#im stupid as hell apparently
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Got my first tonsil stone today. I didn't even know I had tonsils...
#i talk#okay so#when i was a kid i had my adenoids removed and have been under the impression my entire life that they also removed my tonsils#somehow it has bever come up#and i had seen images of tonsils on the internet and my own didnt look that big so i just didnt connect the dots ??#and today i was like#my mouth is super uncomfortable and it feels like theres something in there#tonsil stone#i got it out by coughing a bunch but yeah#im stupid as hell apparently
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A grumpy lil guy! Where's he being grumpy today?
#someone take the lasso tool away from me#i jst thought this one really was perfect to just. stick him in images#also obsessed with his stupid lil ties. theyre so obnoxious here. his thighhhhh. HIS THIGH#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#transparent#as ever: im makin these for fun but feel free to use him if u want! take my guy on an adventure#if you want the original quality one just drop me a message! i had to compress this to high hell to get tumblr to take it#even though this started out smaller than the last one did#but its a known issue apparently :/
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i genuinely cannot stand being around ppl who have to take their anger out on others . i'm so sick of always having to act like the bigger person to my Older brother while he can just tornado around my entire life & belongings & relationships without warrant all over smthing that had absolutely nothing to do with you or anyone, rlly.
#but HE runs and tells on ME?#i was just going to let shit blow over#lock myself away as fucking alwys like when we were little and he would cuss up a fucking storm#screaming crying and throwing the shit i bought over being unable to beat a game he plays every fucking day#set on fucking Easy mode#and hes hitting a bat into the door or wrecking my shit in my room or fucking. yelling abt me to the fuckin dog#and in the 'dog's voice' making the animal agree with him bcs im? acting crazy#over a fcking video game that u cant even tell him to turn off or at least stop fucking screaming and wailing or else it'll just set it off#sooner#when dad did it he was fcking drunk and i was illegitimate#it's like i cant even fcking escape fcking hell.#hiding all my bad grades in math bcs i couldnt read a stupid fking number right bcs i didnt want ppl screaming at me#for causing even more trouble than they already have to deal with and just living as dumb bcs it costs less#ill get over it ill try harder#i always have to be the bigger fucking man and im so fucking tired of it#but how are u supposed to cut off someone youve been assigned caretaker as b4 u were even born#im so fucking exhausted#anyways so yea. im pretty sensitive to tone so if i seem like a baby to smthing i apologize#i rlly just. cant stand sme things sometimes#i love getting told i never felt like a friend to my other siblings not only bcs of our massive age gap but also theyre legitimate and#i dont drink or smoke so apparently we cant hang without them always checking the time on their phones#while im taking them out to smthing they like like it's so fun i fcking love it here#anyways yea. love zero comprehension or compassion. love it. loving my life
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Got my first warning for something that is both stupid and untrue because I'm a faggot and the conservative christians want me gone lol yayyyyy 💜
#apparently the funeral director told my boss boss that i broke the dress code...#because my glasses are transition lenses. they have been such the entire time and no one has said anything once prior to this point.#when i asked my boss what he was told he said the fd only said that i had broke the dress code and no details apparently lol#because i didnt. he literally couldnt back up his claim because it wasnt true lmfao#the funniest part is that everyone knows this fd is closeted as all hell. but im not stupid i know that makes me a target especially for him#lol. weeee:)
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So you're telling me in the US they put their ballot votes in a box in the streets????
Learnt that because apparently they are being sent on fire which is exactly what I'd expect with that kind of system...
#i know you guys vote online#but do you do the thing where you have to wake up a very sunny sunday (not in November i guess lmao) and walk to the voting point of#you city???#and try to avoid eye contact with the local representatives so they don't ask you to come back at 6pm to count the votes???#im very curious because i wouldn't trust the postal services to be on time here djdjdbenene#but anyway seriously#everything i know about the us voting system baffle me#you tell me a candidate can win the popular vote but lose the election????#i mean i knew that fact since like highschool but i still can't wrap my mind around it#apparently the US is the only democracy with no direct universal vote#also i did know that till very recently#i always wondered how tf some srates had more power than others#and like last week#i learnt that states with slaves used them as a one third of a voice and that's how they gained more powers#but when finally long years later they could finally vote#the same people who used them went on the streets to try to stop them to vote (which is sadly not surprising)#the whole thing is fucked up#I mean not saying here is really better at the moment#but at least one voice = one vote#im trying to imagine having ballots hanging outside in France and this would go so fucking bad omg#and the 'fun' part is that it won't be because of fascists (i mean today it would) but because stupid kids would take it as a challenge#anyway i don't want to talk about this election#im not American and shit#but it's kinda really stressful to see dumb shit like that on an election whi will have as many#if not more#consequences on the whole world#oh also what the hell are their official programs?#i mean except saying fascist stuff vs saying fascism bad and calling each other stupid#anyway case closed#but im very dreadfully curious about the voting system though
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I watched the new episode of TADC instead of going to my English class teehee
(I liked this episode more than the previous one, I'm gonna post spoilers tee hee)
#did i mention Im studying a new career? because biology apparently is non important in the second most biodiverse country in the world?#My new job is giving me much more money than those as a biologist ever did ...so what the hell Im gonna study that field too#sadly... they told me i have to do all the english levels#so far english 1 has been stupid as hell...so Im not going to take it seriously lol (I did all the virtual homework in like...an hour lol)
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need someone to take my phone away before i check the chappell tag again
#its free blocklist but at what cost#saw someone being like you only like her bc shes gay which is just so?#no i actually love her music but also yes its great that shes a lesbian#cant like anything gay ever without annoying ppl online being like you only like it cause its gay#shut up omg and its double annoying when its other gay people like#okay you sound like my shitty conservative relatives so if that was the goal you succeeded good job?#im bored as hell so im just pissing myself off checking tags. apparently#people are so stupid all the time
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why is it that every. fucking. group chat i've ever been in leads to everyone fucking each other. with me being the exception as the sole person no one lusts after
#go to hell tiger#unloveable#idk im jaded but ive become so desensitized to it over time#nearly 10+ years of this just being the one person no ones attracted to#my friends only like me bc im funny and witty and have a stupid idiot laugh#like im just their court jester#im not one to be deserving of physical intimacy#not that i care for it#the concept of sex happening to me makes me dissociate hard#but still#is it a crime to want to be needed? to be lusted after?#bc according to all the pretty privilege women on the internet who get whistled at it apparently it
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love them both so fucking dearly my god damn blorbos
#⚠️#my art#obsessed with the twilight sparkle ass hair extensions penelope sometimes wears#spencers hair looks a little weird but like dude you dont understand the hell i went through drawing that#apparently microsoft whiteboards sticky notes are really fucking sticky cause i put them under that drawing and it just attached onto my#lines and would not let go#so i had to individually remove the lines from the sticky note#im not fucking draqwing his stupid hair again im so tired
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parents love to say "idk how u turned out so anxious and insecure" and then tell u everything u wear and every decision u make is Wrong and Bad
#literally cant even put on a new tshirt in this family without getting told i fucked it up#and then everyones shocked that i hate myself and feel ugly all the time#i just actually felt like i kind of looked okay and had a cute outfit on#which is huge for me bc tshirts are usually so hard for me to feel comfortable in at all#and then i get told i look stupid in front of all my relatives#this is fully why i cant trust myself to even dress myself like i apparently just dont understand what looks good#how the fuck am i ever supposed to feel okay if i cant trust myself to even put together shorts and a tshirt into a presentable outfit#i know im being too sensitive and i sound like an angsty teenager its just been such a shitty day already and this is just another thing#and being around my family 24/7 is continuing to take a major toll on my mental health which already sucked to begin with lmao#just three more days of this. and then ill be home and i can rest (for one day then i go back to work which is also hell!!)
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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oh my god everything makes sense now
#ive had so much troubke sleeping for the last like. 3 weeks. like i havent been getting more than 4 hrs of sleep most nights#and its SUCKED so bad and ive had the worst dreams ever like#its either mind empty blank 0 dreams whatsoever (<< which ive learned also sucks! feels bad and empty in the morning)#or like..trauma nightmares. like im back in high school type nightmares. and a few work stress dreams sprinked in for flavor#lkke this has been. An Issue.#I JUST FIGURED OUT WHY. AND I FEEL SO STUPID#ITS BECAUSE I DONT HAVE LOKI LIVING WITH ME ANYMORE.#im at my parents house for the weekend and . got here at like 8pm last night.#laid on the couch. loki jumped up on thr couch with me to cuddle#and ive always said hes so good at this bc hes warm and he lays on top of me so hes like a weighted blanket#and i cant move my arms to look at my phone or anything so its SO easy to fall asleep w loki cuddles#AT 9PM I FELL ASLEEP. i havent gone to sleep before midnight in like 2 months.#and when i had 2 get up to move to the guest bed he followed me.#and i just woke up from a nightmare and he was on the other side of the bed so i reached my hand out 2 pet him#and he laid his little chin on my hand and oh my god everything makes so much sense now.#ive always kind of half joked abt loki being an esa. because im like. he is. but not officially#hes never been trained for it and we dont have like. documentation for it bc ive never been officially diagnosed for anything (hell world)#so i feel bad calling him that bc it feels like im. disrespecting people that Actually Need esas#(<< coming from.a guy who Actually Needs An ESA Apparently.) what the fuck#head in hands. everything makes so much sense now#and normally id go all science brain on this like oh it was just one night iwas probably just too tired i need more evidence to be sure#but like. i have loterally not slept this well in a month and a half.#I have not gonento sleep before midnight in AT.LEAST the last two weeks. CONSISTENTLY .#head in habds.
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if i never had to use amtrak again that would be the best day ever
#AMTRAK IS SO FUCKING STUPID#THEY fucked up on a trip i was on a while back and gave me a voucher for it which was great!#but the voucher is apparently ONE USE ONLY???#so if im taking a trip thats less than 300 bucks (which i AM) then basically fuck you you lose the rest of that money#AND THEY DONT MAKE IT CLEAR THAT ITS ONE USE EITHER#so i used it for a 29 dollar ticket. a TWENTY NINE DOLLAR TICKET. when i had 300 bucks to use.#so i LOST 271#i called them and talked to them and they were nice enough to give me a new voucher for the 271 so i didnt lose it#(bc when i asked WHY they have one use only vouchers the guy literally said uhh idk why. so i was like if u cant explain the reason behind#it it literally shouldnt be a rule)#so now i have a 271 voucher and i would like to use it all but one trip isnt 271 so i wanna book multiple trips at once to use it all#BUT THAT IS LIKE IMPOSSIBLE???#THERES LIKE NO FEATURE THAT ALLOWS ME TO BOOK MULTIPLE TRIPS AT ONCE?#so i called AGAIN to ask someone how#and they were like oh we can do it for you!#i was like great! and started going through my travel details and the lady was like cool we have a train at 6am. and i was like ??#the website said theres one at 10:55 i want that one i dont need to be there at 6 am and she was like oh well we cant book that bc its#not an amtrak train its a capital corridor train#LADY WHAT THE HELL#WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT#I JUST WANT TO BOOK MY STUPID TRIPS AND NOT LOSE MY MONEY!!!!#needless to say.#i fucking hate amtrak#do not reccomend#drive people the exorbitant gas prices are worth it if it means you dont have to use fucking amtrak sdjflkg#mack rambles
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Pretty sure I made my pharmacists think I’m a fucking junkie so that’s great 😐
#im a fucking moron and got the name brand vs generic adhd meds mixed up#cause APPARENTLY the generic meds are the ones that work for me and not the name brands#but i just got like 60 fucking capsules of the name brand thinking it was the ones that work for me when they're NOT :(#and bc i already ordered them and bought them i can't swap them out#and i ordered SIXTY FUCKING CAPSULES#so now I can't get my meds for the next two fucking months#and i was freaking out and asking if there was anything i could do to swap them#but there isn't since its a controlled substance#so now i have 60 capsules of a useless medication on hand#and the pharmacist was being a dick and going like 'uhhh there shouldn't be a difference 🤨🤨'#except there fucking is and idk how the hell to explain it#like there is a difference in the manufacturing and i guess my body absorbs one better than the other#anyways and now they probably think im a junkie cause the generics are the ones you can snort#and the name brands have some kind of anti abuse thing done to them so you cant snort them#i mean like. i have snorted my meds before lmao but i don't usually like doing that#i just want the ones thatll work for me since its finals season :(#and also theyre really good for helping with my emotional regulation issues#like i would not have almost burst into tears in the middle of the pharmacy if these stupid name brand ones actually worked#shut up maka
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I hate how fucking cold 🥶 it is here rn. My body temperature is so fucked holyshit.
Fuck these useless meds. I'm a fucking estrogen bomb like all the women in my shitass father's side of the family.
My health is outta whack.
#personal#im freezing but sweating#washed my face with ice water and then i froze my ass and am sweating#apparently this is normal with my estrogen blockers since i produce too much of that damn hormone#yeah i might have some “aesthetic” benefits from having too much of it but my health is absolutely FUCKED#stupid meds giving me hot flashes from hell and my estrogen is still ridiculously high despite all these meds for more than a year#i hate this#cold and hot flashes SUCK#not queued#🤬
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I just lost my streak of doing the bare minimum today! T-T
The streak started two days ago.
#jiraiblr#jiraiblogging#pienblr#it’s good it gets me closer to the end goal#only for me#apparently#I’m so selfish#regardless#bare minimum#actually autistic#hell is a teenage girl#streak#i hate me so much#vent post#vent blog#self improvement#jirai lifestyle#lifestyle landmine#i will kms#tw self destruction#living isn’t for me#i’m so stupid#im useless#i can’t do anything
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