#im so disconnected. i don't know who i am

[adhbabey]

I didn't know my head could be so quiet.

In a traumatic space, where I'm unaware of my identity and myself, confused why my alters won't front. The whole time, I was thinking, "Why isn't anyone fronting? Why isn't anyone coming to save me? Why am I alone right now in my thoughts?" And I don't know if I even realized how dissociated I was from everyone, that I couldn't feel or hear anything because the trauma was so intense.

It is said that systems lose activity in a safe space, but I feel like that could be not said for this situation that I experienced very recently. I couldn't hear or think of anyone in my head. I felt as though some alters were rather close. My co-host, Rai, two of my protectors, Damien and Tsuki. But I couldn't perceive any of them, nor could I perceive myself. It was like I wasn't real, and wasn't really me.

All my friends and people around me were real. I remembered them, as best as I could, I knew who they were. But I was in a cycle of self loathing and loneliness. I felt so disconnected from everyone around me. I still feel afraid to reach out. I don't want to be harassed and abused again.

My head is still swimming, I am numb and in pain. I am reaching for a light to come and heal me. I still don't know where I am. I still don't know who I am. But I lived through several days of repeated trauma. And I'm terrified and numb at the same time.

I'm scared, I'm suicidal, I feel alone there. I'm decompressing, and slowly realizing how tense I was the entire time. I feel like I'm able to understand that I wasn't able to really feel anything. I don't know if I fully processed what happened to me, and why I am experiencing the way I am right now.

But trauma is so fucked up. And I didn't realize my whole body becomes so dissociated when I'm in it. So much so that I don't notice the others inside my own head.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I know multiple of these are likely important to people, but I'm asking in terms of like - which of these do you tend to focus on the MOST, enjoy the most, that is most essential for you to actually care about the media, etc.?

(For example: someone finding "Relatability" most important would likely not enjoy a show much if they have trouble empathizing with the characters/relating to it, even if it were good otherwise. Or, someone might be able to overlook bad acting and ugly costumes, as long as the Character Dynamics are fun to them, because they value that more than Aesthetics- while for others, bad costumes would be a dealbreaker.)

Also feel free to reblog and explain your answer or more information in the tags- I've always been curious about people's relationships to media, how they conceptualize it/what they get out of it, how some people value some parts more than others, how that informs their overall taste and genres they may be more inclined towards, etc. :0c

[dullahandyke]

i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard

[cryptojuice]

take this with a grain of extremely drunk but at this point I'm my journey? now? I'm like literally the idealest person in the world and I think everyone else has something wrong with them

[mothercain]

why do you not have much of a country accent? everyone i know from your region sounds like they're chewing on a rubber band (me too tho) im just curious

when i was growing up i sounded like everyone else but because we were homeschooled our whole life, my mom was a bit neurotic about us coming off as uneducated because of the way we spoke so she kind of drilled it out of us as we got older. i still have an accent when i go home but i'm very self conscious about my accent and am kind of stuck in permanent "customer service" voice with everyone who doesn't speak like me. i love my regional accent and i feel disconnected from my culture when i don't speak with it but then i'm also very embarrassed in a way to let it slip around people not from the south. it's kind of a strange push and pull to be caught in the middle of. it's definitely one of those deeply engrained things though, i always find myself speaking as "eloquently" as possible because i don't want people to think i'm unintelligent, which is something i don't love about myself. long live the north florida cracker accent.

[luveline]

I love bombshell!reader omg they’re so cutie. Im in an angst mood so imagine reader finally being hit emotionally hard on a case and asking spencer to stay with her in the hotel?? The rest of the team tries so hard to help but only Spencer can help her omg 🥹

thank you for your request ♡ fem!reader

Morgan has an arm around you. It's the first thing Spencer notices, and he thinks, Thank fuck. Thank fuck someone's holding you together. And then he thinks, Maybe I should be that someone. 

He's never seen you shaking that hard. Your usual easy air, not unlike Penelope's, has shrunk to nought. There's no flirty smile sent his way as he approaches, no dramatic throw of Moran's arm. I'd never cheat on my baby, you'd say, though you and Spencer aren't really dating. 

"You okay?" he asks. 

Spencer feels powerless in the face of your despair. You're obviously not fine. Kids always hit you the worst, and so many? Your reaction is warranted if uncharacteristic. 

You don't answer him. Morgan squeezes your arm and stands with a kiss to the top of your head. "I'll leave you in the best hands," he says in way of farewell. 

Spencer sits in the space Morgan vacates, hand behind your shoulder, his fingers curling between your side and your upper arm. You've had blood wiped out of your eyes haphazard, crusting of crimson on your lashes like a morbid mascara. He feels like crying for you. 

"Hey," he says, giving your back a slow, heavy handed rub, "Sorry I wasn't here." 

"That's okay." Your voice is all shudders like a trapped moth. "I'm okay." 

He steers your face to his with a cautious hand to look at you properly. With want of a better method, he takes your untouched water bottle and holds it to his sleeve, pulling it over his fingers while the fabric is still saturated to wipe away the missed blood.

You follow his touch, eyes closing with a quick, pained sigh. Like he's pricked you with a knifepoint.

"I know you think you have to be perfect," Spencer says, sleeve turning a dirty orange, "but this is enough to affect anybody." 

"I am perfect," you say quietly. It falls flat. 

Spencer cups both sides of your face. Your eyes flutter open at the feeling. "You're perfect. And a perfect person would handle this badly." 

His hands look rigid compared to the soft slopes of your cheeks, but they're gentle. 

Tears like silver line your eyes. You wear grief like everything else until suddenly you don't, a crack, a sniffle and you're turning your face into one of his hands desperately. Spencer knows what you need before you're moving, pulling you into his chest with a hand braced behind your neck. 

"It's okay," he says, hoping that if he says it with enough conviction it'll be true. "It's not your fault. There was nothing else we could do."

You shake your head from side to side against his shoulder. "I should've been quicker. I knew what was going to happen, I knew. And I couldn't do anything about it, I couldn't–" Your sob is pulled from you on a hook, hard and sudden enough to end in a wheeze.

Spencer doesn't know what else to do but hug you and hope it calms you down. He's not used to being the most composed of the two of you, a disconnect between the salacious woman who hounds him relentlessly and the one who's falling apart in the circle of his arms. 

You shake. Spencer rubs your back, shielding you from the cold weather until Hotch shouts for the BAU to fall in and get ready to leave. 

"Will you stay with me?" you ask, pulling away from his chest reluctantly. "I don't want to be alone. The hotel's too…" 

Spencer frowns, eyes closed, his face crushed to the side of your head. "Of course I will." 

He knows what you were going to say. It's too quiet after all of tonight's noise. And alone, blaming yourself, he knows you'll scare yourself. Tear yourself to pieces. So Spencer sticks to you like glue from the SUV to the hotel to the jet the next morning. He'd do anything you asked him to do no matter how hard. 

When you're ready, you'll fall back into your flirtatious routines. For now, Spencer takes your twitching hands under the table and holds them.

[thecoolerliauditore]

on one hand, very glad my suspicions of burnout and gimmicks as a result of fear of losing viewership were wrong at least as far as we know. im glad the CCs are having fun and their enjoyment is being prioritized, even if i am still not entirely convinced everyone's on the same page.

on the other hand, it's melancholic but this is pretty much the nail in the coffin in me having any interest left in future installments of the series. for those of you concerned: I am forever haunted by my brain diseases and will be continuing to post, write and draw 3L - SL for the rest of my forseeable life (plus completely disconnecting from any need I feel to interact with WL and beyond leaves me with more time to work on. certain larger scale projects I have had plans for)

i respect grians decision-making and he would know better than me how to run a youtube series, however I do question how much of an oxymoron it is to not care about viewer feedback for a youtube series run on viewership (and when so many of the recent behind the scenes decisions we've been privy to - such as Scar and Grian's hesitancy to team up based on comments calling them "boring" -- imply the opposite regarding the cast's mindset). it makes me concerned for the longevity of the series going forward, since those not happy with the direction that I've seen have all been very passionate and old fans, but I've also seen an equal if not louder support for this season, so I digress.

Part of me wonders how much of the "we want last life 2" sentiment (<-- something I've previously spoken about how I don't agree with) the cast has been exposed to, since it felt strange to me that it was even bought up. I have had a thought about this and the consequences of "don't maintag your negativity" e.g. the reasonable people know to hide their critical posts, and what that leaves a creator with are the unreasonable people, and if it's only that feedback that gets processed, then inevitably things tend to go in weird directions. Were any of us actually "tired" of Desert Duo interacting? Were any of us mad at Gem for killing Grian in SL?

It's frustrating to see crit posts get flagged down with accusations of disrespecting or attacking the CCs, or "we don't want you here anyway, just leave," when myself and all the people I've spoken to being not avid haters but rabid fans who feel frustrated and actively want to continue liking the series. Not to mention most of the people also being active members of the fandom ontop of that -- we claim that fanart is important and makes the series even more special than it already is, yet people seem more than happy to sacrifice that just for the sake of not seeing critical opinions.

t-shirt that says blah blah blah. but I reserve the right of feeling disappointed.

[syscest]

I feel like i want to explore being plural but i also dont feel like i understand it enough and i live in constant fear that im disrespectful, misunderstanding, and just faking it to feel special.

I do feel like there is a disconnect in who i am at different times, the most jarring between me being ace and slightly sex repulsed normally and then suddenly just moments of extreme horniness. But i also just dont feel like i have continuity of character at all, like every version of me before and after Right Now This Moment is an entirely different person

many many many systems are made to feel like they're "just faking things for attention". plural imposter syndrome is so common i don't think i know a single system who hasn't had to work thru it to some degree.

you cannot disrespect other plural systems by exploring a potential plural explanation for your own experiences - it helps to be conscious of the variety of plural experiences out there and not expect everyone else's experience to be the same as yours, but that only matters for your interactions with other systems.

if you're worried about misunderstanding plurality it always helps to listen to a variety of other systems' experiences, as usual plural respect is a good starting point but there's a lot to be gained from just hearing other systems' personal experiences too.

splits between "very horny part of the system" and "not at all horny part of the system" are pretty common! plenty of systems have some headmates who are very dtf and others who want that shit kept far away from them. it's not unheard of as a kind of fluctuating asexuality either, but that doesn't mean you can't explore both possibilities.

and yeah uhhhh. been there with the feeling like you don't have a stable continuous identity thing. for us plurality helped resolve a lot of that, both via providing more identity structure for us to glom onto and by helping identify patterns of identity that were already there. I can't guarantee it's what will work for you and plurality certainly isn't the answer to all identity problems. but like,

these are all fairly common experiences for plural systems. i think it's worth exploring the possibility, especially if that's something you already want to do.

[youremyheaven]

Ketu: Detachment & Connection

I thought I would expand more on the nature of Ketu in this post. Although both Rahu and Ketu are shadow planets (they are the north and south node of the moon) they experience this darkness very differently. Rahu seeks intense immersion in their experiences and seeks to absorb as much of their material realm (Rahu is the head) but Ketu is disconnected from this completely (Ketu being the headless torso) and even if they want to, they cannot immerse themselves in the material realm, they find it disorienting or simply feel disconnected from it all. Its meaningless to them.

The Ketu nakshatras are Ashwini, Magha & Mula

Ketu is in the darkness and to be Ketuvian is to be in a tunnel perpetually seeking the light. It can be a very uneasy energy to inhabit if imbalanced but this is why spirituality is so important to Ketu natives, they have to cultivate spiritual discipline if they are to peacefully embody this energy and find clarity in its detachment. Most people struggle with overattachment, so having this Ketuvian energy is a great starting point since you're already detached but grounding is very important as there is such a thing as being too detached or uncaring.

The Ketuvian struggle for connection reminds me of certain 8h themes and I think 8housers and Ketuvians have a lot in common in that regard. You need to have an intense kind of connection to feel anything at all, everything else feels kind of mild to your senses. Only intensity can wake you up and make you feel "awake" or "aware" as Ketuvians are sort of in this passive detached state otherwise.

I noticed many of these themes in Jungkook's solo songs. He is a Magha Moon and Mula Rising (he has such a puppy energy, it must be Mula's dog yoni hehe)

I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that being heavily tatted (a full sleeve of tattoos or just being covered in tattoos) is a very Nodal thing to do because they're plunged in shadows and making a mark spiritually helps them feel more connected or because they have to indulge in the extremes of anything for it to feel impactful.

Jungkook has a song called "Still With You" released in 2020, widely considered a love letter to army. These are the English translation of some of its lyrics that I found correlating to his Ketuvian energy

"That faint voice of yours that grazed me Please call my name one more time I'm standing under the frozen light, but I'll walk step by step towards you Still with you

With no light in the darkroom I shouldn't get used to it But I'm used to it again The low-pitched sound of this air conditioner If I don't have this, I will fall apart We laugh together, we cry together I guess these simple feelings were everything to me"

Fame can be a very intoxicating and addictive experience for Nodal natives. Since they feel very disconnected otherwise, they experience connection when it is pouring in such a large or vast scale. But this sort of dependence on fame and fans can also be destabilising and unhealthy because you never know when it might all go away. Since fame is so fickle, its dangerous to rely on it to feel "connected". This is why soooo many Nodal natives who are celebrities are sooo often self-destructive. You keep chasing that high and you'll never feel satisfied, you can never fill the vacuum you have and the harder you try, the more empty you feel.

I don't say any of this to be discouraging, im only trying to point out the emotional expectations we place upon certain experiences and even relationships and how it turns toxic and unhealthy when we do that. If we were to use another person to feel connected or tethered to the world, whilst it may work for us, they must feel very drained by being our anchor.

Jungkook has another demo called Decalcomania and the lyrics go like this:

When I see you smile in the screen You're good at everything You're just perfect Feels like I've never been you

Do you even see me? Do you know who I am? Or how do I look now? You don't like me like that

Come and tell me so much, you beautiful heart Oh, I'm gonna listen to you Please

All the numbers too big Can't get out of your game Oh, I want to paint it like you Please

I want to be your decalcomania I want you I want to be your decalcomania I want I want you

He is singing about himself and how he feels dissociated from himself. Fame can be a very dissociative experience for Ketu natives as their search for connection means they feel even more disconnected from the person they become to achieve this connection. Decalcomania refers to the process by which engravings are transferred to another surface (paper, pottery etc). It ties back to Ketu's need to be marked upon, they need something to make an impression on them, literally, because otherwise it does not feel real to them. Jungkook is asking himself to transfer the person he sees on screen to himself, so that he can embody the lightness and joy he sees on him.

Jungkook has another solo song called My Time in which he sings:

"24, feels like I became a grown-up faster than everyone else My life has been a movie, all the time I ran to where the sun rises every single night It's like I've been to someone's tomorrow The boy who found the world too big Keep on runnin' errday, pick the mic up Friends ridin' subway, I'll be in the aeroplane mode All over the world rock on, I made my own lotto But is it too fast? There are traces of losses Don't know what to do with, am I livin' this right? Why am I alone in a different time and space?"

Nodal natives (both Rahu & Ketu) regardless of whether they're child stars or not, have to grow up faster than others. This again makes them feel very disconnected from kids their age, you feel vv lonely.

Oh, I think I was in yesterday 'Cause everybody walk too fast I'm a little kid grown up not knowing it (Like a child who got lost) This got me oh just trippin’ It feels I'm roaming over Don't know what to do with, am I livin' this right? Why am I alone in a different time and space?

It feels confusing and disorienting to live a life that others cant relate to you. Immense wealth and fame can make you feel this way but Ketuvians feel this way in general. They look around them and they feel lost like everybody else is moving too fast.

"Sometimes when I'm gasping for air I wear my hat low and keep running Yeah, I don't gotta know where I go Even if it's opposite of sun One time for the present Two time for the past Happy that we met each other Now 'til the very end"

He's expressing his gratitude for everything even though it feels so alienating and confusing.

There is another song called Stay Alive in which he sings:

"그림잔 커져가지만 Although my shadow grows larger,

괜찮아 너란 큰 빛 덕분이니 It’s okay because it’s thanks to the great light that is you"

This is such a sincere explanation of what its like to be a Ketuvian in the limelight, he's thankful for having such a vast fanbase, the source of his "light" (remember that Ketu is in darkness and is always seeking light) but chasing this light means having to morph into somebody else/feeling disconnected from yourself which he succinctly expresses through the line "my shadow grows larger". Since Ketu is in perpetual darkness and is a shadow planet, it does not confront its shadow on its own. Its the seeking, the constant chasing for the light which they need that brings them to see their shadow.

Perhaps you feel very void and disconnected in general but you have a friend or a partner who makes you feel very tethered, through them you absorb their light but this also means you learn to look at yourself more clearly (Ketuvians are blind to their own nature) and this can be a very disconcerting and difficult experience if you've seldom ever felt "seen".

Emma Watson, Ashwini Sun, Mula Moon

I remember reading this interview in like 2010 where she said that whilst doing red carpets for the last Harry Potter movies she would have these moments where she looked into the mirror and felt very disconnected from the person she saw.

She subsequently turned to yoga and meditation and is even a certified yoga instructor. She has also mentioned going on silent retreats.

Ketu natives truly find balance in their lives when they cultivate a spiritual practice and devote themselves to it. Emma has largely stayed out of the limelight in the last decade or so and will probably continue to do so, this is very Ketuvian again, these natives find social interactions, especially the kind of intensive press tour celebrity life to be very draining, they need to retreat and do things in a way that is "real" to them. Emma has spoken about taking a break from acting and working behind the scenes.

Jungkook deleted his IG despite having 40+ million followers and like most Ketu natives he is very private and has no social media. It does not feel natural or real to them.

In her British Vogue interview, Emma said,

"...Her characters have felt, at times, “much realer” than she was. “I’m just so glad that I did [step away from acting] because I have this feeling of having my own voice and creative space and sovereignty in some way that I don’t think I did before".

This time has allowed Watson to concentrate on her “inner scorecard” (how you feel about yourself on the inside), versus her “outer scorecard” (your outward success, as seen on social media, for example). “I get a front row seat [with] some of the most successful, beautiful, incredible people in the world,” she says of Hollywood’s inner sanctum. “And when you have that seat it becomes very, very clear that there is just absolutely no level of success that will make you in any way happy or content if you do not like who you are or enjoy what you’re doing when no one’s watching.”

All of this feels like evolved, balanced and mature Ketu energy.

Miranda Kerr, Ashwini Sun

She is another person who I've always thought embodies a very healthy and evolved Ketuvian energy

Here's an excerpt from her interview:

“First, I try to do a little meditation and yoga, depending on how I feel. I've been meditating since I was 18. I've learnt Transcendental Meditation and Kriya Yoga Meditation, but sometimes I'm just too much in my head and so I need to put on an app. I use Insight Timer, which has different guided meditations, from a five- or 10-minute meditation or deeper ones which help if I can't sleep.

“Gratitude puts everything into perspective. The way that we speak to ourselves is really important, and to be aware to pull yourself up if you’re being self-critical and try and look at things in a positive way. For example, we can look outside and say, ‘oh my goodness, I can't believe it's raining’, or we can look outside and go, ‘well, it's cosy when it rains, I'd love to be inside and I get to wear my favourite scarf’ – we can switch our whole perspective on so many things. For me, waking up in the morning and thinking of at least three things I’m grateful for is so important. Just simple things like, ‘I’m grateful that we have fresh running water’.”

Salma Hayek, Magha Rising

Salma has been practising meditation and yoga for decades and has said: “It’s actually feeling the energy,” she said. “It moves and it dances inside of you, different sensations and emotions. So I use a lot of the frequency machines.”

Hayek claimed that her meditation works wonders for her appearance. “Sometimes when I’m doing it, people tell me when I come out of the room, ‘Oh my god. You look 20 again,'" she said.

She also warned that if she stopped meditating, her face would suffer. “When I don’t do it for a while, guess what?” she said. “The face starts to drop and everything starts to drop.”

Spirituality comes easier for women than men imo and Ketuvian women are more likely to buy into all things spiritual like crystal cleansing, chakra reading and even other offbeat spiritual techniques.

Gigi Hadid, Ashwini Sun & Rising

Gigi is another person who embodies really healthy Ketuvian energy

In her interviews, she always sounds very grounded and tethered. She said:

"I got pregnant and I really started to think about what I wanted after, when the world opened back up. (she got pregnant during covid) It kept coming back to just a more stabilized schedule where I’m not in a different country every week. This is very stabilizing. I have an office that I come to. I know everyone here. I don’t have to look a certain way to show up. It’s a different experience for me, and it was the right time because I was ready for that,” 

To realize what is causing you to feel unstable and deliberately manoeuvre your life to create that stability requires self-awareness and maturity.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mula Moon

He has talked about how bodybuilding and building his physique really helped him feel connected to himself in a different way. I think this is an interesting manifestation of Ketu's disconnection and need to go to extremes to feel anything. Arnold's workout routine from his Mr World days is pretty insane, he worked harder than anybody else and was single-mindedly focused on it. Pushing yourself to such extremes and committing to it is difficult but those Ketuvians who can do so will benefit from it immensely.

Ketu is detached from the material realm. For a Ketu native that isn't tuned into their spiritual side, this can mean feeling disconnected in general but the blessings of retreating to spirituality, slowness, stillness etc means shifting to a version of life where you feel anchored within yourself without depending on anybody or anything to feel that way.

All of the people I mentioned above turned away from the spotlight or made choices to make their lives more grounded and stable and as a result they feel content and satiated. They are detached from the material realm but firmly tethered to the things that matter to them.

I just wanted to make a brief post about how Ketuvians embrace their shadows and how spirituality anchors them.

I hope this was insightful.

[theriverbeyond]

i would be feral abt t4t paldulcie

adds such a great layer to the ambiguously erotic long distance mentorship situation… dulcinea as a trans elder… i’m frothing at the mouth

SEE i wasn't thinking of Dulcie as a trans elder in this situation, I think Juno Zeta would put her her son on blockers aged 10 and be the kind of mom to have a toddler portrait tattoo redone to be like, still extremely binary but now the baby is dressed in blue with a baseball cap.

specifically I want to explore the experience of being trans and having these kind of... long distance, no faces, text only relationships where you can feel fully affirmed and the disconnect that then exists between your real world experience, and how this interacts with of course also being critically ill and not wanting anyone to see you because of that. the compounded body horror and also then, intimacy when there IS someone you trust to see you sick, see you naked, and the way that interacts with the vulnerability and exhaustion of sickness,

and there's another layer I really want to explore regarding how critical illness i.e. cancer can often impede or slow medical transition while ALSO drastically shortening the time in which one has to make these decisions. to quote my favorite movie "there is still time", but what if there isn't? what is there ISNT time? what if you're dying, and you want to die in the body you want to be remembered in, but you don't know if you'll get there? there's a horror in that. this quote from harrow the ninth:

"“The only thing that ever stopped me being exactly who I wanted,” she said, “was the worry that I would soon be dead … and now I am dead, Reverend Daughter, and I am sick of roses, and I am horny for revenge.”"

i think this would add to Palamedes' like... "i need to cure her i need to save her" and also heighten Dulcinea's rebellious streak (she wants cigarettes!!! she hates roses!!!) while also interacting with how she DID, in fact, decline Palamedes' proposal. she decided to stay where she was. there's so much here. im getting dangerously close to getting really personal here on tumblr dot com but im shaking the bars of my cage

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey uhm you dont know me or maybe you do. but im the kid that left those stupid tags on one of your posts.

your response was "should we tell everyone. should we throw a party. should we invite Bella Hadid." (just to refresh your memory)

When I added those tags, I thought it was fine. It was more or less banter with a moot in the tags. I didn't think you'd see it or even care. I was tone deaf. and im sorry.

and like, it has been months since i added that in the tags and then you screenshotted and added to the post but i think about it a lot. and i think about what the people in the notes said a lot.

i never meant to be insensitive or anything, i was trying to be light hearted. idk i just needed to get this off my chest.

oh hey what's up lmao

I want to be so clear that I was never angry at you as an individual, it's mostly just like... it's very frustrating as a woman who's moderately gender nonconforming to talk about my frustrations with being expected to shave, wear makeup, etc, and so often be met with people derailing the conversation to talk about how much they love those things.

I want to be so clear: I have absolutely no beef with any woman or any other person doing whatever the fuck they want with their body. shave whatever you want, put on as much or as little makeup as you like, wear whatever clothing makes you happy. I don't feel any animosity towards people who enjoy things that I don't, it's just endlessly tiring to ALWAYS have someone feeling the need to chime in to talk about how much the love stuff that feels totally disconnected from my life specifically when I am trying to talk about that disconnect. and it is genuinely kind of inevitable, I don't think I've ever been able to express that feeling without someone chiming in to talk about how they can't relate at all and feel completely the opposite. which is a fine way to feel, but maybe read the room!

anyway. I know it was a cunty response and I am sorry if that hurt to see. I genuinely do not have any grudge with you, and if anyone has been shitty to you about those tags I am deeply sorry, because that's never something I would have wanted. I appreciate hearing from you 💜

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Hopes is also kind of a flaw in the regard of Shahid's own father not stopping his raid. Like, the king himself isn't stopping his prince son from attacking their neighbors. Also, Cyril really didn't seem to like him, and Claude ended up feeling bad about hearing from a former Almyran civilian himself that the king wasn't all that great of a dude. Like, I think it really put into perspective for Claude how his father is as a ruler, which I can see why Claude, as his son, might not have noticed (kinda like, it's your father so you don't think they could be all that bad but then you hear from someone else's experience).

Almyra is definitely an afterthought for IS though, which is very annoying when one of its central characters was born there and lived most of his life there. Also, I can't remember with total certainty, but didn't Judith say something about Claude having disappeared at some point during the timeskip? I recall thinking he must have gone back to Almyra or something at that time (maybe not the entire five years but I recall him being gone for some time from Fodlan)?

As far as foreign lands go (specificaly, how they treated the poc regions), it's kind of a mixed bag with this game. Duscur actually seems handled pretty well. Even the guys who aren't fond of Faerghus and are suspicious of Dimitri for being the prince (particularly in the paralogue) seemed to just be reacting in a very normal human way and being like I don't really trust this but they did help us so we can leave it like this for now. Following that, they helped Dedue to survive knowing he would return to Dimitri's side. They managed to evade the usual stereotypes, and I think that's part of why Duscur isn't as "fandom dead".

Brigid it's had to say a lot for because Petra's situation alone doesn't equal how we should see the nation as a whole. In fact, we hardly know anything about them. Specifically with Petra we do have the really awkward "why is Petra so close to Edelgard in CF/SB when she's still a political hostage who Edelgard has not officially freed", and the even worse "Petra basically said fuck you to Brigid (more strongly in SB via their A support) because she'd rather risk her life for Edelgard who still has not freed her or Brigid despite Edelgard saying she could go home (though the presumption is that Brigid would not be freed yet anyway)".

The whole Petra situation feels brainwashy and full of empty promises, but the writers just made her a huge Edelgard simp in SB and a lowkey simp in CF. Other than that, we really have nothing about Brigid itself. Even in the Houses paralogue, all we see is her getting reinforcements (either to fight alongside the Empire which feels uh, even more awkward, or to fight against the Empire). We don't learn anything about them, so we just have this weird Petra situation and some lore here and there and nothing else, really. No overall good or bad fandom perception.

Almyra is your local "brigand" location in a sense. They're the brutes who like to fight and don't seem to have any specific goal other than that, really. Obviously we know it's way worse in Hopes where they enjoy pillaging and invading, but the fact remains that Almyra is written in a very negative light, to the point where I tend to wonder why Claude even wants to make things friendly between Almyra and Fodlan other than because it's his home and he wants his homes to be friends (because if you take what canon gives us and use no headcanons at all, I can't imagine why Claude wouldn't just get out of there and never go back or even want to go back, let alone try to be king when it's evidently a very difficult task because his dad can't stop banging the ladies and has too many sons vying for the throne).

Verdane at least gets the pass of the usual brigand region but not stereotyping poc, so the fandom doesn't tend to feel as icky about it. It's also not just told to us that they're not all brigands, but shown through Jamka, Dia and King Batou. Technically if Jamka fathers any kids, there's also somewhat them too (I say somewhat because they didn't grow up there, but they do end up going to take back the throne and fix the land). Like, yeah, Verdane was created with a real world location in mind (as with the rest of the countries in Jugdral), but it took more basic inspiration. Almyra went a step further with culture included and even having poc characters, but made Almyra even worse than Verdane. Nader is basically our only known "good" Almyran character who still lives in Almyra. Hopes gave us one more and... whoops.

Personally I do think some of the fanon about Cyril and Claude is worth having because I think it would be good for Claude to be able to get a former civilian's full perspective on everything (rather than just Rhea and Claude's father). I do also think Claude shows a desire to protect Cyril and get people to trust him, so I don't think the fanon is entirely too far off. The whole "they're definitely bros" thing though is definitely headcanon because even if Claude wants the best for Cyril, they don't act like bros and are not very emotionally close.

Unfortunately of course this is because Almyra's reputation in Fodlan is pretty terrible, but then, what we are told as players is not much better and we basically see the same things the people from Fodlan see (especially in Hopes, which is supposed to the game to expand on Almyra more. I mean, it did expand it, certainly... but in the absolutely very wrong direction).

Fanon Almyra is also something I have to invest in with my fics, because everything we know about Almyra just points to it being a pretty awful place. Claude tends to say things that basically imply they're just people like anyone else, but he's the only person who indicates anything even remotely like that. Even Cyril doesn't paint it in a good light (i.e. it's not just people from Fodlan who paint it in a bad light), and the characters we do know from Almyra (bar Hopes) are either aggressive NPCs or Nader, who doesn't have much characterization going for him outside of liking to fight (which perpetuates part of the stereotype in canon) and being pretty chill otherwise.

In Hopes it's obviously worse, but even Nader, pre-six month timeskip where he suddenly became a brute for the worse who so badly wanted to pillage Faerghus and then brag about doing so (with the implication that he'd be congratulated by the Almyran people for doing so), was very hesitant to work with Shahid because all his comments about Shahid are negative, to the point he ends up betraying Shahid for Claude. So, the only other "good" guy we know (good in Houses, "good" in Hopes) reacts poorly to the other named Almyran character. As with Houses, the NPCs are meh.

The one NPC that did talk about pillaging more openly basically just said that they weren't allowed to do that and he just guessed that was the Alliance's rules. His tone wasn't angry or upset, so he didn't seem particularly bad as an individual, but his words being what they were do imply that fighting aggressively/pillaging is so ingrained into their basic culture that it's genuinely surprising to this NPC that it's not allowed in the Alliance. Could be a solid dude, sure... but what he implies is that it's standard Almyran behavior to attack, fight and pillage.

Houses doesn't give us anything as directly bad as that, but the various bits and pieces are... not good either. The fact that Hilda was shocked at Claude's story about what his father had done to him and how she exclaimed that that's basically torture is a powerful statement alone, but the way Claude acted about it made it seem like that's nothing out of the ordinary for Almyrans. If something Hilda equates to torture is just everyday life for Almyrans, that doesn't come across as a very normal, happy place.

hey random stop talking shit abt mayo and cucumbers i know exactly what you're getting at right there don't u do it (pro mayo and cucumber, mayo and cucumber for life)

As far as the narrative Claude believes about Rhea, that at least we (you and I lel) know is false. The problem with regular raids from Almyra is still an issue though, and enough so that pirates even can use their name and be believed. Like, no, the pirates aren't muddying Almyra's reputation or good name. They're just pirate-capitalizing on an already existing bad name. The fact that they even have the opportunity to do that is proof enough that it's that easy to say "Almyra is attacking again" and be immediately believed without question. That's not a good look for Almyra.

In Hopes, Lorenz is generally the only solid voice of reason who contests basically everything the narrative and story stands for. He does regularly voice his concerns and speaks up about better alternatives. Unfortunately this is just Hopes' way of saying "look we addressed it so you can't ask why nobody addressed it", because they still go through with the narrative and everyone shoots Lorenz down for everything he suggests aside from the "Almyrans can't pillage while fighting with our army" concept. Hopes addresses most things that are questionable via Lorenz, but he's like the only smart guy in a group of total idiots. ":( we don't wanna fight Edelgard bc she's our old classmate of like maybe a few months tops... :(... so let's go fight our old classmates not-Edelgard!!!" Lorenz, meanwhile: hey isn't that dumb?

Something I definitely noticed from the fandom is that in VW, fans don't just believe every single thing Claude ever says unless it specifically pertains to Rhea. And I don't mean every fan of VW/every huge Claude fan, but the fandom at large is like this. I've followed Joe Zieja for most of his post-Houses streaming career and have been in his server for very long periods of time (because it's sub based so sometimes I'm not in there since I'm not always resubbing because I just can't justify it financially every month since I'm not as active all the time), and I can tell you with absolute certainty that most of his viewers/followers despise Rhea (as does he), literally want her dead/to personally kill her themselves (not sure if he feels that way/is just joking for the streams, but he sure as hell hyped himself and the chat up for it in GW), and believe every single word that comes out of Claude's mouth about her (even though Claude doesn't know her even half as well as the people who, you know, have lived their whole lives in Fodlan, which... would've been a nice part of the game if they had Claude reflect on all those details. They kinda started to but then the game ended lmfao).

(Also I do not hate Joe Zieja by any means, and I am very fond of him! He's fun and very kind. I'm not saying he or his community are all inherently bad people and I've made plenty of friends there. I'm specifically saying that I've seen, time and time and time again that they (most of them) hate Rhea so much that they will believe any single negative narrative fed to them about her - even the fans who have played AM and should know better.)

I mean look at fanon Almyra. It's a way better place than in canon because fans looked at canon Almyra and realized how bad it is and didn't appreciate that the writing handled it that way (generally but also for "this is kinda racist" reasons).

Rhea though, forget it, everyone only drinks Nabatean Blood Tea unless you're a fan of AM (not just played it and ignored any full on factual information that didn't agree with your preferred narrative, where you saw Rodrigue having a flashback in his dying moments of Lambert being expectantly positive of their ongoing relationship with Duscur. But uh oh! Rhea BaD! So BaD that she's stopping foreign-- what? Lambert is dead? Must've been Rhea, to prevent him from forging those foreign relationships!!! ...No? It was TWS? Well... Well...!!! It made Rhea happy to find out!!! 'Cause no more foreign relations!!! ...What? She never tried to stop Lambert from making friends with foreign lands? Well...! WELL...!!! Rhea BaD anyway!!!)

As someone not religious and never having been, I think it's just totally bonkers how hard people project against churches.

Back to Almyra though, I can't really blame people for projecting to make it a better place. Just generally, as a human being, it makes me uncomfortable how IS would take a culture of people and just... make Almyra into what it is. Having Middle Eastern blood just makes it a little extra uncomfortable.

As for Claude saying so and not being made to reconsider, well, I guess we have his "support" if you can even call it that with Dimitri in Hopes, but the worst part is that, because Dimitri "challenged" his views (he didn't all that much really, and mostly warned him about what would happen, etc), Dimitri is seen by non-AM fans as a church simp of some sort, despite Dimitri specifically saying on his own route that he does not care for the goddess and does not feel positively about her.

Also unfortunately, most FE16 players evidently have zero sense of nuance and can't think for themselves, so if a character says it's true, they fully believe it without question and will believe any single thing a character ever says. I'm looking mainly at the Rodrigue haters who ignore his entire character/personality because Felix said uwu I hate him he's sooo mean. Those same people also missed the nuance of Felix not truly feeling that way, being an angry teenager and just trying to convince himself he feels that way... only to regret it as soon as his father dies.

Can you tell it still bothers/annoys me that so many people do that?

Anyway, obviously we know Almyra isn't the best place ever and is portrayed very poorly in both games, but it's a shame honestly. Canon is mostly ignored by the fandom because of the racist undertones it leaves and not so much because "Claude said so" in this case. It just leaves a bad taste in many people's mouths that the only poc location with a lord attached to it is inarguably the worst and most immoral of the foreign areas (i.e. the others don't have a lord hailing from them).

I just wish people would stop pushing the whole Rhea BaD agenda and using Almyra to do so, because they have literally nothing to do with each other. Rhea brought Cyril into her care but she has nothing to personally do with Almyra, for or against. She lets Leicester deal with them how they see fit, thus letting them rule how they see fit and not interfering, just like how Faerghus was left to its own devices with its surrounding lands.

Do you feel like the fandom has a sort of bigotry of low expectations attitude towards Almyra? Like Rhea is literally satan for not teaching Cyril to read (even though she didn't know he couldn't) but Almyra, where he lived during the time in his life where most kids are learning to read, doesn't get any flack for not educating it's children. And that's on top of treating the whole "ignoring the orphans you create in your raids for funzies until you can use them in your raids for funzies" as not a big deal at best and something Cyril needs to get over so he can embrace his Almyran heritage at worst.

Hm...

I didn't interact with khalidstan side of the fandom, a friend gave me a few links and I clicked, blinked, and they immediately returned lol.

Almyra in fandom in general is... a short summary of what Fodlan's issue is, and the need to use copious amounts of headcanons or to project real life events on the two lines given because 10k years of lore means we still don't know the name of Claude's dad or why the fuck he isn't stopping the raids.

And in a way, I can't really say it's undeserved, to project so much, because we all like to see something new, and something "not often seen" in jrpgs, Almyra's aesthetic was so heavily inspired by real world locations, so of course people wanted to know more about it than about "random medieval european land #8854" and...

Well. The game doesn't say a lot about Almyra, it is mentionned about, someone you are supposed to see as a protagonist with knowledge about this land says some good stuff about it and... that's it!

(at least it wasn't the utter disappointment Hyzante was in TS, because that's another can of worms, but given the "aethetic" picked for the ultra religious people who justify everything by their religion that is actually false and controlled by an old fart using a puppet, and who also enslaves people, and has no redeeming quality bar its last survivor being a Mother (tm) who apparently knows some medicine - let's say this portrayal would have fit well with the early 2000s depictions of a certain religion and its followers in the real world).

So for this new and "exotic" (i fucking hate that word) country, of course people wanted to know more... and when the "more" showed that IS didn't move from the Kaga era with Persia = Verdane, well.

Some people, who really wanted to be invested in Almyra (maybe projecting a lot about it) were disappointed, and had to basically create fanon!Almyra from the few breadcrumbs we got - ending with the "Almyra is wonderful and #didnothingwrong, Fodlan BaD and Syrup must embrace his Almyran identity as Khalid's bby bro!" - canon events can be ignored!

And, as headcanon/fanon, okaay, this can work, I mean, it's not because people make sandwiches with mayo, eggs and cucumbers that I have to eat it, you know? Some people eat those kinds of sandwiches, I don't, don't like, don't read, etc etc.

But then, removing the fandom's tendency to headcanon and, well, be a fandom, in FE Fodlan itself we have... Claude.

And the way the games treat Claude, imo, ultimately fuels those headcanons.

Rather, not only Claude, but more specifically, his views about Fodlan, Almyra and the supposed reasons why they can't get along.

As I posted way too many times in the last 4 years, Claude will - for a reason I suspect is tied to Hresvelg Grey and the red herring called Rhea - never interact with the Almyrans attacking for shit'n'giggles in Hilda'n'Cyril's paralogue. He will not talk about House Goneril's habit to, uh, "take orphans left on the battlefield" with them.

But it's an issue with the Fodlan games in general, you can have an elephant in the room, or a giant dragon, if it goes against the narrative a certain character pushes, that elephant will be ignored, like, the lord won't even have 1 line about it.

The game took time to code Claude having line about random pirates "dirtying" Almyra's good name by pretending to be Almyran pirates to, just, steal stuff - but it didn't took time to code Claude maybe tell to the random peon leading the raid of the week to stop the fuck out - and I ultimately don't think it was a foresight.

Claude will tell you the reason why Almyra isn't well seen nor accepted in Fodlan is because of the Church or the faith Rhea preaches (since in VW Billy will still be head of the church), because the faith Rhea preaches apparently encourages isolationism, xenophobia, etc etc...

And nowhere in the game(s) will someone tell him that, uh, no, the faith Rhea preached welcomes people of all faiths and origins (Cyril sort of does, but this support is optional when Claude will always say the same thing at the beginning, middle and end of his route(s)), or how people do not welcome Almyrans with open arms because of their habit to raid their lands every sunday (re : lack of reaction in the Hilda'n'Cyril support) - Hell, in Nopes, it's Lorenz, not Claude, who tells Almyrans that they shouldn't pillage the cities they are invading (re : the elephant in the room, Lorenz adresses it though, even if it's played for funsies).

So if Claude says Almyra is the second coming of paradise on earth, and the game never bothers to correct him or have him learn, react and reconsider his earlier opinions, why should the fandom bother? Claude is a protagonist and can be the Lord, so of course whatever he says - even in passing, is true!

Coupled with the projection/fanon/headcanon issue of earlier and you have fanon!Almyra - where Syrup needs to ditch the woman who gave him meals and a roof and basic care to return to his "almyran" origins even if in Almyra he was treated like fodder and had "no reason to live".

Why?

Because said woman is a certain fandom's projection on the catholic church + the game(s) need a red herring + Hresvelg Grey + Claude said so and the game(s) never confronts him so it sort of works.

I think, back when I still had faith in redshit, I tried to argue to someone who said "obviously Almyra has more advanced medicine bcs trust me bro" with something like "in a world where singing 2 "Ave Sothis" can heal a fractured arm, what the fuck is advanced medicine?" Ditto for the more advanced ships because they have canons, we're in the Fire Emblem series, who gives a fuck about a canon if you have a mage with long range magic on the other side ? Ask FE4, people can summon meteors - do you really think a "canon" is advanced technology in an universe with magic? (unless we make a difference between magic and technology but it's all sort of pointless, some place isn't more backwards than the other if it uses different methods to reach the same results?).

----

Then, let's not kid ourselves, Almyra, just like everything in Fodlan, has been used by the fandom to demonise Rhea, because Rhea BaD since she's the fandom projected version of Pope Francis and Supreme Leader + Claude think she's the reason why Fodlan sucks.

So with the "Rhea is satan because she never taught Cyril, who kept that information hidden, how to read, but the Gonerils are somehow A-ok despite not teaching him too - granted they also forgot to give him food so at least they're consistent in how they completely don't give a fuck about him" -

I also read the "Rhea is evil because she only saved 1 Almyran Child from House Goneril, but again, House Goneril isn't evil for, uh, keeping more than 1 Almyran child needing to be saved" -

And Nopes gave us the best "Rhea is evil incarnated because she doesn't tell Cyril to run away when people want to slaughter her, unlike what she did for her blood relatives, so it's actually Rhea's fault that Claude had to use Cyril as an archery practice dummy!".

If Rhea must be bad, then everything she stands against must be Good! And that includes the people she bought a fort to defend against!

Tl;Dr : some part of the fandom idealisation of Almyra comes frmo 1/projection

2/Khalid said so and the game(s) never force him to reconsider

3/Rhea BaD (this one is a bit of a cheat, since it can be used to explain 95% of the various discourses that happened in this fandom since its creation!)

[randompolykin]

recently realized I experience an attraction that's pretty hard to name/describe because the best I can get is "I creature you human" what im saying is, you know all the comics and movies where theres this human character and this nonhuman character (usually a monster or robot but can be anything) that are in some sort of relationship, usually friendship, sometimes romance, but it always feels different because its a monster (etc) and a human.

That feeling, that difference in attraction because I am not human. But you are. We are not the same. But somehow that binds us together. A connection from a disconnection that is hard to describe in words, but makes perfect sense in stories.

THAT

that is what I'm talking about. That is what I've been feeling all my life. This curiosity towards people because of this humanity they have that I don't. Wanting to protect them, stalk them, study them, wondering if I can stand beside them, or if they'll slowly leave me in the dust when they realize I'm Different. Seeing if maybe they can teach me how to be more like them, so I don't end up alone, but more importantly, complexly confused by their society and unable to survive in it.

This feeling is weaved inside my every being, it's in romantic attraction/crush feelings, and more importantly, my platonic feelings, which I feel aren't as strong as this, and I have realized this creature feeling might be is what I've mestacing for platonic attraction. This of course is my personal experience and feeling, but I would love to hear from you! Creature/being/thing reading this about your experience(s) and/or feelings. As I know I'm not the only one who experiences nonhuman feelings of this sort

[yeondollie]

ʟᴀᴅʏ ᴋɪʟʟᴇʀ ♡ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

'if i wan' her, imma steal her.' .ᐟ

. . paring ; huening kai x fem! reader

. . warnings ; ғʟᴜғғ .ᐟ, they are so cringe but cute i cant hehe :>, nicknames (my love and pretty girl), kissing, swearing, beach setting, i thinkk thats it this is just really cute hehe :p

. . words ; 0.7k

a/n ; i was going through my masterlist and i realized i have nothing for kai ahhh :< ! im so so so so so sorry ning but i started out with a fluff and i really think its cute. i wish it was longer but its one am and i am running on ariana grandes album hehe :p but if you guys like it maybeeee part two ? not proof read !

"kai put me down!" you laughed as he held you bridal style, inching closer and closer towards the sea. you weren't afraid of the ocean, you loved it in fact but you just knew how huening kai was. splashing water with him was on a whole differnt level.

he just laughed with that pretty smile of his while putting you down into the cold water, dunking your head underneath. while coming back up for a breather you felt his large hands wrap around your waist. you had to admit, it gave you butterflies no matter how many times he did it.

he made you feel so warm inside, you couldn't explain it no matter who asked. it was like you two couldn't be seperated. where you went, huening went. where kai went, you went. there was nothing stopping you guys from being the sappy couple you were.

whenever he would stare at you, like he was doing right now, you couldn't help but get nervous. is he looking at how pretty you are or slighty judging you? lucky for you, he was admiring how breathtaking you are. everytime without fail, you'd catch him smiling with those pretty eyes when staring at you.

"what is there something on my face?" you asked, smirking slightly.

he raised his eyebrows, a smile accompaning it soon after. "yeah actually.. i think you have a bad case of beautiful pretty gorgeous amazing girlfriend fever." he says, placing a big kiss on your cheek. you giggled loudly and payed him back by placing more kisses all over his face.

"i think you might possibly have a bunch of lipstick stains on your face." you say, trying your best to rub them off. instead he gently pulled your hands away, wanting you to leave them on his face. "hey! i actually like when my girlfriend gives me love, keep them. please?" he says gently, placing your hands in his.

the two of you were still in the ocean, a beautiful sunset behind the both of you. it was so cheesy. a love story on the beach? yet kai made every corny second feel like a spark. there was no dull moment with him, and i mean ever. you were always smiling or laughing with him, you weren't even sure why.

"_____ you're the girl i wanna be with forever, you know that?"

god what was he doing to you? this feeling was weird. it was like you were crying but no part of you was sad. you were in everyway happy but you couldnt help the tears fallng down your already wet cheeks. "kai.." you say, wrapping your arms around his shoulder.

"why are you crying? did i.. sorry was that weird?" he took his large hands to wipe the tears away from your pretty face. instead of answering him you went up to kiss him. it was full of love, passion, and affection. his arms went back around your waist and yours stayed wrapped around his neck,

the longer the kiss went on, the more tears spilled from your eyes. when the two of you finally disconnected, you spoke through your shaky voice. "kai i.. i don't d-deserve you.."

his eyebrows furrowed and brought you closer to him. your head rested against his wet, cold chest but no it wasnt hold. not in the slightest. every touch with him was warm, even in this situation. "_____ i'm even lucky to know you but to hold you? kiss you? be yours? i've never been happier my love."

everything was perfect. the setting of course, the beach was gorgeous and the sunset made everything feel so romantic. the weather, it was warm and cozy for the time being. yet your favorite part? the boy.

huening kai made everything worth it. to see his big smile, to hear his goofy laugh, and to be his was your absolute favorite. "kai.. i-i."

"shh.. i got you pretty girl. i love you, more than myself. okay?" he said, holding your hands in his and whispering in your ears. your eyes shed their final tears and just let the words sink in. this was everything you could've wished for.

"forever?" you ask, smiling under your breath.

"duh."

[soap-is-an-artist]

gonna ramble about charlie and auron because i just got out the premiere and. holy shit.

if I'm way off base on my analysis i am so sorry, im still processing, these are just my initial thoughts on stuff. and if you disagree id love to discuss it!

okay so first things first i screamed a LOT. I was so relieved when Charlie said he wasn't mad at Cas [i would've cried probably]. Auron made some truly wild comments. case in point: "I would probably slap the taste out of your mouth if it wouldn't mean getting you all hot and bothered just in time for Casper to drop me off at the office, pull into the parking garage, and fuck some goddamn sense into you." I YELLED OMFG auron. you can't just SAY shit like that. Then the Disney princess line. Charlie sounded so weak when he said "can we go back to that part about 'Casper fucking some sense into me'??" And Auron answering with "Not until I'm outside of the vehicle. You'll have to find someone else to watch." AURON. STOP PLEASE IM GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK FROM LAUGHING

alright moving on from that let's get to the serious shit. Charlie is justified to be angry about Auron interfering in his personal life; it ISN'T a healthy way to interact with people, whether you want to befriend them or not. Auron orchestrated this whole scheme because he doesn't know how to communicate his feelings, and you know what? I get it. He doesn't know what normal is, and it's not really his fault that he doesn't know. But he can at least try? Wikihow is free, brother /lh

Charlie wanted a fresh start. He wanted to disconnect from the dangerous world that Auron is a participant in, he wanted to earn his own way in the world, earn a bit of self damn respect like he deserves. Auron undermined all that, despite his good intentions. He lied, big time. And that's kinda shitty and not okay!

Was it about control? Keeping a hand on loose ends, like Charlie thinks? Auron just wanted to "protect him", right? Well, as someone who has had much of their life controlled by people who ALSO just wanted to "protect" me, that's a very weak excuse for taking away someone's agency. Now, our situations aren't exactly the same. Auron is not Charlie's parents [THANK GOD] and there actually some things Charlie isn't aware of that he needs to be protected from! But this was not the move. Like.. at all.

What's my solution? I dunno. But maybe don't force all these things to happen. Perhaps send an email rather than getting your guy to hunt down your former employee's childhood friend/crush and sneakily reunite them behind his back? Or at least try the email first, Auron. Charlie calling Auron out on playing pretend, "just writing one of your little stories"... ouch. But does he kinda deserve that? Yeah. I think so.

[Side note: Charlie talking about how if he'd sought out Cas on his own terms, it would've worked out because they fall in love every time? "Because that's where I'm supposed to be." I. fucking. fell over. I had to fucking BITE something omg. Yeah im biased in this argument sorry lol, i definitely have a favorite here]

HOWEVER: Auron admits that he was wrong! He is not an unrepentant man and he DIDN'T double down! That is a big point in his favor imo. He doesn't actually say "sorry" but he uses a lot more words to mean something... similar? I guess that's a fanfic writer's way. I get it, I also elaborate way too much. So, an actual clear cut "Charlie, I'm sorry I fucked with your life behind your back just because I wanted to be friends with you" would've been nice. But this will do for now.

Also Charlie you REALLY need to watch out for Finn that guy is a freakkkkk he will fuck you up big time. Not normal Finn. The magic one.

Okay I'm done typing whatever pops into my head with the barest pretense at organization lmao, I'll revisit this in time once my thoughts marinate a little more

[phoenix-before-the-flame]

Sending a headcannon and I got carried away:

Our Dragon-Parented Dragonslayers needed to learn modern Fioran (or whatever languages Earthland X777 had) after arriving in the future and Natsu's the one with the biggest grasp of it.

---

These kids were from 400 years in the past when there was a huge dragon-feud going on. If Nirvana and Dragnof are any indication, multiple civilizations fell during that time and with it the loss of several languages. Whatever language they had been taught (which was likely at least one form of dragonic at the time...because dragon parents), it's probably considered extinct in X777.

But thing is I think Natsu may have been the only one to get lessons on how to read and write Fioran.

Gajeel? He got stuck in Phantom Lord, which (to put it nicely) had a sink-or-swim philosophy towards it's members. He probably picked up on a bit on his own, but likely also struggles reading job assignments and won't let anyone know he is (side headcannon: our favorite linguist Levy helped him out once she found out he was struggling).

Wendy? The kid who first got adopted by a runaway prince from another dimension and then by a 400 year old ghost? I don't think either of them know Fioran themselves, much less could teach it. On the bright side, she probably also knows ancient Nirvit.

The Two Sabergoofs? Same case as Gajeel. Rogue's hit with a double whammy since he supposedly hung around Phantom Lord before getting yeeted to Sabertooth's guildmaster. Though this probably leads to a few complications once Sting is guildmaster and has to start filling out paperwork.

So much to everyone's surprise, out of all of them Natsu - who got seven-years worth of supportive family at the orphan daycare - is the one who can read/write in modern language best.

It's not a unique headcannon by any means but one of my favorites. Thoughts?

Y'see this is what im talkin bout, some good ol' analysis stuff.

I had a post aaaaagggeeees ago (if i find it back i may link it) bout like a crack situation where the team got forced to speak their first languages and natsu n wendy got stuck speaking their og ancient fioran languages and no one could understand wtf they were saying (and they couldnt understand each other neither bcus i had it that they were speakin different dialects of ancient fioran but details.). But i am gettin off track.

I always hc that most of the slayers didnt end up in Fiore when they got shot to the future, itd be kinda boring if they all ended up on the same continent. So Gajeel for me landed in Bosco so he learnt Boscan first as his modern language before he made his way to fiore to learn the language there by osmosis. I think Gajeel as a character especially to me with his spying skills and generally personality is super discerning with his desire to know information. So i think he's largely self taught with everything when he was on his own and knows 2 languages fully- Boscan and Fioran- but his fioran is weaker especially when it comes onto the writing part. And he vaguely knows phrases and terms from a bunch of diff languages.

Wendy landed closer to the border of Fiore and Seven before mystogan picked her up. I'd like to think that the language in Edolas and Earthland is largely the same orally (but it'd have a whole different written language) so he managed to teach her how to speak modern fioran but write in modern edolas. Which was a weird disconnect when the team found out down the line lmao. When he left her with cait shelter she picked up that additional language (which is a purely oral language) and is probs the only person left in modern fiore who can speak it (Levy loves her for it)

Sting got yote to Caelum before somehow making his way over to Minstrel then Fiore, he speaks a weird combo package of slangs from all 3 and he's not fully fluent in all of em (fioran is his best) and sometimes when he can't remember a word in one he'll supplement it with a word from another. He's ironically better at the written languages with them than speakin em.

Rogue met Sting in Minstrel briefly (didnt stick around with each other and then ran into each other again in fiore) but Rogue never picked up on Minstrel's language easily so he only picked up on fioran when he eventually made his way over. He knows brief smatterings and terms from other languages from his time hanging out with phantom lord but is only fluent in just the one.

Natsu's the only sucker who landed squarely in Fiore and was picked up by Makarov who had him fluent enough in speaking modern fiore before he got him back to the guild. He didn't get around to starting him with writing so that was a task for the others to teach and get him up to speed (to varying success. His handwriting sucks ass). I also like to think he hung around a decent amount with Levy when he was younger (he liked listening when she read her stories aloud) so he has a weird mixed bag of being able to read and understand a whole bunch of random language bits despite not actively trying to learn em.

Ok byyyyeeeeeeeeeee