#im trying to art on here dont tell nobody

[tomfoolery-m-coolatta]

[yelloworangesoda]

gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this

[thatdeadaquarius]

SAGAU / Isekai Genshin:

You can still use your characters! ... as in possessing them 👻

(all art by me down below, hope its decent lol - did it for u guys and myself i mean what )

Edit 9/7/23: 1,500+ NOTES??? BRO WHAT!! THABK YOU <3

Edit 12/24/23 + 4/5/24:

☆

My dumbass forgot to put this here .-.

Anywya this is a full length fanfic now ;)

PART 1 (you're here!) / Part 2

So.

You got sucked into a video game. 

Crazy, but it happens ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

yknow how it issss

...you very quickly discover that unfortunately video game rules still apply...

which wouldn't normally be an issue! like, needing to use the bathroom in the middle of a fight? Nope! minor cuts and bruises like papercuts, only actual enemies or fall damage counting? hell yeah that'd be great (theoretically no chronic pains if you got that?? hmmmm unsure)

see the issue comes when you realize, you as a player, don't have a "character" that's all your own

there's aether/lumine yeah.. but bc the game's real now, they're their own people, and you didn't wake up to find yourself as a blonde twin...

the closest you can describe your form as is .. like a seelie?

or like the way ghosts look in game?

but a lot more "starry"

like your specterlike, but you look like you got filled up with stars and the milky way, maybe a reference of you being from another universe/world? (aether/lumine/dainsleif/khaenriah star symbol reference secret thEORY-)

but yah.

you also got just, white eyes.

like, not iris, not pupil. like your pupil and iris got erased

you gotta admit, at least you look really aesthetic now.

(u also got a little cape and hood on at all times, and you cant take it off to see your starrified hair >:/ ,very Blue Diamond-esque, look up Steven Universe, Blue Diamond if you dont know who im talking about)

so needless to say, as soon as you sort of glitched your way into existence you were HYPE

i mean ur ACTUALLY IN TEYVAT WITH THE BOYSSSS

...then you realize your a spooky-no-character-to-pilot-around-thus-no-character-model-body-for-you thingy

and that you cant touch stuff!! >:(

like wth!!!

thats just downright unfair.

so, you figure if you got no body to be.... you gotta find a new "character" to pilot >:)

...

I choose you, yellow fungi!

...

....

you're in the fucking woods (Sumeru somewhere obv, u knew that the moment you opened ur eyes),

what'd you expect?? an archon??

..wait a minute. can you possess an archon-

these kinda thoughts plague your first few days of irl genshin impact playing

a rishabold tiger? yep.

a sumpter beast? kinda slow and heavy feeling but yeah.

...you also try a ruin machine LOL

by far, the fungi and ruin machines are the best to possess, mostly because you can remain upright with those

(tho u did find some type of flying monkey that wasnt in game, but its like,, a real world and jungle now so that makes sense there'd be more complexity + stuff)

you do eventually think you should try and possess a person at this point... but ur kinda nervous 👉👈

its ur first time doin this okay nobody explained the basics to you youve been winging for a week now!

will your mind be replaced with theirs? it hasn't been so far with the creatures/bots

and as far as you can tell, they kinda just-

forget what happened or "wake up" after you possess them

(the tiger you were for a day looked confused as hell when it realized that there was a new pile of fruit next to it when it "woke up", it was your way of saying thank you to the animals of the jungle, u left them little piles of food you collected running around as them)

so THEORHETICALLY-

you should be good to go and possess a random poor eremite

... you figure you want to possess something human-like eventually even if you get a puppet body like wanderer/raiden so...

here goes nothing...

♤

so it's been 2 weeks since you've been forcefully yanked into teyvat, and by the second week, you were trying to possess eremites

which! worked out!

mostly..!

you kinda convinced the entirety of two eremite camps that a certain part one of sumeru's forests is hella haunted bc ppl keep "blacking out" and doing things they don't remember doing, yknow... like possesssion LMAO

they kinda ran off to escape you but, hey!

experiment #2: people possession, success!!

now you were kinda convinced of this when you realized no matter the angle the animals and machines of sumeru didnt react to you getting super close to them (you dont have to touch something to posses it, just look at it really, but you wanted to test limits, so you walked up to sumpter beasts and fungi and ruin machines)

but no one can see you.

you don't have a "character" most of the time, you can float and glide around the ground like scaramouche lol

you cant touch stuff bc of this, you cant smell stuff (u saw the eremites campfires & couldnt smell the smoke until you were them)

you cant eat stuff w/o a body, so.. it makes sense that the eremites and passing merchants, cant see you when you float around, trying to reorient yourself after 2 weeks of experimenting

:( ur only a lil sad about it... but mostly not bc lol u got possession powers so trade off u guess

the first time you see a vision-bearer you literally scream

LMAO

ur so lucky u cant be seen or heard

bc Collei would have def screamed back lol

needless to say u stalk the forest ranger- ALL DAY.

Collei goes on patrol around the woods? you go on a patrol.

collei goes to visit other forest rangers? you "visit" other forest rangers at base (lol u def possess a guy who was asleep on a bench nearby & wake up to go talk to Collei "in-person", poor guy was so worried he sleep walked/talked so hard he went to see Tighnari an hour later lmao)

welp, you decide this is your life now, follow Collei everywhere, talk one-sided to Collei until you can possess a forest ranger w/o it being suspicious (dont wanna turn the poor rangers into the terrified eremites from a week or two ago...)

then, after you get the courage and erase the paranoia that tighnari can just... somehow hear your ghostly bullshit-

u do the same to Tighnari (then Cyno when he visits! no u didnt squeal, so what, nobody can hear you- )

♧

Tighnari begins to get suspicious about 3 weeks into this routine.

he's been starting to collect and start a file on all the rangers or nearby villagers that've started randomly "blacking out/sleep walking" in the evenings usually

(u possess as close to nighttime as u can so it seems like sleepwalking)

So when Cyno comes back from a mission gone wrong,

having nearly been decapitated by a rogue flying ruin machine, only to black out and come to standing calmly 10 feet further than he remembered being 1 minute ago...

Tighnari's suspicions are confirmed, and he launches into researching this phenomenon.

his first thought is something like the aranara, but that doesn't account for the effect this thing is having on people

after all, what little forest spirit is strong enough to-

-control humans??

Tighnari begins to get the sense he's in over his head after he finds himself pushed into going into Sumeru City in order to collect more library books or ask around if the blackouts have spread to the city people

he answer is negative, on both accounts.

and he spends about one half of the day walking around, and the other reading up all he can on mythical creatures or ailments

Tighnari gives up for the day, and as he makes his way back to Ghandarvaville, he almost gets ambushed by some particularly nasty muggers

...and then he wakes up 20 feet away, his denro vision thrumming with power, full of worry and fondness for himself??, (just like Cyno said he felt happen to him..)

...Tighnari decides he needs reinforcements.

YOU GUYS-

UR LOCAL ZODIAC SIGN OBSESSED W/GENSHIN HIT A CHARACTER LIMIT ON A POST FINALLY. 😦

??? THIS WOULDVE BEEN LONGER BUT I BARELY GOT SPACE FOR THIS- I- EVEN THE QIQI POST DIDNT HIT LIMIT-

uh cya ig!!

Safe travels lmao,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist @revonie / @hat-on-a-cat / @takottai / @sickly-falling (?) / @iruiji

(Sorry about the late tag! I forgot to update my taglist before i posted this 💀 my bad guys)

Also if the people who got put there who i couldnt find a blog for see this, idk what went wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ - maybe check and see if ur setting for "being able to be searched/looked up" is turned on?? Idk man

[beddybites]

Do yiu have any tips on like how to attract more attention 😭 it's been a good while and it's a huge struggle of keeping motivation and not so amazing art so it's hard to sure my characters and their stories bc one thing a can say in confidence is I am a good writer I'd like to think, people tell me I have and oddly good but cryptic way of writing that keeps people enthralled, but my biggest struggle is getting them interested in the first place 😭

hi there!! i admittedly dont really know much about the world of writing and how to gain more attention there, but i can try to give tips and see what applies & sticks!

start off short & simple and build it up over time

if you start off with something big and complicated there will be more pressure to keep things big and complicated. theres nothing wrong with short and simple and mixing it up here & there (ie with art: if you only post full pieces with extravagant rendering people will keep expecting it. mix it up a bit. i try posting a variety of sketches and doodles and more detailed things— sometimes some things do better than others and thats ok!

it is 100% okay to repost/reblog your own work

if you ever see me spamming my blog with the same posts, its so i have it back on peoples feeds and on my main profile and its easier for people to find. its also likely that some ppl missed the post, and reblogging/reposting gives them the opportunity to see it!!

something something “its cringe and egotistical” WRONG!!!!!!!!!! its completely normal for creators to repost their content and it may help a lot!!

short & sweet descriptons

when you post, avoid giant paragraphs of text, especially if you’re including art in the post. people will be distracted and will see a giant post and just scroll past it

speaking of descriptions, try using trendy words and notable names

its kinda like hashtagging. if you look at my posts you’ll typically see how i will drop people’s full names + include the word “art” or “doodle” … this is because it will more likely show up on someones feed if said person looks up the same words.

ie: googling “muichiro tokito art” -> insert my post popping up because it has “muichiro tokito art” written out in the description

i admittedly have trouble providing tips as someone who doesnt rlly understand how i got noticed to begin with haha. something something imposter syndrome or whatever they call it these days… so im not really sure if anything above helps, but this is stuff i typically try to keep in mind when i post with the intent of trying to get people to see it

more importantly—

i know this is cheesy and this is easier said than done (i have this habit too a lot of the time) but numbers does not equal ur worth or talent. i know it isnt motivating and it can be so heartbreaking): but even if ur stuff doesnt get a lot of notoriety please know it doesnt define your value . this may sound like gibberish as it is 5 am as im posting this but truly… never give up on ur work!!! i promise u someone out there loves it

im more well known for my deaging & fluff content and to this day im rlly shocked it blew up the way it did. i really made it for myself. i came up with a whole alias and didnt plan on posting it anywhere bc i was so scared ppl would hate it and harass me or nobody would gaf. but eventually i was just like Man. if this thing helps me then maybe it can help someone out there too. and it helped provide ppl some joy & wonder and whimsy & made them feel seen and truly thats all i could ever want…

its difficult and its hard but i promise u… be patient and kind to yourself. it can definitely be hard sharing things around and getting that exposure you need but there are ways for sure. some journeys are faster than others and thats ok!

again sorry if this is all gibberish its super late ): but i hope this could help in some way shape or form

[reegis]

Yo! Do you have any notes/tips for your coloring process? I've always had trouble with that part of drawings looking good lmao and I really like yours! If not for your specific style, do you have any tips with that in general?

Iv gotten a few asks about how I color but iv always avoided answering because

A) I am absolutely awful at explaining things, and

B) I am a very Very lazy artist you should probably Not do the things that I do

BUT i feel bad gatekeeping(?) my horrible technique if it helps anybody ig ill try and explain so

✨✨✨Welcome to Reegis’ Probably Not Reputable (But Very Long Winded) Art Advice✨✨✨✨

line art of a random character for the example, just pic whatever colors you have in mind for your base colors, you can try using palette generators or basing it off of existing palettes/characters/whatever I have absolutely no idea how color theory works (& this is why you shouldnt listen to me) so im solely going off of vibes. but it is Rough so onto step 2 & 3

(edit to add i usually start off with the skin hair & clothes on separate clipping layers and merge them together towards the end.. i think i forgot to say that at all here oops)

I abuse the hellll out of layer blending modes. overlay, saturation & multiply mainly, but also difference, brightness & screen. (just doodle something & try all of em out to get a feel for them honestly ik theres a Lot and they can be intimidating) for this i just wanted a more cohesive warmer tone to start with so i added a peachy overlay & a slight ombré to the hair to add a bit more interest to the character.

then just the most basic of rendering, some blush & highlights just wherever i think theyd go.

Another thing they tell you Not to do, my next step is to block out all my shading in a vaguely purpleish multiply layer!!! i cant be assed to do it any other way im sorry…. once i have the basic shading down, i lock the layer & go in with air brush eraser & also airbrush in other colors wherever I think the purple is maybe too harsh/clashing

still wasnt 100% happy with the colors so messed around with some more layer filter/modes/whatever you call them then colored in my line art! i think this is honestly the saving grace for all of my art shshsdhhf color your lines people. doesnt have to be all (i dont, i like the contrast) but it usually helps to make some at least a little less harsh

then with a little more color tweaking im done! one random sleepy dude, fully colored (by my standards)

and then if a piece needs more dramatic lighting you justttt

im so serious play around with layer settings! these are just basic multiply & add(glow), there as so many others you can abuse the shit out of & nobody will know or care in your finished piece.

was this?? in any way helpful???? I hope so.

[eggonicayto]

!!VENT!!

TW: Mentions of bullying and suicide.

I’m sorry for putting this here, but I literally have no where else to share my feelings.

Im so fucking tired. I hate waking up every day. I hate waking up to my dirty room because I can’t find the motivation to do anything anymore. I hate being a disappointment to my parents. I don’t do anything good, I don’t do anything right. I just make others uncomfortable or miserable. My parents would be better off without me, I just stress them out. They constantly point out how I need to do better, how I need to stop being so lazy. All they do is yell at me and they never have time to spend time with me. It doesn’t help that I always make them late for work because my depression doesn’t allow me to wake up in the morning. I’m such a burden to them.

Nobody at school even likes me, not even the teachers. I go to school and everyone avoids me like the plague. My entire fucking class has a group chat with EVERYONE in it except for me. Everyone in my class hung out during summer break TOGETHER whilst I didn’t get an invitation. Even the new girls in my class, who my “friends” just met two months ago gets more included. I knew them all my fucking life!! I get left out on EVERYTHING. Also, I try venting to my friend, and she said “suck it up buttercup.” Thanks for that. I should do that the next time you vent to me.

I genuinly don’t understand any of my work. I get lost, lose focus…I have the education of a 4th grader!! I DONT DO ANY OF MY WORK RIGHT BECAUSE I DONT UNDERSTAND AND EVERYBODY REFUSES TO HELP ME!! What did I do?? Is this my fault???? Why does everybody hate me, why doesn’t anybody like me???/?: what’s the point of waking up in the morning, or continue living if nobody wants to be around me? I can’t even do the things im “good” at correctly!! My “art” fucking SUCKS. So what’s my purpose??? Whats stopping me from just dying right now? I have nothing to lose. Nobody will care anyway because they make it very clear that im a NOBODY.

I told my parents im struggling. I cried to my mom, telling her how bad I felt. And she fucking told me I was saying it to get out of doing the goddamn dishes. Good to know my mental health is less important than fucking SILVERWARE. Then she yelled at me, screamed at me!! And I WAS THE ONE WHO FUCKIJG APOLGOUZED. I hate myself, I guinely do not like myself and it’s evident that nobody likes me either.

Why can’t I do anything right. Why am I the cause of so much suffering. I’m failing grade 10 for fucks sake.

[ethernetmeep]

i listened to season’s greetings for maybe the first time in four years, not because i felt bitter at anyone, but because i remembered it existed. its a mediocre song, but im always intrigued by songs with so much emotion put behind them. even if i don’t like them, i can tell a sentiment is there. here is a snippet of something i wrote yesterday:

19:23 — when i was younger, i would go to my rich aunts house sometimes for christmas eve. it was large. they had expansive rooms, some off limits. i remember sitting on the carpeted stairs, the nativity scene, the sense of belonging but not actual belonging; like how pigeons will flock together, not as one, but to survive. i was there to survive. i got copics & my art style was frankly disgusting but i was also young. now i sit in my grandmothers living room, toys scattered. cousins. i am older. i guess its christmas. when i think of christmas, i think of those halls & the rich neighborhood. i think of the lights all around my grandmothers block. i think of family, i guess, but i don’t think of me. it isn’t me. its a past self, a dead self. i dont really feel like i belong, like my idea exists but not truly me.

ill leave out the rest; talks about last years horrible feeling around this time of year & suicidal ideation & how it has gotten better & i am happy. i am currently sitting in my room, thinking about this. i hope nobody has to spend today alone if they don’t want to but if they do i hope it is calm & peaceful. i cannot overstate how i simply want others to be happy, even the girl in ohio i don’t talk to anymore & the guy who i used to play on the playground with that had short blue hair, because then if i try it might sound forced/creepy/IDK what people say about me. whatever. be jolly

[cathulhu-collective]

I've seen several posts talking about how there is no programmed DID, how it's all a conspiracy theory, how it's impossible or doesn't exist - most people cite the same books over and over, trust me, I've read them. alison, fritz, cathy, ect. Just because those people were parroting conspiracy theories does NOT mean mind control programming is a lie. If I wanted to I could lay out all the science from the behavioralist perspective. But that would only allow people to do bad things with the knowledge.

Mind control is not some failed experiment abandoned in the 70s. It was worked on long before and in the modern day the science is on a level you could never dream. ANY of the books you'll find here, or online, some of them have a kernel of truth here and there, but gosh, they're absolutely and totally rudimentary compared to the current state of this terrible art. Black psychology.

There is nothing more aggressively funded at DARPA than psychology/mind control. There is nothing more operationally useful to the intelligence community. It is routinely practiced on soldiers....its just not framed that way.

Did you guys know the end of a program/project only refers to it leaving the research and testing phase? After that whatever works is integrated on general operational terms and is not segmented into a project heading.

Consider how you guys would have reacted to an mk ultra victim in the 70s trying to tell you theyd been abused and programmed in asylums. Youd laugh them out the room. Well guess what? It is certainly fucking just as real as it was. Call me a conspiracy theorist? Fine. Just wait. When this stuff comes out, I cant wait to see the looks on the faces of all the dismissive assholes who let this continue because they were too close minded to look past their own noses.

This has nothing to do with the anti semitic exposes. That was literally also just a bunch of bullshit. Im talking about serious shit that nobody writes about, because it's kept so deeply under wraps and deflected from with stupid books like the one calling all Jews the Illuminati. I'm 98% ashkenazi jewish. The people I'm talking about have nothing to do with being Jewish. They're terrifying behavioral specialists, they're scientists, they contract and consult.

You think mk ultra was a "failure"? You think that agencies are now nice and civil and dont break peoples minds and abuse the shit out of them?

Well duh. Because you arent involved with intelligence agencies. You dont know what they are like. You dont know what research is being funded. And I cant prove it to you, Im just a poor crazy girl on disability who has been institutionalized 6 times. Nobody would ever believe me.

Sounds familiar.

[shadow-the-artist-idiot]

Anywho, taking a break from the TMA posting(i swear i'll post about more than just tma, its just clawing at my brain) to yap about my SKRUNKLY !!!! MY SILLY !!!!! MY,,, DRUMROLL PLEASE,,, SONA !!!!

Little trigger warning for Self Harm and Suicide n all that. Uh.

Though shes really more of. Just an oc at this point.

....

We ignore

ANYWAYS idk if you noticed. But shes Fucked Up���️. MOST of her scars are from just absolute random bullshit i put her thru when i was younger to get anger n frustration out. So i AM trying to fix that. Once i get her backstory straight, ill make another lore dump post about this stupid motherfucker i prommy.

Anyways, fun fact, this stupid bastard was my first oc EVER!!! Shes my stupid motherfucking bastard and i love her <33

Shes AroAce(just like me fr fr), n uses she/her. For now. Itll PROBABLY stay that way, cuz ive hard her like that for a LONG time, but if i start using other pronouns then ive prolly decided that shes pangender. Like me. Sparkles.

ANYWAYS heres a few random fun facts about that stupid whore

-Shes a Living Shadow, which is my own lil custom species. Idk if I'll end up lore dumping about the species itself or not.

-She has a DAUGHTER. Her name is Melody and shes both incredibly responsible and also a menace, and we love her for it. Shes also based on an axolotl.

-Shadow was just a full on Queen for a few years, before she finally was able to pass it down to Melody. She then proceeded to be even more of an absolute bastard to make up for those years she was forced to be responsible. Shes a little chaotic motherfucker, and if you see her in the castle you better run the FUCK away.

-Shadows like. Old as hell. I dont remember exact age, but iirc shes like mid 40s. Note, this is because i was roleplaying her in a chaotic ass server with a chaotic ass timeline and i simply cannot be bothered to age her down(if i did, Melody would poof out of existence and i dont want that, i love ky fucked up little queen)

-Shadows a SHORT ass motherfucker, and contrary to the fact above this one, i DO remember how short she is. Shes 5'2", and she holds enough rage to kill 56 grown men in her small little itty bitty frame(this does not reflect irl, i am unfortunately average height)

-Funnily enough, Shadow has both the goofiest and most traumatized backstory behind her scars. Like, a LOT of her scars are from self harm/suicide attempts, but also shes missing her hand because a character of mine from a complete other universe appeared and gnawed it off(bryseis my beloved).

-Shadow pissed off the Goddess of Death so much that she made Shadoe unable to die. Now you may be asking yourself: How the fuck is this a punishment. WELL. At the time, she was INCREDIBLY suicidal. Still kinda is. At this point, its switched from a punishment to just something thats kinda there now that Shadow and Trius(goddess of death) are friends.

-Shadow canonically has a MASSIVE alcohol problem. She bounces between drinking so much she passes out, and just putting a little wine with her coffee(it tastes disgusting) (she doesnt care)

-Shadow would probably have a smoking problem too, if she knew they existed. Nobody tell her cigarettes exist.

-Shadow drinks the strongest coffee you can possibly imagine. No its not healthy. Yes she drinks it anyways. Yes its kinda necessary(she has INSANE insomnia)

Anyways uh, shadow has some silly magic,, which is why in her ref she has illusions. She can create illusions, open portals, and melt into shadows, though that last one is something all Living Shadows have.

In Living Shadow culture or whatever, scars are INCREDIBLY frowned upon. Meaning, typically, if someone has even a small scar, they'll probably be hiding it with illusion magic. Shadow does the same thing, which is why I vary between drawing her with scars and drawing her without them.

Jesus this post is long as hell, im gonna explode. Okay uh ive talked enough methinks, if you wanna art Shadow then absolutely feel free !!! Just make sure to tag me so i can reblog that shit!!!

:DDDD

[ceasarslegion]

Im a huge horror movie buff and i think that genre is a perfect example of how, in this weird pursuit to make cinema appeal to everybody of every human experience and walk of life, it often just ends up appealing to nobody.

Like, okay, let me be more specific. Let's use The Conjuring franchise.

I LOVE the first Conjuring film. It's a fantastic supernatural horror film. Has a really cool premise, harkens back to the old Amityville Horror classic but with more modern filmmaking tech and capabilities, and it knows how to do a "true story" (insofar as you believe in demons or the word of the Warrens) horror film. It's creepy, it's unsettling, it builds and builds and knows just when to release the tension to give you a big thrill without relying entirely on jumpscares. And it was loved by audiences and critics alike, and for good reason.

But that doesn't mean that making it a franchise was a good idea. You gotta remember that horror films getting positive critical attention wasn't much of a thing outside of horror circles until very VERY recently. Horror has always been a bit of a pariah among other genre films. It's an acquired taste that most people can't acquire. You can rely on a steady and consistent audience when you decide to become a horror filmmaker, but you just can't rely on that audience to grow.

And you definitely shouldn't try to pull outsiders in by force. Outside of the first one, I've seen The Conjuring 2 and The Nun. Both are... underwhelming, at best. At worst, I wouldn't even call them horror anymore. The creepiness is gone, it's no longer vaguely unsettling, it's all jumpscares, the payoffs are in these big action sequences instead of a thrill meant to instill fear. They feel more like action movies, and not even very good ones. It's like they're trying to ride on their initial success by appealing to audiences they just don't have, and have lost the foundational horror audience in the process.

And the thing is, I feel like it could've been good. The concept of an anthology series based on the case files of Ed and Lorraine Warren could've been a really cool horror franchise, if they actually stuck to their target audience instead of trying to pull in the fringes. In the case of The Conjuring, I think that was just profit motivated, but the point still stands when youre talking about any form of representation, I feel.

How many times do you hear, especially on the internet, that x media was bad or even "problematic" because they don't appeal to a hugely sweeping demographic of everybody on earth and every human experience? "I think as an adult that this pixar movie for children is the death of art." "I think as a white person that blackwashing exists." "I think this underground arthouse film was snuffed at the academy awards." "I think not having every type of minority on screen is inherently bigoted." Okay! But sometimes movies arent made for you! If you feel like there isnt enough attention paid to your experiences, thats one thing. Thats an issue of your target audience not being considered in the industry, but its not an issue of other target audiences having movies for them. We can have both, one existing doesnt negate or take away from yours, youre fighting the wrong crusade here.

And honestly, I can tell you as a horror fan that saw The Conjuring rise and fall as a series that you really DONT want widely sweeping hypergeneralized art that appeals to everybody. I don't give a shit about that Annabelle doll that gets good SEO with its urban legends, can I please just have a good horror movie made for horror audiences again instead of all the thrills being sanded down and sanitized for action audience ticket sales?

[reilleclan-blog]

I was really hoping I could leave my abusive mother but I'm still stuck here. I had lost hope with certain things until I got a call about an apartment and I thought it'd be this but the universe keeps taking opportunities away from me I don't understand what I'm supposed to do . I feel trapped and yeah I feel like I will never escape I don't make enough money for the apartment and it's possibly gone to someone else. I tried getting another client but they haven't reached out to me since last week. Literally posting on the internet and interacting with others is all I have most ppl in my life wouldn't care about anything I feel pride over. I don't want to argue I don't want to fight . I don't I just want to live but it's hard all the time.

At this point I'm gonna say a lot of stuff that is stressing me out and if that means "exposing" then I guess so. My mother began spam texting me to clean .. basically the entire house b/c I'm home or b/c "I don't work a real job" I work part time and with my adhd and autism I'm lucky I still have a job. But I don't understand why I'd ever have to clean this big ass house ON MY OWN when I've cleaned it MULTIPLE times on my own just for my mother to re dirty it not even trying to keep it clean how it was. It feels like if she wants to talk to me she talks to me just to boss me around and that's it. She doesn't have problems with other ppl's daughters helping them or FEEDING them. Cause btw when I moved back in with my mother she wouldn't feed me she'd go out not saying where or when she'd be back and have leftovers spoil or wouldn't let me have anything when she knew I wasn't working and knew I was barely eating.

So yeah the little money I had "saved" went to buying $100 worth of groceries or fast food cause I didn't have many options. And again I'm fucking disabled but nobody cares about that b/c I'm not "disabled on the outside". But back to cleaning this house MOST OF THE MESS is from my MOTHER everything is from my mother. I'm not perfect I have some clothes I haven't picked up a couple unwashed dishes but most of that is from my mother and her doing favors for ppl b/c she wants to be liked or whatever.

I don't have a problem helping my mom but when I'm being berated and told I'm lazy just for this lady to spam text me to clean up HER MESS. And for her to call our family to tell them I'm lazy.. and I'm just wasting oxygen in this stupid fucking house.. that's not a good feeling at all. And I hate that I care for my mother but if I don't do something her way or right away or (in this case cleaning an entire downstairs by myself when it has papers and arts and crafts and HER SHOES and she has a TON of clothes she's bought) I'm immediately "the bad guy" I'm so tired of these fucking ppl I'm so tired of family saying "we don't know what went on in that house" THATS RJFHT U DONT SO WHY THE FJCK DO YALL MAKE ME THE VILLIAN B/C U SEE ONE ASPECT OF OUR LIVES OR INTERACTIONS. I'm so fucking tired THIS IS LKKE EVERYDAY MESS.

Yes I'm not the cleanest but I KEEP MY MESS IN MY ROOM AND MY ROOM WOULD LOOK LIKE THE CLEANIEST IN THIS BITCH IF U SEEN THIS FUCKING HOUSE. IM TJRED I WANT TO LEAVE I WANT TO FUCKING EXPERIENCE THAT MAYBE SOMETHING CAN BE GOOD OUT THERE INSTEAD OF LIVING IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE. AND MIND U WHEN I WAS ASKING MY MOTHER FOR HELP WITH THE APARTMENT SHE TOLD ME SHE EOULD HELP THEN CHANGED HER MIND AND I BEGSN TK CRY MY EYES IUT BECAUSE JF IT WAS ANYONE ELSES KID SHE WOULD HELP THEM THEN LETTER SHE GAVE ME WHAT I NEEDED BUT WHY WHY DO I CONSTANTLY NEED TK BE HURT BY THESES "ADULTS" IM TOLD IM LOVED BUTNI HAVE NEVER DELT IT NEVER

MY DAD IS JUST S HUSK OF A DUDE I CALL DAD IM SO FUCKING TIRED IM TIRED . I THINK ABOUT SUICIDE ALMOST ALL THE TIME BECAUSE J FEEL BROKEN I FEEL ALONE THATS ALL I FEEL I FUCKING HATE THJS PLACE I actually sh and at this point it really just feels like only options. I feel trapped I try to embrace myself with hobbies I love but I constantly see stuff I don't have or what others have or what's happening around our world but I'm still stuck in this hell hole feeling trapped. I'd say I have become happier as a person but my mother just takes it away and finds any reason to hate me. Yes it feels like she hates me and my father and at this point I don't think anyone can convince me they don't. I want to forget everything and move on but my brain constantly brings up my trauma I don't want to remember it.

If u tell me to "just be positive" I might shoot someone in the face. I'm JOKING HAHAHA I'm just so lost I wish I felt like I was cared for I wish someone would even care as I type this out. Nobody cares not even my blood

I don't think anyone wouldn't care if i disappeared but it'd be too late for anyone to care. I'm sorry I can't hold on I don't know

[thatonechocogirl]

storytime that nobody asked for but

when i was in 8th grade, i had an art teacher who for some reason made it her job to destroy her students love for art. i remember one time that she saw me draw an owl that looked cartoonish. she then told me that "cartoon art isnt art" and said it had looked bad. it honestly made me feel horrible because i was just a beginner, and that was the first year i was actually trying in art. she continued to make remarks about my work; the thing is she wouldnt even critique it or say like "thats good, but heres how you can make it better", she would just straight up say "i dont like that" and tell me to try harder, not even telling me what i needed to fix on my art. again i was a BEGINNER, so obviously it wasnt gonna be some michealangelo shit (because i swear thats what she expected from us). and ultimately, i just stopped drawing for a while.

4 years later, although im still learning, i do cartoon fanart for fun

get recked ms. e

[8ripecunts]

those two other blogs u sometimes reblog here are also you?

yup! if u look closely, they all have the same art style bc it's all Me :^)

if u see someone replying to ur comments on posts, thats most likely my main (u can tell bc i currently have a mindhunter header lol). i have another multifandom blog that i use as an archive for my art/edits, where i used to post my earlier mindhunter art. but i love compartmentalizing my life (also nobody there gaf abt mh) so i made a separate sideblog, where i can be insane abt this show in peace <3

so basically: main (art) blog = my illustrations/serious art, most likely my nonshippy art my multifandom blog = idk sometimes i might post here esp my edits bc it's my art archive blog mindhunter sideblog = all my self indulgent/shippy/sometimes nsfw mh/bxh art goes here. i also reblog from the two blogs here

all reblogs i put here are just my own stuff bc im not an active tumblr user so i dont reblog other ppl's stuff. im already trying to wean off twitter bc months ago im in another active fandom and it drained the hell out of me bc of the stupid drama and shit. that's why i ended up in this dying/dead fandom LMAO. but yea i just mostly use this website/app as an art archive bc the archive & tag system is unbeatable

[lesbianmelkor]

THE WHORE SLEEPS BADLY: a playlist for Emilio Sandoz

notes on songs under the cut!! emilio art credit to @ferretteeth

Alone Together - Fall Out Boy

this is the road to ruin and we´re starting at the end!!! emilio deserves to have some angsty music and also. this song is about being alone without being alone and being trapped and being loved for the worst things about yourself. i don´t know where i´m going but i dont think i´m coming home!!

2. Be Afraid - Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit

this is a song about feeling like g-d is ignoring you and feeling like you´re not living up to your potential and also the lyric "we´ve been testing you and you failed to see how long that you could hold it in before you screamed, but you only exhaled" g-ddddddd.

3. Bite the Hand - Boygenius

another song about emilio´s relationship with g-d. "i can´t love you how you want me to"?? he comes home and he can´t do it anymore!! it´s gone!! he´ll bite the hand that feeds him!!! also. "i can´t hear you, you´re too far away" cause he left g-d behind him on rakhat.

4. Butchered Tongue - Hozier

This is actually a pre-priesthood linguistics song for emilio!! minority culture always having to speak in another language than your own, especially for taino emilio... and then speaking these languages that literally nobody else on the planet speaks!! crazy

5. Colorblind - Counting Crows

literally just listen to this song and tell me this isn´t how emilio feels. "i am covered in skin, no one gets to come in" and then the repetition of "i am ready i am fine"?? im pulling my hair out.

6. Cringe - Matt Maeson

so this is actually the stripped version which makes me crazy in its own right but. "oh i make you cringe now. don´t i make you cringe now?" matt said this song is about leading a lifestyle that the people around you don´t approve of and it just. this one. just trust me.

7. Cry for Judas - the Mountain Goats

you get it. you get it. "mistreat your altar boys long enough and this is what you get." "i´m still here but all is lost". it was ruined!! all was lost!! he thinks he is judas betraying g-d!!! you know what i mean.

8. Floating in the Forth - Frightened Rabbit

so the lead singer of frightened rabbit committed suicide by jumping off a bridge into the firth of forth and he wrote this song about doing that before he did that and it just. just. it´s so important also remember this it comes up three songs later.

9. Graceless - The National

"G-D LOVES EVERYBODY, DON´T REMIND ME". this is a song about being in the world without being fully present and it kills me.

10. Leave My Body - Florence + the Machine

from the first line: "i´m gonna be released from behind these lines, and i don´t care whether i live or die" to the last: "moving up to higher ground, your history keeps pulling me down", this is a song about emilio trying to move forward as everyone keeps forcing him to relive what happened over and over.

11. The Modern Leper - Julien Baker

hey remember when i said remember the frightened rabbit trivia! this is from the cover album they released after their lead singer killed himself and it is sooooooo. this is a song about being fundamentally broken and diseased and the rest of the world ignores it but you know you´re unlovable. "i am ill but im not dead and i don´t know which of those i´d prefer"!!!

12. Never Quite Free - the Mountain Goats

this is a song about knowing that the trauma still hangs over you and you´ll never be able to escape it and it makes me cry. anyway. "it gets okay to praise the day, believe in sheltering skies and stable earth, but hear his breath come through his teeth". emilio is trying so hard to build a better life and sometime it just won´t happen!!

13. Prayer in Open D - Emmylou Harris

again from the first lyric to the last, this is a song about emilio sandoz. "there´s a valley of sorrow in my soul, where every night i hear the thunder roll like the sound of a distant gun over all the damage i have done" and it Gets Worse From There!!

14. Relative Fiction - Julien Baker

"cause i don´t need a savior i need you to take me home"!!! the religious trauma HITS when you´re trying so hard to be good for a g-d you no longer believe in!!!

15. Spent Gladiator 2 - the Mountain Goats

"stay alive. maybe spit some blood at the camera. just stay alive" what if your life and your pain was a spectacle and you dont know how to escape and you don´t even know what escape would look like. anyway.

16. Sun Bleached Flies - Ethel Cain

hey girls. hey girls. did you know g-d loves you but not enough to save you!! anyway religious trauma and having fallen in the eyes of g-d and not being able to fix it and just wanting to be safe and go home. "if it´s meant to be then it will be. i forgive it all as it comes back to me"!!! praying to go back to a home you know you can never return to. i am unwell.

17. Televangelist - Julien Baker

i hear you saying "jordan this is the third julien baker song on here" and all i can say is gay ppl with religious trauma understand emilio sandoz better than anyone else. anyway. "am i a masochist screaming televangelist clutching my crucifix of white noise and static. all my prayers are just apologies." you know what i mean.

18. 24 Frames - Jason Isbell

this is once again a song about g-d abandoning you!! "you thought g-d was an architect now you know he´s something like a pipe bomb ready to blow". it´s soooo good.

in conclusion: i am mentally unwell please appreciate the fruits of my insanity.

[winderlylandchime]

The Man, the Myth, the Legend is tired and in pain but that’s his own fault and you will see why: ‘OH HOT GUY ALERT! Emmett..baby..he is wearing denim on denim with a leather jacket, if that doesn’t scream gay, idk what does. GAY! WHAT DID I SAY!’ He just paused the episode and walked to the tv to look at Justins art ‘THATS bc you accepted a boy who wasn’t beaten yet. So of course his work was different, sherlock! Now stop being a prick and let my boy draw on his computer! We expect our students to what now? What did he just say about excelling at everything? Just bc he’s disabled doesn’t mean he won’t be amazing?! Oh just say you don’t accept disabled people you old fart! Fuck you and your tradition! I hate this clown..oh i guess the clown has some brain after all!..BRIAN! Dont put any ideas in his head.. oh he wants him to succeed and be the best and do good and this is a lot to handle on so many pain meds’ ‘why is linds being a bitch? Since when is she so uptight? Oh, the silence is LOUD…BRIAN WILL YOU GRAB THAT AND THEN HE JUST DOES? OH HE IS GONE. THAT MAN IS IN LOVE! HE IS SO IN LOVE AND NOBODY EXCEPT ME FOR SOME REASON SEES THIS *looks at me like he just realized im there too* can you see it?!’ ‘Okay dudes, that was not chill! You don’t do that to your friends. It’s fun to be jokey but that was not cool, yall are better than that…are you tho? MICHAEL BET 5 WEEKS?! i guess people do change. Tell them debbie! At least she gets it, even if she only gets it once every 17 episodes’…‘Ben better be better than David. Oh is he gonna be the one..i mean he’s asking him to talk about comics..david hid them. I hated that. Okay Benny boy, you can stick around, I’ll allow it but you get 3 strikes!’ ‘Okay goatee dude, chill the fuck out. People are allowed to have relationships and still be the hottest thing around. Don’t make him self conscious, i have worked overtime to try and get him to admit to being in love! DONT RUIN THIS FOR ME!….NOOOO HE RUINED IT FOR ME!…MICHAEL! WHAT THE FUCK MICHAEL WHO JUST SAYS THAT TO A PERSON? Just when i was about to be in your corner, someone please hit him! You cant just say fucked up shit and then say sorry! Thats not how that works!’ Then he felt bad for Mikey bc of the school thing and then he hated that he felt bad bc hes mad at him ‘Oh we are getting hot and HEAVY! Bri Bri, i am impressed! You knew he was upset and why! Oh so that guy was nothing but Justin is something? MY DUDES WE SERIOUSLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO TALK. Aww he doesn’t want Brian to change. Now that’s love! Oh COME ON, I CANT FUCKING WIN EVEN FOR A MINUTE! Im a good person, i deserve good stuff, throw me a bone ffs’ ‘aw Benny boy is listening! Oh he is way better than david! If youre the one, you can stay! Just do me a favor and make mike more tolerable, i am begging for the sake of my well being..that was sweet mike, now give me brian and justin again!’ He had to go and take his last dose of pills for today and he just looked at the ceiling and flapped his arms around while making no noise at all, so id say he’s handling it well. ‘Listen, i am 100% straight. But THIS *points to a paused screen of Brian in the green light in the beginning of the non confession scene* is one beautiful man! I AM INTRIGUED And I would not mind him hitting on me.’ I made a comment that he is now 54 years old to which he puts his hand up in my face and goes ‘I’ll get back to you on that’ and just continued to watch. 1/2 of 2x06

Dear sweet anon - I am SCREAMING over him asking if you see that Brian is in love too. Yes, Brother Anon, that's why we're all here 20 years later. Still sobbing over them.

And yes, Gale Harold is the most beautiful man to ever man. I have a straight crush on him and even at 54 he could get it. The green light scene is one of my favorite. UGH that profile.

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

Your art is really cool as always :DDDD the Vocabomination au is still a really funky concept! It looks like They're hiding pretty closely behind Len/using him as a shield so my brain is thinking Len might have done some psychological manipulation as well as the obvious physical stuff? Also Fukase being horizontal made me wonder because surely They're in pain right? Like Their bones have to be completely dislocated and shit in order for them to fit into one coherentish body (1/?) -🌟

ok there's a lot to unpack here but EEE im glad you think its a neat concept :') and FEEL FREE TO ANALYZE MY SHIT ALWAYS i love to hear it 🥺💖

vocabomination is a funny name for it lmaoo... tho i wouldn't necessarily call it that just cause like not everyone's here.. idk my naming conventions are weird, i dont really have a name for whatever this story is but ill come up w/ one at some point surely

i'm almost positive there was some psychological manipulation in some way yes, but for the most part len isn't pretending to pity it, he genuinely does feel some worry for it and monitors its' wellbeing (then again tho its in a slightly fcked up way w/ his idea of 'things being better this way')

its' anatomy is kinda very fucked up yes lmaoo, i was to trying to see how many wrong places i can have limbs in or how many limbs i can bend the wrong way with it still looking somewhat coherent, so the bones are definitely messed up ye... despite that drawing i don't think it actually can fully stand upright, it mostly moves around by crawling around (always envisioned the movement kinda like a spider/centipede but a bit... worse-looking?). i'm almost certain it is in some form of constant pain yes! even in spite of getting used to its' state after a while... it probably can contort itself and occasionally shift limbs and stuff to some degree ye, but also that's just my bullshit explanation for me drawing it super inconsistently b/c it's hard asf to draw okay 😭😭

the no-mouths is more of a symbolic thing but like the purposefully-hard-to-move thing, while it is convenient for len and it would be cool to think he planned that out, he's not that smart 😂😭 technically speaking he fucked up, it wasn't supposed to turn out like that but he basically went "yknow what, sure, this works" b/c what else do you do really in that situation

its' faces are meant to be expressionless sorta lol, i sorta try drawing the eyes with a vacant gaze; ik fukase's eye got fucked up in the final drawing so for funsies here's some closeups of the eyes w/o special effects bs:

you're not really supposed to be able to tell what it's feeling at any given moment, though there are sometimes clues as to how it might be feeling... nobody really knows for sure though

not sure exactly either to what extent it carries the memories & feelings of its' original components, if it has any remaining at all, but the attachment to len is definitely there (i mean duh... who else's basement is it trapped in 🙄)

there's a lot more things i could say but aside from me also still not having a definitive final thing for whatever's going on here, there's also just some things i wanna keep secret for now... so we'll see abt some of the answers to the other questions