#im not like. an academic. i have a design degree

[crowleaf]

Am I seriously considering trying to write an essay about the connection between woowoo starseed Atlanean Lumerian New Age weirdos and white supremacist ideology? I think I might be

[no27-autonation-honda]

not to be a colossal fucking cowabummer about everything but it really does suck that like. my really chill and like. supposedly more realistic type of career goal feels about as unattainable as like a kid saying he wants to be a singer or something

[faaun]

i feel conflicted abt my relationship...need advice etc . in tags . pls i need input sm

[mewizard]

mh if i made the reboot pt 1. essentially thinking about my personal headcanons, if it was marketed to a larger audience and had unlimited budget, as well as catering to pop culture

flats n deets below!!

the goal i settled on was like. aspirational career monster high dolls but for weird tweens who might not otherwise play with dolls

so they keep the darker/edgier lurk and each would have a specific field or subject associated with them

which is inspired by the mythological world of teens being able to do whatever that's present in a lot of 2000s media,. high school movies yknow. mean girls type stuff. i miss that from g1.

frankie is ib medicine/biology + engineering to a degree

i think being a man-made freakshow kept pumping by electricity and stitches would mean frankie would be a good poster child for the medicore tumblrinas

their doll would come with an iv drip and teeny pillboxes and their prosthetic could pop off to be switched between dolls

main colours are pastel blue and pink with neutral white and yellow highlights

their possible legs include a shaker. like novi stars but with eyeballs

i imagine loads of frankie leg shaker keychains lmao so maybe you could turn them into charms

spin offs include plasters, science kits like lemon clocks and circuits, entirely take-apartable anatomy doll, and a lolita style monster ball dress with trousers bc thats just obligatory

i dont know whats going on with the sock i just saw it and im sorry

put yourself in clawdeen's shoes. youre an outcast kid in the 2000s, always felt a little different, always buried your face in your artbooks... only to find out at 16 you're actually the wolf you always dreamed you'd be. of COURSE this one is for the sparkledog girlies

her tagline is kill the part of you that cringes. <- joke. soz

clawdeen's academic focus is finance/marketing/graphic design

i did think about making it fashion but thats kind of boring for a fashion doll. sorry rainbow high

also she had that whole thing in g1 where her fave subject was economics iirc. eekonomics, even

anyway she would run the fake social media for monster high. maybe the magazine. tweens still read magazines, right?

spin offs include furry cover artbooks galore, a colour-your-own set

for some reason i keep coming back to the idea of those how to price commissions/adoptables guides everyone was all over making on instagram back when i used instagram but idrk how to work that in

tosses her. idk i just thought id draw my ideal texture doll.

main colours are neon purples and pinks with green highlights (also a smidge of yellow i might scrap)

[transmutationisms]

sorry could you explain your chatgpt essay thing again? i get the general gist of it (who cares if they cheat) but i still cant grasp it entirely as someone who hasnt experienced the college system 💔 i had thought that essays were a foundational part of undergrad education? and so cheating on that part would essentially mean that: a) their education/understanding is "invalid" b) it discredits the work of other people in the same system/their classmates c) their future publications/written work in academia are going to be of worse quality d) in cases of people going to non academia jobs, like being a doctor or a lawyer, this would negatively impact their clients e) they have bad work ethic = will not survive job industry

my guesses are that just in general theres no direct correlation between these things but ppl assume there will be? and that if a plagiarized essay ruins everything then the system wasnt rlly that good?

the only one im rlly unsure of is the second one, but i suppose thats always been a problem with any type of academic cheating amongst peers, and will persist unless academic rankings/validation of excellence/general attitudes toward "success" r also banished. still, while i rlly dont care abt anyone i know cheating on stuff like this lol, i cant help but empathize w students struggling under that same system feeling frustrated. tho Man seeing the lack of empathy they, in turn, can have with chatgpt users. idk, is it just a lose lose situation until you get through the system?

ok sorry again and also thanks

hi, no worries. let me try to break down my position here.

i had thought that essays were a foundational part of undergrad education

i mean, this varies widely by course / degree / department. but, even when it's true, it doesn't mean that the essay is inherently a valuable or helpful exercise. undergrad essays tend to ask for one of a few very formulaic responses and ways of structuring an argument. essays also often have a specific prompt, which can be better or worse in terms of its potential to generate engagement with the course / material. often professors who are getting a lot of chatgpt essays turned in are designing essays poorly (ie, asking for the types of formulaic responses that students find unengaging and unhelpful for their own academic development), and / or failing to provide instruction and support in how to actually write an essay.

on a more fundamental level, we often take for granted that essays are and should be foundational to an undergrad education, but i simply don't think this is self-evident or always true! what are we training students to do, and why? there are certainly jobs, career paths, and academic research areas in which essay-writing is an important skill. there are others in which it's not. the assumption that all undergrads need to demonstrate the same sorts of writing skills says more about the university and what pedagogues value than it does about those students' actual chances for future career success / financial stability. if we're designing assignments that, for many students, are mere hoops to jump through, then we shouldn't be surprised that many of them find ways to make the hoop-jumping faster and easier.

so cheating on that part would essentially mean that: a) their education/understanding is "invalid"

again, what i'm trying to get at here is larger questions about what we value in education, and why. it's true that if you don't practice writing the type of essay the academy demands of you, you won't learn that skill. but, why do we assume that skill is useful, valuable, or necessary in the first place? how many people actually need to write that way outside of undergrad classrooms? even for those who are intending to pursue a career in academia, the writing taught in undergrad should be, at best, a stepping-stone on the path to more effective and interesting means of written communication. once again, if the skill being mandated by the university is not useful for students, it should not be surprising that many of them resent having to demonstrate it, and turn to tools like chatgpt instead.

b) it discredits the work of other people in the same system/their classmates

this is an argument that many educators make, and i wholeheartedly disagree with it! first of all, i simply do not believe that student a's academic performance is relevant to the assessment of student b's. if a professor is grading that way, that's terrible grading and a terrible pedagogical philosophy. if a student has learned something from their coursework, that shouldn't be undercut or devalued by anything that their classmates have or haven't done.

what this type of argument points to on a deeper level is the fact that university degrees have acquired a sort of double meaning. although the university likes to propagate high-minded rhetoric about the intrinsic value of education, the degree granted is a class barrier that serves to allow certain people access to certain (usually promised to be higher-paying) jobs, and bar others from these jobs. this is a large part of what i'm talking about when i say that the university serves to perpetuate and enforce class stratification. and their narrative about degrees being markers of individual merit and achievement is undercut by the fact that they also plainly fear losing prestige status by granting degrees to those students considered 'unworthy'. if you can make it through an undergrad education without learning the skills the university purports to teach, that's a pretty massive indictment of the university—which, remember, is collecting a lot of tuition money for these degrees.

c) their future publications/written work in academia are going to be of worse quality

lots of assumptions baked in here—that undergrad essay-writing teaches 'good' (effective / clear) writing; that many academics don't already write poorly by these metrics; that aspiring academics have no other way of learning written communication skills (eg, outside of the academy, or in grad school).

d) in cases of people going to non academia jobs, like being a doctor or a lawyer, this would negatively impact their clients

firstly, i would again point out that in many non-academic jobs, academic writing is simply not a necessary skill; secondly, in both of the examples you cite here, these are people who need to go through a lot more schooling and training after undergrad, where they pick up what written communication skills they actually do need (eg, legal writing looks nothing like standard undergrad essay-writing anyway); thirdly, MANY people getting an undergraduate degree are intending to pursue jobs for which they need neither undergrad essay-writing skills, nor further higher education—there are so many reasons a person might want / need a college degree, and so many careers in which this specific academic skillset is simply not relevant for them.

e) they have bad work ethic = will not survive job industry

again, i think this is making some pretty big unstated assumptions! in general i don't really think that 'work ethic' (or the related 'laziness') is a useful way to try to evaluate people's behaviour, and this is a good example of one way in which it fails. if, like i said, we are dealing with a system in which people are told they need to receive a degree in order to have access to jobs they want and financial stability they need; and in which many of them are being forced to demonstrate a specific writing skill they may never need again and may have no interest in; and in which they are often not even receiving adequate training and help to learn and demonstrate that skill, even if they do want to; and in which they may be working other jobs, caring for family members, dealing with disabilities the institution does not provide support for, or any number of other life circumstances that make schoolwork difficult at best to complete; and in which a tool exists that may be able to help them complete some of this work freely and quickly... like, i simply do not fault students for using that tool!

there are so many points of failure in this system long before we get to this moment: the increasing pressure to get a college degree in the first place; the poorly designed curricula that prioritise skills considered 'standard' (for whom? why?) over skills that students actually need or want to acquire; professors who don't actually teach students how to write, yet expect them to turn in essay assignments anyway; specific essay assignments that are uninteresting and / or unhelpful to students; lack of support for students who are struggling with their workload or assignments in any number of ways (and no, 'come to office hours' is not adequate support for so many students and situations).

i simply do not care about people 'cheating' a system that is so fundamentally broken and unjust. it doesn't matter. the ability to write an undergrad essay is such an incredibly trivial and specific skill, and one that most people simply do not need. it doesn't make a person generally 'smarter' (fake concept) and certainly does not make them any more competent at the vast majority of jobs, careers, or general life skills. even for those very few who do need to know this specific thing, i reject the assumption that the university is the only way to learn it, or even a particularly effective way. once again, if chatgpt is successfully completing assignments, maybe those assignments weren't very good in the first place! and even the theoretical amazing professor is simply not able to counter all of the structural issues and inequities in the university system that produce students' desire to turn to tools like chatgpt in the first place. the textbot itself is simply not the issue here.

[valyrfia]

hellooo deviating from the usual a little bit here, sorry, but would it be okay w you to share a little about your academic career and yk all that because im applying for a STEM degree too so any insight would be really cool!! thank youuuu <3

Hi anon! Sure thing! I'm a little flattered honestly.

I'm currently working towards my PhD in physics (hence my obsession with data haha) so I can really only give advice in that field. In terms of my journey, in school I pretty gifted academically, 99th percentile and all that bullshit and it came to applying for unis/degrees and I had an option between doing a History & English or a physics degree. In school I definitely enjoyed the humanities more, but I've never regretted my decision to go with STEM, physics especially, because it teaches you a certain way to think. In my undergraduate degree I was trained to look at a situation, evaluate the context of it, try and collect data that is unbiased as possible, and draw conclusions, and that's a set of invaluable transferable skills that can be applied to a multitude of fields.

To someone who's just starting out in STEM now my advice would be: network, network, network. My partner and I are both doing PhDs that we got not through applying but through networking. Everyone is as smart as everyone else in STEM. Everyone was an honours kid, everyone did the "smart people" extracurriculars, so STEM, especially academia, runs on who you know. Networking these days can be as simple as asking someone slightly senior than you to grab coffee, as agreeing to go bouldering (for example) with a group of people in the same field as you. Be confident in your skills and abilities, (but beware that arrogance won't get you very far in the being liked game, especially if you're anything other than a white cis man). Don't let your studies get in the way of you being an interesting person! For example, I met a colleague from another university a couple of weeks ago and she and I bantered over our F1 teams, with her defending McLaren and me ride or die-ing for Ferrari, and I've since been roped into her mailing list and am collaborating with her on a grant application, things I'm SURE would not have happened if F1 wasn't an interesting hobby of mine that I can and will take every chance to yap about.

As a final aside, don't let yourself get too discouraged. STEM is NOT for the faint of heart and definitely not the place to go if you want to keep feeling smart. The first two years of any STEM degree are designed to break people in a specific way so that they let go of their ego, yes it is part of the process and YES everyone is struggling just as much as you (that's actually want they want you to figure out!), so that then they can enter the world of research with as little ego as possible (this works to varying degrees of success). But honestly, STEM is so rewarding. To have this really in depth knowledge of how part of our world works is fascinating. Your friends who work in non-STEM fields will understand absolutely none of it, and you'll get to a point where even the effort of trying to explain it to other fields of STEM is too monumental (for example, I understand enough about basic aero in order to get to grips with F1 cars, but a friend of mine is doing aero research and he spent about ten minutes the other month trying to explain push/pull bars in F1 cars to a group of PhD students comprising of: theoretical physicist, astrophysicist, plasma physicist, a quantum physicist, and mechanical engineer before the poor guy almost gave up and had a nervous breakdown because none of us were getting it). I think part of the beauty of STEM is realising how little you know, and how much of it there is for us to still work out.

You got this! You're at the beginning of a beautiful journey and I KNOW it'll turn out brilliant <3.

[feminisedlad]

How might one get into "reading for a living" because that's a dream job

it is not a dream job, its called publishing and i make less than 40k a year LOL.

to be less arch, im an editor, and i work in editorial which is the 'flashy' department (lmao), but it's a pretty stressful job. obviously it's one i enjoy because no one would stay in the industry unless they got some reward for it. but still. i say 'reading books' is my job but thats probably only like 40% of it. a lot of my day to day work involves nagging people for deadlines, having meetings abt whether XYZ feature will cost extra, researching marketing trends, etc. YMMV if you work as a book designer or some other dept, i know they have different rules. this isnt to bitch but i think publishing has REALLY good PR among english majors and these are things i wish someone had told me before i sunk money into a publishing degree. BTW: dont get a publishing degree. experience > MA in publishing

so like, i cant in good conscience recommend the industry -- its sort of like going to grad school except with worse pay (the phd candidate gets a stipend; the unpaid intern does not.) but if you already have prion disease and you want to go into publishing, heres what i got

publishing advice below:

first things first, you need book experience. you can get this through the obvious ways (working on ur college lit mag, unpaid internships, copyediting freelance work) but i feel like that prob goes without saying. so what ill say is: if none of those options work, you could always work at a bookstore. lots of the editors i work with actually got their start by saying in the interview, "i worked at barnes and noble and noticed that [category] sells well. i love noticing which books resonate with people" or what have you

i will say that i work in nonfiction publishing, which has some differences from like, editing queer YA fiction. one of those jobs is more competitive than the other. and the industry standards are pretty toxic (if your author misses his deadline and sends the manuscript at 6pm, tough shit, you have to work late to make sure the book doesn't miss its pub date. if you're not thinking about all your books constantly, you must not really care. etc.)

that said one of the best things i can recommend is looking into publishing jobs in different departments. most people are competing for editorial department jobs (things like acquiring and signing books, and being the main point of contact for an author.) but if your passion mostly lies in editing or making things pristine, managing editorial departments often hire production editors who still read through all the books, but their day to day work is more like proofreading, checking barcodes, and other printing related tasks.

theres also finance. finance publishing jobs are never anyones first choice, but on the plus side, you wont have to tell the author why his advance is late. thats the acquiring editor's job. and also lots of people pivot to editorial after they have some years doing finance, design, production, etc.

i will say there are way more remote publishing jobs now than ever. theyre all super competitive but you should apply anyway. if youre entry level, look for "editorial assistant" type roles. some of these actually pay really well: to give an example, harvard hires copyeditors and editorial assistants at a rate which is more than my yearly salary. i mean, its harvard. you gotta look around. but there are more options besides the big 5 publishers. academic publishing is its own field! work at your favorite journal/database! work at JSTOR or wiley!

i dont think theres anything else i would add, other than just random shit talking abt industry standards and quirks of the industry. i dont want to sound whiny because i realize im lucky to be working in my field -- but, i think people oversell publishing as one of "the only career options for english majors."

to be totally honest, most people could make double or triple my salary from being a project manager or corporate editor. so if you enjoy reading and editing, there are better options to you than trade publishing. if you enjoy the act of connecting with authors and making their vision a reality, you might enjoy publishing. or you might not. idk!

[blacknidstang]

Tagged by @juststartingtobebrothersagain 💜

Ask game bellow the cut ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope. But my nickname, Ashi, is taken from a nursery song if it counts

2. When was the last time you cried?

Actually half an hour ago. I was rereading some part of Franny and Zooey for thousandths time and it always gets me

3. Do you have kids?

No and i never will

4. What sports do you play/have played?

5. Do you use sarcasm?

I have always been pathetic when it comes to sport. However i am both a good runner and swimmer but i only do those recreationally. I can't handle stress of racing. I've tried basketball and volleyball and i have been incredibly tragic like a wet miserable cat.

I try not to because it really creates communication issues especially with added language barriers. With some friends tho, we have shared sarcasm i believe so it works

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Hmmmmm... Their gaze. And whether they notice me or not.

7. What's your eye color?

Dark brown

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Neither exactly? I don't vibe hard with jumpscare horror but i do love bad devastating endings, not in tragic movies but ones that are meant to invoke discomfort.

9. Any talents?

I think i'm a good speaker in person. I have been the constant project presenter since 10th grade till end of my masters. I also think, or hope, tha i have quite an imaginative mind. Also whenever i'm making one of those huge 1000 puzzles i usually can grab one single piece and figure out where it belongs. I used to get mocked for this bc but hey if i take pride in that 😤

10. Where were you born?

Somewhere in middle east.

11. What are your hobbies?

Drawing, writing, hoarding academic papers (especially regarding religion and mythology recently), digging through all sorts of true crimes, unsolved cases, internet mysteries, fucked up cults. Puzzles and riddles, i also used to be so invested in Notpron (an insane & amazing internet puzzle) & i went to level 50 something & am planning to get back too. Also just grabbing internet courses related ro physics, geometry, astronomy for fun, i used to be a theatre kid but it's been some years since ive been a part of.

12. Do you have any pets?

No unfortunately :(

13. How tall are you?

148 cm/4'10 :D

14. Favorite subject in school?

In school it was geometry, biology, art, literature, and english. In my undergrad i took an anthropology course unrelated to my own degree which was the best experience and in my masters my favorite subject waw something i can roughly translate to architecture analysis.

15. Dream job?

I am somewhat having my dream job right now in a game design project with coolest people, but on the other hand i know big industries are literal hellscape when it comes to game and animation so i dont know really. I do wish to later in life go for phd, at one point i was fearing i'd be permanently a student djeujsisi but i think being a researcher/scholar of some sort is kinda awesome.

No pressure here @lilacpaperbird, @nameslikeguns, @stray-with-a-muffler , @hurricanejane, @fathercain1999, @laurasashtray, @sexwithag, and anyone who wants to do this im quite shy with tags

[venturebroes]

ok contining off of my other mlp eqg post , making a higher education list for the humanified ponies yknow!

ok starters , fluttershy! animal caretaker, which i feel is obvious. i mean look at her fucking house. ive seen that you need a highschool diploma which id feel as she would definitely have, and possibly needing a bachelors in something of animal care something of the sorts so, she probably majored in animal husbandry? we know damn well she probably already knew everything pertaining to it tho and minored in.. something. ill go for ecology

ok! rainbowdash! i still think they'd just have a highschool diploma, probably no further education because they'd have the same aspirations as the one in the eqg world. maybe her parents wanted to push them into a community college or something tho and then they went to it for a while then perhaps quit. like that one old mlp series LOL. she'd of course do her best to do whatever the human equivalent of the wonder bolts would be, which is gonna be an athletics team now even tho being a jet flying team would make more sense but whatevs!

aj. of course she would just work on the farm still. nothing past a highschool diploma. she does definitely have a diploma tho and not a GED or anything because she was so young when her parents had passed so she was already used to everything being so fucking hectic so she was able to balance everything (however. i do believe big Mac definitely dropped out of highschool and later in life acquired a GED ) (these mfs HATE cps)

twilight fucking sparkle. the next fucking RULER of GOD DAMN EQUESTRIA. what would she fucking do? the girl who was attending cram school the same time as all of her grade schools by choice, spending her summers at camps for miscellaneous academic upgrades or spent them right under celestias wing. of course she did a 2 year school first, got to butter up the guys that'll give her her undergrad! so im not incredibly sure what a future benevolent totalitarian leader would have as schooling. but since she shows the most interest in science ill say she got an associates in fucking physics or something, then a bachelors in let's say science of business, so she knows how to take care of shit! then of course it's fucking twilight so she'll go on to get her masters and then doctorate in something so. yaknow

pinkie pie, same as eqg she's getting an associates in culinary! with her highschool diploma of course. due to where she grew up id imagine she didn't have a very good highschool schooling experience, with the bare minimum classes and all. perhaps later in life, she'd go and get a degree in business because of how she takes over the bakery later on , so <3

AND RARITY! of course she also went to a 2 year school at first too. but got a degree in dun dun dun... BUSINESS MATH! and then a bachelors in something of the fashion design sorts. she'd probably have a pretty goof amount of school honestly but id imagine she would get her masters much later on in life. probably a business networking thing or something

and the man who inspired it all.... DISCORD!!!!! PRE SCHOOL TEACHER!!!!! the way i know that this man is a fucking genius. and just did NOT apply himself for SHIT in highschool LMAO. only reason he got into college is from a baller ass letter of recommendation. started off with community college probably, and honestly i think he was doing some sort of math. maybe business math like rarity! or mathematical finance even tho they sound like the same thing... and then gets a bachelors in psychology probs! definitely minored in something random as fuck for funzies.. and then at some point i imagine he realized hey, kids? cool as fuck! let me get my masters in education! and he's set since he got that psychology degree

[detectivenyx]

Goals for 2023

again, i don’t want to set strict resolutions since failure to meet them would likely be incredibly depressing. instead, i’ve been trying to set yearly themes instead.

this was inspired by this video, which explains things better than i can at this time. put very simply, i pick a theme and keep it in mind as i progress throughout the year.

this year, i’ve decided to go with the following:

Year of Education

i’ve felt pretty stagnant as of late since leaving university - i’ve not been able to find work in my fields of study, as they are usually unwilling to take on apprentices - even in games design, most studios have writers and artists, and instead want a programmer, the one thing i’ve never been able to do.

i’ve been considering going back to university and aiming to do my Master’s degree. part of this is a little extra time to stall while i figure out what i want to do with my life (it would give me another 2 years), part of this is i miss the campus and its whole vibe. the degree i’m considering is an art degree, and let’s just say the art world has certainly become very Interesting as of late, which i imagine will very much shape the course. (provided i’m accepted)

but alongside academic pursuits, i’ve had duolingo on my phone for about 6 months now and have been making my way through the Japanese course. i’m nowhere near fluent, in fact i still can barely speak it at all, but it’s enough that i want to practice outside of duolingo. it’s had me even considering my english wording more, and just how much i took my prowess in it for granted. i think i understand the language structure of sentences a bit better.

this is, of course, also returning to my desire to make my own clothes - and i’d actually like to make my own support garments. i’m eyeing up a local busk and bone supplier to try making my own corset in Q1 2023, as well as make a ballgown out of an absolutely beautiful (though uh, scratchy and painful) organza for my upcoming 24th birthday. education can be a pursuit into better making my own clothes!

those are all currently educational pursuits i intend to continue into 2023, but what ‘year of education’ means in January 2023 could be entirely different to even June 2023 or December 2023. whatever ‘education’ means throughout 2023, i’m going to aim to make choices that improve my education.

to close off, im about to go do another ice skating session in cosplay - which may become an annual thing? i don’t know. but i better grab everything i need for that. happy new year!

[sadiecoocoo]

I wanna post a couple of random thoughts. Enjoy my weird little mind

It’s pointless to judge how long a book is based on page numbers. Books can have different widths and lengths and can have more words on a page than another.

I’ve literally always judged a book by its cover. If it’s got two photoshopped people wearing a suit/dress, I ain’t reading it. It’s got a cool design, I’m at least gonna read the summary on the back

Why are coaches allowed to teach academic classes above grade level? Unless they got a degree for it, they aren’t going to be a good teacher, sometimes even if they have a degree they aren’t a good teacher. Coaches mostly focus on their games and a student’s physical build rather than their academic grades

How come students have deadlines to turn work in, but teachers don’t have deadlines to grade them?

Everyone has an accent, but everyone thinks that theirs is the default, or that they don’t have an accent

A counter is called a counter because the person that works behind the counter counts the money

Arthur Morgan is hot

I want a crepe

We went from burning people at the stake because we thought they were witches to celebrating a holiday that involves witches and the like (Halloween)

No one actually goes trick or treating anymore. If they do they just ride around in the car. Pussies.

A lot of people still obsess over, or talk about some past friend group drama because it might have really affected them and they just want someone to ask them how it made them feel

I have no idea what my gender is and I don’t think I’m going to find out anytime soon

Im seen as the overall wholesome person in my friend group. Im an oxymoron. In many different ways

My favorite thing to write is a character getting brutally injured and in delirium. I don’t know what this means just that I’m not the only one based on a lot of other people’s writings

I just wasted twenty minutes of my night writing down random thoughts when I could have been playing red dead redemption or writing fanfiction

[candygrlsworld]

Back to school rebrand📝🎀

Ok so this post is gonna be kind of a guide/personal post. I’m gonna be talking about how I’m going to be rebranding myself this school year and little tips on how you can too!

Idk I feel like this is different from my usual posts but I think this will be beneficial for me and you guys!

Mindset ✨

I want to just be unapologetically myself this year,

I'm just gonna be focused on my school work, dressing cute, being myself. I'm not going to try and get anyones attention, love, or respect. Imma just be doing my own thing in my own world. I'm not going out of my way to please people. Or be nobody's friend. Like if you like me come up and talk to me. And if you don't idc. I can chill by myself.

I know it’s messed up but I’ve tried opening up myself to people. So I’m not doing that this year. I just wanna keep to myself because I got hurt last year by trying to be everyone’s friend. I just want to be totally mysterious.

Just focus on self love, & my happiness.

Another thing I’m doing is I’m becoming serious this year. I’ve officially decided I’m going to FIT or Parsons to get my degree in fashion design. So I will be working hard with my school work and extracurriculars. I’ve already created a notion account to organize my school work.

(Link to the notion template I used)

And im just becoming a total nerd. Everytime you see me I will be studying. Like im going to make Rory Gilmore and Elle Woods proud!

Style ✨

I want to dress very simple, and have all my clothes be form fitting. I don’t want to stand out I just want to be comfortable. I also just want to be girly 24/7. I want the way I dress to truly represent who I am. Instead of playing a character.

My style in 4 words: Preppy, girly, y2k, & sweet!

Goals✨

Be more healthy, excercise, stretch, eat better

Keep my grades 90 or above

Stay in an extracurricular the whole year

Also I’m planning on posting on YouTube more and starting my own depop shop!!!

No people pleasing

Take my fashion design career seriously (no “trying out” diff hobbies and careers)

Don’t let people take advantage of me (if someone disrespects me, drop them, I’m not tolerating bullshit)

Be selfish (Protect my peace, not giving energy to things that don’t benefit me, putting myself first)

2022-2023 vision board🎀

Lemme break this down:

Work on my brand

Make some money to move out (might make a post on why I have to move out as soon as possible)

Eat healthier

Get really good at volleyball and make the team (also get good at roller skating)

Get a genuine girly bff so we can talk about fashion and life. (All my friends last year were fake)

Get better grades (again I wanna try harder in school cause I usually do the bare minimum and get 80s-90s

Tips✨

I will be giving tips based off my experience in high school so far since I am a junior this year. And also some tips I’ve collected from the internet.

Obvi my first tip is my “study like me” post where I break down all my advice for studying, so check that out if your interested in more academic advice.

Make 2022-2023 school year vision board (goals, how u wanna dress etc.)

Surrond yourself with friends/people that uplift you/are better than you and inspire you

Clean out room and phone. Get a new wardrobe, get a journal & change your mindset, just totally reset

BE SELFISH don’t give all your energy to people, take time to take care of yourself (even if u are working hard for school)

Keep a planner to organize school work and a journal to organize your thoughts! (Also because they are cute)

Romanticize school (trust me if you pretend your Elle woods it will make school fun and easier)

Let go of toxic habits, behaviors and friends (anything you do not benefit from get rid of it)

Videos & posts

@angeldiscovery reinventing yourself post

Really thewizardliz whole YouTube but these two videos have helped me video 1. Video 2

@dreamgrlarchive faboulisty reset

@angeldiscovery become the best version of you

Localblackchilds YouTube has a lot of good videos for school here two good ones

Protecting your peace & stay organized in school

Theplaygirldiaries podcast how to brand yourself

I hope this helped you guys out!! And I wish you all luck on this school year! It would be so cool to see you guys create your own post like this. (#2022rebrand maybe???)

As always I love you guys!!!!🫶🏽

~yours truly 💋

[grayfilmsandstuff]

Hey there friendo! Could I get a funky madcom matchup? I'm fine with whoever (๑¯∇¯๑) This is also gonna be hella disjointed, so I apologize in advance (╥w╥)

I'm 4'11 with super dark brown eyes and hair and a baby face; most people always think  I'm much younger than I actually am (I'm 20, but just look like a forever teen I guess) I've got dreadlocks that go a little past mid back, freckles, beauty marks and light patches all over my body (not sure if its vitiligo or not), and I wear prescription sports goggles instead of normal glasses since the straps make me less likely to lose them, and Im accidentally rough on stuff sometimes

Agender, aroace with leaning for gender neutral and neopronouns, but i dont really care much in the end ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I've got a metric shit-ton of mental illness, so my mental state is Wack™, tho I'll point out my ADHD and Autism since those are my most prominent. Paradoxical is the best word to describe me cuz I can range from feral gremlin memelord to so-quiet-you-forget-Im-there (I accidentally scare people alot cuz of this). Relatively apathetic emotionally, and I can sometimes struggle with social cues, I'm also very childish, hyperactive and immature, and can be blunt and straight forward with my words. I have a trash sense of humor (I'll basically laugh at anything), tho I do enjoy dark, self-deprecating, and/or inappropriate jokes the most. Since most people see me as "ignorant baby", I like fucking with them by just saying the weirdest shit or casually cursing because I can. Honestly, the amount of memes, shitposts, and copypastas that I've memorized just for the sake of a joke, is amazing.

I'm academically smart to a degree, with a leaning towards the sciences, maths, and engineering. Mostly a big psychology and astronomy nerd and really big into art. I've gotta bunch of sketchbooks and folders full of drawings, (mostly character designs), from over the years and too many damn color pencils (that I will continue to add on too, because fuck yeah colors). I'm really into transformers, comics, anime, video games, and true crime. I like to lift weights and have questionable eating habits (forgetting to eat is a problem of mine so I always have snacks on me, and I tend to eat things I really shouldnt; Ex. Chalk) and basically eat like a famine survivor when it comes to food. I practically inhale my food and I tend to get aggressive if someone tries to interact with me while I'm eating or cooking. All and all tho, I'm mostly here to vibe and just live in the moment.

I have a lot of cat-like habits and tend to headbutt, rub up against, and bite and/or lick people who I like; walk on my toes alot; and prefer small spaces over wide open ones. I'm also really flexible, so it's not odd to causally find me weird ass positions. Gets the nyoomies randomly and struggles with volume control (not helped by me being slightly hard at hearing), so I'll usually pace around while talking and making random noises (echolocalia basically, and I'll mostly beep, meow, trill, make Kirby noises "poyo!", etc.,), and also hand flappy! I also like to sing to myself and have a really great range (mostly on the higher end of the spectrum), as well as decent voice acting capabilities! I mirror things alot, so if I interact with someone long enough, I'll subconsciously start mimicking them and their habits (mostly verbal quirks and accents, but physical quirks too sometimes). Very much prefer hot and humid weather and get real tried/hibernate when it gets colder. For that reason, I've got a huge nest of soft blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals.

i.. . .this was so long.. . .. i love you thank you for sending in a request but note for people in the future please don't make your requests this long it makes it rough on me

this is a good example of the longest request i'll take and this is a good example of the shortest use this to your advantage

i match you wiiiiiith...

Hank!

- Hank isn't sure where you came from but he returned to the bunker with you one day and after the shock factor was over, everyone accepted it and welcomed you in

- they really like your goggles, sometimes they'll point to their own and then point to you, saying that you were matching :}

- he's got a wack mental state too, so he understands a lot of what you're going through and helps you with social cues from the other three, and just is there in general to help out

- you also help them if they feel like they need to lean onto you for comfort or help

- he actually thinks your bluntness is helpful because he's the kind of person is mostly oblivious and doesn't understand what you're saying unless you say it directly and say exactly what you mean

- they love making you laugh at the silliest things. if makes them really happy knowing that they can make you smile or laugh no matter what the circumstances are

- a lot of the time when you say a meme or a copypasta in front of him he won't understand and will ask you what it means

- "one bad gloop and she do what i yoinky two big splurgs and a big gloopy three more yoinks, then i buy me a smoothie poured up a gloop, that's a gloop and a splurgy"

- "...i'm sorry what"

- they really look up to how smart you are and it fascinates them when you'll just ramble about a topic because they know that means you're really interested in it

- you love drawing and a lot of the time you give your assorted doodles to Hank. he loves and cherishes them because what the heck how are you so talented??

- they get onto you for eating things you shouldn't. they want you be happy and healthy, not just the former

- he also enjoys watching you cook whenever you do! he tries his best to help but the big guy has no idea how you do it

- they LOVE your cat-like habits. they love cats. period. any time you'll meow or rub up against them they just melt entirely

- the first time you picked up on something he said and started mimicking it, his initial reaction was :O but it grew more into a :D

thanks for the request! i tried to keep it short with all that you provided me, have a good day my friend

[bethsuglywigs]

Did you ever have any doubts about pursuing art in school, and if so, how did you overcome it? I'm considering changing my major to art, but I'm terrified. Do you have any advice? :/

obviously I did because I’m a lawyer now and not a professional artist, but i will say i think my situation is a little unique. 

i attended a specialized arts school for both middle and high school which really put me off pursuing art as a career. the schools were also intense academic schools (i had to take 7 AP classes my senior year - like zero choice on my part) which overall just wore me down. so when it was time to go to college, i just didn’t want to do art anymore. and while i took a couple art classes in college (a digital design class and a comic class), i completely stopped making art until i contracted covid in 2020. 

but i still pursued a niche degree in college (german studies) so i think i can help you here. its natural to have doubts about your field of study, especially if its an undervalued degree like art. the starving artist is a stereotype for a reason. but i strongly believe in pursuing a field that’s interesting and important to you. its your life so you need to do what makes you happy. 

that being said, i think going pursuing an undervalued degree in an undervalued profession is challenging. many of my friends are professional artists and its hard work. most of them do freelance and have to have side gigs to make ends meet. i think before you make the decision to switch, you need to sit down and think through your future career path. 

at the end of the day you need to do whats best for you and despite what many people say, that’s not necessarily going to be pursuing a degree/career in a high paying field if you make yourself miserable doing it. if art is calling to you, then its worth pursing your options imo. 

and just remember - your degree doesnt define the rest of your life. again my degree is in german studies and im a lawyer. you can always go back to school later. you can always change your mind. life is a lot longer than it seems when you’re in your teens/twenties. 

hope that helps :)  

[queenofallwitches]

an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

[sunbvrst]

*  whats up , buttercup ! hi , i’m julia ( 21 , she / they , gmt+8 ) , and i’m so thrilled to be here !! so pls let me introduce my sunflower child ,  seoni  !!!  she’s an old muse of mine but haven’t really had the chance to fully develop her yet , so im excited for that part as well sdfdkjf ,,,, information under the cut are all the information i have for her , i apologize in advance if there are hiccups along the way i promise to fix that ;-;  !! nevertheless , i’m pretty excited to plot w y’all and meet everyone’s muses ♡

( PARK SOOYOUNG, SHE/HER ) ╱ oh looky, if it ain’t [ KIM SEONI ] from [ 304 ]! a busy bee little [ PILATES INSTRUCTOR ], aren’t they? still can’t believe they’re [ 25 ] this year. i heard they’re adored for being [ GREGARIOUS ] but their [ EVASIVE ] attitude can be a pain in the ass sometimes. have they not thought of moving out after [ ONE YEAR ]? oh well, as long as they like it here!

*   𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖚𝖊   ╱  STATISTICS .

name  :  kim seoni

nicknames  :   sun , sunny 

age  :   twenty  -  five

birthday  :  may twenty  -  seven

zodiac  :  gemini sun , pisces moon , sagittarius rising

place of birth  :  gwanju  ,  korea 

gender : cis woman

pronouns  :   she / her

orientation  :  pansexual , panromantic

nationality  :  korean

occupation  :  pilates instructor 

pinterest  :  found here 

*   𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖔𝖓𝖊 ╱  BACKGROUND . 

looking back at seoni’s earlier life, there wasn’t anything particularly atypical to it. she lived in a quaint home in gwangju, where she was nurtured by a close-knitted family. her mother was a retired pianist who spent most of her time teaching little kids piano within the confines of their home. while seoni’s father was a local literature professor who was the sole reason for her early appreciation for art and literature. 

seoni’s parents were never the overbearing type. although they had been quite vocal about which direction they wanted their daughter to take, it was purely seoni’s decision to choose the options that would make them the proudest. high school went by in a breeze and academically, seoni did exceptionally well considering how determined she was to make her parents proud and graduate with honors. her parents knew for sure she was going to take the direction they dreamed for her to take— everyone was convinced she’s bound to make great things, put her wits to good use, and enter law school; therefore, she tried. 

however, college became a crisis. seoni agreed to study in seoul, as per parents’ wish, and it’s been a struggle. bearing in mind that seoni’s been cooped within her familial nest all her life: options laid out for her, plans designed for her, indebted to the people who raised her; seoni realized she didn’t know how to work for herself. 

many people her age would’ve had their life already planned out in their head, but seoni had gotten only even more inconclusive as time went by. she first took political science, hoping to prompt her well for law school, but ended up shifting to history, then economics, then even landing to communications, completely placing her mind in disarray. her parents were really supportive of whatever decision she chose, although there was no denying the hint of disappointment seoni sees in them when they meet during holidays. no one can blame them though, they had high hopes for seoni. the problem was, it was their hopes. 

in no way does seoni blame her family though, she’s done this to herself without fully figuring out what she truly wants and who she truly is. so, true to her person, she graduates with a communications degree and no direction in life. 

she continued to live in the city, told her parents that she’s working as an editorial assistant in some company, but excluded the part in which she quit because the work was a boring desk job hasn’t been her cup of tea. instead, she did 6 months of pilates training and is now working as a pilates instructor; which by far has been less cluttered and more affable. 

*   𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖜𝖔 ╱  TEMPERAMENT .

as you might have noticed, sunny is quite the whimsical type. one minute she’s there, the other she’d forget the reason why she did something remotely close to the activity a minute ago. it can be frustrating, and it has led to multiple questionable choices and actions from her. 

seoni is so quick to let her emotions influence her, especially in decision making. she’d always consider what her loved ones feel about the situation first, everyone else second, and hers last which is why she’s very evasive when topics regarding her future surface. she’s a strong believer of living one day at a time because in that way, she feels in control. 

she’s a master at changing topics so quick when the conversation’s even an inch closer to unravelling her past. seoni’s very outgoing and has this ability to overshare, but not overshare at all ??? she talks a lot about the surface and decides that’s the most vulnerability she can offer. the past, college, is just a weird topic. yeet. 

on that note tho, seoni’s adventurous side comes from her escapism tendency. she likes to divert the attention to the fun and joys of life and just stays bright and bubbly that it seems like she’s got zero problems. so with that, ig people might not see seoni as the person to confide into which stems from her being clueless in situations that she needed to be empathetic. don’t get her wrong tho, she’s an empath but isn’t really aware on how to apply it. 

basically, just your regular sunshine daisy who never forgets to offer a smile when you pass by her in the hallways, very easy-going and really friendly, so there’s rarely any trouble in that department. on that note tho, she terribly needs to work on opening to people more and just be human for a teeny sec. 

*   𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊 ╱  PLOTS .

i suck at titles ,,,, yikes , and suckier at planning well thought out plots , bigger yikes BUT i do want a plot in which seoni is very much challenged to get out of her comfort zone. seoni values every relationship of any kind however it hasn’t usually reached to a point where she gets to be vulnerable so perhaps, a relationship that would bring the somber side of her would be fantastic. 

she’s been living at andante for a year now so she would absolutely have people she loves to bother lol, let it be dragging them to a midnight stroll, a tolkein film marathon, or mukbang + soju night; basically, her go to person. 

seoni loves to persuade people to try out pilates and to rid of sedentary lifestyle lmao. so perhaps people she teaches or goes to pilates with.

im running out of ideas so i’ll just throw in a bunch of words that might spark inspiration: fluffy best pals connection, sibling type connection, bad/good influences, angsty toxic relationships, frenemies, people she can drag to do reckless decisions with, angst again, the one who she’s attached to the hip to, and honestly im open to whatever :D