#and a group of ppl started yelling at me and shit

[milfygerard]

You laugh but I wonder if you're an agent assigned to my niche interests 😅

I feel I might be too autistic to see the gray area here and it's making me wary of anyone I've ever interacted with

sorry for laughing im sure this is genuinely a bit paranoia inducing, its just an extremely twitter thing to happen. Tumblr isnt important enough to have CIA agents everyone here just yells at each other aimlessly we dont even have real organizations on here nevermind decentralized anarchist circles to infiltrate they all go to actually anonymous places or avoid the internet entirely. Tumblr is not a website that matters, cia has ppl on twitter bc twitter matters but no one expects for important people to be on tumblr.

idrk how helpful that is for yr paranoia but i hope it put u somewhat at ease. Also anon I cant say who you are due to your anonymity but unless you are part of a decentralized anarchist ring or secretly part of the proud boys the CIA could not care less about you, and if yr worried abt me then im probably a pretty easily doxxable online presence so if u dig around a bit you could probably find my instagram by accident 👍 I should never start a youtube channel swifties would firebomb my childhood home 👍

my more genuine advice is to remember some of the core rules of internet safety and interaction like 1. it is safer to assume that ppl on the internet are lying about themselves in one way or another. Don't assume you know someone just because you follow them on twitter or are in a big discord chat together and 2. share as little easily identifiable personal information as possible, especially if you are involved in any sort of leftist group, you have committed any sort of crime, or you are at risk of being found by an abusive figure or stalker. General life advice dont trust personalities from any website where getting attention makes you money or gives you actual social power. This can include tumblr but both bc of how followers are hidden and the sites cultural loss of importance yr less likely to end up being tricked by a secret cia agent and more likely to be tricked by a bored teen or a low level scammer or like...idk a deeply unwell classics major who demolishes friend groups between classes and uses peach. Is that a person who exists? that's probably a person who exists.

i fully had another point that I forgot while inventing the peach mutual but yeah anon uh, sometimes weird shit like this just happens and you just cant let it make you paranoid bc life is weird. Maybe its worth going back thru the acct and seeing if there were red flags that u could keep an eye out for in the future but honestly also dont worry yourself too much if you dont have like close ties to local leftist movements bc youll only ever be an incidental victim of someone lying to you rather than a target.

[pumpkinsy0]

projecting onto ponyboy part ???

he HATESSS to see a research project coming. all the infos already out there, research it YOURSELF like I had to😒 even worse when he has to stand up in front of the class with a poster board and give a presentation on said research topic. especially in them classes full of socs. he’d rather shit in his hand and paint the walls with it than do this. theyre giggling because he could NOT be assed to make that poster look any better than what he needs to get a decent grade. he wrote the damn thing AND made a poster for this. WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT. bonus points if its a topic he genuinely IS interested in but it takes over his life for a period of time and hes so over reading and writing about it. feels like heaven when hes finally free from it.

(writing this shit on womens economic inequality has me DONNEEEEE. about to start advocating for us to go back to the kitchen atp im so sick of it /jokesss obvi. every time i open my laptop all i can think about is how i wanna work on my fics but instead im looking up fucking deodorant to compare prices im livid. its be a WEEK A FULL 7 DAY WEEK OF THIS AND IM ONLY ON PAGE FOUR. sorry its really not that serious i promise. rant over. thanks for reading. heres a cookie and a flower 🍪 🌷youre a champ)

tbh so real😭😭

ponys that kid that would have to stand up there and wait till after the teacher yelled at students to shut up while he was presenting💔💔💔

IF ITS A RESEARCH PROJECT THAT HE HAS TO DO IN A GROUP??? i hated when ppl call pony a nerd who would remind the teacher of hw BC HE TRULY ISNT THAT KID, BUT IN THAT INSTANCE???? YEA ILL ALLOW IT, he refuses to go down w that shit when HEEEEEE did a good chunk of the work, hes getting the grade he DESERVES!!!!!!

but a while week and ur only on page 4????ill send in a bomb threat to get u more time, GET BEHIND ME!!!!!

plus a cookie ANNDDD flower???? take this trophy🏆

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for yelling at someone, making them cry, and indirectly making them loose their friends

This happened several years ago but it plays on my mind sometimes. Everyone in this story is 15/16 at the time, in our last year at secondary school, UK. (🏎️ for finding this)

Myself, my girlfriend at the time [F], my best friend [B], F's friend [D], and a few of our other mutual friends were hanging out at lunch break. There aren't enough chairs at the table so F and I leave to go get extra. I come back and nothing seems amis.

Adding in some context now. No one in this story is cishet. We were all painfully awkward queer teens who haven't figured ourselves out yet. So we were all bottom of the social ladder, very much 'losers'. Me and F were, to my knowledge, the only 'same sex' couple in school. So by this point I'm used to people constantly making remarks about our relationship, but that's usually from ppl I didn't know or care about.

D is the only person, at this point, at school who's openly trans and genderqueer. They got a lot of hate for it. A lot of people harassed them and they didn't have many friends. I think for transparency's sake I have to say, I didn't really like D, we just didn't jell, but I made an effort to be kind and include them bc it's hard being queer in secondary school and I'm not gonna add more hate to that when me not getting on with them was my issue not theirs. And as a fellow victim of bullying I wasn't gonna exclude them from our friend group

Back to the story. As soon as we're back in classes, B tells me that D leant over to them while me and F were gone and said that it's "so sad seeing A and [OP] together" because "I took F's first kiss" and "poor [OP]". I trusted B's word on this as at that point we'd been best friends for several years, they weren't a shit stirrer, and had no reason to lie. In fact, they were confused D even said that to them since they were barely friends and knew B was best friends with me and would tell me they said that.

Hearing this really annoyed me. While I knew F and D had dated in the past, that didn't and shouldn't have effected mine and F's relationship in any way. And they'd been broken up well before I knew either of them. It's none of D's business who F kisses, and it's a shitty idea that because they'd dated before their later relationship first didn't mean as much. It felt very much like a dick thing to think never mind say about me and F. Also, B was my best friend, who did D get off to shit talking me to my best friend?

Anyway. Usually at the end of the day, several of us walked home together, and this group included D. I get to the spot we usually wait first and when I see D I confront them. I ask them why they'd say that and if they've got a problem with me. They don't deny saying it or really explain themself at all, they just look guilty. At first I kept calm. I knew D was F's friend and I didn't want to put a wedge in their friendship because of any issue I had with D. But, I keep asking why they did that, and if they've got something against me. If they're gonna shit talk me yanno. Then D starts crying.

I know it probably shouldn't have but this made me really mad. So I start yelling at them, saying something along the lines of 'so you're going to be an asshole to me and then you're gonna start crying?' and 'you started this, why are you crying?'. They start saying something along the lines of 'I didn't mean it like that' so I ask how did you mean it? And that they knew it wasn't something fine to say, because they said it behind my back and not to my face.

By this point, other people are watching, some of which were our mutual friends. I keep demanding they explain themself or at least apologize to me, but instead they run off crying. I don't follow them. If they're going to remove themself from the situation then fine.

People start asking what the hell that was about and I explain briefly to the people I knew and told the people I didn't to mind their own business. Someone I don't know tells me Ds gone to the head of year and I tell them I don't care, let them, I didn't do anything wrong. (This later amounts to nothing as no teacher ever comes to speak to me about this, so I doubt D did go to the head of year at all)

Eventually the people who were curious about what happened leave. All of the group who walk home together show up, including F. I explain to F what happened and they're upset that D said that about me, but wasn't happy to hear that D left crying.

For the rest of the school year, D ends up avoiding me. Literally staying out of my way, moving if I even glanced over at them. I thought they were overreacting. I never threatened them, and they were the one who chose to be an asshole first. I felt they were making this much more than it needed to be by avoiding it all together. We barely had an argument before they left, but anyone would have thought I'd attacked them or something. But because I obviously was always around F, D didn't have anyone to hang out with anymore. F was their only real friend and their other sort of friends were in our friend group.

No one told them they couldn't hang out with us anymore. (I'm pretty sure because they started avoiding me, I never ended up speaking to them again.) I know they still spoke to F still, but it seemed like their friendship was heavily damaged by it all.

D later ended up dropping out and finishing the school year through home schooling. I believe this was in large part due to the harassment they got for being genderqueer openly. (I remember on several occasions standing up for D and telling people to stop being transphobic assholes behind Ds back after this argument happened. Just because we didn't get along doesn't mean was gonna let that shit slide.)

I feel like I could be the asshole because due to this whole situation, D stopped hanging around their friends and through that lost a lot of the support they had. And obviously, I did make them cry.

On the other hand, no one stopped them from hanging out with their friends. They chose to avoid me and the situation. A situation they started by being a dick to me with zero provoking. They never apologized or recanted what they said. It's hard to feel bad that they lost their friends because they were being a shitty friend

Luckily, from what I know from friends of friends, D is doing better now and is around ppl who support them

This got a lot longer than I wanted but I believe I got all the details in there.

So, wita?

What are these acronyms?

[aria-but-horny]

Hi aria!

For the ask game, 18, 27, 30, 37, 41, 42, 52, 75, and then 98 and 39 since apparently that's so important to the ask game.

oh wow that's a lot

>18. Do you want children?

Not particularly! I think in like 30-40 years if I'm still around then having kids could be fun. But like right now they just sound like a lot of work, and I don't really like the mythologization of kids as like "legacy". Idk my parents sucked, my sister and I don't agree on much but we both planned to end our bloodline long before either of us figured anything out.

>27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Kinda? I mean. If I was a big celebrity I'd theoretically have money to live freely, and I'd theoretically have influence to force more ppl to read good shit.

>30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Two! Pillow for my head and pillow for my body. My girlfriend got a dakimakura cover a while back with a naked mermaid girl and I've discovered that having something in between my legs and arms helps me fall asleep.

>37. Favorite swear word?

I say "fuck" a lot but it's more of like a sensory response at this point. The first time I had t4t sex it was like a few months after i started hrt. I was at a halloween party in what is still my only dress, and flirting with a girl in a fox onesie. At the bedroom that we stole I learned that she was wearing only a cage beneath her onesie and I got my first experience with someone into musk and being called faggot. It was a formative experience for me and forever entrenched the word 'faggot' in my mind as a sex thing (as opposed to just a "get yelled at by passing trucks" thing as it previously was for me). Anyway I think the word 'faggot' has good mouthfeel and I think it's a swear? so I'll go with that.

>41. Are you a good liar?

Yes.

>42. Are you a good judge of character?

Generally, yes actually. Comes with being a moderator in a queer space for several years. I do tend to be a bit naive and sometimes my read's wrong, but it's been a very very long time since I was wrong.

>52. Favorite food?

To make? Potatoes. To eat? Right now, my darling girlfriend's brownies. She hasn't made them in weeks and I'm dying.

>75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Surprisingly, no. I've made one off jokes about starting rumors but never actually started one. In part because like, I've almost never been in an in-group in a position to start one.

>98 & 39. Do you have any scars?

A few! If you count them, I have a *lot* of stretch marks. I'm kinda sad how much they've faded with time, but they still feel really nice to the touch. Then I have a few on knees from banging them up, and one on my hand from where a plate attacked me.

[unhingedkinfessions]

(TQ USER IM NOT YELLING I JUST TYPE LIKR THIS I FORGOR I HAVE TO PUT A DISCLAIMER EVER TIME OR WHATEVER) HAI !! FIRST TIME SENDING AN ASK HERE LMAO. SO I TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THIS KINNIE DISCORD SERVER DRAMA I HAD SO I MIGHT AS WELL SUBMIT IT HERE.

SO IM A VRISKA SERKET KINNIE, UNFORTUNATELY. BUT BACK IN 2022, I BELIEVED I WAS DIRK STRIDER, DUE TO SHITTY IDENTITY ISSUES AND PROBABLY OTHER THINGS. I HAD RECENTLY GOTTEN MY KINNIE BOYFRIEND (NOW EX) INTO HOMESTUCK, AT THE TIME. WE’LL CALL HIM SODA. SO SODA HAD MET THIS GIRL ON TIKTOK, GOING BY THE NAME TRANSFEM TEREZI. SHE HAD A BUNCH OF FOLLOWERS AND WAS GENERALLY WELL KNOWN ON HOMESTUCK TIKTOK. SO THEY BECAME BESTIES, AND I THOUGHT SHE WAS NEAT SO I STARTED TALKING TO HER ON DISCORD. WE BECAME BESTIES AS WELL !!

SO WE ALL KINNED FROM HOMESTUCK, THEREFORE WE DECIDED TO MAKE A HOMESTUCK KINNIE SERVER. AFTER A FEW DAYS IT WAS DONE, AND TEREZI INVITED ALL OF HER FOLLOWERS. ALL OF US BEING DUMB AND HAVING NO MODERATION EXPERIENCE, WE MODDED RANDOM PEOPLE, WHICH WILL BE IMPORTANT L8TER.

THE SERVER WAS PRETTY ACTIVE AND EVERYONE WAS HAVING FUN. FOR LIKE 5 DAYS. ONE DAY, I WAS AT THE BEACH WITH MY FAMILY AND MY PHONE WAS IN THE CAR. ONCE WE WERE DONE, I CAME BACK TO CHECK IT. AND THERE IT WAS, 100+ NOTIFS. I WAS CONFUSED AND WENT ON DISCORD, ONLY TO SEE THE HORRORS:

TONS OF DMS FROM 6 DIFFERENT PEOPLE, 3 DIFFERENT NEW GROUP CHATS, 5 PEOPLE ASKING ME WHAT HAPPENED, AND SOME PEOPLE TELLING ME TO DIE. I WAS SO DAMN CONFUSED, SO I LOOKED TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON AND ASKED ABOUT IT.

APPARENTLY, A GUY NAMED BEEF NUTS JOINED THE SERVER AND STARTED SPAMMING SLURS AND SCAT JOKES, AMONG OTHER THINGS. REASONABLY, ONE OF THE MODS BANNED HIM. THIS TURNED OUT TO BE A HORRIBLE IDEA, AS ONCE HE WAS BANNED, THE OTHER MODS AND SOME MEMBERS GOT PISSED AND STARTED SPAMMING “JUSTICE FOR BEEF NUTS,” WHICH HAD CAUSED TEREZI TO JUST GET STRESSED AND FUCKING LEAVE THE SERVER WHILE IT ALL WENT DOWN??

SOON ENOUGH, THE SERVER WAS IN SHAMBLES. EVERYONE WAS CONFUSED AND THE OWNER HAD LEFT, PLUS CHANNELS WERE CLOGGED. EVENTUALLY, WE DID DAMAGE CONTROL, AND FIXED IT UP.

AFTER THAT, EVERYONE WAS FUCKIN PISSED AT TEREZI. WE DUG UP A BUNCH OF STUFF ABOUT HER AND JUST DECIDED TO H8 HER. WE CALLED HER ABLEIST AND RACIST AND TRANSPHOBIC, AND WENT TO HUNT HER DOWN AND HARASS HER, BECAUSE DUMB CHILDREN.

AFTER SHIT GOT REAAAL BAD, SHE DECIDED TO RESPOND TO THE ALLEGATIONS. HER RESPONSE WAS BASICALLY “IM A SYSTEM NOT A KINNIE NOW ACTUALLY. ONE OF MY ALTERS IS JUST AN ASSHOLE” AND EVERYONE BELIEVED HER I GUESS BECAUSE PPL STOPPED TALKING ABOUT IT.

MORE HAPPENED L8TER BUT IM SAVING THAT FOR ANOTHER ASK. REMEMBER ME AS VRISKA ANON. BAI :333

ok thats cool and all but all i asked is if you wanted fries with that not so happy meal. a bit weird that you're admitting to harassing some random maybe-system who got overwhelmed and prolly didnt deserve to get hated on like its such a funny story. from what youve said here in this drivethrough with the broken sign and cracked pavement it sounds like you guys were weird and in the wrong. "dumb children" 2022 was last year own up motherfucker

have a bit of shame and compassion in your heart girl we aint your friends. but what do i know im just a humble worker here at uhkfdonalds or some shit

[aizenat]

Oh, and the Arab people with British accents trying to talk down to Black Americans are hilarious to me. Didn’t your nation leave the EU because you idiots thought no one would vote for the referendum and so yall didn’t care to show up and vote? Didn’t yall have a conservative government for the last decade that you literally just voted out a couple of months ago? Doesn’t your fucking country ALSO SEND MONEY TO SUPPORT ISRAEL BECAUSE THEY’RE A PART OF NATO AND BRITAIN IS DETERMINED TO BE AMERICA LITE????

Funny how when yall had YOUR election, I didn’t hear any Americans telling yall that voting Labour was the same as voting Tory, and you’re a horrible person for voting Labour and not just letting the conservatives win (especially when Labour leaders were being very loud in their support of Israel). How come yall weren’t expected to not vote as a fuck you to zionist positions in the Labour Party? How come yall didn’t call people in your own country voting for Labour bad people who don’t care about Palestinians and genocide??????

I get America is a “superpower,” but that doesn’t mean we should just let yall talk down to us and yell at us about our own country like we don’t live here and know. In fact, this reaction the first time Americans actually did start giving a fuck about calling out our country for its imperialism (BTW, WE’VE ACTUALLY BEEN DOING THAT: VIETNAM, IRAQ/AFGHANISTAN, AND NOW PALESTINE; WE BEEN PROTESTING THESE WARS! JUST BECAUSE OUR MEDIA DOESNT COVER IT AND SHOW IT TO THE WORLD DOESNT MEAN IT WASNT HAPPENING), I can see people who may have started getting into geopolitics backing off because nothing we do is ever good enough. We not even allowed to vote in our own best interests without our support being questioned. GTFO of here with that shit. Who are you talking to? We’re not Ray j down the way, we’re the fucking activists keeping this conversation going!

And to zero in on BLACK PEOPLE of all people to say we not doing enough?????? Yall are crazy. The whites don’t care, the Asians don’t care, the Latinos and Hispanics don’t care. But you zero in on US? The literal group of people in this country who have the LEAST amount of power? I was laughing because one girl was like “yall join the military and gleefully spread imperialism” and like sure Black people are over represented in the military (we’re 14% of the population but make up about 17-20% of the military force); HOWEVER, when I was looking those numbers up, I was directed to an article saying how despite being over represented as soldiers, we are UNDERREPRESENTED AS COMMANDING OFFICERS/TOP BRASS! Meaning we are not the ones making the decisions on who we attack!

Out of 46 presidents, ONE had been Black. ONE. There had still, as of 2024, NEVER BEEN A BLACK FEMALE GOVERNOR OF ANY STATE IN THE US.

Just because there are some rich Black celebs and Obama was a recent memory does not mean WE HAVE POWER in this country! Our issues are ignored just like y’all’s! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO???????

The disrespect man lol. I’ll always support Palestine, but am I mad at the ones saying “I’m going to focus on supporting the Congo/Sudan/Haiti” instead? Nah. Cuz yall feel so entitled to us being your slaves doing the work of your activism but don’t know how to give us even the slightest of respect to not tell us we’re bad ppl just for being excited to vote in our first female black president. GTFO. I’m super hype to vote for Kamala. I’m buying merch from her campaign to support and spread awareness to get more to vote for her. That makes you mad, don’t care.

[spookymaesblog]

ACOTAR Review

Alright yall, i am 3/5 of the series done and what the fuck. I picked this series for the fucking and its FUCKING me emotionally.

(THIS WILL HAVE SPOILERS)

Basically the first book (a court of thorns and roses) starts out with feyre in the woods hunting. it is snowin like a mf in this forest and she's going on about how she has to catch something something tonight while she is out or her and her family are gonna die within a week. She's apparently in this clearing or some shit and a doe comes into her view and she is like 'oh shit, nice' and starts getting her bow and arrow ready, thinking to herself how she only has three arrows (i understand she is poor but & i dont hunt but wtf girl?? 3?? ok) and two are normal and one is made of ashwood. (some special ass tree that kills fairies idk) as she is getting her arrow ready, she looks up and sees a wolf is also stalking the deer, yikes. she is like 'oh fuck, wtf' and looks around and realizes it just one wolf and is like 'eh i can kill it' (go off queen) but then she sees the size of it and stops like 'HUH' bc the motherfucker has glowing eyes and is HUGE. she goes onto this long ass inter monolog about how the fae/old gods used to rule the world and keep humans aas salves and would treat them like shit and torture them and all this other shit. basically she is like FUCK FAIRIES loud and proud and shoots the fuckin wolf. the wolf doesnt do shit and lets her kill it, she SKINS the damn thing (oh yeah it killed the deer lmao) and puts the deer in its skin???? HELLO?? and carries it home. when she gets home, you meet her two sisters (Nesta and Elain) and her dad (kinda a loser). they are in this small shake excuse of a cottage that is literally barely keeping them alive, around a fire trying to stay warm. nesta (who is a BITCH) is like "what and where the fuck did you get that?" and they kinda go back forth over stupid shit on money and who needs a new cloak or boots (you learn nesta and elain just spend money even though they broke as shit bc their dad made a bad sale and lost all their money) and feyre wants to punch them and asks nesta to cut more wood for the fire and nesta is like "fuck you no" and feyre is like "bitch you are gonna marry a man who farms but you cant cut wood? okay" and nesta storms off to the shared room and shared bed. ( i think they all share the room).

the next day, feyre and her sisters head to the market that is happening instead the town to sell the pelts. at the front of the market they are stopped by a group of weirdo they called 'children of the blessed' and apparently these ppl are 'fairy loving whores' who pray to the fae and old gods and willing sacrifice themselves over to them. one of the girls corners the sisters and tries to talk some shit to them and elain goes useless and just hides behind nesta as she yells at the girl and goes back and forth with her for awhile and shows her the iron bracelet on her wrist (apparently wards off fairies) as this is all happens feyre uses it as an excuse to kinda slip off as it comes to an end and runs off to try and find some to sell the pelts to. she finds a big bitch standing by a fountain and is like 'work' and goes up to her and the lady is like '??? wtf you want?' and feyre is like ''you want some pelts?'' and the lady who turns out to be a fuckin mercenary is like ''who killed them??" and feyre goes "me" and the merc is like '?? this bitch fr rn?' and just stares at her for a lil and basically ends up buying them and guves her away too much money for them talking some shit about how someone did it for her once and now she wants to repay. they SOMEHOW get on the topic of fairies and the merc tells feyre how she has fought and killed one and everything that she knows and how she shouldn't fuck with them and stay away from the wall and all this shit and how she always died and shows her nasty ass leg she has. you know this bitch aint gonna listen.

later that day after they have ate dinner, they are just hanging out and it is snowing some big ass beast comes bustin throuh their dingy ass cottage screamin n howlin "WHO KILLED HIM" over and over and them whole family is like ???!!??!?!?! and finally feyre is like ''who??'' and the beast is like "ANDRAS!! THE WOLF!! and she is like 'damn.................' and the family is all like "no one killed anyone!! we promise!! just leave!!!" and the beast is sniffing around and smells his dead friend in the house and starts losing it and is screaming and feyre's stupid ass goes "what to say..... if someone did kill him......'' and the beast says "LIFE FOR A LIFE" or "you come and live in Prythian for the rest of your life on my land" and feyre is like "just kill me!!!!' and basically her dad convinces her to leave and go and live in with the beast in the fairy realm and she leaves.

she wakes up about two days later after waking up from being knocked out with magic from annoying the fuck outta the beast and is in a room where there is a fairy getting her clothes and she is like ??? and the fairy is like "im alis, im the maid, get dressed" and feyre gets pissy and refuses to wear a dress and puts on random ass clothes and goes downstairs to the dining room in this big ass manor and is meet to see this hot ass big man sitting at the table (his a blonde tho, a shame) with a gold mask on and she is like?? basically he is the beast, his name is Tamlin, another comes in, he is way hotter and a red head with a fox mask and his name is Lucien (who she should of picked) and they talk and she learns shit.

shes super annoying for a couple of chapters (rightrfully so i understand but stfu) and then finally gets okay, she hangs out with tamlin and lucien more and you can tell she is starting to like tamlin. she is wanting to learn more but tamlin is kinda weird and doesnt wanna tell her shit so she goes to lucien. he tells her to trap this ugly ass fairy called a Suriel. she does it and basically fucking DIES but is told "stay with the high lord" and shes like HUH and finds out tamlin is a high lord. she is almost killed bny these ugly ass things called a  Naga and tamlin comes and saves her. she learns that the blight is a sickness that is in the lands and thats why they wear the masks.

some time goes by and its spring and there is a festival going on and she is like "okay fun!' and tamlin is like "you cant go" and she is like "? fuck you" and she fucking sneaks out and goers anyway. well her dumb ass goes into this cave area n gets caught by some random ass fairies and then someone saves her and goes "oh there you are, ive been looking for you'' and she looks at him and is like "oh god damn" and thinks "this is the finest mf ive ever seen" and then lucien finds her and is like "YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOTTTTTTTT STUPID BITCH" and brings her inside and tells her what the holiday actually is and how tamlin is giving back his power to the land for spring and then has to FUCK(??) and she needs to be away. she is like ?? and just goes to her room and then SNEAKS OUT AGAINNNNN later and runs into tamlin in the manor and he fucking presses her into a mall and they start making out and bumping and grinding and then bites her?? and then they go to bed.

more time goes and then it is summer or some shit i think and they are more into each other and they are having lunch or some shit and tamlin n lucien are like ??? HIDE bc they sense someone coming and lucien shoves feyres ass against a wall and covers her and puts a glamour on her to protect her and the hot ass mf from the festival night (rhysand) comes in like a jack ass and gives them shit. basically he realizes there is a glamour and is like FUCK YALL and makes it go away and sees feyre and is like "oh i know you" and goes into her mind and looks at tamlin like "why is she thinking about fuckin you??" and tamlin starts begging him not to tell this bitch named amarantha and rhysand makes him and lucien bow down to him and he leaves.

tamlin freaks out and is like "YOU HAVE TO LEAVE" and they FINALLY fuck andsays I LOVE YOU and then he makes feyre leave and go back to the mortal lands (he family thinks she has been helping a wealthy sick aunt, tamlin has been taking care of her family and made them rich again) and lucien was pissed she left. she gets back and nesta is like "wtf i remember everything you better spill bitch" and basically helps her after two weeks to get her back to the spring court after finding out nesta tried to save her.

feyre makes it back and the manor is fucked up from ppl destroying it and stealing everyone away and she finds alis there and alis basically tells her the truth. tamlin was LYING ABOUT EVERYTHINGGGGG. amarantha was a family friend of tamlins dad (dead) and was pissed tamlin wouldnt fuck her so she cursed him that he had to find a human girl with so much hate in her heart for fairies to kill one of his men and to get her to agree to come back and live on his land and fall in love with him in a certain amount of time and the curse thats on EVERYONE IN PRYTHIAN is lifted and thats why they wear they mask and she stoles bits of all the high lords powers.

feyre goes to where they are all at to save tamlin and agrees to do some hunger games ass trails with amarantha once a month on a full moon for 3 months or solve a riddle. jokes on feyre she is fucking ILITERATE. she gets the shit beat out of her and tamlin just watches. we learn that rhysand is amaranthas whore/right hand man and is taking a weird liking to feyre. he is randomly visiting/helping her. her first challenge is to fucking fight this big ass worm and she uses some damn bones and wins. lucien screamed out to help her, rhysand bet on her winning, she fucking broke her arm to the bone sticking out and is dying in her dirty ass vomit cell. rhysand comes and visit and is like 'i can save you but you have to make a deal and come hang out with me two weeks out of them month' and she is like 'fuck you ill die' and he goes to leave and she gets him to agree to one week and they make the deal and he seals it with a tattoo on her arm and heals her.

rhysand keeps basically helping her through out all the trials and the two nexts months she is under the mountain. you are kinda like ?? do we like him?? do we hate him?? its hard to tell. he is making her dress like a whore and getting her drunk every night but not doing anything with her but watching her and bringing her to her cell and helping with chores and shit. her second challenge is a fucking READING one and shes like "well...' and rhysand helps her through the bond of the deal tattoo and she wins.

the third challenge is to kill three fairies with an ashwood dagger, she kills the first two and when she goes for the third, its tamlin. she starts sobbing and freaking out as everyone is laughing ang hootin and hollering but then she remembers alis saying "you know everything already" and how she has over heard multiple times that ppl have said tamlin has a heart of stone so she goes on a limb and stabs the fucker. she is right and wins and the curse is broke and amarantha is pissed tf off and is like "WELL I DIDNT SAY WHEN HAHAHA" and everyone is pissed off and starts a riot and then feyre figures out the riddle and says the answers and amaratha is even more mad and starts beating the shit out of feyre and KILLS her.

tamlin starts sobbing and just holds her not doing SHIT and RHYSAND stabs amarathna and then tamlin starts doing shit and kills amarthana and then goes back to feyre and is like "please!!!!" and all of the high lords come up and give a lil shit light of something on her and we see that feyre is seeing something through another persons eyes and realize it is rhysands and because of the tattoo and then she falls asleep and this bitch WAKES UP!!!! and she is a HIGH FAE!!! the girl won and she was a fairy.

9/10 very good book, love the turns and twist def recommend, is a slow burn tho

[pennydoe]

Who were you even talking to?

basically this dude named Rookie and me and my friend group on VRC were all friends with him and he was always like.. rlly blergh but i couldn't say anything but basically he'd always threaten ppl literally and he'll like randomly yell "STUPID FATTY!!" or just call our one friend, Ruby, a bitch and fatty constantly and he was like unhealthy obsessived and attacthed to his boyfriend and one day my friend King called Rookies Bf sweetheart and rookie and his bf lost their shit and literally threatened to bomb his house and slit his throat and shut

I kinda lost my shit as well and sent like 3 paragraphs of how fucked up rookie is and then rookie left literally every single GC we were in and cried to his brother, Root, and then Root dmed me and we argued for like 20 minutes but it got literally no where cause all Root wanted to do was 'tell me his side of the story' even though he literally isn't even friends with me or anyone in my friend group

Fast forward 3 months and my friend, Claudia, tried to reach out to Root to be like "Hey!! how you doin??;3" cause claudia's a rlly good person right? well root was like "I don't want to talk to you ever." and blocked the mf but then rookie called claudia like an hour later and made claudia have a panic attack and start breaking down and that bitch rookie literally said "It fulfills me to hear you cry." as if that mf didn't sob when i called them out

So after I learned abt that i actually lost my shit and dmed rookie like "you wanna stop being a little bitch?" and then he told me to mic up so of course i did and then i argued with both him and his brother for 11 minutes and made them cry cause they're both so fucking toxic

[foxfairy06]

HIIIII poookkksss its ollie, u banned me so ill yell at you on tumbllrrr <33333. YOU ARE A JOKKKE. "No cause i literally got diagnosed on the phone but ok hunn go off". okay sure, seriously doubtful because you could lie over the phone... did you know that... bet you didnt. anyway. like thats your reply to what u actually have to do to get a diagnosis, so your over the phone shit is actual bullshit. like its not covid no reason to do that, and also they need to see you in person and have you explain how your feeling aswell as your movements and the way that you respond to questions to get a diagnosis, or they will ask your family and friends or your teaching if they have noticed behavior that is needed for your diagnosis. so BULLSHIT BULLSHIT :333. Telling me to touch grass, god you so basic oml. also calling me a hypocrite when your a literal exclusionist , which you get to decide what is and isnt in the lgbtqia+ community is hypocrisy. from the merriam webster "a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings" and something you said in our messages, "The basis is lgbt topics. It's meant to be a place for lgbt exclusionists to gather" you say you support ppl of lgbtq but if they dont meet your criteria or if you dont think their queer you exclude them. thats hypocrisy. anyway hope you actually get the help you need so you can WAKE THE FUCK UP for you stupidity <3 which i will continue to state because my proof above proves it <3.

-ollie p.s you are still a ball of sperm we all are its not rude its a literal fact

p.p.s if you bring up what i said in the server here is a message i sent to you "i was spewing BULLSHIT" which you know is because i am a troll and i was gathering dirt on you pooks

p.p.p.s i have screenshotted all of out chats <3 karmas a bitch she is coming for you.

Karma for??? Being a good person? I didn't say anything rude, homophobic, or bad to you so you have no actual leverage here. That's like saying "i took screenshots so karma is coming for you<3" to the poor child you just harassed that eas being respectful and kind to you the whole time.

For those who don't understand, green text to the rescue!

> be ollie

> be sitting at your moms computer, bored

> decide your life isn't angry enough

> create an entire Tumblr spewing radmed shit thinking transmeds will follow you

> find a transmed with a server

> start saying super homophobic shit and harass everyone

> get muted for being homophobic and transphobic and harassing people

> message all the mods and call them names for muting your

> admit you were trolling then scream and cry at the owner for being transmed while calling him names and making strawmen and adhominem

> get banned

> still be a pissbaby who can't stop being angry with his life

> decide touching grass is too much

> go leave a novel of an ask under the owners Tumblr that makes several assumptions and zero sense then question their means of diagnosis.

For those who don't have context, i am trans, I am duosex, I went to a therapy place for free, and saw a therapist. He immediately started going through the criteria for dysphoria because I asked but we ran out of time. So I'm getting my diagnosis finished over the phone. It took me two appointments and $0 to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis. So stop acting like this is difficult or hurting anyone.

It's not hypocrisy to provide a safe space for a group and exclude people. You would provide a safe space for enben that has binary people in it? Because they aren't enby. Thus they don't need that space, and could fuck it up.

You're the hypocrite calling me names and crying and screaming at me calling me crazy. Seriously get some help. Therapy is an option. If you don't feel safe in your current mental state you could always check in at an ER and tell them you need help. You could also look around. Many places provide therapy for free. Utilize these resources and stop harassing strangers online. I hope that goes well for you.

[our-queer-experience]

context im a aro bi dude im ok with being in romantic relationships as long as its not rushed or forced and my partner understands i dont get romantic feelings but i do still love them and as long as they dont push boundries or get romantic early in the relationship its cool

ok so i go to a religous school and everybodys homophobic theres like three kids who are out two are gay and dating ones a trans guy but theyre really mean and all types of bigotted and they dont get picked on because everyone just ignores them because their assholes to but theres this one girl in class whos closted and shes bi and my only freind but shes kinda werid with boundries like ppl will be really mean to her and me but she always has an exuse to keep them around its really weird

so i planned on going to prom with this one guy cause i thought he was cool and had a squish on him and a week after i asked him out all half the school knew everyone was talking about it and asking me if i was really going out with him was i gay and just personal stuff and really nasty stuff to and no matter how many times i told them to mind their own business or leave me alone it didnt stop eventually i just broke it off with him to end everything because people were making me uncomfeterble i still really like him and im sad i cant go with him but my frenid said we could go platonicly

and people still wont leave me alone but my freind started dating one of the guys from the group making fun of me and yesterday he started making comments to and then later my frenid said her boyfriend was homophobic and im like yeah dude obviously i went up to him and told him to stop bieng such a homophobic asshole leave me alone and he said oh my sister told you didnt she(his brother is the trans guy part of the shitty group) and i said no he yelled at me and blamed it all on his girlfriend i told him to fuck off

after school i went to tell her adn she was mad at him but when we went to leave she was sitting laughing with him and his freinds and i asked to talk to her but she ignored me and after the millionth time of me trying to talk to her she looked down at me and said no im busy just tell me monday its not a big deal

and now im crying in bed eating a shit ton of choclate idk what to do everyone at that school hates me i just lost my only frenid i know i should have stoped being freinds with her sooner i didnt really pick up on her behavior ive never been good with noticeing red flags sorry for bad typing

this is such a late reply im so sorry anon. the world is shitty but there are people who arent and while things suck right now, we’re going to get through them and eventually things WILL be better.

[shithead-123]

Kotlc collecting habits Pt.2

Basically what I think various kotlc characters (mostly the kids) would collect. other than prattles pins bc we all know everyone collects those so.

this is inspired by my own habits of picking random shit up and stuffing it in my closet.

Tam: Again like Linh, not much of a collector. I think he's the least collect-y of the group. But of the very few things he does collect, he collects things that are useful, a lot like dex. he's hyper vigilant almost. He was Linh and his own sole caretaker (Linh took care of him too but Tams internalized this wayyy more than Linh did), and anything that can protect him and Linh is something he would collect. small knives, emergency med kits, fire proof clothing even. things like that. he's ready for the apocalypse. But maybe, far down the line, when he's starting to relax, he has a small book collection. I will die on my hill of Tam being a bookworm. he, Tiergan and Wylie can bond on their shared love of Pride 7 Prejudice. Or other equivalent elven books. Linh and Prentice are illiterate and proud (not that they're not smart, prentice is literally a keeper, they just hate reading). He also has a collection of Weird shirts Linh has made him. He doesn't throw them away. He'd rather die than wear them, but he'll look into his closet sometimes and quietly organize the shirts she made him and give a small smile.

Maruca: She seems like a bead girlie to me. Like her bead box, is gigantonourmous. She has made soooooooo many bracelets and necklaces and jewelry and honestly even beaded embroidery for her friends and herself and Wylie (Wylie is not her friend, he family, so it's diff). She still has vasttttt amount of beads left over. Literally once a month she goes on a bead hunt, bonus points if it's with someone else like Biana of Marella or something. On her reoccurring bead hunt, she will say she's only buying beads to make one(1) bracelet, and then proceeds to buy the entire store out. It's so funny. No one wants to go on her bead hunts anymore bc she makes them carry shit while she hunts for more beads. Honestly queen behavior. Literally all her clothing and jewelry and everything has beads on it. side point: she seems like she would be into making lace, and anyone who's ever watched ppl make lace, or make lace themselves, know that it's incredibly tedious. so hats off to her.

Marella: Marella does not think things through, if she likes, she takes. yes. I feel like she would have a collection specifically for like fire related things. Like fire earrings, fire decorated bandanas etc. OMFG wait. COWGIRL MARELLA. PLS SOMEONE DO THIS I WOULD DIE. anyways, after like the initial shame and fear she gets from manifesting as a pyrokinectic, I think she would feel angry. I mean I know. this is canon pretty sure. She's not ashamed anymore, and wants to prove this fact with buying fire related stuff. I also think she might be into collecting ribbon. Like for her hair. She ties little bits of ribbon in it and it makes her feel pretty. She starts doing it regularly bc her mom used to put ribbons in her hair before her accident. Nw she does by herself bc no one will do it for her. :)

(stellarlune spoilers): ik most ppl have read it by now but still

Rayni: She's again, a lot like Linh and Tam. She doesn't have a the capacity to collect things because of her living situation in the never seen. All she has is her cat statue. of course, she had a life before her parents tribunal and subsequent banishing, and from that time period, I feel like she would pull a Linh and collect stickers. Actually that could be bonding, like Her and Linh find each others sticker stashes, and start trading them like Pokemon cards. It's their bonding time. Linh can yell at Rayni and Rayni can yell at Linh art various sticker deals they're making, and at the end, they have cool new stickers and they're happy. Btw Rayni does have a very large cat sticker collection. She currently on the hunt to look for a cat sticker that looks like her cat statue. She'll find it someday. again side note: Rayni never actually uses the stickers. They're in a super secret bin underneath her bed or something.

Jensi: U guys thought I forgot him huh. Plant dad. Plant boy. Exotic plants. Native plants. Invasive plants. He has a nice little garden which is periodically harvests from. He's the gnomes favorite bc he loves plants. If anyone wants a little cottage core scene they go to his house. He has poisonous plants, and like maybe sometime in the war against the never seen sophies like looking for this super rare plant that has insane toxins in it and Jensi's like. Oh yeah I have like six of those in my backyard lol. and I also bred them to be even more potent. want some? Sophie is flabbergasted. She has new respect for the Venus fly-trap he gifted her. Fintans a plant dad? wrong. He's nothing compared to Jensi. Nothing.

Wylie: I'm going full angst with this one and saying he collects hairpins/clips. Like the ones his mother used to make. He obviously doesn't use them. maybe he gives some to Maruca and other friends/family with longer hair. (wait Wylie with long hair. hmmmmm. I like it). But mostly he just hides them away. And when he's trying to remember what his mothers smile looked like, (Bc he doesn't have photographic memory, and he was very young when she died, he's bound to forget) he opens up the hair pin box and cries. he gives one of the remaining pins he has to Tiergan bc he has long hair. And they cry together. Could also be sad times with him and Prentice too. They mourn together while looking at the hair pins.

[seroquelled]

11-8-23

- august invited over bo leach, bodhi nadalin, and some person that didnt have a name but looked like el hanley to play some orgy game, aug was acting kind of weird the whole time and ended up going to bed. the vibes were very off and nameless chick dipped but i talked to bo and bodhi for a while, was trying to figure out if they were together or not. ended up making out with bodhi (felt v nice) and afterward he said a bunch of stuff about how he was glad we saw each other again and that he lives close and wants to hang out again soon. we were still living w/ aj somehow and they had a bunch of random ppl over i remember thinking i was glad i could prove i had other friends by having different ppl over even if they werent really. they were leaving and the other ppl were partying in the living room area and someone ended up giving me a drink so i sat down and hung out a little. it was this really tasty thick deep red cherry-cranberry vodka thing with a ball of hollow ice that had a little hole you could drink more beverage out of it from.

- dk if this was a continuation of the last one or not but walking through the city w a group of girls, being sort of dressed up everyone had on very avant garde fashion (one of them was cheyenne from water st? i dont remember the rest) and we ended up going to this art gallery that was all hallways with various forks in the road. got separated from half the group because they were basically sprinting through and not looking at anything. everything felt like it was moving very fast. came to another fork but on one side was this exhibit area w raised padded flooring and people sitting all around and a sign that said 'puppy naptime.' and. well. it was puppy naptime. there were a bunch of them and phoibe and mama kitty (not bean) were there also sleeping very sweetly and i was worried i would get in trouble for bringing my cats to puppy naptime. i saw a different very small very sleepy black and white dappled kitten and pet her a little bit. was no longer worried bc obv i was not the only one who brought cat. noticed this girl who had a necklace with a bunch of moss and a live snail on it and talked to her abt it and she said it was her pet and he just liked to sleep there too.

- again not sure if at all related but walking through these very bright almost uncanny paved suburban streets w you and coming across a house where you started telling me a story abt how you used to hang out with some boy there and the mom was wack and you would work on some sort of project that required these sharps and one day you accidentally brought some out with you and they (the parents) noticed and yelled at you and you were like little and scared of getting in trouble so you like ran back crying and put them back and were apologizing and then couldnt go back and hang out again. watching this memory play out in the driveway like a phantom in front of us. in present time next to the car in the foliage there were a bunch of varied types of blades and you said something along the lines of 'they feel awesome, btw' and there was one in particular i really wanted to take but we noticed that the people from the house were actually sitting in the car. left and walked the other way around the block to see if theyd leave, just sort of eavesdropped on them from around the corner. along the way there were various blades on the ground and in the little grass strips in front of driveways and i kept picking them up trying to see if they were sharp or new but they all were really flimsy or dull or covered in a weird waxy substances. you said something like 'my skin is thinner so you should just cut me instead' and it made me upset but i wasnt trying to show it and i said some upsetting shit i dont remember and you were like 'jesus christ, what the fuck' and got v distant didnt leave but sort of like hung back and did smth else. heard some sort of commotion from the people and saw the guy yelling at this fluffy, scrawny cat being like 'i hate that fuckin cat' and it ran over to us and i pet him and he was v malnourished and had fleas and scrapes and i felt v sad for him

- Really dont remember this one but some girl inviting us to go rock climbing and it was just this tiny room that was not even very tall and she was actively putting the rock wall together by just. nailing the holds into drywall in no particular order. no gear, no ropes. i was pissed. i remember yelling at her but i dont remember what i said

[theuniverseawakens347]

Howard ya place ya own drug fears on me … no fair mixing drugs that CAN OD not weed : then Lee did it to me w lsd .. rat poison and cosmo …

Howard and Chris devours photo… ya overdose on weed*

NOT POSSIBLE… CHRIS PUT COKE IN THE BLUNT … Chris is scotty tattoo… you read it listen to my videos bc you do a “oh no…” then shut up and think and it makes sense but you don’t want to tell Lee you agree … figured out she’s Satan.. now ur silently asking how to get out of this and what it means for you?? You’ve chosen death going this long w Lee… that’s what she wanted for you… not what you wanted for yourself. … like ddg and Halle UR TELEPATHIC CONFUSING HER THOUGHTS THAT ARE BEGATIVE AS UR OWN … blue fase jaidyn and chrisean Noah decorsi …

UR MAD AT GOD FOR UR FINGERS… ITS LEES FAULT … RAYMOND HAD FINGERS CUT OFF AS A TERRORIST ACT IN A WAR … then Lee made it a genetic thing in your family … Lee had magic at one point down here to reset time as she pleased … I TOOK THAT MAGIC AND POWER BACK … so she started trapping me down here muscle relaxer or killing me w her to “reset” .. she always starts at 10 … Howard you can’t wrap your head around the show Russian doll the message in it … the how’d we get here ya get stuck … well you gon have to die to get those questions bc YOU WILLINGLY HANDED SHIT OFF TO MICHAEL TO BUTAIN MY FUCKING BRAIN… Satan spirit is in Howard now bc you stuck around too long … so lees playing “woe is me still” but giving up on fighting me WHILE YOURE FEELING ALL POWERFUL BC THE TABLES TURNED AND YOU HAVE HER IN A PIN HOLE… U DO NOT DESERVE POWER IF YOURE GOING TO MANIPULATE IT … U USE ME TO FIGHT ONE ANOTHER “THATS what I want yell at him for me “ … YA FUCKING WEIRD … THIS WHY WE BOT DOING THIS SHIT NO MORE. BC THE LESSON IS FOR YOU TWO LEARN … HAND OVER CONTROL AA GROUP THATS FAILED SOBRIETY MISERABLY THE COMMUNITY ASHAMED OF YOU BOTH … THE OLD TIME HEADS … BC LIKE WTF ARE YOU DOING USING YOUR DAUGHTER AS A PUNCHING BAG WEIRD WAY TO SAY YOU KNOW I AM WHAT I AM BUT DONT WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW YOUR SATAN… Lee ya soul blames Howard …. The spirit has left and cleasing elsewhere in ya Russia doll suits … BUT YOUR SOLE TRUE CORE OF YOU BLAMES PPL… YA NEED TO LEARN ACCOUNTABILITY… you were a Jamaican African who feels they wrongfully died so you hate color ppl and made ur own to own .. DAVIS LOCKER PIRATES IF CARRIBEAN … ANYWAYS IM OVER YOU TWO FOR GOOD ..

[txxfiles]

hello?

I don't know what to write about this month! so I’m just going to stream of consciousness and see where we go. 

I was going to write about my holiday but I started a travel journal and did like 2 days and then was so exhausted every night that I didn’t do it! It was an amazing holiday tho, like once in a lifetime sorta shit. it was a bit hit and miss if we would even go but we did and it was wonderful and I appreciated having so much time with my brother as I miss him. It was so full on tho like it was a group tour thing and it was like go go go and we walked 20 thousand steps one day bc my brother and I were like ‘Yeah sure we’ll climb that mountain with u no stress’ and then basically got lapped by the American women over 60 who came with us lmao. I was so careful as well with putting on suncream and shit and I STILL got burnt!!! the curse of being so fair burdens me every day. I am mostly nicely tanned and the redness has gone down so we chill but it’s so funny bc everyone else in my family is so nicely tanned and then there's a tomato girl walking around with them. my freckles have come back tho so that's nice. 

it gave me a lot of time with my thoughts tho, which I hate. Also being forced to spend that much time with my parents is always interesting. the other people in our group were telling them how good of a job they did raising myself and my brother which always makes me feel weird. I don’t think the good parts of my personality have come from my parents, I often value all the bad things about it to them which may seem harsh but my instinctual politeness and willingness to help wasnt fostered by them teaching it to me, it came from fear of getting yelled at if i wasn't this way and getting in trouble for doing anything other than cutting myself in half to do what was asked of me. I hate the person I become when I spend so much time with them as well like I become so angry and snappy and my tolerance for shit just plummets and I come home and it’s like a wave of relief because I feel so much calmer instantly. And then the next minute I feel awful for not seeing them very often and like guilty for having my own life and actually enjoying not seeing them very often. My mother makes a point of talking about not seeing me and missing me and I struggle to wrap my head around the idea of them missing me because when I see them they don’t talk to me! they don’t ask me shit they just take it in turns complaining about the other to me and I’m sat in the middle with my head in my hands wanting to die! I told them both at separate points that I wasn't getting involved and then got the silent treatment and I was just soooooo doneeeeeeee. I’m so grateful I could go on the trip and the highlights totally outweigh the bad bits but it’s hard to remember the good parts when the last 4 days were spent in a state of tension and arguments that I couldn't walk away from because there was nowhere to go! it’s like a constant battle of being grateful and then being annoyed over and over again and I don’t know how to deal with it so I just don’t! 

Going away with your family at my age is weird as well. my brother and I look very young so everyone else in the group very much assumed we were younger than we are which was funny and I guess a blessing. no shame in it but one of the other ppl in our group wasn't much older than me and she’s married with a house and a stable job and I just sat there like ahahahahahaaaaaaaaa. I know it’s bad to compare yourself to others and I’ve gotten better at not doing it but in situations like that, it’s hard. I said last time how I feel like I’m behind everyone and that's still stuck. I’m not doing bad per se but I’m not really making any money and I’m no closer to starting the career I want and that’s not for lack of trying like I keeeeeep applying for jobs and getting turned down on no response at all and it hurts. I worked so hard for my degree and some days it feels like it was for nothing. I know something will come up soon but the waiting is slowly killing me. 

I didn’t smoke the entire holiday either as I couldn’t because my parents don’t need another reason to be disappointed in me and now I’m back in the UK I can’t afford to buy any cigs but GOD DO I WANT SOME PLEASE. I know it’s bad for u and shit but I just want a little treat. I didn’t miss it when I was away and because I literally couldn't get any it didn’t even really cross my mind bc I was so busy but now I’m back and the corner shop is 5 minutes away i’m like uwu yes pls gimme the lil death stick. I think that's one of my biggest issues, if something is within my reach I literally cannot deny myself it. goes for food, people, drinks whatever, if I can get it I’ll have it even if it’s not a sensible thing to do within the budget I have. I think it stems from my childhood but I’m not getting into that right now. 

In other news, I’m actually having a birthday party for the first time since I was a kid!!! wooo!!! hopefully, I won’t cry this birthday other than from happiness!!!! everyone I’ve asked is well keen as well so I was like yay amazing! and then one of my mates whom my relationship with is so complicated I wouldn’t even know where to start was like ‘Yeah sure I’ll come’ and I was like fab ok and then the NEXT TIME he messaged me he was like ‘oh it’s the FOOTBALL FINAL SO I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN COME’?????????????? HELLO???????????? I’m honestly fuming. I get it, your team might not get to the final again fine whatever but the matches are like in the afternoon so u could still come after???? oh my apologies for thinking I, your friend or whatever whom you have been through an insane amount of shit with, might be A BIT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FUCKING FOOTBALL???? I hate men oh my god I’m actually mad and maybe that's selfish but what the fuck. I’m currently leaving him on delivered because I’m not about to start shit between us for the millionth time but considering the conversation we had about new years and how he had fomo you would think he’d wanna come but no. If he does end up changing his mind I’m so tempted to be like ‘nah don’t bother’ but that goes against every single particle of my being so WE’LL SEE. if he tries anything imma whack him (probably) but regardless, it should be fun and it’ll be nice to see all my friends in one place and shit. I’m very nervous about it bc I’m convinced no one will come but everyone I’ve asked has been enthusiastic so hopefully, it goes well. hopefully. I don’t want another birthday where I end up feeling upset or like a burden or whatever. thinking about it reminded me of one birthday I had where my so-called friend made out with the guy I liked when we were in the cinema knowing full well I liked him. good vibes!!! 

anyway, that’s me! once again not particularly positive but I’ve realised I use this as a way to get things off my chest I’m not sure how to properly talk about in person. which I think is kinda the point of this anyway. but regardless, I’m tanned and travelled and back to the grind like the alpha male I am. 

peace out homies

eucalyptus ᡣ • . • 𐭩 ♡

[otgwbgyu]

my friend group’s relationship with AB is also rocky now. i feel like everyone doesn’t rlly care except for Maiya and Ava. Ava seems more upset with AB while maiya seems more mad. when i joked that AB may have his hood up bc he’s tryna be edgy maiya giggled while everyone else smiled, and i think it’s mutual. honestly, i don’t blame her. he’s been crossing boundaries a lot despite being corrected multiple times, it was only a matter of time before maiya snapped. she’s talked abt him doing this for a while and i could sense the tension between the two in some situations, so i knew it was only a matter of time before ticking time bomb maiya blew. i remember cringing to myself everytime AB would test the limits and keep prodding at maiya (unintentionally i think) bc i could sense maiya’s frustration building. i wish i could’ve stepped in to ease it but i was too scared cuz i didn’t wanna scare AB away. it was inevitable, though

istg tho AB has been sneakily trying to complain to me abt Maiya. like he’d subtly say “maiya always yells at me because…” or “maiya always overreacts at…” then kinda give lighthearted examples to play off his previous statement as a joke or not serious. like he may be able to do that with other ppl but not me ik WAY too many social cues and rules for those games i was friends with the most passive aggressive bitch for yearsss ik a lot. u don’t wanna deal with a devil like me. anyways as a response i’d try to not necessarily change the subject but bring the attention off of maiya by mentioning other ppl or another situation. like when ab said “thank god you’re here i don’t wanna deal with maiya yelling at me over ponyo” like dude ik damn well it had nothing to do with ponyo so i said “aubrey too!! she made fun of her for her gills” when i don’t even think she said that i just had to think of something QUICK!! then he started yapping abt maiya overreacting and I kept trying to push the aubrey narrative to look oblivious bc why would i ever shit talk my friend. like idk what he was tryna do was he tryna just get it off his chest or initiate a debrief session abt my bff since third grade?? i rlly hope he wasn’t trying to do that bc he does seem like a cool guy it’s just that whole conversation rubbed me the wrong way

[blackvail22]

had the craziest dream last night (the night i wrote like the last two posts) and its the most insane one ive had in a rlly long time

i was at the gas station near my home and i was like looking around and then my enetire old group of friends were hanging out with my ex girlfriend (aka the girl that bullied b two school years ago that b is still friends with and makes things for when she literally contemplated suicide because of her)

anyways, we locked eyes and i started to get anxious. after that the gas station somehow transformed to a restaurant thing and then this fucking robot/internet scam thing as a human came in and i could tell was like... a scam robot or whatever but my mom didnt so when the robot wrote on the ticket my first and last name and then like scribbled at my name and then it locked eyes w me. terrifying. it was so--

ok anyway the robot thing wrote a like $1000 tip or whatever but since it was a scam... they came after me after my mom took the ticket LMAO

before the robots came after me, i remember i was in a car in a parking lot in my town, and i thought of something i really wanted to share with you (apple) and so i called u and we talked for a while. i dont remember what we talked about? i just remember you being confused because we didnt voice call a lot before then LMAO

And then these fucking missles start flying at me. like, shit was gta style i swear to god. so ny dad starts driving the car, nd he's swerving everywhere to dodge the missles and then eventually (i dont know how it got to this) but suddenly i was back at my gas station but it was more like ... there were brick buildings everywhere, like it wasnt my town anymore. and then these christian protesters are parading down streets with these fire guns(?) and are screaming, telling everyone to praise the christian god or whatever

then people start shooting these guns from high buildings (its like a ball of fire that comes out) and so its just raining molten balls at this point. panicked, i go to dodge the fire thats coming down. theres this person with a sign that was yelling people to stop firing the guns, but they didnt hear and they kept going. then one of the fireballs hits someones leg (its an old classmate of mine) and then he's screaming in pain and his leg is burnt off

thats the last thing i remember if im being honest

another important thing to note i guess is that the parade of ppl in my dream were all wearing white shirts. idk if thats significant, but it was odd. there was also portions of my dream that were in black and white, nd there were parts where i saw all black but i was imagining something happening ... like it was daydreaming

yeah i really wanted to share that w someoje because it was traumatizing ngl