#im so numb tho

[hinamie]

unconditionally

[interstellarbookofflowers]

happy points for yesterday and today (more will be added)

I PASSED MY EXAM!! it was so long, bro was pretty much grilling me for nearly an hour and a half (idk time every time i estimate sth different but it was Long), BUT IM FREE

i met up with my friend from hs n we had a great time together! we went to the bookshop and i bought some adorable stickers

i already managed to make gf bread today which im very proud of! the flour is shit tho so its like eh meh (but it tastes ok!)

my plans for today are being unhinged and doing shit i enjoy for once! mostly i wanna journal and set up my new bujo and then watch something nice heheh

[xxplastic-cubexx]

it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent

[coffeesleep-ooc]

This is going to be a bit fucked up but hear me out

CW: im talking about cannibalism and related stuff here

so i was mindlessly scrolling thru tumblr and saw art of moshang looking at bingqiu being all smoochy and MBJ chomping SQH’s cheek

and suddenly thought, what if eating each other was part of demonic lore like hitting your crush is?

So I remember part of some indigenous history, and how in Latin America until recently most books were saying that indigenous ppl were cannibals before the colonization, but the actual thing wasn’t that indigenous ppl ate each other but more like, if they were enemies and one of them was defeated, it was a belief that eating that warrior’s heart would make you absorb the beat qualities of said warrior (which to me is still eating someone but with a whole different context ig?)

So my thought process went from aww cute moshang, to, what if demons complimented each other with biting? Like, in the: you are so strong, so capable, so good that i’d like to eat you? To integrate you with my own being????

we all know that LBH originally was biting SQQ like there was no tomorrow until SQQ taught him not to bite, but what if that was hiw own way of saying ‘i admire Shizun the most, you are the person i’d like to absorb into myself to always be with you. To have the strengths you have is to be complete, superior, etc etc’ ???? like MBJ hitting SQH was a way of saying he would be a strong partner, LBH biting SQQ could be directing him the top praise he could think of in demonic terms

also, lore wise, demons that fought and defeat strong opponents could symbolically (and literally) consume their strength to enhance themselves and honor the life the other demon/warrior lived…

and for demons that ate human flesh???

well, that could still be them disregarding humans because they never fought and defeated them, human flesh would be distasteful to consume for stronger demons and a sign of weakness!

now, im not saying that eating each other would be commonplace or anything, just that it could become a highly regarded ritual

and a tease-chomp that leaves marks would make other demons know how highly regarded one is to their partner or even family-clan

now im imagining a feiend demon of SQQ asking him if he could bite him and SQQ being in shock (TM) while LBH is between smug and jealous bc NOBODY TOUCHES SHIZUN! Same with SQH honestly

SQQ n SQH: why our husbands like to bite so much 😭😭😭

demons: wow, the consorts of Emperor Luo and Mobei-Jun are truly treasured!!!

also, i think LBH would be regarded as a truly strong and altive leader bc he refuses to do said ritual (maybe abyss ptsd? Maybe his human sensibilities??) but when he gets together with SQQ and bites him like there’s no tomorrow his subjects end up appeased in that regard despite their leader marrying and giving the honor of the bite to a human jejeje

also just…worshipping someone in such a bloody and messy way is hmmm, interesting to some parts of me

maybe I’ll put this in one of my fics idk…maybe the abo one since bites are a thing there too…? Idk but wanted to get this out of my head into the wild jaja

[p4nishers]

yeah that's uhh that's definitely something

[desi-yearning]

The best way to deal with Big Feelings is to not deal with them at all

[tamagotchikgs]

MY OLD MEDICATION MENTION

[theygender]

Anyone else like really bad at considering the consequences of getting medical procedures done? Like I went to the doctor for a severely ingrown toenail yesterday and they were like "we're gonna have to do toe surgery about it" and I was just like "sounds great doc cut her up 👍"

It wasn't until after the toe surgery was finished that I finally realized "oh fuck, this means I have to recover from toe surgery"

[rewrite-canon]

me when sad media piece about romantic relationship: light work no reaction

me when sad media piece about sibling dynamic: oh. okay. its got a little kick.

me when sad media piece about child-parental figure dynamic: LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP ELT MEGET UP ELT ME GET UP ELTMR FJETY UP LEGBR LE FEOT UP

[frecklystars]

my chest is aching and i am so sad bc i miss my starlight so much. but at the same time my heart is so full. i just spent almost seven hours with my friends. seven hours! i told them how ive been feeling and they didnt let me hold back. i felt like they were physically helping me to carry the burdens ive been holding by myself. they reassured me about my starlight multiple times, and half of them arent even self shippers, but they empathized with me heavily. they all held me when i cried and they told me it is going to be okay. not just about the grief of missing my F/Os ive lost, but just, in general, that everything will be okay. everything. and two of those friends who were present, i genuinely think they're two of the smartest people i have ever met in my life. they spent a long ass time analyzing my comfort characters, saying "okay logically, realistically, [F/O] would comfort you and love you, and here is why, and here is how. and no, they wouldn't harm you or manipulate you or betray you, and here is the logical reason why." if they say i'm gonna be okay, then... who am i to question or doubt them?

they also spent an hour helping me figure out how to print edible ink/glitter onto wafer paper so i would be able to bake heart-shaped cookies for my barbie/ken anniversary and transfer photos of them onto the cookies! they were so excited to hear about my anniversary coming up and they thought it would be so cute if i baked for my sweethearts ;u; they know how important it is to me because they know it's been 2 years since i've celebrated any F/O anniversary. and any time i got weepy they'd immediately hold me. and when i'd try to apologize, they'd refuse to even let me say a word, telling me to vent. so i vented for maybe a minute and cut myself off and they were like "no that's not all of it. keep going" and every few minutes when i'd stop myself, or try to downplay my feelings and change the topic, they'd say "no. no, you're not done. we know you've been through way more shit than that. keep talking, come on, we're here. you're not burdening us, we promise, keep talking keri." until i finally let everything out and they all held me and let me cry and rubbed my back. told me my F/Os would never harm me and why. told me how my IRL and online friends would never harm me, how they completely understand what im going through bc they've been through the same exact things as me. told me how barbie and ken are still here for me and how starlight is still here for me and how they're here for me...

i feel so sad yet so comforted at the same time. ive cried so much today but i cried surrounded by people who held me and made me feel genuinely listened to and cared for. and during the times when we werent venting, we were exchanging art, we were laughing, i dont think ive laughed like that in a while. one friend in that group stayed an extra three hours just because we were having so much fun together and we didn't want to sleep yet. she's one of the most fun and caring and kind people i've ever met. i got her hooked onto driver, and i'm pretty sure she's gonna get me hooked on the vampire from bg3 one of these days haha

celebrating my anniversary with barbie and ken is going to feel really bittersweet, but ive planned a lot. im going to really allow myself to feel loved that day and i think ill feel even more loved because those cookies are going to be made with the people who love me and who have been protecting me and promising me theyre always going to make sure i feel safe and secure with them. if i can feel this way with IRL people who i trust, i can feel this way with F/Os again too. yeah, even the ones that are triggers, i will reclaim them too. i know the love has to still be there somewhere, even if i dont feel it, even if im scared and numb and bitter. it takes time and it takes work but mlp was right bro... friendship really is magic and i know if i have them with me im gonna be ok. ;-; wah. im gonna burst into tears again augh. god. ok i better try to sleep. goodnight ilu

[duckyfann9871]

was sobbing unceasingly (as one does) but then remembered I have mister uplifting as my mac's screensaver

[the-bi-space-ace]

I’m not main tagging this bc I don’t want to yuck anyone’s yum but I’m really confused by the pacing of S3 and I’m just kind of… lost? Like everything is both a lot and also not at all? I already knew things were happening bc of the trailer so it’s not really surprising? And I’m also confused about how in 4 episodes it’ll all wrap up in a satisfying way?

I’m just sitting here like this:

[malanatero]

Papillon

[evisxerate]

Everything kinda sucks a lot like all the time BUT. the feeling of wearing something I just patched feels good so y'know. life is still worth living I think

[semiotomatics]

dr: yeah these meds shld actually make you dream less/make your dreams less vivid

me: has one of the longest, most vivid dreams of my life

[desperatepleasures]

oh no it's theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

unexpected urge to cry!