#for whatever path in life they choose to go down but also is it like...Silly to give up on a perfectly good

[sharkboywrites]

Hi! Can you pls write halsin and astarion (Gale too if u can) with a trans male (transitioned) who feels insecure about appearing too feminine and thinking about cutting his long hair cause he thinks they’re too feminine? Sorry this just my insecurities. This morning I cut my hair and gold I wish I hadn’t cause I loved my hair but ppls told me they were girly so.. yeah. Regrets. Sorry about the mini rant. So Uhm would love if u could write so,è comfort, no worries if u can’t! Thx for being a mlm writer and love that u started writing for bg3! Have a lovely day!

Halsin, Astarion, and Gale with a Dysphoric FTM S/O

A/N: Took me about two years but I'm finally trying to get back to writing after falling down shitposting hell, yaay. So sorry to hear about your problems with hair (and also that it took me so long to get to it :/), hair can be a really complicated thing when you're trans and even though I cut mine as short as possible I still end up feeling too feminine most of the time. sorry that these are kinda short, I'm easing myself back into writing after a while of not writing at all, even personal works, after a family emergency.

Ftm reader, male reader, he/him pronouns used, heavy themes of dysphoria

Halsin

Halsin makes his morals clear, that things should be as nature intended it

This includes things like hair, and that hair growing out is a natural thing whether you're a man or woman

Obviously he's okay with hair cutting, his would be much longer if he hadn't, but he also supports the idea of letting your hair grow out, letting nature choose it's path, his hair is still near his shoulders after all

So when you come to him about your worries of your hair being "too feminine" he's very adamant that this is a normal thing

He assures you that hair is natural, and that people can have any length and it will not affect who they are as a person

Whatever you decided, cutting your hair or keeping it long, he will continue to assure you that no matter what hair length you have, you are still a man and the man he loves

Just know that Halsin loves you no matter what, you are a man and he will do everything in his power to make sure you know that

Astarion

Like Halsin, Astarion is really doesn't think much about hair length and it equating to gender

Astarion had met plenty of men in his life, many of which having long hair, some even long enough to go all the way down their legs to their ankles

And yet these men were still just that, men

Some quite masculine still, and not any less attractive to him

When you come to him with your troubles, he's immediately going to try and help you

He'll help you style your hair to find a way that you like it

He'll tie it all up, tie only certain parts of it up, twist it and braid it, until you find something that you like

Every time you find a style you like, because of course he'll keep going until you find multiple you're comfortable with, he'll tease you about how silly you were for thinking having long hair made you feminine

I mean, look at this man

His hair is short, but it's stylish, he takes good care of it, and he'll for sure know how to make it so that you'll like this

He'll make you feel as masculine as possible while playing with your hair, making sure you know just how loved yu are, as you are, a man

Gale

Gale himself has longer hair

Obviously it's not very long, about a bit longer than his shoulders, but he's confident about it most times

When he does get insecure about it, it's not because he doesn't feel masculine, it's because of his general insecurities with himself

So when you open up to him about your issues, he's not exactly sure how to help

He'd never considered that this could be a reason someone would be insecure

He encourages you to keep your hair long, although he's not very good at comforting you

He may try to mess around with your hair like Astarion, and he doesn't do as well, but he does well enough

You find a few styles that make you feel better and he promises to do his best to try and make it right every morning just for you

If you do want to cut it off, he won't stop you, even supervising to make sure you don't mess it up too bad

If you regret it later, he'll hold you close in an attempt to comfort you

Again, he's not great at comforting, but at this point he's also more comfortable and it does the trick

Before or after cutting your hair, he may use astral projection to try and make you feel better about your physical appearance if you really want it

Gale may not be the best in these situation, but he tries his hardest to do what's best for you and what you want, comforting you all the way through

Wooo I'm back to writing, ty for reading and have a nice day!

[monstersdownthepath]

Monster Spotlight: Kamaitachi

CR 13

Chaotic Evil Medium Fey

Bestiary 6, pg. 176

These wicked and fickle fey can appear just about anywhere that there's pain to be caused and lives to be ended. They appear cloaked in their Dust Devils, magical winds that whip around them at all times, carrying their little weasely bodies around like a single spaghetti noodle in a pot of boiling water. Despite how cute and silly they look, they're among the most vicious and sadistic of all Fey, maximizing the fear and agony in whatever creature crosses their path for no other reason than their own twisted amusement. What's worse is that there's almost no warning before they strike; depending on what sort of debris is in the Dust Devil, one may not see the beast within until the wind blows past them and tears the flesh from their bones.

While in their shell of wind, Kamaitachi (which I will shorten to 'itachi' from here on out) can fly at speeds of up to 120ft a round without issue, bending and twisting through the air with the ease of a barracuda in the open sea. Their sole offense is their quartet of Deadly Claws, scythe-like limbs so razor sharp that they can straight up do the Samurai Diagonal Cut at will, but more on that later, for now we'll focus on the claws themselves. Each claw deals 1d6+12 damage boosted by their constant Greater Magic Fang to hit even harder, and as previously mentioned these claws are especially deadly, critically hitting on a 19 or 20 and dealing x3 damage on a successful crit. Every blow also lacerates the target to deal 1d6 bleed damage a round, and the weapons of the Itachi are designed to flay the targets so agonizingly that a struck creature must make a DC 23 Fortitude save every time they're hit or become sickened by the pain for a round.

Able to make upwards to four of these attacks if it manages to Full-Attack, an adventuring party will rarely have to deal with that except against a foolish Itachi. It's got Flyby Attack and no reason not to use it to cut a party to ribbons bit by bit, savoring their slow and terrible demise. It can get away with this kiting behavior, too, because while a cursory glance at its stat block reveals only DR 10/Cold Iron as its primary physical defense, you have to look a little further down to realize that you're going to need to be able to fly or have a way to ground the beast to actually fight it and win, because Dust Devil automatically deflects ALL small projectiles; arrows, bolts, and bullets are utterly useless against it, and any throwing weapon has a 30% miss chance. Magical AoE, lines, cones, and rays all still work, though they have to contend with the wonder weasel's 24 Spell Resistance.

Side note because I'm legally required: If you or a loved one has ever been beaten to death by a creature with Flyby Attack, please remember to regularly apply readied actions to your party bruisers.

Anyway, these vicious weasels have another, far more horrific use for their claws than ripping someone to shreds: blackmail. As I mentioned a few paragraphs ago, Itachi can swing their cutting limbs with such speed and ferocity that the victim doesn't even realize they've been cut until the violent fey blows on them just a little too hard and they fall to pieces. Delayed Doom allows the fey to 'store' its claw hits up on any number of targets, preventing the damage, bleed, and Pain but leaving it on a trigger delay, allowing it to deal otherwise fatal damage to a creature but refrain from killing them outright.

Such unfortunate creatures are walking time-bombs, the Itachi able to cause the stored damage, bleed, and agony to blow up all at once with nothing more than a free action at any point within the next two weeks. This allows the Itachi to wring poor souls for all they're worth in the hopes that it will choose to spare their life, turning friends and family against one another or forcing victims to perform painful, humiliating, dangerous, or otherwise criminal actions at its request... only for many such victims to suddenly fall to bloody pieces anyway, as the Fey has no compulsion to honor any deal it makes.

This also means an Itachi can do a drive-by scything on someone and make them believe it missed, so it can just float in the air above them, giggling to itself as it picks the perfect moment to make their head fall off. Being hit with a Full-Attack causes, at minimum, 52 damage + 1d6 bleed, so an especially sinister DM could have one of these creatures ambush the party multiple days in a row, FA-ing them one at a time before flying off, and then once it's stored up damage on everyone over a few days, drop in and instantly take off half the party's HP with a free action. That, or fly down, hit someone a few times, then fly back into the sky and carefully wait for their HP to drop below a threshold where the Delayed Doom would kill them. Is that unfair? Yes. I only recommend this tactic if you want to be especially evil to your party!

How does it know if someone is below a specific threshold, though? Because Itachi can also cast Status at will, and frequently do so in order to keep track of interesting or amusing victims. If a victim manages to get further than 1 mile from the weasel, or is so amusing to it that it doesn't trigger Delayed Doom for 2 weeks, all the stored damage falls off harmlessly, so the weasel has a vested interest in keeping them relatively close if it wishes to prolong its suffering.

Delayed Doom also ends if the Itachi is slain, and doing so is actually a little bit simpler than it looks... if you have access to specific spells. See, the Dust Devil of a Kamaitachi gives it incredibly offense and defense, but the weasels must maintain control of the wind in order to keep its shields up. If it enters the radius of any spell which controls or alters the winds, no matter the spell's level, it must save against the spell or the Dust Devil dissipates, taking away the Itachi's fly speed, immunity to projectiles, and 6 points of its AC (lowering it from 29 to 23). Alter Winds and Control Weather are both options presented by the book itself, but with such long cast times (and Control Weather being a spell level too high for a party encountering a single Itachi besides), you may want to aim for more practical spells such as Calm Air, Tailwind, Air Geyser, or Gust/Blast of Wind, all of which either end the Itachi's flight or can easily be argued to do so.

The Itachi can still make a saving throw against the incoming inconvenience, but if it fails it has to waste its entire turn using one of its 3 castings of Control Wind on itself just to restart its Dust Devil, giving the party enough time to surround it and beat the snot out of it. Without its defensive tornado it's both less mobile and more vulnerable to being beaten into the ground... and depending on how high up it was when your party invoked the winds, it might already be damaged by the fall. I think, after all the trouble one of these little bastards can put a party through, they may take some satisfaction in seeing it hurl towards the ground, tumbling end over end like a dropped pasta noodle.

You can read more about them here.

[readingtostaysane]

I'm glad my mom died by Jennette McCurdy - Review

rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5)

I’m glad my mom died tells the story of Jennette McCurdy’s relationship with her mother and her path towards becoming an actress and later dealing with the trauma her mother helped inflict on her.

This book deals with themes such as abusive parents, anorexia, bulimia, anxiety, panic attacks and it implies rape and sexual abuse in the workplace.

Prior to my reading I had seen a few episodes of iCarly, however I wasn’t an avid watcher, I tuned in to Disney Channel more. Therefore I went to this book not knowing much about Jennette’s life.

The marketing for this book might have been misleading to some, it was said to be a heartbreaking and funny memoir. While Jennette’s voice as the narrator can be witty, it is mostly provocative, challenging you to react and oppose to what is bring shown. The things that happen are horrifying, sad and at times hopeless.

Speaking of Jennette’s voice, this book is narrated through her perspective as she grows up. Her inner voice changes and evolves throughout the memoir as we see her go through changes. This type of narration worked really well here, it makes it more brutal but also honest. We could see how the things her mom did to her affected her in real time, instead of only reflecting on the trauma she left behind. We also see her slowly coming to terms that she was abused, and I think had she gone a different route and write this solely based on her present self perspective, it wouldn’t have been as impactful.

“I've spent my whole life studying her so that I can always know, because I always want to do whatever I can in any given moment to keep or make Mom happy.”

The relationship Jennette has with her mother is codependent, hurtful and scary. She has no autonomy over her life, her decisions or her tastes because she’s busy trying to please her mother. She carries very heavy weight of responsibility to make her mom happy, she makes sacrifices no child should do to make that happen. 

Her mother is no different, she’s very codependent on Jennette, citing her as her best friend multiple times. She wants to be around her daughter at all times and control every aspect of her life. She knows Jennette so well she can use her words to hurt (which she does in adult Jennette’s life) or to comfort.

"I don't want to act anymore," I say before I even realize I've said it. (…) "Don't be silly, you love acting. It's your favorite thing in the world," Mom says in a way that makes it sound like a threat. (…) "No, I really don't want to. I don't like it. It makes me uncomfortable." Mom's face looks like she just ate a lemon. It contorts in a way that terrifies me. I know what's coming next. "You can't quit!" she sobs. "This was our chance! This was ouuuuur chaaaaance!" She bangs on the steering wheel, accidentally hitting the horn. Mascara trickles down her cheeks. She's hysterical, like I was in the Hollywood Homicide audition. Her hysteria frightens me and demands to be taken care of. "Never mind," I say loudly so Mom can hear it through her sobs. Her crying stops immediately, except for one leftover sniffle, but as soon as that sniffe is over, it's complete silence. I'm not the only one who can cry on cue.

Jennette does a very good job in choosing specific scenes to make a point across. She does one of the things I love the most in literature. Show don’t tell. Some scenes are short but powerful, aiming to show us her mother’s sadistic behaviour, leaving Jennette’s anxiety levels to rise up.

Her mother wanted her to act and she manipulated her until she died just so she could continue that job, the excerpt above is one of the examples of that manipulation happening. 

If I start to grow up, Mom won't love me as much. She often weeps and holds me really tight and says she just wants me to stay small and young. (…) I'm determined to not grow up. 'll do anything to stop it from happening. "Well, is there anything I could do to stop the boobies from coming in?" I ask Mom nervously. (…) Mom is grateful-happy. (…) "Well, sweetheart, if you really want to know how to stay small, there's this secret thing you can do... i's called calorie restriction."

When I read that passage I had to put the book down and scream into the void.

A big theme this book addresses is eating disorders, Jennette’s issues with food start when she’s eleven years old and her mother incentives her to calorie restriction. It’s a very graphic part of the book and possibly the most disturbing. Jennette goes into great detail in how she and her mother planned and prepped her foods (or lack of) and how they measured her weight. It also shows her mother’s careless comments about her body, making her relationship with food even worse. When she starts developing bulimia it is graphic, horrifying and if you’re someone that struggles with this, this might not be the book for you. I thought it was too much, but maybe it was necessary for her to get specific, so we could really understand.

The book doesn’t go into great detail about her time on iCarly and Sam&Cat and it didn’t need to. I understand fans would love behind the scenes, but ultimately this memoir was about her traumas with her mother.

Jennette tells us about “The Creator” and how her workplace was abusive. She speaks about the anxiety and unhappiness she felt when shooting the series, them not letting her direct and episode in Sam&Cat and her friendships that outlasted the show.

She also speaks on how fame affected her and how much she loathe it. This book starts great conversations about the ethics behinds child actors and how much the work conditions fail them. 

Sometimes when I miss her I start to fantasize about what life would be like if she were still alive and I imagine that maybe she'd have apologized, and we'd have wept in each other's arms and promised each other we'd start fresh. Maybe she'd support me having my own identity, my own hopes and dreams and pursuits. But then I realize I'm just romanticizing the dead in the same way I wish everyone else wouldn't.

The book ends with Jennette enrolling into therapy (god bless) and her path to healing. It’s a tough road but she’s making progress. In the end she comes to terms that she can love her mom while admitting she was abusive to her and I feel like that’s a very nice way to close such a tragic and horrifying story.

[feedthepheasants]

Writing Interview Tag Game!! eeeeee!!!!

thank you thank you thank you for the tags @dr-demi-bee & @mothermoth92 !! ♥♥♥

When did you start writing?

I feel so silly saying I've always been a writer. As a kid, I loved telling stories and creating/performing as characters in a variety of facets. I remember in elementary school (foggy on what grade), I had a creative writing project where we had to write a short story based on a picture. My mom got a call home two weeks later when I hadn't turned it in - I just couldn't stop writing.

When I got into middle school and found ~the boundless wonders & horrors of unrestricted internet access~ I started writing even more - one shots, fanfics, short stories, play scripts, the beginnings of would-be novels. And I still have my first laptop, with all of that stuff still on it! I just can't remember my password. :')

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Absolutely!

As a reader, my top genres are fantasy/adventure, historical fiction and classics. That said, I enjoy romance/romantasy, sci-fi, mystery/thriller memoirs and contemporary novels more and more as I get older! But my first love has always been fantasy/adventure. One of my more unconventional tastes as a reader, however, are dissertations and research papers/articles on historical topics, and pre 13th-century plays/fables/short stories/poems!

My writing (especially in recent years) has primarily been in the fantasy/adventure genre. I've dabbled in others, mostly contemporary/romance stories and playwrighting, but I feel most comfortable in fantasy/adventure by a long run.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I think to be compared to any prolific writer would genuinely be an honor I would carry with me to my grave!

As a fantasy writer, I have taken many notes on GRRM's writing and world-building and applied it towards developing my own voice as a writer. Erin Morgenstern and Pierce Brown are two writers I would add to my 'aspire to be' list, though I have so many and it's so hard to choose!

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I write wherever and whenever I can.

Most of the time, that's my couch or my bed, but it's also been my work office, the car, my gate at the airport, the bathroom at a party, a creaky kitchen table at a pet/house-sitting gig..

However, my favorite place is definitely my couch with my autumn-scented candles, plethora of blankets, and my cushy headphones playing my 26 hour film score playlist. Add some fuzzy socks and Ghibli films on my TV and nobody will see me for a week. Bonus points if it's raining outside!

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Again, sounding silly here, but you know that one William Blake poem? "To see a world in a grain of sand / and heaven in a wildflower / hold infinity in the palm of your hand / and eternity in an hour" ? That's how I feel about mustering a muse.

Literally anything can spark an idea for me, be it a plot, a character, or a moment in a story. It's very important to me to write what I know, and to write about the world and people around me, so I base a lot of my characters and their backgrounds/stories around the experiences of myself and the people in my life - the close and the distant, the old and the new. Even a breeze can send me into a flurry that won't rest until I write whatever I'm thinking down, which is why I keep a mini notebook and my notes app accessible at all times!

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Most of the time, I find myself writing about characters who don't feel like they belong in one place. They're split between something; a decision, two people, two paths their lives could go down. In fact, the novel I've been working on and intend to submit for publishing in the near future is just that: the two primary characters are based off of myself, split in two. And boy has that been a rollercoaster ride!

Other general themes that have made their way into most of my writing are complex familial relationships, growing up (because we never really stop!), people coming and going in life, and the idea that you can never go back, no matter how much you try. Also, always the 'what could've been' of every choice. I think reflecting upon life-isms is one of my favorites, because it's something you see in literature through history and connects us with those who came before - again, realizing we're not alone.

What is your reason for writing?

Writing has always been an escape for me, and it was, for a very long time, the only thing I had that was ever mine.

Performative is a great word to describe my upbringing. Not going into too much detail, I often felt very 'on display' at family functions and other social gatherings when I felt uncomfortable or uneasy performing (I was an instrumentalist for 17 years, and was always forced 'asked' to entertain at functions). It had been a beloved hobby of mine, but I grew to resent it because of how often it was used against me.

So, when I got my first computer and began writing and posting stories, I didn't tell a single soul from my personal life. Especially not when I gained traction on the websites my writing was posted on, nor when I had earned a significant following. For years, the only people who knew were the internet friends I'd made through writing. Even now, there are only a handful of people in my outside life circles that know I write, and even fewer have ever actually read any of my creative writing. I think I still have a fear of losing something very dear to me. I like the anonymity - there's less pressure to exceed expectations, and there's fewer eyes to watch you fall.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Receiving comments in general is extremely motivating. I rarely share my work with people in my outside life circles, so I mostly rely on feedback/interactions with friends/readers online. Honestly, just knowing that people enjoy the work I produce means the world, whether it's through a like/kudos, reblog, or anything.

What really makes me crazy (in a good way!) is when people do character analysis or relation to my work. It's very rewarding (and quite frankly, very healing) to see when others identify with the experiences, thoughts or feelings that I write about. I tend to spiral and feel very isolated during difficult periods of life, and the reminder that I'm not the only one is very comforting.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I want to be someone who, when I post a project, at least one person is excited to read what I've created. I've been in a lot of rooms where I've felt like what I feel or have to say doesn't mean anything, so I think the idea of reaching one person who does want to hear/read what I have to say would absolutely rock my world.

What I don't want is to be the kind of writer where readers can't engage critically with what I've created. I think both positive and critical feedback are essential to me as an artist. If I write something that just isn't great, needs work, has plot holes or doesn't make sense for how I've led a character's development thus far, constructive feedback is more than welcomed. As I get older, I get better and better at separating my art from myself, which makes taking criticism easier, and makes me more receptive to making the necessary changes.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

It's been a controversial topic in the past, but I love creating flawed people who make mistakes. That's just a part of life - everyone does things they wish they could take back, things they regret, words they wish they'd never said. I put a lot of that into my characters (with original works predominantly) because I think it makes them more relatable. Nothing irks me more than when a main character always makes the dutiful choice, the sacrifice, and does everything right.

I LOVE when a character fails! I LOVE when they make a mistake, and lose a battle. It means they learn something. I LOVE when a character trusts, and is so egregiously betrayed that I'm doubled over on the floor, heaving for breath and about to be physically sick because I cannot believe what just happened (looking at you, Red Rising). Because I have a lot of my own regrets, I try to find closure through writing. It doesn't always work, but it helps.

When you write, are you influenced by what others enjoy might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I try to write a little bit of both. I want to write things that are personal and meaningful to me, but I also want to write things that people can relate to.

In regards to my novel-in-progress, I've taken a story that I really want to tell, and have polled so many readers and read so many forums and threads about what readers want and don't want in the older-y/a fantasy/adventure range, and have been adapting characters and plotlines to meet those. (For example: I love the heightened stakes of war and political drama, I love heavy lore and world building, I love devasting romance, and I also love smut. Still haven't found a book that hits the mark with all of these!)

How do you feel about your own writing?

Yikes!

I don't by any means think I'm a bad writer. All artists get self-conscious and doubt their work at times - I tend to do that more often than not, especially when I post something for people to read and react to. I definitely think I have a lot of room to grow, but I also recognize that I have come very far.

I also recognize, that I have strengths when it comes to writing styles, and I 100% have weaknesses. Unfortunately, my current fic is written in first person present tense - why, god why, did I do this to myself? I hate it! I love the character, the story is very close and personal to me, but the longer it's gone on, the harder it has been to push through - though there has been progress recently! After this, however, I'll stick to third person or narrative '_ x reader', because it's what I feel most comfortable with.

The biggest thing is that I enjoy the stories that I want to tell, but I'm so indecisive about how I want to tell them. Sometimes, none of the words feel right, and other times, all of the words feel right and I can't make a decision because they all feel different even when they mean the same thing!

As always, no pressure tagging @crimson-and-lavender , @waterdeep-weavemoss and @honeybee-bard !

[apotelesmaa]

I never understood why blackstar killed mifune tbh like he wasn't a bad guy he was just tryna protect a kid

Iirc they both went into the battle in ch 57 accepting it to be a battle to the death (stupid and unnecessary but whatever) and were both trying to kill each other. Mifune was kinda like if ur a real warrior you’ll kill me. or something. It wasn’t like… black star being evil and killing a guy just for shits and giggles but it was definitely a stupid resolution to mifune’s story. I don’t think it’s fair to hold it against black star (mifune is also kinda to blame) I think it was just ohkubo making a bad writing choice.

mifune fully went into the battle prepared to die and set it up as a battle to the death to which black star obviously went “alright!” And then they both proceeded to try and kill each other. Since neither one of them would back down they both fight to the point of exhaustion and black star finishes the fight by impaling mifune and then collapsing and mifune’s body fucking dissolved like he was thanos snapped. So like. Kind of a blameless murder? I guess? Mifune certainly did not hold it against him and even compliments black star’s growth. Mifune black star is like 15 what is ur problem. If black star hadn’t won mifune would have 100% killed him but like. Incoming long rant about that particular choice.

I had to double check the wiki to ensure I wasn’t getting stuff wrong and was reminded that in the manga black star chooses “the path of the warrior” and in the anime he’s like “I’m not going to be a demon or a warrior I’m choosing my own path” & he lets mifune live which… common anime W I guess. I’m not sure if ohkubo had any say in that or if it was the anime team trying to wrap up black star’s arc asap before they ended the anime but I do feel like that would have been a much more satisfying conclusion to that part of his character arc. I think ohkubo tried to lean too far into making him An Epic Powerful Super Cool Warrior which is always such a boring character archetype but it’s even more lame when you’re doing that to the character who has (and I say this lovingly) been the deeply unserious comic relief.

I would have liked to see black star mature and chill out and still hold onto his goal to surpass god/dtk/whatever *without* trying to make him into a battle hardened cool warrior or whatever ohkubo was attempting. Because at the end of the day I don’t think there’s enough of a meaningful difference between “the path of the demon” and “the path of the warrior” as ohkubo defined them. Like… yeah the star clan were a bunch of ruthless killers on the path to becoming kishin eggs or whatever but I don’t think “well MY path lets me be the judge jury and executioner but in a cool way where I just kill fellow warriors” is the best counter argument. Like yeah ur not eating the souls (& mifune didn’t even leave a soul for some reason?) but you don’t *need* to kill people. And at the end of the day you’re still taking a life regardless of the reasoning behind it. Like… if your path to becoming more powerful still involves murder I don’t think you can argue you’re doing better than the people who consume the souls for power. Again would have LOVED to see kid’s opinion on that given his whole death god philosophy but unfortunately he was too busy being kidnapped.

Not saying black star’s entire character was given up in favor of that writing choice but it just felt completely divorced from everything else about him? Kind of like if you found out the silly clown at the circus was a super serious paralegal on the side or something. Or seeing someone in a mascot costume taking off the head and going that is an entirely different person. The anime’s choice just feels better - he doesn’t want or need to take a life to become powerful because he doesn’t need to rely on that he can become just as powerful without anyone needing to die. And it lines up more with his character. He is at his core a good kid who loves his friends and hates what his family stood for and I think choosing to show mercy even against mifune’s “this is the true path of the warrior” philosophy would have been more in line with his character rejecting what the star clan stood for.

I don’t know. Super disjointed and you literally Did Not Ask for sloppy character analysis on black star (if you can even call it analysis) but I think at this point asking me a simple question about soul eater and getting a lengthy borderline incomprehensible rant is par for the course. Uhhh I’ll leave you with this: apparently according to ohkubo mifune literally isn’t Japanese he’s just a foreigner who was like samurai cool I’m gonna be like that and he changed his name which is. So funny. Tsubaki and Black Star (who *are* Japanese and do have family connections to samurai) just staring at him like 😐😑😐 as he lectures them on what it means to be a samurai. in the middle of the Amazon.

[songwolfwildblogs]

ok fuckers.

Info dumping about my aus time

Let's start simple.

A forgotten tale/scrappedtale:

An au I throw all my abandoned ideas in a sort of like an omega timeline but for scrapped ideas expect they aren't fucking safe from error because it's a normal au expect it's just a bunch of scrapped shit. The main guy of this au is the first fucker who appeared in the au named Scrap, who is a chill guy with ADHD and autism because his original au was called "Whatever the fuck is wrong with me tale" he is the proud father of two bitties named sunny and paint, they are very silly, Scrap is also a musician

Undermmo:

Chara, Asriel, papyrus, undyne, and alphys, well technically not them but I'll call them that, (note they're all human) after some crowdfunding make an mmo, all the characters in the mmo are based on either the staff behind on the mmo or people the staff know (like toriel in the mmo is based on asriel and chara's mom) but 2 characters are unique... sorta, gaster and sans are papyrus' characters family which papyrus is using as a way to cope because trauma, as the mmo continues to update gaster and sans being to become more and more aware... gaster is the first one to Crack and gain sentience (well some form of sentience since sentience in it of itself is poorly defined but anyway) but manages to stay on task and continue to play his role meanwhile sans is going slightly insane, then the 7 fallen update drops, bringing in 7 new characters making Chara's character no longer the only human, 6 of the seven are completely original to the mmo while frisk is based on chara and asriel's adoptive sibling, frisk almost immediately gains sentience thanks to the player (not the in universe player, the YOU sort of player) and they basically get to decide whether or not they want to follow along with the script of their life or find a new path for the story

Chara and the rest of the irl crew have their own plot line but it's mostly them being goofy and overworking themselves because their publisher is giving them strict deadlines. Also at one point irl toriel plays the game and says she really likes the sans character which causes a weird running joke in the office about sans fucking your mom.

Underspore:

Sansby au where snowdin is overrun by a fungal parasite and grillby's becomes a safe haven because the fungi is weak to fire, snowdin is put into quarantine separating sans and papyrus becomes papyrus was staying with undyne for "training camp" before the outbreak happened, sans get infected of course and the au is basically grillby helping sans fighting off the infection while knowing that ultimately sans is going to die. Sans dies in grillby's arms, blind and unable to move

Anyway Sans aka spore is really silly and strange while infected and I love him but he keeps fucking dying

Understage: pretty simple an au where fights are actually stage performances, almost everything is solved via improvised plays, you can choose to play along or actually fucking kill people which is really easy in the beginning but after awhile people stop performing with you and you have to chase them down and kill them as they struggle to fight you, anyway everyone has on stage personas expect sans who is one of the stagehands, toriel is retired, papyrus's fight is silly, undyne's fight is pirate themed, mettaton's fight is a musical (don’t ask how he manages to improvise an entire musical, he's gay) asgore is the only non genocide fight that is an actual fight but it still happens on a stage. Sans just beats you too death back stage because he's tired of your shit

Those are my core 4 non-multiverse aus. I would go into extreme detail about everything about these aus but I don't think you want to read all of that

Next time we cover my multiverse aus

[enby-catgirl]

largish ramble about growing up with su (and also tangentially related stuff) under the cut

it’s weird rewatching steven universe from the beginning purely because of how long it’s been in my life and how i grew up with it? i started watching around 2014ish but not super seriously until the invasion arc and i was about ten when that started and now i’m 19 and it’s been in my life for 9 years and really had a big impact on me growing up? like silly things like my mannerisms when speaking being picked up from watching too many cartoons as an autistic kid but also big things like seeing myself in a show and finding something to be passionate about that lots of other people were passionate about that wasn’t just like. cats. because when it’s something concrete like a show and not just. the species of cat. the animal. that lives in my house. it gave me something to share with people that had details and lore and community and i didn’t really have that before then? like i was super into cats and drawing and dolls but like those didn’t help me feel like i had a place in a community the way that su did? i didn’t have tumblr i just had youtube and pinterest because i was like 11 but i could see that there were tons of people also passionate about it and i didn’t fully understand that i was queer but i understood that seeing queer people on tv made me feel real and like i had a place and idk. it’s just important to me idk why it took me so long to seek it out again? like it ran from 2013-19. it was a huge part of my life for 5 of the 6 years and even longer if you count the movie and future. i remember feeling so pressured by myself when i was 15 and 16 to be this big mature person who knew what i wanted and what i was going ti be and maybe i should’ve worked a little harder to get anchors down considering how i’m floating now but that’s not the point the point is the whole white diamond arc and steven being all like ooh im a kid blah blah blah made me realize like. yeah. i’m only 15/16! i have time i don’t have to figure it out now! and then i was happy in sophomore year because i had a friend who shared the show with and i had friends who listened and i was finding my place and a lots changed but i have friends who’ve stuck with me since then even though i have no idea what i’m doing or who i’m supposed to be anymore but that’s ok! i’m my own person and i can forge my own future in my own haven way i just need to get my head out of my ass and my feet on the ground and start laying foundation for a future even if i don’t know what it looks like yet! i know who i want in my life and i know i want to be happy and i can figure the rest out as i go because yeah i’m not a kid anymore but i’m only 19 and i’ve got a heck of a long time ahead of me! the owl house has been in my life for less time but it picked up where su left off and helped me fully grasp that i get to choose my future and my parents have never told me who to be and they want me to be my best self and choosing my own path will let me be me and yeah i wish things were different but i get to choose and i get to be myself and i can fight for people like me and i can do what makes me happy and it doesn’t matter that i’m 19 what matters is what i choose to do and yeah i do a hell of a lot of nothing but i just gotta figure things out before i can get my feet under me and even if i’m stumbling i still gotta keep moving forward and jesus this is a long ass sentence and im getting a headache so it’s bed time now but whatever! i’m going ti figure things out and i just gotta start taking steps again

[abyssalcreator21]

Pandemic Thoughts # 168

I wonder why I am crying? Earlier, I couldn't sleep easily. It had taken me a while to relax and soothe my thoughts before I hit the sack. Escape from the reality of a harsh and grinding life to a world where I enjoy being weird and happy-go-lucky. But that is not the case anymore. After my OJT, I'll graduate and be ready for the most significant challenge any student would face, adulting. This is the phase where fresh graduates ask, "What is the next step?" In my case, I am a late bloomer. Still figuring out how I will cope with the world's demands. I am expected to land a job smoothly, knowing that I still have a lot of skills to learn to be competitive in the workplace. And one of the most significant issues we are facing right now is money. Lots of bills to pay; I only have a little left in my pocket. Still waiting for the next release of my allowance to pay for the internship and the hardbound of the thesis manuscript. I just do my regular lazy ass routine, but deep inside, I know that one day, I'll grow up with this kind of lifestyle. I should adjust and adapt even though it takes work for me.

Although I am starting, I still need to improve in spending my money or responding to instructions. My communication skills still need a lot of work, and I need lots of experience to fight with the flow of life. Even in myself, I also have my own demons to fight, and the feeling of loneliness is still lingering. My friends, organization, and loving girlfriend support me in everything I do. Still, have you ever felt that, hopefully, they are just with you most of the time? My college life has its great and worse moments. I could barely enjoy college in whatever it had to offer me. I also haven't given myself a push to participate in these activities or expand my social circle by taking a move first. I tried, and I tried, but as always, I felt like being a late bloomer has many disadvantages, like not being able to relate to how my peers also spend their lives. I am that far in achieving youth and maturity in my own life. It's hard to feel like I can't quickly vent out whatever I want to say because my family doesn't discuss how my brother and I are doing with our lives. In honesty, I am tired of being nagged as always that I don't have what it takes to earn dough and compete with the harshness of life. I felt like shit being told that I am still their son who isn't aware of my responsibilities and just sucks on the idea that I cannot take care of myself or embarrass them. Is it my fault that growing up, I have endured all of my problems alone and haven't told them one single thing about how I have been throughout my life. It wasn't easy crying alone in the middle of the night, thinking, have I done enough to make them believe I can. I am always down on my knees and understand them because they are the ones who earn money and not me. It's like I felt that I am invalidated by my own capacity to live and step on my own feet. I can do it; I know I can handle my own in the field of work and will willingly provide. But how I am constantly being belittled, unable to speak my voice, and continually finding ways in my own problems, these are just the reasons why I develop such doubts and insecurities because I felt that none of this would matter anyway to them. My parents just want to see the ideal son they expect of me. A man who can provide and stand on his own after graduation and not this silly and wacky side of mine whom they thought an embarrassing attitude and nuances to keep while I am already 23 years old.

I love my parents, and I appreciate the sacrifices that they have made to make me who I am today. But being invalidated of my capabilities and being called rude when I just want to calmly speak my side annoys me. I really hate this toxic Filipino family culture. But I have no choice but to continue and keep on living. Nothing will do well if I choose the path of being demotivated and giving up. Of course, the journey will be challenging for me in the next few years, but that's how life works. You can be challenged most of the time, but somehow, you can be vulnerable and break down. I had my share of good and bad moments in my life, and it wasn't an easy track to get in this period of my life, but I am proud of it even though I haven't enjoyed what life has in store for me.

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

#please expand if you have more on that#i rewatched aotc and padme is so interesting because the narrative od the film says one thing about her#but her actual actions say another#and even in rots she is put in a position of duty facing off against Anakin#but still offers to run away with him and leave it all#i really wish padme had more time in the movies#because so much of her is Anakin's point of view#but she has these really interesting choices#she goes with anakin to tatooine she goes to rescue obiwan both of which was for anakin not for duty#like padme is interesting because she was never trapped by anakin#she goes with him every step he takes#to tatooine to geonosis to mustafar#we talk about anakin's attachement to her#but was her love free of attachment?#she wasnt able to walk away even when he admitted to what he was doing#now we never get to see if she chooses to leave him#obiwan interups the decision#but she was still in the begging stage#wanting anakin to come back to her#even after all he did#and was still so sure there was good in him#sorry this is just messy stream of consciousness but I think about her motives a lot @threebea

Er, so, I kind of just used this as a big ramble. Really needs a few edits, probably should be split into multiple posts. But whatever. padme padme paaaadddmmmeee

 Well, firstly I must admit that the desire vs duty is primarily an aotc theme, which is... resolved, or rather a choice is made, at it's end. It carries over somewhat but not entirely. Like what you say with Mustafar in rots- it's Obi Wan who has to 'do what he must' even though his heart is breaking. There were concept arts of padme taking a dagger to Mustafar and I know they nearly took a different route with her, but sometimes characters do outgrow their themes, and honestly, technically it would have been a little silly- could she, heavily pregnant and alone, facing a powerful darksider, have killed him? That would have been far more of a suicide mission than trying to talk him down. Besides, it would have been repetitive in a way, since obi wan had that story.

The choice occurs most of all when she's speaking to Obi Wan beforehand, and she refuses to help him because she thinks he'll kill him (and oh boy)*. She's making a bargain here, because sort of like at the end of aotc, she's trying to have both. She's trying to find a way to keep him alive, keep him, but also stop him from serving the emperor and killing more people. It's not like she's throwing it all away and following Anakin into the dark, she tells him it's a path she can't follow, and begs him to follow her instead. She thinks she can bring him back, and in doing so, protect the galaxy from him. It's a compromise. It's damage control.

*(fascinating that she came straight to the conclusion that he would if it came to it, because she does know he loves him too. Suggests she's aware that she's compromised beyond the standard she should hold herself to. Fascinating that she thought he would not be able to talk Anakin down, which he more or less says he wants to try to do, knowing that he cares and that Anakin sees him as like his father, but she still undertakes this herself-)

Anyway, Attack of the Clones! ...I rely a lot on the extra scenes. So, first of all we got this 24 year old war vet senator who's been in politics since she was like, 10. According to her she had a crush as a preteen once but decided to run for election instead. After her turbulent term, according to her she wanted to retire from politics and start a family, but alas, the new queen asked her to serve as senator instead. So she packed her bags and became the leader of the incumbent chancellor's opposition and did her very best to stop her second war. Sometimes she got to go home and always stayed in her parent's house when she did and was quietly envious her sister who had two children and no apparent politics to deal with. She asks Anakin 'It must be difficult having sworn your life to the Jedi... not being able to visit the places you like... or do the things you like.' she is projecting. She is projecting! Anakin autofills with 'or be with the people you love?' and he is an empath who knows what she's feeling. (okay this is going into interpretation but) This is her life.

In AotC, she she has subsumed her own desires with duty. When he tries to seduce her she's more realistic about the consequences than Anakin, who approaches the concept with the unflinching assumption that he can find a way to have both. She doesn't. She cites all the consequences to her career and his. It's also interesting that she perhaps wants to be a senator less than anakin wants to be a jedi. So for me, while desire vs duty is a general anidala thing, I also feel like it's a more central conflict for Padme here. Anakin cares less about that. He's.... well, arrogant. (to shamelessly quote obi wan)

When she confesses her own feelings to Anakin, it's not even a particularly transgressive moment. They're about to die. They are being transported to their execution. What the fuck does every single reason she had given not to fall in love even matter. They won't be anything more than a legacy come tomorrow.

I don't know if it's exactly relevant, but I feel like mentioning again her other arc in aotc, because she lost. She was trying to prevent the military creation act from going through. She was trying to stop palpatine from being granted emergency powers to outstay his term. She was trying to push for diplomacy with the discontented separatist planets (who were exploited by dooku), which is something that palpatine was very deliberately sabotaging.  She was trying to stop this war from even starting. By the end of aotc everything she was working for had failed. And while she was not supposed to be an active combatant in this particular war (her accidental presence at geonosis aside), anakin was. Anakin could die tomorrow, realistically. in rots one of her very first lines is about her being worried about whispers he’d been killed.

(also when she re-meets Anakin she just lost her best friend, who was specifically assassinated in her stead. She literally died for her)

So anyway, the conclusion of her dilemma is that she decides, like Anakin, that por que no los dos. I wouldn't say that stems from arrogance though.

(in terms of her going to tatooine and then geonosis, i'd not really put them in terms of derilection of duty, or even exclusively for anakin's sake in the latter case. She's already been sidelined. She's not doing her duty on Naboo, she's going on picnics. It's a nice holiday, but she was explicitly very frustrated to be asked to go into hiding when she felt her place was fighting palpatine in the senate. And it's not like the assasins were likely to look for her on tatooine. Going there did not present a conflict of duty. And then Geonosis- yeah, she was thinking about Anakin. But there was a lot of other things to consider, like the fact that obi wan was investigating the assasins who were after her and killed her friend, and he was someone who saved her planet once, and he was investigating the people who were trying to make the war she opposed happen, and he was apparently captured by the opposite side who palpatine was deliberately blocking access to in order to make his war happen, and she could speak to them directly- like, yeah, anakin was worried about obi wan, but. there was a lot else going on that was relevant there.)

(on padme and attachment: well yes. She compromises morality, she enables him, she helps him hide his crimes and his oathbreaking so he can still be a knight, she isolates herself to keep this secret with him, and in the end it's not just Anakin who 'cannot live without her', if we take the whole died of a broken heart at face value. Her attachment led her to succumb to despair from losing him, not unlike how anakin’s attachment led him to succumb to the fear of losing her.

there is also the idea that she was attracted to his attachment. It's far from an uncommon trope in romances and in fandom, the romanticism around love that consumes, people who would burn the world for their love, possesiveness as a romantic trait- you know what i mean, it's everywhere. i've seen her reaction to the tusken massacre being interpreted in all kinds of ways, but right this minute, the one that resonates with me is the one where she's taken in by the percieved depth of his love. The strength of his passion, that it could overwhelm him like that. And his vulnerability, the raw wound that is his pain. That is attractive to some people.  And it's a classic of romance. If I can get why that appeals to people in fandom, i can get why that might appeal to someone in a film. I've had my issues with the narrative for that, because people really like to make fun of teenage girls who like bad boys, and anidala has always had shades of that kind of cautionary tale. Which I don't really like Lucas for doing for a variety of reasons. ANYWAY. But the idea that, on a meta level, she's got this idea that attachment and love, especially romantic love, are inherently intertwined, that she's the in-universe person who doesn't understand jedi philosophy and so on- it's kind of cool, i guess.

another meta thing about anidala and attachment is the very way the romance takes over her storyline- the very thing that annoys a lot of fans- is in a way on brand actually, the idea that attachment compromised them, caused them to lose their way, took over their lives and their selves- that they got wrapped up in each other at the expense of their roles as heroes of the story- that is the story, isn’t it?)

where was i

Er, RotS, and I mostly want to talk about. The cut scenes, lol. (not that the back and forth of her not coping with her double-life hens coming home to roost aren’t interesting but idk what to say about it right now tbh) I’m obsessed with that repetition in her story where she stands in front of the senate at 14 and asks them to step up and they don’t, and she’s a determined girl full of hope and she goes to war. and then in aotc she’s stands in front of the senate and asks them not to give up freedom in the name of security, and palpatine plays dirty by shooting her off the stage, and then there is a war, and she is still determined but not quite so full of hope, finding comfort in anakin’s arms, and finally in rots all that’s left is her and a delegation petitioning a dismissive tyrant, and natalie portman sells me on it there, because she is not surprised, she’s clearly deeply unhappy, and she has this air of determined resignation. They have to go war again. They have to go to war again. They have to go to war again.

(maybe i read too much into it)

I kind of think, at this stage, that she feels she can do it, she can face all of this, as long as Anakin is with her. This is the bargain she’s made again: she’ll do her duty with anakin at her side. (yes he was standing behind palpatine. but of course he would choose her. she’s not even wrong about that it’s the same math palpatine did, he is just far more of a manipulator.)

And then she loses Anakin.

Lying on her birthing bed, everything she ever worked for crumbling away, betrayed by anakin and unsure if he’s alive or dead, her duty is to mount a rebellion and protect two children. Her desire is to give up.

She gives up.

Desire vs Duty is one element of anakin’s story but it’s a cornerstone of Padme’s i think

[drwcn]

I loved your fem lwj take on things. How would thibgs go if WWX was the lady? Other than ppl assuming she stood up for the Wens bcs she jad feelings for WN ( and that Yuan was hers)

Heyyy friend, I think I’ve seen a couple of girl!wwx fics floating around in ao3 so i certainly won’t be the first :P.

Also I completely misread your ask initially, I thought you were asking me what I think would happen if A-Yuan was WWX’s kid, and I was like oh?? But then I realize wait... I can make it worse.  

Today, I decided that my mortal soul doesn’t matter, so here we go. Let’s see how accursed I can make this idea: 

[1]

It started with Jiang Cheng. Jiang Wanyin had set out for the Burial Mount with the explicit goal of throttling speaking with Wei Wuxian, but what greeted him at the entrance of the “Demon Subduing Palace” — more of a cave than anything really — was not his martial sister, but Wen Ning. Well, what had once been Wen Ning.

Black veins ran across his pale, ashen face, down his equally ashen neck , and into the major veins beneath his clavicles covered by the collars of his black threadbare robes. Lifeless eyes, white as his skin, stared into a void the living could not see. There were talismans littering his body, and Jiang Cheng knew that when he spoke to this fierce corpse, he was not speaking to the young Wen boy, but to his mistress who controlled him with her demonic cultivation. 

Wei Wuxian refused to face him. Refused him explanation. Refused him closure.

“Er-jie!” Jiang Cheng screamed into the stony expressionless face of Wen Qionglin. “If you continue to protect them, then I can’t protect you!!” 

There was no response. 

Suddenly, just as Jiang Cheng was about to kick and fight his way into the cave, Wen Ning thrusted out his right fist, and in his grasp was a piece of purple silk. Jiang Cheng unfolded the silk, vaguely recognizing that it had been cut from someone’s robe, and saw what was wrapped within was a slip of parchment.

割袍断义*, the paper read. Tell the world that I, Wei Wuxian, first disciple of Yunmeng Jiang has forever defected (Note: 割袍断义- to rip one's robe as a sign of repudiating a sworn brotherhood (idiom)).

With this, there was nothing left to say. Hurt and furious, Jiang Wanyin threw the piece of parchment onto the dirt ground, grinded his heel down on it, and left the Burial Mount without ever having drawn Sandu. 

Inside the cave, Wen Qing held Wei Wuxian’s hand. “Why won’t you just tell him? He’s your brother; he can help you, you can —” 

Wei Wuxian’s mile long stare seemed to be gazing at something — someone — very far away. Slowly, she placed her other palm over her belly, which horrifically was already starting to round out. “Nobody can help me now, Qing-jie.”

“I can,” said Wen Qing, blunt as ever. “I can make it go away, if you want.”

“No.” A droplet of tear escaped pass long lashes. “No.” 

[2] 

It continued with Jiang Cheng.

On a snowy night, the first winter after Wei Wuxian escaped with the Wen remnants to the Burial Mount, Jiang Cheng was rudely awakened from his slumber by a less-than-stealthy intruder breaking and entering into his bed chamber.

Zidian whipped through the air, lighting the room with her eerie violet glow, before the intruder could think to take one more step. It was a man, judging from his silhouette colliding against the wall and the pained groan he made in response. The very next second, the tail of Zidian coiled tightly around his neck and dragged him across the floor towards beneath Jiang Cheng’s waiting foot. 

The Sect Master of Yunmeng Jiang summoned Sandu, ready to deliver the final strike, but just as his blade sailed towards the intruder’s chest, a pale arm jutted upwards, blocking Sandu’s descent and revealing a pale hand holding a … a... 

Even in the dark, Jiang Cheng immediately recognized the mahogany comb. 

“Jiang — ! Zongzhu —!” The man croaked out urgently, throat still stomped on by Jiang Cheng’s foot. It was - it was Wen Ning?!

Jiang Cheng looked him over. He was pale, yes, but his eyes appeared human. His hair was brushed and haphazardly done up in a farmer’s top knot. He was wearing farmer’s clothing too, probably more inconspicuous for travel than his Ghost General getup.  

“Jiang-zongzhu! P—please!!”

No, impossible. 

“Wei — Wei-guniang—”

Jiang Cheng lifted his foot and dragged Wen Ning up in a split second. “What’s wrong with Wei Wuxian?!”  Wen Ning coughed and shook his head desperately. “No time to explain. My sister asked me to fetch you. Please, you have to come! Wei-guniang’s life is in danger! If you won’t come, I’ll...I’ll have to go to Gusu, and I don’t know if - if -” 

Jiang Cheng followed Wen Ning. 

For speed, they travelled by sword, but even so, dawn was breaking by the time they arrived. The crowd of Burial Mount’s villagers huddling anxiously outside of the Demon Subduing Palace parted for them upon their arrival. Jiang Cheng took a moment to gather himself and square his shoulders. Whatever it was; he was ready.  

He was wrong. None of the dozens of scenario he had agonized over on the flight here could have prepared him for what awaited him inside. 

Wen Qing, pale and drenched in sweat, was near complete spiritual collapse, and without Wen Qing’s spiritual energy sustaining her, the single tenuous thread by which Wei Wuxian’s life hung on would have undoubtedly snapped under the toil and devastation her body had been put through. 

There was so much blood, so, so much blood everywhere, and amidst the blood, there was a baby. 

Fuck. 

Jiang Cheng transfused his sister half of his total spiritual reserve over the course of a day, while an exhausted but unrelenting Wen Qing worked diligently under blood-soaked sheets. 

Then at dusk, when the storm finally passed, Jiang Cheng sat at the mouth of the cave with a tiny, perfect little human — a girl, a niece! —  in his arms and cursed Lan Wangji’s name. 

Wen Qing was extremely clear with them: 孩子要是留在这里，养不活。

If the newborn was left to be raised at the Burial Mount, she would not live. And so, because parting was inevitable from the start, Wei Wuxian adamantly refused to hold or nurse the child. Her child. 

I can’t. If I do, I won’t be able to let her go. Those dark eyes burned with more than just the delirium of her childbed fever. For once, Jiang Cheng could not find it in himself to argue.

Thus, he took his niece home and named her Jiang Yan 江曕. The name was not his doing. His foolish, misguided, stubborn sister had stroked her daughter’s soft, baby cheek and whispered it to her as a farewell gift. 

Yan - to be bathed in daylight. In the end, when given a choice, Wei Wuxian still opted for her child to walk on broad sunny road. 

It made Jiang Cheng wonder why, then, she would choose the dark twisted path for herself instead. 

[3] 

It ended with Jiang Cheng. 

The truth was simple: Jiang Wanyin killed his shijie Wei Wuxian. He did. He meant to. 

He killed her. But that did not mean he wanted her dead. 

In one day, he had lost both of his sisters, leaving two orphans in their wake. Jiang Cheng could not ignore the cruel irony of their fate: one’s father murdered by his aunt, and other’s mother murdered by her uncle. 

This was the kind of tragedy fairytales were made of, and if there were anything left in him to shed tears over it, he would.  Standing amongst Nevernight’s carnage, he could not dredge up even a single drop of tear.  

Jiang Cheng didn’t know how he could return home to Lotus Pier to face that cherub face, always so happy, so sweet, so utterly untainted by the world. She had her mother’s smile. Yan'er was starting to learn how to speak. Her first words were da-da. 

Da-da. Die-die. Father. 

He was standing beside her father now. 

Lan Wangji. Devastated. Destroyed. …Deceived.

Jiang Cheng hated him so much, so fucking much that for one insane second, he thought about telling Lan Wangji the truth just to see what would happen. Maybe he would run Jiang Cheng through with his Bichen - that would be a relief now, wouldn’t it? - or maybe he would jump after Wei Wuxian. 

Truly, if he knew, he would. Jump, that is. Jiang Cheng was almost entirely sure. Oh the utter melodrama that would inspire indeed!  

But then... 

Wei Ying birthed you a daughter, a lovely, perfect, blessed little girl, and she carried that secret to her grave. I may be damned by my actions, but you, who have done nothing for her and taken everything, why should you deserve something as sacred as the truth?

Jiang Cheng turned away. 

He was acutely aware that one day Jiang Yan may very well be the literal death of him. After all — 杀母之仇不共戴天 — one cannot tolerate living under the same sky as the murderer of one’s mother. 

Be that as it may, he would raise Jiang Yan well, just as he promised. Unlike his sister, he would not break his word. Jiang Yan was of Lotus Pier, of Yunmeng, like her mother and grandfather before her. That for him, was enough. 

Jiang Cheng clutched Sandu and gripped Zidian. Whatever his fate, he already made peace with it, and the rest was inconsequential. 

One day, he may die, but today he lives, and so as long as he lives, Jiang Yan and all of Yunmeng Jiang will be protected . So as long as he lives, they will flourish. 

[...and in between]

On the streets of Yiling, Lan Wangji tilted his head inquisitively at Wei Wuxian and the little boy at her side and asked, “This child, he...” 

In response, Wei Wuxian patted her chest in a self-declarative kind of way and announced, “Oh this child, I birthed him!” 

He stared at her in shell-shocked silence, his mind racing with panicked thoughts of but that’s impossible — that was just once — even if — the boy is too old to be —

“怎么，蓝湛，不要我们娘儿俩了？” What, Lan Zhan, you don’t want the child and I?

“Wei— Wei Ying—” 

Then of course, she had laughed, and Lan Wangji thought no more of it. 

Just a joke. A silly joke. 

In time, he would come to realize his mistake. 

~~~

[A/N]: I’m not even a little bit sorry. 

[the-cult-of-russo]

gotta know how u think billy would be as a dad with his kids :D

I had so many requests for Dad!Billy headcanons 😭

I hope you're ready for this chaotic ramble.

Please remember this is my Billy I'm writing

-

You know those parents who take like a million pictures of their kid and show them to everyone? The kind that talks about their kid nonstop to anyone who'll listen? Their family, friends, the poor random old lady at the store that just wants to buy some damn milk.

That's Billy.

He's such an unbelievably proud parent, his pride for his kids knows no bounds. It doesn't even need to be some kind of milestone worth celebrating, everything his kid does makes him proud. You better believe when his baby has an explosive crap and ruins their clothes, he's boasting about it the next day to Frank and the guys at Anvil.

-

He's incredibly protective. Murder is a possibility if his kids in danger. He wants nothing more than to keep his kids safe. If they're being bullied, it takes all of his willpower to stop himself from kicking the kids ass for doing that to his kid. He's not above picking a fight with the bullies dad though if they don't get their little shit head in check and also making it known to the principle that this shit won't fly with him.

~

"Mr Russo, I don't think you understand how serious this is. Your son broke a kids nose," the principle mutters with a glare.

Billy tilts his head, regarding the teacher with those unsettling eyes that has the old man squirming in his seat.

"You’re damn right he did," Billy replies seriously, a proud tone to his voice. His dark eyes cut to his left where his son is, practically his double. As Billy smirks, unable to help himself, his son wears the same one although he's lowering his head to hide his amusement.

"We don't tolerate that behaviour here, Mr Russo," the principle huffs. Billy's eyes harden then as his eyes narrow, sitting forward in his chair just the right amount to be imposing. The second the man leans back he knows it worked.

"You know what I don't tolerate? My kid bein' bullied. You assholes won't do shit to stop it, so I say let the little fucker get a taste of his own medicine. Serves him right for messin' with a Russo," he smirks wickedly.

~

He teaches them self defence, wanting them to be able to look after themselves if it ever came down to it. Naturally, for their 16th birthday, they're gifted with a big ass knife.

-

Billy as a dad is so stupidly soft.

We all remember the scene from the show, right? Where he's in the hospital with his mom and he says;

"Maybe you did me a solid, you know? I mean, the way I see it, you want weak kids, give 'em everything. But if you... if you want 'em strong... treat 'em hard."

When he has a kid of his own he realises just what utter garbage this is. The idea of all the shit he's been through making him into the tough son of a bitch he is today is born from trauma that he still hasn't dealt with. The way his brain tries to rationalise what he went though. To make it make sense instead of it being so goddamn senseless.

But if he's honest, more than he'd like to admit, he finds himself wondering just what his life would have been like if he grew up in a loving home. What it would be like to feel wanted and cared for. To rise to the top being helped and cheered on by others instead of clawing his way there with bloodied and dirty fingers, the weight of the world bearing down on him as he's beat down at every turn.

He never wants his kids to feel that way. Not even a fraction of how unloved and unwanted he felt. He does everything in his power to make sure they know just how much he cares about them. There's literally nothing he wouldn't do for his kids. They could turn up at home one day and confess to a murder and Billy wouldn't hesitate to ask where the body is so he can handle it for them.

-

Billy is ridiculously sentimental when it comes to his kids. Drawings go up on the fridge and when a new one takes its place, the old one goes into a box of many others that he can't seem to ever throw away. He has multiple pictures of his kids at his office, even some framed cute drawings they did for him. He's kept all the mementos from the pregnancy, birth and onwards. They're his little treasures.

-

Billy is super supportive of everything his kids do. He makes sure they get a good education but he never pushes them to do something they don't want to do. Despite the large college fund he's got for them, if they choose not to go to college, he doesn't pressure them. Instead, whatever hopes and dreams they have, he does everything in his power to support and help them. Whether that's moral and emotional support, money or even breaking a few jaws of people standing in their way.

-

Let's look a little bit at how he is throughout some of the ages of his kid.

Billy with a baby is a sight to behold. No one has ever seen Lieutenant William Russo so goddamn soft. Once he's got hold of his baby, you've got no chance of getting them back off him. You'd have to fight him. He adores holding his little one close, soaking them in. He's constantly holding them no matter what he's doing and baby carriers and wraps are a godsend to him. You'd heard about them from a friend and told Billy and you better believe by the time the baby's born that he's an expert on all things baby wearing. He's a perfectionist and carrying a baby wrong can be dangerous. He makes sure he knows how to do it right.

Just as he has little affectionate touches for you, he has the same for his baby. His large hand stroking their tiny head and little hair. His finger stroking their chubby little cheek. He's a tactile person and touch is grounding for him. It soothes him to do so with his baby and reassures him they're really there and that they're okay.

He's super attentive. Of course he works a lot but as soon as he becomes a dad, he doesn't stay late anymore and makes sure to have days off. The second he comes home, he's making a beeline for his baby, scooping them up with a grin. He loves to read to them, something that continues as they grow up. His weekends used to be restful or if he was feeling like a masochist, he'd work from home. But now weekends are his time to shine. By the time you wake up on a Saturday morning, he's already up with the baby, making you breakfast as he's got the baby attached to him via baby carrier.

As his baby grows into a toddler, each milestone makes him tearful and full of pride. He kisses any booboos that happen and he's constantly playing with his child. He has a pretty silly side to him that most don't get to see. Making his kid laugh and smile brings him the greatest joy.

He loves taking his toddler to the office with him. Everyone dotes on his kid and treats them like royalty.

When they turn into a small child, he watches with a proud smile and amusement as his kid wants to fight with his men, watching them 'beat' the shit out of them. The guys at Anvil are more than happy to very dramatically go down, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when the tiny Russo grins smugly at their 'win'.

Their first day at school and Billy's a mess. It's such a turning point and he doesn't know how to deal with how fast their growing up. But every achievement at school, even minor ones, and he's showering them with praise.

He encourages them to work hard and as soft as he might be, he is still the boss. He makes sure they do their homework and don't fall behind on their studies.

One thing Billy loves is teaching his kids stuff. Whether that's mundane stuff to help with school or teaching them shit he knows like survivalist things, because you can never be too prepared, right? He loves helping them with school projects and answering any questions they might have about one of the many things he's knowledgeable about.

When his kids moves onto those hard teenage years, the ones where everything feels so dramatic and world ending, he's a little tougher when it calls for it. Billy is no novice to rebellion, he has a rebellious streak of his own and marches to the beat of his own drum half the time. He respects that. What he doesn't respect or tolerate is behaviour that's going to fuck his kid over in the long run or self sabotage. He will be firm and a hard ass if he needs to be to keep his kids on a path where they don't get hurt or ruin their life.

Billy has a zero tolerance policy on drugs. After the shit with his mother, he won't budge on this. If he finds out his kid is dabbling in drugs, they're grounded until they're old enough to move out.

-

No matter what age his kids are, Billy loves them immensely. He wants to be the father he wished he'd had growing up and he pours all of his anguish and pain from his upbringing into it. Channeling it into the purest form of love for his kids. To break the curse that had hold of him. He won't perpetuate the cycle.

Being a father brings him a sense of completeness and peace he didn't think was possible for him to achieve. It fills the void that's been eating away at his soul from his lack of love as a child and he loves every second of being a parent. Even the hard moments.

-

Bonus:

The Russo's and the Castle's go on monthly camping trips together. Billy loves the outdoors, the mild survivalist feelings he gets from it without the real danger. He loves taking his kids there, teaching them everything. In his role as dad and uncle, he sits around the camp fire at night, the light of the flames dancing along his face as he very theatrically tells the kids a spooky story.

You and his kids are his immediate family but the Castle's are his family too. So he really loves it when you all get to spend time together like that.

[inspiteallthedanger]

Silly question from Anon. In GN was John in love with Stuart/were they in a romantic relationship? Obs. it's fine that John loved other people besides Paul, it just makes me a little sad because as Stu left to be with Astrid then died, it kind of feels like Paul was just chosen by default. Like if Stu hadn't left John would still be with Stu and uninterested in Paul. Which is also fine, whatever is true to the GN story. What I am really asking is for certainty: what was the situation?Thank you

Hello my love. No silly questions here! I’m really interested to know what made you ask this in particular? Do you think that comes across in GN?

As a precursor to answering, I’d say that GN was my attempt to put my personal perspective on events (as I saw it while I was writing it anyway) so this answer is really about how I think those dynamics played out between the three of them.

Obviously it’s very hard to know how John and Stuart felt about each other. We have a lot less information about them. But they clearly had a very deep, profoundly important, bond. John got something from Stuart that he couldn’t have from Paul (well obviously he got loads of things because they were very different people). But in particular Stuart was very, very emotionally available to John. They shared their fears and dreams and pain. This was not, by and large, Paul and John’s dynamic. Partly because the power plays simply weren’t there with Stu and John; they both knew they were bringing different (equally important) things to the relationship. For whatever reason it doesn’t seem to have been infected with the toxic macho bullshit that defined John’s other relationships. I can only assume this is a Stuart thing, given how unusual it seems to have been.

Were either of them romantically inclined towards the other? I mean, (if we assume John was queer) it seems probable John’s feelings for him would have been that of friendship but also thinking he’s a hottie (because have you seen Stuart?). I don’t know that I’d say he loved him in the same way as Paul. Partly because John didn’t burn the bridge down once it was clear Stu was going to choose a life of art and German photographers. I think he needed Stuart and it’s a massive tragedy for John (outside the death of someone dying so young but being unspeakably sad) that he lost this male outlet for his feelings. It would have been so helpful to him going forward.

I don’t think it’s true to say that Paul would never have got a look in, regardless. Well, I guess in the alternative universe where Stuart is equally interested in John and music it’s possible? But that’s not what happened. It wasn’t just that Stu met Astrid, without that he was always probably going to leave the band. He’d been talking about it for ages before then. So. They’d have “broken up” no matter what. They cared but they were on different paths and that’s just how it was.

I really don’t think loving other people impacts your feelings for someone. Clearly I’m open to the fact of poly relationships working very well, so I don’t have this worry. The point is J&P ended up together because they chose that. They wanted it, through all the shit and pain and hurt and inconvenience. They didn’t walk away. They couldn’t. So that’s different to John and Stu right there.

[starshipsofstarlord]

Teeth

Pairing | Damon Salvatore x reader

Summary | “Men, soldiers never believe in silly tales of vampires and witches, they were all meant to spur fear in small children. But to the dismay of mankind, they exist, and must refrain from running from one, all for the occurrence of love that beats in the heart of the eldest Salvatore brother.”

Warnings | mentions of death, smut

Requested ✖️

Quick link to my masterlist, if you’re interested in reading more of my crap 😬

He was but a mere mortal, wishing to please his noble and respected father, whom had chosen to welcome fleeing guests into his grand home. Those guests consisted of a group of travelling women, who were scouring across the country, and taken political refuge where it was offered.

The gesture was a nice one, but it was no secret that he was not the kindest of men. However no human was, neither vampire. Each individual harboured their own ruthless desire, may it be blood or gold, to die in battle or to die after hundreds of years, it was all the same. A want, a luxury that they dreamed of.

Katherine had aimed her cold blooded sights on Stefan, the younger of the two Salvatore brothers. He was more brooding, the favourited by father and one of the women that were residing in his lovely home. There was an impulse Katherine had, not only for sexual proceeds, but to turn him, change him into one of the living undead.

A vampire. A drinker of blood, a fume to the sizzling sun. It certainly was not the life suited to every man or woman roaming the spilt earth, however each settled into the transition on their own terms. There were some who vowed only to feed from the forest animals, refusing to bring humans into their diet. Or others who thrived off the kill, ripping tight knitted throats out for pleasure alone, smirking in satisfaction when seeing the blood paralleled through the mirrors, presenting the red disdain upon their clothing.

Alike to Katerina, you were a fleer of the sun, a woman whom adorned an enchanted ring to bask in the daylight, and to top that off, were also enraptured with the thought of one of the handsomely crafted brothers. There was something about him that was addictive, but ironically enough, you had never fed on his blood, not once.

Damon Salvatore was a savoury supplement, a drug that made you feel better on your bad days, or even when Katherine ordered you around as though you were some witch. His gleaming smile sparked some life back into your dead body, but nothing was ever perfect, and secrets could never remain hidden.

“How absurd is that?” He asked you, stifling a reign of laughter, trying not to laugh at his own spoken words. “My father has a belief that vampires are killing the townsfolk, he’s even speaking of instating a hunt for them, to purify and ensure our safety.”

At his words, you could do no more than freeze, you felt as though you had been exposed. And to some extent you were, as you laid in the man’s velvety bed, the start of your breasts and lower hidden by the sheet. You had waited for him to return, as he spoke to his father, and here he was, kicking his shoes off, and undressing himself, only so that he could join you underneath the linen again.

As he slipped under, you felt cold, scared even, and how ironic was that, considering that you were the monster taut in the pure sheets. But he only pulled you closer, running the puckering off his sweet human lips up your neck, using his teeth to sink a bite unto your skin, whilst not using enough force to break it. His action made you shiver, for you were the one that usually did the biting, not vice versa.

However, you allowed him to continue, the wavering path of his tongue running up the side, stroking the shell of your ear as he whispered quite enticingly into it, though, it was the words that had you hooked, not the seductive tone that he upheld in stronger knots than his rugged curls. “You’re not one of them, are you?” Breathily, he laughed afterwards, causing you to join in to disguise the truth behind his joke.

And instead of quarrying about this matter, you turned to him, palming his naked chest as you felt the warmth hidden beneath his skin. He was too good for a creature like you, that much was evidential to your eye, he deserved to be happy, and live his mortal life free of the misery that you were surely going to bring. You knew, that if you allowed Katerina to know just how much this singular man meant to you, she would turn him.

She thought of herself as a saint for all the things that she did for you, but you saw her as nothing but the opposite. Katherine Pierce, or whatever she was to convert her name to appease modernity to, broke every toy that she found entertainment in, watching with a wicked smile on her vampiric face as your own was saddened, and forced to abandon said object of your attention.

Though, she was the last thing that you wanted to think about as Damon rolled on top of you; you could feel his cock resting upon the inside of your thigh, the tip of it pulsing with sexual excitement. Moving your hand beneath the covers, you grasped his length, causing him to hither his breath against the glands of your neck, raising his swollen lips to your own, mushing his nose above said point.

Choosing to forego foreplay, you directed his dick towards your folds, causing the man to rut in between your lips, sliding the wetness around his girth to act as lubrications. And with a slow entry, the pair of you gasped in a shared and open eyed unison, basking in the feeling of each other. When he was completely inside of you, he began to retract, only to piston lovingly back inside, leading you to claw at his back like an animal.

Funnily enough, that comparison was not entirely wrong, you were a predator of human kind, devised to live off their bloodstream for all of eternity. But this one, Damon Salvatore was not seen as food, he was your life, though you could never admit it for his own sake, and to protect his humanity from Katerina.

What was it that the Bennet witch had said to you, ah yes, it was “Men, soldiers never believe in silly tales of vampires and witches, they were all meant to spur fear in small children. But to the dismay of mankind, they exist, and must refrain from running from one, all for the occurrence of love that beats in the heart of the eldest Salvatore brother.” And she was right, although, you were certain that you could not stay, even if it be for Damon.

People would catch on to your youthful complexion remaining the same, and so would be, and there was no telling to how he would react to the truth, if you dared ever shared it with him. And so, you would instead opt for cumming around him, and giving him the one thing that every man wanted - pleasure. It was much different than what you needed, the smell of his divine blood had your fangs grinding, thirsting for a taste.

But you held back, never daring to harm him, and instead, threw your head back in pleasure, eyes screwed back as you rested promptly upon the plush cushion. However, that had been a mistake, for when Damon’s pitch curve of eyelashes fluttered open to stare down at you, he saw the sharp and pointy teeth hanging out of your mouth.

And so, he knew that what he heard was true. He shook, only moving to the motion that you set him with, as you idly guided him by your feather light grip on your back. Still he said nothing, trying to forget about the image of your fangs on show, thinking moreover about the sensations of you clenching around him. The sight, as terrifying as it was, sparked a desire to continue inside of him, as though he were compelled, but he knew that couldn’t be true, he had drunk a vervain laced drink with his father moments before he had returned.

Damon was indeed infatuated with you, and could not help but feel protective over you, all things considered, since you had never dared drink from him, nor anyone that he knew, or as far as he did. And so, he released with a groan, feeling you complete around him seconds later. As he pulled out, he felt the sticky seed of himself intermingled with your spilt juices slipping down to the base of his cock, but instead of cleaning it, he fell back beside you, his brows furrowed in thought.

“Damon, are you okay?” Your fingers stroked his chin, dipping in the small ridges of it as you felt his day old scruff tenderly. It was clear that you were expecting an answer, and so Damon flashed you a smile, one that was not forced, and pasted it towards you.

“I think I am.” He sighed, relieved, relaxing into the slow kiss that you pushed upon his lips, putting his work into the interlocking also. For now, he could keep a secret, and the image of your teeth to himself, nobody had to know, for all he knew, his father had no evidence that there were real vampires lurking about, or staying in his residence.

[taetaespeaches]

“We’re hiking at 5 am, what’s the problem?”

jungkook x reader (oc) genre: fluff word count: 2.7K

a/n: Oh to be Holly and have Jungkook’s entire heart and soul :(( he’s so in love, so is she, and this is just cute and playful Guk/Holly, as per usual. I hope you all enjoy and thanks so much for reading! :)) 

Huffing, you halted your steps, placing your hands to your hips as Jungkook turned around to look at you with an amused glint in his eyes.

“Why do you look so pissed?” He questioned knowingly, causing you to groan at him.

“Let’s go on vacation together, you said, it’ll be fun, you said,” you complained, Jungkook giggling as he stared at you fondly.

“Are you not having fun?” He asked, feigning surprise. “We’re hiking at 5 am, what’s the problem?” He continued teasingly.

Rolling your eyes, you looked into the forestry along the pathway, though you couldn’t see much as it was still mostly dark. “Since when are you a morning person anyway?” You criticized lightheartedly. “You know, most people go on vacation to relax, not start a new early morning workout regime.”

“Come on,” he chuckled, “you’re not even carrying anything.”

“I’m carrying myself,” you countered, Jungkook cackling boyishly. “You know working out is not my forte, Jeon,” you joked, the man shaking his head as he smirked.

“I think you’re doing great,” he told you with a soft smile. “But we are trying to get up there before six so if you could-”

“Kook,” you whined, dragging his name out. “Honestly, baby, what the hell are we doing?” You chuckled a bit. 

“Dammit, Holly, can you just-” he paused for a moment, your eyes widening in impressed surprise at his slightly frustrated tone. You could tell he was already feeling slightly guilty for losing his patience with you, even if it was only for a split second. “I’m trying to be spontaneous, can you just cooperate for once?” He questioned, staring at you sternly, which was really quite rare. “I promise I will make it worth your while, we just need to make it to the top,” he added, you cocking your head at him with a smirk.

Realizing that he was feeling some pressure in regards to making sure this date worked out the way he had planned, you relented with your questions and complaints, instead choosing to follow him wherever he wanted to lead you.

“Ok, damn, Kookie, chill,” you teased, stepping toward him. “Lead the way,” you nodded down the trail with a giggle, Jungkook letting out a breathy laugh as he shook his head.

“I love you,” he told timidly, waiting for your response before returning to the hike.

Smiling at him, you nodded. “I love you too.” Jungkook let out a breath as he began to turn around to start up the incline once again. “Also, you’re hot when you’re mad.”

“I wasn’t mad,” he protested, you scoffing as you followed him along the path. “You’re just a brat.”

“Says the man who made his girlfriend go hiking at five in the morning while on vacation,” you playfully countered, Jungkook chuckling ahead of you.

“Whatever, you’re gonna regret being so difficult,” he mumbled, you scrunching your eyebrows together curiously, unsure of what he meant by that. Before you could respond, however, he added, “also, I’m always hot.”

Laughing loudly, you slapped the backpack he carried, not close enough to him to hit his arm like you normally would. “Stop,” you whined through your chuckles, dragging the word out. “I can’t walk and laugh this much at the same time,” you whined, Jungkook looking back at you.

“So I’m hot and funny,” he smirked proudly. “Good to know.”

“Shush,” you smiled, Jungkook letting out a short laugh as he turned back around and walked a little faster, you groaning to yourself. “But yes, you are,” you called out to him, smiling at his lack of response, knowing he was wearing a bashful giddy grin.

After at least a half hour more of hiking, Jungkook finally halted, looking around his surroundings. Sliding his backpack off his shoulders slightly, you sighed in relief. “We made it?” You asked, your boyfriend looking at you, his guilty smile beaming at you.

“Ok, that was my bad, I didn’t realize the incline was quite that steep,” he chuckled bashfully. “But yes, we made it.”

You simply laughed, making your way to him and wrapping your arms around the back of his neck. Kissing him softly, Jungkook’s arms easily draped around your waist as he graciously responded to the kiss.

“I hope you know you’re the only one I would go on a hike like this for,” you mumbled against his mouth, Jungkook giggling before stealing one more kiss.

“I’m very honored,” he joked, but something about the way he spoke the words expressed a sincerity that made your heart race.

Stepping across the plateau, you turned your attention toward the lookout in which a stunning view of the forest and faraway mountainscapes were visible under the rising golden rays. “Wow,” you awed, appreciating the view for a moment. “This is so pretty,” you nodded to the overlook just as Jungkook appeared behind you. Placing his chin against your shoulder, he peered at your face. “Did you want to get up here in time for the sunrise?” You asked in sudden realization, Jungkook smiling softly with a cute nod.

Pouting at him, your eyes scanned his features, their proximity allowing you to fully appreciate their beauty. “That’s so fucking sweet,” you told him, hoping he felt your gratitude for his spontaneous date plans. “I guess the hike could have been worse,” you teased, Jungkook chuckling as he kissed your cheek.

Turning to face him, you quickly placed a kiss to the tip of his nose, making him crinkle it cutely. “I really do love you,” he told you as he brought his mouth to yours. “So much.”

“Ditto, baby,” you joked, Jungkook laughing as he leaned his forehead against yours.

“You can sit over there,” he slightly nodded toward to his left. “You brat,” he added just before leaving one last peck to your lips. Smiling at him, you watched as he pulled away from you and stepped toward the spot he wanted you to sit.

“What did you bring up here anyway?” You asked curiously, watching him as he crouched down next to the backpack and unzipped it.

“Surprises,” he smirked, teasing you with anticipation as you sat down next to him.

Watching him curiously for a moment, you appreciated the way his fringe was hung in his eyes just slightly, the man’s handsome features radiating under the warm glow of the day’s new sun. He was gorgeous as he chewed on the inside of his cheek before swiping his tongue over his bottom lip.

Jungkook looked up at you to catch you staring, you smirking as you quickly set your attention back to the scenic view, though you preferred your previous view of Jungkook. Smiling at your antics, Jungkook shook his head before looking back down at the bag.

“You know I love you, baby,” you assured him, responding properly and sincerely to his earlier confession. “More than life itself.”

Looking up at you to see you turning back to meet his gaze, he smiled appreciatively. Because as his fingers felt over the velvet ring box inside the bag, that assurance of your genuine love for him meant more than you could ever know in that moment.

When you turned back to watch the sun, he quickly slipped the ring box into his pants pocket before lifting out a bottle of wine with two plastic wine glasses from the bag.

“Ta-da!” He cheered, your eyes widening at him as you saw the alcohol.

“Wine at 6 am?” You questioned with a massive smile. “Scandalous.”

“We’re on vacation,” he reminded you with a grin.

Taking for one of the plastic glasses from him, you shrugged. “Points were made,” you smirked, holding the glass out to him, and nodding at it.

“Oh wait, wait, look at this,” he said excitedly before twisting the cap off the bottle with an exaggerated “ahhh”. “Twist off,” he nodded cockily at you. “I came prepared.”

“You’re such a dork,” you giggled happily as he began pouring the drink into your glass. “Impressive though,” you added. “Your preparedness is very sexy,” you flirted, watching as your boyfriend’s eyes sparkled as he poured his own glass.

“Is it?” He asked, flickering his gaze toward you in a sultry, attractive kind of way that had your abdomen twisting in excitement, the man staring at you through his fringe. Taking a sip of the wine, you prepared to flirt back, however, you got distracted by the way the sexy intensity in his orbs melted into a fond affection, dripping in tenderness as he took in your features as if it was the first time he’d ever seen you.

Biting your bottom lip, you held back a grin as you cocked your head to the side just slightly. “You’re really amazing, do you know that?” You spoke softly, your tone coated with warmth and so much fucking love.

“I try to be for you,” he whispered back, your lips quirking upward as you gently shook your head.

“I know that, baby, but that’s not what I mean. You just are amazing, all the time. It’s who you are,” you assured him.  

Licking his lips, he smiled bashfully. “Thank you,” he appreciated quietly. Setting his glass down, he sat down next to you and unraveled your crossed legs, draping them over his lap. “You know, I’m supposed to be the one making you swoon,” he pointed out, you giggling as you brought your hand to his face, pushing his fringe off his forehead slightly.

“Am I making you swoon right now?” You asked him, brushing your fingers through his strands.

Nodding, he confirmed. “You’re kind of stealing my thunder,” he cutely complained.

“Aw,” you cooed teasingly. “I’m sorry baby, I can’t help it.” The man watched you closely for a moment as you continued to run your fingers through his hair gently. “I love your hair this length, by the way,” you told him with a small smile.

“Thank you,” he chuckled, “stop flattering me,” he complained cutely. Giggling at him, he shook his head, feigning annoyance. “I’ll just have to out-romance you,” he joked, leaning forward and pressing his lips to your cheek. Laughing at the silly comment, you wrapped your arm around the back of his neck.

“You’ve already made me hike a mountain in the early morning just to feed me wine before breakfast,” you raised your glass to him, “and watch this beautiful sunrise together,” you nodded to the lookout. “How could you possible make this any more romantic?” You questioned with a smile.

Jungkook suddenly took the glass from you gently, making you pull your eyebrows together in question. “Hey,” you complained, Jungkook chuckling as he set it on the ground next to his.

“I have something to ask you,” he informed you, your eyebrows raising in response, your expression changing immediately as you studied his features.  

“Is everything ok?” You asked nervously, exhaling as he nodded in assurance. You curiously watched him as he dug inside his pocket, but before you could question him further, he pulled out the ring box and looked into your eyes.

Slowly coming to realization of what he was holding and what was happening, your eyes bounced back and forth between his own orbs and the small object in his hands.

“Wait,” you smiled, still wrapping your mind around the current situation. “Really?” You asked stunned, Jungkook smiling at you in amusement. “Wait really?!” You blurted out again. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, this is why we- oh my god, Jeongguk.”

Your boyfriend chuckled fondly as he called out, your name, trying to get your focus.

“You should have told me to shut the fuck up earlier when I was complaining, oh my god,” you squealed, causing Jungkook to laugh further.

“Baby,” he called to you as you directed your eyes on the still unopened box.

“Baby, if that’s not what I think it is then you need to tell me right now because I am making an absolute fool out of myself,” you warned him, Jungkook opening the box in response to confirm that it was indeed an engagement ring.

“Holy fuck,” you breathed out, “shit I’m still talking, do you want me to shut up now?”

“I mean I don’t want you to shut up but like, I do want to propose to you,” he giggled, a shy smile appearing on your face just before you covered your mouth with your hand to show him you were being quiet.

“Proceed,” you mumbled through your palm, Jungkook laughing again at your antics.

“I had a whole speech prepared and now I hardly remember a fucking thing,” he scoffed at himself as he shook his head, you giggling at him, ducking your head to catch his gaze.

“Take all the time you need,” you told him softly with a small nod, your boyfriend, soon to be fiancé, exhaling slowly. As Jungkook prepared to speak, tears gathered in his eyes making butterflies flutter throughout your frame because of course your sweet, loving, sensitive Jungkook would cry when proposing.

“You make me want to be a better man every single day,” he told you, your own eyes becoming misty as you focused on his face intently. “And you inspire me every day, and you fill every day with so much love,” he continued, your heart racing at his words, and the sincerity in which he spoke them. “Life moves so fast sometimes, but you slow it all down and make me feel it,” he confessed, a tear spilling over your lash line, you quickly wiping it away as you and Jungkook both smiled. “I just want you forever and ever,” he told you sincerely as one of his own tears dropped onto his cheek. Before he could wipe it away himself, you reached for his cheek and swiped your thumb over the damp spot.

Leaving your hand to softly hold his face, you both grinned. “Will you marry me?” He asked you, you giggling instantly.

“Of course I will,” you told him, gently soothing your thumb overtop his cheek. Jungkook leaned toward your hand, pressing his lips to the inside of your wrist, letting his lips linger there for a moment. Pulling the ring out of the box, he wrapped his hand around your wrist and pulled your hand from his face so he could slide the ring onto your finger. As you looked down at the jewelry, Jungkook was staring at you. “It’s beautiful,” you complimented his ring choice. “I love it,” you smiled, looking up to meet his gaze full of relief, and anticipation, and excitement.

You both leaned into a kiss, your hands intertwined, the metal of the ring pressed up against Jungkook’s hands that always carried the weight of the world for you. As you smiled into the kiss, Jungkook did too, both of you losing your composures as you fell into giggles.

“Is this real?” You squealed in excitement, Jungkook dropping his forehead to your shoulder as he yelled out in relief.

“You’re scary to propose to,” he admitted, you scoffing. “No really, that was the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life,” he looked up at you to see you gawking at him.

“That’s so ridiculous, in what world would I ever turn you down?” You questioned, shaking your head.  

Appearing bashful, he sighed. “I wasn’t worried about you turning me down, I just, I wanted it to be perfect.”

Watching him fondly, your heart filled with all that affection you had felt for him for the several years you had known him. That deep consideration for you, the love he made sure you felt daily, the way he always prioritized your wants and needs above everything else were all the reasons why marrying him was the most obvious and easy thing to do.

“It was absolute perfection, Baby,” you assured him truthfully. “I can’t wait to hubby you up,” you told him with an adoring smile, watching as his eyes crinkled in the corners in the cutest way.

Bringing his lips to yours again, you both lost yourselves in each other, the sunrise becoming nothing but a backdrop to the perfect scene you and Jungkook were.

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead. 

[pure-kirarin]

The rose left unwatered (Law x f!reader)

Heyo guys ! this is my first multi part fanfiction and I hope that you will all like it =w=.  No TW for now apart for coming smut in next chapters~  This was originally a request by @soul-stealer-reaper​ . Thanks for requesting :) originally you asked for a scenario with rough NSFW where Law has a crush on a girl that the government is afraid of and that has high bounty. As this will have some parts, everything you asked for will come in the next chapters so no worries :’) ! I won’t hide that wrote quite freely tho, I hope that it’s fine.  Synopsis : You have felt unwanted for so long that you forgot the last time you felt like you belonged. Quite paradoxical, when you are one of the most wanted “criminals” in the new world. You cross paths with Law after joining the strawhats at Fishman Island to “kill some time” and you both feel a weird connection from the moment your eyes met, curiosity, hatred or desire, did it really matter as long as feelings were involved ? ---------------------------

A rose left unwatered will wither, A heart left unloved will rot, A sweet dream left untouched will go bitter,  A love left unspoken will be forgot. Nemo -  Murder in Venice

The first time that Law saw you, he found you extremely annoying. He remembered that he saw your wanted poster somewhere, with one of the highest bounties that he has ever seen. Seeing such a high bounty made him raise an eyebrow at first, what could you have done to have the whole world on your back ? The second thought that came to his mind was that of detachement, then he flinched at that thought.

The first time that Law saw you in person was after his Allience with the strawhats. You stayed at the ship the whole time, you didn't even bother to follow others to punk Hazard or to help them with their plans. He thought that you were an extremely selfish person and you reminded him of the person that he hated most. That way you had of doing what you wanted without caring about others, the smirk you had on your lips at all times, never submitting, always acting so sure of yourself, it irritated him.

How could someone get such a strong reaction out of him ? He didn't even know, he always eyed you from afar and it was enough to know that you prfoundly, passionately got on his nerves.

You joined the strawhats in the Fishmen Island, finding your way to them and just asking to join. Luffy's simplistic demeanor meant that he accepted right away, not caring about who you were and not flinching at your high bounty.

You made it clear that you were just staying to be entertained, in fact, you didn't want to fight, you didn't want to help anyone, your curiosity was just peaked by Luffy, by that man that defied the world government, by that man that defied everyone at Marineford. You weren't impressed, but you just felt sympathy towards him and wanted to find some company.

You found what you were looking for, in fact, life with the strawhats was enjoyable, you didn't get along with Usopp or Nami. The former thought that you were « too scary » and would kill them in their sleep, the latter hated how little you were willing to cooperate.

You had your own reason, but nobody on that ship was able to grasp your personnality, you just had your own way of thinking, your own internal logic that nobody seemed to get. Who were you ? Why were you there and why was the whole world on your back ? All these questions were provoking Law, teasing him endlessly. His curiosity was growing day after day and you were always there, on a lounge chair enjoying the burn of the sun on your skin, not caring about anything else, not caring about him, not that he cared...did he ? You got on his nerves just by being there, he felt obseverd yet, he wasn't the kind of people to get flustered but your gaze was so intense, feline.

It was a soft night on the sunny, a few days before getting to Dressrosa.  On this night, the strawhats decided to gather around after dinner like always. They enjoyed socializing and spending time together, telling stories and playing silly games.  It was quite late so Momo was already sleeping. Everyone was on the deck enjoying some drinks and you were on the crow's nest, peaceful.

« Y/N-chaaawn~ » Screamed Sanji, making you look down. « Come have some fun with us, don't stay there on your own ! »

« - Yeah Y/N ! We're all having fun here. »  Said Luffy.

You jumped gracefully from the crow's nest just like a cat. You then looked around circularly before taking place between Law and Robin as she silently made some space for you. The atmosphere was light and everyone was enjoying themselves. Zoro was drinking bottle after bottle as Sanji was screaming at him. Usopp was telling you all for the tenth time about how he took down a sea king with his little finger and Luffy and Chopper were captivated by how cool that was.

You were just silently enjoying that sense of peace till Nami asked you out of nowhere

« Oh true Y/N, I actually never asked but I am curious, why is your bounty so high ? What have you done ? »

For a second your expression changed and everyone's eyes were on you. You just decided to tell them some kind of lie and you said that you killed a celestial dragon. Everyone looked at you in awe, killing a celestial dragon means that you had to escape from admirals. You excused yourself then saying you were tired, therefore going to sleep.

After hours of partying Strawhats went to sleep. You got out of the girl's quarter wearing only a night gown. Your thoughts were waltzing since earlier's events and you were looking melancolically at the ocean. The sound of the waves was so calming, you got close to the board of the sunny, placing your elbows on the wooden surface. You didn't notice it when Law came your way, he wasn't sleeping either, his sleeping schedule was always herractic. He was still intrigued by the lie you told earlier and by your overall attitude, something about you drew him towards you like a magnet.

-(Y/N)-ya...You didn't kill a celestial dragon, did you?

His voice was low and hoarse, stealing a murmur out of your lips. Your eyes met his, gray, icy. It was the first time he said your name outloud, actually, you briefly ever interacted since he got on this ship.

-Trafalgar ?..

You were wondering why did he bring this up, he never ever showed interest in you and you in him. In fact, now that you looked at him more in detail, you could say that he was an exceptionally handsome male with soft dark hair and a gloomy but all the more seductive cast of demeanor.

He could obtain any female he wanted at a snap of his fingers. You looked away and added :

-I thought that you disliked me. Why do you even ask ?

He raised an eyebrow, but got back to his stoic expression almost immediatly. He didn't know that it showed. However, you were wrong, he was starting to get intrigued by you, by your high bounty, by the detached way you acted. He was usually the one to observe and analyse people, but something about you...He couldn't put a finger on.

-I don't like lies.

-I have my own reasons...I'm sure there are a lot of things that you want to keep secret.

You hesitated then looked his side. He seemed calm still and just shrugged, ready to go back to his spot but then you added ;

-I lied because I didn't want to involve anyone in this...When I was just a child, I was a part of a dozen kids that were selected to take part into a « government experiment »...I don't want to go into details but...you clenched your fist, eyes fixed on an imaginary point in front of you I am the only survivor of that experiment...Therefore I'm being tracked... We were given power...To this day I don't know its extent...But I know that with just a blow of my fingers I could...you gasped How could a child be granted such a power ? Why did they have to choose for me ? I didn't want any of this....I never wanted to fight, I don't want to fight. I just wanted to be normal, to have a family, to feel wanted...haha...your laugh was bitter I mean, I know that I am the most wanted person you probably met, but I didn't mean it in that way. I hope that this satisfies your curiosity, Trafalgar Law.

Your eyes met, he looked in them, deep, searching for traces of honesty. You were telling the truth, there wasn't a doubt. He liked the way his name sounded out of your lips, it was the first time that he heard these three letters murmured by you. It's as if his first name sounded different, you had that way of saying it, almost like a whisper. You looked so vulnerable in your nightgown, so fragile despite your usual arrogant carapace. The fiery tigress looked like a sweet kitten and he was surprised by the way he just wanted to reassure you. He brushed that thought quickly and added, stoic ;

-I see, why did you tell me ?  

-You just asked me to, no ? I just felt like we were a bit alike...Ah. Also, quit asking me questions....This is starting to feel like a doctor examination...Now it's my turn to ask. Why do you even care ? I didn't think that the surgeon of death was such a curious person.

He scratched his chin, hesitating for a second, but then he just said bluntly ;

-The first time I saw you, I thought that you were extremely annoying.

- Ah ? you looked at him with a straight face, but still a bit offended If we're playing first impressions then...

-But I get it now.

He wasn't annoyed, in fact, he was just fascinated. It wasn't animosity that he felt but desire to know more about you. It wasn't that he was making sure that you're not endangering anyone, he wanted to look at you, it was just excuses upon excuses, rationalization for a case of irrational fascination. Now that the diagnostic was there, he could understand his emotions more clearly.

-You are talking in riddles but well...Whatever...Why did you form an alliance with Luffy by the way ? I wonder how you're able to handle all of his energy if you can't even stand mine haha.

-Let me correct you ; I don't hate you. He stops for a moment then he adds. There is a man that I would like to kill.

You turn now, back against the wooden border of the ship. You had an amused look on your face, wondering who was that man that he wanted to take down ;

-Now that's interesting ! Let me guess, who is it ?

-You are quite curious yourself, (Y/N)-ya...

He thought it was only fair, you opened up to him, he opened up to you, but telling you the details wasn't for now.

-So you are using the strawhats ?

-I am not sure who is using who. And what is your reason for joing the strawhats ?

-Luffy, you said with dreamy eyes, it's the D in his name...I have been drawn to people with this letter in their names like a magnet...I don't know...I just believe it's fate...

He was startled by your answer, so you knew about the « D » letter ? He also had this letter in his name...He just added then, with a face that didn't betray his surprise ;

-Oh , a girl like you believes in such romantic stories ?

-And what is a girl like me like ? You added, amused. I mean, apart from annoying.

-...Quit it already.

His tone was stable as always. He didn't show it but he thought that it was cute of you, how you insisted and played along. You faced him, your eyes looking right into his and you weren't one to look down, oh no. Irisis into his irisis, looking for him and digging something into him. He didn't even know what you meant by such a look, once again, feline.

The salty smell of the ocean's water mixed with the odor of your fruity perfume made that moment a bit more enjoyable and he wasn't even the type of person to enjoy chatting.

Check mate, you made up for that horrible first impression. You added then ;

-You avoided my question by the way, why wouldn't I believe in « such romantic stories » ? What do you think you know about « a girl like me » ?

You got a bit closer, amused, and he thought that it was getting a bit dangerous. You had a fake woeful look in your eyes. His limbs were filled to the brim with that ocean perfume of yours mixed with that sweet taste, and for a second it was as if that odor operated some kind of spell over him, because a surprising thought occured to his mind ; what would your lips taste like ? Certainly salty like the ocean and a tad like peaches.

Unsettled and unfocused he said ;

-Shouldn't you be sleeping ?

In reality, he didn't want these thoughts to make a nest out of his head and decided to cut the conversation quite abruptly. Your rocked your body back, almost like a child and rose your eyebrows in a semi-sarcastic semi-dramatic way.

-I'm a bit too old for a bed time don't you think, Trafalgar ?

-Just Law.

-Yes yes ! L-a-w...See you tomorrow ! You're not as uptight as I thought.

-(Y/N)-ya.

He just said your name in a strict way, probably indicating that you needed to go. His tone was firm, stop teasing already.

You looked at him with a diminishing smile, pronouncing every single letter so slowly, stretching his name on your lips so that these three tiny letters seemed endless. You tossed your hair, and something about the whole situation, about your feminine charm, something about the breeze of the night made the both of you feel unbearable tension. The type of tension that happens between a man and a woman at three in the morning, that tension that makes every little detail, every look in the eyes, every brush of the fingers feel indecent.

The eyes of a woman can't lie, his ego was stroked as he thought he had a glimpse of your hidden desire.You turned to go back to the girl's quarters, his eyes still hanged on your silhouette. ----------- I hope that you liked this first part. Please tell me what you think. It is a great motivator to know that I’m writing and being read. <3 I wish you all a nice day !