seroquelled

[seroquelled]

9/23/24

I was at this place that was sort of hospitally sort of hotelly n it was like kinda on a big cliff by the ocean

And shortly after I got in there it started blizzarding and snowing like BAD and everyone was saying it was supposed to get worse and I was like oh fuck holy fuck

Phoibe is in the Car still

So I trekked down there and the car had turned into a crate somehow that she had gotten out of and was sort of standing there in the snow

And I scooped her up and went back up to the place with her all swaddled and they let me back in but this time they gave me a room separated by like a curtain instead of one with a door so I had to hang onto her

And it was common understanding that this was like apocalypse levels of weather and I don't remember a whole lot of the many events that followed but I remember holding phoibe thru all of it and that other people had their pets and stuff cause everyone was all displaced

N I vividly remember how like warm and soft and little she was and how she let me hold her and only squirmed occasionally cause she must have known something crazy was happening and that I was trying to help

[seroquelled]

08/07/24

There was more of a plot when I was dreaming it that I don't remember but I was kidnapped by this crazy weird alien person thing and they kept killing people in very grisly ways like we were in this person's house along the way of travelling somewhere and he killed this entire family one by one I remember one of them was electrocuted really badly and I saw his whole open empty chest cavity and a few other really brutal ones and there was a dog there that I was very scared for and I know you and August were along somehow (and some other ppl?) but I was being separated from you and nobody knew what was going on. I curled up and hid outside on this patio thing while all of it was happening because someone came home n I knew they were going to die too. Had blades for some reason and was cutting myself outside and then left this place and kept trying to hide it and was in this crazy weird apparatus thing with you guys like strange alien tech. And then being kept in this upstairs bedroom thing with everyone? Had a huge bed and really low slanted ceiling and then was warned that there were bugs. Don't remember if I saw any bugs and don't remember the rest

[seroquelled]

07-04-24

I had a bunch of separate dreams that felt complicated, realizing how nonsensical and strange the first one is now that I think Abt it. bullet-pointing them

- we had this like. Tupperware/bowl of kittens and it was my understanding (didn't think Abt it in the dream, but thinking Abt it now) that they had hatched from frozen eggs? Like chickens? But they were kittens. And some of em were bigger and had hair and then there were really small ones at the bottom and some that didn't have heads/certain limbs. But they were growing really fast and all were like real little kittens moving around all the sudden. I was holding one and walking it toward the bedroom and I tripped and it jumped out of my hands and somehow between me and the doorway part of it got like. Squished and it squished like it was made of playdough but it was still alive and I remember running to you like freaking out because I just hurt it really bad and I was holding it and it was meowing all sadly but not like it was dying. Took him into the room and laid him down under some blankets because there was nothing we could do n I was operating on dream logic. Eventually the thing died and there were just these tiny weird mutant kittens running around everywhere freaking me out because I thought I was going to like step on one or kill them all or something

- I have vaguer memories of the rest but a second section where I was at some sort of family gathering, I don't know what the space was because it didn't make sense but I remember a lot of doors, almost like if an establishment had train cars and I was just moving through them. I don't remember talking to anyone I remember acting really weird and I know I said a couple of things that stood out that I've forgotten. Wish I could remember more

- last one I was walking around solo in a place that looked kind of like Louisiana, like that type of rowhome style businesses and I was ducking into places to cut through the back door to the front. One was this really goth looking bar with a lot of rough characters in it and when I went out the front it let me out into this square where there was some kind of festival happening. It was really dark and it seemed like things were just starting, some guy started doing magic tricks at me and then offered me a free Pepsi product which was weird. I remember thinking he thought I was down and was trying to cheer me up, and not wanting to let this stranger down. I eventually met up with you guys and we walked around s little but it was very disorienting, I wanted to go back to that bar but you were saying you had to work early and wanted to go home and then me and august ended up at this like sewing shop. There was a whole block that was like tailors and peopl working inside and one of the storefronts had crazy looking haunted dolls like I want to collect

[seroquelled]

It's slipping away from me now that I'm up again but the part I remember the most was somehow accidentally killing two people and keeping them wrapped up in some sheets in a closet in this massive house and Law Enforcement was coming so I like played dead ? I don't know. I remember an officer finding and speaking to me I think and I remember crying and having some big sob story to tell and I didn't get in trouble but something else happened n Idk what. I remember being outside in really deep snow and sometjing happening with august I don't remember and a bunch of random people that don't exist and some weird swim competition and falling in a pool and there being a library with a big college lecture happening inside. I have no idea. Weird

Had long bad dream gonna try to remember when I wake up wake up caue m falling back asleep

[seroquelled]

Had long bad dream gonna try to remember when I wake up wake up caue m falling back asleep

[seroquelled]

6/17/24

I should've wrote this one down sooner bc I was excited about how much I remembered but now I've forgotten a lot of it. Oh well. Met up with @bramstroker_ off Instagram for a paid needle play session in a park somewhere, I remember I was driving my Volvo and it bummed me out. They just did one little needle in my arm that had a pretty black bead at the end and I left it in for a while, we met up with their friend who was clearly having a hard time and the vibes were strange so I left

Either a separate dream or later (not sure) I was at my old elementary school in the back where the blacktop and playgrounds would be but it was all long grass and hilly and sunny and there were kids playing everywhere. again just made me really sad I wanted to stay there forever but I knew I couldn't. I think I just really miss/ed California. There was a third part that I can't remember at all :( bummer

[seroquelled]

6/15/24

Remember one snippet of a dream where Louis picked me up in his car w a friend and I went to his house to take care of his fish while he's gone? Had a big aquascaped aquarium and I was fixing stuff up and then somehow realized a fish was swimming thru the air and the air was like water but also not and then all the fish started escaping and getting bigger and bigger and I couldn't keep track of them

[seroquelled]

04_07_24

Dreamt I was hanging out with Matt and Ryan and Co so I'm going back to sleep

[seroquelled]

3/18/24

Barelybremember any details RN but home (maybe drunk?) fumbling with shit freaking out for some reason and blades falling outofmywallett trying to gather hem up rlly quick caus Aug is coming and I fuckin up and run out of time cause he walks in and I shove them in my pocket n herl goe s "do we need to go to the hospital? Your face is bleeding" very resigned n realized that I somehow cut up my face bad

Someohow end up walking on the side of the freeway with him and cops spot us and make us stop n I'm trying to talk to this cop from the widow of the carand

Othertstuff

[seroquelled]

02-08-24 / 02-09-24

I know I had really insane dreams both last night and the night before but I can't remember any of it, I just got one vague memory from I think the night before last of just something I was thinking in my dream, no context around it just the deep feeling of being very very sad and grieving that I wasn't going to be in Portland anymore for some reason and that id never had the chance to go to the ocean, or go camping in the mountains. Specifically the ocean mostly tho. I can feel it in my chest. I know we were either moving away or I was dying or potentially both but I don't remember which or why

[seroquelled]

02-06-24

had dream that i was visiting bee and unidentified girlfriend that i dont remember the name of or what she looked like

only remember snippets such as: going to this strange subway that was also a restaurant that was also a convenience store that also had a little manga section

we got food and somehow accidentally didnt pay and the owner guy got very mad at us, weird confrontation ensues

i end up back there by myself somehow and theres one table outside and its snowing and dark and for some reason i was out there, i saw some little creature but it ran away

[seroquelled]

02-01-24

i remember working at some massive place that was very industrial but still with rob and ray. it had all these huge machines and i was there for some reason when i wasnt working (grabbing something? stuck there? idk) and i accidentally fell asleep on top of this crate thing. rob woke me up and i freaked out a little bit n i could tell it was very offputting to everyone, was trying to leave but there were these big vehicle mechanism things blocking the only way out while they did whatever they were doing.

theres a bunch more here that i dont remember, i think it somehow morphed into somewhere where we were also living like there were bunks and lodging and i went to your room. i feel like something had Happened but i have no idea what. came in n you immediately poured me a shot of something n i took it and it tasted weird and you were being kind of cagey/coy about it when i asked you what it was, eventually you said it was everclear and started just like chugging the bottle n were clearly already pretty intoxicated. i remember we were sitting on the ground next to your bed n the room was otherwise p empty. you ended up shoving a bunch of pills in your mouth and i didnt know what they were or where you got them, i wish i could recall what i said but something along the lines of freaking out and begging you to spit them out and you just started chewing them into powder in your mouth and laughing n i was really freaking out but didnt know what to do n was crying and trying to fix it but had like. no control over my body

dont remember anything after that except really vaguely being in some other huge place, know lots of crazy shit was happening that involved other people and trying to accomplish some goal and there being some kind of danger we were trying to get away from. i remember being in a car trying to find parking, i think i was picking my dad up from somewhere but i dont think i ever actually found him? remember being in some other room, much cozier but i also know it wasnt mine and i was just staying there, i was much younger and there were some other kids staying in the adjacent rooms.

more time skips and i dont remember what happened in the meantime but know that law enforcement or whatever adjacent authorities were looking for me, i was sitting in this room just sobbing and sobbing sitting on the side of the bed and that i had a gun and was going to shoot myself. i remember seeing someone in gear with a big gun open the door and that we were talking and i was crying and also like 13 but i have no idea what was said n i dont remember anything afterward

[seroquelled]

1-28-24

not sure on the chronology but started with a bunch of shit going down, not sure what was going on but i was on this weird airplane that was trying to take off and i was trying to grab weapon&ammo to shoot the pilot so he wouldnt take off with me on it. it got really far into the air and i jumped off of it and i remember falling and falling hoping that i would pass out before the impact on the water killed me but i didnt and when i did hit the water it wasnt as hard as i expected and i was just pissed that i didnt die. cant remember how i got back onto land and i think there was some stuff in between this next point that i dont remember

it was like weirdly apocalyptic in the way that the laws of nature & physics were sort of shifted? everyone was running from something but i dont know what it was, whether it was some weird monsters or like the government or both. running down this stone street with tall buildings on either side and i ducked into this little kiosk to hide and someone else was in there but they seemed like they recognized me, i didnt recognize them. they were pulling stuff (like personal items?) out of these little cubbies they had and they had like. jars of cherries and syrup and we dumped them on ourselves and laid down on the ground to try to play dead so whatever wouldnt come for us

dont know if whatever was coming ever passed but a couple people rounded the corner and saw me (i dony know if it was you and aug or just some dream figments that knew me somehow) and got freaked that i died so i sat up when they came over to be like. im ok. just pretending.

there was a crowd of people all freaking out about something above us n when i looked up it was the windows of the building we were next to, n they all had people in them and were open but looked really wrong

this white stuff started falling onto the pavement from them and the person was telling me to avoid touching it and somehow intuited that these entities in there were like cutting people open and stuffing them with fluff and sewing them back up and thats why they looked like that and what was falling

they went some other way and me and this person ran into the building which was very mazelike and dilapidated on the inside. dont remember what/if there was anything we found until we got to this room/ hall thing where there were a couple of people, outside this door, and on the other side of it was one of these entities (which just looked like regular people) and a kid i think. the entity is doing this mechanical repetitive dance and these measuring tapes roll out on the walls in a pattern as she does. when this weird ritual thing happens it unsews you and if you finish it you basically fuckin die so these people are swapping out and sewing their shit back up in the hallway and then going back in to try to save this kid

a couple body sized windows that are open halfway shattered inward and we left through it, ended up shuffling our way sideways across this craggy icy rock and there were some spots were the other person started freaking out because they didnt think they could get across but i pushed them through and we made it somewhere solid. saw a group of people and a little trail up a small hill so we went up there and talked to them. it was a dad and his young son and his newborn baby tucked under his sweater, found out the mom was in the building we were just in, etc etc. once we were up on top of the hill we could see other families all waiting in this disorganized line and that ahead the streets had been flooded into a river and one by one the parties were all being loaded up on these rafts that would supposedly take them out of there.

i got a really bad feeling about it and didnt want to go that way but we ended up getting on regardless and it was already halfway underwater while we were on it. the family was ahead of us and when we turned around the corner the world around us got really weird and screwed up, cant even remember what it looked like but the best approximation i have is a really bad acid trip. the whole thing is kind of vaguely indoors vaguely outdoors but theres this massive like... hole in the middle of the space where the boats pass by that just has tile flooring at the bottom of it and were watching as one by one the rafts toss anywhere from 1 to all of the people in each party off into this space and they just crumple and die at the bottom of it. in front of us everyone except the youngest boy gets dumped and then i think i woke up bc thats all i remember

edit: forgot the part either a separate dream or at the very beginning of this that we were in a different apartment and ray was living with us ?? we were watching a movie and i had gotten up for a sec and he had put his legs up on the couch n wouldnt move them so i sat like across them and then when we were both up and you guys were still sitting he like ran a hand down my back and then hugged me from behind n i remember not hating it but being nervous that aug was gonna get super upset. weird

[seroquelled]

12-4-23

cut my leg vertically almost down to the bone and my body just sort of started breaking away like puzzle pieces. was also working at a very busy upscale restaurant somewhere in there and you were working on like a fishing boat? these two things i think were not connected

[seroquelled]

11-27-23

in ca (alone? i think i was much younger than i am in this one, maybe 14/15?) had plans to go out with some friends, cant remember who, meeting at this tattoo shop n i knew the plan somehow was that we were going to do some variety of drugs, i remember being stressed abt them being laced but not saying anything, liam was also there. of fucking course. some older woman from the shop ended up coming along with us to the hotel room where we were all hanging out/taking pills and she kept misgendering me for some reason, liam was really mad about it but he wasnt doing anything other than like. freaking out and being mad and slamming and punching shit. little memory of how events transpired but ended up with this woman naked on top of me and very much not enjoying it, being grossed out and sick to my stomach. she put my whole hand in her and was riding it and like licking my face and mouth and i remember just. aching to be touched even if i wasn't enjoying it but i was fully clothed and she came and then left without really actually putting her hands on me at all and i was retching over the side of the bed because i felt so nasty and horny and disgusting. and liam and some other people were still there doing their own thing but mostly avoiding me, i think liam was asleep in the other bed.

had a second one after i woke up the first time. went into the bathroom and there was some smeared blood in the sink and i went to your room bc. scared. and

[seroquelled]

11-25-2023

i know the first part of this dream was some long and stressful deal with my mom but i dont recall anything about it other than that. the second part is i think not a completely separate dream but i dont know how/why it morphed into what it became, which was me and two other mid twenties guys who were not anyone i know, and neither was i. like completely different dudes. much of it has melted away but the primary fine details i remember were smoking a cigarette and flicking ash on this tree that i had the knowledge that it was like, made to ignite? it was like an art piece of some sort so when the twigs of it caught on fire the whole thing flickered and illuminated. i was in this space that was like multiple distinct areas but it was somehow both outside and a very nice bachelor pad/airbnb vibe type place. type of place you would throw a party. dont remember how or why but somehow got the inkling/intuition that one of these other guys were trying to kill me and the other other one. there was a lot of conversation and like. hunting? sort of? that i dont remember now that i want Back. but i know that i ended up with a knife and the most vivid part is me managing to kill him first, stabbing him through the neck, feeling the resistance of his flesh and the blood spurting out and doing it again and then stabbing him in the chest over and over and the other guy being both freaked out and relieved. and then we thought it was over, but a little bit later he came back to life. and was like. saying something about how the blood was fake and "you didnt really think you could kill me? i planned all of this" and after a little while ended up killing me, i think he slit my throat? i remember thinking in that moment that it probably wouldnt hurt because it was just a dream. which is funny, but then it did hurt even if it was pretty dull discomfort. i think he also stabbed me and then started carving pieces off of me and cooking them, i remember watching as he ate it but he'd somehow turned it into ground meat. i think he made me and the other guy eat some too as i was dying. there was some more shit that happened after when i was veritably dead but i was um. somehow all of them and also myself again not going to read into that. wish i knew what the hell else HAPPENED but c'est la vie

[seroquelled]

blarrrhrhhhh i keep thinking abt this and remembering random shit from it but either by the time i go to write it down i either have forgotten or like physically cannot get my hands to do it. i want to so ill have it and can process it but jesus christ. anyways just bumping this to myself to try to keep it in the front of my mind

uhhhhh Bad dream

idk

remember to write more on it later

in some massive shopping mall, liam was there, aug and j and some random people i dont remember from high school, some stuff i dont even want to write down right now before my mom gets here but should later

remember to write weird dream from a couple nights ago down too