it is fucking me up more than a little that my parents made my brothers my responsibility when i was 6. like i hadnt really done the math or thought about how young i was. but i was 6. i was 6 years old when i was first told that if my brothers did something bad, i had to be punished too, because i was their "role model" and if they did something bad that must mean i was bad at my role. collective punishment for pretty much everything. and from that point onward, i was really solely responsible for my brothers.
i raised them. my middle brother and i helped teach our youngest brother how to talk. i taught my youngest brother how to ride a bike. we taught each other compassion and conflict resolution, in a household where conflict resolution meant screaming and shouting and threats and sometimes even physical violence.
and i was fucking 6 years old. i was fucking 6. i was a child. i was a child, too. a child told her needs were selfish, that i needed to set my needs aside to serve as role model and parent for my brothers, and as therapist and life coach for my failures of parents. at 6.
2 notes
·
View notes
he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
5K notes
·
View notes
oh. mobius loving loki as death loves everything. he's been here since the beginning of time and his work is all he's ever known and he spends eons watching variants get pruned and he feels like the only one who cares. then he meets a definitely-not-analyst who knows him and is desperate for him to say that he knows them too and even after they erase his memories over and over he remembers it deep down and he dedicates himself to loki variants and feels sad, is sadness when they get pruned. no there's no justice or comfort, there's just the tva but he cares the most about ppl dying, he cares so much about loki's fate and he sticks his neck out several times just so they can live and it's making me think of death taking no pleasure in his job. of death knowing there's no such thing as justice and hating the world for it anyway. you must learn compassion to be death. mobius loves like death.
58 notes
·
View notes
I wish I was born a British boy but nooo I was born a girl in the US south with parents who constantly dead name me
3 notes
·
View notes