#but how was that fair. my life doesnt suck anymore. people i was without came back to me and love me

[emulation-0]

its so odd thinking back to my life a few years ago compared to now

[mousehole5000]

more tgcf chapters 143-173 lets goooooo

PEI MING BOO HISS except actually okay he’s mostly funny i think but still boo hiss

“hey who’s this guy who’s really pissed at you?” “oh thats my sword. i broke it.” alright then!

i think i need to go back and reread the banyue pass arc bc im still confused as to whats going on with banyue and pei su

“Banyue dropped from the sky with two pots raised. Without a word, she plummeted with the mouths of the pots facing down, trapping and detaining the shocked Ming’guang and the roaring Ke Mo within.” - THATS MY GIRL

“It must be known that, to heavenly officials, it certainly was more than natural for kingdoms of the mortal realm to fight and annihilate one another; the acts of these plays progressing on endlessly. But when it came their own turn, it was often hard to let things go. If one must stand in the same court as the one who annihilated their own kingdom, and that man cavorted in the heavens, exceedingly flashy, then it must be vexing.” - hmmmm!!

“I’ve spoken too many words in this lifetime. What are you referring to?” - okay to be fair thats a mood

okay its nice to get some pei ming backstory and its funny that he and xie lian are bonding but also still whenever pei ming interacts with a female character my hackles rise like a cat lol

“Xie Lian watched as Banyue thought really hard before cheerfully pulling out a few long, wine-red scorpion-snakes, and putting them into the bubbling pot.” - THATS MY GIRL

“Although “smell” was something colourless and formless, the instant Banyue removed the pot cover, it was as if some mysterious physical object had twisted all the air around the mouth of that pot. The group stared at the sight within the pot for a long time. Their pupils reflected an endless, bottomless darkness; like it could pull them into the abyss. No words could describe the sentiment expressed within their eyes. A moment later, Xie Lian patted Banyue’s shoulder and gave a thumbs-up.” - like father-figure like daughter-figure. amazing.

“However, what if one day mortals discovered something completely new that ran faster than horses? Then, when this new invention overtook horses, worshippers of this heavenly official who controlled horses would inevitably decrease. Such heavenly officials, flashing by like shooting stars, made up the majority of the heavens.” - obsessed with this, genuinely. life and change. worship and its purpose. my religious studies diploma on my wall is screaming at me rn. ALSO i am once again thinking about celebrities

“...” It was only then that Pei Ming seemed to notice, and started to contemplate this question. A moment later, he answered, “A habit. In a dark, creepy place like this, isn’t it normal to hold women in your arms, to comfort them and calm their fears?” “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t scared,” Banyue said.” - BANYUE I LOVE YOU. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. god this takes me back to every college party i ever went to

LING WEN BACKSTORY????? shoeseller chosen for godhood bc she wrote a political essay and got arrested...... and now she’s face to face with the official who appointed her..... do go on.....

“Ling Wen laughed out loud, seeming to be enraged, and her voice dropped. “Very well! You said I couldn’t reach that high. Then, might I ask you: had the prominence of the Palace of Jing Wen at its peak ever reached even the knees of my Palace of Ling Wen??” - GET HIM!!!! BOO HISS JING WEN

“Compared to you, I’m not that bad,” Ling Wen said. “You’d personally order me to stay in the Palace of Jing Wen until midnight, then turn around and say I shamelessly hang around ‘til late to harass you. Words murder without form; I was much nicer responding with blatant violence.” - ling wen im love you..... also this bit... feels Real

BLOOD RAIN BLOOD RAIN BLOOD RAIN!! FLOWER PETALS TRANSFORMATION!!! see hua cheng? look as how cool it can be when you leave the story for a little while!! bc then you get to return and make an entrance!!

“Not only can you bring forth bloody rain, you can also make flowers shower. I didn’t know that. How fun!” - cute!! and in that moment we were all xie lian

“Everyone was stunned by his deed, and Ling Wen arduously gave him a thumbs-up. ”Ol’ Pei, what a man!” Pei Ming gritted his teeth. “WELCOME!” - aww three two tumors buddies!!

okay yin yu is here and xie lian did the equivalent of asking someone when the baby is due only to find out theyre not pregnant at all. then rong guang taunts yin yu and no one says anything. i do love the amount of awkward moments in this book tbh sometimes there are no words.

“All around was sand and mud crushing at him, exceedingly suffocating. The sand and mud was also moving endlessly; the feeling was like he was swallowed into the stomach of a giant monster, and that monster had also eaten a bunch of other things besides him, tumbling everything in its stomach, trying to digest” - ooooh creepy!!! the red string thing... is cute.... also xie lian being able to see hua cheng’s butterfly vision by looking directly into his eye is kinda cool. and obviously homoerotic.

“Are lower-ranked heavenly officials below other people?” Quan Yizhen asked. “No,” Yin Yu replied. Were they not? It was obvious that he himself didn’t believe in his own words, and Quan Yizhen also noticed. A good while later, he said bluntly, “I don’t like it here.” Yin Yu said nothing.” - im having emotions. and then yin yu also saying he doesnt like it there either.... also idk how this scene is going to play out but as much as im enjoying quan yizhen being an icon i can also possibly see how yin yu could eventually get to the point of “i am tired of being nice. i do just want to go apeshit” even if he really cares about qyz. it happens </3

“Indeed,” Hua Cheng said. “Half a year later when Quan Yizhen actually ascends, he won’t find it so funny anymore.” “Can we watch that part too?” Xie Lian asked. “We can. Hold on,” Hua Cheng replied.” - quan yizhen king of taking things literally. also why did this turn into hualian having a movie night

jian yu seems like the kind of asshole who would purposely give someone regular soda when they specifically asked for diet soda. god yin yu is really having a bad day i really feel for him in the whole situation with the brocade immortal

awww okay at least jian yu tried to take responsibility. im still mad at him tho that was objectively a terrible idea. god this whole situation sucked :(

“Rocks and earth crushed at them from all around, forcing their bodies to press tightly against one another, their faces brushing, their ears warm. Although it wasn’t the right time, a thought flashed through Xie Lian’s mind: “‘To die buried together’ doesn’t feel so bad.” - okay... im kind of emotional.... gay people....

okay obviously these murals and the prince of wuyong have some connection (im guessing pretty direct) to xie lian and are important but everytime they start analyzing one i feel like im back in art history class fhadskfhskjdhf not that thats a bad thing!! i liked art history a lot tbh

“Don’t worry, they’re not human,” Hua Cheng said. “It’s precisely because they’re not human that we have to worry, alright….” Xie Lian thought.” - goth ghost bf problems

xie lian: well, there is one person i trust more than anyone else, someone who’s first in my mind hua cheng, oblivious: oh :/ xie lian, also oblivious: what? hua cheng: you shouldnt trust so easily its dangerous xie lian: oh. haha. yeah. well. wanna,,, know who it is? hua cheng: its :) fine :) it :) doesnt :) matter :) but of course you can tell me if you want to gege xie lian, internally: well now ive made it weird hua cheng, 5 minutes later: actually i need you to tell me. right now. its totally for your security me: gay people smh

“As they suspected, he had been captured by Qi Rong. Although no one was bound by ropes, there were balls of greasily green ghost fires hovering over every one of their heads.” - completely off track but anybody else remember the great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts song

“Could there actually come a day when Qi Rong was embarrassed that someone might see the manner in which he ate? Before Xuan Ji entered, she put Guzi down. Guzi, ta-ta-ta, ran in, rushing straight to Qi Rong’s side. But when he saw him, he pointed his finger. He cried, “Dad is eating bad things in secret again!” “I’m not!” Qi Rong retaliated.” SCREAM IS QI RONG LEARNING THE POWER OF LOVE NOOOO also god that poor man whose body he has im starting to doubt if he’ll ever be free jimmy novak flashbacks

everytime we get another ghost king power somewhere someone should be writing hua cheng the cyborg bf in a high tech futuristic au i think thats the only other potential setting that could truly capture this wild ride

“In truth, throughout history, there was no man in the world who didn’t love bragging. A breeze could blow the handkerchief of a brothel girl into a man’s hand, and he would turn around and say the most beautiful of renowned escorts had fallen in love with him; holding shoes and wiping benches for the emperor’s mistress’s uncle’s grandson’s cousin’s mistress would for sure become him being an important administrator at the residence of royal relatives, raising his status. Thus, men who didn’t brag were a rare species.” - SCREAM this is going in my favorite tgcf quotes folder god... mxtx come here let me shake your hand

read the story of rain master yushi huang’s ascension. why am i crying. also this bit im crying again me with my stuffed animals “Thus, while Yushi Huang was cultivating at the Temple of Yulong, every time when she went to seek water and passed that door, she would rub the head of that ox. The door knocker soaked in her essence of life, and when the Rain Master ascended, the ox ascended with her.”

okay thats enough for now i have 7 more chapters to book 4!!! woo!!!

[wuvbug-kny]

too late — kamado tanjirou

↬ tw!! suicidal thoughts

↬ tanjirou x fem!reader x inosuke

↬ genre: angst

“i-i really do like you..um, it wasnt easy to confess b-but..yeah..”

my body shook. my head ached. my anxiety was over the roof. what was i thinking, why would i confess to him?! oh god. im going insane. what was i thinking..

i felt tears in my eyes start to form as my body got hotter by the second. my fists were clenches togethee tightly, nails digging into my palms as my heart raced at an unsteady pace. i gulped. why wasnt he saying anything? why is he just standing there? oh no.. my eyes remained stuck onto the ground as the knot in my throat got tighter. the tears that had formed in my eyes began to fall to the ground, and out of embarassment i lowered my head even more hoping he wouldnt notice.

tanjirou, please dont break me more than i already am broken.

“(y/n)..”

“y-yes?”

“im sorry.

i cant reciprocate your feelings.”

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

i felt numb. i felt like complete, utter trash.

i felt worthless. i feel worthless.

of course it turned out that way.

why did i get my hopes up? why was i so dumb? to think someone like him would love such a lonely, miserable girl like me.

my heart ached. ever since i felt like the hole in my chest had gotten the biggest its ever been. it hurt, the pain was incredibly painful, i felt like i seeped even more into darkness than the darkness i was emorsed in before.

god, why am i so miserable? what is this life you’ve given me? what is my purpose?

sometimes, no, at all times i just want to disappear.

the knock on my door startled me, causing me to jump up from my laying position on my bed, in result of getting up too fast i had landed on my floor painfully. i grunted in pain as more tears began to spilled out from my eyes.

im miserable..

quickly sitting up, i wiped the tears from my tomato reddened face before sucking everything up as best as i could.

“y-yes?” i replied to the knocking coming from my door.

the knocking got even louder.

confused, i called out again. “y-yes??”

i jumped, shrieking slightly as the door was kicked open. am i under attack? but this is the butterfly estate! scrambling to my bed like the coward i was, i quickly pulled out my blade, pointing it towards the now beaten down door.

“w-who is it??” i shivered.

“(y/n), you bird brain! training has started and everyone is still waiting on you!!”

in came inosuke, wearing his boar mask as usual.

i lowered my blade and sighed shakily, before putting it away. “i-inosuke..you scared me. you could of just answered to me instead of kicking my door open..” i said, getting up from the bed.

“whatever! you should be at training! you’re holding everyone up, you stupid hag!” he huffed, crossing his arms.

i forcefully made myself laugh, even though i was in now way amused by his words.

hes right.

im a burden to everybody.

i shouldnt be here.

i should just die.

im so worthless.

everyone would be better off without me.

without realizing, i felt the warmness of my tears flowing down my face. i felt my heart ache so badly, my body shaking.

unable to hold my stance, i fall to the floor. sobbing.

because im so pathetic.

taking my bruised up hands, i quickly try to wipe the tears away but they just keep coming, and coming. i cant stop. i cant stop. my bubble has bursted, i have no more energy, i have no energy to keep it all in anymore, i cant control myself.

as i was too busy drowning in my negative, self killing thoughts, i was interrupted when my hands were pulled away from my face.

a little taken aback, but still having tears flowing down my face, i looked up.

inosuke..

“what are you, a baby? stop it.” he grumbled as he wiped my tears away with his thumb. his thumb glided across my cheek, flicking my tears away as gently as ever. for a moment i felt my heart warm. this is the first time ive ever been carressed so gently. i loved the feeling, but at the same time surprised as to who i was recieving it from.

“dont cry anymore. i dont like it.” his hands gently carressed my face now as his emerald eyes looked into mine. i felt my heart skip a beat, the empty deep feeling in my chest being forgotten at the very moment. i couldnt look away from his eyes.

for the first time ever, i felt like. i was okay.

i teared up again, but before i could let the tears spill i engulfed inosuke in a hug. an endearing, loving, grateful hug. i sobbed as i buried my face into his chest.

“t-thank you. thank you so much.”

i felt his arms wrap around my shaking figure gently, as he at the same time patted my head.

i was honestly surprised as to what was going on right now. out of all people, inosuke.

you’ve made me so happy. you’ve made me feel safe, okay, and wanted.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

two months had passed ever since tanjirou had turned me down.

honestly, i had nothing against tanjirou. i never expected him to like me, heck, love me back even. i never expected him to reciprocate my feelings. but at the same time, i felt like i still had a chance. i dont know what was going through my mind at the time.

i still loved tanjirou. maybe not as much as before, but i knew i still had the slightesy feelings for him. i try my best to talk to him as if nothing had ever happened. i really just want to move on from it.

as much as i hate myself for it, seeing him and talking to him makes me feel worthless. i hate myself for feeling that way. if i could go back in time and redo everything, i most certainly would.

what hurt me even more was to see how close he had gotten himself with kanao. it was no surprise to me, honestly. kanao is a very pretty girl, and she’s just way better than me in general in regards to demon slaying and skill wise.

no wonder tanjirou would take interest in her.

i was happy for him, i really was. i held no resent towards kanao at all. afterall, it would be petty and childish.

kanao was a dear friend to me and if they really did have chemistry between one another, i do really wish them the best.

i just cant help but pity myself.

“(y/n)!”

i squeaked in surprise as i was suddenly lifted off the ground by a pair of arms around my waste and twirled around. it took me a moment to realize that it was nobody but inosuke, before having a giggling fit.

“i-inosuke! put me down!” i laughed as he started to make plane noises. i felt myself blush as his eyes locked itself with mine, before averting my gaze to block him from noticing my face had turned into a tomato red.

ever since i broke down in front of inosuke and had him comfort me, we’ve gotten a lot closer. not much has changed between us personality wise, but he associated with me way more and always seemed ready whenever id ask him a favor, etc. he also now liked to pick me up and pretend to toss me, or making plane noises as he twirled me around.

he’s honestly like my best friend now. i can actually talk to him about how i feel deep down inside. he listens but doesnt really give much input on it, but i dont mind. its inosuke afterall, what can i expect? all im grateful for is that he listens.

inosuke grinned before setting me back down on the floor. he patted my hat before literally collapsing onto the grass covered ground, yawning and using his arms to rest his head on.

“im tired, (y/n). take a nap with me.” he grunted, patting the spot next to him. i smiled before laying down too, as i looked up at the sky.

“hey, inosu-“ i cut myself off after i had looked at him and noticed he was already out like a light. i giggled a bit. hes such a baby, honestly.

i stared at his face a bit more and noticed how pretty and feminine his features were. his eyelashes were curled and at a beautiful length, his lips slightly parted making him look angelic. his fair skin with no scars made him look like an angel.

jeez, god really do be picking favorites.

i sighed before laying back down on the grass, closing my eyes as i rested my head on inosuke’s chest. i felt myself sleeping into sleep and just let it happen.

this was one of the many times i felt at peace, always with inosuke.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“im telling you, inosuke and (y/n) have a thing going on! have you seen how they are with each other?!” falling onto the floor, zenitsu started to sob. “why, out of all people, him?! a pretty girl like (y/n) deserves better! eUUugGNnN!!”

“what are you guys talking about?” tanjirou asked as he walked into the room, a smile worn on his face as he laughed at zenitsu obviously being overdramatic about whatever it was.

aoi and the other three girls sighed as they continued on eating their lunch.

“zenitsu thinks (y/n) and inosuke are dating and hes freaking out about it because he knows he’ll never get someone as pretty as (y/n).” aoi said, laughing at the last part.

tanjirou froze, before laughing nervously. “aaah, dont say that, im sure zenitsu will find someone one day!”

aoi shrugged, followed on by more giggles coming from sumi and the two others.

“are (y/n) and inosuke really dating?” tanjirou asked, sitting down.

“dont even mention it! agh!” zenitsu cried from his laying position on the ground, before burying his face in his arms again.

aoi rolled her eyes before moving onto answering tanjirou. “well..no, actually yeah, no, we dont know. i mean it looks like it. they’ve gotten a lot of closer and inosuke is always up on (y/n) now. i mean, they’d make a really cute couple! i see the way (y/n) lights up when shes around him.”

“a-ah. i see.” tanjirou said, letting out a slight laugh. “well, im gonna head out to train now. ill see you all at dinner.”

aoi and the three girls said goodbye to him as he made his exit.

tanjirou walked down the halls of the butterfly estate, before stumbling upon the garden. he sighed, walking out with the intention to take a look at the peaceful view of the garden meadow and for some fresh air.

his peace was interrupted, however, as his eyes locked upon two well known people cuddled up on the garden grass, taking a peaceful nap.

his fists clenched, and so did his teeth.

he felt jealousy over power him. he did not realize it, but it was there and he felt it. he just didnt know what it was.

but what he knew, was regret.

that he had let (y/n) slip past him.

[shadowturtlesstuff]

again but better thoughts while reading

@polandbananas20

 so my spelling is terrible in this but you know i was more focused on the book than how to spell. 

Chapter 1) good intro and good starting tone. The lady next to her sucks. Good small establishment of shane.

chapter2)shane characterisation is still consistent. I like her two new roommates (will be best friends) . My guess is the boy in the kitchen will be pilot. Family means but not intentional. Has no confidence. I was right about the boy

Chapter 3) intro of pilot properly. He's good. I love the inner monologue of shane. Trying to keep eye contact, the surprise of having a normal conversation. It sets her character well. Intro to her blog which i would love to actually read (i hope there's at least one entry we can read) pilot is a musician but not. Business major. What crap. 

Chapter 4) i really feel like shane, she is just typical fangirl/ dork and i love it. Its weird being english and reading about the things that shock them like pasta in bags.i understand the watermelon.we do get to read ‘shanes writing’ but its her personal jornal not her blog.

Chapter 5) fun chapter. Intro to rome. Love the idea that shane is heavy handed and violent. Short, not alot happened other than small character establishment.

Chapter 6)intro to creative writing class which i want/need in my life.more beatles. Woman on plane works at starbucks, will she make more appearances? 

Chapter 7) the drama???or at least wht will be the drama. Pilot has a gf, called amy (wish it was me) (wait no, bc i know that plot doesnt actually like amy anymore bc he obviously likes shane. So i take it back. I want to be shane, i mean i basically am like her but oh well.)

Chapter 8) parents. Overprotective, think they know best. Urgh. guarantee one of shanes new friends fight back to her parents to support her life choices, that do not include doctor.

Chapter 9)gets an internship at travel mag company. Thats it…..

Chapter 10)rome. Looses purse. Pilot to the anxiety riddled rescue by telling his own life story about his wallet to help calm her nerves.distracts her. Basially he would do anything for shane already.re count of rome trip from her jornal again which is a good touch to further the plot. This is making me want to read dan brown (ish) all of two books i own of him

Chapter 11) the postcards are a nice touch that i hope someone reads???? Travel buddies..just saying.chad..hmmm,im like shane,well see if he is good enough for babe. Her GODDAM stupdi mean cousins being mean on her facebook, and babe seeing (best friend moment) about pilot and the whole teasing about having a boyfriend.

Chapter 12) he didnt see (but i think he did but istn sayin anything) paris i shappening. Babe is bff confirmed and i want her as my friend 

Chapter 13)angry birds addiction starts. Level three, weak, shoulder touching it romance confirmed.awwww pilot 100% waited to sleep so he could see shane safe in bed

Chapter 14) pilot with a french accent, enough  said. The flirtinggggg.  The plane woman  is back??in paris with them????

Chapter 15)pilots choices of the back in time thing are both wit shane. Its so obvious and i love it. Pilot as a fake fangirl about the eiffel tower. More flirting,kind of. Oh god chad no.he did it. Goddammit.nooo he wull run babe and shanes friendship and maybe her and pilot. ‘Assbucket’ indeed. Her an pilot are fine and i really believe her and babe will be because when she nearly gets robbed babe giver her a sympathetic smile. Not much to go on but i have hope.

Chapter 16)okay so, fav chapter, she finally spills her guts that she has anxiety basically, that she is premed with strict parents and this is scary whilst pilots lies in bed with her to relax her bc he heard her crying. He only ecoureges her slightly before going back to his bed and sleeping. My heart, i swear, soon the roles reverse and pilot will say why he is in london and all that.

Chapter 17)babe and shane bffs confired. Chad is the worst confirmed. Of course it wasnt  break up call. Of course she wants to vist. Of course pilot is to cowardly to break up and just accepts them going to paris together. Of freaking course.

Chapter 18) do not get over pilot, it wont work. Rugby guy nooooo!im team pilot how dare you kiss shane! Wow, city of glass mention. I want to make a list of every bookmentioned.

Chapter 19) pilot is not himself (obviouls) shane is worried. She is still lying to her parents an feeling bad about. Rugby guy is thankfully a no go. Pilot finds out about the kiss and guy and is clearly silently jealous. 

Chapter 20)aww shane! Im sorry pilot sucks currently. And a stupid guys trip with flat four. No. and devil chairs. 

Chapter 21)1)love the book talk.  The loneliness is kicking in, pilot man up for gods sake

Chapter 22)this red-head plain weirdo is back and going through her list like some sort of mentore. Omg!!! No. amy is here, i dont hatte her but can she not. Also, her dad…. No! (this is the stand up moment i was on about, i hope)

Chapter 23) i do not like her dad. At all. Nooo shane...no. they found out. And acted like assholes.

Chapter 24) n1!ahhhh no! Amy has her notebook. The end is nigh.im going to cry i feel like shane. 

Chapter 25) the family dinner-family outing. Niether of them manuped and shane is depressed

Chapter 26)back in america. Still hasn’t told pilot but you know it is a slow burn

Chapter 27) I, wait? Marry, some guy? Like no. I know it’s been what six years but no. I refuse.i don’t like this so called Melvin. It’s okay she doesn’t want to marry him. She goes to see pilot and finally mans up and tells him and asks if she made it and and pilot finally man’s up and tells her no she didn’t. They get stuck in an elevator

Chapter 28) the elevators doing something. Shane wants to re do London cuz she hates life

Chapter 1?) they are both back in London? Both having the same what ever is happening? 

  Chapter 2) omg. Plane lady took them back to staRt over and pilots mad about it (obv)

Chapter 3)so… they got mad but started over and I’m excited. 100%they won’t press the restart button. I’m calling it now. Cuz pilot knows he now has a chance to do the what if’s/

Chapter 4) they keep there distance but we all know it won’t last

Chapter 5) tipsy Shane? Shawarma

Chapter 6) babe thinksthere is something going on with them( again)

Chapter7)the story about fake pilot, and the kiss. Ahhhhhhg

Chapter 8)they found the button. Shane doesn’t want to go back. I do t want them to go back. They don’t go back thank god

Chapter 9) da Vinci code flirting somehow.. Shane tells him it won’t happen u less he breaks up with last Amy.

 Chapter 10) he will break up with Amy and laris is gonna happen. 

Chapter 11) so Shane is happy again, pilot broke up with amy. Shane tried to make peace with the devil chair.

Chapter 11) they are so adorable. Aswwwwewhwhehruysnwjw

 Chapter 12) Uwuwnfhueia we get more Shane and pilot flirting, 

Chapter 13) the opposite game is adorable. I like that they get to be themselves together without the awkwardness. The start of the move game. Thats my fav. 

Chapter 14) they still have the angry birds obssesion but unlike me and supercard they know when to stop.the dance ‘move’ ahh i love. The line ‘but you do.’ just shows how much they know each other and how pilot would do anything to make her smile. And the lost move (not really a move but totally a move.) once again proves their love. Also we had that plot moment where he talks about why h chose to go to london. I adore shanes rant (?) about the things she loves. And then pilot doing the same thing. Shane vs chair is my life, like i battle chairs too. 

Chapter 15) what is tfios? Ooohhh. Fault in our stars. (i googled it)i probably shouldve known by the whole always part. The dance move came back to bite pilot in the ass and now they are dancing together. Ew chad. Yes shane! That is what chad deserves. 

Chapter 16) they get intimate and gigly and happy and aaaawwwhww

Chapter 17) im glad shane still rememebers to be friends with babe and not forget her in her lovestick state currently.

Chapter 18) her postcard….the questions that haunt her so much. Sort of accepting them herself too. She finally got to do wrecking ball, they miss internship , oh no…. Start if a downall?? 

Chapter 19) shane and pilot have fallen HARD

Chapter 20) the article is off the table. Amy is there. What the hell. No. omg pilot no, you moron. THEY BROKE UP!!! Which is fair, a break is needed. They both get back on track and then try and find a balance. Hopefully. Oh her laptop….shit...the feels when all your work is just gone. Tries to reset bc she is so depressed bc she thinks she failed again. 

Chapter 21) she cant go back (thankfully) a bookstore is always a good haven to go to when your breaking down.

Chapter 22)the redemtion (?) time to try and fix everything and get back on track.the determination and the readiness to try and make everything better for herswelf, herself, and no one else is good. She makes friends with the people in her office and works harder than befire, try to get herself out of her comfort zone and experience things

Chapter 23) the confrontation with her parents. Oh god. I hope this goes well. Its going as well as it can go. Im happy shane is sticking up for her dream so she can be happy, uugh the whole dad speech of ‘i do everything for you, i know best because im older,’ i hate it. Ooohh she is making up with leo, talking ot him this time. Im happy. Leo is gay. Cool. i hate how he got broken up with becuase of his stupid family, it sucks. ‘There is no normal.’ perfect words. 

Chapter 24) her thing is in the thing!!!( also good job me with words.) her article got published (there we go)this is where she learns she can be with pilot and be successful because tracy is with a famous author and they make it work with harder schedules. Trys to talk to her parents. This time she will make there relationship work.

Chapter 25)urgh ‘you live under my roof,on my dime…’ blah blah blah. We hate controlling parents that dont see that overprotecting and controlling their childs life does more damage than good. Babe suggest self discovery trip. Babe is a grat friends. 

Chapter 26)the button thing will work…’im mad at pilot. Or am i mad at me.’ she cracked the code. She loathed herself because of her fear of failing, but because this time she worked on herself to make herself happy she no longer hates herself. Yet she still feels the same (ish) feeling that even though she worked harder and got further that she has no summer job when she gets back to the states, her parents still wont allow her choice of work.PILOTS BACK!!!!!!! She was about to press the button and he swooped in with his music.

Chapter 27) he still follows her blog and got help from babe. His speech, finished with lamppost. Where can i get a pilot?he uploaded their song. Working through the divorce thing again but it will be better because he has shane to talk to about it. Ahhh she got a job!!! Happy ending!!! My heart!!!eeeee…

epilogoue) she becomes a successful author. Her parents have accepted her and support her. Pilots a musician. He takes her to the weird plane lady and they gobe the locket back, then he makes the ultimate move. With pictures of where they fell in love he uses the beatles russain doll things to hide a ring and when she finds it she obviously says yes. And that its unfair cuz she cant top that move. 

sooo...thats it.

i really enjoyed this book. i cannot wait for her next book. this post is longwinded i apologize but oh well? again i will link my website and review as soon as its done. so far in about five hours all i have is a paragraph so it may not be as soon as i want it to be

[sauveteen]

Need You | s.m

just.... angst (no this isn’t a series i just wanted to use a name kay) check the tags for a trigger warning PLEASE!

Teresa’s always been half a step behind on everything. Whether it was puberty and growing boobs overnight, finding a boyfriend, having her first kiss and eventually her first time, she was always the ‘It’ll happen, don’t worry’, or the ‘I’m sure you’ll find someone’ kind of a gal. Now, as she climbs up the stairs to her dorm, keys spinning around her fingers, whistling the tune to a country song, she realises that she’s half a step behind on life, too. She dressed up and she put on makeup and she did her hair and came back without anyone by her side and that isn’t fair, is it? Teresa, of all people, deserves someone walking her home. She deserves someone waking up next to her and not hating her for drooling all over their pillow. She deserves to come home to a funny, and if God’s gracious enough, cute guy.

She shakes her head, laughs a little at the joke her life’s become, and steps onto the landing of her floor. And then she stops in her steps, does a double take, and stares. (She might have gawked a little too, if she’s being honest.) When she said she that she deserved to come home to a cute, funny guy, she didn't mean Shawn. Well. Shawn’s funny, at times, and he's admittedly cute, too, but he looks like he's several steps behind on everything, more than she is, and that kind of upsets Teresa a little. She stands there a moment, watching his hunched figure, his blotched face and and his tear stained cheeks and the curls he'd obviously been running his hands through and thinks Fuck, I’m going to cry.

He hasn't noticed her yet, she assumes. He's staring at a wall and his eyes have this absent look in them and her heart’s beating against his chest because someone's hurt him. Someone's hurt him so, so, so terribly bad and for some godforsaken reason he's at her door and she's going to have to look at his face and pretend like she's okay. She isn't. She can't see people hurt, and if he's here then he either expects her to console him or talk to him or listen to him and. And Teresa's terrible at every single one of those things. She's good at whistling through her nose and blowing bubblegum bubbles and aligning frames just right without having to use a leveller but God is she terrible at all things emotional.

It's Shawn, though, and she considers him a friend. He has to consider her one too, if he's unabashedly upset and on her doorstep, so she silently closes the distance between the two. Takes her heels off at the stairs, and tiptoes her way over to her room. Shawn blinks, then, and looks up at her. And then his face twists, and sure, he might be the one crying, but she's the one whose heart twists into itself.

“I'm drunk,” Shawn admits, wobbly chin making her head hurt. He mumbles a little, reaching out to tug at the bottom of her dress. Teresa kneels in front of him, placing her heels on the floor, and pretends like she knows what she's doing. She doesn't. She doesn't even know why Shawn's here, of all places, since he has other, better friends and they barely know each other, but there's little she can do about it. She's The Chosen One tonight. She never knew a reference from her favourite book could leave such a bad taste in her mouth.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, Tess.” Tess. He's never called her that before, has he? Has he ever called her anything apart from Acosta or dumbass? She doesn’t think so. “I'm so drunk.”

“Did you get lost?” She doesn't know what to do with her hands. Should she reach for his face, should she hold his hand, should she play with the strings of his hoodie? She doesn't know. Fuck. When Shawn reaches towards her, though, fingers brushing along her knuckles, she turns her palm upwards and interlaces their fingers. Good. He's doing most of the work.

“No.” He says, and then sniffs. Her lips pull down in a frown, and she decides that she's going to be here a while, so Teresa folds her legs under herself, and she listens to him talk. “I— I didn't get lost. I. Tess—” His voice breaks, and his head drops. Softly, as if ashamed, he mutters, “I need you.”

Teresa isn't going to lie. If there's one thing that life's taught her, it's to always be honest to herself. And to be honest, she's a little confused. A lot confused, actually. Sure, she considers them friends, and sure, he bought her coffee once, but that's it. That's all it ever was, all that it ever was supposed to be. A friend from class who she occasionally swapped notes with and asked for pens. But he's here now, and she can tell he's trying to push his tears back in, and he says he needs her. He doesn't know her, and he probably only knew where her dorm was because he stole her binder and had to return it, but he needs her right now. And she has to be there for him, no matter how confused she is or how rough the carpet feels under her bare legs. She squeezes his hand, though, because she feels like that's a good start. Her words fail her, and she finds the fact that she writes as a passion a little ironic at the moment, but he squeezes her hand back and that's all the assurance she needs.

“Do you—” Teresa clears her throat, unsurely brushing the back of his hand with her thumb. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

Well fuck, then. What next?

“Shawn,” Teresa places two fingers under his chin because that's how it is in the movies, and she tips his head up to look at him better. “You need to tell me what's wrong.”

“I— I can’t.” He sniffles, and then he chuckles, and she'd be confused if his previous claim hadn't hit her again. He's hurt, sure, but he's drunk. “She made me promise.”

“Who's she?”

“My girlfriend.” Shawn says this, and then his eyes widen a little. He sucks a breath in, leans away from her, and takes his bottom lip between his teeth. Giggles emptily. “I meant my ex. I think. I don't know.”

“Did she—” Teresa doesn't know how she's supposed to ask something like this. She tips her head forward, finding his other hand and folding their hands together on his lap, and continues solemnly, “Did she hurt you, Shawn? Are you hurt?”

“I can't say. M’not allowed to. She said that. I'm not allowed to tell you, Tess.”

“You're crying.”

“Yes. Was. M’not crying anymore, see?” Just as he claims that, a tear rolls down his cheek, and Teresa gingerly thumbs it away. She hopes that the Gods that are pulling the strings at this very moment are enjoying the show, because really, she isn't. She's so close to tears that one might mistake her for the victim. “Won’t cry over her.” A sob rakes through his body. Shawn lurches forward, heaving as if he needs to throw up, and tightens his hold on Teresa. His head finds purchase on her shoulder, warm breath fanning against her skin. Unsurely, she reaches for the back of his head, pulling him into herself. If she couldn't feel his tears on her skin or his laboured breath against her shoulders then maybe, maybe she would've joked about the awkwardness of it all, but she can't. Not right now. Right now, Shawn needs her.

“Wanna play a game, Shawn?” Shawn shakes his head, curls brushing along the tops of her shoulders, but she persists. When she thinks comfort, she thinks two things: her mom’s cream cheese sandwich and her stupid, stupid game.

“What's your name, Shawn?”

“You're so stupid,” He mutters. His lips brush against her skin and she jolts a little, but he speaks again. “I was so stupid.”

“Hi, Shawn, I'm Teresa. Who's your favourite singer?”

Shawn doesn't reply. She scratches the back of his head, resisting the urge to instinctively kiss his temple, and guesses for him, “John Mayer? Me too. Love the guy. Dad material. What's your favourite book?”

Shawn doesn't answer, and she doesn't expect him to, but his breathing evens out after a while. She expects him to let go, but he holds onto her like he expects her to continue, like her mom's makeshift questionnaire isn't a stupid shenanigan she made up for her stubborn daughter but something that actually makes him feel better. Teresa humours him, rubbing a hand up and down his back, and asks, “Why are you here, Shawn?”

His face is resting on her shoulder now, not against it, so when he whispers she hears it clear as day. “My friends can't know.”

“Know what?”

“Why we broke up. If. If we broke up, then why. She cares too much, what people think.” Teresa’s about to ask him why his friends can't know, but he speaks again, and she swallows her words and wishes she would've choked on them. “She cares about everything. And everyone. She— she pretends to care about charities. Doesn't even like puppies.”

Teresa’s lips pull down in a frown. “That's not very nice, Shawn.”

“Yeah,” he exhales heavily through his nose, pulling away, and decidedly wipes at his face. Teresa wants to tell him it's futile because the waterworks are still wild and he's still crying, but. But she doesn't. “I'm sorry. She's… allowed to fall out of love.”

“Mhmm,” she rubs a hand down his arm, taking her bottom lip between her teeth. She wishes she knew what happened. She wishes she could hug him better, and maybe whip him up a cream cheese sandwich, but it isn't Teresa that Shawn needs. It's an outlet, a dumping ground. And all things considered, Teresa’s weirdly okay with being a dumping ground if it helps someone heal.

“I just— Tess.” He chokes back a sob, running a hand through his hair, fruitlessly tugging at the roots. His face is flushed, and when he moves the neckline of his tee to hunt for a necklace, she sees that so is the rest of him. He's hurting so bad that he looks sick, and so Teresa isn’t surprised when her lip quivers a bit. It's like he's struggling to form a sentence, and when he does, he mumbles it. Like he's admitting it to her, but he wishes he didn't have to. “I… I wish she'd cared about me.”

Teresa’s always been a little overdramatic, but when she says that her heart literally breaks into two at how shattered he sounds, she isn't exaggerating. All soul, all vigour leaves him then, and he defeatedly falls against the wall. Fixes her with an empty stare. “I deserved it.”

“Oh, Shawn,” Teresa whispers, finding herself between his parted legs, hands gently cupping his face. She wipes his tears away, trying ignore how hot his skin feels under hers. She hopes to God he isn't running a fever, and shuffles closer, “Don't say that.”

“It's what she said. I deserved it.”

Teresa’s lost. She doesn't know this girlfriend, and even if she did, how does one respond to that? Who says that, though? Who says that when you've just broken up? Right, she realises not long after, Shawn doesn't even know if he's broken up or not.

His lips part, and Shawn draws in a laboured breath. He's looking at her face, but he isn't there. She can't reach him, even though he's physically in her hands. This entire ordeal has done fucked him up, Teresa concludes. “Do you think.” He blinks, struggling to keep his eyes open. “That she ever loved me?”

He deserves honesty. After what he’s been through and what she knows he’ll continue going through, she owes him that. “I don’t know, Shawn.” She whispers, eyebrows scrunching together, “I wish I did. I so badly wish I did. But listen to me, okay? Whatever happened, you didn’t deserve it, okay? Nobody deserves anything that hits them this hard.” Shawn’s head dips, like he’s trying to deflect. Like he doesn’t believe her. “No, no, Shawn. Listen to me.” She brings his face back up, and she realises that maybe, maybe she was shit at consoling people because she never cared about them. It was always sympathy, never empathy. She realises that now because as she sits there, trying to get him to listen, Teresa feels herself physically coming apart, too. Shawn didn’t deserve this, and he should know that.

“Hi, Shawn, can you hear me? Check check.” She jokingly taps his ear, and he leans into her touch. “Listen to me. I don’t care what she said, alright? I don’t care. You’re my friend and you don’t owe me jackshit yet you’ve always, always been the nicest guy around. You’ve walked me to the building when I was too scared of the dark, you’ve brought extra pens to class because you know I always forget mine, you finished my essay because I fell asleep on my desk after a rough day. Normal guys don’t do that. They don’t do shit if there isn’t something there for them, and yet you always have. You deserve nothing but happiness. Shawn. Do you believe me?” She sniffs, willing herself to continue. “You only deserve love.”

“No.” He tips his head back on the wall, letting his eyes flutter shut. “No, m’nothing but a pretty face. No personality. I get pushed around. What guy lets themself get pushed around? Just a pretty face, nothing else.”

“Shawn—”

“I.. I got punched, once.” He looks her in the eye this time, and Teresa falls back on the floor, bringing her knees up to her chest. Dumping ground, she reminds herself. She needs to let him vent. “And I— I could’ve hit him back. She said that. She said I could’ve hit him back, and I should have. But I didn’t want to. That guy, he… he looked terrible. He’d had a rough day, I could tell. I didn’t want to add to it?”

“That makes you a good guy, not a pushover.”

“No. Real guys don’t take fists to the face and walk away. Only pretty, pushover guys do.”

“That isn’t you talking. It’s her.”

“But she’s right, isn’t it? This wouldn’t have happened if I was a man. She wouldn’t have gone to him and—”

Teresa’s eyes widen, somewhat in realisation, but more so in pain. He’s been cheated on. She isn’t sure, and she’ll probably never be, but it all makes sense now. Why he kept saying he deserved it. Why he couldn’t tell his friends. Why he looks like he’d dressed up for a date, but is outside of her dorm, crying. It all makes a little too much sense, and she finds herself struggling to breathe as she watches him gulp painfully.

“Shawn, buddy, why are you here? Where’s Oliver?”

Shawn’s best friend. Shawn’s supposed to be crying with him, not her. Where is he?

“He—I, we..” And when Shawn scrunches his nose, squeezing his eyes shut to press his tears in, Teresa knows. She knows, and she fucking hates it. “We’re— not… talking. Anymore.”

“Oh my God,” The words fall out of her lips in muted whispers, but she knows Shawn hears. He knows that she knows too, now, and he thought it might come as a relief. It’s all easier if she knows. He doesn’t have to lie, he’s tired of lying, he’s tired of having to pretend like he’s okay. But he sees the switch in her demeanour. He sees her eyes go from empathetic to pitiful, and he knows he’s blown it. He doesn’t what he was expecting any way. For her to hug him better? To make him the cream cheese sandwich she once told him about? He’s so stupid. He’s so stupid and he knows he won’t ever stop blaming himself for what happened, but when Teresa reaches over to pull him into his arms, he lets her. He allows himself to breathe her in and hold her close because he isn’t sure when he’ll have this again. Shawn doesn’t know if he’ll find the warmth that Teresa emanates, the warmth that she used to emanate, without stupidly breaking his own heart again. He doesn’t know, for now, all he knows is that he was unworthy of her. Unworthy of her love, and that he deserved it.

He cries into Teresa’s shoulder, and when he’s all out, he’s so sure he hears her crying too.

im not tagging people because this shit is pretty useless lmao iefmv 

[fullsunhyuckie]

we grow up!

*here’s to mark’s graduation from dream! you’ve done well, mark.

slice of life!au

in which a group of strangers go for an adventure of a lifetime.

disclaimer: i know mark graduated yesterday but i wrote this story a long time ago and i feel like there isn’t a better time than now for me to post this. so here goes my tears :,) 

day0:

at 19, mark was unsure of his future.

it never crossed mark’s mind that the age, twenty, would come so early but boy was he wrong. it was as if it was only yesterday he just learnt how to chew gum.

mark was intending to go on a road trip for five days right before he officially becomes an adult. but you see, the downside of being a hardworking individual is that you simply have no friends. that’s how mark came up with the idea to invite 6 other teenagers around his age to follow him. he went to the local cafe right opposite his block. it was the place where teenagers often hang out.

there he met 6 other teens who were different yet he could connect with them easily. renjun, an 18 year old aspiring artist who left his hometown to pursue his dreams. he’s small but he can hit a bitch if he needs to. jeno, an 18 year old cheerful soul who will do anything to ensure that everyone is happy. he says he is no fun but he can turn on his funny button if he needs to. haechan, an 18 year old devilish boy who should’ve been born in the 80s. he picks on others but he sure is full of love. jaemin, a loveable 18 year old boy who could flirt for a living. he may seem a little odd with all the flirting but he’s the most loyal friend you can ever come across. chenle, a 17 year old loud loud child who is absolutely talented. he screams a lot but he definitely has a beautiful voice. and lastly, jisung, a 16 year old dancer who is insanely talented. he’s young but he is taller than you. a fact.

“let’s go on a road trip.” and that’s how their journey began.

day1:

mark thought this was a stupid idea. he was the only one who could drive so how was he supposed to fully experience his adventure. whatever it was, he still continued on. it’s not like he could find group of 6 other willing boys.

he borrowed his brother’s, johnny, red suv and drove right off. there was no plan, nothing. just 7 boys in a red suv ready to experience life together. it started off awkward. none of them talked. even haechan, the supposed moodmaker, was silent throughout the whole journey. there was just nothing they could talk about, they didnt know each other at all.

even as they reached the first pitstop, they were silent. probably just constant gag sounds from renjun because he disliked awkward situations. i mean it’s not like mark could do anything, he was driving. while they were having a cup of hot chocolate (weirdly enough, all of them ordered the same thing), mark blurted out a question about why they decided to follow him. they all had the same exact answer (well not exactly but you get it) and that is because they all have a dream,,,,,and then the awkward silence returned.

they all willingly agreed to pitch a tent and have a camp by the sea, the moment they arrived. well, at least it wasnt so awkward when they were asleep.

day2:

the next morning they drove off to have brunch. on the way to the diner, famous for their pancakes, haechan boosted his stereo to michael jackson’s bad and surprisingly all of them enjoyed it. they had more similarities than they thought they would. as they reached the diner, the mood was lighter than ever. it was as if sleeping together made them bond well. again, all of them ordered rather similarly. jaemin suggested they played a prank on the waitress to add a little spice to their morning. jisung decided that they should play a game and the loser has to sing the menu to the waitress.

as expected, renjun lost and he was forced to do the prank. he came up to her and before he could say anything the waitress said, “with voices as loud as you boys, you think i wouldnt know what you’re about to do? save yourself the embarrassment.” with that all of them ran out, leaving a red cheeked renjun standing in the middle of the diner. remember when i said renjun could hit a bitch if he wanted to? well this is what i meant. none of the boys left without a bruise. especially chenle who could not stop laughing.

they decided once again to stop by a park to take in fresh air. mark decided they should get to know one another even better. thats how they ended up playing a game of two truths and one lie. there were stupid lies and horribly dumb truths that came up and one that got mark thinking whether growing up was something he wanted. during haechan’s turn, he explained that his truth was that he was afraid of not having anywhere to go after being an adult. they all left what haechan said aside because truth be told none of them knew for themselves either.

they carried on playing other games and having dinner at the same diner because let’s be real, renjun’s pride comes after a good meal. but throughout the whole time, all of them started getting afraid of the horrors of their adulthood. even for jisung who still has 4 years left till his coming of age.

day3:

now, the third day was the most awful. they felt raw this day. but we’ll get to that. it has only been 2 days but the boys felt as though they had been friends for decades. or rather decade, none of them are twenty as of now.

jaemin and jeno went to the nearby convenience store to get breakfast for the boys. for the whole day they decided to just sit around and talk. and so they did. thats the reason why they felt raw.

mark sat without sharing anything. he was terrified. he was afraid that if anyone knew about it they would mock him and his innocent dream.

renjun began first. he talked about how he thinks that his dream is dumb. it has been 4 years since he came to korea and not once has he gotten an offer to further his art studies. whats the point he thought? anything he drew would never be approved as beautiful enough. and it sucks because when he showed his artwork, mark thought that it was a masterpiece. to him it doesnt matter how beautiful the piece was, it was the story behind it that counts. and that came mark’s first lesson, that nothing in life is ever fair.

jeno went on to talk about how he had no goal. nothing at all. for him, his dream is to live a life with no regrets. thats why he’s not pushing to do anything to stress himself out. he’s just gonna go with the flow. after graduating from his high school barely passing, he feels as though it doesnt matter. jeno believes that he’ll get somewhere one day. after all he’s still a teenager he’s got enough time to think about these things. but for now, he’ll just live in the moment. and that was mark’s second lesson, to live and let loose.

haechan was next. he had a dream to be a singer. and god that boy could sing. but for haechan he felt insecure. no matter how many people came up to him to tell him he was talented, he just cant accept that. that’s probably why he hides it with all the snarky remarks and the over the top compliments for himself. he never felt that he was good enough. but mark feels bad because haechan doesnt deserve to feel that way. haechan was full of love and he couldnt understand why he couldnt give himself any. this made him learn his third lesson, that only you can bring happiness to yourself.

and then there’s jaemin. mark cant help but feel sympathetic for him. jaemin was a dancer, a really good one (from the videos jaemin showed). but the thing is he cant dance anymore. at all. he got into an accident and now he isnt allowed to dance anymore. but the weird thing is that it didnt stop him from being content with life. for he feels that everything happens for a reason. and mark looks up to jaemin because he never fails to put on a smile knowing that his dream of being a dancer is near impossible for him to achieve. that’s how mark learnt to smile even if failure comes.

well for chenle, he had already achieved his dream. well partially. he is currently a trainee singer at a well known agency in korea. as a child, chenle was a music prodigy in china. he went on talent shows and clinched first place in almost every one of them. it was as if chenle’s future had already been written for him to be a singer. but he never used his past to get a boost for an opportunity in the industry. he worked incredibly hard to get into the agency and never once did he take his place for granted. mark learnt from him that its important to stay humble.

and lastly, jisung, the dancing king. mark was amazed by how insanely talented this boy was. it was no wonder he became a famous child dancer, known all over korea. anywhere jisung went people would recognise him and mob him for his autograph or a picture. but as mark sees how jisung acts when he’s with those his age, he realises that jisung is in fact just a kid and he’s just trying to enjoy life as normal teenager. its a pity for jisung because he devoted his whole youth to dancing, and now even when he looks back, his childhood was all just a blur. he complains that if there was one regret he had, it was not living each day to its fullest. that was mark’s last lesson. to seize every moment.

by the end of it all, they were all starting to doze off. and before they knew it , they fell asleep. except mark because he cant help but wonder what will happen to these boys once they part. and in that same moment he thinks, thank god i met these people.

day4:

the next day they woke up in the late afternoon. all of them felt exhausted after spilling almost everything about themselves.

the moment mark woke up he felt awful. there were only two days left till he becomes an adult and that thought scared him to his wits. he began sobbing softly and the boys came running to him. mark explained.

mark was afraid of having a future at all. everytime he tried, he failed. mark wanted to be a rapper. wanted. because there were so many competitions that he attended and he failed. so many people told him that he’ll fail because as a rapper, there’s no future for him.

mark shared that his parents were supportive of him so that wasnt a problem. but you see he didnt want to burden his parents. he knew if he pursued this dream it would take a lot of money and none would be gained back. now mark’s left, all goal-less because he knows if he tried, he’ll fail for sure.

so that’s how mark ended up here in seoul. because he needed a breather. his parents advised that if he doesnt know what to do he should just enter college. thats a sure success because a degree can get you any job you need. but mark was sure it wont bring him happiness because he knows that he doesnt want to go to university, it’s just not him. mark felt empty as though no one understood him, until now of course.

as the 7 dreamers sat under the night sky they thought to themselves. the adults always say you need to plan for your future, you need to know what you want to do. but they never help you. they’d just leave you to figure things out by yourself.

the adults never tell us how hard the process of growing up is. they never prepare us for it. its like going into a battlefield without weapons. no matter how loud you shout or plead for them to aid you. its useless because now they’ll pull out the “it’s your life. it’s your decision” card. but if you fail, its all on you. and if you succeed then suddenly, the family’s the one who paid for the fees and give you moral support and all that jazz.

so that made them awfully afraid because they knew that one day they’ll be doing something and that they’ll get somewhere. but what if they arent happy? what if they’re miserable?

day5:

it was the last day. the 7 of them drove back. the whole drive home was silent. they knew that it’ll be the last time they would see each other. mark will be leaving. he didnt intend to grow so close with the boys but he did and now he hates it. his heart is heavy to leave them but he has to. he understands that people come and go. thats just the cycle. unknown to mark, this is part of growing up. he has to accept that, nothing in life is constant, no matter how hard it is.

as they reached the same coffee house, you could see how all their eyes turned crystal. but their egos are high, so fret not cause they’ll not cry. except renjun and haechan, they cried. hard.

all mark did was put a smile on his face and he said “yo dream. promise me you’ll remember me, alright. we’ll see each other soon.”

and with that he left. and never turned back. because he knew if he did, he wont be able to say goodbye.

day6 (the day mark turned 20) :

now, mark’s 20.

at 20, mark’s still unsure of his future. but he knows that all he wants for now, is to be happy.

-Z

[scaryscarecrows]

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 6

DC did it first. Take your grievances to them.

Jason and Sheila e-mail back and forth for about a week before she says that she has Thursday off so if he has Thursday off does he want to meet for lunch again?

Last time wasn’t bad. Not a lot of staring or people or anything. He can…he can probably do it again. And it’s a few days away still, so he has time to psyche himself up or, worst case scenario, fake his death and move to Canada.

And it’s been a week and she hasn’t pulled out the Pity Card on him yet and maybe…maybe this’ll all work out okay. She might never be Mom, because Catherine’s always gonna be Mom, but…but she could be Mother, maybe. He can see that in the distant (or not-so-distant?) future.

But he’s not going to rush into things, that’s what got him here in the first place. Patience, grasshopper.

Thursday rolls around and he hasn’t faked his death and moved to Canada, so he has no choice but to put on jeans and a hoodie and resign himself to a couple of hours, easy, of no sunglasses and no e-book shield.

Sorry, any small children who might come out of this traumatized.

Okay. He brings his Kindle anyway, and his sunglasses for the journey, and sticks to his normal Civilian Weaponry-couple’a knives, one pair of brass knuckles tucked into a hidden pocket in his hoodie. Last thing he needs is for someone to pick up a bullet, match it to the Red Hood’s, and come knocking on his door. His luck is bad enough that’s exactly what would happen.

Besides, it’s noon on a Thursday, and even in Gotham that’s a slow hour. Bank robbers gotta eat, too.

The monorail ride there is literal Hell (three fighting couples, two crying kids and old man with no personal spaaaaace!) and he’s literally gasping for air when he stumbles out of the car. He likes people. Honest. If he legitimately hated them all, he wouldn’t risk his life to help them. But interacting with them…he could do without that, mostly.

Whatever. Whatever. It’s over, he lived, he’s had worse.

(And no, he doesn’t hear faint cackling in his head, and that’s final.)

It’s windy today, the type of wind that buffets people every which way and is determined to keep his hood off his head. He fidgets with the drawstrings until it’ll stay and buries his hands in his pockets. Wind sucks. He can feel pollen and dust and Gotham Grime being blown onto his skin.

“Jason!”

Is he there already?

Sheila…looks a lot more haggard than she did before. He tries to remember if she’d mentioned being horribly busy, doesn’t think she did, and figures that to be fair, he hasn’t mentioned the bruise that goes halfway up his back.

She smiles, her awkward driver’s license smile, and waves. Yeah, she doesn’t…it must’ve been a long week, or maybe a rough drive or something. She looks tired.

“Hi.” He’s not sure what to call her, still. Miss Haywood is too disconnected, Sheila’s too personal, and it’s way, way too soon for Mother. Names are a pain. “I’m not late, am I?” He knows he’s not. “Monorail was packed.”

“So was the subway. Can I…?”

Her arms are half-out and he figures she’s asking for a hug. He can do a hug, as long as it’s a short hug.

“Yeah. Thanks for the warning.”

Holy crap, she feels frail. But to be fair, barring Dick’s tackle-hug, everyone’s felt frail since…since. So it could just be him. Hugs are weird now.

(“HUG YOUR DADDY!”)

No. Not today. Everything’s fine.

It’s a sort-of short hug, short enough, anyway, and he wonders, abstractedly, if a day will ever come that he’s used to that sort of thing again. If it even matters whether he does or doesn’t.

It does. Of course it does. And the day will come, in time, and he’ll be better, be normal, be what people want him to be.

Little steps.

* * *

They’ve fallen into a companionable silence and for once Jason’s not jumping whenever someone walks by in a purple sweater or anything when Sheila forces her lips out from between her teeth and says, “I know you were Robin.”

Well. That’s, uh, there’s that out of the way.

“Yeah.” There’s clearly no point in denying it. She probably put it together when Batman came knocking. “For a little while, yeah. I was.” He tastes blood, wonders how long he’s been doing that, and wishes he had gum. Or a mint. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right off, I just…old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Oh God, no, no, I didn’t mean-” She takes a drink. Her hands are shaking, she’s shaking and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. “I just. I thought I should probably make it clear that I did know, so you wouldn’t…I know I was absent, but I don’t want…you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Oh. That’s. He doesn’t know what to say. Bruce, God knows, has the emotional capabilities of a Himalayan Salt Lamp. Thankfully Jason hadn’t been the type to go through crushes every two weeks, or he probably would have been in Hell. He certainly wouldn’t have…it’s not like he would have shut down the conversation, but sharing and caring? That would have been awkward and best not repeated. Alfred was the go-to for that sorta thing.

All right, then. Since they’re dropping sudden bombshells ‘n all…he has to know.

“You worked for Joker.” There. It’s out. He said it.

And now he kinda regrets it-the self-loathing on her face is a pretty good match for his own, and he can’t tell himself it’s anything less than deep, deep wishing to have made better choices.

“I did.” She straightens up, begins tearing apart a piece of bread on her plate. “Briefly. I’m not proud, but he had a line to my mother, knew where she lived, knew her schedule…knew.” She swallows hard. “Knew she had to rubber-band her jam jars because she couldn’t open them otherwise. I panicked. But it was only for a couple of months-pills, he wanted pills, as much as I could get him. And then he just…went away. I don’t know what he did with them.”

Honestly, after everything, he can’t…he doesn’t have the right to say much. And honestly? There was that one guy, who accidentally cut the fucker off in traffic and couldn’t get away from him.

And look at him. The first man he killed, that wasn’t…oh, sure, he probably had it coming, at least a little, but Jason wasn’t thinking about that or considering it like he does now, he just…he wanted to kill Bruce. Because that was right and reason at the time even though he knows it’s insanity now.

No, he can’t say much.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, and it’s suddenly easier to look at his hands. “I didn’t…that sounds awful.”

“No.” She tips his chin up and it’s an effort not to pull away and to remember that it’s fingers, warm human fingers, and not the pointy end of a crowbar against his skin. “You deserved to know. It’s only fair.”

Truth be told, it’s a relief to know that she hadn’t…yeah, technically she could’ve…maybe done something different, but she hadn’t wanted to work for him. She wasn’t like the ones he’d christened Dumb and Dumber that…they enjoyed that kinda work.

Lunch is finished in relative silence after that, though, and he’s wondering what’s going to happen now when she rifles through her purse and swears.

“Damn…I meant to grab an old photo album I wanted to show you, with some old family pictures and things.”

Pictures of Willis? Yeah, he’s good. Pictures of other people might be interesting, though.

“Next time?”

“My apartment’s a few blocks over.”

Something feels off. He’s paranoid, he knows he’s paranoid, but something…she’s been shaky and weird all afternoon and he doesn’t…

Calm the fuck down, you freak out when someone window-shops for too long!

“Is everything…is everything okay?”

Or maybe something is wrong-she pulls a napkin over and there’s suddenly a pen in her hand.

“I really do want you to see these pictures, Jason,” she says, but her hand is moving and there’s the ever-so-faint skrit-skrit of pen on paper. “I swear you got my mother’s eyes.”

The napkin slides over to him and he glances down. Her handwriting’s spikey and awful-doctor writing to the bone-but his is no better and he can read it well enough.

An old colleague has been hanging around the hospital lately.

Oh.

That explains a bit.

“Sure.”

Her shoulders drop and she crumples the napkin, nails picking it into shreds.

“I’m sorry to do this to you,” she says softly, nearly too soft for him to hear, and he’s quick to shake his head.

“No, no, I don’t mind, I’m glad you…if there’s anything I can do to…”

Shit, she looks like she’s going to start crying and that is indeed PANIC in his throat. Tears are not good.

“You’re a good boy.” Her voice is watery but there are no tears to be seen. Thank Jesus. “I promise next time we have lunch it’ll be normal.”

Oh, good, things haven’t plummeted down to fiery Hell because of all the revelations flying around.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he says, and whoops that’s his ‘all will be well, citizen, never fear!’ voice. But it must work, because the about-to-cry look disappears. “Um. Do you wanna…it looks like it’s gonna rain, should we get going?”

And so they do.

* * *

The wind has picked up and it smells like rain. He’s not looking forward to patrol later.

The wind’s not so bad, though, to stop Sheila from lighting up with a self-depreciating, “I know I’m a doctor and should know better, but I honestly don’t care.”

“I can’t really say anything.” He holds up his own pack and rattles it before pulling one out. It’s not as calming as it usually is and he doesn’t know why.

Eh. It’s been a long day, that’s all. He’s not used to interacting with people on a personal level anymore, which is his own fault and probably not necessarily a good thing.

The first few drops have started to fall when they arrive at her building-big, square, and simplistic. She fishes out her keys while they’re in the elevator (which smells like new car, for some reason).

The hallway is deserted. It’s a little creepy, to be honest-his own building might be crap, but there’s always activity. And then, of course, there was Arkham’s hallways, or what he could hear of them. Noisy. Always noisy. But this? Wayne Manor was silent like this. It unsettled him then and it unsettles him now. Call him a city boy, whatever, but he needs noise.

The brass knuckles and knives in his jacket are warm and comforting and he knows he’s not gonna need ‘em, but they make up for this creepy-ass silence.

Sheila opens the door and motions him inside. It’s dark inside-blackout curtains, probably-but he can hear the rain. It smells like new car in here, too, and he wonders, off-handedly, why-

-it’s not empty. He’s walked into one too many ‘empty’ buildings to be very, very attuned to the sound of somebody breathing. Okay. Be calm, back out and shut the door.

He’s about to do exactly that when the light switch clicks and bathes the whole place in stark white. White walls, white floors, white furniture.

Which only makes Harley Quinn stick out like a sore thumb in all that red and black.

“BAY-BEE!” She could never hope to match Joker’s grin, but she gives it a good go, stretching her makeup. Okay. Change of plans. Get Sheila out of here (and preferably out of the building), deal with Quinn. “It’s been a whiiiiile!”

He takes in the mallet leaning against the couch and the shotgun (are those fuzzy dice? Really?) in her hands and comes to the conclusion that great, she’s riding the crazy train.

But maybe she hasn’t seen Sheila yet. Where’s that goddamn light switch?

He moves, only a little, only to feel the unmistakable press of a gun against his lower back.

“Don’t. Move.”

And the world drops out from under him.

No. No, no, no, she said she quit, it was over, she said they’d let her go, she said-

The door shuts. He twists so he can still see Quinn in his peripheral. Sheila’s face is a blank mask-no tears, no joy, no nothing. Just quiet determination and he doesn’t understand, she said…

“Mom?” The word feels thick and wrong in his mouth, but maybe…maybe she’s brainwashed or hypnotized or something, maybe she doesn’t…isn’t…

“Sorry, kid.” The words are harsh but her tone isn’t. Quinn giggles in the background but she sounds so far away and Sheila’s still pressing a gun against him. “It was you or me, and, well…it had to be you.”

What?

“Aww, come to mama, baby!” Quinn giggles again before straightening up and scowling. “Now.”

His feet drag him forward, sneakers scuffing against the white carpet an’ Heaven’s s’posed ta be white, innit, so why does this feel like Hell and what’s going on she said she said-

For once horrible, desperate second, he wants Bruce. Bruce wouldn’t…yeah, he’d thought, at first, that he’d left him but he knows that he didn’t, he really didn’t, he just…

Bruce wouldn’t have pulled a gun on him, he wouldn’t and God, if he’d just fucking talked to him-

“I did what you wanted, Quinn.” Sheila’s voice is so, so flat and is this all she wanted from the beginning? Is it? “Now call your man.”

Quinn doesn’t even look at her. She’s looking at Jason like she always did-like she’s torn between wanting to rip his head off and wanting to wrap him in a blanket and keep him.

This is his own goddamn fault, he just thought…just once, just once-

“Quinn!” Desperation now, and the gun wobbles against his hoodie as she steps out from behind him. “I did what you said! Call your man!”

Okay. Okay.

He forces himself to take a few deep breaths that taste like that last cigarette outside and says, voice as steady as he can make it, “Let her go, Harley. Leave her alone, I’ll. I’ll do what you want, just. Just let her go.”

“Aww, look at you!” Her pigtails sway and he finds himself oddly hypnotized by the movement. “I knew ya had to be Robin for a reason.”

Yeah. Yeah, he was Robin and that’s all he’ll ever be, the one that fucked up.

“Please, Harley.”

“Nyeh…” She adjusts her grip on the gun, finger dancing near the trigger, and looks down at her knuckles. “Eeny, meanie, miny, moe, catch a Batman by the toe. If he hollers, let ‘im go, eeny…meanie…miny…moe!”

He sees it before she does it, but there’s no time-he’s moved maybe half a centimeter before the gun goes off-

-and Sheila.

Falls.

His ears are ringing. They’re ringing and everything’s so white except her, all blonde and blue and so fucking red because Harley didn’t miss and if he’d been quicker, he should have been-

“Aww, don’t be sad!” Harley’s not alone, of course she’s not. He should have known from the start stupidstupidstupid. “Doncha know what happens to people who know too much?”

Her eyes are open. They’re open and they’re looking at him like this is his fault and it is if he hadn’t…

S’like Joker said, once.

“Good boys know how to lay down and DIE.”

“Mistah J had a spot for ya, baby.” Huh? “But you up an’ left us before it was time! So since it’s his birthday-” The fucker has no birthday he just appeared one day too evil for Hell. “-I thought I’d get my puddin’ somethin’-” She winks. “Real nice.”

And they’re on him.

Harley’s goons are dumb, but they’re also big and they manage to drag him down for a minute before he gets a knife out of his sleeve and drives it into the nearest jaw.

“Andre!” Yeah, Andre ain’t comin’ back from that any time soon. “I thought we taught you manners!”

He reclaims his knife and scrambles back up and okay okay maybe he can get outta this-

WHAM!

Lights out.

[thebarbieblogzzz-blog]

The Stepson, The 1st Economical Edit by Barbie H.

It was a cold day for a showdown. There are only two person climbing, Sarah Albertman, a highschool girl who people now just found out could climb rock very fast, and below her a 37- years old man , Michael Hancock-Pitt. Unlike Sarah, he’s been in the position of almost winning the huge jackpot of his life a few times. Even the crowds starting to lose faith in him, but looks like he is still in his best willing to finally get his #1 title. A series of body sweating and a tiger eye aiming for the prize is making as like the audience at home’s feeling the same tense as the real studio audience does . But The Television Broadcast seems to always highlight at the Duke of Kamperland whose sitting in the front row. It’s not everyday the royalty is dressed like a normal people.

They finally counting the 3,2,1... aaand .... the race is finished. The winner is immidiately announced, “And we got our winner... Contestant number 3001, Michael Hancock- Pitt!”. The crowd went wild and cheers. He gave them goosebumps by his last minute surprise. He held his trophy while being really red, it’s actually quite surprise him that this is it. Just when he’s getting used to be always an almost wining, he just won. “Finally after 4 times competing with us, Hancock- pitt wins the GOLDEN trophy , with such a fantastic ending!” He gave his best smile, while he finally understand that sweat does smells really good, like a cologne, but even better. Now he’s thinking to launch a perfume called a sweat of victory. After the screentime spotlight he get backstage to his team for another celebratory. They all been standing there with a smile. The coach gave a “I’m proud I’m your coach” smile, his sponsor, Mr. Benrie makes the “There goes the run for my money , I’m gonna get a huge profit” smiles, and his manager, where his smile is “All these times believing in you does paid off” smile. After that 3 seconds of smile, “The congratulations” “You were great” and “Tough game” were leaking off from their mouth like a river. Before he finally suffocate himself from all the sweet sayings, his manager told him to go ahead and makes himself fresh again , lead him to the vip room that is left neat for him, and enjoys his win more there. And on his way, he sees his competitor, Albertman, whose chocking herself a full bottle of water and wipe off her sweat. She finally notices him in the room but said nothing.

“Impressive game out there” the man speaks up.

“Yeah..” she replies then continues, “And congratulations for your winning, Mr. Pitt”.

“I just wanna say, you’re the best first- timer I’ve ever seen, keep it up, one day, you might win it- I believe this”

“Thank You”  she just smiles.

And then he just go out of scene and walk to his vip room, it is almost like his own dressing room at home, “Thats what you get for being a pro athlete” his manager ever said once.

 While Sarah, after had her shower in the common room, she rush herself to go see her Coach Ari, she knows she supposed to met her right after the game, but she is too worked up to hear her pushing words. She knows she did great, but her coach might not think so. She mets her in the big arena cafe. She just sits down while Coach Ari is having eat fast a giant sandwich. Sarah just squeeze herself in front of her.

“Oh, it’s you”

“I just go to locker room and take a shower”

“Of course, do you want a sandwich?”

“No thanks coach...I’m not hungry”

“Please have a sandwich, it was a tough game”  she already bought her a sandwich, and she knows it will create a scene if she will not simply take it.

“Thanks Coach”

“Yeah sure, why dont you eat it”

Sarah just eats the sandwich.

“Is it good ?”

“Yeah” Sarah just pretends she digs it.

“Great” The coach continues the sandwich like 3 bites down and the sandwich’s finished. She slurps her giant slurpee, and makes an “Ah “ sound. Then it was Sarah trying to finish the sandwich. She waits her to finish it. Without saying anything. Once she finished the sandwich, she knew the moment of calm will end.

“You know what is closer than you getting out that trophy?” the coach just speaks up. Sarah just shut up and wait what kind of news she will hear this time. “You being kick out and left on the street thats how closer it is”

“But I...” Sarah try to defend herself that she already did give her best but the coach shut her up.

“I! İn my own hands, like always, convince them to believe in you- that you had the potential and the one that  should be trusted- the one they should choose for the game- and an important mission like this. “ She continues, “The founder has been funding every penny for you to raise to be this big and all they wanted was that trophy”

“Well you know how close I am from winning- I believe I can get a chance of the win next year”

“Oh You know there won’t be no next year- “

“You mean becuz I lost this, you just kick me out?”

“Well, we’ll see... “

“Alright... “ Sarah just try to go. She knows she didnt be needed anymore.

“Hey, where you goin? Sit back down”

“Why ? The company dont need me anymore”

“I havent finished the conversation”

“Should i really listen to the end of this?”

“You  have given a second chance to redeem yourself”

“Redeem myself?”

“As you see, the company doesnt care much about the shining metal than the ton advantages you gonna get if you win- youre gonna be the kingdom’s pet athlete- do you realyze how much advantages you have when you win that metal? The metal itself doesnt mean shit compare to other benefits. When you win the trophy the kingdom will pay for your bills untill you old n wringkley”

“I understand...”

“But they dont actually care for the advantages itself rather than entering the rire gates. Since you can suck the peoples on the kingdom- what they want you to do now is to get in- theyll take care the rest”

“Get in the party you mean? But, i am not invited... 2nd place winner is not invited”

“then find a way to get in!” the coach is scream at her, but in an uncontrolable value so people wont hear them,

“Here’s an idea i got for you, the first winner, they can bring one partner as a guests, there goes your chance”

“Do you mean i should go with mr. Pitt? Why would he wanna take me? ”

“Well you can goes with the second idea too, Break and entering. But if you suppose to get caught, i give you the reality of this, The company wont risk their name.”

“Yeah i got it”

 She just lay down in her bed in the funded apartment. She just missed her 7 pm routine, going to the  Gym , she felt today she deserves a break. She just cant help to think how she will get the ticket to get in that ceremony, and how the hell could she sees mr. Hancock- Pitt again its impossible that he want to take his competitior to the Awards, well unless hes nut enough to do that. “How the hell did i get that invitation?” Sarah just mumble to herself. She knows, first thing first she got to find the way in how to meet Mr. H- Pitt firsts.  But she doesnt even know where he lives! Oh yeah, she can ask her friend, Myriad, she is one of the backstage planner for the competition.

“Do You know where he lives?”

“Of course not... even if i know i can gve that out its private information”

“Im really desperate to find his adress”

“Waht you gonna do? Kick his ass for beatingyou? Hes wayyy too strong for you to do that”

“Of course not- are you crazy”

“Then, why?”

“Well,  I just... oh, do you know if he might be attending an after party or something?”

“Sure- of course, there’s an afterparty just tonight, and im pretty sure youre invited, why you dont come?”

“Oh my godd!!! İm so stupid!!! How the hell did I didnt get the invitation?”

“Well, you shoulda now that it was common knowledge, and im pretty sure they announce that... “ “Okay, no time , i gotta rush!” Sarah just get to her closet.

“Oh m g! İ dont have any good dress... everything in my closet is all sporty clotches, how the hell can i go to a party?” and then she remember she have that one dress, that her mom give to her, it still fits, but its just so simple and a lil bit like old dated, but she doesnt have a choice. She had to get herself to the afterparty. The party is already starting like 2 hours ago... but thank god it still on... The guards were asking her ID

“Im sarah Albertman, im one of the contestant for RCC?”

“Oh.. sarah, sure, come in, youre late”

“I know...”  so sarah just gets in and people has been checking her Old dress and some of em is just laugh at  her, but she dont care. She needs to find the winner of the game of this year. Just before she think it will be tough to find him, She just saw him. And now she startruck how the hell was her plan, now after he find him? This is bullshit! Now she just hold back a little bit, she dont know what to do now. What will she do ? just ask him straight away? Of course it cant be that easy! . Just before she had to take the first step. Mr. Hancock pitt already notice her.

“Oh, Sarah!” she just shocked but she just smiles.

“Hello... i thought u never came” She still dont know what to say.

“Wow ! your dress is...” he still figure out the word to say something polite about her dress . She knew the dress was awful.

“Thank you” she just decided to help him out with that polite word- finding.  

“Congratuliaons, again, Mr. Pitt, on your winning- you were really great. İ cant say how delighted i was to be competing with a pro like you” she hoped for him doesnt smell her kissing ass-ness, but she actually part genuine about that.

“Thanks. Youre a fair player” he smiles.

“Would you like some toase?” he ask her.

“Well.. i dont drink”

“I get it“ But he just called the waiter to go on his way

“One martini, and one cranberry juice please”

“I’ll have a toase, for a tough teenager that almost beat my ass up and not getting the first place for the first time, for sarah!”  

Some crowd giggle with the speach and all the crowds goes, “for sarah!”

Sarah hides her nervousness with a smile and drinks her cranberry juice.

[briefbouquetcreatorlove-blog]

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"Kooskia Idaho Cheap car insurance quotes zip 83539

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I want to know what insurance company gives you a better quotel on motorcycle coverage. Allstate sucks I went down on my bike injuring my shoulder only to find out I get just $1000.00 maximum coverage for medical. Somebody help me find a new agent please. As always thanks in advance

Life insurance question?

I am looking for term life insurance, meaning the rate would would locked for 30 years regardless of my husband and I getting older. I just have couple questions, i am hoping someone would shed some light: what does this mean??: The Select-a-Term provides a level death benefit term to age 95 also what does this mean? Current premiums are guaranteed level for the first 15 policy years. if i am selecting 30 years, why are they only guaranteed for 15 years? also, what else should I be looking for? thank you!""

Is hurricane Insurance mandatory on Fl homes?

Is hurricane Insurance mandatory on Fl homes?

Should I get a new health insurance plan?

Hi there, I'm a 26 y\o male living in california. I just came off my family's kaiser health plan in April and have started paying for cobra to stay on it. As of today it's $670 a month. I know very little about buying health insurance, but I'm wondering if I can get a better deal with an individual plan. My only worry is being turned down for per-existing conditions. I have an anxiety disorder which requires medication and have had 2 eye surgeries for retinal problems. I know very little about the health insurance market other than that insurers having little compassion for the gouge they put on people. Is this a fair price? Or would it be better to look for a different insurer? Also, what is a deductible and how do they work? thanks""

HELP with insurance ofr 16 year old?

yo wat up. i just turned 16 and i found my dream car its a 2008 bmw 335i. but now i was thinking that if my dad bought the car and put the insurance under his name would that still be ...show more

What is the difference of term and whole life insurance?

I know this has been asked before, but what I want to know was never answered. 1. If you buy term and pay for 20 years and live longer, does your beneficiaries receive all the money? If they do, how does the company make money on term? 2. I have had whole for over 30 years and what I am paying is more than term ins. a month, but when I die, my beneficiaries will recieve much more than I could ever save. ( I pay over $150. a month for over $200,000. I know I will pay in about $50,000. My mutual funds aren't increasing so I think whole will do better for my kids. Did I do the right thing? 3. If I switch over to term will I lose what I signed up for? Thanks""

What is affordable insurance for nasal fracture (nose broken) in Texas?

i'm looking for insurance that cover foe nasal fracture that i can affort..I live in Texas .. i look for the cost for the doctor, and it is too much to pay put of my pocket without insurance""

How do I calculate my monthly house insurance for my math project?

You will also have to purchase house insurance, which costs a yearly average of 0.3% of the purchase price of your home. Calculate your monthly house insurance. What should I add, divide, and/or mulitply? Thank you for your help!""

How much will my boyfriends car insurance go up? appx?

he's 23 and he just got a dui last night in cincinnati ohio and has nationwide (worst night of my life cuz i've never had a run in with cops before). he drives an old 95 civic and pays like 35 a month right now and he doesnt have any other marks on his record. also dont answer if you're going to judge, he could actually drive just fine but the cop was a jerk and wouldn't give me straight answers when i had questions and arrested him after he used the word perjury wrong in a sentence. he said you were doing great up until then . and he also condescended him in the car even though he had been cooperative the whole time. ps i have a new found hate for cops.""

Driving without insurance?

My mom has insurance in her name for her car. I passed my road test yesterday and got my license. Can i legally drive the car with her INSIDE of the car? I'm not listed on her insurance? If i get pulled over do i legally have insurance? What will happen?

Can you keep your old insurance if your getting a new car?

I have to get a new car (old car broke down and it will cost more to get it fixed than what's its worth) and I just paid my insurance for my old car this month. I was wondering if ...show more

Kooskia Idaho Cheap car insurance quotes zip 83539

Kooskia Idaho Cheap car insurance quotes zip 83539

Low cost health care for an adult in California?

Could you tell me what kind of resources are available for a single male who makes $1,800 a month and needs affordable low cost health care coverage in California? What does the state offer if anything?""

Are there any schools out there that offer their teachers affordable family insurance?

My husband is a full-time teacher. I work part-time and am a grad. student. He has great insurance for himself, but I have to pay for my own separately. To add me to his plan would cost us $650.00 a month (adding 1 to 9 people is one lump sum, $650). I can barely afford what I pay on my own ($160+) and then there's the deductible... (basically my insurance doesn't end up paying for anything... it all comes out of my pocket). I guess I just always assumed that if a person had a good full-time job that family insurance would be included or affordable... It's not even an option. Seriously, who can afford $650 a month and on a teacher's salary? Is there any school out there that has a better insurance plan? We love where we are, but we can't afford to live. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?""

""If i trade in my car, which doesn't have gap insurance, and get a new car with gap insurance will the total lo?""

I owe $13k on my current vehicle and am looking for an upgrade. we've had horrible weather the past few months and am afraid of wrecking the (potential) new vehicle and still being stuck with a bill. would gap cover the entire cost of the loan, i.e $38k= 13k owed on my car plus the 25k for the new car.""

Do the affordable care act effect all health insurance?

Or is it just limited to obamacare?

Temporary car insurance for foreign visitor?

A friend from Europe is visiting me for 2 weeks, and I'd like to lend him my car for some of the time. Obviously he is not covered through my insurance policy and I don't want to add him to it. Can he purchase coverage for himself just for this limited time? If so, where?""

Geico car insurance?

I'm interested in transferring my car insurance to Geico. I went to their website and filled out the electronic form, and the amount came out quite expensive. I thought it was going to be cheaper. Should I call them and speak with a rep for more accurate info?""

Why are Pickup trucks so expensive to insure?

ok, I'm 17 and I own a 1999 Dodge Ram 4x4. I pay an insane amount for insurance, and I know I'm a teenager, but I haven't had any tickets or accidents to make it go up. Anyway, my truck is really common in my area, there are Ford, Chevy, and Dodge trucks everywhere you look. But yet I compare the insurance of my truck to a brand new Camaro SS, and the Camaro way cheaper, Heck I compared it to a Brand new Mercedes Benz CLS63 AMG, and it's still way cheaper. I'm thinking about getting a little newer Dodge Ram, but the insurance is a little more expensive on it than what I'm already paying. So why are trucks the most expensive vehicles to insure? I mean if they are in a low speed accident, they don't cost nearly as much to fix as a Brand new expensive car such as a Mercedes with expensive parts, and trucks don't get damaged as easily either. It's kind of frustrating that I have a 11 year old vehicle that you see everywhere, and the cost to insure it is outrageous already, but even If I get the same truck only 5 years old, it's even more to insure, which is understandable seeing how it's newer. I know trucks are big, but even a Brand new Suburban cost less to insure than my 11 year old truck. The truck I'm thinking about buying is the most expensive vehicle possible to insure on a standard drivers license.""

How much does an insurance for a bus cost approximately?

The cost can be per year for a 40ft or for a 60ft diesel bus. I need the info for a life cycle cost analysis. Any info will be helpful. thanks

""What are insurance rates like in Thailand. Car, health and home.?

I have no idea what the charge for insurance and I hope to retire soon. I own houses in Thailand but they are not insured. And help would be appreciated.

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old girl?????

for the group 1 insurance cars. how much would it be? thanks

""Affordable Health Insurance, any suugestions?""

I am a nanny. My employer does not offer any insurance. I need primary, dental, and vision coverage. I used to have the best insurance. $5 dollar co pay no prescript payment for generic and coverage for all drs. That was when i was under my mom's blue cross blue shield ppo plan. I cant afford too much but need something. Any suggestions on affordable health insurance?""

Car insurance before buying a car?

I live in Pennsylvania and am new to car buying. Do I need to have car insurance before buying a car from a dealer? And if yes, then would I be able to buy the car immediately after getting the insurance?""

Is it possible to cancel my car insurance?

I am a new driver and I have to pay around $135 a month. I am a guy by the way so this may be why it is so high. I have a job, but it's part time and doesn't pay well. I don't plan on driving the car often, just to school and work only 2-3 days a week and taking the bus the other days. I also do not plan on driving in the winter months. Is it possible to cancel my insurance while keeping my license from Dec. to March? My policy is under my parents and we have an extra car that just sits in the garage and it's the one I drive. Also, the insurance people said I could wait until January to lower my insurance rate to $110. I like the idea, but I don't want to wait hehe. Can I cancel my insurance then return to it a couple months later?""

What companies are still insuring unoccupied and or second homes?

This seems to be a new trend. It seems that insurance companies are canceling Homeowner's policies of their customers who are selling their homes! Once the client has to move out to their new home the insurance company cancels the policy on the home that's still for sale. This is being done even if the customer has been a client for over 30 years and is using that company for the new home! Sellers are having a rough enough time with the real estate market these days! What can be done about this? Also suppose the seller decides not to sell but keep the home as a vacation spot? Are second homes being uninsured also?

Crudentials for cheap insurance for 17 year olds?

Crudentials for cheap insurance for 17 year olds?

""I need prescription glasses but I don't have Insurance, how much would it cost approximately?""

First off, don't know if location is of any importance but I am from the Sacramento, California, USA area. Like the subject says, I have no insurance of any type, I was thinking of going with Aetna, but only making $90-$120 a week with a temp FedEx job its been kind of rough. But my eyes are going.and its just getting worse. Does anyone know an approximate price of what it would cost to get a pair of glasses without insurance? The charge of the exam and getting the glasses? Or any recommendations for Insurance? Thanks guys if anyone can help. Anthony V -aka TheDunceHat""

Car insurance tricks to make it cheaper?

Im getting a car but my insurance is going to be 8000 is there any tricks to make it cheaper? my friend told me to use Learner Driver Insurance and use it for a year and it will cost me 1000 pounds should I do this or not?

Should I get life insurance?

My mom and I live together. I am 43 disabled male, and my mom is going to be 76 in september. We have no debt, but no savings. We live in a ranch which is reverse mortgaged, and when my mom dies it will go to the bank. I can buy a 15yr 100,000 dollar policy at 285 a month. We will have enough of money after the Premium to live off from. Do I start a savings account or do I buy the insurance?""

How much will my auto insurance cost?

Ok...so I'm looking at an old 73' Bug to possibly buy for college and all. Cost- of the car at least- is not a problem, as its $100, and I have $100. (Yes, it does have issues and looks horrible, but hey it runs and drives). So...that brings up insurance. There is NO way I can get in on my mom's insurance- she won't let me get a car so the only way is if I do all myself, and I'm 18 now and going to college in a few weeks, so a=Im looking at my options. I know as a male teenage driver its going to be high, but what is high? How much will good grades and all that help? Just, what would you recommend and how much could it end up costing? Thanks...""

Insurance or no insurance?

My husband told me he wants out. We have been married for a long time. He doesn't want to tell anyone and he keeps saying he is leaving but he's not. (I don't want him to go so that part is fine.) My problem is my company has been our families insurance, I pick up the premium through payroll deduction. Now is the time to make any changes and I only have til the first of July to do this until next year. Should I drop his coverage and let him fend for himself or do I just keep paying for the family plan as always.""

Getting braces...switching insurance?

Hi I am thinking about getting braces...but I may be switching insurance providers. Right now, I have this discount plan that gives discounts on medical, vision and dental services or costs called Ameriplan. But I am getting married in a year and my husband/fiance is in the military so I will be switching to his healthcare insurance, which I believe is Tricare. If I switch insurance companies will my new insurance(tricare) providers care for my braces even though it was preexisting? I do not mean that cost, I only mean the exams, the tightening that needs to be done with braces and etc? Thanks.""

Insure the box car insurance? miles question?

hi ive recently done a quote with insure the box and i got my insurance to 1600 on 2006 corsa 998c engine fully comp, i understand they give you 6000 miles standard my question is if i go over 6000 miles i need to top up how much does that cost? 250miles ? 500miles? 1000 miles ? and so on ? anyone know thanks""

Auto insurance rate suddenly increasing by $140+?

1. I am under 21 2. The car I am driving is 2008 HONDA CIVIC 3. I go to college, my GPA lower than 3.0 4. Comprehensive / collision $500 Deductible / Basic policy overall 5. **Here is the major thing. I got a 3 point ticket (illegal u-turn) last February. BUT THIS IS BEFORE I PURCHASED THIS INSURANCE. For the first month, I paid for $190. Saying that this will go down as I turn 21 this December. The projected 6 month premium was $950. For the second month now, the total amount went up to $330. I asked the agent what the hell happened and he said the insurance company didn't spot my violation record at first. And this caused my insurance rate to go up by $80. Even so, still it's tooooo much! for the car I am driving . . . If it's BMW or something better, I would understand! Please, any advice on this one?""

""ATTN: New drivers, How much is your insurance a month??

I just got my insurance today and was curious to see what other ppl are paying. Thanks in advance:)

Cheapest Car Insurance Rates - Chicago?

Not sure if my fathers age has anything to do with rates, but he is 65 years old and pays $600 for six months (for one of his two cars) a 2003 Toyota Corolla with over 100,000 miles on it. He's currently with State Farm. Are there any companies that are as good (not sure what qualifies as being good , but heard that State Farm is good ) but for half the price? And is $600 for six months a lot for the above car? I know insurance covers more than just damage to the car (like injuries caused to others), but the car probably isn't even worth more than a couple grand. So not sure if paying that much is even worth it. Any thoughts?""

Kooskia Idaho Cheap car insurance quotes zip 83539

Kooskia Idaho Cheap car insurance quotes zip 83539

Do i need insurance to hire 16yr old to work on my farm?

My son wants to work on a horse farm, we have been asked to sign a release by his employer , saying he will not be held responsible if anything happens to him under his employment.. is this legal?""

Where can I find cheap motorcycle insurance in florida?

I am looking to finanace a bike, and need to find some insurance. Most of the quotes I have gotten have been at least $400 a month. I am trying to find something a lot cheaper. Do you have to have full coverage when financing or can you just get basic coverage like collision or something like that?""

How much would insurance cost on a dodge charger in nj?

How much would insurance cost on a dodge charger in nj?

Will insurance company pay for damages on my car if i have a suspended license and it was other drivers fault?

I got into a car accident it was the other drivers fault but I had no insurance and a suspended license. I want to know if the other drivers insurance company will cover it the damages to my car? No ugly answers please. I already know I shouldn't have been driving.

Cheap cars to get insured on in the UK on a provisonal license?

cheap cars for young drivers to get insured on? Ok so I am a provisonal driver - currently the cheapest insurance quote i have found is for a smart car @ 730. Has any other provisional drivers got or had insurance on any cars that give a real cheap insurance? I was kind of thjintking a cheap 150 quid car would have even cheaper insurance but it turned out to be more expensive (Im lookin at 3rd party cover, not inc theft and fire btw)""

Home insurance for high risk person?

A few months ago my dad had a fire at his house. In the middle of restorations, his insurance company dropped him. I'm not sure why they did, but I know my dad has really bad credit and was probably not very nice to whoever was handling his claim. He said that he is trying to get insurance, but can't find any. I'm wondering if it is because he is a high risk candidate and I am wondering where he can go to get insurance. I will probably be helping him with it from here on out, so I will need to know what kinds of things to say/look for. He is a reitred teacher and doesn't have a ton of money or assets, so I want to make sure he gets good coverage that he can afford. I'm not sure if this helps, but his dad was a veteran who died in a VA hospital when my dad was young. I keep seein things about insurance for family of veterans, but I know very little about it.""

Can 2 insurance policies go on 1 car ?

hello all .. i sold my car today basicly because i couldnt insure the insurance or fuel anymore as my hours have been cut in work . now my question is .. can i insure my mums car which is already insured by her .. reason i ask is if i cancel my current policy i will have to pay the full years worth of the car i had previous which would be 1000 pound , so i was thinking to insure my mums car to keep my insurance going ? is this possible ?""

Health insurance over seas?

my grandma is going to japan for a little while, and she is a bit older and her health is a concern. if anything happens over there.. is there a way to get health insurance in japan? or does an insurance company have a special coverage?""

Where's the cheapest place to get car insurance?

I'm a new Driver, passed nov 2010, i'm 27 and female... wanted to know if anyone could advise me on the best place to get car insurance on a KA 1.3... Tried the price comparison sites but they are all 1200+ Thanks""

Cheapest car insurance company?

im switching car insurance companies. where will i get the cheapest price?

How much on insurance do you think this car would be?

Hey everyone, A little background on me first. I'm 18 and a female. I work at Popeyes (maybe Kohl's soon) and I am looking at getting a 370Z Nissan. The car ( with the features I want done to it ) costs about $45,000. I'm just wondering how much insurance will cost and if I can just stick with Popeyes or have to get a second job. I wont be getting the car till another 3 months because I need to save u for a down payment but I didn't know how much insurance will cost. If you guys have any clue please let me know. Thank you so much(: -Tayson""

What is the best and cheapest company for motorcycle insurance?

I am a rider with 10 years of driving experience but my license lapsed and I was forced to start over as a new driver (M1 graduated liecense). I'm married, in my 30's, I drive a 1999 Yamaha YZF R-6 and have never made any claims.""

Is high risk homeowner's insurance necessary in Florida?

I am expecting to move to South Florida soon with work and am concerned about the coastal location and buying a home. I plan to purchase a home eventually, but I am told that it is a high risk state because of hurricanes, and my insurance is going to be very expensive no matter what part of the state I am in. In addition to this I was also told that I probably will not have flood insurance offered. Is it true that I will have to have a higher risk premium on my insurance bill and have to be subject to floods anyway?""

Anyone know what insurance company will approve homeowners insurance for Mastiffs in New York State?

I rent on a 380 some acre farm in New York State. I am told that the landlord could not get home owners insurance because of my dog and I have to get rid of him because of the liability. I don't want to. He is a mastiff and a VERY protective one at that if someone comes on the property and he is tied up on the chain (he barks a lot and can look viscious. But once someone is inside he is okay friendly and ready to play. Except one wouldnt know it by viewing him from outside. An insurance agent came onto the property (he was chained) and of course he was very vocal. Scared the crap out of him. But we ALWAYS keep him on a chain. Does anyone know of homeowners insurance available in New York State for this breed of dog, or of another option available. We do not want to have to move because we have a boy in school and we love it here. Any no kill pet shelters or anyone who wants a lovable funny (somewhat quirky) Cane Corso Mastiff>""

What is the best Health Insurance?

I am in need of health care insurance. What is the best? I will be paying out of my pocket on my own. I would like so meting with low deductible and low prescrioton cost. My job currently pays for BCBS, however, now going independent, I will need something like this. Im not too big of a fan of them.""

Cheap auto insurance safe to have?

I'm going to buy auto insurance and the rates I'm getting are pretty low, $72.00 per month (Progressive) and $92.00 (Geico). But I picked the state's lowest minimum coverage that was available, and I was wondering if it's safe/okay to do that? Thanks :)""

Who has the best health insurance in California for college students?

I am a full time college student, and I am looking for health care insurance, but I'm not for sure which to go for. I was looking up Blue Shield of California, Health net, and Kaiser, but I'm new to this.""

How much would i expect to pay for insurance?

I live in New York, I am 17, i have my car and motorcycle license. I took the motorcycle safety course that was offered. I have had my drivers license for over a year. I got it on dec 29 and i have not gotten any traffic violations. I dont know if any of this matters, i have excellent grades, i have ridden motorized vehicles for years. It is a 1999 CBR600F4 has 18,500 miles on it. How much would be a reasonable estimate without collision? with collision? how much did u pay? If you are 17, 18, or 19 how much do u pay? Thanks!""

Car Insurance Settlement?

Ok about 3 weeks ago I was rear ended while my car was stopped on the freeway. The guy hit me doing about 30mph. I have had back and neck problems ever since. I have been seeing a chiroprator on a weekly basis. Also it was a hit and run but I was able to get his license plate number. I live in California. Ok so his insurance company called me trying to settle for 1000 plus my medical expenses. The problem is I don't now what my conditions will be like in the future. Also how many times will his insurance call me and change the offer?

Why is KTM insurance so expensive?

I just recently purchased a 2008 KTM 250 xc-f, and as part of my loan I had to get it fully covered. I'm just curious why a 250cc dirtbike costs more to insure than my 2004 600rr was; same coverage. Is it because it's new?""

Insurance is a scam?

Why would we need it to be a law? Insurance is in case something happens, well what if nothing ever happens, all that money goes straight into their pockets. If it's law, they should make a new law where, after a certain number of years that you never got in an accident you get your money back. The main reason a hit and run occurs is, jail, or they don't have insurance. You would solve half the problem! I read in the DMV booklet that you can show proof that you have $35,000 in an account, and you wouldn't have to pay insurance, does anybody do this?""

What's the cheapest way to get auto insurance?

My brother is planning on purchasing a 2000 dodge dakota. He is 18 and has never been insure. He is a new driver. Our parents do not have insurance.

Car insurance?private car park?

In 2009 June/.July l was in a private car park and reversed into a car very little damage to either of our cars, however he wanted to not involve insurance as he had company car so exchanged details In addition, he was going to telephone me to say how much. I heard nothing until September 2009 when l received a call from his insurance company asking for my insurance details so l gave them the information. June 2010 my insurance ended and have changed companies now l find my old insurance company chasing me for details of this accident which happen 10/12 months ago. What should l do please?""

Cheapest car and car insurance for a 21 year old.?

Well i dont know anything about cars so please dont criticise me lol my partner is having his test next month and he is 21 so his insurance will be sky high, so whats the best car for cheapest car insurance at his age? We need it as cheap as possible as were only looking for a second hand one due to it being his first car and he isnt botherd about the looks like as long as it gets us n the kids A to B lol please help.""

Wat is the best insurance company out there..?

how much u pay..and wat's the best service.. ok..just want opion..I Wanna change my insurance company... heard that Mercury is good..

Kooskia Idaho Cheap car insurance quotes zip 83539

Kooskia Idaho Cheap car insurance quotes zip 83539

Which company has the best renters insurance in terms of service and price?

I'm looking for a renters insurance company that is not expensive and has knowledgeable and cordial employees. Is not eager to deny claims and has an extensive policy. If you found one that covers breakage of your belongings due to accident or use by you, let me know. I'm not so sure if those types of policies exist.""

Where can I find the cheapest car Insurance in NJ?

I trying to find insurance that is not not less expensive does someone know where I can go to get this?

""What is the best and cheapest car insurance for a 20yr, female living in Michigan?""

My dad is making me pay my car insurance and i dont kow where to start. I heard about something called PLPD, what is that and is it expensive? what are some other cheap places for car insurance in Michigan. Thanks!!""

Car insurance?

my spouse has never had a drivers license and took my car while i was at work and had an accident . my spouse is not excluded on my policy will my insurance cover damage to other property

How much does car insurance cost in California?

I know it varies but I just need a range.

Will Geico raise my insurance?

I recently got a ticket for going 30mph over and I will most likely get 4 points on my license if I choose not to hire an attorney. If I take the 4 points, how long would it take to get the points erased for my license? And will Geico raise my insurance rate? I'm in Florida""

Can I have two cars under two separate car insurance companies read my situation please!?

I have my own insurance on my own car with Farmers Insurance. However, my best friend just bought a new car and her insurance rate sucks. Can I insure my friends car under my name with Gieco and add my friend as a secondary driver and keep my Farmers insurance under my own car? Also, is there any way that Farmers would no if I did this? Do I have to tell anyone I have two insurance companies? Just put insurance, right? THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!""

Practice Test for Life Insurance License????

Does anyone know that website that has practice exams for the Life Insurance test? We used to go to it but now forgot it.

Affordable maternity insurance?

Affordable maternity insurance?

How much would car insurance for me im 21 and i want a ford fusion?

How much would car insurance for me im 21 and i want a ford fusion?

How can I get insurance without a job?

I want to be a full time nanny but I won't be getting insurance. How can I get my own insurance?

Where can i buy motorcycle gap insurance?:?

i just refinanced my bike. but unfortunately the new bank does not provide gap insurance on motorcycles. but i want gap insurance. is there any where or any place where i can buy my own gap insurance? i have heard that u can get your own gap insurance and u dont have to get it from the bank. but where exactly do i go to get my own gap insurance? are there any compinies that sell it to individuals? please help. and please let me know where i can buy gap insurance?

Do anyone reccomend Geico Insurance over Allstate?

Do anyone reccomend Geico Insurance over Allstate?

Whats the cheapest car insurance for teen?

Hi I'm getting my drivers license in two weeks I don't have a car still trying to find one. I'm 17 I live in Hollywood,fl and I'm just trying to find out the cheapest insurance for me. So if you can help me and tell me who has the best policy for teens full coverage and or liability for the cheapest price. Also I didn't Go to driving school""

Health Insurance Question?

I currently have Crohn's Disease and I'm taking daily medications. When I turn 21 my insurance will not be in effect (CCS insurance I believe?) and I will not be able to afford medication and health insurance. My parents don't make enough money to buy health insurance..Does anyone have any idea on how to approach this?

How does auto insurance work?

I just had an accident today. Me and someone else were backing up at the same time in the parking lot, and we backed into each other. I drive an Explorer, so there was only paint damage. The other car was much smaller so they have a large dent on their rear bumper. We both have Allstate for our insurance. We exchanged info, so what now? Will i have to pay for the other cars damage or will AllState do that? and how much will my insurance increase? this is my second accident. My first was 5 years ago.""

Health Insurance Question?

I currently have Crohn's Disease and I'm taking daily medications. When I turn 21 my insurance will not be in effect (CCS insurance I believe?) and I will not be able to afford medication and health insurance. My parents don't make enough money to buy health insurance..Does anyone have any idea on how to approach this?

What is the best (Cheap) insurance?

I live in Jacksonville Fl. I was wondering what is the cheapest, but good insurance for someone who just got their license. I am 17 right now, and in a few months I will be 18, since i have no one to let me drive with my permit i am going to pay someone to come out and teach me so i can get a car and my license.""

Other driver was not covered under insurance?

I was in a car accident where the other driver (to be referred as The Idiot) was at fault. The police were called and The Idiot was given a warning citation. The insurance company called me today to inform me that the claim was being denied because The Idiot was not an authorized driver under the policy. It appears that The Idiot borrowed the car from his father. Now I am stuck with thousands of dollars in repairs that it appears will be billed back to me. What are my options?

Where can I find cheap insurance at 17 years old with car modifications...?

Hi, i'm about to turn 17, will have a year 2000 renault clio, and would like to know where the cheapest place for car insurance is. The only modifications I want is new back light covers and a CD player. Directline do not insure 17 year olds with modifications. Not even with a different CD player... Thanks""

Where can i get cheap auto insurance?

hi, im 18, looking to get cheapest insurance possible liability only, any recomendations?""

""I'm 17, I want a vauxhall corsa sxi or a fiat 500 abrath, how much will each of these cost on insurance?""

I'm 17, I want a vauxhall corsa sxi or a fiat 500 abrath, how much will each of these cost on insurance?""

Starting an insurance company in illinois?

So how would you do this and about how much would it cost? People were saying that it costs millions and millions of dollars. But if it costs that much then how would anybody ever be able to start one? Is it a good idea to start an insurance company or do you think that it probably would not be a success? Also, what is the difference between an insurance comany and an agency. do make a lot of money if you start an insurance agency?""

Why is my car insurance so expensive?

I'm 18 and I drive a 2008 dodge caliber. I've been paying 200+ a month on insurance and I'm sick of it. I will be 19 in the summer and have had my license going on 3 years. I have a clean record accident free and incident free. Will my payment ever go down? It's bad enough I'm already a poor college student lol.

Insurance coverage for home birth?

I know some insurance companies will cover home birth as an out of network cost which mine will as well but I have a high deductible so that's pointless. I was looking for a back up insurance that will cover home birth. I have had no luck locating one. Does anyone know of one or small insurance company that does? I am in AZ. Thanks!

Kooskia Idaho Cheap car insurance quotes zip 83539

Kooskia Idaho Cheap car insurance quotes zip 83539

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/auto-insurance-westland-mi-michael-graham/"

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i did not need his negativity yesterday nor did i have the mental strength to not be affected by it. 

he seems to have a rose colored view on his past friends who have lived even more passively than i have while doing hard drugs, drinking and having sex with so many partners that diseases are spread among them. but yet i’m told i’m just a welfare case, that i should just get over it, try harder etc. but there is never ever an admission that perhaps the troubles ive had in life directly relate to the struggles i still have now. 

“well her mother was crazy so she had to leave at 15 and take care of herself”

??? my mother was crazy and my father was sick and i had to take care of myself and him. without giving into the temptation of an easy escape through literal hallucinations. i am better than everyone who did give into the temptation. my will is stronger. sorry. that might bother him because he is a drug user. and he wans to convince me that my weed smoking is comparable to people shooting drugs. and it simply is not in any way. i am a functioning member of society in so much that i do not have a drug den, i do not have needles around, i do not have any long term physial effects of drug use im just a fucking stoner. just like people who HAVE to buy starbucks everyday. theyre just basic bitches. theyre not coffee addicts. and he trappe the conversation - all addicts say this. but i am making a choice and it would be incredibly easy for me to make other choices if i felt they were worth it in my depression. i am ADDICTED to DEPRESSION. i do not control that addiction and it is harmful to people around me and myself.

me smoking a joint is not. me smoking a joint is only beneifical to not only myself but the people around me. i am alive today right now because i smoke weed. THAT is how i am “strong”. 

it didnt matter though. i was already spiraling and wanted to go home but knew i couldnt because it was cold and almost midnight and i didnt even have proper boots and the weight of my entire life and being began crushing me. 

these are panic attacks. these are not attacks which can be seen as the typical display of it but not everyone will hyperventilate into a paper bag. my parents called it an asthma attack because i wasnt breathing right. i wasnt allowed to act out. if i acted out my mother attacked me in such severe ways that i trained myself not to react to anything. but you cant do hthis you cant just be a robot forever your emotions will operate whether you acknowlege them or not.

so it builds. and during the build up which always happens the same way my thoughts are spiraling. if someone latches on to a brief idea of the issues im battling inside, it now solidified the thought and i start to panic. it wasnt being called a drug addict. it was the fact that im constantly put on the bottom of the list for like existing human beings. no one ever goes, ‘well you had to take care of your father’. i dont get that. why? am i not blonde and cute enough? did i not suck enough dick? should i have done drugs and been more pathetic? why is it that everyone else gets a ‘well this and this happened tot hem so is understandable’. for me it’s literally well you cant focus on your past you just gotta move on. it’s not fair, it’s frustrating and when it comes from the only person even giving you any sort of love at that moment in time, it feels trapping. deal with this or have nothing. 

i cannot explain this though. it starts here and by the time i’ve freaked out so hard i cant even communicate the intricacies of these thoughts. i’m now totally overwhelmed and i want to scratch out my eyes and tear out my hair and i’m sobbing so hard i cannot breathe. 

i told him he outright had to help me because he did not listen to my warnings that what he was saying was bothering me. because i told him i didn need that negativity right now and i didn’t nee him focusing on being a  “drug addict” because i dont spend my rent money on shooting drugs. i dontand thats not part of my problem. it’s just a matter of opinion regarding marijuana. period. my opinion differs greatly and i advocate for the VERY PROVEN medical benefits of it. not just “its been shown K helps depression”. so does lsd. so did lsd. so much so that people dosed other people unknowingly to try and “help” them becuase they thought lsd “helped them” and “opened their mind”. but shold you do LSD everyday? no. i really dont think you should. can you ingest something that has minimal effects on a normally healthy person with no pre desposition to mental health issues everday? yes. cancer patients smoke weed because of its legitimate medical benefits. they should not be k-holing. thats not the appropriate way to deal with cancer. nor does it help any of the issues of cancer except moderate pain relief and slight alleviaton of mental pain if you dont put yourself into a k-hole. 

i can smoke 4 grams of weed and not die. i can smoke 4 grams of weed everyday for the next week and have no side effects except not even getting stoned anymore. i wont have to go to the hospital for “exhaustion”. i wont have spent my time at clubs or raves. i probably spent a lot of money on food. i will have no track marks or prolems with my nasal cavity and depending on how i smoke the weed, if i vape it - i may not even have lung problems. and in those days of smoking 4 grams i will STILL DO PRODUCTIVE ACTIVITIES and not just lay around wondering when i’ll get high again. 

so to put me with heroin users is wrong and a surprisingly antiquated view. but i cannot explain all of this and maybe he’ll still disagree but now i’m just in a position where a person who is supposd to love me is telling me im as bad as a heroin addict. i am not and that is not an excuse to not change - i can still change my habits but you have no idea what i wold be for someone like me to do that. he made an “effort” to help but he doesnt have the tools in him to actually help. he told me to think of skating because he wanted to take me skating. 

this morning as i was dropped off he asked if we were going skating. i said i guess and he said no more “i guess” i had to make a solid decision for what iiii wanted to do. and i guess i appreciate that - acknowledging that his personality is not okay for someone like me in the state i am in. i explained to him that our mutual friend came to my place and spoke to the roommate for me and was very like... it was as good as having a medical therapist come and advocate on my behalf. it wasnt like a “you shouldnt do this this is bad” it was “the person you live with suffers from very serious mental issues which affects her daily life and there are reasons as to why she is avoiding confrontation or choosing to live with things that others consider unreasonable” and it was really very good. like not only did i feel like it helped bridge a gap but that someone legitimately felt like they wanted to advocate for me. i didnt ask her to do it. i just explained this is my life and she was like no this is not okay and you need assistance to overcome this hurdle so you can continue on to the next one. i really really appreciate that. no one advocates for me. 

i also made a doctors appt next week and that kind of alleviates some of he pressure i feel about dealing. i know i can now go talk to this person. and if i need to, i have a drive really to see him more often. our mutual friend also came in and casually asked for my razors. and that is something i also appreciate. i made avery large step by freely admitting a relapse. it wasnt like omg cry for help it was this is what occurred. period no discussion because you are not the person trained to deal with such maters of the psyche however as a human being you can acknowledge a crisis and offer assistance to he best of your own abilities. if you have the ability to say ‘hey do you mind if i take your razors with me to get them out of the house’ that is perfectly fine and good and helpful. 

he does not know i relapsed. he has continually said he has no judgement on what i choose to do but does not support it and will only ever advocate for stopping outright. which is totally fair but it compounds the severity. 

hes still trying though? last night he took time to have a moment of private affection and when i tol him about the door knob lock situation he immediately said he would buy one and just let him know. he then said we would “drink sake” tomorrow and added on the skating activity and these things were nice because there is rarely time put aside for just me in the “us”. i follow what he wants to do when he wants to do. i rarely ever ask to go somewhere and when i do i may be able to go but ill have to put up with mock fighting about it. but its not terrible. its not like im dragged to bars or baseball games. he decides we will go hiking and we do. we’ll go to this random thing an hour away and look at i and we do. and i get to exprience sooooo many things i would have never otherwise experienced if i was not with him. and this is why i remain with him. no one else has ever shown me this much of the actual world beyond the bubble i was trapped in. my ex did a decent job but we rarely did anything. like any activities at all. it would be a big deal to take a walk in the woods by our house. 

i’ve gotten to canoe and climb beautiful ontario landscapes. i’ve gotten to eat food from all over the world. ive been given nothing but useful or beautiful and sentimental and meaningful gifts. i have never been given something frivolous ust for the sake of gifts. i’ve been given flowers on more than one occasion. 

it’s really hard to come up with a complaint when i still get to do these wonderful things? like how can i be upset about hiking different parks? i think i’d want to do that anyways. so it’s nice i guess to have it acknowledged this morning that i had the freedom to choose. we did not have to skate and i didnt have to do it because he offered. 

i kind of wanted to though. i think he knew also last night’s dinner with his family friends was just super awkward for me and woul be for literally anyone not related to them. it’s amazing how well they can make someone feel like an outsider while simultaneously telling them they’re “apart of the family”. that wasnt really his fault though. or maybe it s. i dont know. those people sucked and it took forever to eat and i did not even say goodbye to them because literally two sentences were said to me during the night which were, “so you do work in x city or do you commute to another?” and “are you flying out to see him when hes living out west?”  both of which are questions that should never be asked. just period. i mean theyre reasonable questions but to ask them to me results in really awkward answers. like “~ im an artist.” to which she asked, “where” - bitch everywhere. i am a fucking artist of life. and of course its not within my parameters to explain - well you know i’m fucking pretty mentally ill so i’m generally unemployed and collect social assistance hbu. its not like i can outright lie either as the two people who do know my life are sitting there too. and its shitty in some ways that these eople are close tot hem and i am at their house everyday and never once has it been explained that this is in fact his girlfriend, this is what she does and why she is the way she is etc. lie most people would get a “this is ashley, she works at shoppers drug mart and shes a great mom”. but since i have none of this i am nothing to them 

i am also very open about my struggles and where i came from in most situations. this is going to define my interaction with you and you should know that i’m aware of it an am working on it everyday. i am a very self aware empathetic person and i know that becaue of my unusual life i may cause unintentional offense or harm or burden someone in a way that i would not mean to if i understood differently or had a different journey. and everyone has their own journey but it’s a bit like a soldier coming back from war and it’s not on us to judge the severity of harm their journey caused them because we dont know. if theyre so encumbered by the thoughts of death they saw and were apart of it while others are not - we still need to respect the severity ad toll it tok on those individuals. and in no way do they want to be affected by this. theyre not choosing to take it home with them. but it now shapes everything they ever do and being a military person now defines you. it is apart of your definition and character. 

it woul not be appropriate to xplain this to the wasps who think theyre daughter had it rough because she coudnt talk of her prividledge life to stuggling immigrants working to survive while she worked for 2 weeks for extra spending money when she went on her vacation to australia. and it’s ironic of course - i’m now offended by him and i was concerned for offending them; well i was. but then i gave up because i didnt give a shit about them and i didnt think they were actually good members of society. i thought maybe they were “good” fathers or mothers. maybe decent employees. but like a real active good member of society who is bringing a positive vibe to the world? no. i really dont think so. and i have mt people i believe do this. people who i also see really negative traits in as well. theyre not perfect but “good people of society” like working an seeing the whole of society - every part of it as an equal and good thing. maybe theyre bad mothers or fathers though. or maybe not great. i wouldnt say bad. but maybe not great, definitely could be better parents. but they atleast will instill their values, hopefully, into their children who will also be good people of society. i am currently in daily contact with atleast three people who were raised by shitty people of society. people who cared only for heir own exprience and saw everything else as an outside. they now gave that quality to their children. “good mother”. shitty person. 

its up to the people in my support system to advocate for me. honestly. 

[strawberryspeachy]

So I came home from Miami with a really bad cold - I wasn't worried I figured I'll just sleep it off but my mother freaked out and made me go to the doctor (because when I'm gone she cares about me) so I went and was rudely told I don't have insurrance... my health insurance was stopped a month ago and they never notified me

That's shitty in general but more so because a couple days later I've gotten a bunch of gynecological problems.... ones I'd REALLYY like to go see a doc about

Well my mother only cares about stuff for a second - she made me drive to the doc when I was super sick and felt dizzy and didn't wanna go - but now she doesn't give a fuck because I actually really do need help

She told me it's my fault I lost my insurrance because obviously one of the 50 spam calls I get a day was my insurrance and I just hung up on them!! Cause you know they wouldn't leave a voicemail or anything

And how dare I want any medication or worry about it

Like as if worrying that I have an std isn't bad enough I have this psycho woman screaming at me everyday

Today I asked her if she would like some garlic bread - she then came to the kitchen and told me I was in her way - as if it's a shocker that after I asked her if she'd like food I'd be in the kitchen cooking said food

And then she asked what I made with it

As if I was supposed to make her a whole meal and that if I had made someone elselse for myself I should give her some

The other day I went to a work meeting and it was soooo cold and I was still relatively sick and I came home thinking about making this ramen I have that I can only buy hours away - she came into the kitchen as I was cooking it and because it smelled good I should give her some because SHE WANTS IT AND IS HUNGRY

I HATE NOT HAVING REAL FAMILY. I HATE NOT HAVING THAT EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. I HATE THAT IM EVEN RELATED TO THAT PSYCHO WOMAN

Just since I came home she has

1) complained that we don't have a microwave (she broke the microwave - the 3rd one in a fucking year) but acts like this is a tragedy that's happened to her

2) screamed at me for asking her to clean the floor being that it's only fair since I've scrubbed it clean every time it needs it for the past 5 years - because she does SOOOO MUCH - including going to the laundry mat to do laundry but screamed at me for suggesting she help me convince my grandfather get a washer and drying (because she likes complaining that I don't drive her out to the laundry to do said laundry)

Um just screamed at me for random shit every day in general including some fit where she randomly went off on me for literally no reason at all and started calling me names then got angrier when I got angry in response

Someone left a mother and kitten at my farm again - the mom got hit on the road before we found them but we have the month old kitten now - my friend and I took her up near where she was found and put her in a tent hoping that any sounds she made might lure out her probable siblings that were hiding (it didn't) I came back to the house where my friend and I are playing with the kitten very visably and my mother asks if I brought the kitten back to the house - as if I just abandoned the kitten like an asshole

Later she told me to get away from her room with the kitten that has fleas because you know - if we get fleas she'll be sparred from them cause she's just so much better than the rest of us and two days later told me I have to feed the kitten - as if I I'm stupid and hadn't already been feeding the kitten --- literally yelling at me about this kitten like I'm the one who abandoned her

This is mind you the exact way she acted toward the last kitten we saved and have to feed milk --- she's mean and tosses the kittens away (literally tosses and then acts like she's a nice fucking person) when I yell at her for being cruel to them she screams at me that SHE DOESNT WANT TO DEAL WITH THEM ITS NOT HER JOB --- the kitten we had to feed milk she would dunk her face into the milk and yell at her to drink or else she wasn't gonna eat and screamed at me for daring to ask for help despite the fact that I was working at the point - something that woman has refused to ever do

Then she flipped out at me for giving the kitten away to someone who actually wanted her because THAT WAS HER KITTEN- she only started calling her her kitten when I said I might have found someone to take her

I also told her she could keep the kitten if she was going to be nice to her and take care of her properly and not expect other people to do it for her and she made her usual 'feel bad for me I'm such a victim' face and said no she didn't want her cause the correct way for me to handle that in her eyes is "I'll take care of this kitten but you can call her yours"

I fucked up the other day and while trying to get rid of the fleas on the kitten and stop them from going on my other cats I used frontline...... for dogs and then had a panic attack and washed all my cats and cried thinking I might have killed them all (luckally they're all fine) but I said it and my mother started yelling at me about how stupid I am for something about the frontline but not even the issue that was at hand - as if she didn't take out puppy outside without a leash (which we all told her never to do 10000000 times) but she knows best and as a direct result of her thinking she could call a puppies name and he'll listen - he got hit and killed on the road -- that was an accident that's not her fault at all in her mind btw

Like jfc I don't wanna be back in this house... i wish she had never moved into my house

Like it sucks because even if I got her kicked out my grandfather has gotten used to her taking over my moms role of taking care of him - he thinks someone should take care of him even though he's fully capable of taking care of himself - but refuses since my 1930's mindset mom and great grandmother treated him like a child his whole life and I don't wanna cook his meals and fix his stuff and call people for him and wake him up for work

And quite honestly the only thing she does that I actually like that would need done is make sure my mom eats and takes her pills - and my mom now acts like a 2 year old who doesn't wanna eat their broccoli with every meal so... yeah it is actually a fucking pain

My whole life I've wanted a boyfriend for companionship and emotional support and someone to actually celebrate occasions with since my family sucks... and for the past 6 I NEED ONE SO I CAN MOVE OUT OF MY HOUSE WITH HIM LIKE EVERY OTHER COUPLE I FUCKING KNOW

I wanna die being stuck here with all of this bullshit

Like my mom is basically gone now... not like she was when I freaked out in the summer - she's much better than that but now her only responses to you talking to her is to immediately laugh before you even finish speaking if she likes you ----- if you don't sound happy she either makes a surprised face or a face like she'll cry - whichever she thinks is the face you want to see ---- she has no idea what I'm ever talking about

If I ask her a question she starts trying to answer whatever one popped up in her head first or goes off the first word you say for example: I say "where" she'll immediately start looking and walking around. She has no new input to anything she has memorized her answers to the most common subjects people talk to her about and she'll recite the same answer no matter the context of the conversation and if it's a topic she doesn't have a memorized answer to - it's a free for all - she'll still recite an answer

She didn't even tell me happy birthday this year unprovoked.... I feel like maybe I used up all my sadness... or I'm just too angry... but I can't even be upset by it anymore... I'm starting to forget what it was like for her to be all there... I'm forgetting what real conversations with her were like.... like all I can remember now are the times when it was apparent she was getting dementia ... things that's she says that she used to say... I remember the things she did and what life used to be like... I remember the things she said over and over again... but I don't remember our actual conversations

Probably because the last time my mom was ok I not only was in that phase of my life where parents are just sooooo embarrassing but I was depressed and detached from life and angry all the time... I don't remember much of what anyone said...

[worthsomethingtoday]

Our interview with SupMikecheck

1. What is your names & what do you play in the band? My names Mike and I sing/rap, produce and song write under the artist name SupMikecheck 2. • How did the band get started? When I was growing up I loved watching Blink-182 and the Warped Tour scene and It was difficult for me to find a rock band where everyone was on the same schedule so I began getting into solo alternative Rap/Pop artists that were associated in the warped tour scene. One of which was T Mills. Another artist was Mod Sun and they made me get inspired to make hip hop music that has an alternative flare to it. I remember getting really into Gym Class Heroes, and of course one of the biggest Alternative Rap/HipHop bands of the time Hollywood Undead. To this day im mostly listening to rock music I was never really into rap that much. I love that twenty one pilots is killing it right now because their sound is something I kind of aim for. Its hip hop and pop but they are well accepted in the Warped Tour scene. 3. •What has the funniest thing that has every happened to you on stage? Over the years ive matured a lot but some of my older lyrics were a little embarrassing and I just remember playing one of my dirty songs and looking out into the crowd and there was a Grandma singing and dancing. And After the show like a 50 year old mom came to me and said she had to calm her mother (the Grandma) down because she was getting too excited. It was gnarly. But Im done with a lot of those dirty songs im trying to keep my music pretty clean now. 4. •If you had 1 million dollars in the music industry what would you use it for? Aw man, well I guess id buy myself onto some cool tours, Id definitely buy some features from my favorite artists. Its probably not much to Blink-182 but id propose a collaboration with them, I would want a Skrillex collab. I was always the biggest From First To Last fan ever. An artist that I listen to all the time who Ive met a few times, Blackbear Id probably hit him up for a feature or something. I feel like contacting artists telling them I randomly got 1 million dollars none of them would really believe me or answer me though lol. 5. • If you could tour with any band or musician dead or alive who would it be with & why? Blink-182, Sleeping With Sirens, Good Charlotte, Twenty One Pilots, Fall Out Boy, Metro Station, Travis Mills, Mod Sun, MGK, Blackbear, Jake Miller, id really be down to tour with anyone. I would probably feel most comfortable with bands I've talked to on twitter or in real life because they atleast know who I am. I know my fans are open minded though and they would come out for anyone. 7. What do you think of the media frenzy over mental illness meaning should we talk about it more in the world? I think its important to have more role models available to talk to. Especially some of these bands that people look up to. It should be natural for them to be there directly for their fans who look up to them and look to them for answers. I think some bands love making music but they don't realize the impact it has on people and what else actually comes with it. Your actions are always being watched and you can't really change that responsibility whether you want that or not. My fans almost become my brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. I know many by name and I always do what I can to give advice. I have strong relationships with my fans some just through DMs but I give advice on all kinds of things, music, relationships, rough family life, etc. and I think all bands should be able to atleast hear someone out, but a lot dont and it sucks. Because getting ignored constantly by your favorite band will only depress you more. Life is weird but sometimes you need to hear everything is going to be okay by someone important to you. 8. Have you ever dealt with depression or any other mental illness & if so how did you handle it? Yes all the time really, most of my depression is from my love life. Its just been a whirlwind. Some other things that upset me is how disconnected I am to my family because they dont support my music no matter how successful and how much money I get they just want me in a suit and tie with my hair parted to the side, working 9-5 with a wife and kids and basically societies views of normal lol and thats just someone I can never be. How Im alive today and handling life is a few things. One, always stay occupied, listen to music with headphones put on a bunch of movies or get into a TV Show with a lot of seasons because it will keep your mind running and not focusing on the bad. Two, is go out as much as you can, its terrible to be home when depressed, try and go to your friends and if your friends aren't around or something, go out somewhere alone where people will be. There's times I'll drive to Walmart alone and buy snacks just to get out of my room. Its actually really helpful! And finally well for myself, I just can see all my followers and Im put on somewhat of a level so I want to be strong for them and live a long life for them. Its kind of like the parent that loves his kids. You wouldn't want to take your life because your love for them overweighs the depression life is hitting you with. 9. What would you say has been the most difficult or hardest part of your life so far? Relationships are really hard, people are cruel and thats just a fact. Also Ive never been in a financially happy place, and just as things are bad they can get even worse in the blink of an eye. Like the other day I paid off all my bills and than got in a car accident and totaled my car. So finances are a big thing that effects my mood. I also don't like living in New Jersey or the town I grew up in so as of now I face living in a place I hate every single day. And then like I said previously my family and I just don't click so I'm alone on that one. 10. What would you tell a fan that is struggling with self harm? Well firstly, I understand why you are doing it. Its important to understand why someone is doing it because its something very serious and they normally have an emotional reason behind it, so I would listen. Id then tell them all my methods I mentioned earlier which is to listen to music, watch long movies, watch sports just keep your mind off things and constantly jogging. And if you need a friend who understands you than try and make it to a concert because the people at concerts most of the time are very much similar to yourself. 11. What is like when a fan comes up too you & tells them your music saved there life or get them though hard times in life? Even being a pretty new and not wildly famous artist I have had this happen before. I just felt great It made me feel like my life has meaning. And that single remark is enough to make me continue music forever. Even if I get a hateful comment now it just doesnt effect me anymore after hearing someone say that I helped save their life. That was one person all I want is to increase that number as much as I can while doing what I love. 12. Does any of your songs talk about anything dealing with depression or self harm or anything along them lines. Yeah definitely. From my last album I have a song called "Life's Not Fair" which is about a personal experience of life being difficult. "One Of Those Days" is a really solid song of me being really honest about my life and having a bad day. "Aint That Bad" is a song of victory and seeing through all the bad going on. "SINGle" is about being single and it sucking. From the first and very old album "Tears At Midnight" was written for a girl going through depression. My serious lyrics have really always been my strong spot. 13. What would you tell some ones that scared to ask for help because they don't wanna be looked at differently. Try an anonymous or behind closed doors approach. Sometimes people are scared because they dont want their name out there and linked to the problems. So find an app that will keep your name anonymous and you might feel more comfortable talking about your troubles. Also if you're shy to do things in the open try DMing someone because DMs or a little more comfortable knowing not everyone can read it. Talk only when you are ready because truth be told some people cope without having to talk and bring things to light. 14. Do you think we as society should be able to have a conversation about mental health without being judge or looked at differently & do you think we should be able to talk about it in our school systems? I think so because its very very common. Its just an emotion that everyone has more than others or less than others. Just like how some people dont get as hungry as easy as others but the difference is those people dont judge those who are hungrier than them so why should mental health be any different? I don't know, but it is. People will always judge until everyone can get on the same page with it. It would be amazing to be in schools, as the band Brand New sang "back in school they never taught us what we needed to know, like how to deal with despair or someone breaking your heart..." And that is extremely true. Because schools just waste our time reading books and answering questions like "What was the color of Mrs' blahblahblah's dress in Chapter 5 (of some pointless book we're reading in class)" 15. Do you think the media should look at mental health in a positive light, more then just jumping to conclusions on the news? I just think a lot of people who suffer from any form of depression can still be really good at a lot of things. You can be depressed and still happy at the same time. I know that makes little sense in text but its true. Its kind of like how I live, im upset about a lot of things but im still functioning and really talented and think highly of myself so what we need is the media to see the strength and bravery of these people like "Wow its amazing that they can still get up there and perform despite suffering from depression" or for someone who is anti social and scared to leave the house a positive thought could be "Wow its nice to see someone who is shy and hurting leave the house, I hope they know how strong they are and how amazing they actually are." we just need to love eachother more and compliment eachother more. Any compliment left unsaid just goes to waste.

[blue425]

What I would say

Im really angry at you and I know I'm the one that broke up with you. I can't stop thinking about you. I have dreams about you. And like I've moved on, I'm with another guy (which is a whole other problem in itself), but I hurt dude. You hurt me bad. I had serious feelings for you, and the thing was that I chose to let myself get there. I've only felt this was about someone three times in my life and all three times it went very poorly and I got hurt. Thats why I was so excited about you. I was excited because you were gonna work. You were gonna be the one that I cared about and it actually worked out in my favor for once. But you didn't. You didn't work out. You broke my heart and thats what hurts the most. The fact that i let myself get such high hopes this time and you let me down. You were such a disappointment. It makes my stomach turn. I feel awful. And I waited for so long because I wasn't ready to give up on you. I was going to fight tooth and nail for you. I wanted a relationship with you because you were the guy that I let myself want. I always wanted to know why you didn't want me back. The beginning was magical. You would talk to me, you would flirt with me, you made me feel on top of the world. We talked for weeks straight and I thought you were genuinely interested. You said you wanted a relationship and so I let myself want that too. Now being reasonable here, obviously, I have thought of every little thing I've done wrong here because that's all thats been on my mind. Why did I make him not want me. I came on too strong I expect too much too soon I was paranoid I was needy I was clingy I was obsessive I felt a way about you that you didnt feel about me. For you: I feel like you got into something to help you get over Aaron I feel like you genuinely liked me at first but since I was all out there you lost interest December 4th My giant emotional texts A few of my big questions are why did you make me wait for over a month to see you? Why did I practically have to beg for a date? Why did you change your account picture on tinder? Why do you keep viewing my snapchats? Its like a get stabbed every time I see that you watch them. And its not that I don't want you to. Obviously, I want you in my life. I honestly plan on talking to you again in the future, but seeing that you watch them just hurts so much. I dont even know why. Why wasn't I good enough? Why couldn't you just say You weren't into me anymore? Why, when I gave you so many outs to tell me the truth, could you not just say Im sorry but I dont want to be with you anymore when you saw me in anguish. You knew how I felt and how hard this was for me and you just let it happen. Was us talking since October (Technically july even) not long enough for you to feel anything? That is 4(5) months of my life. And I just let myself keep getting more and more into you. Also more and more hurt. Why were you trying to wait until I just stopped talking to you? Why were you just waiting for me to just move on without saying a word? Why, if there really was nothing there, would you let me think that there was something? I am so hurt. I am so hurt that I want to throw up. I want to hurt you back, but I can't. Im hurt that I want you back. Why would I be so willing to put myself through all of this just for a stupid shot in the dark. It will end the same. But I still want it. I want to know if you care how I feel right now. I want to know if you ever cared. I want to know if you stopped caring and why? How do you feel about us now? Do you hate me? Do you think Im annoying? And I know if I actually asked, Id never get a real answer. In the end, you didn't even try. You didn't even care about me trying to go with someone else. Thats not to say I did it to make you jealous, but you basically said "oh, ok bye" and then moved on with your life. I can't do that! Im stuck here in all this shit and I can't stand myself! and the fact that I was so willing and eager to make you love me and to make you happy SUCKS. It blows that I was so ready and that I thought I stood even a semblance of a chance. I should have known. I shouldnt have been so stupid and I should have ended it back when I wanted to because I never wanted to feel like this. I didnt want to be this heartbroken over someone who didnt really care. The fact that I still care, that im still thinking about you day in and day out after almost two horrible months of not seeing you, is disgusting. Tyler, it hurts me so much and there's nothing I can do but sit here and take it. I hate you. I hate that I'm not over you, I hate that I feel this way about you. I hate that Im still thinking about you. I hate that you never thought about me. I hate how much i tried. I hate myself. I hate that I looked like an insane jealous bitch. And see the thing is that Ill probably never get to tell you this. Ill never get closure so theres no point in me reliving this because Im sure you have moved on and you havent even thought of me once. If im being honest, i was so scared you moved on right after the 4th and just started fucking other guys. I wanted to ask but I thought I knew the answer. I know that I saw my fair share of other guys after that. I felt bad about each one, whether it was just talking or if it was fucking. I saw them because I knew that you had lost interest and I just felt so awful about myself. I wanted to get back at you too but I knew it didn't matter because you never saw me as more than those two dates. After that night (Dec 4th) I felt awful about myself. I felt like I was violated and that it ruined any chance I had with you. I told you I didn't want to do that. I feel like if I had made you wait, there still would have been something to chase and you still would have been into me like I thought you were before. I hated myself for letting that happen and I just felt gross, but right after that, I was ready to give it up just so you would stay with me. I feel like a whore. I would just willingly give you my body just to make you like me. I was ready to be your fuck toy, just so you would want to be around me. Thats unhealthy! Thats not who I am! The thing is that if you asked me right now, Id come right back and do it all again. Despite all this- despite everything! If you said you thought I had even the tiniest chance of winning you over, I would drop everything and come running. That makes me want to die dude. I thought I was better than that. The only reason I haven't said anything is because I know you were relived when I said its time to talk to other people. You were happy that you didn't have to be the one to say it. You have no idea how much strength it took. And every day since I've thought to message you. That maybe there is still a chance with him and it was all in my head. Fuck. How did you do this to me? How did you get me to the point of bending over backwards just to have the chance to hear from you? And you know what, somewhere in the back of my head I keep telling myself that if I play games, if I like try to make you want me or some shit that youll try and win me back and this time Ill do everything right. That is sick, but that doesnt stop it from being what I want. But I dont play games! Thats not how I wanted this to go! Even when we were talking and I wanted something, I would always, always try to be direct and up front about what I wanted from you because I expected the same. I didnt want to build a relationship on me trying to manipulate you into me getting what I wanted. I have tried that before and I didn't like that, but this, me trying to be honest, just came out as desperate. I wanted you so badly to want me enough to be my boyfriend, or to ask me on a date on your own, but fuck man you wouldn't even fucking text me first! I don't know why I tried so hard. I dont know why I wanted you so much when I knew that you wernt in this. I dont know why I fucked myself over. Even now, all i fucking want is for you to want me. Like I /needed/ this from you. I wanted to be a better person for you. I wanted to love you. I wanted to help you through whatever emotional baggage you had, like I was here for that. I wanted to be the one to make you happy and I didnt even get that chance. I still don't know what you wanted. I miss you so much. I miss what we could have had and I wish I was better at this. I wish I was good enough for you. This sucks and it sucks even more that you dont get to hear all this. A few weeks will go by and Ill still be with the guy im with now. But Ill also still be dreaming about you. I wake up sweating from my dreams because i needed you and now I cant even talk to you, but I would still give anything to hear from you again. Now, shit, I feel like Im leading my new guy on. I like him, I really do, but obviously I'm still hung up on you. I keep asking myself, is this what Tyler felt like with me? This boy is head over heels for me like I was you, and here I am, saying that I feel the same way, but Im thinking about you. I honestly do care about him. He is sweet and easy to talk to. Who knows. Maybe even one day I will love him, but I keep comparing him to you. He isnt Tyler. If I was doing this with Tyler I would be happy. I had my hopes set on Tyler. All I want is Tyler. How is it that I barely even know you and I'm this hung up on you? How shitty is that? I feel awful, but I also feel like Im in too deep and if I break his heart, I am in the same shoes as you. After going through this with him I empathize a little more with you. I think I know what it feels like to be in that situation and it must have been hard on you knowing how I felt. You must feel guilty. I know i do. I feel like an awful person for liking him but still thinking constantly about you. I jumped right back into something because I though I deserved that much. I am a decent guy and I deserve someone who is hot and who is going to be devoted to me. Someone who cares about me. Someone who is fucking willing to put in a little effort. I deserve at least that much. But now Im just going to end up being in the same place as you and hurting this boy just as bad if not worse than you hurt me. I shouldn't have jumped back into something so fast without thinking about the other person. That was selfish, but I really couldn't handle facing these feelings and understanding there was no resolve. The reason I am even writing this is because I woke up from a dream about you. I was so close to getting you back. I woke up like it was a nightmare and i was drenched in sweat. I knew I had to do something because I dont get closure. I want to be with you. Im settling for something else. Thats how this situation ends. Thats really shitty for everyone involved but thats all I got. This is all I have. I dont know how to deal with this. One day, maybe in a week or two, Ill send this to you. Maybe you'll hate it and think Jesus, can't this kid ever take a hint. Maybe you'll feel a little bad. Maybe this will hurt you. I know it hurt me. Maybe you'll think I'm just crazy, or maybe you'll think that I'm trying to get you back with me. I honestly doubt that if I sent this you'd read every word. Its a lot. But its everything Ive wanted to say to you. I guess its me pleading my case or telling my side of the story. I just need something. I need to stop feeling the way I do. This hurt so much and I just feel helpless. I hate you but I miss you all the time. Its like I'm losing my mind. If I do send this- if I don't, just know that this is everything. This what I've wanted to say. This is all of it. I regret most of it. I don't know that I regret you though. I still have that pencil you lent me and I'll probably keep it too. This isn't something I'd forget.