#im hoping to be more active now that its summer again! and this is making it official!

[celestialtarot11]

Your FS personality and their lifestyle 💐🩷

Hey friends! Welcome back! As requested: here ya’ll go! My semester is ending and its been so crazy here as I’m getting ready to leave :) i hope you all enjoy the reading below. Any and all comments, reblogs and likes are sincerely appreciated! Keeps the blog active if you’d like to continue seeing more content. ☀️💐 I do love spring and lately im even more excited for the blessings summer will bring!

♡ Pile 1:

Hanged man, 6 of pentacles, king of cups, 9 of swords

Hey welcome here pile 1! Your FS is incredibly emotionally intelligent and aware of themselves and others <3 it’s so sweet I feel like they could be a vet, doctor, nurse or a practice at the moment. Even a school counselor, advisor, a researcher. They prefer to wear comfy luxurious clothing—nothing that screams in your face, but they come across as light on their feet, ethereal, graceful. I’m hearing they hold the room with ease meaning their energy is what captivates the room. Your FS is also someone who struggles a lot mentally because they are so aware, and this isn’t uncommon in intelligent people. Sometimes we know too much. Your person tries to think of all possible scenarios, outcomes, ideas, etc. it can get difficult to manage. They are curious, and love joking around and have this sense of home to them. Therefore they’ll also take care of the home too, they might have an established apartment/house. Something that really draws people in, and makes people wonder how they have that money to support themselves. They can also live alone at this time, but ate open to helping others. Super super generous and kind, they may have libra, or water placements in their chart 🤍 they see the good in others and try to elevate people. They are seen as stable, calming and supportive. I also feel like they have a lot of wisdom—you’ll know right off the bat of meeting them! You won’t need time second guess that they are intelligent <3 they can even have a pisces placement as well! Or you can meet them in a pisces month. Or this could be you with a pisces placement :) they do love spontaneous adventures like hiking, camping, anything to do with “home” and coming together they really enjoy. They can cook very well—i heard salmon soo they really enjoy cooking 😩 I’m talking really good salmon. Too tier food!! Its also aesthetically pleasing to look at, because they have an eye for detail. They also could be in a prominent position at their work right now where they are seen as again, an advisor, manager, admin, counselor, consultant of some kind and they generate a lot of money off of this. They don’t feel stressed out about their home life & financial situation! And if you need their help financially they will be there, they’re so blessed they are able to help others too <3 ultimate golden retriever energy. They might have blonde hair, leans ash blonde, dark blue eyes. They may have a youthful appearance, especially their cheeks and eyes make them look smaller and younger. They might have the smile of a wealthy person (im not sure how to describe this) its more of an energy of when they smile. For female I see brunette hair, she might have a business or job surrounding occupational therapy where she helps others. Your person likes ASMR lmao. Thanks so much to everyone reading this <3 I appreciate any and all support!

Craving more insights? I do personal readings too—deep, detailed, all about you. Tap [here] to get your own magical reading today! Limited spots, and I love tuning into your energy.

♡ Pile 2:

Knight of swords, knight of cups, strength, 5 of wands

Heyy welcome!! Thank yall for being here. Your person is so so conversational and wears their heart on their sleeve <3 you’ll see it right away. They are strong in their values and prefer to have relationships that are heart centered, touching and fun. They also like to be a fun person—not just someone who is nonchalant, im hearing they cant stand that energy! They give life so they need life. Possible zodiac signs include Leo, Aquarius/gemini. They are so talkative in a way that’ll have you giggling, they know exactly how to talk your ear off and they’re so sweet. They’re incredibly loyal to their friends and to you once you meet them. They may prefer to wear softer colors, colors that aren’t typically expected for their gender…? So they definitely could have experienced gender differences and double standards for sure. But they’ve honed in their identity now and aren’t afraid to show it. They are charismatic, enigmatic, they also may love synth music with a lot of reverb or just songs that sound ethereal. Like pastel ghost, crystal castles, etc. they have an electrifying presence and its zappy—and fun! They may seem one foot in the door way because their mind has so many tabs open lol. I feel that they are the type that when something great happens they think of you. “I cant wait to tell you about this moment.” And they’ll hold onto that for the rest of their day :) thats so cute. As for their family background i see a lot of tension, there’s disagreements and conflicts possibly because they do not have an education, or they took a different route that involves trade school. Or they were undervalued by their family a lot for being softer—people mistook that for weakness. It doesn’t even have to be family related it could be friends too. Their ex friends! They have worked on themselves emotionally and they have a lot of resilience and patience, and although sometimes they can speak without thinking, they mean well. Their brain just goes everywhere at once! Im hearing they could have ADHD too. They have a lot of big dreams, ideas, visions for their future! They often get overwhelmed by their fantasies because they sometimes dont know how to create it, how to cultivate it, or bring it into reality and hold it. Not just letting it in—but holding it. Allowing themselves to receive. They struggle with worthiness there. They can have a father figure who is very traditional, leans cold & distant and prefers logic over emotional matters. I also saw 11:11 as I write this! So even more confirmation for you. They honestly have a whimsical heart at best and although this father figure shunned it, they learned to reveal it elsewhere :) Thanks to everyone who has been here! Please like comment and reblog to boost <3

Craving more insights? I do personal readings too—deep, detailed, all about you. Tap [here] to get your own magical reading today! Limited spots, and I love tuning into your energy.

♡ Pile 3:

The fool, strength, magician, and 2 of cups

Hey welcome pile 3! Appreciate having you here :) your person is a interesting mix. Like a cocktail lol. They are free and adventurous and open but practice restraint and discipline. They don’t want to be reckless—they want to enjoy without hurting themselves which is a great trait to have. They are charismatic, powerful speakers even. They could have a job where they are a speaker, consultant, legal consultant is what I heard, they could be in therapy, social work, they could work with children in a way! They are seen as a strong leader, bold and cheerful and intelligent. They also feel confident in themselves to succeed and they are quite optimistic in their approach to life. Im hearing life dealt them a cold hand and so thats why they work with disadvantaged people, people who were oppressed and hidden by the system. Especially children. They remember what its like to be stuck. This person really truly cares about one on one connections, they don’t do well in group settings but they try. They mostly focus on seeing the person in front of them completely and because of this people get scared of intimacy is what I heard. Your person has a lot of emotional depth and even spiritual awareness. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were practicing spirituality or reconnecting with ancestral roots. They have healed and alchemized a lot of their past pain. Random note they may have a cat. Lol. Your person is incredibly loyal—but first they do come forward strong so people wouldn’t step all over them. Theres definitely apart of them that years for emotional comfort & their past, but this isn’t something people see easily unless you’re close to them. They love nurturing their inner child, their inner child comes out a lot in supportive connections. They are currently looking for that in their life <3 having someone else who is their other half. “You’re my sun, im your moon” is what I heard aww. Thats cute. This person is hopeful they’ll be meeting you soon! I wonder if you’ve also been in sync with this person energetically and receive so many signs and dreams about them lol. Almost drives you nuts! But you love it :) speaking about nuts they might be allergic to it. Kinda random lolll. Their possible signs could be in a water sign (cancer scorpio pisces) or fire! Thanks to everyone being here! <3

Craving more insights? I do personal readings too—deep, detailed, all about you. Tap [here] to get your own magical reading today! Limited spots, and I love tuning into your energy.

Extra

Thank you all once again for being here <3 your follows are sincerely appreciated!

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[barcapix]

hiii could i request the prompts 13 & 29 from summer with désiré doué for the summer event ? tyyyy i love your writing sm💖

❀ Lips First, Words Later - Désiré Doué

désiré doué x fem!reader

prompt/s: “too much to say, too little time.” + spiderman kisses

a/n: thank youuuss🥹💓. also thanks to everyone who’s shown loads of love to both me and @n0vazsq for this event; we appreciate all of you ! (hope someone got my tiny spiderman ref)

warnings: maybe a little cringe but who cares it’s summer.

ITS RISKY, BUT HE’S A RISK-TAKER.

summer camp rules are strict and definitely not for the faint hearted.

“oh yeah, this is much comfier than mine. i could get used to this,” the boy you allowed to sneak in during activity hours, murmurs.

the brunette is twisting and twirling around under the sheets of your bed, the top bunk, as you settle below on the bottom—one of the other girls’ mattresses.

the summer camp has two separate dorms; equally as spacious, one full of 20 girls and the other consisting of 19 boys. plus, its been almost a week since you’ve all arrived, and nearly as close for how long you’ve hit it off with désiré.

now, why is he sneaking in?

purely because, underlined in thick, red chalk—also rule number five—is: ‘punishment follows for mixing in the opposite-gender’s dorms.’ and there’s no better time to spend time alone together, without getting separated or gawked at by your peers.

“you look a little too comfy,” you raise a brow, standing up on your feet. “you know you can’t stay the night, so don’t get used to it.”

désiré fakes a yawn. “remind me why again?”

you roll your eyes, watching how he adjusts around to dangle his head slightly off the edge of the top bunk. “unless you wanna get forced to jump naked in the lake again, you don’t need reminding.”

“..nevermind. hm. i was trying to forget that.”

you stutter a laugh you barely maintain, pressing your index finger to your lips as you picture the shrill scream he made when he plummeted into the electrifyingly chilly water.

you blink, a cold blow of air brewing at your face as désiré tries to stop you from laughing. “i know you’re re-imagining the scream.”

you sway a finger at him, then cross your arms. “ill still be re-imagining it 10 years from now.”

you wander to the window, that overlooks the group of people who are currently attempting archery. one arrow goes flying off to the woods.

a silence stills in the air as you watch on, the laughs and yells that penetrate through the glass. it’s not envy, jealousy or whatever but more like distress, from not doing the norm. you’re such a stickler for rules, so when you don’t abide by them, your nerves trigger the acid in your stomach for what you like to consider anxiety.

“i feel like we should be there. not hiding inside like this.”

the boy snorts, as you glance at him through the window and half-heartedly smile at how he has your pillow tucked under his chin. the forest green collared shirt strikes high against his chestnut skin, his toothy smile only making him look more like trouble than he already is.

“are you saying my company isn’t enough?” he throws a spare pillow your way, huffing. “wow.”

“no i’m not saying that,” you shake your head, sluggishly pacing back towards him. “i’m just afraid if we get caught again. i don’t wanna be the one jumping in the lake this time.”

désiré looks at you in that lopsided way, that you can’t really tell where he’s looking. “well, mrs. granny pants is gonna ring the bell soon and im too comfortable to move a finger.”

‘mrs.granny pants’, the woman who caught you making out on the wooden dock by the lake after-hours, and threatened to halve your dinner portions for two days. why the name? let’s just say she’s old enough to rebrand the guinness’ world record of oldest person alive, and the olive army-cargo shorts she wears are incredibly opaque.

a laugh tickles against the back of your throat. “that woman has it in for us. i’m positive she wants to make our summer hell.”

“true that,” doue says. seriously, she does. ever since that break of a rule, she’s been hot on both of your tails—no matter what activity you were playing or even if you were abiding by the rules, tucked away in bed.

once at breakfast, désiré rushed, tray in hand, up to your table—in the middle of telling you the story about how she had a flash-flight up in his face at the peak hours of dusk, but was shortly interrupted as she forced him to flee to the guys’ side of the cabin.

not to mention, she took away his milk carton which left him in a revengeful mood the entire said morning.

“i plan to give her a wedgie before we go back home anyway,” he licks his lips, a chuckle reverberating in his chest. “revenge is gonna be sweet.”

though his words faintly peel your mind from punishment you know will follow, the bottom of your stomach still churns.

“we’re gonna get in so much trouble, désiré.”

albeit, shakily, you place a hand gently on the ladder for balance, the other brushing a few strands of his hair off his forehead; lips only inches apart.

you’re both still, close enough to count eyelashes—désiré flutters his eyes shut; you angle your head sideways.

until.

one of the leaders blows their whistle. both of your bodies jolts at the sound, heads moving with the same unison; you know there’s now, a short window of time until the bell rings when people start running back indoors.

“theres too much to say, too little time.”

the brunette draws you in. your mouths crash eagerly, and in a way that’s way too practiced for only six days. before you realise it, your hand is in his hair whilst his hands skim the fabric of your uniform.

the cold steel of the ladder hisses at your legs. doue’s lips curve slightly into a smile mid-kiss, and it’s unfair how much that stupid upside-down grin makes your heart jutter.

outside, the bell rings. once. twice. loud and clear enough to wake an entire neighbourhood.

yet, neither of you flinch.

his head shouldn’t of been so unsupported and unstable against the bed, nor should your grip of been so loose. so, when the door rattles open..

thump. thwack.

his back hits the floor and your head jerks up just in time to hear:

“—what the fuck, why is there a guy in here?!”

🔖🏷️: @n0vazsq @hearzdiarx @paucubarsisimp @diarieeeelils @joaosnovia @httpsdana @universefcb @madamsoulette @mariejuli (lmk if you wanna be added or removed ◡̈)

[mako-neexu]

all guda related stuff in mahoyo collab

summoning as a highly complicated magecraft -> highly intact sense of self, magical energy, magical crest, sheer willpower........you who is light and equally dark....

casual comments/banter to the people they trust

guda getting shocked of all things at a talking bird www

gudako -> young girl that likes to jog every morning

gudao -> brat that likes small time candy store sweets

UGH the further emphasis on Servants being familiars that no one - not anyone should just use (exceptional...)

stressing the role of a 'Master'

'I also make mistakes a lot'

"I still don't see what's so special about summoning."

guda screams during summons? lmao kind of reminds me of mash with lord camelot

the way guda just refers to other people as 'that another human' www (i know 'person' is more accurate but to me it sounds like an alien in disguise calling someone as 'fellow human' ww)

Of COURSE guda knows how to stop their own pulse

disbelief. perhaps gut feeling. guda's perception of death to others. (i guess in the face of unnatural they would doubt it. but considering Id chapter, it would depend on the person and how theyre closest to?)

'more like tobimaru' 'more like soujyuurou' getting angry on behalf of someone without letting it show as well... i Understand.

THE TOPIC OF AGING KILLS ME. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE HESITANT????? dont yokuwakaranaina ME????

Don't face world-ending disasters alone

IM CRYING OH MY GOD IM NOT WELL "did you sleep well?" "i slept peacefully because the night was quiet and nice" AUGH GUDAAAAA😭

probably nothing of note but additional descriptor to guda is that they look like a college student as compared to previous descriptions of being 'high school student'.......

not being good at horror stories 🥹 reminds me of summer 5...

(unwell) i forget about guda's tactical prowess sometimes (lies) + guda's mention of the looking glass reminds me of berkercas valentines...

Subtle but gudao's reaction to beating down kashin is 'exhausted or relieved' meanwhile for dako she has the 'doubt' in her dialogue

subtle again but theres a hesitance to guda when asked about what the future looked like. but their second option is saying "eh there arent any flying cars anyways"

ahh okay now i know the crypto stuff guda said. its from gudao. is this MHX's influence lmao. gudao youre advertising crypto seriously? ww

guda casually joking about the times they astral project out of their body likes its nothing and mash is not normal either of course and treats it as regular occurrences. well, its regular but for a normal average person in the 21st century, it certainly isnt ww

GUDA ONCE AGAIN PROVING that despite being 'camera' for us players, they actively hide information and i am not over that fact. (knowing who the culprit is before most of the rest-)

guda not hesitating at ALL to rayshift back to 1999 where the end of the world was supposed to happen www

Ah!! To encourage kinomi in confessing, guda confessed their own out in the open!!!

A bakery with the one they love / A wish to reach the South Pole

You may not be able to have all of your dreams, your nights be peaceful, but I hope that you will still be rewarded at the end of your journey 😭

[thatoneyappinggirl]

part 2 of itafushi as summer camp counselors hc's!

part 1 here <3

first year summer camp counselor nobara who catches megumi sleeping in yuujis cabin at the end of the summer right before campers were about to see. of course nobara is the staffs resident blabbermouth, so by three days later, everyone but the campers are aware of what happened. yuuji has absolutely no shame about how their relationship was found out, while megumi sulks (it was his responsibility to go back to his cabin before anyone saw)(but yuuji is just so warm)(it would be criminal to make him get up)

second year camp counselors yuuji and megumi, who are still together coming into their second year. they aren't out publicly around campers....but the campers suspect there's something going on

as second years they're now responsible for event planning rather than primarily just being activity mentors/chaperones. of course this leads to yuuji suggesting a big competition, each cabin being its own team, competing against each other to earn more points. megumi is not one to back down from a challenge, so chaos ensues and rivalry builds further between their groups

megumi and yuuji who use their days off to go on dates, their favorite activities are going out to eat, seeing a movie, wandering around bookstores, and stargazing (they do a lot of stargazing because they are young & gay and it's summer, bffr)!

megumi and yuuji who, once again, sneak out to the lake when everyone is asleep, just to be in the water under the moon together. only once though, because meg is still strict about bedtime and getting enough rest when they have a physically demanding job

yuuji is the resident marshmallow-cooker of the camp, he always makes them the exact ratio of gooey but solid that make for perfect smores. megumi's marshmallows seem to burn as soon as they're exposed to fire, so he’s banned from even attempting at this point

yuuji sneaks lovenotes into megumis room when he can get a chance to. megumi is more and more surprised each time he finds a new one, and even suspects there may be multiple hidden in his furniture, bedding, and books at any given moment (there is)

nobara teases megumi to hell and back when she spots a light hickey on the side of his neck. she knows exactly where it came from and cant help but be a total ass about it, despite megumi begging for her to end the tormenting

megumi who can't hide his blush seeing yuuji shirtless during lake day, but is equally met with yuujis persistent grin, who also can't seem to hide his reaction to seeing megumi shirtless (gayyyyyy im eyerolling rn)

they balance each other out so well as counselors. megumi gives structure while yuuji gives spontaneity, and they learn from each other how to balance being both while having such natural inclinations in opposite directions

they are happy and in loveeeeeee!

genuinely am so obsessed with this au!! sorry it took forever to get these out, life has been kicking my ass fr. hope yall like pt 2! <3

[wannaberp]

— HAPPY THIRD BIRTHDAY WANNABE !

hello everyone! we, the admod team, are happy to announce that today is wannabe's third birthday!

we're super grateful to all you members for being an active participant in this wonderful community, wannabe would obviously not be the same without you. it's because of you all that we managed to reach this milestone and we're excited to show you the things that we have planned for the remainder of the year... and more!

all members are awarded with +5 performance skills and +5 ancillary skills. no need to submit anything, simply link this post on your spreadsheet. additionally, every member is awarded with one more chance token.

we hope you stick with us for a long time! thank you, wannabes! below are a few messages from our admod team.

happy birthday wannabe! honestly, i can't believe how the time has flown by so quickly. what started as a fun little summer project with my friend has now made it through its third year and has just continued to grow and blossom into a wonderful community that i couldn't be more proud of having a hand in cultivating. to everyone who's been with us since the beginning, thank you for sticking through our growing pains and all the trials and errors. and to everyone who's joining us for the first time only recently, welcome! and thank you for trusting us to give your muses a home here. a lot has changed since the beginning and yet we're still the same wannaberp at heart <3 it's been an amazing journey so far and i cannot wait to see what the next year and beyond brings us. thank you so much for making this all possible!

— love, admin keroppi

happy anniversary everyone! wow, wannabe is already three years old! i only joined the admin team a year ago but i'm happy to see everything that we've accomplished so far as a roleplay community! it has been a blast being a member and now providing content for all of you. hope you stick around for a long time!

— love, admin pochacco

hi everyone and happy anniversary! it’s hard to believe that wannabe is already three years old 🥳🎉 and ive been an admin for over a year!! i hold wannabe close to my heart and im so thankful for the community we have here!! ive met so many amazing people thanks to this rp and have grown to build so many wonderful relationships i wouldn’t trade for the world! i hope everyone has been enjoying their time here at wb and again!! happy third anniversary wannabe!! ❤️

— love, admin pompompurin

hi wannabes, happy third birthday! 🫶 i may be the newest addition to the team here but i've seen wannabe grow over the years as a member and it warms my heart that we're still here and going strong. thank you to everyone who has been part of our community and made wannabe what it is today! here's to being your mod melody for even more anniversaries 💘

— love, mod my melody

[coolwyous]

hiiiii zero i’m the overworked sophia x burnout manon dance team anon (idk what to name myself) :))

i haven’t been too active lately but just catching up with your tumblr and wow the maphinz stans are multiplying in here in real time…. just read your possessive annoying slightly toxic maphinz hc and why is that also so delicious. possessive studnon investigating the origin of the hoodie hehe its making me Think Thoughts. and spidey!megan playing matchmaker!!!

also sophia has been femme-ing it up so much recently….. the gabriela dance cover fs, but also like her two piece from yesterdays live being her casual post work hangout fit??? is so crazy to me. anyway its so fun thinking abt college maphinz in all these little settings. <3333 thanks for all these maphinz crumbs via ur asks…. (and maybe potentially an eventual meal in the future!?)

also what are your fav member x member ships for the kats? i’m obv maphinz biased, but probs also a meizini truther. but megan/lara for member x reader.

- pls name me

HI ANGEL im ngl i've been selfishly holding onto ur other ask bc i did see a lot of potential w it....... hope that's ok for me to be a lil possessive for the time being while i crank something out for it ❤️‍🔥 MIGHT BE A WHILE THO but the urge is def there! crumbs for now give me a while and you'll prob see it on ao3 first but i'll be sure to alert here when the full meal is done cooking <3

possessive studnon may deserve her own tag 🥀 i was debating making a masterlist of all my kats hc's tags to keep the au's organized..... always happy to talk abt maphinz tbh especially since you put them so clearly and painfully in my head! unfortunately have not been normal about them since ❤️

i am first and foremost a meizinist (literally saved the username 🙂‍↕️) so be aware that the moment they get brought up i see nothing else <3 maphinz has recently held steady in second place. i don't exactly identify as a megara stan per se but some anons cook in my inbox so damn hard that i just eat it up and start writing hc's for them and have a blast doing so!! when i was a sophia bias i had a brief sodani phase but i have since moved on 💔

and if you accept it, i'd love to give you an explanation for an anon name suggestion... i was making a playlist for maphinz thoughts and stumbled upon hell n back by bakar and summer walker once again and it just SCREAMED maphinz in every possible au.... toxic studnon maphinz, college au! maphinz, spidey!meg verse maphinz, literally the universally applicable maphinz song in my head esp summer's verse..... so some variation of "hell n back anon?" or u can also tell me it's absolute buns and i will totally understand! just wanted something more original than maphinz anon but i also get if the simplicity of that feels more appealing. it's literally ur name so lmk!!! <333

[ragnarokhound]

hiii im working through all your jaytim week stuff bc i had to be in a wedding that week and i missed it 😭 i WILL leave an annoying amount of comments on ao3 but for now i just wanna say that i love the baseball au fic so bad. i don’t know a single thing about sports but i worked a summer job at the ballpark for a couple years and now whenever the weather gets hot i miss the vibes so bad and i CANNOT stop thinking about Them. do you have any more thoughts or rants or really just any crumbs from this au bc it’s delicious ty

AAHHH OMG I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE WEDDING and you have said the magic words because BOY DO I

I love baseball au!! I am actually very pleased with and proud of baseball au!! In my heart, baseball au has a massive rivals-to-lovers slow burn plot that I simply did not have the time to write OTL so instead for jaytim week, we got the scene that I would have reread over and over again if it had been a book I read in high school lmao

My notes this is a fucking outline how did that happen on baseball au:

Jason was the ace pitcher for the Gotham Knights for a few years running, taking over that mantle from Dick Grayson after he traded to the Bludhaven team. Jason was much more aggressive compared to Dick, and he was a two-way player - he could hit well enough to not need a designated hitter when it was his turn to go to bat, and that versatility made him unpredictable and a threat.

Unfortunately, after a big argument with Bruce about the game, he was hit with a hard injury during the playoffs one year. Everyone said it would be career ending. Bruce said to prepare himself for the worst. Jason takes a year off to recover and doesn't speak to Bruce the whole fucking time.

Enter Tim Drake.

Drake is a rookie, a nobody no one's ever heard of, but he's an excellent pitcher. He's got a million tricks and keeps a cool head. He can read the other team to filth and is ready to change tactics at the drop of a hat.

Word is that he bullied his way into the GM's office and demanded a tryout; Bruce was gonna throw him out. But then he saw him pitch. He was hired on the spot.

They started Drake as a relief pitcher, but it quickly became apparent that he was wasted there. He's switched to starter. They don't make it all the way to the Series that year, but it was pretty fucking close and in large part due to Drake. Not bad for a rookie.

Jason hates him on principle.

Apparently, Jason still has a spot on the team. But they've bumped him down from starter to relief. He knows it's necessary, that his injury still needs babying, but he's still not happy with Bruce. He hates it-- and the games he's relieving for Drake? He hates them most of all. He can't stand the guy.

(He's better than Jason.)

(And he won't quit staring.)

Drake doesn't actively antagonize Jason when training starts. Actually, for the most part, he tries to stay out of Jason's way, watching him quietly from the sidelines while Jason tests his frustrating new limits. But Jason's not about to let Bruce's new golden boy off that easy.

(He's almost surprised by the bite hiding behind those bangs. How fast those watching eyes can narrow in acidic consideration before he tears Jason a new one. He takes vicious satisfaction in seeing Drake sink down to Jason's level. And Drake needs a fucking haircut, but far be it from Jason to give this asshole tips.)

Their synergy is garbage in the first half of the season. Jason prides himself in his game, but when they're sharing the pitch, it throws everything out of whack. They butt heads over everything, and they get hyper competitive; half the time, they're not playing against the other team, they're playing against each other.

By the third game its plain they can't be paired together. Either Drake or Jason fuck up on the mound because one of them was doing something (For Jason, Drake's creepy, unblinking stare is enough to piss Jason off; for Drake, Jason's discovered he can get a rise out of him just by raising an eyebrow at the right time, as if to say really? That's what you're going with?) and the coaches (Babs) have just about had it with them.

They're switched to play on different days when possible, and given stern looks and reminders not to fuck up on the days they have to play together. It grinds Jason's gears, but he sucks it up because he's a fucking adult and his career is on the line. Maybe Drake can do the same.

Things start to change, though Jason can never quite remember when. Maybe they needed the space or whatever, maybe Jason needed to go drinking with Roy and just dump about Drake and Bruce and all of it and hear Roy's drunken two cents, maybe the game against Bludhaven meant seeing Dick and being forced to hear his two cents; maybe he needed to run into Drake at the coffeeshop a block away from the stadium one morning and see him bleary-eyed and clearly hungover. Maybe seeing him outside of the job, his gaze wandering out the window and not fixed on Jason for once, willing to shit-talk Bruce (and to a lesser degree, Dick), shifted something in Jason's brain a little to the left. Maybe it made Drake into a different person, and maybe Tim is someone Jason doesn't actually know that much about. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

They start to improve. They have to play more games together when one of their alts wrecks his ankle, but Jason is still pretty fresh compared to everyone else after being babied all season, and his injury hardly bothers him these days. Tim still flusters Jason at the mound sometimes, but it's not for the same reason. He doesn't know what the reason is yet, but he knows it's not the same. The prickle on the back of his neck that says Tim is watching isn't a precursor to anger, or spite. It's something else.

(And so what if Jason finds himself sticking around after practice days? So what if Tim catches him once, working on his swing, and he offers to pitch for him? So what if Jason suddenly knows he wants to find out how that crooked smile tastes, and threatens to break his bat on it instead? So what if Tim laughs at him like he was joking, because they joke now, and it makes Jason's stomach churn, makes him sick with wanting? So fucking what?)

Bruce even talks to him after a game, all fatherly concern and judgment, wanting to know if it's going to be a problem for him and Tim to be playing together. If he can trust Jason not to jeopardize the game over personal disagreements. Jason doesn't know how to explain it to him and he also doesn't fucking want to. He tells him no, it won't be a fucking problem.

It freaks him out. He backslides, hard. Tim had been warming up to him, but he's obviously surprised about getting the cold shoulder. Surprised and pissed.

He corners Jason in the locker room after a game Jason nearly lost them, a loss that would have shut them out of the Series this year for good. Jason's been closing every game he plays, but Tim had to be sent back in to clean up after his piss-poor showing. He lays into Jason. He reads him to filth. He correctly diagnoses the source of Jason's insecurities and his beef with Bruce that's older than basically any of his other problems, and basically tells him to quit yanking the team-- and Tim-- around. He storms out with the last word, and Jason fumes with his head in his hands.

(Apparently, Tim looked up to Jason, once upon a time. Apparently, Tim was a fan before he was a colleague, a rival; a friend. Apparently he'd been nervous but excited at first to meet Jason in person, to get to talk to one of his heroes. Jason feels like a heel.)

They don't talk after that except to play the game. Tim is professionally distant, doesn't stare at Jason the way he used to, the way he was starting to. The roles reverse-- one week later, he's the one who stares at Tim, watches him take the mound during the game that will decide their fate, decide if they'll go to the Series this year or not, with an awful, burning need bubbling in his chest for Tim to look back at him just once.

When Jason takes the mound for him, Tim glances at him. It's brief, but he nods at Jason, a dare in his eyes that Jason wants to take. It loosens his lungs and lets him breathe for the rest of the game. He plays the best he has all season. And Jason knows the reason.

They win the Series. Bruce offers to put Jason back as a starter next year, but Jason declines and does one more year as a relief pitcher. He's done taking stupid risks with his body, with his career, and he knows if he goes back now he risks a flare up. If he's gonna show Tim up, he's gotta give himself his best chance.

Cue the fic. (They absolutely fuck in the dugout btw. Tim asks with his hands already on Jason's skin-- "Can I touch you?" Tim asks with his mouth already on Jason-- "Can I--")

So i hit the character limit but TAH DAH thats bb au <3

[tsarisfanfiction]

And So We Tangled Back Together

Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians Rating: Gen Genre: Friendship Characters: Clarisse, Michael, Sherman He'd been dead for two years. For two fucking years. But Sherman could see the ghost, too, and her hand didn't go through him when she reached out. Also related/a sequel to Dawn Rises From The East, although full knowledge of that shouldn't be needed as long as you know it's a Michael Lives!AU where Michael was amnesiac for two years - a few people, including me, really wanted the Michael&Clarisse reunion, so I finally got around to writing it! I have a discord server for all my fics, including this one!  If you wanna chat with me or with other readers about stuff I write (or just be social in general), hop on over and say hi!

Clarisse hurried up the hill, past the golden fleece and the sleepy Peleus, her spear clutched in one hand.

Sherman had been vague, when he’d IM’d her a few days earlier, telling her that she had to get to camp now and refusing to elaborate beyond assurances that there was not another war starting, Apollo had not ended up mortal for a third time, and no-one had died, and Clarisse didn’t like it.  She didn’t like not knowing, didn’t like the urgency in her younger brother’s voice, didn’t like the way he hadn’t seemed to be able to make his mind up on whether or not whatever needed her presence was a good thing or not.

He'd been excited, but in a subdued fashion, and anything that made Sherman subdued was not normally good news.  Things that made him excited…  Well, that was also a short list and combat-related activities normally topped it.  He was a son of Ares.

Being summoned mid-week, just as college was due to start for the fall, was concerning, and she hated that Chris hadn’t been able to come with her – his nursing course didn’t allow for things like summer breaks, and he didn’t have any days off he could take until next month, and Clarisse hadn’t been willing to wait that long when Sherman wanted her at camp now.

She missed his solid presence at her side, though.  With so much uncertainty, she could have done with it.

Sherman was waiting for her at the entrance to camp, where the ancient archway still stood and welcomed demigods into camp, the same way it had done for the years she’d lived there.  His back was ramrod straight, and his arms were crossed.  Tension screamed out from the set of his shoulders, and he had a new scar zig-zagging its way down his face since the last time Clarisse had seen him in person.

She hadn’t got the story out of him during their last IM, when she’d first seen it, and that either meant it was an embarrassing scar, or whatever Sherman had summoned her for was more distracting than showing off his latest badge of honour.

Clarisse hoped it was the former, and not just because it was her duty as his older sister to mock him for stupid scars, and get payback for all the years where he’d been a little shit, before the war – the first war, against Kronos, because they’d been through two together and word had it that there had been more battles during Apollo’s mortal phase that she’d missed and Sherman hadn’t – had sobered him up and he stopped challenging her for the rights to lead the cabin every other day.

“Report!” she barked at him as her march came to a stop in front of him.  He’d grown again; she had to look up a little, and Clarisse herself wasn’t short.  “What the fuck needed me here?”

She glanced past him, at the camp, and couldn’t see anything wrong.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and that didn’t track with Sherman’s posture, or the fact that he’d insisted she come at all.

“It’s…” he started, stopped, and gritted his teeth, although he didn’t look away from her.  “It’s Michael.”

Michael?

The name immediately brought to mind fucking red and gold fletched arrows, shouts and insults, a figure too small for his age but with enough of attitude to more than make up the difference.

It had been two years since Manhattan, since she’d finally caught sight of all the Apollo campers – the surviving Apollo campers – and realised the short bastard was missing.  When she’d looked for him and heard that he’d fucking died, that there wasn’t even a body to burn.

Two years since she’d watched an empty golden shroud burn and cursed him for doing what she’d told him to for the first time in their lives as black guilt coiled in her gut.  She’d told him to die and he’d done exactly that, taking out a bridge in the process and halting Kronos’ advance, bought time for the rest of his siblings to flee to safety.

Two years since he’d sacrificed his life to protect his siblings and Clarisse had discovered the hard way that the bastard had shot his own fucking hole in her heart and that with him gone, there was a gap in her life that she’d never even noticed he’d filled until he didn’t, anymore.

But Michael was a common fucking name, and after two years there was no reason to bring him up again, so it had to be someone else, some other Michael-

“It’s him,” Sherman said, clearly reading at least some of her thoughts on her face, and Clarisse scowled as he continued.  “Michael Yew.”

Hearing his name, his name with no room for misinterpretation, made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“The bastard died two fucking years ago,” she snapped, because Michael was complicated and Sherman knew she’d fucking mourned him already, in the privacy of their cabin late at night when most of them were trapped in nightmares and she couldn’t even fall asleep – didn’t need to, when it felt like the nightmares hadn’t bothered to fucking wait.  “Why the fuck are you calling me to talk about that short asshole that went and got himself killed like a fucking imbecile two years later?”

“Nice to see you again, too, bitch.”

The voice came from behind her, and up a little bit, and it was familiar, not just the sound of it which had haunted her memories and her nightmares for years, but the direction, too.

She whirled around, spear igniting out of habit and crackling in her ear as her eyes fell on Thalia’s old fucking tree, and the small figure perching in the lower branches, looking like he belonged there.

The fucking ghost perching in the lower branches.

Clarisse crossed the distance to the tree in the blink of an eye, her spear still crackling as she glared up at the apparition.  Behind her, Sherman let out a string of curses, making it clear that he saw him, too, so Clarisse wasn’t fucking hallucinating.

“I was going to tell her first!” he was growling up at the tree, but the small bastard perched there wasn’t even looking at him.  Familiar dark brown eyes, glinting the slightest tint golden in the sunlight, were glued to Clarisse.  Too familiar.

“Get the fuck out that tree,” she ordered, because it hurt, seeing him in the tree as though he’d always fucking been there, and also because she couldn’t see him properly, couldn’t be certain-

“Turn that thing off first,” he demanded, with a sharp glance at her spear.  “I’m not getting fucking electrocuted.”

Two years ago, Clarisse would never have done anything the bastard asked, but she needed fucking answers and she didn’t need the electricity active to skewer the bastard if this was wrong, if it all was all fucking wrong.  A flick of her wrist and she had the electricity deactivated, but she didn’t relax her grip on the weapon.

“Down,” she growled, and he dropped to the ground, barely disturbing the pine needles in the process, because the bastard had always been able to move through the trees like a fucking ghost.

He didn’t look like her memories.  Not quite.  His hair was longer, and his face gaunter, devoid of the teenage softness that he hadn’t quite lost entirely by Manhattan but seemed to be long gone, now.  His clothes didn’t quite hang right, not a perfect fit but more like he’d lost weight – like Chris had been, in the aftermath of the Labyrinth.

He looked older, but it had been two years.  Of fucking course he looked older.

He’d fucking grown, too, still a short fucking bastard but not as short as Clarisse remembered, another inch or two added to his height since she’d last seen him.

He was still a good foot shorter than her, though, and the way he looked up at her, chin tilted but always defiant, always challenging, never deferring, was the same it always had been, except there was a look hiding in the depths of his eyes that Clarisse could recognise, because it was coursing through her, too.

Fucking uncertainty.

Clarisse did not like being uncertain.

She lashed out with her empty hand and he was quick, had always been quick, but not quick enough to completely evade her at that range as she grabbed the collar of his t-shirt and bodily dragged him closer.

He’d never weighed much, by virtue of being so fucking tiny, but he was still a solid body and the resistance that fought against her was grounding.

He was there.

She was actually gripping Michael fucking Yew’s collar.  Two years after he’d fucking died.

Except there hadn’t been a body, and shit.

He was tugging back, glaring at her as he fought for his freedom, but it wasn’t anything like the struggles he used to do if she caught him.  It felt more performative than genuine, and the look in his eyes, that flicker of uncertainty was still there.

Clarisse leant her spear against the trunk of the tree and gripped him with her other hand, too, vaguely aware that he was straining on his tip-toes and that she was bearing a considerable percentage of his weight.  His hands wrapped around her wrists, tight enough to bruise, but she ignored them.

“Fucking answers,” she spat, leaning into his face.  “What the fuck, you bastard?  Two fucking years and you show your ferrety-ass face again?”

He bared his teeth in a snarl and it was familiar.  Normal.

Except that look in his eyes hadn’t gone away entirely.

“Clarisse!”  More hands joined Michael’s, and Sherman pushed her back, enough that she wasn’t in Michael’s face anymore even though she still had a solid grip on him and wasn’t letting go until she got her answers.  “Damn it, Michael, this was why I was going to tell her first!”

“She’s hearing it from me,” Michael snapped back, and Clarisse agreed with him.  Sherman meant well, but this had never been his fight.

“Back off, Sherman,” she warned, not looking away from Michael.  “Michael, talk.”

“Let go of me,” the son of Apollo shot back, but his fingers were still digging into Clarisse’s wrists, the grip white-knuckled, and Clarisse got the sudden, bizarre thought that she wasn’t the only one using physical contact to ground herself.

Had she been a hole for Michael, too?  But that didn’t make fucking sense, and even if it did, Michael had been the one missing.  She’d been at camp for another fucking year before leaving, easy to find if he’d just fucking tried.

She pushed him back, against the bark of the tree next to where her spear leaned, but let his feet fall flat on the ground again.  She didn’t let go, though, and nor did Michael.

“Talk,” she demanded, ignoring Sherman as he grumbled something and backed away.  He had always been smart enough to know when he wasn’t wanted, even if he was usually enough of a little shit to ignore it.

Michael glared at her, looking pointedly at her grip on his collar, but he spoke anyway, and Clarisse was not prepared for the answer.

“Traumatic amnesia,” he said shortly, daring her to challenge him.  It was absurd but it fit.  “When I fell from that fucking bridge I lost everything.  Didn’t even know my own fucking name.”

Clarisse remembered Chris, remembered the way he barely knew who he was, the way he didn’t recognise anyone, didn’t recognise her.  It hadn’t quite been amnesia but parts of it might as well have been.

Even two years ago, when she told Michael to fucking die, she wouldn’t have wished anything like that on anyone, not even Michael.

But it fucking fit, because Michael was an asshole but he would never put his siblings through that shit, never let them think he was dead if he had any say in the matter.  Not before Lee’s death, and definitely not after it.

If Clarisse was honest, Michael wouldn’t even pull that shit on her.  He was a sneaky bastard that loved to creep around in trees and hide and ambush with his fucking arrows out of nowhere, but faking his own death wasn’t his style.

“Where were you?” she demanded, because he had to be somewhere for the past two fucking years.

He had the audacity to fucking shrug at her, despite the grip she still had on his collar.  “Homeless.”

“For two fucking years?” Clarisse pressed, because homelessness and demigods was a common combination but it was also a dangerous combination.

It did explain why he’d lost weight, though.

“Yeah,” Michael confirmed, but he was defensive about it, a challenge in his eyes that looked familiar.  His what are you going to do about it challenge.  “Will found me three weeks ago.”

Three weeks.

Michael had been on the streets for two fucking years, and amnesiac the whole time, because if he hadn’t been he’d have found his own way straight back to camp.

Fuck.

“Fucking bastard,” she mumbled, but even she could tell there was no heat in her voice.  “You- fuck.  Mr D get your head back on?”

Michael’s face twisted into something that didn’t look happy.

“They came back on their own after Will found me,” he said, and Clarisse was no expert but two years of amnesia and everything coming back just like that didn’t sound right.

“What the fuck?” she demanded, and Michael still didn’t look happy.

“I don’t fucking know,” he snapped, and his grip on her wrists loosened, less restraining and more starting to push her away again.  She still didn’t let go, didn’t think she could let go.  “Get off me.”

“Clarisse-” Sherman said from behind her, but she ignored him.  She ignored Michael giving up on prying her hands away and shoving at her chest, too.  He’d never had the strength to overpower her, and that hadn’t changed.

Instead, she stepped in closer, towering over him and leaning the top of her head against the tree.

“You were fucking dead,” she said, and it was a good thing that the only people around were Michael and Sherman, because there weren’t many people she was comfortable letting down any walls around, and Michael didn’t make the list except this was about him and she had two years’ worth of guilt-laden grief that she’d never thought would have anywhere to go.  “I told you to die.”

Michael stopped trying to shove her away, his hands finding her biceps and resting there instead, not gripping tightly like he had been, earlier, but not trying to pry her off, either.

“I know,” he said, and it was calm, calmer than Michael usually was.  The fact that it wasn’t an argument, that he’d agreed with her was strange, too.  Wrong.  “I said some fucking stupid shit, too.”

He sounded tired, and strained.  It was probably the closest thing he’d ever said to an apology, to her.

Except it wasn’t, because he’d given her the chariot, back then, calling for a truce, asking for help, and she’d thrown it back in his face.  He’d only turned nasty after that, when she’d rejected the words but taken the chariot anyway, and even looking back she didn’t think the truce had been a true apology rather than a last ditch attempt to get the Ares cabin to fight, but in the weeks, months, years since, she’d realised how big even that had been, for Michael.

She’d been scared.  It had taken her time to admit it even to herself, but she had been scared.  It had taken her longer to realise, to accept that Michael had been scared, too.  Scared enough to ask her for help, but she hadn’t recognised it – and even if she had, she didn’t have enough faith in her younger self to think she’d have done anything different if she had.

“You bastard,” she grumbled, but it didn’t have any heat in it.

Nor did Michael’s returned, “bitch.”

She still didn’t let go of him, although her grip relaxed, fingers tangled in fabric with no desire to find their way out.  Michael didn’t start pushing her away again, either, his hands falling down by his sides as he leant back against the tree.

That wasn’t right, either.  Michael didn’t do that, but then Clarisse didn’t just stand there, loosely holding onto him with no intention of a fight, either.

But ten minutes ago, she’d thought he was dead.  She’d spent two fucking years believing him dead, living with the echoes of their last argument in her ears.

She didn’t think she wanted their arguments to resume again.  Not after how they’d ended last time.  Michael wasn’t spoiling for a fight, either, as passive around her as she’d ever seen him, and she thought that maybe, just maybe, they were in agreement for once.

What she didn’t know was what to do about it.  They didn’t do agreements, didn’t do civility.  They’d never managed that, always needed a buffer between them – it was no coincidence that their arguments had worsened after Lee’s death.

Sherman was still there.  She could feel his silent gaze on the back of her head, observing but not saying anything.  He’d never been enough to stop their arguments before; she didn’t think he’d manage now, either, if they started.

But he’d seen her mourning Michael, two years ago, and she’d been worried then about losing his respect, which she’d had to fight so hard to earn in the first place, but he hadn’t turned on her then, and two years on, she knew he wouldn’t turn on her now.  It mattered less now, anyway.  She was still his big sister but she wasn’t head counsellor, not anymore.

“Don’t fucking do that again,” she muttered, and felt Michael freeze.  “I thought you were fucking dead,” she added, the words spilling out before her brain could catch up.  “Dead, you bastard.”

Michael shifted, still trapped between her body and the tree, but it still wasn’t a fight to escape.  Instead, Clarisse felt a light pressure on her chest as his head leant forwards.

“I’m not dead,” he said, stating the fucking obvious, but it was tired, Michael was tired.

Clarisse was tired, too.  Too tired to turn it into an argument when it was obvious that Michael wasn’t angling for one.

“You fucking bastard,” she said flatly.  It wasn’t an apology, she wasn’t quite ready to apologise for the shit from two years ago even though she knew she needed to, but it was something and the way the weight increased against her chest told her that Michael understood.

She still wasn’t prepared for the word he mumbled, barely audible.  Just one word, a question and an offer and a promise all at once, and Clarisse couldn’t say no.  Should’ve said yes years ago, when there was a chariot between them, had regretted it in the years since and never expected to be faced with it again.

“Truce?”

Clarisse didn’t plan on making the same mistake twice.

“Yeah,” she said, and her hands finally fell from Michael’s collar.  “Truce.”

[film-in-my-soul]

hangster for y? im a sucker for some yearning

Not sure how well I did but I hope you liked it!

Y is for Yearning

He never used to have problems paying attention in briefings or lessons. He never used to bounce his heel, wiggle his pencil, or actively stop himself from running his fingers through piano scales across his thighs. Bradley used to pose, back straight, pen tip at the ready, attention rapt on whatever commanding officer had control of the laser pointer. But that was then, and now it's not.

Then, Bradley hadn't known the yielding heat of another pilot's body. Then, he hadn't felt the weightlessness of being lifted by arms just as strong as his own, hauling him around with ease. Then, Bradley had never felt the edge of competitiveness give way to mutual, blinding pleasure so strongly it damn near had a color, and a shape, and a texture all on its own.

Now, Bradley's squad has been shuffled; he's been given a secondary team that he's rotated. It's placed him directly behind an overly familiar blond head )two seats up and one across from where Bradley is parked). It means he has a front-row seat to a fresh toothpick held between long fingers, lifting it to a waiting mouth. Bradley can trace the callouses it rests on, the one that hedges around the thumb, and feel the rise of a scar across the pad, splitting the whorl of the print like he's still got his tongue on it. He knows the weight of the same ankles crossed beneath the chair the blond sits on as if they're locked around Bradley's middle, digging into his flank with their silent but insistent message to move.

So yes, Bradley is distracted, half paying attention (if that). His mind is spiraling out, trying to remember the specific scent of sun-tanned skin, beaded with sweat, pressed on top of freshly washed cotton. It's trying to connect the drag of wood across paper to the sound of nails scrambling against a headboard, the boom of jet engines outside to punched gasps and a thundering pulse, the summer breeze fighting to waft from semi-open windows to a shuddering breath against his ear. Bradley has figments of them all, pale imitations as he runs his tongue against his progressively drying bottom lip and rests his own fingers on the inside of his wrist, pushing to feel the tendons flex.

What makes it worse, Bradley thinks, is that he should be satisfied with the sense-memory, with the imitations and flash-bang flickers that fly across his thoughts each time Jake moves or fidgets, but he's not. There's a hook just behind his belly button and a heat sitting in the bowl of his stomach. His thighs are tense from how he's holding himself down, holding himself back. Bradley is poised to spring just as much as he is to stay statue still, body forward but eyes drifting as if pulled by the magnate that is Jake Seresin simply existing.

How Bradley had thought one night would be acceptable- would satisfy- he doesn't know, especially now that he's living the aftermath. Damned stupid was hardly enough of a chastisement, and so he's reaping what he'd sewn. He's paying the piper for the gift he'd been given: shockingly easy submission, a slack, wet mouth, a freely offered place to rest his need and have it soothed with tongue and sex.

Still, even with the blood roaring hard in his ears, growing louder the more firmly he controls himself, his gaze drifts to the slope of Jake's throat as the other man tips his head to stretch the muscle, and Bradley is left wondering if the imprint of his teeth is still there beneath the collar.

The fact of the matter is, given everything, he'd do it again. He'd suffer this bottomless need pressing on him from the inside out, making his head muzzy, his attention short, just to lay Jake out again, just to lavish that body and have a fresh layer of paint put on the twin pictures of 'hunger' and 'glutted' that live in his head.

And given how Jake shifts, just a little, just enough, so that Bradley can see the glint in his sea-glass eyes, his wolf-sharp smile, he knows it too.

Alphabet Prompt Game

[loveh4rs]

i shifted??!?

now i put the question marks because it was like midway through my method and I never had the chance to open my eyes but i was listening to pink noise overnight because i know they always help me shift or at least get REALLY close. before this, i had just finished rewatching prisoner of azkaban (for probably the 40th time ever) for motivation. so, i just went to sleep normally and started fantasising about my dr. then i had activated a lucid dream. there was no trigger it just happened. a person in the dream had asked me, “what is it you want?” (because before we were on the topic of our biggest wishes.) and i just answered with, “i want to shift.” ALL OF A SUDDEN I COULD FEEL THE DREAM START TO SLIP AWAY. THEN EVERYTHING TURNED PITCH BLACK AND I FELT LIKE I WAS SPINNING. i started to imagine scenarios i wanted to experience in my dr. and because i’m shifting to hogwarts, i visualised myself in first person riding a hippogriff mid-air like in the scene of harry in the prisoner of azkaban. AND THE SPINNING JUST GOT EVEN MORE WORSE LIKE IT WOULD NOT STOP. i was freaking OUT.

so then i asked myself, “okay, where do i want to wake up?” it took me a hot minute to think about it but i just settled on the hogwarts express because it would be cool to experience. so i imagined a scenario of me just snacking in the hogwarts express, sitting down and just the vibe of the carriage overall. THEN I COULD FEEL MY SENSES COMING BACK. BUT IT WASNT MY CR. IT WAS MY DR. FIRST, I BEGAN HEARING THE TRAIN. AT FIRST THE SOUND WAS UNCLEAR, BUT THE MORE I VISUALISED THE CLEARER MY SENSES WERE GETTING. AND THEN THE TRAIN WAS GETTING LOUDER, LIKE IT WAS AMPLIFYING THE MORE I TRIED TO GROUND MYSELF. IT SOUNDED LIKE I WAS REALLY THERE TO HEAR THE FULL VOLUME OF THE TRAIN. idk if ANY of this makes sense but it’s the only way I can describe it. Of course I was freaking out, but I persisted on breathing to calm myself down.

SO THEN I STARTED TO FEEL THE SEATS OF THE CARRIAGE AROUND ME. LIKE THE ACTUAL TEXTURE OF THE FABRIC THE SEATS ARE MADE OF. AND I COULD FEEL MYSELF LAYING DOWN ON THEM AS IF MY DR SELF WAS JUST WAKING FROM A NAP. I DONT THINK ANYBODY ELSE WAS IN THE CARRIAGE WITH ME. BUT THE NEXT THING I BEGAN TO HEAR WAS HAGRID.

freaking hagrid.

i actually love this man, he’s probably my second favourite professor after mcgonagall. his voice was SUPER CLEAR. he was telling off a bunch of students. I COULD TELL THE SOUND WAS COMING FROM MY LEFT. it sounded like he was 2 carriages over. LIKE I COULD TELL THERE WAS A BIT OF A DISTANCE IDK I just knew. AND HIS ACCENT. I COULD NOT MISS IT. YOU’D HAVE TO BE DAFT TO MISS IT. I KNOW HAGRID WHEN I HEAR HIM. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!!

THE SCENT OF SWEETS STARTED TO FILL MY NOSE. LIKE A WHOLE MIXED VARIETY OF DIFFERENT SWEETS. AND I COULD TAKE IT ALL IN. NOW THAT IM THINKING ABOUT IT IM ASSUMING ITS BECAUSE THE TROLLEY LADY PROBABLY VISITED A COUPLE OF MINUTES BEFORE?? anyways i could’ve sworn it wasn’t just magical sweets though, i could smell werther’s originals too. DON’T ASK WHY BC IDK BUT I JUST KNEW IT WAS THAT.😭

AT THIS POINT I WAS GETTING SUPERR FREAKED OUT. and this is like a major problem for me😭 i get so freaking scared and i hesitate. i’ve had MANY close attempts but this one definitely made it to the top 5. i was too dang scared to open my eyes!! because i feared that if i did, i would just get disappointed and see my own normal bedroom from this CR. anyways idk what happened but after that i woke up back in my bedroom to my sister shouting at her bf:(. i think i fell asleep again back in my dr or something and i just woke up back here, i’ve really got no clue. but not to fret!! I KNOW reality shifting is real, and i’m in this shit for life. now that i’ve graduated from college (i’m british) yesterday, i’m on summer break so i will DEFINITELY be utilising these two and a half months to shift!! my motivation has boosted so much after. and i am confident i will make it. i hope this post has motivated any others too, (if anybody has actually read this). i’ve been trying for almost 5 years since july 14 2020 (but not consistently as i have took a LOT of long breaks to focus on my real life so don’t feel demotivated.) and i am happy to see progress in my shifting journey again:)

i will definitely keep updated on my blog here! and i am so excited to talk about my experiences!! if you’ve read til the end thank you for staying up until here!! all the best of luck to you all!

[victorianwestpiano]

Just realized it's probably Fall where you live! Do you have classes this year again? Hope all's well, especially your health!

Hey, hello!! How's going? Its been a long time!

I know I've been un active but, answering your question, yes, I do have classes this year. I think I have said it months ago but this is my fourth and final year. The thing is, because is the last year, we've been doing a lot of stuff to finance our 30 minute short we've been creating since last March. Which we'll be shooting next weekend, including this Friday.

Then after all that we'll have a week and a half of recess I think.

But also after that we're going to finance from zero our graduation play! That a playwright wrote exclusively for us :D

And about my health, or in this case my mental health, is getting better. Im taking a new medication that I'll take until November if everything is improving with me. Just to calm my moods and be more relaxed in times of anxiety.

Fall is ending this month. Here winter starts in now in June 21st. So yeah, not specially happy about that...

But anyway I hope you're fine as well. How's your writing going? Are you having fun doing it? Since I know you love it so much ;)

Im NOT a profesional writer myself, but Im planning on writing an original story, starting doing fanart of it first :D

As soon as I finish my audiovisual exam with this short we're doing, I'll check on my blog since it's been so long since I posted new stuff. Just to see how is it.

I also planning to get more books to read. Im very interested to read something from Neil Gaiman or Mark Twain. If you have any recommendations I'll be glad to hear them ;)

Hope you have a pleasant summer. Make sure to use sunscream, ;D

[rin-and-jade]

Hiii! I hope you had a great year or at least you had fun and felt that you're alive, safe and loved :) the holydays are coming and I cant shake the feeling that I must wish you a peaceful one :'D I hate holydays :')

So. I dont know if you can remember me. Im that person who's told you about all my struggles regarding studying and having issues with controlling my attention and how I couldn't manage to pass an exam bc of my dissociation/ time processing i think a year ago i've written you that message... (I managed to pass the second one and it was great actually) but I wanted to ask you something. If you have the knowledge and/ or experience of course. At first I must point out i've been diagnosed with bpd, I dont know if this is a trait of it or if its DID... but. im having trouble with identifying whether this kind of problem is among others with DID or if Im just strictly borderline (maybe its just denial) and so. is it something thats related to bordeline if im not seeing this personalities as being "present" as I am? Like, i cant say they have ever been there at least as always as long as I am most of the time. I feel like they are always just standing behind me looking after me but at the same time letting me doing all the work. Sure. there are times when some dude is taking over to do the physical chores or the dude whos taking over just to have fun and get drunk (she's here right now cuz im tipsy and tried to "have fun") or when im in nature the hippy one comes near just to show me how important it is just being alive and appreciating nature.... but I dont feel like they are some separeted beings from me. As I was saying, they let me do all the work. I happen sometimes to have emotional amnesia and doing things without having control but they arent here! Does it make sense? Sometimes they speak to me and try to make themselves understood but only in those moments when im not aware as though they're sneaky and trying to hide from me... I doesnt seem fair, thats all.. and im really trying to make peace with them and whenever the persecutor comes into action im telling him to go fuck himself and try to be a bully with somebody else not with the persons who suffered. I mean why doesnt he try to come when we actually need him? For example when somebody is mean to us and we need to stop let ourselves be the black sheep or even when we feel verbally atacked? So im trying to get reasonable with him at that part. But there arent any signs that they really exist... they are somewhere deep I cant acces anything. And im thinking. I must have a to much active imagination. I given my sorrows and anxieties names, personalities overall. I feel guilty bc I dont want to seem like a bad person just for trying to find out what is going on in my dissociated mind (i dissociate a lot. So much that i cant understand my current life).... I dont want to seem like i pretend that I am someone or more likely somebodies that I am not.

So to summerize this: is it something common to find yourself that you lack the life activity around you of your personalities? They are only coming when its something urgent like remembering stuff at work or something that puts us in danger for not being neurotypicals, or when we need to remember what we studyied, what our names is, or how old are we (dont even get me started we sometimes guess wrong :'). ) when we have stuff to do and I feel like shit and I cant handle. What do you think? Sorry for the long message Im only trying to figure this out. Maybe you'll have a clue what im talking about because im getting the feeling that im too drunk to write concise (also this is not my first language)

Im gonna sign with two initials so you'll know from now on if we ever have other questions to ask you with L. (shes always trying to help shes the flower power one) and E. (shes just plain bold and very brave at everything she does)

Again im wishing you a wonderful day/night and a peaceful holyday (　・ω・)♡♡♡♤♤♤

Wait.. i KNOW you, it’s the brisk break method i ever told because sometimes focusing for too long depletes people’s energy faster and some other tips! Im so glad you actually passed because I’ve been sat here thinking if theres a change in your studies after seeing your ask being answered.

Would you pour me a glass too here as i say some stuffs,, also im having a great holiday, merry xmas.

I would admit that when we talk about alternate personalities between BPD and DID, its bit hard to actually discern which is which because it’s broad and everyone has it uniquely (aka will never be the same, thus cannot rule out easily) so.. hm. I have a way to explain and guide to your conclusion:

These two mental conditions fall into the same dissociative spectrum with different severity, thus why it may have similarities and could even overlap which will be harder to tell which belongs to what. That being said, the similarities with these two would be: some level of identity separation/disconnection, has normal and emotinal amnesia, automatic responses by dissociating to keep oneself from danger, and some inconsistencies with yourself.

The difference settles on the severity, how its triggered, and what related symptoms are commonly associated with the disorder.

As a bpd holder i can clearly tell apart which is from the disorder or not; you will have some sense of alternation, with this it won’t be as bad and you are aware that it’s part of you (which not always the case for did) + it doesn’t necessarily involve a shift in age, worldview or how you see yourself physically and more limited to states, percievings, and feelings. The critics are also in first-person for e.g. “this is so fricking stupid of me to say __ before, why did i do that???” That won’t apply to did.

Thats for one, though i want to keep it short so in general i want to say that bpd is from “idk which version of me is the actual me and i have a hard time finding and sticking to an authentic one” while did is “idk who i am and i thought i like this which turns out untrue after a few hours and i barely have got a sense of myself which makes me get stumped whenever i got asked something” kind of thing.

Things that are more bpd related: have struggles maintaining relations, mood swingy, fear of abandonment, emotional impermanence, anxious, very susceptible to amygdala hijacking

Things that are more did related: shifted sense of time, significant memory gaps, problems with memory consolidation and recall, frequent dissociation, feeling out of body, feeling not like yourself, inconsistent preferences

I cannot vouch if this is a yes or no about the question, coming from a system myself. So i hope you can do a bit more digging and use my insight to further help you, also feel free to contact me via DMs if it’s stull confusing. For now, i advice you to read more resources and take my words into account,

See you later!

- j

[flockofdoves]

obviously there is no time that is Good or Convenient to have covid and i guess technically its good that this isn't happening to me in the middle of a time where i have more active work or school responsibilities

but also it just feels like Such bad timing in a lot of other ways

i literally Just was recovering after unrelated health problems over the past couple weeks that were making me so so fucking stir crazy i had plans to go out and really start planning my days for the rest of the summer doing things like going to rhode island again and going birding more and going to museums and stuff because i was at my fucking limit with being cooped up in my apartment recovering. but now i just gotta do that all over again for at least another 9 days from today

kinda sad about ending my summer this way. and also i'm gonna have to miss my niece's christening party when i really would like to see her again i've only seen her once since she was born :(

also there are just so so many issues surrounding my lease and roommate situation. my symptoms started on tuesday the 16th which means i should isolate til the 26th (i do not trust the new recommendations saying you can even go to work if you have covid after 5 days i think thats fucking insane and would be irresponsible of me with how extremely symptomatic i am right now)

my current lease ends on the 26th. so so lucky i don't have to move but every single thing about my roommate situation and how shes supposed to move out on the 26th is made so fucking complicated by this

because my roomate is still here the whole time i have to isolate i have to stay entirely in my bedroom outside of wearing a mask to go to the bathroom (and shutting the door and taking it off to shower or brush teeth) or quickly get food to bring to my room

and my girlfriend didnt test positive yesterday but it feels kind of inevitable considering that we sleep in the same room (and cpaps even aerosolize viruses further apparently) so its not like she can even stay in the other room for the time being while periodically checking to see if she's gotten infected

and also i put in repair requests earlier this week for issues with the apartment that preexisted me and my gf moving in but that over the past year i'd been too nervous about having maintenance come in and see how bad things were bc of my roommate until me and my gf deep cleaned last week

but the repair requests were not fulfilled within a few days and then i had to cancel them obviously once i tested positive. and so now that means i cant have maintenance fix anything til after the new lease starts... which means that we're gonna have to pay back my roommate the her entire portion of the security deposit and then pay for the repairs during our new lease for things that happened when she lived here before us...

it also kinda puts a wrench into any hopes i still kinda had of trying to reach out to anyone she knows to try to help her cat

and im sad bc i realized cats can get covid so i shouldnt even really be playing with or petting her cat over the next 10 days :(

also its gonna be so so weird bc ive already doubted that shes actually gonna move out at all and now its even more ambiguous bc like. if she ever communicated with me at all i'd find it very reasonable for her to ask to move out a little later so she doesnt have to deal with that or expose anyone shes potentially bringing to help her move or anything. but like i know shes not actually gonna communicate anything so if the 26th comes and goes and shes still here its gonna feel even weirder than it was gonna originally because i'll feel more unconfident about asserting like. you need to get out of here. when i can find a reason to understand why she'd unexpectedly need to stay a little longer

[punkpsychologist]

i am so full of anxiety

i'm an RA now

i move into the dorm in less than a week

i have not even scratched the surface of packing

the anxiety has been fucking insidious but i've been trying to talk myself down to understand and get it through my thick ass skull that everything is going to be ok

i might be stuck with a fucking roommate for a couple of weeks which completely negates the wanting of me taking that job

it is very late and i am very tired and stressed out, oh hwell

b and i are doing beautifully, we're talking about how we want to get married and its really nice making plans and stuff

i've spend many days staying over at his mother's house with him and his siblings to bond this summer and he's stayed over at mine a couple of times which was really cool

he and i have been helping each other so much i love him so fucking much

i need to get myself into the academia mindset again

learning for the sake of knowledge and doing my best to live up to my standard of "no hack doctors"

but i also need to relax and have fun, RA training scares the shit out of me. i have some baggage from a previous situation thats made me like scared of stuff like this so i'm really hoping that this job helps that part of my brain

its so late, and im feeling very frustrated with the situation i am expericing right now, and i am not going to talk about it here because it's petty. but i feel like playing totk and drinking a mudslide or something fun as a dionysian treat while i vibe in my own energies. i want to do my own thing

i've been making macrame necklaces to focus my energy onto something. i brought a couple to b's house today and i let him wear one when we went to the movies and it looked so perfect on him. he's so beautiful :)

he worse the necklace to his dnd session and apparently

ok it's the next morning now and i'm feeling much better lol. it's all fine. i'm going to try and start being a little more active on here just to get my mind back to the better habits i had from last august.

i hope all of you are doing well and i genuinely wish the best for all of you this year :)

a couple of actual school things

taking a course on human sexuality which will be interesting

taking another one on cognitive processes

i need to start getting closer to some of my professors so i can have more bonds and connections and be able to get letters of reference and actually feel good about it

additionally, two of my psych classes this semester are from the same professor i had last semester and i'm hoping to get a lot closer to her and show myself as a promising student

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

SUMMER OFFICALLY STARTS TODAY AYAYYAYAYAY i watched highschool musical 2 last night to celebrate 😋

no but ngl for the math exam im kinda skeptical bc so far all of the scores ive seen have been crazy high. like are you just adding more points to my score just because?? if so THANK YOU now do that with my english exam </3 speaking of which there were some written response questions on my english and i had a word limit for all of them. thought it wasn't a big deal until i was crazy over 10000 (or so) letters/spaces and it BROKE MY HEART when i realized i had to delete some stuff 💔 my sentences were so juicy too.. im gonna cry again 😔 i did blank out for the english exam bc i was so sleepy when we first started then my teacher gave me some gum and i was awake, but if i was reading super long questions/answer choices i just chose the answer that looked the cutest <3

dude i LOVE horror movies i just hate the jumpscares 😭😭😭😭 no bc i could jump to literally anything (scary or not) and suddenly everyones making fun of me 😭😭 i just want to bury myself in a hole atp 💔 anywho idk why i just like watching people get possessed, so YES to the conjuring series (planning on watching the newest one when it comes out 😋) and YES to paranormal activity if i was brave enough. i like the more so thriller horrors, so like saw (I LOVE SAWWWWW) and final destination (SEEING IT NEXT WEEK YIPPEE). but yeah im down to watch anything that has no jumpscares (which is so sad bc most of horror is known for the jumps). on hbo i watched the silence of the lambs, the sequel (i hated it), the shining, carrie.. i think thats it. those are more like psychological horror which i dont really see as scary BUT they do have my full attention. OH AND I WANNA WATCH INSIDIOUS ALTHOUGH THERE IS JUMPSCARES IM SURE BUT ITS NOT ON HBO MAX??? like i think its one of those things where its everywhere around the world except america </3 but i'd say my favorite part of horror movies is watching someone recap it and go over its meanings on yt when im done watching 😋

— angy 💢 YAPPED oh my gosh

OMG HIII ANGY YAYYYYYY SO HAPPY FOR YOU IT'S FINALLY SUMMERRR!!!!! and yes omg hsm for THE WIN !!! i think ive watched the entire franchise more times in my adulthood than i did growing up only bc i love the feeling of nostalgia it gives me...ALSO THE SOUNDTRACK EATS !!!! give me a mic & the hsm soundtrack and those karaoke places hate to see me comingggg

anyways im glad it's finally break time for u,,,i hope you have fun & enjoy it & get tons of rest :DDDD esp after all these exams and the hassle you went thru :') & choosing the answer that looks the cutest is honestly so me like some times my brain just be empty and im just a girl at the end of the day ╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭

ALSO I DIDNT KNOW THERE WAS A NEW CONJURING COMING OUT ???? and omg yea i feel the same w jumpscares,,,im always on edge but i lowkey like them bc of the adrenaline HAHAH (im literally insane & a masochist) AND YES OMGGGGG i LOVE watching recap videos, theory videos, or reading blogs abt movies/series once im done lollll esp for like hidden meanings/symbolism/all that fun stuff...

i just watched the new marvel movie thunderbolts with my sisters here in korea and the first thing i did was search up any easter eggs i missed and stuff lollll ~~ im a HUGE marvel dork and at some point in time–especially in highschool–it was my entire life so this was super exciting for me,,,,i also love action movies if you can't tell hehe

anyways! it's 1AM in korea rn and im finally getting to responding to everyone and i should definitely go to sleep soon bc we have a busy day tmrw too but i hope ur doing well angy !!!!! HOPE TO HEAR FROM U SOON <3

[spiralsta1rcase]

i'm too lazy to get on my computer and open up dreamwidth right now so i'll make my lame-o boring long posts right now. hey it's 10 pm here so you can't blame me! i've got a lot on my head right now. time to use a feature i've never used before... so click this thingy if you wanna read my long words!

feels cool to have that there. anyways.

recently my weight loss "obsession" (or is it just an interest? i'm not starving myself, just watching what i eat...) kicked back in again. i think it's good that i work on this stuff during the summer cuz ive got the beach and stuff to keep me active, lol.

well. i've noticed some progress since a while ago. i'm not sure what happened but i had a little pause where i didn't care so much and just kinda did whatever i wanted, food and exercise wise. not that it's a bad thing, it's fine, really. anyways. last time i weighed myself i was at 66.8 kg, which is great compared to the 70kg i was at! i'm around 165 cm so i guess this is an okay weight to be at, woohoo! i wanna go lower, but i don't wanna be unrealistic- let's get to 10kg by september!- like, no. realistically i'll probably be back at 70kg by september But let's be optimistic! i'll be happy if im at 60kg though i wanna be at, like, 52-55kg.

not eating much is easy cuz you've got stuff like water and chewing gum and yummy fruits to keep you company but the hard part is the exercise thing.. considering i don't. like that very much. i've gotten pretty good with tennis and badminton but i guess i just don't like the playing against another person thing. maybe something just, like, going to the gym or running would be better for me. i can play sports with family or friends or something... i did tennis after school for a bit but i quit partly because i didn't like little year 7s being better at me and partly because one time a guy i kinda like was playing in the same area as my group was and i got so nervous i missed every ball and also got hit in the face with a ball. i also think i fell over but im not sure. it was embarrassing.. anyways. running and gym is the ideal for me i guess.

hey isn't getting enough sleep a good thing for weight loss too? cuz, um, i'm not doing that. its almost 22:30. whatever. i just wanna add that im not losing weight just to look better though that is part of it. i do care about confidence and not getting bullied but also i do care about my health and even if i don't lose a lot of weight ill still be happy knowing ive gotten a much more active life compared to a few years ago! but i wont lie and say, oh, i don't care about how i look, because i do. i also wanna get braces or something like that to fix my overbite because its another thing to do with confidence...

well i should go to bed now. i'm feeling hopeful! and also im promising i wont get crazy obsessed about my weight and starve, cuz i like food and having hair lol.