#im suffering but like
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transfem alter fronting while the body is on its period???? is this gender-affirming????????
#im suffering but like#gender-affirming suffering#though it is VERY weird what do you mean we're bleeding but its okay#i know what a period is i just didnt think HAVING one would be such a mind fuck#lilith.txt#did#did osdd#did community#did system#osdd#osddid#i think we usually put more tags but its only suggesting me the others' tags#um#not my problem i guess? /lh#blood mention#idk if that might be a trigger#pls lmk if i missed anything
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[Ready for a new game?]
day 11 definitelynottober - heart in your fist & week 1 weeklyhermittober - beginnings
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IM SO READY LETSGO SO EXCITED FOR THE NEW LIFE SERIES💥💥💥💥💥💥
#definitelynottober#definitelynottober2024#weeklyhermittober#trafficblr#traffic smp#life series#grian#bdoubleo100#bigbst4tz2#ethoslab#geminitay#goodtimeswithscar#impulsesv#martyn inthelittlewood#ldshadowlady#mumbo jumbo#pearlescentmoon#ok not tagging the rest bc theyre so in the back JKASLDJAJAWHAH#but also#zombiecleo#my art#i suffered so much with this piece but i really liked the idea KLASJDKAUEUEHE#maybe ill polish it more later URGH THIS TOOK SO LONGGGGGG#me: ok i need to catch up im two days late#also me: life series all members GO#HOPE U GUYS LIKE IT LOL#i didnt mess up the day count and only just realized now KLSADKLUEHUEJ. AS U CAN TELL THIS PIECE FRIED MY BRAINNNNNNN#edit again i did not completely forget this is also for weeklyhermittober.... trust.......................... KASDUEUEUHGl
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Yeah. so. episode three
#im SO normal about them#kinger likes to sleep in darkness bc he feels closer to his wife#can i kms#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#also yeah. he's using her coat as a pillow#haha#suffer with me#the amazing digital circus#tadc#kinger#tadc kinger#queenie#tadc queenie#kinger x queenie#tf is their ship name btw#the amazing digital circus kinger#the amazing digital circus queenie#the amazing digital circus fanart#tadc fanart#my art#fanart#checkmates#found their ship name!
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I don't want to regret the way I lived
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#nobara kugisaki#nanami kento#choso kamo#junpei yoshino#jjk leaks#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#this idea started as a 2 part series . then my braincells decided to spark and supplied 7 PAGES#'did you sleep hina' no#ws looking up mentally stable things like 'who has died in jjk' smh i love my hyperfixation media im sooooo glad so many ppl r DEAD#i *could* have included more ppl but i think this is a good crew. this is a yuuji emotional support crew#also Was gna include his grandpa final panel but i Did Not Want To#he is implied through th dialogue#side note i donot like how i cn see this scenario playing out . ..yuuji this isnt ur stop u r monopoly voice Just Visiting ok >:(#anyway I broke my own heart with this and ik i hyped it up a lot but i hope that its not just me...#hope i did not hype it up fr nothing and no one else finds it devastating :((((( that would b humbling in the worst way#pls ...join the happy party train.......i hate it here i suffered pls :<<<<#also !!!! colours in this !! i cooked i fear . adding th first bit of warm hitting yuuji's face after th first 2 panels....#ive never had that kind of experience while drawing before it was wild . painful ! but wild.#the whole transition from p 2->3 might b the most emotionally moving piece ive ever made to me#not 2 sing my own praises tho i will shut up ! i wil. nap
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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man this sucks (<- likes a niche character that hardly has any fan content)
#ramblings with major#im like half the danny tag blease im suffering#i need more of my guy#happy fun wholesome stokers When#there is some but i need More#especially in fic form
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"LOL this flip-flop wearing loser thinks he's gonna kick my ass and destroy my whole kingdom in the span of an afternoon. What an idiot"
I didn't intend for this to be a full comic, which is why it just kinda ends. Sowwy
#one piece#monkey d luffy#donquixote doflamingo#trafalgar law#i've been too nice to dofy so im gonna draw him suffering#dofy feels insulted and takes out his annoyance on the ptsd victim#also really loving trebol being the manipulator and then being like “hey this kid is alright!” then becoming the manipulated himself#him turning into a weird enabling father figure without ever intending to is great#but oda intentionally made him so gross an unappealing bc HE KNOWS he can get away with it bc the story is so good#and i hate him for it#anyway dressrosa's a good arc
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let her go
#homestuck#vriska serket#terezi pyrope#vriska#terezi#vrisrezi#mic_art#screencap redraw of that one utena scene woohoo#vrisrezi and utenanthy dont share many similarities but there are some interesting parallels that can be drawn#like theyre all characters who are devoted to the respective roles they think they have#utena needs to be a prince and vriska needs to be a hero#terezi needs to cast vriska as the villain so that she can be the one to bring her to justice while anthy#is resigned to her role as the rose bride and is cast as a witch by others (and herself in a way...) to justify her suffering#im too tired to put into words all the other shit rattlign around in my brain but something something vriska society violence princes utena#something interesting to note is that in the rgu stabbing scene utena is walking to the left while is hs vriskas walking to the right#which i think is mostly a cultural difference due to english being read left to right while japanese is read right to left#changing which direction is percieved as forward#which could be read further into but could also just be the natural flow of the scene or whateevr#idk i need to peruse ohtori.nu again i looooove reading utena essays
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:-P
#me: ive gotta read so fucking much by monday if i dont wanna look like a fucking idiot in my lab meeting monday#also me: if i dont draw maid sanji right fucking now im gonna puke#can u tell what my 2nd favorite shojo was in high school? many scenes still live rent free in my head#clannad was my 1st fave btw lol#also. god i kno i say this on every sanji post but i think abt him so much ever sing day#she is my absolute favorite babygirl. i hate him. i want her to suffer forever#female sanji#me in 2014: what if girl sanji? me in 2024: what if girl sanji???#vinsmoke sanji#sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan#one piece
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sorry guys they finally showed me peak fiction . Its called “phantom of the paradise”
#phantom of the paradise#potp#winslow leach#swan potp#nightmaretheater#these were all done on the same canvas and i spent over 20 hours on it. Its just that good you know#Sorry this movie is making me VICIOUSLY IRREGULAR. its just that good. You have to watch it Now#i hope you dont mind the billion belts i have gifted winslow. she deserves them#lalalalal i love redesigning characters a little teeny weeny bit#Honestly. I want to draw swan more. I hate him so much but hes like really interesting. Im going to put him in situations#I miiight have changed a few details . giggle#…:i just had to give him a cool mark & blonde eyelashes Giggles#anyways i love ur shiny metal teeth winslow *thinks about the metaphorical implications and dehumanization for 10 hours*#So hard to draw her helmet sometimes… But i will willingly struggle . It is Okay!#anyways. Watch this movie now or suffer my curse
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please can we stop describing bigots as delusional. please. im so fucking tired. someone being sucked into a hate group surrounded by others who believe minorities should be oppressed and encouraging them to believe in conspiracy theories that the rest of the group believes, is fundamentally different from someone having a mental illness that causes delusions.
delusions, by definition, cannot be explained by things like cultural background - such as having a belief constantly reinforced by intentional attempts to rationalize it for the sake of maintaining power over minorities. yes, someone can be both delusional and a bigot, and yes conspiracy theories can feed into delusions, but the two are not fucking synonymous.
i did not spend my teen years convinced that i was being stalked by demons just to hear so many of you people equate my disability with incel behavior and genocidal propaganda. stop reinforcing harmful connotations about mental health struggles.
#ok to rb#mental health advocate#mental health advocacy#mental health awareness#ableism cw#sanism cw#madpunk#neuropunk#actually delusional#actually schizospec#im not gonna interact with the post that prompted this#because i do agree with everything that was said and dont want to sound like im defending the assholes discussed#but i also am still fucking pissed about seeing a bunch of misogynistic jackasses compared to a disability#which has caused me immense fear and suffering#and guess what! my delusions were never ''women shouldnt have rights'' or whatever else#bc thats not a delusion thats a tool of the partriarchy to maintain the status quo#genocide cw#to be safe
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patron saint of never growing old
#i think theres something uniquely tragic about how we never know what tessa looked like when she was alive#and that the only reason we have an idea of her appearance is via cyn wearing her skin#i interpret the humans being depicted as glitchy silhouettes to be very literal; the MDs barely remember what they look like#due to their memories being fucked with so frequently. and that makes the cynessa reveal a lot worse imo#to see something- someone- that you once remembered to be warm and familiar contorted into something unrecognizable and dangerous#and being unable to remember what she looked like before being puppeted by a monster#you try to imagine her face- young bright and happy- but can only visualize her dead skin stretching unnaturally across robotic features#belonging to the source of all your suffering and trauma.#guh. she was just a kid. man#never got to grow up. never got to get away from her shitty parents. never got to live before she died. whatever. im normal#murder drones#murder drones fanart#murder drones tessa#tessa james elliot#tessa elliot#tessa murder drones#md tessa#gloom.art
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im not american but some of you guys are just fucking stupid ong what do you MEAN youre not gna vote because you disagree with like one part of what youre voting for. like okay me when im fucking thick
#you guys are being FUCKING STUPUD#vote i actually swear to fucking god dont be THICK#“genocide joe” yeah i agree hes supporting a genocide thats a face#fact*#but hes three billion times better than trump in EVERY OTHER WAY???????#USE YOUR COMMON FUCKING SENSE#genuinely its not hard#“dont vote guys both parties are bad” ARE YOU STUUUUUUPID ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID IM GONNA BEAT YOU UP#would you rather a) have rights + disagree with one policy or b) be imprisoned for basically just being alive + disagree with every policy#YOURE FUCKING STUPID#like im not gonna force you to vote for someone or to vote at all but Jesus fucking christ#mate do you want rights or not#do you want the ENTIRE PLANET to suffer because of something you think gives you moral superiority (hint: IT DOESNT)#fucking vote#blah blah!#not 75 stuff#smart posting wow#should i tag#you know what i fucking am because youre STUPID#i dont CARE if you disagree with some of their morals. i agree the ones that you dislike are TERRIBLE but dear fucking lord#idk how to tag wait#kamala harris#joe biden#idk man#just fucking vote#us politics#election 2024#us elections#american politics
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#senart#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering
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domain expansion
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 264#yuuji#help she entered a fugue state and finished a painting in 7 hours again#I still wish with all my heart that wed gotten megumi but HOLDS UP YUUJI THATS MY BOYYYYYYY#god his face is Messed Up i feel so bad#but i do think this is how ill go about drawing the injuries from now on :'>#just a Mess of flesh tones on that boy :((((( maybe shoko can kiss it better#anyway towards the end of drawing this my llsif pilled brain supplied 'domain expansion: happy party train' and i think its a keeper#yuuji if u havent picked a name yet pls consider thank u <3#a train station tho......as much of a vibe as it is i SUFFERED#the high ceilings full of pipework...the parallel lines....thank god i make the rules and dont actually have to detail it all#i love u vague lines that convey Essence Of Room#i think it works !!! i feel like im waiting fr a train n watching time slow around me as the lights stretch#btw the rake brush is SO good fr making lil bits of stretched light like u r squinting . i love it i have fun#anyway enjoy !!! him!!!! we r truly in yuuji kaisen i never Once doubted my boy
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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