justtogetthrough

[justtogetthrough]

I can’t stop ruminating about my dead blog. No one has emailed me back yet and I am going insane.

I feel like I lost such important things, and when I want to write about related things it feels like I have no place to do it now and my head feels like a prison.

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true gender liberation will never happen until the queer community can see masculinity as something which can be a real expression of self and which is worth protecting and loving

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goddamn gender inflation, can’t have shit these days

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I apologize in advance because I have a LOT of fatphobia I’m trying to work through and that is probably gonna ooze out in this ask, and also that this is probably above your pay grade but I literally don’t know who else to ask (my therapist is on vacation).

I realized the amount of self hatred I have either because of/related to the fact I’m fat is like fairly unhealthy, and I also project said hatred onto other fat people. I don’t really know where to start fighting that amount of hatred.

By “amount of hatred” I mean I am literally physically repulsed by my body, hate it like a mortal enemy, and feel the desire to self harm when I remember how I look/feel. I feel disgusted at fat bodies, though not usually the people themselves.

I get that like there are layers to fat liberation, but I’m not at level 0, Im in the negatives. Like I’m probably the person who hates fatness the most out of everyone I know (sorry). It’s to the point I’m kind of cringing at myself for even trying to get rid of the hatred of fatness.

I guess what I’m asking is where the hell do I even START? I feel overwhelmed, and that paired with the fact I’m kinda forcing myself to face this demon against my will isn’t helping.

I hope this is mildly legible, and ofc if this whole thing disturbs you there’s no obligation to give me advice. I’m probably also gonna message my therapist. Thank you for your time.

I was just about to say, I would suggest therapy. it’s also really shitty to tell other fat people that you hate us. you could have worded this ask so, so differently.

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fuck what “radicalized” you, i wanna know what DEradicalized you. what made you believe in nuance again. what made you release the need to be morally pure and righteous. what made you realize being radicalized in any direction is not a good thing.

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This really makes the Studios costing themselves even more money (and getting more unions involved) by prolonging the strike for the promise of free ai labor even more fucking funny. you dumb fucking bastards lol

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Just so everyone is aware. The patriarchy ≠ men. Hating men because they are men is radical feminist bullshit and I will block you over it.

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I’m fairly certain the glasses have made my vision worse and I’m salty about it. I hate having to wear glasses but now I can barely see without them

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it is legit bizarre to me how hard video game creators and film directors and showrunners try to pretend that fat people don't exist. can you think of the last time you saw a fat person in a lead role? god forbid a fat woman? i can walk down the street or go into a shop or restaurant and see fat people everywhere but then i switch on the tv and suddenly it's like a glimpse into an alternate universe where no one has a bmi over 24. insidious and weird

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I want my blog back so much. I had so much information in there I need for therapy 😞 No one has emailed me back yet and I need them to so I can explain all their support links mean nothing to me when they’ve gone and erased the actual teachings I was gleaning from actual therapy with my personal therapist helping me with my particular issues.

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newbie asked if we're supposed to look out for 'red flags' in interlibrary loan requests in reference to a request a patron had made for a book about cannibalism. she was looking expectantly at me like she was expecting me to be equally aghast at this........girl why would you work at a library if you want to play book police

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I wish it were Tuesday but I don’t want to experience any of the days between now and then, even though there’s so much I have to do before then 🫤

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I feel inconsolably bad and I don’t know what to do with myself

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what did you post that got your blog deleted?

It was on a side blog that had a password that no one could access and it was probably self harm related.

That blog was opened in 2013 and had random self harm posts from 2013-present, as I've used the blog inconsistently, and because my blog got deleted while I slept, I can't even check what post they linked to in the email that was being flagged. The report said it was internally generated so idk their bots could have picked any of probably a hundred or two posts that talked about cutting or dying.

I strongly suspect it was about a post I made last night that disappeared right away and I was very confused but figured it just got eaten, and later posted about the same thing again and I suspect that was offence #2 therefore total deletion. Which is dumb. I got the email at 3:16 am and I went to bed at 1:00 am. Both posts were made between the hours of 8 and 10 pm probably. So their "warning email" never even gave me a chance to realize it was gonna violate TOS. Which, honestly, not on the top of my radar given no one else was seeing that blog.

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Motherfucker. Tumblr needs to warn people IN THE APP WHEN POSTING that their previous content got removed and one more post will mean deletion.

No one checks their email immediately after a post. The email didn't come in for 6 hours after the post, while I was asleep.

The whole "this is your one warning, next time it's deletion of a blog you've had for 11 years" delivered by EMAIL hours later is fucking stupid and unfair.

Notify us on your actual stupid website where we're likely to actually see it in time

Fuck.

They're all like "please get help" and then erase the blog that I rely on for memories to even process in therapy siiiiiigh

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