even deny it.

Sharon: ( Uu... )

Shuu: Well, you should probably consider yourself lucky. You’re living with six Vampires, so I’m sure you can find at least someone to fulfill your desires.

Sharon: ...

Shuu: However, if you want me to bite you, you’re gonna have to do the work. 

Sharon: I-I don’t!

Shuu: Heeh? We’ll see about that.

Sharon: ( He’s definitely just teasing me right now...! )

Shuu: ...Anyway, you better wrap a bandage around that hand later.

Sharon: Ah, right. It already feels a lot better though!

Thank you for the first aid~

Shuu: I’m going back to my room to nap now. ...See you.

ーー Unless you’re willingly offering to be my pillow today?

Sharon: I-I’ll pass...!

Shuu: Haha. Right.

Shuu leaves the kitchen.

Sharon: Geez...For someone who’d consider breathing to be ‘a chore’, he sure has a lot of energy when it comes to teasing others...

Location: Sakamaki manor ;; Hallway

Shuu: Haah...What am I doing? 

...

Even though I told myself I wouldn’t get involved with humans again...

He walks away.

ーー MANIAC PROLOGUE: END ーー

<- [ Dark Epilogue ] [ Maniac 01 ] ->

[15-dogs]

welcome home |s.b.|

pairing: sirius black x reader

summary: you run into your ex sirius with his godson at the store after not seeing him for five years

warnings: none

guide: (Y/N) = your name

word count: 1983

You couldn’t believe it. Sirius Black, acting like an adult, a child in tow. The little boy with messy black hair tugged at Sirius’s hand to signal that the line had moved up at the grocery store, but Sirius was looking at you. In horror, sure, but he was looking at you nonetheless.

“All grown up, now, aren’t you?” you teased. Your eyes drifted down towards the irritated little boy who had given up on trying to get Sirius to move and had now taken to hiding behind his leg. “And baby makes two.”

Sirius shifted his weight awkwardly, the action almost making you smile because, for a moment, he looked like his teenage self again.

“He’s not mine,” he admitted. He looked down at the boy with feigned happiness before leaning in towards you. He whispered, “He’s James and Lily’s boy, Harry.”

Well, now you felt terrible. You liked teasing him back in school, it was the reason he fell in love with you. You were the only person who could tease him and take it when he teased you right back. But then he started to get flustered when you teased him because he realized that he really liked when you teased him-- loved it, even-- because then he knew you were paying attention to him. The only person to make Sirius Black nervous, that was your reputation.

“Oh,” you muttered softly, your smile falling. You sunk into a squat to be eye-level with Harry. Harry glanced up at Sirius as if asking for permission to look at you and Sirius replied with a slight nod and a push towards you.

“Hi,” he said. “Do you know my uncle?”

“I…” For a child, he sure knew how to come in swinging with the hard hitting questions. 

You and Sirius were together up until Lily and James’s passing. The heartbreak was too much to bear for him and he ended up shooing you off, claiming that he needed space to think. But it wasn’t such an abrupt break up, things were bumpy leading up to that. It started once he had graduated. You were in your 6th year and, being a year younger than him, he used that as an excuse for everything. It was an excuse for you not to join the Order, it was an excuse for you not to move in just yet, it was an excuse for just about everything that Sirius was scared of: watching things fall apart.

“Yes,” you assured, “I know your Uncle Sirius.”

“I’m closing the line if you two don’t move up,” a rather angry cashier explained. Sirius rolled his eyes and moved up the line after he had snatched Harry up, holding him with one arm.

You had to admit, Sirius made a pretty good dad. The rebel from your youth had gotten tamer and tamer with you, but seeing him fathering the son of his late best friends was almost like rubbing it in your face that he was ready and willing to settle down if he needed to. And he did need to, so he did.

“I haven’t seen you around here. I thought that you were staying up north.” 

Sirius unpacked a cart full of groceries. You felt your heart sink; he didn’t need all that food for two people. What were you expecting, really? It’s been five years, of course he’s with someone.

“Good eye,” you replied as you reached for the divider. Sirius picked it up for you and placed it on the track. You gave him a sheepish smile in thanks. “I moved here a few weeks ago. The north wasn’t doing me any good. Being around failed relationship after failed relationship takes quite the toll on a person’s mental state.”

Sirius snorted. “Shame. You might want to move again.”

Ah, okay. Normalcy. You were glad that Sirius could tease you again. Although, it still hurt that he could tease you and not stammer because he’s lost in your eyes or freeze because your laugh is too harmonious. But at least you could pretend like seeing him again didn’t have you completely unglued.

“Reckon I should, hm?”

Sirius paid and waited for you as you checked out. You knew he just wanted to say a proper goodbye but you still felt your cheeks heat up. Once you got your things, you walked outside with the pair of them.

“Where’s your bike?” you asked, scanning the loads of cars in the parking lot.

“Traded it in for a car. Figured it was a bit more family friendly.”

Your head snapped towards Sirius, jaw agape as you gasped, “No! That’s a joke, right?” Sirius shook his head with a chuckle at your astonishment.

“Unfortunately, it’s not. I still have my bike and all but I don’t exactly ride it anymore.”

Who was this man in front of you and what had he done with Sirius Black?

“Go wait in the car, Harry. I’ll be with you in a minute,” Sirius said, patting Harry on the back. The boy galloped to the curb, looked both ways, then ran straight into the backseat of a sensible looking SUV parked by the front.

“You trained him well,” you joked, running a hand through your hair as you eyed the car. When you turned back around, Sirius looked...nervous. His hands were in his pants pockets and he rocked on the balls of his feet.

“Had to do what I had to do.”

“Clearly.”

The silence was incredibly painful. After about a minute, you cleared your throat and tried to leave but Sirius caught the back of your arm. When you looked over your shoulder at him, he was blushing with embarrassment. That was a good look on him.

“We should talk, I owe you an explanation.”

Not the words you expected to come out of his mouth, but certainly welcomed.

“Okay,” you drawled.

“Would you have dinner with me this weekend?”

“Dinner? On a weekend? If I didn’t know any better then I’d say that you’re asking me on a date.”

Oh, to see him squirm. Sirius started a sentence, his hands in the air, then stopped. Then he shook his head as he started again, then stopped. Then pointed at you with his mouth open, then stopped. He did that about ten more times before you started to cackle.

“I’ll see you then,” you agreed as your laughter calmed down. “Same place?”

“Haven’t moved.” He shrugged.

Your smile faded away into something more sincere when you saw his boyish grin. Just like old times. You nodded politely as you muttered, “Thanks for doing this.”

“If it’s an excuse to see you again, I’d do it every day.”

Every second of every day leading up to dinner had you going crazy. You knew you were still in love with Sirius. Even after five years apart, even after countless relationships, you couldn’t get over him.

But, no. You were still mad at him. You had to be. He pushed you away when you needed each other most. Thinking about that night still stung like a fresh wound. The way his eyes were red from crying, the way his words were scripted like he was going to abandon his plan, the way his voice wavered like he thought he would lose it in front of you.

And all because he never knew what a happy family looked like. He grew up in a house where empathy was the lowest of all emotions. Merlin, how you wish you had told him that it was okay to cry and okay to be weak because you were there for him.

No, no. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t think about forgiving him until he gives you something to forgive. So there you were, knocking on the door of 12 Grimmauld Place, hoping that Sirius would give you something to forgive.

The door swung open but no one was there. You took a step forward, crashing into something at your knees. You looked down in horror at a disgruntled Harry.

“I am so sorry, Harry, I didn’t even-”

“Moony, Pads, Moony, Pads! They won’t stop!” Harry complained, walking into the house. You raised an eyebrow at the peculiar 5 year old, following him in and shutting the door behind you.

“What do you mean?”

Harry sat down on the couch, squishing his cheeks with frustration in the most adorable way. You sat down next to him, straightening out your clothes.

“Uncle Remus and Uncle Sirius are fighting,” sighed Harry. Your eyes bulged.

“I’m sorry?” You jumped up from your seat and scanned the room. “Where? Is Uncle Sirius okay? And Uncle Remus?”

As soon as Harry began to speak again, two distinct voices bickered louder and louder. Your terrified face morphed into a smile as Remus and Sirius popped out of a bedroom, the two arguing about what Sirius was wearing and if it was nice enough for you. The pair stopped dead in their tracks as they heard your laughter coming from the living room.

“How, er, long have you been there?” Sirius questioned. His eyes narrowed in on Harry as he descended the stairs. “Harry, I told you not to answer the door for strangers!”

“But (Y/N)’s not a stranger,” Harry retorted. Even though you weren’t the best of friends with the rest of the Marauders, sadness panged in your heart at the way Harry acted exactly like James.

“You didn’t know that!” Sirius ran a hand through his hair. “Remus, take mini Prongs with you, please?”

Remus chuckled as he picked Harry up alongside a...bag of groceries. Oh. Those extra groceries that Sirius had bought were for him, not a girl. You hated the feeling of satisfaction that settled into your stomach. 

Remus and Harry ducked into the fireplace. “Lovely seeing you, (Y/N),” he said before the two of them disappeared.

You let out a small laugh as you took a few steps towards Sirius. “You make a good dad-”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t wait for us to get through all the pleasantries until we have some idiotic, mid-dinner heart to heart,” Sirius explained in one swift breath. You blinked in shock.

“What are you saying?” You raised an eyebrow at him, eyeing his anxious demeanor.

“I need to tell you something, now.”

Your heart jumped into your throat. You felt your hands begin to sweat and your stomach erupt into butterflies. You took a deep breath to ground yourself because you were in your head. No way was he going to say what you hoped he would.

“I still love you.”

Nope, he said it.

You couldn’t find the words for how you felt. You wanted to scream at him about breaking things off, you wanted to ask him how Harry would fit into all of it, you wanted to tell him you loved him and still do. However, none of those came out of your mouth because Sirius kept on talking.

“I don’t think I ever fell out of love with you, really. When...James and Lily died, I...couldn’t cope. I was afraid that I was going to be weak for you and you wouldn’t want me around so I just ended things without an explanation because that felt safer. When I became Harry’s godparent, everything changed. I have a family, now, (Y/N)! A real one! But it doesn’t truly feel like a family because you’re not a part of it.”

As if your soul had possessed you, you lurched forward at Sirius and pressed a sweet (and long overdue) kiss to his lips. For those few seconds that you kissed, you felt as if you were home. Because he was absolutely right, as much as you hated to admit it, that neither of you had a family without each other. Right, you were home.

[stillmonsterz]

birds of a feather (teaser)

this is part two to brave it together. pairing: jay x reader, jake x reader genre: smut, angst, slight humor summary: after your eventful week, you assumed that life would go back to normal. instead, things only become even more complicated and tangled. your feelings for jay continue morphing, and his treatment of you only make you feel even more confused. as you attempt to balance your newfound social life, your complex intrapersonal relationships, and the mystery surrounding mina's suicide, you begin to wonder if there's anyone in the school you could trust. contains: unprotected sex, dubcon, drug usage, alcohol usage, manipulation, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder, infidelity, exhibitionism, more to be determined. full fic will be released on the 24th! happy jay day!

You were lying in Jay’s arms, and you were scared to make a sound. If you did, you felt as though he would remember you were there and tell you to leave. But right now, as his cheek rested on your bare shoulder, you didn’t want to go.

After you had gone to his room, you had drunk exactly one shot of the whiskey he had promised you before he was all over you again. You’d had sex twice more in his bedroom after your time on the roof. It was a blur to you, a hazy deluge of memories: being spanked, thrown around in whatever position he wanted you in, hands gripping you tight enough to leave an array of bruises more vibrant than the last set, kisses full of venom.

Jay clung to you after he came the third time, your back flush against his chest so that you were spooning. You basked in his attention, in the scent of Jay’s sweat mixed with his cologne.

You didn’t want to move your head, so you had a limited view of his room. In the dark, you could see his nightstand, whereupon a half-empty package of cigarettes, a box of condoms, some scattered books, and assorted jewelry lay. The condoms surprised you, because Jay hadn’t used any with you.The floor was messy, with clothes strewn haphazardly on the plush carpet. Some of those were yours. You could see band posters stuck all over, some you recognized and some you didn’t. The room was gradually becoming brighter, and you dimly realized that the sun was rising. Already? It was November, meaning that it had to be approaching morning-time. 

“Jay,” you muttered. He made a muffled noise and shifted, pressing his cheek against you. “Jay, it’s morning.”

“Mm…”

“I should go.”

Some part of you wanted him to tell you to stay, but instead Jay whispered, “One more round?” HIs hands started to caress your waist again.

You sighed. “No.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Jay groaned and released you, sitting up in his bed. His hair was messy, and by the light filtering in through his curtains, you could see that you had left scratches on his back and shoulders. The cigarette mark you had made last night still lingered on his arm. “You’re still such a prude,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

“What if someone catches us?” You sat up as well, mustering the urge to stand. Your legs were terribly sore, and when you tried to stand up they shook like a fawn’s. 

Jay watched you as you collected your clothes from the ground and put them on mechanically.  “You’re right,” he said in a strange voice. “It’s 7, so I doubt anyone in Stoker will be up anyways. If you take the back exit…down the back set of stairs…take a right…you should be fine.” 

“Thanks,” you mumbled, fumbling with the buttons of your jacket. All you’d had to eat yesterday was a samosa and three cigarettes, with scant sleep in between, and it was starting to take a toll on your body. The cold that had been brewing was starting to rear its ugly head, and you made a note to get your hands on some cough syrup. You were glad that you wore shoes you could slip into, because you doubted that you could be trusted to tie shoelaces.

Jay sighed and beckoned for you. “C’mere,” he said. “You’re so helpless. You’re like a newborn or something.”

You shuffled over to the bed, sitting on the edge. “You have sex with newborns often?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Jay fixed your buttons for you, one by one. “Don’t get cute with me.” 

“Sorry.”

“And don’t be sarcastic, either. It doesn’t look good on you.” Jay squeezed your cheeks between his thumb and middle finger, pulling it this way and that as though to inspect your features. “You look like shit.”

“It’s been a long weekend,” you say dryly. 

“Hm.” Jay looked into your eyes for a few seconds too long before releasing you. “Well, get out of here. Don’t need Jake having a stroke because I’ve defiled his new white whale.” Jay chuckled, his usual smug expression returning. “On second thought, maybe you should stay. I could call Jakey, he could come over here, and I could show him just how good you are at taking my-,”

“Goodbye,” you said, pulling away from him and standing upright. Just the sound of Jake’s name made you feel odd. Not guilt, not shame, but another emotion you couldn’t place. Something nasty, something that felt like tar trickling down your throat. 

“Bye, little prude,” Jay said. “Oh, where are my manners?” He got out of bed, shivered at the cold, and opened the door for you. His eyes glittered with their usual spark of malice, and it made you wonder what he was going to do. You didn’t want to stick around to find out, so you nodded your head and took a step from his room. 

There was a tug at your jacket’s collar, and Jay whispered your name. You turned your head to meet his gaze once more. “Probably don’t have to tell you this,” he began, eyes trained on you,  “but don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

“Who would I tell?” you replied quietly. 

Jay smiled, his dimple adding an uncharacteristic boyishness to his otherwise chiseled face. “Good answer,” he said, “but that’s not a yes. Don’t tell anyone we fucked, alright?”

You looked down at the ground. For some reason, it still hadn’t sunk in that you had voluntarily slept with Jay. Several times, at that. 

“Look at me,” he said, and you lifted your head. “You won’t tell a soul?”

“I won’t,” you said softly. 

Jay nodded and let go of your jacket. “You’re so obedient,” he muttered. “You’ll make an excellent housewife someday.”

“Housewife? I don’t know if I want to get married.”

“Please. Nice, meek girls like you always end up barefoot and pregnant to some hulking idiot,” Jay said dismissively. “It’s a matter of when, not if.”

“What about you?” you asked.

Jay frowned. “What about me?” 

“Will you get married, have kids?”

A brief flash of hurt crossed Jay’s features, the first time you had ever seen it on his face. “Can’t have kids,” he said. “I shoot blanks.”

“Oh.”

“I had hypospadias as a baby. Got the surgery young, everything is fine, I’m just completely sterile. So I’ll never bear my parents an heir.” Jay said the last sentence in someone else’s voice, as though he were mimicking words another had said. 

“I’m sorry,” you said.

Jay snorted and scratched his arm. “Don’t be,” he said. “I can fuck like an animal and never get a bitch pregnant. It’s the best. So you don’t have to worry about having my kid…although I feel like you would look good pregnant.”

“Jay.”

“You’d gain weight in all the right places…yeah, I wouldn’t let you abort my kid,” Jay continued. “You’d be forced to bear little Jay junior, and like a good father I would pay child support and take the little shit to Disneyland once in a while. And he’d be like, ‘Daddy, daddy, I just got a b minus in math class!’ And I’d say, ‘Son, you’re going to learn that math matters little in the real world. Come, let me take you to Hooters, so that you can swim in the ocean with men, instead of wallowing in the kiddy pool of arithmetic.’”

“Little Jay junior wouldn’t be happy,” you said, smiling slightly. “How could he be happy when Daddy hates Mommy?”

Jay laughed, quietly enough so the sound didn’t resonate down the hallway. He leaned against the doorframe, holding his arm above his head. “Please. Daddies hate mommies all the time. It’s normal.”

You hesitated before whispering, “And do mommies hate daddies?”

Jay paused as well. One of his hands reached out slowly and gently rubbed at the corner of your lips. ”They should,” he murmured, flicking something away. “They should hate daddies. Mommies aren’t very smart sometimes.” Jay cleared his throat, pulling his hand away from you. “Now run along or I really will split you open in front of Jake.” 

Without another word, you took off down the hallway. The wide hallway alone reeked of decadence and dripped with pretension. There was no reason why a college dorm should have delicate china vases balancing on hardwood nightstands that lined the hallways, nor why the walls should have crown molding. What asshole had spent this much money on a college dorm?

As you crept towards the back staircase, you noticed that one of the dorm rooms had a sock on the doorknob. That seemed much more appropriate for a building populated largely by idiotic young men. You continued down the steps, to the right, and exited the building safely. 

Just before you left to head to Fawcett, you turned around. The lights were off in all of the rooms except for one, and if you shielded your eyes, you could see a dark figure inside. You wondered if it wasn’t Jay watching you. You thought about waving, but that would seem far too playful. You continued walking through the cold, back to your own dorm. 

[suituuup]

pieces - epilogue

That’s it, folks! Thank you for coming along this journey. Huge shout out to @snowonebutyou and @lilhan, this story wouldn’t have been the same without their help.

ao3 link

*

“Come on Bean, you can do it,” Chloe encouraged, holding her arms out towards Marleigh as the one-year-old stood, Beca sitting behind her. 

Marleigh grinned and took an unsteady step, then another one, before falling on her bum. She giggled and pushed back to her feet to make the remaining three steps to her mom, collapsing into her arms. 

“Oh my goodness, you’re walking,” Chloe gushed as she peppered her face with kisses. “Where did the time go??” She set her back down, facing Beca. “Wanna do it again?” 

Beca grinned, extending her arms this time. “Come to Auntie Beca, MJ!” 

Chloe smiled, holding Marleigh’s hips as she spoke close to her ear. “Go to Mama.”

Beca froze and met her eyes, a silent question swirling in them as they simultaneously filled with tears. Chloe’s smile simply widened, and she glanced away from Beca to focus on Marleigh as she toddled to Beca, squealing as she did. 

“You-- really?” Beca asked as she held Marleigh against her. 

Chloe nodded. “You’re not her aunt, Bec. You’ve been there since day one, raising her with me. I know it can’t be official on paper yet, but to me, you’re Marleigh’s other parent.” After a pause, she added, “If you want that, that is.” 

Beca visibly swallowed, and a couple of tears spilled down her cheeks. She cleared her throat, seemingly at a loss for words as she glanced at MJ, leaning in to kiss her chubby cheek. 

*

Beca wasn’t a fan of the cold, but she had to admit that a white Christmas was pretty dope. 

So was Christmas in the Beale fashion. They had spent the day before baking cookies, singing Christmas carols, and once it was dark, had gone out to Rockefeller to see the tree. 

Beca woke to the sound of babbling through the baby monitor that morning, and after finding Chloe sound asleep, turned the device off and slipped from under the covers. She padded to the nursery across the hall and smiled at the sight of a wide-awake Marleigh staring up at her with those big blue eyes. 

“G’morning, Bean,” she murmured, bending down to pick her up. Turned out Marleigh was still a bit sleepy, cuddling into Beca as soon as she was in her arms. Beca brushed a kiss to her forehead. “Merry Christmas.” 

She walked down the hall towards the living room and turned on the tree lights, knowing how obsessed Marleigh was with the colors. 

“Look at aaaaall the presents, Mar,” Beca said as she pointed to the various piles of gifts she and Chloe had hustled to wrap last night. “I think most of it is for you, baby.” 

Marleigh babbled incoherent things, pointing to the tree. Her features broke into a wide smile as she looked at something over Beca’s shoulder, and Beca turned around to see Chloe padding over. 

“Merry Christmas,” Chloe said, leaning in to kiss Beca’s lips, then Marleigh’s cheek. 

Marleigh had a blast opening her presents, even though she looked definitely more entertained by the wrapping paper than the gifts themselves. Beca felt nerves sprout in her belly as she stood up to pour herself more coffee, plucking the small box laying under the tree and handing it to MJ. 

“This is for Mommy,” she whispered, pointing to Chloe. “Can you go give it to her?” 

“Ya!” Marleigh exclaimed and walked over to where Chloe sat. 

Chloe glanced at Beca questioningly, then at her daughter. She took the box, her hand shaking lightly. “Thank you, baby.” Her eyes met Beca once more, then widened as she opened the box to find a sparkling diamond ring. Not any ring; her grandmother’s. “Beca…”

When she finally tore her gaze away from it, Beca had shuffled closer. “That business trip I took to LA a couple of months ago? It was actually to Portland. I wanted to ask your parents if they were okay with me asking you an important question, and your mom insisted I had this ring. Chloe…” she took a deep breath, shifting from a sitting position to down one knee. “You are everything to me. This past year and a half have been my happiest yet, and it’s all because of you. And I want to make this, us, to become a forever thing,” Beca paused, smiling as happy tears stung her eyes. “Chlo, will you marry me?”

Chloe choked on a watery chuckle. “Yes,” she whispered, crushing the distance between them to press a lingering kiss on Beca’s lips. “I love you.” 

Beca beamed. “I love you, too.” She laughed when Bean crashed their embrace, wrapping an arm around her. Her heart felt fit to burst from happiness. “And you.” 

*

They started house hunting as soon as Chloe secured a vet tech position in the clinic she was completing her internship in, in Stamford, Connecticut. After a couple of months’ search, they found a lovely farmhouse in Westchester County, just outside of Bedford, located an hour from Manhattan and thirty minutes from Stamford.

It was built in the 1900s in the New England housing style, complete with the traditional covered porch, metal standing seam roof, rafter tails, and barn-style garage. The interior had been fully renovated, giving way to a fresh and modern spin. 

“There’s a greenhouse, too, and a cottage,” Chloe said with a soft gasp as they wandered about the three acres that came with the property after visiting the inside. Marleigh was just ahead of them, exploring. “We’d have enough space for a dog, and maybe some goats and chickens?” 

Beca chuckled. “Goats and chickens? Since when are we having a farm?” 

Chloe giggled, shrugging. “I really want Bean to grow up around animals.”

Beca smiled and kissed Chloe’s cheek. “Fine, we can have goats and chickens. I won’t be going around the chickens, though. They kinda scare me.” 

“Really?” Chloe asked, unable to stop herself from snickering. 

Beca glared. “Don’t make fun of me, Beale.” 

“Mommy!” Marleigh called out, holding up what looked like a daisy. “Look. Pwetty.” 

Chloe crouched down to her level, smiling. “Very pretty. Do you like it here, baby?” 

Marleigh nodded her pigtails bouncing with the movement. She pointed to the swingset. “We go there?” 

Chloe pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Go ahead.” 

They signed the papers a few weeks later and were set to move there the following summer, after Chloe’s graduation.

All the pieces of her puzzle were finally coming together, and Chloe couldn’t feel happier.

*

“You ready to clap, Bean?” Beca asked as she and Marleigh sat in one of the back rows, among the other students’ families. “It’s almost Mommy’s turn.” 

“Mommy?” Marleigh asked, pointing at the stage. 

“Not yet,” Beca murmured, smiling at her impatience and brushing a kiss to her head. 

Two students later, Chloe walked across the stage. 

“Mommy!” Marleigh called out as the Dean handed Chloe her diploma. She clapped from her spot on Beca’s lap, beaming. Chloe waved and blew them a kiss before she headed down the steps leading off the stage. 

The ceremony ended forty-five minutes later, and Beca and MJ met up with Chloe by the side of the stage. 

“Congratulations, baby,” Beca murmured, kissing her softly. “I’m so proud of you.” 

Marleigh dutifully gave her mom the flowers she and Beca picked up this morning. “Congwatulations, Mommy!”

Chloe bent down to pick her up. “Thank you, my love. I feel like this calls for ice cream. What do you say?” 

“Yes! I want four scoops!” Marleigh declared, holding up three fingers. 

Beca chuckled, holding up four fingers herself. “That’s four, Bean.” 

Marleigh copied her, grinning “Four scoops!” 

Beca tickled her sides, drawing a string of uncontrolled giggles from the toddler. They settled at the park with their ice cream, enjoying the warm June afternoon. 

Chloe cuddled close to Beca as they watched Marleigh play with her toys ten feet away. “She’s growing up way too fast,” Chloe murmured. 

Beca hummed. “Is that your subtle way of telling me you’re ready to have another kid, Beale?” 

A giggle flitted past Chloe’s lips. “No. I think we’re just on the brink of getting a case of the terrible twos, so it’s probably best if we only have one kid to handle for now.” 

Beca laughed. MJ was definitely showing some temper and had already given them a taste of what toddler tantrums could be like. “That’s probably wise. And maybe we could get married first, too?” 

With the house hunting and Chloe finishing up her school year, they hadn’t really talked about it. 

“Can we do it at home? I really want my dad to be there.” 

Her father’s condition had stabilized over the last year or so. They had visited him a few times since MJ’s birth, and Beca could tell he was relieved to be able to hold his granddaughter and interact with her despite his condition.

“Of course we can,” she murmured, brushing a kiss to Chloe’s forehead. “I was also thinking… that we could stay there longer this summer? Two weeks is going to fly by, and if we stayed a month then maybe your mom could take some time off?” 

Alice had been caring for her husband for the last five years, and Chloe had shared that she was worried it was taking too much of a toll on her. 

Chloe lifted her head from Beca’s chest. “Would you really be okay with that?” 

“Yeah,” Beca said, brushing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. 

“Mama,” MJ called as she walked over, holding a rock. “Pwesent.” 

Beca held out her hand, smiling. Marleigh had an obsession with rocks, lately. “Thank you, baby. I love it.”

MJ snuggled in between the two of them, curling up against Beca’s chest. 

“You tired, Bean?” Beca asked softly, dropping a kiss on her hair. MJ didn’t answer, her breathing evening out a few seconds later. 

Beca shared a look with Chloe and smiled. It felt odd to think of how, ten years ago, she was convinced music and success would be the key to her happiness. And it had been, for a good five years, up until Chloe came back into her life. 

This, what they built together since then, brought Beca to another level of happiness she didn’t know was possible. 

*

They got married on a warm September evening, at an orchard with the ocean as a gorgeous backdrop. 

Marleigh was supposed to be the flower girl, but she changed her mind last minute, refusing to go first and clinging to Chloe, who ended up picking her up before she walked down the aisle alongside her father. 

Beca’s father walked her down the aisle next, and Chloe heard Marleigh gasp. “Mama looks pwetty,” the two-year-old whispered. 

“She really does,” Chloe agreed quietly, tears of happiness already filling her eyes as Beca came to a stop in front of her. 

“You look…” Beca faltered, shaking her head as what looked like awe flashed in her features. “Incredibly beautiful, Chlo.” Her focus shifted to MJ. “And you’re the cutest flower girl ever.” 

Marleigh giggled and motioned for Chloe to set her down, but she remained by Aubrey’s side. They recited their vows in front of their closest friends and immediate family, exchanging rings and somehow managing to make it through the ceremony without bawling their eyes out. 

“I now pronounce you, wife and wife,” Aubrey said, a beaming smile breaking across her features. “You may now kiss.” 

Chloe grinned and cupped Beca’s cheek, stepping closer and pressing a lingering kiss to her lips as their friends whistled and hooted. 

“Yuck!” Marleigh exclaimed, and Chloe found her peeking through her fingers when they parted. 

She laughed and picked her up, she and Beca kissing each cheek before they started down the aisle under the applause of their loved ones. 

*

“Where we going?” 

Beca smiled as she laced Marleigh’s shoes. “We’re going to the courthouse, Bean.” 

“Wha’s that?” 

“It’s where big decisions are made, by people we call judges. Today we’re meeting with a judge who will decide if I can become your real mom.” 

They had tried to explain that to Marleigh since signing the petition for Beca to adopt her, but Marleigh had argued that Beca was already her Mama. It had been a long process since their wedding, with background checks and a visit from the child protective services. 

“I hope the judge says yes,” Marleigh said as she swung her legs. 

Beca smiled. “Me, too.” She kissed her forehead and picked her up, heading down the stairs. Part of her expected Marco to show up out of the blue, but she knew that was unlikely, as he probably didn’t know of Marleigh’s existence. 

Nerves sprouted in Beca’s belly when they sat down for the final hearing. Marleigh sat on her lap, asking questions about the room they were in and being a welcome distraction as they waited for the judge. 

“And that?” 

“That’s a gavel,” Beca said. “The judge hits it when he makes a decision, or sometimes, when there’s a lot of people in the room and they’re talking too loud, the judge will slam it on their desk to request silence.” 

They stood when the judge walked in, the middle-aged woman motioning for them to sit down while she reviewed their file. 

“Mrs. Rebecca Mitchell, is it still your intent to adopt Marleigh Beale and become her other parent under the eyes of the law?” 

“Yes, your honor,” Beca answered, her voice shaking slightly as emotions swirled in her chest. 

“Mrs. Chloe Mitchell, do you still consent to Rebecca adopting your daughter and giving her, her last name?” 

“I do, your honor.” 

The judge motioned for them to come forward. “Sign here, and here.” 

Beca sucked in a sharp breath, meeting Chloe’s eyes before she took the pen and scribbled her signature at the bottom of the document. Chloe did the same right after, casting Beca a smile. 

“You say yes?” Marleigh asked, looking up at the judge. “Mama is my real mom, now?”

The judge chuckled, smiling warmly. “She is. Congratulations.” 

Beca wiped a tear sliding down her cheek. “Thank you.” 

She pulled her family into a long embrace as soon as they stepped out of the courtroom, basking into the moment.

“Can we go get ice cream, now?” Marleigh asked, breaking the silence. 

Chloe smiled and kissed her daughter’s cheek. “I think that’s a great idea.” She slid her hand into Beca’s, raising it to her lips and dropping a kiss to her knuckles. “Come on, Mitchells. Ice cream’s on me.” 

*

Fall was Chloe’s favorite season. It got incredibly beautiful in Westchester once the tree adorned their golden and scarlet leaves, and one of her favorite things to do was sit on the porch swing while nursing on a cup of coffee or tea, sometimes reading a book, other times watching her daughter play with her dad in the backyard, like today. 

Her parents had moved to the East Coast six months ago, as they wanted to spend more time with Marleigh. It made sense that they moved into the cottage on Beca and Chloe’s farm, so Chloe could be around to help her mom out. They had fully renovated the interior, with a fully-equipped kitchen, master bedroom, and cozy living and dining room. Marleigh was thrilled to have her grandparents around. She loved to play games with her grandpa and do farm tasks with her grandma, like feeding the chickens and goats, collecting eggs, or gardening.

“Go fish.” 

Marleigh made a disgruntled noise as she reached for another card. She huffed dramatically when Mike asked her for a card she had. “Grandpaaaa.” 

Chloe looked over her shoulder when she heard approaching footsteps. She smiled at her wife as Beca sat down beside her, and reached over to stroke her growing belly.

Chloe released a content sigh. “Do you ever feel like… pinching yourself? Because this feels too good to be true?” 

“Every morning when I wake up next to you,” Beca said, a teasing lilt to her tone. 

Chloe giggled. “Corny.” She turned her head to look at Beca. “When I was at my worst, I thought my life as it was back then would be it. I thought that I was far too broken to come back from it,” she paused, glancing at Marleigh and her parents and blinking back the tears threatening to blur her vision. “And now I have all this, and sometimes I can’t believe that this is my life. I feel incredibly grateful and lucky. More than I can put into words.” 

Chloe had been clean for nearly five years now. She hadn’t touched cocaine or alcohol since her first day of rehab and the cravings were no longer there. She sometimes thought about it on difficult days, but that’s all it was: a thought. It drifted away nearly as soon as it materialized, because Chloe was stronger now, and she knew how to handle the fleeting temptation. 

Beca pressed a kiss to her temple. “You fought for that, Chlo. First by leaving Marco, then going to rehab, and being determined to keep your head above the water through the bad days that followed.” 

Chloe’s free hand slid inside Beca’s. “Thank you for believing in me. For believing that there was still a piece of the Chloe you once knew in there.” 

Beca lifted their hands and pressed a lingering kiss to Chloe’s fingers. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Their peaceful, heartfelt moment was soon over when the tornado that was their four-year-old ran up to them. 

“Mama,” Marleigh said as she settled on Beca’s lap. 

“What’s up, Bean?”

“How did you and Mommy meet?”

Beca hummed. “We went to school together. Mommy forced me into joining this singing group.” 

Chloe gasped. “I didn’t force you, Beca Mitchell.” 

“You burst into my shower,” Beca muttered as Marleigh giggled. 

“While you were naked?!” 

“Yep,” Beca said, widening her eyes at their daughter. “Can you believe that?” 

“Was it love at first sight?” 

“No. It was something deeper than that. For me at least. Something that grew slowly in my heart. So slowly that it took years for me to realize it.” 

“Years??” Marleigh gasped. “That’s a long time.” 

“Yeah. I was an idiot.” 

Chloe giggled. “We were both idiots.” 

“But now you’re together, and that’s what’s important, right?” 

Chloe narrowed her eyes at MJ and reached out to ruffle her red hair. “When did you get so smart?” 

Marleigh shrugged, then dashed off to go back to her grandparents, drawing a chuckle from both Beca and Chloe. Beca glanced at Chloe, squeezing her leg. “You alright?” 

“Mmm.” Chloe rested her head on Beca’s shoulder, her hand finding Beca’s stomach once more in hopes of feeling a kick or two. “More than alright.” 

-fin-

[joshsandersons]

terrible, no good, very bad day - dylan cozens

requested: yes/no

a/n: so i got sad and then inspired, so boom here it finally is wosjaisjw

word count: 1.3k

pairing: dylan cozens x reader

warnings: a couple of swear words

tagging: @workhorsefromwhitehorse24 @thirstydach @pierreslucdubois @boqvistsbabe @nolpatts

join my taglist

You knew it was going to be an off day from the moment you woke up, there wasn't any exact explanation, you just knew. After tossing and turning around in bed all night, you had only gotten around four hours of sleep and the harsh red lights of your alarm clock seemed to scream 7:00 am back at you. And honestly, you couldn't help but be filled with dread at the thought of what might happen today.

Starting off your morning as usual, you got dressed and then made yourself some coffee, and that's exactly where this terrible day had started. You spilled hot coffee all over yourself and to top it off, you were wearing a white shirt that could now be considered a brown one. After that, your computer died right as you were going to join your English class, and of course, the one time you miss a class is the one time your professor decides to drops a surprise quiz on you.

Around two in the afternoon is when you got a call from one of your close friends, which just added even more misery to this day. As of late, you both had been a little distant, and with the way things were going today, you couldn't help but feel as though something, yet again, would go wrong - but of course that doesn't mean you were prepared for it at all.

You were sitting at your desk when you got the call, and you answered it right away. "Hey, is everything okay?"

A huge sigh was heard from the other side of the phone, followed by a sarcastic laugh, "Oh, so you are alive, that's good to know. You haven't called so I thought you just forgot about me."

"Oh God, no. I'm so sorry dude, school has just be-"

"(Y/N) don't even try to use school as an excuse, you honestly can't. I'm in school too, and guess what? I can still call, I can still check in. It's like you don't even care anymore."

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath in through your nose to try and calm yourself down, but even that didn't work. You were absolutely fuming and annoyed, and with the day going the way it was, you just snapped.

"Are you serious? I'm always the one checking in, if you would actually check my texts, you'll see all the times I've reached out and have actually tried having a conversation with you, you're just the one who's always brushing it off. I have my own stuff to do, I can't call all the time and even then, calling isn't the only means of checking in."

And then there was silence.

She didn't have anything to say after that, so you just hung up the phone. Not even a few minutes later you saw Dylan's name pop up on your phone screen and you let out a sigh of relief, but that soon went away once you answered the phone. "Hey Dyl, what's up?"

"Hey babe, I just wanted to call and tell you that practice is gonna be running late, so I'm gonna be at your place later than planned." He replied with a sigh of his own.

With tears forming in your eyes, you answered him, "It's okay, don't worry about it. I'll see you later, I love you."

"I'll text you when I'm on my way, I love you too."

You hung up your phone once again and this time threw it onto your desk. You've already had a shitty enough day and you knew he was still coming, but you were looking forward to spending time with your boyfriend earlier rather than later. Slumping back down into your desk chair, you started to cry. You bawled your eyes out - you cried until you couldn't cry anymore.

You were just halfway through the day, but it had already taken such a huge toll on you. It had felt like you were crying for hours, when in reality it was just a few minutes. When you were finally able to calm down, you grabbed some tissues and went to lay down in your bed. The exhaustion overtaking you, and you fell asleep in minutes.

Hours later, you were woken up by the covers moving around and an arm wrapping around you. Slowly opening your eyes, you see Dylan looking down at you and you let out the biggest sigh possible.

"Is everything okay?" He asks as he wraps you in his arms

"Everything has literally gone wrong today, I honestly don't think there was one thing that actually went well." You reply as you rest your head on his chest, “I burned myself with coffee, missed a stupid quiz, and then I got a fantastic phone call from one of my close friends, basically saying that I’m a terrible one.”

“I’m so sorry baby. Don’t listen to her because that’s not true at all, you do everything that you can for her.” He says softly as he begins to rub his hand up and down your back, “And I’m sure if you explain to your professor what happened, he’ll understand and give you another chance to write the quiz.” 

“Yeah, you’re right. But right now, I just feel like throwing my phone away and hiding under the bed covers for the rest of my life.” You mumble as you proceed to throw the covers over both of your heads. 

With a loud laugh, your boyfriend takes the covers off and goes to get up, “Heyyy, you’re comfortable, why’d you do that? Come back.” You whine as sit up and watch him walk out of the room. “Wait, where are you going?” You yell after him, but he doesn’t answer. Instead, you hear him walking around the apartment and various things rustling. 

Looking at the clock, the time reads 6:00 pm, and deciding its late enough that you can just stay in bed, you sit back up against the headboard as you wait for your boyfriend to come back. 

After a couple of minutes, he finally comes walking back into the room with bags of chips, various types of chocolate and your laptop. “I have some comfort food, and also your laptop because I know if you don’t send this email now, you’ll probably end up forgetting about it.” He then sets your laptop down in front of you and gives you a light kiss. Once the email is typed up and sent, you put your laptop away and then turn towards Dylan. “Do you think I’m a bad person?” 

“(Y/N), absolutely not. You bust your ass for everyone in your life no matter what you’re doing or how busy you are. It’s okay to take time for yourself, especially if you need it and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.” Smiling down at you, he continues, “I love you, and I’m so proud of you for everything you’ve done, but you also need a break sometimes and you shouldn’t feel bad for taking one.” 

You reach over to pull him into a tight hug, and whisper, “I love you too, and thank you.” After pulling away, you sigh and look back at him, “Is there anything you wanna do?”

Grabbing the remote, he turns the tv on and starts to get Netflix ready, “Well, all this junk food seems like a perfect time for a little movie marathon.”

“You know, after the day I’ve had that sounds like an amazing idea.”

“Amazing, can I pick the movie?” He asks as he attempts to give you a convincing look. 

With a smile, you grab the remote out of his hands, “Oh, absolutely not. You’re gonna suffer through my romcoms like I did through your horror movies last week.”

[jisungsmochi]

rest your love - lee haechan

don’t worry!! i didn’t forget about this series hehe,, i personally really liked this one!! i’m probably going to try and write more often!

anyways pls enjoy,, i’ll link my masterlist for the other parts of this series (nct dream as ‘the vamps’ songs)

word count: 2.2k 

summary: “when the world gets loud, baby you can rest your love on me”

haechan never understood why people liked to be chased. he thought that all he needed to do was ask someone out and boom, a beautiful relationship. until he befriends you, and learns that sometimes people just need a shoulder to lean on, before they can rest their love on someone.

//

I see you move, so I do understand

Why you get attention?

I hear you talk, but I don't comprehend

Why I get no mention?

“it’s physically impossible to dislike me, i’m just a catch” haechan brags while walking to his first college class, his friends, renjun and jaemin trailing behind him.

“just because everyone liked you in high school, doesn’t mean people will in college. it’s a completely different ball game” renjun rolled his eyes at how overly optimistic and delusional his friend was being.

“ah let him live, he’ll find out soon enough” jaemin chuckles softly as he and renjun wave to haechan,  scurrying off to their own lectures.

haechan shrugs, not taking in any of his friends words. he stumbled into the classroom, scanning for an empty seat. he quickly made his way to a spare desk, pulling out all his materials. just as the tutor walked into the room, his eyes met those of, who he believed, was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. you flaunted your way to the last empty seat, which happened to be next to the awfully cheery boy, smiling at you.

you weren’t having the best day, immediately regretting your choice of a desk mate. as soon as you sat down, haechan was a blabbering mess. he shot questions left and right at you, despite the fact you barely responded to any of them. you just assumed he wanted to make friends fast, or he was just a chatterbox. “so how are you doing on this fine day?” he mutters to you, but received a stern glare in response. you tilted your head to the front of the room, zoning in on your tutor. haechan would lie if he said he didn’t feel slightly deflated. usually he had no problem making conversation with strangers. but you were so cold, so uninterested, it really hurt his ego. maybe renjun was right, not everyone would like him. but haechan was an unbelievably stubborn optimist. he was going to befriend you, no matter how long it took.

//

And you know, you know where to find me

Yeah, you know where to go when you're looking for love

And you know, you know where I'm hiding

Yeah, you know

it had been over three weeks since haechan first met you and you still wouldn’t budge. you only spoke to him during group tasks, other than that you continued to ignore his advances. haechan got the message loud and clear that you weren’t going to pay him attention. it took a toll on his own self confidence, until renjun gave him a stern talking to,

“god don’t let her get to your head, dude!! she’s awful for not wanting to be friends with you”

haechan pouted, “but she’s so pretty, i can’t just ignore her”

at that moment, he received a notification on his phone.

y/n: is this haechan? i think you took my notes by accident

his eyes widened, how did you even get his facebook account?

he scrambled around his room, looking into his backpack and surely enough, there were your notes, prettily written up.

haechan: hello! i do have your notes, i can meet you somewhere to hand it back? maybe the cafe? we can get something to eat!

renjun was now peering over haechan’s shoulder, too invested in this interaction.

y/n: no it’s fine, just give it to me next class, thanks

after reading your message, renjun bursted out laughing.

“dude that’s brutal, she’s something else” haechan fiddled with his phone, glaring at the other boy. he clicked on your profile, sending you a friend request as he scrolled through your posts. he saw that your friends had wished you a happy birthday, almost a year ago. he then realised it was in a few days...

“i have the perfect plan to get her to notice me” haechan smirks, renjun rolling his eyes,

“you’re ridiculous”

//

it was a friday afternoon, when haechan stumbled into class. you looked over at him, expecting some type of greeting, but you didn’t hear a peep from the boy.

strange, you thought to yourself.

as you were preparing for the lesson, haechan pulled something out of his bag. you looked over, noticing a small pink box now placed on your side of the table. you raised your eyebrow at him, in which he whispered,

“happy birthday, y/n”

your face froze. how did he know it was your birthday?

you looked back at the small box, slowly moving your hands to open it. to your surprise, there was a red velvet cupcake, decorated with a ton of rainbow sprinkles. there was a tiny picket that said:

“happy birthday, cutie!”

you couldn’t hide your smile, which only made haechan swoon even more. you weren’t the type to make a big deal out of your birthday, but this gesture from haechan truly made your day. you bit your lip softly, eyes meeting his.

“t-thankyou, haechan. i really appreciate this” you smiled at him softly, not caring that you were now on speaking terms with him.

“anything for you, y/n” he cheerfully responded, turning his attention to the front of the room.

maybe lee haechan was worth letting in...

//

the days following, haechan would spam you with random texts throughout the day. initially you would have been annoyed, but after his generous birthday gift, you started to enjoy his company. although you wouldn’t say it to his face, you silently appreciated him.

“how is my beautiful, y/n doing?” he smirked as he walked with you after class. he’d always compliment you, each time making you gush inside.

“i’m alright, have a ton of homework to do though” you sigh, thinking back to the stack of work you had on your desk.

“oh poor thing! do you want to copy my work? i have it here right now i ca-“

“no, haechan, it’s okay. if i need help, i’ll just...call you or something” you paused, looking over at the boy whose eyes just lit up like a christmas tree.

“of course you can call me! call me anytime you want!” he exclaimed. you shake your head softly at him as you both continued walking.

once haechan met up with renjun and jaemin again, he couldn’t stop gushing about you.

“...and then she said i could call her! well she said she’d call me, but same thing” he explained your interaction to his two friends as they were eating at a local diner.

“so romantic” renjun sarcastically comments, causing jaemin to elbow him slightly.

“i think it’s a good step! i mean atleast she’s talking to you now” jaemin chimed in, feeding into his friend’s cheerful nature.

“yeah! i have a lot of hope for us” haechan smiles to himself, in which jaemin and renjun looked over at eachother before rolling their eyes.

you did end up calling haechan that night, as you were stuck on the very last question of the homework.

“y/n, it’s hard to explain, let me just send you my answer” haechan insisted,

“no, i feel guilty” you sigh, placing down your pen.

“it’s really okay, i want to help you” you bit your lip, eventually giving in.

“okay fine, but i’ll owe you something in return” you agree, hoping whatever he wanted wouldn’t be too bad.

“hmmm how about going to the movies with me this weekend? i know you wanted to see the new zombie one that just came out” he suggested. although you were shocked he was practically asking you on a date, were more shocked he remembered you talking about this movie.

“do you really think that is proportionate to what you’re doing for me?” you roll your eyes playfully, finding his advances quite endearing.

“yep!! take it or leave it” you hesitated for a moment, what’s the worst that could happen?

“okay fine, you have yourself a deal” you replied. haechan quickly put himself on mute (or so he thought), letting out a loud ‘YES!’, before returning to the call. you had heard everything, softly chuckling to yourself.

he was pretty cute.

//

That when the stars go out, you can rest your love on me

And when the world gets loud, baby, you can rest your love on me

“that ending was terrible” you pouted as you left the cinema with haechan.

“it wasn’t so bad, it could have been worse” he shrugged, leading you to the next location.

“hm i guess so, by the way, where are we going anyway?” you questioned, walking alongside him, observing your surroundings.

“this cool burger place i found online, here i’ll show you some photos” he pulled out his phone, swiping through the photos. you nodded along, agreeing to let him lead the way.

“y/n? is that you?” you heard a deep voice call, you head shot up, so did haechan’s.

“who’s that?” your mouth went dry. your body froze up. why was he here? why did he have to call out to you?

“oh my god it is you! long time no see” the mysterious boy approached the pair of you, completely disregarding haechan’s existence. he noticed how uncomfortable you were, eyes flickering between the boy and you. he placed his arm loosely around your back, the other boy’s eyes following in suit.

“oh i see, you’re dating someone. dang, i guess i missed my shot. he doesn’t seem like your type” the boy scoffed, arms folded as he stared you both down.

“w-we have to go” you finally bring yourself to mutter, pulling haechan along with you.

“y/n who was that?” haechan kept repeating, which only made you want to cry.

“he’s my ex, okay? just take me home” you sniffled, haechan immediately became concerned. he didn’t ask any further questions, driving you straight back to your place.

as he reached your house, he looked over at you, tears brimming your eyes.

“i-i’m sorry that our day was cut short. i was really enjoying myself. my ex and i ended on pretty bad terms and i would just like some time alone right now, i hope you understand” you sniffled, which made haechan’s heart ache.

“you don’t have to apologise. you know where to find me if you need me. i’ll be waiting for you to open up to me one day, y/n. however long it takes” he assures you, leaving you with a warm feeling in your stomach. you just nodded back at him, making your way into your house.

haechan sat in his car for a while, wishing he could take away all your pain.

//

you invited haechan to meet you at the local park. with no further questions, he rushed out of his room, eager to see you again. you waited patiently on the small bench, swinging your legs back and forth. you heard heavy footsteps approach, your eyes meeting those of the boy who radiated happiness.

“are you alright?” haechan starts as he takes a seat next to you, leaving a small gap between you both.

“y-yeah, i’m ready to tell you everything” you began,

“he and i ‘dated’ two years ago. i say ‘dated’ because well, i thought we were, but turns out he was just another player and i was just another pawn in his little game. it was my first relationship too, messed me up pretty bad. that’s why i tend to keep to myself, not really letting others in too much. he made me feel like every guy who gave me attention just wanted me for their own selfish needs” you sigh, eyes avoiding haechan’s. he wanted to hold your hand, but opted not to.

“he’s an asshole, you didn’t deserve that. i-i could treat you so much better i promise-“

“haechan, c-can we just slow things down?” you finally made eye contact with him, his face contorting into a confused expression.

“i know you like me, and i would be lying if i said i didn’t have a slight interest in you too. but i don’t think i’m ready for a relationship yet” you admit, worried for his reaction. but to your surprise, he didn’t feel sad or dejected at all. instead he smiled widely at you, leaning in closer.

“i’ll go as slow as you want. you can rest your love on me, whenever you need. i’m just glad to hear you like me too” he batted his eyelids, making you softly chuckle.

“thankyou” you whispered to him, moving closer so that your shoulders touched. the rest of the day was filled with random activities from the arcade, to a bike ride along the park’s trail and finally dinner. haechan came to realise that being with somebody wasn’t black and white. there was a grey area that lied in between. he didn’t care how long he needed to wait, all he knew was that he finally got you to like him. and that was enough to make him the happiest man alive.