#im sorry for inflicting this on you all lol

[handsome-jacks-toy]

Handsune Jacku

[xxplastic-cubexx]

obligatory beach divorce doodling

bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut

[timetravelstudies]

This got long and annoying so its under a cut now

The way in the fight w the museum director insul gets the same big injuries he has given trianon (so far), aand particularly the ones that T thinks back on often as specific sources of fear/humiliation/control (pepper sprayed in the eyes; kicked in the balls; choked with smth small and thin ((wire / car window)))….. im too tired to formulate a proper Thought abt this but the fact this all happens right in front of tjat one painting of dante & virgil in hell + insul and the director are in the exact same pose right as insul is about to die* is obviously so meant to evoke the idea of contrappasso….. at this stage trianon isnt “”��strong””” enough (doesnt understand Insul enough and most importantly doesnt fully inhabit himself and his own strengths) to be able to pay back Insul’s violence (as he does later, though not in such a literal way anymore) so tje director will do for now🥰 bc they both need to descend into hell they both need to be subject to physical and psychological violence in order to strip down layers……. so its cool how the director serves that purpose for this phase 1 both in story for insul himself (who eats shit in this fight) and also as a sort of alert for the reader like make no mistake they are BOTH gonna get put thru the ringer. even the top has to wade through cocytus! or smth

[way2gosuperrstarr]

watch my body disintegrate into a pile of ash like a cartoon character who just got struck by a lightning bolt (JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN) (just got off work)

[tiredlinguist]

god, this makes sense. after my mom found out i started testosterone, she told me i had caused her more grief than she could imagine, and that she didn’t even want to think about or look at other people’s daughters. she told me she couldn’t focus on anything else, she’d stopped caring about her job, she wished she were dead. she was mourning me, and meanwhile i was becoming the person i had begged my parents for years to let me become.

she did this following the first phone call we’d had in months, aka the first time she’d heard my voice after it dropped. i can’t help but think that’s what triggered her to tell me all the things i mentioned above (and more, that i don’t want to bring up). my low voice was tangible proof that i was destroying my body, and therefore was destroying hers

the cis maternal urge to treat your trans son’s body like an extension of your own body, and to react to said trans son’s physical transition as if they might as well have just started hacking away at your own body with a rusty axe, really is something else.

my mom hasn’t seen my chest post-op at all because the idea of it is so awful to her that the one time we took my bandages off with her present, she ran across the hotel room to hide from it and started crying to my brother about it (yes, with actual tears). she drove an hour and a half with us at 5:30am to my post-op just to sit in the waiting room because she refused to come in and see me after the surgeon took the bandages off. my dad has been the only one helping me with recovery things like changing bandages and monitoring healing because she still won’t look at my chest.

and she says that’s because she loves me and cares about me. love is when you treat the body your child can finally live in comfortably like it’s your worst nightmare. apparently.

[amaranthine-apollo]

i was wondering if you could do some sort of jinx x reader in which the reader somehow gets hurt and possibly dies due to the injury infront of jinx?? (sorry im not specific and im a sucker for angst lol)

thanks!

“ᴛɪʟʟ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴅᴏ ᴜꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴛ”- ᴊɪɴx

-——————————𒅌——————————-

•How Jinx would react to her lovers sudden death and the effects it would have on her- {GN reader}

Fandom: Arcane

Genre: Angst/ Bullet points

Warning(s): Death, violence, gore, self harm

-——————————𒅌——————————-

⌖ Immediately she freezes in her tracks whilst all hell continues to break out around her. Time does not stop for her as she stares at your corpse, gunshot wounds inflicted by the guns enforcers wield littering your body with holes that weeped copious amounts of blood. It’s like the gears in her mind stop and her own legs nearly give in at the sight until the weight of someone crashing into her side snaps her out of her disbelief. And as the chaos goes on her first action is to rush over to your body, frantically struggling to pick you up while signaling towards Sevika to guard her as she rushes you back into Zaun.

⌖ All of her previous plans are eradicated from her mind as she runs through the narrow alleyways back to where she hides out a majority of the time. There was no time for her to call for help so that maybe you’d have a sliver of a chance of saliva. No, she could feel just how frigid your skin had become the moment she’d picked you up. You were dead on the spot, and you had the wounds on your chest and sides to prove that.

⌖ She’s hyperventilating as she clutches onto your stained clothes with a desperation she hasn’t felt in a while. The fabric is damp with crimson and when she bunches it up within her fists your blood is what flows out and drips onto the flooring. And as her eyes wearily drop downward to stare at her bloodied hands she finally lets out a guttural, broken scream. Next thing she knows she sobbing against your neck, blubbering out incoherent apologies against your skin until her voice is going hoarse.

⌖ She lays there with your body in her arms for hours upon hours, even after her voice gives away and her heart stops pounding painfully against her ribs. She simply cradles you in her hold, subconsciously petting your hair as her mind plays back the events leading to your death in her head over and over like a broken record.

⌖ After she pries herself away from you she begins to get your body ready to lay down to rest. Her hands are still trembling violently despite how she seems calmer now on the outside. Tears well up in the corners of her eyes that threaten to spill whenever she blinks but she tries her hardest to not break down again. If not for her own sake then for yours. She grabs various items of yours: some clothing, jewelry, and other trinkets belonging to you. She adorns your body with some of your necklaces and rings and shrugs on the jacket she crafted you herself by hand onto your shoulders. The rest of the things she’s gotten lay on your chest as she secured them with a piece of fabric so that they wouldn’t slip off.

⌖ Your burial is nothing special admittedly; but then again how would it be in Zaun? Whilst the filthy rich over in Piltover bury their loved ones in casket’s gloriously crafted with a tombstone where they lay the blue haired girl is left to place your corpse in one of the spots you and her would frequently visited or was your favorite and just.. place you there. If your death is after Silco’s and you had a strong enough bond with the man she may dip you into the very same water she’d taken Silco to.

⌖ Jinx’s hallucinations only worsen, especially on holidays you used to celebrate with her or towards certain anniversaries like when you both first got together and so on. It gets to a point to where it cripples her mentally and she finds herself in a deep depression that she struggles to get out of. All she sees and hears is you in front of her, berating and belittling her for doing this to you- for causing your death. Your lifeless eyes digging into her with such a hatred she ends up on the ground in a fetal position with her nails clawing deep red lines into her arms until she’s bleeding.

⌖ Her hatred towards Piltover spirals only further as a result of your absence and after staying hidden drowning in her own sorrows she’s planning attack after attack on them. It’s like a suicide mission more times than not with how violent her schemes get, and a part of her isn’t against the fact she may die fighting. She feels a sense of pride at the damage she causes, knowing that shes taking from the very people who stole everything from her.

⌖ Sevika often sees her struggle and after a while she suggests for her to get something made in your name to lessen how much your death still affects her mentally. So, she gives herself a tattoo that was symbolic of you. It’s right on her chest where her heart is, and sometimes when shes by herself she’ll run her hand over it and imagine it’s you she’s running her hand over. Your clothes are apart of hers now, taking a few of the rugged pieces to sew together on her own clothes in patches. She’ll also make a doll resembling you with two buttons the same color of your eyes. All of these things are what hold her together, and even though she’ll never get over your death and the love she felt towards you she’ll be damned if the memory of you ever dies.

[prettyboykatsuki]

idk if you’ve ever talked about this but would love a spark notes summary of what your bllk guys are like in bed lol

I DONT THINK IVE EVER MADE A POST ABT IT REALLY? at least not like a masterpost i normally just go insane making 50 horny posts in a row KJSDKJS

i have such strong opinions on all of them actually im so mentally ill . also this reeks of my insane isagi bias sorry alsdkfjsd. u said sparknotes but i cant shut up to save my life SDKFJSJ SORRY!!!

isagi yoichi: he is the True Switch to me. prefers to topping to bottoming with some exceptions like depending on his partner. he leans in whatever direction is partner leans in so if you're submissive, he's dominant and vice versa. very obedient when he's being submissive. kind of an asshole when he's domming sdkfjlksdk massive tease and bully 🙂‍↕️. very verbal and likes to play mind games. a giver in his heart of hearts. enjoys facesitting. likes receiving too but blowjobs make him feel really sensitive so its a special occasion thing. has a thing for stockings and light femdom overall. loves anal. likes vanilla sex equally to everything else he's just generally down for whatever. very quick learner. has a bunch of somewhat random fantasies he's embarrassed about wanting to try but gets really into them when they happen. jack of all trades.

bachira meguru: another True Switch. NOISY IN BED. in general the type that wants to get his way. extremely bratty sub and kind of masochistic. likes the feeling of being completely dominated and also likes being the center of attention in sex. prefers topping to bottoming but only in a very slight margin. rough when he's dominating someone, like sickly sweet tone that completely contradicts what he's doing. likes quickies and in general having very risky sex whether that means being in public or going bareback. likes piss. bitey and likes bruising. fiend about head in general so loves getting facefucked and loves eating pussy. like he lovesssss it. likes receiving it too but likes to fuck(or be fucked) much more. spits an insane amount of filth during sex like goes on and on and on. just like a little slutty. unrelated kinda but his cock is BURLY. anyway.

itoshi rin: generally leans submissive and/or vanilla. kind of a spoiled brat about it but it takes him... a long long time to open up to that point. doesn't care about top/bottom position much. even in vanilla sex it's probably on you to take the lead in one or another until he's more comfortable. can be kind of stiff and awkward. unexpectedly clumsy abut everything and touches you carefully. good with his hands. likes being on the receiving end of body worship. usually does not like to inflict pain. its very intimate no matter what and unexpectedly emotional. uses sex as a stopgap for communication barriers so sometimes his cuteness aggression ends up as marathon sex where you fuck for hours. overall reserved and has to be convinced to do certain things even when he likes them. cant take being edged. always very embarrassed in the aftermath. likes being pampered a little and spoken too in a very embarrassing way but if you bring it up afterwards he'll fucking kill you. sweet when he's deep into subspace but again.... takes a while. he relies on his instinct a lot in bed, like more than normal.

oliver aiku: whore. another switch, but leans on dominant. no real pref for top/bottom. knows what he likes and how to please people. usually bottoms for very burly men and tops pretty boys - he is very typical in that sense. likes all women equally in his case and does what they say. weirdly unselfish which is what makes people come back to him. good with pretty much everything but his stroke game is undefeated and it is unfortunate for everyone. can be incredibly cruel while dominant or incredibly sweet. just depends on who he's with. enjoys getting head when its sloppy. big fan of anything related to ass (likes rimming as much as being rimmed etc). prefers one on one interactions so he can focus his attentions on one person but has been in several threesomes. in a relationship he is extremely heavy on body worship and praise. frightening stamina, never tired. can do it a couple times in a day without getting tired. likes spit and cumming on his partners face.

i think i will be here forever if i go though people can ask for specific characters if they want a version of this SDKJFSDJ. but these are my opinion on my Faves(TM). SORRY THIS IS SO LONG? something is wrong with me

i think a lot of the bluelock men are very switchy and weird about sex bc they are just insane KSJDKJ ??

[savnofilter]

Bakugo w/ Quiet!S/O HCs

          Pro Hero!Katsuki Bakugo x [GN]Reader

CONTENT WARNING(S): sfw, fluff, reader has no specified profession, bumped into each other and person B picks up papers for Y person trope, strangers -> friends -> lovers (established relationship).

COUNT: 600 words.

I/B: i wanna show you my challenge LMAOO

READ MORE: masterlist + [students | bakugo masterlist]

A/N: ahhh i loved doing this rec lol. i couldnt come up with a specific job for reader sjejeje IM SORRY. i keep doing the same ones over and over too. 😭🙏🏽 so it's left undecided. it's not that serious but im mentioning it anyways lol. AND I KID YALL NOT, THINKING ABOUT THAT TIKTOK IS WHAT INSPIRED ME TO WRITE THIS LMAOSNSNMESK. anyways thank you, anon! ☠️

most people would think that you two wouldn't go or be together… but y'all together real bad. like real mf bad.

the one thing about you two is that he can understand you without you having to say anything.

this inclination to understand what you're thinking is what helped you bond.

it started off with him literally being like,

"Watch where you're going, what's wrong with you???"

You gave an apologetic look, one close to tears as his outburst startled you greatly. You were already late for a meeting and now you were being yelled at. On top of that, this awful interaction had just caused you to drop all your papers that were needed for your job.

You mutter an apology and kneel down to pick up the scattered papers. Bakugo lifts his brow as he watches you scramble and sighs a cuss under his breath at how passive you are. He begrudgingly bends down to start helping you pick up your stuff, feeling bad for his upfront behavior. He's much quicker than you probably because he mixed up the papers around, but he stands back and fixes them into a pile, looking down at your gaping expression at his aggressive niceness.

"Get your shit, c'mon."

You nod and frantically collect your stuff as you stand, pointing in the direction you need to go whilst he holds your stuff for you.

you're the type of person who has to get close to talk to people, (cough) ex; weather report (cough).

after Bakugo being intrigued about your—let's be real—odd way of communicating, you two became friends and it was inevitable that you two would start dating.

Bakugo would never admit it but he liked the fact that you so close to him to talk wksksksks like it's such a weak spot for him.

+ prefers to keep you close anyways.

he knows that you're pretty freaking smart since he did some snooping around when you first became friends to know more 'bout you.

+ because y'know…. you're that much of a talker lol. 😭

your answers were usually short and sweet and there were rarely times where your voice would inflict and you could ramble about something you were passionate about.

since you two weren't in the same careers although the same field, you had a lot of well rounded-ness about you.

one of the days when you accompanied him to the gym, he jokingly challenged you to spar with him, even going as far to pick you up and bring you to the mat.

he had given you an onslaught of tickles, one that had you giggling and playfully pushing him away until it was tew much and you shoved him a little tew hard.

Bakugo was so stunned at how hard he had fell back on his own butt. that doesn't normally happen when he's not sparring with a fellow hero.

that day he left you be, but later on he'd tease and test you to see how much you were truly hiding.

of course he wasn't forcing you into situations you didn't want to be in, but he finds it so amusing of how much you can truly exert in strength being the twerp you are.

there's even a few times where he bribes you to lift heavy ass weights just to admire how strong you are lmaoo.

he's genuinely so into you that everything you do keeps him entertained.

never would he have guessed the quiet person he had never glanced at before could be so…. unique.

    all rights reserved © do NOT steal, alter or copy this work.

[crazylittlejester]

Ok so like, I've got this "What if" story idea bouncing around in my head that I would LOVE to write a fic about, but I feel like I can barely form a coherent thought these days, let alone a cohesive story, lol. But at the same time, this notion is absolutely ROTTING my brain, and I feel like at the very least I have to inflict it on someone else, so. Sorry. I thought of you first.

So like, it's pretty well agreed on that the dungeon the chain is exploring is (practically) in Hyrule's Hyrule, right? A.K.A. in the downfall timeline? So. . .

What if they encountered downfall!Time's ghost???

Do you think Time would realize it? Do you think he would recognize himself in this boy who faced the worst the world could throw at him and couldn't beat the odds, or do you think he has fought so hard to distance himself from the horrors of his youth that he fails to understand? Do you think he could even comprehend the possibility of his failure? (Because he could not fail he could not fail he will not fail—)

If he does recognize the ghost, how do you think he'd react?? Do you think he would see his ghost the way he sees the rest of the chain? Do you think Time would wish to have protected him the he tries to protect the rest of his boys? Or do you think he would hold the spirit to the same standards he holds himself, possibly even feeling shame or anger at the fact that he failed? (How could he fail how could I fail—)

And even beyond that, if Time discovered his ghost first, and alone, do you think he would try to hide it from the others???

And I know for a fact that Wars would recognize the ghost! Do you think he would somehow subtly realize that this isn't the same kid that he fought beside, or do you think that he would get this sinking feeling in his chest, that the boy who followed him through a war, for whom he did everything in his power to guide and protect and train, went through all of that just to die??? Do you think Wars would wonder if he could have prevented it???

And how do you think it would affect the whole chain, to be so suddenly and so jarringly confronted by their survivorship bias? That maybe they aren't the only heroes—they're just the only ones who lived.

And that doesn't even touch on all the angst of the ghost, who is now being confronted with all of these heroes who *did* make it, who *did* beat Ganon and save Hyrule and I just jkdkalhalshskla

Anyways, once again, sorry, but this is all the words I can actually word and I don't want it rattling around in my skull all alone lol

IM SO SORRY I ACCIDENTALLY SAVED THIS TO DRAFTS INSTEAD OF POSTING IT 😭

first of all this is absolutely fucking devastating, i’m destroyed (im obsessed)

At the point he’s at in his life right now, I feel like part of Time would be able to look at this other him and his heart would drop because this child is so painfully a child. I feel like he would know this kid tried his BEST, but wasn’t able to beat the odds and I think that would destroy him inside. I feel like he MIGHT try to hide this from the chain, or at least try to stop them from drawing the connection that it’s basically HIM, but I don’t think he’d be angry at Downfall Him. I think he’d feel survivors guilt but 50 times worse because why was HE the version of himself who got to live. He wouldn’t know how to react or how to treat the ghost, he’d be frozen

Warriors would also be absolutely destroyed, this boy doesn’t know him at all, but the idea that he COULD’VE known THIS kid but didn’t get to would hurt his heart so bad. He’d be able to be so incredibly gentle with him in a way Time wouldn’t be able to at the beginning, but I think through how Warriors would be able to treat this ghost Time would be more comfortable around him and maybe even be able to treat his actual self with more kindness

The survivors guilt would hit them all so hard, and seeing what Time looked like during his journey would be like seeing pictures of your grandparents when they were your age. Like, the fact that this kid is dead aside, they’re seeing baby Time

DONT APOLOGIZE FOR YAPPING IM OBSESSED WITH THIS IDEA, IM SO SO SORRY IT GOT STUCK IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG 😭

[kevindayscrown]

So I just read that kevin used Jean in order to flee from the nest, and he also knew that by doing so, Riko would get enraged and take it out on Jean, but it was his only chance. Maybe Kevin thought he could help Jean after he got out of the nest. Maybe he thought jean could endure the pain that Riko would inflict on him and find a way to help Jean after that. Maybe he asked Wymack to help jean since wymack knows everything about the nest.

Idk i refuse to believe that kevin did nothing for jean after that incident and if he didn't i'm sure he spent all those days thinking about jean i'm sure he felt guilty every single day of his life

And i'm almost sure that kevin tried to coax jean into leaving the nest. But jean thinks he belongs to the ravens. He coudn't save someone who didn't want to be saved. Kevin also said “I knew you wouldn’t come with me.” So I'm sure he tried to persuade him but jean just wouldn't budge.

nora made him this selfish asshole she hates him i swear lol

i need kevin's POV i'm sure he did try to rescue jean but he failed

Sorry for any grammatical mistakes i'm not a native

I think there is a lot more nuisance that goes behind this. I don't think with what was implied in TSC that Nora made him a selfish asshole.

Let's work with only what we know from Jean's POV; that night, Kevin asked Jean to distract Riko, knowing that Jean would say yes. Kevin told Jean nothing else; he didn't try to convince him to come with him. Does that make Kevin an asshole? Maybe. But also Kevin was indeed well aware that Jean would have said no, and Im pretty sure he didn't try to change his mind. We don't know what was going on inside his head, but it's also safe to assume that Kevin had one goal that night, and that was to just get out of there. Is that selfish? Maybe, if you look at it on a surface level and only if you look at it through the perspective of Jean (though I don't think that if you ask Jean now, in canon, that he'd consider Kevin selfish).

But the thing is that, as right as Jean is in being angry at Kevin for leaving him, Kevin also had every right to escape that night.

I don't think it makes him selfish. Kevin knew that if he stayed in the Nest, he'd either die or left to wither away as nothing more than remnants of a legacy (which for Kevin, it might as well mean he is dead regardless). Kevin made a very difficult choice, and it was difficult not only because he had to leave Jean behind but also because he had to abandon everything he knew. He chose to leave Riko’s side despite having been brainwashed to think that he is meant to be his second, his pet. Unfortunately for the Moriyamas, conditioning Kevin to care about exy and his game so much meant that, at the threat of losing what he thinks is his only worth, he became defiant enough to run away.

Also, we need to keep in mind that something happened between Jean and Kevin before the incident with Kevin's hand; they weren't as close as they once had been. And another thing we need to keep in mind is that Kevin didn't even know everything that was being done to Jean (which I find hard to accept but that's per canon right now).

We also need to keep in mind that you can't save someone from drowning without the risk of taking yourself down too. In the long run, Kevin making it out first meant that he could help Jean later, as it eventually happened. It was the only logical solution. Trying to convince Jean wouldn't have worked, and the Moriyamas wouldn't have been as 'lenient' about losing two investments instead of one.

But yes, Kevin does admit to feeling 'bottomless guilty.' Kevin isn't just some asshole who only cares about himself, despite the circumstances. Even as things are implied in canon, I think Kevin leaving is implied more as "a tragic circumstance that couldn't be helped, the fault for which befalls on the abusers who forced their hands" rather than "Kevin is an asshole who left Jean".

The two don't even argue about it as viscerally as people had expected; deep down, despite the resentment about the fact, Jean probably understands. He doesn't blame Kevin for leaving (at least not at Kevin's face), but he does blame him for sending him to distract Riko. And he is right to do that. Even if Kevin had been desperate and afraid, even if he has all the reasons in the world to have done that, Jean has every right to be mad.

Situations can be nuanced like that, and it's fine. If anything, it makes things more interesting to explore and more complicated.

Though I do agree that a Kevin POV of that would be great to have.

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 3

♡ Summary: Carmy actually has allowed himself FRIENDS?? Also- he gets to have like.. a normal day with Syd somewhat, outside of work, hanging out with people who aren't in any way involved w/ the restaurant.

♡ W/C: 6,919

♡ Posted Date: 04/08/2024

♡ A/N: Hayo ;D Here is C3 of Blue Lotus!!! I am v much like Carmy & got a alot of amusement AND enjoyment writing this chapter, so that makes my brain tell me I took it too OOC & I haaate writing these 2 OOC. So if its OOC I'm sorry, but at least it's funny LOL. The story Shayna tells is lightly based on Euphoria But the college version - so if you've seen it that's why it feels a little familiar - if you haven't seen it its a same vibe except high school so the father is much, much more disgusting. But I looove writing Shayna so much, I have friends like her & they are always the personalities to make you laugh until youre sore the next day - & Syd & Carmy deserves a friend like that so I gave them one! Without further ado, I hope you enjoy <3 As per usual this fic is inspired by Tucson that can be read here It was written by my lovely friend @gingergofastboatsmojito please be sure to read that one before you read Blue Lotus, also do give Ginger a follow!!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Talks of ; a near physical assault, blood, sex, transphobia/outing, self inflicted wounds, actually contains; smoking cigarettes/weed, drinking alcohol, vomiting, swearing

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

“Hey! Im Sydney- sure! We were uh…we were gonna cook- do you wanna join? I just got back from the store” she got up, shaking her hand. 

“Totally -  my god this necklace! Where did you get it?” Shayna asked, leaning in and looking at the pendant “and you smell so good, lavender?” She said. 

“I thrifted it! I love thrifting. Carm does too- does it so much he has to keep extra jeans in his oven.. oh! And yeah this perfume it’s inside. I’ll show it to you” Syd replied happily. 

“Your oven?” Jesse asked Carm 

“Yeah uh.. not enough space- um Syd these are my…” he trails off 

“Friends. Were his friends- therapy friends I guess. I mean I hope he holds his word and texts me when we get out of here” Shayna nudged Carm’s shoulder gently. 

He cleared his throat “yeah- uh-my friends. Shayna and Jesse.” He said shyly. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you guys, have you ever had deer? They sell it at the grocery store here, harder to get in Chicago. I figured we’d try this recipe I thought up a while ago” she opened the door to the cabin and Jesse and Shana went inside making themselves at home right away. 

This wasn’t the first time they’d hung out, they would do this a few times a week before dinner and then sit and eat together before going back to their respective cabins for the night. 

“Never had deer before - aren’t you guys like super chefs or-“ Jesse is interrupted by Shayna’s whining 

“Carmen you still haven’t asked for a wifi box?!” She asked annoyed, putting her phone back in the pocket of her cargo jeans.  

“No I haven’t because I don’t need one I’m not addicted to Instagram or whatever the fuck” Carmy said, taking the door for Syd and she headed in, him following suit. 

“Oh yeah I forgot Carmy the little old man who likes to hide away from the online world- you look like you take fire Instagram pictures, how do you deal with that loser all the time?” She asked Syd jokingly, leaning against the counter and watching as she pulled various ingredients from the fridge. 

Syd laughed a bit, a big smile on her face as she moved around looking through various cabinets. “I do…um- Chef-“ she said and he sat up from where he was leaning against the kitchen doorframe 

“Where do you need me?” He asked her 

“Onions medium dice if you can manage the knives here suck” she took out one of the small knives they kept for him in the drawer and set it on the cutting board as she began to pick the rosemary, putting the sprigs in a bowl. 

“What the fuck is that” Shayna picked up a mortar with a deep black goop at the bottom. 

“Juniper berries…found a juniper tree when I was hanging outside. Made sure it’s the right kind so don’t be worried” Syd said and Carmen couldn’t help the small smile that curled his lips. 

“You found a juniper, and you just.. remembered this recipe?” Carmen asked, chopping the onions as skillfully as if he hadn’t been out of the kitchen a single day. 

“Thats hot” Shayna says “you’re hot as hell bitch! Oh my god! You just saw a tree and were like ‘let me make up this super cute berry deer coquette dish’ ” she said, causing Syd, her, and Jesse to crack up, but Carmen was lost. 

“The fuck is a coquette?” He asked, causing Syd to laugh harder when Shayna said between giggles 

“I told you! He’s so old!!!” She squeaked, leaning against the counter and wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. 

“Coquette is like… Marina and the Diamonds on Vinyl, pink bow, fairy princess, Sydney in the woods picking juniper berries aesthetic it’s like..a vibe.” Shayna explained.

“Oh my god- it’s a girl thing carm it’s like. I dunno- like pink frilly shit and like- Lacy shit?” Jesse tried to explain. 

Carm raised his brows, scraping the now cut onions into a bowl. “So Syd picking berries what does that have to do with- what did you say- pink bows?” Carm questioned and Shayna rolls her eyes. 

“It’s the vibe Carmen, the vibe. Ugh you are no fun I can already tell Sydney is the fun one. What music do you listen to?” Shayna sat up next to Syd on the counter as she dusted the board with flour and started to cut the meat into chunks. 

“I listen to…well- a lot. My mom loved R&B so I still listen to that but mostly 90s stuff that makes me think of her, I love SZA, HER, Jhené Aiko, oh Kali Uchis! Khelani of course… frank ocean is so fire I really like his stuff too..yeah just a lot of stuff.” She explained. 

Carm sat there digesting every word she said, it wasn’t unusual for him to do that. He tried tucking the unfamiliar names in the back of his mind so he could look them up or ask Shayna what she knew about them later. 

“Oh my god- we have to chill sometime!! Do you smoke?” Shay asked hopefully and Syd looked at Carm for a moment before her eyes flickered back to Shayna. 

“I do. But…not when I’m working. Because it fucks up my taste and smell..but I am on vacation so…” she said with a small shrug and a smile. 

“Dude! Oh my god Jesse cmon I need to go back to my cabin” she got down off the counter “I’ll be right back” she said and they headed out being sure to close the door behind them. 

“They’re fucking?” Syd asked and Carmen laughed a bit 

“No- no. Where’d you get that?” He asked, beginning to peel the carrots over the garbage can. 

“Why did he go with her? Aren’t the cabins all right here?” She asked. 

Carmen looked up at her for a moment “oh- yeah. They are. Shay has somethin about being alone. Somethin about her childhood- she came here because she said it’s like…the good version of where her dad sent her. Whatever that means. But she can’t be out and about alone it freaks her out. I guess she went to some… wilderness camp? She went on about it in one of our sessions. They were…they were fucked up.” He said, putting the now peeled carrot down on the cutting board and starting on the next. 

“Shit.” She said, putting the cast iron on the burner, starting the flame with the lighter that she’d found on the counter. “Like…so they left her in the middle of nowhere or something?” She asked and Carmy shrugged. 

“Kinda like that. She said that they like…would hike all day. And then at night they’d have to pitch their own tents. They took their shoes at night so they wouldn’t try and run. They’d like- send pictures back to their family- and if they didn’t smile they’d get in trouble. Pretty fuckin…sadistic shit t’do to a kid. Dunno how her dad thought it would change her ways - she said she went because their views on religion didn’t align…” he explained 

“Wow…” she said, after a long beat of silence “she’s like..I wouldn’t have expected her to be so friendly after that. I wouldn’t be” she said, salting down the meat. 

“Yeah Shayna is…a character. For sure. But she’s really sweet, and has a huge heart even though she loves to bitch people out. She’d cut someone if they tried to fuck with me, though. One of the newcomers showed me that” he chuckled, shaking his head a bit. 

“What happened?” She asked

“So we were at lunch, and before that day we just..sat at the same table but didn’t really talk. She talked, but I would mostly listen. And um, this new dude. Justin? I think? Total fuckhead. Guys a tank too, like fuckin’ 6’2? No joke. But uh he was like basically screaming at his table, talkin’ so fuckin’ loud, so I looked over- and he met my eyes and just went off hes like ‘you got a problem little man? What the fuck is up with you, you got a staring problem?’ And Shayna- you should have seen her!” He laughs at the memory. 

“What’d she do?” Syd asks curiously. 

“Oh, she picked up her mashed potatoes- like - a fist full of mashed potatoes Syd- bare handed- and screeeamed at him ‘YOU WANNA FUCK WITH HIM COCKSUCKER?! WHY DON’T YOU COME FUCK WITH A BITCH THAT CAN ACTUALLY LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, SCAREDY MOTHERFUCKER!’  then whipped it at the dude. It hit him right in the face- eeeeveryone was dying we were all cracking the fuck up. I haven't seen him again after that, thankfully, but then she just looked at me and asked me for my plastic knife so she could get the potatoes from under those huge nails she wears and went to wash her hands like nothing happened.” He explained. 

Syd laughs and Carm follows suit. “Wow. Well I guess I shouldn’t worry about you after all- you found a temporary big sister, you should keep her around. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who would pelt another in the face with mashed potatoes for me” she snorts a laugh, setting the meat in the pan. 

“I would. Without a shadow of a doubt, when Marcus was yelling at you I wanted to fuckin knock him out with a pan-“ he stopped himself and she looked over at him, the only sound now filling the room being the sizzling of venison on cast iron and the tick of the wall clock. 

She blinked a few times, unsure what to say before the memory of the drawing came back to her. 

Just say it now. Why else would he want to hit one of his employees with a pan if not for feelings he hasn’t made me aware of?

She’d thought to herself. 

But Carmen on the other hand was thanking god that Shayna and Jesse came back, boisterous as ever- 

“Pookiesss We come bearing gifts” Shayna drops a bag on the table, as well as a pink speaker that was playing some Spanish music Carmen hadn’t ever heard before. 

“You listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd asks as she turns around. 

“YOU Listen to bad bunny?” Jesse asks and Syd smiles big 

“Who doesn’t listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd laughed “he’s like- literally I think the most listened to Spotify artist or something? Top 3?!” 

“Who is bad bunny?” Carmen asks as he cut the carrots into matchsticks. 

“You need to train your dogs better, Sydney” Shayna teased, taking shooters of grey goose out of her tote bag and putting them in the freezer. 

Syd laughs so hard she snorts, covering up her mouth with her hand and shaking her head. “You are fucking insane” she said 

Carmen smiled big, looking over at Syd. “Chef, did you just snort?” He teased smugly and set his knife down, leaning against the counter next to her, smirking. 

“I did- because your friend thinks you’re my bitch” she teased, turning back to the meat and flipping each cube carefully with the metal tongs that were next to her on the counter. 

Carmen’s mouth drops and his cheeks go scarlett, Shayna snorts a laugh, sitting at the table casually, legs crossed as she picked the stems and seeds off buds of weed, while Jesse howls with laughter. “Fuuuck-“ he shakes his head with amusement “wow. I uh…” he snorts a laugh “I get you Carmen. Get you better now” he said. 

“Okay- fuck you shayna” Carmen shook his head, unable to contain his smile. He’d never heard Syd laugh so hard before and witnessing it made him feel on fire. 

“Sorry I can tell who wears the pants it’s a natural talent of mine” she shrugged, “Jess come do this” she slid the little container of picked apart buds over to the spot next to her and he sits next to her at the table. 

“So you guys aren’t..like you’ve not known eachother before this?” Syd asks them. 

“Oh! No we did actually. Jess and I met at this program when we were 14, restart. It was a pure chance though that we come here at the same time.” She said and got up, washing her hands in the kitchen sink of the sticky resin. 

“That’s so cool - where are you from?” Syd asked her as she takes the bowl of onions from next to Carm at the island, their hands brushing for a moment which caused Carmen to nearly cut himself because his focus was completely lost at her touch. 

“Were from LA. Aren’t you from Chicago? Why are you here? I mean- like it’s great you’re great I’m glad to have a sane member of society around, it’s refreshing when you’re only around only psychos, you know? But uh..” she laughed a bit when Syd got started “you must be…pretty close friends” she looked at Carm for a moment before looking back at her. 

Carmen suddenly felt something akin to anger sitting low in his chest. And it had to do with Shayna. He likes Shayna, so he wasn’t sure what was going on. But, Jesse saw the switch in Carmen- and read it right away as jealousy. 

“Uh…” Syd clears her throat nervously, suddenly not knowing what to say. 

“Like what is it? Jess? We went to restart in Wisconsin so Chicago? How far is that?” She asks. 

Jesse gave her the cut it out eyes, but Shayna hadn’t been able to play matchmaker in weeks, she was gonna push these two together the same way she made her Barbie’s kiss when she was a kid. 

“I’ll guess like - 1800 miles. Soooo- oh! And don’t you have that restaurant?” She asked and Syd nods. 

“Mmhmm we run it together. It’s fine though it’s being held down, I finally got my new Sous trained and his sister is working a lot lately she wants to get everything all together before she has her baby so…” she rambled on, trying to pull out any reason that made it sound like she was unneeded there - even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“Right. I’m gonna go smoke would you like to come? I’m sure your…” she looks back at Carmen for a moment before looking back at Sydney “partner can hold this down until we get back?” She asked and looked at Carmen again, raising her brows. 

“Yeah- yeah Syd go. Go ahead go relax - got this chef.” He nods and went over to the stove, squeezing past her in the tight space, his hand brushing her waist momentarily as he did so. 

“Okay- okay sure” Syd nodded, following Shayna outside. She walked quietly for a few moments, lighting the joint and taking a drag before handing it over to Syd. 

They were about 30 feet from the house, Syd was taking a deep drag of the joint - savoring the taste since she couldn’t do it often, when Shayna said 

“You need to fuck eachothers brains out so he can go the fuck home. That- or tell him it’ll never happen so he can stay here for however long it takes him to break down and move on” 

Sydney choked on the smoke in her throat, quickly handing the burning joint back to Shayna and coughing into her arm. 

Shayna laughs before taking another drag, patting Sydney’s back sympathetically. “Sorry- people have told me I’m too blunt but I’d rather hear the truth so I give it to people straight” she said simply. 

“Dude! What if he heard you! Shhh!” Sydney said once she caught her breath. 

“Oh please! No! He didn’t! And if he did- he’d be leaned halfway out the door trying to hear the answer because he’s dying to know! You know he has the hots for you- please- don’t play stupid, girl” She rolled her eyes, handing the joint back over. 

“What - no- he’s- we’re business partners” Syd replied, shaking her head and taking a short drag. “He doesn’t. He’s just sick and clinging to me he’s - he’s depressed and I’m violating HIPAA or whatever by saying that but it’s honest! I’m not his type” She passed it back over to Shayna. 

She took it, laughing at her HIPAA comment “Chefs aren’t bound to HIPAA regulations, but nonetheless- I’ll be honest for you, since you can’t be honest with yourself. You flew here because you want to fuck him. There’s no other explanation- no not even just fuck- you love the guy. Why else would you fly across the country to be with him? Especially when he’s due home in 11 days. No dick is that great, especially attached to a guy on that many psych meds.” She said and took a long drag. 

Sydney’s heart began racing 100 miles an hour. She stopped walking, leaning against the fence, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She imagined this is how Carmy felt when Stardust threw him off. 

“Are you- what in the Hozier Adele ass fuck. You didn’t know? Or - realize- the L word? That you love him?” Shayna said, taking another drag of the joint. 

Sydney stared at the forest ahead, resting her hand on her forehead, shaking her head. “Fuck. Fuck. Oh fuck.” She swallowed hard. “Um-uh I- I feel sick? I feel- I’m gonna throw up.” Syd said, standing up and quickly walking over to the large oak tree at the end of the rows of cabins, hurling up the remainders of her lunch which was just a McDonald’s burger she’d gotten on her way back from the grocery store. 

“Jesus Christ. It’s you too? What are you waiting for?” Shay followed after her, rubbing her back gently  

“What do you mean-“ She’s interrupted by a gag she couldn’t hold back. “Fuck. What do you mean what’s me too?” She asked, coughing and spitting the bile taste in her mouth on the ground before leaning against the tree to catch her breath. 

“Like- you and him both don’t even realize you’re in love. It’s weird as fuck. It’s usually one person chasing - but you guys are secretly chasing eachother? But also at the same time trying I dunno. One of you has to make a move though” she said, leaning on the tree next to Syd. 

“What if he’s just sick? What if he’s clinging to me because he’s sick and…and I’m like manipulating him” she asked nervously 

“Ahh yes because you are manipulating a grown man into not breathing when he sees you? You can do that? Can you teach me? Except I’ll use it to kill creeps” she nudged Syds shoulder, finally earning a smile back out of her. 

“He doesn’t do that…” she looked at the ground sheepishly

“When we get back, I’m gonna count out loud because the oblivious fuck hears no one when you’re around, and watch he won’t be breathing. I swear it’s like the first thing I noticed looks like a fuckin fish out of water.” She said and finished the joint, stomping it out with her shoe. “Shall we put my experiment to the test?” She asks and Syd rolls her eyes. 

“I wanna see what’s going on with the food let’s go” she smiled a bit, heading back with Shayna to the cabin.  

It only took them 4 minutes back, Shayna walks in first and Carm’s head pops up from his conversation with Jesse at the counter, and as soon as Syd pops in behind her- Shayna quietly starts whispering “one…two…three…four..-OW!” She squeaks as Syd kicks her ankle just enough to hurt. 

That was enough to break Carm out of his trance “hey- hey- how was your walk, y’okay? You look…I dunno” he came up to her, feeling Syds cheek with the back of his hand “y’flushed…” he said and she pulled away from his touch, feeling embarrassed. 

“I’m fine” she said, walking back to the stove and making sure the meat was okay. “What did you do with the beef stock?” She asked, looking over the counter. 

Carmy swallowed thickly “uh- sorry, sorry. Here” he went to where he put it in the cabinet and handed it to her. “We…we good?” he asked quietly. 

“We’re good. Get the juniper berries please.” She said without meeting his gaze and opened the stock, pouring some in the pan. 

Shayna giggles and Carm looks back at where she and Jesse were sat at the table, Jesse making a circle with his thumb and forefinger and thrusting his other finger in and out of it, alluding to their sexual tension lacing the room. 

“Oh you are children.” Carmen grumbles, grabbing a beer from the fridge and rolling his eyes “want one- dipshit? Cabin check is tomorrow they all need to be gone” he said and Jesse nodded with a smug smile. 

“You love your crazy camp besties pookie!!! Don’t play games cause your cool chef friend is around” Shayna said, getting up and going to the freezer, taking out 2 shots. 

“Syd?” She asked and Sydney turns around, looking at the shots in her hand. 

“Uh- why not. Sure. Just one” she said, taking one of them and cracking it open. 

“Cheers” Shayna says, clinking her shooter with Syds 

“To?” Syd asked. 

“New beginnings” Shayna said simply before tilting her head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.

“That was the best fucking food I’ve ever eaten. Have you guys ever been told you should open a restaurant?” Jesse teased, helping Carmen clear the empty dishes from table. 

“Wow you really should pursue stand up, Jess” Carmy said with a small smile, collecting the 4 disposable cups they used for wine and throwing them away. 

“You know who would fuckin love her Carm?” Syd motions to Shayna 

“Who?” He mused, rolling up his sleeves and starting the hot water on the sink. 

“Richie. They’d be menaces together but they’d be best friends!” Syd laughs a bit and Carmen gasps 

“Richie!!! Yes! They would- but- Oh my god how is he? I literally- fuck. I’m so shitty I haven’t even really…like been thinkin about everyone back home other then like you and I- I guess sugar” Carmen said. 

Jesse and Shayna gave eachother a ‘we’ll discuss this romcom fuckshow later’ look, before giggling amongst themselves. 

“He’s- he’s Richie. He’s never gonna let me stabbing him go. Every time I tell him to do something he’s like ‘right away chef wouldn’t wanna get stabbed’ - he’s scaring the new hires, carm!” She giggled in the way that made his heart flutter like butterflies were smacking it with their wings. “And he keeps calling me cousin by mistake!! It’s getting ..really weird” she shook her head, sitting down at the table. 

“You stabbed a motherfucker?” Shayna asked impressed. 

Carmen laughed a bit “on accident” he told her 

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good he was grating my last nerve that day. But I mean…he’s okay so I’m not that bad for thinking it” she smiled and Carmen laughed, scrubbing the plates with the sponge. 

“I would have stabbed this motherfucker but I just did one better and made everyone afraid to fuck with me. Everyone thinks this was a result of my attempt but it’s not.” Shayna showed off a long scar on her forearm, partially covered by a large dragon tattoo. 

“You did that to yourself?” Syd asked, slightly impressed but mostly a little scared, her finger gently rubbing up the raised scar. 

“Mmhmm. In college. I went to this party, this guy-“ she shook her head with a small, mischievous smile. “So he comes in the kitchen, he’s acting like a fucking bull so of course I’m staring at the weirdo, right? He looks at me- and he goes what the fuck are you looking at, bitch. And I was new, so I didn’t know it was his house. So I was like I’m looking at some meathead loosing his temper like a toddler, what the fuck are you looking at. And he just asks me who I am- and…” she sits back “I didn’t know anyone? Like…I went there to meet people. So I was like oh I’m Shayna and he just starts screaming ‘who the fuck is Shayna, does anyone at this party know a fucking Shayna?’ And he was like in my face. So I told him I was like I’m not trying to start anything here I’m minding my business back up and he goes ‘no one that looks like you is minding their own business’ and then he- he told me he knew what I was.” She said and shrugged.

 “ And that I just wanted attention. And that he would give me the attention I was looking for. And then? He told everyone in the kitchen that someone better speak for me or he was gonna fuck me up.- so, I grabbed a knife from the counter, and he backed up like a pussy and was like ‘I’m kidding! I’m kidding it’s a joke I’m fucking with you!’ And I asked him if he wanted to hurt me, and he kept saying no - even though I knew he was getting ready to kick the shit out of me, probably worse. So I slit my arm, and bled on him. Then I left. And no one ever tried to out me there again.” She said and sipped her beer. 

“You’re gay?” Sydney asked curiously. 

“Yeah but that’s- Jesus Christ these Chicagoans” she said, and her and Jesse started laughing. 

“What? What’s funny?” Syd sat up. 

“she’s-“ Carmen starts

“AHT!” Shayna tisks “no, Carmen, we got to make fun of you for a month now we get to make fun of her until she figures it out. I think you’re smarter though, socially speaking” She said and Carmen gives her the finger, causing her to laugh. 

“Oh- ohhhh! Wow! I wonder how he thought he could tell” Syd said and Carmen looks back at her. 

“Really?! How did you figure it out so fast?!” He asked her 

Syd laughs “oh because it’s the 2020’s and if someone says they were outed and it’s not about being gay, there’s only one other thing to out” she said and Carm huffs, annoyed with his own pitfalls of refusing to make friends his first 30 years. 

“Yeah how would he know? I didn’t know” Carm asked her and she smiled big, looking at Jesse. 

“It was fucked. Up. What you did. But if you wanna tell them? Gooo ahead.” He said with a smile, drying the dishes as Carm washed and rinsed them. 

Shayna laughs excitedly, sitting up and pushing her long blonde hair back. “Okay, so. I end up finding out who this guy is, right? And apparently…his dad who was the football coach was like- DL- into trans girls- “ Carm interrupts 

“What does that mean?” He asked her 

“DL? Down low, like- they fuck us in private” she explained and Carmen scrunched his brows in confusion 

“Why?” He asked and Shayna looked at him confused. 

“Because…they think it’s gay?” She said like it was obvious, but to Carmen, it wasn’t. 

“But… Y’re a girl. So how would it be gay?” He asked 

“I’ll give you a ‘how humans interact with eachother’ lesson later, Carmen, for now it’s story time” she teased.

 “Anyway-“ she continued “so I find this out, because I look up his name on Facebook - see his dad tagged, and I fly to Grindr- because I swore I literally saw him there. Turns out I had. So I send him a chat, we hit it off, I go fuck him-“ she said, Syd starts laughing, Carm turns around with wide jaw eyes and a dropped jaw. 

“Like- oh I fuuuuucked that man. Multiple times. He didn’t fuck me- let me say that again for your cis ears to have it sink in, I fucked- this man’s father” she said - Carmen’s jaw drops further, and Jesse was howling with laughter at Syd and Carmys shocked expressions. 

“No- no- Shayna- hold on I need a cigarette - Jesse take this shit over” Carmen pulls open the front door, pushing up the glass on the screen door, grabbed his beer and cigarettes from the counter, and sat next to Syd at the table. “Okay keep goin- I’ve never heard this much-“ he shook his head in amusement 

“Tea? I know- it gets better!” Shayna laughs. 

Carmen smirked, shaking his head and taking out a cigarette lighting it between his lips and taking a drag. “So you fucked this man’s dad.” Carmen couldn’t help but laugh at how insane the words sounded coming from his mouth- and Sydney followed suit, head falling back and eyes squeezing shut, Carmen’s heart quickened at the adorable sight, having the urge to reach out and grab her soft, delicate hand that was just a few inches from his own on the tabletop. 

“Oh my god- were taking them with us back to chicago- I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this” Syd said, stealing his beer from next to him and taking a sip. 

The action made Carmen’s heart skip a beat. The fact that she was comfortable drinking out of something his lips had already touched, it drove him wild. They had tried food off of the same spoon at work just so they didn’t have to go through the hassle of washing two, but this felt…different. More intimate. 

“Did you- I’m sorry- did you want one?” He asked “I didn’t think you liked beer - I thought you said you like wine more” he said and she shook her head. 

“We can share…right?” She asked, a bit shyly. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, maybe it was because her white claw had been long forgotten and now was luke warm on the kitchen counter, or maybe it was the few extra shots she’d been convinced into taking earlier that was causing her to take the chat with Shayna to heart. 

“Yeah- course, always.” He nodded a bit. Unnoticed by Syd and Carmy, Jesse and Shayna give eachother another ‘we’re gonna talk about this romcom shit later’ look before Shayna clears her throat. 

“So- yes Carmen, I fucked this man’s father. And multiple times. He was married- I didn’t fully know that though before you both look at me shitty- he didn’t say that -“ Jesse cuts her off 

“Ohhhh- oh! No!!” He laughs “no- the real story- is that she saw a ring but didn’t ask about it - you may now continue” he said, turning back to the sink and rinsing the last of the dishes. 

Carm snorts a laugh “evil. That is evil the man’s marriage! Shayna!” He took a drag of his cigarette and she rolled her eyes. 

“It was already on the rocks- let me finish! You fucks! So then- I recorded it, and I held onto it- just in case. But. Get this- one of my girlfriends on campus? Guess who she ran into on Grindr?” She asks and Carm and Syd both lean in slightly, and Shayna can’t help but notice the way they were already so in sync. 

“The fucking guy from the party” she said and Syd gasps, Carmen cracks up. 

“He’s his fathers spitting image. Thats it. That’s why- that’s why he said that to you. He knows about you or whatever? Because he loves girls like you and is also a pussy.” Syd said and Carm hums in agreement. 

“Exactly! Exactly. So…I had her tell him to meet her in the park- but…” she smirks and Sydney covers her mouth preemptively, knowing whatever was going to say next was going to be off the wall. 

“I was there too- fucking his dad! And oops! he saw us! And I asked him if we should check and see who’s bigger- he dropped out of school the same week- and the dad resigned” she said and took another casual sip of her beer with a proud smirk.

Carmen sits there, dumbfounded, looking to Sydney who when she saw the look on his face cracked up. “Your face-“ she said, causing him to start laughing as well. 

“Shay-“ he looks at her, wiping tears that were gathering in the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. “Shayna what the fuck” he managed to get out before laughing again, shaking his head. “You are a person that I won’t ever, ever get on your shit list if I can help it” he said, looking over quickly when Syd coughs from laughing so hard 

“Woah- arms up, arms up” he tells her and goes to the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and coming back quickly, opening the cap and handing it to her. She took a large sip. 

“Thank you- sorry- fuck you Shayna you’re gonna kill us both I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh this hard” she said and Shayna smiled 

“Well, that’s a good thing. this guys got a problem with having the dead inside look- at least before you got here” she nudged Carm with her elbow. 

He realized he was still stood, hand protectively on the back of Syds chair looking down at her as if she was the only one in the room. 

“Isn’t that why we’re all here?” Jesse countered, sitting in the empty chair next to Shayna 

“I’m very alive inside- I just get too manic and start destroying my life because it’s something to do” she said and finished off her beer. “I’m already on probation cmon I need to go to my cabin and you aren’t allowed to have fun without me” she told Jesse, standing up and grabbing her bag and speaker. “Nice to meet you, Sydney. And Remember our chat hot stuff” she said as she put her bag on her shoulder. 

“Yeah- we’ll probably run into each other again, I leave Sunday night.” She said, and Carmen’s heart soars. 

He wasn’t sure why, he just thought maybe she’d just fly in for one night to see how he was and then leave the next day, but the fact she was staying a whole other day and a half- and they would be alone. 

“Sick! Okay well we’ll link up tomorrow then, have a goodnight guys - and remember wrap it before you tap it, shortstack!” Shayna said as her and Jesse shut the door behind them and head off. 

Carmen blushed pink, shaking his head. “She’s a hack, but she’s a very nice hack” Carm said, rubbing over his face embarrassedly. 

“They’re super cool Carm. She’s..really fuckin out there but-“ she shrugged looking at the clock. “Oh- shit. Fuck- it is late, I don’t want you to get in trouble” she said, standing up and grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. 

“You- you aren’t um…staying?” He asked and got up, grabbing her backpack she’d brought with her from the kitchen table and bringing it over. 

“Oh well all of my- stuff..” she trailed off, eyes locked on his. They stayed there silent for a moment, and his heart started pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it in his stomach. 

“Uh-“ he started and nervously bit the inside of his lip, he’d been doing that a lot tonight. He was holding his tongue, he always did around her. He didn’t understand it, because unless she was around it was like a part of his brain switched off, and he didn’t have access to speech in the same capacity as when she was near. 

“I- so…I think um- I-“ he stops himself, grabbing his shoulder nervously and averting her gaze. His throat suddenly felt tight, this was it. He either said something, or he let her leave and he stayed up all night thinking about what he should have said when she leaves. 

“Did you draw me?” Sydney asks suddenly. 

Carmen feels his stomach doing flips, his palms got sweaty and all of the color drained from his face. “I-“ he crossed his arm over his chest, tightly gripping his hoodie. He suddenly felt as if he could be sick, “I’m sorry?” It came out sounding like a question. 

Sydney felt insane “you- when-“ she smiled nervously “oh god- Jesus- I- it must be the-“

Carmen cut her off before she could say what would shut his entire course of action that he was trying to lay out down fully before he could attempt to put it into motion. “I meant- I meant I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. Syd. That’s how I meant it. I - you remind me of home.” He said, not breaking her gaze. “And I need a little bit of that, here.” He said softly. 

Syd just nods, holding on to the chair for stability. She wasn’t sure if this conversation was really happening or if she was in some insane dream. She could hardly believe Carmen was expressing himself to her, in a way other then anger or fear. 

“I..I draw you a lot.” He admits, running a nervous hand through his hair. “We do uh- art..art therapy. A few hours every day” 

“Can I…see them? If…if that’s okay?” She questioned. 

The color came back to Carmen’s face full force, he had to be sure whichever sketchbooks he would show her had none of the explicit themed drawings. “Uh- sure. Sure…gimme a sec- I’ll um” he headed to the bedroom, opening the desk drawer and grabbing the bigger sketchbook he usually took to art therapy, the safest one since the therapist would come and look at whatever the patients were working on.  

He quickly flicked through it to make sure, before heading back out to the living room where Syd had sat on the couch when he went to retrieve the sketchbook. “I’m- sorry…sorry if this is like. Weird-“ he said, feeling suddenly Insecure about his hobby that was the reprieve that got him through any of the sleepless nights he had here. 

“No- no its..it’s sweet Carm, can I?” She asked, grabbing the sketchbook in his lap, their hands brushing lightly. He felt that familiar fire in his chest, and nods with a hum of agreement. 

She opened it, eyebrows raising in surprise “they aren’t like-“ he started 

“This is incredible-“ she cut him off and leaned over him, turning on the lamp at his side to get a better look at the portrait he had committed to memory of her smiling. He nearly shivered when her curls brushed his cheek, the smell of the perfume on her neck mixed with the familiar scent of her causing goosebumps to appear over his flesh. 

“I don’t know if I should be offended that you remember the gap in my teeth so well. Because I know for a fact you aren’t on Instagram” she said. He smiled, rolling his eyes slightly 

“It’s one of your nicest qualities” he shrugged a bit. 

“Oh one of them? Are there many?” She smiled, flipping the page.

“I think the question should be if you have any flaws” he said, and her eyes flicked back to his. 

They were now sitting so close that their faces were less then a foot apart. “I think we both know that’s bullshit.” She said 

“To you maybe” his eyes flickered to her lips momentarily. 

“I always catch you doing that” she teased, smiling a bit. 

“Doing what?” He asked, his eyes meeting hers again. 

“I dunno…staring at me..like..” she looks at his lips for a long moment before meeting his gaze once again. 

“Why do you think?” He asked quietly. 

“There are alot of things I can’t seem to figure out about you…Carmy” she said just above a whisper. 

“Well what do you want to know. I’m uh…trying to be more open.” He said equally as soft. 

“Do you know why I really came here?” She asked 

“Because you saw the fuckin drawing, somehow.” He smiled a bit. 

“Yes” she chuckled “but- it just..it kinda confirmed something for me I dunno- I just wanted to come check if maybe-“ 

She’s interrupted by his lips on hers, she was surprised at first, but of course didn’t pull away. He cupped her cheek gently, his thumb rubbing over her supple skin. 

The way their lips moved together was natural, like they’d done this already a thousand times in a hundred lives. His nose gently nudges hers and she wraps her fingers in his dirty blonde curls, tugging gently how she’d fantasized so many times. 

He slid his tongue over her plump bottom lip, humming softly when she opened her mouth at the contact. His hands were nearly shaking. His entire body felt like it was exploding with tiny fireworks underneath his skin. 

The air between them both felt as if it was crackling with electricity. As if the universe was humming in approval that they had finally accepted their bond. 

Sydney had never felt anything so right. She felt as if every stress in her life evaporated, as if her and Carmy were the only 2 people in the world. She felt like she was glowing from the inside out.  “T’make sure I wanted t’do that…right?” He said softly when she pulled away. 

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

[kanonavi]

hello tumblr user kanonavi who is 1/3rd of the reason i started rereading tgcf. i have come to collect my personal apology for the emotional damages inflicted upon me for the past 5 days. and i have also come with THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS (mostly feelings)

- icb i put off this reread so long hualian are so romance. theyre jsut Romance......... absolutely floored by every throwaway bit of dialogue they had....... in shambles forever....,

- sqx arc was not as painful as the first few times i read it bc i now stand with my cancelled wife (he xuan) I STILL LOVE SQX AND THEY DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD. BUT HX WAS REAL FOR ALL OF THAT. i love revenge

- i wanna know your thoughts on ling wen bc u mentioned having mixed feelings on her but i loved her so bad all the way to the end so im curious ljdkdjf

- i am not immune to backstory arc pt2. read it last last (?) night at like 3am and cried myself to sleep its just so gutting every timeeeeeee.... the hc plot that builds in that arc is ofc one of my favorites in the entire novel though :')

- the chapter w the cave of statues took me like 2+ hours to get through because i was feeling so insane abt it

i feel bad dropping this block of text in ur askbox sorry. will leave it there for now LOL

Omg hiiiii tumblr user stardust-make-a-wish welcome back from the yaoi cocaine pit :3 I know you're here to collect emotional damages, but I must make it known that I'm not even remotely sorry <3

Also you should feel bad for yourself instead of for me because I can only respond to huge blocks of text with even bigger blocks of text, so (TGCF Spoilers Ahead) and also I am so sorry lmaooooo

UGH you're so right that hualian is the most romance forever they are just so *clenches fists and sobs*....... They're always there for each other and they're so in love and they've been through so much and I just want them to be able to rest because it's what they deserve.

I will never once say that Hu Xuan wasn't justified in everything he did cuz like. Shi Wudu had it coming what a piece of shit. But at the same time Qingxuan is my wife and I will not tolerate my wife being harmed. So like revenge slay yes but also I am still cancelling He Xuan and spraying him with the water bottle (even though he is already very very damp).

Yesyesyes Ling Wen. So my thought about Ling Wen is that she kinda girlbossed a little too close to the sun, but at the same time you look at her circumstances both past and present and have to understand why she did all of that. It already would have been hard enough for her to gain any kind of recognition as a woman, much less in the Heavenly Court, so her ruthlessness is completely understandable. But at the same time, I don't really think the Brocade Immortal deserved what she did to him nor was taking Bai Wuxiang's side in the final conflict a real cool thing of her to do. I can't fully be a hater though because her own thoughts about everything are clearly so nuanced (See: The final convo she had with Xie Lian about the Brocade Immortal, which I am still thinking so incredibly hard about to this day).

I think that Ling Wen is interesting in the same way that I find other characters like Mu Qing, He Xuan, and Yin Yu interesting. It's in the sense that even if I don't really agree with all of the actions that they took, it's very easy to look at them and come to an understanding of why they did what they did. And I have varying degrees of like for all of the characters I just listed, but that doesn't change the fact that they're all Compelling. So it's almost like a begrudging respect that I feel for Ling Wen, if I were to boil it down into simple terms.

aaaaaaaaaa The Horrors(tm) :sob: Even though I could talk about Xie Lian's arc through that part of his backstory for a million years, you're so right that Hua Cheng's arc through it is also so interesting to watch. It really goes to prove that Hua Cheng is different from everyone else in Xie Lian's life up until this point, because yes there's the very obvious throughline of Hua Cheng wanting to protect Xie Lian (rather than expecting his protection), but even more importantly that feeling never changes even when Xie Lian has his mini corruption arc.

Like, Hua Cheng fell in love with the pure and virtuous Crown Prince of Xianle but not for that quality. Instead of being ashamed and looking at Xie Lian with scorn when he was like "What if I kill everyone actually" Hua Cheng is like "Then let me be your sword". There's the element of not wanting Xie Lian to dirty himself that Hua Cheng carries for the entire story but the point is in that he is not a voice who would tell Xie Lian to stop having those thoughts if it's truly what he wants (Unlike what his parents or Feng Xin and Mu Qing would probably say).

I'm going to write an essay about their character dynamic one day istg I am chewing through the drywall

The cave statues chapter......... *passes away*. Like on one hand that chapter is so funny because yes Hua Cheng is just an absolute certified freak (POV my roommate telling me earlier on in my reading that HC is a porn addict and me being like "pssht noooo" but then getting to this chapter several months later and being like "O h.") but on the other hand THE CONFESSION??????? Like. All I can do is gesture wildly at the storyboard animatic that someone made of that scene on YouTube while absolutely fucking sobbing. There is a reason why the cover of volume 6 felt somehow more intimate than the cover of volume 4 where they're literally making out.

Anyway I'm patting Hua Cheng on the head like It's okay buddy Xie Lian loves you because you're a certified freak, he's seen too much of this world to be weirded out even a little bit. Which is why those two are perfect for each other <3

I'm glad you had so much fun on your reread, have fun with the brainworms :3

[creepling]

hi! happy 1k <3 may i request a piece with johnny x single mom reader + the prompt “will you stay?” “of course, i’m not planning on leaving anytime soon.”? i thought it’d be interesting if reader was formerly captured by the sawyer family, while she was on vacation with friends, but johnny relented and decided to let her go because of how badly she begged for her life & at the time her baby was only 2 months old, which she told him. so johnny being johnny as well, he was able to track her down a month later — at first just to check up on her, but he decided he wanted to help her raise her kid & kind of switch up his life since the baby’s father is (willingly) out of the picture. also reader is a young mom (early 20s), around the same age that johnny is, he’s just a lil older. they’re still warming up to each other/developing their relationship but to the reader’s surprise, johnny’s really good with kids & has done a lot to help reader out to give her a break? AAAA THIS IS A LOT OF INFO IM SORRY but i hope it makes sense & that you have fun with making something out of this <333

AAAA ok no but i love this, idk it makes sense for the sawyers to spare a victim if they have a kid?? the whole "family" motto would get to them lol. i love all your info but i apologise if i've missed out on anything. i've made this drabble more like a time passing sort of thing so i could include everything.

tags: angst. single-mum!reader. reformed!johnny. kid is gn (use of they/it). descriptions of trauma. johnny feels a lot of guilt. mild blood ment.

“Drop the god-damn knife, Johnny. She’s got a kid for crying out loud!” Drayton barked.

Johnny’s adrenaline shot through his body, tensing his muscles and trembling his hands. “Is that true?” He growled, eyes shot out at your petrified stare.

You pulled a Polaroid picture out of your pocket, your bloody hands staining the corners. You beheld it to Johnny, trying to steady your shakes. Johnny gazed at the picture, the newborn clouded in white, its eyes closed in a peaceful sleep.

“My baby . . . My baby. I need to go home to my baby,” You sob, begging on your knees, hysterics maddening all parts of your manner.

Johnny’s knife dropped to the floor, and he thought about every bad thing he had done. There was no coming back from this.

It had been a month of silence. A month of sleepless nights and looking over your shoulder. Breastfeeding became agonising. Your baby’s cries sent you into uncontrollable alertness. Your hair was brittle and your skin shallow, the stress shivering through your body like a ghost entering your soul.

The letters came around that time. Off-white envelopes with a few dollars in cash. All that was left was a note,

For the Baby, I’m sorry.

Meeting him again after the kidnapping was an anxiety-driven step, bouncing your baby on your lap as you waited in the diner booth. You convinced yourself you lost your mind, wanting to rekindle with your kidnapper. But you hadn’t heard from anyone since the birth; the baby daddy became non-existent. Your family refuse to return your calls. The only person willing to help you was Johnny.

He was silent across from you for a while. The only words he uttered were to order from the menu. He shovelled down an apple pie while you bottle-fed your child, lulling them to their afternoon nap.

“Why are you helping me?” You remember asking. Visioning Johnny’s deep gaze, his subtle glances at your first-born, a tinge of sadness glazing his eyes.

He said he owed you too much. Your baby deserved to grow up with a male figure in its life, and you deserved someone to protect you. The sight of your youthful features withering away from stress, the permanent damage he inflicted on you, ached your eyes and down-turned your smile. It kept him up at night thinking about you, struggling with the fussing cries and flashes of his brute force. He wanted to step up. He was ready for redemption.

He drove you back home, watching over his new companions with careful eyes. His arm outstretched as he turned the wheel, hoping not to disturb the baby’s slumber. The rascal woke up eventually, full of energy the minute you invited him inside. “Would you like to hold them?” You asked, unable to ignore his loving stares.

He felt like crying, holding something so precious. Knowing he nearly orphaned this child, ridding it of a beautiful mother. He swore to protect the kid, holding its gentle head and leaning it into his chest. His gentleness surprised you, the warmth filling your smile for the first time in months.

Johnny never left the house. He hadn’t seen his family in months and had no plans on returning. Your little one was proliferating, and Johnny got used to using his strength to pry the ankle biter from dangerous objects. He ditched the knives and retired into swinging the kid until they were out of breath from laughter. He stepped up, got a job, and brought money in to keep you secure.

He was a different man, and he changed you as a mother. He repented for his sins. He begged for forgiveness with every stare your way, with every gentle touch. You finally forgave him, praying that his presence is destined to be everlasting.

“Will you stay?” He held you in his arms as you choked up, clinging to his body. 

“I’m not plannin’ on leavin’ anytime soon.” Johnny kissed the top of your head, his arms around you. Your loving touch soothing the aching heart he’s adorned for decades.

[alaskan-wallflower]

Rusty - Appearance - #5

Sorry, I really love Rusty, been watching you create him for Wretched and aaahh!

don’t apologize!! i love rusty too haha-he’s my little guy (and i lowkey forget that i can just do what i want w him lol)

Appearance: 5-What is Rusty’s opinion on scars?

He doesn’t mind them at all tbh-he believes all scars tell a story, whether they’re positive stories or negative stories…a story is a story, and he doesn’t judge anyone for scars. However when it comes to his own scars, most of which are self inflicted, he hides them away because he thinks they’re showing he’s ‘weak’ even if that’s clearly not the case.

Ask game here! (pls send asks gang im bored and i love yapping about my brain babies)

[floatingcomet]

hello i see you like mp100 and life series so it is my sworn duty to ask: if whatever mp100 characters you can think of were shoved into the life series, which gimmick do you think each of them would like/hate most

HEY im very new to the life series lol I havent seen them all yet (Ive only seen some povs on Secret, Wild, Double (In that order)) So I may get some things wrong but ill try lol :D

3rd Life -

Likes: This is basically the base gimmick i believe. I believe pre-character arc sho would like this one. Its literally unhindered by gimmicks, and is just a true show of strength and battle intellegence.

Dislikes: I dont really see anyone really hating simply the base gimmick. Maybe the telepathy club as a whole, since they operate more on

Last life -

likes: I believe this is the boogeyman one? From what I hear it kinda sounds like Mogami? Since people distrust eachother alot, Day one allies (like Bigb and cleo (?)) Betray eachother at a whim, and red names are kicked out of the group immediately, it seems like this gimmick is meant to brew inate distrust and hate for eachother so I think its the closest to his. Maybe pre-character arc Teru would thrive here to, i think.

Dislikes: Honestly Mob likely dislikes this one alot for the same reason mogami clearly likes it. If mob ever got the boogeyman curse i dont think he could willingly go through with it, and if anyone boogyemaned him he would break. All of the body improvement club would hate this one as well as it encourages betraying temates and not working together towards end goals.

Double life - This one I think goes to Serizawa the most Honestly. A lot of the times he relies heavily on other people to get out of his shell, so an assigned partner would help him out alot here. I feel like mob would be inn a simalar boat here,

Dislikes: Pre-character Arc dimple would hate this. The fact he would have to work with people he would generally disregard otherwise. I also think Tsubomi would dislike this, as she'd have fundamentally lose what little independence she would have, and her self inflicted responsibility to upkeep her perfectly calm and polite personality in a murder game while constantly being observed by her partner.

Limited life - This gimmick is easily the one im least famaliar with but I think Ritsu could atleast work with this gimmick decently. Not nessacarily sure if he would like it, but between his ability to study keep up with the student council and maintain heavy respect among his peers in the school, he already knows how to micromanage time. Its really not to different as to what he does now.

Dislikes: Reigen easily. I think a constant indecator of how his life is being wasted right above his head would drive him crazy. He already feels like he wasted it now, but seeing it getting closer to the end by the second while he cant do anything about it would break him.

Secret life - I feel like Mezato ichi would like this one honestly. She enjoys observing and documenting strange events and behavior from people, and since this . She'd be great at guessing people's tasks on yellow I think. Reigen probably wouldnt enjoy this one as much as mezato but he could read and get through his tasks pretty good as well.

Dislikes: IDK i think mob again dislikes this one. not being able to really read or trust people here would bother him alot. I dont really see anyone hating this one to badly though honestly.

Wild life - I feel like Tome would like this one alot. It seems to be the most lighthearted of the series, and its all about discorvering things about the unknown. Theres been no major betrayals that im aware of, even in late series superpower episode people still just want to hang out and discover whats happening around them.

Dislikes: Ritsu. I feel like he likes the familiarity he's built for himself and constantly changing day to day gimmick would mess with him alot.

Sorry its alot lol feel free to disagree on these lol :D

[jimxnslight]

Listen here, I need more of that car scene because what do you mean he was staring at her with his hand on her wrist? WHILE SHE’S BASCIALLY ON TOP OF HIM??? WITH HIS DARK STRUCTURED EYEBROWS I LOVE HIS EYEBROWS. That other anon was right because I cannot get that scene out of my head. Jungkook in a suit makes me weak. Jungkook demanding something makes me weaaaak. If oc doesn’t want him I will gladly take him and I won’t poison his expensive whiskey collection. I’ll make sure he sleeps nice and sound without a worry in the world because he deserves all the rest he needs for being such a big alpha male in the mafia industry. Sexy man with a sexy gun.

It’s 2 am and I have a fucking 8 am class. Let me kms cause I dunno why it was such a great idea to sign up for an early class and tell me why it’s almost a full class?? Who is functioning that early and eager to learn about macro economics? Not me I’ll tell you that. It was either 8 am or 5 pm slot and hell no am I staying on campus that late especially once the sun starts setting at 5 pm. I have no clue why I’m blabbing all of this to you but I guess as a fellow uni student you must understand the struggle of trying to pay attention during lectures. Assignments are fine for the most part but when I’m in class I cannot retain any knowledge. I’m too distracted by the guy who sits a row in front of me because he plays Tetris on his laptop and this other girl is always on Amazon adding stuff to her cart but never checking out which I relate cause I’m broke but we can pretend we have money and I’m nosyyyytt I wanna see what she’s pretending to buy. Girlie has a whole shark vacuum, some sort of memory foam couch pillows, and I think these mini cute ghost string lights…oddly specific but her list gets a pass in my book. I wish I could write like you. I would be creating novels during lecture and everybody would think I’m taking the best notes ever. Anywho I’m guessing your bias is jimin, mines is Yoongi and I will defend that man until my last breath. Jungkook is my bias wrecker, that piece of shit is too attractive for no reason. I can’t wait until Hobi comes back and I can’t wait for the next chapter!!! My adhd likes to get a hold of me when it’s deep into the night. So sorry but I’m just tryna tell you I love your writing lol. Hope you got that message

THE ADHD IS SO STRONG IN THIS IM ACTUALLY CRYING 😭😭😭

I mean ur so real for that, like it’s Jeon Jungkook in a suit being commanding and we’re just girls 🎀 But not you trying to steal Jungkook from Y/N, that man is married must I remind you 🤨📸

I actually cannot relate to the lecture thing (sorry lol) bc I’m online and thankfully we don’t have lectures, just modules. But I do remember when I did go on campus for a week I could not for the life of me keep myself awake during lectures (I also decided to be studious and booked the 8AM classes like a fool). But uni is a struggle no matter what, like I JUST did an exam where it just randomly submitted in the middle of me taking it and now I’m waiting for my prof to email me back about the issue while praying that he’s merciful enough not to just fail me immediately 🤠 so yeah, here’s to self-inflicted suffering ✨

Thank you so much! Trust me it’s not as hard as it seems, everything improves with practice. Maybe you can start out with smaller stories and eventually when ur comfortable enough move onto larger ones? Don’t hesitate to ask me if you need any help or tips, I’d be more than happy to help!