#to see vet dan there somehow

[afditlodap]

can't stop thinking about dream report universe phil. do u think that when they had to take steve to the vet there was a part of him that was hoping to see vet dan? even tho it makes no sense? even tho he has dan howell dan?

[pseudophan]

i just lost two followers and it's making me laugh because judging by my most recent posts i assume they were diehard royalists? or at least people holding the british royal family in an unusually high regard? cry about it i guess idk, i do find it funny that you give a fuck though

on this note though of my followers holding different beliefs than me - if you're a terf? please kill yourself! i don't usually give a fuck because i just don't have it in me to start a war with everyone i disagree with but like. truly. if you hold any kind of prejudice against trans people whatsoever. fuck off from my blog lol i don't want you here

[that-one-gay-aew-enthusiast]

𝚁𝚎𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 - 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚜 "𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚛" 𝙱𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚢

＿＿＿＿＿＿｡o*★*o｡＿＿＿＿＿＿

Warnings: None Word count: 1.4k Genre: fluff Summary: After being seperated for 10 years, a certain lizard brings you and trapper back together, leading to quite the reunion Pairings: kaiju trainer!reader x kaiju vet!trapper A/n: In this story the reader is someone who works in hollow earth to maintain the kaijus and ensure they all "play nice" ,it sounds weird, but just go with it pls ( Also decided to start my dan fics with Trapper since I think there is practically no apprication of him on here so here we are)

＿＿＿＿＿＿｡o*★*o｡＿＿＿＿＿＿

For 5 years now, you had been working down in beautiful hollow earth. After Dr. Andrews discovered that you were somehow able to tame any animal, including ones that are 100 ft tall, she hired you immediately. You grew a close bond with a lot of the animals in hollow earth, but your favourites had always been kong and godzilla. After coming together and being rid of skar king, the two became like playful children. They often play fought with each other, never intentionally hurting each other ,but accidents did occasionally happen of course. Normally you would have a vet called Jack come down to tend to them. However, after discovering he wasn't giving the kaijus the right treatment, Illene fired him.

It had been 7 months since jack got fired ,none of the animals had sustained injury thankfully, that was until kong and godzilla were playing, and kong managed to puncture zilla's arm with his reinforced tooth. You reported the injury uo to the lab on the surface, and were ensured the vet would be sent down as soon as possible. You still hadn't met, or even been told anything about this newly hired vet, all you knew was that he had been the one that fitted kongs tooth. For whatever reason, Illene always insisted that "You wouldn't know him." You left it at that and accpeted you would just meet him when the time arrived.

You were sat on a ledge with the large lizard sat in front of you whimpering and growling occasionally. You rubbed the top of his head. "It's gonna be alright buddy, Im sure this vet will be just lovely." You smiled as he looked up at you and gave a dismissive huff. You chuckled, before watching a yellow air craft fly round the corner and land behind you on the ledge. You patted zilla's head and got up, jogging over to the door waiting for it to open. Once it did, you watch Illene and Jia step out, followed by a man in a green flying suit and sunglasses. Jia hugged you as you stared at the man, there was something about him, you could of sworn you knew this man.

"Y/n? y/n are you ok?" You broke out of your trance, stopped staring at the man before turning to Illene who was now looking at you concerned. "Yes yes, I'm fine Dr Andrews." She nodded still looking slightly concerned as you looked at the ground. "Right then, where's this big lizard." He had an austrailian accent, another thing you reconised. You led the man over to where godzilla was sat, and let him start working as you sat with Illene and Jia. "Dr Andrews I swear I reconise him, what's his name?" Illene watched him work. "He's called Travis Beasley." You froze. "W-what did you just say?" Illene showed you his work profile."Travis Beasly, he's certainly an odd one, you wouldn't believe how much he changed from high school." Oh but you would.

*Flashback*

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Trapper was being sent to another university. You had known Trapper since the two of you were 5 years old. The both of you had just confessed deeper feelings for each other. But now you being forced apart because his father was directing him into a new career path. You sunk to your knees, feeling tears fill your eyes. "N-no you can't leave Trapper, I love you, I might never see you again, I can't live with that, I can't!" He came down to your level, his eyes as wet as yours. "I know sweetheart I know It's not fair, but I don't have a choice." He pulled you into his chest, rubbing your back ,trying to not get any more emotional. You cried into his chest before he pulled you back gently and planted his lips on yours. You tangled your fingers into his chocolate brown hair, holding his face against ,not wanting the kiss to end, you knew what happened when it did.

*End of Flashback*

Trapper had about finished on godzilla for the moment and walked back over. "Well providing he doesn't get into any more biting matches with kong, he should be fine." Trapper removed his glasses to clean them and looked up, seeing you stood up now, tears brimming your eyes with the setting sun framing you. He tilted his head slightly confused, before your broken voice spoke. "Trapper?" His face quickly melt from one of confusion to one of captivation. Slowly he walked towards you, taking in your details as you did the same to him. Only one person in the world had that nickname for him. As the two of you came to be inches apart, you looked into his eyes. "I-i thought I'd never see you again trapper-" Before you could even finish your sentence, Trapper held your face between his hands and kissed you deeply.

You didn't hesitate to kiss back, as the both of you slowly sank to your knees, never breaking the kiss. Your hands found their way into his dirty blonde waves as tears spilled from both yours and his eyes. Eventually you pulled out of the kiss for a breath, smiling through the tears as Trapper pushed your hair out of your face. "I can't believe it's really you sweetheart, you look so different." You gave a small broken chuckle as you sniffled back tears. It was true, both of you looked practically unreconisable to each other. You had gone from a quiet nerdy girl that wore 2 buns, to keep her curly blonde hair out of the way, to a woman with tattoos, black and purple hair and glasses. Trapper however had gone from a short ,skinny boy with ratty brown hair, to a tall, muscular man with his sandy blonde waves. His personality hadn't changed of course, he had always been the loveable ,music-loving and laid back australian you'd always known.

Illene informed you both that she was taking Jia back up to the surface. You nodded ensuring Trapper could stay in your home in hollow earth for a while. You both watched as the air craft flew away, before slowly starting to make your way through the trees, to your penthouse type home. All whilst chatting to each other and catching up on your differing paths, after being seperated. Once you got home, You offered Trapper a coffee. He nodded sitting down and you made his coffee, remembering every little detal his had for coffee.

You sat down with him and set the drink down. "I just can't believe it's actually you." He smiled pulling you onto his lap and resting his forehead agaisnt yours. "Then it's a good thing I'm here to make you believe isn't it sweetheart." You held back tears and kissed him again. The kiss was full of passion, not in a sexy way, more in an extreme display of affection way. Trapper held your sides, gently squeezing them. You pulled back. "How about you sleep here tonight, I must say, the views from the bedroom are a sight to behold." He grinned at you and stood up, throwing you over his shoulder. You giggled as he headed to the open bedroom door and placed you down on the bed, before taking a seat behind you, shoes off of course.

Trapper wrapped his arms round you and rested his chin on your shoulder. "Y/n?" You hummed in reposnse, watching the sun settting over hollow earth through the glass doors at the other end of the bedroom. "Can I stay here with you permenantly?" You turned and looked at him. "Trapper being down here is a full time gig y'know? Not to mention sometimes dangerous, I couldn't forgive myself if something happend to you." He smiled holding your face. "And I couldnt forgive myself if we got seperated again sweetheart. Besides if you can be down here all by yourself, Im sure I'll be able to live down here with you." You gave him a sweet smile, before smacking his chest playfully. "You dork!" He chuckled holding you. "You mean, Your dork?" You giggled as the two of you layed down to cuddle, the sun setting fully over hollow earth for the day.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Dating Someone Else (3) Masterlist

part one, part two

A favor for another man (ao3) - winstonlives

Summary: Dan needs help from Phil to please his current boyfriend. Phil is not happy about it, but does anyway. Dan's boyfriend isn't happy about it either. Dan and Phil have a bit of a fight and their true feelings are exposed.

(TW) A Literal Pain in the Arse (ao3) - philsdrill

Summary: Late into the night, Dan’s boyfriend Steven takes an abusive turn. It’s up to Phil to rescue him and give him the aftercare and consolation he needs.

All We Seem to Do Is Talk About Sex (ao3) - truerequitedlove

Summary: In which Dan’s got a boyfriend and a tongue piercing, and Phil’s got a weed hookup and an anxiety disorder. In high school, they were labeled “bad influences on each other,” maybe that would never go away.

(TW) Angels In Your Room (ao3) - letspartyrightnow

Summary: Dan ran away from what he wanted because he was afraid and it was probably the biggest mistake of his life.

antisocialites watch a wilting flower (ao3) - throughtheirsnoses (det395)

Summary: Phil's an emotionally attached and loving vet and Dan's the drained receptionist with no dreams at the animal shelter who reconnect over the poor, hurt puppy dropped off. Dan's boyfriend is their boss.

Are You In? (ao3) - americanphancakes

Summary: Dan is drinking alone at a bar when a couple approaches him for a fun evening.

Behind Hazel Eyes (ao3) - Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)

Summary: Dan’s known Lucas since college and he’s never been so convinced that two people are meant to be together. He loves Lucas more than anything. But when news report of a serial killer striking around the town, Dan begins to notice signs in Lucas that leave him nervous. With the help of his newfound friend Phil, Dan pieces together the parts of Lucas that he somehow missed before anyone else loses their lives--and before Dan loses his own.

Collab (ao3) - QueenOfAllCorgis

Summary: Phil is heartbroken that his boyfriend of six years is cheating on him. With the help of Louise he finds the identity of the mystery man and decides that he isn’t going to let this Dan guy be fooled like he was.

Death of a Bachelor (ao3) - kageyama_drama

Summary: the one where Dan is getting married and Phil is his best man. also the one where Dan accidentally says Phil’s name at the altar. whoops.

Disturb the Universe (ao3) - iihappydaysii

Summary: Dan and Phil are a successful YouTube duo, best friends and next door neighbors. Phil's married with two kids and Dan's long term boyfriend is like the queen's cousin or something. Their lives are fine--perfectly acceptable--but when two unrelated emergencies land Dan and Phil living together for the first time since 2012, they're forced to examine the choices they've made and confront the feelings they've kept quiet for nearly a decade.

Don't Ask Me How I've Been (Fake Happy) (ao3) - phantasticworks

Summary: Dan Howell is an up and coming actor in a closeted relationship with a man who isn't ready to admit his sexuality. Phil is their Uber driver for a very important awards show. Things don't go exactly to plan, but maybe that's a good thing?

Flowers (ao3) - phoreverphan

Summary: Dan never talks to anyone at uni, so when he sees Phil’s boyfriend buying flowers for someone who isn’t Phil, he sends a secret note.

hold me close (dont let me go) (ao3) - aesthetichomo

Summary: “Forever,” Dan echoes into the stillness of his living room, when lack of sleep isn’t the only thing making his eyes burn at the vein.

Forever echoes back at him.

Hurt me once (ao3) - Augusti_Lila

Summary: Dan had decided to confess Phil his love. But sometimes what we plan it's not what we end up having.

I Don't Know Anyone Else (Who Can Make Me Feel This Way) (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: It started as a simple video idea. Little did Phil know, it'd lead to the missing piece in his life. A piece by the name of Dan.

Or: Phil tries cooking and his pregnant neighbour comes by to ask for some of whatever smells so good. Several times.

i know what to feel when you decide (ao3) - danhoweiis

Summary: it was the weekend, 2 days after the date with his boyfriend. it was perfectly rational and normal to dream about kissing your best friend, right?

well that's what phil tried to convince himself anyway.

aka the one where phil has a boyfriend that isn't dan and dan tries his best not to be a jealous little bitch.

In the shadow of your heart (ao3) - croissantbleu

Summary: Dan and Phil fell apart a few years ago, and if Phil seemed to have no problem getting used to his new life back in Manchester with his husband Noah, Dan has a few more difficulties moving on. But when Phil comes down to London to attend Louise’s party and ends up having to stay with Dan for a few days, who can tell what will happen

It's Gonna Be Me and You (ao3) - opendoor

Summary: “You’re at fault too, you know. You knew I have a boyfriend. You shouldn’t have kissed me.”

“No,” Dan admitted.

Phil enjoyed a flicker of satisfaction at that. It disappeared approximately three seconds later, when Dan leaned forward and said, in a low voice, “But you really shouldn’t have kissed me back.”

(or, a screen-writer/costume designer AU.)

must have been the wind (ao3) - dvp_95

Summary: Phil's apartment building has thin walls, and one of his neighbours sounds like they could really use a friend. Honestly, so could Phil.

Ripple (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: Phil has a cheating boyfriend. Dan is a poet, facing an ultimatum.

Sometimes Cuddles Are Better Than Sex (ao3) - rossendalebabe

Summary: Phil is living in a sham relationship, where lack of affection is eating away at his confidence and self-worth, leaving him feel like an empty glass of nothingness. One night, someone walks into his life who appreciates the man he is.

Thank you, next (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan is grateful to his ex, Phil, who had taught him everything. He's so grateful that he wants him back. Except he doesn't want to admit the mistake he made by losing him in the first place, so he tries to move on. Includes cute artists, a smelly candle, a talking cat and a psychic that talks to it. Also, time skips and a timeline of dating that was avoided by choice.

The missing part. (ao3) - cobblestyles

Summary: Phil Lester is a radio host and he has a boyfriend. But he's always felt like something was missing in his life. Maybe the new comic book store around the corner will help him find what it is.

AKA the comic book store AU no one's asked for.

The sound of Silence (ao3) - embarrassing_myself

Summary: When Dan moved into his new flat, he absolutely loved it. He quickly finds out though that the adorable couple next door is incredibly loud. It doesn’t seem to matter what time of day it is; they’re always making noise. One day though all that stops and he’s left with nothing but the sound of silence.

What defines a good person (ao3) - crazed_peanut

Summary: Dan and Phil are university students and meet at a party. Dan has a boyfriend, but him and Phil still let things happen between them.

Alternatively, The one where Dan is a cheater.

when you are young, they assume you know nothing (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: A letter, in a plain envelope.

Dan’s address written on the outside.

And something else scribbled on the front:

To PML.

If the offer enclosed is disagreeable, return to sender.

--

After a misunderstanding at prom, Dan finds himself in a dilemma; should he fall into a summer affair with Phil, or should he make up with his boyfriend of 3 years, Blake?

White Shirts and Kitchen Floors (ao3) - embarrassing_myself

Summary: Dan is with his longer term boyfriend, only because he doesn't know how to break up with him. He's not in love, that is until he meets Phil at a party one night. After that night he's determined to do anything it takes to be with him. He just needs to get rid of his boyfriend first.

[currentfandomkick]

Guys. Throw in Uncle Scarecrow as one of Eddie’s friends egging him on and stealing that formula that made him into his monster form from Penguin and have that be a synthetic ectoplasm?

Add that scarecrow is now Danny’s uncle and to a degree danny requires an ecto-variation and a degree of fear (or even have his reaction to fear gas be to get hangry or ‘puddle of goo’).

I know everyone loves Danny with the Sirens (and i do love those, and will ear it up in every form) but if we take Danny’s spectra truama (therapist trauma) and clown trauma from Freak Show the there’s a decent chance Harley Quinn would be a trauma trigger for him.

I propose Danny gets Uncle Ed and Scarecrow to everyone’s confusion.

(please let Fright Knight somehow have partial custody as he isnt trusting mortals with the Heir to the Throne but mever explains why he is bodygaurding Danny besides ‘he is the better candidate’ (for the ghost throne that is split atm between Vlad, Danny, Dan, Ellie (on a ‘mirrorborn = template for five years until stability is proven’ type technicality) as those that have defeated Pariah Dark in ‘one on one combat’… and Vlad shouldn’t count according to Fight Knight but the ghosts are under the impression Vlad and the Phantom Three have a rocky parent-child bond and are not going to force the developmental children onto the throne. Fright Knight is team ‘Realms can handle no king until Danny is done with mortals, no big deal’ and a minority opinion.)

Give Ellie/Danni to Red Hood as one of the meta street kids he keeps an eye on and goes pspspsps at. Ellie is not trusting adults after the Vlad thing and how adults handle homeless kids. Nope. She will take your food and shelter on occasion, but she’s not staying!

Dropkick Jazz to the Sirens. Her idol Harley Quinn is there with her. Selina would absolutely help her learn to be more confident in herself and let others deal with their own consequences and not feel obligated to fix it for them (Eldest Daughter parenting parents and sibs Problem). And later Jazz is learning about bio chem from Poison Ivy and how to make and ethically source various chemicals. Why? Tell me Jazz would not open an apothecary in Gotham and have a side practice as a therapist as it takes time to get certified and she wants to help NOW.

Tell me she would not intimidate Dan into acting as the cashier while she handles the meds, possibly with Sam helping as the plant supplier she uses for a number of ingredients when she later moves to Gotham for college (aesthetics, and goth and ounk scenes there are great.)

If you want add in Sam as a baby eco-terrorist that poison ivy slips ideas too, with Tucker helping her in return for not starting a protest against Meat Itself but animal treatment and gently encouraging her wrath that way and away from his beloved meat industry’s existence. He agrees to let her vet his food sources and handle cooking any meat products in their shared appt in return for her not throwing it out for existing.

Tucker hacks groups for fun, and is probably a Wayne Enterprises intern as a result of Oracle and Red Robin managing to track him… Tim is the one who told Bruce they call dibs on Tucker (mostly knowing him as a hactivist and approving most of what he does.) Tucker is overjoyed and helps with security coding, explains that Amity had the inverse to regular coding and his personal ‘off the books’ coding clearly is doing Something thats a lot harder to track…

Because he uses hieroglyphics as his base coding then the inverse coding with a smidge of magic protection.

Valerie is probably a JL recruit who visits Gotham, sees Danny running around as paradox and just asks Jazz why she hasn’t reigned in Danny yet… only to meet Dan, find out Ellie is STILL refusing standard housing, and Danny at least goes to school, minimizes murder and violence with the rogues he helps (literal contracts) and has Fright Knight guarding him.

Jazz has her limits, and Ellie is Red Hood’s headaches and occasionally Danny’s as he didn’t tell Jazz about her until Jazz caught them hanging out and she asked him if he was using duplicates to try out genders again but messed up this ones age.

Ellie was insulted! Then cackled when she learned Danny forgot to explain the clone thing. Ellie is refusing to be adopted and hates school—online is allowed.

Val just scruffs Ellie in front of Red Hood in her civilian getup and asks her why.

Cue Val vs Red Hood and Crime Alley for Ellie’s custody. Ellie is just a feral stray cat that like certain people, but doesn’t want to Stay.

In the background you see Fright Knight and Danny/Paradox arguing over if they should get involved… Danny just wants ellie safe, but is not sure where Red Hood falls with him as a Rogue’s getaway driver who works with Riddler (new dad for about five years atp) and Uncle Scarecrow (who used to target crime alley a lot… now its more liminals and has gently shooed scarecrow into semi-anti hero tendencies (as he has gone after his students’ abusers when he was a teacher, and could easily be tempted into doing that now and then). Frighty is team ‘Nope. She refused our help before. Natural consequences time.’

Ellie disapproves of this ‘legal guardian’ nonsense.

Jazz just sighs when asked why she isnt throwing her hat in and points to Dan with a simple ‘i’m his Guardian. Danny picked his. Ellie refuses to be forced so she has a room is she wants it, but i know my family does not do ‘listen when force is used’

Alright, since it’s no longer 2 in the morning and my head’s a bit clearer, I present to you:

Liminal Riddler

So, not everyone in the DC fandom knows about this, and I’d bet that even less people in the Phandom do, but at one point, the Riddler had cancer. Had, past-tense, because he cured it. With the Lazarus pits.

And yeah, not everyone who gets dipped in the pits has to be liminal, but one would assume that the sudden replacement of a large number of malignant cells throughout the body is gonna do something.

The Riddler already acts quite a lot like a DP ghost in some interpretations anyways. He’s got a strict gimmick that he genuinely can’t part ways with, he’s campy and fun, he’s incredibly violent, etc.

Also, the way that he would react to this whole thing would be funny as hell.

Do I think the Riddler would really care if the GiW was after him? No. This is Gotham, the government is constantly going after him anyways.

Do I think he would care if Danny was being hunted down by the same people, and his parents were involved? Somewhat. He probably wouldn’t care about Danny specifically, at least not right away, but a young boy running terrified from his own parents would definitely bring back some bad memories, and he would probably give him a hand (if for no other reason than to get back to plotting crimes instead of dealing with childhood trauma).

Do I think the Riddler, whose entire thing is being smarter than everyone else, would care if the GiW somehow let slip that they thought he didn’t have human intelligence? That they believed him to be nothing but an echo of human life?

It’s not even a question. He would be the most insufferable person in Gotham within the hour. Genuinely nothing could stop him, especially not if Danny was helping jailbreak him from Arkham every time he got caught.

Almost every major road is closed. Every warehouse on the Docks is on fire. Somehow, they managed to color the clouds and smog a bright green.

The natives of Gotham would probably get those anti-ghost laws and acts overturned faster than the Justice League, if only to make the Riddler stop. His traps and games aren’t even lethal at this point (due to Danny’s insistence), but they’re so genuinely annoying that the general population is about to beat the GiW agents to death themselves just to get the Riddler to quit it already.

Also, I think that during this whirl of chaos, the Riddler would become quite fond of Danny.

He’s a bright young boy who’s very fond of wordplay, and inventive enough to keep up with him. Aside from the inevitable crisis of “oh god I’m becoming the bat,” he’d probably be happy to take on Danny as his protégé. Even if the boy won’t let him kill anyone (rude), he’s a terrifying getaway driver and can turn the both of them invisible and intangible, making Arkham escapes a breeze.

Hell, the Riddler would probably be willing to make a false identity for the two of them, just so he could get the boy proper schooling.

(Yes, he thinks that the entire education system is a sham and that he could do much better, but Danny wants to go into aerospace engineering, and the Riddler isn’t one to squander someone’s interest in learning.)

(Also, Echo and Query would find the whole thing hilarious)

[abbacchiosbelt]

Which Jojo characters, in your opinion, are used to have casual sex or would if they were in our time and culture? And what would they write on their tinder profile?

hmm... good question! here are my thoughts:

speedwagon - tinder profile: listen... i know he’s humble but he is also a ruffian so probably something about being a bad boy, lmao.

joseph - tinder profile: just pictures of his muscles, no text

esidisi - tinder profile: see above, but also pictures of him with nature

oldseph - tinder profile: same as youngseph, except he mentions he’s in an open relationship and his wife has to approve you first hehehe

polnareff - tinder profile: not really there for the sex but joseph convinced him to make one. he’s looking for a long-term relationship.

mariah - tinder profile: she’s there, she’s hot, and she’s ready to FUCK. dominatrix for hire also

steely dan - tinder profile: slimy profile that gets him no swipes even though he’s kinda hot in a rat sort of way

DIO - tinder profile: i don’t even really have to say this one, but. horny vampire lord with a massive cock, down 2 fuck

vanilla ice  - tinder profile: it’s just him vetting dio’s potential matches, lmao.

hazamada - tinder profile: gets kicked off for being weird

tomoko - tinder profile: extremely high standards but very popular

aya - tinder profile: see above - tomoko and her look at their matches together and then decide to date each other instead UwU

mikitaka - tinder profile: has no idea what he’s doing

mista - tinder profile: extreme hopeless romantic but also has pictures of his bubble butt in short shorts. he knows what he’s there for

bruno - tinder profile: extremely selective and mysterious

formaggio - tinder profile: send nudes and cat pics

melone - tinder profile: tinder extraordinaire. gets lots of matches but is surprisingly safe about all the casual hook-ups 

risotto - tinder profile: melone and formaggio forced him to make one so his profile is blank and his profile picture is kinda scary... but somehow he still gets matches. probably because his height is listed at 6′8

tiziano - tinder profile: doesn’t actually use tinder because he’s with squalo, but they made an account under his name to look at potential threesome matches if they’re ever in the mood

cioccolata - tinder profile: DO NOT MATCH WITH HIM

jolyne - tinder profile: in an open relationship with hermes so she doesn’t accept many matches unless hermes thinks the person is cute too

hermes - tinder profile: see above

anasui - tinder profile: professional simp. keeps making new accounts to match with jolyne and they keep getting deleted

gyro - tinder profile: horrible profile, unironically calls himself an italian stallion. still gets lots of matches because he’s hot

diego - tinder profile: popular but highly selective. lies about his height

mountain tim - tinder profile: pretends to be deep and says he writes country music. he doesn’t.

hato - tinder profile: as a model, she gets tons of matches but is super picky and mostly shows them to daiya and joshu to laugh at them. joshu is low-key (high-key) jealous

[yikesola]

the dogs were cute as always but man i felt like the video was kind of off otherwise... it must still be a weird new situation to be in. like somehow it felt much weirder to me than early 2019 phil videos, but idk what you think? also i hope you're doing okay.

it didn’t feel off to me, but to be fair i’m v inconsistent w julien vids— i tend to let a fair few bunch up and binge them later (i do the same w vlogbrothers and watcher, just really consistent posters that i know i can’t keep up with but always like have a backlog of) but of course i wanted to see the dogs and watched this :)) i think the early 2019 phil comparison is fair, you know like this is still new waters to navigate and he wants to get the feel while respecting jenna’s distance from the internet and her chance to grow and heal. i mean, dan got that chance and he’s still touch and go with his online presence but he’s all the better for it now! i truly hope this time away gives jenna what she needs, even if it is indefinite, and i can see why this video felt Different™��� to you even if i didn’t pick up on it! i am happy we got to see the dogs and hear what they’ve been up to even if the iggies are helping the vets earn their bonuses, poor things. maybe that distracted me so much lol ✨

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics With Titles That Start With A (2) Masterlist

part one

A Baby Girl (ao3) - LetterJumble

Summary: The last thing Dan and Phil expected to arrive on their doorstep was a baby. A crying, abandoned baby girl, that someone left for them. But one day, that is exactly what they found. Now, they just have to figure out what in the world they are going to do.

Abduction (ao3) - iihappydaysii

Summary: Dan gets abducted and probed by aliens.

Act Naturally (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: Phil has a quiet life studying film at university and some small dreams of being a director he's mostly ignoring, but his whole life is turned upside down when his roommate signs him up for a game show and he meets the famously arrogant movie star Daniel Howell.

Addict With A Pen - andromehdas

Summary: Angsty one shot where they’re friends, but then Dan gets in a serious accident and it is uncertain whether he will live, but because of the accident Phil realises he actually loves Dan. Then a fluffy ending with Dan waking up and they confess their love for each other?

A Flaw In The Code - chocolatesaucelester

Summary: So money and power is what you seek? How much do you want it though; what are you willing to go through to seize it for yourself? Dan is the criminal mastermind behind the world’s largest and most powerful computer hacking company. All he sees are numbers and coding, however something else glints in his eyes. Over the course of his career he’s become very interested in a set of four special computer chips, and although he has three of them, his collection is not quite complete yet. Unfortunately, getting this fourth and final item is not something he can do on his own. So, he employs the help of former top MI6 Agent Phil Lester to aid him in his quest. Dan quickly learns that someone else has been scheming, and that having an elite partner is extremely advantageous in keeping ahead.

Against London (ao3) - ordanary

Summary: ‘Against London weren’t some super small indie pop punk band who had the leisure of making real connections with their fans anymore. Things were changing fast, and Dan would have to learn to adapt quickly if he wanted to keep up.’

A Kiss In The Dream House - allthephils

Summary: Dan's not worried about the dreams he's been having. He's got them all figured out. It's simple really and it's definitely not anything that he's kept buried for years, nothing that he's afraid to face.

A Little Bit Of California, With A Little Bit Of London Sky (ao3) - twelfthnlght

Summary: On an impulsive road trip Dan plans right before their high school graduation, the truth will out.

All Signs Point To Yes (ao3) - vvelna

Summary: After being fired from his job at a coffee shop in Gatwick Airport, Dan impulsively hops on a flight to Orlando, Florida, where he’s taken in by a family on holiday.

All The Exes And Love (ao3) - JenCollins, WordsAblaze

Summary: Simple bickering over cereal leads to a heavy argument about exes that might have torn anyone else apart, but Dan and Phil can always find their way back to love and happiness.

A Match And A Fuse (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: Phil is twenty six years old and stuck in a dead end life. He works at Starbucks and may or may not be carrying a torch for his best friend of eight years. He doesn't know who he is or what he wants--or how to go about figuring it out.

That all starts to change when he happens upon the resume of a certain law school grad named Daniel.

An Act Of Infinite Optimism (ao3) - manchestereyes

Summary: Raising an exuberant child is easy. Raising a moody teenager who wants nothing to do with you, though, is another thing entirely.

But maybe Dan's fascination with a certain 22-year-old can teach Karen a thing or two about being a mother—and herself.

A Night Reimagined (ao3) - LyricalPary

Summary: After getting stood up by his blind date, Phil decides to give up on the endless chase for romance. That is, until he encounters a crying boy on the bus ride home. Somehow, they end up spending the night together.

Antisocialites Watch A Wilting Flowers (ao3) - det395

Summary: Phil's an emotionally attached and loving vet and Dan's the drained receptionist with no dreams at the animal shelter who reconnect over the poor, hurt puppy dropped off. Dan's boyfriend is their boss.

Are You Mine? (ao3) - phandomsub

Summary: Teaching was never Dan’s dream job, it’s just something he kind of stumbled into, but after working at Greenbrook Secondary for two years he finds himself loving everything about it. Except for maybe the feelings he’s having for one of his students.

Asexual (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Phil struggles with his anxiety disorder, his asexuality, his issues with contact, and with being comfortable around his boyfriend Dan.

A Wizard’s Misgivings (ao3) - jilliancares

Summary: Dan Howell’s entire family has been in Slytherin, and there’s no doubt he’d supposed to end up there too. Phil Lester does’t exactly know what to do when he finds himself liking boys, so he’s usually just horrendously mean to them. Oh, and they happen to get cursed and can’t touch!

A Year In The Life (ao3) - TwistedRocketPower

Summary: To celebrate ten years together, and moving into their forever home, Dan and Phil decide to release a self-made documentary of the past year. Unlike anything they’ve ever done, this video will show the good, bad, and everything in between.

[glamrockmonarch]

We Are The Lovers - PresentDay!Brian May (Fluff/Smut)

Requests: “Omg I’m a sucker for your older Brian! Could you maybe do something about Brian dating a younger woman who maybe had a kid from another relationship. I don’t even like kids but older dad bri is the sweetest, especially when you’ve written your previous blurbs! Yknow or something really smutty because countryside was bloody amazing! :P I love your blog so much, a definite favourite! XxxX” - Anon

“Okay but can we talk about reader taking care of the 7 musical fox cubs with present day!bri” - Anon

A/N: I put these two requests together simply because I could not help myself the mushy feeling that it brought into my heart. Also, Imma toot my own horn: this is cute af (although I did not proofread because ugh).

You held the little brown cub in your hands and stared down at Danny, your four-year-old son. He is quite inquisitive at the moment, his mind seemed to be more and more awake with every passing day and you sometimes had to make up explanations for his weirdest questions. Lucky for you, you had met Brian the year before and hit it off. Brian was now your boyfriend and although Danny had not spent much time with him, they liked each other, and Brian being a bright mind himself was fascinated by your son’s curiosity. In the past few days, you had been busy working so your son had stayed with Brian a few times during the afternoons, both of them getting to know each other better since you decided to introduce them a few weeks before.

Brian proved to be a wonderful man, and you trusted him to watch your son when you knew his own father would not. It broke your heart, but Danny was so young he could not yet realise how much his father rejected any type of contact with his son. You were just happy to have such an amazing man as Brian in your life who would listen to your son’s rambles and respond with some of his own, somehow Brian still kept up with the childish games, making your son laugh and more than often surprising him with incredible tales.

You were impressed a few days before when you arrived at your boyfriend’s place to pick up your child and found Brian holding a sleeping Danny.

“I showed him to make a stereoscope,” Brian had whispered with Danny fast asleep on his shoulder, Brian’s hand on your boy’s back.

Of course, when you arrived this morning at Brian’s place you were not exactly expecting him to have fox cubs curled up in his kitchen. Danny ran right up to Brian as he usually did, he also looked forward to seeing your boyfriend - at age four he was already on his way to learn how to play the piano, so meeting Brian made him realise he could also play the guitar. You were not too enthused by the prospect of loud evenings at home when he turned thirteen and “you just don’t get it, mom!” became a thing.

For now, Danny held a small furry cub in his small hands, cupping them, too scared of squeezing the animal too hard. This was something else that Brian had started teaching your son; animals are friends. And one must always watch out for his friends. Therefore, Dan was over the moon about the prospect of 1. being able to help save some cute animals, and 2. see something considered more of a baby than himself.

Brian brought a pair of bottles and handed you one of them while helping Danny feed his cub.

“You said they were red,” Danny accused your boyfriend, looking up at him.

With a side smile you looked up at him only for long enough to see him smile with that sort of satisfaction that seemed more personal than shared, he nodded and his curls bounced, he tilted his head to see Danny’s y/e/c eyes.

“They really don’t look it, do they?” Brian paused to watch Danny shake his head, “well, that’s because they are cubs, too young, Dan, to even open their eyes...but they will turn this beautiful ginger colour!”

“Their hair changes?” Danny stared down at the cub in his hands, then turned to look at Brian, “did your hair change too?”

You felt slightly embarrassed listening to the girly voice of your only son, too young to see how that could potentially be offensive. And still, Brian knew how children were and he enjoyed this dynamic with your little one, always curious he sometimes made odd deductions, trying to make sense of the world on his own - mostly getting it wrong but never failing to try.

“Yes!” Brian laughed, your red face turned to look at both males, you watched Dan’s face show an obvious shock while Brian laughed at the peculiar question. “It used to be so dark, almost black!”

Danny, whose hair was a dark shade of blond, just like his father turned to you.

��Mama, is my hair going to be white like Brian’s?” He asked you, his neck bending a funny way.

You shook your head and smiled up at Brian before turning back to your son.

“No,” you played a little bit with your son, “it will be red - like the cubs’!” You insisted.

Brian laughed with you at the expression of pure despair that located on your son’s face. It might have been a bit cruel but your son was so sweet and positive he immediately turned his frown upside down and turned to Brian.

“That means I will get a crown! Like, like...Harry!” He nodded enthusiastically, now excited about the prospect of getting ginger hair.

“I think this one has had enough, Danny...let’s feed one of his sisters, shall we?”

For the better part of the afternoon the three of you sat in Brian’s kitchen to babysit the cubs while Anne got there to pick them up, she was supposed to take them for the night and then pay a visit to the vet in the morning to make sure they were all alright, you could already tell that Danny would not take it well when he had to say goodbye to his sisters and brothers future gingers.

You offered to make dinner while Brian finished feeding the cubs with the willing help of your little boy, although he did not want you to do it on your own you had no problem finding your way around his kitchen. Placing pans on the stove and finding everything you needed in the fridge you stole glances at the two sitting on the floor with the furry animals.

“Why not, Brian?” You thought, “as if I wasn’t already in love: you’re good to Danny too!”

For Brian it was not intentional, he genuinely enjoyed the company of your son; seeing the little boy understand him more and more every time they met.

By the time Anne came and picked up the little fox cubs, Danny was ready to turn in for the night; after having dinner all three of you, the day seemed to have drained his young body of all energy.

As Brian’s friend left, you sat back at the dinner table with your son, pulling him on your lap and allowing for his little arms to wrap around your neck as he cuddled with you, nuzzled in your hair on your shoulder, he fell asleep quickly after proclaiming his admiration for Brian.

“I like Bri, can we hang out tomorrow too?”

This made you laugh, so you nodded and kissed his forehead. “You’ll have to ask him, but I think he would love to!”

The sweet boy pouted and searched for your cheek, kissing you loudly before settling in your arms, feeling loved and safe.

Danny often reminded you of his father, but it was days like this when you saw him as the different person he was; the man he would someday become. You could see him growing closer to Brian, looking up to him and learning with him. You liked this warmth that spread through your chest when Brian came back in and you had your hand on Danny’s messy hair, your cheek against his forehead.

“Is he out?” Your boyfriend wondered.

Smiling you mouthed a yes, not daring to move yet.

“A sweet kid,” Brian praised.

Your boyfriend started picking up the plates and taking them to the kitchen. After he put everything away he came back and leant down to press a soft kiss against your temple, his hand squeezing your shoulder with a tender touch.

“We should go,” you whispered, reaching up and placing your hand on his still on your shoulder.

Brian sighed and looked back at the hall leading to the door. “I’ll just get my jacket.”

“That’s okay, I’ll take an uber.”

“No.”

He stood his ground and left you to get his black jacket on; coming back holding both yours and Danny’s. He watched you get up from the chair and wrapped your jacket around your shoulders and covered part of Danny’s body with it as well.

“Thanks,” you mumbled at him, giving him a toothy grin.

Brian rarely drove his car, so you took it this was a sort of special occasion. You had to sit Danny in the backseat to secure the seat belt around his body, much to your surprise he did not wake up. Riding in the front next to Brian you picked up a light conversation, joking and laughing together while he drove.

“Alright, alright, next time you have to cook!” You teased him after he told you about his mother’s cooking skills.

“No, no...I wouldn’t do her any justice, love.” Brian patted your knee.

As his fingers lingered on your exposed skin, you brought your hand on top of his and giggled.

“Should’ve thought of that before telling me!”

Brian turned his hand around so your fingers could intertwine and you looked back at Danny for a moment, checking on him.

“He wants to hang out with you tomorrow.” You wiggled your brows at Brian and heard him chuckle. “Maybe you could come at...let’s say six?”

“Yes, of course.” Brian smiled, trying to hide his enthusiasm and failing to do so.

Arriving at your place Brian picked Danny out from the seat and carried him inside while you opened and held the door open for him. Closing it carefully behind him, you pointed the way to his room. At last, Brian placed your son on his own bed and you took off his size two sneakers, placing them on the ground before pulling his pjs out of one of the drawers with Brian watching you, helping as he could. Your boyfriend picked up the dinosaurs pjs and warmed them up in his hands while you got Danny out of his little jeans and jumper.

“Thanks,” you said to Brian as he handed you a warmed up pair of pants.

“You know, I am a parent too.” He reminded you.

You rolled your eyes at his comment, it was not like you could forget with all what was being said on the press about how you were younger than his youngest daughter and all…

Kissing your son’s cheek you pulled the covers over his body and wished him sweet dreams. Brian watched your every move, admiring you and taking you in. It had not been long that he was presented to this side of you: the motherly one. He was completely lost in the tenderness of your eyes when you looked at your baby boy; the boy was bright as a red light. Brian was taken aback by some of his reasonings, he was not a bad kid only a curious confident one; which was not always easy to deal with...but entertaining for sure.

When you stood from the side of Danny's bed Brian kissed his palm and pressed it gently on the kid’s forehead. How could he not? The boy was making it hard for him not to spend the entire day by your side.

Stepping out of the dark child’s room, you waited for Brian. Opening your arms you invited your boyfriend in for a hug once he closed the door behind himself. With your arms wrapped around his shoulders, you smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“I think you have made a little friend, Dr. May,” you squeezed your lips together to stop from laughing.

“I think I have!” He pecked the tip of your nose. “Goodnight.”

Brian kissed you again, his arms still wrapped around your waist, although this time you felt attached to him, refusing to let him go, heat spreading from within your stomach as you felt lips move against yours ever so slowly. Following his lead you slid your hands down his neck and followed the line provided by his unbuttoned shirt, tickling him with the tips of your fingers.

Recognising the need in your kiss, Brian pulled you closer, sneaking his hands down your back until he reached your butt and squeezed you against him, making you whine.

“Don’t leave,” you mumbled against his lips, barely opening your eyes with your nose grazing his as you felt your heartbeat quicken.

Unable to resist, Brian tilted his head and captured your lips in a new hard kiss. He slid his tongue inside your mouth and made you weak in the knees.

Stepping back in the direction of your room down the hall, you slipped from his grasp with swollen lips.

“You coming?” You asked him playfully.

Brian followed as you turned around and made your way to your own room, throwing your jacket away on the floor as Brian closed the door behind you, locking it just in case. You went to your dresser to take your earrings off and step out of your shoes, only for Brian to come up behind you. His hand pulls your hair to the side and he starts kissing your neck, now touching your sides and pushing his body on yours, his growing erection pressed against your arse. You tilt your head to the side and finish taking the earrings and bracelets off in time for his hands to come up and squeeze your breasts. You had only slept together a couple of times, but you already knew that he could get quite dominant if he meant to. Seemingly, tonight he was going for it.

“You’re so soft,” he spoke on your ear and you were left with nothing to do but let him feel you up in front of your dresser mirror.

You gasped at his touch once his calloused hands went under your skirt and squeezed your butt, reaching up you tangled your hands on his hair and arched your back against him. Brian’s hands followed the line of your panties and then he sneaked his hand inside them, his fingers brushing right over your clit, your legs almost giving out as he went further and slid two fingers inside your wet pussy, pumping them rather harshly as he watched you in the mirror. Eyes closed and mouth hanging open.

“Brian��” you felt your own juices coating his fingers as his fingers fucked you.

Brian kissed your shoulder and you touched his cheek, a miserable moan escaping your lips as you tried to stand on your feet the whole time.

“Feels good?” Brian bit your shoulder. “Does it feel good, love?”

“Yes…” you had to support yourself on the dresser when he slid his thumb across your clit, his fingers still working your pussy. “Brian-yes!” You felt yourself edging closer as he curled his fingers inside you, playing with you a little rough. “I want you, I want you so bad...Bri…” You admitted.

“Show me.”

Brian watched in ecstasy as you started to come undone under his touch. You opened your eyes and found him staring, you stared back into his dark eyes as he brought you closer to the edge, and finally, you bit your lip as you came, aware that you could not get too loud with Danny in the house.

Brian took in a deep breath as you clenched around his fingers and he loved the feeling, knowing he was making you feel this good. He let go of you and watched as you turned around in wobbly legs; you kissed him and sucked on his bottom lip.

“Can I make you feel good too, Bri?” You started undoing a couple of buttons Brian actually buttoned that morning.

With a smile you pushed his shirt off and pushed your dress off, letting it fall to the ground and pool around you as you took off your bra and watched Brian take his pants off. You climbed on the bed and pulled the covers away so at least those would be at the feet of the bed and wouldn’t be stained with your body fluids by morning. Brian dropped his underwear along with the rest of your clothes and climbed on top of you, kissing your back and leaving a trail up your body with his lips. You turned and faced him, eager to take off your panties, you kissed his cheek and neck as you wiggled out of the little pink underwear, now soaked by your previous orgasm. You watched Brian lick his lips before kissing you, returning the gesture he bit your lip and made you moan when he pulled your legs apart and teased you by sliding his cock along your slit. You wrapped your legs around his waist and put your arms under his, brushing his back with your fingertips as you arched your back, giving him good access to your neck and breasts. Brian gave your neck small playful bites and left open-mouthed kisses along the valley of your breasts before taking his cock in his hand, driving it right into your wetness, he pressed his nose against your cheek and reveled in the feeling of your tight pussy around him as he sank inside you in a single hard thrust, your moan lost in a gasp as you felt him fill you up. With little time to adjust you dug your nails on his back and kissed his cheek and chin as he pulled almost all the way out, thrusting his hips right back into yours, picking up a steady pace soon, leaving you moaning and gasping for air, your hips jerking up to meet his, your body felt hot and his skin on yours was the sweetest burn of them all… You hooked your leg to his hip and felt your toes curl in pure pleasure as his cock brushed against your most sensitive spot, somewhere so deep inside you your first instinct was to clench around him. Brian moaned along with you, feeling close, encouraged by the quiet sounds leaving your mouth, you just felt so good wrapped around him. So warm and welcoming.

“Bri, don’t stop, I-” you slid your hands down his back and tried your best to pull him closer to you, wanting nothing more than to have him buried inside you, fucking you so well, you threw your head, “‘m cumming…”

“Yeah?” Brian remained relentless in his ministrations, “cum for me, love.”

Brian breathed heavily against your neck, his hips losing their regular pace as he too neared his own orgasm; he kissed your collarbone and pulled your hips forward as he fucked you through your high, feeling your walls clench and release and clench again around him. So perfect he could not help himself, he emptied his seed inside you.

Your hand dragged up to his shoulders and you cupped his face with one hand, watching his face as he came, his cock twitching inside you still; his eyes were closed and his mouth pouted the form of a little “o”. You kissed the corner of his lips and felt his lips look for yours, letting him find them you kissed again, your bodies brushing against each other for a moment longer before Brian pulled away and rolled away from you on his back so he would not crush you under his weight when he collapsed, exhausted as he was.

After a few minutes catching your breaths, Brian rolled on his side and kissed your shoulder, seeing some marks left by himself all over your body.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, getting up and going into your bathroom.

Brian helped you clean up and after throwing the paper towel away, he came back to bed, holding you in his arms as you rested your head on his chest.

“I’m so glad I didn’t give up birth control…” you mumbled half-jokingly.

“That’ll be two of us.” Brian agreed, his thumb caressing your skin as it went back and forth.

“Only two,” you tilt your head back and look up at him, “Danny has been wondering if I’ll “get him” a brother soon.”

Brian simply chuckled. “What have you told him?”

“I offered to take him to the movies instead,” you smile and laugh, covering your face for a moment, “he forgot everything about it!”

Brian laughed along with you, pulling you closer to him. “I tell you, wonderful child!”

[birdy-lady]

As we gear up for Moira Rose's favorite season — awards — I have a humble plea: Give everyone on Schitt's Creek an Emmy already. The dreamy Canadian sitcom is the best comedy on television, a rare gem that is both radically empathetic and riotously funny. The story of the formerly wealthy Rose family — parents Moira (Catherine O'Hara) and Johnny (Eugene Levy) and their adult children, David (Dan Levy) and Alexis (Annie Murphy) — who relocate to a small town after losing their fortune, Schitt's Creek is packed with characters who are easier to love in person than they might have been on paper. For everything the show owes to its whip-smart scripts, it sings because the cast is capable of embracing that tension. If we lived in a world as kind as the one depicted in the show, the whole ensemble would be rolling in Emmy nominations.

O'Hara is the show's most obvious scene-stealer, and her Moira — an eccentric soap star whose fading celebrity status sends her sense of self into a tailspin — is its most unique creation. Moira arrives in the town of Schitt's Creek with no creature comforts but her black-and-white wardrobe and a collection of wigs she treats like old friends. Her diction is lofty; her elocution is loftier. Give O'Hara an Emmy for the way she says "baby" alone, and then give her another for the half-human, half-crow voice she adopted for Moira's big comeback role in the fifth season. The actress plays Moira's showboating as the product of a life spent jumping from one role to the next. She distracts people with flair because she doesn't know if she's enough without her fame. All the world's a stage, and Moira Rose's greatest performance is Moira Rose.

Moira takes her bravado to the extreme, but she taps into universal anxieties. Speaking to Entertainment Weekly, O'Hara described her character as "no more [tragic] than we're all tragic characters in life. I love that we're all kind of delusional and we have really no idea of what impression we're making on others." Moira works as a character because O'Hara plays her with empathy — she's all of us, just heightened. Everyone wants to believe in their potential like Moira does at her best, and everyone crashes emotionally when the world can't see it. There's something childlike about how Moira navigates her life: She might not know who she is, but she screams when she wants to scream. Her dramatic responses to life's inconveniences are what the internet might call a whole entire mood. Moira's dazzling histrionics are, in O'Hara's hands, honest.

But while the decadent confection that is Moira Rose is (justifiably) getting showered in praise, O'Hara seems just as thrilled to let her castmates shine. She's balanced out by her longtime collaborator Eugene Levy — who co-created the series with his son, Dan Levy — as the family's befuddled patriarch, Johnny. Where O'Hara is airy, Levy is an anchor, grounding the show in familial love. The former CEO of a chain of video rental stores, Johnny vibes like a dependable, business-savvy dad, but Eugene Levy plays him with an undercurrent of panic: He doesn't even know how to work a grill. Johnny may be the smartest person in the room, but he's still a disaster in his own right. Every week on Schitt's Creek, Levy and his expressive eyebrows teach a masterclass in deadpan comedy. He can land a punchline just by staring helplessly into the distance.

Schitt's Creek is a family affair both behind the camera and in front of it — Sarah Levy co-stars with Eugene and Dan, her father and brother, as guileless local waitress Twyla Sands. But on screen, there's no mistaking that the Roses are the ones who are related. The four stars who bring the Rose family to life have worked out an uncanny set of shared mannerisms. It isn't just that Dan Levy inherited his father's eyebrows but inverts his facial expressions (Johnny absorbs frustration; David reflects it). It's the way O'Hara, Murphy, and Dan Levy all talk with their hands, like they're used to wearing too many heavy rings. The physical comedy of Schitt's Creek isn't pratfalls; it's the body language of elite wealth.

No one has a more endearing physicality than Annie Murphy, who deserves the inaugural Emmy for best wrist acting. Murphy acts wrists first; she twists her hands to wave out of car windows and dances her fingers along countertops and poses, bunny-like, when she has something to say. The way Alexis holds herself is a definitive character trait, blending rich-girl snobbery with something inherently cuter and more innocent. Her vocal fry is the same: She gasps and exclaims ("Ew, David!") with such delight that she turns a ditzy stereotype on its head. The fifth season took Murphy's vocal and physical comedy to new heights when Alexis performed her long-lost pop single — and certified bop — "A Little Bit Alexis," complete with choreography. Alexis is incapable of disappearing into a performance; she's just too happy to show off. Her valiant little high kick in the town's production of Cabaret was the funniest split second of the season. Annie Murphy is a stone-cold comic genius.

Season 5 also gave Murphy and her on-screen brother more opportunities to crack their characters' shells, as both Alexis and David pushed themselves to be more vulnerable in their romantic relationships. Alexis took a leap with wholesome veterinarian Ted (Dustin Milligan), while David got engaged to his business partner, Patrick (Noah Reid), whose steady practicality is the perfect foil to his fussiness. Reid brings an easy charm to Patrick's patient amusement with David, and Dan Levy plays David like he's becoming amused with himself, like he might as well start every conversation with, "Please humor me." Like Alexis and Moira, David could have been grating in the wrong hands, but Levy makes him likable by playing with the fact that David is simultaneously aware of himself and unable to be anyone else.

David is a difficult cocktail of contradictions: His unapologetic flamboyance hides deep insecurities. He is his mother's son, right down to the black-and-white clothes, but unlike Moira, David doesn't try on different parts; he's just trying, again and again, to match up to the version of himself that he projects to others. There's a frantic vigilance to him — Levy's line readings are hilariously snappy, his dialogue so crisp it feels like it's on the verge of shattering. Even at his most controlled, David is a baffled mess. But Levy always leaves warmth simmering below the surface. Schitt's Creek walks a fine line between the Roses' damaged past and the love they gradually learn to express, and the show finds quiet moments to highlight their growth: It's in the way David's eyes tear up when his armor is cracked, Moira touches her son's arm, Alexis lights up when she smiles, and Johnny visibly uncoils when his family is happy.

The show's cast of locals is equally gifted. Stevie (Emily Hampshire), who co-owns the motel with Johnny, shone in Season 5 when she broke out of her shell to star in Cabaret, embracing the potential Moira saw in her. Hampshire sang "Maybe This Time" with all the unpolished elation of someone letting herself believe she could win for the first time. Meanwhile, in the audience, Milligan's Ted held his playbill open in front of him for the entire show, a truly galaxy-brained character detail for the wide-eyed vet. Reid makes Patrick soft without making him a pushover; Chris Elliott somehow makes the town's obnoxious mayor, Roland Schitt, more respectable by refusing to sand down his rough edges; Jennifer Robertson plays Roland's wife, Jocelyn, as far smarter than most of the Roses would bet. The whole ensemble finds chemistry in the way everyone is entertained by — and tolerant of — everyone else's quirks. Because these people like each other, the audience can do the same. They should really win Emmys for that. I would love that journey for them.

The first four seasons of Schitt's Creek are streaming on Netflix. Emmy nominations will be announced Tuesday, July 16. The 71st Primetime Emmy Awards will be broadcast Sunday, Sept. 22 at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT on Fox.

[completelyuncreative2]

You Can’t Walk Alone

Summary: Dan was looking forward to his school trip to Disney World with his friends for over a year, but his friends are closer to each other than Dan. So, Dan ends up rooming with an older student, Phil. Dan may end up with a new friend or maybe something more.

Word Count: 3672

Beta: @phillies-quiff

A/N: This fic was written for the @phandomreversebang based on the art and prompt from @billacookie. Check out the art here. Read on A03.

Dan was antsy as he deplaned in Florida. He had been looking forward to this trip for over a year now. All the GCSE and A-level students could go to Disney during the winter half-term. He couldn’t go last year because he was only in year 9. The school somehow passed the trip off as being educational. No one really bought that it actually was. Dan was convinced that included the administration. Once they all got through customs and baggage claim, they took a shuttle bus to the hotel.

Once they got to the hotel, everyone sat down in clusters with their friends, waiting impatiently. Except for a Year 13, Dan recognized as Phil Lester. Dan didn’t know much about him other than his name. Phil was sitting on the floor against the wall, staring at his phone. Dan must have been staring because Phil looked up and caught Dan’s eye. Dan looked away, trying to tune back into the conversation his friends, Logan and Adam, were having. Their chaperone, Mrs. Miller, called for everyone’s attention. “Before you head up to your rooms, I just want to go over some rules for this week…” Dan tuned the rest out. He knew what she was going to say, be respectful of the people around you, keep the noise to a respectable volume, don’t walk around by yourself, blah, blah, blah. The rules have been the same for every school trip Dan has been on since primary school. Dan snapped back to reality when he heard Mrs. Miller call his name.

“Ooh.” His friends said, although not actually loud enough for anyone else to hear. Dan elbowed Logan before getting up and walking over to Mrs. Miller.

“Yes, Miss?” Dan said.

“Daniel,” she said, “there’s been a bit of confusion with your room.” Dan waited for her to continue. “Well, on your form, you said you wanted to room with Logan.”

“Yes…” 

“Logan said he wanted to room with Adam, and Adam put Logan on his form.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll get this sorted. You can have a seat.”

Dan went back and sat down.

“What was that about, mate?” Adam asked.

“Nothing.” Dan said staring at the floor. He saw Logan and Adam look at each other and shrug out of the corner of his eye.

Mrs. Miller went through the rest of the forms. She got through most of the pairs before she got back to Dan.

“Daniel,” she said, “you’re going to room with Philip.”

Dan and Phil both got up and walked over to Mrs. Miller.

“What?” Dan said.

“I know it’s not typical to put two different years together, but there aren’t that many sixth form students this year, and Philip, you said you didn’t mind who you roomed with, correct?” It wasn’t really a question, and they all knew it.

“Yes, Miss,” Phil said.

“Good.” Mrs. Miller handed Phil their room keys, and they got their luggage and headed towards their room.

After everyone got their room assignments, they had a couple of hours to settle in before they went to dinner. When they got to the room, Dan put his suitcase next to one of the beds, then flopped onto it, rolled over, and stared at the ceiling. He turned his head and saw Phil unpacking. 

“You should unpack, too,” Phil said.

Dan grunted in response.

“So, how did you end up with me as your roommate?” Phil was asking just to make conversation. There was nothing unkind about his tone.

Normally, Dan would’ve made some noncommittal response, but for some reason he wanted to tell Phil the truth. “I only have two mates, and they decided to room with each other.” “What about you?”

“None of my mates wanted to go. They think we’re too old for Disney”

“You’re never too old for Disney.”

“That’s what I said!”

Dan couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his face.

A little while later, they went downstairs to the hotel restaurant for dinner. Dan met up with his friends who were sitting with a few other people from their year, while Phil went and sat with some of the girls from his year. Dan tried to be involved in the conversation his friends were having, but it clearly started before he got there, and he was having trouble keeping up. He kept sneaking glances over at Phil, who seemed to be having a good time, laughing at something one of the girls said. Dan wished he knew why he was so drawn to him. There was just something magnetic about Phil that Dan couldn’t put his finger on.

“Dan,” someone said. He couldn’t quite tell whose voice it was. Dan snapped back to reality.

“You alright, mate?” Adam asked.

“Yeah,” Dan lied. No one pushed him on it. His friends continued their conversation. Dan tried to participate more now. But every once in a while, he caught a glimpse of Phil in his peripheral vision.

Breakfast the next morning was pretty much the same. Dan pretended to be interested in his friends’ conversation, but he kept sneaking glances over at Phil. The only difference was the reminder not to walk around the park alone, and that lunch and dinner would not be provided. They were going to Epcot today.

Everyone got on the shuttle bus. Once they got to the park, Mrs. Miller told them they had to meet back where they were at 9:30pm to go back to the hotel. They all got off the bus and split up into their groups. Dan and his friends just walked around aimlessly. There weren’t really any rides at Epcot, so there wasn’t a lot to do. They saw a few characters. Dan wanted to get signatures from a few of them, especially Jasmine, but he knew his friends would never let him hear the end of it if he did.

Eventually, Dan got hungry. He asked his friends where they wanted to go.

“What about the fish shop?” Logan said.

“Really?” Dan said. “We can get fish and chips anytime. What about the Japanese place?”

Logan and Adam both made disgusted faces.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’ll go to the Japanese place, and you guys can go to the fish shop and we’ll meet after.”

“You can’t walk around by yourself, mate,” Adam said.

“So, walk me there, and then I won’t be walking alone.”

Logan and Adam shrugged, but all three of them walked to the Japanese place. Once they got there, Dan asked them again if they were sure they didn’t want to join him.

They both said they were sure. So, Dan went inside and Logan and Adam headed off. Dan was about to ask the hostess for a table for one, but then he saw Phil sitting with the same people he sat with at dinner the night before. Phil got up and headed toward Dan.

“You’re not allowed to walk around by yourself, you know?” Phil said.

“Funny,” Dan said sarcastically.

“Where are your mates?” 

“They’re boring. They wanted fish and chips.”

“Why? We can get fish and chips any time.”

“Right?”

After a beat, Phil said “You can join us if you want. We have an extra chair.”

“Thanks”

Phil nodded and headed back to the table. Dan followed him. Once they both sat down, Phil introduced Dan to everyone. Then he said, “We got every type of sushi to share.”

“Sounds good.”

The food arrived not too long after that. Everyone was eating and talking. Dan felt much more comfortable around Phil and his friends than he ever did around his own.

The meal was winding down. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted anything else, which they didn’t. They were all stuffed from the sushi. Once they paid, they got up, Phil waited for his friends to walk ahead, then he said, “You can hang out with us if your friends ditched you.”

“Thanks, but they said they would meet me here when they were done.”

Phil nodded, and they walked outside. Adam and Logan were there.

“Finally,” Logan said, “we’ve been waiting for twenty minutes.”

Phil cocked an eyebrow at Dan. Dan ignored Logan’s comment. “Guys, this is Phil,”

“Alright?” they all said at the same time.

Dan saw Phil look at all of them. “See you around, mate” Phil said, then he jogged to catch up to his friends.

“Mate?” Adam asked.

Dan shrugged and tried to act nonchalant, but he was just as confused. Phil Lester was his mate?

The rest of the day was uneventful. They continued to walk around aimlessly. When Adam and Logan got hungry and wanted to go to the fish shop again, Dan didn’t even put up a fight. He was still full from the sushi. They got back on the bus to the hotel not too long after that.

Dan woke up the next morning. Once his eyes focused, he saw Phil at the desk on his laptop. He had obviously showered already since his hair was wet. Phil must have noticed Dan staring. Phil turned to Dan and they exchanged good mornings.

“How did you sleep?” Phil asked.

“Good, you?”

“Alright. I couldn’t really sleep because I was excited about today.”

Dan gave Phil a confused look. They were going to Animal Kingdom today. Which in Dan’s opinion was by far the least interesting park. “Really?”

“Yeah. I just want to see all the animals. Maybe befriend a giraffe.”

Dan laughed. “Good luck with that.”

“Shut up,” Phil said although he was laughing too at this point.

Once they had both calmed down, Phil said, “Seriously though, I really do love animals. I wanted to be a vet.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I even worked at a vet clinic for work study in Year Ten, but I passed out when the vet did surgery on a dog’s jaw”

“That sounds traumatizing”

“It was, but at least I learned that being a vet wasn’t for me. Have you thought about what you want to do for work study?”

“Not really. I probably should, I only have a couple of months now. Although, knowing myself, I’m probably going to submit the form at the last minute and just get stuck with whatever everyone else didn’t want.”

“Well, what do you want to do?”

“I want to be an actor, but what are the chances of that actually happening?”

“You never know. It could happen.”

“I guess. We should probably go downstairs for breakfast.”

“Alright.” Phil closed his laptop and they both got up, and headed down to the lobby.

They didn’t have as much freedom to wander around as they did the day before. There was only so much to do at Animal Kingdom. They all went on the Safari first thing. Phil and his friends were at the front, and Dan and his friends were at the back. Dan was looking at Phil more than he was at the animals. Fortunately, Phil was so enthralled by the animals, he was completely oblivious to everything else. They did see a giraffe. Phil looked disappointed that he couldn’t get any closer to it. After the Safari, they could technically walk around on their own, but there weren’t really any rides. All the shows had specific times, so they all pretty much stayed together the whole day.

On the bus on the way back to the hotel, Logan said, “What’s up with you and Lester?”

“What are you on about?”

“You’ve been staring at him all day.”

Dan blushed. “No, I haven’t,” he said even though he knew it was true.

“Yes, you have. You have a thing for him or something?”

“No,” Dan said defensively. Then he turned to the window to make it clear the conversation was over. He didn’t turn his head until they got back to the hotel, and he felt Logan get out of the seat.

Once Dan got off the bus. He stormed up to his room. He tried to unlock the door with his key card, but it wouldn’t take it. Phil was next to him a few moments later.

“Dan what’s wrong?” Phil got out his own key card and unlocked the door. He held it open for Dan.

“Nothing.” Dan walked through the doorway and flopped onto the bed.

“Dan…”

“It’s stupid.” Dan rolled over facing away from Phil.

Phil waited for Dan to continue.

“My friends think I have a thing for you” Dan mumbled.

Dan rolled on to his back. He really didn’t want to see Phil’s reaction, but he did out of the corner of his eye. Phil looked at him wide-eyed.

Dan turned over and buried his face in the pillow. A few moments later, Dan felt the mattress move. The next thing he knew, Phil was rubbing his back.

“It’s alright, Dan.” Phil continued to rub his back.

Before Dan knew it, it was the next morning. Dan looked over at the other bed. Fortunately, Phil was still asleep. Dan went into the bathroom to get ready for the day. When he got out, Phil was sitting up on the bed. Dan tried to not make eye contact with him. Dan spent the rest of the morning on his laptop. When it was time to go downstairs, he didn’t even wait for Phil like he had the past two days.

Dan did a pretty good job of avoiding Phil for most of the day. At least until he went to Space Mountain. Phil was ahead of him in line. It didn’t take long for his friends to spot Phil too. When Logan did, he called out, “Hey, Dan! It’s your boyfriend!” A bunch of other people from their year who were waiting in line laughed. Dan wouldn’t let himself catch Phil’s eye, so he had no idea what his reaction was. Dan got out of line and started power walking as fast as he could away from everybody. “It was a joke, mate,” Adam called after him. He had no idea where he was going. He just needed to get away from everyone. It didn’t take long for a shadow to fall over him. Dan knew exactly who it was without turning around.

“Dan! Stop!” Phil said.

“Fuck off”

“I can’t. You’re not allowed to walk around by yourself.”

Dan slowed down and let Phil catch up. “Why do you care?”

“They were talking about me too. You realize that, right?”

Now Dan stopped. It hadn’t even occurred to him how Phil felt. “I’m sorry”

“You don’t need to apologize, Dan. Just talk to me. Come on.” Phil led Dan to an empty bench, and they sat down. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

Dan looked up and tilted his head back, bracing himself for what he was about to say. “I like you.”

“I like you too”

“You do?” Dan looked at Phil for what felt like the first time in days.

Phil nodded.

They kissed. It was short and sweet. When they pulled apart, Dan had a smile spread across his face. He looked over at Phil and saw the same expression. Dan couldn’t believe it actually happened. He kissed Phil Lester.

“My offer still stands by the way,” Phil said.

“What?”

“If you don’t want to hang out with your friends, you can hang out with me.”

“Thanks.”

Dan and Phil spent the rest of the day together. He didn’t see Logan and Adam once until they were getting on the shuttle. 

“Mate, what happened to you?” Adam asked.

“Pft, like you care?

Neither Adam nor Logan responded.

Finally, Adam said “We’re sorry.”

“You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for”

Adam started to say something, but Dan cut him off, “Forget it, mate.”

They all got on to the shuttle. Adam and Logan took their usual seats towards the back of the bus. Dan sat up front with Phil. Dan stared out the window for most of the ride back to the hotel. Phil was talking to some people from his year. Dan was content. He would have to make up with Adam and Logan at some point but not tonight.

Dan practically jumped out of bed the next morning. Phil was already up and laughed when Dan nearly fell over.

“Excited?” Phil said

“Shut up” Dan had a smile on his face though.

They both got ready and headed downstairs. They were going to Magic Kingdom again today.

Once they got off the bus, they decided to go on Space Mountain, since they never actually got to the day before. After that they were just trying to find rides that didn’t have ridiculously long lines. Phil somehow convinced Dan to go on Splash Mountain. After they got off, Dan was trying desperately to dry off to no avail. They walked around aimlessly for a little while.

“I don’t know why you thought that was a good idea,” Dan whined, wringing out his shirt again in a desperate attempt to dry off and get the chill out of him.

“Splash Mountain is fun”

“Yeah, when it’s 30 degrees out and you dry off in five minutes. Not in the middle of winter, when it’s barely room temperature.”

They walked past a gift shop.

“Here,” Phil said, “we can buy some new clothes”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“We’ll look like tourists.”

“We are tourists.”

“No one else needs to know that.”

Phil gave Dan a look.

“At least not before we start talking.”

Phil rolled his eyes and dragged Dan inside the gift shop. They both bought new outfits, although they way Dan was acting about it, you would’ve thought Phil was demanding that he walk around naked. Dan didn’t typically wear colors other than black or white, but they were in Disney world. If there’s ever a time to wear bright colors, this was it. By the time, Dan stopped acting like a toddler, they were both starving. They just went to the first restaurant they saw.

When they were done it was nearly 9 o’clock. Dan and Phil both wanted to see the fireworks show, so they headed to Cinderella’s Castle. The show started. They both stared at the fireworks as if they were five year olds seeing them for the first time. Once the last firework went off, Phil pulled Dan in for a kiss.

“That was incredible,” Dan said.

“The fireworks or me?” Phil said cheekily.

Dan slapped Phil on the arm playfully. “Both,” he admitted.

After the fireworks show, it was time to go back to the hotel.

Today was their last full day at Disney. Tomorrow they would be packing up the last of their stuff and getting on a plane to go home. Dan couldn’t believe how fast the week went. Once they were on the shuttle, Phil told Dan that he had a surprise for him.

“I hate surprises,” Dan whined, “just tell me.”

“Nope.”

Dan fake pouted the rest of the way to the park.

Hollywood Studios was a combination of Epcot and Animal Kingdom in terms of walking around aimlessly. There weren’t a ton of rides, but there also really weren’t a lot of shows. So, Dan and Phil just wandered around looking for things to do. Dan asked Phil what the surprise was approximately every ten minutes. Phil was doing a really good job of keeping his mouth shut, which just infuriated Dan. Finally, by late afternoon, Phil decided it was time to tell Dan his plan.

“I’m going to take you on a proper date.”

“Excuse me? Shouldn’t you ask me out on a date?”

Phil rolled his eyes, but he obliged. “Daniel, would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Yes, Phil, I would”

“Great. Let’s go.”

Phil took Dan to a 50s themed restaurant. He even paid for Dan’s meal despite the fact that they split the bill every other time they ate together.

Once they left, Phil said, “so how was that for a first date?”

“Amazing.”

Phil leaned in for a kiss.

“Do you think I’m the type of person to kiss someone on a first date?” Dan teased.

Phil fake pouted. Dan laughed and then kissed him.

They had to go back and meet everyone else now. They were leaving earlier than they had been, so everyone would have time to pack, and get ready to go home the next day.

The next morning they got up bright and early. Once they had finished getting ready, and packing up the last of their stuff, they went downstairs to the bus. Logan and Adam were there when Dan and Phil got there. Dan gave Phil a look as if to say give us a minute. Phil nodded and headed on to the bus.

“Hi.” Adam said.

“Hi.”

“Listen, mate, we’re really sorry about what happened the other day.”

“Be more specific.”

Logan took in a deep breath. Dan just wanted to see him squirm a little. He was going to forgive him. He didn’t really have a choice. It wasn’t like he had other friends. “I’m sorry that I said Phil was your boyfriend when I knew that he wasn’t.”

“It’s alright. You know because of you, Phil actually is my boyfriend now.”

“What?” For a second Dan thought Logan was actually angry, but then he burst out laughing.

“Good for you, mate,” Adam said.

All three of them got on the bus. Dan slid into the seat next to Phil, while Adam and Logan made their way to the back of the bus.

Before Dan knew it, he was in the air, sitting next to his friends catching each other up on everything that happened the past three days. Dan would never admit it if he was asked, but he was actually excited to go home. To have a proper relationship with Phil. Maybe even be real friends with Adam and Logan, not just someone they tolerated until someone better came along. Everything felt right.

[oneironauto233-blog]

American Prayer Two

Fragile egg-shell mind on dawn’s highway bleeding the segue between times traversed only in momentary dreams or in enduring excursions We drag our droll and quaint 60s baggage like the luggage of a safari made of concrete girding a cavernous expanse of unheralded ground With our ears oriented to the floor, we leap out of body never to deplore….never to ignore….never to miss the blue bus of our drafted imaginations, so carefully culled from brash elitism I trounce the intervening time between being friendless and an ironic end, and an irenic comrade becoming the dearest amazed but always aplomb friend We simper in our glorious traversal, and though bedraggled through an ornamented cavern we linger just long enough to be celebrated Then a blues riff emanates from a vapid bar, and finally someone heralds my exhumed memory still rusty with the pavement of encased concrete on an empty or full tomb So I wander in my mind to that roughshod Paris glassy tincture a romanticized gild of proper sensibility crafted in the tongues of lizards emulating the tongues of serpentine Anglicans As the power of love transcends the love of power, both are afforded serendipitously upon the stately occasion of a fitful revolt where heads literally rolled and deaths still unfurl from the slippage of a violent malevolent eternity, crafting a new creative way to expedite the smite of preventable scourge So Jim, I see your picaresque side and your wide-eyed love for a listless ship anointed of a crystal blip just detectable long enough on RADAR to become the statistic to crack the slim WHIP No wigs are needed at this formality, no figs grow from trees forty-five years buried and almost a full month unsung Pitiable cretins of an invented insanity, they scoff at my ravenous and portentous heart for its excess and for aligning with an upstart verging on only a specious insanity Why in all humanity could a month be mustered with every defense of history and yet for it to be so widely flouted as a risible exercise in futility The irony that the artistic glamor of a past vogue becoming a revival that is often toked only to one song but never to the memorial of great cavernous and commodious imaginations, staggers with dismay where otherwise the mayday would be a disaster but still a great day Then I look at a triggered-fingered omen of a death so ominous yet so brazenly confronted as the ambassadors of time provide plaudits to a fearless martyrdom Why such a sad spate, why such a stringent but malevolent fate a malediction on a family whose crest is not crestfallen like rolling waves but ornamented with gravity impounding its own weight A fugacious tomb, an eternal flame, a swan song announcing an independent authority on a prescient demise mashed and deprived A single shot rippling through the broadened space between clasped eternity and a histrionic disgrace as a psychological confederate pays lip service to a reiterative applause A cousin hardly American in a defected record of incendiary plumes of a hoarse hatred of waxen discs and flying discs alike,  climbs out of a bonfire mounted purely out of vindictive spite Then upon a great white buffalo a wrapped package of Californian love before California ever alighted like something beyond an avaricious dove, saw a rocky park and a hearth of illuminated darkness the singular spark Captain Morgan knows the jackknife applause of a botched deal morphing into a disbelieved spiel. A shibboleth of enormous mystical weight crashing down from an ethereal abode and heaven heavily saddened cannot hardly appeal Then a loving spoonful of crystal blue persuasion led me to Ethel’s regimented keepsake and for once in my life nobility and I became a grateful waif. But temerity laughed, splintered spacecraft, and the wooden paws of a bearish applause led to resurgent clarity Blinking stars shattered by knighted and raw applause punctured the liberated might of a sentient hortatory savior grasped by the internecine wrench of a waxen time An indie track slides by unnoticed in an aleatory time, and the threadbare whine of centuries of lament becomes a dastardly barn set ablaze with the fury of ancients and the scurry of faineant patents Perfidy slides in recess, and in gentle forbearance the winged angel lingers like a halo on conifer and spring above a remedial ring I dial frisky celerity tingling the dangling claws of a raven’s screed and in plunder of all history’s pilfer secrets I eagerly weave a tapestry Indiana Jones himself would be proud to watch Not the riotous ruin of a mystery tour of verdure crippled by genocide but overcome by the revived life of raised rain razing the moments of indelible pain But the culmination of a proffered time taken at its word for its every careened bird, for its every brazen gird. The manger of proctored stars calls us home tonight and home forever. Life in quaked timorous stumbles suddenly no longer so fitfully absurd. The quixotic plundered of pirates and emperors in direct emulation of some crooned pastiche of whittled integrity, surges above any encased blurb and any vain testament to a pyramid rigid in destiny and ragged in desultory and sturdy sincerity Multiplying the ineffable by the division of arable divorced from edible is too creative to be eaten as pabulum when sparks curdle flickered moonlight crimson and that become golden only to the last laugh of ennobled ragamuffins Frankly the desert of melliferous gorillas abetting the lark of a heavily vetted camarilla engaged in the sinecure of a rigged wall on a main street to block the tall from the lame bleat. Stocks grazed, costs engaged on a littoral beach at the end of a Bossy promenade This prayer is a cutthroat collapse of a merry spare, a ribbed condom waiting to plunge into the antithesis of female despair, but sincere in its restraint that vixens courted in love aren’t courted in litigation of a wagered dare Ambulances chase Deloreans through the desolate moon-stricken skies of a time agape with fleets of phantasmagoria on a Cliffside too wise to ever mince words or excise cries Skulking the red-teared caverns of entombed films and lampooned tinctures on a passion vetted only for certain and utter deracinated disguise, I wallop with winged men in a single soul armed to the teeth with inveterate tithes to eternal internments of poached and endangered gazettes As growth older in wizened skin bets on epithets rather than epitaphs for rinsed peace and triumphant clefts we leap above in orbit of only the bellowing nether of blown tolls and untold souls aggregating the esoteric grasp of Alexandrian tomes The denumeration of certainty is a carousel of wonder, a splurge of time ripped asunder with majesties of paparazzi scuttled impacts a throttled iniquity of regalia’s indicted blunder frenchified but still clean with inestimable sheens With twenty-five dollars, a dime an assist and a nickeled reiteration of currency already so personable it is divine and sublime in crazed desist I watch the embroiled natives clash in denatured violence with the warriors of a crossed repast hearkening to an old land much of ire but too much of grandstand to ultimately last Itching for a holy field husk of peerless ties listed as rumpus and beer, a two-packed smoked by bludgeoned blokes careless in irascible sputters of a muffled doom, a Vegan becomes the author of too many sacrosanct homilies becoming defiled witchcraft brooms dead on arrival too many lionized tombs In plaudits and the scause of an amplified “what if?” of an olfactory nightmare of petrified fog of effluvium bogged in Wade and in heat it is always clogged, sinewy libations of toasted preemptive revenge become a powerballed hog A castle in the sky founded on Franklin but scourged of wineskins brimming with a distilled time, a swift repartee becomes the whispered ladder of saints blather becoming not rather other than a Dan Rather spatter A door breeched by a broached inconvenience of amphigory beyond common reach, I clamber excess and whisk the lingered love into destiny beyond any word other than a beseeched preach of nothing tired but everything inspired of noble love with abundance often to teach Fireworks of turned tides of fallow tithes to aliens beyond any conceivable bribe the bushwhacker writhes but survives staying alive without even a hint of garbled jive a 27th floor glass elevator is quite a resplendent ride Wellsprings knowing radical rolled tides of errant dice also themselves guilty of confessional tithes to the monolith of avarice at the nooked cranny of an evaporated time we whine as the police sting the album rained with songs too lugubrious to sing but in their elegy every lonely heart has a propinquity phone of souled resonance ring Iterative mastery of a mathematics of love, loss decay and the dross of a dental Occidental floss, the sweep of screened queues become questions of inestimable importance to foreign dues on a horse with no name but so consumed with fumes A fright occultist thriller prowls in a waylaying daylight, masquerading an innocent confection for a rescued triage of a dawn stabbed with knives in our last dying days of trembled plight He resurrects only the wraiths of detest, squinted at by the putrefaction of summoned cardiac arrest and littered with bullets that somehow can penetrate even impregnable bullet proof vests the wrapped carcass of the mummified husk of ready despair offers itself a ghoulish and raspy prayer Synchronized in a low roaring swathe of rollercoasters too immersive to ride, the terpsichorean obscurantism of deliberately shattered fragments becoming blurbs dismissed with hijacked deride the carnival of a summer sun becomes the ocean of limitless love becoming endless fun We forget the drawl of the droll old tales that haunt like specters in the closet and beneath the bedridden valetudinarian of an effrontery of shackled fright, we sprawl the innumerable caverns of prophetic insight afforded by the pantheon of history enter stage left, depart stage right And with their insight I write and write, I grasp the tusk of democracy and wage an insurrection against the doubt of plodding limitations in otherwise immaculate sight Sex and tyrannosaurus rex, of litigable offenses leading to pardonable arrests, the gated entryway of a poetic splurge leads to the demiurge of a demotic enlightenment and suddenly the frank becomes the frazzled retirement and that haunting hounding bunny transmogrified by a shattered eye averts the car crash that careens ponderous engines out of limitless twilight blue skies. Diamond lightning in pristine skies escorts the telegraphic totems of riddled modems from 1967 to 2016 and suddenly all venerable personages converge on a teeming scene of a union unified by a universal dream. To become everything and yet nothing and out of light and darkness to become a beatific beam

[kittytherealitytvchick]

Big Brother Fan Confessions

So I’ve been watching since Season 10, the episode where Dan and Memphis secured their alliance on the swings. My dad and aunt had been watching the show and texting each other about it and I just happened to catch it one day and it really took root. Since that episode I’ve become the families go to for all the facts, happenings, and updates every season.

Another fact about my spot in fandom, I am the worst person at picking a favorite pre-season. Every time I pick a pre-season favorite they wind up flopping hard and embarrassingly to the point that I generally won’t vocalize my early favorites until after the first weeks eviction. This season I slipped up that first week and shared my love of Tyler and Sam (in my defense, I too am a female with some welding background and I really thought she would have the mentality I do about how it sucks being the only girl doing it and wanting to bring girls into my world.)

So, I figured with the houseguests nestled all snug in their beds I would reflect upon my horrible fandom choices since Season 11 (I started ten too late to say anything more than that I loved Dan.)

Season 11: This season I am unapologetic to my fandom choices, I loved Lydia and I still love Lydia. I even somehow became Facebook friends with her for awhile after the show. Yes, she played an awful game and the Jessie funeral may be one of the most embarrassing moments on the show, but I still adore that Offbeat chick.

Season 12: I was all about Matt and Ragan, those two could do no wrong in my eyes. Come to find out Ragan has developed a bit of a reputation for being awful to fans which makes me more than a little sad, but at least Matt still loves the show and brings some content each season. My biggest regret this season was hating Rachel, something I would realize was stupid to do come season 13.

Season 13: Here is where my fandom choices get embarrassing...initially pre-season my favorite was Cassi because she was from the same town I lived in, but as I watched the show I became a hardcore Adam fan. He reminded me of a goofier version of my dad and I adored the dude. In the end my heart broke when Rachel took Porsche to the finale.

Season 14: This preseason was all Jodi and Ian for me, so in part I got a bit of what I wanted, but the loss of Jodi episode one hurt. I still interact with her on twitter from time to time because she is the realest houseguest on there and she takes so much in stride. I also loved Wil more for what he did after eviction with his films than what he did in the house, and I rooted for Frank as well but that was mostly because of sharing a team with Ian.

Season 15: The devils season. McCrae was the only one I went in cheering for (because he was a super fan and top choice to HamsterWatch who I adore.) I was pretty happy to be following this season from afar (as I was away for a summer of makeup school) so I didn’t have to see the initial awfulness on a big screen. It didn’t take long to just want this season over.

Season 16: My preseason pick was another first out the door, Joey. That’s what I get for hoping for another Lydia I suppose. After her I was one of the annoying Zach fans, because I couldn’t stand the guy but I also loved how raw his emotion was. Ultimately I wound up just cheering for Derrick’s mastermind to continue so I was satisfied if slightly bored.

Season 17: (Screams into pillow) I started the season as an Austin fan girl. I wanted Austin to pair with Audrey and become Team Gold (you know, because AU is the chemical symbol for gold?) I wound up switching gears and being a Johnny Mac fan blog instead, best decision I ever made.

Season 18: I loved Bronte and Bridgette, but disappointment was always going to shadow the season of Frank and Paul...also, coming off of Johnny Mac it was hard to care about the returning vets that were picked. What’s the point if they don’t bring back the little weirdo with diary voice problems?

Season 19: The less said about 19 the better. I went in fanning for Ramses with his cosplay cred and Jason because HamsterWatch liked the guy. After episode one Kevin wound up being my favorite for the season which made what the house did to him consistently so much worse.

And now at Season 20 I have jumped from the Tyler and Sam ship onto the Rockstar and Scottie train. I guess I owe those two an apology considering how bad my picks tend to be for winner...

[sept-dix]

Open Up

summary: college neighbour daniel (tbh the college aspect of this is almost nonexistent but heh) a/n: requested; i combined two asks for this bc they were pretty similar haha also to anyone else who has sent me a request, i’m still trying to figure them out + i’m busy rn so it might take a while ;; thank you for waiting <3

it is a tired afternoon

you’ve just submitted one major mid term assignment and you have another huge written test looming ahead in 2 days so you drag yourself as fast as possible to your dorm room and decide to crash for a few hours before getting up to work again

you draw the curtains, set an alarm for exactly 1.5 hours later, settle comfortably into your bed with the blankets snug around you, and are just about to drift off into a much needed sleep when suddenly 

THUD

...

“CAN YOU BE A LITTLE MORE CAREFUL WHAT THE FUK”

“YO I’M TRYING BUT THIS SHIT IS HEAVY”

ANOTHER THUD

“JAEHWAN I SWEAR TO GO-”

seriously all you want is just a little bit of quality sleep time is that too much to ask @ god??

you barge towards your door and swing it open to see what’s going on only to find the whole corridor outside your flat filled with 2809349283 boxes and 2 guys trying very hard to get all of that stuff up the stairs and into the room next to yours

they freeze and look up at you 

your 1st thought is: what the fuk is going on

your 2nd thought is: damn that boy is kinda cute 

so you’re just standing there kinda glaring and kinda staring at them unsure of what to do next when the cute guy finally unfreezes and comes up to you and offers you his hand for a handshake or smth

“hey, my name is daniel! and that’s jaehwan. we’re moving into this flat and i guess you live in this one so,, hi new neighbour?”

you just take his hand and and go “uhh yeah hi i’m y/n”

this boy is really cute wow 

(imagine daniel looking like this)

he kinda awkwardly scratches the back of his neck and says “sorry for all the noise i think we disturbed you”

and somehow, instead of what you actually meant to say you go “it’s fine, you guys need help with that?”

“omg if it isn’t a bother we would love the help pleasesdd”

that’s how you give up your much needed nap to help them move their stuff in instead

and you find out more about them

so apparently jaehwan is a vocal major and daniel is a dance major and they’re both a year above you

you find out daniel has 2 cats and you’re like wtf bc that’s against campus dorm rules but you agree to keep the secret

jaehwan is a super loud boy and you’re wondering how you’re gonna ever get peaceful time in your own dorm ever again

anyways by the time you’re all done with everything you find yourself inviting them two over to your dorm the next day for like dinner or smth yknow just to get to know your neighbours better lol

but the thing is you actually share your room with your older sister, and you can’t actually cook, so when you tell her she’s like wtf now i have to cook for 4 people???? bitch

alas she does 

the next day the four of yall are having a super good time but jaehwan has to leave early so it ends up with just you your sis and daniel

and he brings over his cats at some point bc your sis tells him that she absolutely loves cats which she does

you three are playing with the cats and you find out daniel is just a big baby like he’s eating ice cream and cooing at his cat and he tells y’all the story of how he named both of his cats guy names bc he only found out recently that they’re both females

like wtf

anyway since that day daniel starts coming over with his cats more often and bc your sister has a super busy schedule you are the one who ends up spending a lot more time with him

you 2 often have dinner together on the days in which both jaehwan and your sis are out

sometimes you watch movies together

inevitably there are times when dan wants to come over but you’re out so he hangs out with your sis alone and on those days you’re always really kshdfskjfkdj

one time daniel has this dance showcase and he invites both you and your sis to go watch but your sis can’t bc she has smth else on so you end up going alone with jaehwan and some of dan’s other friends and omg

your heart flutters so much watching him dance that you think you’re gonna pass out

after the showcase you go up to him to give him the flowers you’ve brought and you almost combust right there and then at the smile and hug he gives you

you have an amazingly huge crush on him it’s painful

you develop this habit of calling him whenever you’re having a bad day or something and he’ll come over with his cats to cheer you up

he thinks the cats are doing the job but lmao it’s him

one day you are out and about having lunch with two of your friends when you get a call from daniel

when you pick up his voice sounds all glum and quiet

“daniel? what’s up what’s wrong”

“it’s peter, i don’t know for sure but i think she’s sick?”

“oh my,, are you bringing her to the vet or somewhere?”

“yeah that’s the thing, i’m gonna go in about an hour and i was wondering... if you’re free could you come along? it’s just i don’t wanna go alone yknow it’s a little scary”

needless to say your heart melts and you’re about to cry but you tell him of course and ditch your friends and run back home

when he opens the door to his room he looks bad

like he’s been worried sick and on the verge of tears so you follow your instincts and give him a hug and he buries his head into your neck and you’re a puddle of goo

poor baby ;;;;

you bring poor peter to the vet, and you actually have to hold on to dan as she’s getting examined bc that’s how anxious and upset he is

tbh you’re worried for her too but you’re even more worried about daniel

thankfully the vet says there’s nothing to worry about and that she’ll get better in a few days and the relief on daniel’s face makes u wanna cry

you two decide to stop by this ice cream place on the way home to celebrate 

and as you’re sitting across him and watching him eat his ice cream, you realise how much you like him, and also how clueless you are about whether he feels the same way

as a spur of the moment kind of thing suddenly you ask him whether he likes someone

he looks up at you kinda surprised 

“why are you suddenly asking me that?”

“nothing i’m just curious”

“...well, yeah actually”

wtf???? your heart is beating fast

“what really???!! tell me who!!”

“wait you really don’t know? i thought it was obvious”

now you’re getting even more anxious bc if it was obvious then it was someone you knew and you know yourself very well lmao

“no omg i really don’t know who ok give me hints i’ll guess”

“um well i’ve been over to her dorm a lot”

“ok,, gimme more”

“she’s really close with my cats”

.. at this point you’re getting your hopes up because you’re literally on the way back from the vet

you’re silent for a few nervous moment debating on what to say next when he speaks first

“she has the same last name as you”

could he make it any more obvious at this point he could just confess directly to you

“c’mon i made it so obvious and you still don’t know? it’s your sister duh!”

wait what

your heart drops right down to your feet and in that moment of pure shock and disbelief you actually start laughing

“see? it was obvious right?”

oh god

so....... it’s not you?

this is stupid... you should have known 

he literally said she has the same last name as you wtdfksjfksd

come to think about it, all those times he had called you to ask whether your sis was home before coming over should have made it obvious to you

and every time when he was together with you and your sis he had always been more comfortable around you but you guess that’s because he was... shy around ur sis

oh god

you don’t even remember the rest of what happened on the way home, you’re heckin traumatised

when your sis comes home that day and you watch her clean up the mess in the dorm and start settling dinner it kind of hits you

like of course daniel is gonna like your sister?? look at her she’s cleaning up the mess you made and cooking the dinner which you can’t make for yourself

she’s got her life together and you’re here just being a child

sigh

you decide in that moment that things have got to change

the next day when daniel calls you to ask if you wanna go grab lunch you tell him you can’t bc you have to work on a project

which you don’t actually 

it starts like that

after several instances of you turning down daniel’s invitations to do something with him he kind of just gives up

you’re glad but deep down you also secretly have this thought of why can’t he try harder to get me to hang out with him

it’s hard to get over feelings but you’re trying

before you know it your life is almost back to how it was before he moved in beside you

and you’re starting to settle into a new rhythm

but little do you know that as you go to sleep every night increasingly content with the new lifestyle you’ve built, daniel is suffering on the other side of the wall

suddenly he has no one who is always up to do stuff with him

when he goes to watch a new romcom film with his friends he realises none of them joke about the plot with him the same way you would

no one to listen to his silly worries and his even sillier jokes

he thinks even his cats miss you

one day you’re in your room working on an assignment when you hear super loud knocking sounds coming from outside

you wait for it to go away but it doesn’t

in fact it only gets louder and after a few minutes there’s angry shouting accompanying it

so you open your door to peek out and see what the heck is going on when you see a clearly drunk daniel banging at his own door and shouting at jaehwan to open up 

you freeze for a second and consider just leaving him to it but ,,,, this is daniel and you know for a fact that jaehwan isn’t even home

it’s funny how life works - after all these months here you are out in the corridor trying to help daniel again

you approach him slowly and try to tell him that jaehwan isn’t in

and the hand that he was using to bang at the door drops limply to his side and he just stands there in front of his door looking down at the floor

“do you have your key?”

he just shakes his head slowly before looking up at you 

and you kinda panic for a moment bc of how long it’s been since you’ve last seen him 

and he looks kind of... sad

“then do you want to come in and wait in my flat?”

you hesitate for a second before adding “my sister isn’t home”

he just nods and follows you in

there’s nothing but awkward silence between you two as he sits there on the chair beside you and you’re contemplating just telling him to go to sleep or something when he mumbles something

“what was that?”

“i miss you, y/n. why don’t you wanna see me anymore?”

you just sit there not knowing what to say and he uses the silence to continue 

“i said i miss you. don’t you miss me too? you know i’ve been thinking about it and... i don’t even know your sister well”

you’re thinking maybe you should say something but he doesn’t give you time to talk

“i want to be with you more but you don’t want to spend time with me anymore. i don’t know what i did wrong but y/n, i miss you”

he looks like he’s gonna start crying and you are in pure conflict because everything you’ve tried so hard to bury for the past month is coming back

“in fact i think i don’t even like your sister. i really don’t know her well. i miss you”

he is just drunk and repeating the same things again and again and you have no idea what to do bc you’re starting to realise that maybe you never stopped liking him at all

“y/n, i’m saying that i miss you. why don’t you want t-”

“daniel, what are you trying to say?”

“that i like you”

and just like that you’re moving forward and kissing him

it takes him a moment but he kisses you back

and maybe he’s only saying all this bc he’s drunk, maybe he will wake up in the morning and change his mind

maybe you’ll regret giving in so easily after the struggle of the past month

and maybe this was not the circumstances under which you’d dreamt and wished for this to happen

but it was happening, and maybe that’s all that matters for now 

a/n: DEEP SIGHS i have no idea whether this was any good aaah please either drop me an ask or message me to tell me what you think!!!! i’d really appreciate any type of feedback/comments ;;;; also feel free to send me a request if you want but it might take me a while to get to it so yeah lol thank you for reading!!!

[phandomsecretvalentines]

The Evening Glow

Words: 5k

Genre: Fluff, (very) light angst

Rating: G

Summary: Dan hasn’t had the best luck when it comes to blind dates, so when Louise recommends he date her friend Phil, he’s skeptical. But even when he begins to fall for Phil, he can’t shake his crush for the attractive cashier at ASDA who he knows only as Lester.

Author’s Notes: This fic was written for @dont-tell-them-i-write-phan for phandomsecretvalentines 2018! I tried to incorporate everything you said from my ask, friend! I hope you love it!

Dan snapped the lens cap back on the large camera in a huff. He began the process of packing up, a familiar routine.  The delicate balance of the weight on his shoulder so he didn’t drop thousands of dollars of equipment that didn’t belong to him, and the meticulous packing in the padded bags.

“I swear this panda will never be born,” he complained. “What is this, the third time we’ve been out here? And nothing.”

Louise rolled her eyes at him, running her fingers through her hair for the first time all night. It was absolutely forbidden while she was in front of the camera, after all the work the crew puts into hair and makeup.

“Come on, Dan. You know that the first time we were out here it was at the beginning of the story to announce the pregnancy, and last time they really thought the cub was coming!”

“And today?” Dan said, a hollow laugh following quickly as he knew the answer was ridiculous. He also knew that Louise knew.

Dan was just sick of it. His first anniversary at the local news channel had been a couple months ago, and he was still being put on the fluffy stories. It had been six months at least since they promised him better gigs, and they had yet to deliver. He was craving something, more.

“Well, today we had to cover how inexplicably long this panda cub is staying in the mum,” she trailed off, defeated but trying her best to keep in light spirits. “Anyway, you can’t be so pessimistic all the time! So many people would love to be here at the zoo before opening.”

“Name one!” Dan said as the pair shuffled out of the vet center.

“My friend Phil,” she snapped her fingers and pointed at Dan as she realized. “He loves animals, pandas in particular.”

“Oh, not this again!” Dan laughed. The conversation was nearly as familiar as the camera he carries at work every day.

“You’d like him, I swear to you!” Louise quipped. She batted him playfully on the arm, and wrapped a hand around it, shaking him back and forth.

“Louise, the last time you set me up on a blind date, the jerk bailed on me halfway through it!”

“He hadn’t told me his daughter was due to be born any day! What could you expect from the poor man? He had to be there.” They went through their practiced dance. “Besides, that was two months ago, and Phil isn’t expecting a child so no need to worry.”

Truthfully, Dan had been considering getting out in the dating world again. While Louise’s suggestions weren’t always perfect, it would be, well, convenient. He sighed.

“How did you meet this guy again?”

“He was in my uni program! Trust me, you’re just his type. He loves the gloomy, self-loathing thing,” he teased.

“Hey!” Dan nudged her shoulder to shoulder and sent her balance off-kilter. She stumbled around the pavement looking drunk with giddiness and late nights.

“I’m joking with you, of course!” She said. “Listen, just take his number. It doesn’t mean you have to marry him, jeez.”

Dan considered this for a moment. He could refuse Louise again, but though she was sweet, she was also stubborn. He’d never hear the end of it. Or he could take the number and give it a shot. His shoulders slumped with resignation as he pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it over.

Louise gleefully took out her own and copied the number into his, under the name “Phil 🖤”

Dan rolled his eyes as he examined his new contact. Louise pulled him into a soft hug before they parted ways.

“Remember to answer my calls Dan! We need you when this cub finally does make an appearance,” she said over her shoulder as she walked away.

Above the contact screen, Dan could see the time shining 6:15am. The news team called him out earlier than ever before. He reminded himself that this was what paying dues is all about, but somehow that didn’t help his eyes stay open or his brain to work properly. Too late to get back to sleep, he thought.

The dreaded sun was already peeking out from behind the historic buildings of London, spreading oranges and purples across the horizon. Disgusting. He’d need coffee if he was going to make it to the evening broadcast. Lots of coffee.

Dan turned into the nearest ASDA, the desperation overtaking the laziness. The artificial lights were all too bright and unwelcome for six in the morning. He squinted as he walked through the store between aisles of cereal until he finally found a refrigerator full of drinks, a single shelf dedicated to sickly sweet iced coffee in plastic bottles. He stared blankly, deciding between French Vanilla and Mocha.

He wondered which this Phil guy would pick. He had no idea what this man was like. Dan already had his fair share of bad blind dates to look back on. The last time, when he was ditched because his date’s ex-wife went into labor with his child, was not actually the worst of them.

Dan grabbed a bottle without really looking. Mocha it is.

He wanted to date, sure. It’s just that he was over being set up. Dan could get someone on his own; he was sure of it.

As he meandered to the check out line, he glanced up for the first time. The cashier stood quietly, his hand crooked awkwardly in his pocket, his uniform top bunching up behind his wrist.

The man was tall, and slender built. His black hair cut into a fringe that tapered down to just above the edge of his eye. It framed his face well. The color accented just how blue his eyes really were, and Dan took a moment to catch his breath.

He set his drink on the conveyor and watched as it scooted away slowly. Dan followed his gaze up to the cashier’s nametag. It read Lester.

“Is that your real name?” Dan asked. Lester’s face contorted, his eyebrows pulling together in offense. “Not that it’s bad or anything,” he saved himself. As the man’s face relaxed, Dan let a cool smile grace his lips.

“It’s my last name,” he said. “Big mix up. Lives were lost,” Lester said with a grin as he flipped the coffee across the laser scanner.

Dan giggled at that. He was cute, the way he bit his lip gently after such a sarcastic quip. A blush creeped up Dan’s neck. He could do this. He had plenty of experience flirting with attractive men.

“Well then, Mr. Lester,” he said with a wink, “that sounds like quite the disaster. I’m glad you made it.”

Dan watched a blush spread from his new friend’s cheekbones all the way to his nose as he averted his eyes.

“Would you like this in a bag?” Lester asked, reverting to a very professional customer service voice.

“No, thanks,” Dan said, accepting that it was time to leave the poor guy alone.

“Pound fifty,” Lester responded kindly. Dan gave him the cash and a friendly nod before leaving.

“So did you text Phil?” Louise said as she fluffed her hair, to the dismay of the director standing just behind Dan. Dan adjusted the eyepiece and hoisted the camera to his shoulder, checking the angle of the shot.

“No,” he said flatly. He kept his eye focused into the lens.

“Are you going to explain that at all or will I be left hanging?” Louise replied.

“Look,” Dan started, “I just don’t want to text a total stranger, okay? I can do this on my own.”

“Sweetie,” Louise answered, “I know you can do it on your own, but Phil is a great guy! And it’s not like you’re seeing anyone else.” Louise checked her teeth for lipstick in her compact.

“I might be,” he said, scuffing his foot against the pavement. Louise’s eyes magnified.

“Spill!”

“It’s nothing,” Dan brushed it off. “It’s just this really cute guy. He works at an ASDA close by me.”

“Oh, Dan!” Louise’s shoulders slumped. “Be honest, when have you ever gotten a date with a random cashier?”

“Places!” the director called. “We’re on in five!”

Dan shuffled around to perfect the shot.

“I could definitely get a date with this guy,” Dan promised.

“Darling, what do you even know about him?”

“Well, just his name, and where he works. And that he’s so, so cute. And sexy. And funny.”

“You got all of that, huh?” She asked, a smirk on her face.

“Well, no, I only know his last name.” Dan sighed. He knew Louise was right.

“Listen, Phil is amazing. He would be so great for you. He likes Muse, and anime, and video games. He’s really sweet. Just give him a chance.”

“Okay,” Dan said, gesturing to her to step a bit to the right while he looks into the camera again. “I’ll text him tonight.”

“You will?” Louise confirmed. Dan nodded.

“Five,” the director called with her fingers up. “Four. Three.” She continued counting down on her fingers as Dan hit the button the begin the broadcast.

Dan fidgeted with his phone, clicking the home button twice rapidly and closed the Messages app. He reopened it and typed out a quick “hey” and deleted it.

It was stupid. He didn’t need to be nervous. In fact, he didn’t really need to be doing this at all. But at least it would get Louise off his back. He was going to give it a shot.

Hey I got this number from Louise

She wanted me to text you. My name is Dan

He waited only a moment before he saw an ellipsis appear to tell him that Phil was responding.

Hey! Yeah, this is Phil. Louise told me you’d be messaging me sometime. :)

I heard you like Muse too. Lol.

They both shared their experiences at the Muse shows they went to as teens. Dan could feel the tightening of his chest as his phone lit up with another message from Phil. It was familiar and exciting all the same, a feeling he remembered from high school.

Dan flirted unabashedly.

If you were an anime character who would you be

Phil replied.

Kirito all the way. Not really, but a guy can dream, right?

Dan couln’t help but think Phil would be a great Kirito, despite how little he knew about him.

Can I be your Asuna

But like without the breasts

The response came quickly.

You can be my Asuna even if you’ve got the breasts. I don’t judge.

Dan bit his lower lip. It was an instant connection with Phil. He didn’t want to put his cell down.

So Louise says you were in the same uni program

What do you do

He rubbed the edge of his phone as he waited, eager to learn more about this man.

I’m trying to break into the radio business. Maybe as a DJ.

But it’s tough.

He smiled.

I believe in you… and we all know that a strangers faith is the most reliable right

Hours later, he fell asleep feeling dizzy and light. This Phil guy was something, he’d give Louise that much.

By the time he walked into ASDA the next morning, Phil was still on his mind. They texted for hours, yet somehow he still felt like Dan’s mystery man. Sure, he knew his favorite song, and he knew all of his anime senpais, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing out on something important. Something good.

He put the same coffee on the conveyor belt as last time, only in that moment realizing that he’d walked right into Lester’s aisle again.

“Oh, Mr. Lester,” Dan teased. “Fancy seeing you here again.” He enjoyed how the man held a chuckle back from his soft lips, a pale pink just barely off his fair skin tone, but they complimented it well.

“I work here,” he said, and Dan watched his lips form every beautiful word, pull up into a more genuine smile.

If Dan were being honest with himself, he wanted to pursue whatever he could with this Lester. He enjoyed his little mannerisms. The way he caught his tongue between his teeth when he laughed made Dan’s heart flutter.

He scanned the bottle, clicking the keyboard of the computer to his side.

“Pound fifty,” he said. “Those are gross, by the way. It’s like the worst coffee in the world.”

“Well maybe you’ll have to show me better coffee sometime,” Dan said without thinking. Lester froze, his eyes growing wide and Dan hated himself for a split second. He made it weird. “Or maybe not, whatever.” Dan tried to smooth it over. He didn’t even know if Lester liked men.

“Perhaps,” Lester said. His long slim fingers carded through his hair, pulling his fringe up into a slight quiff, but Dan only found it more attractive on him.

He thought it best to leave it at that for the day. After all, Dan knew Louise was right. He didn’t know anything real about Lester. Maybe his quirks were cute, but he wasn’t vetted. Maybe Phil was a safer bet.

He paid graciously and muttered a polite goodbye. As he walked out of the store, Dan cringed at the thought of choosing the safer option for the sake of it. It wasn’t that, not really. He liked Phil, that much was clear. He really liked Phil.

He told Louise as much as they walked to the Underground after their broadcast across the city later that day.

“So, how did it go?” she said with a teasing wiggle in her voice that matched her squirming eyebrows.

“I think it went really well, actually,” Dan said as he slid his hands into his pockets. His pace slowed as he thought of their last conversation.

“I knew it!” she cheered, her hands clapping quickly and she hopped a bit. “When’s the wedding?”

“Oh, shut up,” Dan nudged her with his elbow. “It’s not like that. He’s just, really cool.”

Dan couldn’t help the blush on his cheeks, so he angled his face to the ground.

“I’m kidding with you, you know that.” Louise picked his face up by the chin until she could see the redness spreading further. “I’m so glad you like him, dear.”

“I looked him up on Twitter,” he admit, “but he doesn’t have any pictures of himself.”

The two made their way down the steps into the tunnels below to wait for their respective trains.

“Ah, yeah. Phil is very self conscious,” Louise explained.

“Really?” Dan asked, surprised. “But he was in your program in uni? Wasn’t that broadcasting?”

“Yes, and then he went over to radio,” Louise shot him a look, as if that should explain everything. It didn’t. “He’s not the most confident of guys, with his looks. Used to dream of being a weatherman, but he just couldn’t get comfortable in front of the camera.”

They stopped in front of a platform. Louise double checked the light up sign that read the arrival time of the next train.

“Is he like,” Dan thought of the best way to ask without offending Phil, “not conventionally attractive?”

“Oh, he’s attractive,” Louise answered easily. “He just doesn’t see it himself.”

“I wish I could see him,” Dan said, his voice dropping low.

“Then ask him out on a date!” Louise responded. Her perky voice made it all seem so easy.

“Maybe soon,” Dan said. He hadn’t even gotten him on the phone yet. He wanted to talk with him, hear the tone in his voice as they flirted. He wanted some kind of human experience that wasn’t just text.

Louise kissed Dan on the cheek when the train came flying by them. Dan watched her step over the gap and she called back to him.

“Do what you’ve gotta do,” and she waved.

Dan moved to grab his phone as he walked to his area of the Underground, waiting for the train that would take him home.

Hey I was thinking about you today

How have you been

A few minutes later, Phil’s name lit up his lock screen.

I’ve been well! I saw a cute dog today.

Dan giggled. Phil was the type, it seemed, that got joy from the littlest things. He thought about how nice that would be, to have someone in his life like that.

Can I call you

Dan knew Phil had seen the message. He waited for the ellipsis to appear, but it didn’t. He stepped onto his platform. Dan tried to ignore the tightness in his chest as he waited for his phone to buzz.

A few minutes later the vibrations tickled against his leg.

I would, but I’m just-

I’m really shy.

Dan answered immediately.

I like shy

His hands flew to his hair and he swirled his fingers through the curls. He did like shy guys. He bit his lower lip expectantly. His mind wandered, imagining what Phil looked like with a flush of coyness up his neck.

Yet, when he thought of demure boys, all he could really think about was how Lester sticks his tongue between his teeth to hold back his laugh.

But okay no phone calls yet

When will I get to meet you

Dan arrived at his stop and began his walk to his flat.

Eventually. :p

Despite his eyes being glued to his phone, he could feel them drooping. He held his phone to his chest as he fell asleep.

When he awoke in the morning, all Dan could think about was blue eyes.

It was driving him insane, if Dan were being honest with himself. He liked Phil, so much. When they texted it felt like the whole world melted away. But Dan couldn’t shake this crush on Lester, his mysterious ASDA man.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed at the ungodly hour of seven in the morning. Way too late to not have a reason to be up, but he had a feeling that he had to go buy a coffee. This infatuation wasn’t going away until he truly acted on it.

It’s not like he and Phil were exclusive or anything, he reasoned. In fact, they haven’t even explicitly stated their relationship was a romantic one.

Dan knew that logic wouldn’t hold up. It was a technicality at best. He shook the conflict from his mind as he pulled his black skinny jeans over his legs and a grey color blocked jumper over his head. The door behind him slammed shut as he barrelled out onto the pavement and down the street.

Car sped past him in the road and Dan barely stopped to look both ways before running across it. The morning light was still golden, blinding him as he turned the corner to walk the ten blocks to the grocery store.

Dan could feel his pounding heart. Exercise was never his strong suit, but he couldn’t stop. If he stopped jogging, he may have time to rethink his actions, and he didn’t want to do that.

As the automatic doors parted before him like the Red Sea, Dan felt anything but magical. A tall pale figure with dark hair was stepping into a separate room at the back of the store, seeming to pull his smock over his head.

“Lester!” Dan called from the entrance. “Wait!”

He summoned what little energy he had left and speed-walked to where Lester stood.

“Yeah?” Lester asked, his eyes skimming up and down Dan’s body, assessing the situation. He seemed bewildered, but not unhappy to see him.

“I was wondering if you wanted to show me some better coffee?” Dan asked, less than dignified.

It was out there now, he’d asked for the date, and now he felt unsteady, as if he stood on a tightrope and Lester was at the other end, with the power to reach for his hand or shake the rope.

“Oh, ummm,” Lester said. His hand flew to the back of his neck, rubbing some tension out of it. “It’s just that-”

“Oh no, you’re not,” Dan interrupted. He was falling.

“No!” Lester corrected. “It’s not that. I do like men, and I do think you’re attractive, but,” Lester said as he dropped his hand to his side and lowered his eyes to meet Dan’s, “I’m sort of, speaking to someone right now. I wouldn’t feel right about it.”

Lester’s hands made their way to his pockets and he slid them inside. The guilty look on his face may have been cute if Dan wasn’t felt embarrassed as hell.

“That’s alright,” he said. “It’s fine, it’s good.” Dan stood still, hoping to turn the conversation around somehow, regain some pride.

“I’m really sorry,” Lester said as he pulled at his smock again. There was a tinge of regret in his voice, and sadness. “I was just about to head out, maybe I’ll see you around though.”

“Yeah,” Dan said and Lester entered the employee lounge and shut the door behind him.

Dan left the store, feeling awkward leaving without buying anything. He dialed Louise immediately.

“Hello?” she answered happily. “Dan, you never call!”

“I asked him out,” Dan nearly shouted. He fast-walked down the road without a clear destination.

“Phil? That’s great sweetheart!” Louise cheered.

“Not Phil, the guy from ASDA,” he said. Shame now wracked his own voice.

“Dan, no! I thought you were going to ask Phil out!” Louise prodded.

The day was too bright outside. It was stifling. Dan narrowed his eyes against the sunlight.

“I was going to, he didn’t want me to call him. And today all I could think about was my crush on the grocery man.” He tried to justify his decision, mostly to himself. “I knew that I could never move forward with Phil if this guy was in my head all the time.”

“So what happened then, love?” Her voice was more gentle.

“He turned me down, Louise. And now I just feel so shitty. He’s seeing someone else. Not a big deal, I’ve been rejected before. But how could I have done that to Phil? He’s-” Dan paused to think of the best way to describe Phil. How could he explain all the emotions he was going through, over simple text messages? “He’s amazing.”

“Dan, you haven’t even been on a date with Phil! He’s an understanding guy. Just call him, tell him what happened.”

Dan hailed a taxi, still not sure exactly where he wanted to go, but knowing that he wanted to get away.

“He doesn’t want to talk to me on the phone,” he responded. The driver asked for an address and Dan just asked him to be taken to the London Eye.

“Just call him! He likes you, he won’t refuse your call.”

Louise was making sense. Buildings and cars were flying across Dan’s line of vision and he already regret getting into a car. It just made everything feel like it was going faster. He was panicking.

He politely let Louise off the line and dialed Phil.

“Dan?” he heard on the other line. His voice almost sounded familiar, he liked it.

“Phil! I’m so glad you answered.” He said without giving Phil much time to speak. “Listen, I have to tell you something.”

“Oh, go ahead.” He sounded concerned.

“I sort of asked someone out this morning,” Dan rambled on. “I’m sorry. I’m going to sound so rude right now, I just really feel like I can tell you anything. Anyway, I’ve had this crush on this guy from my ASDA. And I couldn’t help but ask him out this morning. I feel so stupid.”

“Dan,” was all Phil said. There was a catch in his voice. He’s hurt, Dan figured. He smacked himself in the forehead.

“I’m really sorry, Phil. I just… I really like you, and I couldn’t move forward with you without some sort of closer with him. He turned me down, so I got that. But now,” Dan took a moment of pause to check his phone, which buzzed at his ear. Louise was calling. He ignored it. “Now I just want to give this a chance for us, and I couldn’t do that without telling you about it. I couldn’t lie.”

He heard a faint giggle through the line. Dan thought it might sound empty, a facade.

“It’s fine, Dan,” Phil said, before, “Oh! Louise is calling me.”

“No, please, just don’t hang up the phone yet. Can I meet you? I really want to meet you, in person.”

Dan felt strange. He wasn’t used to pleading. The cab stopped on the side of the street near the Ferris Wheel.

“I guess you’ll meet me very soon,” Phil said, a clear smile in his voice which only confused Dan further. “Louise just texted me. The baby panda is being born! I’m going to meet you both there!”

Phil was eager about the panda. Dan could almost see the way he would dance around in excitement. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he must be angry.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Dan said to the driver, “but can you bring me to the London Zoo instead?”

It all happened so quickly. Half an hour later, Dan had finished broadcasting about the birth of a healthy new panda cub.

The mother was licking the cub on the back, cleaning it up while the vets looked over it. They had an exclusive view as press. He wrung his hands together as he anxiously waited for Phil to arrive.

“Don’t be so nervous! He’s going to love you,” Louise reassured him with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Dan turned to face her, leaning against the railing that protects the panda enclosure. His elbows resting on the bar casually, he could feel the ache of pressure against his bones and the cold metal on his skin.

Across the vet center, the double doors swung open and he saw someone enter. He’d recognize that face anywhere, it was Lester.

“Fuck!” Dan said beneath his breath. “How did he find me?”

“What?” Louise asked, looking around. “Who ‘found’ you?”

“It’s the ASDA guy. How did he know I’d be here?” Dan wondered. He faced into the pandas again, hiding his face. “He can’t be here, not when I’m supposed to be meeting Phil.”

“Sweetie, that is Phil. Who are you talking about?” Louise waved the man over.

Dan stared at Louise’s face in astonishment. She gave him a hug when he reached them.

“Dan, Phil. Phil, Dan,” she said. Phil’s face turned red and he rubbed the back of his head.

“Hey,” was all he said.

Dan’s head was spinning.

“You’re?” Dan said, dumbfounded.

“Phil,” he said, extending his hand forward. Dan met it with his own and their skin finally met. It was warm, and the electricity in his nerves moved in waves from his hands all over his body. “Phil Lester, actually.”

“This whole time,” Dan said, tone flat, not sure if he was asking or stating.

“I only just found out,” Phil . “When we were on the phone.”

Dan brushed his explanation aside, in favor of leaning in the place a wistful kiss to his lips.

They moved together, with Phil sinking into it despite his nerves. He was shy, after all. But with Dan taking the first step, he felt free enough to lace his fingers through Dan’s curly hair. The short buzzed sides lightly scratching his palm as he ran it up and down to get Dan closer.

When they broke apart, Dan spoke first.

“Can you stay here with me?” the vulnerability peppering his tone.

“You mean like a date?” Phil said, and he bit his bottom lip in the way Dan always adored, back when he was simply Lester. Dan nodded his head furiously.

“Of course!” Phil enthused. “Who says no to a zoo date?”

“I don’t know,” Dan reasoned. “Someone who doesn’t like the person who’s asked them?”

Phil ran his hand down the outside of Dan’s arm, an innocent enough gesture, but meaningful all the same.

“I like you,” he said.

“Wait, Dan said. “It thought you were in radio? But you work at ASDA!”

Phil laughed.

“I’m breaking into it! Give me time.” Dan shook his head, taking in the absurdity of it all.

Dan and Phil spent the rest of the day at the zoo. When they were finally kicked out of the panda enclosure, they spent over an hour with the llamas, two with the lions, and made sure to hit every exhibit in between.

Dan watched every mannerism Phil made, soaking in the way his hand crooked in his pocket when he was idling, and the way he bobbed his head when he was happy. He noticed how he used all fingers to gesture air quotations and Dan had to catch his breath.

How could he be so lucky.

When Dan finally felt the adventure of the day wearing down on him, and his eyes began closing slower and slower, they made their way to the exit.

The sun was setting in front of them, and Dan reached to pull Phil’s hand into his own.

“I’m really sorry that I asked you out. Well, Lester out, when I was already texting you,” he said, the remorse still weighing on his shoulders.

“You don’t have to apologize to me, for asking me out,” Phil replied.

“But you showed some loyalty in turning me down,” Dan said regretfully.

“Okay,” Phil said. “But then can I say I’m sorry for turning you down, just because I was already talking to you?”

“That’s silly,” Dan said. He felt Phil kiss the side of his head as they looked out at the sunset.

“Exactly,” Phil answered, and squeezed his hand tighter.

They both looked out over the horizon, and how the oranges faded to pinks, and purple, and black. The evening glow warmed their bodies. The day had set, but it felt like a beginning.