#im not gonna financially recover from posting this

[parapluiriel]

Goddd I want him. Whys he so cute he doesn't have a permit to be that cute. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.like. he.irghyyhhhhhhhh. like a bunny

Cute like how a rabbit is yk. I saw about five bunnies in the span of today and yesterday what's going on is it bunny season

I wish I could see him aaaaaà I'm so cringe frying crying dying rn wahhhhhdjdj but did you know. Bunny cute. Ahahhahahhsjjndk Weh Weh wjeh qooiifht where's the cursive script I need the cursive script

Ohoho

That's so funny genuinely

Freaky...

But dude how do you tell your bro that he is all you can think of without being weird. Pining hours are back I'm afraid. I want to marry him ew ewew did I just say that yikes. Delete delete this is triggering for so many people.... Sighhhh this is pathetic. I cannot speak without a train hitting me

My friend likes to go to the clearing to get hit by cars real no clickbait no borax no slime

I am suffering from too many thoughts syndrome and I've decided to make it everyone's problem (so sorry for my moots genuinely I'm not rlly asking for help I'm just yapping) but does liking someone for longer like. Ferment the feelings? Idfk but I think it gets stronger over time. Does that make sense? God I love him. Ew yikes feelings. I've lost hope in myself and my life anddd I've maken carbonara noodles today. They were really good, almost restaurant quality.i would be an awesome husband if I could function properly and do stuff :// but alas I cannot so I must put my dream of a domestic life behind me and return to the harsh harsh reality where I probably don't die cause I'm a coward but instead live depressed and I honestly think that's worse😞 nobodys gonna take me as their bride... /Ref

Is it even romantic love if I just want to be around him 24/7 like a floorboard or a pet idk. I want him to think of me and feel semi-positive emotions at the least. We get along so well and he is so cool and cute and augh. I love his mindset I love the way he texts I love his voice I love his face I love his horrible posture I love his cute way of walking I love how he's genuinely nice and doesn't find me off-putting I love how he validates me when I tell him about stuff that happened to me I love when he gets excited talking about his interests and I hope he'll do it more

I don't understand how he can be like this. Giving care and attention without asking for anything in return? Ok yeah is it obvious I was loved with conditions

I'm dropping crazy lore ngl

I had a stomachache for days after I talked to him that's how bad it was. I don't know. I want to be loved back for once

But asking it of other people is selfish and I don't know how to be loved otherwise. The hell do I do? Forcing it on him is a definite no. Waiting for him to like me back? Extremely unlikely. So now what. What do I do in this situation

I wanna say (character core) but idk what character this is so yeah. But this situation is incredibly Hirano to kagiura. Yeah. Hit send

[n3xii]

Upcoming energies coming towards you in the next few days

Choose a pile to get insight on what energies, challenges and helping factors are gonna come into play into your life in the next few days or so. I haven't done a pick a card in a while because I've felt a bit deppressed but here's one today! Thank you for reading, tip at sarahx2x on cashapp if you feel compelled to! And I have readings in my pinned post if you're intrested in a personal reading

Pile one

Upcoming energies - you might feel depleted and lacking hope in the upcoming days so it's important to preserve your sense of faith. Now is a time to maintain the structure already set in your life, making huge changes within the next few days or weeks may overwhelm you. I feel like you guys could be on the verge of a breakdown, perhaps you just had a bunch of destabilizing things happen or shocking news come towards you. You could have already been in an period of instablity for a while now anyways, im seeing this is recent past energy you're trying to recover from. Your guides are advising you to take it slow and focus on maintaing the energy you have, focus your energy on things that give you hope. Changing things up and draining yourself is gonna add to the feeling of instability. Focus your time towards things that you enjoy and rejuvenate you so that you can recover from a period of instability. The upcoming days are just about recovery and resting when you can. I'm seeing family conflict, for others its financial changes to your money or job that have caused instablity (i feel like most of this has already happened, the next few days is just about recovering and adjusting), if you can don't get caught up in family conflict happening, this may be conflict happening within the extended family for some of you. You don't need to worry about you next step and the next thing youre gonna do, focus on the present and what you can control and not what it out of your hands.

Challenges-

Wanting to rebel and make changes and innovate too quickly! You need time to recover and let yourself process what's going on, you need time to pull in all your energy. Like I said, you don't always need to look into the future and plan ahead. Be in the moment, now is not time for innovation. Let yourself recover and gather rest back, then you can set goals and take action.

What's helping you-

Relationships, whether it be familial, platonic or romantic doesn't matter. Dont take close relationships for granted in this time, being paired up with someone and feeling supported will be very helpful in the next few days. If there's someone you miss alot, extend yourself to them and they may be of mutual support of you as well.

Pile two

You guys may be going down a path you didn't anticipate within the next few days, I feel like you've been evaluating a siruation your life and your progress and things may not be working at thr speed you want them to. I'm seeing you guys disrupt the current structure of the situation and making a descion you didnt anticipate making. If theres been a stale mate with someone or a stalemate in descion making, thats changing. I think this is something you don't see coming. You've been so caught up in your mind that you won't even believe that youre going down a completely unexpected path. But this is good! You're innovating things to compensate for the lack of progress or speed happening with what you're trying to nourish in your life. I'm feeling this is likely a romantic situation I'm picking up on, perhaps wanting to reconcile, make up, move on, or improve thing with someone, maybe even reaching out to a crush. (Regardless of what you're doing it will be different for everyone, but yes this feels like a romantic situation for the majority of this pile) But take this as it resonates

To be honest I think you guys have been stuck because of indescion and a fear of making a descion. You know you want more out of this situation but you were afraid to be certain in your own choices. I think you're gonna be disrupting that and doing something you never thought you would be doing. You're breaking the stalemate.

Challenges-

Reclaiming your power and believing in yourself is the challenge here. You've probably experienced pain and disappointment in the recent past, but generally this is you needing to claim your own power back out of fear and uncertainty. You're being given a second chance, a new chance and revival. It's time to reclaim this power and be new again. You have more power to create movement in this situation you just have to make the first move.

What's helping you-

Being cautious and stealthy is what's helping you. You've had it rough lately it seems, you've had to lay low and just focus on the simplest things to keep going. Your guides are saying this is the right thing, it's not time to be extravagant in your activities, keeping it simple and doing what you can to stay afloat is helping you keep going even thought it feels hard to.

Pile three-

I feel like in the next few days you may become so overwhelmed that you loose clarity completely. I'm seeing conflict, there's so incompatible goals and ambitions around you that's causing some clashing and it's making it hard to maintain clairty on what you are doing. There's alot of loudness and information coming at you but you just need quietness to figure out shit in your own mind without the voices if others overlapping your own inner voice. This is a concern of balance. The conflict is happening because someone doesn't know how to pull back and let other people be heard, there's an energy of someone not integrating another person's differences or needs. You may be in a situation where you feel overwhelmed because someone isn't willing to cooperate to what your needs are accessibility wise, for others its goals regarding health and career.

Challenges-

I'm seeing stubbornness, someone acting like they're always right and not willing to compromise. I think there's not enough funds to do what you and others want to do and that's why there's hostility surrounding different ideas and plans right now. The main challenge is stubbornness but it doesn't feel like it's coming from you. If the financial thing doesn't resonate this pile may not be for you, the cards are making it very clear this is a fund, loan, financial aid or saved money type of conflict. Someone wants to innovate something and the other doesn't, perhaps they want to save money and invest it somewhere else? that's the energy I'm seeing here.

What's helping you-

There's alot of delays here and I'm seeing you step up being fed up with the blocked energy. You're gonna be pushing forwards even if it comes off as forceful which is funny that this is the right thing youre doing. Sometimes tarot readers push the "dont force things to happen" alot because it sounds like the nost spiritual thing to say but the tarot itself is comprised of cards that is actually balanced out with both passive and forceful messages. Sometimes when there's situations where there's no movement that forceful energy may be required, and this is required because you sitting back and letting others walk over you will set a standard of how they will trest you in the future. If you embrace your power and apply yourself you wont be stopped. Don't let this energy go to waste, don't set back and be passive. Don't let insecurity make you hold back, it's ok if someone thinks you're bitch or if you're getting some unwanted attention by taking action. It's time to live. It's your life and sometimes there's things that we want that others don't and we have to hold our ground.

[sirensea14]

Until this fucking school year ends, the demons in my head are not gonna stop bugging me.

I need a cure i need a cure i need a cure i need a cure i need a cure i need a cure i need a cure i need a cureineedacureineedacureinewdacureinedddacureineedacureineeedacureinnaeeeedandyeijnaaedacureineeedacueeninneedacure

Damnit, if its suspension and all then how're we supposed to graduate if we havent even fucking finished all the rushed activities? The prelims? The exams? The research? But theyre suspending cus of the extreme heat... Then they should have waited til june to open the school gates back then instead of now. Suffering in the extreme fucking heat. Ugh, im glad we can do asynchronous classes but it's also bad cuz, the graduation picture that we're supposed to do?? And the payment to it--i still havent paid for our possible gradpic! Damn it damnit fucking damnit.

Im fucking stressed the hell out here and what should i damn do to these nitwits of a government doing shit? I dont know what can i fucking do with this asynch classes. Im fucking fustrated cuz i havent paid yet, we need to take our grad pic as soon as possible cuz fucking damnit i cant stand this medium hair length anymore!! ITS WAY TOO FUCKING HOT AND ITS HEAVY IN MY HEAD IF I TIE IT WITH MY CLAM THING.

Lets see... Personal discomfort, extreme heat, school activities, fustration over grad pic, fucling financial issues... What more to add, hmmmm... Oh and reality blocking my stupid brain from doing something creative like doing my shitty art.

I need to breathe. But its nighttime and as much as i want to go outside cuz nighttime is fucking cool as hell in a temperature way, i cant. Parents wont allow me, they would scold me "no. its way too dangerous outside, go sleep".

Im just angry. Maybe thats all that im feeling right now. Funny how im listening to an angry song rn to perfectly describe my feelings.

I might go into my lowest state again like 4 or 5 days ago? I dont quite remember, but all i know is i recovered thru watching The Boys Gaming channel on yt play mario party.

I do not know why tf should i be posting this shit, i just like it and felt more comfortable sharing my thoughts here (ngl i am comfortable too in discord but i feel like im ranting way too much there)

I dont care if anyone thinks this is weird but im posting this shit cuz i tell my problems to no one and then now i can do it anyways (bottling up problems go brrrrrr)

[askanimperviouspeach]

Hi, I’m not sure if you remember me, I was the person who roleplayed with you on this account, I wanted to check in and say hi and hru

I AM OK, ALIVE, AND VERY SORRY!!! I am SO sorry for the inactivity and for basically ghosting the rp. I recently moved, and it was hell. then a year later we moved again, into a lesser hell but still hell. then a few months later another move but into our dream home! Busy is the biggest factor in why I went poof, be gone. to be completely honest, i have been going through the worst of art blocks. its now lasted a year and is still affecting me mentally, i had left art college because pursuing art as a job just... it really fucked me up ngl. Lately, it HAS been slowly getting better, as now our family in a more stable and amazing house (that i find frogs in the backyard every night, its literally heaven on earth) i've been able to recover No, my family life isnt unstable, no we arent financially destitute, and nO i dont have any mentally debilitating conditions (none that i can see and never been diagnosed). I say this so no one is disillusioned, I just had a long rough patch and consciously knew i had been neglecting my blogs, i just couldn't figure out how to get back into it. Procrastination really to you specifically, redzirpinkasmt, i am deeply sorry for falling off like that. There is no excuse. I know how annoying and maybe even scary it is to have a rp partner suddenly disappear, to be frank i didn't even know you responded. thats how out of it I was and i wont let that happen again, everyone at least gets a small message to ensure them they are heard and not ignored from now on. And im grateful you checked in i think thats very sweet and thoughtful.

Now finally, as the blog itself i have no idea if i will be continuing it. i want to. but I dont know if i will commit. when i first started it i never imagined this could be so demanding. and i guess im the one who made it demanding, lol. i have a tendency to make things harder on myself than need be. but should i start posting, things are gonna be D I F F E R E N T LIKE, VERY DIFFERENT. and WAY more laid back, with no exact timeline. The blog may have been neglected but the characters have been thought about a lot. VERY different, but I like them now. to give you guys a taste, ripper is no longer the bad guy. its morally ok to simp for her now/lol. anyway, ive been meaning to make this update for a long time but didnt have it in me. a few weeks ago, this would have had me sobbing. now im doing better and realizing that this should be a fun lil thing to do on the side. maybe ill start posting doodles or lil text stories, make this blog more casual. i dont know yet, but what i do know is that im very grateful for those who stuck around, and those who still send asks and like my stuff. IF i continue the blog, the asks i have in my inbox WILL be answered, dont worry. but they will be answered by the newer versions of these characters, the "rebooted" I'll call em. Anyways, thank you all and i wish you all a good night/day. also, gem galaxies controversy has led me to not play that game anymore. wont get into it now as this post is long enough but yeah, thought i should mention that

[decompose1]

re: your post abt bottom surgery, that is super true and i agree, but bottom surgery (at least for trans women, and im talking abt a full vaginoplasty) requires like a full year of recovery, meaning they couldnt work for a year at least. there may be services to help fund the surgery itself but ive never seen anything abt helping trans ppl after the surgery, do you know of any resources like that? /nm /gen my wife has wanted bottom surgery for a while but it kind of seems like shes conceded that it wont really be possible :[ (also srry for the random anon i was gonna just reply to the post cuz we're mutuals but i got anxious)

Recovery is probably the WORST part of the financial burden and that's the bit i'm currently working out! I'm really lucky that i currently don't pay rent which is a funny thing to feel lucky about, i'm borderline homeless, but my game plan has been to get all the government benefits i can (like food stamps!) so i have some help, and file an extended leave form with work! Your work is required to let you take extended leave for a medical procedure without risk of job loss, legally.

Aside from that, it's gonna be TOUGH, but the plan is a lot of budgeting and asking for help. Any trans surgery- but especially bottom surgery- is a very "YOU WILL NEED TO ASK FOR HELP" thing, i'm afraid. Make a game plan for people who you know can help bring you food and medicine, who might be able to help you physically or with rides to the appointments, and preferably, if at all possible, people who could help you pay for food or rent. If this isn't possible, i would DEFINITELY check around to see if your city has any trans/queer centers/orgs. These sorts of places often have community funds, or can help get you in touch with fundraisers and/or help boost yours. THESE ARE VERY VALUABLE RESOURCES, SO DON'T BE AFRAID TO TALK TO THEM! Queer organizations in my area have helped so much with putting me in contact with people who could help me so i seriously recommend it. You WILL need to rely on friends and community a little (and family if possible, but i know that's not one i'm leaning on, so i don't assume everyone else can.). It sucks to feel like a mooch, but remember that when you're recovering from a big surgery like this, it's your turn to be one. You'll need help!

Fundraising and budgeting ahead of time is ALSO a massive help! I know it can suck loads and not everyone can be publicly out in their city, but i would recommend, if you can, sharing your fundraiser to LOCAL pages. You're more likely to get help from people in your direct community than strangers online (though you might also wanna share it to them too, for as wide of a net as you can!)

BEST OF LUCK, I'M WISHING YOU THE BEST! i'm sorry if this wasn't all that helpful :')

[jewishrizahawkeye]

latam swiftie here

I'm not on tik tok so idk what's going on there. The math side of the easter eggs has got a bit out of hand and they don'tknow what they're talking about. And I agree with you on "not needing an announcement to make it special". I feel this is kind of similar to when ppl complain about the surprise songs they got. I would have never chosen Labyrinth!! And I got it and loved every second of it!! It's special because it was my surprise song, not the other way around.

I didn't believe we'd get an announcement tonight until her dancers started posting black hearts. But my favourite thing would be for her to just play foolish one.

I'm super grateful for the shows, I got to see the mashup, it was insane and I loved every second of it. I had been waiting for over a decade for this so it meant everything to me. I am not expecting her to do anything other than show up at the announced time and perform (as long as weather and health allows her to).

I waited 3 years between 1989 and rep, im not expecting releases this often. No one was expecting 1989 tv right after speak now (I certainly wasn't expecting it until early next year the soonest). But she did announce it and it did happen. Thats just why it's not that crazy to think of an announcement this soon. It just hurts to see everyone calling us ungrateful. Over 17 years we only got 3 tour dates. And we're so so grateful for it, we tried to show her that with the "we will stay" fan project. I screamed so loud every single lyric I damaged my vocal chords and it took me a week to recover. People are still making edits, friendship bracelets, they're gathering in the parks and doing swiftie meetups, today I gave two fbs away on the subway!!

The reasons why I believe she won't come back are market-related and financial, but the whole T4F fiasco didn't help at all. The local producer (T4F) is responsible, not the stadium (Im saying this bc i saw this confusion a lot, here those are two different companies, I believe in the US it's the same one).

I understand and agree with what you said, I just want you to know we're very grateful for what we got. (and I didn't think you were rude). In all honestly, the feeling I got from everyone in that crowd was excitement and wanting to be a part of something this big. We didn't want to show anything other than support and love. I heard exactly 0 people complain we didn't get an announcement (but I'm not on tik tok so i might be wrong lol)

And no, we're not really a part of this whole thing the same way everyone (the US, Europe and even parts of Asia/Oceania) is. But I'm not gonna complain because at least we got tour dates. There are lots of places who got no tours dates at all (African swifties you're in my heart). I obviously understand she can't please the entire world and that there are financial decisions to be made!! She's a human and a business woman and I understand. But it does mean we get left aside (again! This is a world/capitalism problem where poorer countries get less chances in general and I'm not expecting Taylor to solve this).

Im sorry, this is so long. Im just trying to say that this is a reality (a sad one), that we understand it exceeds her 100%, and are grateful she toured this year. But that in the bigger picture, we're not a part of things like "the rest of you" and I believe thats where this whole rep tv thing is coming from. It doesn't mean we're not super grateful she took a chance on us and visited this year 😊

Thank you for reading and answering. I know you didn't have to. I really hope you enjoy the last show of 2023 :)

hi, please forgive me for a not good response as i’m tired and focusing on my breathing right now.

but thank you again for responding and explaining more about the financial aspect. and i’m so sorry if i ever implied latam swifties were ungrateful, i never meant to or ever thought that as everything i’ve seen has been nothing but overwhelming love and support from latam, and i really really hope she you’re there again because it’s clear the fans love her and i want her to just be able to be with fans and people who love the music. and the fact you guys are still doing friendship bracelet exchanges is insane and i love it!

and i do think she plans on releasing all of the taylor’s versions on the tour and she wanted to hit certain dates, which is why she announced speak now and 1989 so close together. i think we’ll get reputation sometimes early next year (late january or february ((but i think february is more accurate))) and debut a bit closer to the end of the tour.

and i’m not going and sit here and say you’re apart of this tour just as much as any other location is, because again i’m an american so no matter what i’m not going to understand what it’s like in latam. but i really hope it doesn’t feel like you’re apart if this differently than anyone else, this tour is a monumental moment in taylor’s life and career and the fact she’s able to go to so many locations (especially for the first time) is so massive and big in of itself. an album announcement is a special thing but it doesn’t make the tour or anything about the night any less special.

again, im sorry if this isn’t the best response, but i do hope that you have a good night 🫶🏻

[handsomegentlebutch]

Life update:

First of all, ty for ur patience and ty to anyone and everyone that helped me at all, even if it was just a kind word. You kept my sanity in tact tbh

so! I'm going to be doing better financially soon. I'm not paying for that fucking trailer again lol which is part of what hurt me sm, tho Prince's vet bills didn't help. The trailer park gave me a notice to vacate AND said they wouldn't give more tours till I gave them my keys despite the fact they were giving tours just fine without me keys before lmao. And the fact they made me pay for the month of May on a place I AM NOT living at? Fuck em. On June first I'm gonna email explaining I won't pay for something I don't even have access to, point out the notice to vacate, etc. I'll go to court w them if I have to 😊 I'm not playing any fucking games with them anymore :3

Also im gonna stop doing uber eats. They pay is so shit. But I got approved to do regular uber so I'm gonna clean my car out and start doing that for events n stuff to try and pad my savings account. Cuz damn... she needs to eat something she's starving rn (the savings account)

Prince is also doing sm better!! Im gonna take him back to the vet next week but from the looks of it, he's just anemic. Bc if it was something worse (leukemia, cat aids, etc) he wouldn't be recovering like he is. He'll probably have to be on meds for the next several months (or even years, we'll see) but the drug he'd need is only like $20 so... small price to pay for more kitty time

I also seriously can't thank every one who helped me or shared my donation post enough. Seriously, you kept my head above water there. Esp 🧶🐈 anon. I appreciate u more than I could ever say

[yulight]

so, I have a bit of an update. September 28th I had to put my cat down. it was the hardest choice I've ever made ever....however before I put her down. i had to spend over three thousand usa dollars. on her vet appointments , and medication .ontop of her actually last fees of putting her down and getting her ashes. . so the reason why I have actually been away is yes because for the past year I been fighting to keep my cat alive. which didnt work out well.. I'm sorry for everyone who wanted updates and had to deal with me just appearing and leaving .. . lilly birthday was April 1st so I know it gonna be tough still but I will attempt to finish all my ateez wips to post them. I know I have a handful of request as well and im sorry. life I just really hard. two years ago my mother lost her cat which was around even before I was born. that took a huge toll on me. and now I had lost my own cat and trying to recover financially from all her payments I still owe the vets money on a payment plan. so yes.. still I am sorry I have just been really busy

[krushkreates]

i posted this in the discord server im in but i decided to pretty up the format while going thru my drafts ✨

—

just saw something on twitter that said smth like “reverse hanahaki where u feel the urge to eat flowers when ur into someone” and now i’m giggling at the idea of david shoveling a handful of picked honeysuckles into his mouth while doing yard work and being absolutely disgusted in himself bc

A.) he just put old honeysuckles in his mouth

B.) he’s way more into angel than he expected

[see also: david: i do not like this person

also david: consumes four bouquets of their fav flower unconsciously]

david looking at his bank account while all of this is happening like i’m never gonna financially recover from this.

it’s also the urge to eat the other person’s favorite flower too so he’s got a half-chewed bouquet of [insert favorite flower] in the backseat of his truck and when he picks up angel after, they see it and ask what happened and now he’s fumbling to make an excuse

asher absolutely made fun of him for it the whole time they were in the flower shop bc the urge was so strong on the drive to a job that he couldn’t resist

both asher and milo find it highly amusing bc they went through it themselves (david’s the last to get into a relationship) and he’s feeling nearly humiliated by the way this dumb fucking urge to eat flowers is nearly bringing him to his knees

milo was the first to be struck with it and got even more shit from the pack and when he meets up with sweetheart, he can smell the flowers on them and they notice a stray petal fall out of his pocket when he goes to pay for something

angel and babe knew each other before meeting their respective boyfriends so babe comes over to angels place and sees the flowers in their fridge and immediately has to contain their giggles bc they know exactly what david’s feeling

anyways even after a couple gets together, there’s always a small impulse that pops up in moments of intense love and adoration for their partner

[winnfour]

im still recovering from all the financial emergencies that have been screwing me over since spring so........

its comms time!!🎉

unlimited slots

turnaround time of roughly two weeks

all prices in usd

payment is upfront

i post the final pic here unless asked otherwise

let me draw your oc/fav fictional character/whatever! dm me on here to book or if you have any questions <3

rbs are appreciated! ❤

(im also still doing simpler bust/half/full body comms but those are gonna take longer atm! again dm me if you wanna know more :) )

[rosenmarille]

First of all: that One Day bit is quality content. Second of all I read "3.5 for Holly" and am Highly Interested

HI yes! i will explain, however i first have to correct myself. its actually a part 2.5, not 3.5. like i mentioned in the other post, the part is called “heart unbound”, this is about 25 years after battle tendency, when holly is in her early 20s!!

the rest of this im gonna put under the cut

so the setting. joseph (43), suzie, and holly (21) live in new york, smokey is in georgia, lisa lisa (75) is Somewhere in the states, erina and speedwagon have passed away (sad). its 1963! the speedwagon foundation has continued expanding, with joseph and lisa lisa closely involved after speedwagons death. they’ve mostly moved their attention into new territory, but still have all their old research kept. stands aren't a thing yeeet, but its been long enough that the pillarmen have faded into unpleasant memory.

until one night the power at the swf hq goes out for just a moment too long, and santana manages to escape.

joseph and lisa lisa are contacted asap, and they decide to travel down to texas and find him (preferably take him out for good this time). holly, who has grown up hearing about jojo’s wild escapades, really wants to come along. she knows some hamon! she can defend herself! come on!! (yes i said it, holly learned hamon, do you think having lisa lisa for a grandmother would result in anything less?) anyway, joseph and lisa lisa Really don't want her to come since it could be really dangerous and they'd rather not put her in harm’s way.

so holly (rich, unsupervised) books a plane and goes after them.

we skip to texas!! joseph and lisa lisa investigate at hq and the surrounding area and find practically no trace of santana or where he might have gone. when holly arrives, she decides that since she can't look into hq without getting caught, she’ll ask around with locals, and manages to hear rumours about a new sort of cryptid (only appears at night, weird anatomy etc), both cattle and people have been disappearing, but on a very small scale. she looks into similar stories and realizes that santana must be moving south, though what he's planning, she doesn't know. but she will follow!! (and leave breadcrumbs for her family to pick up on this pattern too, she guesses. not so helpless now, huh?)

so this goes for a while, taking her down into mexico, until she is pretty sure that she can triangulate the missing people reports accurately enough to actually Find him. holly isnt stupid, she doesnt think she can win in a battle against a pillarman. what she’s hoping to do is prove herself to joseph and lisa lisa by prepping and helping out enough for them to then take care of the problem. she's an adult now and she doesnt appreciate being treated like a child. (you may say this contradicts how she behaved towards joseph in part 3, but to that i counter: she's in her 40s in that one, and her being an adult is established enough that she knows she can act a lil silli without that being put in question)

but hey!! she does find him!! she decides to stalk him for a bit, see what he does. so she happens to be there when santana attacks a young woman (midnight snack), who pulls a KNIFE instead of running away, so Holly rushes in and deflects an attack with a quick hamon swipe. santana has learned from his previous hamon encounter and instead of sticking around, he decides it isn't worth it and absconds instead (smart). (at this point you might notice this is the first fight of the part. yeah it be like that in this one. call it battle untendency) 

holly and the woman (who later introduces herself as Maria (no last name yet; but named after Maria Maria by Santana (lol)) also get out of dodge and hide out in an alley, where maria decides that she needs to know what the fuck that Thing was, yesterday. magic?? sparkling?? hello??? and hollys like uhh hah yes so. that's an ancient semi immortal vampire creature? and this is sunlight breathing magic, which he's allergic to. yea. and maria is like ................yeah okay i buy it. teach me sunlight breathing magic, i wanna come.

maria side paragraph! she's our oc and we love her. remember that awful scene from the santana arc with all those prisoners and the one kid who doesn't get sacrificed? that's her older brother. he was “let go” but “let go” basically did just mean “free to wander the desert and find civilisation maybe”, so when he did eventually find his way back home, he'd been severely traumatized, plus on death's door. other prisoners had been turned into vampires to test on the pillarman discovery, so the word “vampire” is something he'd have heard and conveyed to his family, who didn’t. really believe him. he also hasn't really recovered from that experience :( then the war happened and maria's dad served in it, and afterwards decided that his other child needed to know how to defend herself, and maria learned how to handle a knife, as well as how to physically fight. their family managed to avoid post war financial problems for the most part, and maria was able to finish her studies! she's a pilot :)  she is, however, harbouring very deep anger and resentment for what happened to her brother, and has not really had a face to direct that anger towards, so it's been on a relatively low burner for the most part, but now there’s talk of vampires and a person she can blame for her family’s trauma.

they exchange notes and she realizes that yeahh, that is pretty much exactly what her brother had told them, so it was true. hah :) yes actually, i would like to learn vampire killing magic please holly. and holly, who didn't really want to bring someone with her, but kind of does believe in accidents not being a thing, decides that yeah, she probably should bring maria along. and sure!! if they have to deal with sanata again, why not teach her hamon!! they share stories and continue to follow the trail while they train together, and become really close friends! jobro time.

we've now reached the first third of the story.

we travel further south!! soon, holly begins to realize......... ohh..... the temple they found santana in.. that's south of here, isn't it? oh huh. what could he want there?? the masks have been destroyed as far as she knows?? she doesn't know enough first hand to know what significance there could be, but the girls prepare for anything. maybe a big weapon the researchers had not been able to identify?? MOre pillarmen, secretly living underneath the temple??? 

(there are gonna be some scenes that involve lisa lisa and joseph figuring out where they need to go, and maybe also realizing who set that trail, maybe they have smth else going on, who knows) 

holly and maria follow santana and eventually do find the temple, and prepare to stake it out, hopefully hopefully not alerting him to their presence, because that would be.........bad. (tho tbh marias kinda itching to try out vampire begone magic. wouldn't You want to if you suddenly learned how?) neither of them have ever been here so they're honestly pretty floored by the temple interior, the tunnel that leads into the main chamber dark and uninviting, with who knows what hidden dangers are lurking about. 

and then they see him. santana is investigating the place where the pillar had been cut out of the structure, the stone masks crushed and broken, strewn around the floor, running his hands over the broken stone. Then he walks to one of the murals carved into the wall, a large one, similar to the one speedwagon had been investigating, with the 4 faces representing the pillarmen, and he lingers there. dips his head, then walks back to the empty space of the pillar and sits down where it was, crosslegged, and closes his eyes. and then he stays still. what does That mean?? 

the girls decide this is enough, they should fall back and formulate a proper plan, maybe wait for joseph and lisa lisa to catch up. buuuut we can't have that be the end of it, and so something happens, maybe one of them trips? steps on rubble that falls loose? they make a noise. and get noticed. 

change of plans! fight now! except there isn't an attack? they stay still but “i know you're there.” damn it. battle formation, stances ready, they make their way into the chamber, where santana hasn't moved at all. he's still sitting there, but he's looking at them now. holly asks what he's doing here, he asks the same back. she says not to play dumb, hes been killing people this whole time, he has to answer for that! and to that, santana honestly looks a bit confused because. has he? in his defense, he's not human, his prey is humans. pillarboy has to eat.

marias like “well? aren't you going to attack us?” and he's like “not unless you bother me.” and closes his eyes again. the girls aren't sure what to make of this.

santana side paragraph: first of all, this is a santana stan account. name one (1) thing he's done wrong, canonically. woke up in a strange place. captured?? got his bearings, tried to Leave and was accosted! shot some nazis (go king), and finally only snapped when joseph got mad he didn't laugh at his clownery. anyone would get murderous as a result. tried to escape further, ultimately was stopped and detained Again! morally, he's above joseph. 

so they're just standing now. since their earlier encounter where holly used hamon, santana refuses to talk more at first, but holly has the bright idea to get his trust by having maria restrain her and then stand back with her weapon -- a show of putting herself in a helpless position and promise she wont attack. that’s enough for santana to agree to come closer and have a proper conversation.

holly asks again why he's here exactly? what's here? and he tells her that if she Must know, he's waiting. waiting for what, she asks. and maria looks back at the carvings and realizes “oh. there should be 4 of them.” now santana looks mildly uncomfortable, and holly rememebers that “oh fuck, dad killed all of them.” and then “wait they were evil tho??” and then again “wait fuuck, didn't the leader guy say they left this one behind in mexico on purpose? oh man does he Know?” holly finds herself in the position of “not only do i have to tell this guy his friends aren't coming because they're Dead, they also kinda abandoned him.” yikes.

meanwhile maria is kinda pissed that her one chance at revenge might have just been taken from her. she still blames santana for what happened to her brother, and she refuses to let that go. she’s too stubborn and proud for that. and now, especally since holly seems to be focused on creating a bond, it feels like a slap in the face. so she kinda… snaps, ruining their chance at resolving this peacefully and causing santana to run off again. she and holly have a fight. it sucks.

soon after that joseph does find holly and he Does send her home. maria, after explaining her intentions, stays with them. holly is heartbroken :( after shes gone, joseph and lisa lisa make a plan to trap santana, aimed to go off in a few days prep, and during this, maria is starting to realize that that... really isnt the right thing to do... shes now had some time to sit alone with her guilt and regret about how she handled the situation, ssso she gets an idea on how to make up for it...

meanwhile holly is sitting at home and is sad, until suzie drives her somewhere in guise of going to a fancy lunch with smokey (whos in town), but really she drives her to the joestars airpad where her friend marua(!!) is already waiting in front of joseph’s plane, which, turns out, she hijacked in the south and flew all the way up here, and suzie tosses holly a bag with clothes and stuff and tells her to hurry up and get going :3

and hollys all "but what about lunch with mr smokey? :o" and suzie winks at her and says "don't worry, he's waiting for me to tell him everything went well at the restaurant ;)" and then holly gives her a big hug, runs to her friend and hugs Her, and they are off to fly back south to save some lives. on the way, maria apologizes and explains -- how she had harboured this resentment for so long that the sudden target for her blame put in front of her, plus the immediate removal of it were so jarring that she acted impulsively... she knows santana isnt at fault for what happened with her brother... and now she just hopes they make it in time.

as luck would have it, they catch up with joseph and lisa lisa just in time to jump between them and santana (maria accidentally cuts off joseph’s prosthetic hand in the process and freaks the fuck out before realizing it’s fine) and try to talk it out. it’s a tense few minutes, but holly is determined and stubborn, and she manages to get her dad and grandma to see her side of things and santana is saved! they find something for him to eat, giving him the energy to heal his wounds. pillarmen absorbing shit never gets old.

And from there it’s mostly just everything getting settled down and smoothed out. they get back in touch with the swf and tell them the problem is handled. santana turns out to be a relatively peaceful dude when his life isn’t being threatened, and he becomes a good friend with all four of them, but especially holly and maria. they help teach him about the modern world and he decides that he’s going to do some travelling and learn about the history of his culture and other ancient mesoamerican cultures he interacted with in his youth, and he shares the things he learns with the swf so they can get the info about where theyre needed etc.  maria gets hooked up with one of the many therapists we decided work at the swf that has experience with the supernatural things she and her brother have gone through. holly, maria, and santana stay in touch and go on regular trips together. holly receives many post cards.

it’s all really good and happy :) thats heart unbound baybee!! <33

[teacup-baphomet]

inspired by pandemia

I wrote pandemia on purpose. Rip pandemic but im different.

This is a g/t post I swear. Just take a sec to get there

So the whole zoom meeting thing.

Pandemic happens. People who can work from home do. And that's a heckin lot of people going by post pandemic meme.

And the responses about that and zoom meetins were all

Most people: I hate this. I miss people. Im getting stir crazy. I've been caught without pants twice by now and an important meeting with our best client was ruined because some technologically-challenged moron accidentally turned themselves into an effing potato with their eyes and lips. Why is that even an option, zoom, why?

Introvert: Eff yeah. No people. No pants. No problem. Also Kaley turning herself into a frigging potato during that boring-arse meeting was the best thing ever. I took like a million screenshots and 5 vids of it. Lol.

Office building landlords: *enjoying their easy $ dancing and singing to “Money (In God We Trust) by Extreme*

Office building Janitors: *got their hours cut by a lot* f*ck...

But okay what if instead of face pandemia the human world was integrating with much larger counterpart (so giants. Or probably some word for that isn't “giant” per se.

Instead of the intro to zoom meetings galore. The memes would all be about loom meetings

Most people: I hate this. Like. This asshole has been standing over me and breathing LOUDLY for the past 10 minutes and its SO upsetting. And ugh. When peoples stomach rudely announced their presence in demanding for suztinence it was a little awkward, maybe evena lil funny but now its just effing unsettling and this one time, it sent triggered this ex-colonel’s pstd and he just yelped, dove off the table - thankfully only got some scrapes at worst - and like crawled under the table calling for back up. The awkward tension in the room was dang thick it would be impenetrable even with an ak-47. Oh. And I hAte feeling short. I am 6′2″ of manly man. I am NOT short. But compared to /them/..ugh. What? What is this emotional intelligence you speak of? Empathy? Why don't you ask THAT GIANT about empathy. Are they thinking of us ...tiny... pathetic... humans when - hey my self esteem is amazing! - they so effing oppressively loud when...when they... When they are... uh... breathing.... Stop laughing, Louise! This is a very legitimate issue!

Macrophiles: This asshole has been standing over me, being loud.... And .... And all empompassing n’ sh!t for the past 20 minutes and oh f!ck im so turned on right now. Pls jesus take the wheel before I royally embarrass myself and lose my job

G/t fan: Wtf. Why did it suddenly get dark. W o a h. That person is b i g. I.. I could get used to meetings like this. Ohhh. They’ve been standing over me for a hot minutes. Do... Do.. They want be my friend... Or... Or oh my gosh do they like me.... Like, like even maybe u/////u ohhhhhkay me. Let’s not embarrass ourselves just yet. Just act cool... Coooool. Oh what am I doing. I have anxiety, im awkward, I'm drenched in my weight of sweat by now, and if my heart beats any faster I'll be saying hospital over  getting to say hi to my - maybe uwu - fren....

Office building landlords: Oh god these new required renovations are gonna require a whole tear down and rebuild. Im never gonna financially recover from this.

Office building janitors: *they full time with better pay in this scenario but alas also human* f*ck....

[aalt-ctrl-del]

so you want to vote third-party?

Im gonna go ahead and put it out there, and put it into file, for future reference. My predictions based on behavioral studies, herd theory, psychographics, mass Values, and environmental, geographic conditions, have been thus far exceptionally accurate. The science and mathematical estimations behind the pandemic is super basic, not hard at all, which is most frustrating of all.

If you get to vote come Election day - given that you are all still alive by that point with no medical complications - and you choose to vote Republican. Or worse, third party, if you do not vote Democratic.

There is a high probability that you or those of your close relations will contract Corona Virus.

This is not scare tactic or alarmist, this is a loose estimation based on our current political climate and rising trends. I made a post predicting June to be a hard hitting month, that comes from our behavior in May - specifically, the dates 13-17 range. I checked the calendar, those dates are high weekends for a lot of people. It is also Graduations for seniors of high school and college. Classes end for more, finals come to a close.

So, those days were not random. This is a very important time for people. It is also the most lethal. Thus, given the incubation time of the virus, or its capacity for dormancy, we will see results of this May 13-17 spike within 2 weeks, and in June. If, y’know, you disregard stuff that the CDC is cautioning us to do.

Back to voting. By the time elections roll around, and you decide who to vote for, let me reiterate, if you vote anything other than Democratic, you have taken a mediocre percentage I have calculate - lets say 30% possible encounter with the virus. And you do the thing like, vote third party - there is a Risk Factor which bumps your probable encounter with the virus up to 43%. By then, we should have shot past 100,000 deaths. It is estimated that yearly, at least a minimum of 12,000 people will die of the flu, and in the year 2017-2018, source at least 61,000 people died in that year. We have only been exposed to Corona Virus for 3 months, and already have watched a documented 70,000+ die. With quarantine measures in place and state-wide shut downs.

So what is the difference between the Republican and Democratic parties, which factor into my Risk Equation? Simply put, the Republican as of current is inadequate and a joke. They are actively expediting the spread of the Corona Virus. I mean, we have protesters outraged by Quarantine. Science deniers, anti-vaxxers. Sure, there is a high ratio of recovery compared to those who have died, but even the people who have suffered mild symptoms are developing post complications such as organ failure, scarring of the lung tissue, and my favorite, liver failure.

You can’t live without your liver. Its an essential organ. You have only one liver. Its not on the the same turf as the appendix. Your liver blows up, you die a pleasantly painful death source. I really didn’t read this article, I only know that we’re finding these things, like strokes, haunting people in the age bracket 30-40. I mean, you survive Corona Virus like a champ? Awesome. I hope that doesn’t dump a whole aneurysm on you.

Okay, back to voting once more. The Democrat party, is not much more better prepared than the Republican at this point. But, the Democrats and Joe Biden will listen to the scientists and doctors, like Dr. Fauci, and Dr. Birx. They will look into the process of stimulating the economy, while minimizing the trauma and destruction the inadequate and soft trump group is going through. Our chances of getting through this lay with the Democratic group, especially in the fall out from this pandemic. The economic strain businesses are so frightened by, will shatter with trump doing his usual thing of ignoring problems until the problem is way out of control. Which Corona Virus is right now. No exaggeration, its hit full momentum; you’re only options right now are rigorous sanitation practices.

Everybody protesting quarantine would’ve been the type to launch them self out a window when the Stock Market crashed. That’s the sort of people they are. If you want to get through this, you’re going to have to survive first. We can always pick up the pieces and rebuild from the wreckage, but if there’s no one to rebuild, then the tragedy remains a mystery.

And if you’re one of those Russian a-holes “But the sexual harassment allegations”. Omg, you absolute blunt tool. trump is a walking PSA of pedo-incest-creepy-uncle. “Grab her by the pussy,” - trump. “I can go in there and start kissing them, and no one can do anything” bragging trump, about walking into a dressing room for one of those American models programs - idek. trump is a misogynistic creepy bastard, that objectifies his daughter. You reason that thing is gonna be your salvation in these trying times?

And I do vibe with the #metoo movement. I don’t dismiss or discredit Tara Reade, about these sexual allegations, but I question a lot of what she’s doing and saying. For context, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, and Joe Biden has the clout and experience to wipe the floor with trump. And the Democratic party will be the only faction to get us through this crisis with minimal casualties. The infection is beyond controlling at this point, but we will be ruined financially and physically, our economic infrastructure is edging toward a collapse the likes we haven’t seen in 50 years. But this Tara lady, makes allegations at this point in time of this specific year, when it would’ve have been more pertinent to do so at the time Biden was elected Vice-President. EVEN BETTER, DURING THE #METOO movement. 

If those allegations are true and do exist, then she has been paid by someone named trump - or an affiliate to trumps clan - to speak up. Right now. “BECAUSE OF THE EMAILS” I mean, allegations. I’m not saying Democrats are saints, but the parties interests and motives align far better with your chances of survival, and this Tara lady is trying to convince you to tie a noose for you to hang from. I mean, she could have as easily come forward after Biden was elected, or when his election campaign had more steam - that would have been appropriate. But she chose now, because of the pandemic, because people are dying so fast. At an alarming exponential rate. Tara isn’t doing this to be nobEL or help people, she’s been paid, she’s on someone’s salary. You’re gonna die, because you didn’t think this through. Because you think trump, in all his infinite wisdom, and poor business choices, cares about you? He doesn’t. He’s petty, spiteful, he took the landing gear from the plane and he’s trying to sell it back to the highest bidder, which isn’t you.

Right at this time trump is digging graves, and he’s nailing the coffin lid down. Each and every one of us is a statistic in this mess - you are either uncontaminated, infected-asymptomatic, recovered, or dead. And when you recover, there is strong evidence to show that the virus can still infect you once more. trump doesn’t care. He’s tossing out the pandemic team, we’re gonna get a whole new set of people in to lead us through this; unqualified people. Beautiful people, the sort of people trump likes to surround himself with. Yes people. Group think. People dumber than a blender with a massage feature.

so in conclusion, if you think voting third party is a good idea. 43% higher chance of encountering that virus. The infected and carriers is spreading, corporate businesses and franchises are forcing their GMs not to report those that have been infected, and they sure as hell are not closing their doors to decontaminate. No contact tracing, we have no test kits. No idea the actual statistics. And best of all, no idea if you have truly recovered, if you survive an infection with Corona Virus.

Did I mention the 43% will exponentially increase as we come near the election date? Yeah, it has a variable ( .43y ), it will fluctuate. Unfortunately, it does not and cannot go down. It only goes up. And 100% chance of an encounter with Corona Virsu, is not the highest number. Because you can get the virus twice, and it can stack with the flu or pneumonia.

August will be interesting :)

[mushroomsnotebook]

01/07/2020

okay! so i had originally planned to hang out with my friend at the zoo today, but he got caught up in a project with his dad.

im feeling a lot better physically, but mentally i feel quite icky. this time of year is when i usually would do something with a friend that has recently broke things off w me, so im feeling a little bruised. i've also been watching legend of korra (book 4) and i had mixed feelings watching korra try to return to normal after being poisoned. it feels so similar to what happened to me my junior year in the way i can't seem to fully recover. i don't know exactly what is wrong with me, but its nice that i have a hero to look up to. im gonna be like korra and im gonna come back!

im going to get a burger w my sister and that's also kinda stressin me out 🥴🥴 idk ive just been STRESSING over my weight. and my eyes are straining from prolonged screentime. i'll admit it..im not at my best. but it's not like i cant get better!

my plan for today is:

tidy my room and do some chores

stretch and exercise a bit

take some medicine and treat my symptoms a bit

practice some grounding

make progress on my study abroad work

catch up on thai and vet med

create a plan for next semester

create financial plan for next semester

sorry for the long post today! a lot's been on my mind :/

[roccoreceipts-blog]

CALLOUT FOR MARS / BARON / ROCCO / MIMI / PIPPI / MARIA WHO CURRENTLY OWNS @VINYLBITCHIN + @HANDFUCKIING + @FLESHPRAY + @SHESCHISM + BUNKERKEPT . CONTENT WARNING FOR ABUSE, PEDOPHILIA, RAPE, RACEFAKING, ETC.
 


a quick introduction though i'm kinda uncomfortable, im 17 i run a few blogs on this hellsite and i have some concerns for people's safety. this isn't a petty post either, is genuinely fearful for myself and others she's abused in the past and will continue to do so and it's about time we all came out about this because it's gone on way too long and i blame myself more than anything for holding back. i just felt unsafe and i do more so now but it's worth other people's safety. and everybody knows i'm definitely not one to do something like this and i've had such a hard time coming out about this from guilt. i want to make this short and to the point. i don't wanna take up too much time because we could go off for hours about all of her drastic lies like how she supposedly got hypothermia in 45 degree weather or how she lied about being in a s.chool s.hooting ( one , two , three ) ironically she had sent me a fanfiction of the c.olumbine s.hooters in the past and guilt tripped me the moment i said it wasn't right. or the time she told me she was taken hostage which i might have stayed believing if it weren't for the fact she was roleplaying with a character from that movie on her @lleeta blog not too long ago ( one , two , three ) but anyway.

im never gonna be able to recover completely but i want to reach out and warn people. me and others have gone through her explicit / obsessive / rape roleplays but i can fucking guarantee no matter how many times i was ( or the others ) guilt tripped into saying YES despite how uncomfortable i was but couldn't tell her , she does still do them from what i know. she tends to warp characters ( other muns put in these scenarios have told me the same thing bc she did it to multiple people ) to make them far more obsessive / creepy then they are even meant to be. i'll start out by saying ive known rocco since the end of 2015 or so and we instantly became friends. we quickly made our ocs out to be affiliated, though they were SUPPOSED to be father and daughter (and often i would let her portray an oc i of mine who is supposed to be a love interest), she would always propose obsessive rape plots, and even an explicit plot of a forced marriage au between the father and daughter muses which was clear she wanted to lead to smut (warning for a graphic detail i can't get out of my fucking head was her saying she could imagine hannah / the daughter on her knees being forced to unbuckle his belt but said it as if it were almost ? something she got ? in a way , excited over ??) of course i don't have many screenshots of these things especially because i was isolated by her for about a year at the time , trusted her , and no matter how sick or anxious ive felt getting her messages i didn't really know i had the choice to come out about it , especially considering how hostile she would be when i had friends or even my ex .

( one , two , three , four , five ) we were actually dating at this time, which was a relationship i was basically forced / guilt tripped in after saying no countless times. she would often numb me down when i would say no to things, whether it was her asking to be in a relationship with me or even roleplay, in which at one point i've counted 20+ screenshots of her constantly begging even though i had just declined. at this time is when i was isolated so i don't the have exact proof because again, i didn't know about the abuse going on in front of my face and i didn't known what to do about it. she would constantly guilt trip me over these things and i felt very vulnerable though i do tend to play things off when i'm uncomfortable.

now i'll move on to some more recent -ish shit or at least things i haven't completely blocked out from my memory since that's most of what i have. we've been friends on and off because she had eventually set me off, our first fight being me angry that she couldn't handle when i declined her roleplays. so it's been a long cycle of me blocking her from discomfort, only for her to constantly make or log into old blogs to try and contact me to manipulate me into friendship again. and it worked. too many times. after all of that, she began to test boundaries which is something she usually does. this included throwing attitude for no reason ( i remember a time i was supposed to be making her icons and couldn't at the time and her response was "it's not that fucking hard" // she's even sent me a screenshot herself before of her in a groupchat where one of the participants had said something and told them "literally nobody cares" and expected me to comfort her after that ) + saying things she knows is wrong + stealing or making blatant rip offs of my original character ( one , two , of course there are far more instances like the time she ran @viirginblood but that's not the point of this post so i'm skipping over that ) + bringing up my past relationships / sometimes family or financial issues + constantly bringing up the fact we got in fights i was trying to move past or try to make me feel bad if i didn't reply right away ( one , two , three , four , five / she also acted very controlling to me any time i wouldn't answer so i would be forced to give an explaination and she would pretend it wasn't just her being "worried" ) + manipulating her into following her / bossing me into doing things she wanted ( one , two ). even some new information came to light that i was completely oblivious to; obviously any time i had a friend or a significant other she had no problem portraying blatant jealousy, i was also informed she was acting possessive of me even when i wasn't around, when i was actually NOT TALKING TO HER AT ALL ( one , two ) . which really freaked me the fuck out.

she would also constantly TRY to spite me when we weren't friends. she's admitted it. she's also admitted in a group call, that i still have contact with one of the participants, that she stalked me when we stopped talking and got her friends to "keep tabs on me" i was also informed of her stalking another minor not too long ago and going back to the spite stealing, it wasn't just one oc, it was concept ideas, urls, even going as far to LITERALLY flat out steal the oc i let her portray ( the one she obsessively wrote out rape roleplays with ) , lied by saying it was a "misunderstanding".

shes also is a rapist and pedophile apologist ! she roleplayed dolores of l.olita and a few people including myself can recall her literally posting / asking for a humbert to roleplay with. i don't know a lot about the film / book itself but i DO know humbert is the pedophile who abused dolores. here's some screenshots of her not only apologizing his actions burn theowing a pity party over it, claiming shen had a right to roleplay dolores getting, what i imagine must have been sexually abused ( one , two , three ).

her relationship with her ex, ( for those of you who don't know ollie you can probably easily find some information on him as a fill in on what he's done / warning for rape ) ,   she helped him catfish / fake his identity to hide what he did, shows hostility toward the rape victim and shows behavior of a rapist apologist again + talked some nasty transphobic shit about me , not to mention again , i'm underage so that's weird that it's focused on my body especially considering she's 18 here, not to mention she's not still obsessing over me when we aren't talking ( one , two ) + on her @roccospeaks blog she had a while back , she deleted the posts but i'm sure plenty of people saw that she and others were claiming that ollie was FAKING A TRANS IDENTITY ( and this isn't a kiss ass moment to him, i'm just pointing this out: this was after she made those transphobic remarks about me so i highly doubt she can blame her transphobia on being "drunk" here ) because he was wearing makeup and had a feminine appearance . i'm pretty sure the post is still floating about somewhere so if you can find it, it's all there . she continued to focus on me despite we weren't talking, blamed me for being the source of her suicidal tendencies that she's had since i've known her, ironically though she's also told me i'm the reason she says alive in the past — and something she thinks blocking her for comfort is a manipulation tactic or game to her ?? / that and here's some of her guilt tripping all because i soft blocked her ( one , two , three )

i had also recently ended a relationship with an ex of mine , which wasn't ANY of her business but she constantly brought her up plenty of times. as shown above, she's was insisting that my vague posts about ending my relationship were about her no matter what i said ( one , two , three ) + doing so either herself or i suspect getting ollie or his friends to send me anons about MY relationship because i didn't tell anybody else about it, but she sure as hell did ! all while putting blame on me ( one , two )

here are some messages i have of someone informing me she was actually racefaking ! and the funny thing about this is she's white. or at least from what i know? i know she has indeed sent me a link to a post before of a black mun venting about white people or smth like that which was NONE of my fucking business esp considering i wasn't following this person and she told me after sending me the link to the post "i thought i could trust them" where she tried tin get me to comfort her ?? this is also interesting, here she is talking about a minor, THREATENING THAT SAME MINOR, not to mention dissing sex workers and putting an input on reverse racism.

heres more of her obsessive / controlling behaviors over not letting people follow / interact with me out of sheer spite and not wanting them to be able to know what she has done ( one , two , three , four , five , six , though there's many more i lost ) here's more evidence of her interest in writing problematic issues / warning for rape ( one , two ) i have many more screenshots of her situations with ollie but chose not to post them; however if you would like to see them you can ask me, it's just her encouraging him to hack me plus some gaslighting aftermath shen sent me on mun personal when things didn't go her way.

she has also lied about her age to smut multiple times in the past , claimed to be of age here and on multiple blogs. she was at least sixteen at the time. also mentions shes underage here but then says she could LEGALLY portray sexual assault ?? and here's her saying she WILL have depictions of pedophilia on her blog. keep in mind we've known each other for a long time, though it was on and off; she knows very well i'm not 18. if told her before countless times AND it's all over my rules. BUT YET, she's persistent on sending me explicit content KNOWING IM A MINOR / ADMITTING SHE IS 18 after i had vagued about my discomfort ( one , two , three )

as i mentioned above she was always presenting nasty plots to me; i can't stress the fact that it DID make me uncomfortable whether i decided to play it off or not, but later on, when she was indeed of age, presented to me an old, incestous plot and then had the audacity to put the blame on ME, whenever i strictly recall her wanting to ship them / make the more brothers in the first place. my character had already had a brother, her oc she actually made back in 2016 was a spiral off of this canon character. so even afternoon she blamed me for it, we established that i said no, she still chose to focus on his childhood with romance. ( one , two , three , four )

again, im not the only person she's has abused like this. and compared to the things she put ALL OF US through, these have to be some of the lightest fucking examples. but i do hope it is enough to keep others safe or be a warning. i also haven't mentioned anybody for their safety, but if you think you would be willing to share your story you can add on or whatever to get it out their. i really hope you can take my word for or it as well, because it wasn't very hard for me to put myself out here but i think i did the right thing for others.

and last but not least, if she's seeing this, here's a big fat "fuck you" from all us, what you put us through, and blamed us for.

[majorasnightmare]

personal

hate how im losing speech daily, hate how my brain is constantly short circuiting once im home from work to the extent that i cant even talk to my partner at all, hate how ive been in an extended mental breakdown for months now, hate that my living situation excaberates all of my worst symptoms of all my neurodivergencies, hate hate hate that instead of getting better everything just gets worse

i go weeks on end without any form of stress relief while everything gets exponentially worse, my brain is so fried i cant even watch tv anymore because the level of under stimulation physically hurts, and i no longer have the mental strength to maintain my focus on anything. if theres a show on or a sudden sound or sudden movement, my brain blue screens and im unable to do anything else

im solely responsible financially for three cats i didnt ask for (even if i love them to pieces) and because of that none of them have been to the vet or gotten fixed, which means the two females have to be seperated from our male, which means they sleep in mine and my partners room. and one of them wakes me up every two hours on the dot trying to tip over my partners 50 inch flatscreen he got as a gift from a now disowned relative that we cant afford to replace. i havent slept longer than 3 hours at a time for months plural

my body is breaking down on me at a pace i cant recover from with constant shooting leg pains and constant arm and shoulder pain that makes it difficult for me to move. on top of that 3 weeks ago i went for an emergency dentist visit for tooth pain and i have to somehow schedule and pay for two removals, two subsequent bone grafts and implants, and four crowns. and im trying to schedule more xrays but the office never calls me back even when they say they will so i end up waiting weeks to have enough free time to actually call them because of my work schedule

im constantly hysterical, im constantly exhausted, im constantly in pain, im constantly sleep deprived, and my workload increases exponentially. my partners mother expects the two of us to end a summer infestation without using bug spray or calling in exterminators. she expects us to tear the whole house apart cleaning with broken worn down bodies and then keep going to work for 8 hour shifts in jobs without air conditioning in 90 degree weather surrounded by asphalt, where we are constantly on our feet, where her job is mostly deskwork in an air conditioned office with occasional bouts of admittedly back breaking cleaning.

im no longer capable of relieving my own stress by any coping method i have available. it feels like my brain is rotting in my skull. i cant focus on anything. the amount of effort its taking to write this post is insane. everything is tv static and misery and im so suicidal im genuinely alarmed. im so miserable and so relief deprived that i cant bring myself to find any reason to continue existing in this torture. i cant even get any relief from my partner anymore.

any attempt at stress relief that i dont have to manage or be responsible for is sabotaged by my hysteria and anxiety, further denying me any chance to recover emotionally and worsening my emotional state.

im breaking down daily. im losing my ability to formulate sentences and coherent thoughts daily. im losing my ability to leave the bed daily. im only able to eat one meal a day. i havent been able to shower for months because my body is so run down that i cant go through the sensory load of standing in my narrow cramped tub while scratchy clingy shower curtains stick to me, just to force myself to scrub my body and wash my hair, only for the experience of washing my hair to be so nightmarishly bad it causes another breakdown and i go into overload. ive had to rely on wet washcloths, wet wipes, dry shampoo and deodorant for so long im scared itll make me sick, but im physically incapable of standing in a shower and going through that, even if someone else does it for me. the sensations inherent to showering are so god awful that i cant power through it. im scared its gonna make me sick and my only saving grace is that its difficult for my body to sweat in high heat, and while it makes me more prone to heat stroke, it keeps me from getting too dirty and gross

my parthers mother agreed to foster sugar gliders, who are very sensitive to cold temperatures, and so the whole apartment is forbidden from using the ac. in aforementioned asphalt surrounded 90 degree weather. our window doesnt have a screen, so because we keep the two cats in our room we cant open the window. we cant keep our door open because the cats have to be seperated. our room is consistently the hottest room in the house, with differences in temp being 10+ degrees between our room and the living room directly outside it

i cant talk to anyone. i dont have the energy to form sentences or maintain a conversation. im a ghost in every group chat im in. i cant string words together enough to even indulge my special interests or hyperfixations. i cant focus on them enough to enjoy them. i cant focus on my games or my own thoughts. i cant string my thoughts together enough to participate in any of my creative outlets. all my energy is devoted towards work and then to cleaning, and i am a hollow scraped out shell of a person for it. the one thing in this world that has deep comforting spiritual and philisophical importance to me, food and the making and sharing of it, has been reduced to barely registering to my body. it tastes like ash and dust to me now and i dont even want to eat it anymore.

ive lost everything that keeps me going while my living situation tries its damnedest to wring every last drop of energy out of me

my life is a living hell and i just want it to stop