#im grieving finishing it like.
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can't stop thinking about dream report universe phil. do u think that when they had to take steve to the vet there was a part of him that was hoping to see vet dan? even tho it makes no sense? even tho he has dan howell dan?
#sometimes when i like someone ill always be hoping to see them somewhere. even tho it makes no sense. do u think he would do that#vet dan is the only one i can think of ever coming up unless they ever had to go bavk to zils st#well i mean. maybe when they go to a starbys he might glimpse a man in an ill fitting suit and his heart would skip a beat#not that he really liked that one but he still really cared about that one#but anyway. taking steve to the vet is a big canon event and dream report phil would probably definitely hope against all logic#to see vet dan there somehow#ahhhh#wake up to my dream report#dnp#phan#pml#diary#also good god. if anyone else has read this please i need to scream. about it to someone anyone#im grieving finishing it like.
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#I have this idea Im trying to write but fuck it’s difficult#Basically… only Bucky (and Clint) are the only ones that believe that Old!Steve wasnt Steve at all#everyone else treat them like they’re delusional and they should actually grieve Steve#while… Steve is out there in a prison trying his best to go back to Bucky and Sam (even tho he doesn’t know Sam already gave up on him)#I made two ficlets already but I still need to bullshit my way through a lot of plot#im actually considering watching some shows to have a more accurate view and understanding on lore lmao#even tho I hate the new shows#ignore I wrote only two times in the same sentence onfg thsgs why I dont write anything ever#also dislexia#stucky#post endgame Stucky#fuck canon#Old!Steve is a skrull#steve rogers#bucky barnes#more sketches#im actually going to finish this! but Im going to use it for the fic I don’t know if Ill be able to finish or write correctly#i will try my best#same with other ideas I have that have a lot of lore#Why am i doing this to myself? because Im a dumbass#thats why#also I love Stucky with my all bc they’re one of my otps
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Let her grieve
#since we've been uh. deconstructing prism's mental state..have some sad ship art.#it's been a hot minute since I last properly did digital art but i have found my drawing tablet pen and.....oh it's good to be back#sigh i just. i don't think i want prism to grieve alone she deserves better than that#her bobots are gone...phoenix go hug her...please ..#i originally had her crying but idk..the pose changed by the time I finished the sketch she looked more exhausted#and i was like yeah i'll roll with that and she probably just calmed down or something#also um! never drawn two human characters ineract before (properly/intimately) so! obligatory it might look a little off#and directional lighting. god im not used to doing it outside realism#i digress... i love they#ieytd#i expect you to die#[agent moose's art]#agent phoenix#roxana prism#roxanix#creator and me
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A little bit of this chapter was actually p good but the rest was literally nothing. Like. What are we doing. What do you mean one more chapter left.
Spoilers in tags
#uraraka finally getting her time to grieve except it's for .5 seconds. and literally what was her and Deku's talk. like bro actually what#and then the entire class showing up including mf aizawa. okay man. whatever.#i dont really feel too strongly on any deku ships including izuocha. after seeing the ending of last chapter i mentally prepped for the#possibility of it happening. but like. man what do i do with this.#i def prefer the no canon ship route just because i feel that makes fandoms of finished series way less annoying#like the kny fandom is insufferable ab ships cause of the canon ones#but all of that build up just for class 1a to show up and for their talk to last like 10 seconds. like im happy but i wanted more from that#ig i just wanted a far more emotionally impactful scene but instead it just felt like Izuku playing therapist again#which makes me wonder if it would've been different had be gone the ship route#not mad since i prefer other ships anyway#just. conflicted on that conclusion#but denki showed up for a panel so actually who cares about any of this#mha#my hero academia#mha spoilers#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers
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come here son i am going to infect you with my inosuke + kanao sibling agenda
(do not tag as ship)
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#kny#kny spoilers#demon slayer spoilers#inosuke hashibira#kanao tsuyuri#ignoring aoi amd inosuke forever. i do not see it. sorry. it is bad. it annoys me#im not annoyed at aoi im annoyed that they paired two characters who barely ever interact ever togwther#and didnt give aoi any character or agency. shes just “inosukes wife” now.#its not good! there ks no foundation for their dynamic at all!!!#IM NOT GONNA RANT ABT IT TOO MUCH I PROMISE ;__; SORRY#i did finish the manga and i think its going to hold a very special place in my heart#i will cry. i dont cry too easily when reading stuff but when this gets animated i guarantee u i will sob#anyways. back to what i was actually going to talk about#KANAO AND INOSUKE SIBLING MOMENCE FORWVER!!! ATTACK!!! IM MOSTLY THINKING 2 RHE SCENE WHERE THE FIGHT DOUMA#i think thats his name right? douma?#NOTHING BRINGS TO CHARACTERS TOGETHER LIKE SHARED TRAUMA!!!!!!!!(joke)#*two#i imagine in my mind they would grieve together. they both have something in common. their loved one was killed by the same demon#not only that; but i just love their dynamic#and of course that chaoter cover where inosuke is still grieving over his mother and kanao silently supports him as they walk out#You ever remember how theyre all children. theyre just children. theyre kids. theyre not even 18 yet. you ever think about that
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Absolutely devasted realizing that one of my favorite fanfiction authors has deleted both their profile and their works from both Ao3 and ff.net 😭 I feel sick thinking about never getting to read some of those stories ever again so this is a reminder to everyone to download your favorite stories from Ao3.
And to 8yearkeenler, thank you for sharing several 100k words with us, even if it wasn't forever. I meant every single comment I ever left saying how much I loved your writing and story lines. You are one of my favorite writers and I truly hope to get to read your writing again one day ❤️
#no one talk to me#im grieving. throwing up. crying in the club#i truly feel a little sick. its like a good friend has died#there were stories i hadnt finished reading yet and i only have one or two downloaded#idk that i will ever forgive myself for not downloading more or leaving comments on literally every chapter#😭😭😭#8yearkeenler#i guess ill never get to finish reading all 265 chapters of Random Keenler#ao3#fanfiction#commenting#writing
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I try to not be hater, but then I see the stupid takes and get madddddd
This is just what I feel every single time I see those shitty opinions
youtube
#WELL ACTUALLY YOU'RE WRONG BC IF OCHAKO SAID SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH DEKU WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THAT WHICH MEANS SHE'LL CONFESS TO HIM#THIS IS FORESHADOWING FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP U R JUST GASLIGHTING YOURSELF BC HER ARC WAS PARTIALLY ABOUT LEARNING TO LET HERSELF LOVE HIM#tf you mean ppl are still making this fight about deku???#“she said she fell in love with him we win!” tf? it wasn't a reveal#much like the story with her parents we already knew that- this was about opening up to himiko so she could understand her better#and the way it was portrayed confirms this; we pointed out in the manga ochako's face being covered by her hair bc it means we shouldn't fo#focus on that rather than her next statement -she's there as herself not as a hero#this is her being selfish and open in order to reach out to himiko's sadness#and yet ppl are trying so hard to focus on the thing we weren't meant to focus on#and even taking away the deku memory they still made it about him#“ochako is jealous oh toga expressing her love which means she wants to confess to izuku too!!”#SHE LITERALLY SAID SHE ENVIES HOW HONEST SHE IS WITH HER FEELINGS AND SHOULDNT HIDE HER LOVE NOR FACE LIKE HER PARENTS TOLD HER#SHE SAYS SHE WANTED TO AT LEAST TELL HIMIKO HOW LOVELY HER SMILE IS#TO THE POINT OF WANTING TO BE LIKE HER IN THIS WAY#THIS ISNT HER BEING JEALOUS OF HER TELLING DEKU SHIT OR YEARNING TO CONFESS#THE EPILOGUE CONFIRMS THE FEELINGS SHE WAS HIDING WERE ABOUT GRIEF AND FAILURE AS A HERO#YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A TOGACHAKO IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND THIS#CANT WE FUCKING ENJOY F/F CANON CONTENT FOR ONCE WITHOUT SOMEONE SAYING#GRRRRGRGRGRGRGGRGRGRGR#WE FINISHED HER ARC AND IT WAS ABOUT HER LETTING HERSELF GET HELP WITHOUT FEELING LIKE SHE MUST BE LESS OF A HERO#ABOUT HER GRIEVING AND WANTING TO DO MORE TO HELP SOMEONE ABOUT HER NOT WANTING TO HURT OTHERS WITH HER FEELINGS#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND HEROISM IS THE LEAST ROMANTIC THING FOR A FUCKING HERO NERD#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND???? SHE DOESNT ACCEPT ANY OF HER FEELINGS LIKE HIMIKO DID#AND WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT THE BOYS THEY LIKED ITS NOT ABOUT THEM ITS ABOUT THE GIRLS FINDING SUPPORT IN EACH OTHER#PICTURE ONE OF THOSE FEMALE RAGE COMPILATION VIDEOS#I think they can easily get terfy and im not even a woman but the screaming is the vibe of this post#grrr being a hater#Youtube
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i need to scream
you know how people have those games that alter their brain chemistry, i always thought it was a joke until i realized that i've gone the past like, several months since person 3 reload came out and its been on my mind almost the entire time
you ever have a game tell you that death is coming, you ever have a game tell you it's ok to be scared of, you ever have a game say that even though its coming you're still alive Now and you should live that life Now. you ever have a game tell you that yes Death isn't fair, you will loose people, it will take people away from you, but you have to keep going. you can grieve and you can cry but you cannot let the sadness and fear and anger stop you from living your life
i know lots of other games probably tell the same story but i think p3 hits me different because of it's ending and with the inclusion of the answer, where you get to see the grief and pain and everything
tbh i haven't even finished the answer/episode aigis for myself because im scared to let these characters go. it's silly since they're fictional characters and they can't really die but finishing the game feels like saying goodbye and it's scary, it's scary to move on form things, which is funny because thats basically the entire message of the answer, at least from my perspective
i might just be too attached to these guys, i might be getting the message wrong, i just need to scream about how much i love this game cause i love this game so much
#ayascreams#persona 3#persona 3 spoilers#i know the game has been out for months now but you never know#i might have started tearing up while writing this#this game did something to my brain and idk if im even upset about it#i hear the first like 3 notes of memories of you and i enter a deep seated panic followed by bone crushing sadness#im still grieving over this game#doesn't help i finished it on the morning of march 5th#it hurts man :'3
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looking @ old fic i started when i was 14/15 is so funny bc im realizing once again why i never mark fics as abandoned even if its been literal years since i've touched them. specifically i was checking docs for stuff i started and either did or didn't post to ffn.
and its like. nothing is bad??? like i can see where my outside-the-box ideal of fic writing comes from. not just fics but writing in general, i'm p sure. even if it's a total cliche plot setup, there are details on each that rly make it stand out like oh yeahhhhhh i did have this great idea once upon a time.
funny too bc was it executed well in prose??? no absolutely not i wrote like shit when i was 15. would i revive an idea one day and revise it to be less cliche or cringy while still keeping the stand-out elements??? yea maybe. i might. everything i'm currently working on that i started from 2021 up to now still holds my supreme interest, but like i'm not gonna say never.
esp since i write fic first and foremost for my own need and specifically what i like to read, it makes it impossible to consider an idea i've thought extensively about "not worth writing anymore". anyway not making this too long i jus found everything interesting to consider
#writing#this fic i pulled up from JUNE 2014 crazy was the old chosenshi au i was trying to write for a friend#i dont ship blue/silver and never will and thats prolly why i never finished it#but i do still like!! the idea of rocket!blue raised w silver and breaking free of tr while running the hoenn branch#no idea how i remembered bc it wasnt in the plot pts on the doc but she was gonna get sent to the battle frontier#to nab jirachi and have encounters w frontier brains and change her mind at the end of it all#hell i could go back and not make it ship fic at all - have silver be a little one-sided obsessed or#even jus like.. attached to blue as a rivalry like as a way to show her up at every turn#another fic around the same time was the old pokespe hs au where i changed all the dexholder's names for some reason#i have no idea where i was in reading spe bc i put lyra in for some reason and had the sinnoh trio even tho i never read past v2 of dp#idk if it was more gameverse or what but its so funny looking @ the ship list n seeing i had gold paired w black#bc i had manga!ss and manga!ferriswheel so was it rly speverse or was i projecting????#actually i think black was supposed to die and gold was gonna go thru this whole thing abt grieving#looking at the ship list so funny bc i never shipped gold/crys or entourageshi#and clearly i did not know the superiority of pmshi if i threw lyra in jus for silver#god but i do love (most!) of the alt names i gave them#would absolutely fuck up the ship list if i ever redid it tho#also have perfectworld tho im sure i have the most recent rewrite on pen and paper somewhere#that one i also gave up bc the idea i had for flare!sycamore was cringe along with#every time i went back to work on it enough time passed that i thought my writing sucked#i rewrote that damn thing so many times but oooooooo i still love the idea#as long as i changed the cringe parts to smth better i could still rock w most of these#that fic rly had everything... psychic!korrina. leaf/serena. sycamore hacking the secret to mega evo. lys/syc that ends in failure#bc of the ending line i will never forget > only in a perfect world could you and i be together. destined and doomed from the start#im rambling n im boutta run outta tags gimme a sec
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you know they were about to go so hard on emmy's personal quest. they didnt. but at least someone in that writing room wanted to give us that good good
#dav spoilers#it really does feel like two different teams of writers were on this game#and like. for his quest#the good team got most of it and the bad team did full damage control at the end T_T#i mean HELLO THE CEREMONY? WHERE THEY WALK OUT WITH HIS BLOOD AND ORGANS#THE ANIMATIONS WHICH WERE OBVIOUSLY HIGH PRIORITY AND FINISHED EARLIER IN DEVELOPMENT#THEE#FUCKINGGGGGG#the armor dude. that showcases his hollow chest. he's literally been hollowed out#nothing will change my mind that some writers wanted there to be actual meat to that mission/choice#im so madge. we could've had our tragic necromancer romance#and we kinda did honestly#but now the tragedy is that rook and emmerich are stuck in some horror simulation where no one is allowed to feel the full severity of thei#actions#now the tragedy is that he does this to himself and the only options are to clap/cheer/crack a joke/say 'yay :)'#AND HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO MOURN EITHER WAY#WE HAVE A FUCKING SJKDFHLJKFDHLJKSDHF MOURNWATCHER#LET US WATCH HIM MOURN PLEASE#he should either grieve manfred or his life's dream. we need to see how that choice affects his ability to express grief#FUCK#someone hit me im so mad#i'll never be normal about this bioware wtf did you do to me#see when i say this to brian it's a compliment but when i say it to bioware it's a curse#YOU GAVE ME THE PERFECT HUSBANDO AND THEN LOBOTOMIZED HIS HEART#fuck it. whatever. still replaying his romance. if you even care.#emmyposting
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oh i don’t remember writing this??
#i think i vaguely remember… what the plot was#where ven kept visiting nb who’s stuck in the ruins of where he died#and nb is just going through the horrors because as much as he prepared himself for the inevitability that one of them werent going#—to make it to the end#he still didn’t /want/ to die. he had so much ahead of him and it’s just…. mourning the life you Could had#a ghost grieving for themselves….#also can pry nb feeling slightly guilty over “leaving” ven from my cold hands#twas going to happen /eventually/#neither are prepared and ven is so desperate to hear nb’s voice again#an acknowledgment that nb is actually still /there/ (like to think it took a while for ven to set nb’s ghost off… if he ever did…..)#(also an even bigger fan of nb’s ghost just hanging around lmao)#GOD I KINDA WANNA CONTINUE THIS#nb yells at ragnvindr at some point dbdbdjdk#lantern says stuff#lantern’s writing corner#think im gonna tag wips with that too idk if im ever gonna finish em
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i think it says a lot about me that one of my main comfort characters is tony soprano. not necessarily good things but it says a lot
#i just finished a rewatch of the sopranos#and i had a little cry when the last episode ended#not even because of the ending but just because i know im going to miss this big horrible man so much#i know i can just watch it again but it feels like i’ve been on such a journey with him#and now that journey is at an end. rewatching will just be starting the journey over#but it’s the same journey#am i making any sense#I will definitely rewatch. im not saying there’s no point to rewatching im a serial rewatcher/rereader of things i love#but i still grieve the end of the journey#the sopranos#tony soprano#ro speaks
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Can someone. Explain to me. What's going on with high cloud quintet lore??? People said there's retcon?? Im confusion??
#[borealis.txt]#hsr#high cloud quintet#hcq#first of all 1) whats going on with yingxing and dan feng?#2) whats going on with blade and dan heng?#3) so ur telling me that dan feng tried to resurrect baiheng and yingxin; who clearly hates the abundance; helped him#and then was mad at dan feng bc it backfired and made him hard to kill. WHAT#like. how do we even get there. yongxong hates the abundance yet helped dan feng in that and now mad at him for it????#i thought its bc yingxing was short lived and when he was dying/grievously injured#dan feng tried to make him live longer using abundance; thus bringing us to blade hating dan feng for turning him#into what he hates the most; an abundance monster.#thats the most logical one to follow????#like im not questioning them wanting baiheng back. friends do crazy shits too when grieving. BUT I ?????#to me its like this:#baiheng died -> jingliu went mara struck bc she lost her wife -> yingxing is dying -> dan feng tried to make yx live longer -> blade.#thats what its like to me#idk man I've finished the main and companion missions. i still don't understand how?? why blade is mad if its bc of ressurecting baiheng.#im confused im truly am. please help me.#fuckin. typo. im sorry yingxing.
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I'm still working on posts for thr responsibilities for each job in the Land's Star, but I also wanna start brainstorming lore stories as well. Like tales the elders would tell. I've got a few ideas. Eventually I might put up a poll to have people vote on which one I write first
#the one Im mainly interested in rn is a story about the relationship between the moon and the ocean#in the next chapter of moon high there's actually going to be a brief mention of this tale or beliefs from it#like how the ocean is a give and take type of individual#they give so much to Oceanclan but will gladly take away from them by killing cats#because she's the jealous type and wants to hurt silverpelt by taking killing her kids#another story I have is about an apprentice named termitepaw that ended up in the dark forest#because they were so invested in getting attention from other cats while in grief that they created things to grieve over#like their close family and friends dying. amd it turns out to be all their fault#I might try to make up legends surrounding cats from canon like I did that one time with leafpool#I love that piece sm#maybe it'll be based around frostpaw or someone idk yet#also I have another piece I wanna publish that's not lore but more like backstory for swiftcloud#I've had that damn thing drafted for 2 years but it's not finished yet at all. but I like it so I might go back to it idk yet#viti shoosh
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bro the post grad "what the hell do i do now" is so real
#like not about what to do with my life ive already had that crisis#literally just on a day to day level im like what do i do with myself??? LMAO#like i guess ill read?? i can read now?? guilt free?? my switch is charging for the first time in months??#i need to apply for jobs but i already have a lot of things going on in september in my personal life so im trying to breathe whilst i can#genuinely think im gonna get so much writing done just by virtue of wanting a routine#if my body will allow me#im sooooo fatigued omg#its weird bc i felt like i hadnt done a lot at all this last year#which i rejected anyway because i have been doing things i just. on a smaller level bc of everything#and now im like waittt i was GRIEVING#like im still grieving but it was only catching up w a friend today i realised how much lighter my head feels re the grief now#so its like besides finishing my degree everything is the same as it has been the last year but i feel like#idk i feel like i could function??#i mean we'll see.......but im optimistic#might be silly and do a tarot reading#(does not know how tarot readings work i just have my moms old decks)
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Yeah so me and my bff have decided to stop watching hunter x hunter. Turns out we were one ep away from Kite's death and that was the only ep we watched today before being mega disappointed and deciding the rest of the show just was not worth it. I hadn't cared about anything in the show except Leorio, Feitan, and Chrollo until Kite showed up and the Chimera Arc actually started getting interesting. But we were just disappointed that Kite didn't even get a proper death, it just skips the whole thing and shows Neferpitou with his severed head for shock value. We didn't even get to the stupid Kite ant reincarnation shit, we just sat there and complained for like 20 minutes lmao. And the fact that it was actually only 10 eps in with 51 left knowing it was going to be nothing but training arcs and fights against ants and all without the Better Kite. Not worth all that time. Not even worth knowing that Feitan comes back either.
#also guess what. she got spoiled almost immediately that kite dies too. but she told me after he died and i chose not to say i was also#spoiled and pretended not to be fjfnfkfnfk. i was just. ya know. hoping for an emotional death. not throwing away one of the only#interesting char just for shock value and to show off neferpitou#im adopting kite out of hxh. hes my character now and im going to do what i want with him (i.e. sexualize him /j)#i might adopt feitan too just cuz in still attached to him#and btw this happened IMMEDIATELY after we finished demon slayer season 4 so like. the expectations were way too high#(i cried twice during that btw. and we were thinking too deeply about tokito and theorizing he couldnt remember which brother he was#which honestly made it a bit disappointing when we confirmed there really wasnt an identity mystery. it woulda been so cool if#he couldnt remember which brother he was and we never got confirmation. we tricked ourselves with that one lmao)#anyway sorry for shilling hxh just cuz the first 9 eps of season 5 is the best it gets 😔#and theres other good moments too. but this was the only time i actually felt invested in all aspects of the plot#and sorry to people that like it. im sorry we will never understand each other. at least i tried. kite my beloved i will grieve what you#deserved but never got#personal
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