#ALSO I HATE THAT YOU SAID FRIDGED ABOUT HER. IN THIS SPECIFIC CASE. WE CANNOT BRIAN FRIDGE MRS WINTERS .

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

OKAY. OKAY. WINTERS FAMILY TORMENT NEXUS. as i've said before this is all REALLY vague rough outlines bc i wanted to bounce it all back n forth with u. but. what i have:

>winters family (mark & ashe & fridged mom/wife) live in a location hit by the simurgh

>mark is at work when she arrives. something horrific happens at home. maybe his wife is injured or hurt, but not killed. ashe (7/8/9) triggers. whatever his powers are, they. do Not help heal his mom. in fact the opposite.

>mark tears back home asap instead of leaving as soon as he hears her song, actively choosing to stay in her effect zone for his family. finds newly triggered baby ashe & the rest of that scene.

>theyve spent too long in the affected zone to be allowed to go free, especially since ashe triggered from it. mark nukes his whole past life & ashe's to escape without undergoing all the protocols. he spends ages doing shit work to support him & ashe bc theyre both legally dead, ends up working for overlord, manages to get enough of a fake past to get through cauldron background checks & get powers? it'll pay so much better than the grunt work he's doing now & he has to support ashe (powered)(legally dead)(would probably be executed if anyone Found Out)....

anyway to me the trickster is like. the endgame of this specific simurgh rube goldberg. somehow it doesn't end horrifically, for once! but it gets. bad. the fact that they're simurgh survivors is always looming over their heads. its why mark fucking freaks out when ashe joins the wards. literally have nothing more specific than this though u gotta help me put meat on these bones!!!!! STOP "being responsible" and "doing work" and stuff START thinking incessantly abt nhw ashe!!!!! i don't even know his powers bc i have no clue how he triggered!!!! augh. god. them..... mods torture that blonde man in the most narratively satisfying and fucked up way possible!!!!

QUIT YOUR JOB JOIN MY EMO WARDS !!!!!!!!!!!!! god dude god dude I'm gonna be thinking about this all fucking DAY . who needs to be responsible and have a job. not me!!!! FUCK !!!!!!!! dude im just. thinking abt mark being at work getting the notice to evacuate and starting to hear the song and. bc it's important to me that he's a little bit of a coward. it takes him longer than he will ever admit to decide to go back to his family. he definitely hesitates and hates himself for it because. what if he had gotten there 10 minutes earlier! who fucking knows! he never will!!

god man I'm just thinking about. that scene where they're in the hospital waiting to hear back about noelle and the person (ai?) at the desk is giving them the rundown of all the containment procedures and handing them paperwork and asking them if they can pay for the medical care. how fucked up would that be to hear after you're in the midst of losing everything. mark winters the universes most hated man. I looooooove the satisfaction in thinking about that snap decision where he goes from "relatively normal if a little emotionally repressed but otherwise does his best suburban dad" to "my wife is dead and my son is fucked up and there's this fucking sound in my head that won't go away I'm about to erase everything and break several laws in order to get us out of here" and how that eventually leads into. supervillain. it's just soooooooo. sickos haha yessss the downfall of this fucking miserable blonde guy. when do you think he consciously made that choice. he heard "you're never going to get out of here and live a normal life again" do you think he just . sat with that for a while. ashe unresponsive either due to shock or fear or the trauma of triggering/whatever his powers are and mark just has to sit there. by himself. like what the fuck am I gonna do now. auaghghghghhhh I need 2 make him so miserable forever. fuck that guy i hate his ass (<< me when I lie)

I THINK . I NEED TO SIT FOR A WHILE AND FINISH THESE NEXT COUPLE CHAPTERS AND PROCESS A LITTLE MORE BEFORE I MAKE A SOLID DECISION ON ASHES POWERS. but you knowwwww it's gonna be some fucked up horror shit. it has to be. it has to be something fucked up enough that mark forbids him from using his powers and keeps him . at home isolated for his own good. but not TOO fucked that he wouldn't be able to join the wards.

actually speaking of. HOW THE FUCK DOES HE JOIN THE WARDS. I know mark basically fucking erased their whole identity and everything but. there's noooo way the prt would let this kid join them. right?????? right????. how the hell would that even be a possibility with all the precautions in place for simurgh survivors. THEY EXPLODED THAT ONE CAPE GUYS HEAD BECAUSE HE STAYED IN PROXIMITY FOR A LITTLE BIT TOO LONG. maybe it's unofficial. maybe he never Officially joins them but he sneaks out while mark is gone and meets the boys somewhere and they become friends out of costume first. and then they learn about his powers and ashe is like "I can help!" and helps them like. as a rogue or something. but hes never registered as an official cape. is this anything. im thinking about him so much what the fuuuuuck have we done. what have we done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Before starting season 2 of The Boys I wanted to see if I have some thoughts to sort out about season 1. I’m probably gonna sound a little too much “person who’s only watched Supernatural watching a different show: I’m getting Supernatural vibes from this”, but I think that in this specific case I’m justified in doing this kind of comparisons, also considering that literal professional publications have been doing the same. So.

I liked how well-planned and relatively enclosed the season feels. It has a starkly circular structure, starting with a woman’s fridging and ending with a woman’s unfridging; the Deep and A-Train, who commit the “original sins” at the beginning of the series, go though a contrappasso of sorts, suffering exactly what they inflicted to someone else; Homelander, repeatedly placed in opposition to people’s children (hating Stillwell’s baby for stealing her time, killing the senator and his son on that plane, letting the girl and her mother die in the other plane) eventually finds his own. (It’s funny, thoughout the season I was blindsided by the planes and expected the climax of Homelander’s arc in the season to be about one more plane, instead it was about the children. I should have expected that! That’s how you know a narrative is good. I’m spoiled enough about future developments now to know that the theme of parenthood is strong with this one. I appreciate it.)

So many parallels throughout the season, I couldn’t list them all if I spent the entire night looking for them. It stood out for me in the finale the parallel between Kimiko taking care of her appearance in front of the mirror, reclaiming her humanity they tried to strip her of by attempting to turn her into a monster*, and the Deep shaving also in front of a mirror, as he struggles with his identity and role in the world. Mirrors in mirrors. But this is just one of many, every arc and plot point mirrors at least another.

*It’s not as shoved in your face like in Supernatural, but a major theme of the narrative is what makes a human and what makes a monster, and how you can build your identity in the space between the two.

Identity, who you are, who (what) you want to be - not a coincidence names are so important in The Boys, with so many characters who go with nicknames/pseudonyms, and dance between the two depending on context, or others play with their name. The Deep is called by his real name only by his therapist, Homelander - who even mentions forgetting he even has an actual name at times... - only by Vogelbaum... The scene where Hughie speaks his dead girlfriend’s name Robin and A-Train retorts that his dead girlfriend also had a name, Charlotte - the first time we hear it - is so poignant and powerful.

It’s intriguing to me how Dean Winchester somehow tweaked his way in this show, too. I don’t know if this was intentional - The Boys definitely seems to be a show where things are intentional and planned thoroughly in advance, but who knows - but the vibe I got from the show is that it started out as a Supernatural AU of sorts where Hughie was clearly supposed to be Sam and Butcher was supposed to be Dean, but Dean looked at it and said “nope, that’s my father, I’m that one” and pointed his finger in Frenchie’s direction.

I mean, I’m kidding, Butcher is a sort of amalgamation of a certain side/concept of Dean (more like the aesthetic/vibe Kripke started the character on) and John (the wife “killed” by Yellow Red Eyes, her affair with Homelander the equivalent of Mary’s deal with Azazel, the baby being somewhat responsible for the mother’s death/disappearance due to his involvement in the supernatural stuff... it’s quite direct.) But Frenchie is the Dean who finds Cas, as Kimiko and Cas have a ridiculous lot in common, and so have the two relationships.

It’s interesting how the season operates a speedrun unfridging of Mary (of course since in the universe of The Boys normal people cannot come back from the dead, she turns out never to have died in the first place, but for her husband and the audience she counted as dead, so). Of course there’s plenty of foreshadowing that she was actually alive, although I was also blindsided by the fake flashback and felt very surprised, because I was assuming that Becca would turn out alive, so I believed I was wrong and then it turned out I was right.

The difference is that this Mary comes back to life when John is still alive, still pursuing his destructive path of revenge. Butcher being both John and Dean, I presume as I approach the season season, will allow the character to deconstruct the mental image of Mary-Becca he had in his head (a flawed woman, not a pure martyr) but also question his own choices, something Supernatural’s John didn’t get to do.

Homelander, of course, is a mixture of Azazel and Lucifer (then of course, in Supernatural Azazel and Lucifer, Mary and Kelly, Sam and Jack etc are all mirrors for each other) but I’d also say that... he’s evil Castiel. Then again, Lucifer and Castiel are absolutely mirrors for each other, too, so it tracks. Homelander repeatedly goes against Vought, frustrating Stillwell as he pursues his own methods. And of course his conflict with Stillwell comes to the dramatic climax in the finale. Vought his heaven, obviously, and he does not quite obey to the orders. He does what he does for Vought, but also... in his own way and with his own perspectives, rejecting the strictly business approach of the corporation. It’s not the profit of the shareholders he cares about, I’m sure. Or maybe calling him the evil Castiel seems more fitting since calling him Lucifer sounds like an insult Homelander and his actor don’t deserve XD

This is getting a little too long, so I’ll wrap this up for now. I’m here if anyone wants to talk about the show, just don’t spoil me for seasons 2 and 3!

[curiousconch]

No Clear Skies Ahead

Chapter 1 of Ricochet (An Open Heart AU). Read the prologue here. 

Chapter Synopsis: An investigation is launched after a threat was sent to the DA's office. In an attempt to protect Heather, Rafael zooms in on the case but stumbles upon an inner struggle which leads to dire consequences.

Pairing: Rafael Aveiro x MC (Dr. Heather Song) 

Words: 3k+ | Genre: Crime, Mystery, Thriller, Romance

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / sex, mental health issues

Author’s Notes: Majority of the characters are owned by Pixelberry, except the main character Heather Song. There are also small references to canon, so spoiler alert for those who haven’t played OH 2 yet. This specific chapter was inspired by Bruno Mars' It Will Rain (Live version - X Factor).

Rafael dropped his bag on the apartment floor, an exasperated sigh escaped his lips as he waded his way to the kitchen. 

On a normal day, Rafael wouldn't be this ill-tempered. But today wasn't normal, normalcy went out the window since they received that threat. 

Two weeks has passed since, and both of their lives are imploding. He shook his head as he recalled their conversation that night, while trying to have a peaceful dinner for once. 

"I need to go, Raf. This is groundbreaking cancer research that may help some of our patients," she explained while she unwrapped her bibimbap. 

"How long will you be at Johns Hopkins then?" he asked, while he himself took a bite from his beef patties. 

"The initial plan would be at least a week. I'll fly out to Maryland on Monday, so I won't be back until Saturday morning. We want to be able to lend a hand to the planning of the clinical trials. Edenbrook wants to participate," her voice sounded excited. 

"I don't think it's a great idea right now, Heather," he shook his head gently, a genuine look of concern in his face. 

Heather wasn't entirely enthused by his response. 

"What, I can't live my life now because of that stupid note?" she said in a vicious tone. "If I let this thing hang over my head for the rest of my life, there's no use of all of this fuss."

"I'm just trying to look out for you, Heath," he replied, not wanting to spend this rare quality time arguing.

She got awfully quiet, as she averted her gaze. She was stubborn, but her behavior told him she was on edge. 

Resigned, he just nodded and expressed his agreement. He reminded her to come back as soon as possible, and made plans to pick her up at the airport.

He spent the rest of the night sucking up his frustration. They individually came up with an excuse and parted early, even the idea of sex was off the table. 

He grabbed a beer from his fridge and padded his way to the living room, switching on the TV to watch some late night news. 

A special report was playing, covering much of the recent developments in the case. It briefly mentioned Heather, making him frown. 

They only knew a few things about the note, including the fact that it was emailed directly to Bryce Lahela, the same prosecutor who executed Travis Perry in court. He suspected that It was meant to hit two birds in one stone - to threaten the DA and the doctor who reported the ruse. The mastermind is informed who was involved. 

The IT team were able to trace where the email was sent - it was from a terminal in a nearby public library. This was expected, and Rafael wasn't wrong to ignore his gut that told him this was just the start. 

A week after, a second note came. This time, faxed to Senator Ed Farrugia's office. But unlike the first message, it was wordless.

Instead, it contained two images - two shots of the politician meeting with associates at a nearby hotel. The office of the senator confirmed it to be taken the same day the fax was sent. 

The whole Boston field office was on full gear, with the Senate presurring the agency to reopen the case. The stakes were slowly becoming higher. 

This wasn't a childish prank, he concluded. It's the beginning of a well-planned attack. 

He waited for another move from the faceless sender. His training told him that this is going to be a slow burn. If the perpetrator waited months to put this into action, they wouldn't hesitate to wait for the perfect time. Raf's whole team were still clueless to the most important matter at hand - the when and the how. 

He wished hard for it to be nothing but empty threats, but he knew better. He struggled to stop himself from taking this too personally, convincing himself that he had a job to do. But he can't help himself. So he spent the past two weeks leaving no stone unturned. 

Meanwhile, Heather drowned herself with work. 

Rafael knew it was an effort of her taking control. In the few months that they were dating, he learned how she had to hide anything that was wrong. She was a doctor, and she was required to smile at her patients every single day. That's also how she coped - pretending that there's nothing wrong and pushing everyone away. 

His own attempts to comfort her proved futile as most of his time was also occupied by the investigation. 

It's not over, Dr. Song. Every single word in that short sentence cast a long shadow over his every move, beckoning a hidden resentment he never knew existed. 

The rising anxiety within him got amplified as their shifts ended in irregular hours. For two weeks, they barely saw each other. He would call her at the end of his day, but he felt that she involuntarily withdrew from him more over time. He knew it was her defense, Rafael himself a stark reminder of the threat that just overturned her life. 

Her shielded independence irked him greatly. He wanted her to rely on him, now, more than ever. He wanted to share this with her, and his concerns only grew every single day. 

He never thought  that there would ever be a distance between them. He hated the thought of Heather wanting to tend to herself. 

Did she not trust him enough? Didn't she want to rely on him? Can't she just lean on him, especially during this time? What else is this relationship for then? 

He knew she grew up independently, she was forced to rely on no one but herself for most of her teenage and adult years. She was strong and not fragile.  But he desired so much to protect her, to save her, just like the same way he did the year before. But he knew she wasn't that kind of girl. 

And when Heather shut him down another time tonight, he felt cornered.  She'll be out, indefinitely. Will she even miss me? His head hurt just thinking about it. He had a hard time sleeping that night, feeling an emptiness he didn't feel ever since he met her. 

It wasn't long when the void that he felt over her abrupt absence got filled by someone else. 

The week Heather flew to Johns Hopkins, a childhood friend came back to Boston. An ex, in fact. Sora, his high school sweetheart. It all began with a seemingly innocent chat, an invitation to catch up. 

But it soon escalated to him being more involved with her, volunteering his spare time to help her reacquainted to their neighborhood. With Heather dismissing him in every turn, he diverted his energies to spending time with Sora. For a few days, he didn't know why he kept her company, but as time went on, he understood. 

It was Sora's consistent need of him, asking small favors from him every chance she gets. It was the total opposite of what Heather was doing. 

She was familiar with Rafael, so she it was easy for her to feed his uncontrollable need to be someone's savior. Superman needed his own fix. 

It's partially the reason why he ended up being an FBI agent himself. It was his innate need to save someone from practically anything. He lived and breathed to be someone's hero. 

With no desire to spend another night at Donahues, he asked his high school friends to come over to his place on Friday after work for some movies and beer, a mini reunion, for Sora. He persuaded himself that it was nothing else but an effort to help a friend out. 

That night became full of nostalgia, as friends who showed up exchanged stories of their adventures from their childhood and teenage years. Over the next few hours, their friends left one by one, eventually leaving him and Sora alone. They each had a few more beers than they usually drank, and their chat unsurprisingly catapulted towards the end of their high school love affair. They talked about what attracted them to one another, eventually venturing to the regrets Sora had when they broke up.

"I think I never got over you, you know," Sora casually teased him, chugging down another bottle of beer. "Our breakup felt forced, and I hadn't been able to feel the same way with someone else..." her voice trailed off, her hand gently hovering over his thigh. 

He didn't push her away. Although he wanted to, but he melted in the attention she was giving him. 

He just nodded in reply, drinking from his own bottle, his mind racing, his heart beating uncontrollably in his chest. He knew he had to stop this, but he lacked the willpower to do so. 

With Rafael's pent up frustrations and Sora's voluntary prodding, they ended up kissing. Their hands roaming each other as they tried to rediscover their past, their clothes carelessly discarded one after another on his living room. Rafael's head screamed opposition, but his body cannot resist the contact. Shutting down the shouting disagreement in his mind, he let his hands take over him. 

He let his hands roam, feeling electrified by someone familiar, who knew his flaws, his body. He sensed that Sora felt exactly the same.  In the heat of their bodies, they didn't hear the keys jingling and a door creaking open. 

A sound of glass breaking made them look up. 

"What the hell?" 

There, standing in his dim entryway, was a flushed faced Heather. She held a suitcase, staring daggers at him and Sora as they were sprawled half-naked on the living room couch.

Shit. 

Sora followed his gaze, and a mortified look of shame filled her eyes.  Heather instantly fled, slamming the door closed behind her.  Rafael rose from the couch, cursing under his breathe as he retrieved his clothes and covered his body. 

He shot Sora a look of apology, and she understood. Grabbing his jacket and his keys, he followed Heather, running like he was being chased by death.  A bitter taste formed at the back of his tongue as his mind raced with the number of possibilities how this night would end. He shook himself out of his thoughts, surprised as rain fell over him the moment he stepped out his apartment building. November is Boston's wettest month. 

Despite the lack of visibility, his eyes shot in different directions, trying to find a trace of Heather. He saw her black suitcase just as it disappeared in the nearest street corner.

His shoes dug heavily on the wet sidewalk as he followed her sprinting shadow for two full blocks. He called out to her, unfazed by the fact that the pouring rain could mute him. 

At last Heather stopped. He saw as the lights of the stream of traffic shining at her small figure. 

He called her once more. But panic instantly filled him as he saw her advance the street in front of a fast-approaching car. 

He rushed towards her, pulling her back in time. 

"What the hell, Heather?" he looked down at her with fury and concern.  He was surprised with her strength as she pushed  him back, freeing herself from his grip. 

"I asked you first," she gave him an accusing look, poison in her words. He instantly remembered why he chased her. 

His stance immediately got defensive. Without thinking, he dragged Heather, ignoring her protests. He found an alley with some sort of roof, saving them from the downpour momentarily. 

"Meu amor," his raspy voice breaking as he struggled to make Heather look at him. He reached out to her, touching her shoulders. Her face filled with pain crushed his soul. 

"I don't have any words except I'm sorry." His whole body shook, his strong arms wrapping around her as he began to sob. "Heather, I... I made a mistake. I was weak," his hands gently cupped her face, his voice lowering to nothing but a faint whisper. "I just missed you so much, but I swear, I didn't mean for this to happen."  

Rafael felt stupid at the lame excuse he could muster, knowing full well how horribly he fucked up.

Being soaked through the bones did not numb the pain he was feeling. Her silence became more unbearable by the minute. He attempted to kiss her, but failed the moment she  avoided it. 

"If you wanted to give up, you didn't have to pretend." she hissed, with tear-stained cheeks and a gaze haunting back at him, speaking volumes. "If you didn't want me around anymore, you should have just told me." he saw her bite her lip, her voice filled with contempt. 

His chest constricted, realizing the damage he had done. "I want you, I still want you. I want no one else but you," he pleaded, wishing that there was a way to reverse what he had done. "Forgive me, meu amor, give me the chance to make this right, please," his voice shook as he begged her, his lungs about to give out, heavy of guilt. 

Her silence stung more than any word. Her rigid body, motionless against his shivering chest. When he couldn't take her refusal to speak anymore, he took one last attempt to pound down the walls she was beginning to build. Fueled by nothing but desperation, he took her hands in his and knelt in front of her, waiting eagerly for an answer.

But as he gazed up at her, the small glimmer of hope in him dissipated. The eyes that once shined like the whole universe was in it, turned empty, dark and desolate.

She retrieved her hands from his grip, Rafael's face twisted in horror as he felt her slip away. He knew right then that he just lost her.  "I can't, Rafael. I just can't right now."

In those few words, his world tumbled over. He watched her turn around and walk away, helpless. Once that he can no longer see any trace of her, his knuckles pounded the ground until it bled. 

The rain outside crept its way inside him. It will be a long time before it stopped.  

[bohemian-rhapsody-slash]

Thank you so much for writing this and sharing this, anon! I really love it 😊 it’s sad and sweet and there’s a bit of humour all at the same time! ❤️❤️❤️

WARNING: mentions of forced relationship, abortion

******

Hi darling! It's me again, the person who wrote a ficlet about IBTYF ddverse second generation (dash) a while ago. Guess what? I've written another part of this story! I hope it isn't rude to submit it here but really only you and your readers would be interested in it.

It's a bit long... but we all have more time now, don't we?

I apologise again for any mistakes, English is not my first language

***

David had bought this apartment several years ago. It wasn’t large, because he couldn’t afford a big flat. He was already in his thirties then but after he had quit his father’s company, he couldn’t find a salary as good as he had in Foster Records. His younger brother Marc has already made a great career. He also had a sub and children while David was considered a “defective” offsping. But still not banished, that was a success! Personally, David wouldn’t mind this, but he didn’t want to hurt his mum. Also it would be really horrible for his career as a lawyer, if he was banished by his father.

David entered the flat and smiled when he saw that Josh was already at home. They had been living together for several years. Josh also worked as a lawyer but his area was really specific: he defended subs’rights. The work was hard but the pay was small.

Living together at first wasn’t easy for them. They were used to having a sub mother taking care of the house or living on their own. But a union of two working Doms wasn’t a common thing. Gradually, they grew used to this kind of life and found out it was great to have someone who can share your chores and problems but also is an equal partner.

Josh’s parents knew he had a relationship with David Foster. They were okay with this but not very happy. They didn’t like the fact that their son was dating someone who had to hide his relationship and always be discreet. But still David visited them with Josh about twice a year. His family didn’t know anything about them. Well, his mother knew he was friends with Josh and sometimes seeing him, but no more. This situation was certainly bothering Dave but this was the best he could have.

Their relationship wasn’t always so calm. They had been in and out of it several times. They tried to date someone else. David had even got married to a sub girl who was a daughter of his father’s friend. He knew that she was in love with someone who was considered inappropriate for her, so he just married her to give her freedom. Several months later she escaped to Japan with her beloved, and David had told everyone he had known nothing about her plans. He hated lying like this but it also was all he could do to protect her. Her family still hadn’t found her.

Soon after his marriage came to its end, David ran into Josh again. They decided to try again and settled in this small flat in London.

“Hey honey! Have you already eaten? Because I’ve bought a frozen pizza”

“Pizza would be great, thanks. We also have some soup from yesterday in the fridge”, answered Josh. He was sitting at his laptop, still working.

“What’s new?” asked Dave, putting dinner into the microwave.

“Well, I’ve talked to my parents this afternoon”

“And how are they doing?”

“They’re really happy about this recording equipment you gave them for Christmas. They’ve recorded several songs that were written back in 70s. Also one of my friends helped them to remaster old tapes. They’re uploading this music into the internet now. And you know what? People are excited. Oldschool is fashionable now, as I understand. They’re asking questions about Queen”.

“Wow” David was surprised but mostly happy. “It’s great! Finally they can be famous without my father… or anyone staying on their way”

“Yeah, and Dad wants to write an article… or even, like, a book about Queen. You know, with all his old photos and so on. He wants to tell the true story of what happened to the band. But he needs to ask permission from your Mum. Because this story would be incomplete without his story and also it will show your father in a very… unpleasant way. Also he wants to mention John as an author of some of the songs”.

“I’ll ask him tomorrow. I hope he would agree”, said Dave. He was glad because maybe that’s how his mother finally would have some justice in his life. Nowadays people start to discuss sub rights more. And though the situation still wasn’t very great for subs, such situations as Queen’s record contract were almost impossible now. But it was at least legal at the time, but the whole story about how his father illegally put Freddie and Brian to jail and his mother was practically obliged to marry him… This could really harm his father and the whole Foster family, including himself. Not that he was so worried about Ray or even himself, but his brothers… it was not their fault they were born in this family.

It seemed like Josh was also thinking about this because he asked “And what about you, darling, are you okay with all this?”

“I… I’m not sure now” answered David. “You see, this can affect a lot of people, not only us and our parents. The Internet is a big deal now. But I think we should ask Mum first and then make the decision”.

***

Several days later

David entered his flat, saw Josh lying on the sofa and started telling him the news right away.

“Honey, I’ve talked to my mum” he said, entering the living room. “I’m afraid he’s completely against the idea of publishing the whole story. He explained that he doesn’t want to go back to this unpleasant memories, also he doesnt’ want to harm the family and overall he thinks we should leave it in the past. He says your father may write their story up to the meeting with Foster Records and then just mention that they came to a disagreement with the company. And he doesn’t want his name mentioned! I tried to convince him that it wouldn’t do us any harm because he had changed his last name but he is still worried. Maybe I’ll try to tall to him again later but now that’s all we have”.

“Well, I could expect this” Josh commented sadly. “Based on what I know about John, I mean. Maybe he feels like he’s had enough”.

“Probably” answered David. “I’m thinking… maybe we’ll get them together? Like, tomorrow my father will be out of town and I can just take Mum to your parents’ house...”

“Oh” Josh looked guilty “Sorry, I’m busy tomorrow, I have to go to the doctor”

“Is everything okay, honey?” David asked.

“Yeah, it’s okay, I’m just pregnant,” Josh looked up “But tomorrow I won’t be, so you don’t have to worry”.

David froze for a second, then he carefully approached Josh and sat beside him onto the sofa.

“Josh, I know that this decision is completely yours, but please can we talk about it?”

He was a bit confused by this light-heartedness in Josh’s voice.

“I just don’t want to make a big deal out of this”, answered Josh. “We both know that a baby could ruin our lives”.

“Why do you think so?”

“Isn’t it obvious, darling? We don’t have a claim and we cannot have one. I don’t want to tie you to us for the next twenty years or so. And I couldn’t raise a kid on my own in my current situation. My employer treats pregnant Doms kindly but I doubt he could significantly raise my salary. And my Dad has recently retired, as you know. I don’t want to be a burden for my parents. I know that wealth doesn’t mean happiness, but a child still needs food, shelter and clothes. That’s why my parents only could have two kids and I can’t now afford having even one”.

“But if you could, would you keep a baby?”

David was thinking that they should have such a conversation much earlier.

Josh hesitated for a while and then answered.

“I think I would because I want to continue my parents’ line of upbringing. This kid could be happier than most. And also I want to have a part of you… and me together and, like in books, “look into the face of eternity”. But I really don’t want to obligate you. It would be extremely hard hiding a relationship after we had a baby. Also the child won’t be protected by the law...”

“Well, do you think that we, as the two best lawyers of the country, can’t find a way to protect a baby?” David smiled.

“The best? You wish!” Josh also smiled for the first time that evening but then became serious again. «What can we do considering a child now can’t even have two same-status parents legally?”

“Well, I can’t be legally a father but I can give him or her rights at my property and write a will in your favour in case something happens to me”

“Your family would destroy us because they are your primary heirs. And… your father already does really despise my family. What would he do if he knew all this? Are you sure that you’re ready to take all the risks? We can’t escape the country right now because as lawyers we only can work here with our laws, you know. ”

David hugged him. He wasn’t sure about anything, really.

“When I was about twenty”, he started, “I’ve had a lot of one-night-stands who were Doms I didn’t really know. Of course, I used protection but as we can see, it isn’t 100% safe. And when I found out that I was pregnant, I had an abortion, like, immediately, because I was afraid that it meant the end of my life. Like, literally, I was scared that my father would kill me without even thinking. And I also feel that my mother hated me when he got pregnant because that meant he was stuck with my father forever. So I know this decision is up to you and you should make it based omn your feelings. But as for me, of course, I wasn’t ready for this… Since that dreadful moment, I thought that I won’t have any children because I didn’t see any way to have them without either me having a relationship with some sub I wouldn’t really love or me being banished from my family. But now I think I should do what you had told me – be brave to defend people I love. So if the financial situation and my family are the only things that make you think about not having a baby – I promise you this won’t be a problem for you. Ever”

Josh looked at him, tears in his eyes. “You’ve never told me you had been pregnant”.

“Sorry, I was too embarassed to tell anyone, even you. I thought you would consider me a coward and a bad person”.

Josh took his hand. “You’ve never been a coward. But are you really ready for this life-long adventure?”

“Only with you, honey”.

***

About eight months later

Josh was really confused. He had never seen his father crying before.

“Dad, please-”

“It’s okay, sorry, Josh,” said Brian, wiping his tears with his hand. “It’s just- when I’ve thought about him being called Freddie- It was too much for me”.

Roger hugged his Dom. He was also on the verge of tears. They all were in their old house where they took Josh from the hospital. (“And where’s the happy father?” asked Roger. “He’ll come very soon”, Josh assured him).

“You know, Freddie really liked the name Tiger. He always told me it would be fun to call a child Tiger. But your father-”

Roger’s speech was interrupted by someone ringing at the door. Brian went to open it. Suddenly they heard a strange sound – like he was crying and yelling at the same time.

“Darling, what happened?” Roger was ready to run to his husband but then Brian came back followed by David and…

“JOHN????” Roger now also was on the verge of crying. He hugged his long-lost friend.

“Sorry, Rog, Bri, I didn’t know I’m gonna come here, it’s just… my son brought me. He told me we have to discuss our songs but I’ve already told him-”

“Mom” David interrupted him “I also want you to meet someone. Your grandson, Richard Frederik-”

“Tiger,” added Roger.

“Mum, NO!!!” shouted Josh. “I’ve already told you: no Tigers, no Jaguars and no Chevrolets in my family!”

Everyone laughed and John sat beside him at the sofa and looked at the baby Josh was holding. He closed his eyes for a moment and tears started flowing down his cheeks.

“Mum, are you okay?” David asked worriedly. “Mum?”

John opened his eyes, caressed little Richard Frederik and turned to look at his own son.

“Well, young man, now I need to hear the whole story. I feel the evening’s gonna be interesting”.

[iamvegorott]

Undercover Love Ch. 26

Taken Away

Dark made his way into the control room, the slight, fuzzy feeling in his chest made it hard for him to resist the urge to smile as he walked over to Google and Bing. Dark knew what was causing this feeling and he knew that the one that was running through his thoughts was making him so...warm.

“That’s practically across the country,” Bing said in a soft whine, standing behind the chair Google was sitting on looking at the laptop Google had on his legs.

“It’s larger than our previous area, meaning a larger building and a larger building means more room, larger rooms, bigger beds, more-” Google stopped when Bing wrapped his arms around him.

“But I want to stay near here.” Bing protested, placing his chin on Google’s shoulder. “I really like the Septiceyes.”

“As do I,” Google admitted, moving a hand to hold Bing’s arms.

“Chase helps me make sure that you eat and speaking of-”

“Bing.” Google groaned.

“Good morning.” Dark’s greeting made Google shut the laptop unconsciously.

“Morning, Dark.” Bing greeted back, feeling that Google had tensed in his hold.

“Do you mind if I ask Google a question privately?” Bing was a little shocked that Dark had asked instead of using his usual ‘this is an order’ tone.

“No problem! I’ll go get us a snack.” Bing said with a smile. “Any preference, Googs?”

“Lemon squares?” Google asked shyly.

“Shocker.” Bing teased. “Want me to grab you anything?” He asked Dark.

“I’m good.”

“I’ll be back, lickety-split.” Bing giggled, giving Google a kiss on the cheek and then heading off towards the kitchen. Google waited for Dark to scoff or make a comment or something, but Dark just watched as Bing happily skipped away, a weird look of understanding in his eyes.

“What do you need?” Google asked.  

“Could you tell me where you got Bing’s flowers for your anniversary?”

“Bing’s flowers?” Google was now very lost. “Yes, but, not to be rude or nosy, but why?”

“It’ll be clear later,” Dark stated.

“Okay…” Google held out the word. “I can give you the address.”

“Perfect, thank you.” Dark handed Google his phone, knowing that he would program what he needed into it to get him to the place.

“Chase said you’re the reason their lemon budget has doubled.” Bing laughed when he came back into the room, a plateful of lemon squares was balancing on one hand while he held a bag of chips with the other. “He also said that Dark’s the reason their sugar budget has doubled as well.”

“They’re both making me have to buy too much sugar.” Chase chuckled, having followed Bing. “I thought Anti was the one with the sweet tooth here.”

“Edward hates that they have such a strong sweet tooth…sweet teeth? Does it become plural?” Chase only shrugged to answer that question before continuing.

“You should hear Henrik, though; ‘I don’t care what you are, that much sugar cannot be good for you!’.” Chase started to laugh loudly, since his impersonation of Henrik had been terrible.

“That’s what Edward says about Dar-” Bing quickly cut himself off. “I-I meant Googs.”

“I’m heading out for a bit.” Dark said before Chase could fully catch what Bing had been saying.

“Purple chrysanthemums?” Chase asked with a knowing look.

“Perhaps.” Dark hummed and walked out of the building.

“Wait, what?” Bing asked.

“I’ll make sense later.” Chase chuckled. Leaving Bing clueless and Google even more confused.

x~x~x

Dark found himself standing in the center of a beautiful flower shop and the bright variety of colors surrounding him made him feel like he was sticking out like a sore thumb. He wasn’t really known for his colors. He also wasn’t known for flowers if it wasn’t just buying a simple rose to persuade a target to leave with him.

“Can I help you?” A young woman asked, her green apron with the store’s logo printed on it told Dark that she did work here.

“I’m looking for some flowers,” Dark answered.

“I hope so, it’s all we sell here.” The woman, Lindsey, according to her name tag, giggled.

“I guess you for me there.” Dark flashed one of his best fake smiles knowing he needed to stay fully level and polite if he ever wanted to return.

“Are you getting them for decoration or for someone?”

“For someone.” Dark saw Lindsey’s face light up.

“What’s her name.”

“His name’s Andy.” Dark had prepared the fake name ahead of time, just in case he was asked and making it so that if he misspoke, it was very unlikely that it would be noticed.

“Oh, my bad.” Lindsey rubbed the side of her head. “Is there a specific kind of flower you’re looking for? Color, type, do you want it in a vase or a handheld bouquet? Do you want matching ribbons for it?”

“I…” Dark was not ready for a storm of questions.

“How about we take this one step at a time?” Lindsey gave Dark an understanding smile before taking a notepad and pencil out of her apron pouch. “Tell me what you know and we’ll work our way from there.”  

“Purple chrysanthemums.” Dark watched as Lindsey wrote down what he said, wondering for a second if she knew how to spell chrysanthemums without having to look it up.

“What else?” There was a long, awkward pause. “Hmm, tell me about Andy, maybe that’ll help me come up with something.”

“He’s a...co-worker.” Dark held his hands behind his back so he could pick at his fingers without being seen. “He’s eccentric, crude, loud,” Dark kept listing while Lindsey started to look a little worried. “He’s also...caring of his other workers, his family. He’s sarcastic, sassy, overly-flirty and always knows how to make someone laugh.” Dark was unaware of the large smile that was forming on his face and the slight chuckle to his voice. “He’ll act all tough, although he does have the strength to match, but he has a soft heart and he makes a mean cup of tea.” Dark snapped out of his trance when Lindsey squealed.

“I know exactly what to make for you!”

“W-Wait…” Dark wasn’t able to stop Lindsey before she took off. “This is a lot more complicated than I’d thought it’d be.” Dark sighed to himself, heading over to a display of flowers, spending some time looking at the colors before groaning when his phone vibrated in his pocket. “Yes?”

“I heard that someone’s out on a little trip~” Wilford sang into Dark’s ear through the phone speaker.

“Maybe,” Dark said, fingers gently touching the head of a flower and tilting it towards him.

“And that trip is about flowers~” Wilford kept singing.

“Don’t you have to go put your mouth on JJ or something?” Dark scoffed.

“Sounds like I’m not the only getting some Septiceye loving tonight.” Wilford teased, making a face that Dark could practically hear.

“Shut up.” Dark grumbled. “I’ll be back later.” He added when he saw Lindsey coming back over to him. “Woah.” Was all Dark could say when he saw the bouquet in her arms. The majority of it was the purple chrysanthemums but there were smaller white flowers in there, along with what looked like black sticks throughout the flower arrangement.

“Purple chrysanthemums, white calla lilies, and black colored twigs.” Lindsey described, handing the flowers to Dark. “Do you like it?”

“It’s perfect.” Dark was still in awe.

“You definitely don’t flower much, do you?” Lindsey giggled. “Register’s over here, I already have them ringed up, all you have to do is pay.”  Dark gave Lindsey a real smile this time and after paying for the bouquet, he couldn’t stop smiling the entire trip back to the headquarters.

“What do you mean you don’t know where they are!?” Dark could feel the sudden shift in the air when he stepped into the control room, flowers hiding behind his back. Marvin was yelling at Henrik, eyes wide in fear.

“I mean I don’t know where they are,” Henrik said. “Chase has been gone since he got a phone call an hour ago.”  

“And Anti?”

“Same case.”

“What’s going on?” Dark asked, walking up to the two, still keeping his flowers hidden.

“Chase and Anti are missing,” Marvin said.

“Missing?”

“We’re used to Anti running off with little warning but Chase always at least leave me a note if he’s going to leave.” Marvin was now beginning to pace. “What even was that phone call about?”

“I don’t know,” Henrik said.

“Why’s Marvin yelling?” Yandere asked as she came into the room with the rest of the Ipliers.

“We’ve checked everywhere and we can’t find either of them,” Jackie said as he Robbie and JJ came in as well.

“Bing, Google, try to hack into Chase’s phone and see if you can trace the phone call at all,” Dark ordered, snapping into action.

“Is that a bouquet?” Robbie asked.

“Later. First, we need to-” Dark stopped when one of the screens on the control panel turned on and showed static.

“A countdown?” Bim said when a timer showed up in red on the screen.

“A countdown to what?” Wilford asked. The screen underneath the timer went to static as well and quickly changed to a survellance camera.

“It’s them!” Marvin cried out. Chase and Anti were both tied to chairs and together, a thick, metallic object on their necks and by the blinking red lights, everyone could tell what they were.

Dark’s hand went numb and the bouquet fell to the ground, feeling as if his heart had gone down with it.

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[bucky-iss-bae]

Love Yourself (Stony) - Part 2

Fandom: Marvel Pairing: Stony (Steve x Tony) Summary: After Civil War Tony and Steves relationship falls to pieces as do both Tony and Steve - A Loose Enemies to Friends to Lovers - Very Loose. Warnings: Angst, swearing, I think I made Steve look like a really bad guy and a prick. But I do love him. A/N: So this is the first multiple part fic that I’m posting, one of many xoxo Hey all, here’s part 2 out of 3 on my Stony Fic. As a writer, I’m still growing so sorry if the characterisation is a little out, but hope you all enjoy x 

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Stony (Steve x Tony)

Summary: After Civil War Tony and Steves relationship falls to pieces as do both Tony and Steve - A Loose Enemies to Friends to Lovers - Very Loose.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, I think I made Steve look like a really bad guy and a prick. But I do love him.

Masterlist  Fandom List 

Love Yourself - Part 2 

Living in such close proximity to someone that Tony wanted to avoid was proven to be more difficult than he thought. Especially if he was still madly in love with that certain someone, yet wanted to avoid them like the plague. But of course, he would never admit the former to anyone. Ever.

But he understood that they shared mutual friends. That they had the same family, and that despite everything you can’t split up a family despite how heartbroken he was.

Tony had done the good thing of clearing everyone’s names from what happened in Germany, everyone aside from Bucky and Steve’s names. Despite it being more difficult than said, especially since they didn’t have a lot of trust in who didn’t want to go along with the accords.

The easiest if anything was to make sure Barton was free, seeing as he was ‘retired’ aside from the odd opp, or the cold cases he didn’t do much, he had SHIELD at his disposal yet the only person he took orders from was Fury.

Wilson was out of the goodness of his heart. He had a good relationship with Rhodey, and helped with his recovery and between Tony and Sam there was a mutual understanding.

T’Challa made sure that Steve and Bucky had their freedom, Tony couldn’t in his heart after everything that the three of them specifically went through to help them. They left him, so why should he help them?

Steve did try to talk to Tony, from time to time. Each time Tony nearly gave in. Nearly. Bucky, it was a different story, despite saying that Tony wouldn’t help them. He helped Bucky a lot.

After Bucky was put under in Wakanda, and once they returned to New York he had a new arm. One with nanotechnology that Tony understood and had to work with especially after missions to ensure everyone's safety.

Trusting either of them in battlefields wasn’t something he wasn’t comfortable with, instead it spiked his anxiety, and he soon realized they were trying to prove their worth, and trying to prove that they were on the same team as Tony.

Tony soon started to grow from everything. Over time he got used to living in the same space as his ex, he got used to being around Bucky. Started showing his face more around the compound, started eating more, sleeping more, smiled and laughed more. Peter helped with this, made him happier. But whenever he saw Steve he hurt on the inside. He hurt but he numbed that pain out, still ignoring him unless it was to do with a mission.

But the thing Tony didn’t realize that helped him heal was helping Bucky. Learning who Bucky was and how he wasn’t the Winter Soldier. The one that killed his parents.

When working on Bucky's arm, ensuring it was safe enough, or mending any damage through missions, they had to endure spending time with one another.

“Why are you doing this?” Bucky whispered one day in the lab. Just the two of them, sometimes Natasha, Wanda, or Sam were wandering around. This time it was only the two of them.

“For the safety of my team”

“I mean why didn’t you get Shuri involved, get her to do it rather than doing this when we both know you hate me”

“Because it’s easier if I do it. Now I really don’t want to talk Barnes because yes I do hate you. I hate you because you killed my parents. But I also hate you because I know it wasn’t you who killed them. I hate you because the first time I genuinely loved someone, I was left for dead by them. And as much as I know it’s not your fault. There’s no one else to blame Barnes”  

Bucky once again let the guilt fill him up after hearing this. He felt guilty over something he had no control over, Tony knew this and Tony regretted opening his mouth. Both in the lab too caught up in their own feelings to talk to the other.

Shuri had shown Tony everything, how scattered Barnes’ brain was. Shuri showed and explained the advance science behind everything. Tony learning so much more than he would’ve ever realized. How Bucky was closer to self-destructing than recovering was scary since the science behind it showed everything.  

Forgiving Bucky was not on Tony’s agenda, but he saw a piece of him in Bucky. He saw how they both suffered from anxiety, how they both were trapped in their own minds. Their own nightmares. They were both their own worst enemies. 

“I’m sorry, for everything I caused” Bucky whispered, his voice slightly cracking, “For taking away everything you’ve ever loved. Steve included. I know that you love him. I know that before I came back, the two of you were a couple. And I’m sorry I broke you both apart. I see it in Steve, he’s hurting because of it, he tries to hide it, but I know it’s my fault.”

“I know you never caused any of this Barnes. You didn’t break us apart. He has done that all by himself.”

Those few words between them allowed some air between them to be cleared up. It almost took their lack of relationship to another level. They knew they weren’t friends, but they knew they were along the way. The tension between them had been eased, which even allowed them to have time outside of the lab to talk and interact with one another.  

“What happened between yourself and Barnes?” Wanda asked getting coffee one morning.

“Nothing, why?”

“Well... in the last few days. You’ve spoken to him outside of the lab, joked with him, even asked how he was and if he wanted coffee.” She said waving her mug in the air.

“We talked it out a few days ago. I told him I understand. We now have somewhat mutual respect for one another”

“How about Steve. Have you two spoken yet?” She pushed 

Tony grimaced at that, “No. That’s different. Only in meetings”

She nodded her head before sipping on her coffee, “Peter will be here today, won’t he? For the weekend?” She asked, changing subjects.

“Yeah, Happy is getting the kid. His aunt said he can stay around as long as there are no secret missions. Not until he at least finishes high school, which I completely agree on”

“I’m sure being an Avenger will look better on his resume than a high school diploma,” Barton said walking in with Wilson and Barnes closely behind. Those two looked like they just got back from a run, Wilson going right for the juice in the fridge and drinking straight from the carton,

“Gross, man. Could you not the rest of us might want some of that as well” Barnes said taking the carton off of Wilson and drank from it as well,

“Hypocrite” Sam grumbled whilst Barnes grinned at him,

“I hate you, I really do. I cannot express how much I hate you”

“I love you too” Barnes winked at Wilson before turning his attention on everyone else.

“So the spider kid is coming today then huh?”

“You two are not allowed to bully this kid and this is coming from me,” Clint said whilst putting an unhealthy amount of sugar into his coffee.

“Us? Bullying him? That’s preposterous, outrageous, completely absurd. We are fine gentlemen of this community, some of us being part of the elderly community, and you know what the old folks are like” Sam said throwing a hand on Barnes’ shoulder, “They just hate the youth sometimes. The youth and their technology, and memes. So maybe, just maybe, this old age pensioner has a slight dislike towards him or acts differently towards him because they were both raised in New York in completely different times, and he’s just not with it any longer. But nah jokes aside, in reality, the kid is good fun, we never bully him it’s all fun and games, he knows that, and we know that, he’s our friend!”  

“The kid talks a different language. It’s slightly scary. I still have no clue what memes are, I don’t even understand what Wilson says most the time” Barnes grumbled.

“You see what I always gotta deal with?” Sam asked,

“Hold up, what you gotta deal with?” Clint asked.

“Thought you could see anything Hawkeye” Wanda smirked at him.

“Wait what?” Tony asked looking between everyone.

Sam and Bucky were just stood there rising their eyebrows and smirking at everyone else,

“Same man. Same” Clint murmured, “So are you two bangin’ or what?”

“Thought that was obvious about a month ago?” Sam said while grinning.

“But you hate each other” Tony Pitched in, “You bitch about one another to each other all the time, all you ever say to me is how much Wilson annoys you whenever I’m fixing you up”

“My way of showing affection and love.”

“Damn, that has fucked with my mind Wanda how did you know?”

“How would I not know?”

Tony realized how this changed the friendship between Steve and Bucky. How it was a friendship, but that didn’t change Tony’s betrayal, all it confirmed was that Steve didn’t have romantic feelings for Bucky when he left with him.

“You know it’s like women have a sixth sense in this type of stuff? Because it's creepy how you guys always see more than we ever do” Barton asked Wanda.

“I’m sure your wife can answer that for you Clint”

Clint looked confused and looked at Tony who shrugged, “Don’t look at me man, I’m not your wife”

Clint just snorted at that but not long later Peter arrived at the compound happy to see everyone.

**

Despite being around his friends and the closest he could get to family, Steve had never felt more alone. He was a fugitive for so long, constantly on the run and it meant he could never stop to think, but now everything was back to normal, he was missing one of the most important people in his life. That person was Tony Stark.

Since Siberia, and everything that was revealed, Steve hadn’t been himself. He was on one hand reunited with his best friend since childhood, his best friend for just under a hundred years, but at the cost of losing the love of his life. The man he could see himself spending the rest of his life with was on the other side of the fight in Germany, and things were different from there on. There might’ve been a chance for recovery at that stage, but Siberia burnt that down. The fight between Tony and Bucky essentially meant he had to choose a side.

Either way, he would’ve regretted who he chose, but he knows that Bucky needed him, and he knows that he doesn’t regret it as much as he would’ve to leave Bucky.

But now, now everything is back to normal, everything aside from the relationship between Tony and Steve. Even Bucky and Sam had one another, and Steve was happy, happy that his both of his best friends had one another, despite their relationship being different than others, they knew they loved each other despite the mocking arguments that they have, their way of showing affection.

Since being back, Steve has tried ways to take his mind off of being so close to Tony yet so far, it involved training up SHIELD agents, despite his tarnished reputation, it involved training constantly doing anything to get his mind off of Tony, but he couldn’t.

He knew that Bucky and Tony had repaired their non-existent relationship, that they spoke more so than Steve and Tony had in the last few months. And at this point, Steve just wanted to at least talk to Tony, allow them to try to repair the tension between them. The last time he tried, Tony was in a bad place, and since he hasn’t been as bad in terms of eating and sleeping, and talking with everyone else because now the only person in the compound he kept his distance from was Steve.

Steve watched him, made sure he was ok, he got Sam to keep an eye on him, he constantly asked Natasha for updates on him, same for Wanda.

“You need to talk to him, Steve. Both of you are exactly the same, but he feels betrayed by you. He says he got over it, everyone knows he hasn’t and won't. So the two of you need to talk”

“He won’t talk to me, Nat. He won’t”

“Last time he never, just try again. See if you can with the basics. Acquaintances, friends. Alright”

Steve just nodded unsure on how he would approach Tony again after last time. This time he figured he could do it in open space that was still away from everyone else, probably his lab, maybe the gym.

Which is where he managed to get Tony next, it was 3am, and the gym was empty when he went in there, unable to sleep and he knew the only things he could do was go up against the punching bags.

He was shocked to see Tony there on the treadmill at such a late hour, and tony saw him, neither of them saying anything for a few moments,

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Steve asked Tony, saying the first thing that seemed reasonable to say.

“No” Tony replied back shortly,

Steve just nodded and went to wrap his hands,

“How... how have you been?” Steve warily asked Steve, his eyes shifting from the hand wraps to Tony.

“I’m in here at 3am, what do you think?”

Steve sighed, “Tony, we need to talk. We need to straighten things out. I need to apologise, I miss talking to you, I miss being around you”

Tony let out a bitter chuckle at this, “You are around me Steven. You're in my compound are you not?”

“That’s not what I meant Tony. You know this”

“You’re right, I do know this. How do I know you won’t betray me again Steven?”

“I can’t make up for what I’ve done in the past Tony. I’m sorry though, and I know sorry won’t cut it, but I want to build something between us again, I want to prove to you that I... I won’t betray you again. I won’t walk away from you again unless you want me to”

“And what if I do want you to? You’ve done it before, shouldn’t be too hard again should it?”

“You think it wasn’t hard for me? Tony, I Love you! I still do! I will always Love you. At that time I had to choose between the Love of my life and my best friend since before the damn war. It wasn’t an easy choice, but the way things went down in Germany, I wasn’t going to be easily forgiven for anything. So saving Bucky was all I could do at the time”

Tony had a grimace plastered on his face, “Bucky, I’ve spoken to him. Not a bad guy. Different from what I expected. I know it wasn’t him who killed my parents” Tony said ending the sentence with a whisper, “I know it was the Winter Soldier, Hydra. But he’s a good guy, him and Sam, they’re good for each other”

“How about us Tony. We were good for each other”

“We were” Tony agreed, “But that doesn’t mean I trust you, Steve. You knew everything, about how I felt, about how everyone in my life has walked out. The anxiety I have gone through in the last few years. Yet you, you do the same as everyone else”

“I’ve come back though. I wanted to be back with you Tony. I didn’t want to walk the way I did”

“You still did it though Steve”

“Let me prove to you that you can trust me then. However long it takes Tony. Let me prove myself, this time I will not walk away, I won’t betray you, just let me prove myself”

Tony looked at Steve with an intent look in his eye, “You got one chance Rogers. I’m still not over what happened last time. And this doesn’t mean we’re anything aside from acquaintances, friends even”

Steve couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face, and Tony couldn’t hold back the small smile on his, they both felt a small sense of relief. From going from Lovers to Enemies, they took a big step in order to become friends with one another again. And this time Steve will prove to Tony that it’s just him. And Tony may or may not try to be as stubborn as he is.

[nekoladyproductions]

Pacific Rim 2: Uprising Thoughts and Feelings (Spoilers)

First thing off the bat: not nearly as good as the first film but I don't judge things based off of it's predecessors. I like to watch things as individual movies due to a number of reasons, one of them being so I don't overhype myself and end up hating a franchise because of one product not living up to par. Okay? Cool.

I want to get the cons out of the way first because that's the easy part. The look of the film is not nearly as impressive as the original, which is strange considering the previous film came out half a decade earlier. The colours don't pop as much and the camera work has lots left to be desired. There were strange zooms and pans that didn't work out for the movie and made some serious scenes not so serious due to the strange camera work. Most of the time, however, it wasn't interesting at all.

Not enough kaiju. Like. Three kaiju. And a mega kaiju. How dare.

Too many characters I don't care about. Like the nerd kid who died. I don't even remember his name outside of "Boob Job Kid" because his father is a plastic surgeon and the fact that people will proceed to call the movie racist because he was the only Indian recruit. 😐 (Sucks he died though because he was a cute character regardless, even though it was hella obvious he was going to be the one to go down because of how wimpy he was and some foreshadowing.) There's also Vik, a hard ass girl who's friendship works like brawling in Skyrim and who coincidentally looks like my ex girlfriend and has the same haircut. A bunch of others too idgaf. They should have stuck with Jake, Nate, Amara, Shao, Hermann, and Newt. Those were the ones who mattered, not the bajillions of other characters.

I do not judge a movie based on special effects, and here's why: it does not impede my overall enjoyment of a movie. I am a fan of old movies with practical effects, and most of the time, even though real materials were used, they look fake, and most of the time faker than CGI. I also watch almost exclusively animated films, which aren't realistic looking at all. Movies, especially ones that do not take place in our reality (Nightmare on Elm Street, Marvel, etc) cannot look like real life no matter what you do, so I find it tiring whenever someone complains about the graphics. I care about immersion with characters and writing. The visuals are only there to represent objects and creatures. I have never, and will never, judge a video game by it's graphics nor will I for a movie unless it is something along the lines of The Amazing Bulk, in which they didn't put any effort in at all. The CGI was not a problem for me, nor did it put me out of the film.

...

Except for one occassion, when Newt was looking out onto the drones and the camera panned out. It looked very out of place and that was jarring for me, but that was the only instance of the visuals in the CGI department pulling me out. Everything else looked fine to me. Then again, I might be biased because I enjoy much more rough looking films. I don't like too much polish.

The pacing, however, was hot garbage. The action scenes were perfect but everything else was... Not. The kaiju didn't come in until much later. Normal scenes were either too long or too short, and all scenes that were meant to be emotional were much too fast, like with our two gay science buddies and the family getting crushed. Like, bro. With the timing and look of the scene it was borderline comedic.

---

The characters are weaker here, I am not going to lie. Hermann, Shao and Amara are the only good guys with motivations that are easy to follow through without any confusion. Jake isn't a very good protagonist. A lot of his story is quite vague, and his past with Nate is fuzzy and possibly homoromantic if you "turn your head sideways and squint". Amara is a young girl of roughly 15 who labouralsy built her own mini Jaeger called "Scrapper", and became involved in the training program after being caught by the cops for building an unregistered Jaeger. She built the Jaeger because she had a hunch that the kaiju would come back. I mean, being 5 years old and watching your entire family getting stomped on by some macro scalie's wet dream would make anyone paranoid of another attack coming.

I'm gonna get this out of the way; the Jaegers were not used for normal civilian police work as I've seen at least one Tumblr user put it. That is ridiculous. The only logical way to stop a Jaeger is with a Jaeger. The one time saw the blue beauty bot come out to play is when Scrapper was found by the cops and tried to escape detainment. The drones were also being placed on military BASES around the world in case of another kaiju or more homemade Jaegers started popping up, not to flatten a robber or punt a rogue helicopter in Saudi Arabia.

Back to characters.

Gottleib isn't a fucking mechanic/chemist. Like, I get it. They needed someone who worked closely alongside Newt after he went corporate, but Hermann even said life science isn't really his schtick. He's many things, but that field of science was N-- ohhhhhh. Fuck. I forgot that they linked brains for a moment. Oh my god while typing this I just got smashed with a wave of fridge brilliance. Never mind.

Oh, but as I said, Hermann has motivation and is the only character outside of the main villain to be quite passionate in the movie. He was an absolute treat to see on screen, and was the true hero of the film. But that's a pro, not a con. Sorry.

There is one thing that truly upset me in the film and I am sure most of you know by now, but Mako died in a helicopter crash very early in the film before she was able to get more than a few lines of dialog. I get that they wanted a tragedy early on, but it was just so disrespectful to can one of the main characters from the previous film in such a gruesome fashion. Not to mention her message was more or less a MacGuffin to get the Gipsy Avenger to a secluded space to duke out with Obsidian Fury for that sweet, sweet tomato surprise.

The reason why the kaiju came to fuck shit up is dumb but also makes sense in a way. People have pointed out that Mt. Fuji is not the only place to get ahold of rare elements but the plan was to blow up the mountain and chain react with other volcanoes, so the logic lies that it is easier to go to a volcano that already has the minerals needed rather than meticulously searching for other places with these specific materials and then go somewhere. It wasn't specified what these materials were EXACTLY, so whether or not the monsters could have just kamakzied at Yellowstone is unknown, or rather kept intentionally vague so there wouldn't be even more plot holes added to the pile.

If you want to know what the hell I am talking about, the film explains that the Precursors sent the kaiju that teleported from the rim were all on their way to Mt. Fuiji to cause a huge volcanic domino effect, cover the earth in volcanic ash, and kill all life as we know it for the Precursors' gain, which is still largely unknown. Kaiju blood isn't just pretty, but it reacts violently with certain rare terrestrial elements and minerals. Mt. Fuji is the only place in the world that is not only an active volcano, but has such a high concentration of what the Precursors need that sending these large beasts on suicide missions will guarantee success on killing all life on the planet with as little hassle as possible. It's easier to go to a small grocery store with everything you need in one place versus going to a mall with a bunch of different stores spaced out with everything you need in different places and in different amounts.

Once again, kinda dumb, kinda generic, but it makes sense once you break it down.

---

Some are saying that the movie sucks the military's dick, and yeah I can kinda see that but not really. I might be desensitized at this point due to the sheer amount of military cock-sucking Hollywood does but I am just not seeing it here. Independence Day and Michael Bay films are super obvious with their gross idolization of American armed forces. I don't think a single, real military branch was even mentioned in the film and the fighting was controlled by some military-esque figures, sure, but the movie featured two rascals growing up to being responsible in battle. Once again I just might be desensitized at this point so if anyone has any points they want to give they can elaborate in the notes. I'm genuinely interested.

<b>Okay, now we're getting into some actual spoilers here.</b>

Shao was set up to be the villain of the film. She is a woman who owns a weapons manufacturing company that created remote controlled Jaegers that are safer for use and easier to handle. With how things were going, the film led us to believe that her company was remote controlling other decommissioned Jaegers so that hers would get approved and she gets loads of money.

H O W E V E R

When Gipsy got a hold of the rogue Jaeger, Obsidion Fury, and peeled back the helmet, it wasn't a human or a computer. It was a kaiju brain. Oh dear.

You seemed to have noticed that I haven't really mentioned Newt very much in this little thoughts and analysis. As it turns out, he's the main villain in the film, and boy is he one hell of a bad guy. Whenever he drifted with the brain in the first movie, he got a connection. Then he shared it with Hermann, making it Hermann's first time... But not Newt. In a disturbing/funny scene in the movie, we get quite the shocker. Earlier he mentioned someone named Alice, whom we assumed to be his spouse.

It was that kaiju brain. He fell under control of it.

If you recall from the first film, kaiju work as a sort of hivemind that is connected through both our dimension and theirs. Whenever he connected with it, his brain was shortly apart of the hive. His brain couldn't handle the power of the brain alone. They took him, but slowly. He kept coming back for more and more, for a reason unknown--an urge, perhaps--until he eventually lost himself to the mind and became completely under their control. Possessed, if you will.

The reason why he sold out to Shao and went away from Hermann was to get private access to powerful robots that he can personally tamper without anyone noticing. He took brains harvested and studied on by PPD and implemented them into the robots in secret so that they can destroy the Jaegers owned by PPD and revive the portal into our own world. It wasn't him. It was the kaiju.

Pretty much no one was anticipating that. Some call it stupid, I was on the edge of my seat. Newt is my favourite character from the first film and I love me some villain angst so I was satisfied.

<b>Okay, time for the pros. (Even though I cited some anyway)</b>

The action kicked all kinds of ass. It was fast paced, yet you knew what was going on which is somewhat of a rarity in modern action films. No misuse of shaky cam, no editing tricks, no seizure-inducing jumpcuts that Nolan is infamous for, no 10 million missle follow-throughs like Bay (there was one though). It was fun, it was exciting, and the only colourful moments in the film. The camera work wasn't revolutionary, but it did serve its purpose and made the last/only kaiju battle something epic.

The acting is decent. I am not sure how old the child characters' actors are, but they were good for the roles they were in. Most child actors are quite shit--not gonna sugar coat it. That's actually one of the reasons why I'm avoiding IT and A Wrinkle in Time. John Boyega was of course charming and smooth, even if his character was quite shallow. Everyone knows that Hermann and Newt absolutely stole the whole show. Their acting was marvelous! Charlie Day does very well as a villain and I hope to see him in more antagonistic roles in the future. You believed him to be evil, but not quite there. You knew that he was there somewhere, but at the same time you believe that he means business.

Oh my god, that twist! At first, you think Newt is just kinda being douchey because he got so wrapped up in money but no. Oh no. All of the weird little things, the brushing off of Hermann but still wanting to be around him just later, inviting him to see his "wife". Having little glimmers of his past self but fading away. It all makes so much sense when the reveal is dropped. He said it in a way that he tried to come off nonchalant but his voice cracked and his eyes moistened. That's good ass acting, Charlie. Holy fuck. People underestimate you, and that's a shame. The movie wanted me to believe that he was being controlled by the enemy and I did. I fucking did.

He genuinely cares about Hermann, and confirmed by Charlie he has romantic feelings for him that are reflected by Hermann. During the confrontation he was trying to stop choking Hermann, and thankfully Shao came in and broke it up before he could do any further damage. Hermann stopping Shao from killing Newt because he knows he's still there, he saw it.

The photos on the desk, the yearning, the dialogue. Ten years away. They would have been together if it weren't for those accursed aliens.

The story itself wasn't too great until it got to the third act. Everything came together and everyone brought their all for it and it showed.

Dude the DeSiGnS. Those Jaegers were so sleek, dawg! Each one was really cool! My favourite was Scrapper. Everyone says that she's just BB8 but I say that she is a reference to old-school gundam where the younger members of a team would usually have the smaller bots. A lot of those characters tend to have faster moving mechs with much more evasive maneuvers and with a cuter design. I'm sure people are associating her with BB8 because both are cute and can roll. The kaiju weren't as cool looking with the exception of the Mega Kaiju that Newt stitched together with his machines.

Ohhhhhh, yes. There's a Mega Kaiju. If there were categories in this film, it would have surpassed Category 6. Fuck me man, probably Category 8 or 9! That fucker was HUGE! AND COOL! And scary. That thing took out three Jaegers and it had to take a Gipsy nose-diving from the stratosphere and hitting direct impact to kill it. The only way that Jake and Amara survived was Shao controlling Scrapper to smash-roll them into safety.

Oh yeah. Shao is a badass. Forgot to mentionnnnn.

The music, like with every film it seems, served its purpose to get us hyped when we needed to be and cry when we needed to. I've noticed that unless your score has a different genre (John Carpenter films,) has a catchy melody (Pirates of the Caribbean, anyone?) or has unique instrumentation (anything that graces Danny Elfman's fingertips) it tends to fade out into the generic. Orchestra is fine and dandy and all, but we don't keep flicking back to video game soundtracks because of its supposed grandeur. It gets stuck in our heads, keeps us coming back. Music ties us to our souls, man! And music ties a movie together.

Generic music makes a generic film. But at least it isn't shit, or barely there. Or so loud you can't hear dialogue, another problem most films have during big scenes.

<b>In Conclusion</b>

This film is not a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination. Most sequels aren't. This is a stepping stone movie. What's that?

A stepping stone movie is a sequel that isn't that great used to setup a bigger, better movie. This is the Iron Man 2 of Pacific Rim.

To be frank, there's a lot of similarities to Iron Man 2 in this film. Military fuckupery, evil corporate masterminds, extremists, drones. Lots of it. Even though Iron Man 2 sucks, it was the tie into Iron Man 3, arguably one of the best Marvel movies in the MCU. They are called stepping stones because most of the resources needed for the better project are used for the finale movie, but you need something to tide over the audience/help go into the other film if the plot needs some explaining to do that can't be done in one movie/set up certain things and concepts that simply cannot be done in one movie lest you want a clusterfuck a la Batman v Superman.

It isn't the greatest film, but it is not a dumpster fire either. It all depends on perspective. If you want your fancy tickled if you like stuff like Tokusatsu and action movies, go for it. If you just want a fun time, go for it. If you want to see something Pacific Rim but not something crazy good, go for it. If you are a die-hard fan, however, you may want to avoid it if you want to see it as perfect as the original. There are PLENTY of problems with the film and I understand when fans express their displeasure, but please for the love of everything lovely, do not attack others who do like the film.

Don't call them names, don't stomp on their opinions, and don't accuse them of being this or that because of two unfortunate deaths in the film involving POC with one of them being a woman. There are lots of POC in the movie and yeah it sucks that two nonwhite people died, but just remember to not immediately assume that something or someone is racist due to this. The last thing I want is someone to feel guilty by being shamed on the internet for enjoying a harmless movie that had an Asian woman and an Indian boy die in it.

<b>All in all, I give this movie 6.5 to a 7 out of 10. Not the best, not the worst. Could have been either.</b>

[byakuyasbastardson]

Some thoughts

Earlier I posted earlier that I felt very uncomfortable with a Christian prayer being said in the Senate chamber, even though I myself am Catholic. All day it has been eating at me as to why I was so uncomfortable, and really it was not the prayer but the invoking of Christ's name in that sacred hallowed hall. I want to share why.

America...as many, including friends, colleagues, family, across the country would argue otherwise is not a Christian nation. We are a nation founded on Christian ideals, beliefs, and notions. The founding fathers were very explicit that they wanted a secular state because this very country was founded on those fleeing religious persecution. From the Catholics in Massachusetts, Maryland and Rhode Island, Quakers in Pennsylvania, Jews in New Amsterdam (New York) and Rhode Island, and German Lutherans to Pennsylvania many fled persecutions to create a better life here. As such when this country was founded the very words were written into our Deceleration of Independence and later our Constitution. When they talked about the unalienable rights of man, they said those rights were bestowed upon man by their "Creator". They deliberately did not use the word "God" or "Jesus" though in this case as Islam had not reached the shores of America, the religions of the far East were only just being studied and attempted to be squashed, and those of the slaves and natives were being squashed, it really was meaning God. But they did not use his name because they knew of those that believed in other creators or no creators. Next in our Constitution in the very first Amendment they wrote the Freedom of religion, but they also meant Freedom from Religion. They meant that all men could practice any religion they see fit, and Congress nor any part of the government can create or pass a law that aids or harms a religion. It is why most states have laws that public scholarship funds cannot be used at religious schools due to that most private schools are Christian and thus it creates an appearance of favor. But the founders wrote this language because they saw what happens when a country ties itself to a religious institute. They saw it with Spain, Italy, France being Catholic and somewhat subservient to the whims and the Papal State they saw England and the Church of England, and they saw the Muslim countries of the Ottoman empire and Sunni states in Northern Africa. When a country links itself to a religion the needs and interests of the citizenry take a back seat.

 What I have said does not mean that America cannot use Christian beliefs to help guide our path and policy makings on the contrary as stated we were founded on Christian ideals, beliefs, and notions. Those are that of Compassion, of Generosity, of Kindness, of Humility, of Love, and Forgiveness. It is why America has long been viewed as salvation to the world. It is why we were gifted the Statue of Liberty with those sacred words “Give us your tired, your sick, your poor”, it is why we have been called the greatest experiment in democracy, and why Reagan called us the “Shining City on the Hill”. But as we have continued as a country we have perverted and ravaged these ideals and changed them. We have perverted Compassion with Apathy, we have soiled Generosity with Selfishness, we have poisoned Kindness with Cruelty, swapped Humility with Boastfulness, tortured Love with Hate, and bludgeoned Forgiveness with Revenge. This has poisoned our country and our politics; it is why we are divided and there is so much hatred towards our brothers and sisters. Families are being destroyed because a father and son fall on different sides of the political aisle. Because a daughter has the courage to come out as gay to her religiously conservative family. In the past it was more of the same but also involved loving someone of a different race...who am I kidding it isn’t the past. Have you ever had a great aunt ask your own mother if she is “ok” with you dating a girl of African decent (half) and when you mother says yes and asks why, she responds with; “Oh honey down here we don’t mix”? I have. Everyone has heard stories like this, from my example, a friend who was disowned by their father for believing in something the other didn’t, or a friend who works up the courage to inform her parents she has a girlfriend but doesn’t know how they will react. From the earliest times of this country to up until recent past if a Black and a White wanted to marry it was called an Abomination before God, many souls lost their lives because they dared to marry a white woman. After that we still heard the same argument but this time involving homosexuals and others of that community, that their love for one another is an Abomination before God. When it was about race it was mostly the Democrats calling it this, now we add in homosexuals and it is the Republicans.

 Democrats and Republicans, that’s where we are at now, one side is Right and Just and the other side is Evil. We have divided ourselves and will thus ruin ourselves, but how I see it one side wants to undo the damage to our Christian ideals we were founded on while keeping God and Jesus where they should be in the hearts and minds of people and not in our government, while the other side desires to keep it how it is while bring God more into the forefront of our nation. I’m not arguing that it’s all or none, but it’s the vocal minority that has made themselves the majority in our government. On the “Left” we have those representing us saying let us take in the tired, the sick, the poor. Let us work to give them and all people access to cheaper and free Medicare so they can live and work and create a better life, let us give young people easier opportunities like we had to go to school and learn, then go out and get better jobs. Let us tax those who have plenty a little more so that we can help those who have little. Let us broaden the availability for persons to participate in our most sacred duty of voting to keep this experiment alive. Let us allow people to love who they love and or change who they are so they can be happy. But in order to keep all people free we must put God in the background as our founders did when it comes to governing.

On the “Right” it is the exact opposite. They say “Let us bring in people, but only if they are smart enough, rich enough, healthy enough” They want the privatization of our medical system claiming it will be cheaper, but we see time and time again that it is not. We have diabetics skipping lifesaving insulin shots because they don’t know if they can afford the next one. We have people pushing off urgent medical care because they fear losing everything in medical costs. We have apathy to the young struggling to get by due to rising educational costs and when they cry out they are told to suck it up, that our fathers and mothers were able to pay for it on a part time job over summer, which is impossible when textbooks have risen 1000% since 1977, tuition has risen 260% since 1980 as of 2015, while the minimum wage (adjusted for inflation)is 31% less than it was in 1968. They have a President who implemented restrictions for green cards on those who use public services like Medicare and food stamps. A President who is putting travel restrictions on pregnant women coming to this country because he fears what…babies being born here thus allowing those Parents to live here and make a better life for themselves. This is a party that fears and seemingly hates those of other religions. Where their President puts forth a travel ban on Muslims trying to enter this country because he views them as dangerous, where he praises a fake story of a famous US General having his men shot Muslims with bullets dipped in Pigs blood, where when a Muslim man and vice-chair of his counties GOP had members attempt to oust him due to his religion. Where this President has had supporters torch synagogues and mosques in his name. We created this hatred and desire for revenge due to 18 individuals killing 3000 Americans, yet we never punished the country they came from, but seemingly all 1.8billion of them are bad Where a supporter of his and Pastor called the Impeachment a “Jew Coup”. This is a party that looks down on the poor, looks down on the sick, yet praises war and worships money all they while throwing Gods name around. They constantly want to cut programs designed to help the poor and sick all they while increasing the budget for war, a thing that only makes people por and sick except for a few that profit on it. They give massive tax cuts to the rich while increasing them on the poor claiming it will all work out, but it doesn’t. They worship the strength of our economy(money) yet 48% of Americans don’t benefit from it, and the 52% that do, only a fraction really does. They tell others to be thankful for what they have all the while they themselves own multiple houses and fancy cars, they ask if the poor are so poor why do they have fridges, cars, iphones. They refuse to increase the minimum wage which would help those being poor not be poor all the while increasing their own salaries. Where this party passes bills that will become laws trying to restrict Gays from getting married in the civil aspect because it is a perceived abomination against god. Bills that allow religious based orphanages to refuse LGBTQ+ families form adopting children there because they feel keeping them there is better than a loving functioning “Gay house”. Bills that will imprison doctors for offering medical services to transgender youth. All of this has happened only in the last handful of years, when the changes really became apparent. And yet, they do all of this while claiming every Presidential leader was chosen specifically by God to lead this nation yet when it’s a Democrat, they are mute.

I think that’s enough of that, I am not writing this to argue Republicans are evil, just that they and this nation has strayed away form the Christian ideal our forefathers set forth. I believe in this country and that means in Republicans, it’s a gross perverted minority that has risen confusing the word of Jesus with anything but. Growing up I only attended Christian schools, first a Catholic one, and then later a Lutheran one until High School. It was not until I went to the Lutheran school when I started to think and question my faith. Not because I lacked it, but I wanted to understand what I was being taught, what I believed in…what Jesus’ love meant to me. Being a Catholic at a Lutheran school meant for most of my time there I was the only Catholic in class, which meant, on occasion I was felt I was singled out for my faith, mostly positively. My brothers and sisters in Christ were curious about how a Catholic worships, when I traveled with some to Italy they bombarded me with Questions, in 6th grade we learned about the reformation and my teacher constantly asked me questions…not just to ensure I was paying attention, but mostly to ensure he got the information correct. But on some rare occasions I did feel the negativity of it. I was never bullied for it, but comments here and there and viewpoints that I wasn’t a true Christian because I held onto the “old ways”, or why I called myself a Catholic if my family didn’t follow the “rule” of no meat on Fridays during lent. So I started asking myself questions about this faith and reading into it not just the theological side but the historical side and I saw how this country has changed and fallen, then I realized we failed from the beginning. We call for the poor to come here but we hate the poor. First it was the Irish, then it was the Eastern Europeans, then it was the Chinese, then the Hispanics, then the Japanese, and now seemingly everyone. We hate everyone that isn’t us, we fear everyone that isn’t us, we horde materialistic things, and I am guilty of this too. It is not because we have taken “Jesus” out of schools, it is because we have twisted his words and used them for hate and selfish gains.

John 13:34-35 (NIV) “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Do we do this? No, we do not we hate one another and only love those who are like us.

Mark 12:41-44 “Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you; this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” All too often you hear how much the rich have given to charity, but in the end, it is a small amount that they will take off their taxes thus paying less money. In my time alive I have seen it is the poor that are far more generous and willing to help because they know what it is like to be poor, yet those that were poor and are now rich are not as generous because they have the mentality of why they should help the poor? They were once poor and brought themselves out so surely anyone can do it.

Please do not think I am trying to lecture any of you on your faith. I am not, I am the last person to do that. My brother got married this past week, in a Catholic church, and that truly was the first time I had been in a church and sat down for a service in about 6 years. In my time thinking about what Jesus’ love means to me, I have found issues with my religion I do not agree with, which is why I have stayed away, but I do not falter in my faith, I do not falter in my pride and belief that I am Catholic. I do not fault you for asking “How…how can I still be Catholic if I do not think Homosexuality is a sin?” “How can I be Catholic or even Christian if I believe that a woman should have a right to an abortion?” There are many other questions that go with this and the answer is I have my faith and I am waiting. In my faith our leader the Holy Pope Francis is slowly changing the viewpoint on Catholicism, in recent years he said that you do not need to believe in Jesus to be granted access to God’s kingdom if you lived a good life. Which is a start.

So, to get back to why I felt so uncomfortable, it’s because 1. We are supposed to keep religion and government separate to properly work for all Americans, but more importantly 2. also because of how far I see we as a nation have strayed from these Christian beliefs (that are taught in all other religions). How we have perverted them, especially it seems one party. I love this country, I love my faith, and I pray that soon very very soon we can work to get back to these ideals. Only then can America be great.

[lyriumlotus]

Solabellan - {So... I’m a dancer}

(AO3)

It had been a few weeks since that day they first spoke to one another, and since that time, they had shared many other days speaking to each-other.

In the beginning, he had tried to politely offer to buy her coffee and breakfast, but she disliked the feeling of owing another, so instead offered that she would instead pay the next.

Sometimes they chatted non stop, other times they worked, or in her case studied, in silence, simply enjoying each others company.

Even when customers started to thin and enough seats were now available again, neither seemed to notice the going ons, around them.

And so, It had become familiar to her.

But one thing had been weighing on her mind in that time, and that was that he still had no idea yet of her current job. She suspected he assumed she was an exchange student or something, but she failed to have the courage to bring it up, since she would have to be truthful.

Would he so freely speak to her still, if he truly knew?

She didnt think it a shameful line of work, but that didnt mean other people didn’t also think so.

Especially someone who carried themselves with an air of pride about them.

He was a mix of expertise himself, partly, Scholar, partly Archaeologist.

Not many people in Thedas studied spirits.  So suffice to say, he juggled many fields of work, regarding them.

For there simply wasn’t enough people, in this line of work.

“People spend their everyday lives, unaware of an entire world living amongst their own.

Can you imagine it, spending an entire existence, only knowing half of what beauty the World had to offer it?”

“Some would also take great comfort in their shared ignorance of it too though, I think”

She mused, adding extra sugar to her already sweetened beverage.

“If the wool was suddenly pulled from their eyes, many would be angry..because change is hard, even a slow change, and they prefer to stick to what is familiar.”

“True enough...” He smiled.

“Before, you said Spirits could be of great help to our World.. Could you elaborate? I mean, aren’t they… metaphysical? If they cannot touch, then how can they-”

She motioned him to continue, because she struggled with the rest of how to explain

“Well.. “He began

“Think of it like this…

Imagine you are a physician,  and you have a patient, who’s wound is undetectable or worse, misdiagnosed?

From an outside appearance, you may not see anything wrong at all.

However, a spirit, could technically help locate that wound, or could correctly call out that mistreated infection. Mental illnesses are much the same, too.

If you are a Historian, and you believe you have correctly made an assumption based on the credible facts presented to you, A Spirit could help right any inaccurate materials by offering something so simple as a different approach you hadn’t yet considered.  

Spirits of sympathy, could help someone grieve after the loss of a loved one.

Spirits of justice, could help law officials make substantially less errors in the field of law. Could prevent less corruption from manifesting in law enforcement branches.  

There is just so much possibility we could achieve together.

And-”

His cheeks and the tips of his ears were flushed red again.

“What is it?” She asked.

“N-nothing… I’m afraid I have gone on too long again … But I believe you get the picture”

He remarked, clearing his throat.

“Well, I did ask...” She grinned. “I think it sounds wonderful….” a forlorn sigh following

“Do you, Or should I say ….. have you.. met any Spirits, Solas?”

“Many. There are numerous I consider to be dear friends.

For the most part, I speak more to them, than I do, anyone else..

Well.. with exception to you.” He chuckled.

“How do you… speak to them though? I mean.. Isn’t it difficult when they are incorporeal?” He thought abit on this.

“Some are more powerful than others. Some are more readily easy to find then others.

Occasionally a mage can detect their presence when they are nearby, but you usually need specific tools to strengthen and sharpen the area around you, to better communicate with them.

Others can only be found when you are in a dreamstate and can fully gain control of yourself in your dreams, in order to have some control over yourself there.“ He nodded

Leelas’ eyes widened at this idea “You can gain control of yourself in your own dreams?” “Of course” He acknowledged, matter of factly “Few ever try, and I do not wish to imply that it is easy by any means.

It can take a great deal of practice to do so, and benefits many people for a variety of reasons.”

“I wonder if I could do it then?...” She chuckled “Honestly some dreams I have are just downright bizarre~”

He cocked an amused brow “How so?”

And she shook her head some acting serious  “Oh no.. we aren’t going down that road… Too awkward. Nah uh.”

Causing him to laugh in response “I see.” then added” However, I have some wonderful books on the subject of controlling dreams, I will happily find and lend them to you. If you would like?”

She perked up at this, nodding her head eagerly “Yes please!, dunno if they would work or not, but always worth trying at least!”

“Tomorrow then…” Solas promised. “And should you have trouble understanding any of it I can always lend my own personal expertise on the matter.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

It was around midday when Leela found herself standing out the front of Elenas building complex.

The city was overcrowded. Further out where the richer people dwelt, it was better maintained, with proper schooling, markets, hospitals and guard facilities as well as everything else that went with it..

but down here was another story..

Half the time people referred to it as the slums. It wasnt ‘as bad’ as an actual slum. You could trick yourself into thinking the lower city was a nicer place, if you happened to not pay too close attention, or stuck to the places less likely frequented by its homeless people.

Half the reason she liked and frequented the library cafe in the first place, was because it was cosy and clean and encouraged free learning with books that anyone off the street could come in and learn from.

Building complexes like the one she lived in, and the one here that Elena lived in, were jam packed full, with people who weren’t good enough to live in the upper parts.

It wasnt uncommon to find families of 5 or more crammed into the one apartment.

Many people travelled to the Greater Thedas regions to attempt to make good on their educations or degrees so they could be accepted into the higher parts of the City, and be taken from out of here into a life of splendor.

However, it rarely worked out this way, because the requirements needed, were usually far too steep, and like most places. The less a government or council looked after its people, the more likely these ‘lesser offs’ would eventually fall into lives of crime or addiction to simply get by or manage their mental states.

She had dreamed of being a vet all her life just about,

but since travelling here, she no longer dreamt of leaving the lower cities,

because she hated and loathed ‘them’, the people who lived higher up.

Peering down on them with distaste and discontent.  Leela had heard them speak many times,

on transistors and image capturing crystal receptors.

They had wealth galore, and splurged on public grandiose displays of abundance whilst bemoaning the laziness and the poorness of the same people who filled and worked in their factories, keeping them running in the first place, for few coin.

As much as the wealthy spat on the lower, it somehow didn’t stop some of them frequenting their districts, in search of light entertainment or worse.

Instead, Leela had come to the decision, that ‘if she could, she would’ make a veterinary ‘here’ in the lower city regions, taking in and caring for the injured or orphaned beasts that wouldn’t survive these parts otherwise.

Elena lived an entire seven blocks up, and Leela passed many sorts on her way up the flights of stairs to get there.

Addicts, bored children playing, Tranquil castaways ( Magic-use was ‘forbidden’ in the lower cities unless you had access to a school and carried license. Penalty was severe. Instant ‘Tranquillity’, no chance of repeat offenders, but also limiting Mage users chances of making good livings for themselves, under the excuse that ‘it helped create less crime’ ).

Lifters trying to sell her stolen goods, or knock offs and the odd person on lute or singing for a couple coin to feed themselves for the night.

She finally reached the door, and knocked heavily.

“Who is it?”

A suspicious female voice called from within

And She responded

“Leela, present and accounted for!”  

To hear footsteps wander over, and the sound of clicks and flicks as Elena unlocked and unclasped the locks and chains that barred people entering.

A long face framed with thick black hair and brown eyes peered out at her, then narrowed.

“You… got the goods or what?”

Leela jokingly checked the coast was clear, then slowly slid the packet out of her jacket.

“Cream crisp chocolate biscuits..  just like you ordered Ma’am.”

A wink as she passed them through the door crack, to be checked.

Her friend made a show of checking them over carefully.

“All seems to be in order..  Alright Miss… You can come in...”

She stepped aside for Leela, whom entered quickly so they could lock up again behind them.

Her apartment was more or less one large room.  

A bed on the floor, small tub for bathing, a small kitchen stove and a mini fridge.

She kept little else, because break-ins could be common and there would be no point having too much here.

Most of the girls stashed their more valuable shit at the Red Lyrium anyway.

Since that was better fortified due to good protection spells and security measures.

Heck, even when one person had once stolen his way inside, past all of that, only to find himself face to face with Elion anyway, whom quickly disarmed and tied down the hapless burglar, keeping them there until The Boss arrived the next day.

The girls plunked themselves on the mattress, facing one another.  

The biscuits, opened and placed in the middle, and a bottle of cheap wine that was hidden under the mattress until Elena pulled it free and popped the cork to take a swig, then passing it to her friend.

Leela liked It here, since Elena always brought herself scented candles and would leave them burning most nights, making the room a sensational mishmash of aroma.

Vanilla, old oaks, lavenders, roses, wild flowers…

Elena had once told her this was how she escaped her every day, by pretending she wasn’t even here, but in some magical forest place far far away instead.

“So~ How are things with you and Marthaniel? Last time I came here, you seemed rather upset?” She asked carefully, popping a biscuit into her mouth.

“Meh… I don’t think we’ll work out really...”  Elena sighed. “He’s Law enforcement anyway… They don’t mingle with us people.. Gives em a bad name.”

“They sure don’t mind us when they come to watch us dance though..” Leela huffed.

“Its never good to mingle with them anyway.. but .. You deserve better, Elena.”

Elena bit her lip, a look of uncertainty written across her face, that pained Leela to see,

she lent over to touch her friends beautiful hair and tuck it behind her ears so she could cup her cheek   “I’m being serious here.. you ‘do’ deserve better. You know that right???”

“I don’t know...” Elena exhaled “It just feels like all my choices are wrong.. I mean, I keep making the same mistakes? How is that even possible? It -.. it feels like I’m being cosmically challenged, paying my karma or something maybe…”

She took one of the biscuits to nibble on, as her expression looked far away.

“Like.. Maybe in another lifetime I did something realll nasty and now I’m paying my just dues. Otherwise, how else can you explain it?”

“Love is shit.”  Leela answered abruptly, causing them both to break into a fit of laughter.

“Okay, seriously though.. “ She continued to Elena ”People can just be shitty… Most often then not people don’t intentionally go out of their way to make others miserable, but they can only think about themselves, what makes ‘them’ happy.. and sometimes…  its at the expense of ‘another’ persons happiness.  So you see, It’s not about you not being good enough for this douchebag or that asshole.. Its about finding the right one.. And you’ll know when you have, because their happiness will be your happiness and vice-versa.”

Elena smiled, passing the bottle over “You really think its possible?” “I sure do.. You’re still young El.. And lotsa girls and women around the globe go through this everyday, until the day they don’t” She winked.

“Hmm~” Elena smiled. “Thank you, I needed that.” “You needed what??

“Hope.” Elena laughed. “You’re always good at giving that to people.. it just rubs off you, dontcha know? “

Leela looked surprised but smiled quickly after, took a sip and passed it back.

“Anyway… What about you? You never talk about guys. So, What’s the deal with that? You married? Single? Taken? I thought you even had something for Elion once, I mean, you two are always together at work?”

Leela laughed at this and shook her head. “Of course I love Elion.. just… not quite like that...” A nod “….-and, I ‘was’ promised to marriage by someone.. when I was young” A quirked brow from her friend, caused her to add an “-Er” at the end.

“And this guy you are promised to? You are Dalish?, sooooo does that mean you will return to your people one day to wed him?” She asked looking worried

“No.” Leela answered.  “I left my people behind. Wanted to find and make something of myself here. And ‘Here’, isnt really what I imagined at all… but.. I don’t regret coming either. Had I stayed, I wouldnt have the same freedom to make my own path”

Elena listened intently as she snacked on more biscuits and wine. “But, was he hot? Or unattractive?” The important questions.

Leela shrugged, took another biscuit for herself “I don’t know honestly… I knew him when he was younger, so to me he just felt like a friend or a slightly older brother.. Couldn’t comprehend having to marry him.”

“Hmmmm” Elena contemplated. “And you don’t have a boyfriend, like.. at all? I mean you’re so pretty …  How do you not have guys falling over you????”

She shrugged again “I .. do have a crush on someone.. but it sounds so childish, doesnt it? A woman my age, having a crush on someone?”

“Ohhhhh~” Elena straightened “I don’t think so.. and you’re not ‘that’ old.. Sheesh~ Everyone has crushes! I even have one for the guy who sells me eggs.. “

They laughed

“Tell me more though? Whats he look like? Whats his name and how you know him?”

Elena was bopping up and down on the mattress like a child during the summer festival.

It made her  chuckle.

“Alright!” She cleared her throat “So there’s this guy… goes by the name of Solas, and … I had eyes for him the moment I saw him”

She sighed dreamily, crossing her feet infront of her and resting her elbows on her legs to prop her chin in her hands.

“He has these blue eyes.. You’d never believe unless you actually saw ..

They look stormy when hes in a bad mood, like whenever someone calls him up and he has to leave for whatever.. They can also become lighter and vibrant when he smiles and laughs

….and ughhhhhhh, he’s just so gorgeous to look at.. and his voice.. is so smooth and downrigtht lyrical. It should be a crime to sound and look that good!”

Elena giggled in the background, “but.. have you told him you like him? Does he know?”

Leela shook her head “Havent even found the right time to tell him I’m a dance girl yet.. And.. I dunno if I would want to risk losing the chats we have, if I made it awkward like that”

“If he was bothered by something like ‘that’, then trust me girl, he ain’t worth it” Elena remarked.  

And she knew the girl was right.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Sure enough, by next Morning, Solas was awaiting her at their table with a pleasant smile to his face and a few books in his hands. “Miss Leela, I wasn’t sure you would show today”

Leela sat, placing her own textbooks aside and yawned with a hand covering her mouth

“Excuse me.. I may have had a little too much of a late night I’m afraid...”

Spying the books suddenly she asked

“Are those the ones about controlling dreams?”

He nodded, handing them over..

The covers felt old. The top one was wrapped in some kind of green velvet, the word :

‘To walk the Fade’,

titled across it.

When she opened the book up, she could see delicate pages, and she turned a few pages with care.

The writing flowed like lyrics and the illustrations were a plethora of colour.  

“How.. old.. is this book exactly?”

He tilted his head thinking “A few centuries. Give or take?”

She gulped, looking up at him

“I-Is it really okay for me to lend these? They look like they belong in a museum...”

“They do.” He chuckled

“Wait, what?” Leela froze

“They are currently on loan to us from the Museum” He commented “The Fade, or dreamstate as we often call it, is where many of pirits choose to remain..

Therefore it covers our field of expertise and hence, the museum had to loan it to us, for research purposes.”

“oh...”

She goes to push it back in his direction , but he declines

“I trust you will take care of it, and return it when you are done… Also the book is quite big.. So please do not feel pressured to read the whole thing...” He replied with a clearing of his throat.

“Even I myself sometimes fell asleep while reading it”

“Good to know” she laughed “I might keep it at my workplace though, under lock and key.. because I wouldnt leave the house with this thing in it unless I get robbed..”

“Oh?” His ears pricked “What kind of work do you do?”

Her heart sank suddenly ans she sat the books gently down on the table. Oh ohhh.. really set herself up for that one.. “Um. Well.. I...Its ...I actually.. err”

She stuttered looking down in embarrassment and trying to come up with a way to phrase it right,

and he was quick to pick up on the general discomfort.

“I apologise. You do not need to tell me if you do not wish, I was only curious.

He finished with another smile.

“Actually I’m a dancer!” She blurted out, much to his surprise.

They stared at each other in silence for a moment, until he laughed and shook his head.

“It is of no surprise”

“What do you mean?” She asked, almost offended.

“I mean judging from the manner in which you carry yourself, of course.. You move with such an ease and fluidity to your step, it is hard not to notice”

“So, you are suggesting I am graceful?” She blushed, foolishly. Willing herself not to take it too strongly to heart.

“No. I am declaring it.” He responded, chin tipped high in that manner he always had about him.

whellllllllllllppppppppp, There went her heart, racing way ahead of her again.

She lifted her cup to her lips to finish her coffee

“Perhaps one day I may come watch you dance?” He asked

And she spat her drink. Fortunately enough for her, it only went back into the cup.

He didn’t seem to notice.

“Really? I.. I mean….”

Holy Makers Balls, He was bold, wasnt he? “Certainly. There are many styles of Dance that are made up of difficult numbers and are remarkably well composed with exceptional flow of movements when done right by a dance company.. “

Wait a minute.. that sounds like Ballet?.

He thought she was talking about a different kind of stage dancing altogether.

She exhaled and struggled to find the words to correct him.

Well, that was a kind of a big fail…. Leela thought to herself.