#im just sitting and reading in my room | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

souhiyaoi · 7 months ago

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i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move i don't wanna move

#.txt #im just sitting and reading in my room #i don't want to leave here #i don't want to leave here and never come back #i feel like i will get home sick and have no more home #home is where the heart is but what if i leave it here #what if i cant take it with me #my prints and wallscrolls will be on a stanger's wall #it's uncanny #every decoration every book every dvd every plushie is mine but it's in someone else's room that i have to live it #im so scared #i will not be able to come back like i could before #i will lose the way the light bounces around my room and reminds me of being 14 #i will lose the feeling of laying in bed at 19 and thinking about danganronpa #my room will never come back #i can decide right now to make my room feel like it did when i was 12 and looking at deviantart by candlelight at 3 am #i can do it right now if i want to but if i leave it will never be the same #everything will feel different and i worry i will never be comfortable again #what if i get so upset i start to forget #what if i cant even come back in my memories #what can i even do #i don't want to leave

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marciaillust · 8 days ago

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the patrician is just a guy to me

#havelock vetinari #discworld #doodles #before you ask why just know this #i actively avoid looking at any discworld art book covers included #i specifically buy those hardcovers with graphic design on the front #so any kind of a visual context doesnt exist for me except what my brain sees when im with the guy in the room as i read #so anyway Lord Vetinari is like an old suit and tie guy to me #he is proper arguably a minimalist calm collected and always two steps ahead #he is pushing 50 #doesnt even have to be fifty but I know this in my soul: to be like him you have to have seen life for many decades #his monologue at the end of GG is driving me craaayyyyzayyy #a man that wakes up and does a thing not for fulfilment but because. because its like one of the world truths or some shit #part of me would love to put him in a fancier suit but in men at arms he literally sits on a wooden chair next to the throne #hello?#in his little (huge) garden with his little (huge) stacks of paperwork #and he has a shitty terrier #what a guy #this granpapi is my chewtoy

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indecisive-dizzy · 2 months ago

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thinking about Julie going into hibernation, but also how she was participating in winter activities and was at the Homewarming party.

obv an in-universe excuse is writing inconsistency within the show but nahh. i wanna get sad.

My headcanon is that Julie begins hibernation after the Homewarming party. Right after. And later in the evening it turns into a different party, Julie's Goodnight Party (name in progress).

It's fun, because any party with this rainbow monster's name in it is gonna be fun! but there's an underlying somberness. They eat, play games and talk about everything and anything like the Homewarming party, but it just feels different.

(continues below, sad warning bc I made myself sad)

When Julie starts getting sleepy, the party ends with her neighbors giving their farewells, goodnights, and big hugs.

Frank is the one to walk her home, of course. He brushes Julie's hair, makes sure her and her nest has everything she needs, and stays with her as she falls asleep. But not before they share a big, comforting, long hug filled with every unspoken "I'll miss you" and every ounce of love they can pour into it.

It's the longest Frank has ever hugged anybody. "A hug long enough to get him through winter," according to Julie.

He wished that were true.

Either way he smiles, he smiles for Julie as it's the last expression she sees before finally closing her eyes to sleep.

The tears that later soaked into his pillow are the only secret Frank's ever kept from his best friend.

#After taking Eddie home this past holiday Frank nearly missed Julie going home. He got there right as she was about to leave #He had stayed with Eddie until he fell asleep knowing he'd wake up in the morning.#Before he stayed with Julie until she fell asleep knowing she'd wake up in the spring.#Man i am. So emotional over this #julie hibernating is insane. and must be insanely hard on frank #frank really doesn't like winter #but maybe in the future he'll have a certain mailman's shoulder to cry on #and getting through winter wont seem so hard #imagine if you didn't read the post and are sitting down here like 'what this dude on about'#read my sad rambles and maybe you'd know! /silly #welcome home #julie joyful #frank frankly #homewarming #welcome home headcanons #headcanon #typing out loud #Julie's Hibernation Edition #this all came to mind bc im thinking about the Hurricane thats gonna steal my electricity tmrw #it got me thinking about blizzards #and what the neighbors would do in a blizzard. and what about Julie? what if they can't reach her?#i was thinking frank has Barnaby and Howdy move her and her nest into his guest room #just for the storm. she goes back home afterwards even if he wanted her to stay #welp.. i need to do laundry while i have power still sooo #that's all folks!#oh and ignore typos hehe

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cobaltfluff · 4 months ago

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what is his deal ???

#p4g #persona #art tag #unfortunately i have no new meme material as i havent played in months #still stuck at the end of may i think #but like... i have so little motivation to play #persona writing and mystery solving doesnt really mesh well lmao #idk maybe this guy is nothing but like #i laughed so damn hard when he said that line #like who do you think you are mate a velvet room attendant??#also the fact that the game tells you to solve a mystery so im paying extra attention to everything #only to find bits of writing REALLY stupid #like it's trying too hard to throw you a red herring or sth #i cant just sit back and watch the characters solve the mystery if they're being so blatantly stupid about it #i have half a mind to draw out all the bit i hate #like why tf did this guy have a voiced intro when this is clearly an old game where they probs only did the necessary stuff #it's probs unfair that im reading the meta as well but like... it's just right in my face i cant ignore it!!#anyway my yu has to take matters into his own hands #but can he even trust himself??? WHAT IF IT'S ME #lmao ded anyway idk guys guess i just have to play it out

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perilegs · 2 months ago

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drinking straight up concoctions

#i had to take this pic with the flash on which makes this look a bit ominous #but without the flash on my camera read the drink as purple but its like a blueish dark gray #i sometimes like to add a few leaves of butterfly pea flower tea to a blend to get a fun color #bc i never drink the butterfly pea flower tea by itself bc its pretty bland. kind of tastes like spinach soup #but in a very washed away way. imagine a cup of water that was in the same room as some cooked spinach #i need to get a small tea pot bc those Things. i cant remember what theyre called. but like you know the metal things you put loose tea #leaves into and then put it in a mug? they keep spilling so much leaves #and like yeah im ready to drink bits of leaves if i drink tea but the amount with those little things is just ridicilous #and my tea pot is v big. i dont drink that much tea in one sitting #leevi talks

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todayisafridaynight · 5 months ago

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sometimes i think about daigo interacting with the mundane and thinking about mine and i throw up a little bit ngl

#snap chats #yk what i mean. By Design the first thought that should come to mind with mine is money and expensive things #but instead of seeing expensive watches or flashy cars and thinking of mine i hope daigo thinks about how he liked his coffee #maybe daigo sees an interesting piece of art and wonders what mine wouldve thought of it #maybe daigo tries to read a little more on his downtime- what if mine always had a book on his desk when he'd visit #does daigo listen to classical music more nowadays ? maybe he stares at pianos a little too long now when he spots them #just. remembering the human aspects of mine instead of him being just a piggy bank #it's easy to do when he was/is also in a position where he was only valued for his money or authority/relation to authority #he's haunted! allegedly. in my opinion. haunted by anything and everything that reminds him of him #theres a time and place to be haunted but work hours is not it. until a mfer come into your room and be like #'lol remember that clan.that went under after its patriarch killed himself' and then you have fight the demons not to kill someone #anyway. im gonna sit on a fic of this for nine years while i work good bye everyone #i love it when daigos haunted its so rude #i try not to imagine daigo as solely a grieving widow for until the end of time. however he can have his moments #i think he's allowed to be melancholy about losing his ''''''''best friend''''''' sometimes

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freebooter4ever · 6 months ago

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geno front and center ^_^ also i asked the Coolest 90s animator ive ever met for critique on the geno renders and he called them 'drawings' and i havent decided if thats something i should correct or not yet. but if im fooling people into thinking they're drawings instead of 3D renders that's probably a good sign. but also a bad sign because does that mean recruiters will overlook it thinking its just concept art?

i hate computers.

but i think what i concluded was that instead of sending people just the one action render, i will send that PLUS a link to the turn around saved to my drive.

edit: just looking at it as its own image my portfolio as a whole still really screams 'girl' and 'colorful' doesnt it? sigh. people keep telling me i need to stop that but unfortunately unless i am being forced like in the case of following an art director i think its just gonna stay colorful.

#jrnlsht #anyway now that this is done i just need to finish polishing the resume overhaul and then i have to read a friends screenplay #and THEN i can finally get back to sculpting the geno pose that i have wanted to make from the start #yeah i bet you guys thought i was done with that project haha nope it never ends #the action shots were for the portfolio #the locker room sculpt i want to do is for me because i think hes gorgeous and kinda sexy sitting in the stall looking all fierce but soft #like a knight right before the battle #with the pens weird round locker room as a metaphor for the round table #im basically writing my own sports anime here someone take hockey away from me

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hititposie · 4 months ago

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one thing id really like to do is talk about techza fics so pleasseee if anyone sees this and wants to send in a submission for a fic they wanna see some chatter and yap about HIT ME UP because i love reading ☝

#techza #the first fic that ever got me fully on board with techza all the way was the forest guardian by neversleepinc #at first i was just kinda like “okay i like the idea of them but i dont see it”#and then i read that fic and i fell HARD #im kinda sad they deleted their fic because it was a master class piece of techza writing #but i managed to download it before it got called into the void #sometimes i sit in my room and just read it over and over THE TENSION UGGGGHHHH JUST FUCK ALREADY #sorry. pardon me.

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girlivealwaysbean · 23 days ago

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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point

#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow #2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too #like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does #i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made #after school was leaving my work and therefore my life #9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday #i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics #barely affects me #but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well #it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be #i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time #like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news #i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc #i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't #make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc #but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully #drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood #when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily #at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know #we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly #in the dead of night in our room #i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus #that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their #body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive #i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times #like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not #have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone

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happistar · 6 months ago

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what's ur favorite bmc fanfic ever

OOOH okay this is a good question.

Ngl I don't think I could give you a solid "here is the one (1) best fic ever" so here's a whole bunch that I've rated 5 stars in my fic document!

Stammer - Excellent 100k fic, if you're looking for something long. Basically it explores Jeremy and Michael's relationship from when they were kids til a bit after the events of the musical. Really good character piece <3

Jeremy drops out of college during December of his freshman year - REALLY REALLY GOOD fic-- one of my favorites from Beth Harker. Basically Jeremy undergoes a lot of panic attacks and self hatred (some brought on by what remains of the Squip) as he and Michael go to college together. About 10k words.

in the back of my brain, the voices all sound the same - Pretty short ~1k fic that explores the idea of the Squip changing shape into things like Jeremy himself. Forever thinking about the implications.

Play it in Reverse - Really cool podfic that brings in the musical aspect of bmc and acknowledges it! With the Squip's help, Jeremy tries to fix the events of the musical by changing the lyrics. About an hour to fully listen to.

flesh & bone - AU where Jeremy is an android and the Squip Squad find him and repair him. LOVE the dynamic of everyone in this fic, but it's unfortunately unfinished. About 40k words and still worth a read despite this.

Loaded, Recoded, Unsorted - Ngl I think this was the first ever bmc fic I read?? Anyways, it still lasts in my brain despite being unfinished with about 15k words in total. Basically, Michael slowly becomes a squip with all the fun psychological horror that comes with that. Honestly if you like this I'd recommend checking out more of Nez's work. Excellent squip horror writer.

The Mechanics of Compromise - Ngl pretty much everyone I've come across has read this fic and it shouldn't be a surprise that its on this list. Absolutely adore how they handle everyone's dynamics and manage to create a really fun plot as everyone recovers from the events of the musical. Another really good 100k+ fic.

Only One Is Mine - Holy shit this fic is almost coming up on 100k words. Anyways this fic is so so so good. Basically it deals with the rising squipocalypse after the musical as Jeremy accidentally fuses with his squip and has to learn what it means to be half human, half supercomputer. LOVE this concept so much and love how its handled. Honestly one of my all time favorite fics in general-- really cool stuff!! Shoutout to Jordan fr <3

Honorable mentions:

Ophiocordyceps nippon - TRAGICALLY short fic that meant i actually rated it only 4 stars but I thought I'd share because I am still thinking about it. Basically what if the Squip was a fungus.

Same As It's Always Been - I've only read 2 chapters, since it was coming out at the time I was reading it, but its finished now!! I really enjoyed what it was when it was coming out, so I'm sure it's still a good read. Basically Rich is forced to repeat Halloween Night-- time loop style.

#be more chill #bmc #also i would love to put the mystery of ophio high because i KNOW i would LOVE that fic but i havent read fic since january this year #<- cursed with reading all of sherlock holmes #<- and was super fixated on doctor who when all the big bang fics came out #<- i have like 10 fics sitting in my firefox tab. help. i will get through them one day #anyways despite not reading that i'd recommend it because ophio is cool as hell and mayo's writing is pretty good #happi answers #i'd also put User Feedback here but i'm biased (written by my sibling). also they haven't posted their mostly written escape room chapter #and im spiteful <- celeste please i love that chapter and i dont want to bother you anytime i want to read it #Also if you're looking for more beth harker fics I almost put Taste on here but I decided against it since I figured I had enough #but pretty much anything I've read by them are some of my favorite fics. Fantastic writing style and understanding of the characters #also you can tell i love exploring the squip and squip mechanics just by looking at this list haha #i love the funky sci-fi device

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 5 months ago

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OKAY. OKAY. WINTERS FAMILY TORMENT NEXUS. as i've said before this is all REALLY vague rough outlines bc i wanted to bounce it all back n forth with u. but. what i have:

>winters family (mark & ashe & fridged mom/wife) live in a location hit by the simurgh

>mark is at work when she arrives. something horrific happens at home. maybe his wife is injured or hurt, but not killed. ashe (7/8/9) triggers. whatever his powers are, they. do Not help heal his mom. in fact the opposite.

>mark tears back home asap instead of leaving as soon as he hears her song, actively choosing to stay in her effect zone for his family. finds newly triggered baby ashe & the rest of that scene.

>theyve spent too long in the affected zone to be allowed to go free, especially since ashe triggered from it. mark nukes his whole past life & ashe's to escape without undergoing all the protocols. he spends ages doing shit work to support him & ashe bc theyre both legally dead, ends up working for overlord, manages to get enough of a fake past to get through cauldron background checks & get powers? it'll pay so much better than the grunt work he's doing now & he has to support ashe (powered)(legally dead)(would probably be executed if anyone Found Out)....

anyway to me the trickster is like. the endgame of this specific simurgh rube goldberg. somehow it doesn't end horrifically, for once! but it gets. bad. the fact that they're simurgh survivors is always looming over their heads. its why mark fucking freaks out when ashe joins the wards. literally have nothing more specific than this though u gotta help me put meat on these bones!!!!! STOP "being responsible" and "doing work" and stuff START thinking incessantly abt nhw ashe!!!!! i don't even know his powers bc i have no clue how he triggered!!!! augh. god. them..... mods torture that blonde man in the most narratively satisfying and fucked up way possible!!!!

QUIT YOUR JOB JOIN MY EMO WARDS !!!!!!!!!!!!! god dude god dude I'm gonna be thinking about this all fucking DAY . who needs to be responsible and have a job. not me!!!! FUCK !!!!!!!! dude im just. thinking abt mark being at work getting the notice to evacuate and starting to hear the song and. bc it's important to me that he's a little bit of a coward. it takes him longer than he will ever admit to decide to go back to his family. he definitely hesitates and hates himself for it because. what if he had gotten there 10 minutes earlier! who fucking knows! he never will!!

god man I'm just thinking about. that scene where they're in the hospital waiting to hear back about noelle and the person (ai?) at the desk is giving them the rundown of all the containment procedures and handing them paperwork and asking them if they can pay for the medical care. how fucked up would that be to hear after you're in the midst of losing everything. mark winters the universes most hated man. I looooooove the satisfaction in thinking about that snap decision where he goes from "relatively normal if a little emotionally repressed but otherwise does his best suburban dad" to "my wife is dead and my son is fucked up and there's this fucking sound in my head that won't go away I'm about to erase everything and break several laws in order to get us out of here" and how that eventually leads into. supervillain. it's just soooooooo. sickos haha yessss the downfall of this fucking miserable blonde guy. when do you think he consciously made that choice. he heard "you're never going to get out of here and live a normal life again" do you think he just . sat with that for a while. ashe unresponsive either due to shock or fear or the trauma of triggering/whatever his powers are and mark just has to sit there. by himself. like what the fuck am I gonna do now. auaghghghghhhh I need 2 make him so miserable forever. fuck that guy i hate his ass (<< me when I lie)

I THINK . I NEED TO SIT FOR A WHILE AND FINISH THESE NEXT COUPLE CHAPTERS AND PROCESS A LITTLE MORE BEFORE I MAKE A SOLID DECISION ON ASHES POWERS. but you knowwwww it's gonna be some fucked up horror shit. it has to be. it has to be something fucked up enough that mark forbids him from using his powers and keeps him . at home isolated for his own good. but not TOO fucked that he wouldn't be able to join the wards.

actually speaking of. HOW THE FUCK DOES HE JOIN THE WARDS. I know mark basically fucking erased their whole identity and everything but. there's noooo way the prt would let this kid join them. right?????? right????. how the hell would that even be a possibility with all the precautions in place for simurgh survivors. THEY EXPLODED THAT ONE CAPE GUYS HEAD BECAUSE HE STAYED IN PROXIMITY FOR A LITTLE BIT TOO LONG. maybe it's unofficial. maybe he never Officially joins them but he sneaks out while mark is gone and meets the boys somewhere and they become friends out of costume first. and then they learn about his powers and ashe is like "I can help!" and helps them like. as a rogue or something. but hes never registered as an official cape. is this anything. im thinking about him so much what the fuuuuuck have we done. what have we done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#ALSO I HATE THAT YOU SAID FRIDGED ABOUT HER. IN THIS SPECIFIC CASE. WE CANNOT BRIAN FRIDGE MRS WINTERS .#going 2 be in a fugue state for the rest of my shift trying 2 think about ashes powers and how they manifest #bc its totally understandable that hed trigger during an endbringer attack where theyre supposed to evacuate but his mom is hurt #and shes telling him to go without her bc they have to evacuate before simurgh gets there #bc she knows how dangerous that is and wants him to be safe but he cant just LEAVE her hes only . 8 yrs old !!!! and his dads not home yet!!#and he doesnt understand why everyone is panicking !!!! LIKE. THERES SO MANY POSSIBILITIES THERE. AUGHGVGRGRHGH #GODDDDD DUDE. IM UNWELL. I NEED 2 GO FEED MY SNAKE . BUT I WANT TO SIT HERE AND FINISH READING THE NOELLE CHAPTER.#i didnt grt to read on my lunch break at all so im DYINGGGG . im at the part now where krouse is fighting the guard in her hospital room #while she is in the MIDDLE of having her serum induced trigger and its taking her a really long time #aauaghgrhrhrhr i NEED TO KNOW WHY SHES SO FUCKED UP.#head in HANDS #ohhhhh nhw winters family im so glad to be here. and also im so so so sorry #asks #new haven wards #friends!!!#intertexts

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napping-sapphic · 1 year ago

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hmmm but that moment when you’re lonely when you suddenly remember there’s hundreds of other lonely people in this world and suddenly it feels just a little easier to breathe

#when you sit alone in your room thinking about everyone else sitting alone in their rooms #when you know inherently that they’re out there getting through their lives just the same as you #when you’re lying on your bed and realize someone out there is lying the exact same way as you thinking the same thoughts #idk im feeling a way rn #because im so lonely but so so NOT at the same time #because i have a whole world around me #lying in bed thinking the same thoughts i had at 13 and the world has changed so MUCH and it’s only going to change more #and it’s going to be so BAD and so GOOD and so TERRIFYING and so EXCITING #ughhhhh ignore me this doesn’t make sense or it does i dont know #you’re all out there so so many of you #and how can i be lonely when i know at least one of you will read this and intimately know what it means #im going crazy #someone needs to take my phone away when i wake up from naps so i can’t make these posts anymore #which - by the way - the nap slapped #and the pondering of the world just so happens to also slap #apparently

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orcelito · 1 year ago

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Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.

Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.

Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.

It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...

This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.

I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.