Tumgik
#im really really bad at knowing what to do when people die
bi-hanslefttittie 3 days
Text
KHAOS REIGNS
Okay so I just finished playing the whole thing and finished the three towers for Sektor, Cyrax and Bi-Han (justice 4 him).
Spoilers Below:
My Thoughts (And prayers).
I'll confess that I cannot completely process what happened in the gameplay, my mind is still processing the fact that they killed Bi-Han and the fade to black. Uhhh so this will be mostly scattered points. I didnt feel like replaying for more screenshots but i will do my best with i could screencap.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
OKAY FIRST I WAS JUMPSCARED BY HAVIK AS SOON AS I OPENED THE GAME AND THE INTRO PLAYED, WHICH IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY. I liked the change of pace we had and the overview is beutiful. The menu is pretty and the incorporation of the towers of Time was great. The new roster obviously is something I like. Also I really liked getting so many skins when I finished playing and the fact that there's new brutalities makes me very happy.
Kharacters.
Cyrax:
Tumblr media
Apart from her design being gorgeous, I have a mostly positive opinion on her jugability. Her character was easy to pick up and play with, which made her very enjoyable. She is a noble person with determination and a personality. She is reluctant to follow orders she doesn't agree with and apologizes when she makes a mistake. I think her ending was nice. Her selflessness makes her very endearing and while I felt a bit awkward seeing her scenes with Kuai Liang, the rest was fine.
I came to realize that my issue with her scenes with Kuai Liang weren't so much about her, but the way Kuai Liang was behaving towards her and his brother. Weirdly unforgiving Kuai Liang made me cringe slightly when the scenes became corny and elongated. I think Cyrax as a character has a lot more potential and strength. Not only is she extremely talented and she was deemed honorable of an armor, but she's a confident woman that can throw shade when neccesary. I like that she never bites down an answer and speaks her mind. She has a kind nature but I PLEASE HOPE PEOPLE DON'T UWUfy her.
Another thing I would like to Pin point is how Cyrax prevented Harumi's death. Which I think is curious because Bi-Han was ALMOST responsible for her death. ALMOST.
the fact that she is so willing to die because of what happened is crazy. She's truly remarkable.
I just remembered the I am a human scene and it kinda tugged at my heartstrings considering the history of the character and I really hope she lives a long happy live as a human being... pretty please?
Also can I say how pretty she is????? Like she's gorgeous.
Her tower ending was nice, I like to see her accomodating to the Shirai Ryu and that it wasn't easy for her but Cyrax earned their respect in the end. Good for her!
im afraid of bugs so I can't say much of her Animality...
HER FATALITY IS KINDA CUTE NGL
SEKTOR:
Tumblr media
Man, I said it once and I'll say it again. I really don't care if she's good, bad, neutral, i would die for this woman. The sentiment hasnt really changed for me, and I actually grew more endeared to this cocky confident warrior. She is very proud of her heritage and what her family has built. I'm sad we didn't see Madame Bo in this one though, I feel bringing up that Bo is her mom and then not making it important is a bit of a waste? But, yeah, the story wasn't really about her so...
For the most part I really liked her personality, the way her convictions don't waver although she is willing to relent if it is for the greater good (according to her). Sektor comes to me as a bit hypocritical but then again I realize that she saw more to the story than we as an audience do and we don't really know the nature of her relationship with Kuai Liang was before this whole ordeal. Like we know Cyrax and Kuai Liang liked each other once (platonically or romantically I don't really care. But I would love to see a bit of the dynamic before all of this happened).
She is a mentor and is dedicated to keep her promises. I feel that the fact that she wants Cyrax to be the best version of herself (according to Sektor's vision) has a lot to say about her as a character. Specially considering her mom is a mentor too, although in a different way and in a different manner. Bo's training of Raiden and Kung Lao might differ from Sektor's training of Cyrax, but I think she is as dedicated to her craft and her students as Madame Bo. Which is why it pisses her off so much that Cyrax can't fulfill her objectives.
... Yeah I'm living for her making Bi-Han smile. CALLED IT. He is happy around her and she knows it.
I wish I could see more of Khameleon and her though,
Her moments with Empress Tanya were nice, I liked their little banter I wish I could have seen more but then again these characters were sorta... IDK. I mean ignoring the main roster and reintroducing variants from the other universe is kinda awkward.
She is slightly less easy to play than Cyrax on my perspective, but she's fun to use and you can build pretty good kombos with her. Khameleon as a kameo really helped me with her actually.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Her design is really pretty. (im sad that my hc design doesnt match her completely though 馃槶馃槶) As for her tower ending I should probably make it a separate posed tied to Bi-Han's ending.
It is a big missed opportunity on making her take charge and not depending on Bi-Han (sure, I love them together, but like, girl) Like it was the perfect chance to get her to advance with the cyber innitiative and take route to what makes her character. She truly has a lot of vision and MK writers have sinned by only telling us about it and not showing us. I WANT TO SEE A SEKTOR WITH GREASE ON HER FACE, MOTOR OIL ON HER CLOTHES, EYEBAGS AND MELTING METAL, WORKING WIRES AND GETTING EXCITED WHEN SOMETHING WORKS.
NOOB SAIBOT:
Tumblr media
Man, i want to say a lot about him and at the same time i don't want to say anything at all. I'm conflicted on this dude. Should I separate him from Sub Zero to analyze him or should I simply treat it as a unit?
Well, let's start on the fact that this dude was built, both metaphorically and literally on character assasination. That's it. That's my take on him. Baby I love you and everything but they really said "We have to bring Noob Saibot back somehow -cuz money- so let's make Sub-Zero cartoonishly villanous and let's make him LOSE TO CYRAX, then he will jump into a closing portal where a Titan and his crew are thriving". I literally cackled when he faced Havik and his goons because is like that latino meme "yo contra todos ustedes" (Translation: me vs all of you. Derived from the situation in which a small child decides to have a soccer match agaisnt all the big kids on his own) Yeah, im not amused by a Grandmaster being beat by his subordinate, nothing against Cyrax but this has happened literally more than once. Your character is either a powerful warrior or he isn't. And I'm saddened to say that Bi-Han, both in history mode and playability hasn't been up to the task. (Look at me critique a character I'm so attached to)
As a positive thing. I like that he smiles more in the DLC. I dont think we ever saw him smiling on the base game outside his tower ending which BTW was when Sektor was mentioned which makes me happy. I like that at least we don't have him completely dettached of humanity and see friendship, allyship and a shared vision. (I CAN WORK WITH THIS, ACTUALLY. people often wondered how supportive Bi-Han is of their s/o on fanfics. Y'all got ur answers)
ughhhhhh. Alright I know this is the "Die like my father" dude, but the way Kuai Liang and him speak about the late Grandmaster is weird. AND I WISHED THAT TOMAS WAS MORE INVOLVED IN THIS. LIKE, IT WAS HIS FATHER TOO. We may not share blood but we're still brothers left... where???? Like, at least bring him into the mission instead of introducing comic-relief Johnny Cage (I love him, he is adorable. I smiled every time he appeared onscreen. I don't find him useful at all)
Again im so weirded out by Kuai's attitude but at the same time I get it. Like, on the end pf the story you could really tell these are brothers fighting and part of it is their weakness. which is cute.
Props to the voice actor, he delivers his lines excellenty, and his screams really made me stop laughing and wince. Like, man. What a terrible way to go.
UHHHHHHH onto Noob. I really thought he wouldnt get uncorrupted, like, I saw the way he spoke to Scorpion and said, ah well, this is how it's gonna play out from now on. I'm kinda glad it isn't. I'm not a fan of Noob being Havik's creation... also again. Tomas is needed here. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE A NOOB SMOKE DUO.
Again he lost and uhhh... idk. the whole Liu Kang restoring his mind thing and expecting that the man that was presumably violently tortured to death would act cool headed was kinda stupid to me, but whatever. That's Liu Kang for you.
As for him Killing every person he crosses (good for him!!!) and making it about his ego is funny to me because we are side to side with someone who's rightfully angry because his brother let his dad pass away (And we are supposed to sympathize. Which I do, to some extent), and someone who, again, just got killed in a horrible way and his BODY was used to craft a henchman of chaos and is pissed off because of it (and we are supposed to deem this as wrong because... he is making it about himself?)
Thats the thing for me, actually. The fact that Kuai Liang essentially made it about him throughout the journey (while obeying orders, he still refused to collaborate when it came to Bi-Han, and mentioned A LOT of times about what Bi-Han did, which, fair but it takes from the argument that Bi-Han is wrong for being angry for personal motives)
This IS his fight. Because they did him wrong and for once he wants to escape all expectations and do things on his own terms. Specially considering the level of helplessness he could have felt when yet again someone used him for their cause. This time more literally.
Liu Kang is becoming kinda insufferable to me, tbh but thats only on me I don't have objective grounds for this (Still i find the Invasion's season kinda ironic considering his emphasis on control and the power he holds over individuals to the point of ethem, keeping them dormant)
WHICH BRINGS ME TOOOO
Tumblr media
His tower ending. Fuck. Uhhh
Good for him I guess??? I'm glad you found your life's purpose boo, but like it kinda contradicts some of the points i've been making and my argument is now crumbling. Like, if it was so horrible...
also this truly makes me wonder how much does Bi-Han values his own body and if it isnt over the Lin Kuei, if he would perharps considering replacing his body with something more resourceful...
like Machinery.
Tumblr media
I kinda like this concept, maybe seeing him mix up ice powers and shadows soon??? As long as they don't fuck it up (They will)
His design is ok. Not a fan but it isn't terrible. It will take me a few more rounds to get accostumed to him as a character.
Havik:
UHHHHHHHHHHHH. I liked the theatrics. He's very dramatic and I love that. His design is gorgeous I really loved the color palettes
He kinda looks like Drahmin ngl. He's a funny character, made me laugh a lot. Which prompted to me making a cock joke in the middle of his monologue to Bi-Han before killing him.
I thought for a moment we was getting Meat back. But one can only dream about things.
I'm sad we didn't get a chapter to play him. I would have gotten more attached.
Yeah, that's it about him. He started imposing but my mind sorta went elsewhere midway through and I think that might be a pacing issue??
OVERALL:
Uh. Yeah, it was a DLC alright. It had a smaller cast of characters, more emotionally charged although clumsier. Didn't have test your mights on it which I kinda missed, I was hoping for something more dynamic like a survive challenge on it or something.
I think it was awkwardly placed and some jokes didn't land correctly, or they did land on the wrong time making the scene lose their intended tension and adding nothing to the story (Looking at you, JC Red Wedding joke)
the animation was gorgeous and some Scenes were beutifully composed like Empress Tanya facing a dragon which, was simply stunning.
Speaking of Tanya. Marrying her to Rain was a choice. Not that I didn't appreciate their dynamic but, you know... Mileena. And stuff.
ALSO TEASING US WITH EMPRESS MILEENA AND GIVING US LIKE TWO SCENES IS A ROBBERY. We need to see said changes in Edenia, like, okay so Shao and Reiko are up to some busines and there's revolts. That sounds interesting, why am I not watching this instead? Idk the continuity on the tower endings concerns me because of it. I hope all those endings finally get a continuation on MK2. PLEASE. There's so much interesting shit there. Including ONAGA.
It was a cute ending. Although I wasn't very satisfied with the resolution of it all. It was fine I guess.
20 notes View notes
temperate-rainforest 11 months
Text
.
1 note View note
bunnihearted 2 months
Text
馃寵鈽侊笍馃寣
#evenings and nights are always the worst for me#when i feel this lonely.... :(((#when you're alone the nights are the worst bc#u dont have anyone at all really.. and it gets so obvious at night#just .. the loneliness gets intensified#and i can compare bc#there was a period of time where i talked to someone everyday#and i looked forward to the nights and their messages and comforing goodnight messages#and so i know firsthand what big of a difference that makes#for years and years i've had these bad loneliness feelings tho.. so it's not smth new#but it gets harder and harder to deal with them. esp as the world outside is getting colder and crueler#and people only get more and more mean#plus when i do have smth wonderful that made me warm and happy and comforted that i dont have anymore#and can compare and know what im missing#it does get harder :c#i try to watch videos and think of other things but oh god this loneliness hurts so damn much i crumble underneath the weight of it#maybe life will get better dealing with it all if i have a stable income and an apartment with my pets#and go to work all day and come home too tired to feel lonely... idk?#im so scared i'll never find someone that i can be together with. bc i think im the kind of person who needs that#but im also so different and difficult and idk how and if it'll happen....#and how do i live with these heavy painful feelings of extreme loneliness ? idk :c#i try mindfulness too. and listening to music. and reading. and cuddling my pets#but im just a human. i want someone i love to hold me and fall asleep with them close to me.#i wanna lie in bed and talk to them abt anything bc between us it is a judgement free zone#despite what ppl say i am not weak for needing and wanting that. and being incredibly alone without it.#it's what i need and want but idk if i ever will and the thought of being stuck with this heavy loneliness all my life makes me wanna die#ok. peace out 馃槕鉁岋笍
9 notes View notes
tanicus-caesareth 5 months
Text
Tumblr media
guarana drama, damage control
13 notes View notes
oozeandgoo-art 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
everyone is sooo in love with vakori on account of le is so cool and smart and deeply pragmatic and is also completely batshit insane
#oc#monochrome#sketch#velan#vakori#rocaim#rocaim and vakori are rex and taz and adder and silas's parents#adder and silas get their looks from vakori; rex and taz to a slightly lesser degree get it from rocaim#rex specifically is like a sharper clone of him. fucks velan up all the time because their personalities are completely totally different#rocaim was very like. gentle and understanding. good with kids and well-liked by basically everyone. a very effective mediator#rex is obviously none of those things lmao. every time he says something particularly insensitive it surprises her for like six years runni#anyway rocaim is in love wtih vakori. velan is in love with vakori. vakori is aro as they come but insanely pragmatic#like. ok le's based loosely off my ex. like. so le's SCARY pragmatic. so fucking cool about it everyone with a brain is specifically like#'woag oh my god le's so pragmatic im in love with her'. anyway eventually le's like 'hi rocaim. here are the objective reasons that i think#that if we got married it would mean i had better standing and more power in the organization we're both committed to. would you be#opposed to possibly getting married with me on the grounds that it would get me respect and power' and rocaim. who is already head over#heels for ler specifically because le makes these kinds of decisions and sees with this kind of logic is like. Absolutely. 100%#then for the next four years of their formal engagement people keep taking rocaim aside and being like hey... i have bad news...#...that leya you're engaged to... le's not romantically interested in you the same way you're romantically interested in ler... le only#wants you because you're an Ath and le wants a voice in the interclan meetsings... and then when Rocaim is like yeah i know#thats why i want to marry ler isnt that like the sexiest fucking reasoning you've EVER heard. no one gets it but velan#who is also in love with ler for the same reasons but has no such claims to power#and who also is not equipped for a polycule nor willing to try to go behind rocaim's back because unfortunately for her. she is also in lov#with rocaim. me when im in love with my friend and my friend's wife and also i'm pretty sure they both reciprocate but they're both#married and i dont really know what to do about it and also all three of us are very Traditional and that is not the Tradition:#and then they both die and she never quite deals with that.#but she DOES get to raise their (surviving) kids :) most of whom are fucking nightmares#life is so difficult for velan. like actually#closerverse#cv
5 notes View notes
transillusionisms 7 months
Text
wait is. is zionism just the belief that jewish people should have a place to go should the world decide to kick us out and/or kill us all again. is that all it is. i haven't had the spoons for this for months so i haven't actually looked up the definition but like. is that seriously all it is
7 notes View notes
totallyawesome123 28 days
Text
rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy
#beanie babbles#okay so this is gonna be a vent post but all in the yags#tw pet death#tw death#i hope dont think this is ablest language but its not precise language#Here we go#I never really doubted I have a capacity for empathy. It can be kind of hit or miss- amd even when I dont understand I try to be compassion#-ate. all that good stuff blah blah#Whats a lot more accurate to say is I dont really feel bad for dead people#I'll feel bad at the idea of somone dying maybe. I dont want living people to suffer and die just because.#I get upset when my friends are suicidal or when somone goes out and kills other people or even when a fictional charecter dies sometimes#but the mourning isnt about their death. it sucks that i cant hang out with them any more or that they cant experiance shit any more#but im not crying at a casket#But I did cry when I found my housemates pet bird limp on the floor of the cage today- the other one not seeming to even realize#This is the second time. The first one the birds were closer and the loving one wouldnt stop making noise tryong to get our attention#this one didnt mind as much- was just hungry and looking for some more feed. The feeders were empty and water gross#I stay with the birds every day and make sure they get excerize and enrichment because my housemate cant do that part#but i dont check the nessicities#so that was a shock. I refilled the food compartment after taking the dead bird out and putting them in a box#I dont think thats why they died. These birds have their wongs clipped before purchase and cant flay very well at all#But this bird practiced and was able to get a lot of height and distance as feathers grew back. But didnt know how to stop#Constantly crashing into floors and walls. Thats the main culprit I think#Its just weird that I cry easier over birds and fictional charecters and material things than my family. I feel guilty about it#Not that guilty i got all that angst out in 2020#vent post#not really actually this turned into an explination of events more#anyway#the actual post had nothing to do w9th anything bru
2 notes View notes
hauntingblue 9 months
Text
The marines calling Roger the worst man of the world is something but considering ace renounced him and luffy kinda blindly admires him bc we don't really know much about what he has done past his travels....
#like i know he wasnt but why then#bc he opposed th government and thats it#and now theyre going to kill his son just because they can#also surprised the d came from aces mother (well considering what she could do...) but i really thought it was bc of roger#even if they keep writing gold roger and not gol d roger but alas#tbh idk if thats just a theory or it has been confirmed but im not there yet#also i wanna know more about aces mom#and the fukcing bubbles of saboady keep haunting me!!!!!!#why is the people so sure that roger was bad what happened#and why is rayleigh alive if rogers family is dead like damn#also fuck!!! the marines know about dragon being luffys dad when iva san said to keep ot quiet!!! because of fucking garp!!!!#like lets kill rogers son but dragons is alright i guess#not like i want luffy to die but considering the revolutionary army you know#a newborn doesnt carry any sins just as boats arent good or evil. thats what im talking about#there arent any love stories in one piece and like i get it but it would be nice to know why ace was even born you know#OH ACE LOOKS LIKE HIS MOTHER OOOOOOHHHHH... THATS A DEATH SENTENCE#he has his mothers eyes what if i shit and cry and throw up#this is sickening also#the hunting pregnant women#the orange clouds looking like fire when ace is born. what if i start to sob#nono gol d ace now.... so they are both d names.... is that like a curse because damn...#also ace being held by his mom with the orange clouds behind again..... i am telling you he is like jesus christ you wouldnt get it#mary did you know your womb was also a tomb etc etc#god.... rogers rivals raising his son. whitebeard wanting him to become pirate king.... his rival's son... old men do not make me cry#buggy opening the doors like moses lmao#ace surprised whitebeard is coming for him.... and not believing luffy came for him either#that was good i cant wait to see more flashbacks but how many episodes will we be here until the thre hours are past. i fear for aces knees#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 460
15 notes View notes
heyitsphoenixx 2 months
Text
ever since i was a little [redacted] i always wanted to be a person who has a place in society
#vent in the tags#the older i get and the worse everything gets im just like#how does anyone do anything#how does anyone be anything#without being born rich#and am i doomed to poverty forever as punishment for being an artist#as punishment for not being born wanting to be a doctor or a lawyer and having all the capabilities and resources to do it#or doomed to work a full time job i hate that has nothing to do with the things i love or who i am#just for like. mediocre health benefits. if that#or doomed to spend my whole life striving for a career anywhere in the arts that will take me and running myself ragged trying to get there#or doomed bc i have so many interests and so few resources to never have the chance to feel fulfillment by trying everything i want to#and still be able to financially support myself#like. i think when you die thats it. and i have so little control over the amount of things i get to experience already#but i want to experience everything as much as possible#and i've just been grieving this for the last like three years#and i know most people in the world are so much worse off and this is a super privileged position to be in at all#im just grieving my own lived circumstances#and a lifetime trying to combat the constant nihilism from my mother that everything is always going to be bad no matter what doesnt help#but anyway. i hold onto hope as a weapon against the alternative. im just so exhausted already#and i havent really even started#fellow artists if u read this far how tf are we supposed to live lmao#artists in the broad sense as well im interested in literally every medium
3 notes View notes
Just personal thoughts about Bobby's... Goodbye today.
22 notes View notes
skyburger 3 months
Text
why did dio even do all that
2 notes View notes
separatismor 5 months
Text
.
#idg the ppl who make fun of ppl who label bullying as a trauma#my mum was bashed every day at school as a kid#then had to go home to deal with religious/cult brainwashing#i was bullied during 'no tolerance' beginnings so they just learned to jab at my appearance and ostracize me#im still deeply affected to the point where i cant form relationships without feeling on some subconscious level#that im actually being manipulated#and then i do end up getting manipulated#(there was other bullying going on but that was 95% of what they found they could get away with)#so basically im rly struggling with still feeling like a joke and like im someone whose only worth is to be fucked with in every conceivable#way as i hold no value in being seen as beautiful or lovable or likable or smart or funny or a complete person#because basically 90% of the people whove been in my life have treated me with active hostility#the other ten percent include people who were paid to not be hostile#one person out of all ive gone on more than one date with#and three friends i have now#only one of whom is willing to emotionally support me when im telling them IM STRUGGLING#anyway bullying solidified that i was a worthless pos to everyone on the planet and i dont know what kind of charmed#life these ppl have lived to not have bullying be the piss flavoured icing on the shit flavoured cake that was their childhood#okay the bullying got so bad for me that i ended up going thru psych abuse further familial abuse#a really shitty 'friendship' i had which futuer entrenched how worthless i was#which made me anthropophobic which was an horrific nightmare#i barely left the house for almost 7 years!!!!#THIS is why pplthink theyre autistic#no actually im just deeply confused as to why you would ever tell me the truth about anything#as i KNOW that im worthless and should die#the shits who laugh at bullying being considered a trauma to some come off as tho yhey were a bully...
2 notes View notes
bunnyb34r 10 months
Text
I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse
#marquilla#im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's#gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a#dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you#incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and#theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future#and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to#be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS#so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff#bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then??#like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist#s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with#the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit#like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and#that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man#i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully#but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL#affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow??#idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.
3 notes View notes
emulation-0 10 months
Text
its so odd thinking back to my life a few years ago compared to now
#like. my life really sucked. its so weird to think about that. every second before i thought 'its not so bad' even when it was bad#and now i see shit it really was that bad. i really did have a reason to want to kill myself all the time#maybe i dont have to blame myself for the person i was before while i had was dealing with all that stuff. who could act normally in that#kind of situation. of course i did bad shit and feel bad about it but i was a kid. and now im treating her the way that i was always treate#back then. i was in survival mode the entire time and just never realized it#and its so strange to think about how my life sucked and i was scared and alone all the time from the perspective of myself now#im not without support anymore. im not walking on eggshells anymore. im not afraid of violence all the time anymore#i dont believe my family hates me anymore. im not ready to pack up and leave because i think theyd be better off without me anymore#before i got good at anything my hobby was thinking of all the ways i could die and who would care. i spent all my time doing this#my daydreams were only about how people would react if i died. i dont do this that often anymore. close to never. and its so odd to remembe#since i was 6 i used to think this way. and up until a year or two ago i hated every version of myself and blamed them for me#but how was that fair. my life doesnt suck anymore. people i was without came back to me and love me#i see my cousins all the time. when i text them they text back. they ask me if im okay. they know when im not eating even when theyre not#around. i dont walk on eggshells around my mom as much as i used to. her attention isnt as divided as it used to be.#my brother is more of a brother than a stranger or an enemy. the image of him now and our relationship compared to what it used to be is#crazy. i had so much reason to be sad back then. i dont know why im still sad now when i got out of that life.#even now the reasons i have to be sad have dissolved. i used to feel like i was going insane without anyone to say the things i want to to#but i can say them to my cousin now. i have places i belong. its so strange to think about. idk#aricouldyounot
6 notes View notes
hirokiyuu 2 years
Text
i lov nem a lot im just thinking abt her.......... traumatized girls always end up being highkey faves of mine so like, no wonder
17 notes View notes
justtogetthrough 2 years
Text
Look I know humans need to be individually strong and able to function independently etc and stuff but also humans evolved to be in groups too and I don't have a group, I've spent 95% of my life without a group, and I just so desperately want someone to be as attached to me as I am to them. I have spent my whole life lonely by myself on the outside looking in and I don't want to be here anymore. I've experienced what it felt like to be inside a group now and this loneliness feels even worse now that I know what it felt like to belong.
18 notes View notes