#Like why did he do that shit. he was clearly very good at decieving people & he literally went to school to be a lawyer

[skyburger]

why did dio even do all that

[thehollowprince]

Sterek, Thiam, & Queerbaiting, Oh My!

(Or how racism and homophobia suppressed the actual representation of gay men in the show that fandom so desperately claimed they wanted.)

So, I'm just going to come out and say it right off the bat: neither of these ships were actually queerbaiting. As a matter of fact, I'd say that those ships just by themselves (and the fandoms that rose around them) were low-key homophobic. The reason I say this isn't just because of the large number of women in this fandom that fetishize mlm sexuality, nor is it about those who attack anyone who has any critique of those ships, its just about the ships themselves.

Now, one could argue that those ships arose from the fandom, and that is true, forever linking canon and fanon in the worst possible way, but this is more to do with the fact that the production of this show cowtowed to the vocal fans on Twitter and put moments in there that, while not explicitly canon, was a not-so-subtle nod to those "fans" that harassed people over crack ships.

Of course, I've been over this before, the pedophilic nature of Sterek and the outright abusive elements to Thiam, but those very real complaints (from an actual gay man like myself) always fall on deaf ears or is usually met with the whole "fiction doesn't affect reality" spiel. And this is incredibly frustrating (or even downright infuriating) to those of us who have had to live with these stereotypes because of our sexuality. To this day there are people out there who equate gay men with pedophiles. That's one of the major talking points for these anti-LGBT religious groups and there's an entire group of people on the internet who are dedicated to promoting a predatory style relationship (Sterek).

What makes the popularity of Sterek so infuriating, is the fact that we had Danny right there. Danny was present in the second episode of the series. We were introduced to him before there was any kind of interaction between Stiles and Derek, and yet he is continually slept on by the fandom, and then by the production as a result of the fandom, which eventually led to Danny just disappearing from the show entirely. To add insult to injury, Danny was practically everything Fandom was crying for when it came to gay representation. He was handsome with a nice body, smart and funny, and everyone liked him, and yet there's usually cricket chirps whenever he's mentioned. Something similar happened to Scott - a character that who stuck fast to his morals and was just an all around good person, and yet so many people violently hated him. Now what could Danny and Scott have in common that made so many people look past them? Gee, I wonder?

Moving forward, once Sterek was no longer a possibility, rather than focus on, I don't know, Mason, a character that was tailor-made for the fandom, they once again make up a crack ship to flock around (Thiam) rather than focus on the actual, consensual relationship that was made up of actual gay characters.

But you may be saying to yourself, "at least these two (Theo and Liam) were around the same age", and you would be right in that regards. But what makes this ship bad, is that it's rooted entirely in first deceit and then later in physical violence. I remember very vividly seeing someone say that Liam and Theo punching each other was how they expressed their affection and I was horrified by that. How many times a day on this app do we see posts floating around that domestic violence is wrong? And then how many times do you see a ship (usually a crack ship) that a fandom loves rooted in physical violence? The disconnect is terrifying.

All of this while Mason and Corey were right there, being cute and in love and everything that fandom claims they want when it comes to representation, yet they're totally ignored in favor of the two straight characters beating the shit out of one another. This is why so many franchises revolving around these "macho men" are able to thrive, even though so many people (mostly women) in fandom claim they want softer men. And yet, whenever a softer man is presented, particularly if they're a man of color, they're brushed aside.

And that's just mlm representation! You hear almost nothing when it comes to wlw representation, unless its to get the women "out of the way".

This all comes down to the racism that permeates every level of fandom. I'm not saying this is intentional, because we've all done it. Hell, I did it. When I joined the Teen Wolf fandom, I followed pro-Sterek blogs and reblogged Sterek posts, because I wanted to be accepted in the fandom, and I bought into the propaganda that was fanon!Sterek. I read the metas and the fics and decided to believe in those instead of what I saw on the screen with my own two eyes. Thankfully, I snapped out of it, but that's why Sterek (and later Thiam) dominated fandom spaces, even making their way to polls for "Best Couple" on many websites.

And then, when these ships don't become canon, fandom screams QUEERBAITING!!! Even though those ships were something made up entirely by the fandom and never something that production considered being canon.

Another big part of how the situation gets as bad as it does is that fandom misunderstands (either accidentally or deliberately) what racism actually means. It's not just the throwing of slurs, it's the preference of the white character over the character of color, even though the latter has everything they said they wanted. Racism is reducing characters of color to stereotypes, such as a brown or brown person being violent (Tamora and Kali) or the sexually obsessed Latino (Scott) or the untrustworthy negro (Deaton and Morrell). Hell, even Boyd was thrust into the silent negro stereotype for some reason.

Now this part, this is as much the production's fault as it is the fandoms, because while the former introduced those concepts (or even if fandom thinks they introduced those concepts) fandom then takes them and blows them out of proportion. How many times have I gotten an ask from that one anon telling me that Scott was "obsessed" with Allison? How many times have I seen metas about how Deaton was "untrustworthy" because he didn't share his every waking thought? How many times did we see particular blogs slut-shame Braeden because she engaged in a consensual relationship with Derek?

And the thing about those is, yes, the original idea was introduced in the show, such as Scott's relationship with Allison or Deaton only offering advice when asked or Derek and Braeden flirting, but fandom took them and cranked them up to eleven in an effort to make these characters look horrible. This is something we don't see at all when it comes to their white counterparts. Stiles is never described as "obsessed" by the fandom despite his fixation on Lydia. Peter is almost never described as "untrustworthy" by the fans despite lying and decieving people all the time. Neither Lydia or Malia are called sluts for being sexually active despite not being in relationships.

When Derek repeatedly assaults Stiles (or Scott, not that fandom cared), it's seen as quirky or romantic (same with Thiam), but when Scott hits Isaac or Jackson, in scenes that were very specifically shown to be comedic, its seen as abusive and violent. Stiles asking Danny if he's "attractive to gay guys" or pausing after Caitlin asked him if he liked guys is deemed proof that he's bisexual, but Scott's interactions with Isaac and Danny (or even Stiles himself), where had they been a guy and a girl, it would have clearly been an intimate moment, is still considered absolutely straight by fandom.

So what's the difference?

It's the racism.

The real kicker at the end of the day here is that fans cry queerbaiting, all the while they're actively sleeping on the actual gay representation that's there. It doesn't fit their aesthetic, so they ignore it, and then wonder why mlm relationships are going down in television. I'm not saying we shouldn't want or demand more representation in media, but people can't be so ignorant as to outright ignore the representation they're given and then wonder why they're not getting more.

Well, this got way longer than I originally intended and I hope I'm not just screaming into the void, but this is an issue that's still relevant, all these years after Teen Wolf ended.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

The thing I love about Otto, he is the guy who...Peter Parker is supposed to be the everyman, and in a lot of ways he is, but he is always dating the most beautiful women in the world...supermodels, Gwen Stacy...And Otto was the guy, I am not a big fan of the late-90s as an era of Spider-Man. There was a character called Stunner who came along and was this big Amazonian woman with super-strength, who was Otto's partner and love-interest and the big reveal was that she was a virtual reality simulation and the real person was an overweight woman in a virtual reality machine. But when Otto finds out he says, I didn't love you for what you looked like, I loved you for your mind...I can’t remember if she [Aunt May]  saw Betty [Brant] as a bit of a Jezebel because she was older

We er...we really need to unpack this. I already did a post where I cited the above as part of why Christos Gage should never have been allowed to write Spider-Man.

But lets dive deeper into the idiocy of this. 

First of all if nothing else the above quote and panels really do prove beyond doubt that Marvel knew what they were doing when they paired Slott and Gage...well sorta. Gage and Slott’s approaches to Spider-Man fundamentally come from the same place of fundamental misunderstanding and regressive beliefs thus they were perfect to work together. It’s just that Gage is a comparatively more competent writer than Slott and therefore Slott should’ve been HIS understudy and fill-in guy not the other way around.

So let’s dive into the less awful bits first. Like Slott Gage doesn’t know his continuity and is too lazy to even google it.

Let’s put aside how Stan Lee himself  stated Betty Brant is younger  than Peter NOT older, the age difference would’ve been insignificant enough (Peter was a senior in high school when he was dating Betty, that’s stated in the issues) so what is this ‘Jezebel’ crap? The fact his mind would go to that rather than just Aunt May thinking MJ would be a better match is at best eyebrow raising.

Moving on, the crux of his assessment of Otto and Stunner’s relationship is way off the mark. Ignoring the fact that Stunner and the reveals made about her occurred in 1994-1995 (so literally not the LATE 1990s at all), he’s totally distorted the story as it unfolded. As such let me show you some of the relevant pages.

Gage’s assessment of Otto and Stunner’s relationship hinges upon two interconnected ideas.

a) Otto was unaware that her stunning appearance was a facade and

b) That he didn’t care upon finding out

As you can see that is a distortion of what the actual stories conveyed.

Otto was always  aware Stunner’s appearance was a facade because he invented the technology that made it possible in the first place!

Otto also began dating her BEFORE she became Stunner. This does indeed support the idea that for him outer beauty is not that relevant. 

For myself I find this idea debatable for a few reasons. Not only in the above images does he directly refer to Stunner as beautiful and the love of such a beautiful woman makes him happy but in the classic Spec #75 Bill Mantlo implies Otto took a fancy to Felicia due to her being attractive.

I grant you it’s far from impossible to interpret that Otto in fact was referring to Stunner’s personality as beautiful and took a shining to Felicia for reasons beyond her looks. In fact I find that interpretation interesting. But both examples hurt the narrative of Otto being a man who doesn’t care about outer beauty, even before you get to the fact that in Superior he was oggling and actively trying to fucking rape Mary Jane! What exactly about her  ‘inner beauty’ led to him doing this?

Then of course you have his relationship with Aunt May which has been treated as genuinely romantic when it’s very unlikely to be that.

The truth is Doc Ock has been inconsistently written over the decades so pinning down that he’s a man who doesn’t care about a woman’s outer beauty in regards to his feelings for them is extremely iffy.

His dynamic with Stunner and Gage’s assessment is even iffier as the pages detailing his ‘courting’ of her prior to her becoming empowered can definitely be interpreted as him actively manipulating her for his own ends. He needed a test subject for his technology, a technology he was hoping could essentially ensure he’d live beyond the demise of his mortal body and mind (which obviously happened in Superior). Angela was that test subject, he either came across or scouted her out with the explicit intention of having her use his machine. 

Because we only get brief flashes of their relationship it’s unclear if he was 100% decieving and manipulating her (as he was to Anna Maria and Mary Jane) or if he was sincere in his affections, at least on some level. Maybe he even started out manipulating her but grew to genuinely care for her before or after her transformation into Stunner.

My point is it’s not this grand moral victory for Otto that he cared for Angela even though she was overweight.

Which brings me to the most damning thing about Gage’s comments.

According to him Otto is better than Peter because Otto didn’t date supermodels or sexy cat burglars.

Much like all his work with Otto before and during his Superior run, Gage practically wanks off the character.

You see Otto is ‘different. He’s not like ‘those other guys’, or more specifically ‘that Peter Parker guy’. HE doesn’t date supermodels or sexy cat burglars. 

He just keeps the sexy cat burglars as his ‘guests’ that he won’t let leave his lair, will date by deception and attempt to rape the supermodels and will probably manipulate vulnerable overweight women for his own selfish scientific pursuits and date them sincerely once they’ve transformed into wrestling divas.

Of course in reality, romantic and sexual attraction is something none of us can help and we are going to feel about whoever however we’re going to feel, and the harsh truth is a lot (but not all) of the time outer appearences do matter, or at least they do when it comes to initial attractions. Often in healthy relationships they matter less as time goes by, but are rarely totally irrelevant. Nobody, of any sex, gender or sexuality, is shallow for on some level taking looks into account for how they feel about a romantic or sexual partner, at least on some level.

In Peter’s case Gage’s assessment (which synchs up with Slott’s) of him as shallow is so asinine because he clearly doesn’t just care about looks. In fact semi-famously in the classic Romita stories his initial attraction for Mary Jane fades after he (incorrectly, and unfairly) starts to view her as shallow and little more than her looks.

No doubt about it that chicks’s as pretty as a pumpkin seed...and just about as shallow.

ASM #45*

Peter late of course dumps  Black Cat in part because she doesn’t love him for who he is, and only cares about him as Spider-Man. He wants someone who will share a life with him, whom he can connect with. If he was only interested in her because she was sexy why would he do that?

And of course this is to say nothing of the absolute denigration Gage’s comments pay to both MJ and her relationship with Peter.

I’ve felt this way for awhile now but to be blunt, if a writer ever just sums up MJ as a ‘supermodel’ I’m going to presume they either don’t understand her character and/or hold some messed up opinions. Putting aside how MJ hasn’t a model (super or otherwise) for most of her history it’s just messed up that everything else about her is dismissed in favour of pushing that profession and treating it as a summation of who she is as a character.** 

Because whenever creators or characters sum up MJ as a supermodel what they really mean is ‘she’s just a shallow, pretty face’.  Which is so facepalm worthy ironic because the crux of Mary Jane’s entire character since The Death of Gwen Stacy in 1973  has been that people THINK she is just a shallow pretty face but she in fact absolutely isn’t!

And aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the stuff that is relevant to why she isn’t is literally the reason Spider-Man fell in love with her in the first place. All the guilt, regret, insecurities, bravery, sense of responsibility and inner strength that subverted what we thought we knew about her, that’s the shit that her and Spider-Man’s romance is built upon. 

How the fuck does anyone miss that! It’s not even like you need to read deeply to see it, just read a Wikipedia entry!

It isn’t the crux of Felicia’s character, but the same applies to her. What jackass in this day and age (or indeed since the 1980s) honestly thinks Black Cat is nothing but sex appeal? There is an entire goddam Black Cat ongoing series demonstrating she is more than that! Gage is a goddam relic at this point!

On the flipside of course is poor Anna Maria.

Once upon a time Anna Maria was the best character in Spider-Man. Back in the dark days of 2013 and 2014 when Superior was going strong, MJ was out of the picture and the best Spider-Man books on the stand were about a kid replacing a dead AU Peter Parker and Peter Parker’s clone, Anna Maria was a stand out.

A new character with a personality, likable, a new love interest for ‘Spider-Man’ that on paper made a certain amount of sense even though the circumstances were disgusting. And on top of that she provided a dash of representation that was handled in an appropriate way.

As time went by she gradually devolved as a character and went way off the rails to the point where now she’s being a misogynistic asshole to other women by judging them for their looks. It’s so fucked up because she herself has been judged for her looks, just in a very different way whilst the likes of those ‘shallow’ women she cites have never said a bad word to her or to my knowledge anyone else on the basis of how they were born. 

Good job Gage, this is probably the last time we’re going to see Anna Maria and you’ve fully transitioned me from a guy who kind of wanted her to stick around in some capacity as a regular supporting player for Peter into a guy who would be delighted for her to forgotten and never appear again. 

Fuck Gage.

Fuck Superior

Fuck the entire asinine, mishandled, clusterfuck of an era that outstayed it’s welcome circa December 2012!

*In fairness he does bring up he might just be thinking ill of MJ because he’s upset about other things. See, THAT is a more even handed and on point depiction of Peter Parker being flawed. But Stan Lee being a better writer than Gage or Slott shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone.

**Not to mention ‘supermodel’ shouldn’t even be used as shorthand for ‘shallow person’ in the first place. Are supermodels not people too? Are they incapable of being intelligent or having worth outside of their looks? I mean FFS we live in a world where this (starting at 3:37) really happened:

[guinevere-beck-fanboy]

13 Reasons Why Fan Theory: The Disguised Character Arc Of Bryce Walker

So I have a fan theory about the third season of 13 Reasons Why. However unlike other fan theories, I am going to state that I believe that this theory is correct and is intended to be so by the very writers of the show. 

This theory is about Bryce Walker and his arc in season 3. On the surface it looks like Bryce realises the error of his ways and tries to make amends for his actions, however his possessiveness of his ex girlfriend/victim Chloe Rice gets the better of him and he fails to redeem himself as he cripples Zach believing him to be dating her. 

However. I believe that beneath the surface, what this arc truly is, is after Bryce was convicted of raping Jessica but bought his way out of jailtime, he became a social pariah and lonely and did some good deeds to try and solve these problems. None of his good deeds were out of the goodness of his heart, he just wanted friends and to no longer be despised as the evil rapist he is. This is why after a season of Bryce seemingly becoming a better person he suddenly commits such an atrocious act against Zach at the end. And also why he brags to Zach about having raped Choe and made her “scream”.

The community’s dislike of Bryce is shown first when he attends a new school after transfering from Liberty High. The very reason he has to do this is because he has become despised at Liberty High. In his new school Bryce is bullied and a student named Dean confronts him for raping an unconcious girl. When Tyler comes to confront Bryce believing him to be the mastermind behind Monty raping him, Bryce states that Tyler should kill him as he will be hailed as a hero for “killing the monster”. 

Bryce’s loneliness is pointed out by Ani as she is playing cards with him. 

The first scene which seems to show Bryce regrets his rapes of Jessica and Hannah is when he listened to the tapes in the car with Tony. Bryce bursts into tears upon hearing Hannah’s narrative of him raping them. He seems guilty right? Wrong. 

In season 2 Clay released the tapes publically, they are on the web for all to hear. Bryce knows this.

I don’t believe Bryce is crying because he regrets what he has done, he is crying because he knows: everyone has heard these things Hannah is saying about him. They are online, they are public. His reputation really has gone down the drain.

That doesn’t so much prove this theory, but it fits the facts. That wasn’t supposed to be evidence, just an explanation for scenes that seemingly prove beyond doubt that Bryce has changed.

Him beating himself up about it afterward is him putting on an act to convince Tony. He also comments that he should be dead instead of Hannah, this could stem from depression at his circumstances. Like how he was going to let Tyler kill him out of depression. 

Next is Bryce’s help toward Justin this series. Justin finds himself in a bit of a jam when Seth threatens him to either pay the money he owes him or be murdered. Bryce comes to save the day, he pays the debt and Justin is safe. Good old Bryce saved a life, he’s getting better right? Wrong.

Earlier this season Bryce sets up a table in his garden with two chairs and two drinks. He tells Justin he needs to talk to him about Jess to get him to come visit. Bryce attempts to get Justin to sit down and hang out, to which Justin refuses and asks Bryce to just get to the point much to his dissapointment. This is Bryce clearly trying once again to befriend Justin, out of loneliness. 

Same applies to Bryce helping Justin out of his jam. He’s not doing it to save Justin, he just wants to befriend him again, out of loneliness. 

In order to “help” Justin with his heroin addiction Bryce gives him oxy, so he can take that instead of heroin. Oxy, another addictive substance. Bryce is trying to convert Justin’s addiction to heroin to one of Oxy so he can become his dealer and use his addiction to be friends with him again and have him around. Perhaps also to control Justin as his dealer, gain power over him.

Further evidence of this is in his friendship with Alex this season. Bryce becomes Alex’s dealer for steroids. When Alex decides to no longer be friends with Bryce, he yells to him “where are you going to get your shit from now?!”. This same tactic Bryce used with Alex, he is trying to do with Justin. 

Now onto him helping Tyler deal with Monty. This is quite simple, Bryce is trying to befriend Tyler. He tells Monty that he will be “checking in with Tyler every week”. By sticking up for Tyler he has gained frequent conversations with him, this was all done to ease his loneliness.

Bryce is attracted to Ani this season, one can tell from the fact they frequently have sex. He has consentual sex with her. The reason he doesn’t rape Ani is because he doesn’t want to lose her. He is determined not to for that reason. However, he wants to rape her. This becomes clear when he tells Mr Porter that when having sex with her he gets temptations to do so. Also when she is swimming in Bryce’s garden he watches her seemingly fantasising of that. On top of that he at one point grabs Ani as she tries to get away from him “I need you so bad!!!!!”. This is him slipping into the temptation, though he manages to get a hold of himself and lets her go.

As for Bryce’s kindness toward his mother this season, I think that actually could be genuine, as even the worst of people tend to care about their families. However on the other hand that could be him being nice to her because she has been very strict on him this season. She puts him under house arrest; on school days when he gets back from school he must give her his key. He wants these restrictions lifted, so he is being nice to her for that purpose. Afterall he only starts being nice to her after these restrictions are made, in season 2 he was extremely rude to her when she questioned him about Hannah. This season after his restrictions are made he is suddenly very respectful to his mother. He also wants to transfer back to Liberty High as we see he asks her if he can during the yoga scene. All the respect and kindness could easily be for that as well. 

My last bit of evidence is something that actually comes from the first two seasons. It’s regarding Bryce’s relationship with Justin. Jessica points out to Justin at the end of season one, that Bryce did so much for Justin so he could own him. In season 2 there is a scene that I think confirms what Jessica is saying. Before the prom Justin tells Clay he can’t do his tie. He says Bryce used to always do it for him, so he never learnt how. Clay then teaches Justin how to do his tie. This is symbolic. Bryce did Justin’s tie for him so that it would be another thing Justin had to depend on him for. Clay teaches Justin how to do his tie because he genuinely cares, and therefore wants Justin to be independently able to fend for himself.

At the end of the third season Bryce after a season of apparently trying to better himself is suddenly just as misogynistic and rapey as ever. He cripples Zach believing him to be going out with Chloe. He brags to Zach about raping Chloe “did she scream for you like she did for me?!”. Why is this?  Because he never changed. He just played an act, and the other characters and we as the audience bought it. Like how Bryce deceived Justin in the first two seasons, we have been decieved.

[ashfountainfanfics]

Eddie is released before Richie wakes up. The cop that took over in the morning didn’t say anything about Eddie and Richie sharing a bed for the night but Eddie could tell it made him uncomfortable. He looked a bit younger than Eddie and acted like discharging him was some awkward task to deal with. He never even looked Eddie in the eye.

This town doesn’t really change, does it? Eddie thinks as he starts the long walk back to the small inn he and the other Losers have taken temporary residence in.

Eddie was shocked that Richie didn’t even so much as stir when he left. He’s an incredibly heavy sleeper but he also cuddles like a fucking octopus. Eddie had to untangle a mess of long arms and legs to free himself. Richie’s entire body had been grappled onto every part of Eddie. For a minute Eddie thought he might need the jaws of life to get out.

The morning weather is cold but Derry always feels cold. Unless you happened to catch it in the full swing of summer, Derry is essentially an icebox disguised as a small town. Eddie zips up his hoodie and shoves his hands in his pockets.

‘You’ll catch a cold, Eddie! You need a sweater and some thick socks!’

The echo of his mother’s voice makes his stomach surge. Eddie knows damn well that a chill breeze cannot possibly give him a cold but he can’t help the anxiety that rises from the thought. She used to say other nonsensical shit too like a cold can kill a man if you don’t treat it right away or that being too close to the microwave would give a person cancer.

It didn’t stop at radiation and weather either. Mrs. Kapsbrack had fully decieved her son into a number of lies about sex too. Masturbation makes you blind, having sex can kill you, touch it too much and it’ll fall off; Sonia Kapsbrack had the entire discography of abstinence only rhetoric on loop.

Eddie knows logically that none of these things are true but he knows it now. For two solid decades of his life he had believed his mother. He thought her word was gospel. Even in his twenties, it took time to come around to the truth because, what if the world was wrong and Sonia was right? Could he risk that?

Eddie spitefully unzips his jacket.

By the time Eddie was in his mid thirties he knew better but the paranoia lingers even today. In the time he’d been married to Myra he can count on one hand the amount of times they’ve had sex. Really it comes down to a once a year event and one Eddie never looks forward to. Bless Myra, she really tried sometimes but for the rare occasions of fancy home cooked meals and lingerie Eddie ended up losing his appetite and turning off all the lights. Myra got ten minutes of action annually while Eddie never managed to get off. Myra never was happy with that but Eddie wonders if she’d been happy with anything in their marriage.

Eddie shrugs out of the jacket and doesn’t look back as it slides off into the street.

Eddie might have had options. He may have had several people interested in him at any given moment but he was raised with blinders on and marriage ensured those blinders stayed. Eddie realizes that he never had the awareness, let alone the confidence to pursue anyone except Myra. His mother had led him into near celibacy through his hypochondriac training. If she hadn’t died would Myra have ever been a thing? Or would he still be a virgin even now?

Maybe Eddie could like Richie. Maybe men weren’t off the menu for Eddie Kapsbrack but how is he to know that when even the default of heterosexuality was taught as a dirty and unfortunate? And poor Myra, poor fucking Myra. Eddie’s going to leave her and because of his dead mother who shouldn’t have had anything to do with his marriage but Sonia Kapsbrack is the catalyst for all of it. Everything Eddie is, everything he never chose to become, is because of her.

Eddie takes off his shirt and drops it as he starts running in the cold morning air. The breeze smothers his chest, perks his nipples and sends shivers down his spine. The cold hurts a little but tells him he’s alive.

A memory of his last visit to a therapist surfaces as catches himself on the kissing bridge. He takes a few deep breaths and remembers. It was grief therapy which he was sure made his mother turn in his grave but Myra had suggested it. Sonia may have hated therapists and shrinks but Myra swore by them.

After a single session, the therapist calmly asked if Eddie had ever heard about the term ‘emotional incest.’ After a quick explanation, Eddie chose never to return to therapy ever again. Eddie is horrified and enraged as he stands on the bridge now and lets out a primal scream because Sonia Kapsbrack really did it. She committed emotional incest and Eddie feels the violation of it rack over his body.

‘Eddie, you can’t go out.’

‘Eddie, girls like that carry diseases.’

‘Eddie, don’t get too close, he might have AIDS.’

‘Eddie, you’ll never leave mommy right? You wouldn’t want me to die alone.’

And he had done just that. He stayed with her the entirety that their lives intersected. He even held her hand and watched cancer thin her down to skin and bones until there was nothing left. He never had a choice.

‘Eddie, you have to wear socks even inside. You could get sick.’

Eddie steps out of his shoes and pulls his socks off. He throws them into the barrens with as much force as he can muster. The asphalt under his feet is rough and unforgiving. He smiles and it’s manic and he keeps running.

---

Ben is waking up alone but he remembers not going to bed alone. Very clearly, he recalls Beverly and her soft mouth and her smooth curves. He took her in like she was sacred because to him she always had been. Last night had been spiritual experience because for so long Bev had only been a memory folded in a wallet. In a single night she went from paper to full flesh.

Keeping that yearbook page in his wallet had been like carrying around a religious artifact. So often it boosted the faith he needed to have in himself. It told him with little hearts and an old signature that he was worth looking at, worth helping, worth talking to. It had torn him apart to have thrown it in the fire but he’d burn a million memories if meant holding her.

As quickly as he had bedded her she’s gone though. Ben can still smell her soap on the sheets. It’s not the first time Ben’s woken up to an empty bed. It’s not as if he’s been celibate for the last twenty seven years. But he wasn’t very good at giving reasons for women to stay. It’s like they already knew his heart was somewhere else. Ben should be okay waking up to this familiar scene except...

“...Beverly?” he calls out softly, hoping that maybe she’s just in the bathroom.

There’s no response.

Ben gets himself showered and dressed. He can’t help but wonder if he’d done something wrong. Was having sex going too fast? It’s not like he declared his undying love for her but he supposes that he didn’t really need to. No one keeps a signature in their wallet for almost three decades because they’re just buddies.

Ben walks up to Bev’s door and hears her pacing and yelling. It’s a one sided conversation so Ben presumes she must be on the phone. Through the thin walls he can make out a few phrases and keywords. The words ‘divorce’ and ‘lawyer’ come up quite a bit. Against Ben’s better judgement, he presses his ear to the door to better listen in.

“You can have the business, you can keep the money but you can’t have me. Fuck you.”

Ben startles as it sounds like Bev has thrown her phone against the wall. Ben regrets invading her privacy but feels compelled to comfort her. It sounds like her husband is a real asshole and that the divorce is going to be messy. Ben isn’t sure what words to offer her.

Ben is about to knock on her door but then gets an idea. He makes a beeline to his room and rips a blank page out of the guestbook. He argues with himself the whole journey back to Bev’s door. He insists to himself that this is childish and unnecessary. She’ll think it’s stupid. It won’t help. Ben still sits down though and scribbles out a message.

You okay? - Ben

He gives the door a soft knock and slides the page underneath. A few minutes pass. It feels like the longest two minutes of Ben’s life and his insecurity bombards him. Of course this wouldn’t work. It’s dumb and foolish and Ben should know better. He’s a grown man after all.

The paper returns from under the frame.

No. - Bev

It’s an odd approach but at least it begets an honest answer. Ben uses the door as a writing surface. It’s shocking to think this method is even going anywhere but Ben figures it’s best to continue. At least Bev’s talking. He has a feeling that if he’d gone with the first choice and simply knocked that he wouldn’t have gotten far.

Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to talk?

He stops signing it at this point. It’s not as if the whole gang is sitting in the hallway passing notes to Bev. This time it takes a lot longer for her to reply. Ben takes in the moulding on the door frame as he waits. Despite many of his designs taking a modern approach he really likes looking at the old stuff. He wonders briefly how he might create designs with modern benefits but a nostalgic look. The note slide out slowly this time.

I’m sorry I left.

Ben appreciates the sentiment but he has a thousand questions to ask about it. If Bev is sorry then why did she do it? Did something happen? Did Ben mess up? Did he hurt her or make her feel unsafe? All of this takes a backseat to the present situation though.

You have a lot on your mind. I want to help. Can I come in?

Ben stands to his feet as he hears the latch on the other side coming undone. Beverly is red faced but composed. She’s in a bathrobe and slippers. By the door he sees the tennis shoes he’d picked up for her yesterday after she’d thrown all her clothes from earlier in the day away. He knows she’s only using them out of necessity but he likes to think that maybe she likes them. He chose a pair that was black and burgundy. He remembered that Bev liked burgundy.

“You’re really nice,” Bev says quietly.

“I don’t try to be,” Ben shrugs and tell himself not to move in and hold her, “I’m just me”

“I know. That’s what I love about you.”

Ben smiles at the word ‘love’. He can’t help it. Bev smiles back and Ben falls in love with her all over again. She’s so much more than beautiful. She’s strong and kind and smart. Ben always secretly regarded her as the real leader of the group. He loves Bill and, yes, they often all followed him but secretly Ben followed Beverly. He’d follow her anywhere if she only asked.

“Ben,” her smile falters, “I’m going through something right now. It’s not easy and I’m trying to figure out who I am. You’re very sweet but I-”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Ben interrupts, already sensing where she’s going.

Ben understands that Bev’s life is complicated right now. He gets that maybe last night had some bad timing. He wants to say this but doesn’t. Something about the look in Bev’s eyes tells him that he doesn’t need to.

“All of this is on your terms,” he continues, “All I’m asking you is please, please, don’t shut me out.”

Bev wraps herself around Ben in a genuine embrace. She doesn’t cry but he can feel the emotions coming off of her in waves. Anger, fear, even sadness sheds from her as he holds her. He absorbs those feelings, welcomes them even, because it doesn’t hurt. Ben’s nose rests on her fiery colored hair as he processes those emotions for her,

“I got you,” he whispers into her hair, “You’re not alone, Bev.”

---

Richie is a free man.

Roger barely needed to work much lawyer magic and like a trooper he rolled right into the station the second he got into town. Grand total it took about an hour for Roger to convince Detective Lopez to let Richie go.

“How’d you get her to listen? I mean I’ve played some tough crowds but this chick was like a concrete wall,” Richie questions his lawyer.

Roger is exhausted and doesn’t answer right away. He seems half asleep at the wheel and it occurs to Richie how much his team cares about him. Even with the decent dollar signs attached to Richie, it’s worth noting that Roger drove through the night just for him. But then Richie’s had the same team since the beginning and they’ve known him since he was an eighteen year old little snot doing standup at open mic.

“It was easy,” Roger answers with a yawn, “I didn’t bullshit her. Made sure she knew it was a waste of resources to go after you.”

Richie definitely senses the emphasis of the word ‘bullshit’ aimed at him. He lets it slide though because he’s so deeply relieved not to be going to court or to jail for that matter. Richie knows damn well that he wouldn’t last a single night in the big house. He’d absolutely piss off the wrong person and either end up dead or somebody’s bitch. Richie doesn’t ever care to find out which.

“You’ll love the bed and breakfast we’re at,” Richie says as he looks out the window of Roger’s car, “and by love I mean hate. It looks like someone’s great aunt threw up upholstery. But it’s a place to sleep right? And once you’re rested you’ll come bail out ol’ Billy boy this afternoon.”

“Yeah, Richie, about that…”

“What?”

Roger looks incredibly guilty as he follows the GPS’s last instruction. He parks on the street and shuts the car off. Richie doesn’t like where this is going.

“Look, kid,” Roger sighs, “I meant it when I said I’d come back for your friend this afternoon but it’s not to get him out. I’m going back to talk out his story and see if I can prove him innocent.”

Richie feels bile rising up his throat. He can’t stand his stomach and the way it refuses to sit with anything terrible. Roger is equal parts apologetic and resigned. His bald head has the smallest bit of sweat on it, his mustache obscures any expression in his lip but his eyes say it all.

“You lied to me,” Richie is furious nonetheless.

“No. No, I never said I was coming back for anything specific. I said I was coming back for him I never said why.”

“Oh fuck you, Roger! A lie by omission is still a lie, you prick!”

“Hey! I got you out didn’t I?” Roger gets defensive now, “And I am going back for the other guy! I don’t have to do that, Richie, but I am. For you.”

Richie absorbs this in and pulls back his anger. Roger pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and wipes the sweat from his forehead. Richie has no reason to doubt the man but air between them still asks for further explanation.

“Detective Lopez doesn’t have much choice except to arrest Bill and send him to court,” Roger explains, “A kid died, Richie. The pressure from his parents alone is enough to force her hand let alone the rest of the community. Who ever heard of a small town brushing off a dead child?”

“You don’t know Derry,” Richie replies sarcastically.

“Maybe you don’t. Maybe the Derry you grew up in and the Derry that exists now are different. Who am I to say? I don’t know and I don’t care much either. My condolences to the deceased and all but I’m certain your buddy didn’t do it. If he’s as good as you say he is I believe you and I’ll help him out.”

“I could hug you right now.”

“Oh, Jesus, spare me the theatrics, Richie.”

“Nope. We’re hugging. Come here.”

Roger makes a show of not reciprocating at first but then relents and pats Richie on the back. In many ways, Roger is like the lawyer uncle Richie never had. He sees him at holidays and when he’s in trouble. Really his whole team is like that, a family.

“I’m going to make a couple of calls before I head in,” Roger says before digging out his cell phone, “I remember a buddy of mine who used to teach had some super student from Maine. Henry Beaver or Reevers or something. Maybe he can give me an idea of what I’m working with in this state.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll go ahead and get you set up. Room’s on me.”

“You’re not deducting that from my pay.”

“Fuck you too, Roger.”

Richie leaves his lawyer to his calls. Luckily, the old lady who runs the place is available and manages to get a room together quickly. It’s the last one too. Richie is bouncing from nerves. He has confidence in Roger but he can’t help the nervousness bubbling up inside.

“His name is Roger Clemmings, just give him his key and let him up,” Richie explains, “he’s had a rough night.”

“Of course, dear,” the older woman answers.

Richie hears the front door opening behind him. He spins around, expecting Roger but instead finds Eddie half naked and shoeless. He’s shaking and completely out of breath.

“Eddie?” he rushes over to him out of concern and starts looking him over for injury, “Jesus Christ. What happened? Are you okay?”

“No. Yes. No. Yes and no.”

“Honey, do you need me to call the police?” the innkeeper asks, her hand already on the phone and ready to go.

“No. No. I’m fine. My whole world is falling apart but I’m fine.”

Richie takes off his coat and wraps it around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie is having a full on mental breakdown and Richie is terrified. He tries to catch Eddie’s eyes with his own but they stare vacantly at nothing. Richie assures the woman behind the counter that he’ll see to Eddie.

Suddenly the door opens again. Roger is pulling in a suitcase and fumbling with a text message. He doesn’t see Richie and his shirtless friend but Richie panics. He grabs Eddie by the arm and pulls him into the nearest door. He crams into the tight space with him and shuts the door behind him all before Roger can see.

“Richie?” Eddie’s voice is close by in the dark.

Richie shushes him harshly. He listens as Roger chats up the older woman. She has the decency not to say anything about Richie’s sudden escape and Richie lets the momentary relief wash over him.

“Richie?” Eddie whispers this time.

“Yeah?”

“We’re in a closet.”

Richie would laugh if it wasn’t so painfully on the nose.

“Why are we in a closet?” Eddie expands.

“Oh, Eds, I wish I could answer that.”

The old woman and Roger are still talking. She’s chatting him up and Richie wants to take back every kind word he thought about her just seconds ago.

“Fuck,” Richie whisper screams, “what part about ‘just let him up’ doesn’t she understand?”

The closet Richie has trapped them in is housing a broom with dust pan and a handful of coats on one side. It smells a bit like mothballs and cinnamon. It’s not the worst place to inadvertently imprison oneself. Richie rests his forehead against the door and groans quietly.

“Richie?” Eddie asks again.

Richie turns toward his voice and instantly regrets his life choices. Because Eddie is so close. He’s too close. There’s maybe half an inch of distance between them. Richie’s insides split in two directions; wanting to get even closer and wanting to run away.

“...Eds” Richie answers finally.

Eddie puts his hands on Richie’s shoulder. Richie feels like that contact is going to cause him to pass out. Eddie’s fingers find the collar of Richie’s button up shirt and gently tug at him, collar and all, closer to Eddie.

“E- Eddie?” Richie’s old habits act up, “I know this is a romantic venue and all but-”

Richie doesn’t have time to diffuse the situation with humor because Eddie kisses him. He kisses him and-

This is fucking weird… Richie thinks.

Eddie’s lips are tightly lined. It feels almost like he’s grimacing. It’s as if he’s not committing to anything more than pressing his lips against Richie’s in the most non intimate way possible. Eddie stiffly ends the kiss and takes a half step back.

“Ah, okay,” Richie doesn’t know how to respond, “that, um, happened.”

“I didn’t feel anything…” Eddie says, sounding a thousand miles away.

“Well maybe if you didn’t kiss like mashing two dolls together!” Richie cries in his own defense,  “Jesus, who taught you to swap spit?”

“I kind of didn’t learn actually.”

Excuse me? Richie thinks as he thanks the dark for hiding his expression.

“I always thought kissing would get you herpes,” Eddie explains quietly, “and by the time I knew better it didn’t matter. I kissed my wife at our wedding but I don’t really. I don’t kiss often.”

This is absolutely horrifying information for someone like Richie who, on more than a few occasions, has referred to himself as a slut.

“Wait, you’re not a- are you a virgin, Eddie?”

“No, asshole!” Eddie says a bit too loudly.

Richie hushes him again. He brings an ear to the door of the closet and listens. He hears the old woman chuckling at something Roger said. He curses under breath. Richie is desperate to get out of this closet, out of this conversation. It’s so painfully awkward.

“Think about it, Richie,” Eddie brings the topic back up, “think about the kind of mom I had. She didn’t want me to roll around in grass what the fuck do you think she told me about taking a- a roll in the hay?”

“You did not just make a Young Frankenstein reference instead of saying the word ‘sex’,” Richie is at his wit’s end.

He might as well be a virgin, Richie thinks, I haven’t had virgin since I was a teenager.

“I’m pretty sure that that phrase is older than Young Frankenstein, just saying,” Eddie points out, “And if you’re  going to make fun of me then you can cancel our date thing. Fuck it. Fuck you”

“No!” Richie whisper yells.

Even after being told point blank that there’s no chemistry and that Eddie has been about as intimate as an artificial insemination, Richie isn’t ready to give up. Sure, it’s a little daunting to be faced with Eddie’s circumstances but who cares? What Richie saw in the final showdown, how he felt when he thought he lost Eddie for good, that means something. Richie can feel that in his goddamn guts.

“You really, really, don’t really know how this works?”

“Fuck you, asshole.”

“I’m seriously asking, Eds.”

Eddie mumbles his answer but Richie can tell it’s a yes. Richie decides to get down from his slutty high horse and really think about Eddie’s position. Richie knows what it’s like to wake up to sexuality. He’d slept with mostly women in his lifetime and he found it passable. It was about as thrilling as jerking off into a sock albeit far more comfortable. But men were a different story. 

Richie has slept with a man before and it threw his entire life out of whack. It was nearly a holy experience and it almost got him out of the closet. Almost. By then he already had an established career as a straight man though and the idea of losing his career wasn’t worth the risk. Not even his team knows about his true proclivities. Which now that Richie thinks about it is entirely the reason he and Eddie are in this closet right now.

Richie can see Eddie in the dark. He can make out those puppy dog eyes looking off to the side in embarrassment. He sees generalized textures in his silhouette and good God does he find him beautiful. He wants to reach his hands under the borrowed jacket hanging off Eddie’s torso and touch everything he can.

You’ll freak him out, Richie stops himself, he can’t even kiss right and you want to grope him. Fucking relax. Shit.

“So I’ll show you what I know,” Richie settles, “as long as you’re feeling it I’ll keep going and if you’re not it’s cool. I mean I’m an asshole but I’m not a total asshole.”

Richie can see Eddie thinking the offer over. Richie’s spare coat moves in the dark in what looks like a shrug.

“Okay. Sure. Fuck it. Why not?”

“Real romantic of you, Eddie spaghetti.”

“Wow. I haven’t heard you call me that since we were kids. Good to know all your material is stagnant.”

Richie chuckles because honestly? That was a solid comeback. Eddie smiles back and chuckles. They both stand there laughing quietly in the dark like kids. Richie isn’t thinking about the fact that they’re stuck in here anymore. He just realizes that he likes Eddie smiling as much as he likes him pouting and annoyed. The moment fizzles out and they’re just staring at each other for a solid minute.

Richie gives Eddie a quick peck on the lips because he can’t take it anymore. He has to give something to him, something better than that sad excuse of a kiss from earlier. Richie pulls back quickly, worried that he may have been too fast. He’s genuinely surprised to have Eddie mimic the maneuver.

Richie isn’t sure if it’s the close quarters of the smell of sweat coming off of Eddie that’s putting him on a high but he goes with it. He leans his body into Eddie’s. Eddie’s back gently hits the back wall but Richie takes care not to dominate the position. He kisses Eddie again, slowly and softly. Eddie repeats the gesture and this is what Richie had been picturing all this time.

Richie licks Eddie’s bottom lip, prompting him and Eddie takes to it like a natural. Eddie’s mouth is a little dry but that’s to be expected since he had physically exerted himself earlier. Richie doesn’t care. He lets his tongue wet Eddie’s and together their kiss moves into something makes the whole closet feel hot and heavy.

Eddie places his hands on Richie’s hips and the contact sends strong signals to his member. Eddie gives a cautious bite to Richie’s lower lip that comes off as seductive, coy even. Richie can’t tell if this is experimental or if Eddie’s really feeling it but right now he doesn’t care. It feels good. Eddie feels good and Richie’s been wanting this for a long time.

“I thought you didn’t know what you’re doing,” Richie swallows hard as they break their kiss.

“Don’t ruin it,” Eddie murmurs and kisses him again.

Light floods into the closet and the older woman squeaks at finding the two men in their compromising position.

“Christ!” Richie shouts and flings himself as far away from Eddie as physically possible.

“Oh! Oh my!” the woman continues to stammer, “No! It’s fine, boys! I’m- I’m hip! My nephew is a homosexual! He and his boyfriend are wonderful people!”

Eddie silently exits the closet and heads upstairs, leaving Richie to the awkwardness alone. Richie doesn’t see this silent escape until it’s too late.

“Well, we’re not exactly boyfriends-” Richie desperately tries to rouse some sort of explanation.

“It’s fine! Really! I prefer people do those sort of things in their rooms but you’re not the first couple I’ve stumbled on in there! No shame, sweetie! No shame!”

Richie seems to put his embarrassment aside as his ear picks up on that last fact.

“Really? Other people have done this?”

“Well,” she retracts a bit, “maybe not in the same manner as you. But I’ve found a couple or two after a stormy night entangled in there. Don’t feel bad.”

She may be the first person ever to directly tell Richie not to be ashamed of what he’s done with another man. Richie really looks at her for the first time; she’s upwards of sixty for sure and dressed like a Stevie Nicks impersonator. She’s not cookie cutter like so much of Derry was and still is. Richie berates himself for making fun of her interior decorating earlier.

“What’s your name again?” he asks her.

“Doris,” she answers slowly, “I’m pretty sure I said that when we met.”

“I had a lot on my mind then and I’m kind of an asshole.”

Doris nods in consideration which makes Richie laugh. He starts to head up the stairs.

“Well Doris, you’re getting an excellent Yelp review after all this.”

“Oh good,” Doris smiles.

Richie can barely contain himself at the top step as he hears Doris mutter to herself:

“The fuck is a yelp?”

[momo-de-avis]

Ok yes, i read the thread, it sounds like a nightmare. But isn't it a little bit suspicious that *none* of the several mental health specialists (or whoever they consulted) believe the parents? Certainly, as specialists, they are more than familiar with disorders where people lie and decieve. And it isn't as if there's no witnesses to the kids weird behaviour - there are many. Plus the odd situations at school + the hospital thing (where, come on, they wanted to blame the baby's parents (1/2)

(2/2) the least they could have done to clean their name And help the nephew is to honestly expose the case and hope it will further a better in depth evaluation of the kid's mental health). But idk. That's just what i think rn. I wanna know what people have to say.

OP actually states there aren’t witnesses to any of the shit this kid pulls off. That’s the main issue. That’s why SO MANY people in the replies are telling OP to properly document via hidden cameras. Because the kid has picked up on what defines good behaviour and has a repertoire

It is NOT strange at all that mental health experts would overlook it. Firstly, we don’t know what sort of mental health experts we are talking about and under what circumstances did they visit them. It is likely that the parents simply found a therapist and hoped it would work out, but it didn’t. People with antisocial disorder are known to be VERY difficult to get through because they are very good at lying and manipulating. There’s also the issue of a child being too young to be properly diagnosed.

I think people are downplaying just how proficient at lying psychopathic children can be. And I don’t say this as a negative or positive or whatever thing, I say this as a factual thing. It’s one of the dominant traits of anti social disorder, and OP states clearly just how manipulative the child in question is. It is also very obvious he has caught on to what sort of manipulative devices work, considering he has managed to convince people that his parents are abusive and that the mention of CPS is a clear threat.

And of course, there’s the issue of the fact that this is apparently in the US, which I don’t know how it goes. Were it in Portugal, it wouldn’t surprise me AT ALL if he was dismissed as just another kid and the parents kind of wackos, because our public psychiatric system is not tailored to catch these cases.

Second of all, a case like this is not caught onto with just a few consultations. It requires proper documentation because of the mentioned problem above of the child’s manipualtion.

Thirdly, CPS will always look at the parents, not another child as a suspect of abuse

Like, I don’t think people fully understand how serious and very real cases like these are. It’s why I honestly detest compulsive victimization based on pre-conceptios which I get, I honestly get, but right now, I honestly do NOT feel the littlest bit inclined at doubting these parents, especially when there is a little girl being exposed to this who right now is looking very much like a possible victim of something FAR WORSE than a case of a dead animal.

If this is fake, let me tell you the person really knows well about psychology because they’ve gotten all the checks on it (killing animals, wetting the bed or defecating until past a normal age, manipulation and lack of regret, etc -- these are all symptoms).

And besides, like I said, cases like this are very very real.

[ramblingshit]

Jane Eyre - 1934 - 4/5

Vodka-less and tired and very cold, we begin our journey to the very first talkie version of Jane Eyre.

ow my bra hurts. I wish I had vodka. this is so sad. wait i have a rokerdelig brb. depression strikes syet again - i drank it earlier. alright lets get started in the 30s whoop. wow audio quality 10/10 lolol. opening with john reed hunting her down and she's blonde oh no she's been found.  holy fuck he's throwing shit at her - SLAP BITCH GET HIM. nooooooooNOOOO why is it errored. okay fixed. aunt mary? oh damn she collapsed cause he pitched that cup at her what an ass - bessie is reading to her naw. she's cut out of a lot of them and never shown so kind at the time she's actually. oh shit. ahaha 'they're bad and i hate them.' 'since you hate us so much i bet you'll be happy to know i'm sending you to an orphanage.' 'yes i am happy' looool. 'go away! GO AWAY! goodbye!" hell yeah lil Jane you stand up to that bish. not quite the snappy shebang she says in the others but very satisfying nonetheless - a lot braver and more obstinate love it. oh no her curls snip snip. ohh her hair is cute af. and very 30s ahaha what a coincidence. wow she talks back like hey ahah. she's looking down at lowood preacher dude down her nose ahah. didn't say hell? ahahaha omg this is great so far. she's the best lil Jane I think I've seen. ohh interesting way to show passing of time - the flipping book pages and the showing of the top of the next chapter - skipping quite a few ahead. skipped helen? straight to her ahah oh shit -- teaching. she's standing up to brocklehurst like no ones business. 'you're dismissed! get out!' 'I'll get out - gladly!' ohmygod she's great she's so great none of that simpering and passivity she's taking the world by the balls.  'you cruel dingy childbeater!' 'you ought to be tarred and feathered you ugly old crocodile!' lmao im in love with her. she walks off laughing and happy about being dismissed. miss temple loves her and gonna miss her so sweet, brocklehurst was like holy damn wtf. ahaha her drivers a drunk, fukn flying across the road she's like bye m8. she's proud and above him and annoyed she has to walk rather than die in a carriage crash. oh damn now she meets no? yeah she's not even made it --oh fuck that horse FLIPPED. she helps unprompted and isn't hesitant in talking back and speaking up oh my god she just stalked off after helping him up ahaha. ahaha oh shit the drunk driver works at thornfield and when they asked why she walked instead of taking the carriage she covered his ass and said she just wanted to walk through the meadows and he's like oh thank fuck thank you jesus she just rolls her eyes with a smile. she speaks 3 languages and draws and plays - very accomplished. he's adele's uncle? Samuel Poole ey what a g m8. and he warns her out of the blue to keep her door locked at night. that 30s makeup is crazy awesome. round face, rosy cheeks, long brows and dark eye makeup and lips. short hair. Adele gives her the tour. she's proud and self-assured. poh damn they're only allowed on one side of the house - sam is married to grace poole. just dunno why she's blonde? probs cause she's supposed to be like angelic? anyway she's gorgeous and the angles are nice and the lighting is good--andw what era are these dresses jfc there's no way she could afford that dress fuck. and who curled her hair and that's a low bow whats happening it looks like a southern gone with teh wind situation. he's smaller than she is. he's bathed in darkness - the light is dimmer on him than her. she's even got a necklace. they're not sitting by the fire. he was too busy looking at her to notice her giving his tea. awkward sips ahaha. it's got like a diamond on the necklace. he looks like he's squatting on that tiny chair. oh shit she's gonna sing instead of play. yikes i hope she can--she's literally taller than him. oh she's gonna play and sing. she looks like blanche is supposed to look? and of course she can sing - all framed by candlelight and hanging crystals. the audio is crackling ahah wow incredible they can do it at all - one of the first talkies damn. 'lovely' wow she a mary sue? please don't be a mary sue.sings and yeets outta there not even finished her tea. far out that dress is not doing it for me. what world would a governess be dressed like that? she wears nothing but white. and journalling is never a good idea. but my god she's gorgeous---lots of SCREAMINGGG. and they're telling Jane that its just a servant and its clearly not grace poole doing the screaming? Fairfax knows? Jane can't blame Grace? Jane's like not freaked about it - i suppose she's journalling about it. Adeles a 'mischief' lol nice. she's ran from her lesson and climbed a tree and now she's stuck up there and Jane like doesn't hesitate just scales that tree after her 'uncle edward help! my foot's caught!' 'her foot's caught' 'her foot's caught, so i gathered.' he seems so gentle and kind and pleasant. gets adele out of the tree - 'and where would you like this package delivered, miss eyre?' ahaha cute ooh they know when rochester is leaving to london. he's handsome i'll give him that, it's better --wait when was blanche introduced. asking him when he's getting married and he says next month and adele asks if he's gonna marry blanche and he avoids the question and she starts on but is interrupted by a frantically gesticulating Jane shaking her head, and she cuts herself off and skips away all innocvently lol til she slips moron kid hit her knee ahahaha what a dumbass. Jane's helping clean the chandelier? and Adele is helping as well, that's cool. wtf this kids a moron getting herself headdown stuck in a vase and JAne smashes that shit and snaps at Rochester's amused quip at breaking his shit and blanche laughs and Jane turns on her lol what a savage and storms off. dancing around her room to the sound of the music downstairs that's nice and cute I'd do the same thing ahaha. she's all petulant cause brought blanche who hasn't been introduced properly? is she gonna put her fancy dress on? no? i hope not. damn they're in a ball room? nice. blanche has dark hair and looks much older than any other, not a bad thing just different. they call her beautiful and pretty - not even trying to pretend she's plain and simple. he's suddenly all over her staring intensely and accompanying her into the room and now they're dancing no way? no? no. governesses and landowners don't dance? she's down here without adele. he's sad she didn't dress up - she didn't want to appear as anything than what she is : a governess! at least she's proud of it. he's amused. and charmed. she thinks he's mocking her. now they're being introduced - an interesting way of doing things but rather natural compared to immediately knowing each other. Adele's sitting here with some old guy talking shit about people wow that's mean. fkn kids and this lord ingram is encouraging the hell out of her ahaha. but when she taunts him suddenly its not so funny ahaha. blanche is nice but sarcastic? it's a wedding party ooooh? adele m8 letting things slip? it's 2am and she's dreaming of him - and damn she's going straight for the curtains with that candle and its not lighting? then we see an altogether put together lady return with teh candle to the room upstairs before crazy cackling. god Jane is pretty. oh shit the house is on fire. nah just his room. there's no dramatic music - yes! she's the one to tear down the curtains and open the window - she's legit the most assertive main character i've seen - he's woken up and the fire is like already out. she's got this sorted all he has to do is give her a blanket 'why didn't you call for help?' 'I didn't think it necessary...' noice. here have some alcohol - from the same cup: might as well kiss. she burnt her hands and HE KISSED THEM. she's like bye. she is outies not taking any of his affections like she got better things to do, like sleep. he's in her room? he brought her a book. they're standing very close. he wants her to help redecorate the west wing - he's quite sure he's getting married in a month and that she'll have things to suit the lady's taste. eyeyeyeyyy. its a pupppppppppppyyyyy. oh it's adele's room. ohmygod so fuckin cute rochester is putting adele to bed and she's saying that she wants an aunt that she can choose and she wants it to be miss eyre and he says she wont have them and she says he has to ask her and she'll make sure she says yes. 'that'd be very nice'. cute af ma8. 'don't forget to ask her!' he grins happily. she chooses a cutain (?) and rochester jumps in 'we prefer this one!', and ol mate says 'i congratulate the lady on her discerning taste - the room will look delightful!' what a thing to say. she looks fkn miserable lolol she thinks she's choosing shit out for blanche - they're choosing out jewels now. she's fkn despondent. she flees the jewellers, he follows her and she cries and tells him she's off on holiday. he's not happy like did you think that would go well?? she's not even saying goodbye to him ahaha bye adele and fairfax nevermind here he is marching up the stairs weren't you gon' say goodbye????? tajes her bags and back upstairs to show her the room she designed? she loves it and he's happy and taking the coat off - 'it's incomplete' 'incomplete? everything seems to be in its proper place - what's missing?' 'you.' ohmygodddddddd. 'can't you see i've been falling in love with you all of this time?' rochester yaaaassss. she's not about to argue lol. whoops - 'you must never decieve me again' she chides lovingly and he laughs and shakes his head. like duuuuude i haven't forgotten this is Jane Eyre. okay he's very handsome and she's gorgeous what a lovely couple. now she's dressed in enormous dresses and jewels much more fitting now I suppose, though she did just say she didn't want to be lavished and pampered. oh what the fuck lol what 'edward my husband!' ahaha oh shit bertha just popped nicely out of nowhereeeee -'you can't separate me from my husband again! no one shall!' oh shit. oh shit. wow that was so brushed over - 1930s sensibilities??? Jane's like uhhhh what was that explain yourself he's like I love you you make me so happy i didn't want to tell you I was married to a psycho that I keep in the attic and take care of. she almost forgave him then he rushed off to help with his violent wife - what she gon do?? she waiting forever surely not she's better than that. yas ohmygod is she gone? SHES GONE AHAHAHA YAS DAMN GO GIRL. she wrote a goodbye note to Adele but not him ahaha savage I love her. ohh a star wars cut noice. he's just gon sit in his library? took mrs fairfax to be like yo dude she couldn't have gone very far ahah she's hiding from him in the shadows all misery and rain. searching for her in the dark- thornfield's on fire! oh yikes it's seriously on fire.  get out of there ya;ll. it's so odd not to have any action music oh damn he's going into the house to get bertha he's in his tophat ahaha fire effects! fire effects! fire effects! whoo. she's found herself in a soup kitchen very nice Jane you're an angel. she's going to india huh oh damn we speeding through this bit - 30 seconds after we meet Rivers he's proposing ahaha. she looks insulted, thanks him and storms out. she's pouring soup an hour before her wedding to Rivers and Sam's just popped up looking fucked uppp. i think he's just drunk tbh. bertha burned to death. Jane's frantic and upset m8 and yeah Sam's drunk af. so JAne went to him - he's blind and angry and an't see her and she's crying and he's shocked my god he's in the light and he's in the dark and he's reaching toward the light and touching her face - lol she raced back to thornfield in a day. lol you want some tea Eyre, it's nice for you to call. he's convinced ---ohhhhh--- "strange, you pity me when I'm blind and yet when I was worse than blind you had no mercy.' he's sending her awayyyyy noo he literally just told her they never belonged to each other and they never did like damn son that is fuckin colldddddd. she's so emotional and he's like yep I guess. She was awesome, he was handsome and had his fine moments. It was cute af m8 noice.

[chacusha]

FFVI live-blogging (1/?)

While I wait for all my game consoles and my PC to make their way here, I decided I would replay Final Fantasy VI on an emulator. In particular, I’m trying out the GBA edition for the very first time. Exciting!

Little known fact: I have never finished FFVI despite it being one of my favorite games. I have probably started a new game and played through a significant portion of the story about five or six times (the farthest I got was the World of Ruin after having re-collected most of party again i.e. able to fight Kefka at any point but still dicking around with sidequests).

Followup fact: This is because there are some aspects of this game that I struggle with because I’m really obsessive about how I play games. In particular, the magicite/Esper system is really hard for me to deal with, because I obsessively try to make sure every person in my party builds up a fairly complete repertoire of magic, which takes an insane amount of grinding. (And then I don’t really use magic other than healing spells, so uh... I don’t know why I do that.) The second thing is Gau’s Rage skills. I also get really obsessive about building up a fairly complete collection, which usually involves HOURS of grinding on the Veldt (an activity that doesn’t even give EXP, apparently? somehow I never realized that...).

So anyway, I’m now at the point where Terra rejoins your party after turning into her esper form (and Celes is back in the empire). In other words, I am now at the point where I have a new flood of magicite and the Veldt is newly accessible again and uh... it might be a while before I move on. 😅

Anyway some thoughts:

One thing I like about the early Final Fantasy games is how obviously inspired they are by Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, and I think FFVI is the game that makes that inspiration most clear. The story framing of a small group of people (each of them a distinguished person in their own right -- a king, a general, the strongest knight of a kingdom, a gambling airship pilot, etc. etc.) band together to take down an expansionist empire against all odds, even if that means sneaking behind enemy lines to carry out a dangerous mission. (I forever love Biggs and Wedge, and the “Aren’t you a little short to be an Imperial trooper?” line.)

I love the maximally steampunk aesthetic of Figaro Castle going into submerging mode.

Edgar is a very similar character to Ringabel -- charming and flirts with every woman in a kind of gallant way. Despite how that kind of behavior would be irritating in real life (and occasionally crosses into sketchy territory, like when flirting with children), they are both perennially popular characters among women. I find that fascinating. Like, I also know I’d find that behavior annoying if I encountered it in real life, but I also really enjoy both of these characters??

The reveal of Locke’s literal dead girlfriend in a basement will never not be amazingly hilarious, creepy, and very sad all at the same time.

Guy in Jidoor: “After they threw out all the poor people in town...” Me: After they did what now? (Not sure how I feel about the class politics of “all the poor people are pathological liars” that is Zozo. Then again, they also had a “rich dude betrayed everyone in South Figaro to fascists the empire for money” so maybe that makes up for it.)

The opera scene is still A+++. Like, one of the things that make it so great is that the sets (like the balcony that Celes is on) would be crazy amazing if they actually existed in real life. Like, imagine going to the opera, and they have this amazing multi-level tower, complete with a balcony, pillars, and a beautiful night sky backdrop. You’d be like, holy shit, they didn’t hold back!!

Having played FFIX, I now can see how much of FFVI is in that game. The theatre troupe, the auction house, the lady-protecting thief, etc. are all very familiar.

The scene with Celes and Locke in the Magitek Factory (where Kefka claims that Celes was on the Empire’s side the entire time) reads differently to me than it did in the SNES version for some reason. I always thought that Celes was obviously what she appeared to be (a deserting general) and that Locke’s “omg is it true, Celes?? 😧” reaction was just him being dumb/gullible. But during this playthrough, this scene makes it seem like Celes actually WAS meant to infiltrate the Returners and she had a change of heart halfway through. I think the reasons it reads differently are (1) that there isn’t as much flavor text that indicates Celes’s character or personality (the SNES description of Celes having “a spirit as pure as snow” makes it sound like she deserted the Empire because she could no longer stand its crimes, but the more accurate GBA description that people have never seen the woman that lies underneath the general simply suggests that she is hard to read AKA a good spy), and (2) Kefka’s more detailed claim that Celes “deserted” and was “rescued” in order to infiltrate the Returners seems too specific for him to be making that up on the fly. I wonder if that was the writers’ intention, though... Okay, wow, looking up information on the FF Wikia and comparing game scripts, and I think spy!Celes is canon: “Celes was originally meant to be a ‘conflicted spy’ archetype—a spy working for the antagonists, but swayed by the benevolence of the people she was supposed to be spying on and how nice Locke was to her.” Woolsey translation: Cid: Can it be true that you came here as a spy, seeking to cause an uprising!? Locke: !? Celes...? Kefka: So that's it! Magicite... Cid, you miserable blockhead! Now... General Celes!! The game's over. Bring me those Magicite shards! Locke: Celes! You... decieved me!? Celes: Of course not! Have a little faith! Kefka: G'hee, hee, hee! She has tricked you all! Celes, that's so... YOU! Celes: Locke... Please believe me... GBA translation: Cid: Is it true you worked your way in amongst the rebels as a spy? Locke: ...!? Celes...? Kefka: Oh, I see! Magicite...! Excellent work, Cid! General Celes! We needn't keep up the charade any longer. Bring me those magicite crystals! Locke: Celes! You...tricked us!? Celes: Of course not! Please, trust me! Kefka: Hee-hee-hee! The sweet taste of betrayal! Oh, Celes! That's so...you! Celes: Locke... Believe me... (Cid’s line is no longer ambiguous which side Celes is spying for. Coming from Cid (a more reliable character than Kefka), the story that Celes is a spy is not so easily dismissed. Kefka is also so unruffled at encountering Celes in a secure empire facility that it just doesn’t seem like he’s improvising either...)

I love the Maduin flashback. I don’t know if it’s significantly different/pared down in the English SNES version or what, but those scenes never really stuck with me before... But seeing them this playthrough? OMG the feels. First, the ominous esper music playing throughout is so Atmospheric and Foreboding. You really get the feeling that the events depicted changed the fate of the world. (Also, it reminds me of this track from the Sailor Moon RPG, which is also a great track.) Second, Madeline is such a clear and striking character given how little screentime she has. The one trait she most clearly has is, like, a misanthropic hatred of humanity. And throughout her scenes, you get this really strong impression that she’s really fierce, bitter, and almost... thorny? Like really hard to get close to -- a determined loner. Third, the Maduin/Madeline relationship -- first off, I appreciate the metaphorical sex scene where they dance/fly around a cave together and drop two sparkles that combine to form a baby. Second, that last scene where Madeline kind of foolishly runs off and Maduin chases after her and they have this “you’re being a dummy” “I know” “let’s go home” kind of tender moment before EVERYTHING GOES WRONG. Ouch my heart.

Also, it strikes me that Terra and Aerith are very parallel characters -- half-human, half-supernatural race, captured and experimented on as a baby, mom dies trying to save her, etc.

Also, I find Gestahl a very unsettling character. I feel like Kefka is the Voldemort or Bellatrix of Final Fantasy VI -- unstable, weird, very over-the-top, god complex villain who screams “eeeeevil” with his design -- while Gestahl is the Umbridge of Final Fantasy VI -- civil, polite, reasonable, functional, and yet utterly uncaring and dismissive of other people’s concerns. Whereas with the Kefka type, you’re like, “who would follow this person?” and don’t feel threatened, Gestahl is not only a person people would follow; he’s a person many people already ARE. That’s scary to me.

[arealneatguy-blog]

Not Dead (And also Uncharted)

Well howdy there all of the 0 people who read this blog, I’m not dead! I don’t really have a reason for not posting, I just didn’t really think to or care enough to. But that’s the good thing about having an unread blog, no expectations! Anyways, as the title implies, I’ve been replaying the original Uncharted trilogy through the remaster on PS4. First off, it’s totally worth buying if you have any kind of interest in action or shooter games, but secondly, the games were really interesting to look back on, especially having played Uncharted 4: A Theif’s End, the finale to the series. 

Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune Remastered The first game in the series, it definitely had it’s problems the first time around on PS3. The shooting was kinda iffy, and the whole mechanic of using motion controls to aim where your grenades go was just painful. Thankfully, the gameplay of this game has been sharpened up, I’d even say that it falls in line with the next two games in the series. Unfortunately though, that’s strictly on gameplay terms. The level design is another story. It’s not bad enough to call it awful, but it’s certainly bad enough to say it likely wasn’t thought out all that well or, if it was, the level designers were dicks. There are many times where, while dealing with enemies on one side of you, the game will spawn in enemies on the other side of you. This typically leaves you in a spot where it’s impossible to take cover from all the enemies in the area. While that’s fair, and unarguably more interesting than simply playing through a shooting gallery where you occasionally have to duck, but while playing on the hardest difficulty (Well, the old hardest difficulty, ‘Crushing’. A new ‘Brutal’ mode was added in the remaster of the trilogy, which I haven’t tried.) the layout of the levels leaves little time for switching between cover, if there’s any viable cover to begin with. There’s also the story to the game, which is extremely generic. Adventurer discovers treasure, races Bad Guy to the treasure, treasure is revealed to have supernatural and damning effects, Adventurer beats Bad Guy (Bonus points if they don’t kill Bad Guy directly.) and casts the treasure away to hopefully never be found forever. In this case, the treasure is El Dorado (A statue, not a city), and I honestly don’t remember the bad guy’s name, but he gets backstabbed and replaced by his henchman Navarro, so he’s the real Bad Guy. However, that isn’t to say the story isn’t enjoyable, because the actual narrative isn’t the meat of it. If anything, the Uncharted series is more character-driven than narrative-driven. The character interaction is fun and relatable, and it helps that the voice actors (At least those for the main characters.) all put in a good performance. Overall, good game. If you’re going to play it though, do not cheap out and play it on PS3, the remaster is definitely worth the improvements in brings to the table.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves Remastered Ah, Uncharted 2, you little masterpiece you. There’s a reason this game tops so many ‘Best Games of’ lists, and that’s because it’s a blast to play. The original fixed most of the gameplay issues of the first game, removing the motion controls and tightening up the gunplay, as well as the design issues. The level desgin is a bit compact, but I’d say it’s a fair trade off for the mobility it offers in gameplay. If you do get into a tight spot, running and gunning your way to a safer place is viable even on Crushing. Not all the time, of course, but much more than in the previous game. There’s a rewarding feeling everytime you get past a gunfight, especially if you pull it off without dying, and doubly so if it’s during one of the many setpieces in the game. If you know anything about this game, it’s probably something to do with a gun fight that happens on a moving train. Needless to say, things go off the rails from there. In total, I think Nathan Drake takes out about two helicopters, a couple of armored vehicles, and like half a train, not counting the countless people he just shoots the good old-fashioned way. Speaking of shooting the good old-fashioned way, the game puts a spin on that too, introducing enemies that present new challenges. Two, to be precise. There are enemies with shields, who can be easily taken out with grenades. If you don’t have any though, you’re in for a challenge. And then there are armoured enemies, covered in thick metal plating that needs to be shot or blown off before you can kill him. The easy trick is to just grenade them to take out their armor, and then spraying them down to finish them off. But if they’re able to get up close, you’re screwed. The story is also better this time around, mostly because there’s more characters, allowing for more witty dialogue and banter to go on between them. The Bad Guy is also much more of a Bad Guy in this game. He has a scary foreign sounding name, Lazarevic, a complementing accent, a well-defined goal (World domination.), and most importantly, has a whole army of grunts for Nathan Drake to shoot and (barely ever) punch his way through. In this outing, Drake is after Shambala, which turns out to be a real place hidden inside of a mountain, which he then promptly destroys in the process of beating Lazarevic (But bonus points because he lets the natives of Shambala finish him off.) and generally shooting all over the place. So yeah, this is in my opinion the best Uncharted game, but that doesn’t mean the rest are bad. 

Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception Remastered For the life of me I couldn’t tell you why this game, of all four games, is called Drake’s Deception. As it turns out, Drake isn’t all that hard of a guy to decieve, and this game isn’t the first time he ever gets duped. That’s besides the point though, because this game is an infernal hell of an experience created by what must be the most sadistic people on the planet. Like the other two games, I played this one on Crushing, but I still remember having trouble with this game the first time I’d played it, and that was on Normal. The gameplay is almost exactly the same as Uncharted 2, with two major differences. The lesser of the two is the ability to throw back grenades. When a grenade lands close enough to Drake, a prompt will show up and, if done correctly, will allow the player to throw the grenade right back at the enemy. Overpowered? Of course, but I’ll get to how that evens out later on. The second, bigger gameplay change is a new focus on melee combat. This is something the first game tried to do, but ultimately it was almost always better to shoot your way out of a situation. Rather than give the melee system a benefit like the first game did (Killing enemies with melee increased the amount of ammo they dropped.), Uncharted 3 adds depth to the melle combat. You can attack, counterattack, and push people. It’s not very deep, but it’s something. It’s only really used when the game forces you to use it, as trying to fight someone hand-to-hand in the middle of a gunfight isn’t a very good idea. There’s also a new enemy type to facilitate this change, the Brute. These guys, who with one exception literally all look the same but with different clothes, are complete bullet sponges, and the only practical way to take them down is by fighting them hand-to-hand. Only once does one of these enemies actually show up alongside other enemies, and even then it’s spaced in a way to make it fair. All in all, the melee system is just meh, it isn’t bad, but it doesn’t really add much. Now, as promised, why the whole grenade throwback mechanic is justified: The level design is harder than ever. I won’t say it’s bad, because it isn’t. It’s clearly designed in a way that gives an advantage to your enemies. Areas are typically large and wide enough that, if you can’t dispatch enemies quick enough, you will eventually be flanked and overrun. Can it get a little rediculous at times? You betcha. In fact, there are some checkpoints where, on Crushing difficulty, if you don’t move immediately you will die before you can make it to cover. It does feel rewarding, but not in the same way as Uncharted 2. The second game makes it feel like you overcame a group of soldiers, this game feels more like solving a difficult puzzle where the pieces just happen to be bullets that need to be placed strategically in holes that haven’t been made yet. Also, this may just be something I noticed specifically in this game, but the enemies seem very unresponsive. As in, you can shoot someone mid-sprint and they’ll keep on running as if nothing happened. It gets pretty annoying, and takes a bit out of the immersion. Man, and I haven’t even gotten to the story yet. This time Bad Guy is actually Bad Girl and her cocky little shit of a right hand man. They’re both members of a secret shadowy organization that wants, you guessed it, world domination! I actually think this game has the worst plot of the series, simply because everything just kind of feels like it comes and goes, like the game’s just looking for an excuse to move us on to the next locale to show us how pretty it is. The character interaction is still top notch though. I’d definitely say it’s better than the first game, but the difficulty can be a bit much. 

Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End Uh-oh, did somebody say Uncharted 4? Granted, while this game just came out last March, I figured I’d put in my two cents regarding it, especially in how it compares to the originals. I’ll start off bluntly, Uncharted 4 is a great game, however,  Uncharted 4 is one of the worst  Uncharted games, and it’s all The Last of Us’s fault. Off of gameplay alone,  Uncharted 4 is the best the series has to offer. The stealth mechanics (Which were pretty much just a loose suggestion in the original games) have been overhauled dramatically. Not only that, but it actually allows you to pull off this kind of ‘hide-and-seek’ style of play where you can break stealth, kill a couple guys, and then hide and repeat the process. It’s very fun and is something I’ve been looking for in a stealth game for a long time. While the likes of Metal Gear Solid make it possible to hide after being spotted, it’s pretty tedious to sit around waiting for guards to stand down.  Uncharted has the advantage of taking place in exotic locales, though, not in military bases. Unfortunately, you can’t judge Uncharted 4 on gameplay alone. Remember how I said The Last of Us ruined Uncharted 4? Well, I wasn’t talking about stupid fan theories trying to link the two series, the real problem lies in  Uncharted 4′s attempt at becoming more focused on the narrative. Remember when I said the narrative aspect of the games wasn’t all that great? It didn’t really improve all that much. In fact, the story just got more generic as the game overall has a much more grounded tone. In this game, Nathan Drake and his brother Sam (Who has not been mentioned at all before this game.) go after a hidden pirate treasure while competing against an old collegue of theirs, Rafe. What is Rafe’s goal? World domination? Unlimited Power? Nah, he just wants to find something. That’s it, he’s pissy because he’s spent his whole life treasure hunting and never found anything while Nathan Drake has found El Dorado, Shambala, and a hidden Desert City. He doesn’t even want the money, in fact he’s already rich. Well surely then the treasure somehow backfires on him, right? Wrong again, hypothetical reader. It’s literally just a bunch of pirate treasure, no strings attached. There’s also a problem I’ve only breifly touched on up until now, and that’s Nathan Drake’s iffy moral code. Sure, he kills hundreds of random grunts per game, but for whatever reason as soon as it’s one of the main antagonists, he gets all heroic and decides to either spare them or let them suffer from their own hubris. It’s passable in the other games because the story isn’t to focus their, but here I’d say it’s totally up for criticism. The stupidly bombastic and simple gameplay and story go hand in hand, and you can’t neuter one without creating a rift between the two. It isn’t just the story that gets hurt either, the gameplay takes a blow as well. On my first playthrough, I felt like just about one third of my time was actually spent fighting enemies, whereas I’d say the other games have abouts two thirds or so of combat. The other third is spent climbing and solving puzzles, and the other third is spent WAITING. Waiting for cutscenes, waiting as you slowly walk through an area, waiting for a character to do something so you can progress, waiting for the game to reload because you got bored and threw yourself off a cliff, or, worst of all, waiting for a charcter that you helped get into one area interact with the one object that will allow you to join them and progress. I suppose it could go with the third thing, but my main gripe with it is that it’s a mechanic from The Last of Us, and I use the word ‘mechanic’ very loosely. It’s exists solely to waste your time, and not even the best damn dialogue in the world could make waiting over and over and over again fun. You see, all of this waiting works in The Last of Us, but why? Well, perhaps it’s because The Last of Us is a action game with survival horror elements and a heavy emphasis on stealth and storytelling? Just a thought. On the other hand, Uncharted is a series of third-person shooting games with a light puzzle-solving mechanics and an emphasis on character interaction, taking notes from the likes of Indiana Jones and Tomb Raider. In one, it’s okay to take things slow, to wait a bit and take a break. In the other, it’s just boring and noticeably slower than the actual fun parts of the game. In fact, it makes replaying this game a complete bore, and it isn’t helped by the fact that you spend HOURS in the game before you even shoot an actual fucking gun (There’s a little bit where you shoot a toy gun.). So yeah,  Uncharted 4 shoots itself in the foot by presenting the player with an excelent gameplay experience, and then making the decision to not capitalize on that, and instead just try to force what made The Last of Us good into Uncharted’s world and gameplay, which just doesn’t work. The story that Naughty Dog tries to hard to make us focus on is, as with the rest of the series, terribly cliched, yet doesn’t hone in on the fun in those cliches and tropes that make the treasure hunter genre fun, sacrificing that for a serious tone that doesn’t hold up, especially not when the characters are spitting out witty remarks every other second. Honestly, the character interaction is the only thing consistent with the series, but with how much of it that’s forced down your throat while you wait to actually play the actual game makes it a bit tiresome. Hell, I don’t really even like Sam Drake as a character, he’s just Nathan Drake but is delibrately an asshole.

I realize I’ve just spent a lot of time thrashing on Uncharted 4, so I’ll make a point of saying this again, it is a good game. It just doesn’t mesh well with the original three Uncharted games. To be fair, I did enjoy it my first time around, but I can’t bring myself to finish my second playthough simply because of all that waiting. My advice, if you want to get into this series, go for it. If you want to play Uncharted 4, go for it, but I’d suggest buying it on sale, it’s not really worth the asking price of $60 to me, I’ve played better games for far cheaper. In fact, if you’re strapped for cash/time/care, you could just not bother with  Uncharted 4. Having just beat Uncharted 3 a couple hours ago, I can say that it does end the serious on a positive, if ambiguous ending, compared to Uncharted 4′s slightly less ambiguous ending, the only difference being an epilogue that shows Drake’s life years after Uncharted 4. If you aren’t limited by much, I’d say play Uncharted 4, just keep your hopes in check. If there’s one last positive thing I can say, it’s that The Last of Us Part II probably won’t have Ellie going off to find ancient treasure. You know, probably.