#im not feeling human?
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hi yes hello i’m alive. crawling out of my hole to just let you all know i had pneumonia (technically currently have?) and also finally got baldur’s gate 3 so that’s where i’ve been.
i promise i’ll be writing once i feel better and get out of this bg3 brainrot BUT i wanted to hop on and wish you all a happy new years!!! here’s to hoping 2024 will be kind and full of happiness for you all 🖤
#i’m still in act 1#redoing act 1 because i missed SO MUCH my first play through#also act 2 was just scary and difficult#also spending new years alone and it doesn’t feel like new years#what’s the phrase?#im not feeling human?#ha#haha
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Every big dog thinks they're a lapdog
#my art#sketchy sketch#arcane#zaundads#vanco#a simple sketch today#I've slept for like 4 days#got some reading in#im starting to feel like a human#extremely anxious human but still human#thats my queue to leave
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subject, specimen, spectacle;
should i say that you're dead?
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jjk satoru#satoru gojo#gojo#bugs/#insects/#eye horror/#every time i post gojo art i feel scummy using like . the slew of tags this mf has#im like wow u look desperate gdfjkdjkg#listen ok im not a gojomain idk where people look fr content#anyway for not a gojomain i sure do have a lot of artistic breakthroughs whenever i draw him#first th eyedoves then lmhs gojo then gojo in the (club) bathroom by himself now this#loathe as i am to admit it i Love how much there is to pick apart of him in art theres so much theres so many angles u cld take#personally my favourite gojo angle in art (tm) is the Cryptically Unsettling Not Sane Not Human what can i say#keep ur thirst trap gojoart i like this guy unblinking and twitchy#on that note here he is pinned down as god intended#i ATE w this concept i fear fgfgsd i wanted a like. pallid formaldehyde dissection table under examination motif#and i was torn between using snakes or bugs to convey it and im SO SOOSOSOO happy i picked the bugs#ive used butterflies a lot they arent anything unfamiliar but truly i felt a chakra unlock when i thought of gojo+butterfly pinning#the burning light the eye the composition i rly think this is some of my best work#also also th poem was smth i came across when i was brainstorming captions and i ws like. gagged @ how well it fit gojo i had to include it#im not a poetry buff so my opinion is very uneducated but i think it was rly haunting and sad and beautiful#fit my target vibe so i took it slapped it on gojo w bugs said thank you verymuch smile :)
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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taking off my anxiety over a license exam ☠️
#messyr#IM GOING TO CRY IF I FAIL THIS EXAM BUT DAMN I ALREADY FEEL LIKE THROWING UP!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAH#I keep thinking about the fkin adobe license yet im still out here drawing projects for a media visual novel and egames art concepts AAARGH#Also still drafting stuff for this AU bc it doesn't just focus on ships- rather the plot itself LMAO.#doodle#artists on tumblr#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel au#hazbin hotel: Michelin Stars AU#hazbin hotel human au#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel alastor#lucifer morningstar#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel charlie#charlie morningstar#radioapple
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infinitely funnier visuals in my head, likely because they werent subject to my actual skill level in art
#he read space facts book and found out the sun is a star and nearly got them all killed#dont ask how they didnt notice sooner i ignored that for comedic value#i dont know how to communicate that the sun is supposed to be out in the second panel#well i do but i didnt feel like coloring#i had this awesome visual earlier i was like “im gonna like color and shade in a painting style and its gonna look awesome”#and then i realized i dont know how to do any of that#so here we are#i read requiem and made like a mental plan in my head of what their home looks like and have not been able to fix it since#im too tired to tag more and i want this out of my sight before i start despising it for realsies#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones v#serial designation v#nuvi#violentbitingbiscuits#i love me some nuvi. favorite ship right now#second place is jessa but like i dont know how to draw humans so itll be a while before ya see that#oh i forgot#murder drones cyn#if im being totally honest this entire thing was just an excuse to draw uzi in that second panel
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I cant stop thinking about them :'( 🩷🩷✨✨ drew my human designs for a wee change of pace uvu
#husk is a “sleep for 12 hours and still feel sleepy” kinda guy#I feel like angel would be kind of used to weird hours cause of work so he'd be able to adjust to most hours#tho in this pic its like 12pm lol#anyway im sobbing over them thank you goodnight uvu <3#IF YOU SEE THIS I HOPE YOURE HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY!! <33#mwah#huskerdust#angel dust#husk#huskerdust fanart#hazbin#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#human angel dust#human husk#tribbleart
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ok i lied more doodles. im just posting them here now idgaf anymore
#digital art#doodles#death note#l lawliet#nate river#YES im working on all my final projects YES im still gonna draw them all day in between its called multitasking#L needs to explain all of his behaviors with facts and statistics because he feels so far removed from the human experience#near is just like.... yeah? because i want to?
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λυκάνθρωπος / Μινώταυρος
#caption is ''lycanthrope / minotaur'' in ancient greek. bc im feeling silly#i know that like really werewolves and the minotaur have nothing in common BUT THEYRE BOTH ANIMAL PEOPLE! u have to#understand. its about the abstraction from humanity while also existing SO close to it.#werewolf#aceart#werewolfisms#minotaur#my art
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a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)
#i realised too late that it has been more than a fuking year (august 9)#and for context: ive had 3 different intagram art accounts and i deleted all 3 of them a few months before creating them. anxiety amiright#here it has been so different bc people are so nice??? it has been a pretty plesant experience here w all of u really#im so glad to have found myself in such a wonderful part of the fandom and amazing mutuals that i never talk to bc im shit w texting#the atention has been overwhelming ngl. i have over 2000 followers which. holy fuck???#it doesnt feel like a real number and for my own sake im nnot gonna treat it as one#like i apreciate the support and ppl liking what i do but im not here to make number go big yk? im here to connect w other humans#and yall have been amazing humans ^^ thank u for all the wonderful tags and comments and the support overall#it has been so cool sharing my art and finding other artist whom i respect oh so very much. some of them even follow me back wtf#i hope to continue being here for as long as i can and keep growing as an artist and sharing that process with other without fear#also my amy redesign actually goes so hard idk why i forgot about it nxnfbcncb#sth#sonic fanart#sonic#amy rose#nov.aart#nov.junk
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human alastor
(With a bonus baby al)
(Ignore whatever tf I did with the microphones idk how they work I’m sorry)
#I love the fact that he’s half French creole cause I am too we’re twinsies#(Im not a serial killer I promise)#I’m still sick and feeling miserable#He’s my emotional support serial killer#alastor#alastor hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin art#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin hotel alastor#radio demon#thorium.art#hazbin hotel 2024#hazbin#hazbin hotel art#vivziepop#human alastor#the radio demon#cw blood#sorry i forgot
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City of Tears. But Mini.
I wanted to make an atmospheric art piece with Dewi. And the City of Tears is one of the most sorrowing, beautiful, and grand places to do that. This is a lot of firsts for me regarding the architecture and lighting. The shadows cover a lot, and it may have been too much. I'm happy with how it turned out tho.
No idea how Dewi found his way into the City. Probably magic. Probably plot too :) But oh boy, he is experiencing childlike wonder in his raincoat!
This is a better show of the line detail I needlessly covered up in the final lol
#I love the idea that Ghost's resting spot is always on Dewi's hat. It's a great vantage point for spotting potential threats!#Quirrel doesnt mind the rain. But he'd rather not be walking around with Dewi 20 stories above him#Hornet is on the look out so that Dewi doesnt mess up anything#And Hollow is just enjoying the rain#dewi's adventures in hollow knight#hk fanart#Im really happy with it turned out#hollow knight#pure vessel#city of tears#dewi#hk#urg I still need to figure out human noses and I was getting really anxious about showing this just for that one fact alone.#trying my best. I have to keep my head up even with my imposter feelings. Otherwise i wont post
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Cooking up an older Clervie outfit design so I don't have to keep drawing her looking like her child self but Long
#genshin impact#clervie#ngl i have so many thoughts about an older clrv's design but at the same time artistically im not that creative </3#mostly tried to make her look more like a direct contrast to arlecchino's design (which was already present but we ignore that)#cause arle's design is mostly very sharp and angular while i'd imagine clervie's being much more rounded out and softer#like they are the round vs pointy cat meme in human form#the hair was really tricky cause on one hand much like everyone else we dont really keep the same hairstyle our entire lives#butttttt at the same time idk i feel like her long hair flowing down (and her headband) are very recognizable parts of her#so i decided to not change much (also cause i dont trust myself making multiple drastic changes without changing their identity too much)#also halfways through coloring I realized she's kinda giving crucabena outfit wise but we ignore that </3#anyways clervie would def be a support/healer character if actually playable (leaning more towards buffer support imo)#ITS A MASSIVE 50/50 IF SHE WOULD BE A HYDRO OR ANEMO USER but i decided hydro for the time being cause it compliments HOTH's dpses more#aka Arlecchino Lyney and partially Freminet since if i remember correctly he's more physical based but cryo nonetheless#i just really like the idea of Clervie's passive being along the lines of boosting stats/dmg if there's HOTH members present in a team#anyways sorry for the text wall I just really need to be kicked out of the kitchen#i am UNDERCOOKING the food#character design is not my passion </3
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itafushi nation how r we Feeling!!!!!!!!!!!
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP FOUGHT MY DYING PEN PRESSURE FR THIS#TH MEGUMI DROUGHT. OVER. CROPS WATERED with yuuji's tears#im a wreck im a gd WRECK#megumi nation itfs nation whatever happens from now on know tht tonight was a Victory#god there r more redraws i want 2 do . i need to like. calm down tho#im so emotional im shaking and my pen is on its last legs i dont think more is good for it#or for my hand#i feel her protesting GHGSD i did paint a lot of leaves today#YA SPEAKING OF . WENT FROM LA DI DA RELAXING SUMMER LIGHT ITFS IN2 THE MOST DEVASTATING/pos CH OF MY LIFE#what a day what a time to be alive#times like this make me so grateful i can draw what wld i do except scream otherwise#i have no words and i must Draw#anyway i dont have anything valuable or coherent to add just know that i am the human embodiment of a whole bunch of exclamation points#my brain is like bzzzzt my heart is like wowwww
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hey, remember being 18 years old and playing mass effect for the first time and it's got this like intense aura of being very small and very insignificant in a very big, very empty galaxy? remember playing mass effect for the first time and everything all of this is so new and mysterious, and it's 2am and you're sitting in a dark room in the light from your tv and you're playing through feros for the first time and you feel that this is someting very old and very ancient and you are somewhere you shouldn't be and you don't know what's going to happen or where you're going but you keep on. there's a tingling in your stomach and you're playing mass effect for the first time. the thorian is a milennia old sentient plant being. the rachni queen is old and telepathic and a hive mind and in pain. sovereign is an ancient machine that has not been built but is, and has always been, and this is something so alien and so unlike and beyond anything your human mind can comprehend, and this is something unexplainable and huge and as uncaring and indifferent as the empty galaxy around you. you're playing mass effect for the first time and you're walking on the surface of an almost completely empty planet with nothing but your two companions silently walking beside you and everything is so huge and empty and silent and you're so small and insignificant and it's so beautiful and so scary and you feel like you are on a rollercoaster about to drop down. you are playing mass effect for the first time and you're playing the mission on the moon and you stop and just look up at earth visible in the sky. you know this. this is home. you are playing mass effect for the first time, and the galaxy is so big, and you are so tiny, and everything is about to change for you.
#mass effect#wild rambles#i miss the feeling of playing that game for the first time#now i know everything and it isn't as mysterious and alluring anymore#getting lost in the tunnels on feros is one of my memories of all time. it just felt like... i was meant to get lost. there's Something her#i love the whole trilogy but man me1 really did have that sci-fi interstellar type of feeling the other two don't#also later they retconned the reapers as having actually been built by someone as opposed to ''this is so alien you can't understand it.#this is a machine without a creator. it has always existed. you are not meant to understand. this is so much bigger than you.''#which i really liked a lot more but like. whatever. im not in charge. they wanted to make things more palatable to the human mind when i#think the cosmic horror aspect of the reapers in me1 was one of the things that affected me the most#and made me stay with the series for as long as i did
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According to NBC here in the US, the missing titanic sub has been found. As debris. Off the bow of the Titanic wreckage.
And it looks like the sub suffered what we all suspected, and what was undoubtedly the more merciful of the two options: a catastrophic implosion from the pressure.
Also, more info has come to light about the fishing trawler with the hundreds of migrants that sank cataclysmically off the coast of Greece, indicating that the greek coast guard knew about the vessel AND how much trouble the vessel was in, and were towing it at a speed that made it capsize, at which point they unhooked the tow line and watched the trawler sink without helping the passengers to safety. Despite a bunch of other ships trying to help as well throughout the whole ordeal.
So a lot of people are dead, all because of regulations (and the lack thereof) regarding sea-faring vessels and rescue protocols. People shouldnt be allowed to make a business charging a ton of money for a ride on an uncertified, unsafe, un-seaworthy ship going deep into the ocean with no distress beacon or tether to the mothership. People also shouldnt be allowed to enact laws that criminalize the ferrying of refugees, which then force the refugees to hitch rides on fishing trawlers, and which also prevent people from helping those fishing trawlers full of refugees due to fear of legal consequences.
Hopefully BOTH of these events spark changes on an international scale in terms of what is legally allowed to be sailed, who is legally allowed to be the passengers, and what the rescue protocols are in the event of disaster for any seafaring vessel, illegal or not. It shouldnt be just the global 1% who get 24/7 search parties and remote-operated submersibles helping rescue them.
#the question of 'what do we owe to each other' can be answered simply with 'the dignity of retrieving our remains when we die'#another answer is 'the dignity of thinking about each other fellow humans with similar motivations and feelings'#also 'stopping someones potentially self-destructive behaviors just because theyre rich and want to feel special'#also i feel like humans have been sailing the seas long enough that it should be guaranteed that people will survive sea voyages#im very mad about specifically mediterranean maritime disasters because we have ancient writing saying they made it safe#sailing from Egypt to Greece was so old hat and safe that people legit took the ancient equivalent of cruises back and forth#cleopatra habitually sailed from alexandria to rome with a ton of ships and was fine#Nero tried to have his mother drowned at sea by orchestrating a dramatic shipwreck while she was our sailing AND SHE SURVIVED#and then swam to shore got back to rome and whooped his ass#fuckin pliny the elder tried to evacuate people from pompeii and the surrounding coast villages when vesuvius erupted#and he actually WAS able to rescue people#but he himself had an asthma attack from the fumes which led to a heart attack and he died on the beach#there is legit no excuse for that trawler of migrant refugees to have wrecked#negligence all around#anyway#oceangate
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