#im just tired rn SOB
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awooo ,, outta curiousity howd you know you were therian?
boRK i dont entirely remember actually ? All i remember is learning about alterhumanity in general, learning about therianthropy and then going "👁️ i see.." and ive just rolled with it from there??
#sorry i. genuinely dont remember#sometimes i dont understand my own identity stuff#like i entirely blanked on why i was a holothere a minute ago#im just tired rn SOB#pup barkz#pup answers#dog holothere#canine holothere#ill come back to this if i remember sorry#definitely something about my neuro being divergent
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ough....the laughingstock In My Head... im unwell....
#its 3 am im tired cant sleep live laughingstock love-#laying in corpse position staring at my glow stars#playing through the Elaborate lore... the plot... howdy redemption arc....#its very funny bc for this whole Plot i have.... literally everyone is aware of the Drama Unfolding#except for frank / julie / poppy#theyre just vibing and the. the rest of the town is sooooo Involved with barnaby & howdys bs#eddie is out here wingmanning both of them. sally has one sided beef with howdy. wally has unlocked the Protective emotion#home is listening to wally update it on the newest Hot Goss every night#home has very dtrong opinions that wont be heard#absolutely unprompted#oausgdhsbdjsnxms#barnaby: im so over him i swear (lying)#hard cut to howdy sobbing behind the counter with a bottle of his strongest root beer#theyre both handling the failed confession like champs!!! im Lying!!! theyre both disasters!!!!!#if i had it in my id... id write a fic.... might outline it for funsies#because ohadudhhdnfjsnxms#THERE IS NO LAUGHINGSTOCK FANFIC RN#except for the delectable delicious crumbs in Stamps by Indigopoptart gofuckingreadit#ohhhh and the scrumptious sensational crumb in the latest installment of Imaginatorofthings' fantasy au series gofuckingreadit#i reread both all every crumb all the time#i need a pickmeup? crumbles <3#like the cinnamon crumbs on streusel... the best part....#BUT i crave a full meal and i may have to provide for myself#i shall create the laughingstock fic i want to read in this world#if no one else will do it!!!! i will!!!! maybe. dont quote me on this <3#oh to be a great enthusiast of a rarepair... agony and pain and yet such delicious delight#i do not recieve much but what i do get... more powerful than any mainpair (idk what the opposite of a rarepair is) creation#tis not just a treat on my table#tis the heavens opening to shine glorious rays of sunlight upon my withering crops and my cold skin... something to Bask in....#but a full fic's not gonna happen any time soon so im gonna roll up my sleeves and do it myself
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. Ugh
#i will prolly delete these because im just fucking tired rn#but i went for a walk to clear my head#and a group of ppl started yelling at me and shit#i was literally just sitting by the pool minding my bussiness#and ignored them at first#but they reminded me i am just fat and ugly lmfao#i just got back in my room and im trying to keep convo with my best friend#so i dont lose it#but im just sobbing like#yeah okay i guess im fat and stupid and ugly to look at#fucking sure w/e#should of just fucking thrown myself in there to drown#i feel so fucking embarrassed and hurt
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me when ihave a dream about my 3rh closest friends all beyeaying me 🤯🤯🤯
#vent#duh#it was sostupid too im jjst. an idiot and emotional and i hate being left out and everyoneknows that wnd that dream has genunlu runed my day#woke up sobbing oops!and in that drupid thing everyome was like get over it itsnkt a big deal like ok sorry. sorry sorrywjqyever#amd none of themare here rigjt now and i miss them all so much and its not fair because ik they wuld never just abandon me for eahc otherbut#everytime i introduce my feiends to each other its like oh duh juli they like each other more! what did u expect! and im the stupidone for#feeling upset at being left out asthey go on witjout me and its like ok talk witjoug me whatever idc but. reallh. really#i was gonan wake up early and do all this stuff but i dont wang to get up anymote im so tired already i feel horrible#idec ab the otjer ppl calling me atupid and emotional or whatever buf ughj b#on the other hand in that dream i did a one pull and got childe twice excepf there were 2 versions of him for some reason???#like u could be childe OR tartaglia ?! idek what fhe difference was one jusg looked younger#erm. anwyay ☺️#post#maes tag#to delete#actually idk if fheyre aroun d rn im kind of too scared to do anything relagimg to them bc what if my nightmare was True!#(def wasnt)
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Share any Julie and Frank ideas you have :)
I’d like to hear them :D
sobbs ok I can't be coherent but I'll try
they cuddle so dang much,,,, like Eddie has to wait his turn
just finished a game? cuddles n tea
had lunch together? cuddle time bby
Frank's just tired and overwhelmed? feel better cuddles!
Julie's having a not great day? super cuddles.
these two can Not be in the same room without being either next to each other or on top on each other. Julie is only the Only people who can surprise hug Frank and they won't get upset. (Eddie can too, after they get together hehe)
they're both just so physically affectionate with each other. hugs, cuddles, hand holding. that cheek kiss thing french people do on tv.
Frank's calls Julie their Jewel. In my head at least. it's perfect, bc she is. Eddie is their Dear, Julie is their Jewel.
Julie is the only one to get away with calling them Frankie so often. Frank will occasionally tolerate it from others, but Julie is only one who Really gets away with it imo
They just love each other so much,,, Julie thinks Frank is funny,, I keep thinking of Two (2) things.
Barnaby's line: "A sense of humor only Frank could love"
I think Clown said that Frank and Julie would both write "Frank" on the funniest neighbor question from the worksheet.
These tidbits make me Weak. Maybe no one understands Frank and Julie's humor, or it's just terrible, but they think the other is funny. That means so much to me,,, sobs
They are so incredibly close that they Get each others humor even if makes No sense. I want a friend like that sniff
I think they can just look at each other and know how the other is feeling. Frank is so calm around Julie's wild antics that the other la probably think he doesn't even notice it. They do, they're just letting Julie have fun.
Also Frank has a somewhat wild side too and I love the idea of Julie bringing it out. They go bug hunting and Frank ends up 20ft off the ground in a tree having the time of their life. They get back and the two of them are covered in dirt, sticks, leaves, etc and they're holding hands and laughing and smiling and- Im just,,, sobbsss sobbing on the floor
wait I mentioned Eddie earlier hold on ok.
Eddie loves Frank and Julie's friendship. He's so happy to see them being happy together and having such a great time. I feel like Frank may have been worried about Eddie getting,, "jealous" ? over their friendship with Julie. But he isn't and he makes that very clear.
Eddie would end up getting closer to Julie and they become really good friends, I'm sure they've had their own cuddles at some point lol. Julie has that effect on people.
so now it's just,, all three of them in a cuddle pile in Frank's living room. Frank in the middle surrounded by his best friend and partner. sigh what a dream
cough this is getting long I think,,, and was complete nonsense. but just,,, Them! Frank and Julie. Julie and Frank. Inseparable besties. The champions of platonic cuddles and physical affection.
#wailing in the club rn#holds them gently#the ideal friendship#they are everything to me#literally thank u so much for this ask#ik it made no sense but im very tired rn#one thing i didn't mention/ramble about#the one audio where they're talking#and playfully talk about each others noses#nose like an orange#banana on his face#yeah i love them for that#they're just so playful with each other!#and giggly#while im over here sobbing at how cute they are#im going to chug some caffeine now#and play pokemon#maybe I'll think about them more who knows#welcome home#frank frankly#julie joyful#eddie dear#brief eddie appearance but he is here!#dizztalkstoomuch#neon child
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#theres a special kind of agony in tryinf to find an apartment in an college town with a housing shortage#everythings expensive as fuck and im sure its frustrating for everyone but i feel like its especially frustrating for me#bc it takes me so much fucking time to understand the information right in front of me and then i doubt myself so i have to check and check#and double check and triple check that im on the right website. that im inputting the right info#and its like. what if theres a better place i could b looking? like i found a management place to apply to thats expensive but less#expensive than another place but the building looks like its kinda on the edge of town like 15min drive from school#which i hate bc im an anxious freak and its gonna b worse than driving here bc itll get icey as fuck there#like proper inches of snow all winter. negative negative cold. so its like. do i take a nice apartment thats kinda far away#or a slightly more expensive apartment thats like 10min from school and more in town#and then theres the application stuff. and i cant fill anything out without having a full on like sobbing breakdown#but im that way abt everything. i do that all the time when i have to buy plane tickets#its exhausting. and i cant plan my exit until i know when i can move into a place. whatever. it doesnt help that my hormones r fucked rn#or i hope its the hormones. ive been so tired. so so tired. like sleeping 9hrs and still tired when usually im wired after only 7hrs sleep#i hate it. and super brain foggy. and this week i have to finish taking measurements for the last time#so i gotta decide if im gonna go in tomorrow or Monday to start it. its gonna suck so bad bc im gonna try to do it in 6 days. which will b#agony. but after that ill never have to do it ever again. ugh. im just so tired and i dont wanna limp my way into a new project feeling#like damaged goods. which is exactly what it feels like now. ive just done a very good job of making my job difficult#cant go into the lab without feeling physically ill. drained away all my joy. now theres only a sad distant recognition of how far ive#allowed myself to fall. i kno ill feel better once i have a place to stay and i can quit my job just getting there is taking an eternity#unrelated
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vent
#haha now im fucking sobbing im my bathroom bc i was texting one of my only 2 friends (not including my ex) about how nervous i am#then i started in about how i actually dont really want to go out & meet people & go on dates but at the same time#im so extremely tired of being lonely/alone & having absolutely no one to consistently hang out with & im so starved for love & gentleness#and tbqh all i want rn is someone to hold me. i want someone to actively want me/pursue me. i want someone to choose me & care about me#it really fucking hurts & sucks being on everyones backburner. im such a loving person. i have such a big heart & so much love to give#ive always been like that. ive always loved people with my whole being. always been happy & happy to make others happy#ive always prioritized peoples happiness & comfort & well-being FAR above my own#ive always heard the universe gives back what it receives from you......so whens it my turn to be wanted fully & loved in an unwavering way#my love has always been give give give...... i just want to receive the affection. the devotion. the loving tasks. for once. please.....#im not even looking for my forever or for my life partner or w/e. i just want someone who's excited to see me & wants to be in my presence#someone who; even if only for 1 day or 1 week or even 1 month; chooses me. chooses to stay.#i think......im tired. im gonna go play fallout nv until i pass out from exhaustion. im tired#emma vents#vent tag#sad boi hours#sad bitch hours#2023 tag
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I decided to read RW&RB after watching the movie and loving it so much, because I just knew the book would be better and honestly, when I finished it I was in shambless.
#As a hopeless romantic- I love this stuff but also it destroys me#i know it's fiction but.. sigh.. knowing I will never get to experience a love like that breaks me#and lately- after some stuff that's happened this year- I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach#makes me sick to think about the whole love/finding a partner in this life aspect of things#because nobody wants to love anymore#and I've realized I want to and im willing to put my all into the right person#but nobody wants to be right nowadays#it's all so superficial#whew! i know this is deep. honestly Im kinda depressed and idk what to do with myself lol#dont get me wrong though I did LOVE the book ♡#I was full on sobbing in several parts towards the end of it#dont know if it was for the characters or for my deep rooted desire for something like that...#im so tired and the day hasnt even started#but ive been tired of everything for months tbh...#maybe im being overly melancholic but that's just how I feel rn#might still be re-reading the book either way#yeah it broke me but it was also really fun to read#specially the emails- fuck ♡#stuff#firstprince
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#word vomit#rant#I HATE ADS#FUCK THIS SITE#not really im just. so tired of the internet rn#i dont want to see ads anymore im about to lose it#i see an ad and i just feel like crying right now i cant explain it#was there a time before ads?#im so sick of this stupid society#no more ads#the next ad i see. i will sob#is this anxiety or something what is this#go di hate ads som uchdsknkfd njknfskdn nkd jkfnsd help i hATE THEM BACK BARK BARK I HAT EHTHEM
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do you ever just get that artistic urge to gently grasp someone's face and tilt it just right, so that you get the perfect angle to draw the light against their cheek? is it just me? does anyone else see another human and just go "I wish to coax you gently into the pose my mind desires. I want to turn you into colors. I need to outline every part of you. I want to see how the light shimmers off your skin. stay still." but you know- in the artistic way! hahahahaaaa- (says something very romantic)
#yeah i realized about halfway through this crazed post that this IS romantic as hell lmao#why does feel will byers core though#byler#im tagging byler because it belatedly occurs to me that this IS will byers core#or maybe i am unhinged and think too often about will byers#i stg this is actually just me wanting to cry as I wish i could touch and tilt various people's faces to get the shape of them just right#beautiful people's faces mind you#beautiful people's face's that I wish I could touch gently and dream about for millennia#god i'm a little pathetic artist aren't I?#ugly sobbing#i'm just feeling a little poetic over here#will byers#he'd understand i feel#also me rn:#do i have a crush on them. want to be them.#or do i just wish to capture their beauty on canvas until the version of them i have created is lost to time itself?#oh god this post is unhinged it's 4 am and i am actually tired for once and this is the bullshit i say?#does literally any of this post make sense#i just itch to paint. to draw. to sketch. to put these desires on a page.#colors are swirling in my head but i am unable to bleed them out of my skin#jessiejames talks
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#.img#how i feel rn#sobbed my eyes out driving to work and now my head hurts so much worse#didnt eat dinner so im starving too and the work vending machine doesnt have shit in it#ally was like dude hey youre shaking you need to sit down#and i told her if i stopped doing stuff id cry so#im not on the verge of tears anymore im just tired and things hurt#schiz voices have me going insane rn
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"Hush, now. I've got you." (oh how the turn tables, old skellybones ;P)
𝐒𝐞𝐧���� “𝐈’𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮” 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 (with @winterfollows !)
Long, bony fingers are plucked with the utmost care from within their blood-soaked gloves-- once a pristine white-- the material catching stubbornly. Coat long since discarded, the sleeves no doubt ruined-- he stands rather despondently by the guest-room's bathroom sink, Haleir at his side. Determined for some reason or another to help in ridding him of the ghastly crimson that spattered most of his arms and upper body. A creature. A mindless abomination roamed the streets, causing chaos among the area and striking fear into its inhabitants. It could not be allowed to live and infect the city. So he killed it. It was.. perhaps a tad more difficult than he'd anticipated, and as such, he may have gotten a little frustrated by it. But in all fairness... in all his time, he had never encountered one of these. He did not know they exploded upon death. He does now. Had he the key components of doing so, surely he'd have retched when the half-digested blood of the creature's victims sprung from it's swollen belly and spattered his attire. Hot and rancid in feel, even upon his tar. And now he was here. Had it been that the other had already been at the shop, wondering where Artemis had been-- only to be shocked at the sight of the poor, reeking sap walking through the door? Perhaps so. But now... He takes Artemis' bare hand in his and sponges clean the stickiness from the bones and tar as gently as one would for a Living. And for a long moment as he stares down at their hands, he finds himself... confused. Why was he so gentle with a creature such as he? Yellow eyes languidly wander up to meet Hal's gaze in the mirror before glancing back down at the mess upon his button-up shirt; red and black alike soaked through the material. Audibly, he tuts; silently admonishing himself for ruining so much of his tailor's fine work. And when Hal looks at him, for the first time in.. perhaps a little too long, he speaks again. "Truly," he tries one more time, not nearly as convincing as he'd been the first couple tries. "you needn't... I can clean myself." A long pause, and he sighs quietly, eyes falling back to Hal's hands, pale as porcelain compared to his own. "You'll... dirty yourself with tar--" he tries, pushing once more, voice barely but a croak. "It's... difficult to wash off."
#( asks )#winterfollows#<:' ) hehe#yes hi hello please uuuuhhh please consider the fact my dear friend my beloved felspar--#pls consider the fact that right here right then hes realizing that he has not been so much as touched in so very long by another person--#not like this! not by someone he actually Likes on a level deeper than superficial or professionally !! he has not known a genuine kind#touch in. forever. if ever since he'd been out of hell tbqh ?? sure there had been humans but his mind was muddled with ulterior motives#and now that hes lucid and tired and self aware and in control and able to APPRECIATE and ENJOY it he finds himself so..... out of place#and out of sorts with it ? he doesn't know what to do with it at all. he doesnt understand why he wouldnt just leave it be and let him#clean his own self fkdkksfd cannot comprehend why he might want to offer some ?? form of comfort or idk ?? closeness? or w/e it is hes#offering (artie is ... unaware unfortunately to the reason actually)#if it had been anyone else at all he very well would have sighed and sent them on their way jgfjdgjdf hes not even that embarrassed to be s#seen like this by hal?? all dirty and gross and NOT proper whatsoever. ENTIRELY disheveled and practically naked without his coat and shirt#all buttoned up properly and his little cravat tie and stuff--#soBBING THO HAL getting to see beyond the businessman persona is sustaining me rn ty for the food#also coming back here to point out that he definitely did just choose the phrasing ''dirty yourself with tar'' in relation to himself#and some sort of confused fear that he'll somehow see him that way too or SOMETHING IDK FFDSJ#im english teacher picking this apart rn im eating the tenderness right up#also x2 hi coming back again to just...... takes hal's hand. puts artemis' bare hand in his#this...... this hand is naked and u are the only person to see them ever jfdhjdfgdf
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Fuck.
#whT if i just. what if i just. what if i just#haha. hehehe. hahahaha. fuck. me.#i blinked. i fucking BLINKED. suddenly theyre yelling at each other.#'shes on her period her emotions are out of control rn'#no you dont understand. thats not how it works. you dont snap like that bc ur on ur period.#im scared. im so fucking scared. what#if she has bpd too. what if it passed down to her and its judt showing now?#yk when it happened i only felt hurt in my chest? i didnt feel anything at all. all that emotional training paid off ig#yeard and years of telling myself to shut my emotions off rlly worked bc ive never heard her scream and cuss like that before#yet i didnt feel anything. but i did feel my inner child crying. i felt deja vu.#a distant memory of when she was yelling and arguing with HIM while i cry and piss myself on the rug when i was barely 2 years old#when my mom yelled and started sobbing and started cussing and fuck#it was so triggering but it felt like my body stopped working. it stopped completely. but like#my instincts. felt. like. it was on fight or flight mode. i wanted to run. my legs ached and i couldnt walk but it felt like i wanted to run#i wanma falk about it i wanna ralk about it so bad but what if i talk too much and ppl see how depressed i really am#i dont want to give off rhat impression. i want to give off a happy impressiom even tho im not#for ronight. and tomorrow. i dont wanna function properly.#ive functioned enouvh this week. ill take a break today and tomorrow.#for tomorrow. ill pretend i died and my ghost is wandering around my room. for tomorrow ill rot my soul away.#ill pick up the pieces for it later. i dont feel like piecing myself together right now.#im so. im so fucking tired. i feel like the only thing thatll comfort me rn is to hug a clay statue of yuuta for some odd reason#ive been so unbelievanly depressed for the past few months fuck i want to die i want to die so bad#and theres not even like a single reason why. i dont rememver. i cant remember. i cant feel. anything.#i dont wsnt to live right now. can i just. die. and then get brought back to life later when i feel ready again.
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Whole body feels prickly I do notbfuck w this
#moss.txt#moss craves feeling wanted n needed and cared about#but moss is not getting that rn#so i am sobbing over a cat#need to jump off a bridge o think#tw for a lot but atill feeling the need to dissect mydelf#whoch is v cool n awesome bc as tired as i am#i am getting more n more antsy to slice myself open#sp thank god for being st. a hostel this weekend#bc if i was sitting in my room all weekend notbtalking to anyone lile ive veen doing#v high chance itd end w me covered jn my own blood in one way or another#anyways#i dont think this is mania bc im nkt impulsively tdoing anything#its a lot of#being too tired tovdo anything#or say ajything#bc if its not being noticed nowbthen what the fuck isbthe point#of bringing itbup#dont want it to be noticed just bc i fucking pointed it out#theres a fucking chirping bug in my room bruh
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#i watched everything everywhere all at once on my flight back out to the desert#it did make me cry and ive never cried reading or watching anything#like. its weird bc most of the movie i was like meh fine bc i dont care much abt action stuff and i already knew thr details of the plot#but even knowing the plot the rocks still made me cry. for a couple reasons. bc i have a cold and i feel pretty bad. bc im on my way back#to a place where i make myself miserable. bc my hormones r a lil weird rn. but mainly bc thinking abt what ppl r capable of#is so fucking amazing when this planet could just b a desolate conglomeration of materials#and bc runaway bunny is one of my fave kids book and bc i can relate to the everything everywhere mostly all the time#by brain gets so chaotic and cluttered its paralyzing and sometimes when i go running i feel like my thoughts r bees chasing me and i can#never quite outrun them and its exhausting. so yea i cried on a cluttered plane and gave myself a headache and it was really gross in my#mask. i would probably have been sobbing if i hadn't been surrounded by ppl lol im glad i didnt watch it around other ppl#its just the desire for someone else to see thr same thing u do and understand how badly its hurting and maybe u cant fix it but u can try#to make the best of the situation. sigh. im tired and sick and ive got bullshit to figure out#so it goes. but it was a good movie#unrelated
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i remember old star wars discorse.... "dont ship rey and kylo because hes literally abused her and her friends!!!" ok so... he tortured her first of all. not sure id call.... yknow im not sure geneva would call that one abuse, folks
#emil.txt#for context i also fucking hate r-ylo#like fuck that#not because uwu hes terrible and its a bad relationship#but because its boring#its so so boring to me#ohhh enemies to loverssss#call me when she slits his throat and sobs over his dying body even though she did it#like i can pick up an average poorly written 'dark romance' book and find this dynamic#im super tired rn sorry#i just thought of this and it annoys me so much#i dont think we should be calling torture abuse
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